TW // Grooming?
Back when I was thirteen I made a post asking people if they thought I was ugly because my step-sister and I thought it would be interesting and funny to see what people would say.
Shortly after making that post I got a DM from a guy on a throwaway account who acted concerned about a post I had made a few months earlier (the post was a vent and nothing short of worrying). I started chatting with him and he asked me a bunch of questions--things like whether or not I had people to confide in, what my home life was like, etc. It was during the pandemic and I didn't really have anyone to talk to so it made me happy to chat with him so our conversations continued.
After some talking, he started pressuring me to send him nudes. I kept trying to tell him I didn't want to but he would tell me that he would stop chatting with me if I didn't send him any. This back and forth went on for a bit before I almost gave in. He then messaged me saying that he was actually doing all this to teach me what grooming was and how to protect myself from it.
After that we chatted a bit more before a day later he did the same song and dance that he did the day before, complete with the stopping just before I broke and pulling the same "I was just pretending to teach you" line. It was confusing and it made me feel sick to my stomach so I blocked him for a bit.
Him being blocked didn't last long because I missed how nice he could be, so I unblocked him a few days later. I told him how it made me feel and he told me that he'd done this "pretending to ask for nudes to teach you to protect yourself from grooming" thing to other people before and that a few of them even view him as father-figure. He told me that if I did truly want it he'd be in a relationship with me, but not if I was only doing it to make him keep talking to me. I found this a bit weird but I brushed it off because, again, he was nice sometimes. We messaged back and forth for a few weeks after that before I just stopped talking with him.
When I look back on it in hindsight, I have a few theories on why this whole thing happened.

1. The one that I believe the most is that he was an FBI agent. Out of context this sounds unlikely but let me explain. A month earlier, I had been chatting with a grown man on twitter. The exchanges between us were inappropriate and eventually my parents found out and they made me stop using twitter. A bit after my parents found out they told me that apparently the FBI was investigating this guy and asked me if I wanted to testify against him. I chose not to. However, I think that it could be possibly be someone trying to teach me a lesson? (Though I could also be reading too much into it but I think the coincidence of it all is kinda weird.)
2. For a bit I wondered if it could be one of my parents--mainly my dad--who was trying to teach me a lesson. But I'm pretty sure that was mostly just me being paranoid because I doubt my dad even knows what the concept of a throwaway account is.
3. It could just be a really weird guy who was doing this to actually teach me a lesson or doing this for some weird kind of fetish.

None of these I'm completely set on because the whole thing was just really weird and confusing.
Most of the time when I explain this situation to people they make fun of me for not just blocking him permanently. But the thing is when this happened I had literally no one who was my friend, no one to confide in. Because it had been during the pandemic I barely texted the friends I had had before the pandemic started and they barely texted me either. My parents aren't great people and my step-siblings hated me and made me hate myself. And it wasn't like I could go out and meet people either. So when someone gave me the slightest bit of attention and didn't hate me for being too talkative, too loud, too energetic, too cringey, too annoying it made me feel like I was on top of the world. He would say the nicest things that anyone had ever said to me. He would tell me things like how if he could meet me in person and I thought I was being too annoying that he would just hug me and tell me that it's okay. And I fell hook line and sinker for it.

After sixty-seven sessions of Curse of Strahd (read all about it here), it was time for a change. So into the wild we went...
My group is nearing the end of Hither, and along the way I've written summaries of each session ("What Just Happened?"), along with interesting/funny quotes from PCs/NPCs ("Certain Things Were Said"), and a list of new characters introduced that session ("Dramatis Personae").
My intention is to write the summaries for each of the five parts of the campaign in a different format. For the Witchlight Carnival, each summary was presented in verse (my own, no machine learning shortcuts!), using the the metre and rhyming structure of various Lewis Carrol poems.
I'd like to share my summaries/poems with you all here, for posterity, and in the hope you'll find them entertaining.
For reference, the players are:

• Holafina (a harengon paladin who has lost three inches of height)
• Skerrek (a kobold druid who has lost the ability to lie)
• Arix (an owlin monk who has lost all sense of direction and is always hungry)
• Jexim (a brash fairy who has lost his diary)
• Sylenos (a beatnik, slacker satyr employed by the Carnival)

NOTE: Lewis Carroll was known to hide secret messages in his poems. I've done the same, revealing the campaign's big twist in one of the poems below. None of my players have picked up on it.

Part I: Welcome to the Witchlight

What Just Happened? (in the style of Jabberwocky)
’Twas twilight when the carnival Did open wide two golden gates, And those with tickets did arrive, Seeking things they had misplaced.
One harengon of curious size, A kobold with a slithy gait, An owlet who possessed two eyes As wide as Annam’s dinner plates.
Yet are we three or are we four? Let’s add vibrations rarefied: A Witchlight hand here to ensure That every guest is Satyrs-fied!
Enter now and taste the sounds, Feel these colours, smell those sights! Kaleidoscopic fun abounds This synaesthesiac’s delight!
Yet where’s the drama? Where’s the tension? Certainly we’ve had a switch (At least in here there is no mention Of that cad von Zarovich).
Instead let’s race a giant snail, Eat candied mushrooms by the pound, Or listen to a gnome assail The tightness of your mother’s gown.
Yet hark! A misadventure glum! Those not heroes please give berth! The best laid plans of love undone By Tasha’s wild unruly mirth
These mirrored halls! This desperate task, To find a luckless paramour A sweet-toothed lass with porcine mask That you could swear you’ve seen before…
’Twas twilight when the carnival Did open wide two golden gates And those with tickets did arrive, Now guided by the wiles of fate.
Dramatis Personae
Arix Specklefoot, a sweet-toothed owlin Holafina, a curiously short harengon Skerrek Tirael, a slithy kobold Sylenos, a cosmic satyr Nicholas Midnight, elderly goblin ticketmaster at the Witchlight Carnival Candlefoot, a mime and not by choice Rubin Sugarwood, a lovesick halfling Ween Sundapple, his laugh-sick paramour Glorange Turple, a poetry gnome
Certain Things Were Said
“I am worried about your ability to sense vibrations that I cannot.” - Skerrek Tirael
“Tymore, goddess of good fortune! Look well upon Shellymoo this day!” - Holafina
“Hate to say it, man, but that gnome really insulted your mother.” - Sylenos
“Snacks?” - Arix Specklefoot

Part II: Lost and Found

What Just Happened? (In the style of The Walrus and the Carpenter )
"The time has come," the Satyr said, "To talk of many things: Of poems—and props—and Jeremy Plum— Of crowns and pixie kings— And why things here keep getting lost— And what this pig-girl means."
"But wait a bit," the Owlin cried, "Before our minds do meet, For some of us are pretty spooked, And I would like a treat!" "No hurry!" said the Satyr, And kicked up cloven feet.
The Owlin and the Kobold Were walking close at hand, They smiled like anything to see The gates of Pixie Land. "If we could only stay a while,” They said, "it would be grand!"
The Satyr sighed so sulkily, Because he thought that Plum Had got no business to be there When all was said and done. (“It's rude of him," the Kobold said, "To try and spoil our fun!")
"Oi, Satyr," said the pixie king, "You've had a pleasant run! Should you be getting back to work?” But answer came there none And this was scarcely odd, because He had real beef with Plum.
Now Arix made a hamster friend Who offered up some clues. The others tried the riding-pug: A pleasant thing to do! (“The pug is fine," the Rabbit said, "But he’s no Shellymoo.”)
"How nice of you to come!” said Plum, "You all are oh-so kind!" Puddlemud said nothing as His teeth began to grind. The Owlin and the Kobold cheered: “That was our FAVORITE ride!”
“A wooden crown," fair Jexim said, Is what we need to come Our way along with golden paint For some un-princely sum.” The others stared, confused, and said: “Now where did YOU come from?”
‘Twas then the party dared approach The famous Mystery Mine Where psychedelic spectacles Broke the Satyr’s mind. (“I really wish,” Zephixo sighed, “You wouldn’t ride while high”).
Next Dirla pulled all kind of things Out of his wagon/portal: Bottles, bunnies, candlesticks, A shining blade of vorpal (Incidentally, there’s a word That kind of rhymes with purple).
“If you put your mind to it And searched for long enough, Do you suppose," the party said, "That you could find our stuff?" "I doubt it," said dear Dirlagraun, And gave a bitter huff.
Then he gave the Harengon The greatest gift by far: A copy of “Gnome On The Run” And bid them au revoir (Morgie would have laughed at that While struggling with slash “R”).
“I do believe,” the Satyr said, “That something is not right, And think we ought to pay a call To Messers Witch and Light.” “I think we ought,” the Owlin said “To first stop for a bite.”
But in their way old Thaco stood, A clown grown grim and surly: “Rabbit! Owlin! Pixie! Skink! You aren’t allowed to be-“ The Fairy interrupted him: “Wait, WHAT did you call me?”
Poor Thaco cried: “Things move too fast! And have since my debut In R-1: To the Aid of Falx From Nineteen Eighty Two! And if you’d seen what I have seen Then you’d smoke bubbles, too!”
Finally he stepped aside, At last the way was clear. The Satyr ambled stealthily With open eyes and ears And pressed them to a wagon large To see what he could hear.
"The time has come," Witch and Light said, "To talk of things galore Of prizes—plans—and kenku pests— and ever so much more— But first we’d better ask inside Those spying at our door!”
Dramatis Personae
Jexim, a puzzled, puzzling fairy Jeremy Plum, operator of the Pixie Kingdom and bestower of silly names Biscuit, a talkative hamster Pinecone, a riding-pug Zephixo, dwarven inventor and mastermind behind the Mystery Mine Ernest Wilde, middle-aged calliope master currently inhabiting the body of his pet monkey Marigold, his button-collecting goblin assistant Dirlagraun, a kindly but inefficient displacer beast, minder of lost children and property Thaco, a bubble-smoking clown who is long past his prime
Certain Things Were Said
"Worried I was, with talk of missing supper." - Arix Specklefoot
"Could you not just purchase a new pair?" - Skerrek Tirael "Not like this, man." - Sylenos
"If you'd see the things I've seen, you'd smoke a bubble pipe, too." - Thaco
"Is this it?" - Dirlagraun "NO." - Everyone

