Hey i always read online someone has to obviously be informed and "Do more research" about wolfdogs.
But i seemingly having a problem to understand what that actually means and what they expect from me.
What does that research entail?
Is it:

• Knowing the anatomy of a wolfdog? The anatomy of a Wolf?
  
• the origin story of a wolfdog, a Chechoslovakian one, a Saarlos one, and the American Vicky Spencer wolfdogs?
  
• and the history about how and for what purpose and intention people started to keep these Wolfdog breeds alive until this day?
  
• knowing a Wolfdogs instinkts?
  
• having Experienced and seen actual Wolfdogs Live (check)
  
• having Experienced seen and been in contact with Wild Wolves (check)
  
• been informed about eating and Food Habits in Wild wolves (check)
  
• been informed about eating and food habits in captive wolfdogs (check spoken to many owners and breeders)
  
• what and how other owners feed their wolfdog?
  
• what and how other breeders feed their wolfdog?
  
• what and how zoos feed heir wolves?
  
• what and how rescue stations feed their wolves?
  
• being informed about the anxiety levels, shyness levels of wolfdogs
  
• being infromed about the anxiety and shyness levels of wild wolves
  
• being informed about the Exceptions and that its actually really rare that wolfdogs are confident and show only slight anxiety or shyness around people. and having a wolfdog which enjoys being around people and dogs is super super rare and commonly wolfdogs may perform good with people and other dogs until the age of 2-3 then might change drastically and reality is that most wolfdogs don't do good with other dogs after that age (check)
  
• researching about the requirements to keep a Wolfdog privately in your home in your country if even legal?
  
• minimum theory's and discussions about what type of environment a wolfdogs needs to be able to enjoy its life in captivity (Space, Garden, House)?
  
• activities you have to do everyday to engage and build a strong bond with your wolfdog to keep a wolfdog healthy and happy?
  
• What it actually entails and means to own, keep, and provide for a wolfdog?
  
• the differences of training a Dog and training a Wolfdog?
  
• the statistics of behavioral issues in wolfdogs?
  
• behavioral habits, and lingering istinkts from the wild wolf part in wolfdogs which according to an article are the reason for 90% of wolfdog owners in america end up giving their wolfdog away or having to euthenize them because they aren't capable to keep them with their level of experience due to any circumstance at the age of 2-3 years when their personality changes and some become more wolf than dog. Resulting in a sad give away game, properly never finding an actual forever home for them and the having a really hard time to heal the trauma and damage made towards this wolfdog?
  
• how to interact properly with any dog?
  
• how to interact properly with wild wolves (or wolves in national parks)
  
• how to interact properly with privately owned wolfdogs?
  
• how to interact properly with wolfdogs by breeders?
  
• Boundarys of a wolfdog? What someone should never do with a wolfdog or to a wolfdog?
  
• What wolfdogs enjoy or don't enjoy?
  
• What builds trust and doesn't build trust in a dog?
  
• What builds trust and doesn't build trust in a wolfdog?
  
• the trainability of wolfdog?
  
• how every wolfdog is really different in training and some don't respond really well to food motivated training approaches, also don't respond well at all to physical punishment type of training, and someone has to get really deep and creative in to finding out what motivates their wolfdog if anything?
  
• how it is generally a lot harder to train a wolfdog?
  
• how it might not be even possible to train wolfdog (even thoug there are quite many exceptions out there)
  
• how to socialize a wolfdog as good as possible?
  
• they'r incapability of being a good guard Dog
  
• They're incapability of being any good in any Working type of environment or training? (though there are quite some exceptions out there too)
  
• They'r possible capable of doing such things?
  
• they'r possible capable of enjoying dog sports like Agility?
  
• how to groom and take care of a wolfdog?
  
• Sleeping area for a wolfdog? Outside? In your Home? In your Bed? In a Kennel?
  
• Wolfdogs and Leashes, Collars, Muzzles, Kennels? Yes? No? Why? Why Not? Why Yes? Legal reasons? Development, personal growth, liveability together in companionship reasons? Liveability together and with other people and dogs reasons?
  
• Their usually common type of personality and behavior?
  
• The complications and what that might mean for you as owner?
  
• the possibility of a wolfdog not being good with small animals or children and how to prevent accidents of that sort?
  
• their high Seperation anxiety of a wolfdog?
  
• how they can't be left alone for long hours and always should be supervised if possible? How to train to be able to be alone for a few minutes up to some hours without causing too much damage?
  
• how easy it is to severly cause trauma and damage to a wolfdog not handled properly?
  
• knowledge about Ethical Breeders and Unethical Breeders what separates them (while for some people there doesn't exist a ethical breeder hence all wolfdog breeding should be something forbidden and is unethical for them)
  
• questions about the Wolfdog to a breeder like
  
• what are their breeding goals when breeding their wolfdogs?
  
• what is their breeding philosophy?
  
• Full DNA embark - Age test
  
• Full Health Report (to make sure not to future bread already genetically mifortuned wolfdogs into a new generation)
  
• Full Family Tree of Parents, Father - Mother + eventually their Parents Embarks and personality Report
  
• Incest Koefficiency factor >5%
  
• Full Vaccination Rabies (even when its not officially approved for wolfdogs)- Deworming
  
• The Legal situation of your country of owning a wolfdog
  
• How owning a wolfdog might affect your Neighbors and people you life with?
  
• How owning a Wolfdog will affect your Life for the Next at least 12-15 years and requiring full commitment and designing your Life around that Wolfdog and not the other way around?
  
• What does it mean and entail, Risks of owning a American Wolfdog which isn't registered as an official breed like Saarlos and Chechoslovakian wolfdogs are?
  
• The Countless storys of Tragedy about Wolfdogs faith and their owners
  
• The Countless storys of Positive lifes people could experience with their Wolfdog
  
• Having a Training Facility like a dog school which is also known to be experienced enough to train wolfdogs?
  
• Having a breeder who can give advice in situations about anything and training
  
• Having a Vet and a Doctor who is able to attend to a Wolfdog and does so willingly without problems?
  
• The Costs entailed in having a wolfdog, caring for them, as well as Insurance if your country offers them, Any Health comlications which might occur Vet-Doctor Costs. Food living Costs.
  
• Costs of changing your property to fit your wolfdog and maybe make it harder for them to escape?
  
• That wolfdogs are great Escape artists?
  
• Strength of a Wolfdog and what does that mean to the owner?
  
• Hormonal challenges of a Wolfdog which entails having a harder to keep wolfdog probably every year at a certain time of year when they get in heat?
  
• having watched countless hours on youtube about Wolves?
  
• having watched countless hours on youtube about wofldogs?
  
• having read countless hours on reddit and quora about wolves and wolfdogs?
  
• having read countless hours on niche forums about wolves and wolfdogs?
  
• How to properly feed and grow up a puppy wolfdog with their sisters and parent for the first 8-12 weeks providing the right amount of nutrition?
  
• Having an actual Scope about what and how it will change your life turn it upside down when deciding to own a wolfdog for the full entirety of the wolfdogs life?
  
• having an actual scope what it means on the downsides
  
  • not being able to travel overseas for yeah complete at least 12-15 maybe even 20 years
  • not being able to let friends near your house, get close to other children, having your own children (even though there exist breeders and owners who in fact do have children and their wolfdogs are doing well with them)
• having an actual scope what it could mean on the upsides
  
• having an actual scope what it does mean IF the wolfdog would turn out EXACTLY how you would NOT like them to be? And figuring out if that would happen are you actually ready to take responsibility and do your best to have your wolfdog have the best life possible?
  
• being aware of the actual critical downsides when an uncontrollable accident happens in a situation you have misjudged and just happens anyways even if you did everything right
  
• knowing that most wolfdogs won't do what you want them to do? And they rarely even do?
  

What can you Add? What did i miss? And is there really ever a point when your done researching? When is the point in which i can say to myself i have done enough research to form a Responsible Opinion about if a Wolfdog is right or wrong for me? What are some super majorly critical things i missed in these questions here?
I think there never really is a time in which you really have learned everything. But people keep saying do more research but really What do they expect from me knowing about the Wolfdog?

I can't seem to figure out this "wake from sleep" issue I'm having with my Linux Mint PC.
Almost every morning when I sit down at my PC and move the mouse to wake the screen and view the login page..... the screen will "wake" (ie, it will go from black screen, to the login page)
However, the login credential prompts do NOT show up. It is just my computer background screen, but no login prompts.
Moving the mouse does nothing, typing on the keyboard does nothing.
BUT.... I am still able to type CNTRL ALT F1... to bring up a terminal window. I can then type sudo reboot to reboot the machine.
So.... the keyboard and mouse kind of "work" in the sense that they are able to send inputs to the PC... but something is off, where the PC just gets stuck on the login page.
I've tried updating, upgrading, etc. I've tried testing it so that when I leave the PC for the night, I leave different programs running. I can't seem to establish any pattern.
Any ideas on things to try? Thanks!

Hello, I would like to describe my current health issue to you, including my hypotheses about what might be causing it. I would like to hear your opinions on what it might be and how I should proceed. Keep in mind that I am already undergoing medical consultations and will have more, but so far, I have not reached a conclusion, so I would like as many opinions as possible.
If you need more information, feel free to ask.
For about two years, I have been experiencing facial pain and throat inflammation. I have never had these issues before. They started occurring after I had COVID-19, and I'm not sure if this is coincidental or a consequence of the virus. Initially, these pains were infrequent and mild, but in the past few months, they have become much more frequent and intense, significantly affecting my productivity, energy, and concentration. The pain is mostly noticeable upon waking, but sometimes it persists throughout the day. When the pain is less intense, it almost completely disappears after breakfast or lunch. However, when it is more severe, it doesn't go away at all, forcing me to rest in bed. Sometimes, even taking Tylenol does not relieve the pain.
The facial pain is located under my cheekbones, along my jaw, behind my eyes, and when it's very intense, at the center of my head just above my nose. The pain is continuous on both sides of my face and does not worsen with touch.
As for my throat, it feels like there's a constant lump at the lower part, as if it were scratched. It hurts continuously, not just when I swallow.
These pains occur year-round, regardless of the season.
Regarding medical checks and existing conditions, here are the details:

• I’ve had an eye exam, and there has been no deterioration beyond my existing myopia and astigmatism.
  
• I’ve been checked and do not have sinusitis.
  
• X-rays have shown no issues with my cervical spine.
  
• I likely clench my teeth at night and should be using a mouthguard.
  
• I need to have my wisdom teeth removed (I’ve only had one extracted so far) because they have not fully emerged and are pushing against the other teeth.
  
• I am allergic to dust mites.
  
• I have L4-S1 discopathy.
  
• Blood tests for thyroid issues showed no problems.
  
• I am currently on a treatment of Nicetile 500mg (L-acetylcarnitine HCl) under the assumption it might address nerve inflammation post-COVID, but there have been no changes after 15 days.
  

These issues also cause poor sleep quality. Despite sleeping for 7-8 hours, I wake up feeling tired and as if I need more rest, even if I did not exert myself physically or mentally the previous day.
From the beginning of May onwards, I experienced two weeks where every day I had a sore throat, headaches, and excessive tiredness, despite having taken antihistamines and cortisone spray for more than 20 days in April. I had a flu in early May and felt very ill; all symptoms (sore throat, cold, headache) were amplified and kept me in bed for several days, as if I had COVID. Even after the flu passed, I continued to experience throat lumps and headaches, along with excessive tiredness that rest did not alleviate.
I maintain a fairly balanced diet and engage in regular physical activity. I am physically at a normal weight.
My hypotheses:

• Depression/anxiety
  
• Sleep disorders such as sleep apnea, insomnia, or hypersomnia
  
• Chronic fatigue syndrome
  
• Long COVID
  
• Symptoms of a dust mite allergy
  
• Dental malocclusion and teeth grinding at night
  

Thank you to anyone who provides suggestions.

Hello, I would like to describe my current health issue to you, including my hypotheses about what might be causing it. I would like to hear your opinions on what it might be and how I should proceed. Keep in mind that I am already undergoing medical consultations and will have more, but so far, I have not reached a conclusion, so I would like as many opinions as possible.
If you need more information, feel free to ask.
For about two years, I have been experiencing facial pain and throat inflammation. I have never had these issues before. They started occurring after I had COVID-19, and I'm not sure if this is coincidental or a consequence of the virus. Initially, these pains were infrequent and mild, but in the past few months, they have become much more frequent and intense, significantly affecting my productivity, energy, and concentration. The pain is mostly noticeable upon waking, but sometimes it persists throughout the day. When the pain is less intense, it almost completely disappears after breakfast or lunch. However, when it is more severe, it doesn't go away at all, forcing me to rest in bed. Sometimes, even taking Tylenol does not relieve the pain.
The facial pain is located under my cheekbones, along my jaw, behind my eyes, and when it's very intense, at the center of my head just above my nose. The pain is continuous on both sides of my face and does not worsen with touch.
As for my throat, it feels like there's a constant lump at the lower part, as if it were scratched. It hurts continuously, not just when I swallow.
These pains occur year-round, regardless of the season.
Regarding medical checks and existing conditions, here are the details:

• I’ve had an eye exam, and there has been no deterioration beyond my existing myopia and astigmatism.
  
• I’ve been checked and do not have sinusitis.
  
• X-rays have shown no issues with my cervical spine.
  
• I likely clench my teeth at night and should be using a mouthguard.
  
• I need to have my wisdom teeth removed (I’ve only had one extracted so far) because they have not fully emerged and are pushing against the other teeth.
  
• I am allergic to dust mites.
  
• I have L4-S1 discopathy.
  
• Blood tests for thyroid issues showed no problems.
  
• I am currently on a treatment of Nicetile 500mg (L-acetylcarnitine HCl) under the assumption it might address nerve inflammation post-COVID, but there have been no changes after 15 days.
  

These issues also cause poor sleep quality. Despite sleeping for 7-8 hours, I wake up feeling tired and as if I need more rest, even if I did not exert myself physically or mentally the previous day.
From the beginning of May onwards, I experienced two weeks where every day I had a sore throat, headaches, and excessive tiredness, despite having taken antihistamines and cortisone spray for more than 20 days in April. I had a flu in early May and felt very ill; all symptoms (sore throat, cold, headache) were amplified and kept me in bed for several days, as if I had COVID. Even after the flu passed, I continued to experience throat lumps and headaches, along with excessive tiredness that rest did not alleviate.
I maintain a fairly balanced diet and engage in regular physical activity. I am physically at a normal weight.
My hypotheses:

• Depression/anxiety
  
• Sleep disorders such as sleep apnea, insomnia, or hypersomnia
  
• Chronic fatigue syndrome
  
• Long COVID
  
• Symptoms of a dust mite allergy
  
• Dental malocclusion and teeth grinding at night
  

Thank you to anyone who provides suggestions.

Warning : this is probably the longest post I've ever written. It's awful. If you're expecting something short, run for your safety. Otherwise, take your time and have fun.
So Kaiser and Ness have always been pretty interesting characters since their introduction, but with the most recent chapters and especially ever since the Ness flashback, things have been intensifying and there's a lot going on around these two, especially with potential developments that might happen during the PxG match. Definitely some of my favorite characters in the story thematically.
This will be a huge post analyzing, dissecting and aiming to understand the psyches of both Ness and Kaiser, by following their stories individually, as well as how they intertwine together, how their pattern of relationship is very important to the story as a whole, as well as trying to review a lot of information in hindsight that might make a lot more sense now that we virtually have their entire stories.

Part I : Ness, the Wizard

So it all starts with Alexis Ness, a German kid born into a very stereotypical scientist family of reddit atheists, as well as the following sentence : "(my parents) taught me that it's possible to explain everything that happens on earth".
https://preview.redd.it/467quusc7s0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8c94fce3eb7d93edfad74f154bcb62b3f0cc072d
This first sentence already sets a very important tone with Ness' character. He is dreamy, he's a child full of wonder with a bit of an obsession for finding magic in things, born into a family that dismisses the existence of unexplainable concepts as a whole and lambasts him for believing in them at all, even as a child. Ness is an irrational being, born into an extremely rational environment, and that fact alone alienates him from his passion, and drives him to keep going until he finds something or someone that will understand him.
Ness has a passion for the unexplainable, not the scientific unexplainable, but more the "incredible" unexplainable, things that seem too fantastic to be believed at first, and yet are still true. He also assimilates his sadness with the lack of understanding from his family among the things that he deems to be unexplainable, whether by his family or himself. Ness has a passion for magic, cannot explain why, and that's part of why he believes in magic so much. His passion is self defined.
And that passion for seeking magic in things, is also what drives him to soccer. The joy that people feel, the roaring fans, the celebrations that come from goals, Ness feels as though soccer is what will allow him to truly bring magic into this world. Which is why I theorize, that with Ness' drive for playing soccer being to bring magic on the field, he might be a self-type ego that seeks to bring magic, the same way Barou seeks the feeling of being the king of the field, or Bachira to become one with the ball (this is a very common theme with self type egos, I might make a post about this one of these days). This is a very important point if we want to understand where Ness' current development in the PxG match could be going.
https://preview.redd.it/2pwr3hio7s0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=467615cdabc6a0ae6cebea3896dd0d4a29f74989
Ness then takes matters into his own hands and trains relentlessly to pass the Bastard Munchen tryouts, the best club in Germany, so he can have a shot at turning his dream into reality. Ness plays quite well and even shows skills that should allow him to be better than the current BM selection, but he runs into a massive problem ; his individual skills do allow him to keep up, but his plays are ineffective. His magic doesn't work on the world, and the biggest reason why is that no one on the field can keep up with his thinking. Ness lacks the partner that will help make his vision come true.
https://preview.redd.it/h3t5pj628s0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20fa753b3d1e362981725295f453e7df8c592712
And that's when a certain someone makes their appearance.

