Hi, this is my first post, please be kind. This is a long post, I apologize for that.
Background: I am an emotional person and my love language is words of affirmation and touch. And I suffer with low self esteem and people pleasing issues. I have only been in bad/emotionally abusive relationships before I met this person. I was in a committed relationship with my guy for 4 years now.
I would also like to mention that he’s a wonderful human being and always supported me throughout our time together. He’s a great provider and he feels happy when he makes me happy. He’s the best partner I have had till now. He respects me and treats me very well. We were planning on telling my parents and getting married as soon as I graduate and find a job. Here’s the timeline with major events:

1. I lost my brother 1 year into the relationship and I was depressed severely. My guy gave me space and did not bother me too much while I grieved but after a few weeks started telling me that I should move on. Which I understand, he had my best interest in mind but I did not feel seen or validated during that time. He doesn’t show much emotions and I understand where he was coming from but I think I want someone who is more attuned to his emotions and can be vulnerable with me, for me to have that emotional connection. So I started drifting from him because I didn’t feel safe sharing my emotions. I was still happy, because I thought this will heal with time. And he used to give me time, attention and words via text/calls.
   
2. I moved to a new country (he came here before me), all alone with study workload and internship search. Which was hard for me and I had not healed from the PTSD of losing my brother. I found an internship and started doing therapy and was doing better overall. My guy was switching to a new job and was very busy so I made new friends and started hanging out with them more than the time I spent with him. He did communicate with me that he doesn’t like me spending time with 1 guy and I thought well I am just friends with him so why does it matter. But this blew up in my face last year when he saw our chats and thought this was too much. I accepted and stopped talking to that friend altogether, but in my heart I knew he was only my friend and I didn’t do anything wrong but still tried to understand it pov. But this made me resentful over time and it started showing as reduced intimacy and a few arguments over time.
   

So now, I was helping him build his trust back while receiving no words and hardly any touch, I was giving him from my empty bucket and hence felt exhausted while being around him. I started living alone more and then I didn’t return offer from my internship company and thought my life was over. I was in that blocked/depressed state again. And although my guy only wanted to get me out of this rut, he wasnt able to reach me. I started drifting even more. I started therapy this January and have been doing a bit better since then, but still not feeling connected to him.

1. In Feb, I met a guy and we spoke about random things and he flirted a bit. I told him I have a bf and that he shouldn’t flirt. But also, I felt good when he gave me attention, pampered me or flirted with me. Which made me sad that despite having a bf, why do I feel attracted to someone else. Which made me realize that I have been unhappy for a long time now and even after communicating that I need (words and touch and an emotional connection), I didn’t receive a single compliment from him since last year. I tried communicating this to him in feb and his response was if it’s not natural, he can’t do it. And that I am creating problems which doesn’t exist.

So, being scared for our relationship and upset about being ignored I told him that he needs to give me what I want or I will walk out, which triggered him to shut down for 1.5 months. I was begging him everyday to talk to me and explaining that I didn’t mean to hang a knife on his head and that I want to work together and fix this. But he didn’t talk to me despite knowing how anxious I get and how crucial this time was me as I was actively interviewing.
almost a month into this, I thought my relationship was over and was starting to think that he’s gonna rip the bandage off any day now. I was in a very vulnerable state found an emotional connection with the other guy. I started feeling heard and understood. Which led me to cheat (made out, but then felt guilty and backed out).
My guy broke up with me as expected a few days after this happened, without him knowing about this stuff. I was relieved that now I don’t have to face him and confess about the cheating as he was not ready to give me what I wanted and had already decided to leave me. I met the other guy a couple of times after the break up.

1. A few days later my guy comes back and says he wants to fix things and will do everything to make this work. Now I had to tell him the truth because if we want to start fresh he needs to know what happened. He was devastated but said he still wants to be with me. I was shocked and confused and didn’t know what to do. But I told him, I don’t think we’re compatible and also you have not given the cheating part enough thought so I don’t think this is going to work and told him I want to break up. He didn’t agree. Then I asked him to work on things and think about all of the events and talk about his feelings and stuff. Which he didn’t think/process anything for a couple of weeks. So it just feels he’s saying he wants to fix things because he’s just scared of being alone and won’t be able to follow through. And I told him the same, but he feels I am giving up on us and why can’t I just try again with him.

Now, I am in guilt and also frustrated of not being able to communicate without fighting. And also I got rejected from all my interviews because of my lack of focus and constant anxiety. So now I want to focus 2 months properly on the job search and hence decided to break up. But he wants to check in 2 months to see if I feel differently.
I can underestand how much he loves me, and regret what I did. But I have to live with what I did. So now I am in no contact with both of them. I haven’t given a lot of thought if I want to date the other guy, but I do feel that we are more compatible in some ways.
TL;DR! I am an emotional person and my partner is hyper independent, doesn’t need much from me. Have been dating for 4 years now, 2 years long distance, rest we lived together on and off. I was unhappy since last year and tried communicating my needs (emotional connection, words, touch) which were ignored and never worked on even after telling him how to start. 2 months ago, I threatened to leave to which he got triggered and ghosted me for 1.5 months and then broke up with me. I formed an emotional connection outside and made out with that person, a few days before my guy broke up with me. Now my guy is back and even after knowing the whole story, wants to fix things up. But I don’t think it’s gonna work and took a break for 2 months to focus on my job search.
Need advice: So if my guy still wants to be with me, should I give it another try or be a martyrdom and leave him?

Angry nurse calls, complaining because shes confused on why a patient hasnt got their medication.
okay cool, no problem! Kindly, I reassure her we’ve done everything on our part to make sure there isnt a delay in care & that a prior authorization for a mutual patient on Levemir Flextouch is required by the insurance before it can be covered (or partially covered) like it usually is 😄 !
the wild fucking banshee nurse: “OK. SEE- WHY ARE YOU PROCESSING IF FOR LEVEMIR FLEXTOUCH IF IT WAS WRITTEN FOR INSULIN DETEMIR”
me: “Ok. See- Levemir Flextouch doesnt come in a generic form. Levemir Flextouch IS Insulin detemir. as a prudent nurse…I feel like you should… know that….???”
IT: silence
me: “Yeah so im just gonna go ahead & transfer you to the pharmacist”
These absolutely cannot be the same Associate/Bachelors degree earned & NCLEX passed Registered Nurses that are supposed to be taking care of the nation.
I mentally checked out after that.
On the bright side, Im not so scared of nursing school! Seems like theyre just handing out degrees nowadays. I cant wait to earn mine!

Going to try this again. Seeking to do the right thing by this reddit group.
Not sure if I chose the best Flair. Could be education training, as I think as a case this is of value to students learning in the field, with professional review of their interpretation and reasoning.
I have data of a body temperature anomaly event, that after 2 years remains a stand out mystery for me. I would value some independent professional views on this anomaly data.
Not posting here as I am new to this reddit, and have read the rules. I am checking first if this fits within the rules. I note Forensic Rules 4, 5 and 6.
On rule 4:
Citizen, with a science background.
On rule 5:
Yes I am seeking professional opinion on a set of data from a pharmacological and forensic perspective. Just the data, with contextual circumstances surrounding the data also documented.
On rule 6:
I am not seeking the solving of a crime.
I have sought opinions on this body temperature anomaly event data in Australia to no avail, with various efforts over 2 years. (Explained in the pdf doc as part of the case.)
I am not providing evidence, photos etc of a crime scene.
I am seeking professional views on this body temperature data that may indicate there may have been a crime. The core question with this data, is if this temperature data would be consistent to the ingestion of a drug in food affecting body temperature, and the body's subsequent elimination of that drug over hours subsequently.
The pattern of the body temperature anomaly data to me suggests so, but I seek more professional opinion to confirm or challenge my view and analysis. I am seriously curious on what some professionals would conclude with this data from their professional skills and experience.
It is only by chance I captured this data.
I think this case and data will make for an interest exercise for training students and professionals alike.
What I have to post (if allowed):
(I) An explanatory pdf document laying out the circumstance, including efforts to eliminate as far as I can other possible explanations for the body temperature anomaly. The 10 page pdf includes my analysis of the body temperature data in various ways statistically.
(II) A small set of body temperature data. csv file. (Live person, not dead!). 11 data points in time over hours, one evening, following the eating and sharing of a meal.
(III) A larger data set of body temperature data over two years, excel spread sheet, and or csv file.
The explanatory pdf is carefully drafted to give no indication of the individuals or place, or any other identifying circumstances other than Australia, rural area, and a place with cold winters. I am also posting anonymously with a freshly created account.
The two sets of data (II and III) is supplied, as it enables an independent analysis and statistical interpretation, if desired, to determine the degree to which this is a statistically anomalous event.
In regard to rule 6, should the consensus of opinion support that this does appear to be an anomaly consistent to a drug in food, then there is a chance I would then raise this situation with local authorities for investigation appropriately.
From my science point of view, this data seems to be a fair basis for concern. However, I need professional review on my interpretation of the data before I could consider such action.
So in regards to rule 6, can I proceed and post this case here?
I wait to hear back from moderators before posting.

