So I see a lot of SA girls on TikTok and other social media sharing their insecurities about how they are perceived because of their race in society. I resonated with this when I was younger - so many people making videos and comments perpetuating all sorts of horrible ideas I don’t want to describe.
I would like to share some things that made me feel more comfortable in my skin and beautiful as an Indian woman who grew up in a white-majority community. A lot of these are physical and perhaps superficial, but many of these are based on mindset as well. This will be a long post.
Of course these are just my experiences and I don’t want to say that it will work for everyone, and I encourage other women in the comments to share any positive experiences/changes they’ve had as well!

1. Haircare routine and styling

This one takes time. But I think having healthier hair is a huge step to feeling more physically attractive. For context, I have very thick, wavy hair and used to straighten my hair to temporarily get rid of frizz - not so good on a regular basis! So I decided to do some research on my hair type, experiment w different products and routines.
What has worked excellently for me - oiling hair and leaving it overnight before a wash day, using keratin hair products, washing hair off with lukewarm to cool water, and wearing a silk bonnet at night. My hair has never felt so soft and silky and I love it! Also, I believe that for thick, long and wavy hair, a layered haircut work absolute wonders since it tends to frame the face better.
I was told that when my hair grows really long, it seems to ‘wash out’ the rest of my face because of how thick and large it is. I think the haircut part depends on your hair texture and type, but the other advice could be helpful.

1. Experiment with makeup as a hobby

I do know especially in Indian households, women are often discouraged from wearing too much makeup, or putting even the slightest amount of effort into their appearance. Not sure why? Many possibilities, but anyway. I believe there’s nothing wrong with trying to be more beautiful AND accomplished, even though it is a lot of pressure. There is a conflict between many South Asian parents setting very high academic+career standards with less focus on looks AND the beauty standards society sets for a woman (not to mention how much power and leverage looks can give a woman). So I thought it wasn’t an unreasonable goal to set!
I started off simple with a drugstore concealer and lash curler. Once I was in college, I had a lot of freedom to use money from my part-time job to buy more products. To treat myself, I tried tinted moisturizers, lip glosses, lipsticks, mascara, blushes, and more! Maybe I got a bit too indulgent, lol. But it was fun and helped me find a nice signature look.
For reference, I have wheatish brown skin, I think the same shade as Freida Pinto, and a round face with dry skin. A pigmented lipstick/gloss (NYX is great) with concealer, cream blush, and sometimes mascara is the sweet spot for me. I think this will vary based on your preferences. But my Indian dad, who wasn’t excited about my makeup addiction in the beginning, is more accepting and even likes some of my looks lol. Maybe because I’m an adult now, or I was stubborn.

1. Clothes

Maybe some of you have fashionable parents unlike me lol. I think my parents bought me things that are unflattering - didn’t complement my figure or just didn’t resonate with me. I’m sure they had their best intentions lol, just wasn’t my style. Shopped alone or with friends. Generally, I love to wear long skirts, flare pants, cardigans, anything that isn’t too revealing but still flatters the curves of my figure. Not only do I feel prettier, I also receive so many compliments on my style!
Low neck tops and “sexier” outfits are for going out with friends. I think dressing very sexy is a bit more difficult for me because of personal reasons + the conflict between South Asian and western media fashion ideals (modest vs sexed and revealing). But I personally think us South Asian girls can never go wrong with a long skirt!

1. Decentering Men

I feel so much more beautiful, confident, and powerful after I decided to stop pandering to men. Do not chase men and feed their egos, make sure they are the ones pursuing you. And even if you do pursue them, make sure they think they are the ones doing the pursuing. If you feel they are clingy/disrespecting boundaries repeatedly, drop them immediately. This will save much energy and peace.
Some SA men send sexually suggestive messages and expect me to show interest just because we are the same race. White men will do the same, but expect me to comply because they think Indian women as well as other POC are ‘easy’ and automatically throw themselves at any white man. This is hilarious and I block/unfollow/unadd immediately.
I also want to add that these men will try to make beautiful SA women think they are inherently undesirable because of their ethnicity and put them down. They may suggest that you shouldn’t be ‘choosy’ and should settle for any man that comes near them.
