I feel like I’m going crazy lol
I think I might actually be the only person who sees this as what my two best friends do to their partners as wrong. I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone whenever I try to talk about how uncomfortable their abuse makes me to feel to our other friends or to my sister and they just brush it off as “hahaha their toxicas 🥰” or as a funny little quirky thing women do bc of men being stupid or whatever. That has been the response from every person I’ve tried to talk to this about, or they try to defend them because their partners like other girls instagram photos or they glanced at some girl in public, or sometimes they simply just think it’s a good thing.
I think it’s so insanely fucked up. When one of the couples fight in public, they’ll hit, slap, punch their boyfriend, call them all sorts of fucked up names, have went as far as bringing up their dead loved ones, and I can see the frustration and love leave their partners faces. And it’s so fucked up when me or one of my friends check up with them and the reason why they did all that shit was because he dared to even make the smallest talk towards another woman.
When I first noticed the abuse, I will admit, I thought they had to have done something to deserve it; yes, I was a piece of shit for thinking this way. But when I would closely analyze what would lead to my two best friends literally being abusive pieces of shit, it is literally because their partners would be a decent human being towards anyone female, whether it was fake laughing at a female waitresses joke, or picking up a woman’s bag, or literally looking at a woman for far too long, this would flip this switch in both of my best friends brains where they turn into abusive pieces of shits.
I can’t ignore it for any longer. I thought, maybe if I stayed to myself, both of them would have some sense and breakup with their partners. But after witnessing what happened over the weekend, I think these two men need help and I think my two best friends need help. On Saturday, my group of friends went to a house party, including one of my best friends and her partner. I was immediately wary when I saw that they came, silently praying they wouldn’t fight in public, especially at this very low-key house party.
Well I was wrong. Not only did they have their usual fits of rage, hitting, cussing each other out, but her boyfriend finally snapped and just screamed everything he was holding in. He was kicked out, she was being comforted, and I felt so horrible for letting it get this bad. I haven’t talked to both of my friends ever since that night. Their abuse has been enabled by almost everyone we know; they think it’s funny, think it’s powerful, or that their boyfriends deserved it. I feel so uncomfortable being the only person in our friend group to think of this as morally wrong. They share memes about hurting their boyfriends! It’s all just been so normalized for so long.
How do I confront my two best friends, and by extent, my whole entire friend group, about their abusive behavior? I do think they have the capacity to change but not without being confronted. I want to hold an intervention but I would be the only one against their behavior. I also want to reach out to their partners but I don’t want to trigger my two best friends. Thank you reading my endless rant. All advice is appreciated.
TLDR; My two best friends (F22, F21) are physically and verbally abusive to their partners (M22, M22). This lead to one of them literally breaking down at a house party we were at. None of my friends or my two best friends see what they do as wrong. How can I confront their abusive behavior and stop them?

It’s now 2024. We met in 2016.
We were both 20 at the time we met. I became pregnant very quickly into our relationship. We were both 20 and turning 21 when I found out I was pregnant for the very first time. We had also only been in a relationship for 6 months before we found out. When we first found out we were pregnant, we obviously freaked out but we were so in love with each other we decided to keep it. We had so much support from all of our family that it seemed like a great idea. He was happy, I was happy and we were determined to make it work. We both moved in together and everything was great.
However at my 14/15 week scan the doctors noticed something was severely wrong with our baby. She had severe and major deformities that were most likely life threatening and because we were so young we made the mutual decision to no longer continue with our pregnancy. I was 24 weeks along when I gave birth to our little girl.
After her passing and some time went on and we both grieved very differently. I needed him and it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with me. He stopped communicating, became extremely insecure and would gaslight me every time I brought up any concern I’d have. He would tell me I was trying to fight with him and completely shut down when I was just trying to make sure he was good and we were good. He was mean.
Our relationship was so toxic and I was ready to leave him but then I found out I was pregnant for the second time.
When I told him I was pregnant again, we were in such rough shape that he broke down and we both didn’t talk for 48 hours. But when we finally spoke about it we decided to have the baby. But we were terrified of everything because we had just lost a baby 3 months prior. So we were living in so much fear and all of our relational issues became amplified.
We were SO toxic and we made the dumb decision to get our family involved in our toxic relationship. So we had so many opinions of other people interfering with our relationship. But there were some pretty significant issues.
Fast forward, our son was born. He started drinking, 20 pack a beer every single night, he stopped taking care of himself, he started smoking poppers and just went completely down hill and basically abandoned us completely. Mentally, emotionally and then physically.
It was exhausting and extremely emotionally painful for me because I needed him. I loved him and I’d beg him to just be with us and be a family. I wanted his love so badly. But he eventually left us when our son was 6 months old to go move back in with his mom and we tried to make it work from different houses until our son was eventually 1 years old when he completely decided to abandon ship.
He moved onto someone else only 1 month later.
Which was the worst emotional pain I’ve ever felt in my life.
And the girl he left me for was horrible to me. She would bully me with the help of other female members of his family.
I was angry because he has also abandoned me and I wasn’t even from the province I gave birth in. I tried to move back to my province him he essentially baby trapped me so I couldn’t move away with my son.
I was trapped, abandoned, isolated and absolutely heart broken. I had nobody to lean on, nobody that was there for me. It was extremely hard.
Fast forward to now, he had broken up with his girlfriend a year ago, I’ve healed from everything and we are actually able to be friends now.
He flirts with me all the time and I can’t help but feel some type of way. I do still love him, I probably always will and I know he loves and cares about me to. Hes apologized for the way he treated me and I forgave him and apologized for the way I reacted when I was younger as well. I imagine all the time what it would be like if we gave things another shot…
But I am stuck with the fear of the past. He left me for someone else and I think that’s the hardest part for me. If he did it once, could he do it again? Has he really changed? Is it worth it to find out?
I’d love to be a family again, but I’m worried about things failing miserably again and then now our son is older and how that would affect him.
Any advice on what I should do here if I do consider giving this a second chance?

CONTEXT: I had an ex sp whom I tried to manifest back for a year before I stopped. I met another guy, fell for him and he showed interest in me but long story short, he left too.
I was very anxious at the start and bawled my eyes out but now I’m better. I would feel nothing for weeks on end and I was afraid that I wouldn’t want SP anymore.
I know you said scripting isn’t a Neville thing but I’m just answering all the questions that were asked. I’m a writer and scripting is a way I used to express all my frustrations. It was what I used to do that gave me results.
1.) What have you studied? (Law of assumption?)
LOAss in general; states, EIYPO, let the old story go and buy the great pearl.. Self concept isn’t necessary but if you struggled with multiple SPs, it’s your sc issue.. kind of stuff. Infinite realities, world is my reflection.
2.)Which of Neville’s books and lectures have you read. Just saying all of them isn’t going to help much. Especially if you really haven’t.

• Feeling is the secret
• Pearl of Great Price
• Numerous online lectures of NG talking abt imagination and inner conversations
• At your command
• The power of Awareness
• The Law and The Promise
• Five lessons

I think I read almost everything.
3.)What techniques are you using?
Mainly affirmations now and occasionally meditation/visualisations. I used to do everything; mirror affirmations, inner conversations etc.
Now I tried to do mainly self concept and I want to focus on self but my mind wanders to SPs.
4.) Where did you learn the technique you are using?
When I first know of the law, I only had YouTube as the one and only resource. I learnt inner conversations then affirmations/visualisations etc. I didn’t have Reddit’s resources back then. I know that Neville talks about I AM affirmations so that’s what I used after I read Neville.
5.)Explain how you do the techniques you are doing.
I used to have a few pages of SC/SP affirmations that I’ll read but I recently cut it down to 10 affirmations only. Used to do mirror affirmations too when I first know of the law; I’ll go to the mirror and compliment myself so much that I fall madly in love with myself.
But now, I don’t know why it felt forced and fake.
6.) How long have you been doing the technique?
For my ex sp, over a year. Latter sp, months.
7.) what is your new story about you? Tell me how you are wording it. What the goal is using that new story.
I’m a highly pursued woman, chosen loved and wanted. Guys never get annoyed with me and adore/love me more as they get to know me better. I’m sexy and confident. I am irreplaceable and unforgettable. I’m more than good enough. My exes always come back. I’m ethereal. Guys I like, loves me back. There’s no competition in my reality because I’m the prize and nobody compares to me.
My goal is to feel extremely loved and confident again, and know that I can get every man I ever want. I want to be pursued by the man I used to pinned after so hard, without me having to lift a finger. I want to be that woman again, whom guys I like, likes me back. I want to have both ex sp and latter sp back.
8.) How long have you been telling the new story?
Truth to be told, abt over a year but I don’t know why I can’t be consistent.
Thank you.

With the election season coming up, the bots are out in full force - and a lot more forceful. I posted the below text on the centrist subreddit where I first noticed how bad bot activity is ramping up, but thought I'd repost here, since this seems to be target in the past. (as well as most politically minded subreddits) Also included are a few ways I've noticed them, to assume that I'm arguing with bots and thus stop when I realize this. (and then proven probably right in what happens next)
The change in various subreddits in pretty much everything related to the recent protests has proven yet again how reddit can be manipulated, and how I'd wager 1/3 to 1/2 of the commenters aren't "real" in the organic sense in politically-minded subs. (more on that below)
TLDR: make your comments and move on, don't engage too much with replies, because chances are is that you've engaged with a bot recently, and much more likely on any politically related posts. The entire system of upvotes / downvotes is corrupted, not to mention many of the commenters are paid shills (with various ways of assuming they are - not proving 100%, but lots of evidence they are)
So basically you are just wasting your time and giving your energy to the machine - don't do this TOO much. It's a waste of energy / time. As carlin says, at least when you are ...... you have something to show for it -
Just an fyi, there's a 50-50 chance you are talking to a bot right now - I've noticed a lot of this activity recently, and especially on this sub.
How do I know?
Look at what gets upvoted and downvoted - these have changed drastically recently (like on Israel related ones - on this sub - anything for the protests gets massively downvoted, this - on reddit? no way)
-Why do your comments stay at -2 or -4? because they're hidden by the default view. they do this to create an environment that most normies won't question and/or look further into.
-Do they not actually respond to your points / miss nuance / context? they're probably in a different country using auto translation software. people abroad can't tell the difference between an ICE car and a car ice sculpture, for example.
Also look at the commenters, what they say and their profiles. a lot don't look real.
And these are just the accounts that they don't do a good job at making their profiles look legit, because there's no point. (since they are throwaways)
My point being don't waste your life replying to many of these people, they probably are just interns / bots anyways.
Here's a link from a supposed testament of how this works: (supposed - not proven, but it lines up from my prior political consultant activity a LONG time ago)
https://www.reddit.com/seculartalk/comments/1ab9cn2/are_there_really_paid_shills_doing_online/
"My niece was a political science major at a reputable university in California. Part of her program is a coop portion where they join a campaign for a semester. This happens twice during the four year undergrad program. If you’re not familiar with how co-op works the school places you. You don’t have a choice. If all goes well you get some good experience, something to put on your resume, you make connections that can help you after you graduate and if you’re lucky you get hired on as a paid staffer.
In 2016 she was on the Kamala Harris senate campaign for Barbara Boxer’s seat. Then she was on David Baladao’s congressional campaign in 2018.
After graduating she was hired on to the Kamala Harris presidential campaign in January of 2019. This is where she went from student/volunteer to a paid position and the job changed a lot. So instead of door knocking, putting up posters, applauding during campaign speeches and running errands she was helping organize the field team and the cyber team. The field team is pretty straight forward so let’s focus on the cyber team.
Their job was to see what was hot and how can the campaign get in front of whatever issue or whatever was happening at the time. Did a candidate in another campaign put his foot in his mouth? Is there a controversy that is early in the news cycle? Is something being talked about online that makes our candidate look bad? Kamala getting political favors from people she dated and keeping an innocent man in prison were the ones I remember off hand. This is all normal stuff. Other than planting staffers at rallies to ask questions because the rubes never seemed to ask the right questions for Kamala’s already prepared answers there isn’t a lot of juicy gossip on these campaigns. But the cyber team had another role which is why I’m making this post now.
The cyber team and most of the staffers were expected to participate in forums, bulletin boards, social media chat spaces, all platforms including reddit. They were expected to have multiple accounts and maintain characters while engaging with other users. She used pre-maid accounts that were at least three years old. They would push-pull ideas to see what worked and what fell flat. The same person would have nice, mean, old, young, female, male, gay etc personas. Each with a bio. If one of them left the campaign someone else would take it over. This is all over and above the bot accounts. The cyber team were real people with multiple fake accounts testing talking points and seeing what the push back would be so the candidate would be prepared when the campaign couldn’t protect her from real people. The main work was done in a cubicle farm by a dedicated team but regular staffers were required to do it as well. The K-hive cyber team and the BootieJudge cyber teams hated each other and took pleasure in exposing their rival’s accounts.
That person you are having an argument with online may just be a shill from someone’s campaign. It may also be Russian, Israeli, Chinese and surprisingly Turkish agents. Election interference is real but it isn’t hacking voting machines but instead two idiots arguing online with one of those idiots being paid to do it. So the next time you encounter someone in sub, any sub just understand when they start spouting talking points they may not be a real person.
Age of the account won’t help you. Banning normally doesn’t help much because the can just hop-on with another account. It’s only going to get worse as the election heats up. God help us all."
Ever notice how blocking only gets a response from another different account? believe it or not most real people dont' do this - you just argued with a bot / pr shill / campaign.
https://np.reddit.com/shills/comments/4kdq7n/astroturfing_information_megathread_revision_8/

Here's also a good example on the centrist thread, where I originally created this post -
God with a soft g has the top rates comment, and is lying about the prior convo to discredit what I said:
I was replying to a question of why xudoxis (a user) was spam posting at all on a different thread in this subreddit (centrist) - they were posting multiple stories on the exact same topic in this thread - another commenter was calling them out on it - upon which I replied, given their spam posting of the same story on this subreddit multiple times - that they were a bot.
see the bot-ness? of course you do.
then God with a soft g replies with only my response on this thread, not to the comment I was replying to in the prior one -
my guess: both xudoxis and god with a soft g aren't legitimate. one was spamming stories, the other defending that spammer (and also young acct) by lying about the convo. (after i blocked xudoxis, since they couldn't respond to me)
yes, this is all small crap, who cares - but realize this is pr plain and simple - they lie all the time.
https://www.reddit.com/centrist/comments/1cqnn7u/comment/l3sng85/

