Hi there, welcome to my post! Feel free to make an offer for anything listed :D
The Boring Stuff: - Items come from a non-smoking home, and are all new / never used unless noted. Used items have photos showing usage. - Prices exclude shipping & insurance, to be calculated to your zip code ($5+).

ISO List

(trades only, not looking to purchase at this time. Will also look at lists!)

• Imaginary Authors: A City on Fire, Memoirs of a Trespasser, O Unknown, Saint Julep, Whispered Myths
  
• Too Faced mini Gingerbread Spice palette
  
• Too Faced mini Salted Caramel palette
  
• Tetris x Ipsy brushes
  
• Christophe Robin Regenerating Hair Mask - FS or multiple minis from beauty boxes
  
• Necromancy Cosmetica lipsticks in Ancient Queen, Lydia, Solis Mortem, or Ophidian
  
• Try me on lip scrubs (new please)
  
• Pat McGrath Subversive palette (also interested in other gold PM items)
  
• Lalique fragrances: Fleur Universelle, Or Intemporel, Silver, Zamak, and Zinc
  
• Jo Malone fragrances: particularly interested in Bloomsbury (non-floral - Leather & Artemisia, Tobacco & Mandarin, and Whiskey & Cedarwood) and Ginger Biscuit, but try me
  
• Zoologist samples
  
• Marc Jacobs fragrances: Ginger Cocktail
  
• Diptyque fragrances: Eau Lente and Eau Duelle
  
• Ginger / clove forward fragrances in general...if someone has a decant of CB I hate perfume Gingerbread that would be awesome
  

Palettes, Kits, and Sets

Anastasia Beverly Hills eyeshadow singles, listed L-R, top then bottom. $25 for the 4 shadows, or priced individually below: - ABH eyeshadow single in Wine, full size, swatched - $8 - ABH eyeshadow single in Surface of the Sun, full size, swatched - $8 - ABH eyeshadow single in Chocolate Crumble, full size, new - $8 - ABH eyeshadow single in Metal, full size, swatched - $8
Benefit Greeting From Cabana Glama DesTANation Makeup Kit, used as shown - $15
Karl Lagerfeld x ModelCo Minaudière with Mini Lip Kit, full size, NIB P - $100 Includes: - Minaudière hard clutch / makeup bag, with attachable (heavy) chain to use as a shoulder bag and dust bag - Full-size Lip Liner in Rosewood (0.05 oz.) - 2 Mini Lip Glosses in Ramatuelle and St Tropez Sunset (0.04 oz. each) - 2 Mini Lipsticks in Kate and Stella (0.05 oz. each)
Flesh Starshine eyeshadow palette, full size, new. Open. Back of palette. - $20
Kat von D Shade + Light eyeshadow palette in Plum, full size, used 2x as shown. Back of palette. - $10
Make Up For Ever MUFE 9 artist shadow palette Volume 4 (shades 100, 842, 240, 620, 806, 536, 126, 546, 530), full size, used 2x as shown. Back of palette. - $25
Smith & Cult Book of Eyes quad palette in Noonsuite (bronzey), full size, NIB - $25
Tarte Be Your Own Tarteist Eye & Cheek Palette, used as shown - $20
Urban Decay Naked Cherry palette, full size, NIB - $40

Eyes

Brows:
Anastasia Beverly Hills ABH Clear Brow Gel, travel size (2.5ml), NIB - $7
ModelCo More Brows in Light / Medium, Full Size - $10
Ulta Brow Tint in Medium, full size, new - $6
Eyeliner:
BareMinerals Lasting Line Long-wearing Eye Liner in Absolute Black, Full Size, New - $10
Beauty For Real I-Line 24-7 Eyeliner in Black Magic, full size, new - $10
Estée Lauder Automatic Eye Pencil Duo Refill in Charcoal, full size, NIB - $10
Lancome Drama Liqui-Pencil in Noir Intense, Travel Size, .018oz - $5
Laura Geller I-Care Waterproof Eyeliner in Charcoal, Full Size - $10
NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Milk (white), full size, new - $3
Sephora Waterproof Contour Eye Pencil in 33 Love Affair (plum), new, travel size (.017oz) - $3
Stila Smudge Stick Waterproof Eyeliner in Stingray (jet black), full size, NIB - $15
Tarte Sex Kitten Eyeliner in Black, travel size (half size, .0035oz), new - $8
Ulta Dual-Ended Liner, in Halo & Black/Brown, Full Size - $3
Victoria's Secret Very Sexy Sparkling Eyeliner in Blacklight, Full Size, cracked cap used 2x - $5
Eyeshadow:
Kat Von D KVD Metal Crush Eyeshadow in Thunderstruck (warm white gold), full size (.1oz), swatched - $12
Laura Geller Baked Marble Eyeshadow in Amethyst, full size, new - $12
Maybelline Expert Wear Eyeshadow in Amethyst Smokes, used 3x - $2
NYC HD Color Trio Eye Shadow in Late Night Latte, Full Size, used 5x - $2
NYX Prismatic Eyeshadow Single in Punk Heart (plum with purple shimmer), full size, used as shown - $3
Trestique Color and Smudge Shadow Crayon in Marimoto Pink Pearl, full size, NIB - $15
Ulta Eye Shadow singles Duo in Petite (light beige matte) and Beauty Junkie (mauve glitter), both full size (.06oz), both new - $8 for the pair
Ulta Eye Shadow Palette in Lace, Charm, Nostalgia, Vintage, Delicate, and Seaside, .21oz, new - $6
Lashes:
Eyelure London Limited Edition Party Lashes in Snow Princess, full size, NIB - $3
Wet n Wild Fantasy Makers Blue Glow in the Dark Lashes, full size, NIB - $2
Mascara:
BellaPierre Volume Lash Waterproof Mascara, full size, new & sealed - $10
Butter London Double Decker Lashes Mascara in Black, travel size (.18oz), NIB - $6
Clinique Chubby Lash Mascara in 01 Jumbo Jet (black), travel size (4ml), NIB - $5
Clinique High Impact Mascara in black, half size (.15oz), new - $10
Clinique Lash Power Flutter-to-Full Mascara in 01 Black Onyx, travel size, new - $8
Estée Lauder Sumptuous Knockout Mascara in 01 Black, travel size (.09oz), new - $10
Julep Length Matters Mascara in Jet Black, travel size (.2oz), NIB - $8
Laura Geller StyleLASH Intense Lengthening Mascara, FS (.33oz), NWOB - $14
Maybelline Great Lash Mascara in Black, travel size (.15oz), new - $2
Pur Big Look Mascara with Argan oil, full size (.12oz), new - $6
Ulta Amped Lashes Mascara in Jet Black, full size, new - $6
Ulta Beauty Maximum Lashes Defining and Lengthening Mascara, full size, new - $6

Lips

Lip Gloss, Balms, & Stains:
ChapStick Lip Butter in Green Tea Mint, full size, NIB - $2
First Aid Beauty FAB Ultra Repair Lip Therapy, full size (.5oz), new - $8
Jane Iredale SPF 15 Lip Drink Lip Balm in Flirt (sheer pink), full size, NIB - $10
MAC Vamplify Lip Gloss in Suggestive, FS, new - $12
Mally Beans High Shine Lip Gloss in Pilar Bean, DS (.07oz), new - $6
NYC City Proof Extended Wear Lip Gloss in Mauving All Night #458, Full Size - $3
Philosophy High-Gloss Lip Shine in Fresh Cream, full size (.4oz), new and sealed - $6
Pur Chrome Glaze High-Shine Lip Gloss In DIY (pinky nude), full size (0.07 oz), NIB - $10
Ulta Double Duty Lip Stain and Balm in Drama (Dark Red), full size, new - $4
Ulta Double Duty Lip Stain and Balm in Romance (Pink), full size, new - $4
Urban Decay Revolution Lip Gloss in Savage (bright pink), travel size (.05oz), new - $5
Whole Foods organic lip balm in Peppermint, full size, new and sealed - $1
Whole Foods organic lip balm in Pomegranate Orange, full size, new and sealed - $1
Whole Foods organic lip balm in Tangerine, full size, new and sealed - $1
Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush Lip Balm in Minty Kiss, Full Size - $3
Lip Liners & Primers:
Kat Von D Everlasting Lip Liner in Homegirl, full size (.25g), used 2x as shown - $10
Milani Color Statement Lip Liner in 02 True Red, full size, new - $2
Tarte Tarteist Lip Crayon in Thirsty (bright red), .01oz, NIB - $10
Lipstick - Liquid:
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in At Midnight (Fireball Red Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in Love Potion (Bronzed Black Metallic Matte), full size (.14oz), new P - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in Pillow Talk (Victorian Pink Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in Say Hello (Rich Marsala Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in XOXO (Femme Fuchsia Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Laura Geller Lip Silk Liquid Lipstick in French Kiss (soft pink), full size, new - $10
Maybelline Color Sensational Vivid Matte Liquid Lip Color in Nude Flush , Full Size, swatched 1x - $3
NYX Suede Cream Liquid Lipstick in Orange County (bright orange), travel size (.05oz), new - $4, or 2/$6
NYX Suede Cream Liquid Lipstick in Pink Lust (bright pink), travel size (.05oz), new - $4, or 2/$6
NYX Cosmetics Soft Matte Lip Cream in Transylvania (deep wine), full size (0.27 oz), new - $4, or 2/$6
OCC Lip Tar in Disintegration (pale plum metallic), full size, NIB - $12
OCC Lip Tar in Hoochie (magenta / purple), full size, NIB - $12
Tarte Lip Sculptor, Lipstick & Lipgloss, in VIP (cool nude), travel size (1.5g lipstick 1ml lipgloss), new - $10
Tarte Tarteist Lip Paint in Bae (red), full size, new - $13
Lipstick - Bullet & Pencil:
Almay Demi-Sheer Creme Lipcolor in 80 Demi Mauve, full size, used 3x as shown - $8
Bite Beauty Luminous Creme Lipstick Topper, no shade listed but a shimmery bronze, full size, new - $18
Bite Beauty High Pigment Pencil in Rhubarb, full size (.09oz), used 1x - $10
Bite Beauty Matte Cream Lipstick in Barberry (cool dark plum), full size, used as shown - $16
DCA Lipstick in No. 108, full size, used 2x as shown - $4
Estée Lauder All-Day Lipstick in Ancient Brick, full size, swatched as shown - $12
Estée Lauder Pure Color Envy Sculpting Lipstick in Irresistible, full size (.12oz), new P - $15
Illamasqua Glamour Lipstick in Tease (pale Nude), full size, used 3x - $12
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Homegirl (satin matte berry), travel size (.04oz), used as shown - $6
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Poe (cool metallic blue), full size, NIB - $12
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Roxy (purple), mini size (1g), used 1x as shown - $6
Korres Matte Twist Lipstick in Tempting Coral, full size (.05oz), new - $10
Lancome Rouge Absolu Lipstick in Rose Espace, full size, used 3x as shown - $12
Laura Geller Color Brilliance Lustrous Lipstick in Cute, full size, new - $12
Laura Geller Italian Marble lipstick in Strawberry Toffee, full size, new - $12
MAC Retro Matte Lipstick in Flat Out Fabulous (bright pink/purple), full size, new - $12
Makeup Academy Lipstick in Persian Rose (bright pink), full size, used 1x - $3
Makeup Revolution Scandalous Lipstick in Depraved (violet), full size, used 1x - $3
NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in 413 BLKR (fuchsia), full size (.08oz), new - $16
NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Let's Go Crazy (cool fuchsia), 3/4 size (1.8g, FS is 2.4g), new - $10
Nudestix Magnetic Matte Lip Color in Greystone (greige), .088oz (FS is .1oz), new - $12
NYC Lipstick in Fragile Pink, Full Size - used as shown - $2
NYC Ultra Moist Lip Wear in Blossom #316, Full Size, Used 2x - $2
NYC Ultra Moist Lip Wear in Ruby #305, Full Size, Used 2x - $2
Sephora Collection Rouge Cream in #49 Belly-Dancing (red), mini (.03oz, FS is .14) - $2
Smashbox Be Legendary Cream Lipstick in Inspiration (cool fuchsia), .08oz (FS is .1oz), new - $10, or 2/$15
Smashbox Be Legendary Cream Lipstick in Legendary (cool red), .08oz (FS is .1oz), new - $10, or 2/$15
Smashbox Be Legendary Cream Lipstick in Tabloid (cool violet), .08oz (FS is .1oz), new - $10, or 2/$15
Ulta Lipstick in Cherry Picked 202 (medium true red), Full Size, Used 1x - $4
Urban Decay x Gwen Stefani lipstick in Spiderweb (satin red cream), full size, NIB - $12
Urban Decay Matte Revolution Lipstick in Temper (red-orange), full size, NIB - $12
Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in Phone Call (bright pink with cream finish), full size, NIB - $10
Wander Beauty Wanderout Dual Lipstick in Wanderberry (rich burgundy), half size (.07oz), new - $10
Winky Lux Matte Lip Velour in Royal (purple), .14oz, NIB - $10

Face

Blush:
Lancome Blush Subtil in in Rose Fresque, full size (.18oz), used as shown - $12
Ulta Cheek Palette in Fresh Glow Highlighter and Nude Pink Blush, .155oz, new - $5
Bronzer & Contour:
BareMinerals BareSkin Serum Bronzer in Sheer Sun, Travel Size (.1oz) - $3
St. Tropez One Night Only Finishing Gloss, travel size (.16oz), new - $2
Foundations, Concealers, CC Cream, & Powders:
Bee Naturals Tinted Moisturizer in Shade 2 (Medium/Dark), Full Size (1oz) - 1/$15 or 2/$20
Benefit Porefessional Pore Minimizing Makeup in Shade 1, travel size (.16oz), new - $10
Dermablend Loose Setting Powder, travel size (.11oz), new - $10
Jane Iredale Smooth Affair, travel size (.24oz), new - $8
Julep Cushion Complexion concealer 5-in-1 Skin Perfector with Turmeric in 200 Nude, full size, NIB - $18
Laura Geller Balance-N-Brighten Baked Foundation in Medium, full size, new - $15
Laura Mercier Translucent Loose Setting Powder, travel size (.12oz), new - $6
Pixi by Petra Beauty Bronzer in Summertime, Travel Size, .16oz - $4
Highlighters:
Laura Geller Baked Gelato Lace Illuminator in Ballerina, full size, new - $15
Laura Geller Baked Golden Rose Highlighter, full size, new - $12
P/Y/T Upgrade Highlighter in Backstage Pass (warm shimmer nude), .07oz, NIP - $8
Primers & Setting Sprays:
Becca First Light Priming Filter, travel size (.2oz), NIB - $7
Japonesque Velvet Touch Primer, travel size (.3oz), new - $8
Laura Geller Spackle Even Tone Primer, travel size (.5oz), new - $6
Pur Correcting Primer, travel size (.3oz), new - $10
Too Faced Hangover 3-in-1 Face Primer & Setting Spray, travel size (.06oz), NIB - $4
Too Faced Hangover Replenishing Face Primer, travel size (.16oz), NIB - $4
Urban Decay All Nighter Long Lasting Makeup Spray, travel size (.5oz), new - $6

Skincare & Body

BareMinerals Skinlongevity Vital Power Infusion, full size (1.7oz), new - $35
Bliss Leave it to Cleavage, Travel Size, .5oz - $4
Bliss Triple Oxygen Instant Energizing Foaming Mask, new, travel size (.16oz) - $3
Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel, new, Travel Size (.5oz) - $4
Clinique 7 Day Scrub Cream, travel size (1oz), new - $5
Daily Concepts Exfoliating Body Scrubber - $5
Elizabeth Arden Prevage Daily Anti-Aging Serum, Travel Size, .17oz - $8
Erborian Bamboo Creme Frappe Skin Reviving Gel, new, travel size (.17oz) - $4
Estée Lauder Advanced Night Micro Cleansing Foam, travel size (1oz), new - $6
Estée Lauder Revitalizing Supreme+ Global Anti-Aging Cell Power Creme, .5oz, new - $15
First Aid Beauty FAB Facial Radiance Intensive Peel, travel size (.34oz), new - $6
First Aid Beauty FAB Ultra Repair Cream, travel size (1oz), new - $6
First Aid Beauty FAB Ultra Repair Cream Intense Hydration in Honeysuckle, travel size (1oz), new - $6
First Botany Cosmeceuticals 50X Strength Hyaluronic Acid Serum, .5oz, new - $8
MAC Cleanse Off Oil, travel size (.2oz), new - $4
Milk Makeup Sunshine Oil, Sample, .1oz - $2
Murad Age Reform Nutrient-Charged Water Gel, travel size (.25oz), NIB - $10
Omorovicza Budapest Magic Moisture Mist, full size (1.7oz), NIB - $65
Omorovicza Balancing Moisturizer, full size (30ml), new - $50
Perricone MD Blue Plasma Cleansing Treatment (gentle cleanser), travel size (2oz), new - $18
Perricone MD Cold Plasma Plus + Eye Cream, travel size (.25oz), new - $30
Proactiv Skin Purifying Mask, travel size (1oz), NIB - $10
Shiseido Ultimune Power Infusing Concentrate, travel size (.33oz), new - $15
Strivectin TL Advanced Light Tightening Neck Cream, travel size (.25oz), NIB - $10
Toulon Mineral Infusion Serum-92, 1oz - $6
Whish Self-Tanner, Travel Size (.75oz) - $2

Hair / Tools / Nail Polish / Etc

Alterna Haircare Caviar Anti-Aging Miracle Volume Mist, travel size (1.4oz), new - $6
Bumble & Bumble BB Pret-a-Powder, travel size (.5oz), used 1x - $8
Essie Nail Lacquer in Say it Aint Soho (metallic copper), full size, new - $5
Fatboy Spray Putty, full size (4.8oz), new - $15
Julep Color Treat Polish in It Girl Lillian (pink creme), full size, new - $8
Living Proof TBD Multi-Tasking Styler, travel size (1oz), new - $7
OPI Nail Lacquer in Can i Bairro This Shade (dusty teal), full size, new - $5
OPI Nail Lacquer in The Taupe of the Iceberg, full size, new - $5
Phyto Paris Phytoelixir Cleansing Care Hair Cream, travel size (1oz), new - $8
Phyto Paris Intense Hydrating Brilliance Mask (Dry Hair Phytojoba), 1.7oz, NIB - $8
Matrix Total Results Miracle Creator Multi-Tasking Treatment, travel size (1oz), new - $3
Urban Decay Heavy Metal loose glitter in Reverb (blue), full size (.10oz), NIB - $10

Fragrance

Full Size
Aromachology Exotic & Spicy EDP, full size (1.7oz), used 1x - $40
Jo Malone English Oak & Redcurrant Cologne, full size (3.4 oz), sprayed 1x - $100
Penhaligon's Heartless Helen, full size (75ml) in box, used 3x - $160
Ralph Lauren Polo Sport for Women, used as shown - $12
Travel Size
Armani Air di Gioia EDP, travel size spray (.5oz - bigger than a rollerball), NIB - $20
Armani Sky di Gioia EDP, travel size spray bottle (.5oz - bigger than a rollerball), NIB - $20
Bvlgari Au The Rouge EDC, travel size (.17oz), used 2x - $10
Candie's Candie's EDT, travel size (.5oz), about 60% remaining - $5
Lush All Good Things solid perfume, travel size (12g), used 1x as shown - $15
Origins Ginger Essence Sensuous Skin Scent, travel size (.5 oz), used as shown (about 80% remaining) - $12
Philosophy Pure Grace EDT spray, travel size (.5oz), NIB - $15
Samples 3/$5
Atelier Cologne Vanilla Insensée Cologne Absolue, sample size + postcard, new - $3
Burberry Mr. Burberry EDT, sample size (2ml), new - $2
Calvin Klein Eternity for Men EDT, sample size (1.2ml), new - $2
Clean for Men Classic EDT, sample size (1ml), new - $2
Versace Eros EDT, sample size (1ml), new - $2
Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb EDT, sample size (1.2ml), new - $2.

