Exceptionally educational edition of Caitlin's Newsletter "The Media Skew Public Perception By Manipulating People's Attention", detailing how MSM's Palestine coverage makes propaganda clearer (and more evil) than ever:
(Clickthrough to see images of hand-marked highlights of the MSM's corrupt "linguistic gymnastics".)

“Israel Rescues 4 Hostages in Military Operation; Gazan Officials Say Scores Are Killed,” reads a New York Times headline from Saturday.
It’s a very odd-looking headline even if you don’t know anything about the propagandistic tactics being employed in it. The first half is very clear, while the second half is unintelligible and reads like some weird kind of riddle or word puzzle.
The New York Times is performing these bizarre, cryptic linguistic gymnastics to discuss the latest Israeli massacre in Gaza which as of this writing has a reported death toll of 236.
Right off the bat we can see something weird in this headline with the use of the word “scores” to describe the number of people reported killed in the massacre. The New York Times article itself says it was reported that “more than 200 people were killed in central Gaza,” so the correct quantifier for the headline would be “hundreds”, not “scores”. This would be like a headline saying “dozens” of people were killed on 9/11 instead of “thousands”; it would technically be correct since the number of people killed were mathematically speaking many many dozens, but it would give readers the wrong impression of the lethality of the incident.
https://x.com/TameeOliveFern/status/1799525189828649351
Next, notice the sudden switch mid-headline from active, certain voice to passive, doubtful voice. Four Israeli hostages were definitely rescued by Israel, while Gazan officials are alleging that scores were killed.
Scores of what? Cats? Chickens? Israelis?
Killed by what? Salmonella poisoning? Traffic accidents? Congolese militias?
There’s no way to tell from the headline.
The mass media in general and The New York Times in particular are notorious for their passive language “Palestinian child ceases breathing after encountering bullet” headlines when promoting Israeli information interests, but it really drives the point home when you see it switch from normal human language to something that sounds like a clue The Riddler would leave Batman within the very same headline.
And what’s interesting is that nothing The New York Times editors did here is technically a lie. Every word they meticulously selected for their headline is technically true, but it is shaped in such a way that it draws the reader’s attention away from the fact that Israel just massacred hundreds of human beings.
They could have just as easily written “Israel Kills Hundreds of Palestinians in Central Gaza Attack; 4 Hostages Rescued” and it would have been just as true, but then public attention would have been drawn in the opposite direction. The New York Times never, ever draws public attention in that direction; the slanting only ever goes one way.
https://x.com/ryangrim/status/1798799983447048303
We saw something similar the other day from The New York Times when they reported that Israel has been torturing Palestinian prisoners by sodomizing them with hot metal rods — sometimes to death — but buried this information at the very bottom of the article, without mentioning a word of it in the headline or sub-headline.
Here again, nobody can technically accuse The New York Times of lying; they didn’t report anything that wasn’t true or fail to report anything that was true. They just drastically underemphasized the real story in their report to direct their readers’ attention away from Israeli criminality.
A lot of people who grow skeptical of the mass media correctly assume that these outlets are propaganda services for the US empire, but incorrectly assume that this means they must be lying all the time. In truth the imperial propaganda machine is much more sophisticated than this, and much more effective.
Rather than making up whole-cloth lies and losing all credibility in the mainstream public, the mass media will generally rely on distortions like the above which skew public perception without actually technically lying. They’ll place emphasis in areas which benefit the empire, they’ll omit inconvenient facts, they’ll use tricky phrasing, they’ll uncritically report on the claims of favored government officials while saying the claims of unfavored government officials are made without evidence, they’ll mention convenient news stories over and over again, and they’ll report inconvenient stories only once before leaving them to get lost in the daily news churn.
I actually cite the mass media quite a bit in my own work, because a lot of useful and truthful information about the criminality of the western empire comes out through outlets like The New York Times. It’s just that that information is deemphasized and quickly shuffled out of public attention by the propagandists who run those outlets, allowing them to technically tell the truth while still manipulating the overarching narrative about what’s going on in the world.
https://x.com/AssalRad/status/1798757428764561889
The propagandists who edit outlets like The New York Times are able to skew public perception in favor of the empire because they understand that human experience is dominated by the movements of attention, so if they can manipulate those movements of attention, they can manipulate how people perceive the world.
I once met someone who described attention as “the uncrowned king of consciousness,” and I recall those words often because of their accuracy. Attention is the uncrowned king of consciousness because its movements dictate how we will experience our world: what we will think about, notice, see, hear, or otherwise perceive, but we don’t tend to place much importance on it or recognize the extent to which our life is ruled by it.
In reality there is little that is more crucial to our experience of life than the movements of our attention. It’s something so fundamental that two people walking across the exact same meadow at the exact same time will never have the same experience of it. One might experience a meadow with a pleasant breeze, a chirping bird in a tree, a grasshopper zipping across their path, and a sky of phenomenal beauty, while the other might experience the meadow as a distant and barely-noticed backdrop to their mental concerns for their future, their grievances about the past, their imaginary arguments with a family member, and a catchy song they’ve got stuck in their head.
After someone dies people often talk about the things they did in life — their accomplishments, their legacy, how many children they raised, what they did for work — but really the kind of life someone lived has less to do with the things they did than the way their attention moved. The movements of someone's attention throughout their life really was their life, because it determined what their experience of their time on this world actually was. How present they were for it. How much beauty they experienced. How much mental energy they wasted on imaginary bullshit. What they noticed. What they missed.
https://x.com/TheOnion/status/1721644886619836479
Our perception of the world is dominated by the movements of our attention, which means that our perception of the world can be changed by manipulating those movements. Propagandists understand this, so they spend their time doing things like telling us over and over again what a bad bad baddie Vladimir Putin is while just occasionally giving a single highly mitigated mention to an individual instance of Israeli criminality, or talking about October 7 over and over again while greatly deemphasizing the massacres Israel has been perpetrating on the Palestinians in Gaza every day since.
This causes public attention to move in directions that benefit the information interests of the empire and away from directions that would harm those information interests, all without having to tell actual lies. People’s perception of the world is shaped by these skillful propagandists without their even being aware that it is happening.
That’s what makes the propaganda of the western empire so much more effective than any other propaganda that has ever existed anywhere else: the inhabitants of the western empire have no idea they’re being propagandized.

I hope that the above pasting of full text (which is hard to condense because of its elegance and surgical precision) will not be objected to by Caitlin. To reward her high quality hard work, please do click through to her full article and/or to her related tweet.

https://youtu.be/_c_Yg8azAi0?si=Q_vn08wurgEkdQJR
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rem/newtestleper.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be taking a closer look/listen at “New Test Leper” which is the third track from the “Hi Side” of the band’s 1996 album New Adventures in Hi-Fi.
This song was actually one of the four songs from the album that was recorded in Seattle, Washington at the Bad Animal Studios. Even though this song wasn’t recorded on the road during the Monster tour like most of the album’s tracks, it was written and played during one of the band’s soundchecks. Peter said “And for some reason, we just forgot about it and never really played it. I don’t know why. Michael just happened to luckily enough have it on tape.” Peter also stated that this is the most “R.E.M.” sounding song on the album.
And I can see why Peter made that comment because the song starts off with Michael’s vocals right away, acoustic guitar, a shaker and some organs from Mike. With that acoustic guitar and that 6/8 time signature it’s definitely giving me Automatic for the People vibes, especially with a song like “Try Not to Breathe.” Now lyrically, here’s another quote from Peter in discussing the inspiration for the song;
“Michael was watching one of those talk shows and I think the subject was ‘People judge me by the way I look’ or something.” Whereas I, when I have the misfortune to look for two minutes at one of those Oprah, Geraldo things, I just get revolted at everyone concerned: the audience, me. Michael actually looked at it and felt like, ‘Gosh, what if someone’s actually trying to communicate something to these people and this person who’s in this awful, tacky, degrading situation?’”
The song starts off with the memorable lyric “I can't say that I love Jesus, that would be a hollow claim.” With this lyric in particular Peter said “It’s written from the perspective of a character that Michael saw on TV on a talk show. But are people going to think Michael’s talking about himself not liking Jesus? I don’t think that people will take us that seriously.”
The next lyric “he did make some observations and I'm quoting them today” seems to be Michael referencing the host of this religious talk show. The quote he uses is “judge not lest ye be judged” which, as Michael says, is a beautiful refrain. But the studio audience of the talk show don’t agree as they ask “have his lambs all gone astray?” It appears that there’s a guest on this talk show who is a “leper” which could mean an outcast of sorts. And in the chorus they say “call me leper.” I think the point that Michael is trying to make is how ironic it is that people of religious stature are judging someone else for not following teachings of the Bible when they are doing that themselves. As the title of this song deals with the New Testament and lepers played in a role in the different stories.
Now before we get into the rest of the song we gotta talk about the music up to this point. As I mentioned earlier, the song starts off with acoustic guitar, organs, vocals and a shaker. Despite it starting off as an acoustic number, the song has an upbeat tempo to it that makes it far from the slowest song on this album. And halfway through the first verse we get the bass and drums entering the mix. The song itself is fairly simple, but Mike’s bassline is far from it! Instead of playing a normal bassline, Mike is playing a lead melody that might as well be played on guitar. He’s what he had to say about this specific bassline just last year;
“I try to keep my bass lines a certain way, but for some reason with 'New Test Leper' I decided to basically play a bass solo all the way through the verses. You don't want the bass by itself, but in terms of free-forming and playing a lot of notes and having a lot of fun with it, I think 'New Test Leper' is the one where I took the guardrails off of it and had a good time."
I also love the electric guitar part during the chorus. Not only is the melody catchy but I love the tone to it. I can’t tell what effects it has on it but it sounds like a tiny bit of tremolo and it gives me strong surf vibe. It’s perfect because it fits alongside Michael’s simple delivery of “call me leper.” Which is also fitting because during the verses Michael’s vocal delivery is soft and warm and has a ton of great dynamics to it.
In the second verse we have Michael calling out the talk show after the host says “you are lost and disillusioned.” Michael understands how awful this show and crowd are and was hoping they’d be able to understand. But when the subtitle on the show say “I am not an animal” he realizes how ugly the whole event is. It should be noted that the quote “I am not an animal” comes from Michael’s favorite movie The Elephant Man which also inspired other R.E.M. songs like “Carnival of Sorts.”
After another melodic chorus we get an instrumental bridge with a gorgeous guitar solo from Peter over some mournful chords. It has that western Glen Campbell sound to it that Peter would return to in a couple albums with Reveal. The tone of that guitar shimmers and shines and the organs feel perfect backing the whole bridge. By far my favorite bridge on this album.
When the band goes back into that last verse we get this eerie sounding guitar feedback from Peter. I feel like this is suppose to be to leave a bad taste in your mouth the same way that this tv show has left a bad taste in this “leper’s” mouth. Michael sings from the perspective of the leper and how they finally understand the show was just a way to shock and awe people. Before they can tell their story, the show cuts to a commercial break. And as they are sitting through five commercials, the host is just staring blankly into his pre organized index cards. He explains how the guests were “scared and hardened” and ends the verse with the lyric “what a sad parade” which Michael admits he borrowed from his fellow songwriter and friend Vic Chestnutt.
The last chorus of the song starts off without any drums which is a nice way to slow the song down before one final chorus with all the instrumentation. Peter continues with that bouncy guitar riff until the band ends on a minor chord which is very appropriate.
Despite this song having a music video directed by Lance Bangs, and despite it being one of Michael’s favorite songs from the band, it was never an official single. It was only used a promotional single in Germany. Yet I feel that’s not a bad thing as this song and its profound meaning might have gone over some non fan’s heads after hearing that opening line. Yes, Michael used a real religious tv evangelism for the background of this song, but it’s not to hate on a specific religion. But more so to show the hypocrisy of preaching kindness and telling people to treating others how you want to be treated, to just then turn around and judge someone for being different. This message is wrapped up in this jaunty acoustic number that features all the great element throughout this album while remaining fresh. Plus it’s one of Mikes best basslines.
But what do you think of this song? Should it have been a single? What do you think the song is about? Favorite musical or lyrical moments? And did you ever see it live?

https://youtu.be/kbwSFOqzKMY?si=wPvkKCr_guICbJaJ
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/benfolds/losinglisa.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be taking a closer look/listen at the song “Losing Lisa” which is the seventh track from Ben’s first solo album Rockin’ the Suburbs.
There’s a couple of songs on this album, including this one, where I feel like they have hints of sounds from the 50’s/60’s despite them being written and released in the early 2000’s. The song starts with this harpsichord sounding keyboard playing a bright G major chord. This intro is cut off with a drum hit and then Ben switching to a normal piano and vocals.
Lyrically, this is song is about the unraveling of a relationship between the character Ben is singing from and his partner named Lisa. Ben sings “she's so sensitive, this shit just happens sometimes.” It seems like Ben is singing this song through the perspective of a typical male who’s blaming the ending of a relationship on the other person. He’s saying how she’s overly sensitive but then in the next line is saying how she’s his “everything” and how she’s his best friend. It’s maybe a little ironic how this song was the only song on that album cowritten by Ben’s at the time wife Frally Hynes.
During this first verse we get some other instruments gradually being added to the mix. First there’s some light percussion, some subtle acoustic guitars and some great bass fills which gives me Beach Boy vibes. And then lyrically, Ben does this smart move where he ends the verse with the lyric “we don't do anything we didn't do the day….” and then starts the pre chorus with the lyric “before you go, you ought to know.” This is great because the word “before” is used as a transitional word between the verse and pre chorus and it’s clever in a way you might not notice on a first listen.
The pre chorus is a nice way to slow things down before we get to the chorus. The move from the E minor chord to E flat chord is smooth and lyrically we have Ben’s character pleading to Lisa that he didn’t mean to hurt her which is a human cliche as old as time. As we move into the chorus we get the drums and piano ramping up in energy on the D major chord to give us the push we need for the chorus.
For me, the chorus is the hook of this song. It’s all fairly simple but it’s so goddamn catchy no matter how many times I hear it. The chorus has such a breezy flow to it as Ben’s singing about heartache with the lyric “black tears are falling down her face and I am wrong.” I’ve always interpreted the black tears being mascara running down Lisa’s face as she is crying. And even though this character understands he’s in the wrong, he’s still complaining that Lisa won’t tell him what he did that was wrong. Maybe the most devastating line is when Ben sings “she’s sitting here beside me then she is gone.” Even though she physically there with him, mentally she’s already checked out. The chorus ends with Ben’s catchy harmonies as he sings “black tears are falling, falling.”
The second verse begins with full instrumentation which adds nice dynamics to the song. This time around, Ben’s character is reminiscing of a time where things were simpler with Lisa and himself. He speaks of loving times when they were laughing and things were simpler. But now she’s no longer happy and he no longer feels anything. And in the pre chorus, instead of the male character listening to what his partner is saying, he’s fixated on her face instead. “I am mesmerized, by tiny lines. I'm watching as the shapes are drawing slowly from her eyes.”
We get another chorus which sounds just as great as the first one. Another reason I love the pre chorus is the movement of the chords after each lyric. Ben plays a B flat, C and a D minor chord which he walks up and then back down again. It’s one element of the chorus that makes the whole song so catchy. That and some of Ben’s vocal melodies really remind me of the Beach Boys, especially the runs that move down in pitch.
After the second chorus the song brings it down in volume as we enter into the bridge. The piano and drums are more delicate as Ben sings the title of the song three times. It’s almost as if he’s finally realizing that he’s lost Lisa and he admits that “there’s nothing I can do.” And it’s right during this realization where the instruments start building up in energy to bring us to the instrumental section. I wouldn’t call it a solo necessarily as none of the instruments really play a full on solo (although Ben does play some tasty licks). Instead we actually get a lot of space where the instruments can breathe. My favorite parts is when you can hear the electric guitars play a couple of old timey strums.
Then the song ends on an outro which a different variation of chords than the chorus. Ben sings “black tears are falling, falling” as he also provides his own backing vocals singing “ahh.” It’s a great little jam section that eventually ends on a B flat/F chord and some tambourine action.
When it comes to this album, this is one of my favorite underrated songs from it. It’s not as flashy as the title track, nor does it have the beauty of a song like “Carrying Cathy.” But it’s just one of those songs that flows effortless and can stuck in your head in a non annoying way. It’s fun to single along to and easy to follow; it’s basically a song where a relationship falls apart because one person is not only ignorant to the signs, but also does nothing to solve any of the problems. It’s a song that was played live on most nights on Ben’s What Matters Most tour. I was ecstatic to hear it and I think Ben’s backing band plus Talk Heights made this song better than it would have been with just Ben and his piano.
But what do you think about this song? Is it an underrated song from Rockin’ the Suburbs? What do you think the song is about? Favorite lyrical or musical moments? And did you ever catch it live?

https://youtu.be/TK6XQ1_L6To?si=ZGfN8fEZOeSnPShi
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tragicallyhip/escapeisathandforthetravellinman.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be taking a closer listen/look at the penultimate track from Phantom Power titled “Escape is at Hand for the Travellin’ Man.”
“Escape…” is a fan favorite song from the band. It was voted to be included on the band’s Yer Favorites album, it was also voted as the song fans wanted to hear live the most in 2004 and it was the first song that the band practiced before their final tour in 2016. And the song itself has a pretty rich history.
The song was written for Jim Ellison, the lead singer and guitarist for the Chicago, Illinois band Material Issue. Unfortunately, on June 20th, 1996, Jim committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. This song lyrically, as we will break down, describes the short relationship that Gord had with Jim as well as how Gord grieved over his loss.
But before we dive into the lyrics, we have to talk about the music of this track because the music plays for a full minute before Gord’s vocals come in. Imagine if the outro jam for “The Last of the Unplucked Gems” went on for almost six minutes. That’s close to what we get with this song. Johnny’s drum beat is slightly faster than the Road Apples closing track, not super fast but enough to get your head nodding along. You also have the star of the show (in my opinion) Mr. Gord Sinclair with his phenomenal bass playing. He’s playing these chords in a picking pattern very high up on the neck of his bass. He plays it in a very hypnotic way and does a ton of variations like slides as well and moving all around the fret board. To me, it’s what drives the song and recently he made a short video describing how he came up with the bassline. You can check it out here:
https://youtube.com/shorts/vnMabjQTRtA?si=lOexR5kZarikBcHs
So while you have this extremely tight groove between Sinclair and Johnny, Paul is playing these counter melodies/riffs to the song’s grooving bassline. And then you have Rob who’s playing one of his most interesting guitar parts. Throughout most of the song, Rob is playing these little atmospheric guitar parts that include slides, hammer ons, pull offs and harmonics. But to make this sound even more interesting he set up a delay unit for his guitar with different speeds. This creates different sound with the different speeds every three seconds or so. It’s how his guitar sounds so dreamy on this song.
Once Gord starts singing, the first thing I notice is his vocal delivery. He sings this song in a typical Gord way that is just unique enough that it takes a couple of listens to be able to sing along with him on the verses. He starts off the song with the lyric “it was our third time in New York, it was your fourth time in New York. We were fifth and sixth on the bill.” Although I couldn’t find the exact history, we are to assume that this lyric dives into the history of the Hip playing a show/festival with Jim and his band Material Issue. This may have even been the first time that each band had met each other. It would make sense that the Hip would be fifth or sixth on the bill since they never broke out in the states. I also want to point out the clever way that Gord counts up with the lyrics “third, fourth, fifth, sixth.”
Gord sings about talking to Jim about each other bands as well as their “future plans.” But then he makes it a point that they are not “best” friends. They’ve only met briefly during some sort of music festival and it’s hard to be someone’s best friend in that short amount of time. And right before the band transitions into the chorus, you can barely hear Gord say “why, what did we do?”
The band transitions until the chorus which still keeps that somewhat laid back sound, this time with different chords and Paul being a bit more deliberate with his picking. Gord sings “that number scheme comes back to me. In times beyond our heartbeat.” I think the “number scheme” could be that “third, fourth, fifth, sixth” lyrics that he sings throughout the first verse. And the heartbeat lyric is something he’ll return to later on that we’ll talk about then. Vocally, Gord sings the chorus in a more straightforward way and it’s extremely catchy with Paul’s backing harmonies.
The band goes back into the vibe heavy verse jam with those atmospheric guitar notes from Rob still playing. In this verse, Gord sings about hanging around to the last band performing at this festival and this band happens to be called Escape Is At Hand For The Travelling Man. Of course it’s a fake band name Gord came up with, but oh man is it so good. He also makes up different songs that this band plays such as “Lonely From Rock And Roll”, “They Checked Out An Hour Ago” and “They Checked Out An Hour Ago.” All fantastic names and the last name could have a double meaning behind someone choosing to end their live.
In the second chorus we get Gord singing “those melodies come back to me. At times beyond our heartbeat.” I love this lyric because as I get older, I’ll hear a song and even a specific melody, and it’ll transport me to the first time I ever heard it. Music is the closest thing we have to a time machine right now.
After the second chorus get into the bridge section which sees the guitar take a more typical approach by strumming chords. This gives this section a bit more intensity than the rest of the song and makes it soar instead of drone (in a good way). Gord’s vocals become a bit more lively and passionate as he sings “I guess I'm too slow” which to me is him acknowledging that he was too slow to reconnect with Jim while he had the chance. He sings “you said any time of the day was fine. You said any time of the night was also fine” which is probably what Jim told him when they first met and exchanged numbers. With Paul’s backing vocals this bridge is extremely emotional and hits hard when you understand the context.
In the third verse Gord sings about trying to reach Jim but getting no answer on the seventh floor of the hotel. Gord does a phenomenal job at painting pictures, like of pigeons weighing down a telephone wire or the elevator giving out a low moan which adds to the bitterness of this song. He even sings about a chambermaid singing along to the fake song “They Checked Out An Hour Ago.” At the end of the verse he sings “I kind of chucked” in a similar way that he sung/talked the last line of the first verse.
After a final chorus and additional bridge, the band goes back into the intro/verse jam. But as Gord continues to sing “our heartbeat” (which to me could be about how fragile human life is) we can hear Johnny’s drumming becoming heavier and starts driving the song even more than the bass is. This leads to a euphoric vocal delivery from Gord with the amazing lyric “long conversation or idle chit chat. Maybe dive in or maybe hang back.” It doesn’t matter if it’s a deep conversation or if it’s just casual talk, it’s important to talk and connect to the people you love while you have the chance. And the way Gord sings this lyric really seals the deal. After the building of that last lyric the band quietly but quickly dissolves to end the song in a fitting way.
This song means a lot to a lot of people because of its rich lyrics, its emotional depth and its stunning music. It’s no wonder why it’s a fan favorite and was the band’s 20th most played song live. Before we close out this discussion I would like to post a story that a fan had of this song when it came to a particular live performance;
“Gord said during a live performance of this song on May 11, 2007, that Material Issue had driven through the night in their van to get to this concert in NY. After the show, one of the guys in the band was too sick to sleep in their van, and they had no accommodations. Gord said he and Paul offered the guy their hotel room, he accepted, and that was the last time they ever saw any of them. Material Issue checked out the next morning before saying goodbye to The Hip.”
But what do you think of this fan favorite? Is it one of the band’s best songs? What does the song mean to you? What are your favorite lyrical or musical moments? And did you ever catch it live?

