CHAPTER 9 – ENTROPY
DATE: MARCH 10th, 7 A.U. (AFTER UNIFICATION) LOCATION: SOL SYSTEM, ABOARD UTRN INDOMITABLE WILL
CAPTAIN HENRY O’TOOLE
"Ah, there you are Commander. Your message said there was something you wanted to talk with me about?" Henry asked as his executive officer approached the system map.
“Aye Captain, now's a good a time as any. As you know, the rate of disciplinary incidents has more than tripled in the last two weeks. We've had six fistfights, one near strangling, a few dozen counts of sexual harassment amongst different parties, and a few more incidents of a nature that I would rather not get into for fear of derailing the point of this conversation. I need additional resources to allocate towards ship internal security. With your permission, I'd like to borrow some of our more trusted marines to help the MA's out on their off shifts.” Commander Alvarez asked.
“Yeah, of course, take what you need to nip this in the bud. I can't say I'm entirely surprised; we expected a certain amount of this with the stresses of FTL travel. With everyone cooped up like this, maybe we should brainstorm some new outlets for the crew. Were there any specific incidents I need to get involved with?” Henry replied as he looked up from the list of updates and reports on his own console.
“No, I have it covered. It's just the regs state I need to ask permission to use marines for internal security matters.” The Commander waved it off.
“Excellent, continue to keep me in the loop then. Can I ask you a question?” Henry took the opportunity to ask something that had been bothering him.
“You just did. Hah! Just kidding, put the axe away boy! Now what would you like to know?” He said with a twinkle in his eye.
“I've seen your file, well, the parts that weren’t redacted anyway. If anything, I should be taking your orders! I mean, you're the Space Wolf! Nobody came even close to the number of ships captured or destroyed than you in the early days of the battle for the belt. Why would they want me to be captain when they had someone like you coming along the whole time? Why aren't you a captain anymore? By all right this should be your command, not mine.” Henry asked, after taking one last look around to verify they were still alone around the system map.
Commander Alvarez seemed stunned for a moment before he settled into a more pensive look.
“Listen, son, you're all full of the vigor and high passions of youth. By that I mean you've got a certain fire and aggression in you, yet I've seen you generally keep it balanced by wit and wisdom. You are a perfect match for the job, even if you could use some more real world experience. With some guidance, you'll do just fine, if you can keep strict standards for yourself and crew and a cool head when things get tough."
"I appreciate that, and I will definitely lean on your experience whenever possible. However, you didn't really answer my question... Why aren't you a captain anymore?"
"I... got a lot of damn good men and women killed in an impossible situation when we lost the Michigan-II, and I never truly got over it. No amount of medals, captured enemy ships, or the fact that I've saved many more lives than I lost can make up for that. I finally found peace with that, but that peace required that I relieve myself of any chance of future command. My legacy, for better or worse, is set in stone. Joining this expedition gives me another chance at adjusting the scales without breaking my former vows, even if the only people who will ever know it are here on the voyage with us.”
“So, you claim you have no aims or desires for leadership, but here you are a mere heartbeat away from it.” Henry said, carefully studying his executive officer's every reaction.
“My time for glory is mostly gone, yours is at your feet before you. To the world, I am retired in comfort and isolation. In reality you have me here to help make your will law. You can relax. I already turned down command of this expedition. I was plan A, why do you think they had to scramble to find you? I will take command of this mission only if you are incapable of doing so yourself, Sir. In the meantime, let my experience and whatever wisdom I can offer guide you.”
An emergency alert snapped both of their attention out of their conversation. "There's a fire in one of the officer's cabins?!" Henry’s pulse quickened as he referenced the map to find which one.
“Fuck, it started in Chantal’s room!” Henry said, horrified.
“I've got the CIC under control. Go on and get her out of there, I'll send the cavalry."
“Thank you, Commander.” Henry called back over his shoulder as he rushed for the quick lift.
The officer cabins were the in the very next deck overhead, so he was able to arrive quickly and break into a sprint. The ship shifted as it dodged some antimatter, causing Henry to slip and scramble back to his feet. As he rounded the corner he saw her door was closed and the keypad powered was off. He could hear thumps and muffled screaming from within the room.
"HANG ON CHANTAL, I'M COMING!" Henry shouted in the hope that she could hear him as he pried at the manual override panel.
Two modified Paladin exo-combat armor suits rounded the corner seconds later with a hospitalman trailing behind pushing a medical cart.
"WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE, SIR." A speaker-amplified voice spoke from behind him.
One of the Paladin suits accessed the manual control override and forced the door open enough for the other suit to reach in and pry it the rest of the way open as smoke plumed into the corridor. The second suit charged into the room with its flood lights on as a water cannon mounted on the right wrist sprayed flame retardant from a pack on its back. The first suit abandoned the door control and entered, emerging moments later with Chantal awake and coughing from inside the darkened door frame. She was quickly ushered into cleaner air, set gently down, wrapped in a blanket, and was quickly attended to by a hospitalman who began to check her vitals.
Relief flooded Henry’s mind as his adrenaline surge broke against the wall of worry he had built up during his mad dash from the CIC.
“Baby you came for me! I thought I was going to die in there." She pulled him into a tight embrace as she wept in cathartic release.
"Of course I did! I couldn't stand to lose you, especially not over something like this. So, what the hell happened in there?"
"Well you know me, I was all burning the midnight oil and then I smelled smoke! Then there were some sparks, the outlet pops then whoosh! My computer station and my desk are all ablaze along with half my notes, then the damned door wouldn't work! I had to drop to the floor under the smoke and pound on the door in hopes that someone would hear me. God, it was horrible... I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life." She replied with a deep shudder.
"You're safe now, it's going to be alright."
"I know, but what about my work?" She replied with a forlorn look back at her smoke damaged room.
"What about your work?"
"As you know, I lost a ton of it just now, but what’s worse is I don't even have the ability to recover them! Remember how I lost my backup drive last week? Like, I know I packed it and it is not here anywhere! It’s like some sick cosmic joke on me or something. Sorry! Gotta keep it positive, girl! I get to rethink my last few weeks’ worth of work from scratch... that was almost positive! I probably have most of this recoverable from email sent box backups. Fuck, what do you do if there's no good silver lining?” Chantal bemoaned.
Henry couldn’t help himself but laugh for a second, while his girlfriend stared at him, waiting for a response.
“I’m sorry, is this funny to you or something?”
“No, no of course not. This might be one of those times where the only silver lining is that you're alive. Plus, if anyone can remember and rebuild their notes, you can." Henry smiled down at her.
“Fine, fine, at least I am alive. I was only breathing smoke for a few seconds after all.” She said, rolling her eyes. “Thank you for rushing down here right away anyway, it means a lot. You're amazing, you know.”
Henry smiled, slightly uncomfortable for a moment, so he changed the subject.
“I do my best... Anyway, it seems like these electrical issues seem to be getting worse instead of better. Whatever patch these clowns have slapped on my ship to get her to pass inspection is clearly coming undone. What do you think is going on here?” Henry asked in mild exasperation.
“Honestly, I can’t tell you without digging into the systems myself, which I would rather avoid. My plate is full enough as it is right now, especially having to reproduce so much of my own work now. This ship has kilometers of power cables running throughout it, after all, and you have an entire loyal, capable team down there in electrical, so it should only be a matter of time before they sort it out for you. Let them do their jobs without harassing them too much, please?”
Henry felt a little irked at her for not giving him credit to know not to go overboard, but he stowed it, seeing as she ultimately was right.
“The crew has been under a lot of stress, too, between the technical issues with the lights going out, losing power to workstations, or the constant antimatter threat. More than a few people have tried to convince me to turn us around and return to S33 for a more in-depth refit and repair cycle before we try the mission again. So far, everyone has accepted the fact that we are continuing the mission without much argument, but I fear what may happen if these issues are seen as getting worse. Our orders are clear, though, we must continue the journey.” Henry said, uncomfortable with the implications, even if he didn't dare voice it.
“You should get on the Q-Comm to report the fire to S33. Maybe they will order us back to base after this.” She offered, looking for a solution to an impossible problem.
“Good idea, at least the Q-Comm is still working. It’s incredible to me those particles maintained their entanglement once we passed through the baryonic barrier. That alone has been a huge morale boost, being able to contact home base with no time lag.” Henry replied.
“It’s incredible to you because you only have a basic grasp of the science, hon. But that’s alright, very few people truly understand it. That’s in part what you have me here for anyway. Einstein called the effect spooky action from a distance; I always liked that line.”
Henry ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Chantal, with a shake of his head and a smile.
“Listen, Henry, I just had a crazy stressful experience and I need to unwind. Plus, I haven’t slept in almost a day, so I am bone tired. Let’s go to bed, huh? What do you say doc, am I clear to go?” Chantal asked.
The hospitalman closed her eyes and shook her head before responding. "Yes, you are cleared to rest, and only to rest, do you understand me?"
Chantal mouthed a thank you before she took Henry by the hand and led him off to the captain’s quarters. Henry felt no desire to fight it, nor flaw with her reasoning. Sleep sounded good, really good. Plus, he was about an hour from the start of his sleep shift anyway, and Alvarez had the CIC well covered. The lights flickered again, but Henry very purposefully ignored it.
“Hey, since we have a little time and we are both a little wound up, Why don’t we take a shower together real quick?” She said with genuine enthusiasm and a wink.
“Madam, I like the way you think.” The couple raced just a bit faster than regulations would have liked, and arrived at his door in record speed.
Inside the room they fell upon each other in great passion and need, stripping each other out of their BDU’s and underclothes. Henry tossed a giggling Chantal onto the bed, and proceeded to kiss her neck and nibble on her ear causing her to purr in anticipation before he moved down her chest, past her navel, and then eagerly began to move his kisses in between her thighs.
“Hah…. I haven’t showered. Are you sure? Oooookay! I think…. Hah…. Okay.” She said breathlessly as Henry began to work his tongue until she began to shiver and squirm before she cried out as she melted in his mouth.
“Enough, please, I can’t take it anymore! Just fuck me already!” Chantal pulled herself together enough to beg for it. Henry stood rigid and ready and set himself to granting her request, first slowly, and then with a growing intensity. She once more began to squirm as he paid close attention to her hip’s cues, knowing very well by now what she liked.
As she climaxed again, Henry lifted her from the bed and pushed her up against the wall, and then bent her over his desk for a bit before he could take it no longer and they finished together.
“Holy shit… my legs aren’t gonna work for a bit after that one. Help me up?” Chantal said in between shallow breaths.
“Yes, ma’am. It would be my pleasure.” Henry said as he helped her to her feet and into the shower, staying in longer than was strictly necessary.
Henry left the steam first, once more thankful that his cabin included its own small bathroom, rather than a communal one. Being captain had its perks, after all. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, then handed another to Chantal who gratefully accepted it before it dropped to the ground as she stared straight past him.
“Henry!" She squeaked as she pointed past him.
"What?" Henry asked, confused.
"Henry, someone was in here!”
On their bathroom mirror, wiped from the steam were the words TURN BACK.
Henry's blood ran cold and his adrenaline spiked him into overdrive. He waved Chantal back into the shower and put his finger to his lips. She nodded then wrapped herself in her retrieved towel and dropped to the shower floor with her arms wrapped around her knees, whimpering slightly. Henry moved silently along the wall, watching the visible half of his room for any movement. He then burst round the door frame, only to find everything perfectly, precisely as they had left it. The shock of finding nothing collided with the spike of his adrenaline surge, which only fed his growing unease.
“There’s nobody here!” Henry called out after checking the closet, the only other place someone could have hidden.
“Did you lock the door?” Chantal asked, her mind already working on the mystery.
“I set the security protocol to auto lock every time it closes.”
“Paul. We need to talk to Paul.” Chantal said, squeezing her BDU’s up over her hips with a few hops. Henry pulled on his undershirt before tossing over her bra.
“Why would we want to bring that weasel into this?” Henry asked, incredulous at to how he could possibly help.
“Because he has access to the surveillance tapes, why else?”
Henry stared at Chantal, brimming with rage, trying his hardest to keep it isolated to Paul over the invasion of his privacy.
“Did you just say surveillance tapes!?!” Henry asked in an icy tone. “That does it, I’m going to strangle him.” Henry said, moving with a purpose toward the door.
“Stop. Turn around and give me a kiss. I already disabled the video cameras, at least all the ones I could find. He has audio at best, even that I doubt. What he does have that I want is the data from the motion sensor that he had installed just in case you found the more obvious bugs. Unfortunately, I sabotaged its effectiveness by blocking the sensor with dense foam, but there might be enough of something to give us a clue."
“How in the hell do you know about all of this anyway, and why the hell didn’t you tell me?!” Henry roared.
“This entire enterprise is run by an intelligence agency; how can you not have seen that one coming a mile away? I have gotten very good at catching bugs over the years. Just because I expect the invasion of privacy to be happening, doesn’t mean I have to make it easy on them. Just be happy I already took care of the issue, alright?” She replied firmly while staring him in the eyes with raised eyebrows.
“You’re incredible, I love you.” Henry blurted out before he could catch himself. Chantal beamed and tackled him to the bed sitting on his lap.
“What took you so long? Never mind, don’t answer that. I love you too, man have I wanted to say that one for a while now.”
“You know these things aren’t easy for me. I had to be sure, I also didn’t want to mess anything up. We need to be able to work together even if we had turned out to be a bad couple.” Henry admitted, Chantal made an show as she thought it over, but she then smiled and helped Henry to his feet.
“Alright, my captain. You speak great wisdom. While I have certainly felt, and thoroughly enjoyed, the depths of your passion, it is really nice to hear about it too. I do think it makes it all the better that you rule said passion with reason. It’s just one of the many things I love about you.” She said, laying her hand over his heart.
Henry took her other hand and kissed it before replying. “I think above all, I wanted to make sure that I didn’t take you for granted, nor suffer the same in reverse. A wise woman once gave me some great advice there that I have taken to heart.”
“Okay, Romeo, maybe you have a better handle on these things than you think. Now… Let’s go interrogate Paul.” Chantal had a fire in her eyes that Henry was loving very much at that moment.
“I have wanted to turn the screws on that spook for a while now.” Henry smiled as he spoke, and he opened up the connection to the ship’s intranet through his neural implant to send a message.
MEET ME IN YOUR QUARTERS IN 5 MINUTES FOR A DISCUSSION OF CRITICAL IMPORTANCE – CPT. O'TOOLE
“That ought to get him there and alone.” Henry smirked. “Let’s go.”
Together, they made their way to Paul’s equivalent-sized quarters, which he had somehow secured for himself in the ship design to help facilitate his role as the official thorn in Henry’s paw. I guess being the captain’s handler has its perks as well. Henry’s eye twitched at the corner.
After making them wait far too long, Paul opened the door and gesturing them inside. The door closed and Paul turned towards them, narrowing his eyes, studying them both.
“Is this about the fire?” Paul asked before Henry punched the weasel right in the diaphragm, forcing him to gasp for air. The look of shock on his face as he bent forwards was priceless.
“What the fuck, Henry!?” Paul managed to choke out after a minute between gasps.
“Relax, I didn’t do any permanent damage, yet.” Henry said, Paul for just a second showed actual fear in his eyes before he sneered in defiance. “Oh? That got your attention, did it? Why were you spying on me?” Henry growled.
Paul closed his eyes, dropped his head, and began to laugh before Henry grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into the wall. Foolishly, Paul even then kept laughing amidst the gasping. So Henry squeezed until Paul started slapping his arm, looking genuine fear once more growing across his face.
“Orders… I was following orders!” Paul managed to say amidst gasps and coughs.
“I thought it might be something like that. You're going to open up those files, now, and you're going to show me everything.” Henry said, dropping him to his feet at last.
“Fucking hell, Henry, I thought you of all people would have anticipated this was going to be the case. Do you think the people who made this all possible would simply let you fly around the most dangerous, advanced warship in human history without some insurance?”
“Don’t try and weasel out of your own personal culpability here. You may also want to think back to other people who were “only following orders” while performing acts they knew were wrong before you wave that line around like some get out of jail free card.” The fact that he had nothing to say spoke volumes.
“You should have told me, Paul.” Henry growled.
“That defeats the purpose! Plus, your girlfriend sabotaged them all before we ever left S33 anyway, and once more after! That type of tech doesn’t just grow on trees you know, and I don’t have an unlimited supply. You should be thanking me for covering for her and reporting back like things are normal!” Paul shouted in indignation.
“This is pointless, show me the files from around fifteen minutes ago, motion trackers, thermals, anything you have that's not blocked or sabotaged.” Henry commanded. Paul’s eyes narrowed, but after a long moment he huffed and closed his eyes.
Paul then sat down at his station and fired it up.
“Like I said, I've got practically nothing. No video, muffled audio and readings from what I assume to be a faulty motion sensor, that’s it. What are we looking for?”
“Chantal and I were, well, together. After we got out of the shower we saw that someone had written turn back in the condensation on the bathroom mirror. Only problem? My door auto locks when closed and only opens for my biometrics. That is why all of this even came up in the first place.”
“Motherfucker. That's a whole heap of bad news.” Paul said. Henry merely nodded, paying rather more attention to the screen to see if he could catch Paul in a lie about the extent of the spying.
“There’s nothing. No disturbances in the air that would even remotely resemble human movement between you two getting in the shower and you charging into your bedroom. With the noise of the shower and the distance to the microphone, there is nothing I can discern that is anomalous. You can see it all right here for yourself.”
Henry found himself even more confused and alarmed than before.
“How is that possible? Look again, run through some filters or something. There must be some evidence somewhere!”
“Alright, relax, I will get to work on this and get you a report by the end of C shift. In the meantime, you look like a mess. Get some sleep man! I can take care of it from here. Oh, and I want you to remember that I forgave you quite magnanimously for that little episode back there where you attacked me.” Henry and Chantal gave each other a look as Paul spoke.
“Wasn’t gonna apologize anyway, you had it coming. I’m going to hit the rack. I expect that report to be detailed and ready when I get up.” Henry took Chantal by the hand, and they left together, not waiting for a response.
“What a snake. Did you see him in there? Zero guilt or recognition whatsoever about spying like that. It just makes my skin crawl. Gives me bad memories.” Chantal said, turning pensive and quiet.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Henry asked, seeing that there was something clearly bothering her.
“I… had an uncle that lived with us from time to time and he would spy on me when I was dressing, try and sneak looks in the shower, stuff like that. Never touched me or anyone else that I know of, thank god, but man did it screw me up a bit still. Played havoc with my sense of security and even my sanity, never being quite sure it was real or all in my head. I wish I had said something, but I was afraid everyone would think I was overreacting or imagining it. I saw it in his eyes though, that look of... predatory lust. At least I didn't see anything like that in Paul's eyes. To this day it makes my skin crawl.”
“Good God, I can see how alone you must have felt in the middle of all that.” He squeezed her hand, she smiled up at him.
“Yeah, that was one of the hardest parts. I don’t think Paul is some raging pervert or anything, but it concerns me how normalized it was to him. Even if he isn’t being a creep with it, as if we can take his claims to be covering for me at face value. There is still no way I am going to let him have easy access to intimate videos of us, if I can possibly help it.” Chantal said before adding, “I’ll be all right, don’t worry about me. Let’s just get some sleep.”
Henry put his palm against the biometric scanner outside his room and the door slid open for them. They definitely needed some sleep after the emotional roller coaster of the past few hours, and the irresistible warm embrace of his bed called for him. The Q-Comm report could wait until he woke, he decided.
Better to have the electrical inspection ordered up, too.
I WANT A FULL REPORT AND INSPECTION PERFORMED ON THE ELECTRICAL FIRE IN CHANTAL’S ROOM BY THE START OF A SHIFT. – CAPT. O'TOOLE
Good enough. Henry thought as he sent the message. Now he could sleep. The chief could handle it from there.
MEANWHILE…
DATE : MARCH 10th, 7 A.U. LOCATION: SOL SYSTEM, ABOARD UTRN INDOMITABLE WILL
FIREMAN APPRENTICE SARAH CALLAHAN
It'll be back again tonight...
Sarah’s haunted thoughts repeated like a mantra. She had to be ready, but how? Her skin crawled and itched, the long sleeves of her BDU’s prevented her from being able to do anything about the painful sensation from the inflamed scratches they hid. She blearily rubbed at her sunken eyes, and she drained the rest of her coffee. All the numbers on the screen had started bleeding in together and her eyes hurt horribly, with the throbbing pain in her abdomen only compounding her misery.
“My god, Sarah, you look a wreck, hon. How have you been sleeping?” Yvonne, her shift partner asked, with concern in her voice.
“I have a monster tension headache, I just hope the meds kick in soon. Can you check my math? I need to get out of these white lights for a few minutes. Close my eyes for a bit, something, anything. I've been having nightmares again.” Sarah felt good, being able to admit it, and Yvonne had long since proven her friendship, so it was easier to actually speak.
“Yeah, no prob. As soon as I am done here I will check your readings and we can get out of here. Do you mean nightmares from the invasion?” Yvonne asked, carefully picking her words and tone.
“Kind of the same general themes, but different. Everything is going wrong, like the worst possible outcomes of my worst nightmares are all combining together. Like, it feels actively malicious, I don't know, its hard to explain...” Sarah said, bleakly.
“That’s hard, I am sorry. You need a shower, and an uninterrupted nap. Sleep deprivation plays all kinds of hell on the body and mind. I had a friend who went through an insomniac phase so extreme he would go days without sleeping. Wound up in the hospital after trying to drive to work while hallucinating his dead fiancée was sitting in the passenger seat screaming at him to watch out. Wound up rear-ending the car in front of him. Thank God he lived to tell the tale, but that is why it worries me to see you like this.” Yvonne planted her hand on Sarah’s shoulder as she told the story.
“Yikes, I think I slept like two hours into my sleep shift before I started having the nightmares again, woke up, and passed in and out of some restless sleep. It got really bad around oh three hundred. There were sounds... noises like scratching and a loud bang, and the shadows were moving. I just kept feeling like I was being watched, but everyone else seemed to be having disturbed sleep in their bunks. God, it was a creepy feeling.” Sarah took a moment to compose herself.
“I know how crazy this will sound, maybe that I am sleep deprived and likely hallucinating like your friend, but just hear me out. There was something there Yvonne, in the dark at the edge of perception, I could feel it. I also know I wasn’t the only one tossing and turning either. I could also hear scratchy whispering, too. I just hid, strapped in under the weighted blanket. At some point I slept some more, I must have, but not for what felt like a few stressful and draining hours. I'm just making a total mess of explaining this, aren’t I?”
“No, you're fine, girl! I am sorry that happened, my dorm has been pretty quiet, but I have always slept like a rock. Is there anything I can do?”
“I could use a hug.” Sarah said, which caused Yvonne to laugh, breaking some of the tension. They embraced warmly for a good minute, which did wonders for relieving some of the headache and her black mood.
“Thanks, Yvonne, I know it’s all in my head and it’s a vicious feedback cycle due to lack of quality sleep. Thanks for listening without calling me crazy.“ Sarah said, shying away from the last thing she hadn’t the courage to say.
She didn’t dare mention how she had hidden under the covers as she felt it get near. How she had felt something pushing on the mattress. How as her fear peaked, she herself peeked over the covers to find nothing there just to have the oppressive feeling evaporate along with the sensation of pressure by her feet. Her dorm mates all seemed to stop stirring after that, and only then did the nightmares stop for her that night. By then she was left with barely enough time for one last short sleep cycle before the start of A shift that very morning. This was a secret she would have to keep to herself, nobody would believe her anyway.
“I think I'll ask the Chief for a break from my duties today to rest and to visit med bay. Maybe they can give me something to help catch back up on my sleep.” Sarah said.
“Good idea, can I come with? I’ll back you up.” Yvonne said. Sarah smiled at her friend before she nodded at her before they checked off the last of their duties on site and headed away to find the Chief.