If you want to do this, you MUST install each addon INDIVIDUALLY and apply them to the correct custom folders AND IN SEQUENTIAL ORDER. I will mark them as such. You may also need to prioritize certain addons by adding a certain letter or number to the beginning of the filename. I will mark when to do so. Finally, if a note reads "(Follow Instructions)," you must follow the written instructions provided by the mod developer. All addons are on GameBanana.
​
DISCLAIMER: NOT ALL OF THE ADDONS LISTED ARE FINALIZED, WITH SOME MODEL SWAPS STILL BEING A WIP. AN UPDATED VERSION OF THIS LIST WILL BE RELEASED EXACTLY ONE YEAR FROM NOW.
​
01 - MMod Universal custom folder support - mbramblet (Follow Instructions)
02 - Half-Life 2 4X AI Textures by deeppurple1968 - deeppurple1968 (HL2MMod - Add a "Z" to the folder name after Installation)
03 - 4X AI Textures - HL2: Update patch - JohnnyBrown (HL2MMod_HL2U)
04 - 4X AI Textures - MMod patch - JohnnyBrown (HL2MMod)
05 - Half-Life 2: Episode One 4X AI Textures - deeppurple1968 (HL2MMod_EP2 - Add a "Z" to the folder name after Installation)
05 - Half-Life 2: Episode Two 4X AI Textures - deeppurple1968 (HL2MMod_EP2 - Add a "Z" to the folder name after Installation)
06 - Better nature for Half-Life 2 - Volkolak (Follow Instructions)
07 - Enhanced HL2 doors (port) - LonelyAndLookin4Fun, Nethrod (HL2MMod)
08 - [HL:A] Metrocop - [Jay] (HL2MMod)
09 - HLA Barnacle Animations - CrazCrypto (HL2MMod - Use "WITH MODEL")
10 - HD Decals Pack #1 - JersonGaming (HL2MMod - Use ENGLISH, Add a "0_" to folder name after Installation)
11 - HD Decals Pack #2 - JersonGaming (HL2MMod - Use ENGLISH, Add a "0_" to folder name after Installation)
12 - HD Maps Remake - JersonGaming (HL2MMod - Use ENGLISH, Add a "0_" to folder name after Installation)
13 - HD Remake Corkboards - JersonGaming (HL2MMod - Use ENGLISH, Add a "0_" to folder name after Installation)
13 - Half Life: Alyx Posters For HL2 - Munancho_Inc. (HL2MMod - Add a "decals_" to the folder name after Installation)
14 - Intro Test Chamber Replacement - Wood_y (HL2MMod_HL2 and HL2MMod_HL2U)
15 - Black Mesa: Source Anomalous Materials replacement - Wood_y (HL2MMod_EP2)
16 - HD Newspaper - Munancho_Inc. (HL2MMod)
17 - HD Remake Medkit & Battery - JersonGaming (HL2MMod - Use ENGLISH with opaque Medkit flask)
18 - HD Retexture Keypad - JersonGaming (HL2MMod - Use ENGLISH)
19 - HL2 Ammunition Remake - JersonGaming (HL2MMod - Use EASY)
20 - HLA Combine's Walls - JersonGaming (HL2MMod - Extract Using GCFScape and delete the "metal" folder)
21 - HL:A Forcefield Re-Skin - BountyHunter32 (HL2MMod - TRASHED, USE THIS LINK: [placeholder])
22 - HLA Dog - CrazCrypto (HL2MMod - Use "2K & 1K Version")
23 - Half-Life: Alyx Styled Dr. Breen - Volkolak (HL2MMod)
24 - Half Life: Alyx Vortigaunt for Half-Life 2 - jQueary, UrAverageFrTeen (Follow the README.TXT)
25 - Half-Life: Alyx Advisor in Half-Life 2 - Volkolak (HL2MMod_HL2, HL2MMod_HL2U and HL2MMod_EP1 - INSTALL BOTH AND ADD TO RESPECTIVE FOLDERS)
26 - Half Life: Alyx Advisor for Half-Life 2: Episode 2 - UrAverageFrTeen (HL2MMod_EP2)
27 - HL2 Alyx with HLA clothes AND Alyx Vance Replacement - Volkolak, CrazCrypto (HL2MMod - Combine and merge files, or use my custom patch: [placeholder])
28 - Half-Life Alyx Multitool - JersonGaming (HL2MMod)
29 - HL2 Eli with HLA clothes - Mbbote, CrazCrypto (HL2MMod_HL2, HL2MMod_HL2U, HL2MMod_EP1 and HL2MMod_EP2 - INSTALL BOTH AND ADD TO RESPECTIVE FOLDERS)
30 - Half-Life: Alyx Assets in Half-Life 2 - Volkolak (HL2MMod - Add a "B" to the folder name after Installation)
31 - Half-Life 2: Remade Assets - Volkolak (HL2MMod - Add a "B" to the folder name after Installation)
32 - [HL2:RA] Trainstation Remade - [Jay] (HL2MMod - Add an "A" to the folder name after Installation)
33 - [Part 1] Jay's Remade Assets Port - [Jay] (HL2MMod)
34 - HL2RA: Combine Dispenser - jQueary, [Jay] (HL2MMod)
35 - Jay's HL:A Ports - [Jay] (HL2MMod - Currently unfinished; check for updates; Add a "0_" to each folder name after Installation)
• [HL:A] Bones
• [HL:A] Playground Props
• [HL:A] Fences (Episode 1 File goes in HL2MMod_EP1)
• [HL:A] City Scanner
• [HL:A-S] Milk Jug
36 - Andrew Dixon's HL2 Texture Remakes - Andrew Dixon, [Jay] (HL2MMod, Add an "0_" to the folder name after Installation)
37 - Water Tower Remake - José Baltazar, Volkolak (HL2MMod)
38 - Laundry Machines Remake - Kidney_02, Volkolak (HL2MMod)
39 - Display Cooler Remake - Kidney_02, Volkolak (HL2MMod)
40 - Rollermine Remake - Igrium, Volkolak (HL2MMod)
41 - GAZ-53 Replacement - 4A Games, Volkolak (HL2MMod; if it doesn't work, add a 2 to the filename.)
42 - Half-Life: Alyx Combine Dropship in Half-Life 2 - ArachnitCZ, YuRaNnNzZZ, Volkolak (HL2MMod; use HLA Dropship True RNG.vpk)
43 - REMASTERED! Half-Life Alyx Combine Prisoner Pods - SamMaddie (HL2MMod; use prisoner_pod_updated_mats_no_rng.zip)
44 - Half-Life: Alyx Antlion in Half-Life 2 - Volkolak (HL2MMod_HL2, HL2MMod_HL2U, HL2MMod_EP1 and HL2MMod_EP2 - ADD TO RESPECTIVE FOLDERS)
45 - Half-Life 2 Antlion Guard Remastered - Volkolak (HL2MMod_HL2, HL2MMod_HL2U, HL2MMod_EP1 and HL2MMod_EP2 - ADD TO RESPECTIVE FOLDERS - Use HD Textures and extract those to HL2MMod)
46 - Better Antlion Grub - Volkolak (HL2MMod)
47 - Better Combine Hunter - Volkolak (HL2MMod)
48 - macky's Improved HLA Health Charger - MARK2580, Munancho_Inc., macky (HL2MMod)
49 - 2K Trash - vort95 (HL2MMod)
50 - 1K Bills - vort95 (HL2MMod)
51 - 4K Leaves, ivy and cattail - vort95 (HL2MMod)
52 - City 17 downtown vista - Volkolak (HL2MMod_HL2 and HL2MMod_HL2U - Use Ravenholm option)
53 - Toxic slime reworked - Iretuerye (HL2MMod)
54 - Improved City Vista - Ghost597879, sxmlty (HL2MMod)
55 - HLA Helicopter and Silo Elevator textures - CrazCrypto (HL2MMod_EP2 - I personally use uncompressed)
56 - SplodeHD - cubicApocalypse (HL2MMod)
57 - HD Video Feeds - wolfcl0ck (HL2MMod - I personally use the B&W version, but your choice.)
58 - Wolfcl0ck's Refracting Eyes - wolfcl0ck (HL2MMod)
59 - Half-Life Alyx Combine Screen (Water Hazard) - SamMaddie (HL2MMod)
60 - Black Mesa Ported Models - SamMaddie (HL2MMod - Add an "N" to the folder name after Installation)
61 - Gnome Chompski: Redux - macky (HL2MMod)
62 - Washing Machine from, Half-Life:Alyx. - Tadeus, Ge0_2009 (HL2MMod)
63 - HLA Headcrab Prep and Soup Prep - Mbbote (HL2MMod)
64 - HL:A Buildings - Ahri Lover (HL2MMod)
65 - HD & Enhanced HL2 Faces - Vuthakral (HL2MMod - Add an "I" to the folder name after Installation)
66 - Half-Life: ALYX G-Man (With Shading/AO) - Mbbote, dddaniel (HL2MMod)

