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Minutes feel like entire hours while I wait for GalaxyTaco to return, and my anxiety is just mounting up like crazy! So instead of becoming a victim of my own fear, I decide to take a moment to explore the forum and see what I can find that's interesting!

The Sleeper section is by far the most active, with people commenting on their daily lives, talking about media, food and experiences in general. It’s so casual it almost makes me feel nostalgic for the good ol’ days!

I am… surprised. Mages watch anime too? I guess that makes sense, as magic is usually viewed as an intellectual endeavor, and it is not rare for intellectuals to have this sorta hobby.

“They even have an old timer section, for old timers like you.”

What? Old timer!? I am 21!

“Alright then, youngster. What anime is popular right now?”

Chlorine is pretty popular!

“That’s one of the Big Three and won’t stop being popular for a while, not to mention it’s all filler these days, that’s cheating.”

Alright then, big baby. How about Soul Devourer?

“That ended three years ago.”

What!? No it didn’t!

What about Ouran??

“Five years ago.”

Higurashi?

“Six.”

Lucky Channel?!

“Five.”

MEDUKA MEGUKA??

“Oh that one’s pretty new actually. That one was last year.”

Alright then smart guy, what is airing right now then!?

“Destiny/Zero, Girls and Tanks, Kitty Tale Black, Moon Brothers…”

What in the hell are any of those!?

“If you don’t know, I know even less! Idiot!”

I guess I am a bit of an old fashioned weeb.

“We are getting distracted. Remember what we are here for.”

Right! The Translation section! It’s rather unused, compared to the Sleeper side of it all. There are a few active translation topics but all of them seem to be focused on actual, current languages. Sure, there are a few in old Helenian and Latin but the others are surprisingly modern. Thereare some in Wohlian that immediately get my attention, but they seem like finished works.

Mostly directed by that ‘souseiseki’ bitch.

“Don’t waste time thinking of her. Focus on what you can learn from the books themselves!”

That is a good point. Once they are fully translated, the material is left available for anyone to take it! So I immediately go for the ones in Wohlian and Dobrand.

There are only five texts available, biographies all of them… except for what looks like a flier.

‘El Arte del Contrahechizo’ it read in Hesperian, ‘The Art of Counterspell’ in Dobrand. It apparently was an advertisement for a short lived ‘Combat Spell Course’ in Hesperia? Closed by the ‘Brotherhood’ for ‘breaking the sanctity of the secret’. Maybe this ‘Brotherhood’ is somewhat related to the cloaks.

Nevertheless, there is something in the flier that interests me: a Symbol!
Rune 6
I immediately start looking for it in the book… and what I find was overwhelming. This has to be the single most used symbol I’ve seen so far! It is in a lot of combined words, almost never on its own… but after keeping my eyes narrowed for a while, I find it.

Jo

As in “Hoh” or as in “Yo”? Bah, I guess I’ll find that out later, when I can actually start experimenting on my own.

Ah, damn it that’s right! I do need to go investigate the library! It’s huge too…

Hmm… What if I made a trip out of it?

The library closes at 12 for students, but if you stay inside you can spend the night working there! I could spend all night surrounded by books, coffee and the sandwiches some people sell there…

“That could mess with your sleeping schedule a bit…”

“Not to mention how useless the whole endeavor can be. What if you don’t find the damn golden symbol, huh?”

Won’t know if I try. This will be my last night staying up, I promise!

“Hmmmn… well, if you are sure about it.”

Yes!

Feeling energy surging through my body again, I immediately get up again and look for clothes, fishing for some cash and then trotting out of my room… only to be stopped by that Saints damned door again.

I swear, every time I see it’s worse. It becomes more and more ominous with each attempt to pass through it. I really, really have been going out too much these days, huh…?

“...I better talk with GalaxyTaco first, then I can go to the library.”

“Coward.”

“I can’t talk to them without the TER anyways.”

Walking back to the computer, I internally beg for GalaxyTaco to not have appeared on my contact list yet… but alas, fate is always working against me. There he is, right there. Well, at least I can solve this quickly and still get out in time… Maybe.

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx has begun messaging GalaxyTaco to your rescue!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: H-Hey!

I immediately cringe at myself for that written hesitation. Damn it, keep the emotions inside! Why must I be like this!?

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: This is Tav, you know, from the forum? n.ñ
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: oh hey dude! nice, I was wondering who the hell was this lol
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: ok, now we can talk proper.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: so… you just found the link somewhere, didn’t you?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: unless I’m totally wrong and you were just referred by some cold mf

Alright. This is it… where do I go from here? I can’t exactly lie my way out of this without knowing much of the magical world. But that doesn’t mean I have to say all of the truth, right?

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: …yeah u.u
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I haven’t been Awake for a long time to be honest, and I found this link on a book I read at the local library.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: ahhhh shit.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: ok, that’s trouble
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: do you have a teacher?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: No u.u
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: ok, you’re a bastard
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: not to imply anything about your family dude, that’s just how we call mages without teachers.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ok that’s kinda mean xD
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: tell me about it.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: anyways, shit, uh…
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: ok, do you know what an Elysium is?

I don’t. But can I just admit that? I mean… maybe I can tell him I know where to look for it?

“What are you, stupid!? He’s assuming you know jack shit! This is your chance to squeeze all the information! MILK IT!”

A-Ah! Right!

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: No idea. I hope you don’t mean the other world? O.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: nope.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: an Elysium is a safeground in a city, a place where mages can go and practice legally.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: shit, I hope you haven’t been doing magic around people right???
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: No no! O.o I swear!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: ok good.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: that’d get you in trouble with the Brotherhood in no time.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: The Brotherhood? o.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: The Brotherood of Black Pages.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ominous… are they like, magic police? .-.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: sorta
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: you wanna avoid them as much as you can, them black cloaks.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: I mean, you won’t be able to avoid them if you wanna get your license but, beyond that, avoid them.

Ok, that’s confirmation of a few suspicions. The Elysium is a place, I need to find that place, and the black cloaks/brotherhood were bad news, probably super strict or something like that. I am a ‘Bastard Mage’, still not very happy about the name, and I should look for instruction before I blow myself up!

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Can’t you teach me things? ;w; the meaning of these runes and stuff?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: sorry dude, I don’t have a teacher’s license
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: but tell you what. I’ll get you something that will help you for sure!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: I just gotta talk to a few friends.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Oh okay! Good! n.n thank you so much for this, Gal
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: hah, it’s no problem
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Imma be outside of the TER for a while so, don’t talk to me about magics until I return, okay?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: arite, thanks for the heads up! gives me time to talk to Aoi and Mort
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ok I assume those are your friends!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I’ll be seeing you later!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx has disconnected.

Alright.

No more excuses. I close my computer, take a deep breath and walk to my door. I try my best to ignore the shaking of my hand as I grab the knob and open up. The air in the hallways outside was cold, making me go back in, pick up my long coat and then right out I went again!

The descent in the elevator had never felt this slow…I am excited and nervous at the same time.

“This will be fun!”

“This will be a disaster. You’ll stay up for nothing, you hear me? Nothing.”

Taking a deep breath, I walk out of the elevator as it arrives at the first floor and wave at the night guard, stepping right out and checking my phone.

It’s already a quarter past eleven. I have time… but I may need to call a taxi.


Cities are completely different at night. I have never been an active resident of Party City or anything, but I have been in the streets at the high hours of night, at least back in my old town. I assumed stuff would be quiet here too in Saüle, but turns out I was completely wrong. There were people stumbling around the streets, ladies of the night smiling and parading themselves in some of the corners, a few college students clubbing and singing…

Only now I remember we are technically on vacation. Of course everyone is partying!

Drat, does that mean the library will be closed!?

“Too late to ask the cab to take you back home. No, you'll just have to freeze for a few hours.”

The taxi leaves me in front of the University’s main entrance. After paying and waving the guy away, I let out a deep sigh of relief when I see that the lights of the place are still on.

So either they leave the lights on all vacation or they are still open despite it all.

I try to jog along the dirt trail, straight for the library! But I quickly realize my body is simply not made for running. I still try to keep the pace, panting and gasping for air. Passing right by the Pharmaceutical Sciences building and the Biology building, feeling lucky that no one can see me fighting for my life like this.

The campus is gigantic, with many different buildings focused on the different sciences and disciplines taught at the University. The Library stands in the middle of it all, a perfectly square, five story building comfortably constructed on a plateau and looking over the entire campus. As cool and impressive as that is, it also meant a long climb a massive set of stairs…

“Saints damn it all…”

It’s a miserable jog, but eventually, I make it to the gates before the Librarian closes. An ancient lady of dark skin and thin white hair, eternally dressed in a black, long dress.

“Hmph. Right on time, night owl.” She says with a mix of annoyance and playfulness in her tone, turning her back on me as soon as she closed the door. “Do not run like that inside.”

Still recovering my breath, I just nod and walk towards the machines that scan your credentials. I fish my wallet out of my pockets, scan my old card, and then walk straight in, looking around the main hall with a tired smile. Ah yes… I've always felt more at ease in libraries and the like, especially when there are no crowds of people around. Right now I could see only a few furtive shadows sliding around, and no sandwich sellers at all! With some luck, the librarian will try to gain a few extra Empires by selling stuff, but that will have to wait.
Right now, we are back on the hunt for the Golden Symbol! I need to focus all of my strength on finding it this time, because if they really want it to be both private and easy to find, it has to be here.