This is a way of gaining power over you. They know you wouldn’t normally pay any attention to them! So they want to bring you down and make you believe you are incapable of attracting a high value man, so that you think they are doing you a favor by going out with you. Never pay heed to this.
I know MANY South Asian women who date and even marry wealthy, well-established men (of any race) who spoil them well. When I changed my mindset, I started attracting higher value men who offer to take me out on proper dates, do the work for me, just putting in the extra effort. Focus on yourself first and you’ll attract better quality men. Never, ever settle.

1. Consume media that portrays SA women and their culture as beautiful

I believe the media rep of South Asian women has improved over the years, even though there are still flaws. It is comforting to see a South Asian woman to be portrayed as beautiful, but without being exoticized.
One example of this is Bridgerton, specifically the second season. South Asian women are not only shown as beautiful, but sought after and chased after, not just for their race. The characters are well-written in my opinion. In addition, I appreciate the beautiful dresses and styling of these women, in contrast to Parvati and Padma’s rather disappointing Yule Ball outfits in the HP movies.
Something else that personally works for me is watching videos or looking at pictures of cultural dance/weddings/outfits that are worn. It brings me a sense of pride for my identity.

1. Study what I want to, not necessarily what my parents want

There’s nothing wrong with being more than a pretty face, so here’s some academic advice. Many of us have been diligent when it comes to studying, setting goals for our career and future. The dream parents have for a doctolawyeengineer child is real.
But I think if you know of a career that is fairly lucrative and interests you that is not any of those three, you might want to pursue that instead of going with the status quo. Studying what I want has made me much more passionate and dedicated to my career than I would have been if I just did whatever my parents said. They used to be skeptical, but now they support me and have a lot of belief in me as well.
These are the things that helped me the most! It may or may not work for everyone because of the diversity of family upbringing and socio-economic circumstances, but I just wanted to share my experiences. I encourage you all to share any you have as well!

MM90 Hunter Series: Inspired by Cribble Rock Run
You’ve been browsing through your emails, looking at all of your job requests being rejected. Each one you click on, they’re filled with “Sorry, you have been rejected due to the following reasons…” You are utterly disappointed, when one catches your eye. The email reads, “MM90 Hunter Job Offer: Accepted.” You don’t remember signing up for anything related to a hunter. Curiously, you click on it. As you slowly read, your eyes widen in curiosity, excitement, worry and eventually, fear.
From: M̵̪̪͛M̴̙̯͑͛9̵̲͚̈̉0̸̢̣͋ ̵̲̻̏H̵͚̱͒͑u̸̡͇͛n̴͓͐̀t̶̫̘̿ê̵̚͜r̸͉̍̐@̵̰̀g̷̩͐̅m̸̙͠ą̷̈́i̶̗͛ĺ̸͓͔͝.̴̟̎͘c̷̭͚̽ŏ̷̹̾m̵̗̣̐̈
To: brok0009linkpao@gmail.com
Dear Broklink James Maddison,
You may wonder, How do we have your full name? No worries, we know everything about you. You live at 108 Rue Street, Undespical Manor. .Your childhood dog’s name is Chump. Your mom’s maiden name is Patrice. Everything you can think of, we know.
I know you may not have registered for our agency, but it doesn't matter anymore, does it? The moment you clicked on this email, your internet history has been automatically erased and completely deleted. Your existence on the internet has been utterly eradicated. We have traced your IP and have placed trackers all over your apartment. This is the exact same for 99 other examiners we have accepted.
Your pay will be 12,00,000 Euros per hunting project. This will vary for all hunters.
The moment you have opened this, you have opened yourself to dangers not only from us, but from the shangdengs, or what you call the supernaturals. Don’t call the police, stay calm when you read this. Quite frankly, if you decide to call 911, you wouldn’t have time to even answer the call before you, your family, your friend and everyone who knows you dies. Immediately. Painlessly, and as fast as an instant. Remember that surgery you had a few days ago, or that vaccine shot a few months ago? That probably was all plans for us to be safe. In case you escape. If you do tell anyone, your existence will be eradicated from the entirety of humanity. No one will have known you existed. Everybody who did, their existence will also be eradicated, or at least, their memory would be cleared.