Let’s get the obvious out of the way.
Being a PI sucks. It’s not what you think. It’s pretty much harassing women. Men hire PIs to go harass their wives and girlfriends and once in a blue moon you get asked to find a missing dog, or to harass a man instead. But that’s it, really. Sometimes I’m looking for hard evidence of infidelity, but a lot of the time my clients just want to rattle the soon-to-be-ex. To make them paranoid and jittery and less reliable in a courtroom, or less likely to pay attention to small print agreements that stiff them out of the holiday home. So that’s my job. I’m a pawn and it is almost always on behalf of the kind of men who think women reading a book in public are secretly looking for male attention.
I don’t have an office. I did for a short while. But things are tough, as I’m sure many of you know, and PI work isn’t exactly lucrative. I don’t know why I’m still doing this job, except to say I’m my own boss, and it’s not easy out there. I went into this with vastly different expectations. If anyone wants to hire someone who was convicted of insurance fraud while training to be a police officer, let me know. Otherwise I’m on my own, following people in cars and sleeping in dingy motels. So when someone reached out looking for a guy to stalk them, I just figured it was a fetish thing. I got a nephew who went to art school and makes big bucks painting cartoon characters doing fucked up stuff. He ain’t painting the Sistine Chapel, but he pays the bills and looks after his family. I figure if that work is good enough for him, it’s good enough for me.
So I met the woman and was surprised at how normal she looked. It was in a public place, a park with a nice bench. And even though it was starting to rain a little we didn’t let it bother either of us. We sat there, two tape recorders running, and hashed it out. She said she liked me. If she hadn’t she wouldn’t have gotten out of her car. That was flattering coming from her. Good looking woman. Professional. I didn’t know at the time but I’d quickly figure out she was a forensic accountant.
Anyway, we got talking. She never gave me her motivation, but I would later come to understand her as an amateur narcissist. She was new at loving herself. She was smart, accomplished, and actually rather beautiful provided you didn’t spend a great deal of time agonising over things like symmetry or eyebrows, and instead paid attention to how a smile reaches the eyes, or how laughter sounds when it catches someone by surprise. But she grew up dirt poor and spent her teen years unable to visit the dentist, or access a gym, or even just eat home cooked food that wasn’t microwaved. Plump frame, blotchy skin, hair she kept short with a pair of scissors because her and her mother relied on the shampoo and soap they stole from the motel where they shared cleaning shifts. When she fumbled awkward questions at some of the better looking boys in her class, she rarely met with success. That’s not to say she was an outcast, either. She had a social life. It’s just poor kids have to grow up early. Prom’s a luxury. Eating isn’t. If you know, you know. Otherwise you might be surprised by just how fucking tough it can be for some kids in this country. Anyway, she got out of that hole, fought tooth and nail, got an education, a good job, and by the time she finished her victory lap and took stock of her life she was thirty-five years old and a thousand miles from the trailer she was raised in.
And she looked good. The woman in the mirror was a stranger that she wanted to get to know. I think hiring me was an act of self-love. I think if she could have, she would have sat in a car and watched herself get a cup of coffee, spying closely at the professional looking woman doing a little half-run half-skip to get out of the rain. The way she stood in line rocking back and forth on her heels to the music in her airpods thinking no one’d notice. She wanted to admire herself, but unable to time travel or clone herself, she instead resorted to hiring me as a kind of proxy.
I had my own boundaries, of course. They covered anything that was gonna get me in trouble. The gist of the contract, after a nice week spent meeting after work and talking, was that I was to follow her as often as I could and just… observe her. Photos. Videos. Secret recordings. Occasionally a little bit more. Nothing physical. For example, one time I inventoried her handbag after she left it in a taxi by accident. I’m not a photographer, but something about all those knick knacks laid out on a motel bed snapped with a black and white polaroid, it looked good. Like something you’d see in a fancy gallery. Avant garde my nephew would say. She loved it. Paid me a bonus for it and everything.
Anyway, this carried on like this for about six months. They were… interesting times. Tailing her across train stations, racing across open parking lots to install a tracker on her car, standing on a bridge and dropping an air tag in her bag as she walked past. It was a little bit like being a spy. She even paid for me to buy high end equipment. Crazy stuff. One camera, I could sit on my balcony and read the texts on her phone from a block away. Occasionally there were days where I couldn’t or wouldn’t keep up the required intensity. Stalking requires a lot of cardio. When that happened, when I didn’t feel like following her into a crowded place, or sprinting half-way around town following her car, I’d do research. I’d investigate who this woman had once been. I created fake Facebook profiles and tracked down old school friends, spoke to former teachers, lovers, all of that. The whole job was a matter of mapping her out, like she was a country, you know? And a country isn’t just hills and rivers and borders. Countries have history.
She was happy with my initiative. The text she sent me when I showed her the research folder was a glowing commendation. First one I’d had in a long time. It was nice, someone telling me good job. She had a real way of making me feel like a kid getting a gold star. I didn’t realise at the time, but I was putty in her hands. Head over heels, bless my stupid heart. Of course I didn’t know what I was getting into, but I’d had just enough time to grow over confident. I made the mistake of thinking that I wasn’t gonna find anything in her past that’d give me trouble sleeping.
Boy did I get that one fucking wrong.
Her mother. That’s where things took an odd turn. Now I knew from news reports the mother died in their trailer while her daughter was off staying at some boyfriend’s place for a few days. Natural causes, it read. I wanted to know a little more about what natural causes they were. Figured if there was a congenital thing, it seemed like maybe I ought to know. You’d think the way the trailer park owner reacted to me asking about it, I’d tried asking the Russian government for proof of a democratic election. Thin reedy little woman who gave me hell the moment I mentioned a name. What do you wanna know that for? Who’s asking? Who’s paying you? Why you wanna dig this shit up?
Oh she ripped me to pieces. I put it down to the natural sprinkling of crazies in the standard population and took a different tact. Started calling up the older folks in the park. Residents. Every single one of them put the phone down on me the second I mentioned her name.
Well, all of them except one.
Some people wanna talk and this old bastard was one of them. He had a lot to say about everything from the president to social media and I let him ramble on before starting to press my point. Told him at the start I was a historian looking into the local area, that made it so it wasn’t too suspicious when I began asking about this and that. Slowly making my way to the death of a fifty-three year old woman a couple trailers down from him some years ago.
Again, soon as I mentioned her name, there was a change in the air, even over the phone. For a second I thought this old guy was gonna hang up just like the others. Could hear him smacking his dry lips as he mulled it over.
“Francine didn’t deserve what happened to her,” he said after a while. “She wasn’t a good woman. Didn’t treat her daughter too good neither. But didn’t deserve what happened. Maybe if they’d found her earlier, some of those fellas in white coats could’ve got more evidence, put that little wretch of hers away. But from what I understand, weren’t much left of her at all.”
Then he hung up, leaving me with a whole lot of questions.
This frustrated me. I had, until now, had a fair bit of luck at this new profession of mine. They say be careful what you get good at. Sad truth was, I was getting good at stalking and this was my first real roadblock. I remembered the way I felt when she told me good job and it bothered me I couldn’t really say much about this critical part of her life. That and, well, maybe I still got a chip on my shoulder about being a failed policeman. If you give me a problem, I can sometimes drive myself crazy looking for a fix.
So I hopped in my car and drove to the trailer park, damn near on the other side of the country. Don’t know I was hoping to find. No way the trailer was still there, and it wasn’t. But what I found odd was the lot hadn’t been replaced. There was a hole in the ground, about the right size, and nothing else. Just an empty spot where the trailer had once stood. And the trailers on either side weren’t occupied either. I could tell by politely and legally looking through the windows. Most of them were cleared out, but a few weren’t. They still had plates and other knick knacks left hanging around, like the owners had left without bothering to pack.
“You shouldn’t hang around there, mister.”
The girl who appeared stood a good twenty feet away, shouting over the wind so as to be heard.
“Smell can make you awful sick.”
I wrinkled my nose, aware of the odour she was talking about. Had been since I approached the empty lot. A faint musty smell that made me think of an exotic pet shop.
“What do you mean?”
“Smell makes you sick,” she said like it was self-explanatory. “Woman who died there left behind an awful stench. Made the neighbours sick. And the neighbour’s neighbours, and so on for a couple trailers in a row. No one likes to live there now. Still can’t. Had a couple move in a year or two back and they got sick too. Daddy says it’s a bad one. Not even rats go near that hole.”
The smell wasn’t pretty, but this trailer park looked like the kinda place where hubcaps went missing regularly. Figured they would’ve been used to bad smells. What made this one so special?
I looked over at the girl.
“Where is your dad?”
Few minutes later and I was stood outside a trailer waiting pensively. The little girl had disappeared inside to fetch her father and since then I’d been sat listening to the quietest trailer park in the whole world. Crickets and silence. Traffic on a distant highway. Place was dying, that much was clear.
When the father finally did make an appearance, he said nothing for the first few minutes. Lit a cigarette, offered me one. I refused on account of having quit some time back.
After a while he spoke up.
“I’d invite you in but if you been hanging around that old lot, not sure I want you inside my home. No offence.”
“None taken,” I replied.
“Sally says you’re a historian.”
The man wasn’t terribly old. Mid-thirties, at a guess, but he looked me up and down like I was a teenager caught throwing eggs at his house.
“What’re you really?”
“PI,” I replied.
“Ha now that makes sense. Some relative looking for answers? Heard the Hendersons had a sister with money.”
“That’s exactly it,” I lied. “She didn’t buy the official story.”
“Nor should she,” he replied. “Henderson was fit as a fiddle day he moved in. Weren’t no justice in what happened to those who got sick. And poor Francine… They say she died of natural causes. Man even back then I knew it was shit and I was just a lil kid. The smell alone. Think it’s bad now but at the time, before they came in with a crane to lift the trailer up whole and move it to the dump. Shit it was something awful. There was talk of moving the whole park. Course no one gave enough of a shit about us to go ahead and actually do it.”
“What did she die of?”
“Don’t know. Only thing I am sure of is that that girl of Francine’s lied. Said her mother was live and well when she left before the weekend and they was all on good terms, but that was bullshit. We heard ‘em fighting for weeks before, for one. And of course the body, state that was in, ain’t no way it’d been rotting for just a few days.”
He offered me another cigarette. I refused. He lit it up instead. Second one in what felt like just a few minutes. Made me itchy just to see. I wanted to say something, anything to get a little bit more. But I’d told a big lie pretending to be there on someone else’s behalf, and didn’t want to catch myself out, so I just sat and listened to the quiet buzz of his little patio light.
After the second cigarette was done he reached into his back pocket and took out an old photo.
“I hope you find justice for Henderson and the rest of them,” he said. “Only real bit of proof I ever had something fishy went on.”
He handed me the picture. Wasn’t easy to see what I was looking at. Pile of old leaves, maybe. Mulch. I squinted at it for a few good seconds but couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
“What…?”
“Took that the day they arrived to get rid of the trailer. Had to stand on my friend’s shoulders just to reach.”
“What is it?” I asked, my skin starting to crawl as I picked out details. Whatever I was looking at, it was slumped on a sofa with floral wallpaper in the background. It was about the size of a man, but riddled with holes and cavities the size of golf balls. In my whole life, I’d never seen something that looked like that.
“Why that’s Francine,” he said. “Or at least what was left of her.”
He let me keep the photo. At a guess, that was the only interesting thing that’d ever happened to that man and he’d been waiting to share it with someone. All I had to do was give him an excuse. He seemed to take some pleasure in passing it on. Certainly found my reaction to it amusing. I must’ve gone pale as I grappled with thoughts of what had happened to make a body go bad like that. Back in the hotel, under a good light, I checked that picture again and again. Something about it made me deeply uncomfortable. Knowing a woman was under all that… all those holes and crevices must’ve been made in her flesh. And what’d happened to her skin that’d turned it such a funny texture? Looked furry, like the kinda thing that grows on top of a long-forgotten cup of coffee.
A part of me considered asking my client about this, but I knew that wasn’t the way to go. First, she probably wouldn’t tell me good job if I had to ask. She hired me to do a certain thing and that didn’t involve politely requesting information right from the source. Second, well… I’d read the police reports, what was publicly available, anyway. And she’d made it clear she’d left on the friday and came home on the Monday and…
Well what if that guy was right? Did she really leave her mother alive and well? I mean, people kill. Not just psychos. People like you and me. We do it every day and sometimes we even pull it off. Only half of US murders get solved. That’s a fact. If anyone could be in the right half of that equation, it’d be her. She was smart as hell, my client. Even at seventeen she would’ve been a clever one. Clever enough that she might easily have been able to cover her tracks. Gone over to some boyfriend, twisted his arm into giving her an alibi. Sure, I could see that.
I just needed to figure out what the fuck was going on with that crime scene in the trailer. Thankfully I got some friends still on the force, one of which I even have a bit of leverage on. At first he couldn’t find much on the actual mother, but then I asked him to see if he could take the photo I had, show it around, and see if anyone had seen something like it before. That proved a lot more fruitful. Few days later he came back with a strange one, but straight away I saw the connection.
I’ll spare the details. Old man was found in a tub, all sorts of fucked up, in some old apartment building. It had since been condemned on account of the body which is fairly weird since bodies don’t usually cause that much fuss, but less weird when you realise that said body was in such a bad state it made three people sick and caused long-lasting structural damage. Whatever happened to this guy, it ate through the tub he’d been lying in and seeped into the floors and walls below. Turned plasterboard to shit and apparently even caused some trouble for the sturdier elements like steel and concrete. I don’t know how that works exactly, but that’s what the file said and going by the photos, I didn’t feel like anyone was lying.
As for the pictures? What can I say? Made my fucking skin crawl. No blurry little polaroid snapped by a kid. These were professional crime scene pictures that showed something in a bathtub that didn’t register as human until my eyes went looking for details. He looked like a hairy paper-wasp’s nest, only there were fingers and nipples and other little things that made it clear it had been built using a person as the framework. No face though. Just a head like a pile of used paper plates. Looking at those photos made me learn a new word just to describe how I felt. Trypophobia.
Wasn’t just the one guy either. Building was linked to the disappearance of the ground floor tenant. Some computer geek. I didn’t worry about him too much. But what did catch my eye was there was only one woman living in the whole place. Second floor apartment. The registered name was… somewhat familiar. Close enough to a certain someone’s that it raised the hairs on my neck. Police at the scene managed to get a photo of her and sure enough, there she was. My client going by a different name. Clearly something fishy was going on or else why the pseudonym? I figured it possible she’d maybe offed her own mother. Parents and spouses make the most common victims. But what connection was there to that second corpse, and what about the missing guy?
It was like a horror movie was following her around and she was just blissfully unaware. Condemned buildings and festering trailers made for a far cry from the professional accountant who enjoyed oat milk lattes and used sweetener instead of sugar to spare her teeth. But there was no denying she was the connection. There was photographic proof she’d lived in that building. If I wanted to get ahead of this, to really understand what was going on, I had to figure out what had happened to those bodies. I’d pretty much exhausted my favours with the police and truth was they didn’t know any more than I did. But it turned out the building was still standing. Condemned, but they hadn’t demolished it, partly because no one wanted to take responsibility, but I reckon it might have had something to do with the biohazard warnings slapped on every single window and door.
Good thing I’d brought a gas mask. I waited for sunset, geared up, and entered through the unlocked door. First thing that hit me as the door swung open was the smell. Similar to the trailer park but full pelt and hot as hell. Made me think of lizards and poorly kept terrariums. Strong enough to make my eyes water even through the mask. One thing was clear as I took a look around the hallway - the building was diseased. Not just rundown or decrepit like the usual urban decay. This was something else. Looked like the inside of a clogged pipe. You know how limescale fills it up? It was a bit like that. This oily rust coloured fluid had seeped down the walls and left them glistening and soft. Ropey stalactites of the stuff hung down from the ceiling like old party banners, and I edged around them afraid of what might happen if one touched me.
Best guess was that stuff was digesting the place. Anything soft or organic was going or gone. Old umbrella frames were left standing in one corner, the fabric burnt or dissolved away. The carpet was reduced to just a few patches no bigger than my hand. And a bunch of old cardboard boxes piled up under the stairs had turned squat and half-liquid, almost flowing down and around each other. The worst came when I took a look in the back room. More of a broom closet, I guess. Wouldn't have gone in but something caught my eye. A well-worn shoe that wasn’t covered in that oily shit. Sign of recent activity. That and the way the door was ajar just raised my suspicions, so I took a look.
Even now the timeline eludes me, but someone, a vagrant most likely given the way they were dressed, died a nasty death in there. Chemical burns come to mind. They were balled up in one corner, eyeless, looking up at me as I pushed the door open to take a closer look. Pink flesh threaded with red blood vessels, yellow bones poking through here and there. From the looks of things they’d been trying to work the door open. You could see a history of their escape attempts left by bleeding hands. Rust coloured finger streaks ran all along the door’s edges, special attention paid to the hinges. And he’d broken the only window and tried hauling himself up there only to realise it was barred from the other side. The jagged glass that still clung to the frame was covered in old blood. His palms must have looked like grated cheese. Eventually he’d given up and lain down in that shit and the thought of it made my chest feel heavy and tight. I’d only been in the building a few minutes and that shit was already eating through my shoes. I could hear the thick rubber soles sizzle and pop with each step. But that guy had been forced to sit down in an inch deep puddle of the stuff, likely because exhaustion had left him no choice but to tough it out. So how long had he tried staying up right?
Hours? Days? Weeks?
Him getting stuck in there had to be deliberate. I was sure of it. A feeling in my gut. Someone had locked the door behind him and left him to die slowly. God only knows why, but did that mean they were still hanging around and waiting for a chance to get to me? Looking around, I sure didn’t feel safe or alone. The shadows seemed too deep and the steady drip drip drip of that rancid oil oozing out of every surface was too monotonous. Someone or something lived in that filth and chances were they’d been responsible for that poor vagrant’s agonising death.
That meant getting out of that shithole was a priority, so I made for the stairs and started the climb. If there were any answers in that place, it’d be in the apartment where that old man died. The crime scene tape was still hanging off the door frame when I found it, and the TV and sofa, or what remained of them, stood in the same place as in the photos. Back in the day the old man had been a hoarder and I was surprised crime scene hadn’t cleared all his shit out. It was all still there, only what had once been a chest high maze of papers and magazines was now just a kind of hardened pulp, almost like magma dried mid-flow. Whole fucking place was covered in the stuff like a coral reef, growing up the walls and even patches of the ceiling. Looked a hell of a lot like a wasp’s nest, and it looked to be the source of that oily looking fluid. You could see it sweating out of every crease and fold in that strange hive. It was almost hypnotic to look at. Glistening amber beads oozing out of papery sheets that flowed like rock striata. There was a gentle, barely perceptible rhythm. Hypnotic.
I don’t know why but I reached out and ran the tip of my finger as gently as I could along the surface. It felt like the underside of a mushroom. All those papery gills. Gossamer thin. Soft and inviting. I wore no gloves and the brief moment of contact had deposited a single bead of that strange syrup on my fingertip. It caused a tingling sensation that was not entirely unpleasant. Even the blood that trickled down my knuckle felt warm and wet, like testing a hot bath with your hand. I liked it. I liked it and I wanted more.
I went to reach out and push my arm into the nest when a hand burst out of the nest and gripped my wrist. I was so surprised I didn’t even make a noise, but instead wordlessly fell back as the hand pushed me away from the nest. A very nearly skinless forearm followed and soon after a face emerged from the papery nest like a grime covered nightmare. Black eyes and a lipless mouth. It was a man that could have passed for a corpse, like a half-digested piece of meat. Terrified, I struggled to my feet and realised that this person had broken damn near every bone in my wrist with that single grip.
“Your meat smells raw,” he growled before heaving himself out of the nest in a disgusting parody of childbirth.
My sanity flickered and the next thing I knew I was on the ground floor with bleeding eyes and both hands frantically pulling at the door handle. My mind returned in pieces. I blinked red tears away but didn’t stop trying to open the door. I felt it, that urgent need to leave, like a suffocating man feels the need to breathe. But I’d fucked up bad. I’d sniffed out the closet and saw the trap laid there, but hadn’t seen the larger one set for me. There was only one way in and out of that building and I hadn’t jammed the door open! Now it was shut and nothing I did could get it open. With more time maybe I could’ve pried the jamb or even kicked it down, but my heart was racing and my vision blurring. I wanted out of that place. A hot primal need to get the hell out. The air was too hot. My mask too stifling. Sweat condensed on the inner plastic and made it damn near impossible to see. And the pain in my wrist was a throbbing explosion that made sensible thought impossible. I’d realised early on into my little foray that I was underprepared, but the scale of what that meant eluded me until I was there wrestling with thoughts of exposure and contagion and disease, fumbling at a greasy doorknob with a broken hand while suppressing thoughts of what might be crawling up my leg or back or neck. Panic threatened to consume me. The world and all the normality it represented was right fucking there. I could hear it. The distant hum of traffic. The amber glow of streetlights that lit up the biohazard posters. Not thirty minutes ago I’d been there. Safe and far away from this waking nightmare.
I was being reduced to a prey animal. Even in the moment I could sense it happening to me. Being made into something lesser, but it was like my actions were no longer my own. When I finally gave up on the front door, I turned around and saw the shadows way back at the hallway begin to shift as something descended the stairwell. There was no other way out. No door. No window. Just me, a long corridor, and a nightmare coming right at me.
Something inside me gave up. I don’t know how to describe it. I’m still not sure if it was that building and that strange fluid that seemed to warp my own thoughts, or maybe there’s just too much one person can go through. But I could practically hear the thin membrane of my sanity tear as I fell backwards into the door and slid down onto my ass, breathlessly awaiting my terrible fate. I almost contemplated turning off my light but by then it was too late. I could see him coming towards me. He was legless. Nothing from the waist down except blackened viscera trailing up the stairs behind him. He pulled himself towards hand over hand with hungry eyes. Before I knew it he was on top of me, one hand gripping my mouth with a salty palm, the other stroking my hair.
And then in an instant his demeanour changed. He pulled back with a terrified cry and scrambled away like I’d just stuck him with a blade.
“No no no no no,” he muttered. “No no you should have said you should have said I didn’t know I thought you were another one I didn’t know I thought you were here for me I didn’t know you were hers.”
He cowered away, pedalling on both hands backwards while keeping his eyes fixed on me.
“Tell her I did not know you were hers I could not smell until I was close very close if I hurt you I am sorry tell her I am sorry I did not mean to hurt you it is just I do not get to eat often and am always hungry.”
With a rapid gesture he threw the key for the door at me. It skittered across the floor and fell just short of my feet.
“Tell her I did not know.”
“W-w-w-what are you?” I stammered.
He looked at me curiously, stopping his retreat only briefly to gauge my expression.
“She likes to be seen but I looked without asking and I got what I deserve.”
“Who are you talking about?” I asked.
He very nearly laughed, but with such deformities it was mostly a drooling guffaw.
“You know!” he gasped. “Don’t be stupid. You’re in love with her. Just like me. But different. You got permission. I didn’t. But she was good. She left me an old nest to live in. And I have permission to eat anything I kill or trap myself. Hard now that people know to stay away but sometimes I get lucky.”
His eyes flicked to the closet with sickening hunger.
“What has this got to do with her?” I asked.
“What colour are her eyes?” he replied, almost manic with excitement. “Answer. Answer. Tell me. Tell me. What colour are her eyes?”
“G–”
I stopped. The word felt wrong in my mouth.
“Bl–
“Bro–”
“No no,” he chittered. “None of those.”
Seemingly excited but afraid, he raced forward momentarily and gripped my lapels with twisted glee.
“Compound,” he hissed with such forbidden pleasure. “Her eyes are compound. She’s jealous of us, you know?
“Jealous we get to love her.”
And then he disappeared into the darkness and something inside me gave way entirely and I passed out.
I don’t know much of what came after, exactly. I was found a few hours later in my car, idling at a traffic light. I’d made some effort at getting away on my own but didn’t get very far. No surprise here but I got sick as a dog going in that place. A deep chest infection. The kind that scares everyone at least once in their life. Only fair given how fucking stupid I was. But forgive me, I hadn’t anticipated nightmares beyond human comprehension. I challenge anybody to think that fucking far ahead. You think junkies. You think flies. Squatters. But that guy… that man slipping out of the nest and barrelling towards me on two hands. My mind going sizzle pop along with the soles on my boots. In real life, shit like that always sneaks up on you.
So I paid the price. Six months. Jesus. Six long months. I got every fever you can think of. Sepsis. Kidney failure. Liver failure. Month after month drowning in my own fluids, coughing up shit that made the nurses gag and leave. I asked the doctor what the long term effects will be and he winced before reading a list of things that didn’t leave much hope for a happy retirement. And if it was hard on my body, it was even worse on my mind. Those fever dreams… doctors say what I remember in that building, that was all just part of the sickness. Say I spent a good three days in a coma and strange dreams are the norm. Which I might accept if it weren’t the fucking skin graft still healing on my right hand. No one can explain that.
My client visited. Just the once. There are universally sad moments in life and one of them is realising someone you have a lot of affection for doesn’t have it back. They have some. Just not the same amount. It was always one way though, wasn’t it? I saw her every single day but if I was doing my job right, she only saw me once a month for our meetings. Our arrangement ended not long after, so I hope anyway. She left like it was nothing but me… ah Jesus it felt like someone excavated my heart right out. Even after what she told me why she was there, even after what I did, I could barely stand up straight I was so heartbroken. There were times after that I wished the sickness would just take me. Maybe that defeatism is why it got so bad. Who knows?
She came to me looking for a recommendation, of all things. She wasn’t cold. Far from it. But there was a sense of disappointment as she sat beside me and eyed me up.
“I liked the initiative,” she said after a while. “But the results leave me unimpressed.”
“What the fuck happened in that place?” I asked, and even though I could barely hear my own voice, she seemed like she heard every word. For a moment, the way she contemplated it, I thought I was gonna get a straight answer.
“You know my mother said men don’t see ugly women. They know they exist but they just poof them right outta their mind. Like a magic trick. She said we worked better being a little plain. Good enough to take home for a night. Any more and we’d start to leave problems everywhere we go. That guy was a problem. She was trying to warn me about the dangers of attention but silly me, I went and got addicted. I hoped with you there might be a degree of… separation. Infatuation on a contractual basis.”
She took a deep breath like she’d had a long hard day.
“I don’t know. Maybe Mom was right. It’s ridiculous, I suppose. The fly shouldn’t admire the spider. It either sees it and fears it, or doesn’t know what’s coming until it’s too late. I think Mom was telling me to go for the latter. It’s no fun being invisible though. You spent all that time looking at me. Following me. What did you see?”
I looked at her until my eyes watered and something throbbed in my skull.
“I don’t know,” I tried to lie.
“Be honest.”
She looked right at me and something in the air changed. I don’t know what. Hot. Jesus it was hot. Like looking at the sun. I remember the heart rate monitor going nuts and then… then I remember gossamer wings and serrated chitin. A tick on the inside of your cheek. A leech on your tongue. A horsehair worm that won’t leave the skin. And then an instant later my eyes refocused and there was just a normal woman in front of me.
“Someone I could have loved,” I answered, unable to stop the words spilling like vomit. “Someone who I thought deserved love.”
“See,” she said. “Who wouldn’t like your version better?”
I was crying again. Heart racing. World like butter, going soft at the edges. Whatever she did, it was like undergoing brain surgery in real time.
“I’d like a recommendation,” she said after another minute or two of silence. “I’d like to see myself. I look in the mirror and I don’t see what you do. I’d like an artist to paint me. A version of me, at least. It won’t be easy on them. All this time you’ve probably looked directly at me for no more than five, ten minutes in total. Just didn’t realise it. Always the back of my head or my hair obscuring just so. That won’t do. I want a portrait. I want to know what you see.”
“What will you do to them?”
“I won’t do anything. Not intentionally. But if you ask someone to paint the sun, expect them to go blind. Whoever paints me will be painting the sun in their living room. Going blind is the least of their problems. Now, fess up. You know someone. You mentioned them once in passing. A cousin, maybe. An artist in need of cash. I’m sure of it.”
“Why would I tell you anything?”
“Because you love me,” she said. “And because despite everything you will get better and you will come back to me. Year or two, I think. You are adamant I have no hold on you, and you will think that for a long time. And this period of freedom, you’ll enjoy it only by my good grace and mercy. You did a good job. Better than any before. I’ve read your notes and reports over and over and seen details of myself I didn’t even know were there. It’s a thing of beauty, what you did. And one day soon you’ll come back to me with some excuse for why you want the contract to continue.”
I tried to spit the word never but managed, at best, a weak shake of the head. Something that put a most peculiar smile on her face.
“It doesn’t work like that. It’d be like trying to brute force your way through Alzheimer’s. You’ll be back. Even now you’re mine. All mine. I’m just being gentle. And you’re going to give me the name and number of this artist because even though you know I could no more love you than a spider loves the fly, you are desperate to please me. Because when I broke the man in that apartment building. When I tore him in two and told him that he would live for as long as I desired, writhing without air for years and years, drowning in sickly fluids and trapped helplessly in a hive he is determined to maintain even though I wouldn't be caught dead going back there. He was grateful. And, with time, you’ll be grateful too.”
She put the pen in my hand. She smiled, mouthed the word good boy, and God help me…
I gave her my nephew’s number.