You can read Part 1 here.

Interlude: Two Promises

Japanese	Romaji	English
あなたしか見えないの	anata shika mienai no	I can only see you.
あなたしか見えないの	anata shika mienai no	I can only see you.
なんであなたしか見えないの？	nande anata shika mienai no?	...why can I only see you?

Feeling absolutely terrible, Subject A remarks without much thought, “You have everything that everyone else doesn’t have.” (The emphasis is the author’s, and is used in mostly the same way throughout the book when Subject A uses みんな “everyone” to refer to the five versions of her friend.) The moment those words leave her mouth, Subject A immediately realizes that she is blaming Four again as well as the fruitlessness of doing so. She is disappointed in herself for saying it. However, of course, Four doesn’t know the other versions of herself and thinks “everyone” refers to the people around them in this world, so she starts listing her own faults. Regretting what she said, Subject A apologizes and tells Four to disregard those words.
Subject A personally considers talking about other worlds to be taboo, but she ends up doing it again. “I still haven’t been to that beach,” she mutters, referring to a promise she made with Three to go together. It has been Four’s world for so long, Subject A hasn’t had the chance to meet Three. Four comments that she and her classmates had also talked about wanting to go to the beach, but she had to take on some student committee work. Hearing Four’s promise leaves a bad taste in Subject A’s mouth.

あたしもきみと海に行くって、約束したんだけどな。 皆あなたを愛している。 皆あなたばかりを求める。 みんなあなたとおんなじなのに。 なんであなたしか見えないの？
Even though I also promised to go to the beach with you [Three, while also seeing Three and Four as the same person]. Everyone loves you. Everyone wants only you. Even though everyone else [the versions other than Four] is the same person as you. Why can I/everyone only see you? (p. 80, emphasis is the author’s)

Chorus 2: Catchy

Japanese	Romaji	English
あなたしか見えないの	anata shika mienai no	I can only see you.
蠱毒巣食った呪ひ言	kodoku sukutta noroigoto	Words cursed in a venomous pit.[1]
此方は気にせずお幸せに	kochira wa ki ni sezu oshiawase ni	(*) Please be happy and don't worry about me.
嗚呼、堕ちていく	aa, ochite iku	Aah, I'm falling in...

(Note from original translator) [1] The wording used here is really interesting- "蠱毒" is a method of making poison where many venomous animals are trapped in a single vessel and are forced to eat each other until a single survivor emerges.
Subject A calls Four キャッチー (“catchy”). Both of them aren’t really sure what that means. Subject A thinks she was being cynical or sarcastic saying that. Four guesses that it means “popular” or “well-received”. It’s very clear that 呪ひ言 (noroigoto, curse) here refers to the word “catchy” itself. It’s referenced in the song Catchy !? here:

唯、何時かのあの子の呪いが / 焼き付いている It’s just, at some point that girl’s curse / Was etched into my brain… (TL by teary eyes, with edits by khattikeri and Violet)

And in the chapter linked to Catchy !? as well:

何時しかわたしに「呪いの言葉」を贈ったあの子。 That girl who, at some point, gifted me [Four] the “curse”. (p. 14) [TL Note: The first-person pronoun わたし is used exclusively by Four. The speaker in this chapter is the one who chooses between the versions, and whose first-person pronoun is recorded only as ■.]

Adding on to the original song translator Kaz’s note [1], 蠱毒 (kodoku) is an ancient poisonous magic with some recorded use in Japan’s Nara period (710-784 or 794) and appearing in Japanese folklore. r-906 also uses the classical Japanese_rule) writing style 呪ひ言 as opposed to modern 呪い言. These probably emphasize that Subject A’s emotions towards Four, the other versions and the person choosing between them have been brewing for a long time.
I also saw a Japanese comment on the song noting that 蠱毒巣食った is a homophone of 孤独救った (kodoku sukutta, "saved from loneliness"). Subject A does complain during narration about feeling lonely because there’s no way she could tell anyone about the five worlds and five versions of her friend (p. 65), so dropping those cryptic comments to Four about "everyone else" and calling her "catchy" could be a way of alleviating her loneliness, even if done unconsciously, or even if only for a little while.
Staring straight into Four’s eyes, Subject A adds that even though Four always receives lots of attention from everyone, she strives to and manages to respond to all the attention. Subject A begins to say, “Even if I didn’t exist, you…” probably intending to say Four wouldn’t be any less happier. This is linked to the third line of the lyrics, which uses unnaturally formal or polite words as Subject A puts a barrier between the two of them again.

Chorus 3: Consolation

Japanese	Romaji	English
あなたしか見えないの	anata shika mienai no	I can only see you.
有象無象のひとりなら	uzoumuzou no hitori nara	(*) Since I’m just another face in the crowd,
あなたの「特別」に成れたのね！	anata no "tokubetsu" ni nareta no ne!	(*) I’ve become "special" to you!
嗚呼、素敵だわ	aa, suteki da wa	(*) Aah, isn’t that wonderful?
クセになっちゃうわ	kuse ni nacchau wa	Oh, I could get addicted to this.
目も当てられないわ	me mo aterarenai wa	I can't stand watching this.

Four interrupts by joking, “Oh, what’s this? So you’re jealous? How adorable!” and pats Subject A’s head. For the first time today, Subject A bursts out laughing. It reminds Four of how the two of them used to play around. Four consoles Subject A,

「大丈夫だよ。自分がいなくても、なんて言わないで。確かにわたし結構友達多い自覚はあるし、色々と頼られたりするけど、みんな等しく友達なんだから。もちろんきみもね」 “It’s okay. Don’t say things like ‘even if you didn’t exist’. Certainly I know that I have quite a lot of friends, and they depend on me in many ways, but it’s because everyone is equally precious to me as friends. You too, of course.” (p. 81)

Subject A thinks about Four’s words.

数年前の切なる願いは叶わなかった。やはりそうだった。 あなたにとって全ての友達は等しく「特別」なのだ。あたしも含めて。 だからこんなどうしようもないあたしも見離さず会いに来てくれたんでしょう？
My fervent wish from years ago [to be “special” to you] didn’t come true. Just as I thought. After all, all your friends are equally “special” to you. Including me. That’s why, even though I’m so hopeless, you didn’t abandon me and came to meet me, right? (p. 82)

Subject A realizes that although she isn’t more important as a friend than others, she's still extremely precious to Four. The last line in the text above suggests that she's grateful and happy about that. Nonetheless, she feels hopelessly pathetic and lonely due to her wish not coming true and having wrongfully blamed and resented Four.
目も当てられない literally describes “something one cannot look at”, and is usually used to refer to a tragedy or disaster that one cannot endure watching. In this case, like how Subject A can’t stand watching herself. On the other hand, in line with the literal meaning, as Four invites Subject A to come to her classroom whenever she likes, promises to talk more with her and leaves, Subject A also thinks that Four is dazzling (眩しい, p. 83). In other words, so bright that Subject A can’t look at her.

ああ、なんて眩しいのだろう。 この一点のかげりもない清らかな眩しさはまるで―― Ah, how dazzling. This clear, dazzling brightness, without so much as a single shadow, is just like― (p. 83)

It's not stated explicitly, but due to the repeated use of the phrase 一点のかげりもない, it's clear that Subject A compares Four to the full moon with a completely unobstructed view.

一点のかげりもない満月は、眩しすぎて少し苦手だ。 The full moon, not obscured by even a single cloud, is so dazzling it's slightly difficult to bear. (p. 68)

I don't know what disliking the bright full moon is supposed to say about Subject A. It could just be that Subject A hadn't made up with Four at the time of p. 68, and the full moon reminds Subject A of her. The slideshow-like paper in the music video does state that Four's motif is the full moon. The other versions' motifs are other phases of the moon.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

The English title diaLOG is a pun using the Japanese title. 会話 (kaiwa) means "dialogue" in the sense of "conversation" while 記録 (kiroku) means "log" in the sense of "record". By the way, "dialogue" and "dialog" are different spellings of the same word, but "dialogue" is the preferred spelling when used to mean "conversation" in both British and American English, whereas "dialog" is used primarily in computing contexts like in "dialog box".
I mentioned this as a reply to a comment on Part 1, but it seems strange to me that Four specifically is depicted to scribble over the projector showing the other versions of herself while laughing and delighted at herself in the music video. Four is just a version that gets chosen and doesn't know that the other versions exist. Subject A did blame Four in the past though, so maybe the scene is showing what Subject A used to think.
Hatsune Miku is the main vocal playing the role of Subject A, while the five CeVIO AI Musical Isotopes sing the backup vocals and act as the five versions. COKO harmonizes and sings backup almost throughout all choruses/sabi, taking on the biggest role both in terms of duration and importance. In contrast, KAFU, SEKAI, RIME and HARU only get two or three lines to sing, so COKO outshines her fellow Musical Isotopes just like Four outshines her other versions.

Afterword

Thank you for reading my longwinded analysis! I love the song and book. Maybe too much, since I lost sleep one night hyperfixating on this song and how it relates to the book, so this has been my way of getting it out of my system.
Again, feel free to comment your own thoughts, including your own interpretations and parts you want clarified.

(I DON'T KNOW HALF THE THINGS I SAID)
Track 1: Shine as Usual 6.5/10 Too vocal heavy. The song immediately starts with the vocals, not even a winding sound (like the one in 'Secret Base') other than a breathe in. The first verse is already so energetic which proceeds to build up in the second half of said verse. This gives off a sense of tension. In most songs (Eg. 'Secret Base' and 'What is Wrong With'), this powered vocals at the start of the song is to draw attention and build anticipation. The energy would then be carried on into the instrumental intro which functions as the hook. However, this isn't the case for 'Shine as Usual'. The build up verse simply moves to the toned down pre-chorus and releases the energy in the chorus. Yes, that's how it usually goes but traditionally, the verse wouldn't be so tense to make the massive dynamic change in the chorus pop off.
The pre-chorus has the same vocal melody as the second half of the verse. This makes the pre-chorus simply fail its job as a build up into the chorus because as the pre-chorus comes, the listener would already be half familiar with it.
After the chorus, the song goes into a short instrumental interlude. I like that the bass is super heavy in this part but either because of that or the super high gain of the lead guitar, this part just sounds like a cluttered wall of sound.
After the second verse and chorus, the song goes into a solo. I actually like what they did with the solo. Before going to the main part, it gives the listener some time to breathe and prepare.
What's after that is the most disappointing. The song immediately goes into the final chorus. There's supposed to be a bridge section with a completely different melody to surprise and hook the listener back in. You could argue that there is a bridge but it's just a toned down version of the chorus, nothing new.
Overall a pretty basic song with almost the same style throughout. It's lacking some small nuances and bits that may be small but is definitely significant (Eg. The vocal break at the end of the second verse in 'Distortion', the rapid drummings in the chorus of 'Guitar, Loneliness and Blue Planet' and the "ohhh-ohh" in their other songs). The only one I can find is when Kita raised her pitch for a second in the second verse. Furthermore, the instruments are barely audible and even in the instrumental parts it just sounds messy. I'm not a huge fan of the abundance of tremolo picking in this song. In conclusion, the only great thing in this song is the vocal melody.
Track 2: Now, I'm going from Underground 9/10 Now this, this right here, is a great song. The song immediately hooks the listener in with the quick 3 seconds drum opening. To be honest, there's nothing much I can say about most parts of this song. Everything is just well written.
After the second chorus, the song goes into a solo (of course). This solo is nothing short of amazing. Not only is the melody simply catchy and exciting, the other guitarist is doing her part in the solo as well instead of just strumming the chords! I also like how it sounds like the two guitars are talking to each other which I find cool and a great way to use two guitarists.
After the solo, the song proceeds into the bridge which still carries some of the energy from the solo. The energy dissipates once it enters the final chorus, starting off with a toned down version, as usual. It is then followed by the normal hyped up version.... as usual. But afterwards, it goes into another even more hyped up chorus with different and more tense sounding instrumentals which gives it a different dynamic. The tension quickly gets relieved when it reaches the outro. Talk about keeping a song going! In addition, the song ends with a pick scrap so that's always a plus.
Overall Album Rating: 8/10 I may have been critical with 'Shine as Usual' but it's still a very great tune. However, 'Now, I'm going from Underground' is the one earning this single a high score.

I made a post about this before. Previously, I thought that the game should have a gritty feel, but I have reconsidered. The last few VFs have gone in a direction of increased realism, but what if we go in the opposite direction?
Recently, I was listening to some old music tracks from VF2/3, and I thought about how vibrant the early VFs were. We should bring back the old school feel. Bring back the catchy, 80s pop music. Make some stages beautiful and other stages dark. This would spice up the game and satisfy veteran fans along with the new generation. The VF story starts in the early 90s, so they can highlight that time period with the music and character designs. They can also incorporate minor Sci-Fi elements with the "Judgement 6/Dural" story.
To be clear, this does not mean that VF should turn into an anime game. I stick by the view that the gameplay should remain relatively grounded. But the vibrant, 90s old school theme might be the best way to distinguish VF from Tekken, DOA, and SF in presentation. What do you think about VF returning to that style?
Characters: I already mentioned new characters in my previous post, but I have some more ideas.
1) A German man regarded as the head of the J6 fighters. He is sort of the "face" of the organization that pulled strings behind the scenes. I picture him as a cross between Benny Urquidez and Lee Chaolan. Ear-length, sandy brown hair and blue eyes. Slim build and nimble. He wears a formal dress shirt with a tie. He's personable, but has a hint of bitterness. He uses Kempo Karate with Taekwondo.
2) An "Indigenous" Mexican fighter that uses boxing and folkstyle wrestling. Medium brown skin and neck length black hair (sometimes in a ponytail). He's heavyset. He has a stoic demeanor, yet comes off as heroic and kind. He wears a brown and black Native design, opened button shirt. Instead of kicking, his "K" command is tied to heavy hooks, overhands, uppercuts. He should also have a few street moves like headbutts, elbows, and knees.
3) A Canadian martial arts instructor. He is a "master" of Goju Ryu Karate. Dark brown hair, a mullet, and a Burt Reynolds style mustache. VF's first joke character. He runs a McDojo that he's trying to put on the map. He wears a well-designed red, black, and white gi. He's a big man. His style has heavy strikes and Judo-ish throws, but occasionally has bad technique. He takes himself seriously, but has some humor. He also uses "dishonest" moves like eye pokes, groin shots, and biting.
4) A very young man from China that uses Eagle Claw Kung Fu. He's in his late teens or early 20s and is around the same size as Lion. He looks like a normal, unassuming guy. He wears a sleeveless shirt and Kung Fu pants. Regular haircut, and wears glasses in his player 2 outfit. His fighting gives some Jackie Chan vibes, but without the humor. He's quite agile and acrobatic.
The wait for a VF reboot has been difficult, but I hope the developers give us something fairly unique. What do you think of the ideas?