We got all 4 shards on official duo pvp, and the old 3 shards are great, they give 15% extra damage to vampires (both players and draculin).
BUT, the Dracula shard is a tier above everything! Here is what it does
It makes you into a literal final boss
Dracula Shard bonuses:

• Same gearscore and spellpower as normal endgame amulets (but no blood drain reduction)
• 25% MORE damage to vampires (even better than the 15% of the other 3 shards)
• 25% (!!!) increased blood type efficiency (like the pure 100% blood bonus, but AGAIN). You have the purest of the pure bloods, because you are the new Dracula! You can go up to +63% blood type efficiency with this!
• The ultimate makes you invincible for its long duration!
• The ultimate deals tons of damage to many players around you, by shooting blood homing missiles
• The ultimate homing missiles inflict leech and also heal you!
• The passive attack has a chance to inflicts a literal heart strike! (10% chance to inflict a heartstrike that the guy has to dodge now with iframes)
• If any players stay near you at ultimate end, they get blasted by a blood nova

All shards you have to feed by feeding on tier 2 incursion blood bosses, and they recharge 48h of time (the maximum)
If you see the new Dracula roaming the map, beware! But also try to go for it as it is worth getting your hands on it!
Outside raid hours you can also take shards through teleporters if you have no no-teleport items on you. You can't bat form shapeshift with shard on, however.
Shards are amulets you wear now, and you can only have one on you. They don't slow you anymore, and you can't "get a buff" like before, you have to risk the shard to use the shard!
Good luck, vampires.
Become the new final boss!

Hey there, so here's what I'm doing - I started OC and I plan to play with this character through all official campaigns - OC -> SOU -> HOTU and yes I realize I will be vastly overleveled - that is fine, it's part of the journey (kind of recreating what I did like 20 years ago when playing the game for the first time) so I don't mind blasting through the content. Now I'm actually really enjoying the build I'm playing and the idea behind it was to get as many defensive bonuses (like saves, ac, or straight up immunities) without going completely meta. So here's what I'm rolling with:
Half Elf STR14 DEX12 CON 14 WIS 15 INT 10 CHA 12 (I'm typing from memory so I hope I didn't mix it up but it looks fine). First 2 levels into Paladin which combined with half elf gives me immunity to sleep, disease and fear and +4 against enchantment and CHA to saves. Now after this I'm pumping cleric levels for a while and top it up with a couple blackguard levels for additional saves, a stacking bull strength and... well here's where I'm stumped - how many levels of BG should I take. I plan on being mostly melee, self buff but I do want to mix some offensive magic in as well - so far using call lightning for large aoe groups but the idea is to open up with one or two strong spells then charge into melee. I do want to lean into the theme of undeath - so far I'm summoning a Skeleton and buffing it with what I can to fight alongside me and I'd like that to continue. Not using a henchman just focusing on my undead pal.
I kind of regret going 12 dex (I was thinking of going to 13 and taking dodge but I scrapped that) instead of 14 CHA but with eagle splendor and some items I can reach 18-20 CHA anyways which is +8/+10 to all saves in the end which seems strong enough, I'd rather focus on the theme more than power.
Do you guys have any advice? Maybe I should switch something up? Most importantly how many levels of Blackguard to take? I like the idea of casting darkness (does half elf vision allow you to see it or do I need true sight since its a magical effect) and utilizing BGs sneak attack but I do want my offensive cleric spellcasting to not be useless. I realize I'm trying to do everything at the same time but that's kind of the point - I don't need to be the best at anything, sort of like a cleric version of a bard I guess.
Playing on hardcore d&d rules if that matters and took air and knowledge domains since I love lightning and wanted to be self sufficient without using a rogue/bard hench.
The blackguard idea didn't even appear in my head until halfway through act 1, I thought it would be weird that my characters last name is Light of Dawn (yes, I'm still fuckin' edgy even at 35, sue me) and be an evil blackguard but the more I thought about it the more I loved it. Imagine this character walking in introducing herself ad the Light of Dawn before slitting the throat of some random guy that bumped into her before summoning undead and razing the entire village. Its like spitting into Lathander's face. Take that!
Oh right, almost forgot - could you recommend me some higher level modules? Ones I could tackle after I'm done with HotU? Something level 30+ I guess? Or whatever level you end up more or less at the end of that xpac - it's been a while since I last finished it.
edit: all my attributes so far have been going into WIS - I plan on doing this until 20 and then I'm not sure, more WIS or STR instead.

Welcome back to attempting to make Solo into a babyface. Here are some important notes from part 1.
-Smackdown has the men’s MiTB (Andrade holds it)
-Jacob Fatu debut was at Summerslam.
-in the smackdowns leading up to Fastlane, Jacob Fatu and the Tongas turned on Solo
-Jacob Fatu def Solo Sikoa at Fastlane with the help of Zilla Fatu (and sort of Jimmy Uso)
-Jacob Fatu challenged Solo for the position of Tribal Chief, causing Roman Reigns to return.
-Jimmy Uso joins Solo and Roman after hearing Roman is back.
-Jey Uso agreed to return for one fight at Survivor Series
-We sit at the survivor series with the Fatus and the Tongas vs Roman, Solo, and the Usos
On the Smackdown before Survivor Series, Roman and Jacob have a standoff. It was announced that tonight there will be a match between the Usos and Tongas for the advantage in the war games match. Ultimately, a guerrilla warfare hit on Jimmy would end the match, giving the advantage to the new bloodline.
Before we even get to the war games, it's the Rock vs Cody Rhodes for the Universal title, and the match is intense. The Rock goes for a peoples elbow, but is countered. Then he goes for a rock bottom, but is countered into a cross-Rhodes. He hits the first, and goes for a second, and hits that too, and goes for a third, but unlike when he beat Roman at WM40, the Rock is able to get out of it. It’s a brutal fight that goes on for a while. Cody is in a corner, and is thrown on the ground. The Rock goes for his people's elbow again, and is dodged again. Cody looks to dodge the upcoming rock bottom, but the rock expects it, instead hitting Cody in the head and sending him down to the floor. The Rock goes for his third peoples elbow, and lands it this time. 1, 2, 3. The Rock was the champion. Cody Rhodes had lost, giving even more momentum to the new bloodline.
With the team captains and orders set, it was time for the men’s war games match. Roman vs Jacob started it off, and it was clear off the bat Roman hadn’t lost a step. He hit move after move after move on Jacob, but Fatu was resilient. He knew his team had the advantage, and if he waited, his brother would be there soon enough. For the first 5 minutes it’s all Roman Reigns, until Zilla Fatu entered the ring. Even for Roman, 1vs2 monsters was hard. Jacob Fatu looked more insane than ever, and Zilla didn’t look much better. Roman was getting overpowered, and the Fatus were going in on him. But it was time now for the next person to enter. Solo Sikoa was in the match, and instantly went for a big hit on Zilla Fatu. The fight was now back in control for the old bloodline. Solo was beating on Zilla, and Roman was back on top until Jacob. But like before, it was about to get ugly, as now Tama Tonga was in the fight. Tama Tonga went straight for Roman. It was back to Roman getting overrun, and to make matters worse, Zilla had turned the tides against Solo. The old bloodline hoped things could change with the introduction of Jey Uso into the fight, as he went for the quick spear on Tama Tonga, but Tama Tonga was smart, and got out of the way. Now it was Tama beating down Jey, and now Roman was so exhausted it was hard to keep up with Jacob. Things got even worse when Tonga Loa got into the match. It was really bad, especially for Jey Uso, who was now the target of a double team. Eventually, everyone in the new bloodline hit a finisher on the old bloodline, but they couldn’t pin them yet. However, in came Jimmy Uso, and it was now up to him. He looked at Tama Tonga, the man who took his place, and he hit him with a spear, but Tonga Loa didn’t let that slide, hitting his own spear on Jimmy. But now Jey was up, and hit Tonga Loa with his own spear. It was a spearfest, and Roman looked to get involved, going for the spear and pin on Jacob Fatu, but Jacob kicks out at 2. It was the old bloodline in control, except for Solo, who was still getting wrecked by Zilla. However, it was Jimmy who came to save him, and they lock eyes, with Jimmy nodding his head to Solo. The match rages on, and the tides slowly turn back in the favor of the old bloodline. Multiple 2 counts happen with very close calls. Eventually, everyone’s on the ground except Solo and Tama Tonga. The original new bloodline members stared eachother down, and charged. Tama Tonga went for a finisher, but he missed, which opened the door for a Samoan Spike. He goes for it, and hits it, but before he can go down for the pin, Jacob Fatu, who got up after a vicious Roman spear, hits Solo with a spear of his own. 1, 2, 3. The new bloodline were the winners of the war games match. It’s was a nightmare. The new bloodline had both that match and the WWE Universal title. Things looked bad.
As if things weren’t bad enough, Jey Uso kept his word and went right back to Raw, not wanting any more involvement. However, before he did leave, he quickly let Roman know “if my brothers gonna rock wit yall, don’t let him get hurt real bad, aight?” Roman simply nodded.
It’s the smackdown after survivor series, and now it was time to look ahead to the Royal Rumble. But there was an issue about last match. Was Jacob Fatu the new tribal chief? Well, in his eyes, yes, but to almost everyone else, no. Jacob Fatu realized this, and would come out to confront Roman. They eventually decided to settle it all at the Royal Rumble, a main event of the show with Fatu and Reigns fighting for the official title of Tribal Chief. Not much of note besides the typical run ins from the bloodline happen, so we go straight to the Royal Rumble.
If you want a fun fact, the woman’s winner is Zoey Stark, but we aren’t focused on anything until the men’s Royal Rumble match. Not much of note happens until number 13, which has our first main story entrance, Zilla Fatu. He lasts to about 20, and unfortunately, no backup really arrived, and he was out. At 21, out came Jey Uso, and his brother Jimmy followed at 22. Then it felt like everyone involved with the bloodline came. 24 was Tama Tonga, Cody Rhodes was 25, Tonga Loa was 26, and Randy Orton, who’s back for the first time since his injury against Jacob Fatu at 27. Then we get the grace period in it with 28 being Sheamus. However, at 29, we get someone who’s familiar with the bloodline that hasn’t been mentioned up to this point. Sami Zayn. He’s had a very good run and only recently dropped the IC title to Ilja Dragunov at Survivor Series. Then, at 30, it’s none other than Solo Sikoa. Eventually, we’re down to 6. Tama Tonga, the Uso brothers, Solo, Sami, and Carmelo Hayes. Carmelo Hayes had been here since number 7, and was targeted quickly, but he was good. Eventually, Tama Tonga got his hands on Solo, looking for revenge from that Samoan Spike at Survivor series, and is about to take him over. However, this is when the bond between Jimmy and Solo is truly reformed, and Jimmy saves Solo. However, Tama Tonga takes the chance to eliminate Jimmy Uso, and it’s down to 5. Sami Zayn lands a Heluva Kick on Carmelo, and he seems finished, but Tama Tonga is on a rampage, and looks to eliminate him. However, in a move that’s questioned by a lot of fans, Solo Sikoa eliminates himself to also eliminate Tama Tonga. He looks on at Jey Uso, telling him to win. Jey and Sami, who had been together a lot on raw, team up and eventually eliminate Carmelo, meaning it’s Jey Uso vs Sami Zayn. In the end, after some brutal fighting, it’s Jey Uso who wins the Royal Rumble, getting his shot to win back the World Heavyweight Championship he lost at Summerslam.
With that behind, it was time for Jacob Fatu vs Roman Reigns in a normal match, meaning if anyone got involved, it was over. And indeed, someone, specifically the Rock, got involved. The Rock explains that he’s the tribal chief, and that Jacob Fatu has just been his stand-in for the time being with Roman. But now, it was the road to wrestlemania, and the Rock declared he end Roman for good in Las Vegas. The universal title match was on st wrestlemania.
In the weeks leading up to elimination chamber, we begin to find out who’s gonna be in the match, and the very first 2 to get in are Solo Sikoa and Jacob Fatu. They are followed by Randy Orton, LA Knight, Carmelo Hayes, and Tammaso Ciampa, who at this point has broken off from DIY. Then, it’s time for the match. The winner (seemingly) getting a shot the universal title at wrestlemania. It’s expected that the winner will either kick Roman out of the match or make it a 3-way.
The men’s elimination chamber begins with Melo and Ciampa. Sadly for Ciampa, he’s pinned before the next person, Randy Orton, can even come out. Then, it’s move after move as Solo, then Jacob, then LA Knight all exit their pods. Sadly for this story, and great news for Solo, Jacob Fatu is the second out, being target by everyone else in the ring. However, they then turn their eyes to Solo, but before LA Knight can charge, Randy Orton stops him, saying that “Solo changed, even if he’s still an asshole”. That was all LA Knight needed to hit Randy Orton with a BFT, but is unable to get the 3 count, as Solo stopped him. However, he didn’t need to, because off the top rope came Carmelo Hayes, who goes for the p- RKO OUTTA NOWHERE! 1, 2, 3, Carmelo was done. Now down to the final 3, completely out of it, Randy Orton was the next to go, beating by LA Knight. Now it was Solo vs LA Knight, winner goes to wrestlemania. It was close, with so many 2 counts. However, as LA Knight went on the top rope and going for the jump, Solo Sikoa revealed a new version of the Samoan Spike, as he was somehow able to catch LA Knight with an RKO style Samoan Spike, and that was it for LA Knight, with Solo winning.
Now came the big question. What was Solo going to do. Well, to a lot, it was obvious, and it’s was announced that the match for the WWE Undisputed Universal Championship was a triple threat between The Rock, Roman Reigns, and Solo Sikoa.
Over the next few weeks, the new bloodline and old bloodline fueds grew. It was heated, and eventually, the Tongas challenging the Uso brothers to a tag team match for the tag team titles (remember they’re still held by the tongas). One half agrees, but unfortunately, Jey Uso declines. Jimmy Uso needed a tag partner, but was it going to be. Nobody new. Over the weeks, the pecking order became clear to almost everyone when the rock, out of anger, went in on Zilla Fatu for losing a match on Smackdown. Jacob Fatu at first went to bat for his brother, but would eventually also indulge in putting Zilla down. This was the opportunity anyone in the old bloodline was looking for. They wanted a crack in that new bloodline, and they got it. They planted the seeds for Zilla Fatu to turn on the new bloodline, but he wouldn’t do it.
Jacob Fatu was still very clearly angry about Elmination chamber, and every chance he got to attack Solo, he took it. It was back and forth, eventually resulting in a challenge by Jacob Fatu live on stage to Solo, the main event of night one for the chance to fight in the title match against the rock and Roman. However, before Solo could take the match, someone came out to his rescue and offered to take the match himself, none other than the former Universal champ, Cody Rhodes, claiming that this chance shouldn’t be taken from Solo. However, he did have one stipulation for Solo, and that’s if Solo won, Rhodes would get a shot at the title quick. Solo agreed, and Fatu, looking annoyed, also agreed. If Rhodes won, not much would happen, but if Fatu won, the fight would become a fatal four way.
It’s the smackdown before the smackdown before wrestlemania, and tensions are high. There’s a huge argument, and it results in a lot of shouting. It eventually spins to Zilla Fatu, and how he is so young and so raw that he hasn’t matured enough. But that’s when Jimmy makes his move. He tells Zilla “don’t make the same mistake I made a year ago. Do it.” But Zilla didn’t move. Tama Tonga made sure Jimmy Uso knew that he can’t talk like that, but that’s when the big moment happened. Zilla Fatu super kicked Tama Tonga. It was the same thing that happened with the original bloodline. Zilla Fatu had turned, and stood by Jimmy Uso. It was quickly set up that the match for the tag titles would be between Jimmy Uso and Zilla Fatu vs the Tongas. As the camera panned to the crowd at the very end, if you stopped it quickly, you could see Jey Uso, at the top of the stairs, smiling.
It was time for the smackdown before wrestlemania, and again, tensions were so high it was insane. With Zilla turning, everything was crazy. Fights broke out, blood was shed, and it was a huge fight. At the end, the rock declared it was his title, and he would end this entire thing by winning. Roman declared the same thing. Solo, well Solo just stood there. However, little did they know, at the end of the show, there stood LA Knight, Randy Orton, AJ Styles, and Kevin Owens, seemingly looking at someone, and declaring that “the master plan was ready for wrestlemania”.
And that’s where part 2 ends.
There will be a finale part 3 that will probably be shorter than parts 1 and 2.
Hope you all enjoyed