Your interview will take place on May 30, 2024, in the Hidden Chamber at Mount Rushmore. That will be the first test. Only 1 hunter will be recruited, while the others will all be eradicated. We do not want anyone to know about our existence at all. We wish you good luck. Please read the following rules to ensure a safe interview process.
Sincerely, MM90 First Hunter Code Name: NightRize
You look on in fear. Seeing your phone, you immediately want to call the police. As you pick it up, hesitant about whether what they mentioned was true, you suddenly feel extremely eerie, something in your head telling you to absolutely not do it. Trying to push off the persuasions in your brain, you suddenly see 5 helicopters flying by. They look like helicopters from the army, dangerous. And all of them are swirling around you, but it is as if it has not attracted any nuisance at all. You decide to put your phone gradually down, which causes the helicopters to slowly fly by. The moment you try to pick it up one more time, you hear the sound of helicopters again. Terrified, you decide to further read the rules. Maybe this is all a prank, but the date isn’t April 1st. And you have no prank youtuber friend.
MM90 Interview Rule: Set 1,000
This ruleset has only been seen by 101 people in the world. By the end of the interview, only 2 people would have ever read it. Me, and maybe you. You will be officially the 1000th member of our hunter organization that stretches all around the UNIVERSE, if you pass the interview. If you don’t, nobody will know you exist.
Rule 1: Never let anyone know about our existence. NEVER. I know you do not want your entire life, your entire family to just poof.
Rule 2: Train hard for this interview. Try your utter best to prepare for it. It will be the biggest, and most important 24 hours of your life. Try your best, no matter if it is preparing for questions, or going to the gym or training your mentality or preparing to murder someone, or trying to extract information by torturing a random stranger, or watching your family member die without showing a slight sense of emotion.
Rule 3: Arrive precisely at your given location at the given date. Be there exactly at midnight. Not early, not late. If you’re there before the clock strikes 12, or not there after the clock strikes 12, poof. Eradication will begin. Don’t be late. DON’T.
3.1: In case you ever feel like time has gone past extremely slowly the day before, and I mean extremely slowly. Something could be wrong. To test this, cut your left middle finger and pour the blood on a small cup. Count the time in your head. If it takes more than 180 seconds for the wound to dry out. Reply the email with “Sunrise has passed dripping down.” We will completely understand your situation. Delete the email and by tomorrow, you would have forgotten the existence of this message. This is one of the only exceptions.
3.2: However, if it stops before 180 seconds have passed, you may be safe. However, by the time this email has been sent for around 2 days, the shangdengs, or supernaturals may have already targeted you as a status of a hunter. To make sure you’re safe, pour oregano all over your table. That’s it. You will know when a shangdeng is actually haunting you soon. If you don’t notice any more unnatural occurrences, stick by the rules.
3.3: If something does occur that makes you know a shangdeng is haunting you, there is not really much we could do, as you are not one of us yet. State down your will and your best wishes, because you will probably have the remainder of the day to survive. Pray to whoever you worship. Still, there is a slim chance of survival.
3.4: If blood, or any liquid is splattered onto the table with oregano, that’s your sign that you can fight back. This is quite rare, but you are definitely lucky. Lucky enough for you to buy lottery tickets and win within 100 tickets. These are not common. The supernatural or shangdeng is weak enough to have shown its weakness. Guns may be able to do the trick, but it is best for you to remain calm. By the day after midnight, it will show up. It can take shape with any appearance, but always stay calm. They feed off your fear. These ones do not overpower you, it’s just a higher being. Fighting it off with your bare hands is the best choice. If you have to, use a knife. It WILL be a bloodbath. One thing to remember is that if they appear in the shape of a loved one, they have turned into a shangdeng and it is their memory activating. Try your best to persuade them. Tell them their identity. If they convert, bring them to your location on the last day of the same year. Before that, we will allow you to keep your memory, because this task is imperative for them to resist the temptation of the supernatural side. If you survive, we will follow the procedure in Rule 3.1
3.5: If rough shakes on the table occur and large cough/sneeze like sounds occur, they are more powerful and can hide themselves better. You still have a chance to run, but leave EVERYTHING behind. Before you leave, destroy any evidence of who you are, maybe even leave fake proof, or put down details of a person that is not you to distract them. If you are successful, leave the country before midnight. Good job, you are safe. If you are still in the country, but you have destroyed and planted enough fake evidence, you still have around a 50% chance of survival. If you have brought anything with you though, the scent of you IS enough for them to trace you down. You better wish for us to be able to eradicate your existence in time, or you will suffer a horrid amount of torture. Gruesome torture. Maybe they will accept you as one of them. If they do, accept. That is still not a good thing, but being their slaves is far worse. If you become one of them, and your memory somehow still survives their brainwash, please don’t harm us. We don’t want to hunt anymore of you.