Part II : Kaiser, the Blue Rose

It all starts with Michael Kaiser, a different German child with a very different upbringing, but whose destiny would end up crossing paths with that of Ness.
Kaiser grew up in the ashes of a destroyed family. His dad was a theatre director, his mom was an actress, who ended up leaving his dad soon after his birth. His father, unable to bear the weight of both an unwanted child and a failed love life, ended up sinking into alcoholism, gambling addiction and domestic violence.
His father having wasted his fortune completely and being unwilling to work, Kaiser was forced to learn how to steal very early in his life, but his disgusting father's self loathing, resentment and regret towards Michael's mother still ended up reaching him through his father's constant abuse. The treatment he got from his father was the only definition of love Kaiser has ever had, and he ended up internalizing this notion, as well as the feeling that he was not wanted in this world.
https://preview.redd.it/pbjmwago8s0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d8e88e9839891a7c7ac9e26abd27403fde3c1331
Kaiser grew up, and started saving up money from selling the more valuable items that he would steal. For his twelfth birthday, he decided to buy something for himself that would actually allow him to feel alive and closer to his far away objective of leaving his father one day. And that is how he stumbled upon football.
Unlike Ness however, who developed a passion for football simply because he saw magic in it, Kaiser developed an unhealthy attachment to football that would mimic his relationship to his father. It didn't matter how much he abused the ball, the ball wouldn't respond or protest, it'd just stay by his side silently. Kaiser saw in the ball the same form of attachment that his father showed him, he saw himself in the ball, an unwanted piece of trash that would silently take the abuse that was dished out to him. Because that was the only behavior that his father ever showed to him, Kaiser ended up assimilating abuse and violence to love. That is how Kaiser became an abuser himself, which is a very important facet of his character : cycles repeat themselves, and abusers create potential future abusers.
https://preview.redd.it/1nw0aoxs8s0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d0fb7ff24ec0a70cd1c141a6084d231931d1c1b0
Where Kaiser's story really begins though is when he is framed for a crime he didn't commit and the police enter their home for a search. Kaiser gets hit by his dad, the police find the money he was keeping from his father, and he's about to lose everything that would allow him to leave this life. Kaiser, at that moment, accepts the abuse again, and decides against his own heart that he'd simply take whatever sentence he gets and start saving up money again once he's out. He instinctively changes his mind when his dad decides to poke a few holes into his soccer ball though.
https://preview.redd.it/419kda1z8s0d1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd23734280fee0a5e45b3b2f432dd3a4bc1a4437
Though Kaiser has an awful definition of what love or attachment really is, the love that he developed for football was still as pure as he could muster. And instinctively, as he sees his father about to destroy the only thing he's ever managed to feel attachment towards, Kaiser rises against the odds and fights as hard as he can. As the narrator says it himself, this is when Kaiser's identity was truly born. This is another very important element that we'll have to keep for later.
https://preview.redd.it/bwc3c8i09s0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db6e687a46405976f724c2a652d139f9e8618dd1
Kaiser then goes on to get scouted by a certain PIFA executive named Ray Dark, who heard of the fact that he managed to take out multiple police officers with just a soccer ball. Kaiser is encouraged by Ray Dark to pass the BM tryouts, and is already determined to get as far away as possible from his former life, and this is where Kaiser's ego starts to badly mutate from its purest form, all because of the consequences of his father's abusive behavior : Kaiser is incapable of accepting any form of kindness and is very incline to violence.
Kaiser, from the second he enters the facility and starts training with the rest of the potential recruits, manages to make enemies through his extremely antagonistic behavior. He consistently picks fights, which obviously leads to situations where he's systematically in the wrong, and to people refusing to play with him in the moments that matter the most. This is where the Kaiser Impact is born ; Kaiser decides to create a weapon that won't just help him, but make sure he asserts full and total dominance over others. But he doesn't stop there.
https://preview.redd.it/vru5ubo89s0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47b1282e4c7c8a7e9f351e1624d440b5759a12c7
Kaiser starts studying elements of psychology, and his goal is strictly to find out how to manipulate someone and make sure that they would serve him during matches. He needed a lackey, that would serve him under all circumstances, and the best way to find that lackey was to find someone that was close to breaking under pressure and despair.
And this is where the BM tryouts start.

Part III : Perspectives

This is where the duo meets for the first time, and their perspectives on the situation are very different from one another, but very similar in one aspect : they provide each other with what they need.
https://preview.redd.it/vyrcjzv8as0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5d0c94fb7754c4ad6ea8c6cd5eeb352149c4e994
Ness starts out the BM tryout match very hopeful, but realizes that his individual abilities are his only functional tool and that he can't manage to spark magic with the teammates that he currently has. Ness is in a situation of despair, where he is realizing that he might not make it, and that his family was right to treat him the way they did.
Kaiser in the meantime, is in the exact opposite situation. He is alone, certainly, but also not worried : all he is doing is looking for someone with good enough skills, and in a precarious situation whose heart he can safely erode and tame. Ness needs someone to show him that magic does exist ; Kaiser needs a lackey that he can use to reach his goals. Ness needs a friend, Kaiser needs a test subject. Their relationship, is by definition profoundly unequal, and for that reason, Kaiser is also the only one of the two to be aware of that fact.
https://preview.redd.it/v9ezbkfjas0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b0613b95305a64ebc6041d1c2b8a73052a6473a
The rest of the match is pretty obvious : Ness finds a good partner to make his imagination come to fruition, Kaiser finds a dog to feed him passes, they get a hat trick together and are selected for the BM team. The important point though, is that Ness didn't actually find despair in that match : he was on the brink of realizing that he couldn't bring magic alone, but the second he was about to either give up or awaken, Kaiser came to him and became his provider for the magic he was seeking. That is the best way to make Ness' ego, his very being, dependent on Kaiser's existence.
This panel shows this best : Ness' play would've been suboptimal for anyone else, his magic would not have been sufficient for a different player. Kaiser's individual ability however, is so overwhelming that he effortlessly brings Ness the magic he seeks. Ness' magic wouldn't have worked if it wasn't for Kaiser.
Ness has never known what it feels like to create magic alone, and therefore he associates magic to Kaiser's presence. If Kaiser himself fails, that implies a personal failure on Ness' part since it means his magic didn't function. That's an extremely important element to understand for the codependency element of these two characters, and that's part of the reason why Ness has constantly been extremely defensive of every single one of Kaiser's failures so far in the story : the same way Kaiser's dream slowly became his own, his failures feel just as much his as they are Kaiser's.
https://preview.redd.it/0pl31b2abs0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1137ca6530c1ec0ae89b1a7f0a3be49cf24f1ba3
Kaiser then goes on to become a very vicious player that specifically tries to scar his opponents as much as possible. The impossibility that Kaiser strives for, has become something he wants to incarnate for his opponents, an impossible behemoth to slay, the same way his dad was to him. Kaiser acknowledges this, however he associates the feeling of losing to such impossibility to weakness. To Kaiser, the fact that he let his father mistreat him for that long seems to be proof that he used to be a weak person, and that the true way to fight is to become just as evil and incarnate that feeling of impossibility to other people, as he says it to Ness : "Believing in the impossible is a curse, the instant people believe in the impossible is when they decide to give up. It's a survival instinct to guard against heartbreak, that's the way of weaklings, they kill themselves through this curse. Weaklings who dilute the purity of their egos to live longer are what I hate most in this world".
Kaiser has rationalized the abuse that he has gone through by assimilating his behavior to weakness, instead of recognizing this was the behavior of a child trying desperately to survive against impossible odds. The fact that he sees his past behavior as such and that he decided that he should become an abuser himself to get power back over his life, is already proof that his father's abuse won over his ego, and he doesn't know it himself. This is why his ego is fragile and diluted, and that's how he lost his way.
https://preview.redd.it/gnr2pmijbs0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7e9c07a3f25650ab84e6cd8b3bc90d301a7d313b

Part IV : The reality of impossibility

This is where the NEL comes in. From what we know of Kaiser's objectives with the NEL, he has come to crush the local japanese ace, to give himself a publicity boost that would either prove to the world that he isn't inferior to Noel Noa, or to get himself a contract that would allow him to get out of his current club, both so he could compete with Noa in a less direct way, and therefore not have to face the impossible task that is destroying the system that has been built around him.
Both his intention of trying to destroy Isagi by showing him how impossible it is to beat him, and his intention to avoid beating Noa directly by instead trying to publicize himself as being a striker of equal mettle, show how his ego has been twisted from what it originally was : Kaiser has become addicted to the feeling of incarnating impossibility to other players and crushing them, and he has become very avoidant of any challenges that could seem impossible to him, the same way his father's abuse seemed impossible to overcome. He has created himself a predatory mentality unfit for a competitor, and he did it all as a survival mechanism to fight against impossible odds.
The problem really starts however, when his plan backfires, and it turns out the japanese ace specifically thrives on impossible challenges and does not stop improving. Isagi Yoichi, by the time of the PxG match, has become the incarnation of the impossible odds that Kaiser usually wants to avoid, but this time he is conflicted since Isagi is also the exact type of player that Kaiser wants to crush : he is forced to face his own fear, and the more the odds are against him, the more impossibility will catch up to Kaiser. Which is exactly what might lead to Ness' awakening.
https://preview.redd.it/cl0fcuo5cs0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2eb5a41479308384a1dc7cdb9f4be2a40891ea55
Since Ness attributes his magic to Kaiser's success, seeing Kaiser fail (and maybe even resent him for it), is most likely what will bring Ness to the pit of despair that he got to escape from back in the BM tryouts. Ness will have to face his fear of not being able to bring magic to the world alone. And with what's been foreshadowed, I believe Ness' awakening will come with some sort of cooperation with Isagi, which in turn will make Kaiser realize that he is back to facing the impossible behemoth that he faced not so long ago. This is what will make him revert to his purest ego. But what is his purest ego exactly ?

Final part : Conclusions, and Kaiser's true ego

We finally get to the part where I stop holding everything back and I tell what's on my mind.

1. I'll start with something very important : duos in Blue Lock are always doomed unless they become more than the sum of their parts.

Kaiser and Ness' duo made me realize it, especially with their very obvious parallels to Reo and Nagi, but duos often start out with one of the players (and sometimes both players) attributing a part of their ego to their partner. That right there, is exactly how egos are stifled.
In the case of Kaiser, though his intention was to manipulate Ness, he ended up creating an association in Ness' mind where though Ness sees his purpose in life to bring magic through football, he attributes his ability to bring magic to Kaiser, which means that in Ness' mind, he is incapable of doing it alone. I don't believe that's the case, but for Ness to prove it to himself, he has to try doing it first. The PxG match is the perfect opportunity for this, but that's not all.
https://preview.redd.it/p2zv1za0es0d1.jpg?width=1124&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dad6ddd89aca9f05adb18cc06825f6337f7b3702
Sae and Rin are also a very important example of this, since Sae knew from the start that having Rin associate him to his ego and use him as a reason to play football was a death sentence for both of them. I believe that Sae truly does want to win the Champion's league with his brother, but has let go of that dream and has tried to force Rin to do it as well to make sure both of them would reach their potential before hitting the wall that is the world level.
Reo has always attributed his dream of winning the world cup to the fact that he has Nagi by his side, and cannot really imagine achieving this dream without him. However, if Reo truly wants to evolve, I'm sure a lot of you are already anticipating this, but he has to let go of Nagi and evolve alone, which he most likely will do during the Manshine-Barcha match. Nagi himself doesn't have an objective, and has always improved as a player with the intention of helping Reo achieve his dream, which means that part of his ego is simply helping another player achieve his. Unless the both of them seperate at least temporarily, then Reo will never gain the confidence to achieve his dream alone, Nagi will never gain the ego to have his own dream and play football for the sake of his own passion, and neither of them will be able to cooperate on their common vision of winning together. And the way I know all of this ?
Is because Isagi and Bachira have already showed us the path of how a good duo functions. Bachira almost never awakened his true ego all because his loneliness made him see Isagi as essential to his well being, it forced him to look for players that would be able to keep up with his best football, and when he found them, he already thought he had won. Bachira realized that the only way he could keep playing with the players he admires and wants to rival, is by believing in his way of playing football instead of putting his belief in someone else. This is how duos survive : by having both players becoming better and fulfilled individually, and constantly pushing each other to individually become better before they rely on each other for victory.
https://preview.redd.it/bcjasudces0d1.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b6339a69e35ab6868f134742dbd1b56cd1db4d27

1. To get back to Kaiser and Ness, what that means is that Ness' evolution has to come at the cost of his dependence on Kaiser, and Kaiser's evolution has to come at the cost of the introspection he has to do to understand where his true nature comes from : this specific moment.

https://preview.redd.it/19jdamedcs0d1.jpg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=14f345c0c401e1be17aae850a33fc3faf259303b
My belief is that Kaiser's ego to incarnate the impossible isn't actually wrong, it's just taken from the wrong perspective. What Kaiser was since the very start, isn't a mindless perpatrator of violence that does it out of pleasure for crushing others : What Kaiser is, is a survivor.
\"I'll leave here someday.\"
No matter how tough the situation, no matter how much his father beat him, Kaiser never stopped believing or dreaming that he would one day free himself from his situation and rise against adversity. It might've been a small flame at first, but when his ego truly awakened was when he actually fought back for the first time. Kaiser isn't an impossible being because he is an unbeatable, violent monster, he is an impossible being because he rises against impossible odds no matter what.
\"The boy dreamed about going on a journey someday.\"
He is unfathomably resilient, and that is something that was very specifically cultivated from his experience of victimhood : Kaiser couldn't have become this kind of person if he was simply an abuser the same way his father was (which is currently what is stifling his ego), the only way he can be this impossible being is by going through what he did and surviving.
And in fact, that's also something that been shown in the manga already. After all, the only moment so far where Kaiser has showed us what could be his greatest performance, was when he had to rely on a play Isagi made to get a goal opportunity, and managed to beat 4 defenders (one of them being the best U20), culminating in a goal that's impossible to replicate even for the greatest players. Kaiser might be a self type ego that seeks impossible situations to reach flow.
https://preview.redd.it/rcpi8xb3ds0d1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b64e5c2db2df699852631c44c4f308fb3efc417
A player's personality is often reflected through their playstyle : that's the case with Kaiser, with his KI symbolizing his impossible dominance, and his MV symbolizing his manipulative way of playing with people ; which is why I don't believe it's a coincidence that the one time Kaiser has truly made a play no one else could replicate was when all odds were against him. And yet ironically, this is also the goal that Kaiser hates the most, because he still hates his younger self for not having fought back until the last moment. What he sees as weakness, is what is actually his greatest strength.
Anyways if you've read this far, thank you very much and congratulations, and if you have any, please tell me your thoughts in the comments.

After some tests, doctor (neurologist with specialization in adult ADHD) confirmed ADD diagnosis. He prescribed 27mg concerta and told me to come back in 1½ to 2 months, saying that the body takes time to adjust itself to the medication. I know that stimulants work with the first dose, and that the body adjusting is about the physiology, how it stabilizes over time to the side effects.Why would we wait for the body to stabilize itself to the medication when the effectiveness is seen within the first day? I acknowledge that it was a mistake to not ask him about this on the spot.
I took the 27mg and after 1-2 hours there was some nice clarity in my mind, for like 5 minutes. Maybe placebo. That's it. The rest was high irritability and belly rumbles. I took 54mg next day and same thing, minus the "clarity".
This is not directly relevant to this post but I'll add it: since I knew that some people respond to instant release methylphedinate and not XR, I opened the pill and cut off the sponge thing and took the methylphedinate. It felt good. For about 4/5 hours I was very motivated, I could just do stuff and enjoy it (like assembling some furniture) when normally I would force myself to do it after postponing it as much as possible. No concentration improvement though. Anyway, I did nothing with this information.
I wasn't going to wait another week or two to see this doctor again again so I had an appointment with an experienced psychiatrist who has worked with kids and adults with ADD/ADHD. He said it didn't make sense to him what the doctor said, that yes there was an adaptation of the body to the side effects but there's no point in waiting for it if the medication doesn't work, which is seen from the first day. Since he would have also prescribed Concerta to start, he recommended to up the dosage so I told him I tried with 54mg as well. He put me on Strattera, didn't work. Bupropion (Wellbutrin) 150mg didn't work. He upped the dose so now I'm on week one of taking 300mg.
Is there a reason he might be avoiding other stimulants like Adderall or Vyvanse? I ask because as far as I know, those drugs along with Methylphedinate (Concerta or whatever) or one of the primary treatment options for ADD/ADHD. Does he want to exhaust all other options first because they have weaker side effects, are less addictive, don't build tolerance that fast, or what?

Hello, I would like to describe my current health issue to you, including my hypotheses about what might be causing it. I would like to hear your opinions on what it might be and how I should proceed. Keep in mind that I am already undergoing medical consultations and will have more, but so far, I have not reached a conclusion, so I would like as many opinions as possible.
If you need more information, feel free to ask.
For about two years, I have been experiencing facial pain and throat inflammation. I have never had these issues before. They started occurring after I had COVID-19, and I'm not sure if this is coincidental or a consequence of the virus. Initially, these pains were infrequent and mild, but in the past few months, they have become much more frequent and intense, significantly affecting my productivity, energy, and concentration. The pain is mostly noticeable upon waking, but sometimes it persists throughout the day. When the pain is less intense, it almost completely disappears after breakfast or lunch. However, when it is more severe, it doesn't go away at all, forcing me to rest in bed. Sometimes, even taking Tylenol does not relieve the pain.
The facial pain is located under my cheekbones, along my jaw, behind my eyes, and when it's very intense, at the center of my head just above my nose. The pain is continuous on both sides of my face and does not worsen with touch.
As for my throat, it feels like there's a constant lump at the lower part, as if it were scratched. It hurts continuously, not just when I swallow.
These pains occur year-round, regardless of the season.
Regarding medical checks and existing conditions, here are the details:

• I’ve had an eye exam, and there has been no deterioration beyond my existing myopia and astigmatism.
  