Part III: On the Trail of the Kenku

What Just Happened? (In the style of The Hunting of the Snark)
"Where the heck is our stuff? We just want to know This Harengon ain't getting bigger, Arix has no idea of where to go And lies send poor Skerrek a-quiver!"
"Would you get back to work?" Mister Light cried, Twirling his cane with a smile, "Otherwise find where this kenku pest hides; She's cramping this carnival's style!"
"Well, that was a bust," said our heroes, conferring, "Anyone got a suggestion? If we need to pull strings to get back our things Then there are some folk we should question."
"Time's an illusion, free will a delusion!" Sylenos' mentor decreed, "Get a contusion battling occlusions, Or relax and have some of this…wait, what was I saying?"
Sylenos proclaimed: "A genius flawed!" "A man/dragon ahead of his time." Skerrek looked at his claws; Holafina at paws, And the other two just rolled their eyes
"A centuar I'm not! I just made a bad trade The "Cloppinton's" just serendipitous, Now lend me your aid and you'll maybe persuade These horsies to drop some significance."
Then they took to the skies on a dragonfly ride (Holafina and Skerrek abreast), When you're this high there's just nowhere to hide (And to which Sylenos attests)
Now Skerrek honed on a runaway gnome Who was fleeing the carnage with glee, Holafina struck home and that's it for this poem For the gnome was the kenku, you see.
Dramatis Personae
Mister Witch, a matter-of-fact elf, devoid of pretense Mister Light, a flamboyant elf, luminous and coy Burly, a philosophical, pumpkin-helmeted bugbear Mandragon, a seeker of truth (and not much else) Diana Cloppington, a centaur who is apparently not, operator of the Carousel Northwind, a very forthcoming treant, operator of the Dragonfly Rides
Certain Things Were Said
"There’s something weird going on. For some reason everyone thinks I don’t do anything around the carnival." - Sylenos
"It's true, Miss Cloppinton! We've ALL lost things." - Arix Specklefoot
"Wait, when did we have biscuits?" - Jexim

Part IV: Through the Looking Glass

What Just Happened? (In the style of A Boat Beneath a Sunny Sky)
Now hear the Kenku’s strange reply (As Arix struggles to apply Triage to these pixie guys)
Asking questions, getting nought Set her on a different course: High sabotage without remorse!
And what has got her so irate Is what’s she trying to intimate: Zybilna has been quiet of late!
Ignore the rest, and let’s take flight To confront dear Witch and Light (Surprisingly, they’re quite contrite)
To keep the carnival in motion A tapestry of lies was woven: A deal with the Hourglass Coven!
Who take from those who can’t afford Entrance through the Witchlight’s doors Miscellanea adored
So THAT’s who taken all your junk! Time to find these Hourglass punks! Which way to this Feywild dump?
But first we’ll make a brief aside So Candlefoot can vocalise His mermaid love (now legalised)
Now the pair can tie the knot And while we’re passing time why not Ride the fabled Bubble Pot?
Yet ere you all are translocated (Everybody’s breath now bated) Arix must be coronated!
The time of truth has come at last Hesitation as you pass Though the hallowed looking glass
Are you afraid to lose your minds? What lies ahead? What lies behind? What do you expect to find?
Will Skerrek ever fabricate? Or Holafina emulate A bunny’s median height and weight?
Shall Jexim’s memoirs find acclaim? Can Monty locate Bobbitt Fane? (…hang on, that’s a different game)
Does Arix ever find the door? And will Sylennos flee the cause To study unemployment law?
Dramatis Personae
Kettlesteam, a mischievous patron of Zybilna Paleesha, a mellifluous mermaid, now reunited with Candlefoot
Certain Things Were Said
“Sylenos, perhaps in eight years you can come back and find your lost employment.” - Skerrek
“Ask me where the exit is.” - Arix Specklefoot “Where is the exit?” - Mister Light “I don’t know.” - Arix

My father (52) and younger sister (19) are both incredibly overweight. The rest of my family (me, my mom and my brother) are very mindful of our health and we are quite slim/fit people. I'm married and live across the country so I only see my family a couple of times a year.
Last week I came home after not seeing my family for 6 months and I was shocked to see my father. He is severely obese and has been for as long as I can remember. He has a slew of size-related health issues and takes probably a couple of dozen medications for them. When I saw him in his shorts I noticed his legs had turned completely purple, the calluses on his feet were massive, dry and cracked, he was wheezing and he told me he had trouble walking, so I had to slow my pace so he could keep up with me. I was really shocked, and asked him how this had all happened. He told me his legs were discolored because of his type 2 diabetes and that he could do nothing about it. I have always known, from the moment I could comprehend it, he ate ungodly amounts of food that has caused his weight gain. I asked him if he was seeing a doctor or dietician, and he said no, he felt like it wouldn't work anyway. I know he has tried dieting with the help of professionals before many times, but there has never been a single ounce of discipline so he would always gain more weight in the end.
My mum told me she had kind of given up on it after trying to coax him into a healthier lifestyle for many years. But upon seeing him like this I genuinely think he is going to lose his legs soon, if not his life. I expressed this to my mother, who told me she expressed this to him, but he has just given up on trying to improve and doesn't care about it, despite his utter frustration that he is losing mobility.
Later in the morning I had not seen my sister yet. She was apparently upstairs in her room playing videogames. She has also always been on the bigger side ever since she became a teenager. Partially because of a medical issue (PCOS) but also partially because of her eating habits that take after her father, who is a big enabler. After a while she came down to say hi, and I was even more shocked to see her. She must have weighed over 200KGs, the fat almost hanging from her forehead and she was super out of breath when she had climbed the stairs. I am actually surprised she was able to walk. Later that day we went out to go shopping, and my sis said she wanted to tag along. When we were in the car, she laughingly said that this was the first time in 4 weeks she had left the house. I didn't think it was funny and asked her why she didn't go outside, and she told me she didn't care for it. I don't think she is depressed, or at least she doesn't seem at all like she is. She just prefers to stay inside and move as little as possible.
The stark contrast between me and my mum and my father and sister while we were walking was massive. I just kept expressing to my mum how worried I was for them both. She has completely given up on trying to coax them into a healthier lifestyle, she told me. They are both adults and there is only so much she can do as long as long as they keep sneaking food in while she works fulltime. She has been fighting this battle for over 25 years and has been distancing herself from my father, in preparation for that something horrible is probably going to happen soon...

Okay, not made a lengthy but useless post in a while to chill off, and nows the perfect time since I am very exhausted.
So, title basically. I am going to try and see how manh cases Phoenix actually got paid for in the trilogy, and if it's a toss between pro bono and paid, I'll go with the latter since... It makes more sense I think.
Anyways, the First Turnabout. It's pro bono, do I have to explain?
Second, Turnabout Sisters. Again, pro bono, at first I thought it was because Maya is broke and a literal child but then again she probably tried to pay him with Mia's money given that she's probably the heir to Mia, but yeah, even still Phoenix would no doubt decline because the case is regarding his mentor's death and the client is her sister he practically adopts post this case so yeah.
Turnabout Samurai is fucking bank for Phoenix. I don't think he'd really feel guilty taking money from my main man Powers and I am pretty sure Powers being the sweetheart he is probably gave him a crazy amount as fee (way more than the average sum for an already high profile case) seeing that he's so rich. It might just be the highest paying case Phoenix worked on in the series actually, even after the trilogy, and the case that made him a public legend figure as displayed in DD (it still doesn't make sense, but.. that's the best we can make of it)
After thinking about it, Turnabout Goodbyes is probably bank too, in fact I am pretty sure Phoenix got payed a lot by Miles, not to say Phoenix wouldn't decline, but I doubt Miles would have that and likely paid him a generous amount, which again, is probably higher than the standard fee.
Rise from the Ashes is kind of a coin toss, but I am genuinely leaning on bank. Again, Phoenix obviously wouldn't accept payment from Ema since again, she's a fucking child, but Lana like Miles likely insisted and paid him nonetheless for saying her sister, not to mention a somewhat cheap government reward maybe for bringing down a high ranking government official.
Reunion and Turnabout is pro bono. Maya and Phoenix are close enough now that they don't Maya doesn't have to even try to pay him because she knows he wouldn't accept it.
Lost Turnabout is pro bono at worst and a very cheap voluntarily fee at worst. Phoenix likely didn't expect nor wanted any actual money from it, seeing as the detectives are so underpaid, yes, that includes Maggey, and since Phoenix is doing a favour for Gumshoe.
Turnabout Big Top is the second third case and it's again, by far the highest paying case in the game. It's not very hard to see why, Max like Will is also a celebrity even if to a lesser extent, and Max is probably thankful to Phoenix for resolving the shitstorm that is the circus, but then again who knows what that loser thinks. Still, bank.
Farewell, My Turnabout, by far my favourite case in the series and nothing even comes close, but for Phoenix? One would assume it was "pro bono" given the whole blackmail thing and the fact that Matt got convicted by the end of it, but then I remembered that's now how lawyers work, you pay them in advance and live with it even if they fuck up. So I am guessing Matt's manager probably transferred Phoenix a large sum when he took on the case, comparable to Turnabout Samurai even. I know what you are saying, Matt is too evil to do that, but I am pretty sure he doesn't mind paying the lawyer man, he's rich enough that it likely doesn't matter, and the blackmail only really started when Phoenix figured everything out.
Stolen Turnabout is the first case where Phoenix probably got payed the average fee lol. Mind you the average fee is also quite expensive but it's not an extreme, and I doubt Phoenix even felt any need to decline payment since he's clients are literal criminals, and they probably have a lot of money in the trunk considering they don't get convicted due to double jeopardy (which is fucking idiotic, being 'mask demasque' isn't a charge).
Recipe for Turnabout is a low voluntary fee, given it's Maggey again.
Bridge to the Turnabout is back to the basics, going full pro bono, which is funny since this case is likely the single most strenuous one Phoenix has to handle until now lol.
So yeah, surprisingly, when I looked at it, Phoenix got paid a lot 6 cases, one of which was the average fee (which is still quite high for a murder trial in which Pheonix literally overturns the entire findings of the cops), and 7 cases where he went either pro bono or received a very low fee for the effort. It actually makes somewhat sense to me, at first I thought it was stupid how Phoenix could sustain himself and Maya but when you look at it he likely got paid a lot when he did, now of course he takes massive gaps between cases, but they show him being stingy so I don't think it's a stretch to think he survives if he lives like an upper lower class man.

I(19m) asked ‘Paige’(18) out five months ago. She is my sister(18)’s friend and my sister has always been supportive of this.
But recently one of my sister’s other friends Cassie(also 18f) told Paige that I must only want her for money since Paige is ‘fat.’ Paige, who has had body image/self-esteem issues for some time now, started worrying.
She asked me if it’s true and I denied it. I told her the truth; that I fell for her several years ago when I attended a school concert and heard her sing Amazing Grace. Her beautiful voice captivated me. I know it sounds cliche but that’s how it happened.
Paige still wouldn’t believe me. I told her she is smart and funny, and I love her for her but she was still skeptical. So I asked her if I ever got her to buy anything for or spend money on me. She said that it’s true I haven’t used her for her money yet but then said I should be trying to reassure her instead of just making a point.