Yesterday my dad (46m) was a bit drunk so was my brother (24m) and they got into an argument which resulted in my brother flipping the table and outside our family house my uncle (51m) who's my dad's older brother was making a bbq party and him and my other uncle (37m) rushed upstairs to see whats happening they calmed everyone down and then went back out after that my dad and brother got into a scuffle (nothing too serious just lots of yelling) and they rushed upstairs again but this time my dads older brother was trying to hit my dad while my dad was sitting and there was like 5 or 6 of us pulling just my dad's brother (my uncle) and as we were all pulling him back my mom (alongside my aunt who's 37 and my grandma who's 69) and others were ripping his shirt from the back and he got some visible red scars on his back its not too bad but its visible and my uncle thinks my mom is the main source of those scars (i dont think she is because her,my grandma and my aunt all have nails so it could be either one)
From this information my cousin (who's been known to attack everyone he wanted to fight my grandpa God rest his soul and my dad in the past and his own dad even) today at 8/9AM came over to our family house and started yelling "you hit my dad im gonna kill you all!" And me,my brother and my dad were sleeping and the only thing i heard was something extremely loud thumps and moaning of pain and yelling i ran from my bed to the stairs and i see my cousin foot stomping my mom on the face as she's moaning of pain and covering up i immediately wanted to kill him at first but thought i should calm down and my brother started chasing him and he went behind the table and started swinging the chairs at us and his dad was there too pushing him and yelling at him to go home and as he left the house my mom had a bloody elbow and a blue forehead and my brother and i dressed up and left the house and he was still in his car and he saw us and was ready to fight he left the car and he and my brother clashed heads and my uncle immediately separated my brother i went to CALM HIM DOWN after everything he did to us beating my mom and now trying to fight my brother i shoulda beat his ass but no idk why i felt bad for him because i know his living situation is bad he's got 2 kids and no one is helping him out and i look at him in the eyes and im telling him to calm down and leave with my hands visibly open so he knows im not there to fight he punches me in the throat and starts going at my brother and he was going in my direction and i hit him literally square in the face with a right hook he wobbled and stopped and asked me why i hit him i told him "you beat my mom and now im trying to calm you down and you hit me first" he got in his car and left
Now after everything his dumbass mom who i never liked blocked me on instagram like i wasn't supposed to defend myself and hit her son back so my question is after everything who's right in general? Was i the asshole? And yeah my cousin probably deserved that punch but i dont know why i feel remorse he was my favourite cousin but i feel like he deserved what he got you cant just barge into someone's house at 8AM beat their mom up and dont expect something in return right?

Hey Reddit,
Just wanted to give you an update on my previous post. So, turns out my ex's new girlfriend is also an alcoholic. This whole situation has added a new layer of complexity to the mix. So, it turns out there have been some concerning developments with my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Well, she recently got arrested for a DUI and possession of marijuana.
At first, I thought it was kind of funny, you know, the whole "like attracts like" thing. But then I started thinking about it more, and I just felt sorry for her. I mean, let's be real, she's a hot mess, and so is he.
Despite any outward appearances of happiness, it's clear their lives are intertwined with this ongoing battle. It's not a situation to envy. It's like, no matter what they're doing in life or as a couple, they're still dealing with their lifelong alcoholism, so there's not really anything to be jealous of.
This whole situation has given me some clarity though.
Original Post:
Hey everyone,
I've been grappling with a situation for quite some time now, and I feel like I need to share it with you all to get some perspective and maybe some advice.
About a year ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who also happened to be my neighbor and friend. We had a casual friendship for a couple of years before that, but things got complicated when we decided to take it to the next level. Long story short, we broke up because I wanted something more meaningful while he was content with a friends-with-benefits setup. It was clear that his alcoholism was a significant issue for me, causing continual disappointment and emotional distance.
I should have seen the signs earlier on. His drinking was a problem that often led to letdowns and broken promises. Despite my efforts to maintain a connection, he grew more emotionally distant, eventually telling me that I wasn't important in his life when he ended things. It was a blow to my self-esteem, but I soldiered on, hoping to heal with time.
However, healing became increasingly difficult as his roommate, who happens to be my best friend, served as a constant reminder of our past relationship. I saw him frequently, and every encounter reopened old wounds. Looking back, I realize I should have created more distance, but hindsight is always clearer.
A couple of months ago, he sent me a late-night text, which I naively interpreted as a chance to reconnect. It turned out he had sent similar messages to multiple women while he was drunk, leaving me feeling used and disrespected. And just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I received a drunken voicemail from him and his new girlfriend, mocking me. He claims it was an innocent mistake, that they were trying to call Google Assistant to find her phone (she shares my first name) and didn't realize they left a voicemail for me. He doesn't seem to care how much it hurt me.
Adding to the pain, my ex's new girlfriend is someone they recently met at work. They've only started dating a week ago, and already it feels like I'm being replaced. My best friend tells me that they both like her and that she's a nice person. Apparently, she has influenced him enough to stop drinking for a day, but I'm skeptical. My ex has tried to quit drinking on his own before, only to relapse after a few days. It's clear to me that his issues with alcohol run deep, and it's unlikely that a new relationship will magically solve them.
What's even more painful is seeing them happy together, knowing that he's trying to change for her while he never made that effort for me. It makes me question my worth and leaves me feeling replaced and insignificant.
I've tried to rationalize it, reminding myself that their happiness doesn't diminish my value as a person. But it's hard not to feel hurt and insecure, especially when I'm constantly reminded of their relationship through mutual friends.
Despite my best friend's assurance of her niceness, I can't help but dislike his new girlfriend, especially after that drunken trash-talking voicemail. It's a constant reminder of the disrespect and pain I've endured.
To cope with this situation, I've had to disconnect from my best friend. As much as it hurts, I can't continue subjecting myself to the reminders of my past relationship and the hurt caused by my ex.
Has anyone else experienced similar pain and insecurities from being involved with an alcoholic? How did you manage to move on from the heartache? I could use some advice and support right now.
Thank you for listening.

M (21m) and I (24f) have been dating for 7 months. He’s the first guy I’ve ever had real, true feelings for that have lasted. This is what I would consider to be the only serious relationship I’ve ever had.
Things were great from the outset; lots of loving words and actions, quality time spent together, non sexual and sexual physical affection, frequent communication. We met each other one night through mutual friends and hit it off instantly, and then never stopped seeing each other after that. One month into knowing each other we made things official, and now it’s been just over 7 months of us being together.
Prior to a couple months ago, our relationship was near perfect from my perspective, with only a few issues. M and his friends are all weekly drinkers on the weekend, and there have been a handful of occasions where he would be out drinking heavily and then say or do something that made me concerned, then just drop contact with me. On one occasion he went to some strangers house party that he met downtown at 4am after all of his other friends left and went home. He ended up getting stuck in the city (where neither of us live) with a dead phone and I was up all night trying to get ahold of him and ensure his safety. This did cause some contention each time but I am admittedly very people-pleasey and downplayed to him how upset and frustrated I was with him in each of these situations. He was very genuinely apologetic each time and there haven’t been many similar instances since. I want to be clear as well that I have zero concern that these involved cheating or that he has ever cheated. Our relationship has otherwise been near perfect.
Fast forward to now and the last few months. M works in the trades field for a shitty but well paying company that overstaffs their job sites to get them more tax dollars. As a result, many people that work there end up having nothing to do and are essentially told to make themselves look busy. He has been fortunate for most of his time there, in that he’s been on job sites where there is actually work to do. A few months ago though, he was moved to a different department, and has spent nearly every shift with almost nothing to do but stare at his phone and try not to be caught. This might sound like someone’s dream but it’s not his, nor would it be mine. It’s caused him to feel aimless and unfulfilled, which has led to him becoming depressed.
He is someone that has never dealt with depression or any mental illness before, and has understandably been struggling. I on the other hand have, and have worked in the mental health field my entire career, so I have been doing absolutely everything I can to be the most supportive girlfriend to him. Around the time he felt himself becoming depressed, he started to become distant; not answering my texts for much longer periods of time, not seeming present when we were together, and being much less affectionate as a whole, both verbally and physically.
The one thing that didn’t change though was his desire for sex. We’ve always had good sex and have compatible sex drives. Prior to a few months ago, I wanted to jump his bones all the time because I felt wanted by him. And by that I don’t mean physically desired, i mean that I felt seen by him and appreciated as a person. With the changes in his personality that coincided with when he started to feel depressed, I haven’t felt this way. There were many instances in the last few months where he would hardly be romantic or affectionate in any capacity UNTIL we were in a situation where sex was an option. Then he would start kissing me and touching me, and it was plainly obvious that it was because he wanted to have sex. I would often go along with it, even if I wasn’t in the mood, in an effort to feel close to him. Unsurprisingly it instead began to make me feel empty, used and disconnected from him.
I initially gently communicated this to him a little over a month ago, he apologized and changed his behaviour for a week or so, and then it went back to just as it was. I held it in until I couldn’t anymore, and then a couple weeks ago, I told him more assertively how I was feeling and how I felt him to be behaving. He apologized sincerely, voiced that he didn’t even realize what he was doing, and then really opened up to me about how what he’s experiencing right now has been affecting every facet of his life, and how he hates the impact it has had on him and me. Since then, he has been making a real, very clear effort to be more communicative, more loving in his words, and more affectionate non sexually.
My issue now is one that is frustrating me. I can’t help but still feel the way I felt a couple of weeks ago, where I felt disregarded by him and used. I feel distant from him, and the ways he’s behaving now feels fake and forced to me. When he kisses me while we’re cooking or something, it feels like he’s only doing it because of what I brought up, not because it’s coming from a place of real desire to. When he texts me that he loves me, I again, feel that it’s driven by the conversation I had from him. I know he still feels depressed and is trying to make an effort to be a better boyfriend, but I can’t help but still feel put off by his behaviour from over the last couple of months, and unconvinced that his new behaviour is coming from a place of truly wanting to be affectionate.
TLDR: boyfriend of 7 months became distant a couple months ago, around the time he started feeling depressed from his job. Relationship prior to this was great. With this depressed state he stopped ever really being affectionate outside of the context of sex, and it began to make me feel really used. After communicating this a couple times, he began making a clear effort to be more loving and affectionate. I can’t shake now though that his loving words and actions feels insincere and that it’s being driven by the conversation I had with him, rather than out of a real desire to be close to me.
How do I stop feeling this way? I want to accept that he’s doing the best he can now, but I just feel this sense of disconnect from him that I can’t shake.

I’m an inverse triangle and pretty short at 5’2” so the eye focus naturally falls on my chest. I’ve always been restricted by the females in my family on what I can and cannot wear so I grew up wearing modest clothes, and I still do to this day. So it’s definitely not on what I wear.
Now that I’m in my mid 20’s I been experiencing a lot of harassment and it has gotten to the point where I can’t control myself no longer. I feel so mentally exhausted and numb after interactions with these men. I want to scream and cry because no one in my family stands up for me. They typically tell me to hush and keep quiet and to ignore the offenders. Or once I was blamed that I instigated the man first for him to react the way he did on me. I’m at the point where I want to wrap my chest to make it flat as possible or just grab a kitchen knife and slice them off bec I can’t afford a reduction in my country. I tried looking into Turkey but plane tickets are insane and they say I will have to stay for about 8 days which will cost about same after all costs considered.
Last week we hired an electrician who we had worked with for years and today him and I were texting about when he should come over bec he missed his appointment. After 1 hour of ending our conversation he WhatsApps me an explicit pornographic picture then deletes it after I see it. If you use WhatsApp you know how many times you have to click separate things to send someone a picture. I was in utter shock and anger and told him straight up I want a discount. He then sends a 2nd picture that prohibits you to screenshot saying to call him when I’m free. It’s been a couple hours and I’ve been ghosting him but he’s still randomly messaging me. For your knowledge I asked for a $500 discount He has my dad’s number and it’s his home where the electrician will be working so he should be contacting him not me in first place. I think he’s scared of me telling my dad and the consequences that will follow bec I did not act in his way. It’s been 3 hours and he won’t stop messaging me. He now left a voice message and it’s of the most random-ist thing ever.
Also it seems fair to mention he and his father-in-law has worked simultaneously at my property, and I have met his wife. Yes, his wife who is so beautiful and kind. His father-in-law is very traditional and intimidating man. I want to tell his wife on what happened but my friends are saying what if I am overreacting and it was a mistake. I really don’t feel it based on his messages following the picture but please comment on what I should do. No I do not have to balls to tell my dad he send me that picture, we are very conservative

All of you unconsciously prune information. Forget it. Feed off it at your own convenience. I remember everything. Everything. Constantly. The pain of losing my comrades. The sadness. All of the information that composes those moments…never leaves my brain for a second.

Nico Vorgeil is the head of Union's science division. An atheist turned anti-theist, he was recruited for his one of a kind skill in pioneering the understanding of the universe. The only thing that could push him even further was his own union with a woman that had intellect to match his own. However, when she died in childbirth, his Negation manifested, dooming him to suffer endlessly. He died in regret, having betrayed everything he stood for in exchange for a few fleeting moment with his late wife.
But now, Fuuko Izumo's on a quest to give everyone a happy ending. And Nico's the one she wishes that for the most…

Key

Scaling

• Andy & Victor / Undead
• Chikara Shigeno / Unmove
• Creed Deckard / Undecrease
• Fuuko Izumo / Unluck
• Gina Chamber / Unchange
• God / UMAs
• Ichico Nemuri / Unsleep
• Isshin XIII, Haruka Yamaoka / Unbreakable
• Juiz d'Arc / Unjustice
• Mui
• Phil Hawkins / Unfeel
• Shen Xian / Untruth
• The Superior Master Rules
• Tatiana / Untouchable
• Tella / Untell
• Top Bull Sparx / Unstoppable
• Void Volks / Unavoidable

Notes

• Feats are listed in order of appearance. Hover over a link to see the chapter(s) of origin.
• Feats from chapters up to 132 are from the 100th Loop.
• Feats from 133 on are from the 101st Loop, with this RT leaving off at 206.
• Character profile.
• Huge thanks to NegativeGamer and doctorgecko for creating threads that contributed to this one.