Not that anyone at this gives a single flying fuck but I did this so I’m posting it. I have included all works from the main 13 albums and singles excluding
The b Side of yellow submarine as no actual beatle plays on it
Those German covers as they really aren’t so different from the original and I didn’t see the point
Unreleased material such as ultra deluxe or whatever the fuck and the l unreleased stuff from anthology (excluding the 3 last Beatles songs)
There’s a couple of unpopular opinions here so don’t go too hard on me I love them all in my own way,
214:WILD HONEY PIE: To be clear I don’t dislike the idea of the song, but I just think it’s a huge middle finger to the album. I can’t help but laugh at it as it is a mockery of Paul McCartney by Paul McCartney. I can’t help but think it’s what John thinks his little jaudy ditties sound like. However I think it’s horrible to have to listen to I’m not angry at it, just disappointed. It really could’ve been a good parody song, as it however. I think it’s a filler interlude.
213: BOYS: The original version is leagues better, and when it comes to the Beatles that’s saying something. I can’t think of anything that justifies the existence of this song. The only redeeming aspect is it’s refreshing to hear ringo sing sometimes, he does a fine job of it.
212: A TASTE OF HONEY Trashy song too sweet and pissy for me (for a great lack of a better term) Paul sounds bad on this, the whole thing sounds trashy. Drivel
211: P.S I LOVE YOU Does nothing for me.
210: SUN KING Oh a hot take. Or is it, I won’t count the medley itself as no one else seems to but if so I respect it way more than it’s placed. It’s a bit trippy but not to an extent of intriguing me. The translation to mr mustard is great but I’m not ranking that. On its own, In My Opinion, bad
209: PLEASE PLEASE ME Has everything that I dislike about the early work, especially the harmonica, fine singing but could’ve been synced better.
208: THIS BOY Forgettable and boring to me
207: SEXY SADIE fascinating song but not particularly good or interesting in my opinion. The stories of who’s it about however are worth looking into.
206: ASK ME WHY Might it have something to do with love. As you might tell I’m not big on please please me. This one blends in with the rest of the album
205: CHAINS Not an awful song but it’s not overly good. George’s vocals haven’t gotten great yet so he still could use some work. Perfectly bland song
204: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET I am aware this song has a relatively large fan base but this is not for me at all. Sorry
203: THE END First off the “Oh Yeah! All Right!” Are indeed iconic. Everyone’s playing their heart out. Some of Ringos best work. But I don’t know, it doesn’t punch me like I think it should. I like this, but I should love it, and I don’t.
202: GOLDEN SLUMBERS Too repetitive for me to get into. This is the only Beatles song that could’ve been shorter. That’ll be ironic as I pretty much think every Beatles song is too short except this one.
201: ROLL OVER BEETHOVEN Berry did it better
200: ANOTHER GIRL I didn’t think anything of it at all to be honest.
199: TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Fine, not that good, but fine
198: YOU KNOW MY NAME (LOOK UP THE NUMBER) They’re taking the absolute piss. I’m glad this exists but I don’t want to listen to it.
197: BIRTHDAY It’s a birthday song, you know, typical white album. Fine.
196: FLYING This is such a fucking vibe, not much after you’ve heard it the once but still, not bad at all for a mostly instrumental song
195: WHEN I GET HOME It wasn’t that bad, and it wasn’t that good
194: I WANNA BE YOUR MAN Eh
193: THINGS WE SAID TODAY Better but we’re not THE BEATLES yet
192: IM HAPPY JUST TO DANCE WITH YOU Somewhat memorable, kinda boring, not shit
191: ITS ONLY LOVE I’ve heard worse
190: I CALL YOUR NAME Not much to say about these particular songs, they aren’t shit but they’re not at that quality of good, these are the awkward songs.
189: REVOLUTION 1 I originally heard it on the white album and thought “wow that was really mid” the I heard the original single and I thought “wow they really fucked that song” still noice lyrics
188: JULIA Calm ass song. A lot of people love this song to bits but I just don’t relate to it that much, with age I expect to like this song more
187: ALL TOGETHER NOW I guess it’s fine
186: DON’T BOTHER ME It’s just meh
185: HOLD ME TIGHT Still meh
184: DIG IT I like this but it’s so short and non sensical I can’t put it any higher
183: I SAW HER STANDING THERE I like this, but it’s still a bit too sappy
182: BLUE JAY WAY This is a weird ass song. Very George. It has those uppy downy lyrics, there’s a lot to like here but also a fair few things that I don’t like, like the lyrics could have been more defined and worked on, and it could use some more power in the vocals
181: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER Karmas a bitch
180: THE NIGHT BEFORE This one has better production but the same blandness that culminates in old Beatles music
179: WAIT There’s going to be enough hot takes on this list anyway so I will contain my feelings on rubber soul. Let’s just say the Beatles evolutions had a middle ground from lovey dovey 60s bops to the psychedelic rock they’re know for. That middle ground is rubber soul, not a bad album, but like the stage from a child to an adult, kinda messed up. This album has some re great moments. But it also has wait, which isn’t bad, but it’s not everything you would want from this particular album.
178: CRY BABY CRY It’s good, idk what else to say not Beatles good but I wouldn’t skip it
177: LOVE ME DO This song just makes you feel happy, nothing else
176: KANSAS CITY/HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY It was ok but I can tell this track wasn’t over fixated on
175: I NEED YOU You can tell it’s an older Beatles
174: DIZZY MISS LIZZY I know there’s a recent dislike for this one but it never fails to make me smile. It’s so fucking chaotic I love it, it does have its production flaws but John is singing his heart out. This is what I want from a Beatles cover track
173: IVE JUST SEEN A FACE Charming enough song
172: TICKET TO RIDE A classic I’m sure. Really has a nice groove and what it lacks in lyrics makes up for in sound.
171: ONLY A NORTHERN SONG I agree with the rest of the group that if this was on Sargent peppers it would be the worst track. However that’s not to take away from it. It’s a charming piece, it has all the elements of Harrison but overall it is only a northern song
170: SOMETHING Damn here’s the first one I might not survive. People who were on the fence before will probably switch to the ‘eh, fuck this guy’ field. I don’t dislike the song, it’s a good song, it’s a great love song but it’s a very expected feet. Every line while sung with excellence is very conventional, it’s tropey. Perhaps it’s too far to call it cheesey. And don’t get me wrong I love the simple cheesey songs a lot (just wait till you see where I put silver hammer). But this one just doesn’t strike a nerve for me. I did think the same thing about strawberry fields forever for a while before listening to it more so maybe it’ll crawl up the ranks someday but overall I think it’s a nice love song that has some great production but after that it’s overshadowed by the rest of the album.
169: ALL MY LOVING Yeah, it’s a classic, who couldn’t like it
168: MOTHER NATURES SON This one has a huge fanbase as well. It’s a good song, great use of imagery and metaphors. Doesn’t do much after that in terms of production and the way it’s sang, just a nice song to chill to in my opinion.
167: ALL I’VE GOT TO DO Again, short, sweet song
166: YOU NEVER GIVE ME YOUR MONEY Yeah this one’s interesting. It goes through a fair amount of genres for one song. On one hand its structure is something of a mess, however it still is a good listen, it’s cute in the best sense. The fact that it’s about Allen Kline is also funny if not a little saddening
165: IT WONT BE LONG Wasn’t long, still nice
164: ANY TIME AT ALL Just another comfrey Beatles song
163: YOU’VE GOT TO HIDE YOUR LOVE AWAY Although I think this song is a little overrated not bad
162: DEAR PRUDENCE I know I like this song a lot less than others do. It takes a while to get going but when it hits that euphoric moment you know I’m talking about it’s bliss, but the first half kinda dull
161: BECAUSE A little oddity on the Abby road medley that’s just, I don’t know, conflicting. If it where longer maybe I could decide if I liked it or not but for now it stays here
160: THANK YOU GIRL Sweet little song that gives you a warm feeling
159: LONG LONG LONG At this point in the white album that’s what I was thinking. It’s not bad but it could’ve been longer (no pun intended) and released as a single with the right editing. George Martin could make it work I’m sure
158: I WILL Here’s how I feel. I always like it when I hear it, but forget what it sounds like 2 seconds after.
157: IF I FELL Cheesy but still pretty catchy
156: AND I LOVE HER This is nice also
155: LITTLE CHILD Though the lyrics in 2024 sound a little ‘noncey’ that’s part of the reason why it sticks out to me. It always gives me a chuckle. Little child… the way he says “I’m so sad and LoNeLy” is so cartoony and I like it.
154: ILL GET YOU Yeah, good, fine, acceptable
153: BACK IN THE U.S.S.R This is why the Beatles beat the beach boys for me this. Classic song that probably had America tugging at there collars, just genius
152: ITS ALL TOO MUCH Again this isn’t bad, am I blown away, not necessarily. But this is a bop
151: THERES A PLACE I like this quite nice I think
150: A HARD DAYS NIGHT A lot of people love it, I just think it’s fine, good song I guess
149: ILL CRY INSTEAD These are the songs that are well produced but lyrically forgettable. This is one of ‘em
148: EVERY LITTLE THING I really like Beatles for sale, it’s so fun, it’s a fun album. Every little thing isn’t badly written but I listen for the music. George is good on this, ringos subtly great. Just wholesome
147: EVERYBODY’S TRYING TO BE MY BABY A song of its time, and quite and tie tapper if you ask me
146: WORDS OF LOVE A pleasant song for any day
145: DAY TRIPPER Nice melody, ok lyrics, good enough song
144:BEING FOR THE BENEFIT OF MR KITE When I first heard this song I didn’t listen to the lyrics, the ones I did catch lead me to believe that it was some sort of political song with mr k being some sort of satirical caricature. Upon second listen I realised it’s just a song about a circus performer putting on a show, I can interpret some lyrics as a reference to some political nature but I think it really boils down to a circus song. It’s giving me a sense of stereotypical Halloween music you’d hear with the way the rhythm goes up and down frequently in the same line. Just a fun little jingle. Also I believe if Paul had wrote it John would have hated it, many probably do hate it. What does everyone have against whimsy?
143: CANT BYE ME LOVE Cliché yes, catchy yes, enjoyable yes
142: THINK FOR YOURSELF Fine little song with not much to write about
141: FREE AS A BIRD I am quite conflicted on the 3 last Beatles songs. They are mostly John Lennon demos rather than Beatles mixes. I was of two minds including them but I thought I may as well because they are interesting to talk about. I don’t think these are as cash cow despicable as some would argue. A lot work has clearly been done to preserve them and restore them. It’s hard to look at this song on its own basis. On its own it’s pleasant, but overall I do not really know why they bothered to release it as a Beatles track, it feels very unbeatles to me but as I say I don’t dislike it, I’m just not sure on where I stand on its purpose
140: REAL LOVE I have the exact same opinion on this one I just like the song better
139: MAGGIE MAY I just think love the accents alright. How long is it 50 seconds? For the life of me I’ll never get why they didn’t make their songs longer. I fancy me chances with this one
138: DEVIL IN HER HEART Solid cover of a very good song
137: PIGGIES This one’s kinda weird. We all get the piggies are elite pricks but the way George pronounces dirt just sells me on it. Good effort, could’ve been longer.
136: EIGHT DAYS A WEEK I like it, don’t love it, it’s what you expect but it does deliver in that regard
135: HELP! Iconic, reasonably catchy, just wholesome man
134:IF I NEEDED SOMEONE Rubber soul being kind of quirky comes through softly but noticeably here
133: MEAN MR MUSTARD This song just flows man. I love the lyrics, like the instruments and how they bounce off each other. Just the right amount of absurdity. If only it were longer…
132: HELLO GOODBYE Classic, I do like this one, but you know I always forget how much until I listen to it again
131: LONG TALL SALLY A lot of people hate this one but I think it’s fine
130: TWIST AND SHOUT COMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEOWWN
129: ILL BE BACK Yeah, not bad, not bad at all, rather good actually
128: TELL ME WHY Classes Beatles getting it right
127: TILL THERE WAS YOU You know, maybe with the Beatles gets too much hate
126: OLD BROWN SHOE Not one of George’s best and the mixing is jarring but the lyrics are very nice
125: FROM ME TO YOU Just a sweet song, nothing wrong with that
124: SHES A WOMAN Not much to unpack, Paul is good in this though
123: MICHELLE Everyone loves Michelle. It’s a dainty song that isn’t that great, but good, it’s just so quaint
122:THE WORD The n word. No love of course. Maximum corniness but still a treat to hear, Lennon sings it believably
121: WHAT GOES ON How eloquent, idfk
120: BAD BOY Now junior, behave yourself! I just needed to hear Lennon say that and I was hooked. Weird to release a cover as a single but I won’t complain
119 : FIXING A HOLE Fun psychedelia, bring the family
118: MATCHBOX Just a song on the struggles of life, Beatles style
117: ONE AFTER 909 Chaotic song that gets the blood flowing. Also regrettably relatable
116: GETTING BETTER The charm is in the McCartney Lennon dynamic. Paul says it’s getting better everyday. John says it can’t get much worse. Doesn’t that sum up those two quiet well. Just so vibrant. This era had so much colour.
115: FOR YOU BLUE Solid song, ain’t bad at all
114: ACT NATURALLY I like this song a lot. Ringo fits well for it, it’s playful, just so pleasing
113: I DONT WANT TO SPOIL THE PARTY Another underrated song from Beatles for sale.
112: BABY ITS YOU This is fun
111: MONEY (THATS WHAT I WANT) Good cover, maybe not as good as the original but you can just feel the mayhem going on through the speakers
110: YOU WONT SEE ME Mmhm, mmhm, yup, that’s some nice music
109: YOU LIKE ME TOO MUCH A playful, goofy ass song that has some great lines and a pretty fine beat
108: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD KNOW Heartwarming, just, heartwarming
107: YOU CANT DO THAT Not perfect but undeniably based
106: NOT A SECOND TIME A great story mixed with some simply beautiful descriptions making up a song that hits different form other songs of the similar nature
105: SLOW DOWN It’s the bluddy beetles mate, whatja expect
104: YOU’RE GOING TO LOOSE THAT GIRL The character in this story is such a dick but I just can’t help vibing with him. He’s such a cnt that he says he gonna steal the guys girl right to the guys face. That’s hilarious and I really like it
103: GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING Gets too much hate for what it is
102: RAIN I don’t know what it is about rain that grabs me but every time I listen I just get drawn in, it’s very clean
101: MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR ROLLUP ROLLUP. God I think this is so vibrant, so colourful, just really cool, great harmony, overshadowed by the rest of the album
100: MISERY Misery stuck with me, unexpectedly based for a first album
99: YES IT IS Yeah yeah yeah this one’s pretty good yeah
98: CARRY THAT WEIGHT I just sing this all the time randomly. It’s to the point, honest, fun. I don’t know what accents they’re singing in this time but it’s great. Not much of a lullaby though.
97: WHY DONT WE DO IT IN THE ROAD This one just makes me happy. I know it’s kind of filler but the way Paul increasingly hypes things up in his vocals make me smile. Big fan of this, thing
96:HONEY DONT I liked this a lot the first time I heard it and frankly I still do
95: IN MY LIFE When rubber soul gets it right it can end up like this song. And that’s a good thing
94: NOWHERE MAN Lyrically enchanting, some hot instrumentation. Production ok and a more memorable song from rubber soul
93: I FEEL FINE Yup this is fine
92: YESTERDAY A song you think is overplayed until you listen and it’s just so good. A real highlight from the early years, my favourite from help, a somber melody that is sang flawlessly by Paul
91: LOVELY RITA A song of a somewhat unlikely love that is different enough from the Beatles other love songs to stand out
90: WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS Why is it so low I hear you scream. Well to be honest FOR ME the verses while lyrically interesting don’t stand out in my mind. Obviously the chorus is incredible but it’s just as the rest of the verses which mind you are still good that bring it down for me. A song not really my thing till the chorus hits but still the fact that it’s there makes it worth the listen
89: HER MAJESTY Yes, I prefer this over while my guitar gently weeps. Moving on, I think this is a fun, tongue in cheek song that I always thought implied he was talking about money. Think about it, her majesty is on all the bank notes, she certainly doesn’t have a lot to say in that case, price changes from day to day. Paul loves it but to get it he has to get a belly full of wine to make it… think about it.
88: SHE CAME IN THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW Ah, this one. The intrigue of the contrast of the chorus and the verses. One of my favourite from the medley
87: YOU REALLY GOT A HOLD ON ME With the Beatles being underrated again
86: TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS Look, I don’t dislike this song, it’s just a bit messy for me. There’s a lot going on and I like that but ultimately the trippy style is done better in other songs like day in the life. But I do like that George Martin on the piano isn’t half bad, he’s one of twelve fifth Beatles I hear
85: HERE COMES THE SUN I like George I swear. This song is really good and I like it but I just wouldn’t listen to it as much as some higher ones below. The changing of the seasons to describe a relationship isn’t new but it fit’s really well here I think.
84: IM SO TIRED Would be higher if it were longer, good, very good, too short
83: POLYTHENE PAM The fucking accents. Love the weird ass story of the gender ambiguous Pam and her drag persona as in a polythene bag. Just a fun character song
82: DOCTOR ROBERT My least favourite from revolver but still charming enough
81: WHAT YOUR DOING Just good
80: BLACKBIRD I really like this. I want to love it, but it’s so goddamn short man. Oh well what we got is still great
79: DONT PASS ME BY Weird, goofy, sung by ringo. A real gem of a song off the white album.
78: ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC A cover almost better than the original berry’s. Almost is still a hard feet to reach.
77: IM LOOKING THROUGH YOU The loss of a love has been done many times by these guys but this is one of there best
76: WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS The lyrics are kinda mid in my opinion but hearing ringo sing always has its perks
75: IVE GOT A FEELING Very good song, production a little iffy but not horrible, I think let it be is given too much shit for that
74: GOOD NIGHT They subverted my expectations with this one. What a way to end such a large album, I think this one is cute and light and just very sweet. Whispering is somewhat creepy though.
73: WITHIN YOU WITHOUT YOU We all know they were on a lot of serious shit during this era but goddamn the lsd vibes mixed with the Indian sitar sound is really fucking unique. And I like it, don’t love it but still
72: IM DOWN V good
71: THE INNER LIGHT V nice
70: BABYS IN BLACK This one strikes a nerve with me, a hood premise, John sings it well. A treat
69: ILL FOLLOW THE SUN Never got why people disliked this one. I had a theory that the guy in it is dead and he’s going away from his girl, you know, towards the Sun
68: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE More than inspired by Elvis but I can’t complain its a banger
67: PLEASE MR POSTMAN This is well suited for John to sing. I prefer this over the original maybe that’s controversial to say I don’t know. It’s great
66 : GLASS ONION The rocking beat is what hooks me at this one to be honest, the references are cool but a bit pointless
65: MARTHA MY DEAR Who doesn’t love dogs, just heartwarming. Just pure joy
64: IM A LOSER God this album doesn’t get enough love
63: MR MOONLIGHT I heard people disliked this one but John is really suited for this one. I do indeed prefer it to its counterpart
62: LOVE YOU TO Weird vibes, good track
61: I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND Just gets you grooving. Love it
60: DIG A PONY Nonsense song that sounds good in your ears, typical Lennon
59: DRIVE MY CAR Maybe overrated but still slaps
58: GIRL Love girl
57: SHE LOVES YOU Again one of those dancer songs that never fails to deliver
56: ANNA (GO TO HIM) Way better than the original, such a good cover, ah, bliss
55: NOW AND THEN You see is this the recency bias. I don’t think so I hope not but it feels like it is. Man I don’t know it just sounds like Lennon was going for something different and I get it. There was so much work that went into this I just don’t know. I do really like it.
54: I WANT TO TELL YOU Somewhat forgettable but when I hear it it comes rushing back to me.
53: GOOD DAY SUNSHINE Good vibes, peace and love you know
52: HERE THERE AND EVERYWHERE Somewhat cliché but idk I like it
51: TWO OF US I just love this. I don’t think it’s as badly produced as some claim (the long and winding road is evidently over produced but it still goes absolutely hard)
50: TAXMAN We can all relate to this. More relevant than ever, and will continue to be in the future I’m sure
49: WHEN IM SIXTY FOUR It’s so jaunty that I feel like it would belong in a cartoon but that just makes it better for me. I love whimsy
48: IM ONLY SLEEPING This is great
47: PAPERBACK WRITER Be longer please
46: WE CAN WORK IT OUT Longer be please
45: HEY BULLDOG Kickass bass playing by Paul. Lyrics that were just fucked together by John are somehow incredible. Ringos drumming on this one is really good too. Wow, for a throwaway song it works really well
44: NORWEGIAN WOOD (THIS BIRD HAS FLOWN) You can almost smell the pot off this one. Love Norwegian wood rubber soul at its best.
43: AND YOUR BIRD CAN SING Not much to say great song
42: GOT TO GET YOH INTO MY LIFE Iconic, great again
41: ELANOR RIGBY Maybe you’ll say I put this too low but I still like it to a great extent
40: LADY MADONNA One of their best character songs
39: THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD Epic song, great lyrics, sang fantastically, so good
38: SHE SAID SHE SAID Tripping balls but goddamn amazing
37: LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS Psychedelia on full force with this one. Some of the best imagery from any song. It’s charming and fun and at times mystical but overall Johns way with words really come to the top of the log pill with this track
36: I ME MINE In hindsight a song that highlights the way George felt the world around him was and he was probably right. I like the metaphor and the waltz aspect works more than any other of the Beatles attempts at the style, it’s a fantastic piece
35: THE FOOL ON THE HILL Oh I love this song so very much. The song has the fool as some sort of wise figure many (myself included) take to be god. And I like to think if there is a god he’s like this. Watching over giving the world his wisdom but we’re just to ignorant to hear it. Also the medieval sound is one of my favourite styles (love sunforest if you’ve ever listened to any of their songs) so the flute works just so well for me especially when it mixes with the piano. Oh I just love this song to bits it’s great
34: ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE The cheesiness is undeniable, the magic is unbeatable. This song is just such a good album ender. The chaos and randomness near the climax is such an incarnation of the love message and how it works as an organised mayhem. The anthem of love and joy and passion is overflowing and I really like this song, if you can’t tell
33: NO REPLY Oh the way people overlook this song is not right. Its well written, it’s well sang, everyone’s playing well, it’s delightful
32: HONEY PIE I know people hate this song however for me it brings me back into the 20s. It is a sweet ditty that works really well for me and I love this one
31: FOR NO ONE God I love this. It feels so personal and is reflective, as unbiased as it can be and just beautifully sang with no grit. It’s honest. Paul’s on piano here witch is always great. Ringos drums work well to I think. This one’s just brilliant
30: SARGENT PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND REPRISE I love this, the best feels like fucking hip hop, it’s a nice way to lead into day in the life it’s just good no real flaws
29: SARGENT PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND Well this is just a perfect way to start an album. Set up the setting, it explains why the music in this one’s a little different as it’s not the Beatles it’s Sargent peppers and that’s a good concept from the start. You get a real idea if what the world the album takes place in is like and you get a feel for the members of the band itself. Just a class act
28: SAVOY TRUFFLE Controversial one perhaps. I just like the song. The mixing is interesting, the lyrics are fun, I think George outdid himself with it, all just to mock Eric Clapton, hilarious
27: ROCKY RACCOON I know this one’s gonna be a war. Rocky raccoon is so listenable, and fun and encapsulating.Paul is singing it in a great way. I just like it, ok, just my taste. If you hate this song and believe it should be burned than that is perfectly fine, but don’t undermine someone else’s opinion
26 : DONT LET ME DOWN Oh this one’s so powerful, grand, fitting really.
25: YELLOW SUBMARINE I have a fee that I’m not going to survive this list. Can I not like fun, that’s what this is, pure unfiltered fun. This song makes me very happy ok. Ringo singing it just gives it that relaxing feel. Yellow submarine is that kind of happy go lucky song I love
24: REVOLUTION After hearing its bastardisation this is just so refreshing. It’s about a peaceful revolution. It sure as hell doesn’t sound peaceful what with the two electric guitars blowing my speakers out. This one just sounds like a revolution should in a song, and it’s really very good because of it.
23: GET BACK Shit, shit back, shit 1. No I love this. This is such a vibe man it strikes a nerve, it sounds incredible (considering it was recorded outside) and it helps that everyone is clearly giving it there absolute all. Love get back.
22: OB-LA-DI OB-LA-DA I don’t know if this one is as controversial as it used to be but I know there are still some who fucking loath this song. I saw an article where it put this song as the worst the Beatles ever done saying that it was genuinely a horrible experience to listen to. I don’t know this song is just a tonic for a bad day, I will always feel a little bit better after listening to it and that really pulls it up the list. Don’t get the hate
21: A DAY IN THE LIFE Oh boy. This is so good damn it. The Lennon McCartney dynamic is the best it ever will be. Lennon reads the news of suicide and sees a war film while Paul dashes about in his chipper day. The rising orchestra is incredible, Ringos drumming is so different to other approaches in the genre. I can’t tell the scales of the strangeness and the depression aspect mixed with the weird ass ending it’s just an experience instead of a song.
20: OH! DARLING You can’t deny the power in this song, Paul gives it his absolute soul and it works for me, this rejection song is more of an explosion of emotions that gets you invested. Idk I like it
19: REVOLUTION 9 Well I’m dead, there’s no redeeming myself now oh well, however if you would at least hear me out on why I put number nine here then I will do my best. I love things that are different, things that go against the norm and defy expectations. And if we can all agree that revolution 9 is not what you expect when you think Beatles then we have agreed on something. This song (if you can call it a song) is doing for me something interesting. Celebrating the avant-garde while also making fun of it. It sounds impeccable. The mixing is superb, it makes full use of the stereo format. It makes me feel things, picture things, it’s a very interpretive sound that mixes together different instruments and words and phrases forwards and backwards to make something of a trip. This sounds like what a revolution sounds like, points getting muffled over time, being big and grand before shrinking into disarray. You can take what you want from the meaning but when I listen I get completely overwhelmed with feelings. It’s a collage of expression that is most certainly not for everybody but I think is a full on revolution in my head. That’s just how I feel
18: EVERYBODY’S GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE EXCEPT FOR ME AND MY MONKEY There’s some dislike for this one too but I think it’s just a complete rocker, the lyrics also make me chuckle a fair bit
17: THE BALLED OF JOHN AND YOKO I don’t think this one is that hated. I love it. It’s genuinely very funny some highlights being the what you doing in bed interaction and the two gurus in drag. John was highlighting his problems with the media in a way that doesn’t sound bitchy or like he’s talking down to the listeners. Very good song
16: ACROSS THE UNIVERSE God the imagery, similes and lyricism is so beautiful. This is a beautiful song. So elegant
15: SHES LEAVING HOME I was somewhat shocked to find this in some worst of the Beatles lists. The people writing it seeming to miss the point that it isn’t that biased. Sure it shows the hardships of the parents, how broken they are but it realises that fun can simply not manifest in some places and has to be sought out. It’s a real understandable song that is softly sung by Paul in a mystifying way.
14: I WANT YOU (SHES SO HEAVY) Fucking insane song, it’s like a ride at an amusement park it ramps up over time and brings you right to the heights that you wonder how it’s going to end. This song subverts that by giving it no ending, it just gets cut off, which is brilliant. It’s like a ride through hell. A decent into madness of desire in a way making it shockingly relevant.
13: OCTOPUSES GARDEN Kudos to ringo bro just wants to be under the ocean. Calm as fuck. Beautiful expression of the desire to get away from the hassles of life and responsibilities which I’m sure we all relate to. Also bubbles, what’s not to love.
12: HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN It’s almost perfect, but goddamn it it’s too short. I love this thing but I feel it cuts off before it’s time is up you know
11: THE CONTINUING STORY OF BUNGALOW BILL I don’t get the hate for this one (well maybe I do but still) you got a fire ass spanish guitar. A balled of verses, a sing song chorus that feels like it’s taking the piss in a good way. Even an underlying message of hypocrisy and ignorance. Now I know that yoko is very loud on the song but honestly it just ads to the bizarre feeling that the whole song gives off, I love this.
10: YER BLUES One of the most explosive blues songs I’ve ever heard, incredible
9: STRAWBERRY FEILDS FOREVER You already know it’s fantastic, but that still shouldn’t take away how fantastic it is
8: MAXWELLS SILVER HAMMER … yeah, no joke. Listen it was on of the first Beatles songs I ever heard, if not the first. It has that jaunty Paul feel but then it hits you that it’s about a murderer and it just makes me take a step back and go damn, the Beatles could make anything whimsical. It’s so sing song while being so dark. Yea it is fruity but man I don’t know. The synthesiser near the end is also just really fun to me. It’s fun it’s nostalgic and I will always love it. Sorry not sorry.
7: HELTER SKELTER I applaud you Paul McCartney, you put everything you had into this one and it paid off
6: BABY YOU’RE A RICH MAN I don’t know what it is about this one I love so much, I’m not a huge fan of sitar but it works here. I like the lyrics. There’s a lot of interpretation around them but I always took it as a similar vane of the balled of John and Yoko where it is like a dickhead reporter asking John the questions we here Paul sing in a sense of leading him on and that they’re responding in the sense that these people nagging them about having money when most who were had money themselves. Just a thought.
5: COME TOGETHER Classic, genius rhyming scheme brilliant
4: HEY JUDE 2nd Best uplifting song I’ve ever heard
3: LET IT BE Best uplifting song I’ve ever heard
2: PENNY LANE A fantastic song highlighting the serenity in modern life that often goes unrecognised. It’s penny lane, what’s not to love
1: I AM THE WALRUS It’s I am the walrus. Lyrics are dazzling. The whole mixture of instruments and sounds the distortion making it sound like a dream at points. The way it uses the stereo medium is genius. The Beatles were geniuses. One of the best things ever written.