In the game Re Zero: Lost in Memories that's now shut down, their used to be a Melancholy if that starts from arc 3.
And unlike the other if routes Subaru has forbid himself of using RBD because of Rem's last words; "Please... live."
The author stated that this was supposed to be April Fools story too but because of unexpected schedule delay he's putting it in the game. Thus confirming that this is supposed official Melancholy IF story.
Since it is still in the progress of being translated, I tried my best at summarizing and translating it. There might be some errors here and there but hope you enjoy it.
How it diverges from the main story is that; After Rem gets killed by Betelgeuse in arc 3, Subaru doesn't go to Mathers' domain and doesn't get killed by Puck.
After wandering in the forest while carrying Rem's corpse in the forest for a while, Subaru gets found by Reinhardt.
And after burying her in the bed of flowers that was nearby, Subaru faints, and wakes up at Astrea Mansion. But as Subaru starts to relive the memory of Rem being killed, he embeds that painful memory inside his brain and vows for vengeance.
After hearing what happened while he was in sleep from Reinhardt (mainly about Emilia's faction being eliminated by the witch cult) Subaru spends rest of his time learning swordsmanship from him.
But as Reinhardt starts to spend more and more time teaching Subaru, he slowly realizes that Subaru is willing to throw away his own life if it meant revenge. And after that moment, Reinhardt announces that if Subaru doesn't change that aspect of self-destruction in his behavior, he will teach him no longer. After hearimg that, Subaru explodes in anger and leaves after thanking Reinhardt for teaching him how to wield a sword. After leaving the Astrea mansion Subaru wanders around and stumbles into unknown territory, after a while he realizes that Crusch Faction had been erased from history due to the battle against the White Whale.
And there he meets up with Patrasche that somehow survived and she- Patrasche -voluntarily follows Subaru.
And so, they go on a journy to get revenge on the witch cult.
Later on, Subaru joins the gangworld (not an organization, just a term such as criminal underworld) to gain information about the Witch Cult. There, he meets Elsa Granhiert again and starts a friendly relationship with her like in the Pride Route but in more equal grounds. As he starts to help out Elsa's missions, she starts teaching him about her fighting style.
20 years have gone by yet Subaru still has no clue where the Witch Cult and Betelgeuse is.
Now due to the pain he has experienced so far, Subaru's personality has completely changed. He cannot empathize nor sympathize with others. He is cruel to both himself and others. And also due to trauma of not being able to do anything while Rem was being killed, his personality is now very self-deprecating. His face now resembles Hector, his outfit is similar to that of Al. He now wields a prosthetic arm made out of Rem's flail because he lost his left arm.
After returning to Lugnica, Subaru stumbles across the Loot House, and he meets old man Rom again there.
Subaru requests for information about Witch Cult but leaves without much success since Rom doesn't have any information that's useful right now.
While wandering around the ruins of Mathers' Mansion Subaru stumbles across the Forbidden Library and finds out that Beatrice is still alive.
Subaru requests a contract with Beatrice in order to achieve revenge against Betelgeuse but she refuses and orders him to leave.
Again, without much success Subaru leaves. But he takes few goods inside the Mathers' Mansion to exchange it for money at Rom's loot house to buy new equipments. (It seems that Roswaal too, has died.)
After somehow recieving long-awaited information about Betelgeuse (I don't really remember how it happened) Subaru plans for an ambush. First, he assassinates nearby Cultists one by one using Shamak. And to make Betelgeuse's guard down, he fights without using his full strength. And takes a blow from an Unseen Hand without dodging it. As Betelgeuse approaches, Subaru takes out a blade that was stored inside his prosthetic arm and finishes the Archbishop off by piercing multiple vital organs. But Betelgeuse possesses the body of one of his Fingers and completely obliterates Subaru and leaves, thinking he was dead.
Subaru gets healed by Beatrice who followed him since he left the mansion using magic and learns about Betelgeuse being an Evil Spirit, his ability of Possessing those who have talent as an Elementalist, and about his Fingers.
Subaru requests help for defeating Betelgeuse once again and Beatrice finally accepts.
Later on Subaru awakens at the bed of hospital that Felix Argyle has been working as a doctor after losing memory about Crusch Karsten.
Felix jokes about Subaru getting injured too often.
Then, Subaru tells Felix that he knows about the identity of the person Felix has long forgotten (Crusch Karsten), and if he wishes to know, he will have to join forces with him.
Felix obviously becomes furious and aggressively asks Subaru who that person is. And adds that if Subaru doesn't tell him, he'll kill Subaru.
Subaru would've won if he was in his normal state but while injured and in such helpless state, there was nothing Subaru could do. So Subaru started to yell that; if Felix was to kill him now, he'll never know anything about that person.
After hearing that, Felix hesitantly gives up.
Now that Subaru's wounds have healed and his body and Gate stabilized, he obtains an information about one of the Ten Swords of Power- the Life Sword (命劍 Inochiken).
Life Sword, once channeled with the its wielder's mana, had the ability to completely devastate one's soul that was struck with its blade.
So Subaru recruits Elsa and others in order to obtain the Life Sword and goes on another journey. Elsa, who has seemingly lost Meili to the Witch Cult, accepts Subaru's offer.
Finally Subaru and his allies arrive at the now-ruined-mansion of Margrave Rivack(Ri-ba-ku). He and his allies defeats all Witchbeast infestation snd Subaru obtains the Life Sword. And also gains the Margrave's belongings after killing the soul of Rivack that has become an Evil Spirit.
After returing to Lugnica once again, Subaru obtains an information from old man Rom that Archbishop Betelgeuse's homebase is near the Arlam village of Mathers' domain.
To fight Betelgeuse, Subaru first requests Beatrice to trap him and Betelgeuse alone using barrier magic. Thereby msking Betelgeuse unable to possess his Fingers.
This time too, Subaru doesn't fight in full strength but constantly uses Shamak to not reveal Beatrice's location to prevent him from going out of the barrier.
He gets caught by an Unseen hand and gets his right arm ripped off.
Betelgeuse, thinking that the victory was on his side, starts to ramble about being Slothful and insults Subaru for his "Misdeeds".
And as he gets closer and closer, Subaru uses Metia he obtained from Rivack's mansion and blinds Betelgeuse.
As Betelgeuse trip and squirm because of being blind Subaru reveals that if he fought in full strength he would've dodged every attack and Unseen Hand of Betelgeuse, but just to make the Archbishop's guard down, he didn't.
Subaru insults Betelgeuse for not changing the slightest and calls him "Slothful" for it one last time and plunges the Life Sword in him.
But as it turns out; A prosthetic arm is unable to provide mana for Life Sword to activate.
And Subaru, just like in the light novel/anime, gets possessed by Betelgeuse.
But Betelgeuse's mind also couldn't handle Subaru's mind who has lived his entire 20 years just to kill him.
In the end, Subaru's mind completely overpowers Betelgeuse's and Subaru asks Beatrice to stab him using the Life Sword.
As he dies alongside Betelgeuse, Subaru apologizes to Beatrice for not being able to live with her.
And in his last breath, Subaru dreams of his life where he could live with everyone happily ever after.
And then, he returns back to the save point in front of Kadomon's shop in arc 3 (when he was shopping with Rem).
Subaru realizes that he experienced Return by Death and finally realizes that everything he did was in vain. He collapses and rambles about everything he experienced to Rem. After being pampered by Rem, Subaru tells her about him being weak. And tells her that he never wants to experience such pain ever again. And unlike the light novel/anime, Subaru requests her to lend him strength and declares that *he will start over from zero*
And story diverges into the main story. Showing HOPE.
The End.
I really love this story and I am hoping for a proper translation of the story. Hope you enjoyed it too!
(Also, I completely forgot about Mimi Pearlbaton. Anastasia's faction too, gets eliminated by the Sin Archbishop in this story but Mimi achieves revenge against the Archbishop that deleted her faction.)

This is on mobile & this more about one of my sisters. Info I’m the youngest in the family, disabilities & am adopted from a country that’s not well known in the west. Staying vague to avoid too many details.
Backstory: She held these details about me over my head all my life. “I’m not American enough, I’m not Asian enough (my heritage enough), I’m not smart enough”, etc. She traveled to my birth country and would withhold any information on my heritage from me and gaslight me whenever I tried to ask questions when I was young. Like “oh be specific, what do you mean what food they eat? What do you mean what their history is be specific” until I’d get frustrated and have to walk away. So ya she’s awful. Summer (2022) on a family visit, I’m their favorite aunt. Been told by all my siblings kids. It was a week’s stay and I had successfully dodged my sister’s attempts in starting a fight until somehow in a conversation of economics. Don’t ask I don’t know how either I was once again called a retard & her eldest kid used as an example to ridicule me further on how stupid I was & how smart her kid is in front of my silent parents. She then turned to my utter shock to her eldest child & used her younger sibling to ridicule her on how much better she could do in school. In my head I went “AH HELL NO” (that’s where it officially began.) I felt something utterly SNAPPED in me. After that she turned back to me & I was still in too much shock before I could defend my niece (my only real regret to this day) more insults were herald at me. Idk what it was but I started to cry. I’m not a cryer. So much so it throws me off when others cry because I guess I forget that’s a thing, typically I just get mad. Karen my entitled sister was absolutely BEAMING with pride and utter euphoric JOY. Again my parents still silent heads down. Shortly after that we had to leave for the airport. I WAS DONE. Given I’d do & this was my “snapping point” it’s really not too bad in my opinion.
Now onto the PETTY REVENGE.
Christmas 2022, I mailed my gifts to my narcissistic sister & later she called & disowned me. The utter relief that drained from my body was HEAVENLY. I sent her kids “Sorry My Mom’s a Karen” t-shirts I got off Amazon as a petty joke for Christmas, along said actually gifts. I thought it was hilarious and to anyone outside the family I tell this story to agrees it’s funny. Outraged on the phone I did try to explain why I sent the gifts instead of straight up apologizing first because that’s just how my brain functions. It’s not excusing it. It’s just making sense of things. A recap on what happened that lead up as a nice way to have a straightforward what happened from my perspective to give more clarity. I’m called heartless & evil. That was the Holidays and since then my parents have even admitted they know it was messed up & hovered over me declaring me unfeeling. According to my narcissistic sis I’m “an evil bitch”. I finally said okay & apologized to appease my mother. I figured it was a great acting exercise. I admitted that to my mother and she was not amused. She’s the type who just wants everyone to get along. Unsurprisingly my entitle sis said “it wasn’t good enough” & I said “that’s her problem”. I was called immature, stubborn & clearly need intense anger management…over shirts according to my sister. Questioning my sanity really her and my mom. “How could I do such a thing?” I remember thinking “Dude I got disowned over shirts”. Like wow she didn’t just prove my point. I’m setting boundaries, told her and my family regardless what they think I won’t let them make me the bad guy because I’m not. They were pissed. Whilst all this was happening I was planning on going off to uni, so I was gonna be gone anyways. I know my parents just want peace & are good people but are too old & don’t need to be dealing with their two adult children’s problems. I kept telling my mom she’s not responsible for her grown children’s problems. That it’s not her fault & that it’s between me and my sister. Of course my sister isn’t mature and demanded she fix it and make me realize how awful I am blah blah blah.
Ya I could have let it go but disownment is a bit of an overkill but I’m too relieved to care? She’s since then tried to convince our parents to take my education away. They shut that down, thank God. She even tried to convince them to throw me onto the streets. It was like this for roughly four months until I realized I was fighting my own battle this long & enough was enough. I contacted another family member knowing they’d contact my mom asking what’s going on? Embarrassed my mom came storming in asking why was I sharing our family business? I looked at her “why? Why? What’s a middle aged woman doing trying to ruin the life of (insert my age) year old?” Stunned I think that’s when she finally realized it was over and she gave up. After that I was left alone. By March I think Karen realized I’m not budging & she couldn’t take it? So her last tactic (which didn’t work) was saying parents couldn’t see their grandkids unless I apologized. I’ve admitted to my parents the fallowing “Yes, I messed up by sending those petty gifts to unsuspecting kids. That’s fair. However how is sending petty shirts like that be so much worse than the abuse they’ve let me endure from my much older sister? Whatever. At the very least I deserve a tongue lashing. Which I got but not months of continued “you’re heartless” BS. Sorry if this was a long read but that’s been my story so far. I’m living my life, keeping a healthy distance because I love my family but I’m also not a pushover. I’ve been blocked by Karen naturally. My Parents spent years beaten down by her despite the good life and support she’s been given by our parents. They’re just as much as victims as I am. My petty revenge continues as I live my life. I even met people at my university from my country and finally got answers not even the internet was helpful on. I was finally able to reclaimed my own heritage. Around Christmas time 2023 I had an unplanned & surprising conversation on FaceTime with my nieces! As expected they don’t care about what happened & they still love me. My BIL is chill & probably wisely is staying out of it. I’m not gonna lie I was kinda hoping my sister would send me a Karen shirt back because my petty ass would have loved it & been so proud. I honestly was planning on pinning it to my wall if they did, like a petty trophy but I guess I’m the only one who sees the humor in all this & can laugh about it, even at myself. Also my parents have been getting therapy and doing better. They’re victims & adults. So what they do is their choice. Thankfully I have seen improvements. They’re good people.
The CHERRY ONTOP :
I realized somewhere in August 2023 that I was the first person in Karen’s life that told her no, showed she had no control. What’s worse (for her) of all people, it was in her eyes the inferior little Asian, retard, who walked away head held high & couldn’t give a damn about her. And. She. Can’t. Do. Anything. About. It. That’s Power. Now she lives her life as if nothing happened staying silent but keeps the “disownment up” and honestly good for her. I am happy healthy & thriving. I WON.

Leo winced as a sudden wave of negative emotion came his way. The feeling gets easier with each scouting mission, but he still hasn’t gotten fully used to it yet. Feeling what other people feel is a strange sensation, but at least it helps him find the displaced.
A bright green flash emits from Leo’s back, as a pair of dark wings appear from his cloak, as he dashes in the direction of the emotional energy. He dodges through the forest, narrowly avoiding several bushes and trees, until he hears the voice inside of his head, “You’re getting better at this. I thought you would have gone face-first into a tree by now.” Otrix says sarcastically.
Leo scoffs at the comment. “Ha, alright, old man. I’d like to see you do any of this stuff.” Leo responds as the brush starts to clear to a small area where the sun shines down like a spotlight. In the light, he sees someone in a black, hooded jacket backing up from a large, black serpent. Not a normal black, but darker than any black Leo’s seen before, almost like a shadow.
Leo tries to get a better look at the two, but before he can look for too long, the snake lunges forward. Leo quickly flies towards the snake, swinging his umbrella at its head. The serpent is knocked back, but quickly focuses its eyes on Leo.
As Leo lands on the ground and his wings disappear, the beast lunges yet again, this time aiming for Leo. His umbrella glows red, as right when the serpent is about to reach him, Leo swings again, sending the snake flying into the nearest tree.
The snake falls, dazed. As it’s about to regain itself, a beam of scalding water shoots from the end of Leo’s umbrella, aiming directly towards the serpent’s head. As the ray of water collides with the snake, Leo walks towards the snake, keeping the flow directly at the snake’s neck.
Once he gets to the snake, the stream stops, and Leo plunges the tip of his umbrella into the snake's head. He holds it there for a few seconds, but as he removes the umbrella from his foe, the serpent fades into the ground, becoming one with its own shadow, until the shadow itself disappears.
Leo looks at where the snake disappeared from in confusion. That’s… not normal. At all. He thinks to himself, remembering the reason he fought the serpent in the first place. He turns around, and he sees a humanoid creature, with pale-white skin, blue eyes, white hair, black pants and jacket, with a dark blue shirt.
Leo didn’t have to detect the creature’s feelings to know that he was terrified, his eyes showed that just fine. “Are you hurt?” Leo asks softly
The person stares at Leo for a moment, then shakes his head, regaining his composure. “N-no. I’m not hurt. Thank you for that, by the way.”
Leo smirks. “No problem. What’s your name? And where are you from? If you remember, that is.” Leo asks.
“Uhh, Xander’s my name, and…” The other man hesitates for a moment. “I’m from… Nowhere.”
Leo narrows his eyes in confusion. “‘Nowhere?’ Well, that’s not suspicious at all.” As he says this, he feels a brief pain in his head. Otrix is trying to get his attention. “Where are you from, really?”
Xander sighs, “I’m from Nowhere, that’s what my world was called.”
Was? Leo thinks to himself, “Alright, can’t say that’s the strangest story I’ve heard.” He continues to ignore Otrix, the pain he’s causing is more annoying than anything, anyway. “Did that… thing come with you?”
Xander looks to where the snake used to be, “I wouldn’t doubt it,” He says with a chuckle, “The monsters from my world could get a little strange sometimes.”
Leo smirks at Xander. “Well, I guess I have to do the whole formal introduction now.” Leo clears his throat and takes a deep breath, “Hello, I’m Leo Vyse, Leader of S.P.A.D.E., if you want to come with me, then we can get you the help that you need. You don’t have to, the choice is yours.”
Xander turns back to Leo and nods his head, but doesn't say anything. As Leo turns around to guide him, he hears the voice in his head speak to him, “Leo, we need to talk. Now.”
Leo sighed and muttered under his breath, “I’ll deal with you later, alright?” Leo makes his way with the newfound displaced in-tow back to S.P.A.D.E., hopefully, to give Xander some answers.
/uw short little side character into. definitely won't be important later, don't worry about it.

I am running the (admittedly outdated) Heartland mod set for Oblivion. After making sure the pack, my addons, and built bash patch all work right on PC (sorted with BOSS), then after installing MO2 on Steam Deck, (Proton 9.0.1 as recommended) I copied over my 'Mods' folder and the load order / modlist .txts into a profile from the computer to the Steam Deck. But, I get a CTD on Steam Deck, during the very initial load, well before the main menu.
I am 100% sure it's the Bashed Patch. The game launches and loads if it's not enabled. What's more, I loaded up a blank profile that's just the official plugins / DLC, added the Bashed Patch, and that immediately crashes too in the same fashion. It's the same bashed patch as desktop - I get the 'Bashed Patch' folder from MO2/Heartland/mods and put it in the respective location on my Deck. Is there something I'm missing?
When I try to rebuild the patch in Wrye on desktop, the following are tagged 'NoMerge':
LoadingScreensSI
Book Jackets DLC
GrimbotsSpeelTomes
EVE-StockEquipmentReplacer
Knights - Book Jackets
EVE_KnightsoftheNine
PotionReplacer
No Starting Map Markers
The following come up in the Merge Patches menu:
Oblivion Citadel Door Fix
LoadingScreens
Book Jackets Oblivion
DLCSpellTomes Unofficial Patch
Weapon Improvement Project
Alluring Wine Bottles
DLCFrostcrag-SnowyRoad Patch
Harvest [Flora] Shivering Isles (and Vile Lair and Frostcrag as separate ESPs)
Clutter and Container Ownership
Enemy Weapons dont drop
more mechant money v1.1
ShinySeptims_Septimus
Enhanced Vegetation SI
OCO DLC Faces
No Persistant Enchantment Glow Fix
Book Jackets DLC Misc
SGP Interior Draw Distance Fix
DistinctAyleidBossChests
GreyPrince
WaterFPS
Balanced NPC Level Cap
Balanced NPC Level Cap - DLC Patches
KvGuardFeaturesDevastationReduxPatch
OCO_Eyes_Fix
OCO Cleaned - Vanilla Hair
NAO-Brighter-Nights-Sam
tbskGuardsFeatures-NoGreatHelmets
Here is my loadorder.txt and my modlist.txt (which seems to be in reverse order from how it appears in MO2, but I doubt that's the problem), although, again, this happens with the Bashed Patch on an otherwise clean profile, so that's why I included the merged stuff above and I'm still baffled why this just happens on deck, just to the Bashed Patch, but PC is fine with all the same files.