• I’ve been checked and do not have sinusitis.
  
• X-rays have shown no issues with my cervical spine.
  
• I likely clench my teeth at night and should be using a mouthguard.
  
• I need to have my wisdom teeth removed (I’ve only had one extracted so far) because they have not fully emerged and are pushing against the other teeth.
  
• I am allergic to dust mites.
  
• I have L4-S1 discopathy.
  
• Blood tests for thyroid issues showed no problems.
  
• I am currently on a treatment of Nicetile 500mg (L-acetylcarnitine HCl) under the assumption it might address nerve inflammation post-COVID, but there have been no changes after 15 days.
  

These issues also cause poor sleep quality. Despite sleeping for 7-8 hours, I wake up feeling tired and as if I need more rest, even if I did not exert myself physically or mentally the previous day.
From the beginning of May onwards, I experienced two weeks where every day I had a sore throat, headaches, and excessive tiredness, despite having taken antihistamines and cortisone spray for more than 20 days in April. I had a flu in early May and felt very ill; all symptoms (sore throat, cold, headache) were amplified and kept me in bed for several days, as if I had COVID. Even after the flu passed, I continued to experience throat lumps and headaches, along with excessive tiredness that rest did not alleviate.
I maintain a fairly balanced diet and engage in regular physical activity. I am physically at a normal weight.
My hypotheses:

• Depression/anxiety
  
• Sleep disorders such as sleep apnea, insomnia, or hypersomnia
  
• Chronic fatigue syndrome
  
• Long COVID
  
• Symptoms of a dust mite allergy
  
• Dental malocclusion and teeth grinding at night
  

Thank you to anyone who provides suggestions.

[First] [Previous] [Next]
I was at a disadvantage before, looking around in unknown territory, but here? This is my house. My country. My library! I have walked around these halls so many times that I have a pretty good mental map of where everything is. Considering the most requested academic tomes are under the protection of the Librarian, I go investigate the shelves on the first floor, where you find mostly reference books.

All this confidence I managed to build up disappears the instant I notice there’s a group of students in the lodges to the side of the hall, just minding their own business. My throat dries up, my knees shake a little bit.

Saints damn it, why aren’t you all on vacation!?

And they are sitting right on my way, between me and the shelves. I am sure the symbol has to be on the shelves…

“Time to turn tail and run, like always.”

“You can do it. Take a deep breath, look straight onwards and walk!”

Taking her advice, I do my best to not look at ANYTHING and just go straight as an ant to the shelves.

“Wait. What if any of them say hi? Oh no. Uhm. Take a quick look! But make it super, super quick!”

Damn it.

My eyes slowly turn to the left as I am walking. Are they looking at me? Did they look at me? WILL they look at me? They don’t seem to even notice me. Should I call for their attention? Should I say hi? I don’t even know them, that would be weird. But what if I do know them and I just don’t remember? There’s lots of law students around, maybe they are law students? I can’t see their books from this distance, maybe I need glasses. Would glasses make me look unassuming? I wish people didn’t look at me…

Eventually I reach the shelves without exchanging a single word with these people. I really, really hope I didn’t look like a nervous wreck while walking by, but I guess there isn’t much I can do about that now, can I? Ugh, I can barely focus as I start looking on the shelf itself, trying to find anything out of the ordinary…

“You’re nervous when there’s a lot of people, and you’re nervous when there’s few people. What will it take for you to be happy about something, huh!? Tiresome bitch…”

I sigh loudly. I left my S.O.S. at home, so I can’t really get rid of these voices tonight… I’ll have to brave them.

“It will be a hard time… but you can do it.”

Taking a deep breath, I continue trying to focus on finding that damn ‘golden symbol’ around the shelves, even taking out a few suspiciously out of place books, just to check if the symbol could be carved on the back of the shelf or something…

Nothing.

I spend a good long hour checking each shelf on the first floor as methodically as my body allows… before I know it, I have given up on everything and am sitting on a bean couch at the main hall, letting my eyes close slowly…

… When I open them again, I practically jump out of my chair.

Did I just fall asleep!?

“Oh boy.”

I pick up my phone to check… It's 2 in the morning.

“Oh boy! Who could have guessed things would go wrong, huh?”

I can still feel the sleepiness in my limbs, my eyelids feel so heavy. Saints, help your poor servant!

The lights feel so vibrant here, so annoying and white. I can practically hear them buzz… but then, I notice something else. The smell of decent coffee, recently brewed. I look around, quickly finding the librarian at her desk, serving cups of coffee to the group I saw… I think of going over and taking one but that would probably imply conversation. And I am not ready for conversation! I—

“Oi! You finally woke up!” The librarian catches me instantly with a knowing smirk. “Want a cuppa?”

I freeze. For a moment I think: ‘hey, let’s pretend I didn’t hear her!’, but I don’t have my headphones on and I made eye contact. I am trapped, TRAPPED.

“M-Mhm.” I manage to whimper, nodding my head quickly.

“Then come over, don’t be shy. We’re all night owls here.”

There is a sense of community there that’s quite alluring, but the curious looks of that group of students really feel like cold daggers on my chest. Still, I gather all my courage and robotically walk over to the group, taking a styrofoam cup, and then watching the woman fill it up slowly with coffee as black as my soul. Just like I like it… just with a hint of sugar, though.

“So you finally came around again. I was wondering what happened to you.” The old lady looked at me, knowingly.

“You… you recognize me?” I can’t help but feel a mixture of happiness and abject horror mounting on my back.

“My child, I recognize every single person who comes to my library! I know them all, believe it or not! Including these rascals over here.”

The others laughed. I just looked at my coffee while mixing a teaspoon of sugar in it. She’s probably joking, right? I mean… there’s no way she actually memorizes every visitor, right?

“Maybe she’s a witch.”

Knowing what I know now? I wouldn’t be surprised. I just take a sip of my coffee.

“You’re not here to study for the special tests, are you?” The lady again read me like a saints’ damned book. “You’re looking for something special.”

“It’s nothing that ominous.” I quickly cover. “I am just looking for a particular book, but I am not sure where I could find it in the library.”

“Why not ask for help? I am right here, precisely for that!” The Librarian puffed up her chest. “If I don’t get anything to do, I get bored.”

“Ah, well, you see…” I start getting nervous again. I can’t just tell her the truth! What if I slip and this woman turns out to be a cloak testing me? Or worse, a sleeper! I am quite sure the whole ‘Secret of magic’ is a very serious matter! I could get her and myself in a big pickle!

The woman seems to notice my distress… and instead of trying to reassure me, the damn crone just goes and says:

“Is it poooorn you’re after, boy?~”

Saints help me.

The others are laughing and looking at me all smiley, why!? Why must this lady put me in a situation like this!?

“T-There’s the internet for stuff like that!” I blurt without thinking. “I mean! Ah! Damn it!”

More laughs. At this point my face must be lighting up red and radiating hotter than active uranium.

“I. Can’t. It’s a symbol!”

“A symbol?” One of the other students tilted his head with curiosity. “What kind of symbol? Are we talking chemical or arcane?”

“Nerd spotted. You’re among comrades here, breathe easy.”

It’s hard to breathe easy when people are actively laughing at me, saints damn it!

“It… symbolizes gold.” I finally relented. “I am not sure which one of the many, many interpretations it could be. I thought of the alchemical symbol for gold, or a Sun, who knows…”

“That’s a little vague.” The student said, frowning a little bit and rubbing the back of his neck. “The symbol is in the book? Like, on the cover?”

What am I even supposed to answer to that!?

“I. Think?”

“Well.” The Librarian recovers the reigns of the conversation with a grin. “If that thing you are looking for isn’t here? It may be a literature tome. You know, on the second floor.”

“Y-Yeah…” I sigh. This whole conversation has just been so stressful.

“Well! It could be the Golden Ratio!” One of the girls says. “You know the Golden Ratio?”

“Isn’t that the whole shell inside a rectangle thing?” I blink.

“Yeah! They use the helenian letter ‘phi’ to represent it.”

The girl is nice enough to draw it for me…

Phi
I stare at the symbol on the paper for a moment. That’s… actually useful. And it does make sense! It could be this! Suddenly inspired, I stand right up and finish what’s left from my coffee in one gulp, not even caring that it burns my damn throat as I do so.

“Okay, this works. Thank you!” Without even feeling the anxiety attack me again, I bow my head and turn around to go right for the stairs!


When Tav had turned around and moved out, the Leader of the Coven looked at her young apprentice with a frown, shaking her finger slowly at the girl.

“You shouldn’t be so obvious with your hints, young girl.” The woman shook her head softly. “We could have had fun with her for at least another hour!”

“I didn’t feel like being cruel today.” The apprentice said with a sleepy grin, while some of the others ruffled her hair and called her a ‘softie’. “The Bastard needs a way to learn! And it would be sad to see the Overseer waiting for another night…”


I rush past the empty reception desk on the second floor, joging without even caring about the ‘No Running’ rule as I go head first into the wooden shelves of the literature section. And it doesn’t even take me that many attempts to finally see something: a symbol carved on the wooden side of one of the shelves.

Phi. Lower case. Small enough to not be disruptive, but big enough to be noticeable.

My eyes widen, and I immediately approach the symbol with awe invading my body. I don’t even dare to touch it at first, that’s how big my excitement is! Whatever does this mean!? Is this whole building the Elysium? Or just the second floor? Isn’t this place way too public for what they mean to do?

Finally giving up on trying to be cautious, I just touch the symbol. For a moment nothing happens, and I feel the panic starting to take over again.

“Trust the process, maybe it takes a moment!”

I keep my finger pressed on the carved symbol for a moment, taking slow, deep breaths as I try to keep myself from going into a saints damned anxiety attack. But then, something does happen. Octarine, that strange colour, starts filtering from my very veins and into the symbol, filling in the carving before flowing on the air like a river of vibrant purple-green. It advances in front of my eyes, dancing and spiraling before flowing deeper into the library.

“What…?”

“What are you waiting for!?”

“Follow it!”

I don’t have to tell myself twice! My legs don’t have the energy to keep running, but the colour is not flowing super fast, so I can just walk behind it until it reaches an empty wall on the deepest side of the second floor. I put my hand against it and push slightly, this time trying to cause the flow myself! My excitement knows no bounds when the colours flow from my forearm to my palm, and then spread on the wall like vines growing in all directions.

“Idiot! What if someone can see you!?”

Biting my lower lip, I quickly turn around. No one followed me, good! I can focus again on the wall, or in this case the lack of it: where there was a wall now there’s an entrance, a black hole just waiting for me to jump in. With a sigh, I decide to ignore my anxieties and just go into the darkness, being quickly surrounded by it as the wall quickly appears again behind me.

It takes a moment for my eyes to get used to the room, but when they do the way is clear: a spiral stairway going up.

“More stairs… why do people here love their stairs!?”

With a frustrated grumble, I take a step on the stairs, only for them to start moving on their own. Huh. Now that’s convenient! I just let them take me higher and higher, without even questioning how they move without mechanisms or electricity. Magic is just Like That™.

It doesn’t take long until the light hits me: a faint, gentle blue light, like a beautiful night sky. My observation proves right on the money, for what I find on top of the stairway is a tremendous planetarium: a dome of darkness with distant white lights showing the spectacle of the stars right above us.

There are some tables and chairs around, some bookshelves too… and sitting on one of them, was the specter of someone I know. The figure of a certain book vendor.

Miss Pelafina gently brushed some of her dyed black hair behind her ear to look at me with a mocking grin.

“Took you long enough, didn’t it? Kid.”

hi,
PLEASE NOTE, THESE BOOKS WILL COME OUT WITH 2 CHAPTERS PER WEEK STARTING FROM TOMORROW. EACH HAS A LIST OF CHARACTERS AND THERE ROLE AND THERE DISCRIPTION.
please tell me what books sound the best <3 more will be coming in a separate post <3
So im a Wattpad user and I write and read story's, mainly writing now, Im going to be releasing a massive amount of books I think the total is 20 books could be more could be less. But there's a massive range of them so I will list them below:
A GAME OF CHANCE (OUAT BOOK) 18 MAY 2024 - This book is based mainly in neverland but has parts in story Brooke. In this is book where henry is kidnapped but not for the reason they showed in the series, your name is emily you grew up with an abusive drunk of a father and you ran away. After a while of missing storybrooke you return to which your taken in by Emma but someone doesn't like you.
MIRROR MIRROR (OUAT BOOK)19 MAY 2024 - your Regenia's sister, you two fell into the darkness she came out however you never did. She and her new friends try hard to get you into the light side but when Regina finds why you went dark she knows there's only one solution. But will she take the risk or pay the price.
FALLING FOR THEM 17 MAY 2024 - you are a talented young artist who moves from her home town after a brake up in hopes of finding peace. You find peace and love but two men? Is that right ? first time for everything right they will always be my first everything.
MY MAFFIA HUSBAND 20 MAY 2024 - your parents business wasn't going to well and another business offered to help. They gladly excepted after knowing the price they have to pay, you live with them and the other company starts coming around a lot more until one day everything falls into place and the wedding isn't long after that day.
MARRIED TO MY BESTFRIEND 17 MAY 2024- your bestfriend and you have been close ever since birth, you do everything together and your inseparable. Until jack has to help is parents as trouble crosses there path with business, thats when your parents offer you as payment to help the business which they except. You soon learn neither of you had a choice it was set they day you where born.
LOSING YOU 17 MAY 2024 - after your fiancé goes missing you hire a detective and a private investigator, When they give up on the case finding no clues what so ever you deiced to take it into your own hands. On the way to this you uncover your fiancé dark past, that his family knew where he was and this was just a test plus a love game, but can you stay with him after finding out what you have.
TRAPPED BY HIM 17 MAY 2024- you are taken by a sadistic ex of yours he keeps you locked up for months on end torturing you and doing unholy things all the while you scream cry and beg him to stop none can hear you and is anyone even looking for you does anyone even realize your missing?
DETECTIVE DARLA 17 MAY 2024 - your a detective with a high amount of respect you have solved multiple cases of murder and missing persons but now there's a new killer in town who they refer to as the shadow none knows who he is and none can track him down Darla beings to get worried but she begins to find all the answers and when she finds the horrifying truth after being nearly murderd by the shadow she kills the one thing she loves Darla goes into a state of panic and she is put into the mental heath ward in her local hospital when a new killer strikes will she be able to recover? will she find this new murderer?
BROKEN PIECES 17 MAY 2024 - when you come home one night after cleaning the house going to do shopping putting it away loading washing in and out until its time for you to go to work and find your husband doing unspeakable things to your eldest child and youngest child while your middle child watches laughing you go into a state of panic screaming and shouting at them when someone behind you closes the door and puts a cloth over your mouth knocking you out. will she live? will she help her children?
EVIL MEETS EVIL 17 MAY 2024 - when you where a young girl the age of only 3 days old you where taken from your mother and taken to what looked like a prison you are cared for by your brother until you turn 1 years old when your brother the leader of this place deiced you where old enough he sits you on a table and he has you looked over making sure your heathy and how a normal child should be of 1 years old but what for?
WOULD YOU KILL FOR LOVE 17 MAY 2024 - when the prince deiced he needed to be married all the girls in town went crazy all expect you you didn't fancy being married at only 16 so you ignored the whole thing thats until all the girls where to go to the court yard and be seen individually by the prince when he lays eyes on you and chooses you your whole world brakes. when a war brakes out on the kingdom and the prince is in danger you use the skills you leant ages ago to save the one you where to marry have grown feeling for him but will you let him know?
FRIEND OR FOE 17 MAY 2024 - when the whole town turns against magical creatures you have to decided who you can and cant trust due to being one of the hated all the magical beings being afraid you decided to take lead in this war and win equality from the help of a human friend. but will you survive what you decided to end.
SLYTHERIN QUEEN (HOGWARTS BOOK) 17 MAY 2024 - when arriving at Hogwarts for the first time ever you are all in first year and the boys of Hogwarts start taking a liking towards you but not everyone will be able to have you as you have a very specific taste but when you have to share a dorm with the ones you crush on you start to be bratty earning a punishment,
REDWOOD 17 MAY 2024 - the town of redwood is famously known for the redwood surrounding the town none enters or leaves the town through it you have to go by air but when thing start getting strange around the town people panic praying that its just the weather playing up but its far from just weather magic is taking the lives of many but they take the wrong person.
HONEY, HONEY (HOGWARTS BOOK) 17 MAY 2024- when a new riddle enters the school they assume her to be there sister but they are wildly wrong shes their wife yes their as in tom and matteho riddle the three of them get tired of their fathers stupid ways and their wife becomes friends with the golden trio and eventually the rest of the Weasleys. but are they just on a mission for there father of have they changed?
WITHOUT YOU 17 MAY 2024 - after losing your true love you move from your troubled home to new York to start over and you do well as a model and eventually you become rich and along the way there 2 men that have been everywhere you are you thought maybe they are just crazy fans but no. is he really dead?
THE FIRST BLOOD MOON 17 MAY 2024 - imagine being a creature so powerful but having no clue about it when your mum dies your father leaves you after years of abuse and shouting painful words he just leaves but someone comes round to the house knocking on the door for you when you refuse to go with them they kidnap you in the night. but why?
DEATHS BESTFRIEND 17 MAY 2024 - Imagen waking up one day and the worlds population has doubled but only you can see them when you find out that they aren't invisible you question what they could be before realizing they are the dead and you are you alive or dead everyone can still see you but not them?
THE STRANGERS KISS 17 MAY 2024- when you move to new York after excepting a job you go to a bar for a few drinks feeling eyes on you the whole time but you cant seem to find who it is you start the new job and this one guy seems really off he keeps staring at you and wont leave you alone but he is hiding deep secrets.
THE TORTURED 17 MAY 2024 - you've been in one place your whole life this facility they wont let you leave you cant talk and everything keeps getting worse when you are taken from the facility by people who you thought where good but no non of the people have ever been good and it get worse when they take your memories and put you with a bunch of people you have no idea who they are.
thank you for reading this to the bottom I hope when they are released you read them
byeeee <3

Hello my fellow Trolls,
I noticed the subreddit is a little silent recently and especially now with the new split starting.
We Trolls need to rally and show the other top laners that just because Lethal Tempo has been taken away does not mean they can sleep easy!
New Split observations:
Now I played some games yesterday as Trundle and did a little testing to see what I liked and what I didn’t like. I am Silver 4 currently so please take everything I say with a pinch of salt.
Runes:
So far I have only played with PTA and I think it is actually pretty good on Trundle. Since your Q counts as an auto attack, you can usually Auto Auto Q Auto for a nice trade in the early.
I did some messing around with the new Absorb life rune too and honestly I think it is not good for our boy. Yes it does function similar to his passive but the healing is barely noticeable since your passive does most of the work. I even tried this with revitalise and I think Triumph is still the best call here.
I know people suggest Grasp or HoB but I think these two runes are matchup specific/Bait (Just my opinion but I find HoB is useless for long trades which you want to take with your ult).
Items:
Now I am still trying to cook something up in the item department but two issues I have noticed are:

1. Ravenous helps with sustain but the lack of attack speed makes it feel bad (as soon as someone gets Bramble you are kinda screwed in my opinion)
2. Blade passive nerf makes using it feel bad against some champs (I fought a Cho and it took much longer than it needed to kill him.)