This isn't the first time I've messed things up booking a trip. It's probably OK but I'm a little worried. I'm just so mad at a myself.
It's a SCUBA diving resort and I booked the trip months ago. I've never been to a resort before but I've been diving a lot. They just sent me an email letting me know they charged the rest of the amount due (I already paid a deposit), and they need to know the name of the other person coming with me. There's nobody coming with me and I never said there was but I looked back in the emails and the booking confirmation says 2 divers. I never noticed it. So the price is for two people, which I'm OK with; obviously if I could get a refund and just pay for one, that would be great but I assumed that price was for one and I was OK with it.
What I'm worried about is you don't dive alone, you need a buddy for safety. I've been on other trips where there are other solo travelers diving and we just pair up as dive buddies. I assumed that would happen here too. Now I'm worried that they might say I can't do it without bringing my own buddy. That's pretty unlikely; I've never seen that happen before and they have guides so it seems like I should be able to just go with the group.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I mean, I do know. But. I try so hard to be organized! I have a job! I'm usually very through and careful about reading emails! I don't know how I missed where it said 2 divers! This is 100% my fault; they sent me a description of the package and it says 2 divers. I don't know how I missed that.
And it's on the other side of the world so I'm going to have to wait hours until someone is awake and I can ask (I already replied to the email).
Rationally, I think the most likely outcome is they'll say they're very sorry I can't get a refund for the extra amount but I can still do the trip as planned. Best case, I can do the trip and they'll give me some of the money back. But what I'm scared of is they'll say I can't dive without bringing my own buddy. That's pretty unlikely though. I've been diving with a lot of different operations and I've never encountered one that does that.
Another trip years ago, I got dates wrong and had to pay basically double for a trip because things were non-refundable. Everything went fine after that. I realize I am very, very lucky that I'm financially able to do this.
I tried working with a travel agent once and that sucked, they didn't listen to what I wanted and they planned an itinerary with a ton of different flights which wasn't necessary. I planned/booked my own trip instead and it was so much better than their plan. So I don't want to work with travel agents. And to be fair, I have planned a lot of trips where I didn't get anything wrong. This is only the second major mistake like this. I just feel so stupid, it says 2 divers right there in the email. I don't know how I missed it. Maybe they shouldn't have assumed I was traveling with another person, but it's my fault that after they sent me the booking info where it said 2 divers, I said "yes, I'll take it."
That's one disadvantage of traveling solo; if someone else were involved, there would be 2 sets of eyes on it to notice any mistakes.
Also I wanted to just bring a carry-on but the weight limit for carry-on luggage is really strict so I will definitely need to check my bag. My suitcase is under the size/dimensions limit and I'm just bringing the bare minimum but they basically don't want you carrying on anything more than a smallish backpack. Which is OK, my ticket includes one checked bag. I just hate having to check a bag because I worry about the airports losing or damaging it. I had a checked suitcase get damaged once, and people I know have had checked luggage get damaged or stuff stolen from it. So that's another thing I have to worry about.
At least I have my passport and my checklist of all the stuff I need to bring that I have been obsessively going over all week. I'm renting the dive gear (that's the part where I hope they'll give me a refund, because what I paid included gear for 2 people) so I just need to bring my clothes and toiletries, so at least that's straightforward. I got a new phone battery and I will double- and triple-check that I have my charger and my electrical outlet adapter.
I hate how I can try so hard to get things right and still make a stupid mistake like this. I always feel like other people are perfect and I'm a mess no matter what I do.
Edit: this is the random username Reddit assigned to me. I do see the irony. But it's usually accurate!

Troubleshooting SMTP Email Sending Issues with Hostinger

When it comes to setting up an email service for your business or personal projects, using a reliable SMTP server is crucial for ensuring your emails reach their intended recipients without a hitch. Hostinger, known for its web hosting services, also offers free business email functionalities that many attempt to integrate with their applications. The process, however, can sometimes hit a snag, particularly with the SMTP (Simple Mail Transfer Protocol) settings. Understanding and resolving these issues is key to maintaining smooth communication channels.
The "SMTP connect() failed." error is a common roadblock that developers encounter when trying to send emails through Hostinger's SMTP server. This problem can stem from a variety of reasons, including incorrect SMTP configuration, server downtime, or network issues. Addressing this requires a systematic approach to troubleshooting and applying the correct settings. This guide aims to provide clarity on these settings and offer solutions to overcome the SMTP connection failure, ensuring your emails are sent successfully using Hostinger's email service.

Command	Description
new PHPMailer()	Initializes a new instance of the PHPMailer class to manage email sending.
$mail->IsSMTP()	Sets the mailer to use SMTP.
$mail->Host	Specifies the SMTP server to connect to.
$mail->SMTPAuth	Enables SMTP authentication.
$mail->Username	SMTP username for authentication.
$mail->Password	SMTP password for authentication.
$mail->SMTPSecure	Specifies the encryption method to use (SSL/TLS).
$mail->Port	Specifies the port to connect to on the SMTP server.
$mail->setFrom()	Sets the sender's email address and name.
$mail->addAddress()	Adds a recipient's email address.
$mail->IsHTML()	Specifies whether the email body contains HTML.
$mail->Subject	Sets the subject of the email.
$mail->Body	Sets the HTML body of the email.
$mail->Send()	Sends the email.

Solving SMTP Connection Issues with Hostinger

Dealing with "SMTP connect() failed" errors can be frustrating, especially when the urgency to send emails through your application is high. This problem often arises from a misconfiguration or misunderstanding of the SMTP server settings required by Hostinger. The first step to resolving these issues is to ensure that all SMTP settings are correctly entered, including the server name, port, and authentication details. SMTP server names usually follow a standard format, but they can vary depending on the hosting service. For Hostinger, the SMTP server is "smtp.hostinger.com," and it typically requires SSL encryption on port 465 or TLS on port 587. Authentication is a critical aspect, necessitating accurate username and password entries, which are the same as your Hostinger email account credentials.
Another common issue that could lead to SMTP connection failures is related to the server environment or the PHPMailer version being used. Certain hosting services, including shared hosting environments, may have restrictions or specific requirements for sending emails. Therefore, it's essential to check with Hostinger's support to understand any limitations. Additionally, ensuring that you're using the latest version of PHPMailer can resolve compatibility issues, as updates often include fixes for common problems. If the problem persists, enabling SMTP debug mode in PHPMailer can provide more detailed error messages, helping to pinpoint the exact issue for more targeted troubleshooting. Remember, resolving SMTP errors not only requires technical adjustments but also a clear understanding of the email sending process and the specific requirements of your hosting provider.

Correcting SMTP Connection Failures

PHP Email Dispatch

isSMTP(); $mail->Host = 'smtp.hostinger.com'; $mail->SMTPAuth = true; $mail->Username = 'your_email@example.com'; $mail->Password = 'your_password'; $mail->SMTPSecure = 'ssl'; $mail->Port = 465; $mail->setFrom('your_email@example.com', 'Your Name'); $mail->addAddress('recipient_email@example.com', 'Recipient Name'); $mail->isHTML(true); $mail->Subject = 'Here is the subject'; $mail->Body = 'This is the HTML message body in bold!'; $mail->AltBody = 'This is the body in plain text for non-HTML mail clients'; if(!$mail->send()) { echo 'Message could not be sent.'; echo 'Mailer Error: ' . $mail->ErrorInfo; } else { echo 'Message has been sent'; } ?> 

Advanced SMTP Troubleshooting Strategies

Delving deeper into SMTP connection issues, it's crucial to understand the more nuanced aspects that could impact email deliverability. One such aspect is the IP reputation of the server sending the email. Hostinger, like many email service providers, may impose stricter controls on emails sent from IPs with poor reputations to prevent spam. This means that even if your SMTP settings are correct, emails might still fail to send if the server's IP is blacklisted. Monitoring your server's IP reputation and seeking delisting from blacklists can be vital steps in resolving SMTP issues.
Additionally, proper email formatting and content can play a significant role in successful email delivery. Emails that lack a proper structure or contain elements commonly associated with spam (such as certain keywords or attachments) may be rejected by SMTP servers or marked as spam by receiving email servers. Ensuring that your emails adhere to best practices in content and formatting can help mitigate these issues. This includes using a clear subject line, a reputable sender name, and avoiding large attachments or suspicious links. Understanding these nuances is essential for troubleshooting and preventing SMTP connection failures, ensuring your emails reach their intended recipients efficiently.

SMTP Connection FAQs

1. Question: What does the "SMTP connect() failed" error indicate?
2. Answer: This error suggests that the application is unable to establish a connection with the SMTP server, possibly due to incorrect server details, authentication errors, or network issues.
3. Question: Can I use any port for SMTP with Hostinger?
4. Answer: No, you should use the recommended ports, typically 465 for SSL or 587 for TLS, to ensure a secure connection to Hostinger's SMTP server.
5. Question: How do I know if my server's IP is blacklisted?
6. Answer: You can use online blacklist checking tools to see if your server's IP is listed. If it is, you may need to request delisting through the specific blacklist's process.
7. Question: Why is my email content affecting SMTP delivery?
8. Answer: Emails that appear spammy or contain malicious content can be filtered or rejected by SMTP servers, impacting deliverability.
9. Question: How can I improve the success rate of my SMTP email deliveries?
10. Answer: Ensure your SMTP settings are correct, maintain a good IP reputation, format emails properly, and keep your PHPMailer library up to date.
11. Question: Is SMTP authentication always required?
12. Answer: Yes, SMTP authentication is necessary to verify the sender's identity, preventing unauthorized use of the email service.
13. Question: What is the purpose of SMTPSecure in PHPMailer?
14. Answer: SMTPSecure specifies the encryption method (SSL or TLS) for securing the connection between your application and the SMTP server.
15. Question: How do I enable SMTP debug mode in PHPMailer?
16. Answer: Set the SMTPDebug property of your PHPMailer instance to a value greater than 0 to receive detailed error messages during email sending.
17. Question: Can changing the email content format to HTML impact delivery?
18. Answer: Yes, but it's essential to ensure the HTML content is well-structured and doesn't contain elements that could be flagged as spam.

SMTP Troubleshooting Summarized

Successfully resolving SMTP connection failures involves a comprehensive understanding of both the technical and content-related aspects of email sending. The primary step is to ensure the accuracy of SMTP settings, including server address, encryption protocol, port, and authentication credentials. Misconfigurations here are common culprits behind connection issues. Equally important is keeping the PHPMailer library updated to leverage the latest features and bug fixes that could impact connectivity and functionality. Furthermore, the server's IP reputation plays a crucial role in the deliverability of emails, with poor reputations leading to higher rejection rates. Developers must also be mindful of the content and structure of their emails, as spam-like characteristics can trigger filters and prevent emails from reaching their destination. Through diligent application of these strategies, developers can effectively navigate the complexities of SMTP email sending, ensuring their communications are both secure and reliably delivered. The process underscores the importance of a holistic approach to email system management, combining technical precision with thoughtful content creation.
https://www.tempmail.us.com/en/smtp/resolving-smtp-connection-failures-for-hostinger-email

Long story short and as much as it sucks to say, I haven't really experienced much of anything. I'm going to intentionally beat around the bush as to what category that "experience" falls under but I think most people should be able to figure it out lol. In other words (and if you play games), I'm a complete noob when it comes to all things girls. As for why those things haven't happened and why I want that to change.. There's a few reasons, but the main reason why I'm putting such an emphasis on this is because I'm a huge homebody and I don't go out much at all which makes it difficult to meet people. That's where Reddit comes in! The message I'm essentially trying to send is becoming physically and emotionally close with a girl is what I want the most. I want to experience it all; the laughs, excitement, curiosity, intimacy, hanging out, fun. Blame all the Disney movies I watched as a kid for that lol.
Finding someone would be a dream come true, but I'd love to find friends too if that's all you're looking for! Local or international, just let me know if that's what you want instead :) We could end up being really close friends and you'll introduce me to a friend who I end up being with? That may or may not be the plot from a romcom 🤔 So that means I definitely wouldn't be opposed to a relationship! I've obviously never been in one so I'm not exactly sure how to transition to that, haha. I totally wouldn't mind finding out, though :) Also someone to say good morning and night to, too. That would be the best even if it's incredibly cheesy.
Anyway, it could be someone with a lot of experience or someone with no experience like me, or introverted or not introverted, etc. I don't have a preference either way :) But if I were to be reaaally picky: they'd be sweet and down to earth because just cuddling on its own would be all kinds of cool. A bit about me: I'm shy, caring, kind, sweet and am normal in the weight and height categories. I want to say I'm cute in the looks department? 🙈 I'll let you decide that though lol. I think it's super fun learning about people through conversation so I'll leave the following hobbies section blank. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give a small hint to something I love.. My username should provide clues to that! I Siriusly need to re-watch the movies again. Maybe with someone I meet through r4r?
Alright, I can't hold it in anymore. I pretty much like a little bit of everything. For example, when it comes to music, I go through Backstreet Boys phases to Disney song phases (Moana is awesome and I haven't even seen the movie 🙊) to something like Linkin Park, Paramore or 50 Cent. What I'm trying to say is I like a little bit of everything! So there's a good chance I'll like whatever you like when it comes to hobbies and interests and that means connecting with each other should be relatively natural/seamless. Or maybe that's wishful thinking on my part, haha.
I'm not the best with openers and if you're also in the same boat, then how about this: If you could have any superpower what would it be and how would you use it? Being out of this world smart like Tony Stark is an acceptable super poweanswer, by the way.
Hopefully my first impression is a good one! If anyone is even remotely interested, then just let me know and I'll get back to you asap!

Below you will find a weekly reminder of our Rules and partial FAQ. It's definitely a long read, but it's worth your time, especially if you are new to the community, or dropping by as a result of a link you found elsewhere. We periodically revise our rules, this weekly notice will help keep you informed of any changes made.
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.

Community Rules

1. Kindness Matters

Advise, don't criticize.

• Post with empathy, thoughtfulness, and constructive commentary rather than judgment. Don't be an asshole.
• Name-calling, slurs (including gender or race based slurs), and insults towards other community members will not be tolerated. Do not attack others for their personally held values, custody situation, marital status, physical distance from stepkids, or economic status; or on the basis of race, sex, sexual orientation, age, religion, or ethnicity.
• No name-calling toward children, including the above-mentioned insults or the term "skids", or terms such as "mini-wife" or "mini-husband."
• Comments advocating spanking or any mention of wanting to harm children are not allowed.
• This is a support sub, not a judgement sub, assholes are not tolerated. Comments with terms used in other subs to pass judgement on assholes will be removed.

2. No Drama

This is a support sub.

• Bickering, nitpicking, and thread derailment will not be tolerated and will be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
• Do not repeatedly badger a poster demanding answers, or refuse to acknowledge an answer that's already been given.
• Do not use sensitive issues from past posts (either from this sub or other subs) to attack another user, as we are all discussing vulnerable topics.
• Crossposting anything from /stepparents to any other subreddit might result in a ban and may result in the original thread being locked. Brigading our sub will result in an immediate ban.

3. Report, Don’t Rant

No backseat modding.

• If you see someone breaking the rules, report the post or comment to the mods rather than engaging them in an argument. Failure to do so may be subject to comment removal at moderator discretion.
• No meta posts complaining about rude comments, DMs, or general sub issues.
• If you think someone is a troll or previously banned user, either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.

4. No Naming & Shaming

No userpings or links.

• Tagging/pinging users or other subreddits in an attempt to bully, harass, or complain will not be tolerated. Do not tag other subs, ever.
• If you want to complain about another subreddit being hostile to stepparents, do not name the subreddit. "Other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice.

5. No Platitudes

Nobody knew what they were getting into.

• Comments like "You knew what you were getting into", "Love them, love their kids!", "They're a package deal!" and "You have to love them like your own!" will be removed.
• Comments suggesting that OP is not cut out for stepparenting will be removed at moderator discretion.
• Comments like "This is just a part of parenting, deal with it!" will be removed at moderator discretion.

6. No Trolling

We have zero tolerance for trolls.

• This is a support sub. Our subscribers do not have the time, nor inclination, to provide support to internet trolls. Posts that are suspected to be trolling attempts will be immediately removed, and the poster banned.
• Concern trolling, devil's advocating, gish-galloping, sealioning, and general asshattery are subject to immediate removal and banning without warning or notice.
• Any attempt to circumvent the ban by creating a new username will be reported to reddit admins and possibly result in account suspension.

7. No Personally Identifiable Information

Use discretion when posting.

• We highly recommend using a separate account for support subs to help prevent being doxxed. Do not post any information that may allow others to figure out your identity.
• Do not post photos of children, or any other photo that could be used to identify you or another user on the sub.
• Any image that contains a name or other identifying information should have the name or identifying information blurred out. This includes drawings, notes, and screenshots.
• Do not link to social media or any articles/blogs where you or another user on the sub is mentioned by name.

8. No More than 2 Posts per 24 hours

Use the daily threads.

• We are not a huge sub, but we are no longer a small sub. If you have multiple grievances to air, use the daily discussion threads instead of multiple posts.

9. Follow Reddiquette

Remember the human.

• Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life.
• Read it in full here.
• Downvoting is reserved for comments that don’t contribute, and shouldn't be used to indicate disagreement.
• If you believe someone is in violation of the subreddit rules, please either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.
• Suspected brigading will be reported to reddit admins.

10. No Porn, Spam, Blogs, or Research Studies/Surveys Without Mod Approval

Just don't.

• This is a SFW subreddit. Posting pornography will result in immediate post removal and permanent ban.
• Advertising on the subreddit (outside of Reddit's own advertising) is not allowed.
• No personal blog posts are allowed without express moderator permission.
• No advertising without prior mod approval.
• No asking for money/posting fundraisers/etc.
• For links to parenting research studies or surveys, please message the mods for permission before posting.