With the recent announcement of Genso Manège's localization, I wanted to share my thoughts on this game as it is one of my absolute favorite Otome games I've played, both when I discovered it two years ago and even now that I've played many more games since. It is both magical and whimsical, with an interesting and often quite thought-provoking plot, with a focus on one of my favorite themes, going for your dreams.
Despite the lighthearted presentation, this game deals with some serious topics in that all the characters have something to tackle from their past. I thought it struck the perfect balance, and with the enchanting theme, it never felt too heavy for me. It's also rare that I didn't dislike any of the love interests (though I definitely had my favorites). Everything about the story and aesthetics suited my tastes perfectly, and the experience of playing it was truly enchanting.
I have written my thoughts about all the love interests in hopes it may be helpful for those deciding on whether or not to purchase this game. All spoilers (except for the warnings that go in a little more detail) are light and don't delve too deeply into plot details, but they're flagged for those who want complete surprises in their games. A few routes have mild trigger warnings for those who want to be warned about potential topics. (Note: I haven't played any of the bad ends, but based on the routes' happy endings and the feel of the rest of the game, I imagine they'd just be a sad version of the happy ending rather than disturbing.)
​
Overall Plot:
The plot centers around the heroine, Emma, who is secretly a witch who has lost both her powers as well as her childhood memories following a mysterious accident. Her life changes when she finds herself involved with the arrival of a traveling amusement park in her small historic French town, La Foire du Rêve—a place of magic, dreams, and a dark secret not only about the wondrous park but all the employees trapped there. Emma must reawaken her lost magic in hopes of freeing them, which will require her to recover her repressed memories and untangle the threads of her forgotten past...all while forging bonds with the employees trapped in Rêve.
​
Love Interests (discussed in the order I played them):
* Crier ~ The love interest for all tsundere lovers! Though his take is a lighter version of that personality trope. His character is unique amongst the others trapped in La Foire du Rêve because he's the only worker who isn't kept bound to the amusement park by the curse, thus he can leave freely, yet remains at the park to be there for his trapped twin sister, Clara. As someone who also has a twin brother whom I'm very close to, I immediately felt an affinity for this tsundere and how protective he is of his sister.
His plot has Emma working as his performance assistant and has a slice-of-life feel that is quite sweet. His romance features the "fake relationship" trope, which I usually already enjoy but it was especially cute and amusing to watch it unfold with his tsundere personality; I found it ingenious to use this trope as an effective way to get this personality type into a relationship and I enjoyed every moment of it! In his route, we also got to better know his twin sister, Clara, whom Emma befriends in the common route.
Crier's conflict was more internal than plot-focused like some of the other routes. I really enjoyed this route's themes of Crier going for his dreams, healing from his guilt feeling he’s responsible for trapping his sister's soul in Rêve, and his realization that his purpose extends beyond his need to protect her to embrace his own passion for performing.
Crier was a delightful love interest to start out with as he and his route turned out to be quite sweet. His after-story of baking apple tarts together was one of my favorites. Other cute moments: braiding Emma's hair and gifting her a hair accessory. My only regret: there is no kiss CG! I have been robbed of seeing my tsundere boy actually expressing his affection! (Thankfully his other CGs make up for it in cuteness. On that note, all of the art in this game is just lovely.)
​
* Lyon ~ This tender boy is Rêve's mascot. The nature of the magic trapping him works similarly to the concept found in the tale Swan Lake—he's a bunny by day and a handsome boy at night. He turned out to truly be such a precious cinnamon bun who adores picture books. I absolutely adored this sweetheart so much and wanted to protect him!
I loved how he and Emma bonded with their shared forgotten memory and later the secrets they protected for one another, as well as how supportive Emma was in helping him restore his memories. Their relationship development was so incredibly sweet, filled with star gazing, reading books together, and Emma supporting his aspirations to go for his dreams to create his own picture book before his soul is released from Rêve; as an avid reader and author myself, I particularly resonated with this theme, as well as his writing dreams.
Warning: his route took a tragic turn and his ending was perhaps the most bittersweet. (Specific spoiler details for those who don't like to enter sadder routes blindly: we discover that Lyon has already died and Emma must deal with the heartache of having already lost her newly discovered love as she tries to make his last week of "life" memorable...as well as her desperation to sacrifice everything—even her memory—in an effort to save him.)
Despite the emotions this route rendered on my heart, Lyon is adorable and precious, with a story filled with many tender moments. He is definitely one of my favorites.
​
* Serge ~ A rather serious character whose moments of gruffness made me wonder whether I'd like him. While he ended up being my least favorite love interest in the game, I did not dislike him by any means and grew to even like him as his story unfolded, especially the more we came to discover his hidden soft side and his awkward uncertainty about how to treat women.
He and Emma grow closer as she helps tend to his mechanical parts that he received after being rescued from an accident. I did find it interesting learning about the circumstances that led him to end up in Rêve, but halfway through the plot began dealing with the Hameln Incident and suspicions of the strange disappearances being tied to the amusement park, which made it filled with a lot of drama. However, for those who like more plot-heavy stories where the heroine and hero must work together to overcome the events stacked against them, I think his plot will likely be quite enjoyable. Cute moments: Serge's piano playing and the theme of roses; I really enjoyed the “language of flowers” theme for their romance.
Trigger Warning Concerning Certain Plot Events: Serge's route featured a witch hunt that took the form of human trafficking where women were captured for their magic (though there were thankfully no indications of sexual enslavement). The route also features torture (off-screen), an unjust arrest, multiple instances of capture, and betrayal. However, none of these triggers were performed by the love interest, only by the route's villain.
​
* Luciole ~ He was a surprise for me. He didn't capture my interest in the common route, but I ended up liking him and his route much more than I thought I would. He is a sweet, quiet loner mechanic whose background causes him to be bitter towards magic and anyone associated with it...which includes our heroine, Emma. As such, he is against the goal of freeing Rêve, which makes for an interesting dynamic for the romance.
Their romance had a really sweet progression, beginning with him softening as Emma cooks for him, then throughletter correspondence—a trope I don't think I've seen in an Otome before but which was adorable, especially for an introvert love interest—then in Luciole tutoring Emma in mechanics to help her strengthen her powers. It was all very organic and satisfying. Cute moments: Luciole's cute protectiveness and his efforts to nurse her back to health, a nice contrast to the bitterness he had displayed at the beginning of the route.
I related to Luciole's personality and really felt for his tragic backstory. Trigger Warning: his mother was subject to persecution because of her powers as a witch, which led her to commit suicide. The details are kept at a minimum, but it is clear what happened. Similarly, this plot deals with the persecution Emma faces in Luciole’s hometown when she saves someone with her magic and is exposed as a witch, as well as her efforts to improve her magic through training she receives from the witch friend of Luciole’s mother.
I did have a minor complaint about this route in that we never really found out about why Luciole's soul was trapped in Rêve while we learned about this in all the other love interests' routes, at least in the good ending (again, I don't play bad endings, so perhaps this loose thread was resolved there.)
​
* Hugo ~ The love interest who may arguably be the game's poster boy, and as expected I adored him and his route. There were so many things I loved about it—the magical training focus and learning more about how it works in this world, Emma's gradually returning memories from her childhood, the friendship that was the foundation of their relationship, and their shared dream to create the “Starlights” to illuminate Rêve. Cute moments: riding the carousel together under the “starlights”, as well as their cuddling at night in his tent.
Because of their background, the romance with Hugo had more context than most of the love interests, making their relationship progress naturally.
As expected of locked routes, his story was quite plot-focused and mostly centered on how his soul got captured, as well as revelations about Emma's own forgotten memories. Potential Warning: his route also deals with him being secretive and a little deceitful "for her protection", which might be off-putting for some. But overall he is a very kind and gentle man, with good intentions, and I still loved their romance. Their ending was a little bittersweet, even as the element of "sacrificing something precious for a love that is even more precious" was also quite powerful.
​
* Arnaud ~ The locked route with all the reveals concerning Emma's past. I fell in love with Arnaud the moment I met him so was quite excited to finally play his route, especially as this dear boy was the “wingman” in all the other routes—his constant loyalty in his friendship, protectiveness, and support as Emma found love outside of himself meant he fully deserved to finally have his own happy ending where he finally gets the girl!
I quite like the childhood friend trope and a love interest who is very loyal and devoted no matter what comes, so Arnaud's route was very satisfying to me. I also knew that we were in for quite a wild ride when the tender romantic moments and love confession happened so early in the route...and I was right! This route was quite the ride! There are many twists and turns as Emma finds herself in quite the predicament, and Arnaud is forced to make some difficult decisions for her sake that make him appear not to be on her side.
Potential Trigger Warning: >!Emma is captured so that her powers can be abused, and Arnaud is forced to work with her captors in order to do his best to help her, which makes it appear like he betrayed her for part of the route.!< However no matter what comes, his love and devotion hold true, and his friendship and care with Emma allow them to develop a very satisfying romance. His epilogue was perhaps my favorite (and the most spicy, though I use that term loosely as it is mild; overall this isn't a spicy game by any means).
​
Love Interest Ranking (very difficult to determine as the love interests were truly all likable in their own way): Arnaud > Hugo = Lyon > Crier > Luciole > Serge
Route Ranking: Arnaud = Hugo > Lyon > Crier > Luciole > Serge
Note that the game also features a "Grand Ending" that ties everyone's stories together.

So I’m graduating in about a week with a bachelors. I applied with various DOT orgs. Had an amazing interview with one. They seemed super interested.
Since then they’ve contacted my references and even sent out a form to fill out for a background check (application part 2 I believe it said).
Just wondering if anyone knows if this means I have a decent shot at getting the job? Also does anyone know roughly how long the background check process takes?
The dot really is my first choice for employment. I’m hoping to get in asap but I do understand the state can work slowly. I think it’s going ok but I’m just nervous with graduation coming up and no solid offer from them yet. I have interviews coming up with private consulting firms and really would not be sure how to handle things if they offer me a job and idk what’s happening with the dot.
Sorry if y’all have answered this before I did check previous posts. I appreciate any and all info.
Thanks!

`qtype_enc::qe_string my_string_e("Hello World!");` `qtype_hash::qh_string my_string_h("Hello World!");` `qtype_enchash::qeh_string my_string_eh("Hello World!");` `std::cout << my_string_e.get() << std::endl;` `std::cout << my_string_h.get() << std::endl;` `std::cout << my_string_eh.get() << std::endl;` `std::cin.get();` 

`std::cout << "condition is true" << std::endl;` 

`std::cout << "condition is false" << std::endl;` 

`int x = 1;` `int y = 1;` `qcritical::SCRAMBLE_CRITICAL_CONDITION(` `true_, // callback if condition evaluates to TRUE` `false_, // callback if condition evaluates to FALSE` `std::tuple<>{}, // arguments (if any) for TRUE evaluated callback (our callback has no arguments)` `std::tuple<>{}, // arguments (if any) for FALSE evaluated callback (our callback has no arguments)` `x, y, // our condition variables from left -> right order (can be of any primitive type or std::string / std::wstring type for now)` `qcritical::EQUALTO // evaluation type (less than, greater than, equal to, greaterthanorequalto etc. )` `);` `return 0;` 

`if (except.id != qexcept::MEMORY_ALTERATION) // ensure this callback has been raised due to memory alteration` `return;` `std::cout << "Memory access violation occurred, original hash: " << std::hex << except.original_hash << std::endl; // display the original hash of the data when it was valid` `std::cout << "Altered hash: " << std::hex << except.altered_hash << std::endl; // display the hash of the data which was altered` `std::cout << "Memory address: " << std::hex << reinterpret_cast(data) << std::endl; //display the memory address of the data which was altered` `//Here you would normally flag the user for a ban/violation or force-quit the application` 

`qtype_enchash::init_qtype_hash(&violation_callback); // assign our callback function to the namespace - all instances will refer to this callback if they detect a violation` `qtype_enchash::qeh_int32 MyInteger(999); // instance a hash-checked integer and set its value to 999` `(*static_cast(MyInteger.get_raw_memory_address())) = 998; // use the built-in illegal-accessor for this example to modify the value of the data and trigger our callback` `int32_t value = MyInteger; // store the value held within MyInteger in a normal primitive variable to invoke get() (get() is when the check will occur)` `std::cout << "Hacked value: " << value << std::endl; // print the new / hacked value to the screen (998)` `std::cin.get();` `return 0;` 

`// You do not have to use all of the below functions, however analyze_executable_sections() must be called before morph_executable_sections(), and this must be called before manipulating headers as it depends on information from the headers to perform analyzation` `qdisasm::qsection_assembler sec{ };` `sec.analyze_executable_sections();` `if (sec.morph_executable_sections(true)) // NOW we morph our stored sections and pass true to flag for memory clearance` `std::cout << "Interrupt Padding morphed successfully! " << std::endl;` `else` `std::cout << "Interrupt Padding failed to be morphed! " << std::endl;` `if (sec.zero_information_sections())` `std::cout << "Garbage sections nulled" << std::endl;` `else` `std::cout << "Garbage section wipe failed" << std::endl;` `if (sec.scramble_dos_header(true))` `std::cout << "DOS headers wiped" << std::endl;` `else` `std::cout << "DOS headers not wiped" << std::endl;` `if (sec.scramble_nt_header())` `std::cout << "NT headers wiped" << std::endl;` `else` `std::cout << "NT headers not wiped" << std::endl;` `std::cout << ".text / header permutations complete!" << std::endl;` `std::cin.get();` 