Things I am trying differently:
You can all call me crazy but since Trundle has been lacking attack speed after the rune changes, I have decided to build Berserker’s instead of the normal boots.
Pros: I actually feel I get more damage in on tower with Beserker’s + Demolish + Q + W. I would need to investigate this more but honestly I recommend everyone try them out.
Con: Duelling can feel rough and late game the ADC hits hard but I think even with plated you would still have this issue.
For starter items I have been building Blade/Ravenous but I am thinking on maybe trying some unconventional items instead. I think Beserker’s + Iceborne gauntlet could be a really nice first 2 items. MS + AS and you get the Slow to stick on an enemy better. Plus the stats I think would allow for easier duels in the early with your Q acting as an AD stim. I have yet to test this but I think it could work well on Trundle.
Now for 2nd item I think either Titanic/Ravenous Hydra depending on matchup and if you are ahead or not.
Past this point I am unsure but hopefully through testing I can figure out something.
Otherwise I really would like to hear the thoughts of my fellow Trolls!

Introduction

Christian religious education is defined as the process where by Christian learning takes place. It often involves “teaching which enables practicing Christians to adopt and deepen their Christian belief, values and dispositions to experience and act in a Christian way. It depends to a greater extent on how this process is adopted and practiced in different churches.

Different practices in Christian education in local churches

At some degree of certainty that all Christian churches have a similar aim’s and practices. The liturgical aspect is of paramount importance in the Trinitarian belief and practices in that it serves as introduction to what Christianity is all about. This is where the process of Cognitive learning takes places it involves the worship service where hymns are sang, lessons extracted from the books of the bible are read, sermon often punctuated with exhortation, admonishment and instruction in righteous living is delivered and prayers are said. It also involves the celebration of the holy Eucharist which Jesus Christ himself, recognized as the head of the church, initiated based on experience acquired in the worship service, it can be seen as Christian religious education is a confessional churchly activity of evangelism, instruction and nurture.
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I assure that “Youth are the most critical of all critics when it comes to religion”. Today, common inhabitants do pray and accept the holiness in church for Christ which they are aware that Christ constitutes the sacred bread and wine, but do not entirely act upon worshipping and fail to confront the thoughts and feelings to masses which would spread dignity of godliness among selves. The moral lies in the fact that this creates lackness to reach spiritual beliefs through worship and liturgy resulting in declination the faith which affects the divine nature approaching positivity.
Christian education is a vital important part in youth development. For Christian education to be explored, generation of today should be brought into contact through various practices. In the early centuries, reformers emphasized and trusted true faith and doctrines, to change and reform behaviour as the only solution for salvation in Christian education. Christian school movements prove a challenge as a messenger to convey god’s given mission and honour god.

Traditional approach

This approach was practiced since many decades and is still continued to be practiced which helps in binding and governing the ethics and morality within the religion and belief. Since beginning described, in leaving our homeland to teach the gospels throughout the world through scriptures, god conveyed his message – by sending his son Jesus for us, the Holy Spirit, the Holy Church, and Baptism for building unity.
Christianity consists of three things – Religious faith, way of life and community of mankind towards salvation are most important. The most vital of all belief preached is that there is only one god. The term Christian does not imply on the fact that a Christian should grow up in a Christian community, but precisely accepts Christian faith and belief, follows and leads the path of life on which Jesus walked on and made mankind accept Christian community through involvement and participation physically and mentally, as a result, traditional approach is how the local churches and preachers go about conducting their services. The apostle’s creed was apparently developed to summarize the Christian doctrine for man who baptised himself.

Theological and Biblical approach

This approach is regarded as an abstract discipline which teaches what bible is written. It is the study of god expressing god’s thought. The movement of bible indicates the doctrines to the kerygma to didache, to theological ethics, to revealed truth, to the way of living in Christian community.
God’s salvation to the world, worshipping the holy spirit, baptizing people in the name of god, preaching gospels as the word of god, share Christ’s own body and blood as bread and wine in holy communion, repenting and confessing god’s forgiveness etc are the concepts of theological and biblical foundation to Christian education. Even though mankind is aware but fail to involve due to the increasing evil and greed.
The service is organized to accept the call of god and to love him and others and which aims to gather people to worship him in return allowing him to take control over the world and through his presence spread peace, righteousness, justice, joy and helps in the growth of the life in an individual through increased faith.

Activities organized and performed in different local churches through to these practices

Some churches develop the initiative of the worshippers by confessing their faith in the words of the apostle creed. Each activity is correlated and composes a range of varied elements. Their current activities reflect the lives of an individual and drive them for a purpose through various numbers of activities to attain a better quality of life.
Due to activities, all age group gain variety of skills through many spiritual centred activities. Church acts as an interpreter between god and the worshippers to support in training the composition of these activities which are far more complex to solve a disturbed youth. They have to thereby standardize their curriculum and activities in regards to implement it. Different denominations organize activities to resolve the aim therefore to meet the need of the youth. Curriculum should be more focused than just on providing knowledge.
Activities are necessarily planned to build youth commitment. I believe it is necessary to reach them, i.e. train them to be strong future leaders. They should be kept one step ahead, for their life is very challenging. I believe that the best way to outreach youths mind is to be a youth like them to understand their psychology as it differs from every individual. The same activities do get affected as the youth is choosy and subtle.

Changing activities for tomorrow

Here the question is voiced that, what substantial change can be brought apart from the current activities to eradicate the above upcoming and dynamic problems in nature with respect to behavioural management or of what medication of healing would work out.
I would comment, the activities in the practices should be expanded and conduct likewise programmes workshops on educating purity before marriage, sex, child abuse, exploitation, rape, adultery, adolescence sex, teenage mothers, drugs addiction, aids, and divorce. Workshops, seminars for sex, abuse, peer mentoring, identifying preventive measures instead of curative measures targeting the social, political and the economical factors would be effective for incorporating the overall issues to bring the insight of the good and evil sides of every consequence, discussion on essential real life skills. Our goal is to create “world changers”, inviting the sacrifiers of evil and giving and sharing healthy priorities to save ourselves and the world, before it becomes a terrible fate and a debt for our own selves.
As the world is in unsafe fists of crime, terrorism, corruption, violence, youth have been diverted to a fast-paced and expects instant opportunities. Perhaps, the approaches of these local activities tend to be helpful and may bring positive results but I still feel that there is something missing, to monitor the youth from within. In an article – Practical: The Role of the Full-Time Youth Pastor in the Local Church, by Graeme Codrington, Denomination: Baptist (All), submitted on, May 18, 1997, states that, “In a world that is so busy, and demands so much of all of its inhabitants, young people need a secure environment, where they can experiment and decide who they want to be. They need significant people to be there to help them through this process. They need role models to follow”.
Above statement eventually satisfies the fact that these folks are craving for friendly support socially and for stimulation. Overall factors which conglomerate are peers, parents, teachers, church members and Christian community. All factors rely on one common feature which constitutes leadership. Ironically, most youth do understand the surrounding factors but the factors themselves become tough unknowingly that they can’t quite control the situation which then becomes too late to recover. The task is questioned commonly as what kind of leader a person should be to prove creditability and capability to influence the youth to pursue the direction towards god? In an article again stated by, Graeme Codrington, Denomination: Baptist (All), – Practical: The Role of the Full-Time Youth Pastor in the Local Church, submitted on, May 18, 1997, “Young people are not just “little adults” (cf. Elkind 1984:18). They are complex individuals who are battling to deal with the awesome transformation of their bodies, minds, and emotions. They are in a time of transition and growth, developing from the birthed bundle of potential to a fully integrated, functional member of society. The church is in a unique position to assist in this process”. Church as a role model fosters spiritual growth in every youth making them responsible to participate in Christian faith; she is a sign for an entrance of the god’s kingdom to the world of salvation, repentance, justice and peace to bring equality. She struggles hard and performs her duties wholly and solemnly reminds parents to structure their offspring’s life in Christian formation.
Church members acting as supporters, preach to establish and to promote a platform and share to encourage several types of civic, cultural, religious educational associations. In an article by Arthur Paul Boer – What must a Pastor know? Reflection on Congregational studies defines on writer James Hopewell’s statement saying beyond the embarrassment. “He has also observed that churches are sometimes chagrined by the change of hypocrisy and lament that they cannot measure upto ideals of Christian community”. Writer James Hopewell referred by Arthur Paul Boer notes that Christian leaders are incharge and build a church thereby rise in hypocrites. I observe practically that, though the world is changing, church strategy is also changing in complementing the growth. It still targets the set mission. Even though, somewhere in the corner hypocrites do exist but church leaders aim to find out what is the outcome in the people from the traditional, theological and biblical practices.
Perhaps according my research, I suggest they experiment bringing out good approaches to youth’s growth. Instead of the current activities followed in churches I would want to suggest the approach can be focused to bring in the outcome irrespective to exploration and innovation of ideas and thoughts for internal and external behaviour of an individual related to the surroundings around him, deepening of commitments to the teaching, provide opportunities to analyse socially and theologically and viewing his life in a theological manner. To build a framework of an activity consist of – to have an experience “like us”, to sense new boundaries by exploring new links to every Christian among themselves and to god across social and cultural boundaries.
In addition, exploration and inventive programmes can be executed to judge youth’s spirituality. Daily opportunities resulting in disorientation gets support through mission of god. Integration conceptual activities also can help in building and to capture ‘a born leader’. Church leader serves them as task leaders in the corrosion and freeing the task of a disconnected mind by planning tactics and dividing the burden of other’s through consultation. As the purpose is commitment, to serve the lost, skill based leadership formation training programmes can be organized to develop an effective leader so as to sustain the capability and capacity of the leader to solve the complaints lies in the dimensions of the ability. Workshops on intersections to shape boundaries of an individual and communities through theological and biblical language, symbols, and rituals to attain certain centered objectives.
As growth of globalization is tremendous, these leaders come across and face new opportunities and challenges. I believe they help in building an integral performance in conducting entrepreneurial business-based activities, describing the activities because youth’s mind is business-oriented, therefore the activities are to be structured keeping business in mind involving biblical and theological approaches with the existing resources for a business oriented youth. They tend to produce facilitate management sources to sustain and develop faith and love. When the youth develops a church from within, he will be able to observe and analyse the holistic environment.
The activities require presence of not only church members but also worshippers for youth development in successful implementation of these practices. Some worshippers form in small groups, some large varied to race culture. Arthur Paul Boer also examines simultaneously that when a group of pastors were having service of congregation, one among them exclaimed in deep breath “It showed me I’m not alone”. So often in our churches we berate ourselves for problems we face: not enough men, too few youth, preponderance of a certain race or culture. He is clear with the fact that a single person fails, unity increases strength. We ourselves give birth to a problem and then strive hard to face it because as there are few leaders left to catch a grip to support a large community. Due to less number of youth, less support is achieved to sustain the laws and policies of the church and unable to accomplish god’s mission. It is not only one who contributes but many. Above mentioned statement “It showed me I’m not alone” expresses that each race and culture form their own group; build small churches for their own community within their own boundaries, where god expects togetherness, wholeness. It requires lot of efforts to help small churches grow whereas large church with mass contribution grows as their already exist efforts in large numbers which take over the chained actions for development. Whether single church group or many, big or small, the development is important.
On this contradiction, I would suggest that this also includes that in small group the development is paid more attention and given a close eye, problems are spotted quickly and easily to meet the challenges. No matter how large or small challenges occur, the way we approach it is unique and comprehensive as this brings out effects of development in the youth. Whereas in large it becomes difficult to assist as there are more than one individuals. Due to small groups according to races and culture, differentiation exists. But the important criterion is group commitment and work effort in all sets of practice for congregations in any race or culture for a healthy youth so that to accomplish god’s mission. As a result both objectives are co-related to each other.
To understand the nature of Christian youth it is a very distinguished and a unique phenomenon. Due to the increasing issues of ‘peer pressure’, this has led to the obstruction in the development of youth. There are negative as well as positive aspects of it. Negative aspects influence a weaker mind. It is the most consistent findings revealed in observation. Due to the inquisitive innocence, an innocent becomes a prey of the negative aspect, thereby exploited and develops an evil companionship where he adopts negative qualities and habits. But there is positive aspects as in there are some groups who work towards peer relationship. Here innocent gets an opportunity to identify his fear, weakness and have control over his own power. The peer mentors play the part in organizing programmes to understand the behaviour. They interact with the teens and open lines of communication, build up action plans to change the behaviour by using the discipline skills wherever necessary. As church members play an integrate role, it is a challenge for them to develop the youth and make Christian education reachable to them.
Teachers are responsible preachers. Youth growth depends on a teacher infact they are the true facilitators of our learning, are Baptist figures and true authors of an individual’s life book. They also act as the resource developer and planner setting the curriculum for the healthy growth of an individual, depending how the curriculum is designed with the kind and level of leadership skills to recognize the youth psychology. Parents play a significant role in Christian education. They are the promising leaders which shape up Christianity, infact are the real teachers of Christian education. Parents act as a moral standard and support, therefore can synchronize to their growing youth to be aware from their early hood to gain knowledge in Christian faith and this is done when they themselves too experience a fullness of church.
Misunderstandings and miscommunication between parents and their children are one of the issues which follow breakings in the development of the youth. Due to parent’s own principles, for respect and love of family values often creates harmness to the children’s growth which tempts them to behave against them. Thus youth becomes a totalitarian of his own life by going against the values and ethics and unknowingly gets stucked in the torturous situations. Most Christian youth, fail to act upon the 10 commandments of bible.
I must say, I myself as a youth in my real life experience have observed that the originality of the commandments has changed excessively and replaced with the following:
Thou must worship money
Thou must “lyrically” murder
Thou must have evil possession
Thou must have sex
Thou must enjoy drug addiction
Thou must prosper, worship own self
Thou must not feel guilty
Thou must have no respect for ancestral values
Thou must not serve, sacrifice
Thou must differentiate
Due to the above, youth fails to feel guilty in which guiltness is a part of our conscience creating a false belief system as an obstacle in his maturity and creating structure of his own. Under such circumstances he avoids promoting prayer, sacrifice, grace, redemption, worship and meditation, atonement. Considering money and sex are the only two things reliable to satisfy the needs, creating a limitation and a boundary for establishing personal spiritual growth and development.
In general terms, when the efforts of religious and educational institutions, society lack to perform the planned task for Christian education, a positive approach is expected and constructed to gain knowledge and teaching through parents and teachers. Youth must be aware of guiltiness which is a gift from god to help us in being and doing well.
Still the question is raised in a Journal: Volume 5 Number 4, October 2003 by Author Charlene Tan, “Can Christian teachers and parents teach Christian beliefs without indoctrinating their students and children?”
Yes, they can teach Christian beliefs without indoctrinating their students and children they need to be careful when a child is to be handled as their minds are immature. At times it is difficult to understand them because their way of thinking is varied. Firstly before going to the next process, the first process has to be resolved. As teachers and parents are the role models for the development. In order to develop and understand these three role models should be systematically developed first. Only by abiding this rule, they can achieve the development in child. But the point lies beneath that how teachers and parents can prove themselves as an effective source of development by keeping in mind the relative factor of Child’s mind compatibility and psychology? As there are variations in psychological behavior teachers and parents should be mentally prepared, be changeable and adjustment oriented accordingly.
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The political and current affair of the nation is affected by corruption and evilness rationally which gave birth to vivid factors like jealousy, modesty and so on, making human’s built a tendency to mislead the positive factors. The situations have made the teachers adapt those inequalities within them, affecting the surrounding factors. Parents have too due to their increasing self priority created barriers of understanding among their families.
Many people are often drawn towards the attention of the church because of their felt needs and not for spiritual needs.
For instance, it does occur that why the youth is tuned out of his own way? Even in their interaction with their own members it tends to happen with them that they fail to hear a word said to them – stating “I didn’t hear a word you said?”, even though it is obvious that they have said something relating to us. This proves a kind of negligence in contacting the positive mechanism which grows in the back of our minds. Such system blocks all the wanted and useful messages allowing us to hear and see only what our mind tells us to hear and believe. As this tendency is increased in the youth generation, it is creating gaps between a believer and faith of god.
The question is – How? How can we overcome this problem? Youth have themselves developed a capacity in mind to hear only what pleasures them without taking a decision that whether it is false or truth. My query is – How we can bring these groups of youth closer to god? Unconsciously resulting in unexpected calamities and unknowingly they are unable to repent it wisely. Due to this increasing factor, youth can’t get a grip of effective communication and develop themselves internally. Here the parents then enter the scene to play their role.