11. Disputes in Modmail Only

Don't argue with the mods on the sub.

• Any issues specifically related to how a mod is moderating should be addressed to the full moderating team via mod mail. This ensures that all mods are aware of any concerns and prevents disintegration of the topic thread at hand.
• This means to do not message or send chat requests to individual mods. All discussion and complaints about mod actions need to be done in mod mail ONLY. Failure to follow this rule can result in an immediate permanent ban.
• Comments in threads asking about mod decisions are subject to removal without notice.

12. Moderator Actions

We aren't kidding.

• Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
• Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
• If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
• New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
• We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
• The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
• We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
• The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.

13. Ban Procedure

These actions are at moderator discretion.

• Pornography will result in an automatic permanent ban.
• Extremely egregious content will result in an immediate permanent ban.
• You may receive a 7 or 30 day temporary ban for first and second rule violations, depending upon severity.
• Continued rule violations will result in a permanent ban.
• Willful attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban.
• We recognize the reddit site-wide rules of using alt names to get around bans and will ban those as well as report them to reddit admins.

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FAQ - About the Rules

What does Kindness Matters mean?

• Shortest version? Don't be an asshole. People come here for support and advice, they do not come here to be yelled at or told they are the reason everything is going sideways. There are ways to point out that someone may want to do some reflection on their own actions and reactions without being an asshole about it.
• The purpose of this subreddit is to provide support and a sense of belonging for struggling stepparents. We aren't here to pass judgement, but rather to offer support, empathy, and constructive commentary. That does not include "hard truths" or "tough love." Stepparents get enough of that in every other subreddit, we're not passing it out here. Be respectful.
• Remember, most people aren't going to come to a sub like this when everything is going great and everyone is getting along. People are coming here when they are down, when they are feeling defeated and stretched to the limit. Kicking someone when they are down is shitty behavior and we don't tolerate it.

What about being kind to the kids?

• "Won't somebody think of the children?" Pearl clutching isn't needed here. If you read the Kindness Matters rule closely, you will see that there is a clause in there about name calling children. We don't allow it. We also don't allow people rolling in telling OP that they feel sorry for their stepkids because OP is feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.
• If anyone is advocating slapping, spanking, or any other form of violence, report the comment immediately. We do not advocate violence towards children of any sort. The mod team does not advocate any sort of physical punishment at any time.
• Venting about behaviors is not the same as insulting the kids. However, if you see a post or comment where kids are being name called or dragged to the point of no return, use the report button. We try to catch the posts and remove them before they hit the sub, but we cannot see every comment without your help. Use the report button to bring problematic comments to our attention. Don't engage in a war of words on our subreddit.

Why is this sub such an echo chamber?

• Not allowing contributors to pile on and tell OP that they are a terrible human being who should never be around children does not equate to being an echo chamber. Many contributors here will offer OP suggestions to help them work through their resentments and frustrations, and the most egregious situations are called out. We simply ask that it be called out with respect.
• If you feel that a post is simply too much for you to handle without following the rules, move on to another post.
• If you believe that a post itself is crossing the rules report it. If the mod team has approved the post, it is because the mod team believes that the OP needs help from the community or needs a moment to vent and move on from their vent. That does not give you license to pile on disrespectfully. Unless it is proven that OP is a bot, assume that OP is a human being with real thoughts and feelings and has posted from a place of vulnerability.

Why can't I tell OP that they are an asshole?

• Because this isn't a judgement sub. We aren't AITA, we don't want to be AITA.
• Comments with terms like YTA, NTA, ESH, NAH will be removed.
• Don't start your posts with INFO either. We generally recognize that as a fishing attempt for more information to pass judgement on OP, and again, we are not a judgment sub.

But OP asked if they were an asshole?!

• Their post somehow got past our automoderator. Just use the report button. We will address it with OP.
• If you've asked if you are an asshole, a-hole, a*hole, a**hole, whatever, don't be surprised if your post is removed without warning. This isn't a judgment sub. If you want judgment, you know where to go.

What is a gendered slur?

• While it seems that everyone understands what racist slurs are, people struggle understanding the concept of gendered slurs. Generally speaking, we are talking about derogatory nouns or verbs that are used to negatively describe people or situations based on gendered terms.
• We've gone back and forth on this a few times, and the truth is, we get it, it's your safe space and you want to be able to vent about BM/BD how you want to vent about them, without us telling you how to vent about them. Fair enough. Vent away. What we are going to stick to here how people are referring to other users and to stepchildren.
• Examples that are not allowed:
  • "My SD is such a little bitch."
  • "She dresses/acts like a slut."
  • "My SS acts like a pussy."
  • "My SS is such a beta male."
  • "You are all fucking whores."
  • "Any dude who is raising some sluts kids is a cuck!"
  • "Little Lord Fauntleroy over here thinking he runs the house!"
  • "You're just the bangnanny, get used to it."
• Don't call users here names, don't call stepchildren names.
• Masking the term with asterisks or other neat little tricks might get you around the bot, but if we see it, we're removing it and quite possibly giving you a time out. The intended word is still there and you deliberately tried to skate the rule.
• As there is not enough space to list every term that is offensive and does not belong, nor every situation in which term or phrase may be allowable in context, this rule is enforced based on moderator discretion.

Seriously? You are the language police now?

• We're here to talk about stepparenting. And we would like for that to happen in a respectful way. Attacking each other doesn't help. Belittling stepchildren draws in trolls who don't understand your frustration, all they see is an evil stepmonster talking shit on the internet about a poor, innocent baby. Yes, even if that "poor, innocent baby" just robbed you blind and set fire to the house on their way out the door. That's just how it goes.
• We are aware that this is a relatively new rule and a lot of older posts and comments contain a lot of problematic language, including some from mods themselves. We are growing and evolving, and rules change as the sub grows and evolves.

What does No Drama really mean?

• Pretty much what it says, do not bring drama from other subs into this sub. Do not engage in vote brigades. Do not try to incite other subscribers to riot in a different sub. Don't follow posters into this sub from other subs to continue to harass them. Do not badger someone or derail threads. Do not harass community members because you don't agree with them. There's enough drama in the daily lives of subscribers, more isn't needed.

What is thread derailment?

• When a comment chain has devolved to the point where all you are doing is arguing back and forth with someone about the same thing over and over again, you have derailed the thread. Also known as bickering. It's what children do. We assume if people are in a stepparent role they are adults. We expect you to act like it.
• If you aren't a stepparent, or in a stepparenting role, consider that perhaps this subreddit isn't for you. If you want to participate, do so with respect. Thread derailment, arguing, bickering, and nitpicking are not allowed.

But what if they didn't answer my question?

• No one has to answer your questions. This is a support sub, not an inquisition. Jumping on a bandwagon with "OP is evading the question" in a 20 comment long chain is the epitome of thread derailment. You'll find more information about trolling below and how this might be considered such.

Why am I being silenced? I'm just asking for a back and forth!

• Thread derailment, badgering, and nitpicking are considered harassment. Continued harassment of either community members or mods will get you banned.

Why can't I look at someone's post history and comment about it?

• No mod in the history of this sub has ever once said post histories are forbidden. What we do frown upon is using someone's post history to attack, belittle, or otherwise harass someone.
• Example Post: "My stepkid's mom really hates me. How can I make this better?"
  • Okay: "Based on the timeline and your post history, it looks like this may have started as an affair. Unfortunately there's going to be outstanding issues for a long time due to that. Try focusing on yourself and how you can move forward without worrying about how someone else feels about you."
  • Not Okay: "Holy shit! You were the OW! What the hell do you expect, homewrecker?!"
• Example Post: "I am completely overloaded and feeling very down about myself."
  • Okay: "In your post history you mentioned that your spouse wasn't really helping around the house. Has that changed at all?"
  • Not Okay: "LOL, you already got the answers you need in your post on relationships. You are stupid for sticking with your lazy spouse."

Why can't we crosspost stuff to other subs?

• We can't stop you from doing so. The problem isn't that something has been crossposted, it's when the community that it's been crossposted to feels the need to come over here and harass OP. When we see that happening, we lock the post and start passing out bans. If you did the crossposting, you'll be banned. If you participated in the brigading, you'll be banned.

What if it's my own post?

• Again, we can't stop you from doing so. We prefer that you don't technically crosspost, but rather just copy and paste your post. Why? Because inevitably the above will happen. Redditors from other subs will follow you back to /stepparents and start attacking users here. It just happens.

What is "brigading"?

• Reddit defines vote manipulation and brigading as follows:
• Using multiple accounts, voting services, or any other software to increase or decrease vote scores.
• Asking people to vote up or down certain posts, either on Reddit itself or through social networks, messaging, etc. for personal gain.
• Forming or joining a group that votes together, either on a specific post, a user's posts, posts from a domain, etc.
• We, along with pretty much every other subreddit that has ever had to deal with this nonsense, further define brigading as this: You saw a post on another sub that linked to our sub either via a link in a comment or a crosspost. It was basically saying something along the lines of "OMG, check out these assholes over on /stepparents! They literally hate all their stepkids!" And then you and your friends come over and start hammering on OP and telling OP how much they suck. Congrats, you have just participated in a brigade.

What is this whole Report, Don't Rant thing about?

• If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules, instead of engaging, report it. When you report it, it sends notification to the mod team. We will act on it where appropriate. Engaging with bad faith users may result in your comments being removed. If you repeatedly do so, you may end up being banned.

What if I see an obvious troll?

• Report it.

What if they are being really mean in comments?

• Report it.

What if they are harassing me in private messages?

• Step 1: Report them to admins. You can report harassment to reddit by using this link or send a DM to reddit admins. Include the link to the DM, admins can see your inbox and providing a direct link is helpful for them to weed out bad actors.
• Step 2: Block the person so they cannot directly contact you again.
• Step 3: Send us a mod mail and let the mod team know. Tell us who they are and what they said, send us a screenshot if you can - admins can see your DMs, mods can't. We'll take action where necessary by banning from the sub if they aren't already banned.

What do you mean by No Naming & Shaming?

• Just as we prefer to not be linked to or crossposted from, we do not allow linking to or calling out other subs by name. If you see something you want to share, say it's a hot post that has hit the front page and a stepparent is being absolutely flayed, just refer to it as "that hot post that hit the front page." If you want to complain about other places in general, "other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice. Absolutely under no circumstances should you link to anywhere else.

I can't link to other subs?

• Do not directly link to another sub. (e.g.: "/insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not name other subs. (e.g.: "I won't link to it directly, but insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not abbreviate other subs. (e.g.: "I know that ISNH is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")

I can't ping other users?

• Do not summon another user with a username ping/tag. (e.g.: "insertusernamehere was being an asshole.")
• If you are agreeing with someone, it is okay to link to them. (e.g.: "I agree with insertusernamehere, you need to take a couple of steps back and reflect on this.")

What does No Platitudes mean?

• Sanctimonious, overused clichés that grossly oversimplify the stepparenting experience are neither wanted nor allowed here. We have all heard it a thousand times before, we don't need to hear it again. It's not nearly as insightful and wise as some would like to think.

Why don't you people understand it's a package deal?

• Any comment that suggests that OP should have known what they were getting involved with, or that they needed to understand that the kids were part of some package they needed to accept before signing up for marriage is subject to immediate removal.
• This is one of the most insensitive things you can say to a stepparent. Most stepparents were aware of the children, but they were probably not aware of all of the family dynamics.

Why can't you just love them like they are your own?

• Demanding that a stranger you do not know love children that are not biologically theirs as if they were theirs can be incredibly damaging to someone who is already in a vulnerable situation. Any comment that falls along these lines will be removed.

What do you mean by No Trolling? I was just...

• No means no. No trolling. No pretending to be a stepparent and then whipping out the Greatest Hits Bingo Card of The Worst Stepparent in the History of Stepparents. We see you. We've seen you a thousand times.

What does "concern trolling", "gish-galloping", and "sealioning" have to do with stepparenting? This isn't a debate sub, why are you using debate terms?

• That's absolutely right, this isn't a debate sub. And yet, here we are, day after day, having to defend ourselves against this sort of thing. So, enough. No more. Usage of any of these things will get you banned.

What is "Concern Trolling?"

• A concern troll is someone who disingenuously visits sites of an opposing ideology to disrupt conversation by offering unwanted advice on how to solve problems which do not really exist.
  • Example Post: OP expresses concern that she will feel, and possibly act, differently towards her stepchildren after her husband decides that no, he doesn't want anymore children after all.
  • Example Concern Troll pulled from actual mod mail after their comment was removed: "Possible child abuse claims need to be sorted out well before whatever empathy you believe the OP was looking for."

What is a "Devil's Advocate"?

• "I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but have you considered that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break, too?" BM has dozens of different mom based subs alone on reddit she can complain on, this sub is for stepparents. The stepparent doesn't need to consider that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break.

"Gish-galloping?" What does that even mean?

• The Gish Gallop is the fallacious debate tactic of drowning your opponent in a flood of individually-weak arguments in order to prevent rebuttal of the whole argument collection without great effort. The Gish Gallop is a conveyor belt-fed version of the on the spot fallacy, as it's unreasonable for anyone to have a well-composed answer immediately available to every argument present in the Gallop.

And "sealioning?" What's that?

• Sealioning involves jumping into a conversation with endless polite, reasonable questions and demands for answers, usually of entry-level topics far below the actual conversation (e.g. "please prove sexism exists"). This tactic differs little from harassment; instead of discussion, the point is to derail discussion, receive criticism (for their ignorance) so as to look like a victim, or to make someone feel overwhelmed and quit talking.

Who gets to define what is considered asshattery?

• The mod team, of course! If we feel that comments are out of line, are trolling, are leading up to a fight or "just asking questions", we are going to remove them and most likely ban the offender.

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FAQ - Sub Questions

Posting Guidelines for Stepparents

• Body text is required, we suggest you use line breaks between paragraphs as a wall of text is difficult to read. Posts that have only a title are likely to be removed. Instead of using names (even fictitious ones), try to use the sub acronyms. It helps our users to follow along if you use the acronyms and not names.
• Assign a post flair that accurately describes what your post is about and what you are seeking. If you are posting an update from a previous post, include a link to that post.
• Flairs are applied to posts to determine what a person is looking for. When submitting a new post, you should choose a flair that specifies if you are looking for advice, support, etc. The following link flair is available and is color coded with side bar links so that you can search by flair:
  • Advice - For when you are specifically asking for advice or help.
  • Announcement - Mod Use Only, for subreddit announcements.
  • Daily (Formerly TTP) - Mod Use Only, for our daily discussion threads.
  • Discussion - A little advice, a little "How does your family handle this?"
  • JustBMThings - Pretty sure this is self explanatory!
  • Legal - Asking for legal advice? Tag it with this!
  • Miscellany - Just a sort of off topic thing? Use this tag.
  • Resource - Sharing a good resource or asking for one? This is the tag you need!
  • Support - For those days when you want nothing but a good old fashioned cry and some community love.
  • Update - Updating us on something that you posted about previously? Use this one!
  • Vent - We all need to vent sometimes. Respect the tag as a vent. This isn't how OP talks all day every day.
  • Win! - Celebrate those wins with us with this tag!
  • Megathread - Mod Use Only, for large mega threads (typically around major calendar events.)

Posting Guidelines for Bioparents

• Stepparents is a support community for stepparents, by stepparents. As bioparents, you may want to have more insight into how the stepparent in your life feels or thinks. You may have questions on how to ease the transition for your partner. However, please keep in mind that this community was not created for you. It was created for your partner or your ex's partner. If you are seeking support on how to deal with a stepparent, there are other subs more suited for your situation and your post is subject to removal.
• There are some posts from bioparents we will accept:
  • Seeking advice on how to support your partner as they navigate stepparenting
  • Seeking resources to help you better support your partner
  • Seeking resources for your partner
• There are some posts from bioparents we will not accept:
  • Complaints about how the stepparent is too involved in your kids lives
  • Vents about how the stepparent is not involved enough in your kids lives
  • "Cautionary tales" advising stepparents to back off
  • Seeking advice on how to tell the stepparent to back off
  • The Do's and Dont's of Stepparenting
  • How your kid's stepmom is literally The Worst
• Comments from bioparents that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from bioparents that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. There are several other subs that may meet the needs of bioparents better than we can. We recommend /coparenting, /parenting, /parents, /blendedfamilies, and /singleparents as starting points.

Guidelines for Stepkids

• At this time, we do not generally accept posts from stepkids. Comments from stepkids that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from stepkids that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. If you are a stepkid seeking support, we highly recommend /stepkids. It is a very supportive community specifically for stepkids. We also recommend /blendedfamilies as another potential group for support.

What the heck are all these acronyms? I'm confused!

• Check out the Common Acronyms wiki page. We try to keep this updated as new terms are introduced to the sub.

Why aren't my posts or comments showing up?

• New posters and accounts go through a waiting period before their posts will show in the sub and the comments on posts automatically. During the new account approval period the mod team will check posts to be sure you aren't attempting to circumvent a ban with a shiny new account. Please be patient while the timer runs down on your "new" status and the mod team approves your posts and responses.

Why was my comment removed?

• Comments are removed when they do not follow the rules of the sub. These rules are published in several places for your reading pleasure.
• Comments are removed at moderator discretion. In some cases your comment may be removed while another remains up. If you find this to be the case, and you believe the comment to be violating the rules, instead of arguing with mods or demanding they remove the additional comments, just report it.

This comment/post is really offensive! Why is it still up?

• All moderators are volunteers and have busy real lives. Sometimes things get past us. The best thing you can do is report anything you find offensive or inflammatory. It's the quickest and most reliable way of alerting us to an issue.

I've received a hurtful/unwanted PM from someone about my recent post. What should I do?

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Am I right for being concerned with girlfriends night out?
Me M32 and my Gf 30 have been together for 10 years and have a child, our relationship has been a bit rocky recently.
I have never been a jealous type at all, and never had an issue with my partner going out with friends etc. my partner works in a little corner shop in our local village and her female co-orker invited her out. The idea was that she was going to the pub and that was it.
The pubs all close at 12pm but she didn't get home till 2:30am. She was drunk when she got in and looked surprised I was still awake, when I asked her where she'd been, she told me she and her friend met a group of guys at the pub who then invited them both out clubbing so they went out and shared a taxi to the club. Her story started to fluctuate, she told me she got to the club and said they went to one club "for like 10 minutes and then left because it was shit" once I pointed out the timeline didn't add up and that wouldn't be possible, she then changed it to they where there for "an hour or so" in two seperate clubs. Then once I said "so you basically went out with a random group of guys" she told that no it wasn't just a group of guys, but also girls with them and a mix.....that was last night when she was drunk, now this morning she's mentioned nothing about girls being part of the group and it being a group of guys only. I haven't highlighted to her that she said the night before drunk that girls where in the group too.
It was explained that one of the group of guys seemed to "fancy" her but nothing came of it or happened, aparently this guy that fancies her, he is a regular that buys stuff from the shop she works in. And apparently these group of guys where known to her friend as they " went to school together" but it sounds more like they never knew each other in school or were friends, just more like they happened to go to the same school together at the time 4 years ago.
I had a bad feeling in my gut about this night out since it was announced as my partner just seemed a bit off and awkward telling me the plan, and she seemed way too eager for casual drinks at the pub. She also went crazy when she was getting ready for the night because her make up wasn't perfect and she didn't look as good as she'd like to. She also said once they got to the club after sharing a taxi, they seperated from the group of guys and never saw them again. ..which after being invited out by them I highly doubt.
I told her that her story has changed several times over, and that she and her friend basically got hit on at the pub by a random group of guys and then went clubbing with them, and that i'm really hurt and don't believe she is telling the truth. I asked her how she'd feel if me and my friend got hit on by a group of girls that invited us out clubbing and we went. She then became really angry and started calling me a control freak, a manipulator, a narcissist etc.
She's now saying if I don't trust her then I should just break up with her. Just so many things going through my mind, why didn't she update me about a change of plan and going out clubbing like she normally would? Why was she so awcward coming in? Why has her story changed several times over? Why lie about who was part of this group? I really do mean it when I say I have NEVER had a reason to not believe her faitfulness up until now, I have never had an issue with her going out etc, i'm not a jealous/controlling person at all...but I just had a horrible feeling about this.
I'd really appreciate hearing peoples honest and open thoughts, feel free to ask any addititional questions you think might help, or be as blunt/honest as you feel.
EDIT
So something else i've noticed now...my gf knows i'm not big on social media/technology, there is a guy who we'll call "Ben". Now Ben is essentially the local village idiot who is also a bit of a ladies man and flirts with all the girls. He happens to come into the shop she works in quite frequently, nothing suspect about that as it's a small village and he comes in quite a lot. What's changed is over the last week or so, she mentioned that Ben has been trying to flirt with her etc in the shop. I thought nothing of it, we just laughed because he's the village sleazeball/idiot and he does this type of thing a lot.
But AFTER the night out I checked her Instagram, I noticed that Ben had liked her most recent selfie photo, however it was liked AFTER the night out. I then noticed that they follow each other on Instagram. My first thought was "maybe Ben follows some of the other girls at her workplace and saw my partner comment on one of their photos etc so Ben recognised her from the shop and he followed her, she followed back etc.... but then I went on her work colleagues instagram, looked through their followers and Ben isn't following them, and they aren't following Ben. My gf also has quite a unique username on Insta, so it would have been near impossible to just " look her up". So the only singular explanation is they verbally told each other their Instagrams, or she found him and added him first as his name is quite simple and easy to look up.
I just don't know how to handle this situation or the best course of action to take. We both have very little friends/family, we have a disabled child together and pretty much just have each other. I don't want to make any rash decisions, but at thw same time I just can't let this slide or get it out of my head.