I(19m) asked ‘Paige’(18) out five months ago. She is my sister(18)’s friend and my sister has always been supportive of this.
But recently one of my sister’s other friends Cassie(also 18f) told Paige that I must only want her for money since Paige is ‘fat.’ Paige, who has had body image/self-esteem issues for some time now, started worrying.
She asked me if it’s true and I denied it. I told her the truth; that I fell for her several years ago when I attended a school concert and heard her sing Amazing Grace. Her beautiful voice captivated me. I know it sounds cliche but that’s how it happened.
Paige still wouldn’t believe me. I told her she is smart and funny, and I love her for her but she was still skeptical. So I asked her if I ever got her to buy anything for or spend money on me. She said that it’s true I haven’t used her for her money yet but then said I should be trying to reassure her instead of just making a point.
How do I help her feel more confident about herself? I hate the way she is afraid I’m gonna use and leave her.

Hi I'm 20F and this happened around 3 years ago. For proper context I will be explaining about my "friends" first. I'm sorry that this is a very longgghg one but I needed to get it out of my chest. Also forgive me for any grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language. I'll start with my 6 year long ex bestie Bee, in short she was a huge pick me. Since the beginning she used to insult me infront of boys to make herself look good. I didn't really realise it back then because I thought that's what friends do. She literally used to drag me around a bunch of boys and would call me fat, crooked legged and eagle nosed. Even my mom and my brother kept asking me to break the friendship but I was too afraid thinking I'll be alone. I always had her back though, she used to come to me crying if she's facing any issues in her life and I was there for her. I started my college around COVID time so the friends I made were through online meetings. Once we all met, we hit it off. It was really great!. My best friend in college was a guy named Shawn. We were really close and one day he came up to me and said "I like someone", me being me started investing who it could be. Then a girl named Penny from our friend group told me that Shawn had told her "someone likes you". I was like YESS I found it! And I did my part and now they are a couple. I was soo happy. After a month or so he came to me and said he wants to break up cuz she's too controlling and jealous and I took her side because I kinda understood her since he was still talking to his ex. It became too frequent though and I just told him do as you please. And one more important thing is her family is extremely strict like she can't even talk to a guy. So in college I used to sit in between them like they asked me to do that teachers don't doubt anything and complain to her parents. But the issue was I had to be around them the entire day and be ignored by them. I didn't mind at first but it got frustrating as time passed. I would try talking to them and they would just ignore me but they didn't want me to sit away from them either. The moment we walked out of college they would walk away from me leaving me alone. Next Anne and Chris. Mann are they messy. Anne had lots of boyfriends but we did not know it back then when we used to talk to her. Chris is a senior who proposed to Anne and she accepted it. One day a random guy texted me and asked me Anne's contact details and I refused to give it. He then sent me the photos of her kissing another guy. I blocked him and texted Anne about this and she accepted she was cheating on Chris. But Chris, Penny, Shawn and me were really close at this point. I told Chris about this and he confronted her, he said when she went to visit her hometown, she asked for a break and that's when the cheating happened and when she came back to City she dumped that guy from village and got back with Chris. Guess what, Anne went to Village again and she ghosted Chris. Chris started texting my then bestie Bee. I told both of them not to grow feelings towards eachother or to talk that much because I knew Chris only wanted to get back at Anne and whereas Bee would use Chris as timepass. I mean yeah it's their life but only I knew this about both of them. They were acting serious and both of them were my friends, i couldn't let them do this to eachother. Well they ignored me. They did complain about eachother a lottttt though and I gave the same advice to stop talking so much. Anne returned from her village and she got to know Chris is talking to Bee. She simply asked him to stop talking to Bee and he DID. He told Bee he doesn't want to talk to her and he texted me "I got my everything (Anne) so I don't need Bee anymore" Bee felt bad and I told her well atleast don't repeat it again because I know he will text you again and Anne will cheat on him again. In between all of this drama I met my boyfriend through a online game. I used to talk to him whenever Shawn and Penny were ignoring me and I stopped caring about them. And yes I had told them I felt very bad many times that they ignore me and for like 2 days when I was around them Penny would say "oh we should talk to her or she will feel bad" and then talk to me. It was embarrassing really. In short my boyfriend is a great guy who moved to my city. Mind you he was just 17 when he moved. He convinced his parents he needed to study in my City for ME. He made me realise how much more i deserved so I just stopped being bothered by my friends. I introduced all of them to eachother so they used to hang out without me as well. Penny asked Shawn to not to talk to me. Chris and Bee started talking again and Anne left Chris again. But both of them would constantly complain about eachother about how much they hate eachother. Another thing about Bee is the guys she was dating were usually my friends. Like I would introduce my friends to her and she would go snatch the boys up and would ask them not to talk to me. I didn't care because I wasn't attracted to those guys anyway. Once I told about my crush and she literally asked me "ask him to follow me hehe". I was like wtf no I can't ask him to do that. She followed him. He asked me "why is your friend following me and sent a message request" I told him the truth cuz I was just fed up with her. He blocked her lol. He told me not to have friends like her. Anyway she started texting my boyfriend as well. She used to say "when you come to City let's go out to eat, buy me that, buy me this blah blah blah". Little did she know I had his account and I knew she wasn't "busy" so she couldn't reply to me. She needed 2k because she borrowed it from her mom to give a random guy lol. He never returned it but she was crying so I asked my bf to lend her 1k for now. He told her "return to my gf in cash since my mom can see my transactions". She ghosted me after he gave her the money. I confronted Shawn and Penny. I told them I don't want to be their friend anymore because I was there for them always and whenever I texted them they would straight up ignore me. There were some rough words. I told Bee about this and I cried because I did share good moments with them. I also told her they are planning an outing for which they will invite Bee just to spite me and told her I'll feel very bad if u go. She went :). I just asked her to return the money asap and wanted to end it all. The thing is they hated eachother so why go and meet them when I am the one who is helping you when you are in need? Not just the money, I was standing up for her in so many occasions.
She said she can send the money online because she knew I can't say ok to that. I asked her cash she ignored me. I kept asking her decently. I got fed up and texted her mom asking the money and then Bee replied saying "don't act so cheap and text my mom" I'm like huh? If I'm cheap then what are you for taking the money and ghosting me? I told her I'm just asking what u owe me so give it. She said ik y you are asking, it's because I went out with them right, i didn't even know u would feel bad. I told her consider the money as charity and get lost. Blocked. Whereas Chris talked shit about my friend group so I fought with him and he said "you are a b'tch and you don't deserve anything". This happened before I broke friendship with Shawn and Penny and they never stood up for me. Shawn and Penny were beside me standing and seeing me arguing with Chris and said nothing. While the only reason I fought was for them. Funny because what happened later proved who deserves what. My boyfriend moved to City (nobody believed he would come). I topped my last 3 semesters(I was tutoring them during exams and wasted my time before. Now both of them were scoring Avg marks and Penny even cried in class after seeing her marks and mine). I got placed in a huge MNC Company (Chris being my senior was working as a janitor in a clinic, not to shame but just saying). Shawn and Penny apologised to me later on for talking to Bee after we broke out friendship because they realised the kind of person she is. Shawn also mentioned that she had asked him for money but he said no even though he had it lol. Chris and Bee were in a short toxic relationship until he dumped her again for Anne. Bee is also now with no real friends or no real boyfriend and was seeing hanging out with her sister on her bday(I used to take her to Cafes). I would have been with them if I hadn't met my Boyfriend. I don't regret the friendship because I did my part as much as I could. So AITA?

Hi I'm 20F and this happened around 3 years ago. For proper context I will be explaining about my "friends" first. I'm sorry that this is a very longgghg one but I needed to get it out of my chest. Also forgive me for any grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language.
I'll start with my 6 year long ex bestie Bee, in short she was a huge pick me. Since the beginning she used to insult me infront of boys to make herself look good. I didn't really realise it back then because I thought that's what friends do. She literally used to drag me around a bunch of boys and would call me fat, crooked legged and eagle nosed. Even my mom and my brother kept asking me to break the friendship but I was too afraid thinking I'll be alone. I always had her back though, she used to come to me crying if she's facing any issues in her life and I was there for her.
I started my college around COVID time so the friends I made were through online meetings. Once we all met, we hit it off. It was really great!. My best friend in college was a guy named Shawn. We were really close and one day he came up to me and said "I like someone", me being me started investing who it could be.
Then a girl named Penny from our friend group told me that Shawn had told her "someone likes you". I was like YESS I found it! And I did my part and now they are a couple. I was soo happy. After a month or so he came to me and said he wants to break up cuz she's too controlling and jealous and I took her side because I kinda understood her since he was still talking to his ex. And one more important thing is her family is extremely strict like she can't even talk to a guy. So in college I used to sit in between them like they asked me to do so that teachers don't doubt anything and complain to her parents.
But the issue was I had to be around them the entire day and be ignored by them. I didn't mind at first but it got frustrating as time passed. I would try talking to them and they would just ignore me but they didn't want me to sit away from them either. The moment we walked out of college they would walk away from me leaving me alone.
Next Anne and Chris. Mann are they messy. Anne had lots of boyfriends but we did not know it back then when we used to talk to her. Chris is a senior who proposed to Anne and she accepted it. One day a random guy texted me and asked me Anne's contact details and I refused to give it. He then sent me the photos of her kissing another guy. I blocked him and texted Anne about this and she accepted she was cheating on Chris.
But Chris, Penny, Shawn and me were really close at this point. I told Chris about this and he confronted her, he said when she went to visit her hometown, she asked for a break and that's when the cheating happened and when she came back to City she dumped that guy from village and got back with Chris.
Guess what, Anne went to Village again and she ghosted Chris. Chris started texting my then bestie Bee. I told both of them not to grow feelings towards eachother or to talk that much because I knew both their intentions weren't good. I mean yeah it's their life but They were acting serious and both of them were my friends, i couldn't let them do this to eachother. Well they ignored me. They did complain about eachother a lottttt though and I gave the same advice to stop talking so much.
Anne returned from her village and she got to know Chris is talking to Bee. She simply asked him to stop talking to Bee and he DID. He told Bee he doesn't want to talk to her and he texted me "I got my everything (Anne) so I don't need Bee anymore" Bee felt bad and I told her well atleast don't repeat it again because I know he will text you again and Anne will cheat on him again.
In between all of this drama I met my boyfriend through an online game. I used to talk to him whenever Shawn and Penny were ignoring me and I stopped caring about them. And yes I had told them I felt very bad many times when they ignore me and for like 2 days when I was around them Penny would say "oh we should talk to her or she will feel bad" and then talk to me. It was embarrassing really.
In short my boyfriend is a great guy who moved to my city. Mind you he was just 17 when he moved. He convinced his parents he needed to study in my City for ME. He made me realise how much more i deserved so I just stopped being bothered by my friends. I introduced all of them to eachother so they used to hang out without me as well.
Penny asked Shawn to not to talk to me.
Chris and Bee started talking again and Anne left Chris again. But both of them would constantly complain about eachother about how much they hate eachother.
Another thing about Bee is the guys she was dating were usually my friends. Like I would introduce my friends to her and she would go snatch the boys up and would ask them not to talk to me. I didn't care because I wasn't attracted to those guys anyway. Once I told about my crush and she literally asked me "ask him to follow me hehe". I was like wtf no I can't ask him to do that. She followed him. He asked me "why is your friend following me and sent a message request" I told him the truth cuz I was just fed up with her. He blocked her lol. He told me not to have friends like her.
Anyway she started texting my boyfriend as well. She used to say "when you come to City let's go out to eat, buy me that, buy me this blah blah blah". Little did she know I had his account and I knew she wasn't "busy" so she couldn't reply to me. She needed 2k because she borrowed it from her mom to give a random guy lol. He never returned it but she was crying so I asked my bf to lend her 1k for now. He told her "return to my gf in cash since my mom can see my transactions". She ghosted me after he gave her the money.
I confronted Shawn and Penny. I told them I don't want to be their friend anymore, because I was there for them always and whenever I texted them they would straight up ignore me. There were some rough words.
I told Bee about this and I cried because I did share good moments with them. I also told her they are planning an outing for which they will invite Bee just to spite me and told her I'll feel very bad if u go. She went :). I just asked her to return the money asap and wanted to end it all. The thing is they hated eachother so why go and meet them when I am the one who is helping you when you are in need? Not just the money, I was standing up for her in so many occasions.
She said she can send the money online because she knew I can't say ok to that. I asked her cash she ignored me. I got fed up and texted her mom asking the money and then Bee replied saying "don't act so cheap and text my mom". I'm like huh? If I'm cheap then what are you for taking the money and ghosting me? I told her I'm just asking what u owe me so give it. She said "ik why you are asking, it's because I went out with them right, i didn't even know u would feel bad" I told her consider the money as charity and get lost. Blocked.
Whereas Chris talked shit about my friend group so I fought with him and he said "you are a b'tch and you don't deserve anything". This happened before I broke friendship with Shawn and Penny and they never stood up for me. Shawn and Penny were beside me standing and seeing me arguing with Chris and said nothing. While the only reason I fought was for them. Funny because what happened later proved who deserves what.