3.6: If only very slight movements occur, but enough to catch your eye, we’re sorry. The only thing you can do is to get to your destination in time, and we will be able to eradicate your existence. If you don’t, you will be one of the slaves. Maybe the slaves of the slaves, and the things you have to go through are… is far worse than I can describe.
Rule 4: If nothing out of the ordinary happens, please remember to wear formal attire. Dress up in a nice suit that will not cause over sweating. Bring back up shirts that can benefit you in physical interviewing sessions. Prepare small sharp weapons and bring stuff that may help you swim. Anything informal would make you be considered one of the shangdengs.
Rule 5: The day you arrive, you will be greeted by me. I will be dressed in a light blue suit and black pants. I will have a tag writing my code name and wearing bright red gloves. Anybody that does not have these attire, it could be an imposter. I will not forget these important things. In case it is, act natural. Never respond to questions, but instead only use gestures. If they start threatening you, your best chance is to intimidate them. Don’t show fear. Then, confuse them. Start breakdancing, throwing your shirt in the air with ecstasy, singing the lyrics of “Old Town Road’. Whatever you can do to throw them off. This can only buy you time to exist. If you do manage to make them so confused to the point of disappearing, follow the rules of 3.5.
Rule 6: I only greet people with “Hello. Shall the interview commence?” Anything else, follow rule 5. You must respond in only three ways possible, or you will be treated as a shangdeng and eradicated. I am able to sense human emotions as a top hunter, so never respond in a different way. I don’t like being lied to.
6.1: If you feel extremely terrified, at the level that you can’t speak, or you piss your pants or profusely sweat, reply with, “Spare me master, for fear has overcome me.” After that, I will give you 2 hours of freedom, before the eventual eradication of everything occurs. You were not going to make it anyway, and that was my last bit of mercy I can give you.
6.2: If you are terrified, which is normal, respond with “Preparation is far from completed, but commence, or I shall face eradication.” Continue with the interview, speaking the language you are the most comfortable in. Answer in a more formal matter.
6.3 If you feel a weirdly calm sense, we are glad to have chosen you. Do not respond to my question and start a calm conversation only in English. After I get to know you, the interview will start, and you MUST speak in a formal manner.
6.4 If anyone responds in a manner contradicting their emotion, I will stare at you one last time. If you stand by your lies, your fate will be worse than eradication. Instead, beg for mercy. I’ll give you 30 minutes to leave. You have become my hunted. I do not wish you good luck.
Rule 7: If I ever start twitching profusely, or show any symptoms that appear suddenly, follow rule 5. I am not me anymore. This only happens if I’ve been sabotaged in the hunter agency. In that case, eradication awaits you and I have nothing I can do to help you.
Rule 8: Make eye contact, it’s a way to show your confidence. Don’t look at me for too long though. You do not want to stare so deep in it that you cannot look away
Rule 9: If you realize the surroundings of you start to change, be wary of it, but don’t look directly. There are mainly 5 different environments it changes to. Act accordingly to the environment.
9.1: Your surroundings should be similar to a cave in the Hidden Chamber. It should be relatively gloomy but not extremely dark. If the surrounding changes to a tropical rainforest, with parrots flying everywhere and sounds of chirping, don’t be distracted. Our location has been found by an extremely powerful shangdeng. The chance of this happening is extremely rare, but pretend it does not exist. The shangdeng knows you have realized its existence. However, it can only attack you if you visibly acknowledge you. Parrots may fly between you, you may sense a tiger staring and ferociously roaring at you. Don’t acknowledge you, and it will eventually fade you. However, if after the interview, the surrounding still follows you, follow rule 3.5. 9.2: If your surroundings switch to your childhood room, or somewhere you deeply love, I’m trying to help you. I want you to succeed in this interview. Feel comfortable.