Reflecting on 2021, truly marked the zenith of my young career. The pandemic was coming to an end, I was fresh from the hallowed halls of a prestigious but unheralded college, thrust into the corporate labyrinth where, as a mere sidekick to the big shots, I contributed to a deal of record-breaking magnitude. My modest corporate minion life was exaggerated into legend by my professors during an alumni reunion, leading to a rather embarrassing episode where I was paraded around as the poster child of their education career’s success. My parents, not ones to shy away from a bit of pomp, lauded my achievements to anyone within earshot.
But as 2022 unfurled its chaos with the epidemic, my professional life spiralled downwards as swiftly as it had risen. I was laid off, and replaced by a nepotistic hire—my boss's new mistress's nephew. During my dismal final days, my colleagues, once comrades became corporate sharks, whispers of them scheming to claim my last efforts as their own filled the empty office spaces.
Compelled by financial duress to abandon my central city dwelling, I relocated to the outskirts with two college mates, Jaz and Kath, who had similarly found themselves victims of the economic downturn. We settled into apartment 606, a unit with dubious charm, suspiciously affordable on the 13th floor of a dreary building, its corridor haunted by a flickering sensor light that was only designed to function on rare occasions. Yet, the apartment itself was surprisingly very well furnished, almost like something that jumped out from a design mag, out beating sample rooms in Ikea, boasting a spacious balcony, a living room ready for an impromptu soirée, a dining table that’s good enough to hold a banquet(became our co-working space) and a kitchen isle that became our sanctuary and curse.
When we first settled into our new abode, we discovered a trove of fine kitchen utensils, perfect for whipping up sophisticated cuisine and crafting cocktails worthy of a swanky soirée. Tucked away in the fridge, among the remnants of the previous tenants' life, was a quaint note: “The three of us really enjoyed our stay here, especially our meals and nights spent by the kitchen island. We hope you find as much joy in it as we did. Use it well.” With a casual flick of my wrist, I dismissed the note into the garbage can, oblivious to the depth of its seemingly innocuous message. Little did I know, that piece of paper was more a passing of the torch than a simple goodbye.
Our initial days in apartment 606 brimmed with camaraderie and impromptu celebrations: movie nights sprawled on the living room sofas, barbeque dinners under the stars on our balcony, and co-working sessions at the dining table, peppered with resume tweaks and contemplative conversations over cocktails. We even scored a second-hand karaoke machine, allowing me to channel my inner diva—a throwback to my musical theatre days in college and my stint as the voice of corporate presentations and negotiations at my previous job, where I was known for my resonant yet finely tuned voice.
Yet, as the months wore on and the job market remained unyielding, our early merriment slowly surrendered to a creeping anxiety. The kitchen island, once the heart of our home where laughter and shared meals flowed freely, gradually morphed into the epicenter of our collective unease, bearing silent witness to the quiet desperation settling over us.
One evening, in the suspiciously affordable yet stylish apartment, I sank into the sofa, my spirits dampened by my favorite team's disheartening loss. The mood was grim, mirroring my fears of my beloved player's potential retirement at season's end. Later, as we congregated around the kitchen island for dinner, I transformed into an impromptu sports commentator, passionately preaching about the game’s disappointing details that led to failure and my favorite player’s fine qualities. Meanwhile, Jaz updated us on a friend's melodramatic breakup, with guesses that something ugly must have happened behind the scenes. Kath, ever the culinary enthusiast, not only served up her delicious pasta but also dished out the latest celebrity gossip, each tidbit as spicy as her sauce.
The next day, during a late breakfast at the same kitchen island—our unwitting oracle—we were hit by a triple whammy of reality checks. The news of my favorite player's retirement broke, echoing my gloomy predictions from the night before. Jaz chimed in with an update that our friend had uncovered a cheating scandal worthy of its own reality TV special. And Kath, never one to be left out of the drama: her favorite celebrity was now the star of a scandal.
By the third morning, as we sipped our coffee, the newspaper slapped me with another bizarre twist. I was going through the devastating economics and politics sections, then I saw the sports section——featured an irate coach, hell-bent on convincing my favorite player to dismiss retirement plans and keep his jersey on a little longer. Meanwhile, Jaz had good news for a change: it turned out our friend's love story might have a second act after all, as misunderstandings were being cleared up. Amidst these revelations, Kath, who had been grumbling about the nearby supermarket’s inability to stock anything remotely gourmet, and hadn’t had a taste of her favorite Blue Mountain coffee since the beginning of that year, triumphantly found a can of Blue Mountain coffee, and it was on sale and therefore affordable—proof that miracles happen, and sometimes they even go on discount.
As I sat there, absorbing the serendipity of our discussions manifesting into real-world events, I couldn't help but marvel at the mysterious knack of our kitchen island. Was it merely a coincidence, or had this stylish piece of decor become the unlikely conductor of our lives symphony? One thing was certain: life in apartment 606 was never dull, and our kitchen island seemed to be more than just a place to eat—it was a place where, apparently, you could stir the pot of fate.
I decided to conduct a whimsical experiment with our now seemingly magical kitchen island. Clearing my throat theatrically, I declared, "I should be interviewed for a director position." To my sheer astonishment, the next day a headhunter rang me up, claiming I was the ideal candidate for a directorial role at a prestigious corporation in my field. Despite the other candidates possessing decades more experience which defeated me with no effort, and my own lingering self-doubt from months of unemployment, I sailed to the final interview round with the company's executives.
Upon returning to our apartment, I found Kath flaunting a chic dress from a designer brand brand she’d snagged on clearance—a little luxury courtesy of our wish-granting island. Inspired, I approached the island and cheekily requested, "Get us jobs. Something fun." Lo and behold, the following day was spent lounging and binge-watching Netflix, only to be interrupted by a call from a former bigwig at my old job. He was venturing into a more illustrious company and wanted me onboard. The informal chat that followed was a breeze, and just like that, I was back in the game with a fancier title and a fatter paycheck.
The subsequent week was a flurry of celebrations. Jaz secured a senior-level position, and Kath landed her dream job at an influencer management agency. Feeling triumphant, we decided to indulge in a night of fine dining—our first in months. That Friday evening when I went from office to restaurant, on a whim, stopped at a convenience store to grab snacks and cigarettes for our post-dinner revelry. Outside, I encountered a homeless person. After offering him a sandwich (which he traded for a cigarette instead), he took a drag, peered into my eyes, and ominously muttered, “Look, young lady, this isn’t my business, but be wary of what you wish for; everything comes with a price. Good luck and god bless you.”
His words barely registered until later that evening when a mishap occurred that seemed to underline his warning. As we enjoyed syphon coffee post-dinner, a barista accidentally tripped over Kath’s flowing dress. The resulting spill left her with first-degree burns, abruptly ending our night as we rushed to the emergency room. Though it was "just" a first-degree burn, the pain was significant enough to require several days off for Kath’s recovery. Amid the drama, I couldn't help but wonder about the cryptic caution from the man outside the store—had our fortunate streak come with a hidden cost?
We chalked up the coffee calamity to bad luck. The next month flowed smoothly: Kath's fingers healed, she returned to work, and I quickly found my groove at the new job. With all of us gainfully employed, our communal meals at the kitchen island became rare. My mornings were a whirlwind of grabbing breakfast and coffee on the go, followed by an hour's commute to a job that had me scarfing down instant noodles by nightfall, just in time for a quick shower.
As the busy season kicked in, my workload ballooned—not just from the seasonal uptick, but because I was hell-bent on proving my mettle. I quickly outshone most of my peers, and my employer, recognizing a budding overachiever, piled on major tasks, which I eagerly accepted. What started as the occasional hour of overtime soon devoured my weekends. Unpaid overtime, as the fine print in my contract gleefully noted, became my new norm. Driven by a mix of ambition and expectation, I had become the go-to young hotshot, the erstwhile record-breaker now expected to continually outdo myself.
Mentally, I was too swamped to entertain thoughts of anything beyond work, which, in a twisted way, felt like a break. Physically, however, the strain began to show. A bout of flu caught on a business trip escalated into a fever. Sick as I was, deadlines waited for no one, and I soldiered on medicated and miserable. By the time I made it home, my voice had abandoned me. Unable to utter a word the next morning, I resorted to emailing my manager about my sorry state.
That week, robbed of my voice, I mused that it was perhaps a well-deserved hiatus for my overworked vocal cords—a silent retreat if you will. But when my voice did return, it was as a raspy whisper, a shadow of its former crisp and melodious timbre. My doctor offered a grim prognosis: slight improvement might come, but the golden tones were gone for good—scarred by the relentless grind. Ah, the price of ambition—a scratchy throat as a permanent reminder of my corporate conquests.
It seemed I had unwittingly exchanged the clarity of my voice for the tumult of career success. In the midst of our domestic enchantment with the possibly mystical kitchen island, Kath unearthed the contact of a reputed psychic, hailed as the finest in the land. However, the consultation fee was nothing short of princely, and with Jaz vehemently dismissing anything that couldn't be explained by cold, hard science, she promptly opted out of splitting the bill. Kath and I, unwilling to drain our wallets on what could be mere phantasmagoria, reluctantly let the opportunity pass.
Meanwhile, I couldn’t help but notice a curious change in Jaz’s routine. She had ceased dining at the kitchen island, avoiding it as if it were cursed—or perhaps, in her view, simply out of style. The Saturday morning brought a particularly harsh twist: a murder of crows took to spiralling above our balcony, their cries as sharp as the plot of a Poe novel. We found ourselves drawn to the infamous kitchen island, lined up like the cast of a macabre play, silently praying for the birds to disperse. Kath, ever trying to restore some semblance of normalcy, offered up cups of Blue Mountain coffee. She absentmindedly inquired if I wanted cream or sugar in mine—a blunder that made me realize just how long it had been since our last coffee klatch at this very spot. My inner monologue couldn't resist a dark wish for the crows to scatter, perhaps too dark, for they began to dive bomb our balcony in a feathery kamikaze. The spectacle was enough to knock Jaz off her feet—literally—as her mug met its end on the floor. Kath, meanwhile, made a hasty retreat to worship the porcelain god, and I sat frozen, my brain offline, pondering the twisted power of our kitchen island's apparent wish-granting.
After the unnerving spectacle of crows turning our balcony into a scene straight out of a Hitchcock film, our first rational step—post-collective fainting, of course—was to summon cleaners to manage the feathery carnage. Then, still rattled but increasingly curious, we visited a psychic, who, contrary to the crystal-ball-gazer image, operated out of a posh boutique in a high-end mall and dressed more like she was headed to a fashion show than a séance. We laid bare our saga of the seemingly cursed kitchen island, complete with photographic evidence of where domestic bliss meets eerie phenomena.
The psychic introduced a term that chilled the air around us: “limbo,” the threshold between our world and the otherworldly, and she dubbed our kitchen island the "Devil’s Bargain Counter." According to her, our wishes came with a heavy and unpredictable price, because we have accidentally started trades with beings from the netherworld. Her advice was disarmingly simple: cease all trades on the island. To address the repercussions of past wishes, she advised us the first line of defence, which was an eclectic mix of offerings laid out on our cursed countertop: raw meat(rooster works the best), a cocktail of spices(coca and cinnamon preferably), liberal splashes of spirits(whiskey and rum ideally), and an eerie bouquet of black flowers(luckily I found some black roses at a flower shop of the mall). In a grander gesture of appeasement, Kath relinquished her shiny new diamond bracelet, Jaz her absurdly expensive headphones, and I parted with cash—— a hefty slice of my bonus in hopes of placating whatever capricious spirits we'd angered.
Our return to normalcy was brief but sweet, prompting us to plan a getaway, eager to forget about our nefarious kitchen island. Yet, the respite was merely a tease. Jaz, in a stroke of spectacular misfortune, narrowly dodged disaster twice in one day—first nearly becoming subway track fodder on her way back after work, and then almost getting knocked out by a rogue plant at our apartment building’s doorstep. Clearly, our previous offerings were mere appetizers to whatever forces we'd stirred. The psychic, summoned once again to our now-dubious sanctuary, decreed that the spirits had developed rather expensive tastes, unsatisfied by our initial gestures.
In a desperate bid for closure, we had the psychic over for a nighttime ritual, timed perfectly with Earth's closest approach to the netherworld, according to her. Our living room turned into a ritual chamber, with windows blacked out for days, to keep the otherworldly dealings strictly nocturnal. That night, we arranged ourselves around the island, now less a kitchen fixture and more an altar of last resort.
The psychic, amidst a chorus of Latin incantations, directed us through a chilling séance that included a mirror that reflected nothing but darkness and a burning black candle, the three of us sat in a row, joined hands, eyes closed. When the black candle was flickering at its last, the first eerie scratches heard prompted our eyes to open prematurely, we saw a command appear on the island, written by invisible hand and pen, in blood-red script, urging us to find the next "succeeder" before our lease on otherworldly disturbances could be terminated.
With bated breath, we agreed, and as if by magic, our signatures materialized on the countertop, then faded as the candle sputtered out. We tore off the black cardboard taped on the windows at dawn, the sunrise revealed a final message etched into the surface: "Debt cleared." As the daylight grew, the ominous inscription dissolved into nothingness, signalling the end of our spectral saga.
The ordeal, now officially behind us, left us enjoying a semblance of normalcy: life in 606 returned to its mundane rhythm, with dinners and movie nights back on our social calendar. Though not without its scars—literal and figurative.
It’s been two years since then, Jaz, in the throes of romantic bliss, is now gearing up for a new chapter waiting to be written alongside her soon-to-be spouse; Kath, her career finally taking a lucrative turn, was poised to upgrade her living situation, she secured a lease on a lavish serviced apartment in the city center—a place that matched her newfound financial swagger.
I’m not without my own leaps forward. With a modest boost from my parents, I took the plunge into homeownership, snagging a property within the city’s vibrant confines. The process was a whirlwind of paperwork and decorating decisions, culminating in a space I could truly call my own.
As we are packing up now, my last act is to type out our story, at the infamous island, and of course, I left a note in the fridge for the next tenants:
"Welcome to 606. We had a wonderful time here, especially at the kitchen island, filled with joy and unforgettable moments. We hope you find as much happiness as we did. Use the isle well. Warm wishes, the previous tenants."

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Patreon Official Subreddit Royal Road
91 Hours After the First Round of Interloper Interrogations. UNAFS Perseverance. Hangar Bay.
Evina
The stage was set, and my game face was on. It had to be, especially with what Vir had concocted over the course of his sleepless night.
The realization that AI didn’t exactly… sleep, was something I’d expected. But I’d at least thought the sleepless downtime would be used for something remotely related to downtime, something like maintenance, server repairs, or just anything at least remotely related to a decrease in productivity if only to relax.
I certainly wasn’t expecting that downtime to result in the creation of a literal sci-fi arsenal that now sat there, waiting for me just in front of the shuttle.
“A gift, Evina.” The AI spoke, gesturing to what could only be described as a small procession of bots, carts, and self-navigating cargo containers; all of which kept Eslan’s curiosities at a constant all-time high as he walked around the collection of bots, his eyes enamored by every little detail of each and every one of them.
But it was what was inside and within the containers that sat atop of those autonomous machines which was what I was really interested in. Moreover, it was a particular outfit currently sitting there on top of a felinor mannequin that really drew most of my attention.
Though the term outfit would definitely be underselling it. As what was being offered to me now was something that could no longer be found anywhere else on the continent, save for the odd military bunker and of course, the books and iterative memories belonging to that of the pre-war world.
To put it simply, it resembled advanced police armor, or maybe even military. Though its sleek design, metal pieces, and thinner silhouette put me in mind more of the former than the latter.
More to the point, it seemed to be capable of being fitted atop of my regular gear, instead of requiring me to swap it out entirely; consisting of three distinct pieces that resembled a pair of pants, a jacket, and a helmet.
I took a moment to stare at it intently, analyzing every last detail of it, from its space-age aesthetics of shiny plastics to matte metal chrome, to its soft interior that seemed to be gel-lined with some weird jelly-like fluid.
Moreover, I seized the moment to tease Eslan, as I turned towards him, then Vir, in rapid succession. “I’m assuming the gift isn’t for Eslan, right?” I snickered, prompting the smaller felinor to pout in a fit of resentful jealousy.
“I can arrange one for him if you’d like.” The AI responded casually, as if hinting at the fact that this wasn’t a one-off project, that this wasn’t just something pulled from storage and simply tailored down to my size.
“Let me guess, you have an entire factory deep within the ship somewhere?” I asked, half sarcastic, and half serious, knowing full well the answer could go either way given the track record of everything else on the ship I’d seen so far.
“Right on the money there, Evina.” Vir responded with an electronic chirp, prompting me to re-evaluate both the ship’s unfathomable capabilities, and the two dorks that were in charge of it all.
Nevertheless, it would seem as if Eslan was excited by the prospect, as he began pulling the armor pieces off of the mannequin, examining the finer details before handing them off for me to wear.
“I’m assuming the gel-like internal padding is a sort of passive heat regulator?” The felinor asked.
“Yes, but more than that, it acts as a layer of thermal insulation against energy-based attacks that manage to penetrate the ceramo-reflective plating lining the outside of the armor. This version’s passive since I don’t think you’ll be encountering anything like that on the surface but…” The AI shrugged ominously. “It’s lightweight, comfy, and there’s also ballistic-weave and kinetic-resistant properties embedded in the fabric. Along with some kinetic resistance that’ll help stop projectiles in their tracks if they penetrate the outer layers and somehow manage to make it through to the gel. Think non-newtonian fluid.” The AI’s platform shrugged. “Anyways, I thought it’d be a good, light-weight, adaptable, no-frills all rounder you could keep even after the mission’s end.” The AI explained, prompting me to more or less double-down on my re-evaluation of its seemingly conflicting personality matrix.
Vir was… complicated. In a good way. Seemingly practical, level-headed, tactical, and terrifyingly efficient on one hand, but also very much personable, surprisingly relatable, and most reassuring of all… self-reflective to the point of empathy and benevolence.
My first iteration was practically working overdrive trying to make heads or tails of him.
But my current mind was simply occupied with getting the armor on, which was more or less straightforward.
It was, surprisingly, lightweight. Like wearing a trimmed-down flak jacket that hugged and tightened to your form. The pants were the same story, which only left the helmet that I was hesitant to try on given its roundish shape and tight squeeze.
I examined it, looking inside as I noticed two little indents marking the recesses where my ears could actually comfortably fit.
“I’ve taken the liberty of creating a few modifications to the human baseline design in order to accommodate for your alien anatomy. I learned this the hard way when Lysara first donned a human helmet. It was… not fun, to say the very least.” The AI managed out with a nervous chuckle.
The idea of Lysara’s frills being squished inside a round helmet with no room for that sensitive looking extension of his head sent shivers up my spine. But then again, this made me even more curious as to just what these humans looked like if they lacked frills, ears, or anything else adorning their heads.
“I’m guessing the human-baseline must be really boring then.” I managed out unexpectedly, garnering a cock of the AI’s head. “You know what I mean right? What with having just a round space to shove their heads into. No frills, ears, or anything.”
“Ah, well, I can definitely see where you’re coming from with that.” Vir chuckled in response. “But honestly their appearance is not a big secret or anything. I can just pull up a-”
“Ah! Good morning, Evina!” Lysara announced brightly, cutting Vir off mid sentence as he jumped down from the shuttle and back onto the hangar bay proper. “I’ve been doing some final checks just to make sure we’re ready to go. Sorry I didn’t come out to greet you earlier.” The alien paused just before reaching me however, as he looked me up and down, then smiled. “I see Vir has been up to his usual work.”
“Seems so.” I shrugged. “In any case, I’m feeling more ready than I was just a few minutes ago, which I didn’t think was even possible, so thanks, Vir.” I gave Vir another nod of appreciation, before turning back to Lysara. “We're good to go, then?”
“As ready as ever.” Lysara responded promptly, surprising me with his register slowly shifting more towards something normal, rather than being entirely pulled from a university thesaurus.
Maybe I was starting to rub off of whatever translation software he was using.
“In any case, I don’t think I’ll be using your toys for the time being, Vir.” I gestured towards the rows upon rows of black and chrome weapons alike. Most of them resembled somewhat traditional looking firearms, whilst others were more or less pulled from the pages of science fiction, what with their tapered ‘muzzles’, and raygun-looking grips. “And it’s that I don’t trust that they could do some damage. It’s just a safer bet if I went with what I know. It’s better to use a gun you’ve trained and lived with, than a new one you’ve just messed around with the night prior.” I smiled, more or less alluding to the small escapade the AI and I went on for a short hour after the dinner. “Though I do thank you kindly for the ammo for my revolver, I’d say it’ll be helpful but… I’d rather not say anything at all until we get to our destination.”
The AI responded with a simple sharp dip of his head. “Chemically-derived combustion sluggers are always a solid choice. I wish you all the best, and I hope you don’t end up having to use that gun. I’ll make sure my boys take good care of you and Lysara.”
With a final exchange of nods, Lysara and I strode off and into the shuttle.
But just as we reached the precipice, I turned back, if only to give Eslan a reassuring hug. “I’ll be back sooner than you expect. So don’t get bored now.” I offered, prompting the smaller felinor to grin widely.
“Oh don’t you worry about getting bored.” He gestured to the space around him. “I probably won’t even be done with this room by the time you’re back.”
“Just make sure to save some mysteries for me. Oh, and Vir?” I turned to Vir for a moment, garnering a small cock of his head.
“Yes, Evina?”
“Do make sure that you tire him out some with your explanations. I’d rather come back to a quiet bedroom to pass out in, rather than one with an excitable Eslan ready to chew my ear out with his latest discoveries on the ship’s deep lore.” I jokingly ordered, prompting Eslan to give me his signature side-eye.
Following a dumb smile of my own signaling our temporary goodbyes, I soon found myself back within the bowels of the shuttle. Except this time, the backramp cargo bay seemed to be chock-full of those heavy-duty combat bots I caught glimpses of back in the forests.
In fact, every corner of the shuttle’s cargo bay seemed to be crammed to the brim with one or another form of combat drone. From flying drones, to clusters of those smaller insect-drones, to what looked to be oversized spiders ready to drop from the ceiling at a moment’s notice.
The whole space seemed to be decked out for combat.
Which gave me a lot of confidence about the outcome of this mission.
Lysara and I didn’t say much as we both made our way towards the cockpit, strapped into our respective seats, and began the nausea-inducing flight out of the ship’s hangar bay, and down towards the planet.
A whole minute passed in absolute silence as I tried to steady myself for what was to come.
“So, let’s go over a few of the key details for this mission.” Lysara suddenly broke the silence, bringing up a top-down map of the forests, with the facility in question highlighted in orange. “We’re going to be landing in a clearing made by Vir.” The map shifted, highlighting a very conspicuous open clearing of trees and a charred forest floor that made it very clear something big had happened here very recently.
If I’d seen that place from the ground? I’d have probably cited that aliens did it.
Which, ironically, would’ve been more on the money than I could’ve ever thought possible.
“From there, we march through the open clearing made by Vir, with drones taking point, up and towards the facility.” The map shifted once more, highlighting yet another clearing that more or less formed a clean path towards the entrance of the bunker. “From there, I assume you know your role?”
“Yup, if my prior iterations come through on this one, I’ll open the facility door, and from there… We head inside, and see what’s what.” I responded.
“The drones will make the first move, we’ll have two squads proceed inside and ascertain if it’s safe to enter. After confirming that all hazards are within a tolerable margin of safety, we’ll proceed.”
“Understood.” I acknowledged with a heavy sigh, my eyes trained on the continent that now took up most of our cockpit view.
“Whatever happens, I know for a fact we’ll be safe as long as we play it safe.” Lysara tried filling the silence with his own brand of reassurance.
“I know. But it’s not so much the physical dangers I’m worried about.” I managed out, before pausing, as my eyes once more strayed towards the top-down view of the mission map. “It’s what we’re going to find inside the facility that worries me.”
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(Author’s Note: Evina gets a cool new outfit for her mission, Eslan is promised an entire day of having his sci fi interests satiated, and we're now on our way with Lysara down towards the signal station! The next chapter is already out on Patreon as well if you want to check it out!)
[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 96 of this story is already out on there!)]