Hello Apes.
Back with another review of all the tweets sent from memelord and cat inspiration, Roaring Kitty.
If you missed my first review for 13th May, you can find it here.
To reiterate, the description of each tweet is to the best of my knowledge the references made and the speculation is pure speculation on my part, this is just for fun and shouldn't be taken as any financial advice, make your own decisions, I just like the stock. If you have anything to add feel free to in the comments and I'll do my best to update the post.
11am - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790396654971224430
Description: The infamous scene from the movie Troy where Achilles rather reluctantly at first, comes forward to fight the mighty Boagrius. Achilles runs at him, defending against a few spear throws then with one epic jump and slide, stabs Boagrius with this blade killing him in one clean strike. The music dubbed on this clip is Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm of the War Drums by A Perfect Circle.
Speculation: Chosen warrior blessed by the gods comes forward in front of the masses and takes out the big baddie. You could make the speculation that the song could reference something to do with DRS (A Perfect Circle) and SHFs bleeding out (counting bodies like sheep).
11.30am - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790404203715887238
Description: First of all we have a cat talking to itself in the mirror stating the words, "Don't be the bigger person today, be the person that helps them understand that sometimes when you f**k around, we find out...". We then cut to arrested development where Buster who is portrayed as a bear has something to say, "i wanna shoot down everything you say, so i feel good about myself. cause i'm an uptight [insert copious amounts of swearing].
Speculation: First part DFV knows they (Shorts) have messed around again and have been doing it dirty. The gig is up again, time to close and pay up. The second part is a funny scene from arrested development where Buster, a character who just cannot fit in properly goes AWAL to try and show he has a nasty side, it just comes across as way too far. DFV just poking fun at bears here no doubt.
12:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790411757120561628
Description: First we have a scene from The Town where Doug says to James, "I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people." and James replies, "Who's car are we going to take?" Then it cuts to Mad Max where there are a load of sand buggy cars going nuts with flame throwers and all sorts of chaos with the song Du Hast by Rammstein playing in the background.
Speculation: I haven't seen the Town but from reading online this scene showed the amazing friendship between Doug and James when James simply replies, who's car are we going to take? in response to what sounds like a risky ask for help from Doug. Then with Mad Max: Fury Road we have a film about a post apocalyptic survivor in Max Rockatansky who eventually brings down a warlords Citadel (hmmm).
12:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790419301976903884
Description: First we have the whistling of Omar from The Wire, then we have a scene from the Kingsmen where they are locked in a pub with Galahad and the quote "Manners maketh man" and finally we have a scene from Oldboy with a big fight scene cut alongside some anime which is from demon slayer
Speculation: The whistling is synonymous with Omar and is to the tune of a nursery rhyme, "the farmer in the dell", anyone that watched The Wire would know instantly that this means Omar is coming and this means you best get out the way as he is coming with his double-barreled shotgun and he certainly won't hesitate to use it. The Kingsmen scene where they are locked in the pub is a particularly violent scene and it's an interesting film to reference, the plot *Film spoiler here* is essentially about a boy named Eggsy from a lower-class neighbourhood who's father dies and he finds out that his father was part of an elite inner circle of upper class. After trying to be part of this group, Eggsy discovers their secret plot to take over the world and takes it into his own hands to save the day. u/ ThePhenomNoku talks about the last 2 referenced films; "So the anime is demon slayer. It’s about a kid who has everything taken from him and trains to learn how to fight demons. Though as a sidenote he kind of carries one around with him. It’s complicated.The other movie with the guy holding the person, & the fight scene is the original Oldboy, and without giving too much of the plot away it’s about a dude who is falsely imprisoned for a couple of years or so, and then enacts his revenge."
1:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790426851409817615
Description: Firstly we have the scene from Oceans 11 where Danny Ocean is chatting to Rusty Ryan right in the initial stage of their plan to heist the casino. He talks about how it's never been done before, will need planning and a large crew and Ryan asks if they are going to use guns, he replies "not exactly, there's lots of security" and finally Ryan asks "what's the target?". We then cut to a film i'm not aware (anyone help here?) of where an older gentleman shows a calculator to a young woman and the calculator says "Just up" on it then the woman says "yes that looks correct"
Speculation: In Oceans 11 there was a lot of planning and variables that had to happen for everything to work. It was a high risk high reward plan with a lot set up to go against but it's possible. The target has always been "just up", DFV just reiterating what he said in the first place.
1:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790434400494116873
Description: First we have a scene from Old School where he states, "A loophole?" "Yes. Well, it's interesting, sir. As stupid as they appear, they're actually very good at paperwork. It's quite an anomaly." then it cuts to a scene from the same film with the C&C factory everybody dance now song and a cheerleading dance attempt
Speculation: Of course with the loophole stuff it could be about all of the DD that has been done on what has gone on over the years but it could equally be about SHFs finding loopholes to get out of the mess they are in with the stock. The second part the judges clearly don't feel the attempt of the cheerleading or gymnastics piece they are portraying is any good but they are giving it a go and it's suppose to a comedy. Note the school is the cougars, cat links again of course.
2:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790441953659687421
Description: The first part is taken from The Batman and has Batman's monologue running and when the Batman signal is fired into the sky, a kitty shadow is shown instead of the Batman logo. It ends with an emphasis on "Fear is a Tool".
Speculation: Batman was of course a good hero who would rid the streets of criminals, they would scare just at the sight of the batman signal being fired knowing that they were about to get wrecked. In this clip, two years has been replaced with three years in the monologue and the kitty signal is of course a nice touch.
2:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790449499506192405
Description: This clip is taken from Mr Robot and is where Elliot plays eXit, a text based computer game that requires him to answer a series of questions in a text based game.
Speculation: I think it's best just to give the description of what happens in this scene taken from the fandom page. Elliot chooses to sit down with the friend in the dungeon. He lights a match and reads the note "Don't leave me here." Elliot chooses to stay. The alarm shuts off. An explosion happens nearby. Robot opens the door to find a fire raging outside. He concludes it's too late. Both of them sit down. They each say "I love you." Explosions rage around the room. "It's an exciting time in the world," Elliot says. Fade to red. Take from that what you will.
3:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790457051115847720
Description: This scene is taken from the movie Scream (2022), a direct sequel to Scream 4. A lot of the text has been changed but to summarize, one person states "he is making a requel" then there is some talk about the squeeze movie that came out last year and how most people in the actual know hated it and how "squeeze mid" pissed on their "covidhood", how the main character is a mary sue? Then a few cuts of Scream and how real squeeze movies have meta slasher whodunnits and that to some people the original is their favorite thing in the world
Speculation: A requel is A movie which revisits the subject matter of an earlier film but is not a remake or a linear continuation of its plot (i.e. a sequel or prequel). So essentially what is happening right now with the stock is not exactly the same of what has happened before but it is essentially a revisit of the same subject regarding squeezes. A mid squeeze implies that it wasn't as high as the squeeze could have gone and the theme of slashers and murdered people really suggests heads will roll (SHFs hopefully).
3:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790464599575167004
Description: This is a scene from Candyman where he has come for the woman. There is some cat flashes and images going on and the Woman in this is tagged as a bear (that is someone who is down on a stock or market, usually would short). Candyman talks about how there is no need for the bear to leave yet and that he was obliged to come then he says "be my victim" and a bumble bee comes out of the word be.
Speculation: Time is running out for the bear, they can hang around for a while longer but they will be the victim. This is more of the DFV is coming for you as he dresses himself up as a rampaging murderer targeting the bear in this case. Not sure on the bee, whether that is DFV just having some fun or if it's that a sting is coming in some sense.
4:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790472153470759217
Description: Taken from No Country for Old Men, Carson states he is a day trader and that Anton doesn't have to do this (Anton is going to kill him) tell him he could just go home. Carson continues that Anton could have 14 grand out of an ATM and just walk away before finally stating "do you have any idea how crazy you are?". Anton replies, "you mean the nature of these memes?" to which Carson says "I mean the nature of you!" The scene ends with the phone ringing.
Speculation: DFV putting himself into the mode of Anton from No Country for Old Men is quite the statement. For those who haven't seen this movie, Anton is a wrecking ball of a killer and adheres by his rulebook to seek out different people through the movie to take out. Carson being the desperate short seller here who is not understanding why DFV isn't just playing by the usual financial rules and taking his gains and going. The phone ringing at end could be an implication of margin calls ringing for the desperate short seller.
8:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790532552828289526
Description: This is taken from Braveheart and the prisoner (William Wallace) is asked to say a word in a famous scene where WW shouts "FREEEEDOM" only in this clip its "GAMESTOOOOOOOP".
Speculation: This is the first direct reference to Gamestop word for word and it should be noted that this is the scene where William Wallace is about to be executed. Could mean that DFV is willing to risk it all for Gamestop like William Wallace martyring himself for the freedom of Scotland.
Hope you enjoyed.
Love ya DFV