Strength

• Beat Mui and Shen; Shen was pounded into a wall and you can see a barbell bent in the background
• Tears the Union emblem out of his skin
• Strikes Andy five times using Shen's technique
• Breaks UMA Ghost's hold on him after losing his identity
• Rips Fuuko's caged soul out of his chest

Durability

• Electrocuted
• Fuuko's One-Inch Punch left him nauseous for days

Speed

• Dodges Victor's finger bullet

Skill

• Fought Tella offpanel
• Creates a dust explosion using iron residue blown around by wind and struck by lightning while taking on Language
• Harnessed his soul
• Speaks to Fuuko across the globe telepathically after harnessing his soul
• Learned Feng's method of harnessing chi (soul energy)
• Transmits design schematics into Ichico's head through a soul cable
• Forms the Super Dreadnought Union Lethal Weapon Superior Buster Soul Version in Lan's shiritori game with Ichico's help

Inventions

General Union Things
Note: Ichico matches his number of inventions, much higher than the other lab members, so it's possible some of these belong to her.
Memory-Wiping

• Memory-wipes the people of NYC who saw a Spoil Junior
• Erases all memories of Chikara in the public consciousness
• Reprograms the public consciousness to accept Fuuko as Void's title defense challenger
• Made Chikara's school forget about the ten Union members that infiltrated it for a year

Network
Reach

• Comms network
• Satellite
• Presumably fast delivery, as Gina is able to acquire her beret after calling in for it
• Teleports Spoil's core out of Victor's hand
• Tracked a mob auction that Andy was unable to find
• The Union jet can travel from Japan to Canada in five hours
• Tracks Under's spatial gate method
• Has so much money
• 100,000+ employees

Other

• Goons with handcuffs and spheres meant to catch Undead
• Runs an orphanage
• UMA food cubes are hypercondensed nutrients
• UMA containment cells are indestructible
• Almost certainly created the little drop-pod things since they zoom out of his lab later
• Union communicators

Single-Person Gadgets
Loop 100

• Anti-aging tech
• The neckties of Union suits grants the wearer access to a number of public services and organizations and it also functions as a universal translator which even works with writing
• The insignias on Union suits can play recordings and function as comms with other insignia wearers
• Fake IDs
• Created the Union's anti-cherry blossom cloaks to resist Spring's transmutation
• Heating pads
• An electric chair
  • It reconfigures her brain to make her eyebags appear above her eyes and thus they function as natural eyeshadow

Loop 101

• Adrenaline epi-pen
• Thermal vision
• Spacesuits with verniers
• Anti-shake camera holders
• Created a dress for Latla that would morph into a bridal dress
• Insulated spacesuits for sunwalking capabilities
  • They also have bone conduction, so Fuuko can talk to Andy by jabbing her thumb into a hole in his skull

Weapons

• Fighter jets
  • With remote self-destruct
• Electrical cables, cooling agent, and the Unbreakable pile cannon all are weapons that Union HQ utilizes against Burn
• Developed the Astral Dolls with Ichico
• Developed the Super Dreadnought Union Lethal Weapon Superior Buster as the Union's ultimate weapon with Mico

Specific - Others'

• Void's power armor
• An alloy that, smithed using Isshin's Unbreakable, can expand along with Shen's Nyoi-Kinko staff
• Designed a helmet to save Zack from a respiratory disease
• Created Tatiana's ball mech
• Gave Billy spurs for his echolocation-level senses to work
• Built Chikara's goggles
• Probably made Juiz a prosthetic arm
• The UN-ST Tachyorizer, which basically gives Top everything he needs to reach maximum speed
• Performs a field blood transfusion between Andy and Fuuko
• Souped up Andy's bike
• Loop 100 Nico was the best of any Loops Fuuko saw through artefacts
• Nico-dedicated restraints (while he didn't invent them himself, another member of the lab did and he's the smartest of them
• Repelling bullets for Creed's minigun to use in space

Specific - Own
Astral Dolls

• Using Psycho Pods as power sources, these are copies of members of the Union that even possess pseudo-Negations
• Astral Void punches Andy's head off
  • Punches Andy into the ground
  • Punches harder after the UMA Ghost fusion
• Astral Gina slams Andy's body to the ground
• Created Astral Chikara and Astral Juiz as well
• They get stronger after Nico fuses with Ghost as well as more durable, but only the two that are dead, Gina and Void
• Andy's finger bullets bounce off amped Void
• Gina gums up Andy's limbs while electrocuting him

Psycho-Pods
General

• He can use them to fly
• These are controlled via brainwaves
• Nico can control eleven at max, with Chikara barely able to control one
• When he fuses with Ghost, his Psycho Pods become ghostly
• They store memories

Durability/Shields

• Reflects Phil's laser into a Victor clone
• Traps Gina inside a cube as her Negation activates, preventing her from killing 40,000 via asphyxiation
• Forms a stretcher to carry Fuuko on
• Makes a shield to deflect Creed's grenade
• Traps some of UMA Color's paint
• Encases Sick's Juniors
• Forms a shield around Fuuko's ER
• Only Isshin has ever been able to break this material, until fighting Lan in a game of shiritori

Lasers

• Defends Nico from Andy's finger bullet
• Bisects Victor and cauterizes the wound to slow his regen
• Lasers Andy into giblets using ten, slicing through metal as well
• Lasers holes in the lab floor to reduce the strength of the eruption about to explode, as well as cools down the lava with a refrigerating agent
• Forms a 5x5 grid to dice Language's Sun and Luna

Other

• Treats Top and Isshin's wounds
• Conks Tella
• Hacks into the Union's network, killing its captive UMAs and lowering their defenses
  • Shuts gates to direct Andy down a certain path
  • Gasses his lab members
• Treated Shen's wounds

Negation: Unforgettable

Type: Self-Targeting Compulsory Activation
Tragedy: Ichico Nemuri's death in childbirth is the only memory he has of his wife
Nico's Negation prevents him from forgetting anything his mind has processed since acquiring the Negation. This in turn crushes out the memories he had from before the Negation awakened.

• After all the world's languages were unified into English and Mui lost the ability to speak Chinese, she starts teaching herself how to speak it using only a book written by Nico
• Memory wipes fail on him
• Beat UMA Language solo
• Withstands Apocalypse's memory bombing, meaning he is stronger in Loop 101 than Loop 100, and Loop 100 Nico was already better than any previous Nico.
• Only Unforgettable is capable of perfectly reviving someone from the dead in shiritori due to its absolute crystalline memory of them
• Likely knows Spanish and Lithuanian

Other

• Determines which of the quests the Union should go after
• Defeated UMA Language himself and UMA Past with the help of other Negators
• Fused with UMA Ghost

I couldn't forget even if you told me to. Those words. Those memories. I've ingrained them into my soul!!

We tore up half a bedroom worth of vinyl sheet floor without ever knowing about asbestos, I was 14 when this happened and im 21 now. My dad just didn’t know, but I still feel upset that it happened and got us all exposed, including my little brother and sister who were 6 and 8 at the time.
My dad even sanded the black adhesive under the vinyl for 30 minutes while we were there, no god damn ppe aside from an n95 that I wasn’t even wearing because I was 14 and uninformed about the danger.
Its been 3 months since I found out and im still uneasy about it, we tore that damn floor to shreds with roof shingle removal tools because it was so stuck the floor. It came off tear after tear, piece after piece. I think I may have spent 2-5 hours there helping my parents, and the sander was on for 30 minutes while I was there, I may have worn an n95 for half the time I was there but idk anymore because my pictures show me not wearing it.
The only good thing is that the door to outside and a window were open so I don’t think the fibers just stayed in the are were working in, and also the asbestos was probably white asbestos since thats was mostly used in floor. We also didnt live in this house ever, it was a second home.
How can I conclude this… how can I stop ruminating about this. It almost feels like guaranteed cancer in the future if I live long enough, like it probably wont get me before 40 or 50, but I doubt im making it 60 or 70. It feels like my future might be gone over something stupid and preventable, if I just known or been a little older to be more informed. I don’t even work with my dad anymore because I feel betrayed by the lack of care towards safety.
And I have read about one time exposure, ive read that its considered low risk, but I feel like my situation might be different. This wasn’t just a popcorn ceiling that I stared at the wrong way, my dad sanded asbestos and thats about the worst thing you can do. He only did for an hour or 2 and we were only in the room for less than 30 minutes when he did it, but we were certainly exposed and definitely inhaled asbestos. Also those damn vinyl floors have a gray/white backing under the vinyl pattern that can apparently be 100% asbestos, and thats terrifying.
The only good thing is my brother and sister were probably exposed for less than 30 minutes total because they spent the day outside playing, but it’s still terrifying to think they were exposed at all. It’s also scary that I don’t truly know the full extent of the exposure, im only guessing how long we were exposed based on photos and videos from that day. It could be more, but it’s probably less than I would think. I also know it was very dusty in the room, but asbestos is invisible so…
Regardless, I was definitely exposed and I want to know if the general idea of one time exposure being low risk still applies to me. I was very young when exposed, was there for up to 5 hours (probably less), and black asbestos adhesive was sanded for 30 minutes while I was there without ppe. The sheet floor we tore up may have had a very high percentage of asbestos, me and my mom were doing that for hours without, let alone my dad who spent days sanding asbestos for almost a week total as he sanded about 5 rooms worth of the stuff while we werent there. He only had an n95.
Did I get a common one time exposure that happens to lots of people, or is this worse than that?

If I hadn’t drunk an entire gallon of tea back at the hotel, maybe none of this would’ve happened.
Well, maybe if we hadn’t gotten kicked out of the hotel, none of this would’ve happened.
It had been just the two of us in the small car, but with the animosity heavy on the air, it felt overcrowded. I don’t know what had been worse, the hour of arguing, the two hours of silence afterwards, or the burgeoning realization that maybe I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did.
I studied him out of the corner of my eye. We'd been together for several months, but the recent experience left me wondering if I had ever even met the real Brian – who he truly was on the inside.
It had been our very first trip together.
We'd saved up for one of those super fancy hotels and had been having a great time – until, of course, Brian decided to attempt a five-finger discount in the jewelry store in the lobby.
He'd told me when we first started dating that he'd had some run-ins with the law in the past – when he was young and that was the only way to put food on the table, and I'd understood.
But this wasn't the same. It wasn't for survival, it was just greed.
We’d both spent the rest of our vacation money and then some, paying for that $1,800 watch so no charges would be pressed.
They still kicked us out. I don’t blame them.
Asking him to stop at the next place we came across was the first thing I'd said to him in hours, and he nodded, solemnly.
My discomfort was escalating to the point where I was considering asking him to pull over on the side of the road – rain be damned – when we saw the dim sign flickering in the distance.
The small store was out of place on the quiet, tree lined mountain road. We’d been deep in a tunnel of trees and hadn’t seen so much of a hint of the lights in the distance – it seemed to just appear into view as we went around the bend. I didn't recall seeing it on the way to the hotel, so it was a pleasant surprise.
I felt a flood of relief wash over me.
It stuck out in the otherwise beautiful mountain landscape – windows so dirty that the light inside barely reached us through them – several letters on the sign lit up in such a way that the only word we could even see was a blood red '- MART' flickering.
Any relief I'd managed to feel was short-lived.
When we walked in, we both froze as we took in the interior.
I instantly wished we’d just stopped by the side of the road after all. I looked at Brian and could tell he felt it too – he was fiddling with his new watch and took off his glasses, cleaned them on his shirt, and put them back on, as if that would make what he was seeing make more sense.
There were no other customers, no employees visible, it was just the two of us.
Ceiling tiles hung askew, and the floor was filthy – we had to step over a drain in the floor with grimy stains circling it, to walk in.
If it weren’t for the lights, gentle hum of the AC, and grinding sounds floating from down the long hallway at the back, I’d have thought the place was abandoned.
It was humid inside, and the smell coming from the old coolers that lined the back walls hit me as soon as we walked in. It reminded me of the summer my dad had decided to dabble in taxidermy in our basement.
The slight hint of rot that lingered on the damp air indicated poorly done taxidermy, at that.
As I darted towards the back towards the restroom sign, a placard dangling off it caught my eye, informed me the restroom was for paying customers only.
I quickly perused the shelves for something to buy. The aisles were tall, nearly to the ceiling, and despite the store being somewhat small, I felt the panicked sense of being cornered and trapped in an endless maze – at risk of becoming lost in there forever. The food on the shelves resembled nothing like the usual chips and candy these types of stores carried – there were rows upon rows of soft looking mystery items in plastic wrap, some of them leaked a red-brown residue down the shelves – none of it looked remotely appealing.
I passed by a section with a stained placard that said ‘handcrafted from local artists’ that was filled with eclectic items, none of which seemed to go together.
There were torn shirts with random logos – nothing related to the town or area we were in, stained with mud, grass, and god knows what else. Dried ropy things formed small and delicate sculptures of animals unlike any I’d seen before. I reached for a bracelet with intricately carved white beads but nearly dropped it when I realized the band was made up of woven human hair. It left a residue on my hand, and I noticed then that the same sour-rot smell was coming from the collection of items, too.
I opted for a flat and lukewarm Dr. Pepper instead, and placed two $2 dollar coins on the glass counter in front of the hand scrawled ‘shoplifters will be processed’ sign near the register.
I figured I misread it, after all it, looked like it had been written by a hand unused to holding a pen.
Brian had grabbed an armful of those unnerving plastic-wrapped packages but hovered at the counter a bit too long. I could hear the scrape of him retrieving the coins on the glass, the sound of him dropping them into his pocket.
He gave me a pointed stare as he did so.
I sighed, so tired of arguing that I just walked away from him and down the hallway. I figured I’d pay (again) after he got back in the car.
No sooner had I closed the door to the women’s room behind me, than I could hear him talking to someone.
His voice rose until he was nearly yelling. Mortified and trying to delay being involved in another incident that day, I splashed water on my face while trying to drown out what appeared to be a one-sided argument.
I kept trying to wash the grimy feeling that had lingered on my hands after picking up the bracelet, but no matter how I scrubbed, I couldn’t get it off – it kept getting worse.
I felt nauseous when I realized the greasy residue was coming from the pale-yellow bar of soap. I decided I’d scrub my hands raw at our next stop, and stepped out into the hall and back to the store.
Brian wasn’t there.
I called out for him, but all I heard in answer was that same vague whirring and drilling sound coming from further down the long hallway.
I double-backed to the car, but found it empty.
I circled the store, my frustration turning to panic as I shouted his name and still got no response.
I called his phone, it just rang, and rang before going to voicemail.
The car was locked and he had the keys, I couldn’t help but feel nervous, standing out there in the rain. We were still in the middle of the deep woods and with clouds obscuring the light of the moon and stars, the area was blanketed in darkness. I reluctantly headed back inside.
Somehow, the smell had managed to become even worse – I gagged when the wet, disgusting air hit my nose again. It was so strong I could nearly taste it, putrid on my tongue.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was always someone just behind me as I walked quickly through the tall aisles, but whenever I looked over my shoulder, there was never anything there.
I called his phone, wondering how I’d managed to lose him in such a small store when I finally heard it ringing – it was echoing from down that long hallway.
As I headed towards it, I heard someone moving on the other side of the floor-to-ceiling aisle, placing something onto the shelf with a sickening wet thud, before weaving lithely through the aisles behind me.
“Brian?” I called out softly, trying to convince myself that everything was fine – trying to disguise my fear.
I knew it wasn’t him – I don’t know how, but I knew it. Have you ever had the feeling that if you look closely enough at something, if you truly see it, you’ll never be able to close your eyes again without it haunting you? That feeling of being in close proximity to something that your fragile mind was never meant to know existed?
I forced myself to turn around anyways.
Once again, whoever or whatever had been there was gone by the time I rounded the aisle, but I heard a gentle clinking sound, and saw a trail of red-pink droplets.
I followed it back to that section – handcrafted from local artists, there was something new hanging from a hook near the shelves – wet, glistening strips dangled from along what looked to be a curved bone with bits of gristle still attached. From one of them hung an expensive men’s wristwatch, another was tied around a shattered, thick glasses lens. Yet another sagged under the weight of car keys. They gently swayed with the motion of having been recently placed. Fluid continued to drip from the still wet viscera and mingled with the mud on my shoes.
Shoplifters will be processed
I didn’t need to see the items down the other aisles to figure out what I was looking at, what must have happened.
I could already tell that we’d never have another argument, ever again.
I heard a door open and close in the back, soft footsteps approaching from down that hallway.
I realized that in my distraction, I'd forgotten to put money back on the counter.
I choked up, but knew there was nothing I could do for him. So, I tossed the first bills I found in my purse onto the floor, frantically untangled the car keys, and in shock, I drove myself the remaining four-hour drive home.
Every so often, along the quiet country roads – those I could've sworn were empty on the drive up – I’d see that grimy building, the sign, '-MART' flashing in the distance.
I didn’t stop once.
I've been home for a week now.
A few nights ago, something triggered a motion alert on my video doorbell, but there was no one there when I checked the footage.
The next morning, I found a cardboard box on my porch – with no stamp or return address.
In it was a torn t-shirt, and several of those now-familiar wrapped packages, putrid fluid leaking out of them through the bottom of the soggy cardboard.
I've received a similar box every night, since.
I don't know if it's meant as a threat, or if due to some sort of twisted interpretation – I’m now a 'paying customer’ – he's slowly being returned to me.
Either way, it turns out that I've gotten to see who Brian was on the inside, after all.
JFR