9.3: If your surroundings switch to your childhood, but something is visibly off, they are trying to trick you. Maybe a ladder is colored differently, or maybe the bed is slightly tilted, stay calm. They think you completely trust you. In this scenario, act like there’s nothing there in the interview. Once it finishes, find the quickest method to go back to your childhood room. No matter the method. Inside, fill the room with balloons and pour oregano on it. Cry out “Deluna Del Lote Hoppa!” as many times as you can. If you’re lucky, you’ll lose something that you hold near to. If you’re unlucky, you’re going to be dragged to enter their dimension.
9.4: If your surroundings switch to a gloomy room that seems to be infinite, look at me deeply and blink six times exactly. Then, leave your seat. If you are in this situation, you are stuck. You have to find an escape to this. The shangdeng treats this like a game. Do not let it consume you. If you do, it won’t be entertained and it will drag you back to its dimension to suffer an eternity of pain. To escape, find a pink door with the words “Bloodbath” written in blood on it. Before you leave, remember to shout “CHANCETH!” before you leave. You’ll be safe after this, but if you’re ever stuck again in this situation, it won’t be this easy anymore. If you enter a door that does not match the description, you will turn into the shangdeng’s slave. NEVER look at the creature and do not listen to the voices, even if it resembles your family.
9.5 If your surroundings switch to as if you were floating on the sky, with a rainbow aura, somehow you have attracted the shangdeng’s favoritism. If this does happen, congratulations! You will be recruited by us no matter if you do not perform well, as you will certainly be a successful agent!
Rule 10: If you ever notice a gloomy dark figure behind me, creeping up behind me, tell me immediately. It has managed to create a presence. Once I understand, leave the area instantly. If you receive another email from me, our agency has been overtaken. You will not be eradicated, but the world will be as our agency has collapsed. However, if you do not receive any information from me, return the next day as if nothing has happened. If you mention anything that relates to the incident, eradication will await you. I do not like to be reminded of my mistakes, especially when someone has seen it.
10.1: If I do not respond to your issue, this is where I remind you. REMEMBER TO BRING OREGANO AND A BOTTLE OF ROSE WITH YOU! Splash the wine directly at the creature and sprinkle oregano on yourself, me and the room. Do not look at the creature, as its appearance will terrify you. When you hear an exploding sound, run away with all your might. Follow rule 3.5 if you want to survive after the incident.
Rule 11: If you ever feel anything dripping on your head, the shangdengs are right above you, waiting for the exact time to commence their attack and retrieving of your soul. Even if it sounds disgusting, it is pissing on you. Pissing on you is immense for capturing your scent. It is pissing acid on you. And when it starts shitting on you, you will feel like flaming coals are dropping on your head. At that point, I will be forced to take action, as it is taunting me. Do not acknowledge its existence, even if you feel significant pain. Close your eyes until you hear an explosion right above your head. After that, turn around and do not come back. Your memory will be cleared and you will not have to worry about anything. However, in case your scent still remains, please get plastic surgery and put on deodorant every day before you leave home to avoid unwanted attention from the supernaturals.
Rule 12: If nothing goes wrong, the interview should be exactly 24 hours and be split into 5 parts.When the 24 hour time starts, there will be a bell that rings 5 times. At the 3rd ring, I will disappear, and you have to leave after that but before the last ring. If you are too late, you will be trapped inside the chamber for life. However, if I try to hold you down and keep you inside, or if the interview is split into more than 5 parts with the wrong order of events, please splash the bottle of rose straight into my butt. That is not me, and it is trying to trick you and consume your soul. During impersonation, the supernaturals have a weak spot and that is their behind. Splashing it anywhere else will not cause any pain or irritation, and it will only annoy and anger them immensely. You do not want that to happen.
Rule 13: The order of events will be strictly:
One - Interviewing Questions
Two - Physical Test
Three - Psychological Test
Four - Emotional Torture
Five - Combat Ability
If the events are in different order. Remind me once. Do not repeat yourself. If I do not respond, follow rule 12.
Rule 14: For the first event, I will be asking exactly 90 (MM90) questions. It can be about your family, about your emotions, about your dreams. ANSWER EVERY SINGLE ONE TRUTHFULLY. Do not lie to me. As I have stated, I do not give mercy to liars. However, if I ask a single question about your home, or where you live, or ask more/less than 90 questions, refer to rule 5.