I female age 15 was living in a camper in Rhode Island with my mom age 31 and my dad age 33 along with 2 siblings my mom got into a car crash which gave her a concussion so I had to take care of my family and was like a house wife every time I got off from school my dad didn't help unless it involved my siblings with his game console or with nothing other than steal my mom's stuff to go through it to make sure she didnt catch him cheating on her which she did but I hid it all which he had a suspicion of but my mom was acting like a child at the time I wasn't focused on the remarks my dad would make when i was In shorts about how my butt looked like mom's but bigger and how I was better than her while my mom was getting better my was about to be 15 but I notice while my dad made dirty remarks he was reading a online book and I caught him multiple times in my parents bedroom alone rocking his stick and why I mentioned this is because that book he was reading was my whole bathroom situation but with Mafia people in his book while reading my mom was mostly recovered by the week before my birthday and my dad gas lighted her that I did nothing while he did everything and my mom believed him for 2 days before he tattled on himself about looking through her phone and finding evidence of him cheating which make them fight and argue which they were doing before the crash during the week before my birthday I got a road rash which will be a scar for ever a reminder of how my dad was able to look at me in the camper the shower doors were made of glass and if the temperature was lukewarm then you could see everything on the other side I turned 15 on the day of my road rash I got into the shower around 8:00 p.m. while washing my wound my father went in there and didn't say a word and just started brushing his teeth and looking towards the mirror which at the time was not looking my way I was okay with it at first cuz I thought it would just be for that day but the next 3 weeks it went to a transition of him looking at the mirror then to him leaving the bathroom door open lean on the wall towards the shower staring while playing toxic masculinity podcast of how women and Young women should do what men tell them and I wasn't on social media a lot so I didn't know what "alpha" male ment but women would refer them as that or they would refer them selfs as that but then to every couple of days during those three weeks was like him pushing boundary after boundary to the point where I can't handle it cuz he tried to touch the doorknob to open the glass doors I told him that I wasn't comfortable two times along with my younger siblings telling him to get out because they saw him in there because the door was open which he told them that it was okay and that he was my dad and everybody deserve to be in there it was him during the third day of the first week of this happening I wanted to prove to myself that my father wasn't like his stepfather which was a S A @bus€r of mine when I was 4 through 6 and because I thought it was because of my schedule of me getting in the shower late so I changed my schedule throughout the last 2 weeks while he was pushing boundaries I would change the times where it would inconvenience my mother during her naps or whatever she needed to do to get better cuz she had appointments or she would be like dead asleep and she would need me to watch my siblings but I was busy in the shower and they were messing with her while she had a headache and my father was complaining about the hot water for dishes and other women chores I need or my mother needed to complete but the part that makes it the most messed up is that when it was 20 minutes of me being still in the shower he would walk out and I would hurry up and get out and he would go back to his game console or smoke a cigarette and not good to bed or a couple of hours on the last day of the third week my mom asked me about it cuz she was finally starting to be aware of everything and I told her to wait and I would get in the shower as soon as I got home and he will be in there and she didn't believe me but once I got home and got in there he was in there with the door open my mom grabbed him by his shoulder and ripped him out and yelled at him and told him if he ever did that again that she would go get her shotgun cuz now she's more aware than she has ever been after the crash and he said that I was taking a shower late and then maybe I should be taking showers so late and then maybe I should be using all the hot water and that I'm his daughter he changed my diapers so if he wants to be in there he can be in there if you want the door open for some air he can have it open cuz he also pays the bills and owns everything and that I should be grateful which made my mom come up with a plan to start secretly moving after that day I called my aunt and my uncle who did not believe me and thought there was a better explanation but they did see my point of view but still thought I was being dramatic they question my father and he lied and said it was for 3 days more arguments started and one day when I had a school day off my dad as soon as he found out stayed home while my mom had to be at a appointment and thought he already left but instead he went to chill and came back to have a conversation with me and told me that I was delusional and that if I was uncomfortable I should have told him and when I told him I did and that he didn't say a word he said that he must have not heard me and once I told him that I said it loud and clear and that all you did was sigh and looked like he was about to cry and was mad he said that I'm just like my mother and that we deserve each other and then went on to if he had to have boundaries with me then I have to have boundaries with my mother and we can't get changed in front of each other because we are both bisexual and then proceeded to tell me that I don't know what's going on and then told me that I should be ashamed because I don't know how it feels to feel like a predator in your own home which left me speechless because I know what it's like to have predators around you every corner and he knows this and when I told him that he told me to grow up and that my hormones should be kicking in and I should have already forgotten about his stepfather my mom came home and my dad said he wanted a divorce and felt like I would take his side which my mom says working on it and took me for a drive and I told her all about it and then a couple of days later I woke up to my mom crying and naked because my mom had sex with my dad and when he was done and he got her done he kicked her out of the room and when she was wondering why he said she was more convenient then to go get a stranger and do it in the back of a truck my mom told me to go back to bed and I did at the time not fully knowing what was going on till that day that my mom going back on her word thinking she needed him telling me not to break up the family and that if he agrees the counseling we're staying even if I said no and don't like it which he didn't of course and also I told her that I would kill her and him and that I have thought about it and was in their room multiple times with a weapon think about killing them both because of the things they do which made my mom understand that she needed to grow up and leave him now which is sad for me to say but we finished up packing we got a U-Haul and before we left my mom thought it would be fair to him if my siblings had a board game night with him which later I left cuz I couldn't handle that my siblings get a perfect dad well I always got a cursing child beating lying disciplining me for no reason father and couldn't handle that my mom didn't leave them for a military hasn't killed my father or believe me on many occasions or didn't do anything because of him and because of her always needing him he went to go find me a hour later and talked and walked with me said the same things as the other conversation and when I brought up multiple predators in my life and how he did nothing for example I had a high school boy threatened to r@p€ me in the third grade and him and his friends chase me around and has kissed me and touched me multiple times for 2 years and and he said that he couldn't because that high school boy was a friends son but told him to stop but this friend was a mistress of his which later to find out that it would have been 4 years of harassment if my mother didn't threaten to burn his house which again shows that my father is a liar and my mother even proved it to me by showing me pictures of text between the high school boy and the mother and her but at the end of the conversation a dark side of me popped out and just went to try to go grab the nearest gun to shoot him cuz my father has an eye nose twitch when he lies and he has to be active or loud when he's trying to be manipulative and at the end he thought we had a great dad and talk even though I was still crying and he was like a brick wall cuz he thought I was like my mom and I would give up my mom stopped me and told me that I shouldn't go to jail and that we are moving tomorrow she will make sure of it no more delays and no more of letting me down we move to Texas where we're originally from and while living with a relative my little siblings could talk to our father which slowly broke the relationship because he would always try to bring up me and how he wanted to talk to me which later you can't stand not talking to me that he stopped paying child support until I talk to him and in between breaking the relationship with my siblings slowly they started seeing the dad that I saw and while here with my relative my mom got some console and help cuz at the time my dad was paying for child support but there was enough to get me help which my family thinks I desperately need but when child support stopped her console stopped cuz she can't afford it then drama started happening with the relative we were with and we've been moving ever since but now my mom is on the road making a lot of money to make up for no child support until the child support office is get their affairs in order and we are living with relative to relative that will take us in and watches but my mom will be coming back soon to get a rent house so that we can finally settle down after a whole year of dealing with all this without him and I'll be 16 and I don't know how to feel cuz it marks the anniversary of a scar physical emotional and mental and still cuts deep

Hello! I'm doing a study on the emergence of symbolism. I need some help from you all regarding passages or texts within the hermetic tradition (hermeticism, alchemy, magic) that describe the crafting or reception of symbols. Also, I mean "symbol" in a general sense to where it doesn't necessarily have to be a written sign - it might be an image or impression; what defines the symbol is rather it being a connector between high and low, inner and outer.
Hit me with anything that comes to mind :)

First off, I have been trying to format the code blocks, but, nothing I read seems to work. It is late, and maybe I'm stupid!! Sorry for the unformatted code, can anyone tell me how to block it out?
Hey all, I have the following line, generated by ThinkSpeak

``` -0.20-0.20 ``` 

I want to parse the -0.20 out of this string. I use

``` String parseText2(const String& text) { int start = text.indexOf('>'); if (start != -1) { int end = text.indexOf('<'); if (end != -1 && end > start) { return text.substring(start + 1, end); // Extract text between delimiters (excluding delimiters) } } return ""; // Return empty String if no matching delimiter or invalid format } String parseText2(const String& text) { int start = text.indexOf('>'); if (start != -1) { int end = text.indexOf('<'); if (end != -1 && end > start) { return text.substring(start + 1, end); // Extract text between delimiters (excluding delimiters) } } return ""; // Return empty String if no delimiters or invalid format } ``` 

This code works fine to parse the Symbol out of this
Alimentation Couche-Tard Inc. (ATD.TO)
and leaves me with ATD.TO, (using "(" and ")" as delimiters, but when i use ">" and "<" as delimiters to get the price change from the first string, my if(payload.isEmpty() executes, telling me that the code somehoe does not see the > or <, but see's the ( and ) just fine. Any idea what is going on here?