So I’m very new to reddit and don’t really know how it works so I’m hoping people read this and it actually gets traction. This a throwaway since my main account on reddit is my username for everything.
I haven’t really told anybody how I’m feeling on this but I want to tell people on reddit since I don’t want to talk to my friends or family about this
I’m bisexual and I’ve only ever had a male crush on my friend called Pablo for the sake of this story.
I have a gf and we’re in a really good place right now but sometimes I feel like some sort of feeling towards Pablo comes and goes a lot and I can’t just keep it all bottled up inside and act like I don’t feel anything.
I wouldn’t feel like this was serious until today, I went to a party with my friends and Pablo was there and he needed advice on getting with this girl. I obviously helped him because he needed help but it very selfishly hurt to see that happen. I don’t know why I feel like this and I really want someone to tell me something about it.

DAY JUNE 8 2024
6-8-2024

‘WE CANNOT SIMPLY GO, GO, GO.’ WHAT IS ‘GIRL MOSSING,’ THE WELLNESS TREND THAT REJECTS HUSTLE CULTURE?

On TikTok and Instagram, people are “girl mossing”: lying on a forest floor, staring up at a leafy canopy or caressing moss. The United States National Forest Foundation even borrowed the term to kick off its 2024 Instagram account. Girl mossing recognizes a need to step away from the pressures of modern, urban life, promoting spending time in nature as a restorative practice. The fast pace and pressure of neoliberal capitalism take an enormous toll on well-being: not just personal, but social and planetary.
6-8-2024

FIVE WAYS ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CAN IMPROVE YOUR DATING LIFE

Artificial intelligence is going to transform how we date. The question is: will it be for better or worse? It’s already causing some real problems, especially related to “romance scams” and other fraud. But it’s not all doom and gloom. Used in the right way, AI can actually make dating better. It can help write profiles and find matches, provide dating advice and coaching and, if all else fails, become a date companion. I have spent the last few years studying the impact of technology, and especially AI, on our
6-8-2024

STUDY ASSESSES ‘THE DANCER PERSONALITY’

“Tell me if you dance and I will tell you who you are!” A study led by researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Empirical Aesthetics (MPIEA) in Frankfurt am Main, Germany, has shown that both amateur and professional dancers are less neurotic than people who do not dance. They are also more agreeable, more open, and more extraverted.
6-8-2024

ONLINE SHOPPERS BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY AFTER CHATTING WITH STAFF OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER, RESEARCH SHOWS

In a digital world where people are mere pixels on a screen, gender bias can show up in unexpected forms. When people are online, anonymity and physical detachment embolden them to behave in biased ways
6-8-2024

INVESTORS BET BIG ON SUNNY DAYS, STUDY FINDS

It’s often said we can’t control the weather. But what if the weather controls how and when we invest our money? More specifically, what if the skies control how much we’re willing to gamble in the stock market? New research by the University of South Australia has found a connection between pleasant weather conditions and higher investment in lottery-like stocks. Lottery-like stocks are cheap compared to other stocks and, like lottery tickets, they can be seen as an opportunity to make a substantial gain. However, the chance of a higher
6-8-2024

TEENS TREATED UNFAIRLY BY TEACHERS MORE LIKELY TO HAVE POPULIST ATTITUDES

Perceived unjust teacher behavior is strongly and positively associated with populist attitudes among children and adolescents. Populist attitudes consist of ideologies including anti-elitism, people-centrism, and a dualistic perception of good versus evil, and where the foundation of political decision-making should be based on the general will of the people. In contrast to the association with teacher behavior, the correlation between young people’s relationships with peers and the development of populist attitudes is less strong, and the correlation between young people’s relationships
6-8-2024

MICROINCLUSIONS IMPROVE WOMEN’S WORKPLACE BELONGING AND COMMITMENT

New research shows how “microinclusions”—brief instances of positive treatment, especially from members of the dominant group—help women feel valued at work. Imagine your first day at a new job. You probably feel nervous, wondering how you’ll fit in with the team. It’s natural to worry if your co-workers will be supportive, or if they’ll take your contributions seriously. This experience is amplified for women in technology companies, who often face underrepresentation and
6-8-2024

BURNT OUT? HOW YOUR EMPLOYER CAN HELP YOU RETURN TO WORK FOR THE BETTER

The working world can be a pitiless one, as competition in the marketplace can put significant pressures on employees. Relentless deadlines, shrinking resources and shifting priorities all take their toll on employees’ well-being and mental health. In my home country of Belgium, more than two thirds (66.4%) of individuals on disability for psychological reasons had cases related to depression or burn-out. These worrisome statistics reflect broader trends across OECD countries, where nearly half (47.6%) of workers with mental-health problems have been absent from the office in the past year, compared
6-8-2024

FAMILY-FRIENDLY WORKPLACES BENEFIT EMPLOYEES, BUSINESSES

Paid leave and employee well-being are the focus of a three-part policy series on family-friendly business practices put together by the Brown School’s Clark-Fox Policy Institute at Washington University in St. Louis. “Creating a family-friendly workplace benefits both employees and businesses,” said Gary Parker, associate dean for external affairs and director of the institute. “For employees, it enhances work-life balance and job satisfaction,” he said. “For businesses, it leads to higher retention rates, reduced absenteeism and improved productivity. Policies such as paid leave, flexible work arrangements
6-8-2024

HOW TRUMP’S DEFINITION OF A ‘REAL’ AMERICAN HAS GRABBED HIS AUDIENCE—WHAT OUR RESEARCH SHOWS ABOUT WHY

Donald Trump has recently doubled down on his derogatory depictions of undocumented migrants in his bid to win the 2024 presidential election. In an interview with Time magazine, published on April 30 2024, Trump referred to migrants as “criminals,” who “come in and they steal our jobs, and steal our wealth, and they steal our country.” Trump was especially disparaging towards migrants from China, who he said are a “major force that’s forming in our country.” In short, according to Trump, undocumented migration is “an invasion of our country.” Trump’s
6-8-2024

NEW STUDY SHOWS MARKETING A BRAND’S SIMPLICITY CAN BACKFIRE

Irritability is a common side effect of heat. When companies tout the simplicity of their products, they may unknowingly invite customer dissatisfaction, new University of Oregon research finds. For decades, “simpler is better” has been accepted as a universal truth in marketing. Nick Light, assistant professor of marketing at the UO’ Lundquist College of Business, has tested that assumption. He found that most consumers prefer offerings that appear to be easy to use and understand. However, trumpeting simplicity can have a hidden, costly downside. “When marketing convinces consumers that things
6-8-2024

RESEARCHERS CREATE WINNING STRATEGY TO COMBAT VACCINE MISINFORMATION ON X

A new in-depth analysis shows that users who reply to misinformation about the COVID-19 vaccine on X, formerly known as Twitter, with a positive attitude, politeness, and strong evidence are more likely to encourage others to disbelieve the incorrect information. Researchers from three Georgia Tech schools found the most
6-8-2024

STUDY SHOWS DISENGAGED STUDENTS MORE LIKELY TO USE AI TOOLS FOR ASSIGNMENTS

A Swansea University psychology study has found that disengaged students are more likely to use AI tools—particularly ChatGPT—for academic assignments, raising questions about academic integrity and the need for proactive interventions. Launched in November 2022, ChatGPT is an AI program capable of answering questions in detailed, human-like ways. Researchers surveyed 160 undergraduate students, aged between 18 and 24, in March 2023 to assess their attitudes towards and past usage of AI tools such as ChatGPT in academic coursework. The study is published in The Internet and Higher Education journal. Thirty-two
6-8-2024

HUMAN CULTURE IS CHANGING TOO FAST FOR EVOLUTION TO CATCH UP—HERE’S HOW IT MAY AFFECT YOU

Research is showing that many of our contemporary problems, such as the rising prevalence of mental health issues, are emerging from rapid technological advancement and modernisation. A theory that can help explain why we respond poorly to modern conditions, despite the choices, safety and other benefits they bring, is evolutionary mismatch. Mismatch happens when an evolved adaptation, either physical or psychological, becomes misaligned with the environment. Take moths and some species of nocturnal flies, for example. Because they have to navigate in the dark, they evolved to use the moon
6-8-2024

YOUNG PEOPLE IN THE UK SAY THEY ARE LESS LIKELY TO VOTE IF THEIR PARENTS REPORT DEPRESSIVE SYMPTOMS

With a U.K. General Election approaching, new research has found that parental history of depression can predict whether a young person is likely to intend to vote. The research, led by the Department of Politics at the University of Liverpool, found that, at age 26, people were less likely to intend to vote if they had grown up with a parent experiencing high levels of depressive symptoms. Published in the journal Electoral Studies, the research used the British Cohort Study (BCS), which followed more than 16,000 babies born across a
6-8-2024

WHO GETS TO DECIDE WHAT COUNTS AS ‘DISORDER’?

As a scholar of urban governance and data policy, I viewed the responses to protests on U.S. campuses as about more than threats to academic freedom and freedom of speech. They are also threats to the fundamental rights of people in public spaces. The protesters’ tactics, particularly their use of tents in encampments, have brought debates around definitions of public order and disorder to the fore. Over the past couple of months, students in universities across the country, from the University of California, Los Angeles to the Massachusetts Institute of
6-8-2024

STUDYING VIOLENCE TOWARD WOMEN AND ANIMALS CAN HELP US DEVELOP STRATEGIES TO PREVENT BOTH

We live in a world where not everyone feels safe and respected, especially women. Sexual violence and abuse are significant global health issues. Intimate partner violence continues to be a problem in Canada. According to Statistics Canada, of the 117,093 victims of police-reported intimate partner violence in 2022, almost 80% were women and girls. More than half of women in the United States have experienced sexual violence involving physical contact. Given these high rates of sexual abuse, it is imperative that we improve upon what we currently know about violence
6-8-2024

WHY THE FUTURE OF DEMOCRACY COULD DEPEND ON YOUR GROUP CHATS

I became newly worried about the state of democracy when, a few years ago, my mother was elected president of her neighborhood garden club. Her election wasn’t my worry—far from it. At the time, I was trying to resolve a conflict on a large email group I had created. Someone, inevitably, was being a jerk on the internet. I had the power to remove them, but did I have the right? I realized that the garden club had in its bylaws something I had never seen in nearly all the
6-8-2024

NET ZERO IS NOT JUST GOOD SCIENCE—IT’S ALSO A GOOD DEAL FOR ORDINARY PEOPLE

As the UK moves into a general election, a misinformed debate over the country’s climate transition and legally binding net zero targets risks further dividing people. Much of this debate in the UK focuses on the “cost” of net zero. For instance, energy secretary Claire Coutinho recently stated the government did not want a “net zero leviathan” to crush the nation’s “brilliant enterprise economy,” while the Labor Party had to backtrack on its own headline climate investment pledge, citing “affordability” and “fiscal rules.” But the true “cost” is tricky to
6-8-2024

THE FASCINATING PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND ‘DINE AND DASH’ AND WHY IT’S ABOUT SO MUCH MORE THAN A FREE MEAL

Sometimes when I read the newspapers, I think that going to a restaurant and leaving without paying has become something of an epidemic. My research into lying has taught me that the psychology behind acts of deception is often deeply complex. Let me start with a confession. I was guilty of dine and dash a very long time ago before it had a catchy name. I was in a group that hung about a chip shop at the turn-of-the-road in north Belfast, a poor and troubled area. I had a
6-8-2024

YOU CAN NOW BE FROZEN AFTER DEATH IN AUSTRALIA. IF YOU’RE REVIVED IN THE FUTURE, WILL YOU LEGALLY BE THE SAME PERSON?

In recent weeks, Southern Cryonics—the southern hemisphere’s only cryopreservation facility, located in rural New South Wales—announced it had successfully cryopreserved its first patient. There are only a handful of cryopreservation facilities across the globe—two in the United States, and one each in Russia, China, Australia and Switzerland. If the claims made on their websites and in the press are accurate, these facilities likely have no more than 600 patients in cryonic storage in total. Media reports however suggest interest in cryopreservation has risen since the onset of the COVID pandemic,
6-8-2024

ENGINEERS HAVE A DUTY TO PROTECT PUBLIC WELL-BEING, BUT LESS THAN HALF LEARN HOW TO DO SO EFFECTIVELY

Engineers who received public welfare responsibility training in classes are more likely to consider the societal impact of technologies they design and to take action when concerns arise, according to a study by University of Michigan researchers published in The Journal of Engineering Education. While engineers are professionally obligated to protect the safety and well-being of those their technologies impact, the study found that nearly a third of U.S. practicing engineers have never received any training in public welfare
6-8-2024

HIRING PRESSURES TO DIVERSIFY ARE INFLUENCING PATTERNS OF DISCRIMINATION IN UNEXPECTED WAYS

In 2004, a pair of economists published a landmark study to measure discrimination in the labor market. In the study, the researchers applied to real job openings with fictitious applicants but changed the applicant names to reflect a different gender or race. They found clear evidence of discrimination: White men and women received 50% more callbacks than Black men and women. More recently, Berkeley
6-8-2024

STUDY FINDS RACIAL BIAS IN TRAFFIC STOPS BY CHICAGO POLICE

Black drivers in Chicago are significantly more likely than white drivers to be stopped by police regardless of where the drivers live or are going, according to a new study led by a Cornell city planning expert that maps the racial composition of roads by using mobile phone GPS data. The study confirms a racial bias
6-8-2024

DO WE HAVE MORE EMPATHY FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SIMILAR TO US? NEW RESEARCH SUGGESTS IT’S NOT THAT SIMPLE

How do people successfully interact with those who are completely different from them? And can these differences create social barriers? Social scientists are struggling with these questions because the mental processes underlying social interactions are not well understood. One recent concept that has become increasingly popular is the “double-empathy problem.” This draws on research looking at people who are known to experience social difficulties,
6-8-2024

HOW CAN WE MAKE GOOD DECISIONS BY OBSERVING OTHERS? A VIDEOGAME AND COMPUTATIONAL MODEL HAVE THE ANSWER

How can disaster response teams benefit from understanding how people most efficiently pick strawberries together, or how they choose the perfect ice cream shop with friends? All these scenarios are based on the very fundamental question of how and when human groups manage to adapt collectively to different circumstances. Two recent studies on collective dynamics by the Cluster of Excellence Science of Intelligence (SCIoI) in Berlin, Germany, lay the groundwork to promote better
6-8-2024

OTHERS’ WORDS, NOT FIRSTHAND EXPERIENCE, SHAPE SCIENTIFIC AND RELIGIOUS BELIEF FORMATION, STUDY FINDS

Three proposals explaining the differential confidence. (A) Intuitively, one might assume that confidence in scientific entities (e.g., germs) is higher than confidence in religious entities (e.g., angels) because scientific entities are observable in principle whereas religious entities are not. (B) The Dual- Pathway Model proposes separate information pathways for scientific versus religious beliefs; belief in scientific entities is primarily driven by direct experience of causal outcomes whereas belief in religious entities is primarily driven by testimony. (C) Contrary to these two models, the Unified Model proposes that belief in both
6-8-2024

TRYING TO SAVE MONEY? RESEARCH SUGGESTS PAYING IN CASH—WHILE YOU STILL CAN

Cash is in crisis. In Australia, it’s now only used for 16% of in-person transactions, down from about 70% in 2007. The situation is so dire that on Monday, independent federal MP Andrew Gee introduced a private member’s bill that would force businesses to accept cash or else face big fines. The reality is that over the past decade, technological advancements have utterly transformed the way we pay for goods and services. Phones and smartwatches can now easily be used to pay by card, and buy-now-pay-later
6-8-2024

MESSAGES CAN TRIGGER THE OPPOSITE OF THEIR DESIRED EFFECT—BUT YOU CAN AVOID COMMUNICATION THAT BACKFIRES

The best graduation speeches dispense wisdom you find yourself returning to long after the graduation tassels are turned. Take the feel-good life advice in Baz Luhrmann’s song to a class that graduated 25 years ago. Only on a recent relisten did I realize it also captures one of the research-based strategies I teach for avoiding communication that backfires. The tip is hiding in plain sight in the song’s title, “Everybody’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen).” Communication aimed at promoting a certain behavior can have the opposite
6-8-2024

DIFFERENCES IN EDUCATION, VALUES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN CAUSE MISMATCHES WHEN SEEKING A PARTNER, FINDS SPANISH STUDY

The educational expansion of women has led to changes in the differences in educational level of men and women when looking for a partner. Research conducted by the UAB Center for Demographic Studies (CED-CERCA) has examined for the first time the role of discrepancies in gender role values and education among potential spouses. According to the study, about a third of women in favor of gender equality and with a higher education would not be able to find a homogamous male partner. The work is published in the journal Perspectives
6-8-2024

‘FUZZY’ MAPS OFFER INSIGHT INTO LOCAL PERCEPTIONS OF THE VALUE OF VOLUNTEERING

In the global South, volunteer programs are framed by policymakers and scholars as an effective vehicle for empowering women living in poverty. But this narrative often rests on scant knowledge of the perspectives and experiences of a key set of local stakeholders: the volunteers. A new study co-authored by Yale anthropologist Catherine Panter-Brick addresses this knowledge gap by engaging with Syrian refugees and Jordanian women from poor households in Amman, Jordan,
6-8-2024

EXPERTS SAY USE OF POLITICAL MEMES ARE A PREDICTOR OF POLITICAL VIOLENCE

In a study of social media activity prior to Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, researchers at the University of Notre Dame say a sharp increase in politically salient imagery online—visual content designed to influence, dehumanize, manipulate and motivate audiences—was a predictor of the conflict. With collaborators at Colby College and Kennesaw State University, the researchers collected post history from a select group of 989 Russian milbloggers—a term used for “military bloggers”
6-8-2024

PROGRAMS TO PREVENT SEXUAL VIOLENCE SHOW NO EVIDENCE OF CURBING ASSAULTS, ANALYSIS FINDS

Sexual violence prevention programs effectively change ideas and beliefs that underscore assaults, but show no evidence of reducing their actual occurrence, a new comprehensive analysis shows. The findings are published in Psychological Science in the Public Interest. Researchers led by behavioral scientist Roni Porat of Hebrew University challenge the assumption that changing people’s thoughts about sexual violence will change their actual behavior. They call on scientists to study more behavior-centered approaches to reducing sexual
6-8-2024

DIVERSE FRIEND GROUPS PROMOTE BETTER SOCIAL COHESION AND WELL-BEING, STUDY FINDS

New research featuring more than 24,000 people has found that having diverse groups of friends improves well-being and social cohesion, despite people’s tendency to gravitate towards people more similar to them. Led by researchers at the University of Birmingham and published in Psychological Science, the study used data from 24,726 adults from over 10,000 English neighborhoods to examine the composition of people’s social networks according to age, ethnicity, income, and education to understand the implications of homophily (preference for similar people) on social cohesion subjective well-being. Dr. Miguel Ramos, lead
6-8-2024

STUDY SHOWS JUSTICE FACILITY DOGS BENEFIT WELL-BEING FOR CHILDREN FACING COURT

A new Edith Cowan University (ECU) study has revealed that having a four-legged friend at Children’s Court significantly reduces stress and anxiety for young victims, witnesses, and their caregivers. ECU criminology researchers Dr. Suz Rock and Associate Professor Natalie Gately have published the first Australian study to evaluate the impact of introducing a justice facility dog to a Children’s Court. The study “Kids, Courts and Canines: Evaluating the Justice Facility Dog Program through a Therapeutic Lens
6-8-2024

SEXUAL MINORITIES EXPERIENCE MORE EXCLUSION IN EVERYDAY SITUATIONS, FINDS STUDY

Lesbian, gay and bisexual people experience exclusion more frequently than heterosexual people. This is the finding of a recent study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin by researchers from the University of Basel and the RPTU University of Kaiserslautern-Landau. According to the study, people who are perceived as less gender-conforming are more frequently socially excluded. This could also affect heterosexual people if they deviate from traditional
6-8-2024

STILL RIDING LA’S METRO AFTER THE PANDEMIC? YOU PROBABLY THINK IT’S SAFER THAN THOSE WHO DON’T ANYMORE

As Jon Regardie wrote last year in Los Angeles Magazine, “Metro’s raison d’etre is to get hundreds of thousands of people each day across Southern California.” But the COVID-19 pandemic sent the numbers of riders plummeting to a low of 13%, and ridership still hasn’t fully rebounded. The reason may now be clear, thanks to the latest USC Dornsife LABarometer survey, conducted by the Center for Economic and Social Research (CESR) at the USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and Sciences. The survey found that although public transportation ridership in
6-8-2024

CAN VAGUE GO VIRAL FOR GEN Y?