My friend (23f), we’ll call her Jenny, has been taking care of her grandma (79f), Mary, for over a year now and her family barely offers her any support. Mary is on oxygen and has some serious mental health problems that she refuses to get checked. She is lucid enough to refuse but she has become increasingly hostile and depressed in her old age. In the past, Mary has referred to Jenny as her “ex-granddaughter” several times because she feels she does not care about her and thinks she is betraying her when she talks about her to her aunt (65f), Lynn, whom she also refers to as her “ex-daughter.” Jenny’s father (52m), Matt, lives across the country with his wife (52f), Gene, and only cares about the money he’ll get when Mary passes.
Some context: Mary lived alone in a small townhouse for many years and wanted to move 3 hours away to a tiny home by her sisters. Jenny and her family helped move her, but not long after leaving, she became very depressed and very angry with her sisters and her kids for abandoning her in a place she “did not want to be.” When she moved out, Jenny and I (24f) moved into her home and began paying rent to her aunt, as we could not live anywhere else due to her dog and not being able to afford anything else.
After lengthy discussions within her family, Matt decided to move her across the country to live with him and Gene. Their family warned Matt that she may be a lot to handle as she has become a handful in her old age, and he had not been around her for several years, only speaking on the phone. Jenny took a week off of work to drive with Matt across the country for her to fly back home.
In the time that she was there, Matt and Gene renovated their kitchen with Mary’s social security checks and, once completed, Matt began complaining of her nagging and yelling and always got into arguments with her over small things. She had thought she made a friend on TikTok, but he turned out to be a scammer. He got some money from her before anyone caught on and they soon took her iPad and blocked him, along with putting a parental lock so she wouldn’t do something like that again. Mary started noticing she couldn’t do very much like she used to and Matt told her that “maybe he’s doing it.” She was very concerned as she wasn’t aware someone could do that, and anything that went wrong with any of her devices, she blamed “him.” Her iPad, the TV, her oxygen tank, her hearing aids, etc. She could not comprehend that it was her own doing and placed blame anywhere that was not herself.
After a few months, Matt said he was done and wanted to send her back to find a place near Jenny and Lynn. Jenny planned on flying to get her and taking a train home, since Mary is on oxygen and cannot fly. About a week before she left, Matt said he changed his mind and that he wanted Mary to stay. Jenny and I decided to go together since she already had the time off to visit them. Jenny explained to her dad that she cannot keep requesting off time and that if he wanted to have her stay, that she would stay for good. Not long after that, Lynn and Jenny’s brother (22m) moved 3 hours away from Jenny.
The following summer, I moved across the country to work a seasonal job. And Matt decided he was going to have Mary’s sister drive her back home to live with Jenny as she now had a vacant room with me gone. I had been the previous summer and I wanted Jenny to come with me, as I was roadtripping a couple of states away. She stayed for a few days and went back home, only to find out that Mary was arriving there that evening. She had no time to decompress after her flight before Mary was there full time.
Mary and Jenny had always butted heads, but now she had this idea there was a man in all of their electronic devices and would constantly call the police and ask Jenny to take her to the station to report him. One time, the police showed up and Jenny asked if he could explain that there was no one in her things. He took time out of his day to explain that it was not possible for someone to do the things she thinks are happening and she seemed to understand; for a day.
Mary and Jenny are always arguing and Mary is usually screaming at her devices for him to get off them. Mary has said if Jenny doesn’t take her to the police station, she’d call and report her for elderly abuse. Once, Jenny asked what she wanted for dinner and Mary responded, “Two bullets, one for me and one for you.”
Jenny has taken care of Mary as much as possible, but with several pets and a full time job, she comes home from work exhausted just to start her second job of taking care of Mary. She has asked Matt and Lynn is to help make her doctors appointments and that they had to pay any medical bills that Mary’s insurance did not cover, as she was taking on the burden of being her caretaker. However, Matt has always left it to Lynn to take care of and Lynn always dragged her feet when it came to making appointments, which then resulted in Mary becoming frustrated with Jenny, blaming her for not taking care of her.
Recently, Lynn and Matt have decided they want to sell the townhouse and move the two of them into another home, as the space is too small for the both of them. Jenny was for the idea and Lynn told her they wanted to move within a few months, so Jenny began to scramble to get their house packed up for showing. Jenny quickly became overwhelmed, as they have 2 dogs and 6 cats living with them, so the house was never clean. Jenny would spend hours cleaning and packing every chance she got. They moved things that were not needed into a storage unit that Lynn had, which Lynn had not cleared out. Lynn always told Jenny she would come down one day, so Jenny made sure to get that time off, only for Lynn to change her mind and decide to come down at a later date. This happened for months.
Today, Lynn called Jenny and told her that Matt wants to take Mary back and have her live in the basement and that they will renovate it for her to live full time. Mary is not very mobile and requires a wheelchair most times and a walker to get around the house. Jenny does not think that is very wise because there is no bathroom in the basement and no kitchen, therefore Mary would have to go up and down the stairs often, which is not possible for her. Then, a few hours later, Gene texted Jenny and asked if they were aware of what Matt and Lynn were discussing. Then Gene said that they were planning on pushing off them moving for another year. Jenny was livid, not only because she had been spending months packing the house per her families request to move ASAP, but because she had spoken to both Matt and Lynn earlier and neither one of them told her this.
Jenny doesn’t understand what to do in this situation, as she cannot afford to move out on her own and she feels like a pawn in her own family. Matt is ready for Mary to pass so he can claim his inheritance, which is wrapped up in the house Jenny and Mary live in, and Jenny is afraid that once she is gone, there is nothing stopping Matt from selling the house out from under her and leaving her homeless.
Jenny is hoping to keep her relationship well with her family and tries not to cause any waves, but I believe it is more damaging keeping all of her anger inside. What should she do?

Been drinking alot for too long, try to make pauses, and I do. But, PTSD, severe abuse, severe bullying and loosing three kids makes the nightmares return, and the numbing of the pain, and the stopping of the nightmares, only thing that really helps is the deep end of a bottle, or, getting stoned out of my head.
I was severely bullied throughout the school years, damned with a photographic memory, so I can replay all those years in my head like a video when I need to go to sleep, answer, alcohol or sedatives.
I have lost three kids, had a severely abusive wife, answer, alcohol or weed.
My mostly daily issues are, I can remember most moments of pain like a video, and too often, as I try to sleep, the brain goes "Yeah, remember THAT moment??".
To sleep, I have been in therapy, got Theralen, but, don't want to ask for it. I had antidepressants, but they also have a side effect, it killed my sex drive, which ended up with me in more depression. SSRI's, can't remember the brand/type though.
So, with my wife, who'm with I lost three kids (she also had multiple affairs after, and before), now I needed Viagra or Cialis. Yay.
The last 20 years have been pretty decent, but I am stuck in the past, stuck blaming my wife, and I drink way to much. Way, too much.
I do not like SSRI's, as I still like to have a sex drive. I like weed, as it really super duperly helps me sleep, without the nightmares. But, weed is illegal here, and I can't get a hold of it too often, maybe twice a year, but then I sleep like a prince. Instead, alcohol is readily available.
Which I try my best to self medicate with. I also have researched how to as in the longest not to ruin your liver, cats claw, magnesium, vitamin supplements and turmeric with black pepper (turmeric really works well, makes your lymphatic system step in, turmeric + black pepper, you will not get hung over).
Where should I start, to get help? I live in Sweden, but every time I have asked for help, all I get is Theralen.
Always I am active, 1 hour of hard exercise every day, I do not eat breakfast or lunch, but have cat claw tea, or Hibiscus tea, with vitamine pills, fish oil, nattokinase, and passion flower, alongside turmeric with black pepper.
Anyone got any suggestions as to, how do I get off the damn juice. I have so many things I want to do, but, I sleep half the day away, and spend the rest, drinking and being upset.
51 years old, so probably also living on borrowed time with the liver. I just as you can probably read, tried alot of things, but the damn nightmares, I can't get them to stop. Where should I look for allevation?
Treatments, medications, life affirmations, anyone göts any suggestions? The lack of sleep is just driving me nuts, and, I know the drinking is going to put me in a early grave.
Sorry for the long post. Someone recently told me that victims of severe abuse have a problem with asking for help, and never do. I realized, wtf, that might be me. I don't trust anyone.
But, there it is, where the heck, should I start? Apologize for the long rant. I never ask for help, because no body has ever helped me, I read recently that this might be a syndrome too. I am my own person, and always fix everything in my life on my own, because other people have never been a help.
As a bonus though, I can probably fix everything from the car to the house to the heating/wateroof/drainage etc.. simply because I always felt I need to do it on my own, since if I ask anyone for help, I am going to end up hurt.

My spouse and I have two boys, one age 12 and one aged 9.
My 12 year old son has had struggled with screen time since we first let him have access to a screen at age 2.
It's been ten years dealing with this so I could go on for ages about it, but here are a few highlights:

• We always tried to follow recommendations for screentime limitations when our kids were younger.
• When the kids were very little, my spouse felt that screens had a lot to offer in terms of helping the kids learn to read, code, and build other skills, which is why we originally introduced them.
• We have struggled with our older son having extreme tantrums and the inability to stop screentime from the very beginning.
• We have tried every recommended technique- such as giving warnings. To be honest, there is not a lot of good advice out there about how to deal with this. I spoke to my son's pediatrician about it last week and she said to give 1 minute and 5 minute warnings. I found this advice laughable- I've known that and have been doing it for ten years, and it does not work with him.
• The extreme issues with screen addiction in addition to other things I have noticed about my son have caused me to suspect that he may have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or some other issue. I have tried to get a formal diagnosis and have not been able to access care for that due to a lack of available mental health services. A secondary reason is that I do not believe my spouse supports me in seeking care for ASD. I have spoke to two friends who are experts in ASD who believe he may be on the spectrum. Also, my spouse has recently self-diagnosed with ASD which I think is relevant and will mention later.
• When my son was about 7 years old we took him to a few sessions with a mental health professional. It was not very helpful.
• Around this time my spouse got so frustrated with the tantrums when stopping screentime that they unplugged the television and removed it from our home. Shortly after that, we moved to a new house and neighborhood and did not take the tv with us. I would say that concerns about our son and his behavior were one of the primary reasons we moved.
• We moved with a 7 year old and a 5 year old and we did not allow any screen time at all for eight months.
• That is when the pandemic hit in 2020. The kids were sent home with iPads and told to do online school. My spouse and I both had to work at home with no childcare. They proceeded to need to use screens for school for the next 15 months. Over those 15 months and beyond, we gradually had screen back in our lives regularly. The tantrums came back. They included violent behavior, especially towards me and the little brother.
• We spent so much time trying to limit the screen and trying to encourage our older child to be interested in sports or other activities. When screens are on the table, nothing else is ever interesting to him.
• Over time the rules have become more lax. In my opinion it's often been my spouse that has allowed things to become more relaxed, although I'm sure my spouse would blame it on me. I think we're both at fault, mostly because we are just exhausted.
• Which bring us to today. My son is 12 years old.
  • He typically is allowed to play video games from 5pm to bedtime at 7:30 pm on weeknights. On weekends we try to hold him off for as long as possible but he sometimes starts as early as 2pm (sometimes even earlier) and then plays until 7:30 (bedtime).
  • He is happiest when playing games. He connects with his friends on there, he feels confident, he learns things about his interests including physics and history. He loves it.
  • I put the kids to bed at night. Every single night of our lives it remains a struggle to get him off the screens. Is it better than it has been in the past? Yes. But is it still a struggle? Yes.
  • He does not easily turn off screens for either my spouse or I, but he does it more easily for my spouse. I mentioned above that my spouse once confiscated the TV for 8 months. I believe that was a semi-traumatic experience for my son and it is burned into his brain when the tv was ripped out of the wall and removed while he screamed. In general, my spouse is more likely to raise their voice, be strict, etc. with the kids. My spouse used to yell more often and they try not to now. But they are still sometimes short with the kids. I have asked my kids why they listen to my spouse more than me and they tell me they are scared of my spouse.
  • I sometimes raise my voice with my kids. I try not to. If my spouse is in earshot when I raise my voice with the kids, they get very upset. My spouse had a violent household as a child and me raising my voice with the kids is a major trigger for them. It has definitely been a struggle for me for years to get my kids to listen to me. I blame the fact that I struggle with being consistent with them, paired with the fact that my spouse is triggered by me being strict with them. So I feel like I can't win.
  • So every night when it's time for screens to go off I am in a situation in which:
    • The 12 year old will do anything and everything to stay on that screen as long as they can.
    • My spouse is listening carefully from the other room, ready to judge and blame me if they are not happy with my approach.
    • My 9 year old is very sensitive to all of this anxiety coming from the rest of us, gets off their video game exactly on time, bounces around the room begging for attention from me.
  • So every night I try different things. Some of the most effective techniques are bribery, guilt, trying to pretend everything is cool and spark his interest in something else.
  • Sometimes I talk to my son for ages about it beforehand and he is mentally primed and then turns the game off on time. That takes a tremendous amount of prep for it to work.
  • This week, we had the doctors visit in which I brought up this issue and some related issues as I mentioned above that have had me thinking for years that he might have ASD. She did not respond to my question about whether we should look into ASD, but clearly blamed me for giving him more than an hour of screentime a day which is the recommended amount I guess.
  • So, feeling super guilty, and since my 12 year old was in the doctor's room and heard what she said, I have been trying to renew my efforts to get him to turn off the video game at 7:30, instead of allowing him to drag it out until 8.
    • My son did pretty well with this for several days this week.
    • When he did not do well, I unplugged his computer form the wall. I gave him plenty of warning that I would do this. (There was a time a few months ago when I unplugged the computer and removed the cord and my spouse lost their shit about that.) Lately, I just unplug the cord and then leave the room. My son then gets up and plugs the computer back in but does not resume the game. He gets upset but does not have a huge tantrum. So I thought it was a win!
    • UNTIL- this morning, after the kids left for school, my spouse LOST IT on me. Saying I should absolutely never unplug his computer, that it was VIOLENT behavior. My spouse DEMANDED that I see a mental health professional. They DEMANDED it multiple times. They just lectured me, implied that I was doing things the way others in my family have and that its totally inappropriate. They said I shouldn't tell myself its ok because other people do it. It's not and I must seek treatment immediately.

I apologize for this being so long. It seems like a petty silly problem but as you can tell it's been an issue for us for many years and it is wrapped up in things such as my spouse's childhood trauma, my own childhood trauma about being yelled at and how it triggers me into a spiral of depression (I did not respond after they yelled at me this morning and have not spoken to them since. I've just been depressed and on the verge of tears all day.), possible undiagnosed ASD for my spouse and son, my own history of anxiety and clinical depression as well as my own self-diagnosed possible ADHD. But maybe I'm making it more complicated than it has to be. I don't know.
So what do you think...AITA for unplugging the computer?

This probably isn’t the right subreddit but I got banned from vent for some reason. The title didn’t mean I’m just like a dick that spreads misinformation I meant I lie about myself. So I’m going to explain when I first noticed I physically can’t tell the whole truth about myself and my whole thing so this is going to be so long. So in 5th grade I hated school and I would cry to my mom begging not to go and eventually my attendance was so bad they threatened to take my parents to court. The school got me a counselor I would see once a week to talk about my problems and help my attendance, it did help my attendance but still lots of hours missed. When I first had my counselor I would tell them the truth that I was afraid of school and wanted friends and all my problems with school. I had this counselor in the summer and 6th grade. At first 6th grade was hard for me and my attendance became pretty bad again even with the counselor. I was able to bring my attendance and grades up a little bit and my anxiety started to go away once I made my first friend that year towards the end of 6th grade. Me and my friend hung out at his house and eventually we made a group of friends and we were all chill and I was pretty happy. That summer we went to carnival together and we had a couple sleepovers, there was no beef and it was pretty nice. The end of the summer I still had my counselor and the next school year started, 7th grade. I remember being really nervous because I everyone I knew said that 7th grade was the worst year of their life’s and the school year was gonna suck. The year started out pretty good we were all still friends and so far it wasn’t as bad as everyone said. By November me and one of the guys in the group got really close we were homies. We would call everyday after school and play Xbox and shit. I remember towards the end of November I started liking this girl in one of my classes. I never really had friends when I had crushes before this so I would just look at them in class never talk to them,get their number, etc. my friends started to notice that I liked someone and kept trying to get it out of me. The one guy that I got really good friends with in the group told me that he liked a girl to and we should tell eachother. I eventually gave in and told him on Snapchat. I told him and he told me. I thought it would some quick thing and we would move on. The next day at school all he did would tease me about it and act like he would tell her. I know that it is normal so I was fine with it because I thought he would tease me for a couple days and that’s it. He ended up teasing me for the rest of November and December and I didn’t do anything about it. We went into winter break and I got the girls snap (not by asking her just finding her on my quick add.). Me and my best friend from the group would continue playing Xbox all day and hanging out over winter break. At the time (December 2022) I had pretty low confidence in my hair because it was just some flat straight side part and I got some sea salt spray for Christmas that made my hair the fluffy hair i always wanted and I got a confidence booster even though I was still fat and ugly. I came back to school with my hair looking really good and got some compliments and I was pretty happy. My best friend that would tease me about my crush would start taking really bad pictures of me and horrible ss of my face on FaceTime and would post it on his story where my crush was added on his account. Obviously he was doing this to be a dick and lower my self esteem. I started to notice around February that my best friend was a complete dick but I thought it was funny and kept being friends with him. In February i started to get a little popular and people had a nickname for me and I knew that they didn’t actually like me and it was like a joke. Also at this time my best friend convinced the rest of the group to sit at the table next to his crush. We did and my crush happened to sit a couple tables away from us and Im not sure if he made us sit there because of that or because his actual crush. Also around this time my best friend convinced me to unfriend someone from the group and I did. I felt really bad for him and I still talked to him. When the best friend found this out he basically said over text when we were on the bus that I feel betrayed and we are done being friends. I was so upset and while I was on the bus I looked at his story and it’s him exposing all my secrets. Everything I told him was on his story. My crushes name, my dark secrets, everything. He also posted most of the bad pictures and apparently when I told him crushes name in November he was doing some glitch where he could ss and not tell me. I just turned off my phone and was holding back tears on the bus full of people, when the bus got to my stop I just quickly and quietly walked off the bus and walked to my house. I was mortified and just went to my room and cried, the hardest I cried since 5th grade. I thought my life was ruined. He called me and said he deleted the stories before anyone saw them and I became his friend again🤦‍♂️. I was scared because he had the other horrible photos of me. Shortly after i just forgot about the story and me and him and his crush and her friend hung out. We just got ice cream and went to a playground.his crush handed me a vape and told me to hit it. I don’t want to seem like a pussy so i did. I didn’t inhale it and apparently she was recording and sent it to my best friend. Later that night I saw the video on his story and was mortified and told him to delete it and he refused and the next day at school everyone was making fun of me for a month. It was so embarrassing. The thing that pissed me off the most about it was the fact that half of the school vapes and no one made fun of them. I never told my counselor about it and she thought I was doing good enough to end her being my counselor. That is when I truly noticed that I’m a really bad liar. She thought I was doing my best even though I was at my worst. The rest of the school year went okay but since I was kinda popular I started to get bullied more and more about my weight. All my best friend did was make fun of me even though he was fat too. People started to take pictures of me in class and sent to their story and me to make fun of me. I started to go to the gym and some kid would help me out With my diet and at the gym. Me and him started to become friends and he convinced me to join the football team the following school year. So I got a physical at the end of 7th grade and was determined to join the football team. I wanted to gain respect,become more confident, lose weight, become stronger,faster,etc.so at the end of the school year I became kind of happy again. My family was praising me because I would go to the gym. I wanted to lose like 30 pounds in like 2 months or something crazy like that. The start of the summer was good, i would work out a few times a week. In late June my whole dad’s side of the family pays for a week in a really good and big air b&b and it’s really fun. My best friend and I didn’t talk much during the first half of the summer and he kept trying to call me when I was swimming, fishing, talking with my whole family,etc. and I got pissed and texted him something along the lines of “can you fuck off im on vacation get off my dick.” And he left me on opened and really didn’t talk for the rest of the summer. I realized my gym partner was a dick along too and wasn’t trying to help me at all. Long story short I lost a few pounds by the start of football season. The first practices were really hard and I hated it. But by a couple weeks in I started to get more stamina and strength. By a month into footballl season my ankles were really fucked up because the only cardio I did during that summer was jog a mile or something but in practice we run so much in heavy pads and uncomfortable cleats. I was never good I was always a back up. I had practice every single day after school was so tired but couldn’t quit. My best friend who was a dick that me and him started to drift away from each other thought we were still homies the next school year and I didn’t want to tell him that we aren’t cool any more so I just acted like we were chill and then was at practice for 2 hours after school then went home and had to do homework and repeat the next day. I hated my life at this point so much. I didn’t enjoy playing football, I sucked at it and was made fun of for it, etc. towards the end of the football season I got hit really hard and went to a head doctor appointment a couple days later and had a concussion. So I basically just quit the football team. Everyone on the team called me a pussy and said I quit even when I told them I had a concussion. I would go home after school in the first time in months. I realized I was so depressed and how I have no one I can trust. There was no classes with any friends, either my class was complete assholes or weirdos. Lunch was awkward because of my “best friend” thinking we were still locked in. There was no good part of the day for me I hated the way I felt but I would lie if someone asked if I was good. At this point it was October and I was in the verge of suicide. There was no good part of the day, I go home get yelled at for my grades eat and cry myself to sleep. I realized I was going to end my life if I didn’t get out of my school. I found an online school and started to beg my parents to put me in online school. They immediately refused but after a month and half of begging they agreed. I started the school by end November and was really happy for a couple of weeks then started to become depressed again by end of December. Now in may im more depressed than I ever was, I’m not suicidal but I have no friends and not going to talk to my parents about what im going through . I feel so alone I have full on conversations with myself and my lying is so bad I lie to myself went I’m venting to myself. I hate myself so much that I can’t even tell the truth to myself and it’s so bad. I make the situation sound better in my head but it’s not. I think online school was a mistake but if I stayed in the school I was in I probably would have taken my own life by now. I can only think my best friend was just praying on my downfall and he won. I am moving to a new town later this summer and I’m hoping I can start a new life there and not be such a pushover. I’m sorry that this is so long and bad grammar. This is more than just low confidence and lying but I need to talk about myself. If you read this thank you

So I logged out of F76 just now, and I will never log back in. It's over for me. The whole issue is 100% avoidable, though. I want to tell Bethesda why they lost me, and obviously this will give away some ways to keep other players.
First, the minor issues, which I'd solve with a mod in Fallout 4, but which are obnoxiously ever-present in the un-moddable F76:

• NPCs and their never-ending quips. Going to Blue Ridge and hearing Johnny Bills (?) say over and over and over and over again that it's "better exercise than trucking," just OH MY GOD SHUT UP. The amount of repetitive one-liners you have every NPC doing is insane.
• The game looks like what happens when you ask the nice foster family in Shazam to make a Fallout game. The land is bright and lush, to the point it doesn't look apocalypse-touched much at all, unless you look at roads that are falling apart, or buildings with a crumbled section. But more than that, it's... so wholesome, with Responders sincerely obsessed with helping everyone but yet literally zero depiction of anyone actually injured or needing help. The hospital beds at the golf course? Empty. The "whole lot of work" they do? They're all lounging, leaning against walls. There is no crisis center. For that matter, IS there a crisis? I keep hearing that there is, but these areas seem wholly devoid of people in pain or suffering radiation sickness.
• The unrelenting nothing. Here is what I mean. I went to talk to a Responder leader, whose name I can't be bothered to remember, and she had 3 other leaders that she could talk about. OK! Here comes the mystery or questing or something, right? She's gonna tell me that something is up with one of these leaders, or there is some problem I can solve. So I ask about the first person. She praises him/her. I ask about the 2nd. Same, just gushing about how nice everyone is. So I ask about the 3rd. And that person is lovely and admirable too, and there are no problems, and THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME TO DO. Over and over again, we get dialogue wasted on nothingness. There was no reason to read or get invested, because the text is just, "everything fine, nothing to see here." WHY?

But all of that was survivable. I've been building for a couple of weeks now, finishing quests (mostly not the Responders, but you know, other quests). Except... 3 days ago, I joined a game and the game couldn't place my camp. Someone else was in my spot. OK, no problem, you gave me a free "relocate your camp" so I will. But... all it brought over was my house and water pump. The gardens? Gone.
Not terrible, I'll rebuild. Over the last 3 days, I rebuilt a lot. My place is not good, I'm still low-level, but I had all the crafting, a vending machine, turrets for protection (which almost never seem to trigger on enemies, by the way), beds, and even got a settler who I met, who just hangs out at my settlement and plays guitar. Great.
And then today, the server locked up or went offline mid-game, and I booted back to the main screen. I had been in build mode at the time. I think that might factor in. When I got back in, it couldn't place my camp, gave me a free relocation, I took it, and when I put down the C.A.M.P. what did I get? It saved ONE ROOF TILE. Literally everything from the last 2 weeks was lost. To rebuild I'd need to get the resources again and re-place everything, new. I logged into a new game to see if it was a quirk, but it wasn't.
Bethesda, losing the items I had placed down today when it froze? Understandable. Losing everything, including the original building from days ago? Even the basic concrete flooring from 2 weeks ago? HOW? How could you lose THAT?
Bethesda, the game isn't good enough to persist with through this kind of mistake. I can forgive those smaller things like the cheery delusional "are we in a post-apoc game? tee hee it doesn't seem like it" theme, but if you're gonna do that AND then lose hours & hours & hours of my effort, WTF am I doing here? I'm not rebuilding, Bethesda. Sorry.
But maybe you can fix that for anyone else who is going to hit that same wall. Good luck.