Hello, I'm new to Sublime Text, and I'm just trying to make a build system to compile a C++ project (with classes and headers).
I can open the terminal and run: g++ -o test test.cpp TestClass.cpp (linked a test class with main test file), so I tried to create a build system, but i get an error reading:
Undefined symbols for architecture arm64: "TestClass::test()", referenced from: _main in test-50cc58.o "TestClass::TestClass(int)", referenced from: _main in test-50cc58.o ld: symbol(s) not found for architecture arm64 clang: error: linker command failed with exit code 1 (use -v to see invocation)
Here's my current build system:
``` { "shell_cmd": "g++ \"${file}\" -o \"${file_path}/${file_base_name}\"", "file_regex": "<sup>..[:]*</sup>:([0-9]+):?([0-9]+)?:? (.*)$", "working_dir": "${file_path}", "selector": "source.c++, source.c",

"variants": [ { "name": "Run", "shell_cmd": "g++ \"${file}\" -o \"${file_path}/${file_base_name}\" && \"${file_path}/${file_base_name}\"" } ] 

} ```
I can run C++ Single File, and it works.

Some slight backstory, ex was terrible to me, and I wouldn’t meet up with them, and quietly removed them. As soon as I did that, they took notice and I got told by text that they have a great life, which they are bragging about. Then they in the most petty way sly reveal their gf.
I don’t understand why, but at the same time I am having a hard time processing after they did me so dirty, like if you’re life is so great… Why do you have the need to tell me, or care that I decided to walk away?

The lyrics to Circle With Me seem to explore themes of power, ambition, and self-destruction. They use symbolic imagery to convey a struggle for greatness at the cost of personal and spiritual decay. For example;

1. "Feel the weight of a martyr" and "cut down the altar" - These lines suggest bearing the heavy burden of sacrifices made for a cause or belief, possibly questioning traditional values or structures. Cutting down the altar could symbolize rejecting or challenging established norms or institutions.
   
2. "Visionare and deepest fake, Dirty gold, the colors change" - This might be reflecting on the illusion or façade of purity and value in one's pursuits. "Dirty gold" implies a tainted success, while changing colors suggest inconsistency or deceit.
   
3. "Negative feedback loop" - This phrase indicates a detrimental cycle from which it's hard to escape, possibly pointing to repetitive destructive behaviors or thoughts.
   
4. "Vultures circling the flame" and "birds of prey invade my thoughts" - These images evoke a sense of doom and being preyed upon or consumed by one’s ambitions or by external pressures.
   
5. "I held the power of a dying sun, I climb the altar and I claim my place as God" - Indicates a climax of power but also hints at the inherent self-destruction in such immense power, likening it to a dying sun.
   
6. "Circle with me" - Could be an invitation to join in this cycle of ambition and destruction, or a call to participate in a ritualistic or shared experience.
   

The overall message might be about the intoxicating lure of power and control, the sacrifices made to achieve it, and the inevitable downfall or personal cost associated with such pursuits. It reflects a complex interplay of ambition, existential struggle, and the human condition.

My name was slandered SO badly by the quinte.ca news that it is literally criminal and VERY VERY messed up.
According to this article I am a Sex Predator and was trying to lure a 13 year old for sex using the internet.(!!!!!)
This is a long story so I’m going to do my best at condensing it so people actually read it.
This is what happened: With a fair amount of spare time on my hands I decided to do something that would create a positive, long lasting impact. I knew there had to be some real sex predators in a city this size so I decided to see if any ADULTS online were interested and fully follow through with preying on a minor. Less than a few minutes after creating a profile I was contacted by a Belleville Resident who indicated DIRECTLY to me that he was “ok” with the decoys age.

I told him my age was TWELVE. 

Within the first 5 minutes of the conversation. So for the next five days he was essentially grooming who he believed was 12 year old and attempting to meet him that upcoming weekend. At no time did I initiate or direct the conversation to move in the dirty direction. I wanted to not only provide as much solid evidence as possible for the police, but I was thinking forward to do the same for the future prosecution when this case ultimately reached the Court….( at least In my mind, this is what I was doing it for! )
Speaking to him about 45 minutes each day I was shocked at how this was actually happening. Shocked at how quickly, unaffected and confident he was to be luring a 12 year old to his apartment.
Most disturbing was the bits of information that was confessed to me. How he “had to be really careful” because he is already a registered sex offender due to being caught with another minor years ago, and how he “had multiple other people your age” in the past which he had never been caught for.
So obviously by the time I was aware of that I was Deadset at not only catching and exposing this creep but see to it that he gets his rightful spot back in a prison cell.

Make no mistake I took screenshots of EVERY message/text/conversations/photos. 

( I had taken photos of myself and used an age altering app which was procured freely from Apple. ) Upon his request I sent multiple Altered selfies over those five days in the various poses he was asking for. Obviously this was done to prove that the decoy was in fact “real”. Bam. That’s it. It was Friday and this registered sex offender “PDF File” was in FULL BELIEF and confident that a Minor was on the way to his apartment to “teach him” how to have sex.
I went just outside the meeting area a bit early and sat down with my Sony 500 video camera around my neck and was prepared to begin the video, capturing him as he went directly to the prearranged location. He was going with the quickness and attempting to hold back the huge shit eating grin on his face. Disgusting. Vile. True evil.
So I walked up to him while recording and made a call from my cellphone to his which I used to instantly tell him off the bat: “YOU’RE FKD!” Also by doing this at that moment I was putting him in a position (ON CAMERA mind you) which he had zero opportunity to deny anything.

Over the next 20-30 minutes He confessed to everything that was said during the conversations. Instead of me questioning him, initially I had told him to tell me exactly why he was there, and for him to tell me (the camera) everything that was in those terrible and unbelievable messages. 

I grilled him like a ribeye.
After having gathered what I believed to be enough evidence and having him vocally express ( One more and last time) directly to the camera why he was there at that precise moment and what it was he had expected to go down that day in his apartment, I decided to end recording, and leave.
With my adrenaline pumping, I left. Forgetting to do what could’ve been the most important thing, not for exposing him or the Court, but for ME. . . Call the cops. I called them about 10 minutes into the walk back to my home. I told the Officer everything that had just happened. Including the prior five days leading up to this event. I was praised for doing what I had done by this Officer but was informed that the “Detective” responsible for this “crime category” was already off duty and wouldn’t be returning until Monday.
On Monday I received a phone call from that Officer and TRIED to explain everything. It was like I was speaking another language to him. He REPEATEDLY tried to change what I was telling him. For example; I explained how I was the decoy and that there did NOT EXIST AN ACTUAL MINOR involved here, and then he would say: “so you and this sex offender ‘hooked up’ and tried to get a ‘13’ year old over to HIS house” !!!!! It was if he was Trolling. He simply could not, or did not WANT TO understand what happened. “It’s like a STING OPERATION” I finally said to him. I told him this guys name and where he lived. I even knew his birthdate from the convos with the Decoy. So this “detective” in charge of investigating a very serious category of crime in this city KNEW that this predator is a Registered Sex Offender. He KNEW that I was in possession of a litany of irrefutable evidence. Yet was totally incompetent and put me down as Suspect #1 from the start. For not a single reason. He denied my requests to come down and SHOW HIM THE FRICKIN’ EVIDENCE. He did not even want to see the video confession!!! Nothing happened. He said it was now an “open case” and I had a case number. Deflated. Flabbergasted. I was [again] in shock. After weeks of waiting, I ended up putting the entire video of sicko confessing and me grilling him on YouTube. My genuine motive from the start was to make a positive impact on the community. To potentially stop a child from being victimized by a predator. I felt let down the police response. Little did I know what was to come SIX months later. The cops raided the house I was living in.
I was immediately handcuffed and told that I was arrested for “LURING A MINOR” !!!! I was literally paralyzed. With at LEAST HALF A DOZEN POLICE OFFICERS AND AN EQUALLY UNNECESSARILY LARGE AMOUNT OF SUVS PARKED ON THE DRIVEWAY, LAWN, AND ONE OF THE BUSIEST ROADS IN THE CITY. RED AND BLUES FLASHING ON ALL OF THEM. W h a t . T h e . F o c k ! ? ! They went up to my neatly organized room and searched it over discovering of course nothing but my phone. Snatching it with a joy like they had just successfully done something significant. I had 5-7 cops surrounding me in a semi circle after arriving at the Jail as I prepared to go inside a cell. They even shackled my feet. I know from watching cops and the like on YouTube to always exercise the right to remain silent. There was nothing I could do or say at that point which would help and I definitely didn’t resist the arrest so it really must’ve been a slow day. Eh guys? That and/or the overly incompetent rookie had relayed to his colleagues and obviously his Superiors to get the raid and arrest warrant his own personal story that he had recreated. Unfriggenbelieveable! It’s SO ABSURD THERE IS NO PROPER WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW IT FEELS TO GO THROUGH THIS! Doing something I considered not just “Right”, but Honourable, Justified, and definitely NOT illegal! How the hell did a JUDGE sign an arrest AND RAID Warrant on me with ZERO evidence, physical, concrete, or even circumstantial?? Not a single reason lawfully or otherwise for them to raid, arrest, shackle my feet and throw me in a jail cell for hours, and then criminally charge me with “Luring of a Minor”. Evidently, according to this news article the police had conducted a Six Month Investigation. Huh? Of What?! On Who?!
Now, Finally, The News Article: The information printed in any news article requires a source, so all of this information had to have only been provided by the police department. This article was printed at 9 in the morning the very next day of the arrest and raid. So of course this was all information provided from police.

This is what the dumbass, rookie, ignorant cop fabricated for no actual real reason: 

“Two men were arrested yesterday after a Six Month long Investigation revealed that the men had ‘BOTH’ believed that they were speaking with a ‘13’ year old boy online. Registered sex offender (the real predators name) and another known sex offender ( my name) are each charged with Luring of a Minor. (Real predators name again) is also charged with using an electronic device to lure a Minor, and breach of probation.”

My LandLord happened to be home at the time of the Raid, and he had also (I guess being suspicious after the raid,) read the article online which is quoted directly above. 

Which meant that he would be evicting me from the property, and I can’t blame him. With that article being read by my roommates and hisself I can’t really blame him for that either.
The charges against myself were eventually dropped, of course. About 18 months later! My phone being confiscated in the raid in order to access everything on there was also given back to me. They played immature and unprofessional games with that as well; returning my property. Such as : come in this day, your phone is ready to be released now. Show up. “Oh so and so thought it was ready but we don’t have it yet.” Weeks later. Get another call saying it is in fact ready now. Show up. “There is no one working in the evidence locker today, there will be in two days.” Screw them! I show up ten days late and what do you know? My property is actually there for me, and I finally get it back. Of course having had to purchase new phone in the meantime. Worse yet, I can’t recall the password and it was before facial recognition (not like that would matter) and after the fingerprint touch button. So it’s just a brick now.