Let’s get the obvious out of the way.
Being a PI sucks. It’s not what you think. It’s pretty much harassing women. Men hire PIs to go harass their wives and girlfriends and once in a blue moon you get asked to find a missing dog, or to harass a man instead. But that’s it, really. Sometimes I’m looking for hard evidence of infidelity, but a lot of the time my clients just want to rattle the soon-to-be-ex. To make them paranoid and jittery and less reliable in a courtroom, or less likely to pay attention to small print agreements that stiff them out of the holiday home. So that’s my job. I’m a pawn and it is almost always on behalf of the kind of men who think women reading a book in public are secretly looking for male attention.
I don’t have an office. I did for a short while. But things are tough, as I’m sure many of you know, and PI work isn’t exactly lucrative. I don’t know why I’m still doing this job, except to say I’m my own boss, and it’s not easy out there. I went into this with vastly different expectations. If anyone wants to hire someone who was convicted of insurance fraud while training to be a police officer, let me know. Otherwise I’m on my own, following people in cars and sleeping in dingy motels. So when this new job came along, a craigslist ad looking for a guy to stalk them, I just figured it was a fetish thing. I got a nephew who went to art school and makes big bucks painting cartoon characters doing fucked up stuff. He ain’t painting the Sistine Chapel, but he pays the bills and looks after his family. I figure if that work is good enough for him, it’s good enough for me.
So I met the woman who posted the ad and was surprised at how normal she looked. It was in a public place, a park with a nice bench. And even though it was starting to rain a little we didn’t let it bother either of us. We sat there, two tape recorders running, and hashed it out. She said she liked me. If she hadn’t she wouldn’t have gotten out of her car. That was flattering coming from her. Good looking woman. Professional. I didn’t know at the time but I’d quickly figure out she was a forensic accountant.
Anyway, we got talking. She never gave me her motivation, but I would later come to understand her as an amateur narcissist. She was new at loving herself. She was smart, accomplished, and actually rather beautiful provided you didn’t spend a great deal of time agonising over things like symmetry or eyebrows, and instead paid attention to how a smile reaches the eyes, or how laughter sounds when it catches someone by surprise. But she grew up dirt poor and spent her teen years unable to visit the dentist, or access a gym, or even just eat home cooked food that wasn’t microwaved. Plump frame, blotchy skin, hair she kept short with a pair of scissors because her and her mother relied on the shampoo and soap they stole from the motel where they shared cleaning shifts. When she fumbled awkward questions at some of the better looking boys in her class, she rarely met with success. That’s not to say she was an outcast, either. She had a social life. It’s just poor kids have to grow up early. Prom’s a luxury. Eating isn’t. If you know, you know. Otherwise you might be surprised by just how fucking tough it can be for some kids in this country. Anyway, she got out of that hole, fought tooth and nail, got an education, a good job, and by the time she finished her victory lap and took stock of her life she was thirty-five years old and a thousand miles from the trailer she was raised in.
And she looked good. The woman in the mirror was a stranger that she wanted to get to know. I think hiring me was an act of self-love. I think if she could have, she would have sat in a car and watched herself get a cup of coffee, spying closely at the professional looking woman doing a little half-run half-skip to get out of the rain. The way she stood in line rocking back and forth on her heels to the music in her airpods thinking no one’d notice. She wanted to admire herself, but unable to time travel or clone herself, she instead resorted to hiring me as a kind of proxy.
I had my own boundaries, of course. They covered anything that was gonna get me in trouble. The gist of the contract, after a nice week spent meeting after work and talking, was that I was to follow her as often as I could and just… observe her. Photos. Videos. Secret recordings. Occasionally a little bit more. Nothing physical. For example, one time I inventoried her handbag after she left it in a taxi by accident. I’m not a photographer, but something about all those knick knacks laid out on a motel bed snapped with a black and white polaroid, it looked good. Like something you’d see in a fancy gallery. Avant garde my nephew would say. She loved it. Paid me a bonus for it and everything.
Anyway, this carried on like this for about six months. They were… interesting times. Tailing her across train stations, racing across open parking lots to install a tracker on her car, standing on a bridge and dropping an air tag in her bag as she walked past. It was a little bit like being a spy. She even paid for me to buy high end equipment. Crazy stuff. One camera, I could sit on my balcony and read the texts on her phone from a block away. Occasionally there were days where I couldn’t or wouldn’t keep up the required intensity. Stalking requires a lot of cardio. When that happened, when I didn’t feel like following her into a crowded place, or sprinting half-way around town following her car, I’d do research. I’d investigate who this woman had once been. I created fake Facebook profiles and tracked down old school friends, spoke to former teachers, lovers, all of that. The whole job was a matter of mapping her out, like she was a country, you know? And a country isn’t just hills and rivers and borders. Countries have history.
She was happy with my initiative. The text she sent me when I showed her the research folder was a glowing commendation. First one I’d had in a long time. It was nice, someone telling me good job. She had a real way of making me feel like a kid getting a gold star. I didn’t realise at the time, but I was putty in her hands. Head over heels, bless my stupid heart. Of course I didn’t know what I was getting into, but I’d had just enough time to grow over confident. I made the mistake of thinking that I wasn’t gonna find anything in her past that’d give me trouble sleeping.
Boy did I get that one fucking wrong.
Her mother. That’s where things took an odd turn. Now I knew from news reports the mother died in their trailer while her daughter was off staying at some boyfriend’s place for a few days. Natural causes, it read. I wanted to know a little more about what natural causes they were. Figured if there was a congenital thing, it seemed like maybe I ought to know. You’d think the way the trailer park owner reacted to me asking about it, I’d tried asking the Russian government for proof of a democratic election. Thin reedy little woman who gave me hell the moment I mentioned a name. What do you wanna know that for? Who’s asking? Who’s paying you? Why you wanna dig this shit up?
Oh she ripped me to pieces. I put it down to the natural sprinkling of crazies in the standard population and took a different tact. Started calling up the older folks in the park. Residents. Every single one of them put the phone down on me the second I mentioned her name.
Well, all of them except one.
Some people wanna talk and this old bastard was one of them. He had a lot to say about everything from the president to social media and I let him ramble on before starting to press my point. Told him at the start I was a historian looking into the local area, that made it so it wasn’t too suspicious when I began asking about this and that. Slowly making my way to the death of a fifty-three year old woman a couple trailers down from him some years ago.
Again, soon as I mentioned her name, there was a change in the air, even over the phone. For a second I thought this old guy was gonna hang up just like the others. Could hear him smacking his dry lips as he mulled it over.
“Francine didn’t deserve what happened to her,” he said after a while. “She wasn’t a good woman. Didn’t treat her daughter too good neither. But didn’t deserve what happened. Maybe if they’d found her earlier, some of those fellas in white coats could’ve got more evidence, put that little wretch of hers away. But from what I understand, weren’t much left of her at all.”
Then he hung up, leaving me with a whole lot of questions.
This frustrated me. I had, until now, had a fair bit of luck at this new profession of mine. They say be careful what you get good at. Sad truth was, I was getting good at stalking and this was my first real roadblock. I remembered the way I felt when she told me good job and it bothered me I couldn’t really say much about this critical part of her life. That and, well, maybe I still got a chip on my shoulder about being a failed policeman. If you give me a problem, I can sometimes drive myself crazy looking for a fix.
So I hopped in my car and drove to the trailer park, damn near on the other side of the country. Don’t know I was hoping to find. No way the trailer was still there, and it wasn’t. But what I found odd was the lot hadn’t been replaced. There was a hole in the ground, about the right size, and nothing else. Just an empty spot where the trailer had once stood. And the trailers on either side weren’t occupied either. I could tell by politely and legally looking through the windows. Most of them were cleared out, but a few weren’t. They still had plates and other knick knacks left hanging around, like the owners had left without bothering to pack.
“You shouldn’t hang around there, mister.”
The girl who appeared stood a good twenty feet away, shouting over the wind so as to be heard.
“Smell can make you awful sick.”
I wrinkled my nose, aware of the odour she was talking about. Had been since I approached the empty lot. A faint musty smell that made me think of an exotic pet shop.
“What do you mean?”
“Smell makes you sick,” she said like it was self-explanatory. “Woman who died there left behind an awful stench. Made the neighbours sick. And the neighbour’s neighbours, and so on for a couple trailers in a row. No one likes to live there now. Still can’t. Had a couple move in a year or two back and they got sick too. Daddy says it’s a bad one. Not even rats go near that hole.”
The smell wasn’t pretty, but this trailer park looked like the kinda place where hubcaps went missing regularly. Figured they would’ve been used to bad smells. What made this one so special?
I looked over at the girl.
“Where is your dad?”
Few minutes later and I was stood outside a trailer waiting pensively. The little girl had disappeared inside to fetch her father and since then I’d been sat listening to the quietest trailer park in the whole world. Crickets and silence. Traffic on a distant highway. Place was dying, that much was clear.
When the father finally did make an appearance, he said nothing for the first few minutes. Lit a cigarette, offered me one. I refused on account of having quit some time back.
After a while he spoke up.
“I’d invite you in but if you been hanging around that old lot, not sure I want you inside my home. No offence.”
“None taken,” I replied.
“Sally says you’re a historian.”
The man wasn’t terribly old. Mid-thirties, at a guess, but he looked me up and down like I was a teenager caught throwing eggs at his house.
“What’re you really?”
“PI,” I replied.
“Ha now that makes sense. Some relative looking for answers? Heard the Hendersons had a sister with money.”
“That’s exactly it,” I lied. “She didn’t buy the official story.”
“Nor should she,” he replied. “Henderson was fit as a fiddle day he moved in. Weren’t no justice in what happened to those who got sick. And poor Francine… They say she died of natural causes. Man even back then I knew it was shit and I was just a lil kid. The smell alone. Think it’s bad now but at the time, before they came in with a crane to lift the trailer up whole and move it to the dump. Shit it was something awful. There was talk of moving the whole park. Course no one gave enough of a shit about us to go ahead and actually do it.”
“What did she die of?”
“Don’t know. Only thing I am sure of is that that girl of Francine’s lied. Said her mother was live and well when she left before the weekend and they was all on good terms, but that was bullshit. We heard ‘em fighting for weeks before, for one. And of course the body, state that was in, ain’t no way it’d been rotting for just a few days.”
He offered me another cigarette. I refused. He lit it up instead. Second one in what felt like just a few minutes. Made me itchy just to see. I wanted to say something, anything to get a little bit more. But I’d told a big lie pretending to be there on someone else’s behalf, and didn’t want to catch myself out, so I just sat and listened to the quiet buzz of his little patio light.
After the second cigarette was done he reached into his back pocket and took out an old photo.
“I hope you find justice for Henderson and the rest of them,” he said. “Only real bit of proof I ever had something fishy went on.”
He handed me the picture. Wasn’t easy to see what I was looking at. Pile of old leaves, maybe. Mulch. I squinted at it for a few good seconds but couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
“What…?”
“Took that the day they arrived to get rid of the trailer. Had to stand on my friend’s shoulders just to reach.”
“What is it?” I asked, my skin starting to crawl as I picked out details. Whatever I was looking at, it was slumped on a sofa with floral wallpaper in the background. It was about the size of a man, but riddled with holes and cavities the size of golf balls. In my whole life, I’d never seen something that looked like that.
“Why that’s Francine,” he said. “Or at least what was left of her.”
He let me keep the photo. At a guess, that was the only interesting thing that’d ever happened to that man and he’d been waiting to share it with someone. All I had to do was give him an excuse. He seemed to take some pleasure in passing it on. Certainly found my reaction to it amusing. I must’ve gone pale as I grappled with thoughts of what had happened to make a body go bad like that. Back in the hotel, under a good light, I checked that picture again and again. Something about it made me deeply uncomfortable. Knowing a woman was under all that… all those holes and crevices must’ve been made in her flesh. And what’d happened to her skin that’d turned it such a funny texture? Looked furry, like the kinda thing that grows on top of a long-forgotten cup of coffee.
A part of me considered asking my client about this, but I knew that wasn’t the way to go. First, she probably wouldn’t tell me good job if I had to ask. She hired me to do a certain thing and that didn’t involve politely requesting information right from the source. Second, well… I’d read the police reports, what was publicly available, anyway. And she’d made it clear she’d left on the friday and came home on the Monday and…
Well what if that guy was right? Did she really leave her mother alive and well? I mean, people kill. Not just psychos. People like you and me. We do it every day and sometimes we even pull it off. Only half of US murders get solved. That’s a fact. If anyone could be in the right half of that equation, it’d be her. She was smart as hell, my client. Even at seventeen she would’ve been a clever one. Clever enough that she might easily have been able to cover her tracks. Gone over to some boyfriend, twisted his arm into giving her an alibi. Sure, I could see that.
I just needed to figure out what the fuck was going on with that crime scene in the trailer. Thankfully I got some friends still on the force, one of which I even have a bit of leverage on. At first he couldn’t find much on the actual mother, but then I asked him to see if he could take the photo I had, show it around, and see if anyone had seen something like it before. That proved a lot more fruitful. Few days later he came back with a strange one, but straight away I saw the connection.
I’ll spare the details. Old man was found in a tub, all sorts of fucked up, in some old apartment building. It had since been condemned on account of the body which is fairly weird since bodies don’t usually cause that much fuss, but less weird when you realise that said body was in such a bad state it made three people sick and caused long-lasting structural damage. Whatever happened to this guy, it ate through the tub he’d been lying in and seeped into the floors and walls below. Turned plasterboard to shit and apparently even caused some trouble for the sturdier elements like steel and concrete. I don’t know how that works exactly, but that’s what the file said and going by the photos, I didn’t feel like anyone was lying.
As for the pictures? What can I say? Made my fucking skin crawl. No blurry little polaroid snapped by a kid. These were professional crime scene pictures that showed something in a bathtub that didn’t register as human until my eyes went looking for details. He looked like a hairy paper-wasp’s nest, only there were fingers and nipples and other little things that made it clear it had been built using a person as the framework. No face though. Just a head like a pile of used paper plates. Looking at those photos made me learn a new word just to describe how I felt. Trypophobia.
Wasn’t just the one guy either. Building was linked to the disappearance of the ground floor tenant. Some computer geek. I didn’t worry about him too much. But what did catch my eye was there was only one woman living in the whole place. Second floor apartment. The registered name was… somewhat familiar. Close enough to a certain someone’s that it raised the hairs on my neck. Police at the scene managed to get a photo of her and sure enough, there she was. My client going by a different name. Clearly something fishy was going on or else why the pseudonym? I figured it possible she’d maybe offed her own mother. Parents and spouses make the most common victims. But what connection was there to that second corpse, and what about the missing guy?
It was like a horror movie was following her around and she was just blissfully unaware. Condemned buildings and festering trailers made for a far cry from the professional accountant who enjoyed oat milk lattes and used sweetener instead of sugar to spare her teeth. But there was no denying she was the connection. There was photographic proof she’d lived in that building. If I wanted to get ahead of this, to really understand what was going on, I had to figure out what had happened to those bodies. I’d pretty much exhausted my favours with the police and truth was they didn’t know any more than I did. But it turned out the building was still standing. Condemned, but they hadn’t demolished it, partly because no one wanted to take responsibility, but I reckon it might have had something to do with the biohazard warnings slapped on every single window and door.
Good thing I’d brought a gas mask. I waited for sunset, geared up, and entered through the unlocked door. First thing that hit me as the door swung open was the smell. Similar to the trailer park but full pelt and hot as hell. Made me think of lizards and poorly kept terrariums. Strong enough to make my eyes water even through the mask. One thing was clear as I took a look around the hallway - the building was diseased. Not just rundown or decrepit like the usual urban decay. This was something else. Looked like the inside of a clogged pipe. You know how limescale fills it up? It was a bit like that. This oily rust coloured fluid had seeped down the walls and left them glistening and soft. Ropey stalactites of the stuff hung down from the ceiling like old party banners, and I edged around them afraid of what might happen if one touched me.
Best guess was that stuff was digesting the place. Anything soft or organic was going or gone. Old umbrella frames were left standing in one corner, the fabric burnt or dissolved away. The carpet was reduced to just a few patches no bigger than my hand. And a bunch of old cardboard boxes piled up under the stairs had turned squat and half-liquid, almost flowing down and around each other. The worst came when I took a look in the back room. More of a broom closet, I guess. Wouldn't have gone in but something caught my eye. A well-worn shoe that wasn’t covered in that oily shit. Sign of recent activity. That and the way the door was ajar just raised my suspicions, so I took a look.
Even now the timeline eludes me, but someone, a vagrant most likely given the way they were dressed, died a nasty death in there. Chemical burns come to mind. They were balled up in one corner, eyeless, looking up at me as I pushed the door open to take a closer look. Pink flesh threaded with red blood vessels, yellow bones poking through here and there. From the looks of things they’d been trying to work the door open. You could see a history of their escape attempts left by bleeding hands. Rust coloured finger streaks ran all along the door’s edges, special attention paid to the hinges. And he’d broken the only window and tried hauling himself up there only to realise it was barred from the other side. The jagged glass that still clung to the frame was covered in old blood. His palms must have looked like grated cheese. Eventually he’d given up and lain down in that shit and the thought of it made my chest feel heavy and tight. I’d only been in the building a few minutes and that shit was already eating through my shoes. I could hear the thick rubber soles sizzle and pop with each step. But that guy had been forced to sit down in an inch deep puddle of the stuff, likely because exhaustion had left him no choice but to tough it out. So how long had he tried staying up right?
Hours? Days? Weeks?
Him getting stuck in there had to be deliberate. I was sure of it. A feeling in my gut. Someone had locked the door behind him and left him to die slowly. God only knows why, but did that mean they were still hanging around and waiting for a chance to get to me? Looking around, I sure didn’t feel safe or alone. The shadows seemed too deep and the steady drip drip drip of that rancid oil oozing out of every surface was too monotonous. Someone or something lived in that filth and chances were they’d been responsible for that poor vagrant’s agonising death.
That meant getting out of that shithole was a priority, so I made for the stairs and started the climb. If there were any answers in that place, it’d be in the apartment where that old man died. The crime scene tape was still hanging off the door frame when I found it, and the TV and sofa, or what remained of them, stood in the same place as in the photos. Back in the day the old man had been a hoarder and I was surprised crime scene hadn’t cleared all his shit out. It was all still there, only what had once been a chest high maze of papers and magazines was now just a kind of hardened pulp, almost like magma dried mid-flow. Whole fucking place was covered in the stuff like a coral reef, growing up the walls and even patches of the ceiling. Looked a hell of a lot like a wasp’s nest, and it looked to be the source of that oily looking fluid. You could see it sweating out of every crease and fold in that strange hive. It was almost hypnotic to look at. Glistening amber beads oozing out of papery sheets that flowed like rock striata. There was a gentle, barely perceptible rhythm. Hypnotic.
I don’t know why but I reached out and ran the tip of my finger as gently as I could along the surface. It felt like the underside of a mushroom. All those papery gills. Gossamer thin. Soft and inviting. I wore no gloves and the brief moment of contact had deposited a single bead of that strange syrup on my fingertip. It caused a tingling sensation that was not entirely unpleasant. Even the blood that trickled down my knuckle felt warm and wet, like testing a hot bath with your hand. I liked it. I liked it and I wanted more.
I went to reach out and push my arm into the nest when a hand burst out of the nest and gripped my wrist. I was so surprised I didn’t even make a noise, but instead wordlessly fell back as the hand pushed me away from the nest. A very nearly skinless forearm followed and soon after a face emerged from the papery nest like a grime covered nightmare. Black eyes and a lipless mouth. It was a man that could have passed for a corpse, like a half-digested piece of meat. Terrified, I struggled to my feet and realised that this person had broken damn near every bone in my wrist with that single grip.
“Your meat smells raw,” he growled before heaving himself out of the nest in a disgusting parody of childbirth.
My sanity flickered and the next thing I knew I was on the ground floor with bleeding eyes and both hands frantically pulling at the door handle. My mind returned in pieces. I blinked red tears away but didn’t stop trying to open the door. I felt it, that urgent need to leave, like a suffocating man feels the need to breathe. But I’d fucked up bad. I’d sniffed out the closet and saw the trap laid there, but hadn’t seen the larger one set for me. There was only one way in and out of that building and I hadn’t jammed the door open! Now it was shut and nothing I did could get it open. With more time maybe I could’ve pried the jamb or even kicked it down, but my heart was racing and my vision blurring. I wanted out of that place. A hot primal need to get the hell out. The air was too hot. My mask too stifling. Sweat condensed on the inner plastic and made it damn near impossible to see. And the pain in my wrist was a throbbing explosion that made sensible thought impossible. I’d realised early on into my little foray that I was underprepared, but the scale of what that meant eluded me until I was there wrestling with thoughts of exposure and contagion and disease, fumbling at a greasy doorknob with a broken hand while suppressing thoughts of what might be crawling up my leg or back or neck. Panic threatened to consume me. The world and all the normality it represented was right fucking there. I could hear it. The distant hum of traffic. The amber glow of streetlights that lit up the biohazard posters. Not thirty minutes ago I’d been there. Safe and far away from this waking nightmare.
I was being reduced to a prey animal. Even in the moment I could sense it happening to me. Being made into something lesser, but it was like my actions were no longer my own. When I finally gave up on the front door, I turned around and saw the shadows way back at the hallway begin to shift as something descended the stairwell. There was no other way out. No door. No window. Just me, a long corridor, and a nightmare coming right at me.
Something inside me gave up. I don’t know how to describe it. I’m still not sure if it was that building and that strange fluid that seemed to warp my own thoughts, or maybe there’s just too much one person can go through. But I could practically hear the thin membrane of my sanity tear as I fell backwards into the door and slid down onto my ass, breathlessly awaiting my terrible fate. I almost contemplated turning off my light but by then it was too late. I could see him coming towards me. He was legless. Nothing from the waist down except blackened viscera trailing up the stairs behind him. He pulled himself towards hand over hand with hungry eyes. Before I knew it he was on top of me, one hand gripping my mouth with a salty palm, the other stroking my hair.
And then in an instant his demeanour changed. He pulled back with a terrified cry and scrambled away like I’d just stuck him with a blade.
“No no no no no,” he muttered. “No no you should have said you should have said I didn’t know I thought you were another one I didn’t know I thought you were here for me I didn’t know you were hers.”
He cowered away, pedalling on both hands backwards while keeping his eyes fixed on me.
“Tell her I did not know you were hers I could not smell until I was close very close if I hurt you I am sorry tell her I am sorry I did not mean to hurt you it is just I do not get to eat often and am always hungry.”
With a rapid gesture he threw the key for the door at me. It skittered across the floor and fell just short of my feet.
“Tell her I did not know.”
“W-w-w-what are you?” I stammered.
He looked at me curiously, stopping his retreat only briefly to gauge my expression.
“She likes to be seen but I looked without asking and I got what I deserve.”
“Who are you talking about?” I asked.
He very nearly laughed, but with such deformities it was mostly a drooling guffaw.
“You know!” he gasped. “Don’t be stupid. You’re in love with her. Just like me. But different. You got permission. I didn’t. But she was good. She left me an old nest to live in. And I have permission to eat anything I kill or trap myself. Hard now that people know to stay away but sometimes I get lucky.”
His eyes flicked to the closet with sickening hunger.
“What has this got to do with her?” I asked.
“What colour are her eyes?” he replied, almost manic with excitement. “Answer. Answer. Tell me. Tell me. What colour are her eyes?”
“G–”
I stopped. The word felt wrong in my mouth.
“Bl–
“Bro–”
“No no,” he chittered. “None of those.”
Seemingly excited but afraid, he raced forward momentarily and gripped my lapels with twisted glee.
“Compound,” he hissed with such forbidden pleasure. “Her eyes are compound. She’s jealous of us, you know?
“Jealous we get to love her.”
And then he disappeared into the darkness and something inside me gave way entirely and I passed out.
I don’t know much of what came after, exactly. I was found a few hours later in my car, idling at a traffic light. I’d made some effort at getting away on my own but didn’t get very far. No surprise here but I got sick as a dog going in that place. A deep chest infection. The kind that scares everyone at least once in their life. Only fair given how fucking stupid I was. But forgive me, I hadn’t anticipated nightmares beyond human comprehension. I challenge anybody to think that fucking far ahead. You think junkies. You think flies. Squatters. But that guy… that man slipping out of the nest and barrelling towards me on two hands. My mind going sizzle pop along with the soles on my boots. In real life, shit like that always sneaks up on you.
So I paid the price. Six months. Jesus. Six long months. I got every fever you can think of. Sepsis. Kidney failure. Liver failure. Month after month drowning in my own fluids, coughing up shit that made the nurses gag and leave. I asked the doctor what the long term effects will be and he winced before reading a list of things that didn’t leave much hope for a happy retirement. And if it was hard on my body, it was even worse on my mind. Those fever dreams… doctors say what I remember in that building, that was all just part of the sickness. Say I spent a good three days in a coma and strange dreams are the norm. Which I might accept if it weren’t the fucking skin graft still healing on my right hand. No one can explain that.
My client visited. Just the once. There are universally sad moments in life and one of them is realising someone you have a lot of affection for doesn’t have it back. They have some. Just not the same amount. It was always one way though, wasn’t it? I saw her every single day but if I was doing my job right, she only saw me once a month for our meetings. Our arrangement ended not long after, so I hope anyway. She left like it was nothing but me… ah Jesus it felt like someone excavated my heart right out. Even after what she told me why she was there, even after what I did, I could barely stand up straight I was so heartbroken. There were times after that I wished the sickness would just take me. Maybe that defeatism is why it got so bad. Who knows?
She came to me looking for a recommendation, of all things. She wasn’t cold. Far from it. But there was a sense of disappointment as she sat beside me and eyed me up.
“I liked the initiative,” she said after a while. “But the results leave me unimpressed.”
“What the fuck happened in that place?” I asked, and even though I could barely hear my own voice, she seemed like she heard every word. For a moment, the way she contemplated it, I thought I was gonna get a straight answer.
“You know my mother said men don’t see ugly women. They know they exist but they just poof them right outta their mind. Like a magic trick. She said we worked better being a little plain. Good enough to take home for a night. Any more and we’d start to leave problems everywhere we go. That guy was a problem. She was trying to warn me about the dangers of attention but silly me, I went and got addicted. I hoped with you there might be a degree of… separation. Infatuation on a contractual basis.”
She took a deep breath like she’d had a long hard day.
“I don’t know. Maybe Mom was right. It’s ridiculous, I suppose. The fly shouldn’t admire the spider. It either sees it and fears it, or doesn’t know what’s coming until it’s too late. I think Mom was telling me to go for the latter. It’s no fun being invisible though. You spent all that time looking at me. Following me. What did you see?”
I looked at her until my eyes watered and something throbbed in my skull.
“I don’t know,” I tried to lie.
“Be honest.”
She looked right at me and something in the air changed. I don’t know what. Hot. Jesus it was hot. Like looking at the sun. I remember the heart rate monitor going nuts and then… then I remember gossamer wings and serrated chitin. A tick on the inside of your cheek. A leech on your tongue. A horsehair worm that won’t leave the skin. And then an instant later my eyes refocused and there was just a normal woman in front of me.
“Someone I could have loved,” I answered, unable to stop the words spilling like vomit. “Someone who I thought deserved love.”
“See,” she said. “Who wouldn’t like your version better?”
I was crying again. Heart racing. World like butter, going soft at the edges. Whatever she did, it was like undergoing brain surgery in real time.
“I’d like a recommendation,” she said after another minute or two of silence. “I’d like to see myself. I look in the mirror and I don’t see what you do. I’d like an artist to paint me. A version of me, at least. It won’t be easy on them. All this time you’ve probably looked directly at me for no more than five, ten minutes in total. Just didn’t realise it. Always the back of my head or my hair obscuring just so. That won’t do. I want a portrait. I want to know what you see.”
“What will you do to them?”
“I won’t do anything. Not intentionally. But if you ask someone to paint the sun, expect them to go blind. Whoever paints me will be painting the sun in their living room. Going blind is the least of their problems. Now, fess up. You know someone. You mentioned them once in passing. A cousin, maybe. An artist in need of cash. I’m sure of it.”
“Why would I tell you anything?”
“Because you love me,” she said. “And because despite everything you will get better and you will come back to me. Year or two, I think. You are adamant I have no hold on you, and you will think that for a long time. And this period of freedom, you’ll enjoy it only by my good grace and mercy. You did a good job. Better than any before. I’ve read your notes and reports over and over and seen details of myself I didn’t even know were there. It’s a thing of beauty, what you did. And one day soon you’ll come back to me with some excuse for why you want the contract to continue.”
I tried to spit the word never but managed, at best, a weak shake of the head. Something that put a most peculiar smile on her face.
“It doesn’t work like that. It’d be like trying to brute force your way through Alzheimer’s. You’ll be back. Even now you’re mine. All mine. I’m just being gentle. And you’re going to give me the name and number of this artist because even though you know I could no more love you than a spider loves the fly, you are desperate to please me. Because when I broke the man in that apartment building. When I tore him in two and told him that he would live for as long as I desired, writhing without air for years and years, drowning in sickly fluids and trapped helplessly in a hive he is determined to maintain even though I wouldn't be caught dead going back there. He was grateful. And, with time, you’ll be grateful too.”
She put the pen in my hand. She smiled, mouthed the word good boy, and God help me…
I gave her my nephew’s number.