Generation Y, Gen Y, is commonly referred to as the millennial generation. It usually includes individuals born between the early 1980s and the mid-to-late 1990s or early 2000s. This generation follows Generation X and precedes Generation Z. The millennials, it is said, grew up during the transition to digital technology and the rise of the internet, and this has shaped their perspectives, behavior, and the way they use technology and media. They are often characterized as tech-savvy, adaptable, and socially conscious, with a strong affinity for social media and digital
6-8-2024

ITALIAN MOMS WITH 3+ KIDS WORK FAR FEWER YEARS THAN DADS, WHILE FINLAND SHOWS EQUALITY

Over the past century, the number of working women in Western countries has steadily increased. However, numerous studies show that it is still primarily women who have to manage the balancing act between parenthood and working life. Compared to fathers and childless women, mothers often have a less straightforward career path and face greater hurdles to career advancement. Little research has been done on what happens to women’s employment trajectories from midlife when childrearing efforts are
6-8-2024

TOP IT INDUSTRY MANAGERS ARE DIVIDED ON THE NEED FOR FACE-TO-FACE COMMUNICATION IN THE WORKPLACE

Many managers are currently seeking a balance between digital and face-to-face communication. A recent study from the University of Eastern Finland published in Information Technology & People shows that top IT industry managers have different views on when and for what purposes face-to-face communication in the workplace is needed. “Some top managers felt that all work tasks can be performed remotely with the help of digital communication. According to them, face-to-face communication is only necessary for maintaining interpersonal relationships and a sense of community,” says Doctoral Researcher Lotta Salin of
6-8-2024

STUDY FINDS SIMPLE HEADLINES ATTRACT MORE ONLINE NEWS READERS

The competition for online attention in today’s news environment is fierce. High-quality news from credible sources must compete for attention with misinformation and a rapidly increasing amount of partisan content. How can a news organization stand out as a reputable and trustworthy outlet while driving readers to its site? The answer is simple: literally. According to research from Michigan State University, news readers engage more with simple writing, suggesting journalists should write simply—clearly and without ambiguity—to attract attention online. The study was published in the journal Science Advances. “Newsrooms want
6-8-2024

STUDY SHOWS BANNING FALSE INFORMATION TRAFFICKERS ONLINE CAN IMPROVE PUBLIC DISCOURSE

When Twitter banned more than 70,000 traffickers of false information from its platform in the wake of the violence at the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, the impact went beyond the silencing of those users. A study co-authored by UC Riverside public policy and political science scholars published in the journal Nature on June 5, found that the crackdown by Twitter (now called X after it was acquired by billionaire Elon Musk in late 2022) also significantly reduced the number of misinformation posts by users who stayed on the
6-8-2024

YOUNG ADULTS SAY STEADY SUPPORT FROM CARING ADULTS MADE DIFFERENCE IN TRANSITIONING FROM CHILD WELFARE SYSTEM

Young people who have exited foster care generally fare better—in work, school and relationships—if they get consistent support from adults who care about them during their teen years. My research team reached these findings by interviewing 21 people, now in their late 20s, who had aged out of foster care when they turned 18, had spent time in foster care as children or grew up in families that had active child welfare cases. These young adults relayed the degree to which they received support from
6-8-2024

HOW THE 1901 DISCOVERY EXPEDITION’S POLAR EXPLORERS STAYED HEALTHY DURING THEIR ANTARCTIC JOURNEY

Antarctica is the most inhospitable continent on earth. It’s dry, cold, and completely dark for months of the year. Edwardian explorers were some of the first to brave the Antarctic winter, developing new knowledge still drawn upon by scientists today. The Discovery expedition (1901–4) played a key role in the history of polar exploration. It was led by the Royal Navy commander Robert Falcon Scott, a pioneering polar explorer who died in 1912 after attempting to reach the south pole. The expedition’s third lieutenant was Ernest Shackleton, who led three
6-8-2024

SUSTAINABLE BUSINESS MODELS INFUSED WITH AGRI-INNOVATION SYSTEMS CAN REDUCE POST-HARVEST FOOD LOSS AND WASTE

developing sustainable business models that are multi-actor networked for integrating them with agricultural innovation systems initiatives can enable a systemic approach for reducing food loss and value loss at the post-harvest
6-8-2024

WILL THE 2024 OLYMPIC GAMES BECOME THE PLAYING FIELD FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE PROTESTS?

Yannick Kluch, a professor of recreation, sport and tourism at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, studies sport as a platform for promoting social justice. Kluch has worked with the U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Committee, U.S. Diving and the National Collegiate Athletic Association. He spoke with research editor Sharita Forrest about the history of Olympic athletes’ social justice protests and governing organizations’ efforts to avert them with Rule 50 of the Olympic Charter.
6-8-2024

STUDY FINDS WE SPEND MORE WITH CASHLESS PAYMENTS

A study found support for the existence of a positive “cashless effect,” which is when consumers spend more when using cashless payment methods in comparison to cash. The study suggests the cashless effect leads people to spend more when purchasing products that are typically used to signal status, such as jewelry. However, the
6-8-2024

LAWS MEANT TO KEEP DIFFERENT RACES APART STILL INFLUENCE DATING PATTERNS, DECADES AFTER BEING INVALIDATED

If you are single and looking for a romantic partner, chances are that you have used a dating app. But the likelihood that others will like, or even see, your profile may depend on your race. Studies have found that all people on dating apps, regardless of their own race, are more likely to contact white people using the app. And all people using dating apps are least likely to contact African American women and Asian American men. Until recently, some popular apps, including OkCupid, Match, Hinge and Grindr, provided
6-8-2024

VIRTUAL LABS IN PSYCHOLOGY RESEARCH BOOST DIVERSITY

University of Oregon psychologists are breaking down barriers to include underrepresented populations in research by bringing laboratories online. The researchers are trying to address a longstanding issue in psychology studies, which often rely on undergraduate students to volunteer as research subjects.
6-8-2024

ATTENDING LOCAL EVENTS STRENGTHENS NEIGHBORHOOD BONDS, SURVEY REVEALS

how often people visit and actively participate in local events and how this affects their sense of place or their connection to their community. A survey of almost 400 households in the state’s coastal council area of the City of Holdfast Bay found that people who frequently attend local events or participate as volunteers, organizers or exhibitors, have a stronger
6-8-2024

STUDY SHOWS ONLINE PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION WORKS FOR COMPLEX TOPICS

“COVID-19 forced educators to adjust their educational best practices to an unfamiliar virtual classroom, and professional development was no different,” said Karen Jo Matsler, assistant professor in practice for UTeach at UTA
6-8-2024

EYE-TRACKING STUDY REVEALS THAT SIMPLY LOOKING AT THE NATURAL WORLD IN URBAN AREAS CAN REAP WELL-BEING BENEFITS

Integrating more natural features into city landscapes can play a crucial role in enhancing the mental well-being of residents. A study by Bangor University and Technion- Israel Institute of Technology, published in the scientific journal People and Nature, involved city dwellers and showed how paying visual attention to greenery, rather than human-made structures, can alleviate anxiety and enhance restorative feelings. The 117 urban residents who took part in the study, were guided on a
6-8-2024

ADVERTISERS MAY BE INADVERTENTLY FUNDING MISINFORMATION

Companies in industries such as health care, technology and insurance have been found to advertise on misinformation websites, according to an analysis published in Nature. In a related experiment, consumers who were made aware that a company advertised on a misinformation website were likely to reject an offer of a gift voucher to spend with that company. The majority of digital advertisement placement on the internet is done via an algorithm-based distribution
6-8-2024

STUDY SUGGESTS EVOLUTIONARY BASIS FOR MALE RISK-TAKING BEHAVIORS

why we associate risk-taking with males rather than females, from an evolutionary standpoint. Study author Hannah Goodman, from UWA’s School of Human Sciences, said researchers found men engaged in riskier behaviors when crossing a busy traffic intersection, supporting growing evidence that risk-taking is predominantly an androcentric behavior. “Males

I've never written in before but for the first time in a long time, I desperately need advice—It's a long story so buckle up and stick with me through the back story of it all (or skip to current day and go back as needed for context. Trigger warning for abuse, self harm, and addiction.
TLDR; This morning I found out that my emotionally and physically abusive ex-boyfriend from 10 years ago changed his social media usernames to match mine, converted his religion to mine, and created a ton of creepy playlists named after my full name on spotify—ALL WITHIN THE LAST YEAR. I have not spoken to him in 7+ years. Please help.
BACKSTORY:
When I was in high school, I was in a very toxic and controlling relationship with someone one year older than me who I'll refer to as Ryan. We were high school sweethearts until he went away to university and we both agreed it would be best to take a break and get the full college experience. Since Ryan was a year ahead, he was able to have his wild, "fuckboy" era his freshman year while I studied my ass off in preparation for my own college applications the following year. Things were a little estranged with us but we stayed in touch off and on as friends/friends with benefits.
During this period of his freshman year at uni, Ryan gradually started drinking and using drugs more and more frequently and I began to see a very different controlling, paranoid, and even abusive side to him (controlling what I wore, getting drunk and shoving me to the ground and into walls like a ragdoll, threatening to speed up or crash the car while we were driving places) While I stupidly didn't recognize it as abuse at the time, it became clear to me very quickly that something was wrong with Ryan's mental state so I made the effort of driving out on weekends to stay with him at his dorm and try to help him through it in whatever way I could.
Sure enough, he was in a much worse place than I could have imagined, not attending classes, talking to voices that weren't there, threatening self-harm, suicide, etc. I immediately contacted his parents when I saw how serious things were and asked them to come pick him up from campus and get professional help. They brushed things off and told me that I shouldn't be worrying so much about him. I was only 17 and not prepared to deal with the situation myself so I went home and continued pleading with his parents, sister, and friends to get him access to professional help. Eventually, this worked and they put him in a mental health facility for a two-week period where I had extremely limited contact.
In the midst of all of this was my senior prom, something we had planned to attend together but due to emergency circumstances (Ryan being held in a facility), a friend of mine insisted on stepping in as my date. For what it's worth I really didn't even want to go, I could hardly pull myself together to get out of bed due to the intense stress I was under but my friend knew that I would regret not attending my senior prom and insisted on taking me. Despite Ryan and I being broken up for over a year, he was beyond infuriated and betrayed by me going with someone else and made several threats/attempts on his life.
After his family realized first-hand just how serious things were, they decided to ship him off to one of those youth wilderness rehabilitation places out of state. After he started at the program, his whole family turned on me and blamed me for what had happened with him. It was beyond difficult, Ryan spiraled into sending a mix of long, passionate love and hate letters any time he had access to electronics or mail. Some would start as a love letter and end in hopes for my death, clearly showing his volatile feelings towards me. At first, I would respond trying to let him know I was there for him, I cared, etc. but at some point, and with the help of friends, I realized just how abusive his prior behavior was and let him know we couldn't be in contact anymore. Despite this, I continued to get letters, texts, emails, facebook messages, snapchats, even messages direct through spotify once I had blocked him on all platforms. Fast forward one year to 2017 and I got a cookie cutter AA letter making amends, this was the last real update I had and I finally felt hopeful he was on the road to getting real help and turning his life around.
CURRENT DAY:
Fast forward 7+ years and I'm in an extremely happy and safe relationship. We are all in our mid twenties now. Ryan, my ex has continued sending me friend requests on different socials maybe once a year but I've never thought much of it as that's fairly normal for exes to want to reconnect. After so many years of reflecting on our relationship it's hard to even think about wanting to reconnect with someone who was so emotionally and physically abusive to me so I've always politely declined these attempts at contact. However, recently—I got several back-to-back requests which was unusual. This morning I decided I would finally look him up and see what he's up to and I was super freaked out by what I found.
The first result was a recent arrest for trespassing, the date lined up exactly with when he had been sending me back-to-back friend requests. My first thought was that he was in another type of manic state and spiraling again. I decided to do an even deeper dive and see what else I could find on him and remembered he had tried contacting me through spotify messages when he was blocked elsewhere. Because Spotify has since disabled their chat function, I wasn't able to see if he had tried messaging me recently but I clicked through to his account and almost threw up when I saw MANY creepy personal playlists clearly directed towards me. Some literally titled my full government name and including songs with eerie titles or lyrics and even some with songs we would listen to when we were together. Very hot and cold, love/hate type of vibe just like his old letters. I calmed myself down a little and thought maybe they were old playlists from years ago but again almost threw up again when I saw the first song added to the playlist was not even released until just over one year ago. This means my ex is creating creepy cryptic new playlists titled my full name almost 10 years after our break up and 7+ years without any contact whatsoever.
In more digging, I found Ryan's socials, he's not social media much anymore, the last time he posted was around the time he sent me that AA letter to make amends 7ish years ago, showing off a new kitten he got. What's a little weird is it is a VERY specific cross-breed that he knew I wanted to get when we were older, something we had talked about all the time almost like baby planning. Aside from the kitten post, there were no other new posts, his instagram was like a time capsule of our relationship with silly photos together, selfies I had sent him, love letters, photo booth strips, you name it. Additionally, I found he recently converted to my religion and has started using my typical username on new social media accounts (For example, let's say my socials are all OPWaffle123, his are now RYANWaffle123)
CONCLUSIONS/ADVICE?
The list goes on and on but I cannot put into words how shaken I am. I was so oblivious to all this for YEARS and feel like I just opened pandora's box and can't go back. I feel so violated knowing he's been looking me up and obsessing over me to this degree while I was so unaware. I really don't know if I should file a police report or just lay low and hope his obsession never manifests into something more sinister. I worry that filing any type of restraining ordeprotective order would escalate things in some way and I'd also worry about finding enough evidence of abuse especially all these years later. My biggest concern about safety is the uncertainty of his mental state, I've seen him in manic episodes before and he's shown that he's not only willing but capable of harming me physically. On the other hand, he's clearly been obsessed for years with no harm done so maybe best to not poke the bear? Desperate for any and all advice, please help a girl out 🙏
TLDR; This morning I found out that my emotionally and physically abusive ex-boyfriend from 10 years ago changed his social media usernames to match mine, converted his religion to mine, and created a ton of creepy playlists named after my full name on spotify—ALL WITHIN THE LAST YEAR. I have not spoken to him in 7+ years. Please help.

I've never written in before but for the first time in a long time, I desperately need advice—It's a long story so buckle up and stick with me through the back story of it all (or skip to current day and go back as needed for context. Trigger warning for abuse, self harm, and addiction.
TLDR; This morning I found out that my emotionally and physically abusive ex-boyfriend from 10 years ago changed his social media usernames to match mine, converted his religion to mine, and created a ton of creepy playlists named after my full name on spotify—ALL WITHIN THE LAST YEAR. I have not spoken to him in 7+ years. Please help.
BACKSTORY:
When I was in high school, I was in a very toxic and controlling relationship with someone one year older than me who I'll refer to as Ryan. We were high school sweethearts until he went away to university and we both agreed it would be best to take a break and get the full college experience. Since Ryan was a year ahead, he was able to have his wild, "fuckboy" era his freshman year while I studied my ass off in preparation for my own college applications the following year. Things were a little estranged with us but we stayed in touch off and on as friends/friends with benefits.
During this period of his freshman year at uni, Ryan gradually started drinking and using drugs more and more frequently and I began to see a very different controlling, paranoid, and even abusive side to him (controlling what I wore, getting drunk and shoving me to the ground and into walls like a ragdoll, threatening to speed up or crash the car while we were driving places) While I stupidly didn't recognize it as abuse at the time, it became clear to me very quickly that something was wrong with Ryan's mental state so I made the effort of driving out on weekends to stay with him at his dorm and try to help him through it in whatever way I could.
Sure enough, he was in a much worse place than I could have imagined, not attending classes, talking to voices that weren't there, threatening self-harm, suicide, etc. I immediately contacted his parents when I saw how serious things were and asked them to come pick him up from campus and get professional help. They brushed things off and told me that I shouldn't be worrying so much about him. I was only 17 and not prepared to deal with the situation myself so I went home and continued pleading with his parents, sister, and friends to get him access to professional help. Eventually, this worked and they put him in a mental health facility for a two-week period where I had extremely limited contact.
In the midst of all of this was my senior prom, something we had planned to attend together but due to emergency circumstances (Ryan being held in a facility), a friend of mine insisted on stepping in as my date. For what it's worth I really didn't even want to go, I could hardly pull myself together to get out of bed due to the intense stress I was under but my friend knew that I would regret not attending my senior prom and insisted on taking me. Despite Ryan and I being broken up for over a year, he was beyond infuriated and betrayed by me going with someone else and made several threats/attempts on his life.
After his family realized first-hand just how serious things were, they decided to ship him off to one of those youth wilderness rehabilitation places out of state. After he started at the program, his whole family turned on me and blamed me for what had happened with him. It was beyond difficult, Ryan spiraled into sending a mix of long, passionate love and hate letters any time he had access to electronics or mail. Some would start as a love letter and end in hopes for my death, clearly showing his volatile feelings towards me. At first, I would respond trying to let him know I was there for him, I cared, etc. but at some point, and with the help of friends, I realized just how abusive his prior behavior was and let him know we couldn't be in contact anymore. Despite this, I continued to get letters, texts, emails, facebook messages, snapchats, even messages direct through spotify once I had blocked him on all platforms. Fast forward one year to 2017 and I got a cookie cutter AA letter making amends, this was the last real update I had and I finally felt hopeful he was on the road to getting real help and turning his life around.
CURRENT DAY:
Fast forward 7+ years and I'm in an extremely happy and safe relationship. We are all in our mid twenties now. Ryan, my ex has continued sending me friend requests on different socials maybe once a year but I've never thought much of it as that's fairly normal for exes to want to reconnect. After so many years of reflecting on our relationship it's hard to even think about wanting to reconnect with someone who was so emotionally and physically abusive to me so I've always politely declined these attempts at contact. However, recently—I got several back-to-back requests which was unusual. This morning I decided I would finally look him up and see what he's up to and I was super freaked out by what I found.
The first result was a recent arrest for trespassing, the date lined up exactly with when he had been sending me back-to-back friend requests. My first thought was that he was in another type of manic state and spiraling again. I decided to do an even deeper dive and see what else I could find on him and remembered he had tried contacting me through spotify messages when he was blocked elsewhere. Because Spotify has since disabled their chat function, I wasn't able to see if he had tried messaging me recently but I clicked through to his account and almost threw up when I saw MANY creepy personal playlists clearly directed towards me. Some literally titled my full government name and including songs with eerie titles or lyrics and even some with songs we would listen to when we were together. Very hot and cold, love/hate type of vibe just like his old letters. I calmed myself down a little and thought maybe they were old playlists from years ago but again almost threw up again when I saw the first song added to the playlist was not even released until just over one year ago. This means my ex is creating creepy cryptic new playlists titled my full name almost 10 years after our break up and 7+ years without any contact whatsoever.
In more digging, I found Ryan's socials, he's not social media much anymore, the last time he posted was around the time he sent me that AA letter to make amends 7ish years ago, showing off a new kitten he got. What's a little weird is it is a VERY specific cross-breed that he knew I wanted to get when we were older, something we had talked about all the time almost like baby planning. Aside from the kitten post, there were no other new posts, his instagram was like a time capsule of our relationship with silly photos together, selfies I had sent him, love letters, photo booth strips, you name it. Additionally, I found he recently converted to my religion and has started using my typical username on new social media accounts (For example, let's say my socials are all OPWaffle123, his are now RYANWaffle123)
CONCLUSIONS/ADVICE?
The list goes on and on but I cannot put into words how shaken I am. I was so oblivious to all this for YEARS and feel like I just opened pandora's box and can't go back. I feel so violated knowing he's been looking me up and obsessing over me to this degree while I was so unaware. I really don't know if I should file a police report or just lay low and hope his obsession never manifests into something more sinister. I worry that filing any type of restraining ordeprotective order would escalate things in some way and I'd also worry about finding enough evidence of abuse especially all these years later. My biggest concern about safety is the uncertainty of his mental state, I've seen him in manic episodes before and he's shown that he's not only willing but capable of harming me physically. On the other hand, he's clearly been obsessed for years with no harm done so maybe best to not poke the bear? Desperate for any and all advice, please help a girl out 🙏
TLDR; This morning I found out that my emotionally and physically abusive ex-boyfriend from 10 years ago changed his social media usernames to match mine, converted his religion to mine, and created a ton of creepy playlists named after my full name on spotify—ALL WITHIN THE LAST YEAR. I have not spoken to him in 7+ years. Please help.

https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/xeti4o/comment/ioj62k3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button This post from relationship_advice has since been deleted, but the original text is still in the comments as follows:
"I'm struggling to believe this just happened. I'm mortified and extremely embarrassed.
Jason and I have been friends for many years. We met at university and were in the same friendship group. We stayed in touch after he flew home to Canada. I always had strong feelings for Jason after we spent hours a day talking. I adored this guy - thought he was intelligent, funny, endearing and I got the feeling he felt the same way.
He invited me to visit him and I agreed as I've always wanted to check out his city. Booked my flight and airbnb and flew over.
A week in and I still haven't seen him. I asked about us meeting up and he eventually invited me out for drinks with him and his female friend I had never met before. I head to the restaurant and they're both finishing their dinner when I get there.
We're in a booth and they're sat together, I'm on the opposite side. The first hour was fine. Then things got weird. They began facing each other, flirting with each other and ignoring me. Every time I tried to signal to leave, Jason would order me another drink on his tab. But wasn't speaking to me at all. Jason then began throwing coasters and ice cubes at me randomly. I felt humiliated.
We finish up and I'm heading back to my airbnb when the girl asks me back to her apartment with them. I said yes, since Jason and I have barely spoke since I arrived. Same thing happened there. I'm ignored and then Jason starts throwing random stuff at me. I was about to leave and he asked me to come out onto the balcony with him. I did so. I told him I've been asked on a date with someone in the city and he said nothing. He suddenly full on sprinted inside and left me alone on the balcony. Seriously, what. is. happening.
I asked him when he is heading home - he said he is staying the night with her. Great.
I then leave. Jason doesn't even look up from his phone to say goodbye. I walk home alone at 2am back to my airbnb. He then messages me telling me to get home safe. I ask him if I just third wheeled and he insisted I didn't, that she's "just a friend". I asked if he wanted to meet up again, he declined saying he's too busy.
I just flew 8 hours for...that. I am actually mortified. How could he treat me with such disregard and disrespect? How could he invite his fuck buddy along to dinner with us then spend the night throwing ice cubes at me? My skin is crawling and I feel sick. What is the best way to look at this situation? Because right now I am humiliated."
To me this sounds like the guy is being abused/controlled by the girl he's seeing.