That’s the least of my concern, as that bullshit article remains up, and the YouTube video had been taken down for some privacy violation nonsense.
After paying the criminal defence attorneys’ invoice(s), I couldn’t afford the 6K being asked by EVERY attorney I had reached out to.
So there, that’s one of many of my Unbelievably Insane Life’s stories. I suppose I didn’t provide the short version. Even though I have sincerely tried to keep it all to a minimum by leaving out plenty of details and significant events, this ended up being the Mid Length version.

Hi, so my family lives in a mobile home park in California. We own the house they own the land. The parks water comes from a well.
We have had issues in the past with them shutting off water (with and without notice). This year alone, it’s already been shut off 5 times and it’s only May.
Yesterday the water turned a brown yellow in the toilet and sink around 6pm. It was after hours at the park and there isn’t a number to call for any type of situation like this. So last night we were unable to use the water due to not knowing what’s in it. In a group we have online multiple other residents said they had the same issue. Some said it felt oily. A small amount said the water at their house was fine though.
This morning I woke up and the water was still dirty. I figured the park would send out a text telling residents to not use the water or to let us know water will be off later due to repair but we got nothing. We called and they said “we are aware of the issue and are working on a solution.”
It’s been over 24 hours now without clean water. We have still gotten no word from management on what’s wrong, when it will be fixed, or that they even have a problem. We can’t do laundry, take showers, or really do anything with the water. It’s frustrating and I would like to know if anyone has advice on what to do/ if this is legal of them?

Hi, so my family lives in a mobile home park in California. We own the house they own the land. The parks water comes from a well.
We have had issues in the past with them shutting off water (with and without notice). This year alone, it’s already been shut off 5 times and it’s only May.
Yesterday the water turned a brown yellow in the toilet and sink around 6pm. It was after hours at the park and there isn’t a number to call for any type of situation like this. So last night we were unable to use the water due to not knowing what’s in it. In a group we have online multiple other residents said they had the same issue. Some said it felt oily. A small amount said the water at their house was fine though.
This morning I woke up and the water was still dirty. I figured the park would send out a text telling residents to not use the water or to let us know water will be off later due to repair but we got nothing. We called and they said “we are aware of the issue and are working on a solution.”
It’s been over 24 hours now without clean water. We have still gotten no word from management on what’s wrong, when it will be fixed, or that they even have a problem. We can’t do laundry, take showers, or really do anything with the water. It’s frustrating and I would like to know if anyone has advice on what to do/ if this is legal of them?

I was diagnosed stage 3 NSC Lung cancer almost four years ago (36 yo male). Family situation was/is My dad lives here in Ohio and so does my brother (34) . My sister (38) lives in Chicago. My mom lives in Florida it comes up here for the summers. I was always close with my family and coworkers before I was diagnosed. I had that overwhelming wave of support you get when everyone you know finds out your cancer. It was all phone calls, texts, and emails for the most part. My diagnosis wasn’t the best as the cancer had spread to my adrenal gland and lymph nodes. My dad really stepped up and he was my rock. I’m lucky I had him during that time. He drove me to chemo the first couple of treatments and sat in on the dr appointments as a second ear. I was going to be doing 5 rounds of chemo every three weeks and immunotherapy for 12. The chemo killed the tumor so they cut out the upper lobe of my right lung. Immunotherapy wasn’t great but I got through it.
I was incredibly happy that I survived it all and got back to work. However some things really bothered me such as my mom never came back home during my chemo. She came home for my lobectomy in November 2020 and visited me in the hospital and held my hand like I was her baby boy again when they removed all the breathing , catheters, and drainage tubes. When I got home I noticed phone calls and texts weren’t coming in. It also bothered me that my sister never came to see me and she’s about four hours away but not four days. My brother was in town and only came once during the year of treatment.
Another thing that bothered me is none of my coworkers would call or text during my time off. I really worried when I got a letter from my employer of ten years that I was terminated. It was a really tough time and I was on so much medication and my whole routine was sitting on the couch and watching YouTube. I slowly descended into a very dark place and became scared of going in public places because I thought people were staring at me because I looked so sickly and dying. My bank account was getting down to nothing and I asked for my old position back and luckily they hired me again. It was excruciatingly difficult physically and emotionally to sell cars that hot summer of 2021. I had heat stroke three months of being back and thought I was done. I was really sick and weak. I was miserable with so many things. When I did see my family I’m sure that attitude wore off and I soon was getting comments that I was too negative.
My kids mom hates me and was in cancer research and sent me this factoid sheet from the American Cancer Association that said my five year survival odds were 3%. She said I was wasting my time I had left. She fueled my fire to live just to prove her wrong but at this point my kid wanted me to die because he thought he’d get lots of life insurance money. Then I had to take custody unexpectedly of that same kid who wanted nothing to do with me. I was barely selling enough cars to keep my job and now had to take care of and raise a 13 year old with angst. That’s when my family truly disappeared and I think it’s because they’re worried my cancer would cone back then they’d have to care for my kid.
Fast forward to now and my son is reunited with his mom. His and my relationship has never been better after getting to spend 16 months living together. My health is I’m still alive obviously but my lungs are getting much weaker and my volume is shrinking and i also originally diagnosed late stage copd and have to take steroids to help me breathe. So my health is back on the downslope and my family is completely gone. My dad never calls or talks to me, and neither do my brother or sister. I see my mom once every couple of months when she’s home from Florida . We’ll go to Cracker Barrel and she’ll give me this half disgusted look and I get about 45 minutes of her time
I’m just sad that they’re gone but realized they’re kind of not the best family so I might be better. I truly believe they were looking at my custody and health situation as a hot potato so they all ran for the hills. Now with my breathing is getting more and more along with seizures it’s difficult and it’s real I’m going to die young and possibly soon. it’s really effecting my memory and stamina. I get confused and need naps. Its sometimes an insurmountable task for me to go greet a customer on the lot and begin the five hour process of selling a car and getting dirty looks from customers because I look like shit because well Ive been through some stuff. My sales are failing and they want me gone. I need health insurance and what little money I do make to support my son. Im worried all this financial, parental, and physical stress is going to bring back my cancer just because im stressed and just feel hopeless. I think of how I’ll die from COPD and how horrifying it seems to die that way. With my family gone and my coworkers wanting me gone I know it will be alone or at a state hospital with some hospice nurse I have no clue is. I don’t look for your pity but I’d like any advice you might have to how I can find solace in this lonely isolated place I’m trapped in. I’m angry at my family but I love them.I feel like I was supposed to die and even though I didn’t die then physically I died to them mentally. Maybe it’s too tough to watch someone you love struggle and know you’ll have to do it again
The only thing besides spending time with my son that really makes me happy is painting. During all of this I somehow found out I love to paint and since a June 2022 I’ve painted a couple of hundred paintings. Painting gives me hope.

Hi, so my family lives in a mobile home park in California. We own the house they own the land. The parks water comes from a well.
We have had issues in the past with them shutting off water (with and without notice). This year alone, it’s already been shut off 5 times and it’s only May.
Yesterday the water turned a brown yellow in the toilet and sink around 6pm. It was after hours at the park and there isn’t a number to call for any type of situation like this. So last night we were unable to use the water due to not knowing what’s in it. In a group we have online multiple other residents said they had the same issue. Some said it felt oily. A small amount said the water at their house was fine though.
This morning I woke up and the water was still dirty. I figured the park would send out a text telling residents to not use the water or to let us know water will be off later due to repair but we got nothing. We called and they said “we are aware of the issue and are working on a solution.”
It’s been over 24 hours now without clean water. We have still gotten no word from management on what’s wrong, when it will be fixed, or that they even have a problem. We can’t do laundry, take showers, or really do anything with the water. It’s frustrating and I would like to know if anyone has advice on what to do/ if this is legal of them?

I (20f) was adopted from India when I was a toddler by my adoptive parents who are Indian as well. We moved to the states after a few years. My adoptive parents have been quite open with me about my adoption. Generally, we Indian adoptees can never find our origins as all adoptions are closed and there is a lot of stigma. A couple of months back, I took a DNA test on 23&me and matched with my cousin. I was so happy at this as it was totally unexpected. She too lives in US. I texted her immediately. My cousin texted back but she didn’t know about me. She was very sweet to me and told me that her mother has only one sister who could be my mother and said she will find out.
It seems my existence caused a sort of a frenzy in the family. My cousin asked her mother about me. My aunt informed my mother and they told my cousin not to talk to me. My mother’s husband doesn’t know about me. No one in my family wants me to associate with them. My cousin got back to me and said I was the product of an affair, my father had left my mother then and she found out about the pregnancy a little too late. Since my mother was unmarried , she gave me away to an orphanage. My cousin told me she can’t talk to me anymore as she wants to respect my mother’s wishes. I said that it’s understandable but I begged for my mother’s name and basic details, promising that I will never contact her. My cousin reluctantly gave it to me and then we never spoke.
On one hand, I feel I am quite fortunate compared to other Indian adoptees as the chance of finding a relative via DNA websites is quite low as majority of Indians don’t use it. I at least have a name. On the other, I feel upset about being the dirty family secret. I had imagined so many scenarios of my mother being dirt poor or very young and forced to give me up. In reality, my mother is from an upper middle class family with a good job. If I had been born just a few years after her marriage, I wouldn’t have been relinquished. Social stigma proved to be more important than motherhood.