So as of 3 weeks ago, I've given up all sweets and cut out all sugar where possible. Down to 1 glass of milk a day and a half cup yoghurt with raspberries for breakfast. I keep under the US RDA for sugar, which is 50 grams of sugar, and even casual counting I can keep it under 40.
This is very hard for me as all my life I've been super thin (120 lbs, 6 feet tall) but once I hit 50, the weight started to pile on, but my diet didn't change. So, not liking how I was feeling, I went cold turkey. Within the first week, I lost 1 pants size, down to 36x32 and was feeling pretty good. I knew the cravings would kick in sooner or later, but I had no idea just how bad they would be.
In short, the craving are bad. I feel like a junky. I suppose not a huge surprise given my garbage diet prior to this (4 chocolate bars a day, minimum, an entire bag of reeses peanut butter cups for lunch, a whole box of two-bite brownies for after-dinner dessert, an entire danish pastry for breakfast...garbage like that) but I'm having trouble concentrating at work (IT) and even my dreams are being invaded by eating chocolate.
I have taken to eating a single reeses-mini before bed, just so I can sleep, but what can I do to help cut down on the withdrawal-like symptoms?

4m of acting got you no where 😂😂😂😂😂 ppl wising up 😂😂😂😂 didn't get much drug money 😂😂😂😂😂 there's the chunky junkie ju we all known for yrs 😂😂😂😂 hmm no mention of date other day probably got money then blocked him lucky escape lad but still wonder how much it cost ya 😂😂😂 fellow junkie been helping ya sort ya house no junkie ju he going though ya tat to see what he can sell 😂😂😂😂 you Will have them arrested by weekend for burglary grape etc man then beg to ya girlsssss 😂😂😂😂😂 same old stories repeated i mean walking streets with fellow junkie begging online for drug money walking around with a dog while yours locked in a room hope he shit and pee everywhere 😂😂😂😂 goung in chemist twice cause you off ya chops 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 the list goes and finally letting slip online you just use and milk ya followers 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂like we known for yrs he he haha ho ho just need some karma to come for you

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!
Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.
I once heard someone say "I'm a comfort-seeker and a feel-good junkie" and that resonated with me.
A primary motivation for my drinking was to feel "better". For me, better meant to numb out my feelings and perhaps experience a ever-more fleeting moment of euphoria as the drink hit. Looking back on my drinking and using career, I spent so much time trying to control the ride to maximize my pleasure from my intoxicants. It's why I'd push them so hard and, ultimately, why I'd push them to the point that I lost control because that's really what I wanted, was to stop trying to control it.
In sobriety, I'm still a feel-good junkie. If there is something I get enjoyment or comfort from, I'm liable to abuse it, to squeeze it dry for every drop I can get from it. I find myself in enjoyable situations and something in the back of my head starts trying to manipulate the experience, to milk it for all its worth. And that causes me to lose the moment. It's taking me a long time to retrain my brain to just enjoy things as they are and not for what they could be.
So, how about you? How's your wiring in sobriety?

Bitcoin

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*Finally a half coiner *
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Pleasure doing business with you
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The Thrill is Gone.
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EIP-3074: is this the end of account abstraction?
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sharing a resource i made for cross-chain smart contract deployment
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Minting NFTs from Ethereum or OP Mainnet
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Interest in ‘Bitcoin halving’ on Google hits highest ever
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It's My Own Fault I Got Ripped Off
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South Korean Won Surpasses US Dollar in Crypto Trading Volume for Q1 2024
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• manoshbabanex

ICP’s Schnorr integration ushers in Bitcoin DeFi era
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We may see BCHBull add the ability to get stock market exposure, eg. Buy $500 worth of BCH, then swap that BCH for S&P500 exposure, hedger gets SP500 exposure, longer gets BCH exposure, thats a win/win for both sides. It also adds investment opportunities for the unbanked eg. people in africa.
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Accept Bitcoin Cash Easily: How to Use Cash Tags for Business Invoicing ...
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An update on PWIF (on Base)
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Scoop some $Gta6 dip and wait for second trailer
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*I feel seen *
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If Bitcoin gets down to 50K
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Reminder, don't forget to buy high and sell low.
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Shiba Inu Gets Onboarded To the Content Delivery and Security Association
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What will the BTC inflation rate be vs USD after halving?
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This sub had me unnecessarily scared. KYC completed in less than a minute.
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Customer Support Needs to Go!
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Can’t do anything with my BTC
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Binance Support Thread
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*Secret FTM millionaire *
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Why are you still holding?
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*Protocols are milking you *
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*With 420 coming up, I invested and threw in some cash to a 420 meme coin. *
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Can someone help me plz
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Who's minting a Mad Scientist today?
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ATOM or TIA
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STRIDE Questions!!!
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Algorand and Microsoft?
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RCAs for every mood
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0.015 Sol to have one of those! Link down bellow
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Alliteration
Let us begin with something we know Shakespeare stole, simply so that we can see what a wonderful thief he was. When Shakespeare decided to write The Tragedie of Anthonie, and Cleopatra he of course needed a history book from which to work. The standard work on the subject was Plutarch's Lives of the Noble Greeks and Romans, but Plutarch wrote in Greek, and, as Shakespeare's friend Ben Jonson later pointed out, "thou hadst small Latin and less Greek."
Despite years at Stratford Grammar School learning pretty much nothing but the classics, Shakespeare could never be bothered with foreign languages. He always used translations.
So he got hold of the standard English translation of Plu- tarch, which had been written by a chap called Thomas North and published in 1579. We know that this is the version
Shakespeare used because you can sometimes see him using the same word that North used, and sometimes pairs of words. But when Shakespeare got to the big speech of the whole play, when he really needed some poetry, when he wanted true greatness, when he wanted to describe the moment that Antony saw Cleopatra on the barge and fell in love with her he just found the relevant paragraph in North and copied it out almost word for word. Almost word for word. Here's North:
she disdained to set forward otherwise but to take her barge in the river Cydnus, the poop whereof was of gold, the sails of purple, and the oars of silver, which kept stroke in rowing after the sound of the music of flutes, howboys, cithernes, viols, and such other instru- ments as they played up in the barge.
And here's Shakespeare:
The barge she sat in like a burnished throne, Burned on the water: the poop was beaten gold; Purple the sails and so perfumed that The winds were lovesick with them; the oars were silver, Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made The water which they beat to follow faster, As amorous of their strokes.
The thing about this is that it's definitely half stolen. There is no possible way that Shakespeare didn't have North open on his desk when he was writing. But also, Shakespeare made little changes. That means that we can actually watch Shakespeare working. We can peep back 400 years and see the greatest genius who ever lived scribbling away. We can see how he did it, and it's really pretty bloody simple. All he did was add some alliteration.
Nobody knows why we love to hear words that begin with the same letter, but we do and Shakespeare knew it. So he picked the word barge and worked from there. Barge begins with a B, so Shakespeare sat back and said to himself: "The barge she sat in was like a..." And then (though I can't prove this) he said: "Ba... ba... ba... burnished throne." He jotted that down and then he decided to do another. "The barge she sat in like a burnished throne... ba...ba... burned? It burned on the water." And the poop was gold? Not any more: the poop was beaten gold. That's four Bs in two lines. Enough to be getting on with. Shakespeare could have got carried away and written something like:
The barge she basked in, like a burnished boat Burned by the banks, the back was beaten brass.
But that would just be silly. Of course, Shakespeare did write like that sometimes. There's a bit in A Midsummer Night's Dream that goes:
Whereat, with blade, with bloody blameful blade, He bravely broached his boiling bloody breast; But there he was taking the mickey out of poets who use alliteration but don't know where to stop. No, Shakespeare wasn't going to put any more Bs in, he was working on the P North's original had "the poop whereof was of gold, the sails of purple." That's two Ps already, so Shakespeare decided that the sails would be pa... pa... perfumed. Maybe he stopped to wonder how you would perfume a whole sail, or how you might be able to smell them from the river bank (the Cydnus is quite wide). Or maybe he didn't. Accuracy is much less important than alliteration.
From there on in, Shakespeare was coasting. North had "After the sound" so Shakespeare had "to the tune." North had a whole orchestra of instruments "flutes, howboys, cithernes, viols"-Shakespeare cut that down to just flutes, because he liked the F. So flutes made the "Water Which they beat to Follow Faster, As Amorous of their strokes."
So Shakespeare stole; but he did wonderful things with his plunder. He's like somebody who nicks your old socks and then darns them. Shakespeare simply knew that people are suckers for alliteration and that it's pretty damned easy to make something alliterate (or that it's surprisingly simple to add alliteration).
You can spend all day trying to think of some universal truth to set down on paper, and some poets try that. Shake- speare knew that it's much easier to string together some words beginning with the same letter. It doesn't matter what it's about. It can be the exact depth in the sea to which a chap's corpse has sunk; hardly a matter of universal interest, but if you say, "Full fathom five thy father lies," you will be considered the greatest poet who ever lived. Express precisely the same thought any other way-e.g. "your father's corpse is 9.144 metres below sea level" and you're just a coastguard with some bad news.
Any phrase, so long as it alliterates, is memorable and will be believed even if it's a bunch of nonsense. Curiosity, for example, did not kill the cat. There are no widely reported cases of felines dying from being too inquisitive. In fact, the original proverb was not "curiosity killed the cat" (which is recorded only from 1921), it was "care killed the cat." And even that one was changed. When the proverb was first recorded (in Shakespeare, actually, although he seems to be just referring to a well known bit of folk wisdom), care meant sorrow or unhappiness. But by the twentieth century it was care in the sense of too much kindness-something along the lines of a pet that is overfed and pampered. In a hundred years' time it may be something else that does the pussy- killing, although you can be certain that whatever it is- kindness, consternation or corruption-will begin with a C or K.
Similarly, there was once an old proverb, "An ynche in a misse is as good as an ell," an ell being an old unit of mea- surement of 1.1 miles. So the ell was changed to a mile, and then the inch was dropped because it doesn't begin with an M, and we were left with "A miss is as good as a mile," which, if you think about it, doesn't really make sense any
more. But who needs sense when you have alliteration? Nobody has ever thrown a baby out with the bathwater, nor is there anything particularly right about rain. Even when something does make a bit of sense, it's usually deve ous why the comparison was picked. It takes two to tang but it takes two to waltz as well. There are whole hogs, b why not pigs? Bright as a button. Cool as a cucumber. Dead as a doornail. In fact, Dickens made this point rather bette than I at the opening of A Christmas Carol.
Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door- nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile, and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Except that Dickens knew full well why it is doornails that are dead. Dickens was a writer, and as a writer, he knew that alliteration is the simplest way to turn a memorable phrase. This was, after all, the guy who had written Nicholas Nick- leby, The Pickwick Papers (full title: The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club) and, indeed, A Christmas Carol. He knew which side his bread was buttered, as had those who came before him, like Jane Austen (Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice), and those who came after him (Where's Wally?) So popular is alliteration that in the 1960s it actually made a grab for political power. In the 1960s a vast radical youth movement began campaigning to do things for the sole reason that they began with the same letter. Ban the bomb. Burn your bra. Power to the people. For a moment there it seemed as though alliteration would change the world. But then the spirit of idealism faded and those who had manned the barricades went off and got jobs in market- ing. They stopped telling people to ban the bomb and started telling them to put a tiger in your tank, chuck out the chintz and use Access-Your Flexible Friend, or perhaps PayPal. And all because the lady loves Milk Tray.
It's enough to get your goat.¹
Alliteration can be brief and obvious-a short, sharp, shock. Or it can be long and subtle. John Keats once wrote fourteen lines of Fs and Ss, and it was beautiful:
Deep in the shady sadness of a vale Far sunken from the healthy breath of morn, Far from the fiery noon, and eve's one star, Sat gray-hair'd Saturn, quiet as a stone, Still as the silence round about his lair; Forest on forest hung about his head Like cloud on cloud. No stir of air was there, Not so much life as on a summer's day Robs not one light seed from the feather'd grass, But where the dead leaf fell, there did it rest. A stream went voiceless by, still deadened more By reason of his fallen divinity Spreading a shade: the Naiad 'mid her reeds Press'd her cold finger closer to her lips.
Whereas, at almost the same time, Thomas De Quincer famous junkie and prose stylist, got himself all muddled up over this sentence:
At present, after exchanging a few parting words, and a few final or farewell farewells with my faithful female agent.
So muddled was he that he decided to add a footnote apolo- gising for his paroemion (that's the technical name for exces- sive alliteration). The footnote went:
Some people are irritated, or even fancy themselves insulted, by overt acts of alliteration, as many people are by puns. On their account, let me say, that, although there are here eight separate f's in less than half a sentence, this is to be held as pure accident. In fact, at one time there were nine f's in the original cast of the sentence, until I, in pity of the affronted people, substi- tuted female agent for female friend.
"Agent" seems a strange substitution for "friend." But he probably had to do it as he couldn't change "farewell fart wells." It's much too clever to use a word as an adjective and then a noun. In fact, the trick has a name. It's called polyptoton.
​
Own Explanation:
why are not vowels used in alliteration
Consonant sounds tend to create sharper, more distinct sounds compared to vowels, which are produced with less constriction of airflow.
​
explain alliteration in one lineChatGPTChatGPT
Alliteration is the repetition of consonant sounds in close proximity within a phrase or sentence.
​
"The Wizard of Oz" (1939), in the scene where the Scarecrow sings his song "If I Only Had a Brain":
"I'd unravel every riddle For any individ'le In trouble or in pain."
The repeated "r" sound in "ravel," "riddle," "individ'le," and "trouble" demonstrates alliteration, creating a rhythmic and memorable quality to the lyrics.
​
"The Shining" (1980), directed by Stanley Kubrick. In one of the iconic scenes, Jack Torrance, played by Jack Nicholson, types the same sentence repeatedly on his typewriter:
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."
This sentence showcases alliteration with the repeated "w" sound in "work" and "play," as well as the repeated "d" sound in "dull" and "boy." The use of alliteration in this context adds to the eerie and unsettling atmosphere of the film.
​
"Jurassic Park" (1993), directed by Steven Spielberg. In the scene where Dr. Ian Malcolm, played by Jeff Goldblum, is discussing chaos theory, he says:
"Life, uh, finds a way."
The repeated "f" sound in "finds" and "way" creates alliteration in this memorable line.
​
​
"Goldfinger" (1964), there's a famous line delivered by the character Auric Goldfinger, played by Gert Fröbe:
"Do you expect me to talk?"
To which James Bond, portrayed by Sean Connery, responds:
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."
The repeated "e" sound in "expect" and "me" creates alliteration in this intense exchange.
​
"The Dark Knight" (2008), the character Harvey Dent, played by Aaron Eckhart, delivers a line with alliteration:
"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
The repeated "h" sound in "hero" and "yourself" creates alliteration in this memorable quote.
​

Hi everyone,
Seems like this board gets a lot of panicky 5.7 posts (sorry to add to the noise!), but I'm curious in your collective expertise what you'd recommend as a good micro-adjustment to bring a 5.7 down just a bit further.
I am a relatively fit and healthy 39 year old male with bad genes (unhealthy/overweight/alcoholic parents, pancreatic cancer in grandparent). Last year I pulled a 5.8 and wiped a lot of sugar from my diet -- no junky cereals, no more occasional candy, switched to 0g sugar yogurts (they taste good enough for me!), I snack on nuts now, added unsweetened almond milk into the mix -- and got on a consistent 2x a week cardio workout schedule (peloton). A1C dropped to 5.7 after a year of that.
I want to add another layer of healthy habits into the mix that will help. Would you recommend I look to more dietary adjustments, or try to up my exercise? I've seen posts about strength training, which I could add into the mix. I weight 175 and could use to lose maybe 5-10 lbs (but they're proving to be quite difficult to shake.)
I've got a 3 year old, which comes with the frequent stress-overload and the occasional nugget dinner. I don't have the bandwidth to do a huge life-adjustment but feel like I'm on the right track and can manage a little bit more course-correction.
Would very much appreciate your recommendations! Thank you for your time :)
EDIT: Huge thanks to everyone for your replies!

Tagline : You are a trans lesbian in a very transphobic and heteronormative world. You broke up with your cis girlfriend for a year now. Loneliness drive you to seek for someone. Somebody to love. Who would that be
Love Interest Characters:
LUNA (She/Her) One of the well known discord mod. (by well known I mean 50 people) FPS games junkie that sometimes will share the stat with 47/2 K/D rate while moaning "I am worse at these games after HRT. I should stick to VN now!". She is the very simple route to playthrough TBH. She's already into you and seem like asking you out a lot after lovebombing you in chat you are so afraid that she will turn out to be a scammer. Actually, She has a polycule. If you choose this route you will become one of her polycule but you might not feel "into" all other folks in her polycule and this might initiate some discomfort in which you will have to manage with some skill check. UNLESS your created character's race IS NOT WHITE. Then you will have a lot harder time getting into her polycule in which you might feel very alienated, isolated, singled out, not getting featured in any TwitteThreads Circle post (/uj whatever the f*ck that is) /rj you might as well wave her goodbye at the bittersweet non-white trans ending.
Charisa (She/They) Nerdy girl and activist from Gayland who will always be tsundere about being queer activist "Ugh, I hate calling myself activist. It sound self-righteous af." You will meet her at some Egoist milk club which will close down after 4 months because Land Lord happened. After that you will have to find her at some book stores or protest sites around the town. She might swing by with some cis girl(s) around her sometime. Someone might look "Very close" to her but you have to choose the choice where you believe her when she said "They are just my friends!" because turn out it really is... Charisa will look like a character with commitment problem but you all know being trans women and being lesbian at the same time in this f*king world is lonesome af so choose the choice that you would "Intellectualize" about this issue that will impress her and win her! better with Wong Kar Wai music in the background. Don't worry if she said "Nice Spooks, nerd." back sometimes she said it in tsundere/ironic manner... sometimes...
Laura (She/Her) (actually she never tell you but being cis so I assume as such. Don't cancel me if I misgender cis.) To cut it short, She is a chaser. Who will chase your girldick to the end of time. If you plan to do the Bottom Surgery Route, skip her. But if you really feel compelled by how much she love girldick she's the better choice,.. I think... why would you do this!!? she might not even see you as a woman lol. Actually skip her and all. Unless you are really horny... I haven't play this route enough to know if there were a redemption arc for her (to actually be trans lover and not chaser) or not so... yeah... triggering for me to just do walkthrough about her. Only think I like about her is that her very being make TERFs "genital preference" group mouth fumingly angry.
Lin Chi Ling / Julia Lin (She/HeZe/They) Look at her pronouns. She might sound like a "theyfab" to you but she is actually just very into her Gender Studies and claim "I do these to show that gender does not matter to me." But next thing she will say would be something very cisnormative and binarism that will give you headache for someone who try to claim to make "gender does not matter". She's just ignorant in good faith you need to educate her more and take time slowly with her. She will ask you to go with her to the women bathroom just to show that she's a good ally and this... when no one is around she will ask some intrusive things about trans bodies and other issues. Be calm with her and take to circlejerk forum to vent it out instead of venting directly to her or you will end up in Contrapoint video. Yes, do educate her carefully and she will be more and more into you for some weird reason.
(more romance characters coming in the next dlc....)
Other NPC
Kate Blanc (She/They) : Cis woman who is a nonbinary-chaser with vagina fetishism. Don't even try to befriend her or she will mistaken you as "being into her" and try to bully you away. Also they will love using AGAB language it's annoying for me I wish they have "skip only Kate Blanc dialogue" option.
Evangeline (She/Her) : Love chatting with you on HER. Not matter how much you tell her that you are trans she will insist to see you and then being so mad when she actually see you irl and ghost you after that. There is a rumour that her unused character art is a red-hared girl with twintail.
Darun (He/Him) : A trans man who will mistaken you as a trans straight but don't spook out, He is actually respectful and back away and just be a good friend with you when you are direct about being a lesbian.
Boris (He/Him) : The opposite of Darun I will just leave you at that. Just swipe left if He try to add you on HER. Yes, On HER app. Or else headache will ensue. He won't even listen that you are a lesbian and claim that because he is a lesbian too. If your "femininity" stat is low enough, like Evangeline, he might not even show up at all.
Boonmee (He/They) : "Cis man" in the first half of the game and then you will crack their egg as a nonbinary person at the last half. Will add you on Videogame website chat but never flirt with you and instead claim that you are his "Aneki" (big sis) yes, he's a weeb. Just play as cool big sis with them. They mean no harm and will actually help you in some scenes.
Matthew (He/Him) : Think Laura but worse. Male chaser who will try to make you his unicorn, exoticize you, fetishize you and don't care even if you say you are a lesbian. Avoid at all cost.
Misha (She/They) : Another trans woman character who will chat "Hello, how are you." and then silent when you text back but the next 4-5 days she will text the same seentence without any progress about the dialogue, to the point that it get eerie. She might as well be a bot. The underdeveloped character from dev. oversight+crunch working time. But the dev. actually come out about this and said that "Her character really reflect what happened in some dating app. Some people actually behave like this." idk if I should believe this.

i’ve been doing carni for almost a month and i have recently became slightly addicted to milk . well i just came across someone saying milk is good source of electrolytes . your body knows what it needs. could this be the reason for my sudden addiction or am i just craving sugar she carbs like a little junkie ??