`// Return type is NTSTATUS (template parameter)` `// Argument 1 is the library name (wide / ansi char depend on charset)` `// Argument 2 is name of function or ordinal number` `// all following arguments correspond to the API functions args themselves` `auto status = qimport::qimp::invoke(L"user32.dll", "MessageBoxA", NULL, "Hello World", "Hello World", NULL);` `std::cin.get();` 

`auto status = imp_MessageBoxA(NULL, "Hello World!", "Hello World!", NULL); // call MessageBoxA and assign it's status return to a local` `std::cout << status << std::endl; // output the return status to the console` `std::cin.get();` 

`auto j = std::chrono::high_resolution_clock::now().time_since_epoch().count();` `auto k = j % val;` `std::cout << k << std::endl;` 

`if (alteration.id != qexcept::HOOK_DETECTED)` `return;` `auto casted_arg = reinterpret_cast(alteration.violation_object_);` `std::cout << "Function hook detected, address: " << std::hex << casted_arg->hook_address << "\n";` `std::cout << "Hook size: " << casted_arg->hook_length << "\n";` `std::cout << "Hook data: " << std::endl;` `for (auto i = 0; i < casted_arg->hook_length; ++i)` `std::cout << std::hex << (int)casted_arg->hook_data[i] << "\n";` `delete casted_arg; // thi was allocated with new, must be deleted inside callback to avoid memory leak` 

`std::cout << "initializing hook scanner..." << std::endl;` `qhook::qhook_t::set_client_callback_fn(&callback);` `qhook::qhook_t((void*)&myimportantmethod);` `// any of the below hooks will be detected - you could change the registers used etc. if you wanted to` `unsigned char hook1[12] = {` `0x48, 0xB8, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0xFF, 0xE0 // mov rax, 0x1111111111111111 ; jmp rax` `};` `unsigned char hook2[14] = { // this is a trash hook used to test features of the detection, push rax, pop rax is a NOP essentially` `0x48, 0xB8, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x50, 0x58, // mov rax, 0x1111111111111111 ; push rax ; pop rax ; jmp rax` `0xFF, 0xE0` `};` `unsigned char hook3[12] = {` `0x48, 0xB8, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x11, 0x50, 0xC3 // mov rax, 0x1111111111111111 ; push rax ; ret` `};` `myimportantmethod(4);` `std::cout << "emplacing hook..." << std::endl;` `auto* ptr = (void*)&myimportantmethod;` `DWORD tmp{};` `VirtualProtect(ptr, sizeof(hook2), PAGE_EXECUTE_READWRITE, &tmp);` `memcpy(ptr, &hook2, sizeof(hook2));` `VirtualProtect(ptr, sizeof(hook2), tmp, &tmp);` `std::cin.get();` `return 0;` 

I've been looking into Washington's laws and procedures on firearm sales and transfers, and a few questions inevitably keep coming up in some way or another. I'm hoping some of you all might have some WA-relevant experience in these areas, or at least can provide your thoughts on the below generalized scenario. Thanks in advance!
EX. SCENARIO: An unlicensed resident of Idaho sells an (AWB-compliant) handgun to a Washington resident through some online auction site. After payment is successfully processed, the Idaho seller sends that firearm (along w/ three 10-rd mags) to a local Washington FFL as required by Federal law. The seller includes a "gift receipt" in the package with the owner's/seller's and recipient's information, but the documents included do not provide any other obvious transaction info not needed for the Form 4473 (e.g., selling price of the handgun).

1. For its part in the transaction, is that local WA FFL technically conducting a transfer — and not a sale — in terms of Washington law (e.g., RCW 9.41.113)?
   
2. Would it typically matter to a WA FFL whether or not money changed hands in the above scenario?
   
3. Does a licensed dealer / WA FFL disclose or record transaction amounts as part of any required Washington state or Federal transfer paperwork or process?
   
   • FWIW: I can't seem to find any requirements or opportunities for dealers/transferors/transferees to disclose specific transaction amounts (or clearly distinguish between a sale vs. transfer) on the WA Firearm Transfer Application, the ATF Form 4473, or the A&D Bound Book requirements.

Relevant context

WA definitions for quick reference

Here are the WA state definitions from RCW 9.41.010 which are used in WA's background check law:

(38) "Sale" and "sell" mean the actual approval of the delivery of a firearm in consideration of payment or promise of payment.
(48) "Transfer" means the intended delivery of a firearm to another person without consideration of payment or promise of payment including, but not limited to, gifts and loans. [...]

Some Federal references

• ATF Procedure 2020-2 requires that the FFL enter the firearm into the FFL’s A&D record as an acquisition from the private party seller in accordance with 27 CFR 478.122, 478.123, and 478.125; therefore the FFL must "take into inventory" the firearm involved in the private party transaction.
• The NFA — but not the GCA — gives this catch-all definition for transfers of NFA items:

The term “transfer” and the various derivatives of such word, shall include selling, assigning, pledging, leasing, loaning, giving away, or otherwise disposing of.

Disclaimer: This is just a rant based on my personal opinions. I know that this is how it was written in the novels and is for the sake of pushing the story forward. But that doesn't mean I can't complain about it.
(Contains Spoilers for Donghua)
The recent episodes of BTTH have been pretty great when it comes to its animation, CGI effects, and story. Definitely a big improvement from the past episodes. But GOD does the antagonists have to be so dim witted? Take the recent encounter with the Hong Clan and the Wind Thunder Pavillion (WTP) for example. I counted at least 3 times in which the Hong Clan and WTP elders comment on how shocking it is for someone of Xiao Yan's age to be a Dou Huang and possess such strength. The man has a Puppet capable of fighting a Dou Zong for christ sakes. And not once did they stop to think to do a background check before trying to kill him? What if he had been a young master of a powerful faction who's out training or having fun?
I know that Xiao Yan doesn't have that strong of a background but I'm talking about the logic and principle. Sure, Xiao Yan may be practicing the WTP's forbidden technique but I'm sure that Lei Zun Zhe would much prefer not antagonizing a power faction or clan from the Central Plains. Up to this point, we've been told numerous times about the amount of powerful factions there are in the Central Plains. More than a handful of them could wipe the floor with WTP if they wanted. You would think it would be on everyone's mind to think twice before antagonizing a stranger. Especially a talented youth.
The WTF's elder is a Dou Zong that's hundreds of years old and yet, he doesn't seem to have enough sense to think twice before going full villain mode. What's worse is that he had actually said that Xiao Yan could be the disciple of some hidden power in the Central Plains. But that logic goes out the window a few minutes later. Same for the Hong Clan elder. He's also a Dou Zong and arrived to see his clan's elder and another Dou Zong beaten to a pulp. By a young man nonetheless. And yet, it doesn't even cross his mind that Xiao Yan's background could be formidable.
Having read a portion of the novel, this kind of logic will happen a few more times. It's how it shows off how strong and powerful the MC is. Moments like this have already occurred many times in past episodes. I had hoped that they would improve upon this aspect as they had done with other parts of the Donghua. I just wish the author, or at least the animation company, could add some more logic into it than just the villains attacking without thinking twice.

Submissions are open. I need some time to put together pairings and a discord before we start, so the sooner you send your submission, the easier it'll be- thank you!
The current deadline (and start of the event) is May 12th!
Infinity Train Big Bang Submissions
For anyone who does not remember or does not know, I'll re-define what a Big Bang is below!
A Big Bang is a fandom-wide collaboration. Authors, artists, and betas come together to create new content over the course of a month or so.
Authors first work on their fanfic. Any genre, any crossover, any au, any book. Be it ship content or gen fics- all creativity is welcome! The only requirement is that it be Infinity Train related.
Authors will be expected to write a 5k fic by the deadline. Artists will be assigned a fic after the first author check-in, in which they will be given a general summary and scene descriptions from their assigned fic.
Any art medium is accepted! Whether you use traditional, digital, musical, craft, or cosplay. If you have any questions about your preferred medium and potential participation, message me for more details.
I can be reached at @jesse-cosay or @infinitytrainbigbang on Tumblr or @just_your_average_yellow_soul on Instagram.

Got email today saying TO was withdrawn and it’s final but I can submit a FOIA to find out why.
“We have been notified by the Personnel Security Division (PSD) that you have been removed from the hiring process for the position of Position Title due to the results of your background investigation.”
Is this a suitability issue? It was a position with a 3 letter agency that only required public trust, but I heard this agency does a full security type check on everyone even though they don’t give you a clearance.
I have a TO pending background check with another 3 letter agency. Will this decision affect that background check?
I’ll FOIA to find out why, but does anyone know how long that takes?
And am I in bad shape for all federal jobs, or is it agency by agency? And would it help to only apply to agencies that don’t do the full clearance investigation for public trust positions?
Last, if I find out from FOIA what the reason was, should I contact the current investigation to try to preempt the issue?
Thanks.
ETA possible reasons:
1) excessive debt - no lates whatsoever, nothing in collections, always had low to no debt till this past year when 100 year old house was found to have massive structural damage from termites. It’s been a nightmare trying to repair. I thought I could offer mitigating proof if I received an SOR, but apparently you don’t get that if you’re denied for suitability reasons(?)
2) misdemeanor STET for assault in 2015. Ex wife’s boyfriend came on my property and I punched him. I did the required things, got it dismissed after a year, then had it totally expunged. I was not arrested; the boyfriend pressed charges 2 weeks later and I received a summons. Also not convicted. I checked with a lawyer and STET is definitely not a conviction. So there was nowhere to put this in the SF-86.
Question 22.1 asked about the last 7 years, and this was 8 years ago when I did the form so I answered no.
Question 22.2 asked if I was ever convicted - no - charged with a felony offense - no (misdemeanor) - or charged w/an offense involving drugs, alcohol, firearms, or explosives - again, no.
I led off the interview by disclosing this. The investigator seemed shocked a) she hadn’t found it, and b) that I left it off the form. But there was nowhere to put it! She said I should have put it under the section asking if I was ever invoked in any civil cases other than my divorce. She seemed convinced that a misdemeanor is a civil case and I should have put it there. I didn’t want to argue with her bit I asked a lawyer after the interview. It’s definitely not criminal, not civil. So there truly was nowhere to put it on the form.
3) terminated from job in 2018 for dating a subordinate.
4) in recovery from alcoholism for almost 3 years now. I attend a meeting at 6 am every morning except Sunday, sponsor guys, and am active in the program.
5) took antidepressants and saw a therapist
6) admitted to marijuana use in 2015. This I left off the sf-86 but remembered it before the interview, so I opened interview by disclosing it.
7) one neighbor is an absolute pill and is separately (understandably) mad about the house being under construction for so long. He also works for a 3 letter agency. He probably would have given a bad reference if asked. Every other neighbor would have given a very good one.
How screwed am I?

Hello everyone! ¡Hola a todo!