tl;tr what is my life (Leaving note at the top of my post cause post is too long lol) Note 1: Didn't expect for the post to be that long. I apologize for any grammatical errors or incoherences, don't have the energy to read proof everything, took me almost 4 hours to write.
Note 2: Before you guys suggest therapy. I do believe in mental health and always wanted to go see a therapist but you hear a lot of horror stories about therapists where I live. Like a friend of mine went to see one at one point and he literally told her "you are too dramatic and you are lying. There is no way you feel the way you say you do". Plus even if I manage to find a good one they are expensive as fuck.
Note 3: Moving out isn't a solution either at the moment cause can't afford it. Plus it is hard to find somewhere to rent as a fairly young bachelor in a conservative country plus if they do rent to young people the apartments are usually falling apart, they over charge and you would end up with like 7 other roommates in a 3 bedrooms apartment.
I don't really know where to start since it is 1 am where I live and I am exhausted. But yeah, basically I think that I might not be a good person? that I might be a bit of an asshole and also a loser? I am not sure.
The situation that I am facing right now is that I am 29, jobless, 5 years into my PhD that i wanted to quit for a while now, live with my mom and aunt (I live in a place when it is normal for someone to live with their parents or family in their 20s or 30s, people usually only move out if they either get married or their job isn't close to where their parents live). I am really unhappy with my life, with how I usually handle things and with how I turned out.
I graduated university at 23, got my first job as a phone repair technician few months after graduating, got pressured into doing a PhD but at the same time I was like "why not?". Wasn't a fan of my job anyway and I haven't heard from the couple of interviews I have been to. I was excited to start doing academic research actually, but as soon as I got accepted things started going downhill. Our lab director passed away before we got assigned out subjects and supervisors, then COVID lock down, my dad passed away from COVID, my supervisor retired and I got assigned a new one that is clueless, they wouldn't let me stay at the dorms during my third year cause "of the volume of new students they received that year" according to them, decided to teach a class during the first semester of last year so I would have to stay close to our lab that entire time. I didn't make much progress. Nowadays I feel burnt out and I stopped trying. When people ask me about my PhD I lie and tell them that I am almost done. I have been to quite a few job interview during the past few years but they never called back. Had some projects in mind that were good business ideas imo but whenever I started I would never go through with them cause of the stress PhD is causing me. Never been good under pressure.
As for my relationships, I will start with my parents. We have had my fair-chair of big and small arguments in my teen and adult years, but I have always had a good relationship with them and I loved them. Now, since my dad passed away my mom, sister and I became really close (or closer than we already were). Then my aunt moved in with us a little while after that (due to some personal stuff), everything was good and well at first but the thing is I live in a conservative country, in a very conservative city and my aunt is super old school and she got an influence over my mom who has become super controlling which caused some friction between us for the past few years but especially during the past year and it has gotten worse during the past couple of days (well I wouldn't put the issue entirely on her cause my mom has always nosy and controlling but she would stop if you talked to her). Now when I say controlling and nosy I mean she is trying to control everything even what I wear, and whenever I am talking to the phone she always comes into my room to know who I am talking to. Sometimes she acts like she is disciplining a 15 yo and not talking to a grown man. I have always given up a small part of my independence since my parents were sheltering me, I have had a couple of friends telling me I shouldn't when we were younger and I was always like "nah, it's fine". Well now that I am trying to get 100% of my independence and autonomy back and receiving a big push back I am starting to understand what they meant.
Now to my friends. Well, I should start by saying that during my teen years I did have friends but I had a lot of difficulties connecting with people or knowing how to react during social situations which also lead to me being bullied quite a lot up until I was around 19/20. During my uni years and early 20s things have gotten better all of a sudden, I was less shy, it was easier to talk to people and to know how to react to different situations, it was easier to make new friend and my relationships with the couple of friends I made during middle school and high school was great. Even my old bullies became respectful and would stop for a chat whenever they saw me. It got me thinking "maybe that's how it is like to turn into an adult" at some point. Now I have made quite a few friends from a couple of groups I hang out with, and I like to think that I am pretty close to most of them or at least was. The thing is that over the years some of them either criticize my quirks or tease me which I always thought was fine, I would either answer them back jokingly, take their criticism seriously and try to work on myself depending on what the quirk is or just ignore them. The problem is that over the year some of my friends have started to either take themselves or their teasing too far. Sometimes it just feels like they are walking over me. Like that one friend who always lectures me "about being a grown ass man" (and in a mean way might I add, he literally screams at me) just because I haven't seen him while outside, because I only drive inside our town (because I am not that good of a driver, I used to get extreme anxiety just being behind a wheel)(he lectured me 3 times during the same day last month and 2 of them was in front of mutual friends) or that one time he berated me about something that I thought so stupid that I made a joke and his literal answer was "shut the fuck up and listen to me when I am talking to you, I am older than you (by 2 months), I have more experience than you (cause he moved abroad) and I know better than you". Or when that group of friends that tried to catfish me at one point (they did a very bad job btw). Or that other friend that does fucked up shit or says hurtful things and his out of jail card is literally "it was just a prank bro". Like whenever I tell him the smoke from his cigarettes his bothering me he literally blows smoke on my face, or that time he threw a lit cigarette butt on me and it ruined my pants, or when we were complaining about or PhDs (he used to be a PhD student) and he told me "you stagnating so you wish for people to go backwards so it would feel like you are making progress" or that time were he told a mutual acquaintance that "I was a simp"(which I am lol) and that "I stuck to girls like glue". And sure enough whenever I stop talking to him his response would be "it was just a joke", or when I loaned him money cause he had money issues few years back he has promised me several times that he would pay me back after he gets paid for jobs he is doing but then when I ask him again he is like "Why didn't you ask me 2 days ago I used it to pay back few debts. You are the only debt I have left.". He has done the same thing over the past few years and given me the exact same answer each time. Until, I told him last year that it was okay if he didn't pay me back cause he had to loan a big amount to pay for his parents' rent .
Now I am not sure the way I respond to those situations is the healthiest. My go to strategy is to just go home and not talk to them for a while. The most recent example is from last weeks. I have a friend that always asks me to download softwares for him, to install them and set them up. Honestly I didn't mind it at first but he does it so often that it has become annoying and it feels like I can't refuse cause he always says "if I am bothering you that is okay", plus whenever he sits next to me while I work on his PC he goes on rants I don't want to hear about. Anyway, he is a PhD student and he asked me to help him with a paper he is working on cause it is overlapping with my field, I didn't mind. Then, he called me the other day and asked if I could meet him immediately, I accepted (to be fair to him he did ask me if I was going to take a lot of time to arrive, I answered with "no" then it did take me 25 minutes more than it should have) and when I called him to tell him I was almost there he answered with "are you kidding me? I don't have time", I just hang up before he could finish his sentence and went back home. Or two voice messages I impulsively sent yesterday cause I was really upset and needed to let my anger out one way or another. The first one was to the "it was just a prank, bro" dude, I lent him some more money few months ago that he promised he would pay back by the end of 2023 and still hasn't. The message went like this "give me back my money or I will kick you in the balls and break your nose" (it sounded cooler in my language lol. And I want to add that he would definitely win in a fight. ). It wasn't about the money I was just tired of him and would get upset every-time I would think about the way he is treating me. Then I followed up with another message calling him a parasite. The second one was to the dude who always berates me. Despite the way he treats he considers me as a best friend, so I have been thinking about sending him a message for the past 2 weeks explaining to him that I didn't like the way he treated me. But because I was angry the message went like this "Go fuck yourself, and fuck your so called advice. You are just trying to enforce some random criteria you have made up on me. Let me give you the same advice you give me, you are a 30 yo man so it would be about time you came back to reality and to close your asshole (which is a rude way of saying you have got a big head in my language). Also shut the fuck up.". Needless to say that he was confused and tried to call me and left me like 2 voice messages that I ignored (cause I wasn't feeling like hearing from anyone) and a screenshot from his note app saying that he was sorry that I felt that way and that he considered me like a good friend and that I was a good guy (I haven't read everything). He probably tried to contact me today, but I can't be sure cause I spent the entire day messing with my phone and installing different ROMS (OS). But yeah, I received an SMS from him few hours ago saying that he was going to press charge for "defamation and mental distress " (I think that is the correct translation), which I thought was ridiculous plus he is not the kind to press charges. But then, he has people in his life that he respects a lot and if they advised him to he would definitely do it. Plus he used the number he uses when he comes to our country to text me, on the other hand the country he is at is close enough that he could just text me from that number. I mean I think it would be ridiculous to press charges for that voice mail lol, but again some stupid law got voted few months ago that if you were caught cussing that could cause you up to 6 months of jail, and I definitely cussed. Oh and he also followed with "we obviously don't deal with conflicts the same way. There is the dirty way then there is the smart way" (Again not sure about the translation so I am using the literal one). When I saw it I was like "there is no way I am not ignoring you now"
If you managed to read the whole thing I thank you, I feel a lot better, I mean it still feels like the earth is about to swallow me whole but I still weirdly feel calm about it lol.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/bomblebeeee
Originally posted to relationship_advice + TrueOffMyChest
My (28f) fiance (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, mentions of mental health issues, emotional abuse and manipulation
My (28f) fiancé (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?: May 1, 2024
TLDR at the bottom.
(28f) am getting married today to my fiance (30m). It's the legal document signing and our ceremony is on Saturday. I haven't slept in 24 hours I just am feeling so much anxiety.