The master of ceremonies glanced at the paper in his hand, and a glimpse of confusion showed on his face.
Something was wrong.
“And the third and last team representing Farcrest. Lowell’s Orphanage!”
Elincia clung to my arm, fear and impotence reflected in her expression. We were supposed to be called Rosebud Fencing Academy during the tournament. I clenched my jaw and glanced across the pavilion, giving [Awareness] free rein. Lord Osgiria gave me a mocking look.
I cursed. Among the nobility, everything was appearances. The fact that Farcrest had to resort to a poor orphanage for representation spoke badly about the state of affairs in the territory. The nobles around us exchanged funny looks.
“Keep your heads up. That’s our call,” I said, loud enough for the whole pavilion to hear us. If nobles thought this would weigh upon our shoulders, they were wrong.
Ilya took position by my right as the team captain, and we entered the crescent-shaped arena. The cheering died. Our magnificent uniforms didn’t fool the crowd anymore. I reached the Marquis's side and saluted the VIP box. Only after Prince Adrien started applauding did the rest of the nobles acknowledge our presence.
The commoners in the stands hesitated to cheer for us. This wasn’t a gentle world. They didn’t care about the kid’s feelings. I glanced over my shoulder. Wolf was unfazed, and Zaon moved his lips, repeating, ‘Nervous is good’ repeatedly. Firana, on the other hand, was furious.
“Tough crowd, uh?” I muttered.
“It’s only expected. Orphans don’t get good classes. There is no reason to cheer for us,” Ilya replied with a grin. “Yet.”
Did she look so mature back at the carriage?
The crowd’s attention lingered on us for an instant before the next team entered the arena. To my surprise, a single team represented the royal family: a group of cadets from the Imperial Academy. Five young cadets dressed in plain black, guided by Holst, entered the arena. The crowd came back to life. Considering the opulence of the other teams, the uniforms of the Imperial Academy cadets were disappointing. Even my group was better suited to the occasion.
Holst stood by my left, saluting the stands with a dull gesture.
“Robert Clarke, good to see you still among the living,” he greeted me with a bored tone.
His words, however, sent a shiver down my spine. Did he know assassins had tried to kill me a few days before? Captain Kiln had sworn to keep it a secret. The coincidences piled up. Holst knew about the attack and asked Lyra Jorn’s help with the library when Luzian Abei had a small army of Scholars and Scribes at his disposal. I couldn’t help but think Holst was still in contact with the culprit.
“Preceptor Holst,” I coldly greeted, my brain too busy to formulate a more wordy sentence.
“I didn’t expect to meet my former students,” he added, looking past me at Ilya and the kids. “Certainly not in these circumstances.”
I swallowed my anger. This was a golden opportunity for the orphanage. Watching the skill of the imperial cadets could help me understand why Sir Janus had been the only commoner in Farcrest to assist the Imperial Academy. Even if we lost the tournament, we could improve our chances of getting them accepted into the Imperial Academy, putting them in the same echelon as nobles.
“Do you trust the ability of your current students to win the tournament?” I asked, examining the cadet’s faces. Three humans, a half-elf, and a harpy. They didn’t seem thrilled to be part of the tournament.
Holst laughed.
“These idiots aren’t my students. These five failed their first year. If they don’t win the tournament, they will be kicked out of the Academy,” he replied, shrugging. “For failures like them, I’d say they are the favorites to win the tournament.”
A glance at the Imperial Academy team revealed their strong shoulders and steady feet. Despite the lack of fashion, they looked like trained warriors instead of pampered noble kids. Their faces had lost the roundness of childhood, and their calm demeanor and sharp eyes revealed an intense training regime. I hoped not to bump into them until the later rounds of the tournament.
Our conversation was cut short because the Osgirian teams entered the arena. First, Lord Osgiria, then Lord Nara, and finally, a man dressed as a knight, followed by a group of kids in mismatched uniforms—each one with the colors of their respective houses. Lord Osgiria stood by Holst's side and greeted the VIP box.
If Captain Kiln were right, our team would fight Lord Nara in the first round. I expected the man to be a merchant with a comically large belly. Instead, he looked like a cunning gray fox. I had to remind myself that buying a way into nobility required a skillful negotiator.
“Three teams, Lord Osgiria? You don’t seem too confident in your chances,” Holst casually said.
The Imperial Academy had to be a powerhouse within the kingdom because Lord Osgiria swallowed any snarky remark.
Lord Herran, a tall and muscular redhead dressed in full warrior attire, entered next. I remembered him from the feast—boisterous, talkative, determined. The black mana-repelling axe hung from his belt, causing my stomach to feel sick if I looked for too long. House Herran only had two teams, one led by Lord Herran himself and the other by a man who could be his twin. Only half of the team members were human; the other half were different flavors of beast folk.
More than half of the kids had bright red hair like their lord. I wondered if red hair was a dominant gene in the Herran Dukedom because the kids looked healthy. There was not a trace of the infamous Habsburg chin. They were tall and robust like their lord.
I tried to glance at the axe’s runes, but Lord Herran was too far away.
“That’s lord Herran and his army of copperhead bastards,” Holst pointed out, laughing at his joke.
I doubted that having a dozen children the same age was normal, even more so for a noble, considering how difficult succession could be. Lord Herran must’ve loved to spread his genes.
“It’s okay for him to present his… illegitimate kids in an official event like this?” I asked.
“Do you like gossip, Robert Clarke?” Holst raised an eyebrow.
“I like to be informed,” I replied.
Holst seemed satisfied with my answer.
“Lord Herran is one of the few Combat Prestige Classes in the kingdom. He has the [Conqueror] Class,” Holst replied. “It’s only natural that he can do whatever he wants. Not even the king has enough power over Lord Herran to stop his… reproductive impulses.”
I nodded. The relationship between the royal house and the great three dukedoms was more complex than I initially thought. According to the stories, Combat Prestige Classes were, in essence, one-man armies that could create whole countries around their power. I wondered what kind of monsters the royal army found in the Deep Farlands to be obliged to retreat.
After Lord Herra, Lord Gairon entered the arena. The Gairon House was arguably the second most powerful family after the royal house, and their uniforms reflected their status. The blue was rich and deep, and the gold shone under the winter sun, seemingly casting the few clouds away. The crowd yelled and cheered. It wasn’t surprising. Lord Gairon was a tall, tanned man with hair the color of ripe wheat—the perfect poster boy and leader of the anti-war faction.
“He has to go down if we want the royal faction to have a chance,” Holst said.
It suddenly hit me. Holst and I technically supported the same faction.
“Lord Gairon is also a Prestige Class?” I asked.
“A [Sacred Knight], yes. Rumor says he reached the mythic level sixty,” Holst replied. “Let’s hope their teams are more… farming inclined.”
The crowd became more tame after the three big houses made their entrance. Lord Vedras received less than half of House Gairon’s support, probably because of the tax disputes between Farcrest and the Vedras dukedom. He had brought three teams.
Duke Jorn’s presence almost caused the arena to become completely silent—Holst told me he was also a high-level Prestige Class, a Shadow Stalker.
“That sounds dangerous,” I pointed out.
“Sellen Jorn is one of the most dangerous men in the kingdom. His mere existence was enough for the king to create a whole new duchy,” Holst said. “Take an Assassin and a Shadow Fencer, mix them, double their powers, and then double them again. That’s a Shadow Stalker in a nutshell.”
I tried to imagine it. The Assassin who attacked the orphanage would have had a hard time with any class without a skill like my mana blades. I had been lucky to have a favorable matchup against him; otherwise, I might have been dead. His capacity to disable my movement was scarily effective. A man with the skills of an Assassin and a Shadow Fencer had dangerous implications.
“Prince Adrien wanted Sellen Jorn as his Master of Assassins, but he didn’t want to leave his people in the north,” Holst said. “Walls, doors, bars, locks, nothing can stop a Shadow Stalker. Only the woven barrier of several high-level Fortifiers can stop him. Or so it’s said.”
Gears turned inside my skull. I wondered if Duke Jorn was involved in the disappearance of the evidence of Raudhan’s poisoning. He certainly had the skill to move unnoticed through the Great Hall. Stealing a box with shards of glass would be a walk in the park for him.
The rest of the teams passed in a blur as my mind reviewed the party's events. Sellen Jorn was undoubtedly suspicious. His lack of presence was as unnerving as it was useful for an infiltration mission. Could he be involved in Raudhan’s poisoning? Lord Vedras had denied the existence of any co-conspirators, and we were almost entirely sure that Raudhan hadn’t been poisoned by Ashroot.
Duke Jorn's political positioning was hard to determine. The northern dukedoms were poor, and just like Farcrest, they served as a bulwark against the Monster Surges. Four families controlled most of the kingdom’s economy and politics. House Gairon, House Herran, House Osgiria, and the Royal Family. The northern dukedoms didn’t benefit from the current trade routes and wouldn’t directly benefit from a new trade route into the Kingdom of Tagabiria.
However, they would benefit from a closer relationship with the royal family.
Duke Jorn had no reason to poison Captain Kiln.
Ilya tugged the sleeve of my jacket, bringing me back to the present. The master of ceremonies was finishing a long speech about the legacy of Stephaniss of Farcrest, the previous lord of the city and the Marquis's grandfather. Even the Marquis seemed bored.
“Prince Adrien will draw the matches for the first round!” The master of ceremonies announced.
Prince Adrien came forward, and an assistant brought a glass bowl filled with small wooden rods. He put his hand in the bowl, picked one randomly, and passed it to his companion. The woman dressed in purple read it out loud, her voice magically amplified. Her pleasant contralto voice made me think she was a singer.
“House Nara versus…” she received the second wooden rod. “Lowell’s Orphanage!”
Just like Captain Kiln had warned me.
I didn’t expect us to be the opening fight. The other teams returned to the pavilion, and a group of Scribes carried the System Shrine Shard embedded in its copper nest to the center of the arena. I assumed it was there to ensure all participants met the requirements for the tournament.
“Let’s go, team,” I said.
We formed next to the Shrine Shard and in front of Lord Nara’s team. The master of ceremonies activated the blue orb, and the kids' names, classes, and levels appeared before us. Luckily, Lord Nara and I were exempt from the crystal ability. Being outed as a Runeweaver wasn’t part of my plans.
Belya Nara, Geomancer Lv.3
Arel Nara, Warrior Lv.5
Lino, Soldier Lv.9
Jan, Archer Lv.3
Aiwin, Courier Lv.7
Firana Aias, Wind Fencer Lv.1
Ilya, Hunter Lv.2
Zaon, Classless Lv.1
Wolf, Classless Lv.1
The System prompts might have been big enough for the crowd to read because a murmur rose from the stands. I didn’t need [Awareness] to understand the commotion. Half of my team was classless in a world where Classes were everything. Lord Nara also seemed to notice the discrepancy between our teams.
“I’m feeling generous today, Mister Caretaker. I will gladly accept your surrender and spare you the embarrassment if you apologize for wasting our time,” Lord Nara said with a mellow, totally fake voice. “You can save the kids the shame of losing in front of their countrymen.”
The master of ceremonies looked at me.
“What do you think, Ilya?” I asked.
“The team is ready, Mister Clarke. We fight,” she replied without any hint of doubt.
Despite Lord Nara’s clever expression, he was underestimating us. I couldn’t blame him. He had lived all his life in a world where value was determined by class and level. Developing an eye for people wasn’t as helpful as on Earth, where it could mean the difference between life and death.
“We fight,” I said.
“Don’t say I didn’t extend the courtesy of an honorable withdrawal,” Lord Nara grinned, his fox-like eyes turned into thin lines.
The master of ceremonies nodded.
“The Rules are simple. The team that loses the coin toss has to choose its first fighter, and then the winning team chooses its opponent. Then, the roles change. Every team has two picks and two counter picks, for a total of four fighters,” the master of ceremonies explained, pulling a gold coin from the pocket.
I nodded. There was a level of strategy involved in the pairing phase. I could pair Firana against their weakest member to ensure a vast point difference. Or I could choose Zaon to keep things equalized. If I were Lord Nara, I would leave the Lv.7 Courier outside the selection. As fast as they were, they weren’t a combatant Class, but on the other hand, even non-combatants could develop useful masteries.
Zaon had a good matchup against the Soldier and the Warrior, as their combat skills were on the ‘basic’ side of the spectrum. However, the Archer, the Geomancer, and the Courier could present a problem to him. Wolf also had a bad matchup against the Archer and the Geomancer because he relied on solid and static positioning to use his muscles. Ilya and Firana had good matchups against the enemy team, but the enemy Geomancer worried me the most. She wasn’t just an Advanced Class, but a relative of Lord Nara.
“Here goes the coin,” the master of ceremonies said. He threw it high and caught it mid-flight.
Lord Nara kindly offered me the call.
“Heads,” I replied with a grin.
“Heads,” the master of ceremonies said, revealing the coin.
[Awareness] didn’t disappoint, but I made a mental note to keep it hidden from Ilya. She wouldn’t be on board with blatant cheating, even if we had the disadvantage. As cunning as Ilya was, strategy and cheats were completely different.
Lord Nara huffed. “Lino, you go first.”
The Soldier kid stepped forward. He was tall, probably a year older than my kids, but [Awareness] told me he was nervous. Soldier Class was painfully close to no class at all.
“Zaon, you go first. Is that okay with you?” I said, hoping the combination of Light-Footed and Lv.2 Longsword Mastery would match a Lv.9 Soldier with a couple of skills under his sleeve.
Zaon nodded.
It was my turn to choose and Lord Nara’s turn to counter-pick. “Ilya, you go second,” I said.
Ilya came forward, prompting a laugh from the rival Fighter.
“Do you want to fight the gnome, Arel?” Lord Nara asked.
“Yes, my lord. I’m confident I can get a ten-point lead over a Gnome Hunter,” Arel Nara replied.
A vein popped on Ilya’s forehead.
“Good. I chose my cousin Arel Nara for the second fight,” Lord Nara said.
Then, Lord Nara selected the Archer boy for the third fight, which put me in a tough spot. The Archer and the Geomancer were hard matchups for Wolf, and I lacked a fifth or sixth member to play around it. Nonetheless, the Archers weren’t known for their vast arsenal of skills.
“Wolf, you go against him,” I said.
Wolf nodded.
“Which leaves us with the last pair,” Lord Nara said with a mocking smile.
“Firana, you go last,” I said.
“Belya, my daughter, will be my last pick,” Lord Nara replied.
The dueling pairs were ready.
“So be it. The tournament's first match will be between Lino the Soldier and Zaon the Elf,” the master of ceremonies said, his voice suddenly amplified again as the Scribes took the System Shrine orb away. “Contestants, please go get your equipment. May the System bless you all.”
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I wanted to give back a bit after receiving some great information from folks on this sub before a (very short notice and sparsely planned) solo trip to Panama in late April/early May of 2024. I'm subtitling this post "I did a lot in Panama so you don't (necessarily) have to". Truth be told, I started the trip with 4 nights and one in-country flight booked and built the rest of my itinerary on the fly. I definitely could have used an extra week or so before the trip to do some itinerary planning, deeper research on where I chose to stay, etc. but I really enjoyed most of the trip and would absolutely recommend Panama as a solo trip destination.
Rough pre-departure itinerary:

• Panama City: Arrive at about 2 PM on a Thursday, stay three nights at Selina Casco Viejo, depart at 8 AM on Sunday via plane to David (Copa Airlines)
• Boquete: Arrive at about noon Sunday (after transit to town from airport), stay two nights at the Bambuda Castle
• Bocas for unknown amount of time/other stuff in the west off the country
• Return to Panama City from David via plane (Copa) Sunday Morning
• Return to USA on a redeye flight Tuesday night