1. He invited her to visit him
   
2. He is paying attention to the other girl, but tried to get her attention by being weird and getting her to stay
   
3. He seems to have been too scared of telling OP what was going on when they were on the balcony.
   

I might be reading in to this too much, but if not is there anything anyone can or should do about this? Does anyone have an original screenshot to see the OP's username or something?

Welcome to /Charity!

Got a charitable cause you'd like to share! This is the place!

Requirements

For 501c(3) non-profits (US) or a Non-Governmental Organization (aka NGO outside the US)

• For a registered 501c(3) or other certified charity (such as NGO's in other non-US countries), the charity must be listed in a governmental web site for verification.
• A fundraiser that is being handled directly by that charity, such as the American Heart Association's Heartwalk or JDRF's charity walk, where you supply a link on their site for your team/yourself.
• A crowdfunding site that shows it is directly benefiting a certified charity.

Please modmail us so that we can flair your post as a registered certified non-profit!

For Everyone Else

You must have both

• Account age of 30 days or older AND
• Comment karma of 250 or greater.

NOTE: We are specifically looking for COMMENT karma. The karma value you are probably looking at is a COMBINED value, consisting of both Link/Post karma plus Comment karma.

To view your karma breakdown:

• Mouse-hover over your username on desktop. This works for both the old and redesigned web site.
• On the official Reddit app for iOS, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the official Reddit app for Android, you can't. Complain on /redditmobile.
• On the unofficial Reddit App for Android, RIF (Formerly known as Reddit is Fun), your breakdown is listed on your profile screen.

The following circumventions will result in a ban:

• Using a karma farming subreddit, such as Karma4You, or asking focomplaining about karma in a general sub.
• Unsolicited private messaging to push your campaign.
• Posting your campaign on someone else's post.

Comment Karma is directly correlated to how many comments you leave plus/minus any points as people upvote a popular comment or downvote an unpopular comment.

Credibility, Community, and You

AKA, Why Do We Have Account Requirements for Individuals?
In an effort to make your crowdfunding efforts more successful here on Reddit, some background first:
In many of the gifting and fundraising subs, you'll notice that without a certain amount "karma" and an account that's old enough, you'll garner down votes or worse, your posts and comments get automatically removed.
Why?
To many Redditors, this place is a community built on activity. The "coin" of the land here is your account, and how much you've contributed to the Reddit community at large reflected in post and comment karma.
As a general rule, Redditors dislike the creation of accounts specifically to fund raise or to make requests. It makes it seem like these people simply treat Reddit as some sort of magical internet wallet, and that doesn't win many friends.
The other reason why new accounts are so disliked is that they're often alternate accounts of established users, in order to hide their activity from people they know. While we do sympathize with those of you who have valid reasons, this privilege is often abused by those who create disposable accounts to scam people for a quick buck.
This trust issue doesn't exist in the same way with certified non-profit groups, as you can look them up online for verification, and at least in the case of 501c(3)s, their spending is transparent due to their required tax filings which are public information.
So if you're new to Reddit, welcome! Spend some time and look around for something that catches your interest and chat it up with others and become part of the community!
However if you're here for the sole reason of making requests in a hurry, please be aware your pleas for help will likely be ignored.
REMEMBER, CREDIBILITY AND COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING!
For this reason, the mods will not post anything on behalf of any user that does not meet account requirements.

Rules

1. Posts must be more than just a link to your campaign. Be descriptive! Show evidence . This includes:
   1. If this is for your pet, photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture.
   2. School documentation showing enrollment if you are asking for assistance for school.
   3. Redacted bills showing your situation.
   4. Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.
   5. At minimum, please attach an unobstructed selfie photo of yourself(the submitter) with a handwritten note of your username.
   6. Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" will be removed.
2. Please Flair your posts, once created. If you don't know how, just let the mods know and we'll do it for you.
3. Only 1 campaign per user. We want you have some personal connection to the campaign, and not submit multiples simply because they were in the news.
4. Reposts are allowed once a week. If a repost comes up too early, the newest one(s) will be removed.
5. Acceptable transfer methods for individuals are for crowdfunding sites only, such as GoFundme, YouCaring, etc. Individuals should avoid using Paypal, crypto, or direct banking aps (like Chase). 501c(3) and NGOs may use whatever method they wish.
6. Don't PM people to make requests. If you receive an unsolicited private message, please let us know!
7. Do not post politically-related campaigns. They're just too divisive.
8. Trolling will not be tolerated and offending users will be banned.
9. Don't bug the mods for an exception to the account requirements. None will be given. If you attempt to circumvent the requirement by karma farming or by commenting on someone else's post, your account will be banned.
10. No posting for other Redditors. No Alts. This is viewed as a circumvention of requirements and both accounts will be banned.
11. Selling is only allowed by 1st parties directly. We do not allow selling by 3rd parties to benefit another organization, as there's no transparency to verify that the announced percentage of sales actually goes to the beneficiary. Only direct sales by the non-profit organization are allowed.

Supporting Information Requested for Non-501c(3) and Non-NGO campaigns.

We aren't the government. We aren't a court of law. We definitely don't want you to give out information that could lead to identity theft. However, some campaigns are more successful when they have additional documentation.
This includes:

• Pet related requests: Photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture. This helps show you actually own the pet in question.
• Education related requests: Documentation showing enrollment or acceptance if you are asking for assistance for school.
• Redacted bills showing your situation. In some cases, a donor may prefer to pay a creditor directly on your behalf, so be prepared and find out if that is available to you.
• If you are sharing a campaign for a registered certified non-profit organization (such as a 501c3 or NGO), you should say so in the post, and it should list that status on the campaign page/web site.
• Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.

Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" (or less!) will be removed.

How to Include a Photo or Other Supporting Info Document In Your Post

Because Reddit wasn't initially designed to handle photos when it was created, it has limitations in the implementation of photo support which don't work well for us. So instead we suggest the following:

1. Upload your photo to Imgur.com or other photo hosting site.
2. Copy the URL for the photo.
3. Create a new post or Edit your existing one to include the URL to the photo.

Please make sure to include this, as it is the primary reason why posts that are otherwise fine get removed.

Advice On Making Your Campaign Go Further

Not all crowdfunding campaigns are the same, but here are some suggestions.

• Make sure your campaign has been shared among your Facebook friends! You might think it's embarrassing, however your friends and family are more likely to care than internet strangers.
• Show that you've exhausted all the other possibilities. A lot of potential donors don't like to give money when it seems like the requester's first and only solution is to simply throw someone else's money at the problem. Nobody is going to take your word when you literally only say, "but I've done everything!", when the actual reality is probably closer to "I've done everything I can think of", which arguably is NOT everything.
• Show that there's a plan to use the money wisely. Often people have campaigns for their business ideas, but it doesn't really seem like they thought it all the way through. Tell people what steps you've taken so far, and what you're going to do next.
• Be open to critics. If there's something that people ask about, you should not be dismissive. Provide more detail. There's a possibility that they know something you don't, or they have something different about their own experience that might be useful to you. If you simply brush off your critics, it shows objectively that you're not doing everything possible.
• Review your own campaign with the mindset of a potential donor. Ask yourself, "Would I give money to this?" Or get a friend to review it for you.

Questions?

Please don't hesitate to ask the mods!
... Unless you're trying to ask for an exception to the account requirements.

Welcome to /gofundme!

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In an effort to make your crowdfunding efforts more successful here on Reddit, some background first:
​
Credibility, Community, and You
AKA, Why Do We Have Account Requirements?
In many of the gifting and fundraising subs, you'll notice that without a certain amount "karma" and an account that's old enough, you'll garner down votes or worse, your posts and comments get automatically removed.
Why?
To many Redditors, this place is a community built on activity. The "coin" of the land here is your account, and how much you've contributed to the Reddit community at large reflected in post and comment karma.
As a general rule, Redditors dislike the creation of accounts specifically to fund raise or to make requests. It makes it seem like these people simply treat Reddit as some sort of magical internet wallet, and that doesn't win many friends.
The other reason why new accounts are so disliked is that they're often alternate accounts of established users, in order to hide their activity from people they know. While we do sympathize with those of you who have valid reasons, this privilege is often abused by those who create disposable accounts to scam people for a quick buck.
So if you're new to Reddit, welcome! Spend some time and look around for something that catches your interest and chat it up with others and become part of the community!
However if you're here for the sole reason of making requests in a hurry, please be aware your pleas for help will likely be ignored.
​
**REMEMBER, CREDIBILITY AND COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING!**
​
For this reason, the mods will not post anything on behalf of any user that does not meet account requirements.
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Account Requirements
All accounts must meet BOTH of the following:

1. Account age of 90 days or older.
2. *Comment* karma of 250 or greater.

NOTE: We are specifically looking for *COMMENT* karma. The karma value you are probably looking at is a COMBINED value, consisting of both Link/Post karma plus Comment karma.
​
To view your karma breakdown:

• Mouse-hover over your username on desktop. This works for both the old and redesigned web site.
• On the official Reddit app for iOS, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the official Reddit app for Android, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the unofficial Reddit App for Android, RIF (Formerly known as Reddit is Fun), your breakdown is listed on your profile screen.

​
The following circumventions will result in a ban, and get you added to the UniversalScammerList:

• Using a karma farming subreddit, such as Karma4You. Also posts and comments asking for karma or complaining that you don't have enough karma counts as karma farming.
• Unsolicited private messaging to push your campaign.
• Posting your campaign on someone else's post. (EVEN ON THIS ONE!)

Comment Karma is directly correlated to how many comments you leave plus/minus any points as people upvote a popular comment or downvote an unpopular comment.
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Rules
​

1. Posts must be more than just a link to your campaign. Be descriptive! Be prepared to show evidence if needed. If the mods find it lacking, it may be removed.
2. Please Flair your posts, once created. If you don't know how, just let the mods know and we'll do it for you.
3. Only 1 GoFundMe per user. We want you have some personal connection to the campaign, and not submit multiple GFMs simply because they were in the news.
4. Reposts are allowed once a week. If a repost comes up too early, the newest one(s) will be removed.
5. Crowdfunding sites only. No crypto currency, direct PayPal, cash transfers, trading or loans. Our scope is only GoFundMe and other crowd sourced funding sites.
6. Don't PM people to make requests. If you receive an unsolicited private message, please let us know!
7. Do not post politically-related campaigns. They're just too divisive. Also, they're too often used to scam people (remember the campaign to fund Trump's wall?).
8. Trolling will not be tolerated and offending users will be banned.
9. Don't bug the mods for an exception to the account requirements. None will be given. If you attempt to circumvent the requirement by karma farming or by commenting on someone else's post, your account will be banned.
10. No posting for other Redditors. No Alts. This is viewed as a circumvention of the requirements and the accounts in question will be banned. (New Oct 22, 2020)
11. No referral links. A referral link like that isn't likely to solve anyone's financial problems in the time frame they need. (New March 16, 2024)

Any referral links posted here will be flagged as spam, and may trigger your account to be added to Reddit's site-wide spammer list.
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Supporting Information Requested
We aren't the government. We aren't a court of law. We definitely don't want you to give out information that could lead to identity theft. However, some campaigns are more successful when they have additional documentation.
This includes:
- Pet related requests: Photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture. This helps show you actually own the pet in question.
- Education related requests: Documentation showing enrollment or acceptance if you are asking for assistance for school.
- Redacted bills showing your situation. In some cases, a donor may prefer to pay a creditor directly on your behalf, so be prepared and find out if that is available to you.
- If you are sharing a campaign for a registered certified non-profit organization (such as a 501c3 or NGO), you should say so in the post, and it should list that status on the campaign page/web site.
- Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.
- At minimum, an unobstructed selfie photo of yourself(the submitter) holding a handwritten note of your username is required if none of the above apply.
Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" (or less!) will be removed.
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Advice On Making Your Campaign Go Further
Not all crowdfunding campaigns are the same, but here are some suggestions.

• Make sure your campaign has been shared among your Facebook friends! You might think it's embarrassing, however your friends and family are more likely to care than internet strangers.
• Show that you've exhausted all the other possibilities. A lot of potential donors don't like to give money when it seems like the requester's first and only solution is to simply throw someone else's money at the problem. Nobody is going to take your word when you literally only say, "but I've done everything!", when the actual reality is probably closer to "I've done everything I can think of", which arguably is NOT everything.
• Show that there's a plan to use the money wisely. Often people have campaigns for their business ideas, but it doesn't really seem like they thought it all the way through. Tell people what steps you've taken so far, and what you're going to do next.
• Be open to critics. If there's something that people ask about, you should not be dismissive. Provide more detail. There's a possibility that they know something you don't, or they have something different about their own experience that might be useful to you. If you simply brush off your critics, it shows objectively that you're not doing everything possible.
• Review your own campaign with the mindset of a potential donor. Ask yourself, "Would I give money to this?" Or get a friend to review it for you.

_____
Questions?
Please don't hesitate to ask the mods!
​
... Unless you're trying to ask for an exception to the account requirements.

Me M32 and my Gf 30 have been together for 10 years and have a child, our relationship has been a bit rocky recently.
I have never been a jealous type at all, and never had an issue with my partner going out with friends etc. my partner works in a little corner shop in our local village and her female co-orker invited her out. The idea was that she was going to the pub and that was it.
The pubs all close at 12pm but she didn't get home till 2:30am. She was drunk when she got in and looked surprised I was still awake, when I asked her where she'd been, she told me she and her friend met a group of guys at the pub who then invited them both out clubbing so they went out and shared a taxi to the club. Her story started to fluctuate, she told me she got to the club and said they went to one club "for like 10 minutes and then left because it was shit" once I pointed out the timeline didn't add up and that wouldn't be possible, she then changed it to they where there for "an hour or so" in two seperate clubs. Then once I said "so you basically went out with a random group of guys" she told that no it wasn't just a group of guys, but also girls with them and a mix.....that was last night when she was drunk, now this morning she's mentioned nothing about girls being part of the group and it being a group of guys only. I haven't highlighted to her that she said the night before drunk that girls where in the group too.
It was explained that one of the group of guys seemed to "fancy" her but nothing came of it or happened, aparently this guy that fancies her, he is a regular that buys stuff from the shop she works in. And apparently these group of guys where known to her friend as they " went to school together" but it sounds more like they never knew each other in school or were friends, just more like they happened to go to the same school together at the time 4 years ago.
I had a bad feeling in my gut about this night out since it was announced as my partner just seemed a bit off and awkward telling me the plan, and she seemed way too eager for casual drinks at the pub. She also went crazy when she was getting ready for the night because her make up wasn't perfect and she didn't look as good as she'd like to. She also said once they got to the club after sharing a taxi, they seperated from the group of guys and never saw them again. ..which after being invited out by them I highly doubt.
I told her that her story has changed several times over, and that she and her friend basically got hit on at the pub by a random group of guys and then went clubbing with them, and that i'm really hurt and don't believe she is telling the truth. I asked her how she'd feel if me and my friend got hit on by a group of girls that invited us out clubbing and we went. She then became really angry and started calling me a control freak, a manipulator, a narcissist etc.
She's now saying if I don't trust her then I should just break up with her. Just so many things going through my mind, why didn't she update me about a change of plan and going out clubbing like she normally would? Why was she so awcward coming in? Why has her story changed several times over? Why lie about who was part of this group? I really do mean it when I say I have NEVER had a reason to not believe her faitfulness up until now, I have never had an issue with her going out etc, i'm not a jealous/controlling person at all...but I just had a horrible feeling about this.
I'd really appreciate hearing peoples honest and open thoughts, feel free to ask any addititional questions you think might help, or be as blunt/honest as you feel.
EDIT
So something else i've noticed now...my gf knows i'm not big on social media/technology, there is a guy who we'll call "Ben". Now Ben is essentially the local village idiot who is also a bit of a ladies man and flirts with all the girls. He happens to come into the shop she works in quite frequently, nothing suspect about that as it's a small village and he comes in quite a lot. What's changed is over the last week or so, she mentioned that Ben has been trying to flirt with her etc in the shop. I thought nothing of it, we just laughed because he's the village sleazeball/idiot and he does this type of thing a lot.
But AFTER the night out I checked her Instagram, I noticed that Ben had liked her most recent selfie photo, however it was liked AFTER the night out. I then noticed that they follow each other on Instagram. My first thought was "maybe Ben follows some of the other girls at her workplace and saw my partner comment on one of their photos etc so Ben recognised her from the shop and he followed her, she followed back etc.... but then I went on her work colleagues instagram, looked through their followers and Ben isn't following them, and they aren't following Ben. My gf also has quite a unique username on Insta, so it would have been near impossible to just " look her up". So the only singular explanation is they verbally told each other their Instagrams, or she found him and added him first as his name is quite simple and easy to look up.

So about 2 years ago my Sister in Law who I gonna call Mary outed me as non binary to my aunt and several of my cousins at the wedding of one of my cousins. I have a very large extended family who I am very close with. Growing up I would have holidays with my cousins and we have regular family reunions, although as we gotten older we tend to just met up at weddings or births of new family members.
I had come out to my direct family (mum, dad, brothers and SIL) about 4 months before this wedding. But I had decided that I was not going to come out to wider family at this event because first and foremost it is not right to come out at someone else wedding, and also I was not yet comfortable being out to most people. I was not out at work or with most of my friends yet and so did not want to tell my wider family. My SIL is a fucking gossip. I want to be clear she is NOT transphobic or have any anti LGBT+ views. She is just the sort of person who cannot help but spread news she has. She has done this before with other people personal stuff (think telling people about pregnancies or break ups). After Mary outs me my family is tbf fantastic very supportive and kind and it is actually very nice. BUT I did have the worst fucking shock of my life when during the reception my aunt just goes up to me to congratulate me and say how proud she was and I was like how do you know that. I was so distressed to have this happen and lose control over my own coming out. I was also deeply embarrassed to take attention away from the wedding of my cousin. (I literally wrote the bride of my cousin an apology letter afterwards)
I didn't make a scene at the time because didn't want to cause anymore wedding drama but a few months later (next time I saw my brother Mary's husband we live in different parts of the country) I talk to my brother about it because it was still deeply upsetting me. He said he would talk to her and I thought that was best because I do not like confrontation and he might know how to talk to his wife better then me. He didn't and I still dont know why, I did ask him several times to do so but he keep saying he would and that it better if he did and told me to just not bring it up with her. So nearly a year after the outing I finally just confronted her about it, she denied ever outing me saying that my family just "Worked it out". So this is a lie. I know it is because several family members when I asked them how they found out told me that Mary had told them. I told her this and she got mad and defensive. Pivoting to saying that everyone was great about it so why does it matter. Later my brother also got really angry at me for upsetting his wife. I just was done so went fuck it not talking to you anymore about this but made it really fucking clear I was so god damn sadden by all this and felt betrayed and I wanted an apology for it. I do not and did not want anything else just an acknowledgement from her that it was wrong and that she knew that.
So fast forward to 3 weeks ago. Important to this I am a massive DnD nerd and love duckies (thus the username) . I got sent lose in a envelop 2 sets of dice. Hand made dice. one set was in the NB flag colours and the other had little rubber duckies inside them. I love them they were perfect! there was no note or anything to suggest who sent them. It took me a while but eventually I was told by my mother Mary sent them. Me and Mary had not even spoken since the confrontation. I hadn't actually been avoiding her but every time since we were meant to be at the same event (family meet up, party, ect) she had just not been able to make it or gotten sick. So suddenly getting these was so fucking random. I ask her and she said, "Saw them and thought they were perfect for you." But no apology no acknowledgment of the last 2 years or what happened.
Here's the thing I know this is the best I will ever get.
She has been my SIL for 6 years. She has never apologies for literally anything to anyone in the family. This was the biggest singular negative thing that she has ever done. But she had upset people like my mother in smaller ways and never even acknowledge it. But my Brother loves her and she is family and I want to still have a relationship with my brother (he has been really great about my transition and because he is a doctor been helping me navigate the system I really dont know how I would deal with all this without him) So these dice are the closest thing I will ever get to an apology. My mother, father, and other brother all agree this is the best i gonna get.
So I want to just move on . I want to take these dice and just accept it as an apology. But I am still so fucking hurt. I still feel deep sadness and angry when I think about it. I still get the sinking pit in my stomach when I remember my aunt just randomly asking my about my NB identity without me ever telling her.
So that's my question Reddit. What are some ways in which I can try and get mental closer what should I do to try and just let go of these feelings. I know she is not a hateful person but this pain I feel is still here. What do I do? I dont want to cause my brother more stress by confronting her, and she has just decided to pretend everything is fine. So how do I just move on?
TLDR: How do I just let go of the angry at my SIL for outing me?