I am so confused about the whole lead-booker issue. I do not understand how it's possible, ethical, or valid to ID check every single person coming to Estadio Santiago Bernabéu for The Eras Tour. I've read through several Real Madrid FC posts and I haven't seen a single person say they've had their ID checked, even though it's a written policy for some fútbol events as well. I would imagine this would wildly impact the amount of time it takes to admit everyone to the stadium.
Estadio Santiago Bernabéu can hold over 80,000 people and has 58 gates. Spread evenly, that's 1380 people per gate. Liberally, if it takes a maximum of 10 seconds per person to get in each door that's about 13800 seconds or 3,8 hours.
For reference, at the US shows, the doors opened at 16:30, the supporting act went on a 19:00 and Taylor started at 20:00. That gives them 2,5 hours to get everyone in before the supporting act, and 3,5 before Taylor's set.
I don't know if my maths are biased or what, but I just don't see how this is logically possible. Perhaps they will be selective with whose they check? If you read below it does say, "who may be asked to present valid ID."
"Can I transfer tickets to somebody else?
No, for the moment we have not enabled Ticket Transfer for Taylor Swift The Eras Tour. Ticket Transfer will activate closer to the show date. Please note that the promoter has put a ‘lead booker’ policy in place, meaning that the recipient of the transfer will still need to enter the venue with the lead booker, who may be asked to present valid identification."
^From the Ticket Master (España) help page.

I sent the following message to Ticket Master (España) earlier today:

"Hello! I am confused about this part of the help section. It says that transfer will be active closer to the date of the event, but then it says that the recipients of the transfer have to enter with a lead booker. So, can the lead booker's ticket be transferred? Let's say a mom has 3 tickets to give to her 3 children. Can she only transfer 2/3 of the purchased tickets and the mom HAS to go no matter what or the other 3 tickets cannot?
Or what if mom only has 1 ticket and wants to give it to someone. Is she not allowed to transfer it because she is the one and only, and therefore de facto lead-booker?
That doesn't really make sense. From what I can see, either all tickets can be transferred or none of them can. So, which is it? We really need to know if the tickets will be transferrable or not. Please update when you can.
Thank you so much."
I tried to be as direct as I could, without being overtly rude or demanding. I can think of several other situations where this becomes unfair, but I didn't want to bombard them. Any tickets purchased as gifts are now officially invalid?

They actually replied to me pretty quickly, but not at all with anything useful.

"Hello -------------,
During the purchase process we show you all the information provided by the organizer of the event. It is important that you read it carefully. Please note that any person accessing the event must purchase a ticket. If you are under age and you need an authorization to access the venue you can download the form and read it carefully. Remember that if you are under and you need an authorization you will find the form to be filled in. You can also consult the information on our blog.
During the purchase process you will also be able to see the capacity plan of the show. If you need detailed information about the services offered by the venue, we recommend that you go to its website, where you will find more details.
If this information has not been useful for you, please reply to this email and we will get back to you as soon as possible.
Best regards,
Customer Service Department
Ticketmaster"
Yeah... They didn't really answer my question at all. So, I emailed them back and restated my question(s). I am hoping to hear back from them soon, but I assume they aren't going to perjure themselves. I know that in the UK they waived the silly "lead-booker" requirement because the fans bullied them into it, I wonder what we have to do to make that happen elsewhere in Europe?

What do you think?

Are they going to let us change the names on the tickets so we can comply with the "lead-booker" thing?
Are they going to check IDs at all?
Any and all information is welcome. I really want to know what the community thinks about this.

Hei,
I have seen many angry comments on norge and Norway concerning the recent plagiarism scandals. Sandra Borch and Ingvild Kjerkol have been rightfully called out for their cheating because they clearly violated the existing rules. But, hear me out, I think it's time to reevaluate these rules. Little relevant background info: I have published peer-reviewed scientific articles (no cheating, pinky promise) and taught courses at universities.

1. The concept of self-plagiarism doesn't make any fucking sense to me. If you wrote text, you should be free to copy paste it however often you want - provided you cite the original and make sure new relevant information is included.
   
2. In my opinion, WAY too much time gets wasted because authors need to reshuffle words other people have used. Most scientists get funded by the public and the public (including other scientists) should receive the intellectual property rights to text. Let's take one of the paragraphs that got Kjerkol in trouble: it described a method. No one would have gained anything if she reworded it slightly. In some fields direct quotes are acceptable, but in many it's a no-go just because of tradition. If text from someone else blends in seamlessly, IMO it should be totally fine to copy paste it as long as you make it clear you did. Maybe with a new citation style like (Kjerkol et al. 2024 cp) (cp for copy paste). And yes, I know the main problem was that she did not give any indication that it was copied.
   
3. Theses are an instrument for gate keeping. Many people hate writing scientific texts. One reason many never finish or start degrees is because they don't have this particular skill. Finishing a thesis can decide your pay grade and if you can work your dream job. IMO it's outdated to make people suffer with this single form of evaluating performance rooted in maintaining power structures for the rich. If you didn't grow up in an academic household, writing will likely be more difficult for you. If copy-pasting was more acceptable, it might make life a lot easier for people who struggle - of course they would still need to produce and combine knowledge in their work.
   
4. In the age of large language models such as chatgpt, the existing rules are obsolete anyways. But to me the same principle applies: use it as much as you want as long as you make sure everything is correct, adds knowledge, and doesn't sound like you're trying to be a pretentious prick (chatgpt-ish "delve" and "embark" sentences make me puke). That this can lead to self-feedback training data for the LLMs is a different topic.
   

Agreed?

Animal shelters, libraries, hospitals, car mechanics, home building...every single place I've looked has an 'application' to volunteer, it has a list of responsibilities, you have to clock in and out, you have a list of responsibilities. What the hell is going on here? Like, if you don't clock in they get pissy. If you leave early they get pissy. If you act like anything other than a subservient employee who is unpaid, you are treated with open hostility. What the actual hell is going on?
In other places I've lived, I could roll into the cat shelter and pet/groom/socialize with the cats. Helping the ones still in cages get more comfortable and social. I've build over 20 homes with Habitat for Humanity, but here in TX they'll ask me to leave the site if I show up without signing up a week ahead and clocking in/out. The car mechanic near me has a volunteer program and they want to keep my SSN on file for 'background checks'. Not use and discard, keep on file. Electronically. By their IT guy who just graduated middle school...
"They have 100s of thousands of dollars of tools they're trying to protect." Ok, That kinda makes sense...except for the part where I have to bet my entire life's work and good decision making on them not losing it, something not even AT&T can do. Like...why is this madness tolerated? Why does it happen? Is there some state law that says you have to report volunteer hours to keep your status as a non-profit? Is there some legal precedent that if a person just shows up to help out they have to be a registered volunteer 'or else'?
I'm making the, perhaps wrong, assumption that there's an actual, logical, reason why volunteers are treated as unpaid employees, but maybe the requirement for having a volunteer opportunity is being of an authoritarian bent and lacking any form of sanity.