1. My boyfriend moved to City (nobody believed he would come).
2. I topped my last 3 semesters(I was tutoring them during exams and wasted my time before. Now both of them were scoring Avg marks and Penny even cried in class after seeing her marks and mine).
3. I got placed in a huge MNC Company (Chris being my senior was working as a janitor in a clinic, not to shame the job but just saying for the words he told me).
4. Shawn and Penny apologised to me later on for talking to Bee after we broke our friendship because they realised the kind of person she is.
5. Shawn also mentioned that she had asked him for money but he said no even though he had it lol.
6. Chris and Bee were in a short toxic relationship until he dumped her again for Anne.
7. Bee is also now with no real friends or no real boyfriend and was seeing hanging out with her sister on her bday(I used to take her to Cafes and she's the type of person who loves lavish parties, not hanging out with her sister). I would have been with them if I hadn't met my Boyfriend. I don't regret the friendship because I did my part as much as I could.

So AITA?

I'm going to lay this out for you one time. Notice how quick he was to say that he hasn't talked to her since she moved. You damn well know that's a lie because you met her here when she was visiting. They're fucking. Yes They still fuck. That's why she's up here (without her husband). I don't give a fuck other than the fact it's my toes being stepped on. Also don't you think it's funny how my sister has to stay here and start shit with me. Her whole purpose was to antagonize & provoke a reaction from me to turn you from me. That's also why I'm treated the way I am by them. To make me undesirable. Add that to the shit they got you on board to help with. Honestly the only reason I'm saying this is because I sense confusion in you and i can't let them continue doing this shit to me. I am so confident in this that if you say you are done with me they'll start treating me decent again to my face, for a little while. So it's time to choose. Them, or me. If you're with them than i don't ever want to hear from you again💯. It's that simple.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds

OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.

OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom

OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.

Relevant Comments
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.

OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.

OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed

OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.

OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation

OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.

OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death

OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.

 
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money

OOP: Hi there,
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.

OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers

OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.

OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him

OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

This is on mobile & this more about one of my sisters. Info I’m the youngest in the family, disabilities & am adopted from a country that’s not well known in the west. Staying vague to avoid too many details.
Backstory: She held these details about me over my head all my life. “I’m not American enough, I’m not Asian enough (my heritage enough), I’m not smart enough”, etc. She traveled to my birth country and would withhold any information on my heritage from me and gaslight me whenever I tried to ask questions when I was young. Like “oh be specific, what do you mean what food they eat? What do you mean what their history is be specific” until I’d get frustrated and have to walk away. So ya she’s awful. Summer (2022) on a family visit, I’m their favorite aunt. Been told by all my siblings kids. It was a week’s stay and I had successfully dodged my sister’s attempts in starting a fight until somehow in a conversation of economics. Don’t ask I don’t know how either I was once again called a retard & her eldest kid used as an example to ridicule me further on how stupid I was & how smart her kid is in front of my silent parents. She then turned to my utter shock to her eldest child & used her younger sibling to ridicule her on how much better she could do in school. In my head I went “AH HELL NO” (that’s where it officially began.) I felt something utterly SNAPPED in me. After that she turned back to me & I was still in too much shock before I could defend my niece (my only real regret to this day) more insults were herald at me. Idk what it was but I started to cry. I’m not a cryer. So much so it throws me off when others cry because I guess I forget that’s a thing, typically I just get mad. Karen my entitled sister was absolutely BEAMING with pride and utter euphoric JOY. Again my parents still silent heads down. Shortly after that we had to leave for the airport. I WAS DONE. Given I’d do & this was my “snapping point” it’s really not too bad in my opinion.
Now onto the PETTY REVENGE.
Christmas 2022, I mailed my gifts to my narcissistic sister & later she called & disowned me. The utter relief that drained from my body was HEAVENLY. I sent her kids “Sorry My Mom’s a Karen” t-shirts I got off Amazon as a petty joke for Christmas, along said actually gifts. I thought it was hilarious and to anyone outside the family I tell this story to agrees it’s funny. Outraged on the phone I did try to explain why I sent the gifts instead of straight up apologizing first because that’s just how my brain functions. It’s not excusing it. It’s just making sense of things. A recap on what happened that lead up as a nice way to have a straightforward what happened from my perspective to give more clarity. I’m called heartless & evil. That was the Holidays and since then my parents have even admitted they know it was messed up & hovered over me declaring me unfeeling. According to my narcissistic sis I’m “an evil bitch”. I finally said okay & apologized to appease my mother. I figured it was a great acting exercise. I admitted that to my mother and she was not amused. She’s the type who just wants everyone to get along. Unsurprisingly my entitle sis said “it wasn’t good enough” & I said “that’s her problem”. I was called immature, stubborn & clearly need intense anger management…over shirts according to my sister. Questioning my sanity really her and my mom. “How could I do such a thing?” I remember thinking “Dude I got disowned over shirts”. Like wow she didn’t just prove my point. I’m setting boundaries, told her and my family regardless what they think I won’t let them make me the bad guy because I’m not. They were pissed. Whilst all this was happening I was planning on going off to uni, so I was gonna be gone anyways. I know my parents just want peace & are good people but are too old & don’t need to be dealing with their two adult children’s problems. I kept telling my mom she’s not responsible for her grown children’s problems. That it’s not her fault & that it’s between me and my sister. Of course my sister isn’t mature and demanded she fix it and make me realize how awful I am blah blah blah.
Ya I could have let it go but disownment is a bit of an overkill but I’m too relieved to care? She’s since then tried to convince our parents to take my education away. They shut that down, thank God. She even tried to convince them to throw me onto the streets. It was like this for roughly four months until I realized I was fighting my own battle this long & enough was enough. I contacted another family member knowing they’d contact my mom asking what’s going on? Embarrassed my mom came storming in asking why was I sharing our family business? I looked at her “why? Why? What’s a middle aged woman doing trying to ruin the life of (insert my age) year old?” Stunned I think that’s when she finally realized it was over and she gave up. After that I was left alone. By March I think Karen realized I’m not budging & she couldn’t take it? So her last tactic (which didn’t work) was saying parents couldn’t see their grandkids unless I apologized. I’ve admitted to my parents the fallowing “Yes, I messed up by sending those petty gifts to unsuspecting kids. That’s fair. However how is sending petty shirts like that be so much worse than the abuse they’ve let me endure from my much older sister? Whatever. At the very least I deserve a tongue lashing. Which I got but not months of continued “you’re heartless” BS. Sorry if this was a long read but that’s been my story so far. I’m living my life, keeping a healthy distance because I love my family but I’m also not a pushover. I’ve been blocked by Karen naturally. My Parents spent years beaten down by her despite the good life and support she’s been given by our parents. They’re just as much as victims as I am. My petty revenge continues as I live my life. I even met people at my university from my country and finally got answers not even the internet was helpful on. I was finally able to reclaimed my own heritage. Around Christmas time 2023 I had an unplanned & surprising conversation on FaceTime with my nieces! As expected they don’t care about what happened & they still love me. My BIL is chill & probably wisely is staying out of it. I’m not gonna lie I was kinda hoping my sister would send me a Karen shirt back because my petty ass would have loved it & been so proud. I honestly was planning on pinning it to my wall if they did, like a petty trophy but I guess I’m the only one who sees the humor in all this & can laugh about it, even at myself. Also my parents have been getting therapy and doing better. They’re victims & adults. So what they do is their choice. Thankfully I have seen improvements. They’re good people.
The CHERRY ONTOP :
I realized somewhere in August 2023 that I was the first person in Karen’s life that told her no, showed she had no control. What’s worse (for her) of all people, it was in her eyes the inferior little Asian, retard, who walked away head held high & couldn’t give a damn about her. And. She. Can’t. Do. Anything. About. It. That’s Power. Now she lives her life as if nothing happened staying silent but keeps the “disownment up” and honestly good for her. I am happy healthy & thriving. I WON.