This is a repost that I’ve been wanting to submit to this forum however only recently had the karma to do so. Also I forgot!
Pt. 2 coming soon!
Vindicta Saved My Life
Thank you a million times over to this community. I wouldn’t be here today had it not been for this place and the mods who keep it going.
A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, so rather than cutting it away and becoming shorter; revise and rework that weak link.
I wanted to share my personal softboost journey and the impact it has had on my life so far. I plan to perfect my softboost to upgrade to hardmaxx. I like to keep things simple, steady, and consistent.
Vindicta is not one-size-fits-all; however, I hope someone finds some inspiration in what I realize works for me.
Before I even start, though, I’d like to underline one matter: Nothing vindicta related can be done successfully unless you work just as hard on your inner peace as your outer appearance. Before this last year, I would try to prioritize mental health over beauty or vice versa, and only when I found a proportionate balance between caring about the two did I start flourishing.
I’ll post in-depth pictures for each section in their respective subreddits later. These are just the bones!
For context:
I am black, white, asian, and in my early twenties. After a long battle with depression, I wanted a completely new life. However, I needed to break down and simplify my goals.
I wanted to feel prettier, be healthier, make more money, and, eventually, move out of the country.
(this is a highly rudimentary and simplified version of the what, when, why, how, and where. I care more about actually getting to the concrete changes I made)
In no particular order:
SKIN
I have deep acne that doesn’t always flare up; however, it is brutal and angry when it does. My skin is a combination but melanated, so my scarring from picking is dark. I also get easily congested skin. Now I have clear skin. However, I am still facing a few dark spots. * I realized over time that the reason why my scars weren’t fading while using mainstream products is that melanated skin scars are different than what mainstream products are designed to fix. It seemed like a duh moment; however, it wasn’t something I was aware of. Here are the products that fixed that for me:

• CeraVe Moisturizing Cream
• Cetaphil Soothing Aloe Cream
• CeraVe Oil to Foam Cleanser
• CeraVe Lactic Acid Bodwash
• PanOxly 10% Benzoyl Peroxide Bar
• Burt’s Bees Gentle Cream Cleanser
• Versed Dark Spot Gel
• Topicals Faded Serum
• Adapalene Gel
• Paula’s Choice Liquid BHA
• AmLactin Lotion
• Neutrogena Serum SPF 60+

I mainly use the oil to foam cleanser and the benzoyl peroxide bar to cleanse- the Burt’s Bees one I use to shave my eyebrows and lady ‘stache; it works better than facial oil or shaving cream because it’s gentler and doesn’t break you out. I use a dermaplaining razor by Gilette Venus. If facial shaving has ever failed you, try this razor and cleanser combo!
I bought both creams from Costco and use them depending on my needs: CeraVe dries matte, and Cetaphil stays glowy.
Both dark spot fading serums are BOMB FOR MELANTED SKIN! They smell a bit odd, but I am not one to care about the scent of my products if they are effective. I use them mostly at night, but they are safe to use during the day. I interchange my use of them.
I use PC AHA liquid as a mask on tissue paper once weekly. It would be best to have an exfoliant when using retinoids like adapalene due to cell turnover rate. Adapalene is giving me that glowy, airbrushed skin HOWEVER you will purge like a mfer, and for a damn minute! The wait is worth it, though.
Cerave Lactic Acid Bodywash and the AmLactin Lotion work amazingly to lighten elbows and knees as well as KP and scars. I use a scrub mitt.
Sunscreen is personal- I like the Neutrogena one because it goes on like nothing and sits well under makeup.
I Have a nice steamer from Amazon that helps with congested pores.
HAIR
I have a mix of 3 a-b-c, thick, and low porosity curls. Androgenic alopecia runs on one side of my family; however, I have yet to have been diagnosed. In the last few years, I neglected my hair by perming, bleaching, dyeing, and everything in between. Eventually, I had a receding hairline. Now, my hairline is filling in, and I am recuperating my length. I hope to be at waist length by Summer. This is huge because of the incredible mental toll the state of my hair took on me. It felt unmanageable and was breaking off in my fingertips. I have a much better relationship with my hair now, and it's almost a spiritual connection lol… wash day is my moment of prayer!

• Stopped using heat
• Started taking vitamins
• Simplified routine and focused on breakage and growth
• Slept in bonnet and braids
• Avoided styling entirely and stuck to braids and claw clips
• Wash once a week to every ten days

My routine is as follows:

• Olive Oil, Water, and ACV soak
• Aloe Gel
• Redken ABC Pre-Wash Treatment
• Redken ABC Shampoo and Conditioner
• Redken Allsoft Shampoo
• Redken ABC Leave-In
• Olaplex Bonding Oil
• Mixed Chicks Curl Custard
• Amla Oil
• Any hair serum, I’m not joking- as long as it's making you sit down and spend the time to massage your scalp once or twice a week.
• OGX Argan Oil
• MINOXIDIL 10% !!!!!

My tools are:

• Wet Brush
• Denman Brush
• Revlon Boar’s Hair Brush
• Scalp Massager thingy
• Bonnet
• Clips and Scrunchies

Wash day is once weekly. The ABC line lessens my breakage. I oil my hair the night before and prior to showering I spray my scalp with olive oil and ACV, and put aloe on the ends. 10 minutes before I shower, I put in the Redken ABC treatment. I shampoo twice, first with the ABC shampoo and then the Allsoft. Then I condition and leave it in for a WHILE! I mix the coil custard with the ABC leave-in, use the Olaplex oil, and put some Amla oil on my scalp. I put those curls in a braid and a bonnet, and we’re ready. I oil throughout the week.
MINOXIDIL SAVED MY HAIR! I use it twice a day. I credit all my regrowth to that.
HEALTH
I put away money to get mental health help and a diagnosis. While I currently cannot afford consistent therapy, I am on medication that works wonders for me. Nonetheless, there were still aspects of my health that medication didn’t help. I visited a nutritionist, got bloodwork done, and researched. I have a set of vitamins and supplements that work well for my initial and hormonal health, my hair, skin & nails, my energy, my sleep, and my overall mood. This is simply what worked for me; it might not work for others!
Supplements::
Here is a short list of what and why:
Fenugreek: Hair growth and hormonal health
Chlorophyll: Breath and Skin
Seamoss: Overall
Hum Detox: I enjoy their proprietary blend and the supplement mix that are for the gut
Hair, Skin & Nails: per the title, the Costco one has a nice blend of vitamin C, biotin and zinc
Vitamin A: Skin and Hair
Vitamin B Complex: Overall health; I take an extra dose during the days of my period- this was life-changing, lol.
Vitamin D3 and K2: Mood and Skin
Vitamin E: Hair and Skin
ACV capsules: gut health
Myo D Inositol: PCOS and intimate health
Probiotics and Prebiotics: Digestive and Intimate Health
Collagen powder: Ehhhh, I'm not really sure yet; I'm a bit iffy about this one. Joints, hair, and nails, I guess?
L-Glutamine and Creatine: Workout support
Red Ginseng: My blasian parent has made me take this with green tea since I was a little girl. I stopped when I was depressed. I know it’s a superfood, however between you and me; the only empirical data I have is that I felt like a butt when I didn’t take it, and I feel better now that I am again.
Exercise::
I work out 4-6 times a week. It sucks at first, but it builds the kind of strength, stamina, and endurance you need to do a routine like mine. Here is an easy exercise breakdown for anyone:
Legs
Torso
Arms
Do an hour-long workout of each at least once a week. That’s already three days! Do three exercises per area. Now, me personally? I’m a gym junkie, looking to get my PT license soon. I’m all in and have a very detailed routine, but as long as I’m moving my body frequently, I’m staying on track.
Food::
So, I’m neurodivergent and have odd food tendencies; therefore, I can eat the same thing consistently and not get bored of it. I do, however, need extreme structure with what I eat because if I am too inconvenienced or uncomfortable, I don’t feel hungry. A plan and familiar foods are safe and reliable, and to upgrade my life, I need the rest and energy to do that. Word of advice? Regardless of your weight goals, when it comes to eating as a whole- make it as easy as possible. Eating something gets you closer to your goals than eating nothing ever will. Anyway, here’s how I narrowed it down with some simple examples:
Meal prep once a week. Have CARBS VEGETABLES PROTEIN SNACK FRUIT CEREAL.
I made many carbs (cous cous, brown rice, lentils), a salad or vegetable dish, and a simply seasoned protein. Throughout the week, I could spice up and season the meat as I pleased, but I didn't have to whip out all these pots and pans in the middle of the week—for example, Brown rice, some pan-cooked chicken with salt and pepper, and baked zucchini. During the week, I could make zucchini risotto, throw some old bay and Cholula on the chicken, and put the zucchini on some lettuce to make a salad! or…… I could do none of that and eat all plain with some season salt on it.
Why am I putting an emphasis on the food? Because I swear, nothing hurt more than neglecting my body by not feeding myself decent food. It got bland at times and boring too- dollar tree food isn’t the most versatile, but if I wanted to to use Redken on my hair then I had to save money elsewhere.
Cereal is an easy breakfast and where I get most of my grains.
I had fruit and seaweed snacks on rotation, or at least whatverer cheap and healthy snack costco would have on sale.
I avoided the following:

• Dairy: breaks me out :( but I love cheese. Creamy almond milk is a great sub though.
• Pork: I don’t digest it well, but I don’t mind it.
• High sodium and processed foods: I love palm oil, red 40, and high fructose corn syrup. I am not even kidding. I try my best to stick to the plainest, simplest ingredients
• Bleached foods: If I could afford it, I would buy the unbleached version of any grain products just cause I like whole grain bread and brown rice better; I don't know, just me?

I also have a daily calorie goal, but use it as a general goal and rarely counted calories. I exercize frequently and have cheat days that I actually enjoyed more because they became a speical lil treat.
Eating better has literally FIXED MY SLEEP. Of course you look good, get healthy, your hair grows sososososososo much better (in fact if your hair doesnt grow maybe your diet is bad), but all in all, the best thing I’ve gotten is better sleep and nothing keeps me from a full 8 hours now. I can forget my meds, my vitamins, not exercize and have horrible anxiety but if I don’t eat, my night is ruined.
LIFESTYLE
Getting a routine down and parenting myself into following it no matter whart. I came to the realization that if I don’t respect myself, then my life is over. Therfore if i tell myself to do the right thing and actually listen to my moral compass, then I have to do it…. whether I like it or not. I wanted to start meditating, journaling and working on my spirutality. Therefore, every single dmn day I started getting up early to write a line or two in a jounral (even if it was to complain), I would meditate for fifteen minutes and at one point throughout my day, I would take my dog on a slightly longer walk than usual. I hated it for weeks and felt stupid, like I was trying to imitate some health coach or tiktok guru. Yeah, no- it works. The dumb meditation and stupid little walks work wonders for my mental healt. It’s my ME time, and being alone with my thoughts has forced me to be comfortable with my self on a very weirdly intimate level. Also, journalling is cool beacuse even if I don’t do it for me, I might have a kid one day that’ll wan to read it. So yeah:

• Journal
• Meditate
• Go outside

When it comes to what I actually spend my time doing: work and learn.
Work::
I am working multiple jobs and will stop when I reach 6. I have 2 full time jobs, a part time job and a weekend job. Think receptionist, retail, food service…. I am also close to getting a few remote opportunities with flexible schedules. If you have a skill, there will be someone willing to pay for it. I don’t like it. Any of it. I would rather be home painting, sketching and making art. But I need to think in the long run. I am saving up to go back to school and would like to build up my resume. I will never be in my early 20s again with this much work flexibility on my hands, so I’m going to jump on the opportunity. Besides, I plan on starting during the fall semester, so I might as well just put my head down and work my butt off now.
Learn::
I am studying a language and a standardized college test prep. I have no test dates yet. However, I fully intend to get accolades for these two eventually. Regardless its good for me to learn. Once again, I’’m not stuck doing this forever. I’ll get to go back to school soon so keeping up with taking. notes and stuff should be beneficial for me… I guess?
I also try and watch a documentary once every two weeks. I don’t know, I guess I just see most people finding learning and stuff boring. I don’t want to be like most people, and I think being smart is kinda sexy. I split the documentary up during the hours I don’t. work. its a nice break and reprograms the mind to find learning to be relaxing.
aaaaaaaaaand here’s the routine I cram all of this into, or rather my magic formula.
ROUTINE
5am-7am
Meditate, Journal, Skincare, Study, Breakfast.
7am-6pm
Multiple shifts with a workout somehwere inbewteen.
6pm-8pm
Read, Netflix, Dinner, Sleep.

• * I take public transport because its chepaer and therefore have the time to read and study during commutes. I also read and study during my breaks.

EXTRAS:
I have a great playlist I’m always listening to as well as a solid and simple makeup routine that makes me feel pretty. I also keep a very strict laundry and chore schedule. NONE of this works unless my space is clean and my bedsheets smell good.
and yeah, thats kinda it. This is how Vindicta saved my life, and I’m not done yet. I have a list of goals to add and maybe I’ll do another post about. it, but for now here is what worked for me!

Have you ever made something and it turned out so delectable that you want to tell others about it? Put the recipe here!! It can be sweet, savory, main dish, appetizer, dessert, quick, or time consuming, healthy, or junky. Literally anything.
Here’s mine:
Stuffed Shells (stuffed w spinach + artichoke dip)
Ingredients:

• 1½ cups raw cashews, soaked for a couple hours OR boiled for 10 minutes if you want to speed things up
• 1 cup canned, full fat, unsweetened coconut milk
• 1 cup water
• 1 medium white onion
• 2 cans artichoke hearts
• Salt and pepper to taste
• A few tablespoons olive oil
• 3 cloves garlic
• 3-4 tbsp nutritional yeast
• 1½ tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 2 tbsp lemon juice
• ½ tsp paprika
• Pinch of nutmeg
• 12oz bag of frozen spinach

Method:

1. Start by blending the following ingredients to make a cashew cream and set aside: 1½ cups cashews 1 cup coconut milk ½ cup water Salt and pepper to taste
   
2. Heat a couple tbsp olive oil in a large and deep pan.
   
3. Sauté 1 diced medium onion for 5-8 minutes.
   
4. Add in 2 cans of roughly chopped, thoroughly rinsed artichoke hearts along with 3 minced garlic cloves, sauté until lightly brown (2-3 minutes).
   
5. Add the following to the pan: Cashew cream 3-4 tbsp nutritional yeast 1½ tbsp apple cider vinegar 2 tbsp lemon juice ½ tsp paprika Pinch of nutmeg ½ cup water 2 10oz bags of frozen spinach
   
6. Stir and cook for 10-15 minutes or until hot and bubbly. Stir frequently to make sure the bottom doesn’t burn! (Or let the bottom burn it’s kinda tasty that way)
   
7. Now you’re done with making the spinach and artichoke dip which can be enjoying inside or outside pasta shells!
   

To use in stuffed shells:
You’ll need 1 box jumbo pasta shells and 1 jar marinara sauce.
Cook 1 box jumbo pasta shells per the instructions on the box.
Preheat oven to 400°F.
Put a thin layer of marinara sauce in the bottom of a casserole dish.
Fill each shell with spinach and artichoke dip and place in the dish.
Cover all shells in marinara.
Cover in foil.
Bake for 20-25 minutes.

I've always prided myself on having an eclectic taste in electronic music, and after 15 years of immersing myself in the scene, I've really embraced #fuckgenres. Good music is good music, and vibes all across the electronic spectrum often have something to offer.
One thing that kinda bugs me about many "best of the year" playlists is how narrow they can be, focusing more on what's popular rather than a broad spectrum of quality vibes. So, I decided to do something a little different here. I've put together a playlist that tries to capture a wider breadth of the electronic scene, showcasing both well-known bangers and some real hidden gems.
This isn't just my Spotify most played. This is a list that I've carefully curated over the past year. Why 123 tracks? It just felt like a fitting tribute to the year lol, plus I needed that extra room to ensure I could include all the different vibes I love. It was tough to narrow down, but I wanted this list to represent the music that truly stood out to me.
I haven't heard every song released this year, and I'm not claiming to be the ultimate judge of quality. Some subgenres, like psytrance, might sadly be underrepresented—not out of oversight but simply because they didn't cross my path much this year. This is just my attempt to share the best music I've discovered across the electronic spectrum this year. Heads up, it'll be a rollercoaster...
​
So to be in this list, there were 3 requirements:
- Released 2023.
- Is in some subgenre of electronic music
- Stood above the all other tracks I've heard this year, for one reason or another. Happy to share why I chose a specific track if anyone's interested!
​
Without any further ado, I present to you the....

TOP 123 TRACKS OF 2023 (imo):

Anchorite by KOAN Sound
Apply The Pressure by MEMBA,Party Favor,VinDon
Aria by Argy,Omnya
Ascension by KOAN Sound
Aurora - Justin Hawkes Remix by Camo & Krooked,Metrik,Justin Hawkes
Autumn Light (Tutara Peak Remix) by Turtle,Tutara Peak
Awu Wemadoda - Club Mix by Spencer Brown,Wilt Claybourne,Ladysmith Black Mambazo
Backshifting by Ivy Lab
Baddadan (feat. IRAH, Flowdan, Trigga & Takura) by Chase & Status,Bou,Flowdan,IRAH,Trigga,Takura
Badders by PEEKABOO,Flowdan,Skrillex,G-Rex
BASSLINE JUNKIE - DIMITRI K REMIX by Rebelion,Dimitri K
Black Out Days - Subtronics Remix by Phantogram,Subtronics
Blow Out by Overmono
Born To Suffer by SVDDEN DEATH
Bring it Back by DJ GUESTLIST
Candle Flame by Jungle,Erick the Architect
Ceremony by Skrillex,Yung Lean,Bladee
CLASH - Edit by The Blaze
Courage by CloZee,ROZET
CRASH THE SYSTEM by Rebelion,Dimitri K,The Dark Horror
CYBERGORE by DEEZL,So Juice,Disarray,Cybergore
Dark Light by Ganja White Night,Truth
Divination by Juelz
DOMINATE by Rebelion
Domino by Amtrac,Samuel T. Herring
Dominoes by Jungle
DOOMSDAY - So Juice Remix by DEEZL,So Juice
DREAMER by The Blaze
DROP DEAD by Riot Shift,Fraw
echoes by yvm3
Elevator Music by Medasin
Embrace by KOAN Sound
Eternity by Anyma,Chris Avantgarde
Feel So Good by DJ Isaac
Fine Day Anthem by Skrillex,Boys Noize,Opus III
FIRE IN YOUR BRAIN by Rebelion,Adjuzt
Glowing Experiences by G Jones
Good Lies by Overmono
Good Ones (Aekae Remix) by Charlie XCX
Good People by P.O.S,anamē,Ercola,Richard Walters
Grounded by Nitepunk
growing pains by ISOxo
Hiding by Dual Damage
High Street by Charlotte de Witte
Holding On by Jungle
Hope - Spiritual Milk Edit by CamelPhat,Max Milner
Howl by Elderbrook,Tourist
Hydrate by Skrillex,Flowdan,BEAM,PEEKABOO
I Won't Let You Down by Barry Can't Swim,Falle Nioke,Blackboxx
IGNORANT by ISOxo
Killers From The Northside - Sped Up by Kordhell
LAND OF FIRE by Kordhell
Leave Me Like This by Skrillex,Bobby Raps
leavemealone by Fred again..,Baby Keem
LEFT TO RIGHT by Odd Mob
Little Darling - Joris Voorn Remix by Marsh,Joris Voorn
Look At Me Dance by ATRIP,Poté
Love Has Gone by Temple One
MADLY by The Blaze
MURDER WAS THE CASE THAT THEY GAVE ME by Kordhell
Muscaria by Of The Trees
NME by RL Grime,JAWNS
No Smell by Brodinski,Deft
not everything is your fault by Buunshin
Nothing To Lose by Warface
Now U Do by DJ Seinfeld,Confidence Man
okok by okgiorgio
One Chance by Knock2,NGHTMRE,Marlhy
Painting Rainbows by Skrillex,Bibi Bourelly
PEANUT BUTTER by SVDDEN DEATH,MARAUDA
Pepper by Flowdan,Lil Baby,Skrillex
Polar Bears - Extended Mix by P.O.S,Spencer Brown
Prada (feat. D-Block Europe) - Valexus Remix by cassö,RAYE,Valexus
Prayer Song by Balkan Bump,Mah Ze Tar
Problem Child by Phuture Noize
RATATA by Skrillex,Missy Elliott,Mr. Oizo
Raw Resurgence - Official Supremacy 2023 Anthem by Rebelion,Nolz
Real Spring by Skrillex,Bladee
Reflections by D-Sturb
Renaissance by BUNT.,VisionV
Rumble by Skrillex,Fred again..,Flowdan
Satisfaction by Warface
SAXORiDDiM by GRiZ
Selecta by Skrillex,BEAM
Selfish Soul - ODESZA Remix by Sudan Archives,ODESZA
Shellshock - Edit by G Jones,Eprom,Koreless
SKYLIT by ISOxo
Slappy Slap by Moody Good
Slices by Nitepunk
Snickerz by Daily Bread
Solace of the Red Giant by KOAN Sound
Stacks by Juelz,24hrs
STARsound by ISOxo,fussy
Staycation by Vorso
Still Here (with the ones that I came with) by Skrillex,Porter Robinson,Bibi Bourelly
Story by D-Sturb
Sunsleeper by Barry Can't Swim
Supersonic by Griz
TAKE IT OFF by FISHER,Aatig
Taste The Blade by Warface
Tears by Skrillex,Joker,Sleepnet
Tell Me by James Blake
Temple of Fervor by KOAN Sound
ten by Fred again..,Jozzy,Jim Legxacy
The Blade by IMANU
The Stars Are Tumbling Out Of The Sky by Phuture Noize
TOOL OF DELIRIUM by MARAUDA
Total by Feed Me
Troubles by Mersiv,Heyz
Venezia by AKKI (DE)
Via Infinita - Marsh Extended Remix by Estiva,Marsh
Voices In My Head by Skeler
Voices of Dissent by KOAN Sound
Vois sur ton chemin - Techno Mix by BENNETT
VOLVER by Tainy,Skrillex,Four Tet,Rauw Alejandro
Walk Thru Water by Overmono,St. Panther
WALL OF TOZA by Rebelion,TOZA,Sovereign King
We Came To Move by Griz
Where You Are by John Summit,Hayla
Wobble Whispers by Ganja White Night
XENA by Skrillex,Nai Barghouti
You Got Me by Peekaboo, Bill Lucas
Zoom In by Lab Group,Potions,tiedye ky
​
I hope you enjoy the list!:D Have any songs that you feel should be up there? Please hit me with some recs! Always looking for rad new tunes.
​
Playlist: Link