Rule 15: For your second event, I will require you to run for 50 Miles and lift 500 Pounds Bench Press with 50 reps within 8 hours. If you are unable to finish all of this, eradication will await you. That’s your only outcome if you fail to qualify.
Rule 16: You will be tormented psychologically for your third event. This will arguably be the hardest challenge here. We prefer not to spoil the challenge. However, just be prepared to face all sorts of phobias and go against your fears.
16.1: However, there are some voices or things that we do not display. This is because these things highly attract the shangdengs. If you hear faint whimpering, or baby crying, close your eyes. Stay quiet. Sprinkle oregano all over your body. Take the bottle of rose and, even if it hurts, poke them in their eyes. Blind yourself because you do not want to see how hungry they get when they hear these cries.
16.2: If you see holograms of unnatural shadow objects, THEY’RE NOT HOLOGRAPHS. THEY HAVE COME! Follow rule 11 immediately. Do not acknowledge its existence.
Rule 17: This is simple. We will bring a family member from your family and brutally murder them. Yes, and it will not be a hologram. You cannot stop this from happening. As long as you just slightly react to their cries from happening, you have failed. You know what awaits you. Sacrifice is needed to achieve glory and destiny.
17.1: If they ever mention about the shangdengs, however, they’ve been possessed. I’m sorry for that to happen, but it would be too dangerous to continue this torture. We need to end it as soon as possible. We will have to choose another family member for torture. I truly apologize. If you do get chosen, we will raise your pay per project by 1 million Euros.
Rule 18: The last test, I will lead you to a corpse of a weakened Shangdeng and bring it back to life in a ritual. If you manage to kill it, you survive the occasion. If you don’t, you will be buried with it. The most simple. No rules, no nothing, just a free for all with one of them. I do recommend aiming, as I have mentioned the butt. It is its only weakness. Try avoiding its flaming coal shits and acid piss.
Rule 19. If you do survive, go back home immediately. Close every electronic device. Every light. Take a hammer and destroy everything in your household. Then, lock yourself in a dark room, barricade the exits, including the window. Color the walls with your own blood. Light a candle in the middle, pour oregano over it, and sit there in silence with your eyes closed. Stay there despite anything that happens. You will either be eradicated, or we will save you from there. If that happens, you have become our 1000th hunter, and training will start soon.
19.1: However, if you ever accidentally open your nights, you will have been exposed to the shangdengs. If you’re not dead yet, immediately close them. Splash the bottle of Rose onto the ground to inflict damage to them. We still have no idea why it and oregano deals the most damage and psychologically conflicts their bodies and systems.
Good luck!
You look in absolute confusion. You close your eyes and decide to take a nap. Maybe it was all a dream. However, when you wake up, you find out you’ve only slept for … 3 minutes? It felt like at least 8 hours. You head downstairs, and see the spices you’ve placed in your kitchen, as the bottles of oregano and salt stay there. You check your phone, but the email has ridiculously disappeared. You remember about what it’s written and decide to try what it told you to. You pour some oregano on a table, but nothing happens. Turning away, you decide to cook some eggs because you feel hungry, when you suddenly hear a rough cough followed with a sneeze behind you.