For reference we were togetheliving together for about 3 years before becoming long distance for one and a half years. I'm back in the country for a week to visit him and family and to have our wedding.
For the last month he has been ghosting me for sometimes even weeks at a time. I know it's because he's going through a mental health crisis, but no matter how much I tell him his actions are causing me pain and straining our communication, he can't change. When he goes through rough times he absolutely shuts down for everyone, especially me. It hurts so much every time knowing that even the person he says is his best friend and future wife, he doesn't trust or respect enough to share or ease his pain.
I thought coming back to the country and the marriage would wake him up from his ghosting tendencies this past month, but it's not. He had a very important meeting at work yesterday that either meant he'd get a raise or be unemployed, and now I don't hear anything from him at all. He's ignoring my calls, he's ignoring my texts (and there are read receipts so I know it's intentionally ignored). It's the morning of, and we are literally set to sign our marriage paperwork in a few hours from now. But I was up all night because I can't shake the anxiety that this isn't what he wants. That hes just doing this to "appease" me despite this being a joint decision.
I still can't even get a hold or reach him. I try so hard to communicate everything with him, but this hurts me deeply, down to my core. Part of me wants to drive over to his apartment and beat his door down and just demand answers as to how he could treat someone he claims he loves this way. But I know he'd just shut down further, say he's sorry, and then bury himself deeper into his guilt and depression.
How can I be supportive through his mental health crisis while also keeping firm on the "this is 500000% some disrespectful and harmful behavior that is absolutely unacceptable" in my opinion. When we were about to be long distance he begged me to try it out because I knew his inability to properly communicate his feelings would be miserable over long distance. But he begged me and promised he would change. I would say he did improve but if this last month has shown me anything it's that I'm about to marry someone who has no qualms and sees no consequence in ghosting your spouse for weeks at a time.
This whole thing gives me so much anxiety I have no idea what to do. Any advice on how to calm my anxiety or maybe try to be more supportive to coax him out of the horrid way his depressive episode is manifesting would be greatly appreciated.
Before I forget, yes of course I've tried to get him to see a therapist or get on medication. For years. There is basically a 0% chance that, if it's coming from me or anyone in my family, he would ever listen to that advice. It's incredibly frustrating and not an option that I can even bring up with him anymore without the conversation devolving and him shutting me out even further.
(I will not be tolerating or responding to any accusations of him cheating or people just saying don't marry him. He is loyal but has a multitude of mental health issues, and I will marry him regardless of what anyone says on the internet. I just want some advice is all.)
TLDR: My fiance keeps ghosting me for weeks at a time and he's doing it again even on the day we are getting married which is causing me insane anxiety.
Edit: I won't be reading anything anymore, and please stop messaging me. If you see a woman who is genuinely struggling with something and clearly has no one else to turn to for advice other than random people on the internet and your response is to ridicule her and call her an idiot.... Then congratulations my last idea of seeking help has failed. Clearly I had no one else to go to, it's my wedding day and I'm on reddit. I don't know why I expected anything less than hate messages and ridicule. Maybe there isn't some magic way to help him through this period of grief, but I didn't think I deserved to be sent all these cruel messages so instantly. To the people messaging me and calling stupid, idiotic, doormat, and that I deserve whatever unhappy life awaits me, you've won.
Relevant Comments
Icy-Original: He’s been ghosting you for the last month and you thought marriage would fix this? You don’t want anyone here to tell you not to marry him when that’s the most logical and smart decision here. You’ve created your own misery and are determined to continue doing so so what do you want from us? We can’t make him unghost you and we can’t make you feel better about this decision you know is dumb as hell. You have a man with mental health problems that refuses to get help, that’s causing severe relationship issues and you’re willingly signing yourself up, aligning yourself legally to have more of these problems till death do you part? When you have kids and he ghost you then what are you going to do? I hope you get what you deserve from this situation. Whatever that entails.

OOP: This marriage has been planned for much longer than just the last month. It wasn't some solution I created by myself. And it isn't no contact for the whole month. Just a week of no contact before he comes back and apologizes for the absence due to unavoidable life events. Then contact for a week before another week of no contact before something else comes up. We spent the whole day together 3 days ago, but because of the meeting yesterday it's now been a day and a half of nothing again. To answer your question of what I'd like, compassion and actual helpful advice was what I was searching for. Not judgement and malice.

 
I was left at the altar yesterday: May 2, 2024
My life was great. My relationship was great. Until yesterday it suddenly wasn't. The last month felt a bit off but I didn't think it would lead to this. I still love him intensely. He still loves me intensely. He wants to stay with me it's just that he says he can't do marriage because he can't untie the trauma he has from the idea of it from his childhood (cult stuff).
My mom says I'll be a pathetic fucking loser if I still stay with him regardless and that he'll never be a part of the family. But I want to stay with him regardless. But I don't know if I can live with the constant fear, anxiety, and insecurites that will come from being with someone who can just leave whenever he feels like it.
My wedding is on Saturday and my family still wants to have it since it's more of a small family gathering already anyways (since his family wasn't invited due to cult stuff). My life as I know it feels completely over. I don't know what to do. The person I turned to for empathy and compassion turned to me screaming that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm only in the country for my wedding, I live abroad. My new job and my fiancee pressured me and reassured me I should already use my new married name professionally. I'm a teacher and all my kids already know me as his name.
Everything sucks and I can't stop sobbing.
Edit: to clarify. He left me while we were about to sign the marriage certificate. It's a symbolic left at the altar since there was never going to be an actual altar anyway.
Update: I told my mom that the way she phrased her advice/opinion was cruel. She told me she's tired of my drama and doesn't need it in her old age. I already had told her she was right and I knew what she said was right, but just that the way she said it was cruel. She said she no longer cares about maintaining a relationship with me and that it isn't worth the drama at her age. I apologized because she's right. I'm a piece of shit who never saw that this situation hurt and humiliated her too. I wanted to just have this be a nice party with friends and just spend time together. I'm going to try my best to keep my negativity inside so it doesn't spoil the mood and maybe there's a hope to salvage it as a good party. But I think once I return abroad that this will be the last time my mom will ever speak to me again. I don't know how I could repay her for all she spent on this wedding, but hopefully removing myself from her life will maybe make her life more peaceful and less stressful, even if it destroys me.
As for him, thank you all so much for your kindness, advice, and perspectives. It truly makes me feel better to read the comments even if they hurt and I deserve it. We will be talking about it tomorrow in person, and I've scheduled an emergency therapy appointment for myself for tomorrow morning. Ive never done therapy before, and I'm scared, but I know it's what I need. I'm so angry at him for ruining my entire life that I don't know if the love I have can salvage this.
Relevant Comments
Geezell: No, hon. You can’t be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their fears and needs and, instead, choose to run. He failed you. He does not get to treat you like that. You deserve better. Your Mom may have let her anger for you make her word things poorly but she is right….that dude does not get to have his cake and eat it too.
Go back home. Go no contact with him. Finish out the teaching contract as it. Then, my recommendation is to find a teaching job in a dream location. Maybe, be a traveling teacher for a few years. Heal. Live big. And, if you wish, find love again.

OOP: I am a travelling teacher already. I'm home right now just for the week so that I could do my wedding. Back to where I live abroad next week to live a life of isolation and loneliness.

thunderchaud: Please elaborate on cult stuff, that could literally be anything

OOP: He's seen marriage used as a way to entrap and oppress women due to the cult culture of his family. He doesn't understand that what he's done is created a tilted power dynamic where he's holding all the power and autonomy and I'm the scared, anxiety riddled one terrified he'll leave at any moment in any possible future we may have now. Which is honestly worse in my opinion.

detikripur: So many questions but at the top of my head is these: why did he agree to “marry” you? Why were you using a name that wasn’t yours for so long that your students know you by that name? Haven’t you talked beforehand with him? Was this relationship one sided?

OOP: He asked me to marry him. My job told me to start using his name because the school year started in April and I would be changing my name in May. I said no it felt like I'd jinx it. I called him and he said stop being such an over thinker and just use my name. I talked with him, he reassured me. It's been 3 weeks that my kids know me as that name. And to be honest yes it does feel one sided. But not in the way you're implying.

 
Update: I was left at the altar yesterday: May 8, 2024
For a brief recap, I was going to the officiant to sign my marriage license with my fiance (who I'd been with for 4 years). He chickened out and said he couldn't marry me and ruptured my image of us. TLDR at bottom.
On to the update. Since I was so brutally humiliated, it really made me think back on all the not great parts of us. He was always very gaslighty whenever I'd claim his actions reflected the opposite of his words (I respect you, I care for you). So I ended up talking to him. I asked him to define what his definition of loving someone, respecting someone, caring for someone, and trusting someone means. Needless to say they were twisted and not healthy at all. I tried to make him see that and he had a few moments of holy shit I think you're right, I don't actually trust or respect you.
Now just because he admitted it didn't mean the crazy selfish actions didn't continue throughout the entirety of the conversation. It was so crazy how I'd never been able to articulate it in a way to where he actually understood before. He actually had the gall to say "Wow we should have had this conversation a long time ago" because of how much he was realizing he was treating me like trash then gaslighting me about it. I was like bitch I've been trying to tell you this for years but you never respected me enough to listen and I was always too emotional to articulate it properly.
Anyways, he wanted to do marriage counseling with the intent to marry at the end. I told him I'd rather break up because the power dynamic is too shifted and I don't feel like it's salvageable. With how he was listening to me and finally acknowledging and understanding me and his own actions I was hopeful for maybe a friendship one day in the distant future. But after a teary, bittersweet goodbye, he absolutely ruined it with yet another selfish action right at the last moment.