I've always prided myself on having an eclectic taste in electronic music, and after 15 years of immersing myself in the scene, I've really embraced #fuckgenres. Good music is good music, and vibes all across the electronic spectrum often have something to offer.
One thing that kinda bugs me about many "best of the year" playlists is how narrow they can be, focusing more on what's popular rather than a broad spectrum of quality vibes. So, I decided to do something a little different here. I've put together a playlist that tries to capture a wider breadth of the electronic scene, showcasing both well-known bangers and some real hidden gems.
This isn't just my Spotify most played. This is a list that I've carefully curated over the past year. Why 123 tracks? It just felt like a fitting tribute to the year lol, plus I needed that extra room to ensure I could include all the different vibes I love. It was tough to narrow down, but I wanted this list to represent the music that truly stood out to me.
I haven't heard every song released this year, and I'm not claiming to be the ultimate judge of quality. Some subgenres, like psytrance, might sadly be underrepresented—not out of oversight but simply because they didn't cross my path much this year. This is just my attempt to share the best music I've discovered across the electronic spectrum this year. Heads up, it'll be a rollercoaster...
​
So to be in this list, there were 3 requirements:
- Released 2023.
- Is in some subgenre of electronic music
- Stood above the all other tracks I've heard this year, for one reason or another. Happy to share why I chose a specific track if anyone's interested!
​
Without any further ado, I present to you the....

TOP 123 TRACKS OF 2023 (imo):

Anchorite by KOAN Sound
Apply The Pressure by MEMBA,Party Favor,VinDon
Aria by Argy,Omnya
Ascension by KOAN Sound
Aurora - Justin Hawkes Remix by Camo & Krooked,Metrik,Justin Hawkes
Autumn Light (Tutara Peak Remix) by Turtle,Tutara Peak
Awu Wemadoda - Club Mix by Spencer Brown,Wilt Claybourne,Ladysmith Black Mambazo
Backshifting by Ivy Lab
Baddadan (feat. IRAH, Flowdan, Trigga & Takura) by Chase & Status,Bou,Flowdan,IRAH,Trigga,Takura
Badders by PEEKABOO,Flowdan,Skrillex,G-Rex
BASSLINE JUNKIE - DIMITRI K REMIX by Rebelion,Dimitri K
Black Out Days - Subtronics Remix by Phantogram,Subtronics
Blow Out by Overmono
Born To Suffer by SVDDEN DEATH
Bring it Back by DJ GUESTLIST
Candle Flame by Jungle,Erick the Architect
Ceremony by Skrillex,Yung Lean,Bladee
CLASH - Edit by The Blaze
Courage by CloZee,ROZET
CRASH THE SYSTEM by Rebelion,Dimitri K,The Dark Horror
CYBERGORE by DEEZL,So Juice,Disarray,Cybergore
Dark Light by Ganja White Night,Truth
Divination by Juelz
DOMINATE by Rebelion
Domino by Amtrac,Samuel T. Herring
Dominoes by Jungle
DOOMSDAY - So Juice Remix by DEEZL,So Juice
DREAMER by The Blaze
DROP DEAD by Riot Shift,Fraw
echoes by yvm3
Elevator Music by Medasin
Embrace by KOAN Sound
Eternity by Anyma,Chris Avantgarde
Feel So Good by DJ Isaac
Fine Day Anthem by Skrillex,Boys Noize,Opus III
FIRE IN YOUR BRAIN by Rebelion,Adjuzt
Glowing Experiences by G Jones
Good Lies by Overmono
Good Ones (Aekae Remix) by Charlie XCX
Good People by P.O.S,anamē,Ercola,Richard Walters
Grounded by Nitepunk
growing pains by ISOxo
Hiding by Dual Damage
High Street by Charlotte de Witte
Holding On by Jungle
Hope - Spiritual Milk Edit by CamelPhat,Max Milner
Howl by Elderbrook,Tourist
Hydrate by Skrillex,Flowdan,BEAM,PEEKABOO
I Won't Let You Down by Barry Can't Swim,Falle Nioke,Blackboxx
IGNORANT by ISOxo
Killers From The Northside - Sped Up by Kordhell
LAND OF FIRE by Kordhell
Leave Me Like This by Skrillex,Bobby Raps
leavemealone by Fred again..,Baby Keem
LEFT TO RIGHT by Odd Mob
Little Darling - Joris Voorn Remix by Marsh,Joris Voorn
Look At Me Dance by ATRIP,Poté
Love Has Gone by Temple One
MADLY by The Blaze
MURDER WAS THE CASE THAT THEY GAVE ME by Kordhell
Muscaria by Of The Trees
NME by RL Grime,JAWNS
No Smell by Brodinski,Deft
not everything is your fault by Buunshin
Nothing To Lose by Warface
Now U Do by DJ Seinfeld,Confidence Man
okok by okgiorgio
One Chance by Knock2,NGHTMRE,Marlhy
Painting Rainbows by Skrillex,Bibi Bourelly
PEANUT BUTTER by SVDDEN DEATH,MARAUDA
Pepper by Flowdan,Lil Baby,Skrillex
Polar Bears - Extended Mix by P.O.S,Spencer Brown
Prada (feat. D-Block Europe) - Valexus Remix by cassö,RAYE,Valexus
Prayer Song by Balkan Bump,Mah Ze Tar
Problem Child by Phuture Noize
RATATA by Skrillex,Missy Elliott,Mr. Oizo
Raw Resurgence - Official Supremacy 2023 Anthem by Rebelion,Nolz
Real Spring by Skrillex,Bladee
Reflections by D-Sturb
Renaissance by BUNT.,VisionV
Rumble by Skrillex,Fred again..,Flowdan
Satisfaction by Warface
SAXORiDDiM by GRiZ
Selecta by Skrillex,BEAM
Selfish Soul - ODESZA Remix by Sudan Archives,ODESZA
Shellshock - Edit by G Jones,Eprom,Koreless
SKYLIT by ISOxo
Slappy Slap by Moody Good
Slices by Nitepunk
Snickerz by Daily Bread
Solace of the Red Giant by KOAN Sound
Stacks by Juelz,24hrs
STARsound by ISOxo,fussy
Staycation by Vorso
Still Here (with the ones that I came with) by Skrillex,Porter Robinson,Bibi Bourelly
Story by D-Sturb
Sunsleeper by Barry Can't Swim
Supersonic by Griz
TAKE IT OFF by FISHER,Aatig
Taste The Blade by Warface
Tears by Skrillex,Joker,Sleepnet
Tell Me by James Blake
Temple of Fervor by KOAN Sound
ten by Fred again..,Jozzy,Jim Legxacy
The Blade by IMANU
The Stars Are Tumbling Out Of The Sky by Phuture Noize
TOOL OF DELIRIUM by MARAUDA
Total by Feed Me
Troubles by Mersiv,Heyz
Venezia by AKKI (DE)
Via Infinita - Marsh Extended Remix by Estiva,Marsh
Voices In My Head by Skeler
Voices of Dissent by KOAN Sound
Vois sur ton chemin - Techno Mix by BENNETT
VOLVER by Tainy,Skrillex,Four Tet,Rauw Alejandro
Walk Thru Water by Overmono,St. Panther
WALL OF TOZA by Rebelion,TOZA,Sovereign King
We Came To Move by Griz
Where You Are by John Summit,Hayla
Wobble Whispers by Ganja White Night
XENA by Skrillex,Nai Barghouti
You Got Me by Peekaboo, Bill Lucas
Zoom In by Lab Group,Potions,tiedye ky
​
I hope you enjoy the list!:D Have any songs that you feel should be up there? Please hit me with some recs! Always looking for rad new tunes.
​
Playlist: Link

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/mysteryman403
Breaking Bad: methaniel
Originally posted to Aquariums Edmonton UnethicalLifeProTips AmItheAsshole confession relationship_advice Horses tifu careerguidance Marathon_Training FrenchForeignLegion methhorseguy DecidingToBeBetter BreakUps Seattle
Thanks to u/czechtheboxes & u/amireallyreal for suggesting this BoRU
Special thanks to the mods at FrenchForeignLegion for recovering the post
EDITORS NOTE: methhorseguy is dedicated to this individual
TRIGGER WARNING: drug use, theft, harassment, body shaming, age gap relationship, animal abuse
My Harleyquinn Rasboras hide everytime I walk in the room now… why? They didnt for the first 2 months and now it’s like they aren’t even in my tank. Sept 28, 2021
Picture of the tank
Putting this here as the same tank is spoken about 3 years later.
AITAH for eating an entire chocolate cake to help my niece lose weight? - rareddit Nov 22, 2023
I will try to make this as quick as possible.
Me and my girlfriend had her sister and niece over for her nieces birthday. It was a great time, and since it was a birthday we got my niece birthday cake.
Here is where the dilemma comes in. My niece is quite a chunky toddler, so I didn’t think chocolate cake was the best idea (I suggested fruit cake) but we got chocolate cake anyhow. She loved the cake on her birthday but they forgot to take it with them so they ended up leaving it at our place. My girlfriend told me to only have one piece but to leave the rest for her sister. Since I don’t want her niece to be so chunky, I thought we were doing her a disfavour by giving the cake back. After two days my girlfriend was going to drop the cake off after she got home from work, but I decided I had a better idea that would help everyone. I ate the entire cake before my girlfriend could get home so that our niece wouldn’t be able to have anymore of it and gain weight.
Does that sound like a dick move? Yes. Was it done unselfishly and for the good of my niece? Yes. I didn’t want to eat that entire cake because I am overweight myself but I unselfishly ate it all so my niece could lose weight. My girlfriend got really really pissed at me and told me I am a selfish pig, which is funny because I was actually being the exact opposite. I also got zero sympathy when I was basically sick the rest of the night with a huge stomach ache, she said I deserved it.
Am I being the asshole? Or is my girlfriend being a complete asshole by supporting her niece getting fat?
Before you answer, please try to actually think of the big picture here. I am not fat phobic and I am not selfish, I did this out of the good of my heart.
EDIT: so I see some comments are saying that the birthday cake wasn’t just for my girlfriends neice, but it was also for her parents. Her mother is also quite overweight so I actually helped TWO people by eating the cake, not just one.
Keep in mind the big picture before you comment
VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED
TOP COMMENTS
Sorry-Spite9634

YTA

OOP

How are you going to say this and not even give a reasoning why.

Sorry-Spite9634

Plenty of other people already have. She’s a toddler.

OOP

So it’s okay to be really fat if you’re a toddler? You’re going down a dangerous road

~
DevelopmentPlus1748

How did you eat an entire chocolate cake, maybe it was good for your niece but that was definitely not good for you 😭

OOP

THANK YOU!! Finally someone sees how unselfish I was in this scenario. I DIDNT EVEN ENJOY EATING THE WHOLE CAKE (I enjoyed the first piece or two but after that it was way too much chocolate.)
I did this for my niece and YES, it was a sacrifice

Did a very regrettable trick on a pregnant woman back when I was an addict Nov 26, 2023
Okay so before I start this story, let me just say I used to be addicted to heroin, meth, and Xanax. Now the only thing I’ll do is drink, smoke weed and occasionally do coke on weekends or when my favourite football team is playing, but I do have my life together and have a enough of a salary to live happily.
Ok, on to the story at hand. I was addicted to heroin at the time and quite broke, and starting to feel withdrawals come. When heroine withdrawals start happening, you will literally do ANYTHING to get your hands on something that will make them stop. Having no job at the time nor any friends to steal off of at the time, my hands were pretty tied on how I could get some (and I refuse to do fentanyl). Here is where I got creative.
I go into a Denny’s and steal a salt shaker off of one of the tables. I split the salt into bags resembling 8 balls and twist them up. Since I wasn’t a dealer, I didn’t have anybody to rip off but I did know a pregnant junkie, and she had trouble acquiring drugs consistently because apparently her regular dealers didn’t like selling to her while she was so pregnant.
I get into contact with her, and tell her I have a few 8balls of coke. We meet up, and to my delight she tells me she wants to buy my entire supply so she won’t run out anytime soon, and because she has had so much trouble buying drugs lately. The part that I feel really really guilty about is that she pawned off a stroller given to her by family members in a baby shower, to get enough money for this purchase. Since I was experiencing heavy withdrawals at this point and she was offering me hundreds of dollars, I grabbed the money and ran out of there as fast as I could before she realized it was salt in those bags.
I feel absolutely awful about her pawning things meant for her baby to get the fake drugs I was selling, but this was a long time ago.
Another confession is that half of me also feels good about this because I wasted her money on fake drugs, Probably preventing her from getting real drugs that could harm her baby. This wasn’t done unselfishly but I went up a few hundred dollars while also preventing a baby from harm so there is a positive side to it.
Like I said I think drugs are absolutely terrible for you and people should never try them in the first place. Junkies might be very nice people but when you’re addicted you turn into a monster to get what you want.
Curious about getting my girlfriend a horse, and what it would entail (responsibility and costs) Jan 30, 2024
Hello everybody, I am a 33 year old male and I am looking to get my girlfriend a horse for her birthday.
I have some questions that I thought you guys might be able to answer like how much would a cheap horse cost? How much space would it need at a minimum?
For owners who own a single horse, what are the yearly costs generally?
Any advice for a first time horse owner?? All comments are welcome!!
Can I pay for a horse with credit card until I get enough money?
P.S. I would help take care of my girlfriends horse while she graduates from university (so for the next 3-4 years) but after she has more free time, I would like her to take care of it. It’s going to be staying on my parents ranch until she graduates and then I am hoping to buy our own property where the horse can live. I am just a little worried about how much responsibility it is, because my girlfriend is basically 19 and hasn’t had this much responsibility before.
Nothing is a sure thing but I just want to see what the other horse owners think about it. She will be the happiest girl in the world :)
TOP COMMENTS
Squirrel_Girl88

Considering based on your post history you do meth, I don’t think adding a huge financial burden ($1,000 a month minimum) is a great idea. Surprise pets are bad, surprise horses are worse.

OOP

No no I don’t anymore. I used to be an addict but I overcame that, I’m a lot more responsible Now

greeneyes826

Uh....not as of 13 days ago? No judgement from me as I'm not you but you can't be a former addict and still actively using.

OOP

I used to be a full blown addict but Now I use occasionally , and have complete control of it so I didn’t consider myself an addict, just a habitual user

~
asyouwissssh

33 and 19? :/

OOP

Turning 19 but yes

~
CheesecakePony

I feel like the only answer you're going to take is "wait for harvest season, we're headed into another drought so hay prices are gonna spike and the auctions are going to be flooded with cheap horses that no one can afford to feed, just go bid until you win one in budget" but literally every word of this post is terrible lol don't buy this child a massive financial liability while she's in school my god

OOP

Well I’ll help out with expenses

Scared-Accountant288

7 to 10k a year. More if you have emergency vet bills.

OOP

Damn that’s a lot honestly

Scared-Accountant288

Thats average.

OOP

Way more than I can afford at the moment. I need a below average coating horse

Hostile work environment from my co-workers and my boss. Can’t stop making jokes at my expense, about my relationship. How do I proceed? Jan 30, 2024
Hello everybody,
I’m a 33 year old working at a blue collar job, with a pretty large crew. Anyways we get along fine but recently my girlfriend came to pick me up, and she’s really mature but turning 19 in less than a month so we have a decent age gap.
Ever since that day, I have been getting berated with insults and jokes, some of them completely lacking humor, and just being insulting. It’s gotten to the point now where my boss is even making jokes about it, calling me a cradle robber in front of the crew.
It’s funny cause most of these guys seem to be projecting their insecurities on me, and are jealous of the amazing relationship I have.
Anwyays, I’m literally getting insulted CONSTANTLY, including the boss, so I was wondering how much I can sue them for? Am I able to sue them for a hostile work environment? If everyone in the workplace was making fun of a guy who was dating a morbidly obese woman, I feel like he’d have grounds to sue.
Can someone please help me out with this dilemma? My girlfriend doesn’t even want to pick me up after school anymore because of how negatively these guys reacted.. I’m so sick of being judged for finding true love. I want compensation from my workplace.
TOP COMMENTS
OOP

They’re making fun of me because they’re not in my position. I bet 98% of them would date her if they could because she’s that wonderful. They’re the gross ones, Making inappropriate comments about a 19 year old , like who raised them?!?!

insicknessorinflames

They're making inappropriate comments about an 18 year old. you're the one sle- 🤢sleeping w- 🤮 her and attempting to buy her a horse to guilt trip her into staying with a meth addicted predator nearly 2x her age throughout college. "Stay with me or you won't see the horse again!" you think you're real clever though huh

~
Venvut

When she picks you up after school 😳

Strong-Bottle-4161

He meant college, but I too chuckled at this remark.

Personal stories about Edmonton work culture? Feb 4, 2024
Hello everybody, I have been under a lot of harrassment at work lately and It’s gotten so bad I am debating moving cities. Before I move, I want to see if this is anecdotal or if work culture in Edmonton is toxic?
I work blue collar and I hate to say it but a lot of my co-workers are way too mean for me to handle. I don’t know if it’s because I make them look bad at work by being so good at my job or if it is because they are jealous about my relationship but they are some of the worst people I’ve met.
Would I have better luck finding a corporate job? how is the corporate business world in Edmonton?
How are the science jobs?
Please give some insight into what type of job you work and how the work culture is in that industry. I’m pretty much a jack of trades so I don’t care what industry you are in, all stories and opinions will be beneficial :)
All answers and feedback are appreciated, I would love to stay here in Edmonton to be with my girlfriend but I would need to find a new job! Any advice is welcome.
Very interested in moving to Seattle Feb 4, 2024
Hello everybody, I (33M) am very interested in moving to Seattle. I live in Edmonton right now but I have had some issues with workplace harassment and it looks like I need a change of scenery. I am blessed to have dual citizenship between America and Canada so a visa is not really a problem.
My first question is cost of living? If I were to rent a one bedroom apartment in a cheap neighborhood close to a bus station, can someone give me a rough estimate of how much costs?
What is the night life culture like? Are things open late? Edmonton closes down pretty early for such a large city. I enjoy partying but I also enjoy staying in, mostly depends on what my girlfriend wants to do :)
How is the weather, I know it’s warmer than edmonton for sure but is it sunny? Or extremely cloudy?
What’s the BEST advantage to living in seattle? I would like some local perspectives.
Also, is meth legal in Seattle? My friend told me it was but I want to have this confirmed by an actual local, and is it good quality?
All answers and feedback are appreciated!! Thank you
It was my girlfriends birthday a few days ago and we got into a huge fight. She hasn’t texted or called me since. Feb 11, 2024
I (33M) got in a huge fight with my girlfriend (F19) on her birthday. I am scared she wont take me back.
It was my girlfriends birthday a few days ago, and she wasn’t happy with what I had planned so she left to hangout with her friends.
Let me repeat that. My girlfriend left her BOYFRIEND on her birthday, to go hangout with friends because she didn’t like what I had planned for her. The Edmonton Oilers were on a 16 game winning streak and my buddy had two extra tickets. Not only would have it been a fun time, it was also a cheaper option for me because I am having trouble at work, and basically don’t have a job anymore.
My girlfriend gets home from classes with dinner and then I tell her Happy Birthday, and give her literal roses for her birthday. I give her the two tickets (lower bowl) as her birthday present and I tell her to eat and get dressed quick so we can get to the game early.
She was livid with that idea, screamed how she doesn’t even like hockey (which is a lie because we’ve been to like 6 hockey games together) and left the house without even eating any dinner or taking her roses.
I have her location so I checked where she was going and she ended up at her MALE friends dorm.
I blew the hell up and sent her a really angry text, and then didn’t even wait for her and went to the game with my friends without her. If she wants to act like that, then fine, but I’m not going to let it ruin MY day.
She hasn’t responded to any of my texts or calls, stopped sharing her location with me and I am getting concerned I might have sent a bit TOO angry of a text. But I was also in the right, because how spoiled do you have to be to yell at someone for getting them a present?
Please give me advice on what I can say or do to her to make her forgive me, I just want my baby back. Should I apologize?
P.S. IMPORTANT! I didn’t even have the chance to tell her that I’m also getting her a pet HORSE for her birthday, that’s literally all hers, but I just need more time to buy and figure out the logistics. Is she being spoiled or am I being inconsiderate?
Debating joining the French legion but don’t want to start out as a private. Feb 15, 2024
Debating joining the armed forces but concerned about starting as a private.
Hello everybody,
Recent life events out of my control have left me without a girlfriend and a job. My friend suggested I join the army because it’s a fulfilling job, has a good pay, and has continued benefits after I’m done serving.
This all sounds great, and I would do well with a military environment with strict rules and high fitness level requirements.
I have two questions though. Do I really have to start at the lowest rank? Or will there be IQ tests done on new recruits that put ‘brighter’ individuals into higher ranking positions off the bat? or Can I just outright join an elite unit like the special forces or paratroopers?
I would love to serve for the Canadian military and risk my life for the country, while also taking many lives that threaten what our country stands for but we are not in combat right now. I have low empathy so it wouldn’t be a problem for me.
What will the pay be like for a General? or for serving as a commander in the special forces?
Thank you! All advise is appreciate.
P.S. do they make accommodations for night owls? I don’t love waking up early but I CAN, I would just prefer to be a unit involved more in evening and night activities.
TOP COMMENTS
ZZZTOW16

This sub is just a gift that keeps on giving, talking about special forces and high iq when you’re on another sub talking about smoking meth 🤣

OOP

I used to smoke it 10 years ago but I’m not an addict anymore. An ‘ex-addict’ persay

~
PointNo281

They will be more than happy to accomodate night owls like yourself! just let your caporal know that you enjoy to work at night,they will be more than happy to make the wishes of a« bright »individual like your self come true! 👍

OOP

Thank you for the helpful, positive response! I appreciate it. Have you served before? Can you put in a good word for me

Profesional_Chair28

You know they’re joking, right?