[To be continued]

Okay so here's the back story, my husband and I met at work almost ten years ago. I always told him I never needed his money I just wanted his time. If he ever wanted to get me a ring later on down the road that I would be fine with a bread tie. I lost my dad when i was 19 so time and memories became so important to me. Why am I telling you this? Because it will become important later on. At the time I was 27 and he was 22 and we moved in together four months into the relationship. Fast, I know. Six or seven months into the first year he totally flipped out one night and backed me into a corner then began hitting me with his forearm. I was shocked and once he was done I went outside and I called my mom and then his parents. My mom came and sat with me until his parents arrived. He came out of the house and he was always tall standing at 6'4" and at the time 250 lbs. but in that moment he looked bigger than he was. My mother however standing at 5'5" and 120 lbs. was ready fight. I begged her not to and she just calmly asked him what he was thinking. He started crying and told her that he didn't know what happened and he was scared. His parents arrived and he begged them to take him to the hospital because he didn't want to hurt me. They took him and the hospital admitted him for a week. While there we found out that he had bipolar. They put him on some medication and sent him. home. For the first few months nothing happened and he seemed genuinely better. Well he stopped taking his medication after about three months. He started back sliding. He became distant, angry, easily upset, and refused to take his medication even when asked. He would start making mean comments about my weight because lets face it I'm not small girl. He would continually talk to other women and even went so far as to gaslight me on several occasions. Through it all I loved him enough to forgive him. Maybe I did it out of fear of being alone but I always told myself that i did it because I knew I was no saint and wanted to own up for my part in all of his. Here is where things start to get worse. SO his ex came to work at the place we were at and he began getting close with her. I knew the moment she came that it was going to be a problem given the fact that she hated me when we first got together by going to far as to start rumors at my job about me and because I was new they would believe her. She even would go so far as to steal his phone while he was bowling and sent me a snapchat of herself from his phone. Anyway they got close and he swore she had changed because she apologized for being such a jerk before. Everyone except my best friend Mo (I met through this job) believed she had truly changed. I felt crazy. I felt as if I was being gaslight from every turn. We were fighting more and more. He used MY car one day for work and we were arguing well after work he never came home when he should and when I called him he answered very agitatedly that he was taking a cruise. I later came to find out that he had her in the car and they drove an hour away to cruise and were gone for three hours. At this point he swears they didn't do anything and I don't believe him. Well fast forward to a year and a half later and he proposed (I believe most out of pressure from his mother and aunt.). He comes from a very religious family and they do not believe in living together before marriage. I accepted because I loved him but also because I truly thought no one would love me and if I said no I would be alone forever. He is happy again for a few months. He later tells me that he wants us to try and be friends with this same ex. I decided to trust him and we meet up with her at a park and talk. She assures me that they are just friends and that she hopes we can be friends too. She even goes so far as to say that she wants us to get marries. That struck me as super weird but I shelved it deciding not to dig any further because I was tired of fighting. I go on for a month or so messaging her as a friend, really trying for the sake of my fiancé. Then my aunts funeral comes around. I asked him to come with me because he picked up that day and work would understand. He refused and said that he picked it up and they would be upset. Whatever. I left with my mom and we drove 2 hours away for the funeral. While I was gone for two days he was very distracted and we fought. He didn't tell me anything. The wedding came and went and so did the honeymoon. It was a nice time....I guess. I started a different job to keep the fighting at a minimum. After the wedding I asked him what really happened while I was away at my aunts funeral. That when he admitted to taking his ex out to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and to the movies. He said he held her hand and even felt up her breast. When an unknown coworker called them while they were out she asked them "Are ya'll dating now or not?" and my husbands reply was "yes." I wasn't as shocked as I was sick. He could not come to a family funeral with his wife but could stay behind to take his ex out on a date? The fuck? Anyway we got past that and I kept trying. I was never one who wanted to get married (ironic i know) but I took my vows very seriously. While housesitting for my mom one night we got into another argument, this one turned physical. He threw his body over me as i lay on the floor and I began to panic as I am claustrophobic and can't stand being bound. He finally gets up and my dazed reaction was to swing out my arm and make sure that there was enough distance between my husband and me so I can get up and out of harms way. Wrong timing! My fingertips grazed his back and his instinct was to turn around and punch me in the stomach with his fist. I fell back down hysterical. He walked away yelling at me. I quickly grabbed my phone while he had his back turned and shut the volume off and hid my phone under my breasts so he wouldn't be able to find it. I stood up as quick as I can while he was yelling from behind the couch. He turned around when I told him through gasping breath and heavy tears "This is my mom's house and you need to leave now. If you