I arrived in Panama City on time and took an Uber straight to Selina (cost $28). The Selina there is in a decent location, kind of on the edge of Casco Viejo but walkable to everything. I checked in and was told there was a welcome happy hour with a free drink and a free walking tour every day at 10. The 6-person dorm had a dedicated bathroom, but wasn't much for the price ($30/night) and I'm just now realizing I booked a 4-person dorm then was put in the wrong lodging... There is a bar and allegedly a pool on the roof of the property, but the pool was not open when I was there. The welcome drink was an underwhelming event, though I did meet a few cool people I ended up doing more with later. There really isn't much in the way of common space at Selina Casco Viejo and I found it to be overpriced, underwhelming, and not a great place to meet people. I ended up booking the canal tour ($60ish) with them (which was via the personal vehicle of the guide, a small sedan cramming 4 of us in plus the driver), but I did a different free walking tour after hearing poor reviews of the one provided by Selina. While Selina felt like a huge waste (would not recommend this location), I really liked Casco Viejo. The food was surprisingly good, especially ceviche at Marea https://maps.app.goo.gl/MdWBJ1uw4mWLB7r2A and a nice stop for middle eastern at Estambul Casco https://maps.app.goo.gl/qFq8wAm5NEzJw84F8 . I also made a quick stop with some people from the hostel at La Fabrica https://maps.app.goo.gl/WdAG1KAhwmkj1TbS8 which had a decent tap list and cool vibe and the Pedro Mandinga Rum bar (highly recommend) for some beers and a rum flight https://maps.app.goo.gl/seXCnetthN18BbUB9 . I also, as a cigar smoker, made a stop at the official La Casa del Habano store https://maps.app.goo.gl/uhswvnFPe1Y1Uzbu9 where the staff was chill and the cigarum selection was good. I finished out my cigar and partook in a bit of happy hour across the street at Finca del Mar which had a decent outdoor area for a drink https://maps.app.goo.gl/kPSiTHdd2mJmtakGA but the food was not recommended so I didn't try it.
I was up early to get to David on Sunday morning, so I figured I'd just grab food and coffee at the airport lounge (mistake). It turns out the Copa flight to David departs from the "domestic" gate, which is a standalone area on the ground floor of the airport. There are no amenities, just a single vending machine, and you get bussed to the plane. Do not go early for a David flight, security was very easy and I ended up waiting in the small seating area for way too long. The flight was fine, but don't expect to access a lounge or coffee shop after security.
I got to David pretty early and hadn't done my research on transit, but knew there was public bus service to Boquete. I was trying to figure out how to get to the bus terminal when a taxi offered to drive me all the way to Boquete for $40 which seemed like a decent deal so I went for it. Boquete is pretty small, a little mountain town with a relaxed vibe. I spent quite a bit of time at the brewery which, if you know craft beer pretty well, wasn't the best on beer quality but had good live music and a fun atmosphere https://maps.app.goo.gl/EJFiRiwQsbJ89UPa9 . I worked from here a little bit too, definitely where I spent the most time. I got a delicious dinner at RetroGusto which was really reasonable https://maps.app.goo.gl/8gcU1GHqXrfbTCoX9 and a good lunch at Donde Giselle which was a little more expensive, but also delicious https://maps.app.goo.gl/uNsz1EqCDfnSpYfk8 . I did a coffee finca tour through Bambuda ($35) at Don Pepe. It was pretty cool, not a lot of walking but the guide was knowledgeable and we got to see the full operation in a small footprint. I bought one bag and was happy I did, they were 3 times the price in the airport on the way home. The Tres Cascadas (three waterfall) trail was a must, it does have a steep section that has ropes affixed to help but was otherwise a pretty straightforward trail. It did cost a few dollars to hike as it's on private property. I took a taxi there ($20) but took the bus back ($2.25). The bus comes by every 30-40 minutes and they generally wait a bit at the entrance to the trail from the road to see if people come down. We did end up picking up a whole bunch of kids leaving school, but it was pretty funny and we managed to fit everyone. I did do the Volcan Baru hike, which cost $18 for a taxi to the trailhead but was otherwise free. It is a grueling hike, it took a little over 5 hours for me to get to the top and I was not having fun. I was very lucky to encounter a couple who was dropped off at the same time at the trailhead and, while we did not hike together, we did take a few breaks together and it was nice to be within sight of their headlamps. It was COLD at the top and I was happy I had a light down jacket and a fleece. I did a good job of timing up my climb with the sunrise, only needing to wait at the top for maybe 30 minutes before the sun came up. You can go up in a jeep, and I was very lucky to beat the offroad vehicles up as they were very loud coming up the mountain. It did get pretty crowded at the top by the time all of the jeeps had emptied out and their clients climbed the last bit to the summit. The view was phenomenal, you can see both the Caribbean and the Pacific on a clear day and the sunrise was beautiful. It was a little annoying that the 6 of us who climbed it had to share with the 25 or so who rode up in cars, but worth it. One spot I wish I had visited, but it just didn't work out, was a wood fire pizza spot that came recommended by our coffee guide and by several travelers https://maps.app.goo.gl/T93KKqHxXoQ7AFhf6 . I got lucky at the Bambuda Castle as I booked a 3 bed room but had it to myself. It had a nice restaurant and common space within the castle itself that was a good working space and had a fantastic view. The food was pretty good, with a few vegetarian options and smoothies. It's a pretty decent walk from the center of town, and about $4-5 taxi ride from the Boquete center. If I went again, I would probably look to stay somewhere in the center of town but I don't regret giving the Castle a shot.
I traveled out of Boquete to Bocas del Toro the same day I did the Baru hike, leaving via shuttle at 1 PM ($37) which I arranged through Bambuda. I ended up using a discount QR code at Bambuda Castle to book their Bocas town Hostel for three nights. The shuttle was fine, but it's a quick trip through winding mountain roads so be prepared if you get carsick. A big bonus, that I would recommend you ask about, was that this shuttle did not go all the way to Almirante, but instead stopped at Chiriqui Grande and proceeded via small boat (lancha) from there. The longer boat trip was fantastic, much better than the long/boring road which runs the rest of the way. I got stopped right off the boat in by several people trying to sell tours and got one person's number for a potential $35 Cayo Zapatilla tour but didn't commit, choosing to get to Bambuda Bocas Town first and settle in before making decisions. While I wish I had spent some more time at either red frog beach or another island, with only 3 nights and having booked late my options were limited. For Bocas Town, Bambuda was great. The front desk folks were pretty helpful and the restaurant was good for breakfast (the vegetarian burrito option is better than the sandwich). The hostel deck goes right out to the lagoon, and it's always busy with people hanging out in the sun or jumping into the lagoon. It was a great spot to do some work over coffee and, frankly, I wish I had spent more time here or at the Bambuda Lodge. I ended up doing the Caya Zapatilla tour (highly recommend, if only for the stop at Caya Zapatilla) for $35 with the operator I met right off the boat. This included pick up and drop off from Bambuda, and they had a cooler that I threw a few Balboas of my own in for the trip. We did stop mid-way for lunch which was not included and was a little expensive. This was the only actual tour I did during my time there, I spent my other full day just kind of hanging out and went to Starfish Beach (not as nice as Caya Zapatilla, but worth an afternoon) with a group from the hostel. I also did salsa night at Selina (fun, but a bad instructor) and karaoke at Aqua Lounge (get there in time to get a round of the happy hour special, the screen is behind the stage so not ideal for karaoke but it's easy to get on the list). I did not do Filthy Friday, I ended up departing Bocas that day but I would have been on the fence about it anyway. I guess it's a "when in Bocas" thing, so I probably would have gone for it. I really wish I had spent another night in Bocas, I regretted not having another day out there as soon as I left. It turned out to be the best place on my trip to meet people, it's definitely a general party vibe, and actually the best place to get work done of the hostels I stayed at. I did dinner at Pier 19 which was pretty nice, if not a little expensive and probably not a good solo traveler vibe https://maps.app.goo.gl/6vJG1rdUPCqEf9W3A . I did brunch one day away from Bambuda at Casa Papaya, their typical Panamanian breakfast and it was a great deal/meal https://maps.app.goo.gl/9CPFCxu6woWwKuwM7 . I did hear from some people that the bird island was a fun tour, and worth the day/cost. I did some bonus late night, unofficial stuff like swimming after midnight at Selina and an impromptu midnight trip out to see the bioluminescence and the stars with a random lancha taxi from the Selina dock. Not sure how I'd direct someone to arrange that, but say yes if it's an option.
I took off from Bocas via shuttle for the Lost and Found Hostel on Friday around noon ($20) which I arranged at the main lancha dock. This shuttle did not include a boat all the way to Chiriqui Grande, it was the short boat with the long road segment. A few people did get car sick during the first leg of the trip, the road is in pretty rough shape so lots of speeding up, slowing down, and swerving potholes. Lost and Found really caught my eye because of how much I enjoyed Secret Garden Cotopaxi in Ecuador. In the end, it didn't live up to that lofty expectation and I should not have squeezed it in. The allure is that it's isolated in the jungle, you have to walk about 15 minutes up the trail from the road to reach the hostel property. There are several buildings, with one primary common area with a few tables and hammocks. A big downside is that everything is outdoors, under cover of roofs but open still, which wasn't ideal in the evening during the season I went where it rained in the afternoons. There is a community kitchen if you bring your own food along, or there is an option to get breakfast/lunch/dinner from the hostel. I had a few meals there: the smoothie bowl was good, the lentil curry was a little on the salty side. The hiking is pretty cool and I ended up going up over the mountain to the big tree, the lookout, and the river. I didn't bring water, but definitely should have brought a liter along. In the end, with only about half a dozen other people staying there and 2/3 of the staff being pretty insular and not really socializing with the guests, it just wasn't a great addition to my trip. It might be a better option for a group or during a different season, but it provided a logistical challenge to make my flight back from David to Panama City and it wasn't really worth the risk of making it work, so I hired a car ($30) to take me to David and just ate the price of my second night at Lost and Found. It was beautiful, but it just wasn't on the same level as Secret Garden Cotopaxi which inspired me to give this a shot. I think, all in, my stop at Lost and Found cost me about $76.
The combination of having scheduled a flight on election day (oops) and the lack of help from lost and found staff meant that my best bet was a night in David. I used Hilton points to book a night at the Hampton and had myself a recovery night. I got a hot and ready pizza from the Little Caesar's next door and two Sam Adam's Boston Lagers from the bar. Fantastic recovery night, vey nice Hampton, and a pretty nice little breakfast. It refreshed me at a point where I was not really enjoying the trip and pushed me to go for one more stop rather than laying low in Panama City.
After my flight back to Panama City, I took the metro all the way to the Avenida Terminal (less than $1 total, it is very easy to purchase a card and load it at the station) to grab the bus to Valle de Anton. It was fairly easy to find the window to buy the bus ticket ($4.25). It's important to buy for El Valle and not just Anton, a town which is not where you want to end up. There was a confusing bit of business related to a transit card (not the same transit card as the metro. I couldn't seem to find a machine to buy one from, and eventually the guy at the turnstile took pity and just used his own to let me in. I paid him back, but it was very confusing that you needed to buy the ticket then a card with which to pay an additional 10 cents to get to the bus at Gate 53. I can't really offer advice other than you should try to figure out how to get this card, or if you can just pay with a dime, right when you buy your ticket. I let the bus (not a very big bus, somewhere between a van and a bus) driver know where I was headed on the way and they dropped me right at Bohdi in Valle de Anton. The whole trip is about 3 hours, with lots of local stops the whole way. Bohdi was a pretty cool spot, with a great yoga space with a guided lesson on a TV every morning. It has a kitchen if you want to cook for yourself and free coffee plus breakfast every day from 7:30-10:00. Both breakfasts were pancakes, but it was free and they were pretty good. There are some cool lounge spots out back, a few cafe tables out front, and a loft space as well. It was a decent, but not perfect spot, to do work if that's what you're looking for. The dorm does have 3 levels of beds, and they aren't all that comfy, but I'd recommend Bohdi. The first night I was in town I went to the Golden Frog Inn on a recommendation and it turned out to be a great spot to watch the sunset and have some pretty good (although a small) vegetarian tacos https://maps.app.goo.gl/pzRuyYuwHZvMVnAo8 . One afternoon I chose to do the India Dormida hike, I left and walked all the way back to Bohdi, it was a few hours total. It's a quick climb up to the top and you can walk the whole ridge that forms the edge of the caldera. It was a beautiful view and you can really see the old crater rim formations from the top. It's clear up there, no trees and wide open, and the breeze was very refreshing. I ended up coming down about halfway across the ridge, starting from the north. I grabbed a vegetarian dinner at El Rincon Colombiano which I'd recommend https://maps.app.goo.gl/tRcAAnAm9fYni7Nv8 and some guacamole and a beer at La Ranita which was pretty good https://maps.app.goo.gl/BcdB8uCqaSRv1RyE8 . Overall, I really liked Valle de Anton and I'm happy I made it happen. It's a little drier and warmer than Boquete, with a lot less coffee influence, but I liked the vibe and wish I had done more hiking around the area.
For my last evening in Panama, I grabbed a room just to have a place to put bags and clean up before my flight at Hotel Caracas, a recommendation from someone I met in my first stop in Casco Viejo. I did not plan to work from here, nor did I spend a night, but for $35 it was a perfect spot to leave things as I went to knock out a few more items before my flight home. I popped into Tantalo for a quick bite to eat https://maps.app.goo.gl/9pA9Dmw8AE9doabT7 which I don't know if I'd recommend for food, but the view was good. I think I meant to go to CasaCasco, which was recommended for ceviche and sushi, but ended up in the wrong spot. I then went over to Element to get some cocktails https://maps.app.goo.gl/mwYt2D7X43ua4jGu6 . Element has an interesting vibe, kind of a steampunk theme to the décor. The two guys behind the bar, who I believe own it, were fantastic. They don't have a set menu but instead try to match a drink to what you're feeling at the time. I had a classic daquiri and an old fashioned, which both came with a little bit of a twist on the classic recipe. They also pulled down a few different spirits which we tasted together, overall I'd highly recommend a stop and it was especially fun as the only patron there. After two cocktails, I cleaned up and called an Uber and headed to the airport. Just a heads up, the Copa Club is pretty nice, has limited food, but tragically closes at 9 PM. I had a flight that left at nearly 11 PM, so this was a little disappointing.
Overall, I loved Panama. The people were friendly, even if the service in many places was pretty lackluster. It's more expensive than Colombia or Ecuador, but several people told me it's slightly cheaper than Costa Rica. It's a good stop if you're not sure about central or south America as it's extremely safe, if you use common sense, and it's not too hard to get around using shuttles/taxis/ubers if you don't want to brave public transit. It offers very good food options in Panama City, and it's easy to find a Hampton Inn/Hooters/McDonald's/Little Caesar's/Wendy's if you need a break from being adventurous. The Spanish isn't difficult, and most people speak at least some English. I would have dropped lost and found hostel from my itinerary if I planned it again, but did not regret any of the other stops. I do kind of wish I had focused on Bocas and Boquete, saving Valle de Anton and maybe San Blas together for a future trip, but I had already painted myself into a bit of a corner with my David-Panama flights by the time I realized this. I hope this helps someone as they plan their Panama trip, or helps them decide Panama is a worthwhile visit! Please do not make as many changes as I did, I absolutely did at least one too many stops and wish I had spent more time in Bocas and probably Valle de Anton. Anyway, feel free to ask questions in the comments and I'll try to address them as they come in!
Final Itinerary:

• 3 nights at Selina Casco Viejo (meh, not recommended)
• 2 nights at Bambuda Castle Boquete
• 3 nights at Bambuda Bocas Town (recommend)
• 1 night at Lost & Found Hostel (not my jam, would not do again)
• 1 night at Hampton Inn David (saved my trip, loved it, would recommend)
• 2 nights at Bohdi Valle de Anton (solid, would recommend)
• 1 kind of night at Hotel Caracas (did exactly what I needed)