as a note - I checked the rules, and they didn't prohibit fan-stories. I'm sorry if I've misunderstood something. Story takes place on the boat to Sharlyan at the start of EW.
**********
"A game, you say?" asked the ever curious Y'Shtola Rhul, her feline ears tucking back to indicate curiosity. "I know many games, though care not for childishness - yet you claim this one is set apart?" Her black dress, seeming rags to some, was gathered about her in her chair, and she sat forward just far enough that she wasn't sitting on her tail. She'd been in the midst of refreshing herself with a glass of chill water, so she wasn't particularly bothered by the interruption.
WOL nodded back at her, presenting the extensive list of rules and gameplay parameters they'd squirreled way in their massive magical inventory. Their friends had known they kept a rather eclectic assortment of items, from gold nuggets and spare weapons to bathing suits and even wood for some reason. Books seemed banal by comparison, and yet these books were themselves indicative of a whole new side that none of their allies had ever known of them.
"I never much played games in my youth." commented Estinien Varlineau, his dark armor doffed as he relaxed in the linen shirt he wore underneath; the elezen man was muscular for his people, and his every movement seemed steeped in purpose, even as he relaxed. "So I could not speak to 'childish' games or not, but surely they'd not invite us to simple cards? Though..." he chuckled at some sort of joke he'd thought of. "A card game necessitating THAT much explanation would be quite something."
"Surely so, Eistinian." Agreed Alphinaud Leveillure, the youth quick to join in on anything his personal idol and friend WOL suggested. The boy was perhaps wound too tight, but he meant well and his insight rarely failed him or his allies. Having grown out of his bratty insistence on being right had mellowed him somewhat, and he had lately grown into the role of a bright eyed youth rather neatly. "I know many card games myself; you'd be surprised how much you can learn about a culture by their means of relaxation. And yet, even in Sharlyan, there were no games with quite so much prep as that."
His twin sister snorted in good natured derision. "If there had been, surely you'd have mastered it first." she grinned; unlike her brother whom she so resembled physically, Alisae Leveillure was a tomboy through and through. There seemed to be little she was phased by, but her closest friends knew that to merely be a result of her desire to never lose control of herself, and as a result lose something precious.
"So?" asked Thancreed, his dark voice bellying his boyishly handsome features. Like Eistinian, he'd doffed much of his gear, though the gleam of his gunblade could be spied in the corner of the room, and he was never more than a few steps from it. "Are you going to explain this game? Or is the goal that we agree to play, and you sucker us into some mad scramble adventure?"
WOL laughed gently as they always seemed to, rarely flappable as they were. "The game is a Role Playing Tabletop - picture a storybook in which you the players decide the events."
"Oh?" asked Y'shtola. "An exercise in imagination, is it? I confess, I'd expected a bit more."
WOL just shrugged. "The game emphasizes player freedom; it can be as much or as little as you like, Y'shtola." She'd actually granted them permission to use her given name without the normal addendate, which really showed how much she cared for them. To show how much they respected that care, WOL chose to not do so casually, which the Miquo'te archon seemed to appreciate. "The important thing to remember is that you have to put yourselves in the shoes of the character you create - you CAN play yourself, but this game gives you the chance to explore a perspective you'd never otherwise be able to."
"Hoh?" a much deeper, more refined voice chimed in from the entrance to the room. Urianier Augurelt entered, a tome in his hand that seemed suspiciously similar to those offered by WOL. The man was difficult to get a read on, even for those who knew him well, and he had the oddest ability to move fluidly between a bespoke scholar of ancient wisdom and a very silly elezen. "Hast thou found resistance?" he asked WOL. "Or, perchance, didst thou not yet explain the minutia of this fascinating game thoust proposed - I thought surely Alphinaud wouldst take to it well." Behind him was G'raha Tia, his shaggy red hair bobbing in his excitement - he'd been the first to find out about this game that WOL was supposedly rather good at and insisted on having the others invited to play it all together. Tataru Taru was behind him, her naturally bouncy step seeming pepped at the chance to finally do something WITH everyone else, and Krile Baldesion in her yellow cat-eared cloak right along with her. These four had been the initial invitees, and it was WOL who'd decided to make it a scion wide game.
"I was just getting around to that." WOL confirmed. Everyone shuffled in and soon, all the scions of the seventh dawn were waiting expectantly. The game had been proposed due to the sailing ahead of them - headed to Sharliyan at a swift clip, the fact remained that there was a month of sea-travel to go and nobody was looking forward to it. Many of them played the part of the gentle librarian, but every single one of these people were little more than excitement seeking problem children, and so WOL decided to head disaster off at the pass, as it were. "Now, the premise is that I as the Dungeon Master will present you with a setting - nothing more. A goal will be presented as time passes, but it will be up to you - or more accurately your characters - to seek that goal and its resolution in what ever manner appropriate to them. I've a rather short story in mind, but they can be years long among dedicated circles." WOL left out that they'd been a member of such circles before making their way to the city states for one reason or another - it was hard to remember why after all that had happened. "Your jobs as players will simply to create a character for this story, and play them to the hilt. The important thing to remember is that you can play ANYTHING - including something in which you have no background." WOL looked at G'raha, who blushed - he was the only one at the table who'd seemingly done nearly every job under the sun at some point.
Y'Shtola didn't seem convinced. "I don't know - how would one play along as something with which they have no familiarity? I hardly know much about dragoons for example, and would hesitate to make any mistakes in my actions with Estinien so near at hand."
"Oh, don't worry about me." he said simply. "I know the difference between a game and an initiate - I'd hesitate more to play a mage of any sort with those present." Woe to the day someone called the extolled Flair spell a very big fireball near Y'shtola.
"Here here." said Thancreed jovially.
She smirked at their cheeky attitudes, but continued all the same. "The point remains - I know nothing about swords and spears, so how could I effectively play-act a master swordsman?"
Uranger came to WOL's rescue then, holding up the book he'd been perusing. "Tis all here, in the rule-book and character creation guide - thou needs't not know swordsmanship for thyself, merely the skills of thy associated class. The game seemst more 'bout the application of critical thinking when not in thy element - a novel idea." Eyes lit up, Y'shtola offered her hand in demand, which Urianger happily obliged. It still wasn't clear how a blind woman could read, but supposedly her aether-sight was minute enough to pick up the ink on the paper.
Alphinaud was not so easily satisfied as that though; he insatiably sought a perfect answer in even the most inconsequential of events. "Combat class is one thing, but how would we not play ourselves as that class? I fail to understand how I could be anything other than myself."
"While I dream of the day you learn to." said Alisae wistfully.
He glared at her half-heartedly. "I ask again - would the game not simply be a matter of play-acting ourselves in a different role?"
Krile tutted at him. "You're missing the point, young master Leveillure, and I'm astonished you have. I intend to play the game myself, and I'd rather like the idea of being a male Au-ra fellow, one fluent in the bards college." The surprised looks she got only egged her on it seemed. "As I am neither Au-ra, nor male, I imagine the exercise of trying to maintain the perspective of one would be both novel and enlightening. I've certainly never seen the world from that high up, I'll admit." she chuckled at her own joke, recalling in her mind how irritating it could be to constantly have to look up at folks.
"I'm playing a Rhogedyne gunman myself." said Tataru. "I rather like the idea of pretending I was Admiral Merlwyb."
"Right." Krile nodded. "Our perspectives are invariably a direct result of our experiences - attempting to put oneself in the shoes of a wholly different set of experiences may well elucidate the struggles and decisions of those around you. You once thought poorly of our dear Estinien after all, but shared experience and a new perspective has found you fast friends."
"Hoh?" Estinien raised an eyebrow challengingly. "I'd not known your opinion of me was anything but sparkling - perhaps mine of you was too high in that case." He waited a devastating few moments, in which Alphinaud fought for the words to assuage him, before revealing the joke for what it was with a smile.
After realizing the ruse, Alphinaud simply sighed, knowing he'd been duped. Perhaps earlier in his life, he'd have been much more upset, but as Krile had said, he and Estinien were quite close now. "Ha ha, thank you very much for that input, SER Estinien." It was easy to imagine him sticking his tongue out, were he not so exacting about his appearance. He returned his attention to WOL, a contemplative look on his face, until he ultimately seemed to come to a conclusion. "I see your points I suppose - it certainly has merit, I can't deny. I'll play."
"As will I." offered Estinien. One by one, all the scions agreed, and soon, they were each pouring over the proffered materials, discussing characters and compatibility.
All the while, the WOL did their best to hide their tears of joy; a first time group, not only taking the game seriously and taking the time to familiarize themselves with their classes, but actually cooperating and playing at seemingly the same wave-length. Sure, they were overthinking it, but they did that with everything and honestly - it was beautiful.
Urianger was the first to approach with a question. "I knowest well what class I intend, but find it difficult to decide his personality." he commented, showing the character sheet the WOL had given him to fill out. "I'd hoped to play someone of ill intelligence, but admit that I may be unable to perform poorly on purpose as the character would require; of note, I doubt I couldst change much of my preferred parlance." oh, so he knew he was doing it.
WOL had a perfect idea in mind though, one they'd secretly been nursing from the moment he'd agreed to play. "Then don't change the way you talk." they said, earning a tilted head of confusion. "I can't ask you to suddenly be less educated or inciteful, but surely you've met those who only appear educated, yes? Or perhaps they ARE educated, but ultimately not that intelligent regardless."
His eyes lit up, and the WOL gestured him closer so they could collude on the character. "Picture it - a well spoken, highly pedigreed moron. Someone who knows all the right words, but not what they mean - you must have met plenty of those who simply rattle off the thoughts of books and their authors without once adding a thought of their own?" Urianger clearly loved the idea, and soon the two were sharing ideas on how to characterize the individual, a 'gentleman warrior' of sorts, and how they would keep it a secret from the rest of the group.
"What are you two doing over there?" questioned a suspicious Y'stola, her blind eyes narrowed.
"Oh, nothing much." Said WOL innocently. "Urianger simply wanted his character to feel more appropriate to the setting of the game, so we were discussing ways to make his background fit without affecting the story. Did you have a question?" they attempted to deflect away, though Y'stola was highly perceptive and not a little suspicious by nature, so her narrowed eyes didn't let up for a second.
Still, perhaps the thought that all of this was a game was enough to sway her and she ultimately decided to move on. "Yes... I'd like you to look over my character please, and tell me if I've done it correctly."
WOL doubted strongly that Y'stola had gotten anything wrong, but obliged either way. She'd gone with her idea of a dragoon, Hyur, even going so far as to ask Estinien for tips to make them accurate. What was surprising however what that the character was Chaotic Evil, and was stated to be an advocate of Odin. "I see you really dug into the roleplay angle - though, with your time in the black shroud, why..?"
"Odin is admittedly one of the more dangerous Primals." She explained. "He doesn't follow many of the established rules, and worse seems ultimately immortal - an ill informed and nefarious warrior would be well drawn to the dark cavelier, methinks." She even explained that Estinian had helped her characterize the individual, well remembering his time as an ill-informed zelot both against and for Nidhogg. WOL, knowing the man to be more insightful than some gave him credit for, suspected he was trying to find out what others may have thought of him during that time, and Y'stola - who'd been absent - would be a fine neutral party. Well, it seemed harmless, so WOL decided to leave it be. Y'stola continued. "We have yet to hear the setting of this game of yours though, so I am unclear if the character or even Odin himself would be appropriate."
"Don't worry about that - it's my job to make it work, and yours is just to play." She offered her understanding, then returned to the planning session with the others.
It took no few hours, enough that they hadn't had enough time to actually begin play, but soon everyone had a character. Tataru went with her Merlwyb character, though was advised to just make it an homage rather than the admiral herself due to the ears of the ships crew being everywhere. Uranger had his gentleman warrior, and Y'stola her hyuran madman - Krile's Au-ra had undergone a revision it seemed, and she decided to make him a dancer instead. Estinien was playing a Lalafell thaumaturge, chaotic good alignment with a goal of regaining black magic. G'raha was playing a Viera woman, an honorable and good samurai, which was one of the few jobs he had no familiarity with. Thancreed was a Rhogedyn paladin, with all that entailed, while Alisae fought her instincts to make a fighter and went with an elezen conjurer from amdipoor, emphasizing that she'd be something of a dramaqueen for her characters behavior since she'd never understood people who made mountains out of molehills. Alphinaud was the last to decide, but went with a lawful-evil Hrothgar ninja. Wanting to avoid any references to recent events, the setting was in the black shroud, a group of adventurers investigating an Allagan ruin of some sort.
With players like these, it was clear the game would be one to remember; WOL was alight with excitement, planning out what they would do to surprise their friends and challenge their decision-making capabilities. With such thoughts, it was easy to forget the impeding disasters that seemed to have followed them all this time... just for a little bit.
​
Pt 1?

So my(49f) husband (56m) and I have been married for 12 years. I had 2 daughters from a previous marriage and they are now 23 and 25. I didn’t have a horrible relationship with my ex and they spent a lot of time with him after the divorce. That part of the relationship went as well as it could have. My mother (dad passed away) lives several states away and we don’t see her often. When hubby and I married, his mom and stepdad were in town but moved to Florida within the first 2 years. They had already been spending winters down there. About 5 years ago they decided that was too far away and they moved to the same state we are in, but were about 2 hours away. We ended up moving closer to them for our jobs and now we are only 30 min away. So, close enough to visit but too far away to drop in.
My daughters are both working on establishing their careers now and work full time. My oldest has been dating the same person for 3 years so they have spent Christmas with his family one year. My youngest is working full time and finishing her Masters, living in the same town as her dad and his new wife about 4 hours away.
They are adults now and I recognize that they are not going to be able to spend as much time with me as I want them to and I have to deal with that. This is part of them growing up and leaving the nest!
They both try to come and visit about 1x per month and I know I am really lucky and blessed that they want to come visit and make time in their busy schedule.
So, allllllll of that background for the issue. Now that we live closer my MIL expects us to go to her house and spend every major holiday with them. So when my mom came to visit one year we still went over there. The issue is Christmas and birthdays. This last year my oldest had to work and didn’t come home until the night of Christmas, the 25th and spent a few days with us before going home to celebrate New Year’s with her dad as their “Christmas”. So that all 4 of us could be together to celebrate my youngest matched her schedule with her sisters. So we spent the morning and early afternoon on Christmas Day with his Mom and then came home in time for the girls to get there. My MIL has traditionally given all 4 of us a little gift, nothing exorbitant. This year she didn’t get the the girls anything and made a point of specifically stating that if they weren’t going to come visit she wasn’t going to get them anything. My job also requires me to work about 15 hours on Christmas Eve, every year. So I am exhausted Christmas Day.
Now with Mother’s Day coming up she wants us to come over there again. AITAH for not wanting to go because the girls have a break in their schedules and are coming down on Friday night, spending Saturday with us and leaving Sunday morning? I am still a bit hurt and mad that she has turned holidays into a transactional event and I feel that when they come down to visit, either together or separately, they are at the age that they get to drive the visit to a large extent, and spending a large portion of time with people that have only been peripherally involved in their lives is not a priority.
Hubby and I go visit MIL at least 2-3 times a month and he calls them at least once a week just to chat and check in. They are very involved in their church and active all week long and on weekends. I think they have a more active social life than we do, so it’s not like they are languishing home alone.
I should note that both my hubby and I are only children.
(Edited for clarity and because autocorrect was stupid on some things)