I didn't want to be touched or do physical affection for multiple reasons. One of the main reasons being he uses it for comfort when he's feeling sorry for himself. I had just spent 3 hours explaining how he never thinks of me in any of his actions, and maybe it's cruel of me to keep that last kiss or whatever, but it felt selfish and manipulative to me. So after an actually heartfelt goodbye and promise to be better people in the future, we part ways. Only for him to run back to me to try and do some romantic swoop in and kiss me. I recoiled really fast and honestly just stared at him incredulously. Like he had just ignored everything I had just said. That was the moment I went from sadness and grief from losing something so important to me, to just numb and angry about it.
I haven't cried since, I don't even feel sad when I think about him because all I can think about is how angry the whole thing makes me feel. I'm 28 and feel like I wasted my good years on someone who had zero regard for me in any capacity. I developed so many new insecurities, confidence issues, and trauma from 4 years with him and now I have to navigate the dating pool again with all of that (in a foreign country no less!)
TLDR: I broke up with him and I'm just angry now.
Relevant/Top Comments
Libra_8118: How are you and your mom doing? It sounds like you left your home and family for him. Are you thinking of coming back home?

OOP: Both my family and him are in America. I left for me, my dreams, and career. I'm actually thankful that I can go back abroad to be away from him and honestly I need some time away from my mom as well.

Forward-Cockroach945: Bravo I'm so proud of you for finally ending it with him. It's likely he only "understands" you now as a form of gaslighting and trying to placate you . I know it hurts now but with time you will heal and be stronger. Don't worry about dating right now, worry about loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Give yourself all the love support and understanding you normally gave to him. You deserve it. I hope your therapy visits go well and help you build up your self worth and bullshit detector. I'm so glad to hear you took the right steps towards a healthier happier life
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

So I've been following CASTSTATION for a while now, they're the person who originally animated the whole rabbit hole trend. But recently they put out their first official animated music video, with a lot hidden.
Here's the video: https://youtu.be/19y8YTbvri8?si=fYD9qHurc4ad7tGY As people in the comments of the video have pointed out, there's sign language, hidden messages in the text, Morse code in blinking, subliminal body language and semi disturbing animation in itself. There's certainly a lot missing, but because of the creator's Twitter, I believe there may be more to find.
Here's one tweet. https://twitter.com/_CASTSTATION/status/1787051327492948277 Certain letters are capitalized, spelling "WATCH THIS", but that's in the message of the tweet anyway so I'm not sure it's important.
Here's another, the one that made me think something deeper may be going on: https://twitter.com/_CASTSTATION/status/1789143397292560480 This appears to be instructions on the intended way to view the video, my untrained mind says maybe doing so will show something different? However, as the replies to the tweet point out, if you okay with the brightness and contrast of the image, you can see the words "reverse key", and certain letters are bolded in the original image, spelling "watch this" again. If you keep playing with the image settings, you can see hundreds of smiley faces in the background of the image, and apparently something inside the center symbol, that symbol being a repeated motif throughout the whole thing.
I'm really not sure what to make of all this, but I feel like this sub might be able to help!

Hi, below you will find my story, and something I am struggling to understand. Is it an 'awakening'? Let me know.
I just finished divorce court, and went to the airport to fly back home to another country. My first leg was delayed which made me miss my second international leg. I arrived in the airport for my second leg and went to customer service to get help on re-booking my missed flight. That's when I saw a woman next to me with her phone out showing the same destination. I was curious if she knew something I didn't. Little did I know she would know, feel, and be everything that I am..
We talked for 5 hours waiting for our bags, and wouldn't separate. When I helped her book a hotel so she could leave, she didn't. She layer told me she didn't want to leave my side. That night we took a taxi to the same hotel with separate rooms. In the morning we met again, and left for the airport to go on the same rebooked flight. We spent the next 8 hours talking. It felt like I knew her. She was and is part of my family..the values, perspectices, and personality I have.
We arrive in the destination country which is my home, but a vacation for her with many other stops. I texted her to see her for one drink if she can split from her friend. We met a couple days later and I can't remember what we talked about, but all I can remember is her light, or energy around her.
I don't know much about spirituality by the way. Nothing.
She gets back, and we video chat. We agree on a trip within a couple months.
Here we are, on this trip. It's amazing....but I'm lost. She's told me her family isnhighly spiritual and believes in dimensions and mediums of which is new to me, but relatively I agree conceptually anyway, just with different words.
On the 3rd day of this trip I wake up missing her, although she's in the 2nd bedroom of this apartment we booked. 12 feet away. I meditate outside, and a strong sensation comes through in my chest. Not butterflies - I've had butterflies many times, but this was a fire warming my chest, a flame symbol.
I've loved many times before, I've married. Divorced. When I google "flame feelings with woman" I landed on TWIN FLAMES.
Coincidentally, that night I felt like she may not have the same level of interest. I chose to suppress my feelings and play it cool. I shifted my energy to stop showing so much love & affection.
That night I went to bed, woke up 1.5 hours later with my chest burning. The fire was back..I'm writing this now wide awake crying with emotion that I can't hold back. The more I try to suppress.it, the stronger it fights back.
I've never felt anything like this in my life.
My question to you all:
How do I know this isn't some irrationally honeymoon phase that I'm going to regret? Or worse, that we both believe in this 'idea of' what the relationship is instead of remaining logical.
Anyway, in a few hours I'm going to share this with her....I am happy if she doesn't feel the same way, but would be terrified if she does.
🔥 🔥

I’m venting but also looking for advice.
My husband has decided that his needs are more important than fighting for our little family. (32m and 33f) I am suffering from severe postpartum depression I’m currently in therapy. We have both neglected each other. (We have been together for 6years and married 2 he was supposed to be my soul mate I loved him so deeply he was the one my soul loved )
My husband has had an affair with three women: 1) was a girl form the gym, she asked him to come over early in the morning. we live far from his work right now (at my parents house ) so he would get up around 345am to go to the gym. At first he said yes but decided not to go, but spilled all of our dirty laundry to her. So now she’s just waiting in the winds.
2) is an ex-girlfriend that he dated well over 10 years ago. That maybe bisexual, but she still sends him explicit text messages that are his fetish themed, especially on his birthday, our anniversary and when she gets into a fight with her wife.
3) now girl number three is the worst part. She works with my husband and they are having an emotional affair. They have allegedly only kissed once but the time that they did they kiss like how I used to kiss my husband.( with 3 little playful kisses) she also has a daughter that’s elementary school age. And they have text messages talking about being a family with my son and he has sent her pictures of our son and she sent pictures of her daughter to him. He has said he can’t wait to show her daughter what it’s like to have a real daddy, but here’s the kicker he doesn’t do the bare minimum when it comes to our son. Ohh and they sent each other nudes… and sexted Sometime I get these moments where my heart is racing and I just know they are together.
You maybe wondering how I found all this out? Well I went through his phone the one night while he was asleep and found all of it. Woke him up and kicked him out. We have been separated for about a month now.
I still have all these feelings: loving him, hating him, being hurt, mad, sad, disappointed, in this place of awe/disbelief (like how is this my life). Does this ever get easier, how do you move forward?
He is acting so entitled and just in his actions, why can’t he see what he’s done to our son to our family, how can he just walk away without fighting for us?

This question is a 2 and 2 halves parter
Part 1: Has anyone ever looked into Splash Fabric?
It’s supposed to be a nontoxic water resistant cloth, like for a tablecloth. It’s laminated cotton: “100% cotton with a water based polyurethane coating.”
https://splashfabric.com/pages/not-your-grandmas-oilcloth
The website says it’s eco friendly and non toxic and that it’s Oeko-Tex certified. So if it’s Oeko-Tex certified, then presumably it’s safe for humans. Even if that’s true, would it shed microplastics? It’s supposed to be machine washable.
Part 1 and a half: I’ve seen Oeko-Tex on a lot of things since I started looking for plastic free stuff. Is it trustworthy?
Part 1 and another half: while searching for answers I came across two sisters ecotextiles
https://www.twosistersecotextiles.com/pages/are-not-all-fabrics-safe#:~:text=The%20fabrics%20we%20bring%20into,some%20absorb%20through%20our%20skin.
And they’re telling me that stuff listed as 100% cotton can be more like 73% cotton and 27% sht. I also saw someone in this sub say something about 100% wool stuff being treated with a ton of sht they don’t disclose. So how do I know what anything is?? Are there trustworthy brands and/or certifications anyone here typically uses? How do you decide what to trust?
Part 2: The whole point of this rabbit hole is to find a surface to cover my stove. I often go down rabbit holes finding really complicated solutions for things and completely missing a simple solution that I would like better, so I’m just gonna explain my use case and see if anyone has an idea I’d like better.
So I currently live in an apartment with a built in microwave above the stove. This is usually the case anywhere I live. I cook very infrequently but use the microwave all the time and I’m tired of accidentally making a mess of the stove while I’m dealing with the microwave and also tired of not having a flat working surface under the microwave.
My solution: put a wood cutting board under the microwave. Most options the size I want seem to be bad quality or super expensive. So I found some nice wooden cutting boards on IKEA that are the perfect size to have two side by side on the stove. (Don’t worry about safety, I don’t have the pilot light type of stove and I’m going to remove the knobs to prevent accidentally turning on the gas. The knobs will be nearby for when I need them. Or I’ll get safety covers or something. Tell me if this is a dumb idea and I’m still being unsafe please.)
Great, now I have nice cutting boards which I will also use very infrequently but are good to have. But now I have another surface to worry about dirtying and a potential gap in between the boards for food to fall into and make a mess on the stove. The idea of having to maintain the wood with oil or something stresses me out but I like the idea of having cutting boards when I need them and glass feels unwieldy, so I figured I’d stick with the boards and see if I could find a water resistant tablecloth type material, hence the question about Splash Fabric. I figure I could get a few pieces of fabric the size I want and use them on the stove or anywhere I need to protect a surface and I can just put them in the wash when I need to. And they’d be multipurpose.
So that’s where I’m at now. Thanks for visiting the inside of my brain.
Let me know any thoughts you want to share, thank you.
TLDR: splash fabric microplastics???
Also coincidentally someone just posted asking about cutting boards. I happened to find a helpful page though I haven’t fact checked it.
https://healthyhouseontheblock.com/non-toxic-cutting-boards.html#