The main question lies whether the local churches fulfill and meet to mature disciples in Christian education?

As stated above, ‘youth’ are the most critical of all critics when it comes to religion. In this modern era, youth is distracted to church because they are building castles in air due to the unmaterialistic desire. Youth today have focused their vision to crave success and prosperity for their rising life graph; they exploit their own ones due to greed and selfishness. During the primary phase of struggle and hard work, youth craves to achieve prosperity, at the same time, do thank god and accept his involvement for success, but hand in hand, lack to follow the bibles ethics which says to respect others in and with unity. Due to the competition and growth politically, more often youth seem to push the fellow mates and strive to takeover their place. They themselves are unaware that they give birth to exploitation and inequality. And due to inequality, unity is declined, wherein bible does not specify inequality. In a book source, Pastor – “Rick Warren’ – illustrates in his book – The Purpose-Driven Church -“The issue is church health, not church growth!” declares warren. “if your church is healthy, growth will occur naturally. Healthy consistent growth is the result of balancing the five biblical purposes of the church.”
In addition to this he also declares that “If u concentrate on building people, God will build the church”.
I agree at a certain point with the above statement. I herewith would want to magnify on “How would one build a healthy youth for a healthy church”? In this sense I believe that both are co-related with each other. Again the issue arises in my mind ‘How will the church be healthy if the youth is unhealthy?’ The issue can’t be only concentrated on church. For a church to survive, the basic foundation is the youth and for the youth to be saved and attracted the church has to be healthy. In my knowledge it is a ‘Vicious Circle’.
Local churches upto some extent do specifically fulfill the discipleship through the practices and play a great emphasis in fulfilling and conveying the message of god to us, but still lack to read the minds and bring the youth closer to her, for which she has to upgrade her atmospheric appearance with new packages to reach the youth in a new taste due to the competitive modernism which is hovering on the youth.
The latter part can play the best part coz when first falls in place, everything else falls in place, from the beginning to the end, from all angles in all walks of life. Towards a healthy faith, healthy church can turn and seed a growth of spirituality through which mankind will grow spiritually from within thereby causing church growth.
Author Perry G. Down states in his book – “Teaching for spiritual growth” that ‘how can we best enable Christians to grow towards maturity?’ For this question he suggests three key concepts- ministry, believer, and purpose. But my understanding says that these concepts are incomplete somewhere to create a bond in reaching the results because today’s youth is attracted towards the unrealistic worldly matters, but has resulted in declination towards the god’s spiritual growth. The major role connecting these three concepts is commitment and effort. As the church ministry is the foundation pillar, the main aim is how much measure of commitment is valued and given to achieve the target successfully. Mankind is able to commit only when he chooses the right direction in fear and is able but this is unfortunate as the alien world tend to let us unidentify the type of strategies of growth for maturity. By identifying the type of strategies of growth, we can understand the level of growth required towards maturity at which we can be spiritual. Another reason for in growth is fear. As the youth fears to face unexpected problems, the efforts are less and require the hierarchy’s support.
Author Gary C. Newton stated in his book – “Going towards spiritual maturity” quotes the principle that “God is ultimately responsible for all spiritual growth”. The question arises at this point that if god is responsible for everything, what will be the purpose and role of human? I comment that while god supplies the resources like bible, church, Holy Spirit, baptism, it is also our responsibility to supply effort and commitment to utilize those resources and give results to god. In bible, Paul highlights this principle of his personal lifestyle and in his teachings comparing with the example of a soldier or athlete to illustrate the amount of sincerity and efforts. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27), Paul states that “In a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize”. I herewith conclude in a Christian race all runners (ministry, believers, purpose) will fail to get a prize if there is no effort that is commitment from everyone.
Along with the concept of ministry, believer, purpose; effort is also the key concept and it has to be achieved from the youth as well. A healthy youth will gain efforts only when the growth will favour them from within, when the forces of the ministry believers and youth will collide with each other to form a healthy growth.
This will create a mutual relationship between god’s provisional resources and our active involvement in process which is more clearly in Philippians 2:12-13: “Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is god who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose”. This principle is intricate but the application is clear.
If one is to grow towards maturity in Christ then one must cultivate and demonstrate the efforts with passion, Philippians 2:17-18: ” But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you be glad and rejoice with me”.
Therefore the conclusion lies in the above concept, both; effort of the youth along with the work of ministry, believers proves in the healthiness of the church. In the book “Youth At Risk” by Peter Christian Olsen, 2003, he highlights four basic needs which he has clearly created an awareness of the effects that affects the development of youth:
Acceptance – belonging
New beginnings and second chances – forgiveness
Significance – generosity
Freedom – independence
I agree with his confirmation that he examines in deriving the above developmental needs from the provision of the Almighty’s resources as the absence of these needs do intentionally contribute in how they shape the personality, maturity, responsibility and stability of emotions. He emphasizes Christian community in respond to the needs determining that, the resources will be polishing youth through support during the fear and avoid them from destruction. At times the concepts will be foreign, indigestive for youth because unable to realize its importance. Rather the community need not re-interpret or change the language but simplify their thoughts and improve their visionary and understanding by change in structure through a friendly communication by becoming an effective leader to bridge the gap between the church and the youth. Therefore forces and efforts are needed for decision making which is an effective key in respond to ministry believer and purpose for a possibility of a healthy youth to build a healthy church, which will make the church flourish.

Supporting surveys

According to a survey, some findings proved that church fails to answer every question of the youth.

Q.1 In what way and sense is Christian religion, faith and church viewed by today’s modern youth?

Youth of today’s modern era is firm on the point stating that inspiration is lacked in religion; they feel that the world is divided through religion and is the major factor which is affecting the growth. A 17-year-old Jude from Kent says confidently that “He does not agree with the church who talks on subject morality” and is “Overfilled with traditionality”.
Youth pick their ideas which suit their taste through various religious beliefs. There are few in bunch who strongly believe, there exist only single religion which has controlled the truth. Young generation refer to perform all activities as per their own desire which in return less importance to the religious belief are being given, which gives birth to the side effects of the conduct.

Q.2 Why do young crowd feel that Christianity is not a ‘happening’ cultural activity?

An 18-year-old Marcus said that he left church when he was 15 because the teachings did not amuse him and it did not interest him of anything as a youth.
The major quest, a struggle for a religion is to impose an exertion of force of involvement in terms of attraction. I usually attend church service wherein I find young ones missing the services. I kept questioning myself that, where the young crowd has disappeared? Surprisingly the young ones have taken charge for the attendance of the church. In this consequence the church should give priority to change its curriculum and its way of presenting the services with new attractive packages for enhancement.

Q.3 Are the young preachers practicing different approaches in Christianity declining. What are your suggestions?

As the attendance of the youth in church has declined, but on the other hand people practicing approaches are increasing in numbers. The following is revealed through one of the youths that more the deepening are the studies of the bible, more a person becomes a hypocrite of the Christian leadership and unintentionally accepts and performs the lifestyle of the clergy right or wrong at times unknowingly. In such case, the practices are affected and become different from those which are to be precise. Seen are still some true Christian youngsters who are different in their attitude and conduct, but in spite of such difference, they are not involved into the immorality and violence activities with other youths. They present themselves as they are from a different unknown religion, but practice the religion and it

27F
No smoking, only drink once in a blue moon, no drug use.
Only medication I take regularly is Tylenol/Ibuprofen for migraines and joint pain.
Height/weight if that matters, I'm 5'3" and around 250lbs, haven't weighed myself in years tbh.
kind of desperate at this point, not sure if I'll even get a response but I'm willing to try anything at this point. For the past 3 ish years, I have been having major chest pains in the middle of the night. Main problem is there's no consistency with it. When it happens, what I've eaten, how bad it is, etc. Usually it's intense pain in the center of my chest that radiates through my ribs. Often have trouble breathing, often feel it around the sides or back of my ribs. I've been to the ER twice, and no one can find anything wrong. First doctor was positive it was heartburn before even looking at anything, and yes I'm fat and don't eat right, but in (at the time) my 24 ish years of being alive I rarely even had heartburn, and it was barely noticeable when I did. So for it to suddenly be so severe would be weird to me. Anyway, x ray showed nothing, blood test showed elevated d dimer. Did a CT scan, didn't find a clot so they ignored that. The elevated d dimer was the only thing either doctor found. I changed my diet based on the first doctor's advice even though I didn't think it was heartburn. Less greasy/fatty food, less seasonings, not eating after 7pm, only drinking water, etc. It didn't help. And again, the pain is not consistent. In the best case scenario, eating grilled chicken and white rice before 7pm and laying down to sleep at 11, I will wake up at 4am with severe pain that will last hours, no pain medication or antacids I've tried help at all. It has only continued to get more frequent, and when the pain is bad it's debilitating for days afterward at this point. When it started getting worse I went back to the ER, and the second doctor told me he was sure it wasn't heartburn, and did a bunch of blood tests but said everything came back normal. If it helps, they gave me a steroid in my iv that time, and the pain relief was so instant I almost passed out. He prescribed some pain meds that didn't help, but basically pushed me out the door when he couldn't find anything. At most he guessed inflammation of the tissue between my ribs, but he only put that on my discharge papers and didn't actually talk to me about it or how to manage it. I've just been living with this pain now but it keeps getting more frequent and more intense, I quit my job due to lack of sleep a because I can't function when more often than not I'm up all night in pain that's at best uncomfortable and at most has me gasping for air and sobbing. More info I thought of last minute, This started a few months after my second round of covid back in 2021. Doctors didn't think it was relevant.
This was longer than I thought so TLDR; Inconsistent chest/rib pain that lasts hours, blood test showed elevated d dimer but scan showed no clot. Change in diet, use of pain medicine and antacids did nothing for me.