(this isn't my first typing attempt but that's the best flair there was for this)
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself. 14F i'm just a girl who hates her life... also this psychologist/doctor lady said i have inattentive adhd based on a random questionnaire, i kinda don't think you can decide that off of a bunch of questions that could apply to a lot of people but anyways
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow? i already mentioned that above
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it? i don't feel particularly comfortable answering this question but i'll at least say that i'm home schooled, i do dance classes and that i have a single mother who is very strict, very cheep... and doesn't really follow through with her promises to me, and tends to make annoying comments about how i act and how everything i do is rude and how i don't do enough productive stuff, like school work and house chores.. and i hate my life
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not? well i'm 14 so i don't have one, but i can tell you what i would like to do, i wanna be a voice actress, who also dose animation, who also dose music, who also wrights stories, all kinda in the same field, basically i wanna do indie animation, games to maybe but mostly shows
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed? it depends am i doing anything? am i just chilling? what? like if i was going out shopping by myself for example i would find that genuinely fun i get to buy cool things, i get to eat out and get tasty food, i get to maybe explore places i've never been before, but if i'm at home alone, then i would find a way to keep myself entertained on my computer like i always do, but i'd prefer the first option tbh...
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities? Dance is a sport. nobody can change my mind, but ya i do dance competition and i really do enjoy that, i also like shopping, listening to really hype music, researching things i find interesting, tho if it takes to long to research and i don't understand everything right away most of the time i will give up
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate? i am a very curious person i'd say, sometimes you'll see me coming up with a question that literally nobody cares about that i really really need the satisfaction of an answer to or it will keep me up at night, speaking of witch if anything in the day (that i care about that genuinely wanted to finish) is unresolved it will keep me up at night bc i'll be thinking of all the ways i can finish it, but ya i have a lot of ideas, but then when i want to come up with an idea that will work for something i really want, i can't come up with an idea for it, like for example when i tried to make myself a new sona and a new username.... it took forever just to figure out half a user name and i still don't know what the full thing is gonna be, but when its not limited to only things that will work really good for some very particular criteria, i'll come up with a lot of ideas that will never happen, i'm mostly curious about how things work, and how people work, and most of my ideas are career ideas and character ideas, idk what the last bit is supposed to mean
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be? i do in fact wanna be in control, i would love a leadership possession if people actually listened to me, witch they don't.... people are annoying....... i feel like i could be good at it if people took me seriously, meaning i'd need to find an entire group of people that don't know me.... as for leadership style, if you give me an idea i will listen to it, but if i already have something that i pre decided i find the best, nothing changes, if i decide something i know what i want it's it's pretty much impossible to change my mind, but for the things i'm ok will being flexible about than sure give me your ideas
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity? i don't exactly know what this means
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer. i make songs some times, mostly songs about things i'm to scared to say out loud, and i would do more art, if i could draw..... tho i'm amazing at minecraft skins, that's always fun
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them? i normally dwell on the past a lot, like "OMG WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT THING THAT ONE TIME" kinda thing, and sometimes i look at the past and say, wow my life was kinda fun at that one point, now it sucks, as for the present i'm writing this in the present? well it'll be the past by the time i post it, but anyways i don't have much comment on the present... as for the future i'm always waiting for the future and planning it, i'm always thinking that maybe in the future my life won't suck, and i'm always planning my career and stuff, and when i say my career, i'm honestly thinking more about what i really wanna achieve than making money, tho i do really wanna be rich like any other normal person but ya
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so? so if you ask me to clean sm or do the dishes or whatever, you asked the wrong person bc i'm to lazy for that, but if you ask me to help you come up with ideas for a project, you also asked the wrong person bc i will not stop annoying you about it, i will come up with ideas every 5 seconds, and yes this probobly could be helpful, i'm also aware that some may view it as annoying bc if i come up with any idea that could work, amazing or a very small detail, i have to tell you, my brain requires me to tell you if i wish to sleep at night, tho if the project is sm i couldn't care less about that's a different story... but sometimes i find myself almost talking over peoples things, there for i try to be carful with my words so they know i'm not stealing there project and it's still their thing
• Do you need logical consistency in your life? i don't know what this means exactly, but ya things need to make sense if that's what it means
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you? as important as water, only in small doses and never to often.... ya i should probobly drink water shouldn't i... but ya i'm not productive unless i really force myself to be, and even then, if i'm not in the mood for it i will be there for 5 second and be like, ah i can do the rest later
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that? i mean i have a tendency to take over other peoples projects, but i try not to do so... ya i think i might be somewhat controlling ig... some what manipulative..... so ya i am aware that i can be a little bossy, and i do tend to try and keep people in line in a sense, but the way i mean that isn't really the way most people would think of, like idc if people are disorganized, or if people are rude every once in awhile, or if people arn't working hard at stuff, i couldn't care less, but when there are some things i want people to know, or things that i want from people, i will try and hold them to that, for example i want people to study a certain thing bc i think they should know it, i will do everything in my power to get them to do that, and sometimes i might try and offer sm in return for people to do the things that i want them to do, like if theirs something they really want me to do i probobly won't do it, and kind of hold it hostage until they do the thing i want them to do, so in a way i try to keep people to the standards that satisfy me is that makes any sense? and i'm a very deal oriented person, so i'll a lot of the time ask sm for return for a lot of things, and i'll also try and offer things to get people to convince people to do my bidding, even if that person happens to be a really close friend
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them? well, for one i really like music for starters, i tend to try and right songs, mostly only little pieces of songs that never get finished, but some get finished, like one or 2 out of a billion get finished, but anyways that's besides the point, i really like just listening to well put together beats and stuff, and music is just really enjoyable so it would be nice to wright a song and say hey i made this, this is my amazing work of art, but also i like music bc it give me a way to express my emotions without having to directly talk about them, bc i never like talking about emotions, if somebody asks me about them, i probobly will either say sm like "I don't have to answer that" or i'll actually try but leave out a lot of important details that i'm defiantly not telling anyone, but i generally don't like to feel venerable like that, anyways as for my other hobbies, ever now and then i like to draw sm... i kinda suck at it but i wanna get better bc i really like art, like i see a lot of really pretty artwork on pinterest and stuff all the time and i really wanna be able to do that, i really want that level of creative freedom, besides art can have a lot of different uses to and it's a genuinely good skill to have, tho i'm not the best at it yet... i also really like indie animation, and i've actually gotten really into the voice casts of certain shows, and i honestly plan to do voice acting eventually, bc that to me dosn't really sound like work, and you'd also kinda get to be a character without really showing your face, but can it really be considered a hobby if you haven't REALLY gotten into it yet? who knows but still sm i'd love to do eventually, on the topic of indie animation i really like crafting stories and stuff and fictional worlds, when i was about like 11 to 13 i think? i spend that entire time developing an entire universe that i kinda escaped to, tho recently i've kinda abandoned all my ocs from that tho i still reference to them some times, mostly bc i'm not really into high fantasy as much anymore and i made that world when i was, but i'm still into creating characters and universes and stuff, just kinda abandoned the old thing, i'm semi into chess, i feel like i'd be more into it if it was easier to learn as i kinda got into it more recently, but it's something i wanna get good at mostly as a flex so i can be like "Ha i'm smarter than you" and all that shit, but it's also fun to play a couple games, annoying when i make a stupid move and only realize the second after i play it... but still fun, also something i haven't started but want to when i have a computer that can handle it is 3D animation and 3D modelling, it's something i differentially have an interest in but haven't been able to do bc my computer is a piece of shit and my mother is very cheep, but again can you really call it a hobby if you haven't done it yet? well i still thought i should mention it, but you can't talk about my interests without mentioning... TYPOLOGY, even tho i still don't fully understand it i'm still very interested in it and have been for quite awhile, it's kinda sm that i understand but i can't explain to other people, but i'm trying to get to the point where i can explain it to other people, but anyways recently i've had a major typology crisis and have been rethinking like literally every part of my typology, like every system everything, i use to be very confidant in what i was for all systems, now i'm not sure for any system... witch is why i'm posting here, but i'm not gonna say what i use to think i was bc i don't wanna give anyone any basises when trying to type me, just now realizing how huge this section is... anyways...
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses? well idk exactly what to put here or how to explain my learning style, so ima put examples instead, anyways so i really like the idea of learning languages, bc i just like languages ig, but i kinda only know the 2 languages i had since i was little my first language, english, and french witch i learned at like 5.. kinda rusty at it now tho, any ways lemme get to the point, it's really hard for me to learn any more languages even tho i want to bc i need a base on things before i can try to go into the details, with languages you HAVE to start small, that's not how i work, i like to get then general idea of stuff first before i get into specifics, i like to have a general understanding first and then get into the sub categories (if anyone knows how to learn languages like that pls say sm) but ya that's generally how i tend to learn stuff, i have to be placed into it first i can't just slowly work my way up to the knowledge, i get board fast so if i try and learn stuff like that i will give up quickly
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go? what the questionnaire means and how i see the word strategizing are 2 different things.. when i think of the verb "To Strategize" i think of it as a game term, weather that game is just that, a game to have fun with, or sm actually important that i treat as a game with moving pieces that i'm a lot less likely to take risks with but anyways enough of that ima actually answer the question now with 3 words... it really depends... i might try and plan things out when i need to be strategic with things, but when it doesn't matter i might just wing it, tho even if i do plan it out, maybe later i'll decide, "Screw this i'm not going by this anymore" or sm like that, but if somebody else tries to plan sm for me, that is the most painful shit, like i'm probobly not gonna go through with it unless i actually have to
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally? well... voice acting, 3d animation, 3d modelling, show writhing and directing and basically everything in that field and uh.. song writhing (and singing), yes i plan to do all this simultaneously, and yes i know it's a lot, and yes it's probobly unrealistic, but my mind is set and there's no going back that's what i'm gonna do with my life in the future, besides it's all kinda in the same area so like it's not crazy, oh and probobly game developing as well, as for personal goals, i wanna get my own house some how, and live the city life that i never got to have, get a cat bc uh... cat, and uh, ya, i think i'll just make it up as i go mostly idk..
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why? my main fear is that my life is hopeless and that i will never have any freedom and just be stuck in a cage all my life so to speak.... but that's very mixed with the fear that i will always continue being a little bit of a coward bc i'm very afraid of the consequences that could come with any and all actions i do or don't take, and also i'm afraid to lose so sometimes that means i just won't play, and i'm kinda afraid that i'll always be like that cuz i really hate that about myself.. i feel like the reason i'm like that is bc 2 reasons one when my mom is angry with me or just when she wants me to do something she'll take my computer away, and i know it's unhealthy to be on it all the time but it's kinda all the entertainment i have and there fore i'm always afraid of the consequences to things cuz i don't wanna lose my only life line, and second i don't wanna be perceived as less than i always have to be better than everyone in everything tho i will act like i don't care so that if i do lose people will think it doesn't matter to me even tho it dose... anyways what makes me uncomfortable are uh, emotions, like for example lets say my friend is crying, i'ma just ignore that friend, bc idk how to deal with emotions and i'll probably just make it worse since i probobly caused it knowing me, even tho the crying part was normally uncalled for, and it's normally one friend in particular that starts crying.... it's always her.. that makes me very uncomfortable, also anything that makes me feel venerable in any way... mostly emotionally... that's very uncomfortable... witch is why i don't open up to anyone and not even the people who know me really know me even if they think they do, ya that's totally healthy but anyways, also not wearing socks is very uncomfortable, ya that has nothing to do with any of this, but you know i'm right, anyways.... i really hate trying to explain something to somebody and even after dumbing it down a billion times, they still don't get it, ya again i'm mostly talking about that one friend but this happens with other people a lot to, like uh can you just stop being an idiot and try to understand something for once? i also hate when i'm trying to argue sm, and i know why i'm right, but i can't for the life of me explain it... ya... also one thing i really really hate about myself.... is that i'm such a shy person even tho i really do wanna talk to people, i have no courage to go up to somebody and say hi if i don't know them well, like besties kinda well.. well actually that was kinda misleading bc i don't have to like the person i just need to be close to them if ya know what i mean? but i'll kinda just watch people from a distance as if it where some kinda tv show and even tho i really wanna talk to these people, even tho i really wanna interact with them... i just don't, i just can't, but anwyays.. ya
• What do the "highs" in your life look like? the highs in my life are whenever my mom isn't there... also whenever i'm not at home... like when i actually have some sense of freedom, and like i kinda hate being at home tbh
• What do the "lows" in your life look like? the lows are when i fall out of this empty state and start realizing how much my life sucks and how hopeless my life is and how stuck i really am, ya the thought kinda pops up every once in awhile and then i'm really sad and angry at everyone for a few days and then after that passes i go back to being completely empty and numb inside... ya it's kinda like a loop that i'm forever trapped in
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so? well i'm mostly on my computer all the time even tho half the pixels are broken since it's all i have to keep myself occupied and i'm not really able to go out or really do anything else, i do day dream sometimes, imagine myself killing somebody (police this is just a day dream i would never actually do this don't come for me), imagine being able to socialize, imagine doing sm heroic, imagine being a character in one of my favourite shows, ya know the usual, i also use character ai a lot.. and i don't really pay attention to my surroundings, my desk is kinda filled with trash, people say i should take care of it but honestly the clutter kinda makes it feel more cozy if i'm being honest, but ya idk what more to put here
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about? i'd think about an escape plan for this empty room, also why am i in a mental facility, did i go crazy? or do people just think i'm crazy.. if i killed that one person that one time instead of being a good person would my life go better (again police this is just thoughts i would never actually kill anyone don't come for me) i'd probably make an oc and an entire cast of characters and day dream about being a part of that fictional world, i'd probably come up with a bunch of cool ideas and theories that in practice will never be useful/won't mean anything... so ya, also i'd try and break the wall of that empty room to break out, hopefully not breaking my hand in the process....
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it? the thing is i always know what i want but until i've decided ya i'm going through with this option all the way, i'll always try and find ways that the other options could be better, then get mad when one of the other options are better than my preferred option, but once i've made up my mind for sure, i normally don't like to change it even if i want to bc it feels like that decision became part of my identity or sm along those lines
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life? uhh.... so i do understand my own emotions very well most of the time, but at the same time... emotions can go kill themselves, i wish they didn't exist, and my life would be so much better if i didn't feel anything, and i also find other peoples emotions annoying, all and all.. emotions suck that's all i have to so
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why? well most of the time if i think somebody is wrong i'll tell them that their wrong, and well with most things i'll explain why their wrong, tho if their making a statement about me or sm, i might explain why their wrong but i might also just be like "your wrong and i don't have to explain anything", but sometimes when it's a subject i don't really wanna say anything about i will just agree, if it's sm i don't really want anyone to know any of my real opinions or thoughts on... but ya
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why? i'll break any rules i think i can get away with, tho if i don't believe i can or there's a possibility of consequences i'm normally pretty cautious of it... and ya i think authority isn't always right, and not all rules should be followed, some are stupid and some are plan wrong, and i will break rules if i think i know better, i think the rule is stupid, or a genuinely don't care about said rule, tho i know how far i can go there's some lines i won't cross bc i know their's gonna be bad consequences
anyways thank you for listening to my rant i know i did a lot of yapping and i didn't go back to see if it was written nicely, if you where able to read all dat your a legend bc i know i would give up after the first 2 paragraphs, and if you have any questions that you need me to elaborate on before you can type me go ahead