I posted a proto version of this story to Petty Revenge, but here's the slightly extended and, I hope, final version.
* * *
It was a few days after New Years, and Angela was out with me on a dinner date. “What do you mean, you can’t talk about work?” she said. Angela was of less than average height, but nothing about her was average, and in her high heels, her very, very high heels, she looked formidable.
“There’s this thing called privilege,” I said as I pulled out a chair and offered it to her. “It means that I can’t--”
“I know what privilege means,” Angela said as she seated herself, “but you can still talk about your cases.” We’d started dating about five seconds after I’d met her during a court case less than two weeks before.
“How?”
“Just change the names,” she said, “you can change the names, and call people whatever you want.”
“That’s kinda tough. I have a bad time trying to remember people’s real names, let alone made up ones.”
“Then just call people by what they are. Call them ‘the client’, ‘the judge,’ ‘the bad guy,’ You get the idea.”
“I do, but even if I give them fake names, I’d have to be super careful not to describe them too closely.”
“I don’t care about little details like how tall they are, or how old, or the colour of their hair.” Angela wanted to get rid of any obstacles to communication, so that we could share, or communicate, or even worse, talk about stuff. In the house I was raised in, we never talked about stuff, and I was having trouble wrapping my head around the concept.
“So if I tell you stories about work, you know that you can’t share them with anyone else, ever.”
Angela looked at me cross-eyed. “Do you think I’m an idiot? What do you think I’m going to do, walk up to some random people and start telling your secrets?”
“No,” I said. “I know you would never do that. But the thing is, I gotta ask.”
“You asked, and I answered. I won’t tell anyone at all.”
“Ok,” I said, glad that the privilege thing was settled.
“Ok what?”
“Ok, like I know you won’t tell anyone.”
Angela picked up the menu and held it before her face. But she was only pretending to read, I was pretty sure, because her long red nails clicked absently on the table surface. She was expecting something from me, something other than a simple ‘ok’, but I wasn’t getting it. Until I got it.
“You wanted me to tell you a story about work.”
“Like duh,” she said, laying the menu down flat again. “I told you all about the drama in grade ten civics class this week, when the kids had to create their own political party, and half the class went all fascist and I had to call some parents. So the least you could do is tell me a story about your work.”
“I have a story, a really good one,” I said, “but I don’t know how it’s going to end.”
“Try me,” she said, “I want to hear about court and arguing and all that.” I shook my head.
“It’s not about court. It’s about my boss.”
“Your boss? What’s his name?”
“I can’t say his name,” I said.
“But this isn’t about a case. It’s about your office.”
“It’s all kinda bundled together,” I said, “and if I start using real names, I’ll slip up at some point and say a name I shouldn’t. So let’s just call him Boss Junior, because I have another guy above him that I report to, this partner guy. Boss Junior’s my immediate boss, the lawyer who’s supposed to be training me.”
“How’s the training with Boss Junior going?” Angela said, after the waiter took her wine order with a broad smile and too attentively for my liking.
“It’s not,” I said.
“Not what?”
“I’m not getting any training. None at all. I’m basically on my own.”
“That’s awful. You should speak to someone, or do something about it.”
“I am,” I said, “that’s what the story is about.” We ordered, and while we waited for our dinner, I told Angela my story about Boss Junior, the way he was treating me, and how I was dealing with it.
* * *
“This opinion is shit,” Boss Junior told me. He’d been a lawyer for three years, and the firm assigned me to him for training, to show me, a humble articling student, how to be a litigator (I'm from Canada, and here a law student has to train for about a year after they graduate, before they can become a lawyer. The process is called 'articling.’)
I disliked my boss for a number of reasons. For one thing, Boss Junior knew no law, and for another, he expressed himself badly in writing. For a litigator, that’s like strike one and two right there, and strike three was this: he had no balls. He was actually scared of going to court. I noticed this when he took me to assignment court one day, and when it was his turn to speak his hands were shaking. He was scared, in fucking assignment court, where all you do is set a trial date.
“What’s wrong with what I wrote?” I said.
“Not what I asked for,” he said, turning away. But when I checked the memo he’d emailed me two weeks earlier, I saw that the opinion I wrote was exactly what he asked for.
* * *
“The little shit,” Angela said, “how does he get away with it?”
“Money,” I said.
“Money? What’s money got to do with it?”
“It’s got a lot to do with it.”
* * *
Money had everything to do with it. My boss was the very model of the young downtown lawyer. His perfect shoes always gleamed. He wore bespoke suits because he came from money. Everyone just took it for granted that he was on the partner track. I, on the other hand, was well on my way to not being hired back, and Boss Junior figured out pretty fast that it was ok to fuck with me.
I knew what was up. He was going to delete my dockets for writing the memo and then claim he did it himself, thus leaving me quite a bit short of my docketing quota for the month.
I didn’t like having my billable hours fucked with. I seriously resented it, because I was already being targeted as one of the articling students who doesn’t docket as much as he should and I was getting pushback from the partner who headed our team. I told the partner what was going on, but he didn't care. It was like being back in middle school and showing up in the office with bruises on my face and the principal saying ‘boys will be boys’ and sending me on my way. “You’ll just have to work harder, or smarter,” the partner said when I reported the latest bullshit thing that my immediate boss did to me.
I couldn’t work harder (I was doing the usual six days a week thing that students downtown are forced to do) but I could work smarter, and that night I thought up a plan. Christmas was coming, and I thought I’d give my boss a little present. It landed on his desk on December 24th, in the form of a memo purporting to be from the partner that my boss reported to.
* * *
“But isn’t that forgery?” Angela said when the overly attentive waiter arrived with our order. I waited for the man to go away before speaking.
“Technically speaking, yes, but in this case, probably not.” Except that it was forgery. Of course it was forgery. I put the partner’s name on the memo I forged, on the first page, where it said who wrote it.
* * *
The partner was an old guy, and not really on board with emails and computers, so he did everything old school, on paper. So when Boss Junior came in on December 24th and saw a memo on his desk from the partner with a legal research assignment, that wasn’t unusual. The memo was drafted in the usual form that the partner used, because of course I had taken great pains to make sure that it looked authentic.
My boss walked over to the little cubicles where the articling students worked, and gave me the same memo. Except first he did a little forgery of his own. He had his secretary do up a new cover page, so that now the assignment was from him to me, instead of from the partner to my boss. The assignment was difficult, requiring me to do a deep dive into admiralty law, its relationship to the common law, combined with a constitutional division of powers question.
“But this is a huge assignment,” I whined, “and I’m going to be away. Can’t you get someone else to do it? Is it really urgent?” The memo I’d forged to my boss stressed how totally urgent the situation was, but there was no way my boss could double check with the partner, because the partner left the day before on vacation. That’s why I’d waited until December 24th. “No can do,” my boss said, “this is a big deal. Just let HR know. Maybe they’ll give you time and half or something.” He turned his back and walked away, thinking he had ruined my holidays.
But he was mistaken.
The year before I’d written a paper for a third year course that was basically the same thing as the research assignment in the memo. So the only ‘work’ I had to do, was to take the old floppy disk with the draft on it, fiddle with it a bit, and voila: a very detailed and very long memo on an obscure point of Admiralty law, with references starting back to Lord Coke’s day. So I put the memo together, and took my holidays as planned. I wasn’t traveling anywhere far(because I had no money) but I saw my family and stayed in town and most important of all, I hung around with Angela.
I made a point of dropping by the office during the holidays, sending an email or two, establishing that I was around, and docketing all my time for the huge amount of research I was allegedly doing.
So the holidays end, and I’m sitting in my shitty little student’s cubicle with a huge stack of work to do and boss junior comes up to me, in one of his bespoke suits with a gold tie pin and cufflinks to match and a gold watch, too. He was dressed up, even for him, trying to make an impression of some kind.
“Where’s that memo?” he said, in the voice of petty authority, the tone assholes use when speaking to staff or the guy who parked their car. “You were supposed to have it on my desk when I got back. I’m going into a meeting at noon.”
“Just finished it this morning,” I said, handing him the lengthy memo that was still warm from the printer. My boss took the memo in his hands and felt its heft and he smiled. Then he turned and walked away without a word.
Just before lunch I heard a commotion down the hall. It was a pretty loud commotion, as such things go, a loud “fuck!”, and then a door was flung open. It was the partner, and he was screaming for my boss to get his ass into his office, now, right now, as in immediately. I had the pleasure of watching my boss scramble down the hall. “Just what the fucking fuck is this?” the partner said, standing in the doorway to his office, and holding my handiwork with his thumb and index finger, at arm’s length, as if he were afraid that handling it would soil him. My boss mumbled something, and then the partner ushered him inside. I heard more shouting, then the sound of muffled excuses, and then more shouting from the partner. Then the door flung open again.
“Calledinthe90s. Get your ass in here, too,” the partner said, and I got my ass in their pronto.
“Did you write this fucking memo?” the partner said. I took it from him and looked it over.
“I wrote it. The cover page has been changed to remove my name, but other than that, it’s mine. I spent all Christmas on it. Is there something wrong with it?”
The partner exploded.
“Is there something wrong with it? Something wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it. It’s fucking useless! Totally useless!” I explained that I’d followed my boss’s instructions to the letter, and that I’d docketed more than a hundred hours on it. At this the partner really went nuts, and told me to go back to my desk and fetch him the memo from my boss. I brought it to him, and when he read it, his face went red. He told me I could leave and I hauled ass out of there.
From my little student cubicle I wasn’t close enough to hear the full chewing out my boss got, but I heard the details through the grapevine over the next few days, about how the partners were seriously pissed that my boss had wasted over a hundred hours of a student’s time on a useless task that was obviously a prank, and how had my boss not realized that he was being pranked, was he an idiot? I wasn’t blamed at all, of course; I had been working under my boss’s close supervision.
So my boss got yelled at by the partners and mocked by his peers, which I enjoyed tremendously. I also got a bit of a Christmas bonus, to make up for my holiday being wasted. The cheque was the biggest I’d ever seen, and when I showed it to Angela during dinner she looked worried and happy for me at the same time.
“How can you be so sure you won’t get caught?” Angela said. She was a newly minted high school teacher. She took to the job like a duck to water. I think it maybe helped that her hearing was preternaturally good, and her peripheral vision was second to none. But that didn't mean that she knew anything about law firms.
“There’s no chance I’ll get caught. Of everyone in the firm, I’m last on the list of suspects.” In fact, I was beyond suspicion. I was the one who was made to work, whose holiday was ruined. I was untouchable, I explained.
“I beg to disagree,” Angela said. I laughed, until I saw she was serious.
“There’s no way I’ll get caught,” I said.
“You have this look of smugness, of self-satisfaction. I’ve only been teaching since September, but I already know that look of smugness well, and when I see it, I know the student’s been up to something.
“I look smug?”
“You look smug. In fact you’ve been looking smug all Christmas. I thought maybe it was because that was just your face, but now I see it’s because of this prank thing. It’s very annoying.”
I understand facial expressions as well as anyone else, so long as we were talking about the primary colours, like happiness and joy and displeasure and rage. But when someone’s face strays away from the basics and starts to do something fancy, I sometimes get left behind. I tried to imagine what ‘smug’ looked like on a face, and I could not.
“You look smug,” Angela said, “you look just like this.” Angela was an excellent mimic, and in an instant her face mirrored what she claimed was the expression on my face. Her lip corners were starting a small smile, her cheeks were a bit dimpled, and her lips were pressed together.
“Is this better?” I said as I unsmugged my face.
“Much. If you don’t want to get caught, don’t be smug.”
“Got it,” I said.