Preface: This is for Vedic, Sidereal Astrology.
This took a super long time to finish, but I've finally reached a point where I think I'm done trying to improve it. This part will focus more on how Purva Bhadrapada manifests for individuals.
Nature
Purva Bhadrapada reminds me a lot of Kali Yuga. In Hindu cosmology, Kali is the final of the four ages that the world goes through as part of a continuous cycle of creation, maintenance, and dissolution. It is the final stage before the onset of a new cycle, promising the destruction of the old order and the eventual merging of all into a unified whole. It signifies a time of dual balance before dissolution of individual identities and the reunification of all existence with the divine source. This can be viewed as being similar to the process of individual death, but it is on a universal scale. Kali Yuga is considered the age of darkness and moral decline, where spiritual values deteriorate and materialism prevails. According to Hindu scriptures, Kali Yuga is characterized by widespread social, political, and moral corruption, as well as a decline in virtue and Dharma (righteousness). It is believed that, during this age, human beings face numerous challenges and spiritual tests, and the pursuit of higher consciousness becomes increasingly more difficult compared to the previous Yugas. Just as Kali Yuga tests individuals with challenges to their spiritual resolve amidst the prevailing degeneration of values, Purva Bhadrapada is a cosmic stage where one's truest nature is tested through the weakening separation of the spiritual and the material. Here, individuals are made to confront their deepest fears and desires, burdened with the challenge of facing their true nature and purifying their souls. The emphasis of this nakshatra lies in releasing attachments amidst the seduction of outer freedom and power, mirroring the spiritual trials inherent to Kali Yuga. Yet, despite challenges of degeneration, there exists a unique opportunity during the stages of both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada. Kali is believed to be the best time for spiritual progress and true liberation because individuals can attain spiritual growth more rapidly due to the intensity of the challenges they face during this period, and the same is true of Purva Bhadrapada nakshatra. Both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada emphasize the importance of transcending mundane concerns and dedicatedly seeking spiritual truth amidst the backdrop of pervading ignorance.
The primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada is that of penance and disequilibrium. Purva Bhadrapada is the stage of evolution where individuals are made to undergo intense internal transformation and dissolution, shedding layers of their being in preparation for spiritual renewal and divine return. This process of metamorphosis can be seen as a type of penance, whether embraced willingly or thrust upon them. It offers eventual rewards as they journey towards enlightenment. As the primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada revolves around penance and transformation, individuals heavily influenced by this Nakshatra are oriented towards personal introspection and societal purification, viewing their lives as both a personal quest for growth and an opportunity to contribute to something greater. Individually, they seek to cleanse themselves of past transgressions and strive for spiritual redemption, and they feel personally responsible for their impact on others. At a broader societal level, they are driven by a strong sense of justice and a duty to rectify societal wrongs of the past and present in order to contribute to the collective upliftment and purification of their community. As such, they often subject themselves and others to extreme physical, mental, and spiritual challenges. They are presented with a kind of spiritual trial of sacrifice: either they can willingly embrace self-denial and endure while remaining detached, or they can create so much desire and fear that it causes them to lose the direction of their souls in the process. While the primary manifestation of Purva Bhadrapada energy is inwardly focused on cultivating self-discipline and perfection, oftentimes to an unhealthy degree, sometimes the focus can instead shift outward. This is where Purva Bhadrapada gains a lot of its infamy; Purva Bhadrapada is revered as one of the most "difficult" and "intense" nakshatras among Vedic astrologers. It is an asterism that gets approached with trepidation due to its somber imagery and associations with themes of violence, debauchery, and malevolence. The negative traits linked to Purva Bhadrapada, such as paranoia, pessimism, and hedonism, contribute to its daunting reputation. And for the most part, the fear of this nakshatra is justified. Not only are these individuals capable of doling out punishment themselves through various means like violence, manipulation, curses, etc., but they can also inadvertently bring out the self-destructive or uncontrolled nature of others. They are the types to cause deep introspection and confrontation with one's own shortcomings and fears, often acting as catalysts for irreversible transformation of character.
In terms of Purva Bhadrapada's inherently unbalanced nature, the trajectory is quite clear. These natives are not the type to do anything in moderation and often have an unstable demeanor and sense of self. They will always be pulled towards the polar extremes of anything, but they can flip on their values rapidly following any transformative event. They may occupy the deepest levels of material saturation, completely lost in chasing fame, drugs, sex, and uncontained immoral activities. Yet, paradoxically, they can also find themselves drawn to the heights of spiritual austerity, sometimes even at the same time they are trying to maximize their material standing. This innate propensity for extremes and contradiction manifests in every aspect of their lives, from their relationships, to their goals, to their beliefs, and to their actions. They are esteemed for their amiable disposition, characterized by warmth, thoughtfulness, and a selfless inclination to assist others without seeking acknowledgment. Yet, concurrently, they are often perceived as self-serving, prone to bouts of ill temper, and housing a proclivity towards ego-centricity. Despite appearing outwardly normal a lot of the time, they can be very eccentric. They are the types to lead clandestine lives, harboring secrets and maintaining hidden facets of their personalities and activities, even to those closest to them. This can make them seem nefarious and untrustworthy. Sometimes this is the case, but despite having a reputation for deceit, many of them are known to be sincere and honorable. Yet, underlying however they are being perceived is a deeper struggle to fully identify with anything. This challenge leads to inner conflicts and uncertainties, as they grapple with their sense of self and their place in the world. They are up and down, left and right, constantly in a state of internal conflict that leaves them questioning who they really are. They can feel like they don't know themselves while still being hyper-individualistic and defensive over whatever their current sense of identity is, even though it is likely to change. These contradictions reveal the complexity of their psyche, where outer appearances often mask inner conflicts and contradictory emotions and experiences. Purva Bhadrapada natives navigate the space where boundaries are starting to blur, reflecting the burgeoning singularity of existence in their minds. Due to this, sometimes they can seem like walking contradictions, embodying multiple clashing characteristics at once. For example, while they may harbor a sense of superiority over others, they can also experience deep-seated insecurity and jealousy. They can like to be critical, but cannot handle criticism. Additionally, they might demonstrate a strong desire for independence and self-reliance, yet simultaneously crave validation and approval from those around them. These conflicting traits contribute to their complex and enigmatic nature, making them intriguing yet challenging individuals to understand to others and themselves.
Purva Bhadrapada's inclination towards extremes extends to their pursuit of goals, as they approach certain tasks with unwavering ambition and dedication. They set high standards and are willing to push themselves to extreme limits to get what they want. This relentless drive for perfection and attainment can sometimes lead them to engage in behaviors that are harmful to the well-being of themselves or others, as they struggle to find balance and moderation. At this point, you may be asking, "how is that penance if they are only striving to selfishly get what they want?" Well, the painful truth about this is that they do not really want these things. They are told by others ignorant to their situation that they will be happy when they achieve some kind of abstruse goal set forth for them by society, and they are sent on a goose-chase of material ambition to achieve happiness, but this inevitably only leads to further dissatisfaction. They are met with pain, humiliation, and harsh transformation, but they keep pushing towards their aspiration of material fulfillment. It is only when they get that job, marry that partner, become famous, etc. that they realize it does not bring them happiness or fill them with the sense of purpose they crave. In fact, this realization often leads to intense anger as they confront the worthlessness of what they spent all their time chasing. The journey through Purva Bhadrapada is undeniably arduous, but that is to be expected with such a potent force. They are called to transcend their attachments, lest they be forcefully ripped away. They begin to grapple with an inescapable emptiness they feel when interacting with the world, and this can often lead them to deep feelings of nihilism. Purva Bhadrapada natives are predisposed to being unhappy, and this is not a shallow kind of unhappiness that fades based on external circumstances. Rather, it is a deeply existential depression– a feeling of confused worthlessness and dissatisfaction they often battle with for the duration of their lives. Their experiences and attachments become increasingly burdensome as they grow more aware of the fleeting nature of life. These natives will openly acknowledge the impermanence of worldly intentions, and while this can be both good or bad, it ultimately makes their minds unpredictable and unstable. With the recognition that nothing lasts forever, a new philosophy can be used to justify any action according to moral relativism. If nothing matters in the grand scheme – where whatever you do will eventually fade into obscurity, wiped away with the start of a new cycle – then anything you do doesn’t really matter in the end. This gives these natives a sense of untouchability, a feeling to do whatever they please at their most uninhibited. And it is in this stage of recognizing one’s freedom to do whatever they want is that the test to discern their one’s nature begins. When there is total freedom, the only real concern becomes about what one chooses to do with their freedom. After all, the only harm that can come from doing what you want is ultimately the result of wanting to do something harmful. Sadly, the reality is that most people are not strong enough to fully resist the temptation of evil and would fail this test. It is for this reason that this trial is exclusively administered to individuals who possess a high level of spiritual advancement found under Purva Bhadrapda. Regardless of the difficulties they face, those governed by Purva Bhadrapada have tremendous inner strength and personal resilience, which often manifests in worldly and spiritual achievement and prosperity in various facets of their lives.
Individuals born under the influence of the Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra are inherently inclined towards detachment from external influences. This detachment often leads them down two distinct paths. Some choose to embrace a life unbound by societal norms, driven solely by their inner convictions. These individuals seek to experience life to the fullest, embracing both its joys and challenges. However, if they feel unfulfilled, they may turn to darker pursuits in search of excitement. Conversely, others utilize their detachment for spiritual advancement, renouncing materialism in favor of a disciplined quest for higher truths. In both cases, detachment becomes a defining trait, shaping their lives in divergent yet meaningful ways. Whether they become revolutionary leaders or appear lazy due to their selective motivation, their actions are stirred only by what truly invigorates their souls. Their inner character often changes with time. They can start out seeming quite innocent and fragile, and a lot of the time they will have something about them that invites torment, be it their big and eccentric personalities, their height, their weight, their looks, etc. This often leads people to perceive them as different and vulnerable. Unfortunately, this vulnerability often attracts individuals who seek to exploit, victimize, or corrupt them. There's a noticeable pattern of others attempting to take advantage of their perceived weakness, whether it be through just trying to make them feel bad, manipulating them, coercing them to do things they do not want to, or forcing them to be alone by treating them as outcasts. This predatory behavior can leave these individuals feeling isolated, betrayed, and miserable, further fueling their inner turmoil and sense of disillusionment with the world around them. However, this also serves to strengthen them. During the course of their lives, they will experience a series of external transformations that will change who they are. While their soft and innocent demeanor may still be present in some ways, there will be a new darker side to their nature. The inner transformations that Purva Bhadrapada natives undergo change them into stronger, more hardened versions of themselves. This alteration can manifest in tendencies towards violence, aggression, deceit, manipulation, etc., yet at the same time, it also equips them with the strength and capability to protect others when needed. As they navigate the complexities of life, they become formidable forces, possessing the resilience and detachment to confront challenges head-on along with the capacity to wield their strength for both good and evil.
Purva Bhadrapada natives exhibit a curious mix of flippancy and seriousness, often displaying a casual attitude towards many topics yet simultaneously exuding an air of solemnity in regards to topics concerning things like philosophical and existential inquiries. They possess a keen intellect characterized by innovation and depth of gnosis, which lends to their excellence in fields like science and research. Additionally, they are known to have an insatiable thirst for knowledge and information gathering brought about by a powerful yearning for deeper truth. While they may have a religious inclination, their focus lies more on unraveling the essence of spirituality rather than adhering rigidly to dogma. As a result of their approach to religion, they can sometimes be critical of conventional religious practices, which rely heavily on dogmatic rules and rituals. These natives are generally liberal and disdain hypocrisy as well as superficiality, valuing authenticity and depth in both thought and action, regardless of how much it clashes with anything else. Despite their show of outward confidence, they often wrestle with inner self-doubt and a crippling fear of failure, which leaves little room for optimism when they are faced with setbacks. While they typically prefer to be alone, they may inadvertently rely on others when seeking to escape the monotony of their everyday lives. This can make them seem unreliable or inconsistent when it comes to their relationships. They are driven by an innate desire to transcend mediocrity and to be perceived as exceptional. This drive for superior distinction stems from underlying feelings of insecurity and a fear of judgment, compelling them to constantly push the boundaries and strive for success through originality in all aspects of their lives. In their personal relationships, Purva Bhadrapada natives may struggle to balance their need for independence with their desire for connection. Generally, in their interactions with others, Purva Bhadrapada natives are intense yet detached. Despite their desire for authenticity and closeness in relationships, they may struggle to express their openly, fearing rejection or misunderstanding. This internal conflict between their need for connection and their fear of vulnerability can create barriers to intimacy, causing them to retreat through self-imposed isolation. Additionally, their critical nature and high standards can sometimes alienate others, as they can come across as overly judgmental or demanding of their fitness, partners, colleagues, etc. They value depth and sincerity in relationships, but sometimes it can be too much to where they end up pushing others away with their intensity. Despite these challenges, they are still often very empathetic and understanding, and they can offer support to people when needed.
Before I get into the padas, I want to give some examples. I do not want to go into much detail or take up too much time with this, but given the very complicated nature of this nakshatra, I feel that it is necessary to provide media representations for people to look into if they are interested in knowing more about how it manifests: Martin Scorsese PB Moon and Andrew Garfield PB ASC (Silence Official Trailer (2016) - Paramount Pictures), Billie Eilish PB ASC (Billie Eilish - bury a friend (Official Music Video)), Jack Black PB Moon (School of Rock (2003) Trailer #1 Movieclips Classic Trailers), Dylan O'brien PB Moon (AMERICAN ASSASSIN - Official Trailer - HD (Dylan O'Brien, Michael Keaton), Logan-Marshall Green (Upgrade Trailer #1 (2018) Movieclips Trailers), Paul Walker PB Moon (Hours TRAILER (2013) - Paul Walker Movie HD), Bill Skarsgard PB Moon (The Crow - Official Trailer (2024) Bill Skarsgård, FKA twigs, Danny Huston), Olivia Wilde PB Sun (A VIGILANTE Official HD International Trailer Starring Olivia Wilde) & (The Lazarus Effect Official Trailer #1 (2015) - Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass Movie HD), John Stamos PB ASC (John Stamos Stars in "Secrets of Eden" Lifetime), Hozier PB Sun (the lyrics and imagery of this video are extremely Purva Bhadrapada) Hozier - Take Me To Church), Kaya Scoledario PB Sun (Spinning Out Official Trailer Netflix), Ryan Gosling PB ASC (THE FALL GUY Official Trailer 2 (Universal Studios) - HD), Camila Mendes PB Moon (Do Revenge Official Trailer Netflix), Bryan Cranston PB Sun (Breaking Bad Trailer), Sabrina Carpenter PB Moon and Milo Manheim PB Sun (Sabrina Carpenter - Feather (Official Video) Alexandra Daddario PB Sun (Anne Rice's Mayfair Witches Trailer: Starring Alexandra Daddario AMC+), Jacob Elordi PB Moon (2 HEARTS Official Trailer (2020) Jacob Elordi, Tiera Skovbye), Tom Blyth PB Moon (Billy The Kid (EPIX 2022 Series) Official Trailer), Daniel Gillies PB Sun (COMING HOME IN THE DARK Trailer (2021) Daniel Gillies Suspense Thriller Movie), Matthew Gray Gubler PB Sun (KING KNIGHT Trailer (2022) Angela Sarafyan, Matthew Gray Gubler), Jon Hamm (Corner Office (2023) Official Trailer - Jon Hamm, Danny Pudi, Sarah Gadon), Rachel Weisz PB Sun + Moon and Sam Claflin PB Moon (MY COUSIN RACHEL Official Trailer FOX Searchlight), Chris Pine PB Moon (Jack Reacher Movie Trailer), Madison Beer PB Sun (Madison Beer - Make You Mine (Official Music Video), Sharon Stone PB Sun (Basic Instinct - Trailer (1080p)), and Michael Jackson PB Moon (Michael Jackson - Thriller (Official 4K Video).
Padas
(mostly for Moon) They all tend to be skinny to middle weight until they get older, where they either become more muscular or plump/curvy.
1st – The first pada of Purva Bhadrapada, falling in the Aries Navamsa, signifies a stage of primal energy and raw ambition. With Mars as their guiding force, they exhibit a relentless drive to achieve their goals, refusing to be deterred by obstacles or setbacks. However, being the initial pada of the nakshatra just leaving the stage of Shatabhisha, this quarter is the least spiritually developed. While they may possess great worldly ambition and the capacity for success, they may also be prone to ego-driven actions and an overly narrow focus on material pursuits. They can get into occultism or spirituality, but it is usually an attempt to further themselves in the material realm. Natives born under this pada possess a combative nature, always ready to engage in confrontations to defend their beliefs or assert their dominance. They tend to be more mentally aggressive than physically, but nonetheless their volatile temperament can lead to physical disputes as well when they are provoked enough. They know they can be very damaging when they lose control, so they will do everything in their power to prevent escalation. Ironically, this can make them seem passive. They typically exhibit anxious tendencies while attempting to conceal or downplay their feelings of worry. Natives of this pada are extremely passionate, but they have a tendency to constantly compare themselves to others, which ultimately can lead them to disregard their efforts to focus on surpassing someone else's. This propensity of theirs for aggression, envy, and competitiveness can strain relationships and hinder their personal growth, as they become consumed by their own desires for dominance and validation. They are usually medium tall with a wide forehead and low eyebrows.
2nd – The second pada of Purva Bhadrapada, ruled by Venus in the Taurus Navamsa, embodies a stage of sensual indulgence and creative expression. Individuals born under this pada are drawn to the occult and mysteries of the unseen, often delving into practices such as astrology and black magic. There is a bit of detachment from the mysticism of it at this stage though. They may prefer to look at it through a scientific or philosophical perspective as opposed to one that embraces faith in the divine. While their interest in these esoteric realms may lead to proficiency in such arts, it also heightens their propensity to lose track of their life's direction, becoming absorbed in the pursuit of hidden knowledge and power. Natives of this pada are characterized by their attractive physique, with beautiful broad teeth and strikingly captivating eyes that draw others to them. They possess an innate charm that makes them highly appealing to the opposite sex, and they are not hesitant to indulge in their darker desires and fantasies. Their creativity knows no bounds, as they constantly innovate and explore new avenues of expression. However, despite their magnetic allure and creative flair, individuals of this pada are prone to indulgence and excess, particularly when it comes to satisfying their sensual appetites. Their pursuit of pleasure and gratification can sometimes lead them astray, causing them to lose sight of their responsibilities and priorities. This stage of Purva Bhadrapada is more spiritually evolved than the prior, but it is still in the accumulation phase of Aquarius and the 11th house. Despite their outward charm, they may struggle to find stability and balance in their lives. They are prone to accidents.
3rd – The third pada of Purva Bhadrapada falls in the Gemini Navamsa and is ruled by Mercury. Natives born under this pada embody the mental side of Purva Bhadrapada, which is very focused on cultivating critical reasoning and gathering information, emphasizing communication, learning, and adaptability. Individuals born under this pada are intellectually inclined, constantly seeking to expand their knowledge and understanding of the world around them. They are playful and curious by nature, approaching life with a sense of wonder and exploration. Their energy is expressed through communication and expression, as they excel in articulating their thoughts and ideas. They have a natural gift for language and may find success in fields such as writing, teaching, or public speaking. Despite their playful demeanor, they are still very serious about their pursuits, driven by a deep-seated desire for personal growth and self-improvement. Natives of this pada tend to be peaceful and honorable, seeking harmony and balance in their interactions with others. However, their mercurial nature can sometimes manifest as manipulation or deceit, particularly when they perceive it necessary to achieve their goals. Nonetheless, they are skilled at navigating social situations and may possess a knack for making money through their cleverness and resourcefulness. In terms of appearance, individuals of this pada may have gaunt lower cheeks, high cheekbones, a narrow and defined jawline, and a medium stature. These physical characteristics complement their sharp wit and agile minds, making them engaging in social settings.
4th – The fourth pada of Purva Bhadrapada is ruled by the Moon in Cancer Navamsa. This is the most spiritually advanced of all the padas and tends to be among the most intense. At this stage, individuals born under this pada have either undergone profound inner transformation, shedding their attachment to worldly desires and material gains for the sake of aligning with the cosmic order, or they have fallen for the empty temptations of material life, leading them to a deeper state of moral decay. This pada in the sequence of this nakshatra symbolizes the finalization of death, and just like when we die, the impact of our lives can no longer be altered. You are called to surrender all you have acquired to the purifying flames of the spiritual fire, relinquishing personal benefit for the greater good, and if you fail, your soul will be lost to another cycle of rebirth. This represents the height of the nakshatra's power to manifest, it can come to be either an uplifting force for individuals and humanity as a whole, or as a potentially dangerous influence. Those born under this pada are deeply engaged in their own spiritual pursuits, usually guided by a sense of purpose and higher calling. They possess an innate magnetism and power that exerts influence over others and the world around them. Despite the intensity of their spiritual journey, individuals of this pada tend to enjoy good longevity and robust health, thanks to their deep connection with the cosmic energies. They are often perceived charismatic individuals, drawing others to them with their presence. However, their innate power comes with a responsibility to wield it wisely, as they hold the potential to bring about significant positive change or destruction, depending on how they choose to channel it.
Caste
Purva Bhadrapada belongs to the Brahmin or priestly/scholarly caste. This classification is based on the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, rather than their family lineage, as seen in contemporary caste systems. In Vedic astrology and Hindu tradition, each nakshatra is associated with as caste, thereby linking them to specific attributes, occupations, and societal roles. Brahmin is positioned as the highest caste and is given the most power and responsibility, both socially and spiritually. In classical texts, the Brahmin caste is exalted for its dedication to scholarship, spirituality, and moral rectitude. Brahmins are depicted as the keepers of sacred knowledge, entrusted with the preservation and dissemination of ancient scriptures and teachings. They are revered for their intellectual prowess, philosophical insights, and commitment to upholding the highest ethical standards. Brahmins are expected to lead lives of austerity, simplicity, and self-discipline, setting examples of virtue and righteousness for society. Additionally, they play important roles in leading religious rituals, ceremonies, and spiritual practices, acting as intermediaries between individuals and the divine. Their contributions also extend beyond religious and intellectual realms though, as they also provide guidance, counseling, and healing to individuals and communities. Overall, Brahmins are portrayed as paragons of virtue, wisdom, and enlightenment, embodying the highest ideals of human excellence and divine knowledge as described in classical texts, acting as oases of wisdom by guiding society not only in matters of spirituality but also in areas such as literature, philosophy, and science. Their primary occupations are mostly associated with administration of all sectors of society, teaching, healing, and providing spiritual guidance. Its intersection with Aquarius Rashi on the ecliptic plane may also relate it to Kshatriya and Shudra.
Gunas
The nakshatras each represent the different gunas at different levels of functioning. For this asterism, it might be confusing to find out that, despite all of its negative connotations, it is associated primarily with Sattva or purity/balance. This mainly stems from this Nakshatra's capacity for penance, spiritualism, and generosity. Overall, Purva Bhadrapada is associated with two levels of Sattva and one of Rajas. Sattva prevails at the physical and mental levels, while Rajas predominates at the spiritual level. At the physical level, individuals born under Purva Bhadrapada exhibit qualities of purity, harmony, and balance. They are often composed, grounded, and possess a sense of stability in their physical endeavors. Mentally, they tend to exhibit clarity, wisdom, and a penchant for introspection when they are only focused on engaging their rational mind. This can get muddy when they try to incorporate less tangible aspects into their thinking though. At the spiritual level, the influence of Rajas emerges, driving them towards spiritual growth and evolution but also threatening them with the struggle of inner turmoil. With Rajas at the most personal level of the spirit, this can cause a onstant seeking pf external validation and gratification, which leads to things such as constantly chasing after fleeting desires and pleasures from their lack of contentment. Additionally, the intense drive associated with Rajas may result in overexertion, burnout, and a disregard for self-care. It can lead to an inflated ego, arrogance, and a tendency towards manipulative or self-serving behavior. Therefore, while Rajas can propel individuals towards spiritual evolution, it also poses challenges that need to be navigated with mindfulness and self-awareness. Together with the heavy influence of Sattva, Rajas in this nakshatra creates a spiritual restlessness that works to propel these natives to actively engage in spiritual practices, seeking to transcend worldly limitations and attain spiritual liberation. It comes with risk, but this is a necessary trial.
Gana
Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra falls under the category of Manushya Gana, or "human/mixed species." This designation speaks to the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, aligning them with human characteristics and behaviors. People belonging to the Manushya Gana Nakshatras, including Purva Bhadrapada, place value on their self-worth and esteem. They often enjoy good physical attributes and are blessed with fortune, leading comfortable lives. With warm and friendly personalities, they exhibit care and affection towards their family, friends, and loved ones, readily offering assistance to those in need. However, they also prioritize their own interests and benefits. They are known for their warm and caring nature, and while they may appear busy if approached, they are capable of balancing their personal and professional lives effectively. The path of those born under Manushya Gana nakshatras is undefined. They possess the potential to exhibit both positive and negative qualities, akin to the diverse nature of humanity itself. They have the potential to be even more evil than the Rakshas and even more good than the Devas. While some may lean towards acts of kindness and generosity, others may display tendencies that are less altruistic. This blend of qualities makes them a complex combination qualities you might see for the Deva and Rakshasa Ganas. Keep in mind that you should look at the dominant Gana in your chart to gain a better understanding of how this may apply to you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. I will have to continue this in a third part because I'm out of room on this post. Afterwards, I will be starting on Shravana Nakshatra soon, and then later on Anuradha.