Okay, fourth rewrite, I'm making this in hopes that their is someone who can help me in some way. Maybe someone knows the answer to it all and can guide me, though unlikely. I'll just list out all my issues in seperate paragraphs and hopefully their is just someone out their to help, if you can help me just please do, I really need help or at least someone and you reading this and giving me advice would truly mean a lot to me. Anyways
I feel stupid: I honestly feel braindead, I hate my mind so much. Sometimes it's hard to think or do, sometimes I can't think or do. My mind is so numb, everything about my mind just feels wrong and dead. My mind has felt dead for a year or two now and I just wish it was alive, I want my mind to be normol, I want it to actually work. I also want confidence in my mind, any failure or lack of underatanding makes me defeated and feeling like a dunce. Anything I can do I say was just luck or something anyone should know. I don't know if I'm stupid or not but dam I feel like I am the dumbest in a room. I would give it all to be intelliegent, I wish I was smart, well read, well informed, well versed. I so desperately want to know, so desperately want to be smart. I wish I could understand stuff. I just want to be smart and have a bright alive mind, but my mind is so dead and desolate and compared to the rest worthless. I hit myself in my head whenever I'm mistaken or just feel so stupid, and I honestly deserve it. If I were to kill myself my mind being numb and stupid would be the reason or a big reason why, I just want to be smart. You can likely tell just how much of an idiot I am by reading this via grammer, spelling, complaints. That "likely" was meant to be "probaboly" but I'm just stupid and worthless to spell. If there was just a way to be smart and not such a moron, I fucking hate my life.
I have body issues: I without doubt have body issues, the biggest of which is my weight. As of now I am 5,9 (1.7M) and 211lbs (95.7KG), I was 246lbs (111kg) to begin with and it was also my heaviest. Despite losing a good amount of weight I am not happy and have no pride, I'm still fat and thats all I see sadly. I don't want to be fat or skinny, I want to be muscular:big arms, built chest, flat stomach, no abs (don't like them) that sounds appealing, it's what I want. Unfourtunely I as of now can't work to this goal, I don't have money for a gym or equipment, famliy funds can't do it ethier and awhile ago I turned down a weight bench since I wasn't confident, now I regret that choice. I hate being fat so much, and this deep hatred and desperation has led to a embarassing cycle, for two years now I have been downloading images of muscular bodies. They're all drawings or from videogames since I'm to embarresed to have real images and as mentioned it's a cycle, Download and store -> have them and look at them for awhile -> get ashamed of myself -> purge it all -> regret -> repeat. Like stated this has been going for two years and as of now I have ten different images. Apart from weight I also have some other physical insecurites, acne being a big one. I been suffering from acne for years, fifth grade, early sixth grade is when it started so five years of this. It mostly effects my chin and cheeks badly but also effects more of my face, sometimes the acne hurts and it often even bleeds. I hate touching my face and feeling grime and ripping off a bunch of skin and dried shit. I wash every night and try to be frequent with morning witch-hazel but it dosen't relent. I also hate it when it gets mentioned, it is irratating to be reminded and noticed and nobody points it out more then my own mom who also cliams it would go if I just washed. I do, I fucking do! It's not working and you don't understand that! I also have body acne I don't know how to fix, I like sleeping shirtless which I know is the reason, also inconsistent with bedding which isn't right. Even if I did wash sheets weekly it wouldn't be enough, I would still get acne on my body. I just want to sleep shirtless and not get acne, I wish I could find a way. Another insecurite but not really is my height, I don't mind being 5'9/5'10 I mean it's about average height and I beat out my 5'4 father. But I'm sixteen which mean I still have possibilty to get taller and I wonder, will I? If I do, just how tall? Could I reach 6'0+? All of this speculation makes me a bit insecure, also with being fat I look short and round in the mirror which is defeating. I'm secure besides speculation and weight but at the same time I truly want to be taller, I think any man tall or short wishes they were taller, I wish I could break 6'0 that would be cool (to me). But I don't think that will ever happen, my dad is 5'4, my mom is 5'6 I made it 5'9/5'10 and my chart is stagnating, should just stop thinking I'll get taller. Another phsyical insecurite and likely the last one I'll mention unless I think of another worthwhile one is my hair, I'm insecurie of my hairstyle. Or lack of hairstyle, my mom says I have independence in this choice but whenever I make a choice she complains about it. Any agreement is one sided or changed up a little so she likes it. I have always hated my hairstyles over the years, even now and as of now it's ethier her way or a unorgainzied thick mess that will soon be her way. I hate it, wish I could make my own "independent" choice, even if I could my mom would likely hate it and always bring it up which is something I don't want to deal with. My mom is more for short cuts and fades etc, I hate fades and while I do admire short hair have always taken liking to shagger and longer styles, more rugged style. I have also always liked long hair and even wanted it. I used to openly want long hair for a long time but my mom opposed, I tried to convince her but she was opposed. She wasn't only opposed to it she made sure to express that it was gay and feminine etc, etc. She made me close off and forgot the desire but even now she won't let go. She is so sure to tell everyone: famliy, her friends, the hairdresser, hell maybe even strangers, she tells everyone about how much I wanted it and what she thought of it etc. Often I have been embarresed like this while I was right there, I have expressed that this embarreses me and want it to stop mutiple times yet she'll continue almost as if it's purposeful, she will also bring up an old friend T who had long hair as an example of it looking bad. But he didn't take care of it or do anything, most he would do is give into his moms begging and have her brush it. If I had long hair I would actually take care of it and do stuff to it! She also claims I got the idea from him, but no I liked it since elementary being inspired by personal inkling and rock. I no longer want hair but am starting to find styles I really like, but first I need to get my mom to fuck off. And second I would want to grow a beard, which is another issue of mine. I'm sixteen I shouldn't expect a full beard but I have seen peers with actual good facial hair, patchy beards, five o'clocks, some actually have a beard. Then there is me, with some sideburns and a bunch of peachfuzz, I want to be able to grow a beard and the peachfuzz plus sideburns bother me, I want it to actually devlop, I want a beard. I am also worried about devlopment, worried acne will hurt or even stop growth. I'm upset about my lack of growth though I definetly have unrealistic expectations. Lastly with hair is my chest hair, I'm quite hairy and I like it. And I have chest hair but barely and I just wish I had more over a greater coverage, more of a funny insecurite, lol. One more insecurity I forgot about is my voice. I'm loud when talking and my voice isn't as deep as I wish so that sucks.
(copy and paste from older write) I wish I had a father: I don't have a father or any form of father figure, I'm fatherless and it hurts a lot. My father has been out of my life since I was elevenish/twelveish (the peak of covid passed), we kicked him out because he is and was a meth addict in and out of the jail. He was a fuctioning addict so not violent and not as obvious of an addict but the meth still took him over. My mother says she kept him around and gave him so many chances because she wanted him to be in my life as a father. But he was no father when he was around, he didn't parent me, he didn't play his role as a father and guide as a masculine role model, hell he likely didn't even truly care for me. My only memories of him really are going to McDonold's with him, after which he dumpster dived behind the plaza as I begged for us to go back home. Or me wanting to bond with him so he sets up the brilliant idea of dragging me around with his skechy friends, to skechy places, even at skechy times. I don't understand why I knew sooner, guess I was a stupid basterd but I started picking up that my dad was a bad person around fifth grade. By then I quickly found out more and more and tenstion was growing, by eleven we we're going to kick him out but covid struck it's height and our household seemed palpable. But very quickly we said fuck it and threw him to the curb, we weren't going to have it no longer. Soon after around thirteen I was happy that he was gone but slightly disappointed that I no longer had a father (even if he was useless) and I hoped my mom would find someone, not only for herself but for me. By fourteen this really layed in heavy on me and the lack of a father really bummed me out, I got really stupid and desperate using bitlife to create guys then add me and my mom in to create step father famlies even adding step siblings and shit. By late fourteen it was made clear to me by my mom that "we don't need no man" and that she was done with dating. I very well do need a father figure, every child needs one. Hell I as a guy truly need(ed) one, there are so many lessons and things that come from a fatheson relationship that are crucial to a boy and I missed out on them. Hell even when my dad was around I missed out on lessons, I still remember he was tasked to teach me how to tie my shoes but got mad at me struggling and walked away. He refused to help afterward and I refused to try and never to this day learned the proper way to tie, instead I have my own far less efficent method. I missed out on so much by not having a father and it hurts to know that and I just wish I had the knowledge, without a masculine role model I have definetly missed out what it is to be a man and likely am even a loser of a man. I just want a father so badly, I want what a father provides so badly, I want the bond that it comes with. I wish I just had a guy to talk to and bond with, I want a dad just so badly. I wish I had someone who taught me how to change a tire or fish and all that shit, but I'll never have it and it angers me, I am angry to be fatherless, I am angry and lost without a father figure, and I'm jealous. I kind of want to have children when the time comes, I wonder if I'll fail them as well.
Friends: Growing up I was always a bit introverted, I think it was of my nature but was amplafied by life. In elementary I often acquainted myself with people never having any close friends outside my after school program. Jumping to middle school I had a good friend-group but it turned out my good friend T was really an ass and I was pushed out by him in early nineth grade. Later in nineth I met my good friend, my best friend M. This year in tenth I was introduced to a friend named D by M. These are my only two friends and I'm happy with them, though there are a few issues. Not anything major but just a few things, like how we never do anything outside of school. The only thing I really miss about my old friendgroup is that we actually did shit: springs, houses, events, parks, attractions, food. Now me, M and, D don't and have never done anything outside of school and the computer. M likely couldn't do anything because of his famliy and D just seems completely disinterested and worried about money. But I wish we could really do something, sure videogames are fun but it would be fun if we could just goof off somewhere, be stupid. This is really the only general "issue" apart from that no major strain or issue in the friendgroup. But I do have a few personal grievences, starting with D. I think D has a darker side of him, he seems to not respect or care for me and will sometimes show it in nasty ways. He had told both me and M to kill ourselves, he attacks insecurites, he says rude shit, etc. Also with D, we have never truly connected, never gotten to know each other personally. Without M we would be mere acquaintance, M is the only reason why me and D are friends and being alone with each other is mostly silence and maybe him showing me a TikTok. Then M, I have no personal issues with M only small factors of our friendship I'm upset or worried about. Starting off with is school, halfway through this year (tenth) M started a FLVS-hybrid. I am happy for him and it's something we both expressed wanting but now I never really see him. I could see him at lunch but he dosen't really come in and only other time I can see him is leaving campus. I ethier catch him and barely have a conversation worthwhile or he's to far ahead and I got to give up trying to reach him. The only way to talk to my best friend nowadays really is Discord, and that isn't even reliable since his parents are often controlling the WI-FI or taking his stuff away. This means when I do talk to my friend it can suddenly be ended as he disconnects or I can't even. This sucks, it feels like I can't even talk to my best friend that much. But that isn't all, because I'm worried for my friend M. His parents don't sound the best from all he's told me, I won't share his issues but just as an example he didn't have a bedroom for two months. Hearing what we gose through is alreadly dishearting but something that I worry deeply about is him talking sucide. He has talked and half joked about it several times and it's worry, I been trying to discourage but he continues with it so now I'm just trying to ignore it. That is likely the wrong way of handling it but I just don't know what to do. I hope it's always bluff and he moves out and moves on with he can, I don't want him to kill himself.
I'm lonely: I'm sixteen but I'm lonely. I am the only one of my friends who hasn't had a relationship, I am not the most worried about that, I don't want to date just to date, I want to date to love. But hell I still wish I had a relationship, even just a sterotypical high-school one. But what I truly want is true love, I want a woman I love with all my heart and a woman who loves me with all of hers, I want a woman to provide for, to protect, to matter to. I want to marry and possibly have kids. I want to love someone, be there for someone. But will I ever even have that? I'm alreadly a loser who no woman would want and even then from what I've heard, "modren dating is terrible" so what chance do I even have? Will I ever have someone to love? I hope.
School: School makes me so misereble and dead, this place makes me genuinely want to off myself I hate it so much. And it seems to revolve around my whole life, even at home it's all my mom wants to bring up. I just need a break from it all but it seems like it's the only thing in my life, I don't really have anything else. I failed my nineth grade year, I failed since I'm a stupid, worthless peice of shit. But they "passed" me onto tenth, gave me tenth grade classes, test, etc but say I'm still nineth, tell me do nineth grade "remedation" online. Now I'm failing like a worthless peice of shit once again! I wish they held me back to try again but they didn't they just pushed me on, still likely would've failed like a worthless bitch but I could have had a chance. I fucking hate myself I'm so stupid and I hate my school for pushing my stupid ass onward and onward, I should just kill myself at this point. And when I try to reach out to my counselor in any hope for some chance of help the piss poor communcation at this school means it'll take days for a response, I can't even get reliable help over school. Back in middle school I had a GPA in the high 3s, I made honor roll every other quater or so, I had high grades and sucess. But in high-school, in nineth grade I failed with straight Fs and got a GPA of 0.7, now in tenth I have a 1.7 and sometimes get high grades but mostly fail. I just wish I wasn't so stupid, I just wish I was smart and successful at school. But I'm not, I'm a fucking idiot and an embarssment at school. And maybe it would all be okay if it wasn't for the assholes I am surrounded by, my fellow peers of this overcrowded hell hole. Just seems like I can never catch a break with having to deal with people. I just want to be left alone but they're is just always somebody wanting to bother me, harass me. Can sit at a desk then have a bunch of cunts around me, harass me, call me burgundy because of my shirt. Can sit down and be snickered at by the guys in front of me for whatever reason. Sit down and have paper, pencils, even ice hitting me. Sit down and have some imbecible pull up a chair and use my desk as his and block me in my seat because fuck me, am I right? Just want to be left alone but never am, nobody ever dose it's always something. I can't even get respect, not a single bit, just always mistreated. Hell just the other day when I was given my packet I was also mistakenly given the packet of a nearby girl, I get her attention and hand it to her and she just snaches it and mumbles something, because I can't even be respected, I'm worthless. And even when I'm not being directly bothered I got to deal with slow walkers, idiots who don't know how to inconvience everyone else in the halls, the over crowded school. It all fucking sucks I hate it all, everyday I think I'm on the verge of snapping but somehow just have more patience, I don't know how much more of this shit I can or have to endure. At least my mom finally reconsidered my old forgotten pleads for online school and reopened the idea, maybe by some miracle online school will save me and "help me get caught up and ahead" but I doubt it, I'm an idiot who deserves to die. Why am I so fucking stupid, why am I like this? Why must I exist this way?
No hobbies or interest: I used to love a lot of things: reading, history, coming up with things in my head, videogames and, anything really. Now I have grown apathic to it all except videogames and even that dosen't bring much joy. I want to have my old hobbies back but lack the will to return. And I want new hobbies but yet lack will but also lacking knowing what I want to try. I'm lost with my freetime, it's all bleek and I want to fill my life with pastion. I still love videogames, always will but I need more then just gaming, I want more then gaming. I just want something, anything. I don't want to have such a lack of interest, God I fucking hate my life.
I have no future career goals: I'm sixteen and have no idea on what I want to do as an adult, some may say thats okay but it's not, not for me at least. I want to have a goal in the adult world, and even if that goal led to a path I don't like then I can always go down another path. Despite having no idea on what to do I at least know I don't want to be in an office. I could handle an office job, and be content with an office job but an office job isn't me, it isn't what sounds interesting, I would likely do blue collar or be my own boss. Some jobs I've considered and would do still are: police, SWAT police, house flipper, 911 operator, port worker, mechanic or something tinkeassemble like, enterpuner my book, film and games ideas or, open a store or bar or something. These are some jobs I've considered in the past that I would still see myself doing, I have also pondered over military/reserve but not sure. My childhood dream career that I still have a desire for is SWAT but I don't think I have what it takes, in fact I don't think I have what it takes for anything. I think all my life is destined to is dying homeless on a street corner, it's all I'll ever be "worthless".
I had so much planned, now failed: At age fourteen I planned to by now have a license, a job, a banking account, start savings. I planned to lose weight, I planned to have an idea outside of school, I had a plan. But I'm just a worthless peice of shit and a failure to myself, I don't even have a permit, no job, no savings, still fat, have no idea about the future, I failed myself.
Fidgeting: I can't stop but want to, at school I can't help but twiral a pencil around. I do it all the time at school but been trying to stop, I hate doing it. Worst part is I'm being immated by worthless cunts by it which is annoying. I want to stop this.
Masterbation addiction: I have a severe and low life addiction to masterbation. I do it at least once a day and sometimes mutiple times a day. The longest I was ever able to refrain was just a little over a week and only failed because I got bored. I need to jerk it to be able to sleep unless I'm desperately tired but even then. Also since I "need" it to sleep I regulary soil my sweatpants then sleep in it which is nasty. I can't control this vice, this low appetite and I'm deeply unhappy about it. Also unhappy that I might be ruining my endurence, a bit TMI but just another reason why this is harmful. I want to refrain or atleast drasticly cut out this pratice and fix myself.
I likely have more issues eating me inside as I waste away as a shell of a person but I can't really think of them. I am told my mom is looking into thearpy so that might be nice. Please just help me, I'm so lost and broken, I sometimes consider just ending it all but I just hope it can get good.