There's a lot to explain, and I'm pretty sure that the title doesn't do this situation justice. This is also a throwaway acc- I don't want a suddenly depressing post getting cozy with all my memes and cheery content.
A little backstory- I (16F, Soph) have had bad blood with my mom (36F) for a while, since around the 7th grade. My grades have been iffy, but since freshman year I've been working to fix them. Third quarter, I had an extremely low point. Every day was a haze and I can't remember what sent me through it, and when I snapped out of it, it was too late to change anything. I had straight F's, all except for one of my math classes, which I don't even understand how I managed to maintain. These have plummeted my semester grade, but I've fixed some of them, evened them out to high D's, low C's, and a B. Two of them are unsalvageable, which is completely my fault. I'm still working to raise one more up to a D in the semester.
This all "started" a couple of weeks ago, but I'm guessing it's been building since my last parent teacher confrence. My mother had sat us down in the living room last saturday and informed my sisters (11F and 13F) and I that we were moving, and she's putting our trailer up for sale the first of next month. She said where we find a place is where we will move, so I can't even prepare myself for what I should expect. The main issues I have with moving are;
1- I had to go through it a lot when I was younger and had a really unstable social life, most likely the root of my current social anxiety.
2- I'm nearly an adult- I'm halfway through highschool. It's not going to be easy for me to make new friends in a social climate I have no prior existence in, let alone be able to keep the friends I could potentially make when they move on for college in 2 years. Don't get me wrong, I'd still stay in contact with the friends I have where I'm at, but when you have no friends in the area you live in, it's rough.
3- When I was younger, she promised me that I'd be able to finish my edjucation here, even college if I chose any of them in my area. I know it's stupid to hang on the words of a promise, that things change and promises sometimes can't be held up, but it still hurts being ripped away when I was nearly done with highschool.
My sisters got excited and started looking for new places immediately. I know our place isn't a dream, but we came here, owning nothing but a car. I started the third grade in this town and have been here since. This is my childhood home since the age of nine, I don't remember any other houses we rented. We actually own this trailer too- we're not just renting it from someone. I helped build my own room out of an off limits area when I was 11. It's not perfect, but it's most of what I've known. So are my friends. I can't count how many I've kept since the start of middle school, even if they transfered.
Even if I don't want to leave, I'm no angel. My room is dirty almost all the time, I can't see the floor because of a bunch of dirty clothes. That's one of the reasons my mom is holding against me to make it seem unreasonable that I'm upset about moving- "You don't appreciate your own room." I have no excuse for the way my room looks. It just feels like im paralyzed on my bed afterschool and on the weekends, I'm just tired. I don't know whether or not I'm lazy, isn't being lazy supposed to be enjoyable, at least for the short term in the moment?
The other reason she's giving me are my grades. As stated before, those aren't perfect either, but I'm trying. I've even taken steps to enroll myself into summer school to recover the credits I missed this year. Sure, I have flaws, but does that mean I'm not allowed to be upset over moving at such a crucial developmental point in my life? I'm not even arguing with her about it, all I'm doing is expressing how I feel- I'm not even saying anything to her, I said my piece when she sat us down. I'm just grieving.
Earlier today, she picked me up, everything seemed normal. Then she told me she had a conversation with my dad, (39M), who's out of the picture, but still communicating. She told me that he and her discussed about things continuing "the way I'm taking them." She said if I don't change, she's just going to pull me out of school and make me get my GED. She said she was worried I was going to ruin my career. A GED isn't bad, by all means, but I want an actual diploma. I want to be there with everyone else, dressed in a solid color robe, celebrating the fact that we made it. I won't have the advantages of any early social life at all in the area. I've heard adults say it's hard to make friends once you graduate, and I don't want to be thrown into that early, while being in a new area all at the same time.
I was thinking about all this in the car and cried. I don't think I can take much more of this. It's like she wants my life to follow a certain track, and I'm derailing her train. She dropped out her sophmore year to get married and do hard drugs for a while before she had me, so in my personal opinion, I'm doing way better than she ever had. I know it sounds harsh, and maybe I am being harsh, but when you hear the same story shoved down your throat over and over and over since the 3rd grade, and now said story has been turned into a weapon, it kind of gets redundant to you.
My mom tried cheering me up while we were out for a bit after dropping that by trying to show me facebook memes and telling me funny things my guinea pigs did to eachother that day, but I gave her the cold shoulder the entire time, so now she's pissed. I didn't even say anything, she just started spouting that "I hated her" and "I'm gonna cut her out of my life when I'm older", "I'd rather see her dead than talk with her."
The first two are at least half true at this point, she's been nothing but a source of harsh criticism for years of my life, barely any encouragement or pride in me, if anything at all. If she keeps doing that, I might end up hating her and cutting contact, which just hurts to think about. I don't want to cut contact with the only parent that raised me, even if she didn't raise me well. I still love her at the end of the day, and I think I hate that more than I hate her.
I don't know if this is all just incoherent rambling at this point, I've been crying through 2/3 of the way through this I think. I know I'm not a saint, and I'm at least a partial asshole, but am I completely at fault for this? Did I fall into being a moody, hormonal teen that hates their parents for no reason on accident? AITA?
TLDR: AITA if I'm upset over my mom making me move in the middle of attending high school, on top of threatening to pull me out of school all together for "the sake of my career"?
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I just need help.

Today, my sister and I found out something surprising: men often blame women for fertility issues, but it's actually the other way around. My sister and her husband had trouble having a baby. He's 35, she's 25. After months of trying, he accused her of being infertile and threatened to leave her for a younger woman. So, my sister went to the doctor, and I went with them since I drive.
Turns out, neither of them was the problem. It was her husband's testosterone levels. The doctor said men start naturally losing testosterone around 25 to 30 years old, which leads to a decrease in libido, a decline in sperm quality, and a reduction in the ability to maintain an erection. He assured my sister that women don't usually have fertility problems until they're much older, like in their 40s or 50s when the menopause hits.
My sister joked about finding a younger man, but her husband got mad and stormed out. It's funny how men have always blamed women for fertility issues when it's actually their thing. But hey, we've got too much self-respect to think like that.

Tier List: https://imgur.com/a/WcUX9AP
Good gravy, these visuals. This is the most visual flair they've ever had in a battle up until this point. More on the particulars later. Unfortunately the music is comparatively pretty weak and unmemorable, with the notable exception of the track that plays during Austin Powers' bits.
So, Daniel Craig Bond's first verse. "[insert Bond villains here] were not as crooked and rotten as your teeth are." that's a decent burn, but man, I always feel bad for Austin Powers when Bond says this. Powers looks genuinely hurt, quit bullying Powers, Craig Bond! "I'll go balls to the Walther on this wack twat in an ascot; Blast shots atcha like gas from the back slot of a fat Scot!" Intellectually I acknowledge that there is some somewhat clever wordplay going on here, but I can't say I particularly care for these lines. The "I'm licensed to kill; you couldn't get a learner's permit!" is an alright diss I guess. The lines comparing their filmography and tying in You Only Live Twice into the diss... I dunno, something feels so rote and lifeless about this burn. It's competent, but it's not doing much for me. The best part of this verse is easily the "B on D/beyond me" diss, fun wordsmithing there. The closer is competent, reference to Golden Gun, sure, that's fine, but I ain't writing home about it. I'll go into more detail about this towards the end, but I'm not a fan of this verse, I think Craig Bond as a rapper is a fairly bland character and that the background visuals are having to compensate hard for his lifelessness.
Austin Powers opens his verse by acknowledging that he has been catfished by Craig Bond, which I think is a ton of fun. The visual of Austin Powers splitting into rainbow versions of himself as his track with the horns starts blaring is just fantastic. "Basil Exposition told me this would be boring; but Jesus, man, even my mojo's snoring!" This isn't a particularly clever line or a powerful diss, mostly seems like an excuse to drop a couple references, but I'm in full agreement with Austin Powers here. Craig Bond's performance was boring. Austin Powers proceeds to mock Craig Bond for his hairless body, contrasting it with his own glorious chest bush. I love how much confidence Austin has in his sexiness despite not being the least bit conventionally attractive. I also love this set with Austin, his buddy, and these women all rocking out. The computer-generated visuals of Craig Bond's backgrounds are impressive, sure, but actually having this wacky set made for the battle really elevates it to a new level in terms of presentation. And all these close-ups of Austin's eyes, mouth, and ass getting slapped... much more flair than their usual fare. Austin Powers threatens to hypnotize Craig Bond with a strip tease and I just... look, I'm not saying these are great lines, on paper Austin does not have the strongest disses, but this verse is just so FUN. The dancing and choreography with Austin's visuals are top-notch, love him slapping his ass on the spinning bed. "You're defenseless, my rhymes can't be deflected, you're like all the sex I've ever had: unprotected!" is genuinely hilarious. "People want a hero with a little personality; no one wants to sit through your gritty reality" is definitely encapsulating the vibe I feel on the question of James Bond vs. Austin Powers. Powers then goes in for a nice blow with the line about them making Thunderball twice. "I'm one of a kind, you're always getting remade" goes hard, even harder nowadays than it did back when this was made. "You can't touch me, double oh behave" is a cute reference, but it's not anything more than that, same tier of verse closer as Craig Bond's.
Then we have the misfortune of returning to Craig Bond's gritty reality. "I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this clown, I should... be on an island with a fucking model by now" is really weak. It feels ad-libbed. You're not too cool for this rap battle Craig Bond, you're actually not nearly cool enough. Craig throws in a reference to the penis pumping joke from Austin Powers, we get a little failed interjection from Powers, and that's fun. Craig Bond does get a strong blow in with "but I'm the original model that your frilly ass mimics"; a powerful argument that you can't take away from Craig Bond.
Until Sean Bond comes in and takes that away from Craig Bond with a cheeky "I wouldn't exactly call you original". Good stuff. The BDSM joke is whatever. "Your performance doesn't stir me and I'm certainly not shaken" is an amusing reference to his famous quote, maybe a little obvious and corny, but what really helps sell it is the way it segueways into "if I wanted shitty acting in my action film, I'd go and watch Taken". Fun! "I don't need a Q to break your balls" is some good wordplay. I remember watching this with my family years ago, and my father groaned at Bond's closing Gold Bond joke and said "That's terrible." and... yeah, I kind of have to agree. It's a good jab and the wordplay isn't without its wit, but there's something so goddamned cheesy about it. Can't help but roll my eyes when he smugly looks at the camera and says 'Gold Bond'. It's the phrasing and line delivery, I think. This joke might have landed better if they refrained from trying to tie it into that famous quote.
Austin Powers makes a valiant effort to get back in the battle, but gets bitch slapped for his troubles.
There's something so... for lack of a better term... beta about the way Craig Bond comes in and touches Sean Bond's arm to get his attention. "The world has had quite enough rug-wearing misogynists" is accurate, albeit not the most clever.
Austin Powers shows Craig Bond up by carrying that line of argumentation further with an amusing bit about Sean Bond being a rapist. I love how uncomfortable Austin Powers seems.
"If they made a mini-me they'd have to cast Peter Dinklage"... that's so lame, guys. Come on.
"Or maybe they should cast a Bond who's actually English" winds up seeming like way stronger of a burn than it is for the fact that Sean Bond takes so much offense to it he feels the need to slap Craig Bond hard for it. Austin's awed reaction in the background is quite funny.
"Why, Pussy, aren't you the cunning linguist?" Har har har.
I like the way Craig Bond takes Sean Bond's wordplay and uses it to mount a counteroffensive, he delivers a couple real solid lines here.
Sean Bond's closer is pretty unremarkable. I guess I could charitably consider it to be of the same caliber as the closers for Craig Bond's and Powers' first verse closers, a cute little reference but nothing more. Austin Powers continues to be the best part of the battle as he rises up into the frame, enamored with his opponents.
Alright, so... I think Craig Bond gives one of the dullest and most unmemorable performances in ERB history. For one thing, his face is just not very expressive here; it's like he constantly has one facial expression. Even when his face is contorting a bit to try and express anger he still looks the same. I don't know to what extent that's just the actor's physical appearance, or if it's a deliberate choice as part of the Craig Bond persona, or what, but watching him perform feels like watching a flat line. It doesn't help that he just looks like some guy. Austin Powers and Sean Bond have very distinct and flashy appearances, but with Craig Bond it looks like they just brought in some random guy off the street and gave him a suit. Maybe that's accurate to Daniel Craig's Bond, but it's a problem for this rap battle regardless. This guy is so nondescript he's regularly getting upstaged by his backgrounds. Another issue I have with this battle is that it clearly does not respect the existence of Austin Powers as a rapper. I could be misremembering, but I believe I've heard that the creators said they didn't like the idea of a parody rapping against the character they're based on, and that this one ultimately got made because they could turn it into a Bond v. Bond battle. Personally I think the idea of having a parody go up against the original is vastly more interesting of a matchup and that Bond v. Bond is the thing that isn't really worth doing. I'd rather this have just been a battle between Austin Powers on one side with two verses and one or both of the Bonds on the other. I also want to say that this is one of the best and most un-NicePeter performances Peter has ever given; I had to go on the wiki and double-check to make sure Peter actually played him. I think Peter has an issue with a lot of his characters sounding same-y, but this sounds nothing like him. It doesn't look like him either; it's not just that the costuming is great, the dancing and mannerisms are real different from Peter's usual stuff. Just look at that pose he strikes on the right at 1:13. So good. One of Peter's best characters.
Anyhoo... I'd put this battle in B Tier, below Ghostbusters vs. Mythbusters but above Robocop vs. Terminator. The Craig and Sean Bonds have their moments, but their parts greatly pale in comparison to Austin Powers... but even then, Austin Powers' verse isn't that great, it's more supremely entertaining than expertly written. It shapes out to being a solid battle that still leaves a lot to be desired.
I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm saying Austin Powers>Sean Bond>Craig Bond. Austin Powers is the entire reason I revisit this battle.