Alice Munro, winner of the 2012 Nobel Prize in Literature and one of the all-time greatest writers of short fiction, recently passed away. She's been my favourite author since I first discovered her work, so while I go through my own re-reading of her bibliography, I'll be posting semi-regularly here to talk about aspects of her work that I find absolutely brilliant.
Of everything she's written, I think that "Tell Me Yes or No," featured in Munro's 1974 collection Something I've Been Meaning to Tell You represents a perfect introduction to her writing style, the feminism of her early stories, and the way in which she uses narrative construction to explore the subjectivity of her characters. It's also has possibly the best hook for a story she's ever written, as it begins:

I persistently imagine you dead.
You told me that you loved me years ago. Years ago. And I said that I too, I was in love with you in those days. An exaggeration.

Alice Munro regularly uses second-person perspectives in her writing, but never like this. Her stories are often epistolary, with letters featuring crucially into the plots of a couple dozen I can think of off the top of my head (Friend of My Youth and Hateship, Friendship, Courtship, Loveship, Marriage are among the most effective, if you're curious). But rarely is a story directly addressed to someone by a protagonist, in the way that it is here. This story has a venom which drips from off the page.
After the narrative hook, the narratoprotagonist brusquely allows us into understanding the source of her contempt. We quickly learn how they met: she was a young mother and a University student, living with her husband in a dormitory of other married couples called The Huts; he lived there as well, as a graduate student, with a wife and child of his own. The student culture she describes is conservative and somewhat repressed: the wives/mothers of The Huts are "creatures of daily use" (87) who rise every night to insert diaphragms or to take other contraceptives, and sex has "shrunk" from an apocalyptic undertaking to another chore. Though there was "no infidelity in The Huts," and "flashes of lust" were uncommon, it is through this man that our narrator "got a glimpse of something [...] that we had not been thinking about — had put aside in your case, or not yet discovered, in mine."
And for a moment, a glimpse is all that Munro gives, as through prolepsis, the story advances to a later year and a remembered conversation, which is presumably also the time when this man told the narrator that he had been in love with her then. It's through this reminiscence that the story moves into the first moments of their emotional affair, : "We never said anything of importance. We never touched each other. [...] Next day, or the day after, when I was reading as usual on the couch, I felt myself drop a lovely distance, thinking of you, and that was the beginning, I suppose, the realization of what more there still could be." (88) Despite only a short walk across campus together during which nothing was said and no one was touched, both parties recall this moment as the significant one in their relationship. For the narrator, it has a transformative effect on her life: "This kind of tension was new to me then. I could not gauge and manipulate, as later with other men." (88) That she brings up manipulation, here, is interesting; we'll find out why, later, but I do want to highlight how Munro will sprinkle things like this into a character's narration which reveal so much of their interiority. Why is she, with this man, so concerned about being able to gauge and manipulate? And why, in the narration, does she go from kind reminiscence to immediately asking the question:

Would you like to know how I was informed of your death?

Mind, now, that it was never established until here that the person she is writing to actually is dead. In the opening, it's only an imagining, "I persistently imagine you dead." For the rest of the story it will seem as if this all is true, and that he has died; but the brilliance of the opening line, beyond its value to draw in a reader, is that now the entire narrative shifts to unstable ground. From now on every action that the narrator takes in the present could be a fantasy, or could be real. It's presented at face value: "I go into the faculty kitchen, to make myself a cup of coffee before my 10 o'clock class. Dodie Charles who is always baking something has brought a cherry pound cake. [...] It is wrapped in wax paper and then in a newspaper. [...] As I wait for my water to boil I see the small item, the modest headline, VETERAN JOURNALIST DIES. [...] Only then do I realize. Your name. The city where you lived and died. A heart attack, that will do" (88-89).
While detailing this narrative of hers, though, the narrator can't help pointing towards the invention of it all: "(The thing we old pros know about, in these fantasies, is the importance of detail, solidity; yes, a cherry pound cake)" (88). When she concludes by saying, "A heart attack, that will do," it isn't pithy, it's another aside, emphasizing the arbitrary construction of her fantasy. All right. So he's not dead. What follows, then, if not a real description of the narrator's subsequent actions, shows that a tremendous amount of thought has gone into building this fantasy. In my version of the text, the story runs from page 86-101, 15 pages; everything said so far has been to frame whatever else follows.
I'll not spend so much time close-reading from here, but briefly: the narrator mentions her habit of carrying the last letter she's received from this man in her purse; upon hearing of his death, the fact that she's not received a letter in a while suddenly resolves itself, and it's a weight off her shoulders. She confides in a coworker, a man named Gus Marks, who suggests she talk to a psychiatrist. She laughs at this, "For I am absorbed in another plan. As soon as the term ends [...] I mean to go visit you, to visit the city where you died." (90) Analepsis: the fantasy/narrative breaks for a moment once again to recall their meeting two years before, where the two confessed that they had loved each other; she learns about his wife's bookstore, he learns about her divorce; he drives her to the airport and she, "was not unhappy at the thought of never seeing you again" (91); instead of the airport, though, they arrive at a hotel together. She muses, "I loved you for linking me with my past [...] If I could kindle love then and take it now there was less waste than I had thought. [...] My life did not altogether fall away in separate pieces, lost." (92)
In the present (fantasy) she gets on the flight across the country, to city where he died. She's only been there once before (it's where they met and rekindled their romance), but now can't help searching the streets for memories of him. She recalls his character, how she saw him, and how he saw himself: "I would say that you are uncompromising [...] that there is something chivalric about you" (94); "You, on the other hand, would describe yourself as genial, corrupt, ordinarily selfish and pleasure-loving." This might be a good time to remember how the story starts, with the narrator describing her past love for him as "an exaggeration." If she was exaggerating then, she must have truly been in love with him here; which is what makes it so devastating when suddenly that love is taken away from her, with nothing to show for it but scraps of letters. "From the beginning, of course, I knew that this was a dangerous way to live," she says, and when the letters stop arriving begins seeking answers in the usual places, reading "case histories" of mistresses in women's journals, and confiding in a friend (a woman) who advises presence and living in the moment. "I have tried this, I will try anything, but I don't understand how it works." (95) So what does work for her?

I have bought a map. I have found your street, the block where your house is. [...] I don't go there yet. [...] That is a house you never meant me to see. [...] Now I can see it if I want to. [...] I go to your wife's store. That is what I can do. (95-96)

She loiters around important areas of this man's life, particularly his home and his wife's store, places that bear incredible significance to the person that she loved, but which he could never welcome her into. She mentions in an aside how these places are opposite to the ones they got to share: temporary spaces that wait for his arrival to come alive. Now she sees the wife, newly widowed in this fantasy, going about her day-to-day life. She recognizes her voice from their time together back in The Huts, and prays that she isn't recognized in turn. After a few days of loitering around the shop, though, she is confronted: "'I think I know who you are' [...] 'We've all noticed you hanging around here. At first I thought you were a shoplifter. I told everyone to keep an eye on you. But you're not a shoplifter, are you?'" (97). The woman gives her a paper bag full of letters, and smugly announces, as if we didn't know, that her husband is dead. In the bag is the record of their correspondence together, which ended when he died at his desk of that heart attack: "But then I notice that the writing is not mine. I start to read. These letters are not mine, they were not written by me." (98)
This, to me, is the true brilliance of the story. Because even if you accept that this is all a fantasy, the fact that something like this exists within that fantasy is so illuminating towards the narrator of this story. In her fantasy, she flies across the country to flaneur around the memory of the man she had an affair with. Alright. She loiters in the vision of her paramour's widow long enough to be recognized, caught, and admonished. And then she finds out that this wasn't even true: the letters aren't her own; he was having another affair with a woman named Patricia. Then, finally, she returns to the bookstore and returns the letters: "'I didn't write these letters' 'Aren't you her?' 'No. I don't know who she is. I don't know.' 'Why did you take them?' 'I didn't understand. I didn't know what you were talking about. I've had a grief lately and sometimes — I'm not paying attention.'" (99)
Her and the widow talk briefly, but they don't ultimately become friends. She walks away from the store, and, "In this city of my imagination," (100), she thinks about the other woman he was writing to: long uncombed black hair, sitting in the dark, "She confides in a woman, goes to bed with a man [...] She suffers according to rules we all know, which are meaningless and absolute." (100) This calls to mind the earlier description of nightly routines back in The Huts, of sex as an apocalypse-made-chore, and of the women who became "creatures of daily use" (87). When I talk about Alice Munro's feminism, it isn't that her characters suffer great tragedies on account of their sex. Instead they're trapped inside of metanarratives that leave them yearning for an alternative to such "meaningless and absolute" rules. Not only that, the narrator in this case tries to have a fraction of the power over this man that he's exerted, possibly without meaning to, over her:

When I think of her I see all this sort of love as you must have seen, or see it, as something going on at a distance; a strange, not even pitiable expenditure; unintelligible ceremony in an unknown faith. Am I right, am I getting close to you, is that true? (100)

She's now shifted herself into the place of the widow from earlier. She's understood him before as a lover; now she's trying to understand him as an adulterer, as someone who never took her that seriously, who possibly never loved her ("an exaggeration") as much as she knows that she loved him. More than that, she wants to get close to him, in an even more intimate way than she's ever been able to, before quickly realizing what a fool's errand that would be. Did he actually love her? He is the one who said it first. "How are we to understand you?" she asks, before withdrawing the question entirely:

Never mind. I invented her. I invented you, as far as my purposes go. I invented loving you and I invented your death. I have my tricks and my trap doors too. I don't understand their workings at the present moment, but I have to be careful, I won't speak against them. (101)

One thing I love about this story is how playful it is, despite the tone never shifting too far away from the contemptuous frustration of the opening passage. The more I read it (and I've probably read this more than any other Munro story), the more details I find to pick out in its construction, of how Alice Munro layered in all these details both to sell the fantasy of her character, and also the character herself. Talking to a man within the fantasy about how she really ought to speak to a psychiatrist reads to me now like Munro having fun with her protagonist's obsession. But I also love that this story is never presented as a woman losing control of herself, even though that would be so easy to do. By allowing the fantasy narrative to be as real as the "true" memories presented alongside of it, she never comes off as irrational or manic, or even jilted until the very end of it, even though to construct such a narrative, with such attention-to-detail and so many layers of fantasy does betray a person who is not coping with loss as well as she claims to be.
It's a strikingly real portrait of a strikingly plausible woman, who married young and therefore never experienced her idea of a romance until years later, rekindling with a man she briefly knew, only for him to disappear from her life again just as quickly. Twice, now, her life had been upended because he showed her something else from the life she had been living; but at the same time, he never truly fit into the narrative of her own life.
Along those lines, there are also a lot of details conspicuously missing from this story about the narrator's life apart from this man: her divorce is briefly mentioned, and experiences with other men; but we never know how much this affair factored into any of those relationships besides a guess at what may have been awakened. We see very little of her as a mother, except that she was pushing a stroller home from the drug store when they first met, and that their romance starts shortly after both her children are away at college themselves for the first time. It's not that any of these details are particularly relevant; I think it's actually interesting how irrelevant they are. One thing that the narrator is trying to do throughout the story is contextualize her feelings for this man within some idea of a life-story. Instead, what we're given is a fractured narrative, with only brief glimpses of real shared moments together, held together by a fantasy in which she portrays both the spurned lover and the homewrecker. The only way she can continue on with her life, therefore, is to persistently imagine him dead.
What Alice Munro does with narrative, in such a short-form as her stories take, is absolutely brilliant. I can't recommend enough picking up a collection of hers, opening to any story she's written, and see how effortlessly she manipulates time, memory and fantasy to suit the needs of the characters she's trying to create. This story ends with the admission that this man who the narrator's addressing is, for her own purposes, basically fictional. She will never understand him. Any love that she had for him couldn't possibly be real under such conditions. And yet, she did love him, despite being an invention, despite her own fantasy.
Because how else could you love a person, or even begin understanding a person, unless they were a little bit fictional to you, existing just a little bit within your imagination?

Dianne Young, casting director, is a guest host.
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• During season 1, the initial order was for 12 episodes. No one thought they would actually make it to 12 episodes.

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David Gail interview:
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• He is joining from France.
• He thinks his bellhop role is in season 2. When corrected that it’s season 1, he says “excuse-moi” (in his French accent).
• Young cast him because he was nice and easy on the set.
• His son is also on the video. His son’s name is Gautier. His son makes a bunch of funny faces and hand signs throughout the interview.
• His agent would tell him you don’t need to meet the casting director, for auditions in general. Gail wanted to meet them anyways, because he wanted to meet as many people as possible.
• The original season 1 pilot was 2 hours. Rosin passed. It was eventually trimmed to 90 minutes, and about 30 minutes of music videos were cut. Aaron Spelling then wanted to meet him, after the pilot was trimmed. Rosin took the meeting.
• Aaron Spelling did not want to have a season in college. There was a lot of anxiety about the format changing after high school.
• The first two to three episodes of Melrose Place got a higher rating than Beverly Hills, 90210. They convinced the president of FOX, Lucie Salhany,
• Gautier has now taken out a puppet. The entire podcast starts laughing, except for Gail, who doesn’t know what’s happening behind him.
• Rosin then promises FOX that they’re going to have Brenda elope, and that will be the number 1 show that week.
• There was a lot of pressure at this time.
• Young kept waiting for more details about the elopement plot line to emerge.
• No one knew that Doherty was going to be leaving at the end of the season.
• Gail was unaware about any issues Doherty might have been having with the management company.
• Gail had no idea how big this plot was going to be.
• Aaron Spelling gave Gail a kiss and hug after his audition.
• Young does not remember other people that auditioned for this role.
• Mollin says Paul Waigner and Jessica Klein also had a big part in casting Gail.
• Rosin says sometimes during auditions, people talk their way out of a role. They get nervous and talk too much.
• Rosin tells a story of how he once met an actor. Rosin told him he liked this movie he was in. The actor then spent 5 minutes telling Rosin why the movie sucked. This was an example of an actor talking his way out of a future role.
• When Gail came in season 1, he read for a recurring role. They didn’t want him because he was too green. They then offered him the bellhop role.
• During season 4, when Gail was offered the role of Stuart, he asked how they could bring him back as a different character.
• Rosin said at the time, he didn’t think people were watching the show that closely. He didn’t know that there would be dedicated fans like there are today.
• Rosin and Young wanted Gail because everyone had liked Gail from before. Young says she had known him from before, and trusted him.
• Young had reminded Rosin of what Gail had done before, in season 1.
• When Gail went into the Spelling office for this season 4 audition, and saw all of the producers lined up, he was intimidated. Gail had to use psychological tricks like telling himself to breathe. Don’t start when they start, but start when you want to start. Wait until you are in that character.
• Gail cannot walk into an audition and just start being in character. He has to be David Gail first. Meaning he has to say hi to everyone as David Gail first. Then he can get in character.
• Rosin says one of Aaron Spelling’s biggest strengths was casting.
• The first time Rosin heard Aaron Spelling say that his strength was casting, Rosin thought that was BS. But, overtime, Rosin agreed that Aaron Spelling was that good.
• Aaron Spelling knew Julia Roberts was going to be a star, when he saw her in Mystic Pizza.
• David Gail’s son somehow appears on screen, upside down, from the top of the camera. Gail has to shoo his son away again.
• During season 2, Doherty had a boyfriend in Chicago named Chris Lupus. He was wealthy. So Rosin created a character that reminded him of that boyfriend, in Stuart.
• Gail says the plot was fun.
• Gail likes how Stuart was spoiled and possibly dealing drugs. He said it’s more fun to play a character like that.
• Both actors that played Stuart’s parents (Peter Mark Richman, Claudette Nevins) have passed away.
• Mollin likes the dynamic of how Stuart’s dad thought Stuart was a loser, and Brenda was making him a winner.
• Gino Conforti, from Three’s Company, was the mechanic in “Strangers In The Night”.
• Both Richman and Conforti were on Three’s Company.

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• Jessica Klein created Jesse Vasquez. That was the name of her college boyfriend.
• Young went through a lot of resumes with pictures for this character. She had put Mark Damon Espinoza aside. After a few days, she kept going back to his picture. He didn’t have a lot of credits. She wanted to meet him.
• He was so easy to talk to. He was friendly. He was from Texas.
• He had a good theater background.
• Mollin didn’t like the casting at first. He’s grown to love Espinoza. Mollin says the character worked.
• Mollin: A baby is a show killer.
• Young: All of the cast has an opportunity to give input on casting. Carteris didn’t say things about whether a potential picture on a resume was terrific.
• Rosin and Mollin now think Espinoza was pitch perfect in all of his scenes. Even the ones with Ian Ziering in season 5.
• Rosin: He’s a good friend of this podcast.