Here was my OG Specs before this started and caused me to build a new PC pretty much.
Ryzen 5700G (upgrade from a year ago from a 2600)
32gb of DDR4 3000mhz
Asus B450 Prime Plus Full ATX
EVGA 1070ti FTW2
Coolermaster Masterbox lite 3.1
Corsair CX550 80+ Bronze
(1080p 60hz AOC / Acer 1440p 75hz / Corsair K70 Mk2 RGB Blueswitch / Steel series Rival 100 / Arrangement of audio devices)
And 3 months ago, My audio started to crackle on BeamNG when driving. I paid no attention to it. then I started noticing it in Marauders when flying around. And so on and so on.
This crackling and popping was stopping me playing games and streaming it to my friends on discord. (worse underload and is present with windows alone)
at first I thought no biggie, Reinstall drivers, reinstall windows/Windows power settings blah blah blah. In the end got a new CPU. 5600. same issue. Alas again thinking it was a issue with Cezanne's infinity fabric I refunded it and tried to use a old 2600. Same issue
So Maybe my sound chip was buggered? Buy a sound card, Got a PCI Sound card. Joy! No fix.
So I went nuclear, as I tried everything software side including bios update, and tried it without my 1070ti in (running on VEGA integrated on my 5700g [which i reinstalled due to changing cpu not fixing it] Still there.
Fine fine fine. My mobo must be dead?
So it begins.
Gigabyte B550 DS3H to replace my Asus B450.
Same issue.
At this point I was £150 deep into the issue And went further nuclear.
NEW PSU (Aerocool 650W 80+ Bronze)
REPLACEMENT RAM (had 2x8 3000mhz same brand and 2x8 3200mhz So bought - / 2x8 3200mhz to match it)
NEW COOLER / (who cares its not a temp issue)
NEW CASE (Some said it was a case grounding issue well that solves that)
NEW SPEAKERS (In case of grounding)
NEW HEADSET (In case of fault)
FULL FORMAT/RePartitioning ALL DRIVES + FULL WIPE REINSTALL WINDOWS
NEW 3RD MOBO (MSI B550 Pro)
badabing, Same issue, At this point im on verge of tears thinking I may have to get a life. oh god. that or a XBOX again. (Been 10 years+)
Id love for someone to help my fix this issue. Below I am going to put everything I have attempted to do. Its long and I may of missed some, So if you reply with it il let you know if I did it.
If you find a fix for me Il gift you £5 on Steam account of your choice. Im desperate.
-1) New PC parts across the board but storage devices.
2) Full Repartition/Format drives to fresh
3) Reinstalling Drivers both Audio/Chip/Bios/GPU
4) Windows Power settings [Quick start off, Performance mode set / Minimum processor state 100%/ PCI pwr]
5) Disabling and unplugging ALL Devices to do with Audio and tried 1 at a time.
6) Tried different monitors (Far fetch)
7) Tried disabling HD audio in bios / and stereo mix in windows
8) Tried EVERY Hz ratio from 48k 16bit / 192k 32bit
9) Disabling any Audio Enhancements
10) XMP Off / And tried all speeds
11) Turned off Bitlocker I think
12) Tried Windows Audio Drivers (Basic)
13) Turned off all Discord Properties settings of audio relation
14) Tried without Chrome and used Firefox instead
15) Tried without ethernet cable (Wack)
16) Tried without Dedicated GPU and on board only
17) OC'ng CPU / Turning off on board GPU / Turning off HD audio and using a sound card
18) Windows 11 + 10
19) Latencymon showed nothing of interest.
20) Tried different Kettle lead/Plug socket/Extension
Is this just a Windows permanent issue? Is gaming not possible on windows 10/11 Anymore? Or well anything remotely more complex than chrome (Which it is now doing also) so not even that? PC Dead for the mean time? I see no other way, Took this PC to 3 other people too. With varying experiences and its dumbfounded them too.

I am sending a letter to her tomorrow morning. I've run in by and warned everyone else in my family. My good sister, my mom, and my wife. I also asked a couple of friends for advice. You can read what started this in my last post. But I will include her last message here because I am mostly responding to that.
BPDsis message- "I’m sorry that you hate me, and I wish you were able to see the good things I try to do. I am a good person and I only want the best for everyone. I’m not attacking you for imperfections and I try my best to allow room for error in people and understand that everyone is just doing the best they can to survive in this world. I will continue to do the best I can to help or assist everyone to the best of my ability. If you suspect that I’m doing something out of spite or anger then I request you approach me about it and give me the opportunity to defend myself bc a lot of problems that go unaddressed lead to bigger problems that could have been resolved in the beginning."
Here is the letter I'm sending her. I've changed her name to BPDsis.
My response-
"You're only sorry I hate you because of how it's affecting you. Not because of the terrible things you've done. The "good things" are always thrown back in my face to be used for your gain. Like when you picked up the garbage downstairs. Then you bitched to mom that I didn't help you load it while I was sick. Even though I said I'd do it myself later I'm the week! You didn't give me much grace there and you sure attacked my imperfections. You're two faced BPDsis. It's always to further your own goals and to manipulate others to do your bidding. It's not genuine.
You are not a good person, not by any metric I'd use. Maybe in your head, where you're always the victim. But what's in your head isn't reality. You cause fights all the time and you say the worst things you can possibly think of and that's not just me saying that. You have destroyed every relationship in your life. You told uncle you hoped his wife would leave him and take everything he had. Is that helping the family? You bullied and traumatized goodsis to the point CPS was going to take her away and that bullying didn't stop once you were adults. Everyone is done with your shit. and you're well on your way to destroying your relationship with your daughters. The only ones who tolerate you are your Dad because he's hundreds of miles away from your bullshit and BPDsis' friends because they get you to do things for them. Everyone just keeps quiet to keep your cross hairs off them. Maybe you should examine yourself more, before everyone reaches the point where I am. Especially your children. That's my hope, that you'll read this and for once actually think about how your actions affect someone else. You'll see your toxicity spelled out in no uncertain terms and change for the better. So that you can have a healthy relationship in the short time we have on this planet. If not for your sake, for your girl's.
You're trying to be the victim. I'm not buying it. You aren't the victim BPDsis. you have done nothing but hurt this family and the things you've done to "help" whether with good intentions or not are marred by worries that you'll fuck us over or use it to manipulate us. Almost every giant fight can be traced back to you. We may have been dysfunctional without you. But you bring out the worst in everyone. You're sick and need help.
And why would I feel comfortable coming to "talk things out" with you. You're not my friend and as far as I'm concerned you're not my sister. The only effective strategy I've found to dealing with you is to avoid you. My whole life has been everyone tip-toeing around you so they don't get attacked. The problem isn't how I or anyone else interprets your actions. It's YOUR actions.
I've accepted that you'll never change. A lot of times I feel pity for you. Your BPD and alcoholism isn't your fault. But, you've never once tried to meaningfully overcome them. All I want now is to be away from you. I don't want you in my life at all and I don't want you in my child's life. I've tried so hard and for so long for BPDsis' girls alone. I love them with all my heart. But you've used them as leverage since I was 13. I didn't even do anything when you stopped letting me see them. It was a fight between you and mom. But I guess you knew it'd hurt mom more if I wasn't allowed to see them either. You tried to keep them away again the last few months too. Honestly, I was just glad you weren't around. It made me realize, I don't have to live with your craziness. I deserve better than that. And if it means I have to sacrifice a relationship with my nieces until they're 18. It'll be the hardest thing I'll ever do. But I'll do what I have to do for me, my wife, and my baby.
I hope this is a wake-up call to get help."
Let me know if you have any advice before I send it. I'll try and update tomorrow after I send it.

I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, I’m new to Reddit and just wanted to see if there was any advice available since I seem to be hitting road blocks on every thing I seemed to have attempted.
I 30(F) was speaking to a man online for around 7yrs from Sweden, the relationship became sexual at some point and images were exchanged. He then decided to randomly cut off contact. Said he no longer wanted to speak and things were obviously not meant to be which I was totally understanding about, a week or so later I started receiving post to my family home with the explicit images that I had shared with him, to make it worse they were addressed to my father. He knows I come from a strict religious family and how many issues this could cause potentially endangering my life due to the honour aspect of it. I tried to catch these before anyone else did until he also started sending to my father’s workplace where I used to work and my previous colleagues viewing these images. My old boss is also a family friend who tried to hide it once he saw this guy had scrawled my name on the printed image due to him fearing for my life. He writes on each ‘I miss these or I miss you’ something along these lines and add different return addresses and names each time, only pays for them in cash. Though the post office he sends them from are around 5mins from his house each time. These have carried on for months and I’ve spoken to both UK and Swedish police, they have taken him in spoken to him, taken his electronics and even some evidence they found in his apartment. But apart from this it seems to be a waiting game as he continued to post even after he was taken into the police station, it has been passed to U.K. to conduct another statement for extra details since Swedish police are unable to do this over call/videocall. Ive tried to find lawyers or anyone who can help with any advice or anything further I can do but seem to come to dead ends with the U.K. side since they don’t have people specialising in Swedish law. I’m not sure what the next steps are and if I need someone to be with me for this statement or if there are any helplines available.
This has my life on pause where I’m afraid to leave my house before the post gets here or go into work unless I have paid to have post stopped each week. It’s had a massive impact on my mental health with me also having to take time off work and I’m unable to involve any family member or any friends around me due to the fear of judgement or being seen differently. Any advice would be welcome