A lady requested me for boarding and I gladly said I was able to. She then Proceeds to ask if it's ok if we can speak over the phone and I'm like sure. She calls me and tells me she's from out of state and that she's the estate planner for a high profile family and she's handling the care of their dogs and finding a sitter that will accommodate to their liking. She essentially told me that If I was up for the continous service, I would have to sign a NDA and also perform a background check. I told her I was already background checked through rover. So she said she needed it for security reasons cause all their vendors were required to do so, from florist to barbers to anything.. Now I don't know if this is me potentially dealing with some sort of government official, celebrity, or a scam. She also told me she wanted to do this off Rover due to the same reasons. And that if I was up for it she would pay me any rate I chose for drops ins/ walks , in addition to boarding. Mind you I live 30 minutes from their supposed area here in Florida. She also mentioned something about their security team and also their other estate coordinator. I don't know but this shit caught me so off guard and im trying to see if someone here has had this happen to them or if it's some sort of new scam... I don't know how I feel about being questioned , potentially background checked and not have a heck of a clue who I would be "working for"
What would you guys do? *** I already reported this person and blocked her on Rover***

Hey beautiful soul of god reading this. I hope your having a blissful day. If not And even If you are read on to make it god willing further blissful and make me some 💰 🤑. Joking, joking 🙏😊.
I offer some generic Life Tipsz guidances that genuinely have worked miracles in my life and hope they do for a reader out there, hopefully everyone. Please do not take this as a religious post 🙏
Such is the beauty of awakening, life is blissful now thanks to bhagwan and Shree Krishna..life circumstances are genuinely of relative importance. 🙏
Without arrogance Shree Krishna reminds his current form identity of his importance to this world. Mind of the author bows to the greatest consciousness, Shree Krishna allowing the deliverance of this 🙏
I hope you follow just the simple guidances below, which genuinely could do more for your current life (both internally and externally, as gods will) than practically 99.9% of overall media content on this earth being fed to your minds.
Follow these genuinely for the next 30 days and I assure you the difference it would make to your both your state of consciousness and could to your life situation subsequently is potentially monumental.
-Gratitude prayers to god for life, anything you Should be grateful to bhagwan for having - (internally affirm things you are grateful for having already for example "thank you for health, bhagwan" "thank you for life itself"). One hour a day approximately.
-Listen to music that you enjoy for atleast 20 minutes every day and remind yourself "Life is the Dancer, YOU are the Dance" Bhagwan Shree Eckhart Tolles Magic words atleast once every waking hour.
-Make smiling a conscious habit by smiling at every passer by (or atleast try to 😊🙏)
-Become Vegetarian (for 30 days for now, if not already one- i assure you, you will feel better in life, let alone the karmic benefit 🙏)
-Read The Power of Now and ideally A New Earth in 30 days (or listen to them)
-Wear Bright clothes- Avoid dark coloured tops ideally for 30 days.

• Make conscious breathing a habit throughout these 30 days. Literally one of the highest guidances ever.

-limit Television to a maximum 1 hour a day
-Make atleast 30 visits to mosques, temples, churches, any place of worship consciously across the next 30 days. Take a photo of each visit- you can do 3 in one day for example.
I assure you if followed dillingently these would have an incredible transformation on your state of consciousness and experience of Bhagwans beautiful life.
"Life is the Dancer, YOU are the Dance" Bhagwan Shree Eckhart Tolle
Peace Joy Bliss and Love M