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• As soon as Young saw Kathleen Robertson, Young knew she had to pay close attention.
• She was easy to work with. She wasn’t nervous.
• Robertson had a unique hat. Mollin and Rosin noticed it. They used that same hat in her character’s intro scene.
• Lou Patrick negotiated Robertson’s contract. (A woman).
• Aaron Spelling had accidentally sent out a cast renewal to Shannen Doherty. Lou Patrick saw that and alerted Rosin. It had already been decided by this point that Doherty wasn’t coming back. They were able to stop that from getting to Doherty.
• Young had hired Nicholas Pryor before on another show. He was professional.
• Young: Christine Belford (Samantha Sanders), Pryor’s wife, was a good actress.
• Kelly McDonald, Young’s assistant, met with actors for D’Shawn Hardell. She was the one that recommended Cress Williams to Young. He was very new.
• Rosin and Mollin liked him.
• Unlike Tico Wells from season 1 (whom Rosin beat in basketball), Cress Williams could not play basketball.
• Young had known Dina Meyer (Lucinda) from before. She had always liked Meyer.
• There wasn’t an audition. Tony Shepherd just told Rosin that Dina Meyer would play the part.
• Barry Bonds and Dina Meyer are the only actors that Tony Shepherd told Rosin who to pick. There wasn’t an audition.
• Young loved Scott Paulin (Professor Randall). She had known his credits.
• Young doesn’t remember too much from Tracy Middendorf’s (Laura Kingman) audition.
• Young: Noley Thornton (Erica) was wonderful. She had seen her from “The Martin Short Show”.
• They had to make a lot of arrangements to get her from one set to another, because she was on both shows. But child actors have some limitations.
• One time, they were praying Thornton would be able to make it, because The Martin Short Show was running long.
• Kerrie Keane (Suzanne) didn’t know that there was going to be a scam.
• When Jessica Klein pitched the scam story to Aaron Spelling, Spelling thought the audience would know right away. He didn’t think the scam would work. Rosin had to promise that no one would see it coming, by the end.
• Rosin likes how he can talk to actors that come on the podcast now, because he was never able to do it when the show was being made. Jason Carter (Roy Randolph) is one such example.
• Young says there were a lot of British actors, at the time, because there was a lot of work in Los Angeles. And they were paid more here, then in British Television.
• Young had met Paul Johannson (John Sears) before.
• He was one of Jason Priestley’s friends.
• David Sherrill (Jack Canner) was another one of Priestley’s friends.
• Young would tell Priestley why one of his friends would or would not get the role.
• Young loves Brook Theiss (Leslie Sumner). She had met Theiss on Growing Pains, and Just The Ten Of Us. She was such a joh to be around. Young also introduced Theiss’ husband to her.
• Young likes Theiss so much, that she would cast her for something right now if she could.
• Young does not remember Kari Wuhrer (Ariel Hunter).
• Young remembers Matthew Perreta (Dan Rubin) a little.
• Young does not remember the Minnesota girls.
• Young loves Jed Allen (Rush Sanders). His acting was similar to Ian Ziering’s. She saw it right away that he was Steve Sander’s dad.
• Ryan Thomas Brown (Muntz) was easy to work with.
• Young had known Zachary Throne (Howard) from before.

Once again yesterday I was jumping through hoops to help my LO (M32), and I always feel so many mixed feelings over it after it happens.
We had been texting all afternoon after I went to an appointment in the hospital for my pap smear (3 years being monitored for a cervix lesion), I was in so much pain and it was a bit traumatic. He was being sweet and understanding. He was going to photograph an event in another city after his day-job, and he couldn't find his reusable battery charger, so he asked me if I could lend him one.
Well, I don't have a reusable battery charger. I used to, but it was my ex's. I was just waking up from a nap, but immediately started calling my dad, brother, and friends to try and get one lended. My friend F (M28), his GF (F28) and I were going out for dinner and he told me he had one he could lend. I called LO and told him I got it, and he doesn't deserve me. Then I offered myself to drive him to the train station because it rained all day and his car is in the shop. Boy.
So, can you guess it? I go to the dinner - that started late at 9.30pm -, and leave at 11pm super fast to go meet him. I felt like shit leaving my friends, but they understood. I waited for him outside the restaurant he works at. He then asks if I can still take him to the train station. I said yes, and I drive him there. We joke a bit on the way, he tells me about his day, asks if I'm feeling better.
When I park in front of the train station, he asks me if I want to keep him company while he waits for the train. Of course I said yes and went in with him. We joked for a bit more. He made fun of me over something I said and I jokingly hit him in the arm, and we laugh a lot, I am always so happy near him. His train arrives and he kisses me on the cheek and I hug him. I tell him to text me later. As he is entering the train, he looks back and yells for me to text him when I get home. I leave for my car, giddy.
Then I go home. And we text until I go to sleep and he gets to the event. I answer him at 6.30am, he answers almost immediately and we text a bit until I leave for work and he goes to sleep. I tell him to go rest and he wishes me a good day at work.
And I'm thinking I'm such a simp for him. Why do I feel compelled to have girlfriend actions towards him? There's no benefit for me, expect for his attention. Stupidly I am waiting for him to realize how great I am and give it a chance, but I'm too much of a chicken to tell him I like him. I'm not sure he likes me back, because while on one hand he seems to make too much of an effort for a simple friendship - coming to see me regularly, seating next to me on group hang outs and almost only talking to me, texts me everyday, kisses me on the forehead, etc -, on the other he never made a proper move and the only flirty thing he does is sending me flirty reels and memes (this has only started happening over the last two weeks, and I'm not sure if he just finds it funny or if he's testing the waters for my reaction).
I know I show love through acts of service, so it's not foreign for me to try to be helpful and get taken advantage of, especially by a LO. I'm always trying to prove my worth and value and I feel tired of not feeling "seen". I know it's not his fault, even if he doesn't like me back. I'm the one not setting boundaries for myself because I am so infatuated with him and want to be with him all the time and make him happy...

Hello!
I have been playing on this save file for over a month IRL, and suddenly, every NPC in Solitude is acting like they are stuck in a microwave. Many won’t move their legs at all, but some rotate slowly in place like they’re on a microwave plate.
I have found a video from another player showing the exact behavior here.
I have done some A/B testing, and traced the start of the glitch to one of three events. Yes, I can revert to an earlier save file, but my question is moreso— why? Why is this happening? What in the Events I outline below, would cause the entirety of Solitude to get in the microwave?
Most Likely: 1. “Holidays” Mod tries to fire the “April Fools Day” event. On 28th of Rain’s Hand, When I get close to the gates of Solitude, a seemingly randomly chosen NPC in a jester costume comes running out of the gate, says a random dialogue line, and begins dancing in front of me. Entering Solitude after that, fires a dialogue box “you can’t use that here” repeatedly, even though I’m not trying to use anything. The glitches then proliferate and worsen— NPCs get stuck in place, rotate like microwave plates, and eventually two identical NPCs both named “Planter” will show up naked. I have no idea who they are.
If I manage to enter Solitude and delay the onset of April Fool’s Day, the glitched dialogue box and microwave problem will wait… until the jester shows up to follow me. This makes me wonder if the glitch is moreso related to overloading the follower count. I have two followers using AFT (one vanilla, one iNPC, as recommended), but Legend of the Dragonborn has added two Dwarven Centurions to follow me. Is it possible the jester being foisted on me is overwhelming something and causing the glitch?

1. I notice the glitch does not happen if I pick up from a previous save file. Between that save file and the one with the glitch, only two things have happened: I completed a mission from Convenient Horses to “Kill a Dragon while Mounted”. I also stumbled across an iNPC event called “The Curse”, where 3 NPCs are executing a witch.

Out of curiosity, advice on stopping the glitch? I have seen other examples of people getting this exact glitch in Vanilla, no mods. And they say it is related to a missing or corrupted navmesh. I have tried the suggested fixes of fast traveling out of Solitude and back in, fast traveling from outside Solitude and back and then entering the city, fus ro dah, attacking NPCs, and even reducing my follower count by killing the Dwarven Centurions…

This is the most plausible answer. I think this is exactly how he did it using facts from sermons, emails, texts, news, interviews, maps, and extensive experience with parasitic Narcissistic sitic abuse. If there is anything that I am incorrect on please let me know and I will recalculate. After typing this up two days ago, I stumbled upon Mica’s father‘s interview, and it completely solidified it to the point where I started violently shaking. I think this is what happened.
I was told Winslow‘s property backs up against that state forest. 200 acres. Right down the road. Now remember. Somebody on his staff was told to go and trim back the overgrowth on that specific property shortly before all of this happened,
I think Mica at some point had conversation with Winslow and agreed to come and talk to him at his property, a “safe place JP wouldn’t know.”, thinking she could trust him. I think mica went to winslows and JP was waiting there for unknowingly.
I think Winslow has JP‘s phone and I think JP has Winslow‘s phone so they’re not gonna ping the towers. All they saw was the license plate they never verified He was actually there.
I think JP and Winslow met at a undisclosed location and swapped vehicles. JP went up to Winslow’s NC property with Winslow‘s vehicle and cell phone, and Winslow went down south with JP cell phone and truck. I can’t quite place the girlfriend, but she is an alibi therefore she is aware that something has happened or is going on. I cannot figure out whether or not Winslow was with JP and she took the vehicle down south either or we need to find out the location of where the girlfriend was and where Winslow was. That could all be found by bank financial records of the days in question. Nobody uses cash in 2024 for an entire getaway.
Didn’t they say he got a new truck? There was something new about the truck? Did he get a new one so it wouldn’t have any of Winslow’s DNA inside of it? If Winslow drove it, his DNA/finger prints on the steering wheel would easily be on the steering wheel. Why else would he need to drive Winslow‘s vehicle if there were indications, he was driving the vehicle. Now remember one of them is a lawyer he knows what they look for. JP‘s and Winslow‘s vehicles both need to be tested for gunpowder residue.
Mica shows up to Winslow’s property, JP is there with Winslow’s vehicle, ambushes her OR Winslow is there too and the girlfriend took her phone and truck south. He already has a plan of where he’s going to take her to unalive her before she arrives. JP drives Mica’s car with Mica in it to the final location parking lot, walks her into the woods kills her, puts her stuff down and walks back to Winslow property through the woods. Girlfriend says she was with him, I think she stayed at the property or she drove a vehicle to come get him after he was done if she was there. either way Winslow or girlfriend somebody picked him up or was waiting or he went back to the property and gotten Winslow‘s vehicle and left. Remember it’s not that far away..
Now, after reviewing the 911 recording again, I do not think it is AI. The biggest reason why I know it wasn’t AI is because if you listen to the fast response when asked for the phone number, there wasn’t enough time to record that and send it at the same time. So she replied too fast. Now, when have you ever heard a 911 operator asking somebody for their phone number? That never would have been written. You still have the type stuff in the AI creators. Also, she delayed pause between every number, how would she have replied in half the time it would have taken to type all of that out. Think about it, he would have had to type a number hit space type a number hit space over and over. In a rush I know I mess up you don’t think he would have messed up? He never would have been able to get that recorded smoothly quickly in the time it took for her to respond. Again, when have you ever heard of 911 asking for your phone number?. I believe he is in the car with her after they just left Winslows property. I believe he’s sitting right next to her in the car and allows her to make the call thinking it’s going to cover up everything and benefit him. She was sending out the whistle to her family and She’s trying to buy time for them to locate her. He knew to turn off the location because she mentioned She turned it on notice how it ended at that?. My point with this is at the end.
Logically speaking if she was purposely driving to that park, she would have known the name to GPS it. She would’ve known the name of the park to give the operator. That’s why she was pausing, probably looking to him to see where they’re at. That’s why she says “yes that’s it” cause he nodded. he had enough time to process what the operator was saying before Mica was able to answer that’s why she was able to reply quickly because the operator was speaking slowly. He heard the first word and nodded. She didn’t know, but now suddenly she knew? If she was going to purposely take her own life, and she really wanted her body found, why wouldn’t she have found the name of the park before she called to give them proper location?
She would have seen oh look it’s a park and read the sign and pulled into it. She didn’t know the sign because she was terrified because he was with her. She just knows she’s in a park.
I would possibly look to see if there was any dirt roads that led to where her vehicle is at back to Winslow’s property. That might be why she didn’t see a sign. I haven’t looked too much into that part but it’s a suggestion if anybody wants to do any homework.
SO That’s why the phone was put on airplane mode so cops wouldn’t track them into the woods at the site of the incident and he would be able to get away in time into the woods without being seen.
Also airplane mode was turned on while in the car, at the end of the 911 call, I think he took the phone put the airplane mode on which is why the airplane mode was put on because she mentioned it out loud specifically, he knew the cops were coming time to MOVE, can’t follow us to the woods though. THATS why there’s no bird sounds, they did it in the car after they got to the parking lot. I think subconsciously she thought knew this was going to happen. Kinda like I told my family this was going to happen, and then it clicked what she needed to do. He brought the phone with them to paint the picture. Why would she turn off her location herself if she wanted to be found? She was already going to enter her life right? She was obviously not going to wait a long time right? Listen to her voice when it got emotional when she said she was going to kill herself. If she was unsure, why did she skip up in the exact moment? She was almost free, she had fought so hard. When you’re almost free, what would make you think she would want to stop now? Listen to me clearly, he was in the car. She needed to send out a dog whistle to the people she had told she she told him she would admit to the suicide if she could have her body found. She knew she was going to die and she knew she needed to make sure her family could piece this together. Therefore the only plausible answer is he was in the car with her. She was emotionless probably because the gun was already on her, the phone was removed from her because she mentioned the airplane mode specifically he thought they can’t trace us out to the woods, airplane mode goes on. He walked out to the woods. He needed Time to get away and couldn’t have them knowing exactly where he was to go to first so he could escape right after.
Now he goes into the woods by possibly dragging her which is why she has a bruised wrist. That might be why she started crying. She might have tried to get away when she knew what was going to happen or that it was happening hence why there’s multiple rounds. This led to possible yanking, and then the gunshot, which is why the fisherman heard the crying. Then it was over. Put her in the water he placed her belongings and Then he walked back towards Winslow‘s property. I want to know if there’s a phone call between mica and Winslow, was this drive scheduled day of or days prior and gave enough time for it to be planned. I believe at that time he got back into Winslow’s vehicle met somewhere with Windlow switched vehicles again. JP going to his home and Winslow going back to his home. The funeral and everything was already preplanned and scheduled due to the fact they already knew what was going to happen and already had it pre-planned and needed to make sure it was swift and left no room for delay. Her family, knowing they would want to see her, he manipulated them into signing the cremation holding her body over their heads. Taunting them via text message blaming them to create the narrative. Otherwise, what would be the big deal of allowing them to see the body without needing something in exchange? He knew they would have questions afterwards. At that time all they had was the 911 call and a body, sometimes you need time to process. You know when something happens and then later on you’re like wait what? He wanted to make sure that body had no stop on the cremation process to get rid of all evidence before thosequestions inevitably came. He got ahead of it so there was no hiccup in delays because he knew he had to allow them to see the body to the public that would be the moral right thing to do. Not allowing them to see the body would be suspicious. He figured out how to make it work for both. He talks about laying with her body four times and trying to raise her from the dead, was this guilt or was it like when somebody puts a deer head on the wall?
Now remember, she has already been predisposed to trust Winslow. He mentions Winslow in an email to her previously, obviously showing that he & his wife were a trusted friend of hers as well. It’s 100% a possibility that Winslow told her to come up and talk where she was protected and JP wouldn’t find them, and Winslow left with the truck and met with JP and they switched. Winslow south, JP north. Winslow had asked his staff to clean up that overgrowth on the property. It being a wooded area, was this done so that the roadway was assessable for the plan? she probably drove down some type of dirt road, and he ambushed her in some manner. North Carolina Woods are dense, therefore easily to hide when she pulls over.
Now, how do I think that JP convinced Winslow to help, I believe JP convinced Winslow , Mica was going to tell on all of them and ruin their lives. This could have been backed up by the fact that all the documentation that she had previously collected had gone missing, and was brought to Winslow to paint Mica as an enemy so this was enough for him to convince Winslow that their future and freedom was inJeopardy. When JP was actually afraid she was going to tell on his abuse and life and ruin him. So they killed her to protect their life.
They said something yesterday about breaking news how they found that the notary was forged? Thats enough for me to draw speculation because it was done by Winslow that he is now in on the dirty dealings. He is a part of the actual dirty dealings against mica He knows something is being done wrong and he is condoning it.
That notary that was done on the power of attorney from mica was falsely notarized. Mica was not present for the notary. There was an article on earlier I was looking at but I was in information overload. I just know It was not legally notarized. This shows that Winslow does not have integrity. How far is he willing to go to protect JP and all of their secrets?
I think she told JP she just wanted her body to be found for her family and she would go without a fight. I believe that it was a dog whistle to her family. The clue they would need to know this wasn’t suicide. She told them and now she needed them to remember. She knew she was going to die and everybody needed to know about the gunshot specifically that she warned everyone about days prior. He didn’t know she told people close to her that that. That’s why her voice broke up when she said she was going to unalive herself. She did not want to die. She just wanted people to be able to solve the crime. She manipulated him into thinking he was going to get away with this because she is admitting to it being a suicide. Not knowing She had whistled what was going to happen, she needed people to listen. She offered up no extra information during the 911 call which then delayed the process hoping they would find her location. She told her dad days prior she’s getting a gun for protection. I think she got it before she drove up there just incase and the bruises on her hand may be him wrestling it from her. Maybe at arrival.
A search and rescue dog can smell from weeks to months after somebody has left the area, and if anybody can get something of his and be able to place him there in the woods, you have convincing beyond a reasonable doubt.
After writing this up yesterday when I was complete, I got super sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I could see it completely out in my head where all the facts completely aligned. I believe tthis is the only plausible theory there is.
What people need to realize at the end of the day the good attention and bad attention is still attention to a narcissist. He is enjoying the intention is getting from this primarily from getting away with it. That’s why I believe he visited her body four times after she was deceased. Because he already had a girlfriend, he already talked about going and getting a hot wife and then after she dies, he does an interview about how she’s the most incredible wife and supportive. He made the obituary about how awesome he thought she was to still collect her validation and the validation he got from being her husband because she was good. She was light and he was jealous of that. He wanted that that’s why he had that position. She loved him so much he claimed and how she was so wonderful he claimed yet she didn’t want him when she had a no contact order and wanted a divorce obviously, he wasn’t that. and if you guys don’t think he groomed her go to the memorial of life sermon and listen to the poem again. Now switch the words, “school” and “church.” And follow the story line.
He killed Mica Miller.