OOP

Omg. That guys a complete dick

~
Inevitable_Top_1741

La troll très bien

OOP

English please? I don’t know any other language. I’m not from Quebec

amayagab

And you want to join the French Foreign Legion?
I love this site

TIFU by telling a kijiji buyer that my beats don’t have any anti-theft software in them, while he was ‘inspecting’ them. Feb 17, 2024
A potential Kijiji ‘buyer’ ran off with my $300 Headphone Beats…
First of all, this happened a week ago, it wasn’t today, but the more I think of what happened the more I realized how bad I fucked up…
Worst week of my life. Lost my job, got dumped, and then this.
I have been selling stuff online to make money and I posted a pair of my noise cancelling Dre Beats headphones, cause lately I’ve been selling things on Kijiji for money for groceries and such.
A potential buyer messages saying he wants them and we plan to meet up outside of a convenient store. I meet him there and it’s a group of teenagers, anywhere from 13-15, all hanging around (which I now realize they were just watching what was about to unfold). We confirm with eachother that we are there from kijiji and he asks if he can see them before he buys it.
I bring them out and hand it over to him to check and he says “Oh wow these are really good quality! Do they have any special features like “find my headphones” in case someone were to steal them from me?” And I stupidly respond with “Nahh nothing like that. The only ‘features’ it really has is noise cancelling and Bluetooth" and then this kid puts on a shit eating grin and says “Good.” Then sprints off in the other direction. As he does this, the other kids were obviously in on it as they all ran away on cue, giggling the entire time.
That was my weeks grocery money running off in the hands of douchey teenagers, wearing NELK hoodies. WHILE LAUGHING! Little shits.
P.S. I Didn’t chase them obviously cause it’s like 3 vs 1 if I were to catch up to them.
TLDR; I let a potential kijiji buyer inspect my headphones and while he was holding them, he asked if there was any anti theft software and I said no, resulting in him running off with them.
My roommate abuses his fish so I clean the tank while he’s at work Feb 19, 2024
My roommate has a fish tank and he only cleans it like once a month or even 2 months.. I’ve been thinking of calling some sort of tip line to report him. Anyways I couldn’t stand it so I cleaned it myself while he was at work.
4 pictures of the tank at different angles
TOP COMMENTS FROM OOP

He literally changes the water like once a month or two. Are you kidding, I’m not gonna just sit here and let the fish die…
I only touched it once up until this moment. I just basically emptied the water to the bottom, poured in completely clean water and scrubbed the sides. The water was so murky at first, that’s why I basically replaced all of it.
Don’t worry, I’ve changed fish tanks before

&
lilcycle

Did you use water conditioner???? Don't fucking touch his tank again.

OOP

Yeah I used water conditioner. I just poured it in but I know around how much to give it cause I replaced most of the water.
And I cleaned the tank yet you’re telling me to not touch it again?? Are you joking or not cause w.t.f

Ready-Brother-5273

You didn’t measure it??? Chlorine is amazing at killing fish, that combined with a FULL water change may have just killed his fish so great job ❤️

OOP

so you’re saying I killed all his fish? Yet they’re swimming perfectly fine In front of me right now. You realize you’re gas lighting right now, right?

How does someone practice Stoicism after a huge mistake? I accidentally killed all of my roommates fish by cleaning his tank Feb 21, 2024
I’ll give a quick recap cause the story doesn’t matter much, but my roommate never cleaned his fish tank and I felt really bad for the fish. When he was gone at work, I cleaned the entire tank for him and really made it look spic and span. Anyways, 2 days later and almost every fish in his aquarium has died for some reason.
He’s emotionally destroyed and PISSED at me. I am feeling extreme amounts of guilt and I feel partly responsible because of the timing of all their deaths…. Even though I know it wasn’t me, it still might have had something to do with me cleaning it. Like almost every single fish died 2 days after I cleaned it… but it could still be a coincidence.
Anyways how do I practice stoicism in a time like this? I feel sick to my stomach, I’m racked with empathy and guilt. I want to practice and show stoicism since I consider myself quite the stoic, but it also feels heartless?
I might have just decimated my roommates aquarium by accident and I don’t show emotion? That doesn’t seem right. Is it right for me To outwardly show my sadness, so my roommate sees I care?
I am usually very even keel and play all my cards close to my chest but my roomate is so devestated, he’s been crying all day and I want to show him I care, while also still practicing stoicism.
Please give me guidance in this situation, my rooommate is really really upset and I want him to see that I did something nice for him, and it was just an unfortunate accident, and there’s no proof it was actually me. Like it’s been 2 days since I cleaned it, wouldn’t they have died instantly? He might have had some sort of disease in his tank already from never cleaning it.
I don’t want to be seen as heartless by being stoic, I want to be there for my grieving roommate. I’m so conflicted…
How to find potential roommates in Edmonton? Feb 18, 2024
Hello everyone,
I am probably moving out of my place or my roommate will be leaving so I was just wondering what website I use to find potential roommates? Facebook Reddit Instagram?
Just curious where I go to find a new roommate preferably within the city limits Becuase I don’t have a car. I am sure there is some sort of website out there for Edmonton roommates…
P.S. I am 33, male and I am a good roommate. My maximum would be 3 others in the same house because too many guys just gets confrontational.
Roommate has gaslit my landlord into now renewing my lease, leaving me homeless in 8 weeks. Feb 26, 2024
Roommate gaslit my landlord to not renew my lease, leaving me homeless in 8 weeks time.
My roommate is the biggest dick on earth. I have been living in this basement suite first and he moved in AFTER me. He broke my toe with a weight left by the door(I suspect intentionally) and in addition to that, he’s been intentionally rubbing it in my face that my girlfriend dumped me. (even though we’re just in a fight. She’s never even told me that we actually broke up.)
Now he’s gone too far. He lied and told the landlord that I had smoked meth inside of the house, and along with a few other things, she notified me today that she would not be renewing my contract. So I have to leave by the end of April. He’s been a dick to me for no reason and it’s only been getting worse. I’ll give him credit, he’s a little snot nosed 22 year old prick who thinks he’s smarter and better than everyone, but he drinks beer like everyday and he gets terrible grades.
I have 8 weeks left and Im sadistic enough that I can play the diabolical long game (like seducing his girlfriend and then laying with her, before I leave) but I would rather get him evicted and for me to renew my lease than play mind games with the poor sap.
Please give me any ideas on how I could tell the landlord the real story and maybe get him evicted instead ? It’s so crazy to me that the landlord is just taking his word for it, when he’s got no proof! But at the same time, she isn’t required to renew my lease so she is technically not breaking the law. Is he not technically committing defamation? Or slander?
He‘s a psychopathic manipulator, that will use everyone around him like pawns. He used the fact that I used to be an addict over 10 years ago as a way to gaslight the landlord into thinking I smoked meth in the house. I will get my revenge if it’s the last thing I do on Gods Green Earth.
P.S. If you feel bad for my roommate, DON’T. I cleaned his fish tank and he used that as a reason to tell the landlord that I apparently ‘damaged his property.’ When I have literally evidence that I did nothing but clean it. I took before and after pictures and honestly he wouldn’t want me sharing them because the fish tank looked like a disgusting cesspool until I got my hands on it.
It’s all your fault. Feb 29, 2024
Im a honey bee, and you’re a newly sprouted plant. I’m the first bug to enter you, to trust your pedal-ly embrace… we fit eachother like a pea-in-pod.
And then your mask falls off. You’re not just an innocent plant, you’re a fucking Venus Fly trap. You snap your jaws shut and trap me… treat me like shit.. eat me alive until I’m hanging by a thread.
Then you spit me out and leave me to die at my lowest point. I’m a honey bee with two broken wings and no honey. Rock bottom.
You keep growing towards the blue sky as I lie there betrayed, broken. I was the first thing on Gods green earth to treat you right and you used me as a stepping stone to grow higher.
F@&! you, you heartless c@!&, you just lost the best thing that ever happened to you. I was perfect to you, and I deserve so much better. I’m a honey bee that deserves his perfect Tulip, not a disgusting, wretched Venus Fly trap.
Going to be running across Canada to raise money for charity. How to best prepare? March 1, 2024
Best way to get in shape for an across country marathon?
Hello everybody, I am planning on running across Canada sometime next month to raise money for trans awareness.
The problem is, I’m not in great shape at the moment but I used to be a high level basketball player and also ran cross country in highschool.
What’s the fastest way I can get back into shape to prepare me for this heroic feat?
Should I run long distances everyday or should I try to workout legs at the gym and build muscle? What’s the most important thing to improve on when running long distances everyday? Please help me as time is of the essence everybody ♥️🙏🏻 I’ve already committed to doing it so don’t try to convince me out of it.
(Ex)Girlfriend won’t give my items back that I left at her place. How can I get them back legally? March 3, 2024
My girlfriend left me a few weeks ago, and hasn’t responded to any texts or calls since then. The problem is that i have left multiple expensive items at her place and I need them back, because I am really tight financially.
Yesterday I waited outside her dorms all day until I finally ran into her outside the building and demanded to get my stuff back. First of all, this wasted 10 hours of my day just because she wouldn’t respond to texts or calls.
Even worse, She said absolutely not, because she originally had bought the items for me, but wants to keep them now that we’re ‘over’. She’s claiming that since she paid for them and they were left at my house, they’re hers. It’s extremely frustrating and I need the items, will the police help me get into her dorm and take my items back? Or can I sue her? It’s Not like the items are worth thousands of dollars but the few hundred I could pawn them off for would really help me right now. Usually I wouldn’t care about a few hundred dollars but losing my job weeks ago has put in a desperate position.
She bought the items but gave them to me as gifts for my birthday and our 6 month anniversary. The items include an electric shaver, a nice pair of shoes, a backpack and a pipe.
It’s funny because I bought her an iPad, a VERY expensive promise ring (I’m talking over a thousand dollars) and a $300 makeup bag for our 6 month anniversary but she also refuses to give that back. So wtf is wrong with this person? This is practically stealing. Is there anything I can do legally or do I have to solve this myself?? Please let me know guys I’m in a real tight bind at the moment.
ULPT request: Ate a noticeable amount of my roommates tacos, what is a good strategy or lie to get out of taking responsibility for it? March 6, 2024
My roommate cooked a lot of ground beef for tacos last night, and he had a lot of leftovers. He didn’t offer me any, even though I am struggling to financially buy groceries right now. I am not surprised he didn’t offer me any because we don’t get along, but he could’ve eaten them out of my sight and in his room.
Today when he was gone, I helped myself to a taco because I knew he wouldn’t notice a minuscule amount of ground beef gone. Well problem is that I couldn’t help myself, I haven’t had good food in forever, and I ate another 3 tacos. Now there is like 1/3 of the ground beef left and it’s noticeable.
How can I make up an excuse for the missing ground beef, without coming clean about eating it?
My last resort is going to be to break the fridge shelf, and then telling him that it broke when I was putting milk away and his taco meat fell on the ground then I threw it out while cleaning up. This is a LAST RESORT due to me not wanting to be a dick and break our fridge just to cover up my lie.
What is any good lie, or excuse, or trick I can do to cover up that I ate his tacos? Admitting the truth is NOT an option so don’t suggest ‘saying the truth’. He will be home in about 5-6 hours so please for the love of god give me ideas quick. Thank you 🙏🏾
P.S. do not suggest that I go buy ground beef, cook it and replace it either. I do not have the money to be wasting money on groceries trying to cover up my lie. I would typically never do something like this but I’m extremely down on my luck and my roommate convinced the landlord not to renew my lease so he kind of deserves this, a taco never hurt anybody.
I made up a terrible lie yesterday to get out of a problem. I am going to make an intentional effort to always tell the truth, or at the very least, never tell a lie March 7, 2024
Yesterday I had messed up pretty bad and instead of taking responsibility for it, I made up an awful lie to get out of it. I’ve been feeling absolutely awful about it, and I’ve been racked with guilt.
Why can’t I just take ownership and accept my mistake? Why do I need to make up a lie, and compound my mistakes?
YES, the lie worked and I’m out of the situation scott-free but I need to change my lifestyle, and I need to change it now.
I don’t want to live in a world where people think it’s okay to lie just because it’s easier, that’s so toxic.
How can I work on never telling a lie? I want to take a vow of always telling the truth, or at the very least just keeping my mouth shut if I can’t say the truth.
Please give me advice on how I could hold myself accountable and always be honest? Is there any tricks or do I just ‘decide’ to do it?
I was sent a link to this Reddit community and I just went through it. What I’ve read is horrifying if it reflects the state of our society. March 7, 2024
You guys are disgusting. This is like a pack of vultures, picking at a Great Blue Whale while it’s still alive and swimming. It can’t come up for air because everytime it does, it gets bombarded by the sadistic vultures.
Seriously, what the FUCK. Pardon my language but idgaf right now. You guys made a subreddit to insult me behind my back? And you named it METH-HORSE-GUY? Holy sh*t you’re idiots. I inquired about purchasing a horse for another person, and somehow this is a point of laughter? Don’t even get me started on the comments about meth.
People like you are the reason addicts relapse. I don’t go outside of the gym and yell “FATASS!!” At people walking into the gym. Because I’m a good person, but judging by this sub Reddit there isn’t many people like us left out there.
I’d love to see how bad you guys would look if there was someone Writing down and keeping track of everything you said, and then throwing it back in your face anytime You make a little mistake. Have I been my best self lately? No, I haven’t, but I just got out of a verbally abusive relationship and I’m still trying to get my mind right. Seeing an entire sub Reddit dedicated to making you look bad through paraphrasing and photoshopping doesn’t help a persons mental health.
Have I done meth before? Yes. Have I done it recently? Once or twice, due to the harrassment from people on this platform. I literally tried raising money for Trans Awareness, and I was banned and attacked from all sides. WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE. You cannot be serious right now, what sort of ‘good’ person would do that. I only ended up getting $120 from e-transfer donations before I had to cancel the event because of how many death threats I got for it. I guess transphobia is still alive and well today #VoteLiberalorGreenParty
To address the alt account situation that I’ve seen multiple times. No, I do not run a mysoginistic Alt account. I find that hilarious Becuase one of my life goals is actually to support a woman become a president of The United States of America. That’s how highly I think of women. And honestly I wouldn’t mind if she was bisexual or lesbian so that the LGBTQ+ community could also get some representation in positions of leadership.
There is so many barriers for minorities, the queer community, and for woman. I will devote so much time and effort into tearing those barriers down, I will put my life on the line. Yesterday I committed to never lying again and today I will add on to that commitment, by adding in that I will get clean within the week and I will apply to work for the Liberal Party in Alberta.
I don’t get how you guys see me as the bad guy and you guys as the good guys? This is like a bunch of nerdy highschool girls hating on the popular attractive girl. Look in the mirror people, look in the mirror. I am doing good, what do you guys have to possibly show for it? You’re creating more and more barriers for minorities and woman and it’s sickening.
Last thing I’ll address. Global Radio, Blasmass, and JVNT have followed me into every sub I’ve ever commented in, and have caused drama and reported me to the moderators. Just recently, I got a message from NatureIsFuckingLit that I was permanently banned because of Global Radio. I have the screenshots. Now they are looking into my account for a permanent ban. I hope you 3 are happy, you guys just got a person banned for fighting for trans rights, supporting the environment and promoting woman into positions of power. (That’s right, I’ve been supporting woman behind the scenes without posting about it. Because I didn’t want to be called a hero, or get any praise for it).
I wish my account got banned before I saw this cause after reading all this, i have no faith in humanity. Zero. And I’ve lost motivation to fight for the underdogs. I seriously don’t get how people can be so awful. But then I remember that jesus christ was nailed to a f***** cross and left to die, by other humans. I am in no way shape or form Jesus Christ, as I devotedly follow him, but I am just commenting on the brutality of human nature.
P.S. my name isn’t methaniel. I don’t know if it’s a play on words or if one of you idiots soread a false rumor (which has been done countless times). That reminds me. Whoever has said that they have ‘seen’ my comment saying I met my ex when she was 13 is blatantly lying for attention. I didn’t even meet her until she was 18, let alone woo and then seduce. Falsely accusing someone of such a heinous act makes you guys as bad as false rape accusers. If you were one of those people, grow up a little will you? Maybe get offline and try to do something productive in the real world.
F*** you all, this has been the worst month of my life and this sub Reddit was the cherry on top. Or should I say the nail in the coffin. And I hope you guys realize it’s possible to photoshop comment screenshots. A lot of the stuff I am seeing is completely fabricated and you idiots fall for everything you see.
OOP included 5 pictures
Pic 1. Terry Fox
Pic 2. A Gay Pride Flag
Pic 3. Terry Fox again
Pic 4. A Green Earth
Pic 5. Former U.S. Sec of State and Sen Hillary Clinton
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

I figured I should add another of these, since people seemed to really enjoy the first one.
I also am a total junkie when it comes to sheet masks and toners. I was wondering if anyone might find it beneficial to share some of the masks I have loved and toners - as well as what they’re good for. Would that be helpful to anyone?
Anyway! Here’s more ingredients and what they do! If there are more I can explain let me know!!
Mugwort: to heal wounds and promote cell regeneration, soothe sensitive skin, treat dry skin and acne, rich in antioxidants, which can help to protect the skin from damage caused by free radicals
Squalene: help soften and smooth your skin. Squalane is a powerful emollient, which means it offers skin-smoothing and softening benefits. It is absorbed quickly and easily, without leaving behind an oily residue.
Royal Jelly: effective in the treatment of wounds, and is successfully used in cosmetics for problem skin care
Milk Essence: effectively fade away skin discolorations, dark spots, freckles, uneven skin tone unveiling a smooth brighter glowing complexion
retinol: increases skin cell production (proliferation). It helps unclog pores. Retinol also exfoliates your skin and increases collagen production, which can reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, giving your skin a fresher, plump appearance
glutathione: reduce the production of melanin, which can lead to a more even skin tone and reduce the appearance of dark spots and hyperpigmentation
salycilic acid: treats acne by reducing swelling and redness and unplugging blocked skin pores to allow pimples to shrink
glycolic acid: removing the top layers of dead skin cells. Glycolic acid also seems to help reverse sun damage to the skin. People use glycolic acid for acne, aging skin, dark skin patches on the face, and acne scars
peptide: moisturize skin and help smoothen fine lines and wrinkles
Glycerin: Not only a simple moisturizer but does much more: keeps the skin lipids between our skin cells in a healthy (liquid crystal) state, protects against irritation, helps to restore barrier
Alcohol Denat: controversial because a lot of people don’t like alcohol in their routine but because I have that combination it helps to control the oil especially when I’m trying to target something specific. What it specifically does is it’s a great solvent, penetration enhancer, creates cosmetically elegant, light formulas, great astringent and antimicrobial (note: it will be a lot stronger if it’s listed as one of the first few ingredients in the list on a product)
Alpha-lipoic acid/thiotic acid: The restorative properties of Alpha-Lipoic Acid are excellent for erasing wrinkles and fine lines. ALA deeply penetrates the skin tissue and helps fasten the process of collagen production
Methylpropanediol: can help to attract and retain moisture in the skin, providing hydration and improving skin barrier function.