I thought I would share my story here, because reading about everyone’s experiences has been so incredibly validating. So firstly; from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU everyone- in turn, I hope this helps someone, or that someone resonates with an experience, or adds to the collective consciousness of healing and realising that we deserve better. Because I need to believe that, I need to know this has been bad. I feel completely mental.
I’d like to start by saying this may not make sense and I’m a bit all over the shop rn and I apologise. And there are many, many things I could add to this that have added to the growing sadness and eggshell walking as the relationship went on, but I’ve tried to keep it small. I also want to say that you may be screaming at the screen wondering how I could be so stupid. And to that I say, me too. I am screaming at myself as well. As a 30-something year old woman, I acknowledge I was not the person I wanted to be in this situation. I wanted to be stronger.
I’m currently a couple of weeks out of my break up (or break up attempt 1 as I should probably put it, I’m still sending angry texts, receiving proclamations of love, wondering what if). I was with my nex (narcissistic ex) for nearly 7 years. We were meant to be getting married a week ago. For the last six months, my intuition had been telling me that a “friendship” he had with a coworker wasn’t right. This coworker was going through some stuff, and leant heavily on nex probably because he portrayed himself as a powerhouse at work who said whatever was on his mind and was always, always, always always right (newsflash he wasn’t). Nex has a saviour complex x1000 that I’d never let myself really think too hard about so he went hardcore “supporting her” and I sat on the sidelines thinking she needed that support. I won’t say anything about this girl but she’s not a girl’s girl. She’s a pick me. It kind of felt to me like- of course he’s not going to choose her, why would I worry about it. It’s too OBVIOUS. Like of course not? Look what we have.
Before this and during, Nex and I were planning on buying a house and were getting married (I was doing all the house saving, he had no idea about money but pretended he did, spent impulsively but was on a great salary, and I was doing all the wedding planning) and were planning on having a baby next year-ish. I had reached a point in my career that I was finally happy with, a career he said many shitty things about over our time together but it was the first thing he mentioned when talking to others and trying to impress. He had proposed at year 4 of the relationship (he always said he wouldn’t propose before 3 years because that’s how long his longest relationship was with his ex who he also cheated on). Red flag that yet again I ignored because I was different and this was different and I could change him and blah fucking blah.
Our relationship looked perfect. It really fucking did. I thought it was for a long time. I refused to think it wouldn’t be forever and wasn’t written in the stars. Behind the scenes, now I look back(ish) I realise I was struggling. I had raging PMS each month, often had depressive episodes that he would virtually ignore. I often struggled to watch movies where women had kind, funny and non reactive partners, I secretly envied my friends and their partners because they wouldn’t have to worry about what came out of their partner’s or their mouth next, or who their partner would fight with in the room, or how I would handle a public put down if he was in that mood or if I wasn’t handling myself perfectly. I walked on eggshells for years. I took his self aggrandising every day after work or sport as healthy self confidence. I was being slowly removed from my family as he argued with each one. He bragged about me and I felt like his trophy which I took as love and it gave me a false confidence I’d never had before when I was with him. When I spoke about him my inner voice said ‘wow, he really does sound great.’ His sister would often look at me and I felt like she always wanted to ask if I was really okay but I never let her. I had supported nex through addiction to weed/alcohol/substances of every kind (something I struggled to do because they have never been on my radar, just uninterested, and I was the bad person for that, I was the ‘child’ who wouldn’t immerse herself in the wonderful world of drugs), countless interpersonal issues at work and with his family, trying to support all sides, I had organised every home we had lived in, I organised cooking, cleaning, fun weekends, it was my goal to get him the most thoughtful and lovely presents I could find whenever I could. It was like it was my goal to be a fabulous girlfriend. I’m really not trying to pretend I’m perfect, but I can say 100% honestly that I put all I could into making him feel loved. He used to call me a unicorn, I guess because I just did whatever he wanted. However, I felt like I was going to bed in tears more often than anyone should. I got to the point where I wouldn’t put eye cream on because I knew I was just going to cry it off. Every Sunday morning I got a bit triggered by our local coffee shop because I always felt like that was where we were trying to pick up the pieces emotionally after fighting the night before over absolutely anything. I found this taxing, because never had I had such a tumultuous relationship with anyone before and I was wondering wtf was happening. He, on the other hand, often said how much he enjoyed conflict and he loved the feeling of anger. He said it to everyone and I always laughed it off. He said he was so good at handling people and he charmed so well, as he is incredibly good looking. He had issues with everyone - his bosses, his friends, his coworkers, his neighbours. We were in couples counselling after I couldn’t be yelled at anymore, and he had told a friend of ours that it was for me and not for him. I chose not to believe he said that because this friend had had issues with him too and I thought it might’ve been an attempt from them of triangulation. I believe them now. I’m so sorry to that friend. Two of his friends sent me messages on seperate occasions asking me if I was okay, that I didn’t have to put up with this.
Something I am proud of is that I, often, when I felt strong, and my brain worked, didn’t play along with his ego without a fight. I DID play devils advocate for the other person when he had yet another interpersonal issue. I DID call out his dogmatism. I DID expect more from him, that he didn’t have to yell CUNT or WHORE every time something went mildly wrong. However, there are times when I didn’t. And it was because I was just fucking exhausted.
Two/three months ago, and after I found a deleted phone call from the other woman that he lied to my face about, I started watching his find my iPhone which we had turned on when I went overseas a couple of years earlier but I’d forgotten about. It felt gross doing, I didn’t want to, but I also tried to justify it to myself by saying it’s my future, damn it, let’s see if I really am being ridiculous. One early morning while it was still dark, I felt him kiss me and say he was going to the gym. An hour later I woke up with an EERIE AS FUCK feeling and checked FMI. He was at her address. I called him and he didn’t pick up. I watched his car drive on FMI back to the gym and he conveniently called. I asked where he had been and he immediately gaslit me, said he was at the gym, FACETIMED ME TO SHOW ME and said that he couldn’t do my “jealousy” anymore. I broke down and told him I knew he had been at hers through FMI. He then started crying and said he visited her to call the friendship off “the right way” and that he told her that he cared for her but he had to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore and was too jealous. I bought it, as he never ever cried. I apologised. But from then on, my body was full of anxiety and pain. Life was on autopilot.
This happened a few other times. I had a weird feeling one afternoon on a Saturday when he said he was at the gym and had to pop into work to do some printing (not unusual). On autopilot, unable to feel emotions and probably looking completely mental, I got in my car, drove to the workplace, and saw both their cars outside. As I turned the corner to drive away, realising it HAD to be over now, you stupid bitch Charlie0987 it HAD to be over, I immediately got a call from him explaining away, can’t even remember what he said now. It’s not what you think, we have some important work to do that she can’t do alone, you’re jealous, she’s (the other woman) is angry that you even think anything is going on. I ended up apologising that night. Yep. However, at that point I did call off the wedding. I thought the wedding stress and money (literally, me fucking planning it, most of MY money) was the problem. I thought if we just eloped, we’d be okay. Calling everyone to call off the wedding while pretending to them and myself that it was all okay was fucked. I have no other way to describe it than completely and utterly fucked. He was then nice for a few days. I was heartbroken I couldn’t have the wedding I has envisioned, I didn’t let myself think of the love that was crashing down around me. Everyone asked me how the wedding planning was going, every day it was someone new. I had to pretend it was all fine and that we cancelled for financial reasons. It was hell. I will never again ask someone planning a wedding how the wedding planning is going until they bring it up with me.
All through this, I was supporting my friend with a very rare form of cancer (it doesn’t feel real typing this out, feels like some kind of shitty movie). I remember crying about it once on the couch and he said that my crying annoyed him, and that what the other woman had gone through was bad too. He said he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was too skinny (I was depressed and not eating) and cried too much and because I didn’t exercise and he was attracted to people that exercised (fair enough, but also fuck you). Still, through all this, I loved him, tried to be what he had loved about me for six years (compassionate and quiet) and told myself it was okay and it was a rough patch.
All through this, our couples counsellor was saying my attachment issue and abandonment issues was what was a huge part of the problem and that males and females have friendships and I needed to gtfo it. Like every human being I’m sure I have had fears of abandonment, and I do acknowledge I have relied on the safe feeling of men in the past. However, I NOW don’t think it was the main issue here. I don’t blame this counsellor if I’m honest, he was eating what was being fed to him by nex. And I wanted to believe it too. I was willing to work on myself and I was trying to see my anxiety for what I thought, and what I was being told, it was. Nex told me regularly when I asked him not to yell at me that I just didn’t understand real men.
A couple of weeks before D Day, nex asked for space to “miss me”. I went to my family, pretended he’d gone on a trip so I wouldn’t get asked why I was there, tried to show up for work, tried to be strong. I slept next to my wedding dress, still boxed. Those weeks were probably the worst weeks of my life. I didn’t know where he was, didn’t know who he was with, but we were still together, I didn’t eat, got medication to sleep, mindlessly partook in my hobbies to try to do the right thing and be the person he loved. He treated me like I was an annoying fly and either didn’t reply to messages or sent a few and then nothing. After four days of me barely eating and sleeping and looking like an emaciated ghost, I asked if I could come home (I loved our rental, it was such a safe space for me with my garden and my animals). He replied basically fine, and then for the rest of the week I was chastised for not giving enough space and that it wasn’t proper space. Couples counsellor agreed with him. A week later I said fuck it and went again, feeling a bit stronger this time. On day 3, I felt sick all day. I had a nap in the afternoon and felt dread. I had received no messages, but I messaged that I loved him that night. He love hearted it. I found out later he had been with her all day, but don’t worry, it was for a good reason he said. Intuition yet again picked that one up.
The next morning I got up, packed, and went home as it was our agreed upon day that I’d return. I said to him this is actually it, I can’t take this anymore. I am physically and mentally wrecked. It’s been six years. You’re a big boy. You’re either in it or you’re not. It was a big conversation, and we agreed that we would be in it together, the relationship was worth saving, and I would step back and agree to believe in his supportive friendship with this girl and no longer worry. He also agreed to tell me if he didn’t want to be together anymore, or if anything came up regarding this relationship with the girl. We set a date to elope for end of year. He went to the gym, and I remember saying to him I was so happy we’re choosing us. He kissed me and said me too. I felt elated and safe. I then re packed my bag, as I was taking my friend to her first cancer treatment the day after.
When he got back from the gym, he went to the shower. Now we had agreed with the couples counsellor not to check each others phones for a while. I had been okay with it, and didn’t have an issue leaving his phone. But once he got into the shower, my intuition, my chest, my body, SCREAMED at me to check his notes in his phone for the first time in weeks. I went into notes and found a text drafted to the other woman. It said something along the lines of “X and I have agreed to a break when she takes her friend to cancer treatment. I told her I wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore but I was to you. I’m feeling so over it now she’s home, I want more space” plus some other awful stuff that I’ve buried down and can’t quite remember. At no point, ever, did we agree to a break. I dropped his phone, went into the bathroom, and told him I was leaving. I can’t remember much of the next few moments. I do remember he turned it on me for looking at his phone, then him crying. I remember screaming, screaming screaming at him. I had raised my voice hardly ever in our entire relationship so I can imagine that was a moment for him. But I just screamed. I asked if he was planning on trying to sleep with her when I was with my friend for radiation. He nodded. He blocked me from the door to “talk” and tried to grab me into a hug. I screamed and screamed. I put (the most random shit btw, a dress, some acne cream, a book??) some things into a bag and I got into the car, howling. And I sat there a moment and I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
And I did. I drove away from our beautiful little secluded rental that I had poured my love into and was hoping to raise a baby in. I knew I couldn’t afford the rent alone but he can even with his pathetic spending habits and I can’t live in the place of our memories. I went to my family and fell apart. I’m not going to disclose further about my mental state or what happened but I got sent to be with other family for a couple of weeks in another state. He has been messaging me ever since. Promises of change, of moving away, of starting again, of selling a property that he bought before us and has sat doing nothing our entire relationship and was the reason we couldn’t buy our home, (frustrating that he reaps the reward of that now), saying he has blocked this other woman from his life (he still works with her and I refuse to believe he hasn’t had ongoing contact). Oh and on the day I drove to be with my family in another state, the universe decided to let my car meet her car, with him in it, at an intersection. He crouched down like the coward he is. She looked like a stunned mullet. I waved at her. I was hysterical. Can’t even remember it fully but I remember the feeling. That’s the love of my life in there with another woman. It. Was. Fucking. Hell. On. Earth. I still can’t believe that happened. What were actually the odds of that happening?
I’ve gone through so much anger towards her but I KNOW it’s misdirected. I’m slowly moving towards anger towards him. I haven’t messaged her telling her how my life has been destroyed and I won’t. I think she will thrive on it and she has a young kid who my heart bleeds for. And I have so much anger towards the series of events that had to happen in the first place and what feels like the wasted last 7 years of the best years of my life. I miss my home and my non-existent child and I miss arms around me. I miss him when he was nice. I hate that I don’t have what everyone else around me seems to have at this age, what I want so desperately. Please, please let me know I can get through this. Let me know I can’t go back. Please tell me this is abuse and it won’t get better because I am struggling to believe it. I’m also super fragile right now so if you want to say anything mean, just hold it for now and bring it to me later.
Love to you all. X