Genocide looked to the sky. He thought of his mentor. The one who had saved him. He remembered his childhood. How powerless he was. He remembered the anger. He never wanted to hurt anybody. He thought of all the times he showed compassion. How much they hurt him for it. He saw the world before him, a graveyard. Humans. People that were supposed to be made in the image of some divine creator. They were but maggots feasting upon his remains. They ate away at his very being until nothing human remained. His thoughts were no longer his own. He had no joys in life that mattered. He hated humanity more than he could love anything about himself. He remember his first killing spree. Being gunned down by police. Left for dead. He remembered a hooded figure moving towards him. Getting closer the more he neared his death. He saw its pale face. Its impossibly black eyes. It was a man. This figure in question appeared to be of Japanese nationality with long, straight, loose hair. It emanated extreme malice. It offered him a choice. A purpose. Power. He thought the figure a reaper but it identified itself as Amakusa Masataka. Masataka guided him on how to kill and gave him specific locations to kill people in. In a sense, he became a hitman for quotas of people. He inquired what Masataka was. The presence of evil, his ability to appear and disappear at will, how he could control what people could see him and what people couldn't. While vague, years of killing for this being offered some insight. Amakusa Masataka belonged to a group of people not of this world. His people had been corrupted by a dark force long ago and had aligned themselves with the warlord who had subjugated their version of Japan. Their dark high priest assisted the warlord along with two others. These four rulers in turn served a larger order. The four were tasked with bringing about the end of the current world as an act of retribution for some fallen deity. Masataka's people acted as covert operatives for this empire. They were feared across the land and were collectively referred to as "Shinigami". An agent of the coming apocalypse, a servant of evil possessed by the will of those gods of death, Genocide would walk the earth.
Genocide stepped toward the station. A police cruiser rammed into him. He pulled out a knife and stabbed the hood of the car. The inhuman force of the knife created sparks which burst the engine into flames. The car crashed into a streetlight and exploded. A second cruiser neared the scene. No way a man could have done this. Yet still, out of the fires Genocide strode forth. It set upon the second vehicle, shooting out it's tires while jumping 9 feet into the air. The car tries to reverse but crashes into a wall. Genocide lands on the hood and kicks through the front window. Glass shatters under its boot, blinding the two officers inside. Genocide shoots one of the officers with a shotgun, killing him. The second officer in the passenger seat readies his pistol and takes aim. Only two shots fired, both directed at Genocide's head. It casually cocks its neck to avoid them. Then it grabs the officer's arm, breaking it. Genocide uses its free hand to grab the officer's head and bangs it into the dashboard no less than 5 times. The skull is shattered on the final impact. Genocide jumps off the car and continues on his mission.
Detective Evans speaks through a megaphone," This is your first and final warning. Stand down or we will use any and all means at our disposal to put you down." Genocide dropped its shotgun and raised its hands. A group of five SWAT team members rushed out the station, surrounding Genocide with riot shields. An officer accompanies them, edging behind the figure to apply handcuffs. Suddenly, Genocide springs to life , grabbing the officer behind him. He flips the officer over his head, slamming him into the pavement at his feet. Then Genocide stomps his head causing it to burst. Genocide drops a flash bomb from his coat sleeve, blinding the SWAT team as he draws his knife. He drives it into one SWAT member, the knife puncturing the shield and piercing his chest. Genocide kicks the corpse away withdrawing his knife. He goes to another, this time using the end of his boot toe in a rising kick to disarm their shield. He grabs them by the throat and drives the knife slowly into their eye socket. Another is tackled to the ground and beaten to death despite still being under the shield. Another is picked up and thrown into the fires still burning from the first auto incident. In no time, Genocide stood before an indistinguishable mass of gore, blood streaking across his black leather outfit. He laughed" So this is all you can give me. I'm not entertained." Officers took aim from the station windows, and snipers did so from other rooftops. Genocide laughed maniacally as he was rained down upon from all sides by a hailstorm of bullets. His body convulsed, but he did not fall. Moments more and he was on his knees. Still though, their efforts were futile. Gracia looked out and saw a black mist coalescing around the man in black. His blood. Blood erupted from his body only to transform into this dark mist that reentered his wounds. Genocide screamed. No. It was just an elevated pitch in his laughter. Optimism failed everyone yet again. Gracia saw Genocide holding something in his right hand. She could only make out a beeping red light. Genocide pushed the button triggering the carefully concealed explosives he laid in preparation for this event. C4 explosives went off in all the places he saw fit. The sniping posts he couldn't reach. The assault of lead lightened. Then Genocide drew an RPG from...somewhere. He collected himself and fired at the station's entrance. The explosion shook the station. From inside, the lights began to flicker. Communications were down on all fronts. Had he modified the rocket with some type of EMP? Not good. Amisdst the confusion Genocide entered using smoke bombs to mask his presence. Moving like a shadow, he killed everyone in the lobby silently with his knife. He made his way to the holding cells. Still they chanted. Still they praised. Still they raved for the arrival of genocide. Genocide shot the lock opening the cell. Jim Jimenez walked out and bowed before his master. Genocide smiled. He couldn't have imagined how proficient he had gotten with possession. Well, not quite possession. He had known of the Shinigami's ability to share their thoughts and emotions with humans. Shinigami like his mentor were ancient. They had so many years of memories, such strong a hatred for life that they overwhelmed the personality of the victim. The victim sees themselves as one of them. Shinigami can't force the will of the victim, so they find those who are already similar to them in some way. Genocide found the collective universal distrust of police to be a prime sentiment to capitalize on. He armed the inmates, infecting them with samples of his own dark essence.One particular inmate caught Genocide's eye. He knew the man's work. An arsonist. The one whom he recalls was responsible for blowing up his first car way back in high school. Rather than a standard firearm, Genocide gave the man a random assortment of grenades containing a special surprise. Genocide showed them visions of anarchy, of sending a message to a society that used and disregarded them. While this was also true of how he felt, years of living in darkness had changed him. He needed no purpose. No end goal. No justification. He just wanted to watch the world burn.
Genocide's small army broke off to engage several different wings of the station. Genocide went to the security room. He found Wayne, his informant, playing some FPS on one of the monitors. Wayne took of his headphones and asked," You kill everyone yet?" Genocide responded," No. You should get going before that happens. Your life becomes fair game if I run out of pigs to cook." Wayne clapped his hands, "Aight, GC my man, say less." He packed his things and left. Genocide drew a twin pair of handguns and laid waste to the station. He followed a group that took cover in the men's restroom. Kicking open multiple stalls he was surprised to find...nothing. Where had they gone? He turned around and saw his mentor, Masataka, smiling at him. It looked like him. Long, dark hair, black clothing, and soulless, empty eyes. But it wasn't. It was Genocide's own reflection in the mirror. Genocide smiled. He didn't notice the changes at first. They must have happened gradually. Subconsciously. From the final stall, an officer sprung into action, rushing Genocide, hitting him point blank with a shockgun round. Genocide felt the tingling sensation electrifying his body and grew numb. In spite of the pain, he took a single step. Then, another. He came within striking range of the officer and snatched the shockgun. Two more officers erupted from another stall, battering him with baton strikes. Genocide felt nothing. He clutched the shockgun in his hand like a bat and went to work pulverizing his attackers. An officer kicked in the bathroom door, a woman holding a pistol. She fired multiple times to no effect. Genocide stood covered in blood. He even let her reload. Twice. He wanted to see her despair. Her hopelessness. He walked towards her, shrugging off bullets as they pierced his body. His wounds healed nigh instantly due to the dark essence he had been imbued with. He held her face with both hands, lifting her body off the ground. As she screamed, he used her head to shatter the restroom mirror, running down the full length of it while smashing her into it at several points. He dropped the remains of what he held, washed his hands with soap, dried them, then exited the restroom.
The inmates that rallied for the cause of genocide attacked the station. Fortunately, they were nowhere near Genocide in terms of power and only carried one type of firearm each. They shared his healing ability but could be killed quite easily. Gracia encountered a sniper on the end or a west wing hallway. Other officers waited behind corners unable to get close. Gracia noticed the faulty lighting. In this hallway, the lights flickered in intervals of 3 seconds. Finding a pattern and timing her movements, she rushed the sniper at the exact moment the lights went out. Running the length of the hall, Gracia zigzagged, dodging the sniper inmate's bullets. She jumped on a wall, ran 3 feet on it, then kicked off it, pouncing on the assailant. She fired five shots into him, making sure to hit the brain and the heart. Two severe injuries that were impossible for Shinigami essence to heal simultaneously. Elsewhere, Evans took on another escaped inmate. A vehicular arsonist named Carson. Carson had a bag filled with an assortment of different grenades and was happily giving them out like candy on Halloween. "A flash bang here, a bit of tear gas there. Oh. Wait! Was that an ice grenade? Did the explosion freeze your leg to the floor? Whoops. Maybe a fire grenade will melt that for you. Hold on let me get one fore you," Carson rambled gleefully. Evans looked at the carnage before him. Officers burning. Officers partially frozen in blocks of ice. He took a breath and aimed his wristgun. He steadied his right forearm. Carson readied to throw a random grenade. Evans shot it the moment it left Carson's hand. The grenade exploded directly in front of Carson. Both Evans and Carson looked at each other in shock. Confetti. A party grenade? Carson quickly fumbled for another but was tackled and restrained by several officers. Meanwhile in the South wing, Lary had some colleagues set a trap for another shotgun toting inmate. He had them bait the inmate and flee. Giving chase he turned a corner and ran straight into Lary's fist. The inmate recovered and motioned to shoot Lary. "Let's tango. " Lary gave the code word. Nearby officers activated a device. A signal jammer of sorts. The inmate shoved the barrel of his gun into Lary's gut and pulled the trigger. Nothing. The special signal jammer in question was designed for firearms. It was a last resort as it left officers just as defenseless. Lary was having fun. He boxed the inmate in hand to hand combat. Despite the inmate's enhanced strength, Lary's technique pulled through. Lary ducked under one of the inmate's wide punches and did some type of rising uppercut where he jumped off the ground while spinning. One of the other officers whispered" The rising dragon." Lary smiled giving a thumbs up" Yeah, it was a rising dragon uppercut. Saw it in one O my kid's vidya games. Thought I'd try it out while I'm jacked on adrenaline".
Jim Jimenez looked long and hard at himself in the mirror. He was in the women's restroom. Some brainless woman had broken the men's restroom mirror with her face. For the first time in a long while Jim could think clearly. He was becoming sane. At the least he was no longer a raving lunatic. The life essence of the dark gods had healed the wounds to both his body and his mind. He saw his face, his scraggly dirty beard. He found a razor and shaved. He trimmed his beard somewhat. He liked it. He washed his hair. It fell down his face like silk, no longer greasy. His bloodshot eyes once burning with crazed intensity had cooled. He blinked. Just for a second, he saw the man known as Genocide. The man that attacked him. The one that killed him and gave him new life. The drug dealers. The police. They were all the same in his eyes now. They were all to blame for the world being what it is. Jim wanted to hate them. He wanted to take revenge, but he felt nothing. It didn't matter. He knew he was wronged, could logically justify acting against them, but he just didn't care anymore. About anything. He was finally free. Sensing his presence was no longer needed here, Jim vanished into the night. He needed to find someone who had had the answers he needed. Himself. Who had he been? Who was he now? Who could he become? Where was he going? So many questions to ponder indefinitely. So much time left in the rest of his life.
Genocide ran down the station's halls raining hailstorms of bullets upon its occupants. He had a handgun in each hand as well as a wristgun on each wrist. This effectively gave him 4 separate firearms that he could use simultaneously. Lary regrouped with Gracia, Evans, and a handful of others. They radioed all surviving officers near Genocide to flee to the roof. This plan had been set in motion days before the assault and had been kept hidden from most of the force. The plan involved scheduling flights for several helicopters to arrive at some point after Genocide arrived. There would be no way for him to prepare for them and pre-scheduling their arrival ensured they arrived regardless of if they were called or not. Lary and the others set about preparing the second jamming device. Genocide stood among a hallway of bodies. He saw one man clinging to life trying to crawl away. He decided on trying that other thing he saw his master do. He grabbed the dying man and pinned him to the wall. Slowly he drove a knife into his chest. As the man's life slipped away, something else entered his body. Genocide channeled a small amount of his essence into the vessel. He had steadily done this with other casualties around the station whose bodies were somewhat salvageable. He dropped the body he was holding and looked upon the others. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, his eyed were black, both sclera and iris. The scene before him changed. Genocide had a vision. He saw a dead gray wasteland littered with bodies. These people however weren't cops and wore traditional Japanese attire. In his hand wasn't a gun or knife but a short sickle akin to a farming tool. He heard a dark voice call out to him. Slowly, the corpses around him began to rise, now mere puppets bound eternally to their master's whim. The bodies sold to the reaper who had claimed their lives. Genocide's vision ended. His eyes had returned normal. Around him, dead cops began to rise. His dark essence had entered their bodies and reanimated them. He sent his dead army to attack the officers fleeing to the roof of the station. These zombies swarmed the stairwell giving chase to the few survivors. There were five of them. They had two flights of stairs to climb and a horde of their former colleagues close behind them. One officer tripped and was set upon by the horde. The zombies didn't bite them but held them firmly in place. The other four officers stared down wondering what to do. They could hear Genocide chuckling. They could hear humming. They could feel the temperature rising. Their colleague and the two zombies holding him were hit by an enormous green fireball. Genocide had fired a Magnum Opus and had charged the bullet to level 3. The Magnum Opus was simply a magnum that shot fireballs, with bullets that could be charged by holding down the trigger. It had three levels of charges. Level 1 was a small reddish ball of plasma. Level 2 was slightly larger and yellow. Level 3 was the maximum charge and resulted in a large slow moving green blast of energy. The officer was ignited and Genocide watched gleefully as the force of the blast sent him flying through a wall. The four officers continued up firing occasionally to slow down the zombies. Soon they made it to a door leading to the roof. Before one officer could reach it, he was sniped by Genocide, a bullet to the head killing him instantly. The remaining three made it out. They regrouped with the others already there, 12 in total, including Lary, Evans, and Gracia. This would be their final stand. They just had to hold out until Genocide made it up there. They just had to keep Genocide occupied until the helicopters arrived. Genocide slowly ascended the stairs behind his horde. On the roof, the remaining survivors faced off against waves of the undead. Evans recognized the attackers. These zombies were being controlled by nanomachines. He heard the stories of several weapons encountered by soldiers on the battlefield. These creatures were called Metaldeads as they were reanimated via machines. They had been officially banned by most of the worlds' governments for being unethical. However, this did not stop the technology from being spread still between shady organizations, terrorists, etc. Evans wondered how Genocide got this form of nanotechnology. Evans long speculated that the dark essence used by most of the killers they encountered was a a form of nanotech however it was different from anything else he had seen or heard about. The dark essence seemed to be an amalgamation of other types of nanotech. Evans had to save his inquiries for later. He reloaded his wristgun and took aim at the approaching group of Metaldeads. Gracia steadied her handgun and shot two Metaldeads in the head. From the single door countless arms seemed to spill forth from the darkness. The other officers took turns firing in intervals. this allowed them to create a steady stream of fire where no more that three guns needed to be reloaded at once. The horde seemed to thin out over time as if they were making progress. In actuality, the Metaldeads were just making room for Genocide to enter. Genocide exploded in a sprint from the door. Everyone fired upon the killer. Genocide had now chosen a wrist mounted mini flamethrower to use as his weapon. He stormed past the oncoming bullets taking some damage, but refused to slow down. He unleashed a stream of fire that caught five of the officers in one fell swoop. Gracia fired five rounds into Genocide's face. He stumbled back. Lary took the chance to fire several mine gun bullets at Genocide's feet. The mines quickly detected his movement and exploded. In seconds, Genocide was on his back.
Staring at the night sky Genocide saw the moon. He reached for it. He called for the darkness to give him more power. His wounds began healing. In the sky he could hear the whirl of propellers. There were six helicopters in total. The first two had evacuated the survivors while the others stayed to engage Genocide. Genocide got up and unstrapped the sniper rifle from his back. He stood before the searchlights as a black silhouette, cornered but unwilling to back down. Lary stared down at him smiling. "Okay!" He shouted, "Let's Tango!" Upon this declaration the second jamming device was activated. Now, isolated on the roof, Genocide's guns couldn't be fired and the helicopters were out of range of the device. Now Genocide stood like a sitting duck. A helicopter fired a rocket. Genocide side stepped and grabbed it. He turned his body redirecting the rocket to hit another helicopter. As it exploded Genocide drew his knife and threw it at another helicopter. Behind the knife was such force that it shattered the helicopter window's glass, embedding itself in the pilot. This helicopter too went down where it exploded. "Holy clucknuggets!Did you see that!?" Lary said dumbfounded. Evans looked out the helicopter door he was in jaw open in shock. "There's no way." He collected himself quickly and radioed the remaining two helicopters to keep moving and to use their machineguns as much as possible. The helicopters reigned down upon Genocide tearing apart his body. Shreds of leather and darkened blood sprayed across the pavement of the roof. Gracia watched as Genocide's body was destroyed repeatedly as it tried to heal. Surely he had to stop at some point. After 10 minutes the helicopters had exhausted their cache of ammunition and soldiers opted to fire their own rifles and occasionally throw grenades. After about six minutes, they too had run out of bullets. Genocide stood unfazed. He had long since healed himself and now appeared intangible with gunfire seeming to pass through his body. His coat once ripped , now appeared whole though on closer inspection seemed to writhe. Gracia looked in horror as she remembered the tales her adopted father had told her. Tales he had in turn heard from his predecessors. Every so often officers had reported encounters with ghost like beings cloaked in a cloud of living dark mist. The beings were rumored to be responsible for the deaths of multiple people ranging from scientists, veterans, mafia, politicians, etc. They were seen near such crime scenes and even more shockingly appeared around several sites where suicides were committed. These beings were reportedly impervious to bullets and filled anyone who got near with an impending sense of dread. If Genocide was connected to them or somehow turning into one , there was little chance they would be able to defeat him. Gracia's fears were confirmed when she saw that Genocide's leather coat had been destroyed and he had replaced it with the dark mist coalescing from his own spilled blood. The dark mist, swirling, grew larger and several tendrils sprouted out from it. Gracia could briefly make out a figure standing next to Genocide. A hooded figure cloaked in the same black substance. The figure stared up at her with soulless, blackened eyes which seemed to beckon her to jump from the aircraft she was standing in. Compelling her to give in to the death that plagued the earth. Genocide kneeled to his master. The Shinigami, Masataka stared down at his disciple. "You have done a great service to us. Even now the sealed god stirs in its slumber. Its...Awakening will soon be upon us. It calls out for war. It begs for famine. It longs to continue its conquest. We are the death it so desires. The death that is necessary for this civilization to grow. Use the power that I have bestowed upon you. Finish the mission as you see fit." The Shinigami vanished and Genocide stood.Genocide stared at his hands. He remembered the first killing spree. He was on a bus. It stopped. A woman got on the bus and walked to the back smiling as she passed him. Something about her eyes unnerved him. They were so bright but something dark reflected inside them. He ignored the thought and put in his headphones. In minutes he had dozed off. He jumped awake. He looked around and froze in panic. All around him, everyone had been hacked to pieces. He saw the driver, actively being stabbed by a masked assailant. The mask, painted white with black eyeholes, stared back at him. It raised a finger over where its lips would be. Even under the expressionless visage, he could feel that same smile. He ran home that morning. He went to his room to find it destroyed. His posters, his computer, his tv, everything, had been ruined. He turned around and saw a man at the end of the hallway holding a sledge hammer. "The hell you been, boy?", his stepdad sneered. The man dropped his hammer and walked closer, veins pulsing with rage. He tried to explain how his car had caught fire forcing him to walk 4 miles to the nearest bus stop, but the man's fist was faster than his words. "Boy!Answer me when I talk to you!!" the man says as he backhands the taste out of the would be Genocide's mouth. He took that beating for several minutes before being left to stare at his ransacked room. He hated how his stepdad went out of his way to destroy the things he loved. Soon, another set of footsteps could be heard. It was his mother standing behind his locked door. She didn't knock, or say anything. She just stood there, doing nothing as always. He never knew if she came to talk to him or apologize. All he knew was that she could never bring herself to speak to or even acknowledge him. Maybe out of guilt or perhaps shame. A year or two later after he had had enough he ran away from home. Living out on the streets alone, without friends, or family, he would embark on countless killing sprees. These killings weren't of his own volition however. He was coerced by some corrupt officers from The Unit. They made him kill on their behalf. Sometimes they were protesters, sometimes they were drug dealers, other times, petty criminals they couldn't be bothered to process. It was routine for him to be used to kill entire houses of drug riddled addicts. During one such venture he entered a drug den, killing the dealer as instructed. He took out several junkies before turning to leave. A woman who survived her injuries clung to his heel begging him to stop. Looking down he aimed the handgun he was carrying at her head of long disheveled brown hair and fired. Feeling nothing, he kicked her body aside like trash when it hit him. Her face. This woman had been his mother. What was she doing in a place like this? He felt a shock of emotion. He wondered if she had always been like this, or had she changed after he left. He never made amends, but decided to stop killing from then on. The unit did not like that. Once it became apparent that he was no longer of use to them they started a manhunt to apprehend him with lethal force. They found him. They killed him. But he survived.
He remembered the girl on the bus. He remembered her eyes. Those of a sadistic killer. Still there was something else inside them. Something faint but deeper. So. Much. Sadness. Just like him. He felt the hatred begin to spread. His purpose, he decided, was to make all humans rot in the hell they created for him.
These people, he thought to himself, these living diseases, all needed to die. Their struggles, their problems, they spread like cancer to others. The only cure for humanity's sin, its collective wrongdoings, was genocide.
Around him, dark tendrils continued to form and expand, spinning in a vortex. Genocide pulled out two pistols. He squeezed the triggers to no effect. "As I see fit, huh? Hehe." He squeezed both guns in his hands, breaking them into pieces. He concentrated. In his hands, two more guns materialized now completely black due to being forged from the dark essence. Forged by his will. Immune to the jamming device that shut down conventional firearms. He raised his arms at each remaining helicopter and opened fire. Countless tendrils whipped out and slashed at his targets joining the dark essence bullets. It was chaos. Dark tendrils and bullets tore through every direction as Genocide spun and swirled around in 360 degrees firing randomly with purpose. A tendril pierced Gracia's right arm, another, her abdomen. She was however, fortunate, as the other passengers of her helicopter were dismembered. She barely had time to jump from the vehicle before it crashed. She fell 2 yards onto solid concrete. She felt immense pain as her right shoulder shattered on impact. She looked up to see Genocide's blade like appendages ripping through the other escape helicopters. She rolled onto her back and tried to steady herself. Within seconds her body began to repair itself. The nanocells inside her had saved her life but were now depleted. She would need another supplement lest she receive another fatal injury. The standard nanocells she and the others had were much less potent than those of the killers they faced. In truth, they had only minimal strength boosts being able to lift 5-8 more pounds than before and healing being limited to one or two fatal injuries so long as death didn't occur instantly. Gracia blacked out. She awoke the next morning in a hospital. There the doctors refilled her nanocells. She learned that the station had been left in ruins. Genocide had detonated some type of minature nuke following his rampage. He always blew up the stations as if to send a message. Gracia looked out the window thinking about why she became a cop. Twice her family had been murdered by them. Her biological family had been killed in an on record drug raid committed by a group of corrupt officers called The Unit. She had been adopted by another officer that arrived at the scene who found her as a child hiding in a closed. Sadly, he too was killed for trying to expose the activities of The Unit. Gracia joined the force to avenge both losses and bring justice to the killers that disguised themselves as normal people. Law enforcement was neither good, nor bad. It depended upon the people that made it up. In the dying corrupt world Gracia lived in, she vowed to be a beacon of light. Evans laid in a bed adjacent to Lary. "That damn Genocide's somethin else in' he?Like the stories you told us were understatements. That man could legit not die at this point in the story. Like he has friggin plot armor or somthin.'' Evans cut him off" I get it. We all got our asses handed to us. But did you see that ..thing that appeared next to him. Right before he created that black vortex that wiped us out. That must have something to do with his power. Maybe there's a still a way to stop him."Lary chimed in," That fella looked like he was on the way to a black metal concert wit all the black facepaint he was wearin' Creeped me out to be honest." As the survivors mulled over their predicament, the cycle of evil continued to spread elsewhere.
Budley flips through the pages of a magazine. He checks his watch. He looks around the gas station and doesn't see any customers. Seizing the opportunity, he puts in his headphones and begins playing an imaginary guitar as he jams to a progressive deathcore album. Oblivious to the screams coming from outside, the store clerk moves on to thumping two candy bars on the counter to simulate drums. Budley sees that his shift has ended and begins locking up the store. He sweeps the aisles and jumps as a shadow appears behind him. He turns and sees a well groomed bearded man dressed in a black hoodie, black shirt, and black and gray camo pants. The man holds out his hand and smiles. Budley rings up the pack of nicotine substitute gum. "Tryin to kick the habit huh?" Budley asks. The man replies, "Somethin like that. Gotta get my priorities back in check. Focus on the things that really matter. That damn KonCreep's a hell of a band aren't they?" He nods to the playlist on Budley's phone. "Yeah, they're killer. just got into them a month back." Budley answers. "You know, I'm something of a musician myself. Maybe you'll hear of me on the news someday." Jim Jimenez says as he sees himself out. He walks to the back of the building and passes an ominous form of graffiti. A woman lays unmoving and above her, written on concrete in red is a message that simply says "Genocide Reigns".

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Hi! Yesterday I had a potential buyer send messages asking about buying a jacket im selling and kept asking about measurements and if it would fit them or not. I kept trying to be as helpful as possible (provided measurements, updated post images, told them to look up the same jacket on the official website), but they kept making it seem like they were also unsure if it would fit them or not.
They are trying to make an offer, but I just don't want to deal the the potential hassle of them receiving the jacket and saying it doesn't fit and trying to get a refund or something. Am I doing too much and should just accept the offer? (ive only made 2 other sales and they were both just bought outright with no questions asked)

"hello, new visitor, if you're seeing this you're in the land of the vanished, if you're here it means that no one has thought about you for several months, fear not I wrote a book about my journey, in hopes that it'll help newcomers like you".
It was a tuesday, 6am, my brother Joe, jumped on a plane to Canada.
He was successful, or so I thought.
At the time I expected him to return home in 2-3 months, however this wasn't the case, after 4 months I finally called the cops to report a missing person.
Eventually five months passed and I decided to go searching for him.
After another month I got on a plane to Canada.
"What if he was kidnapped and then brutally mutilated," I thought as my heart raced.
Joe gave me the hotel he was at before he left, this gave me a few clues but it wasn't much, when I arrived I asked the manager if he saw Joe leave the hotel or if he knew about Joe's whereabouts.
"I never saw Joe leave, his room is still empty so you can check it out," the manager said. "What room" I responded. "Room 303, I'll escort you there" the manager said.
The bright lights reflected the hall floors. "Why would this man be following me into Joe's room, what if he killed Joe, what if I'm next" I thought as I began imagining my corpse in a dumpster next to a Denny's somewhere.
After a few minutes of going upstairs I remembered my 5th birthday, that day I learned that all my friends were fake, not a single one came to my birthday, neither did my parents, In fact they didn't even set up the party, Joe set up the entire party, helped me set up invitations for my friends, and was the only person who even bothered to be there.
"Can't believe I forgot about Joe for those five months," I thought as we finally arrived at room 303.
"Ladies first," the manager said.
I became paranoid as I entered the room with the manager behind me.
*Slam.
The door was slammed closed as I investigated the room, not thinking much about it I continued investigating, first I checked the bedroom, I found Joe's phone randomly on the floor.
Then I heard the sound of someone locking. The manager lunged at me with a knife. Adrenaline rushed through my blood stream as I dodged the knife, dashed into the kitchen, and grabbed a knife. The manager suddenly became scared, or at least he looked scared since I also had a knife.
I was able to unlock the door while simultaneously watching him for any sudden movements, my back leaned on the door as I unlocked the door without looking, I'm very lucky the lock didn't require a key from the inside.
I swiftly opened the door and ran downstairs, the manager followed, my legs began shaking uncontrollably. The adrenaline had officially ran out, the manager continued the chase.
"There's cameras up here!!," this one sentence alone made the manager stop what he was doing, go on the floor and start crying knowing he would be exposed for his attempt at killing.
I became very confused, "why was he crying" I wondered. I then realized this was my chance to escape, I escaped that horrid hotel.
"Turn on you stupid thing!!" I yelled at the phone as it refused to turn on due to its lack of battery. I decided to find a hotel where I could charge my phone and rest for a bit.
I couldn't go to this one since the manager almost killed me, luckily for me a hotel wasn't too far away from the other one, a common trend done by many hotel companies.
I rented a room for $70 a day, I had $100 left.
"Did the manager kill Joe, he might've been trying to kill me in order to ensure no one finds his remains," this thought alone had me up the entire night.
I continued my investigation believing there's still a chance that he's alive, I checked Joe's phone in hopes of finding his whereabouts.
I found a few messages on his phone, except a cut off message on bumble. He was messaging a woman named Katelyn. "Maybe he was living with that woman's home" I thought.
After reading enough of the messages I was able to find the woman's address.
On my way there I felt a bit light headed, I clasped onto the ground, all thoughts vanished as I began to fade away.
I woke up with my shirt soaked in water, same with my pants. My feet felt the wet carpet touch my feet as the coldness sunk in.
I was surrounded by darkness, I ventured this darkness in fear, what if I wasn't alone, what if I just feared the dark.
I would soon realize that both of these were true.
My eyes saw a light illuminating in the distance, I dashed towards the light, feeling warmth for the first time being in this place, it felt amazing until I encountered another human being.
"Judging from your number, you must be a newcomer," the man said.
"Follow me" the man added. He refused to elaborate further, I didn't know anything about this place so I reluctantly followed him.
The man gave off a very creepy vibe, he wore a black coat with a yellow stripe on his left sleeve, his sleeve had a hole revealing his or a number, 64 was his number.
"What's your name," I said attempting to strike some conversation, instead of keeping the strange atmosphere. He continued walking without a sound to be heard from him.
A flashback struck me reminding me of the very possible chance that this nameless man could try and kill me.
"It's not like you have a choice" my brain told me as I continued to follow him.
A sudden bright light from the sky hit me. I noticed a village in the direction we were headed.