Inspiring negative feelings in others, a generalized goading and prodding, poking at a sequence of signifiers (like exposed nerve endings) in order to elicit a, one would imagine as of this point reliable/predictable, response from people might be a useful ritual meant to sustain engagement. Useful for the one devoted to their own little Cult of Personal Relevance. But I think this remains a destructive tactic with deleterious effects; that it all collapses into a Dopaminergic Singularity doesn't negate the fact. Becoming no different than the Gore or Morbid accounts on twitter. The same principles are at work. Assume the pragmatist stance; this wouldn’t be the case if they didn’t work. Is it the algorithm or is the algorithm a reflection? A snapshot of us in 0s and 1s? Framed in the social media. Revealing them disguised as narcissists and their victims. This agonized state has been monetarily incentivized. As attempts at reparations or restitution have at times accidentally given monetary incentives for people to develop behaviors that have proved deleterious to those the programs were supposed to help. Take this money, keeping using this thing, vote for me. From indentured servitude and slavery to wage and welfare.
In the case of A&D they don’t even have to do that much in order to elicit the negative response. Aloofness and ambivalence is at work. Words consistently distorted in the interpretation and transformed into something personally injurious. Returning again and again to be injured. Attempting to write a comment capable of repaying the injury in kind. Given the nature of the medium and its intimacies, being ignored inspires the commenter to comment more, getting upvoted by other teeth gnashing users until finally they’re rewarded for their devotion with either a coveted response in kind, or more often than not a good-humored comical response. That or more insidiously, they appear to verbally alluded too on the podcast itself, giving the impression of having made some sort of impact on the strangers who exert this degree of undo influence on their lives. Gambling logic at play here. Keeps you coming back for more.
Having been arrested for shoplifting the female court clerk translates Charlotte’s statement,
“Your Honor, I’m just a late capitalist subject navigating a vicious and frankly unfair system. Isn’t the culture industry truly to blame, for producing these desires in me and failing to provide me with the means to fulfill them legitimately? I know I’m meant to be an obedient consumer to market interests yet I’m as much if not more of a victim than the store I shoplifted from.”
Charlotte smiles at the female girl-boss judge. Cut to her weeping on her gay German friend’s lap, having been found guilty and fined 500 euros.
Feels like there is a lot of mourning over the Fantasy of the Fantasy of Indie Darling Dasha, a Bataillean Dasha, with strong Radical Nietzschean-Communist sympathies. Who loves carnival and protests and is working to do her part to bring about Full Luxury Gay Space Communism. This is mirrored by the fantasy of a Catholic Socialist (or Franciscan Communist) Dasha who supports a popular social movement. But this Fantasy of Dasha was never not connected with a Softness of Bodies-esque Survival/Necessity wrought (daddy issues) Narcissism. A 21st century “femme-fatale” as someone just kind of stumbling through life, stumbling out of catastrophes. Actually ruthless. Leaving a trail of broken things in their wake.
The “Radical” 21st century Femme Fatale, is revealed to be nothing more than female Pee-Wee Hermann thrown-into the world. Stunted man-child, the under-the-weather dirtbag lingers, dreaming of being something people pay to simply exist. No abstract ideological justifications can obfuscate this. She knows what she is. A narcissist. She’s simply surviving, and striving to be something other than what she is through seduction and the aestheticization of her Self, a commodity chewed but never swallowed. Traipsing through the world that necessitated the development of this type. Like money, she burns. Difficult to tell how much is calculation and how much is compulsion. It’s not so much that this is actually Dasha but rather that this is a personae Dasha has creatively explored and interrogated, not simply as something she has been formally type-casted into by others but as a type she likes to mimic and model and take apart and reassemble. Capable of treating the personae with equal parts reverence and satirical derision. Alternatively Dasha has type-casted herself as a type type-casted by the World. It’s her comfort zone, obviously she has a sympathetic attachment with the Superfluous Woman. Addicted to benzos and social media and Love. Her brain is addled but she’s still capable of making intimations towards necessary social calculations, blessed with prodigious low cunning. Overtly-identified with drug addicts, ghouls, and depressed poverty stricken losers. Susceptible to the influence of memes and atrocity porn. Having clawed her way into the lower rungs of the entertainment industry she knows a lot of people, is 3 degrees of separation from a lot of people who made it. Scrolling through her feed. Totally oblivious and protean in her values. Her opinions, her identity a roiling mass malleable, the internal spark animating it totally
Synthetic-orphan. Oh star-bob waif stumbling through corridors uncoordinated barely surviving through rapid-fire wardrobe change, only the flip-flops remain.
Too much sun. Beach too long. Friends too far away. Water? Tap water here tastes horrible. Started drinking early anyways. Pretty blue bikini lady, collapsing on the beach. Panicking. Ankle twisted? Have to stop inhaling sand only making it worse. Gasping. Everywhere. God it's everywhere. Wires of saliva, tears, and mucus binding face to the earth. Try to croak out a cry for help. My "friends" are dancing and OD'ing. Inhaling and coughing up more sand, wrenching. Sand on tongue, between teeth, in throat. This is awful. This surely can't be the end of everything. Gone through too much. Loved too hard. On second thought... actually on third fuck all this sand and sun. Aren't my elements. I was lying, God. Is this your attention?
The Ocean. Soon the waves will break against delicate body and the tides will drag my body out to sea. Will I have strength left to turn myself over? Will I drown? Then what? Goosepimple cold water without a gentle touch to press them back down.
I'm going to die here...aren't I?
Is that a sea turtle?
It is.
It's face. Uncanny. Father-like face.
Eyes locked into mine.
He knows me.
Dragging itself forward slow but steady. Directly at me. Unbroken turtle focus. Magnificent marine creature.
What does it want?
"W...what do you want!?"
It continues shuffling towards me.
Fear.
"Hey are you okay?"
Strong arms.
Another day. Another attempt against my life thwarted.
I think I love you.
Seducing with a promise (made or perceived) of something just round the corner, tomorrow. Just wait and trust in the plan… terrified of being exposed and pilloried. That those who’d come around drawn by whatever promise they thought they saw in us would turn around crestfallen and seething with the inevitable disillusionment. People who’d defended me. Sure they had their own motives. Didn’t ask to be taken as a escape route from their lives. Never asked to be turned into this beautiful thing they’d turned me into. Like if I’d suddenly swooped down into their lives knowing exactly what to do, knowing all the right people, with boundless time and energy to help lift them up and out of whatever it is they need to be lifted up and out of. You really think you’re the only one with that fantasy? Really? What you’ve made in your head is something that can’t hope, can’t desire, can’t await someone capable of making this make sense. Why can’t you be that? Why can’t you be the hope, the desire fulfilled, the arriving. I was never an answer. I thought you were and that wasn’t fair. Each and every one of us is tasked with making ourselves appealing if not valuable. Maybe making yourself appealing is the only value left. All of it is seduction. Didn’t you pretend to know better? You don’t think I fantasize about a lover that can save me from myself. Understand me, beckon me to go on living in your promise. I’m disillusioned, I’m frustrated. That bundle of ambivalence is clogging up my brain too. I’ve made my choice.
Chin resting on heel of palm. Looking through the feed.
Aroma of coffee, baked goods, and the subtle spicy scent of a great many books seeped in coating the inside of her skull and clothes. The memory of it a least. Pressed the soft tissue paper against rosy-rimmed nostrils glistening, clearing her throat. Glanced around. Ambient bop in the background, fusion jazz intermingled with light conversations, the hissing and gurgling of the latte cult’s machines, and the upward inflection of green aprons taking orders and calling names. Cosmopolitan beepboop music to strive to. Recording of a life getting blown away into a flute. Whoever or whatever it is is dying for us. Jazz flute phantom, bent over at the waist bobbing and swaying to the emissions, cheeks distended, red veins erupting. Kind of music meant to let you know you’re cultured. At least she’d felt cultured the first few times she’d heard it in a public place. Feeling like she’d entered another first chapter altogether. Guaranteed to be better than what preceded it. Better in the possibility of not being what preceded it. The first few times at least. She’d made a note to investigate. To download the app that would allow her to hold up her phone to the tune and receive the names of artist and song. Create a new playlist. Speak of these things with casual authority. Have them on a first name basis. Consciousness elevating, lifted by the short-sleeve black button shirt jazzman up and out of the muck. Break the monotony. Had figured at the time that anything else would be much better than everything as is. Didn’t even like it that much. She already had her music. Adjacent but better. Was frustrated at first with her wills own rebellion. Wasn’t sure why she’d started avoiding it. The knowledge remained and was by her estimation, still rather formidable.
Always been complemented for her taste.
Engaging in social media sortilege. In the blue-light pale.
“If you loved me you'd tempt me.”
Her stillness broken by the audible gulp. Snot sparkling in the corners of bathroom paper towel chafed red nostrils. Occasionally grimacing jaw jutting out. Face contorting in a carnival indignation.
There was high praise in the comment section, thousands of hearts, roses tossed on stage. They don’t know or pretend not to know. Cutesy the publicly-dower and ever-derivative performing an “ironic” curtsy as the curtains closed. Thunderous applause. They love her. They love her. “And what about me?”
In the dark depths of the Congo, a child miner lost multiple limbs and for what?
“Vapid bitch.“
Thumbs had gone to work with minimal prompting.
Backspace. Too crude. Didn’t feel right for the moment.
If you loved me you’d tempt me…
Dreamed of being welcomed to the city-world, shoegaze city, she saw herself there one day. Dreamed about it. One amongst the well meaning citizenry comprised of strange semi-corporeal spirits, pensive intellects with great comedic timing, and beautiful people. A place of chessboards and lovers staring without care. Close her eyes and feel a breeze just cold enough for pleasant, cold enough to justify her style. A place located in the forever something better.
A Girl stumbles out of an IPA serving establishment in an artificially dingy part of Los Angeles patronized by would-be bohemians and proud DSA members. Brunette and wearing a sailor suit. A lit American Spirit brand cigarette smoldering between her middle and ring fingers. She presses her ring finger against a tear duct, before taking a mighty drag. Exhaling a pillar of smoke above her head into which she projects the flickering images of noire detectives. It descends, engulfing her. Dissipating it reveals the Girl now blonde and wearing a fashionable tan coat. Ready to hitchhike across America, to a Magical City with unburnt bridges. Ready to uncover the Truth.
Spitting out a wad of bubble gum and dreaming dreams of jeans and leather. We’re seduced by a music, the water nymph’s inspiration and inspired craft, capable of bringing together the disparate elements floating around our interior cavity. Shaping our fantasies. Dasha as an artist performs the Superfluous Woman well, willing to sacrifice to this Identity-Specter, embodied in her jangly walk (concealing surprising nimbleness), through the performance. She’s at once the performer, the performance, and the producer-director. Mutating, evolving to thrive in the collapse constitutive of social media and streaming platforms. Maybe because she’s seduced by it and sees that others are seduced by the persona as well.
Seductive, self-conscious, retarded.
Dasha Nekrasova we love you.
I love you.
Going to protests in order to skip class and party. Showing tits for hope and change. Consider that at the time maybe she cast this desire as the desire for Revolutionary Autonomy. Rather than as a desire to be desired (recognized) by a Prince and by the others. Perhaps wanting to skip class and party does speak to something vital and potent in itself. That the desire to break out of institutions and enjoy the company of other humans gathered together for a Cause… this youthful exuberance… does actually constitute an autonomous act. It’s not in and of itself Revolutionary. It’s an approved protests (even when they aren’t formally approved they become something of a ritual confined within a series of spaces) that more often than not transformation into little music festivals. Everyone gets to have a good time and ultimately go back to class, finish the semester, return to business as usual. The participants get to play the part of the “young student radical” and the event organizers get something else to include in their portfolios. Referenced Amber A’Lee Frost’s book Dirtbag, specifically Amber’s citation of Occupy Wall Street activists turned founders of boutique consulting firms dedicated to choreographing “events intended to appear as dynamic, broad based social movements” manufacturing “feel-good content for an activist’s social media feed.”
Few of Amber’s observations are worth reproducing below,
“What the entryists could do, however, was secure positions as brokers on behalf of the people. They worked their way into academia, got bylines in legacy media, established think tanks, got jobs at nonprofits, started their own consulting firms, embedded themselves in NGOs, etc. This isn’t to say those jobs always make the world worse, but as a political “tactic,” you can’t help but notice that the professionalization of activism does more to shore up power for a growing class of “movement managers,” and that, rather than relying on democracy (much less democratizing anything new), they were joining the very institutions used to circumvent democracy. Granted they would ostensibly be taking these posts to capture the king’s ear and thus wield a little “soft power” in the name of justice. It made sense, on some level. You had a glut of angry educated, progressive millennials who recently found themselves on the professional and economic downslide. They knew they were a bit screwed, but they also knew they were way less screwed than everyone else; and they needed jobs. So of course they wanted to pursue positions where they might exercise a little Professional Managerial noblesse oblige that might benefit “everyone else.”’
and,
”Nonetheless, Occupy Wall Street really was more than the Potemkin protests, for better or worse. Much to my chagrin, the major opposition to the opportunism of Professional Managerial Anarchists were the Amateur Anarchists, for whom “spontaneity” and “organic” activity was the goal in and of itself. A sort of shitty Emerald City was formed from the energy roiling in and around the park; it’s not that the outside world disappeared exactly, but it became less noticeable, and it was easier to forget the rest of Oz, much less Kansas. For a lot of people, this escape - a retreat, really - was the dream.”
As it relates to Red Scare. The point is that podcasters or streamers aren’t Revolutionary Agents. At most what they have is a platform they can rent to others. They keep calling attention to the position people like them occupy, shock-jock solidarity. How it's a kind of strata and pocket-dimension (Twitter). Anna had a number of bangers this episode related to this. When discussing figures like Carl Beijer and Noah Kulwin she says something along the lines of, I can't believe that the people who go to the same parties and funerals that I'm invited too are my 'ideological' enemies, it's not ideological conflict it's professional competition that it's narrativized as something ideological and Manichean is just what these people tell themselves in order to not confront the fact that they're strivers and careerists. She says something along the lines of "I knew BLM and MeToo was evil from the start, it wasn't coopted" easy to read Anna as being a smug and terrible person, ignoring that earlier she'd mentioned that all of these things discursively adopt worthy causes (Racial justice, sexual justice, Covid justice etc...) the point isn't that the people or the principles informing any of these things are "evil" but rather that the medium itself can be considered evil. Evil in that it specifically harnesses hope in order to betray them. Makes the principled unprincipled and mercenary. The “trained Marxist” with a real estate portfolio made filthy rich. Social media, the US, the NGO-complex etc... Within the machineries provided and present, these things inevitably canalize public discontent/heterogeneous forces back into the service of the Homogenous Anti-Fragile State. Numerous Ponzi schemes stacked on top of one another forming an incomplete Pyramid. The eruption of base powers canalized towards the preservation of the essential relations of production.
Consider the following point by Anna concerning the “Rightwing” E-Girls on twitter breaking the bit and the absurdity of it,
Anna: “…literally they’re being besieged by armies of 19 to 23 year old…14 year old brown guys with like a dial-up connection. That’s the straw that broke the camel’s back!? That’s what finally and definitively made you turn away from rightwing politics? Like you came there, you were OKAY with the racism, you were okay with the antisemitism, you were okay with the hatred for democracy, you were okay with the contempt for the poor and the weak…”
Dasha: “But HitlerRapeGroyper calls you a ‘Roastie’…”
Anna: “…you were okay with Holocaust denial, you were okay with Human Biodiversity…. but the minute they said something about ‘Eggless Roasties’ you were out and Ridin4Biden… that’s crazy bro. And also like no offense but racist rightwing anons on the internet aren’t politics. They are not representatives of the movement. They have virtually nothing in common with the GOP.”
Vulgar and revelatory.
Find the relationship with Rightwing Anons in some ways it’s a predatory/exploitative dynamic, “I pander to you up to a point sure but I’m hoovering up anything clever, encouraging Simpendence, taking your money, and using cleaned up versions of your jokes and your takes without giving much if any credit… because you’re a nobody online who decided to center your whole virtual identity around being a racist, an anti-Semite, a reactionary monarchist, a race realist, a holocaust denier, a Hitler enthusiast, and a hater… you can never be anything other than an anon. You’re fucked unless you totally start over and that’s hoping you didn’t dox yourself over the years you’ve been desperately searching for human connection on this thing. Which you probably have.” The Rightwing Anon is something to be studied (representing a pathological reification of the conservative normie unconscious) and drawn from.
The Rightwing Anon is not only not representative of the GOP voter base, they are also not representative of the actual audience that these people are attempting to tap into. Though they might serve as influencer’s influencers and gatekeepers and models for online activity (what discourse is and isn’t permissible) the extreme positions and antics they adopt conceal the conservative-leaning “anti-Woke” but largely noncommittal normie Zoomers (24 years old and younger) who do in fact constitute the audience or demographic Conservative-signaling and GOP-aligned MSM along with other corporate bodies, political operatives, and people within the entertainment industry… would like to tap into if not outright secure. Representing a potentially enthusiastic voter-base, a talent-pool, and a spare change (disposable income) dispenser given the fact that many of them likely don’t have to redirect all their funds towards paying rent and utilities just yet.
Plus, on a more concrete political note…There is a dimension of tactical support for those who want tighter immigration controls, a bit of protectionism and/or outright economic nationalism, anti-interventionism and by extension (or perhaps more importantly) those willing to bleed NGOs and minimize the influence of foreign national actors on US politics i.e., namely diasporic and exile interest groups, powerful enough to form political blocs that exert a disproportionate influence on US foreign policy, animated by nothing more than ancestral beef turned into a familial mythology and site of identity-formation, avenging their great-grandfather and bringing ‘democracy’ to the countries they’d fled from by punishing those who decided to stay and those who didn’t leave until things got really bad. I’m of the opinion that no one in the GOP will ever come close to achieving something like this but disillusionment can prove vital.
The very least these Rightwing E-Girls can do is maintain a general fidelity. Identifying with and pandering to the Abstract Right while denouncing the Left (adopting/adapting anti-Communist sloganeering and critiquing the “Actual Existing Left”) or at the very least, bare minimum, to not countersignal the GOP. Making fools of fans and donors alike. If you’re going to be asking people for money then you might as well not insult/humiliate them in the process.
…
Attempts at a Dream Interpretation from penultimate episode
Thoughts that came up. Into the arms of a Self-Made Father. Recognized as being of him. Of his glamor and grandeur. Dancing if anyone gets it its him right? To be moved by the Spirit of the Time. Like recognizes like and we are dancing together in the ballroom.
The usual and the cynical note the shabbiness of the whole operation. This doesn’t matter. We’re going to Rome, to Vatican City. To the Throne of St. Peter. The negging has worked. Shabby sure but the little foxes are rough and mischievous and part of God’s design.
…
People don't tend to deal well with disillusionment and dwelling with dissatisfaction. It’s all too dualistic. All or nothing and it's never enough. Lots of raging so far.
Women who age, who become more conservative (literally not liking protests because they're too loud) and who don't actually have a strong knowledge of the material but still opine simply to opine is unforgivable. That the opinion should carry a profound existential weight rather than be something subject to change is something struggled with. Or perhaps it's mutability itself and how this mutability is connected not with information and by extension sincere conviction and conversion but rather with necessity and social or monetary considerations... is what's particularly infuriating, especially for other women (and jaded Simps). The assumption being that the appearance is the essence. There can't be any interiority, there can't be anything to these women other than the fantasy we pour into their words. Projections turning the whole thing into a run on sentence. Once they had been good but now they are bad.