hi, I recently got the game with all dlcs from amazon, and theres so many bugs in the game (I play on switch), none of the bugs ever bothered me, I even think it's funny but theres this 1 mission that I cant get through, "follow the traces", where you follow gabriel to find his sister or something
I concluded the mission and it tells me to see gabriel in front of this little river where the old guy(forgot his name but hes the guy you see at harbor at the breeding stable), the pointer tells me to go there and as I get there nothing happens, I saw a gameplay where he has a dialog when you get there but nothing seems to hppen, also, gabriel is not on top of his horse, it's just the horse hanging around :(
is there anyway to fix this? I cant move on with the game if I dont do that mission..... I tried dleleting the game and reinstalling it but didnt work, do I gotta restart everything from 0? tia

My mom got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer about 3 months ago now, and watching her suffer through chemo knowing she's just going to be killed by her cancer in the end is so horrifying to me. Worse is she's so morose about it and seems hopeless. I'm trying so desperately to be positive enough for both of us but hearing her talk about she expects to be dead in anywhere from 6 to 9 months maybe up to 5 years is killing me. I feel so selfish for how upset I am about her grieving her soon to be lost life. I don't know what I'll do when she's gone, they don't have classes at the local college about how to be parentless (my dad is still alive but our relationship is more so that between coworkers). How am I supposed to just go on in life without her? She just started freely living her life and making herself a main priority and now its getting ripped away from her so horribly. Its not fair at all. Whos supposed to tell me what to do when everything is falling apart? Who is going to be there for me when a pet dies or a family member dies? It was never supposed to be her. We talked about what we would do when my grandma dies. How we'll be there for each other and go on with our lives together. She's leaving me behind. I know my family is grieving too, my grandmothers grieving that her daughter is going to die before her and that it will be a painful death. She's going to suffer through chemo just to die anyways. How horrible and cruel is that. My aunt will be grieving her sister. I'm angry that they got her for longer. I'm angry that she got her mom well into her life. I'll be alone. I know how my family is, no one will reach out, they haven't this far. They wont even tell me anything that's happening about her cancetreatment. I feel so horrifically left out and its eating me alive. I want to be involved, I want to help. She took care of me and now I feel like its my turn. I can't be without my mom, the model for everything I'm supposed to be. Beautiful, funny, intelligent, charming. What do you do when you lose your blueprint.

I am a floater who has only been working in daycare for about 5 months and I also don't have my ECE yet. My degree is in Youth Ministry (in ministry there is a difference between youth and children, youth=teens), but I have many years of experience working with kids in settings other than daycare. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I am disciplining a child and another teacher walks into the situation and sees me, for example: with a crying child, pulling a child away from another kid, speaking firmly with a child, etc., and they don't know the context, and even when I tell them the context, they play good cop and make me the bad guy in the child's eyes. I always feel like they are judging me.
Here are some examples: A child is climbing on something and the situation has become unsafe. The child won't come down on his own after being asked nicely. I remove him but he keeps running back to climb again, trying to push past me, and has started crying. Another teacher steps in who has witnessed the whole thing and starts rubbing his back and telling him he is not in trouble in a soft voice after he completely ignored my soft polite voice, then my more firm voice when I asked him to walk away after he was removed from the play structure.
A two year old cannot keep her hands off of her older brother and keeps hitting, grabbing, and pulling him. After being asked to stop by me and her brother, I pull her off of him but she keeps repeating the behaviour. Finally I pick her up and she is crying and saying she won't apologize to her brother. The other teacher walks in and I tell her what happened and she pinches the kid's cheeks and says "leave your brother alone" in the same tone as like "you silly goose" or something and then she takes her from my arms and the child is laughing.
I've already spoken about a particular child who doesn't seem to like any of his teachers apart from one. He is a very difficult child and often hits, pushes, screams at, grabs toys from, etc., other children and treats most of his teachers pretty much the same way and will even bite us. Whenever one of us is trying to discipline him, he will scream at, hit, throw toys at, and/or bite us, then run to his favourite teacher who will pick him up and comfort him and after she's told what he did, she will either do nothing or just say to him "uh oh, not nice" in a "whoopsie!" kind of tone. When I got bit the other day she didn't do a thing and she was right there.
A kid was repeatedly throwing sand in the sandbox. The lead teacher would remove any kid from the sandbox after doing this once, so after a few times, I removed this child and he ran away. I have a great relationship with this kid and I just wanted to explain to him that if he wants to stay in the sandbox, he can't throw sand. I was playfully chasing him around outside like "I'm gonna getcha!" and he was laughing and then I said that I wanted to talk to him so I plopped him on my lap for a second. He wasn't even resisting or anything and kept getting distracted and saying funny things when I was trying to talk to him. Another teacher from very afar just saw me remove him from the sandbox, run after him, and plop him on my lap and immediately started barking my name and then asked what the child had done. Being in the middle of everything, I just gave her a quick answer and then my next free moment she rudely told me to go home. It was around the time I'm usually dismissed, but she had said that my coworker and I could go at the same time, but then when I tried to clean up a few things on my way out to make HER job easier, she rudely repeated for me to go home while she stood and chatted with my otjer coworker who was also supposed to be leaving. A simple misunderstanding where I was heavily judged and treated rudely without even an attempt at hearing my side of things.
A child has been biting, hitting and pushing the other kids all day and has just had a recent bite incident and is crying after being removed from the other kids. Another teacher asks why she is crying and I say "she has bitten three times today and has just bitten (baby)". The other teacher says "3 bites in the span of...what?" and then tells the biter to go seek comfort from her older sister. Does it matter how recent the other 2 bites were? I don't understand.
I don't resort to physically removing a child unless they are going to get hurt or they are hurting other children. For the sand one, I was following what the lead teacher was doing. I only chased the child and put him on my lap not because throwing sand was such a serious offense, but because "I'm gonna getcha" is like a little game with this kid, and I wouldn't put a kid on my lap who didn't want to be there but he was laughing and was clearly okay with it to the point he couldn't even pay attention to what I was saying because he was talking to me too much.
I feel like my coworkers don't trust me and they undermine me. There are kids who don't even view me as their teacher and will tell me they don't have to listen to me because I'm not their teacher when I am.
Any advice? I hate pulling out my firm voice and always speak softly and politely first. I still say please when I'm firm. I never yell. I hate having to touch a child as a form of discipline (pulling them away from a situation). Am I the problem? Are these just misunderstandings? Thoughts?