Trial Day 11
Katherine Jackson, Rebbie and Trent are at court.
Choreographer Travis Payne & Katherine Jackson spoke briefly in the courtroom before the jury came in. They seemed cordial
Travis Payne Testimony
AEG direct
Payne is wearing a black jacket with a gold emblem on the shoulders with the word "MJ" & a pair of wings
Payne said he was concerned about MJ missing rehearsals. He didn't know why he wasn't showing up, but MJ was also working on an album and a book
Payne said he did not think that Jackson had a problem abusing prescription medications. He acknowledged that Jackson missed rehearsals and he saw the singer shivering or appearing cold in some of his final rehearsals
He worked with Jackson beginning in the 1990's and testified that he never saw Jackson drink alcohol or take any medications. Michael also never discussed his medical treatments, Payne said
Payne told the jury he advised MJ he was looking thin.

"Michael said he was 'getting down to my fighting weight', which I took to mean that he was preparing for the performances", Payne testified. "I had no reason to doubt him"

Payne says he was satisfied with the response.
Payne said there was one day (6/19) when MJ was cold. He thought the frustration had him on edge. When Jackson needed to be layered in blankets and required a heater to be comfortable, Payne said, he believed Michael was merely fighting a cold.

"No one else was cold. He had flu-like symptoms"
"Sometimes he was tired and lethargic and had to be, not convinced, but supported throughout rehearsals," Payne recalled

Payne said that in April, May & June, MJ missed 5 rehearsals with the whole group. He said one time Ortega sent Michael home
Bina shows an email from Ortega to Gongaware on Jun 14:

"Were you aware that Michael's doctor didn't permit him to attend rehearsal yesterday? Without invading his privacy, it might be a good idea to talk to his doctor to make sure everything he requires is in place. Who is responsible for Michael getting proper nourishment/vitamins/therapy every day? Personally, I feel he should have a top Nutritionist and Physical Therapist working with him on a regular basis. The demand on this guy is mentally and physically extraordinary! The show requirements exhaust our 20 year olds. Please don't underestimate the need to stay on top of this"

Another part of the same email chain, from Gongaware:

"Frank and I have discussed it already and have requested a face-to-face meeting w/ the doctor... We want to remind him that it's AEG not Michael Jackson who's paying his salary We want him to understand what is expected of him. He has been dodging Frank so far

Payne said his understanding was that AEG was paying Dr. Murray's salary not Michael. The doctor was there to oversee many things, Payne said. Payne explained he didn't have much reason to question Dr. Murray since he thought that a doctor selected to work with Michael was top notch.
Bina asked Payne whether he ever met Conrad Murray. The choreographer says he met Murray twice. Payne says the first time he met Dr. Murray was at the Carolwood house.

"I was going up the steps, Dr. Murray going downstairs, Michael introduced us."

Payne was coming up from the basement to the middle floor. Studio was at the basement. Payne said he never went to the top floor of the house. He says the second time was at the Staples Center, after a rehearsal and Jackson was leaving for the day. Both meetings were brief.
When asked how Michael performed on June 23 & 24:

"He was having his process, I didn't expect him to be like he would in front of a crowd," Payne explained. "He was not at show standards ... I didn't expect him to be as he would be in front of a crowd."
Payne: "It ebbed and flowed. Some days were good, some days were not as good."

The last two days were good.

"I thought he was in his way to the goals he set himself," Payne told the jury.

He didn't have any question that MJ would be able to perform , adding that he and others were impressed while watching Jackson rehearse at Staples Center on June 23/24, 2009.
Payne described the day MJ died: He was headed to rehearsal at Michael's home, got a call from his mother who said she saw reports on the news. Payne heard news on the radio, called Staples Center spoke to Stacy Walker, she said they were rehearsing. He was told to go to Staples.

"We were optimistic of his arrival," Payne said explaining they were expecting Michael to rehearse at the Staples Center.

Payne said Ortega got a series of calls. He remembers Kenny saying:

'tell me something that will make me know it's you and that this is true'

​

" I remember him (Kenny Ortega) collapsing in his seat and crying," Payne testified

Payne said he never saw Michael drink alcohol or take medication but

"Sometimes, in rehearsal, Michael would appear just a little loopy, under the influence of something, but mostly when he would come to the rehearsals from the dermatologist," Payne testified.

That happened two to four times in the weeks before his death, he said. Payne told that he didn't think Jackson had a problem with prescription drugs

"Michael was undergoing personal cosmetic procedures, so he could feel great and do a good job," Payne said.

Payne also said he appeared groggy in the morning sometimes, which he attributed to lack of sleep

"Mr. Jackson just explained to me that he had trouble sleeping, that he was tired, and that satisfied me," Payne testified.

He stated that he's not sure how much weight MJ had lost
Payne mentioned one day in particular at a meeting with Andre Crouch and singers, MJ seemed a little out of it
Payne said at one point, he & others tried to bring in a top physical therapist who works with Olympic athletes to help Michael. Jackson didn't work w/physical therapist flown in for him.

"At the last minute we realized that Michael was not going to go through with it. He was just not comfortable with the invasion of personal space."

Bina played a clip of This Is It from Jun 4 showing the green screen and making of "Drill" and Michael talking about the cool moves, dancing. Payne said the idea was to show the rehearsals and how things came together. The footage itself wasn't altered, but there was editing. Payne said they picked the best of the rehearsal to include in the documentary. He wanted to reshoot some scenes but was not allowed. Payne, who was an associate producer on the This Is It documentary, said the footage of Jackson had not been retouched or altered.
Jackson cross
Attorney Brian Panish cross examined Payne. He asked if Michael ever performed the entire show from beginning to end. Payne said "No"

"Was he ready to perform for an audience?", Panish asked.
"I thought he was on his way to the goals he had set for himself," Payne answered. "All I saw was improvement and getting closer to the goals"

Payne's impression was that MJ loved being a father. He said he saw the beauty of their relationships, loyalty to one another.

"When we rehearsed, we had meals together," Payne recalled, talking about Michael and all three children.

Payne thought the relationship between MJ and Prince was awesome, Michael was a proud father, great to see how they interacted. Prince wanted to be a director, Michael would point out things to him during rehearsal should that be his career, Payne remembered.
As to Paris Jackson, Payne said he saw a very protective young lady, smart, astute, with knowledge of the production, very hands on. Paris, who was 11 at the time, was

"a very retentive young lady who was very, very smart, very astute," Payne testified. "She had full knowledge of the day-to-day operations, from the time of lunch and what it was going to be, she was hands on -- far beyond her age," he said. "She had a lot of responsibility, which I think she welcomed"

Payne said she was "the female of the house," and also "a daddy's girl."

"She really loved her father," he said. "At that time, she was coming to find out his global successes and presence, so she would wear her Michael Jackson t-shirt, headband and bag," he said.

It was Paris who would bless the food when they were have lunch with their father at home, he said.

"She was always the most vocal of the three children and was very concerned about many of the details of the house, was the temperature correct, what do you want to eat," Payne testified. "She just handled a lot for her young age"

Blanket, who was 7 when his father died, was the most quiet of the three. He liked to watch his father rehearsing his dances with Payne in the basement studio of their home, Payne said.

"He was quiet, but always right there with his dad," he said.

Michael guided and mentored him. Payne said he would be proud if MJ was his father and agreed the children suffered a tremendous loss. When rehearsing with Jackson at his Holmby Hills residence, Payne said the singer clearly delighted in being a father and shared meals with all three

"I saw the beauty of their relationships. I saw their loyalty to their father, I saw his loyalty to them. Their father enlightened them and taught them", he testified. "I was very proud to see Michael as such a loving father."
Panish: "Was Paris a Daddy's girl?"
Payne: "Yes, I believe so"

His description of the close relationship Paris (15) and Prince (16) had with their father four years ago could foreshadow the significance of the children's testimony later in the trial.
Payne always carries a video camera with him and shot videos of rehearsal. AEG took the footage that Payne shot and never returned to him. Email from Randy to Paul:

"Make sure you take out the shots of Michael in that red jacket... He looks way too thin and skeletal."

Payne said he was not aware of the email. He said Michael looked thin, but not skeletal. He doesn't know if Paul/Randy took any the footage out. The email was not displayed for the jury
As for Michael's relationship with Katherine, Payne said

"there's no secret that he loved his mother very much. It is kind of common knowledge"

​

"Karen Faye is a make up artist. She designed the make up, was always there when Michael was there", Payne testified.

Payne said Faye and MJ had a long term working relationship. They spent a lot of personal time together. Faye was concerned and frustrated with how Michael looked. She went to Payne kind of in an aggressive way. Payne told her to report to Ortega.
Payne said he wanted MJ to have a physical therapist, nutritionist, massage therapist, and have his family around. He said this was a different scenario.

"This was the first time MJ was working with AEG," Payne testified, saying he had always been hired by MJJ production before.

Payne said this was the first time Michael was not the sole producer of the show. Payne started working without a signed contract. He was being paid by AEG. Panish showed Payne's written contract. It is between Payne and AEG, beginning April 1, 2009. The contract said only AEG could cancel it. He testified that there was a delay in his contract with AEG because the salary was not in line with his standard charges, but that things worked out after he had a conversation with Jackson. Payne also said he believed AEG was paying Murray's salary, not Jackson
Payne was hired and paid by AEG. His contract was with AEG.

Panish: "Who could fire you. AEG?"
Payne: "I'm sure"

Things became heated when Panish inquired about a text message Karen Faye sent to Payne that accused him of lying to the media after Michael's death. He said earlier Faye had approached him in an "aggressive" way about her concern for Jackson's health but he told her to take her concerns to Ortega.

"I do not remember receiving a text message from Karen Faye asking why I was lying to the media," Payne explained.
Panish: "Were you upset when MJ died?"
Payne: "Yes"

During cross-examination, Payne was shown several photos of premieres for the This Is It documentary .Panish shows a picture of Payne at the red carpet premiere. He agreed he was happy about the premiere. In one, Ortega & AEG executive Randy Phillips flank Jackson's manager, Frank DiLeo, who has a cigar hanging out of his mouth. All three are grinning. Brian Panish, the attorney for Jackson's family, remarked that everyone looked pretty happy
Payne said he wasn't privy to details of what was expected of Dr. Murray. AEG was producepromoter, but MJ was the star, had to be happy
Panish reminded Payne that he had testified in his deposition that AEG was

"trying to protect its investment"

​

"I don't have a dog in this race so I'm not on either side", an aggravated Payne countered adding that he felt Panish was being aggressive. "I'm just saying I don't want to be painted as somebody who's trying to mask anything".

After several hours of testy exchanges with Panish, his voice quivered and he dabbed his eyes with a tissue.

"I'm just trying to have a conversation with you and tell the truth."

Panish asked Payne if defendants' attorney approached him during lunch to show him some documents. He said yes, he saw parts of his deposition
Under cross examination, Payne acknowledged that some of Jackson's behavior, including grogginess, lethargy, insomnia and occasional paranoia, were possible symptoms of prescription drug abuse. He also said that despite testifying earlier that he worked with Jackson one-on-one five days a week, he couldn't recall how many rehearsals the singer actually attended
Panish after lunch break got Travis Payne to concede Jackson wasn't present for a May 19, 2009 rehearsal. Payne also conceded that Jackson was a no-show for a June 22, 2009 rehearsal. Panish confronted Payne saying that yesterday he said he was with MJ at a dance studio on May 19, that they were up on their feet & danced.

Panish: "Sir, Michael was not with you May 19, 2009, was he?"
Payne: "No"
Panish: "He was at the doctor"
Payne: "If you're saying, I'm not disputing"

Panish said that on May 19, Michael was having a cyst removed at Dr. Klein's office, so he could not have been rehearsing with Payne.
Panish then said on Jun 22 MJ wasn't there either, "was he?"
Payne said he didn't know.
Panish said MJ was at another doctor's office
Payne said he may have made a mistake about Jackson's whereabouts & he didn't know his personal schedule. Travis Payne had testified yesterday that he and Jackson ran through certain songs on May 19th. He said today he was testifying based on the schedule and notes he compiled and that his recollection might be wrong

"We're human, sometimes we make mistakes," Payne explained, saying he's not disputing that Michael was or wasn't there on those dates.

Payne said there was always something for Michael to do.

"He needed to come to rehearsal, it was part of the job"

Payne said Michael had a hard time picking up some of the material. He was having trouble learning dances, Payne says. Email from Ortega to Gongaware:

"He has been slow at grabbing hold of the work"

Jackson was having trouble learning dances, choreographer Travis Payne says

"Prior to June, I noticed Mr. Jackson was thinner than I recognized him," Payne said, noting he never saw sudden weight change in MJ.

Second time Payne saw Dr. Murray was the night before Michael died at Staples Center.

"I wanted Michael to go home and go to sleep" Payne recalls. Payne said something about Murray felt off, Payne said. "He didn't feel like an official doctor"

Payne knew MJ had sleeping problems and that Dr. Murray was treating him for that. Ortega also knew; Payne thought Gongaware was aware too. Payne also said he and Ortega knew that Jackson was having sleep problems. Attorney Brian Panish asks if AEG executives knew. There were several objections, and Payne was only allowed to answer "No" as to whether Paul Gongaware knew about Michael's sleep problems
Panish asked Payne about choosing Jackson's dancers for This Is It. Payne says they were whittled down from 5,000 applicants. Applicants submitted video clips and their submissions were used to cull down potential dancers from there. Payne said they received 5,000 applications for dancers, about 2,500 showed up for the audition.He taught them some dance moves, and the pool was further narrowed down. Michael chose the dancers
Panish then asked Payne whether he knew how many doctors AEG interviewed to work with Jackson on This Is It. "No", Payne says. Payne also says he isn't aware how much interviewing or investigation into Murray that AEG did.(Panish's point appears to be that there was more scrutiny of backup dancers than Conrad Murray)
During preparations for This Is It, Michael at times seemed "under the influence of something" and once couldn't take the stage because he appeared incoherent, Payne testified.
Payne said he was aware that Jackson had problems sleeping and chalked up the singer's sometimes erratic behavior to sleep aids or sedatives from his dermatologist visits.

"You have to understand that one always says hindsight is 20/20. In the moment I had no inkling of what, ultimately, what was revealed until Mr. Jackson's passing", he said

Payne saw Michael tired and fatigued. He agreed that those symptoms could be signs of drug addiction. Payne was aware that MJ was losing weight during rehearsals and he had not seeing him lose weight like that before.

"He was not in great physical shape and was sore,working up his stamina. Lack of sleep and proper nourishment were starting to show", Payne said.

Payne says at one point, he told Kenny Ortega that Jackson appeared "assisted" (meaning that he thought he was on drugs\meds)
Payne said some people were concerned about the goals not being met, including Randy Phillips and Paul Gongaware. Payne learned what Demerol was after MJ died. He also remembers a mention of Demerol in the song "Morphine".
Panish asked if MJ knew the lyrics of his songs.

"I think he did, he knew most of them, but he wanted to have a Teleprompter for safety.He didn't want to make any mistakes, to refresh his memory. Also to use for sequence of songs",Payne said.

Payne agreed that it was very unusual for Michael to have a Teleprompter with the lyrics of his own songs. He never used it before. Payne didn't specify which songs Jackson wanted the teleprompter for
Payne said a body double was requested for Michael. Misha Gabriel was his body double, but shorter than him. Some of the scenes in the documentary are with the body double, Payne testified. Payne remembers at the Culver Studios in Smooth Criminal there was a stunt and Misha was asked to jump through a glass plate
Payne said most the time, MJ was present at rehearsals. "It wasn't a big deal," he expressed
Panish showed an email from the band leader Michael Bearden:

"Michael is not in shape enough yet to sing this stuff live and dance at the same time. He can use the ballads to sing live and get his stamina back up, Once he's healthy enough and has more strength I Have full confidence he can sing the majority of the show live. His voice sounds amazing right now, he needs to build it back up. I still need all big dance numbers to be in the system so we can concentrate on choreography."

Payne was aware that AEG was considering in mid June pulling the plug on the show. He said Michael looked exhausted & paranoid on Jun 19. Jackson's condition and missed rehearsals led to talk within the last 10 days of Jackson's life that AEG Live LLC, which was promoting "This Is It," might cancel the concert series.

"It was 'We've got to get this together or the plug may be pulled,'" Payne says

Payne was working for AEG and said he relayed his concerns about Jackson's possible prescription drug use and that he was exhibiting troubling signs of insomnia, weight loss and paranoia in his final days to tour director Kenny Ortega. Jackson was struggling to get into shape for the shows, and Payne said his voice coach suggested using a voice track for fast-paced songs until the singer's stamina improved.
Payne went to Michael's house on June 20. He was cold and had to light the fireplace and rub his hand and feet to warm himself up
Panish showed a picture of Michael on June 24 rehearsing "Thriller"; Payne said MJ improved but was not at his best yet.

Panish: "Around June 20, was Ortega in the mindset that Michael Jackson was not ready for this?" Payne: "Yes"

Payne said Michael was not ready, it was not the Michael he knew. He died four days later. But he didn't see anything that alarmed him on June 23/24

Panish:" Did you see that Michael was getting pressured to get everything done in the last days?" Payne: "Yes"

Payne said he could sense something was wrong, but didn't know what it was. He said Jackson's performances in the final days of his life were impressive, and it felt

"like we were definitely on an upswing"

​

"I never doubted Michael because he was the architect of this and he wanted to do it, so part of my responsibility was to help him get there", Payne said, his voice racked with emotion.

Panish ended his direct examination of choreographer Travis Payne with three questions.

Panish: "Did you see that Michael Jackson appeared to be pressured to get everything done at the Staples last rehearsals?"
"Yes," Payne said
Panish: "The pressure about the shows started to manifest itself physically in Michael Jackson?"
"Yes," Payne replied.
Panish:" You could sense that something was wrong, you just didn't know what it was?"
Payne responded "Yes."

AEG re-direct
Payne's demeanor changed after Panish finished questioning him. He was holding back tears when the AEG attorney started re-direct examination. For the next several moments, Payne blinked and dabbed both eyes with a tissue. It was the first time he'd gotten emotional on the stand.

Bina in re-direct asked: "Do you think you could get him there?"
Payne: "Absolutely!"

Bina asked Payne again about how many rehearsals Jackson attended. Payne said MJ was present a significant amount of the days he was scheduled to work but he couldn't recall dates, precisely how many that Jackson attended.
As to Gongaware's email regarding what was expected of Dr. Murray, Payne said the inconsistencies with Michael missing rehearsals warrant a talk. Payne said he thought Dr. Murray was there to care for his patient, making sure right nutritionist was there, to get him ready for the show. Payne never discussed with MJ about his doctors or personal affairs. Payne and Faye were professionals with each other, but not friends.

"Production felt he wasn't coming to rehearsals enough, and that was frustrating to some of the staff," Payne testified. "I had a concern we needed to create a show Michael would enjoy doing it," Payne explained

She also showed Payne photos from the This Is It premiere. First photo is of Payne shaking Jermaine Jackson's hand at the movie premiere. Bina also showed another image of smiling Jermaine, Tito, Jackie and Marlon with Payne at the premiere. Payne cried saying he had been through so much and the rough part was behind them. He was pleased to show the fans what the show was to be.
Jackson re-cross
In re-cross, Panish notes that none of Michael's brothers are part of this lawsuit.
Panish then asked Payne whether Katherine Jackson and Michael's kids went to the premiere. Panish says Katherine Jackson & her grandchildren didn't go to the premiere because they weren't over Jackson's death. Payne said he didn't think anyone was over Jackson's death when the film premiered in late 2009.
Court Transcript

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relatively, relax, release, relevant, relief, religion, religious, rely, remain, remaining, remarkable, remember, remind, remote, remove, repeat, repeatedly, replace, replacement, reply, report, reporter, represent, representation, representative, Republican, reputation, request, require, requirement, research, researcher, resemble, reservation, resident, residential, resign, resist, resistance, resolution, resolve, resort, resource, respect, respond, response, responsibility, responsible, rest, restaurant, restore, restriction, result, retain, retire, retirement, return, reveal, revenue, review, revolution, rhythm, rice, rich, rid, ride, rifle, right, ring, rise, risk, river, road, rock, role, roll, romantic, roof, room, root, rope, rose, rough, roughly, round, route, routine, row, rub, rubber, rude, ruin, rule, run, running, rural, rush, Russian, sacred, sad, safe, safety, sake, salad, salary, sale, sales, salt, same, sample, sanction, sand, satellite, satisfaction, satisfied, satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