I have two reddit accounts, so if these stories are familiar, that's why. Someone commented that one of these sounds like abuse from my Christian parent to me. So I've compiled all most of them here. (Most of them are to do with Christianity, the hypocrisy of Christianity, or the consequences of my choice to leave it.) Please be honest but also recognize that this isn't all the times sometimes these are amazing people and I love these people but for my sake I need to know if it's really that bad.
"I'm rather young. My mom (42F) and my dad (41M) both grew up in the church. My grandfather is the pastor of his own church and my mother was raised by her grandmother who played piano in the church. Growing up I'd say I was the perfect little Christian girl. I liked praying and went to church, I wanted to help the world, and I wanted to be baptized before I even started kindergarten. I remember that vividly. I was sitting in the kitchen in one of our folding chairs because we couldn't afford real ones and I was begging my mom to let me get baptized.
My family and I are African American. The church I went to when I was little was a black church. My mother was the praise dance choreographer so of course I did praise dancing. I'd go to Sunday school, I wore the big puffy dresses, and I knew all the songs. Of course I had the common experience of being assaulted in a sexual manor by someone I went to church with. But we were both the same age and I just knew I was uncomfortable and she just knew that's how people bigger than us touched each other. All that came of me telling my mom and me not having to go to her house anymore. I was always told that I was intelligent and I believed everything I was told without question. Then my sister was born and we moved. At first everything stayed the same. We ended up having to switch churches as the previous one was an hour away from our new home. We found a new church. A church were you can wear your hoodie and jeans like it's a Tuesday. I made friends and played sports and nothing really changed until I was eight. When I was eight there was a girl on my softball team I'll call E. E is Jewish and at the time I thought everyone was Christian. As in Christianity was the default and only option. But my friend E's church wasn't called a church but a synagogue, and she couldn't eat specific foods together. E also talked about BaBat Mitzvah's. When I brought that up to my mom she said my friend was Jewish and that being Jewish is like being Christian but they read from the old testament exclusively but they don't believe in Jesus.
Which a while later caused me to spend all night crying because I put the two and two together of: Believing in resurrection Sunday and that Jesus was gods son is what got us into heaven and I cried worrying one of my closest, sweetest friend and her nice family would go to hell. Then school, which had always been easy, became hard. Which made me feel dumb. Especially since my self worth was put into how smart I was and I wouldn't dare get below an A or high B because I was scared I'd get punished. Like the time I slammed my fingers a metal door on accident and spent the next fifteen minutes in tears and my mom told me if I kept crying she'd take me to the hospital to have them cut off my fingers. Because of moments like that disappointing my parent or having to big of an emotional reaction was not okay and it made me scared and uncomfortable. They knew I was struggling, they were the ones who stayed up till four something in the morning with me trying to explain the concept. But with every minor and major struggle I felt like my worth was slipping away. But the better I did in school the more my outstanding grades became the expectation which resulted in acknowledgement for my academic achievements disappearing. I felt like I was falling apart so I'd spend hours pray and begging god for help. To take the feeling of being worthless away. I developed an eating disorder sometime before ten. Specifically binge eating. My parents would find the trash, not understand that it was more than just "the sin of gluttony" and yell which made me feel threatened and eat more food.
And then I'd pray on my knees on the hard wood outside my room door with nails and splinters in it and hurt myself because not only was I a dumb glutton but I also apparently wasn't good enough for god to save or help. It made me think if he wants a relationship with me so bad why does he ignore me? I'd hold a knife to my wrist when I'd wash dishes to see if I felt him then. I questions if I'd even go to heaven. For all my problems the answer was to pray but the problem was I'm doing that but my prayers aren't being answered. I was having thought of death no twelve year old should have. On my birthday I was like a puppet simply going through the motions. Then I started questioning my sexuality. Not to mention, I'm now cut off from the world because this is all during covid, on the bright side they gave me my door back. Now I'm older and I have questions like. How was Adam able to name all the animals and understand god not wanting him to eat from the tree and their need to stay in the garden, but not comprehend his nakedness? How was Eve able to be tempted and not understand her nakedness? Why did they and apparently god think being naked was wrong? How are we not all messed up from tons of inbreeding and how do animals still exist after the inbreeding the would've occurred after Noah's ark if he only saved one male and female of each species? Why did god want to flood the Earth and purge it of it's evil humans if he was the one who decided free will would be a good idea? Since he is perfect and all knowing their shouldn't have been a moment of let me make something I'll destroy, wait nvm. My parents have changed a lot since I was little and have let me go to therapy. Of course I have a Christian therapist. Which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that every time I bring up trauma that's linked to religion or need advice in terms of how to change a bad behavior or over come anxiety the advice is to pray. And at times I feel like I'm in a moment of doubt she feel she should try and pull me back in. But they also said I have to volunteer in the childern ministry at church.
I used to work with children ages three to five. Now I'm in one to three. And it feels like I'm spreading propaganda. They tell me what to say and what the goal is for the kids to believe by the end of the month. After I can't help but feel dirty. I'm at the point in my journey were I don't believe. But I have to keep working in the childern ministry, I have to go to church every Sunday, my parents are both devotional authors with published books. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't believe both extended and intermediate. I just wanna know I'm not crazy. I feel like I'm being brainwashed or something. Like drink the blood and eat the body of Jesus!? It's all too much. And now that my parents know they're trying to make me go back to believing. And I listen to them talk and it's like I can't have a conversations with you. You put your faith above all else. You believe whole heartedly, my point of view is automatically wrong to you because faith trumps logic so why would I share it with you? But at the same time it's majority of the music they play, it's all their advice, I go every Sunday, my classmates and friends are majority Christian and yet I even though I see the flaws and hypocrisy, I still can't help but wonder, am I the crazy one?"
"My grandma would grab me and call me "big booty Judy." And my butt was grabbed, spanked, and frequently talked about. Sometimes she'd just sit there tapping it while she talked. It started when I was around three or four and just continued. Though now I'm in my teens and rarely see her. But my breast were also a topic for a while. Comments like "where'd you get those from?", "she's bigger than you.", and "her sisters the tall one but she's the curvy one." They felt icky but I didn't dwell on them. But she's also an alcoholic along with many other things. She dated my mom's friends when she was in college, gets shit faced in at events like birthdays and funerals. Shakes her ass on family members and frequently offered us alcohol. But I always took pride in being her favorite grandchild. Which she constantly reminded me I was. She also has a serious spending problem. But the funny thing is. She goes to a church church. She's in the choir and used frequently as a look example. She hosts church events and potlucks. She even remarried in the church. Never mind the things I just said that'd be considered sins. She's the perfect Christian woman."
"How do you cope with the level of disrespect? I'm not eighteen yet, but I'm still able to be disrespected. My main problem is the disrespect from my parents. My parents who wish to be respected in their beliefs and don't want their minds to change. But at the same time, my dad has sent my scriptures and stuff for the past couple of months since it came out. I don't believe in God or Jesus. They force me to serve and volunteer at church and attend every Sunday. They paired me with a not so ethical Christian therapist. Then both gang up on me about it and take my silence as defeat when I'm just respecting their beliefs. I'm literally the only non Christian in my family. I also have mental problems from staying with them and just in general, but they won't test me because I don't behave in such a stereotypical manner. I want to say they love me, but does someone who blatantly disrespects you love you? I'm having a hard time with seeing if I should do something as drastic as no contact after I reach a certain age.
But at the same time their those awful parents who don't just blatantly suck but also have messed me up quite a bit, resulting in me not feeling like I have a right to be upset. I've told them about how Christianity mixed with their parenting drove me to suicidal thoughts, almost going through with it, and an eating disorder I'm still battling. I also can't just leave and close the door behind me. I'm the oldest, and their are two more kids just like me, and if I turned my back on them, I'd never forgive myself. They're my siblings, but they're also what stopped me from going through with the bad thoughts I was having. They need someone who will be honest, say the weird things, and answer the ignored questions. So, how can I deal with the blatant disrespect so that I'm around for them? What skill for stress management can I use? How do I block out the constant religious gaslighting that happens in church? Because I have over two more years of this."
"My dad said if people don't wanna have a baby, they shouldn't have sex even if they're married. But sir, you had three babies while financially unstable because you couldn't keep your damn hands off my mom. You were planning me, but your job fell through, and when my mom went to get back on birth control, it was too late, so I'll give you a pass with me. But my siblings were both surprises. So, quit judging and practice what you preach. But that's not what pissed me off the most. He said women will put all their time into work and not their husbands, and that's why some men cheat, but the way he said it, it was like he was justifying it. But my dad, he'd go to hooters alone, and when I needed tights, he got them from a woman their and it made me think what if. And I know it's stupid, but that what if. It is so loud.
And it's not even the first time he's said something along the lines of justifying it and almost blaming the woman who gets cheated on. But then he likes to be all up in arms about how his friend married a woman who cheated on him multiple times. My dad's like, I wanna pour into my kids but then makes no effort, and when we spent time with him, we had to initiate it. He doesn't do the hey you wanna . . . stuff. But he has his own company, and they can't get any work right now, so he spends most of his time at home. And then says I'm just to tired to spend time with ya'll.
My mom was sick to the point of being half passed out in a drive-thru after taking my brother to karate and having to pick up dinner. I would've offered to drive him if I could. I'm still leaning, and I'm bad at staying in one lane. But my dad was really busy on his PS5 with his made-up football team. So busy he couldn't take my brother to karate nor could he pause his game to get dinner. I'm kinda starting to hate him. He's also done a couple of other things, but that's what recently has made me mad. But I don't feel like I have a right to be mad because he's here and a lot of my friends dad aren't, and he's not physically abusive like my best friends dad is. I just don't know how I should feel. Is everyone's dad like this?
Edit: It's mothers day and he couldn't be bothered to get the food, pick up the groceries, nothing. #1Dad guys."
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So is it truly a horrible go no contact at eighteen situation, a be watchful situation, or is it fine? I know some of this stuff is a lot but some of it was also in a moment of extreme emotion. Remember like I said in the beginning they're not always like this.