don't leave I will call the cops." I knew he was afraid of cops. He turned even angrier and came around the couch looking for my phone. As he came toward me I moved quickly around the couch. He followed me yelling where my phone was. As he tried to move to my side of the couch i took my opportunity and moved toward the door so that i could at least open it quickly because I knew the neighbors were outside. I reached the door and stepped outside then walked to the other side of the porch. When my husband came out he didn't noticed the neighbors. I took that opening as he began to yell at me and as calmly as I can told him "The neighbors are out do you really want to be yelling like that?" While he was once again distracted I took brief notice of small 50/50 chance opening I had to get past my husband and into the house without him making it in. I didn't think long before reacting. I bolted toward the door knowing that he wouldn't move as fast because the neighbors were out. I made it in and he grabbed the door as it was almost closed. I yanked with every last fiber of my body and locked the door. I immediately reached for my phone and dialed my best friend Mo and without another word she came. Just as I was on the phone with her, my husband opened the front door window that didn't lock and began to climb in. As he was halfway in I unlocked the door and stood halfway out prepared to run if needed. He noticed and pushed himself back out the window. I let myself quickly back into the house as he tried the door again. It was locked so he tried the window again. This went on for three or four rounds before Mo arrived. I let her in while he was halfway in the window and she slammed the window down on his back so hard he and Mo made it perfectly clear to him while she had him pinned in the window that her father was aware of the situation and if he didn't hear from her soon he would call the police as he drove over to check things out. My husband left and my best friend stayed the night to so i was safe. My mom came home the next day and she went toe to toe with my husband. I begged her not to do anything because I loved him and wasn't ready to lose him. They stood there for fifteen to twenty minutes yelling at one another chest to chest. I was so scared for my mom. I thought he would hit her too. He didn't. He just left. After a week apart we talked about it and worked things out. He started going to therapy and taking his medicine. I told him the only way I would stay is if he broke off all contact with his ex. I didn't cry. I didn't yell. If fact I was so numb there was no emotion or reaction in my tone it was just hallow and flat. He called her and broke it off with her. He reaction: "I knew this was going to happen. I let myself fall for you and you break my heart. Your pathetic." She hung up and he came in and told me it was done. He told me he knew I was serious this time when I was scary calm. His ex wanted to try to get one more rise out so she shot me a text stating " 'Thanks for letting me friends with YOUR husband. He was such a great friend. He was very caring and attentive. He always talked to me and was kind to me. Maybe you shouldn't treat YOUR husband like crap.' I ignored it. She wanted a fight. I didn't care. I hated them both at that point. But I was willing to try for the sake of my marriage. The months got better and he really started to try....again. He blocked her and even gave me access to my phone. We were good for about a two years. Then he and my best friend Mo (yep that friend) developed "feeling" for one another. I loved her as a friend so we tried to poly relationship for my friend and husbands sake. I quickly became insecure and uncomfortable so I broke it off because we had an agreement that if one was uncomfortable at anytime we stop. Well he blocked her and I did not. Her mother fell outside a few months later and she needed help getting her up and because my husband is CNA she asked me for his help and I agreed. I brought him over to her home. He helped her mom and before we left she asked me if it would be okay to unblock her in case she needed help with her mother that day. Since I had to work I decided to trust them because he had kept her blocked for so long. I told her that was fine but he had to be home immediately after he was done (i had a bad feeling and as an empath I've learned to trust those feelings). They agreed and while I was at work he went over to her home to help. I called him three times asking if he was home yet because my bad feeling grew strong. By the third time I waited twenty minutes before the bad feeling and anxiety were so bad that I was dry heaving. I called and he answered saying she was taking him home now. It didn't sit right but I ignored it. After work I came home and we decided to watch UP together because I had never seen it. I aske him if we could get Carl and Ellie tattoos and he snapped at me a very angry "No" I was confused (I shouldn't have been because I knew something was wrong) He went to the bathroom and threw up then came back to the bedroom and asked me to take him to the hospital because he was throwing up blood. I took him and called my best friend Mo to let her know. She asked me to keep her posted telling me that he was fine earlier. I told her i love you and hung up. The doctor told him it was just stomach acid so we went home. The next day I checked on my husband before leaving for work. He swore he was okay. I was at work for not even a half an hour when my husband calls me to see how my day was going. I asked him if he was okay because he sounded off. He said he was fine. I asked if he was sure or if there was something I needed to know about last night with Mo. He angrily told me nothing happened and that i was being paranoid then he hung up on me. Twenty minutes passed and my husband calls me back. This time he speaks to me much softer and guiltier that last time. He tells me "I know why I was throwing up blood last night." I responded with "Why?' He proceeds to tell me that I am going to be mad. I asked him "You fucked her didn't you?" He told me yes. I was seeing red and began yelling at him as quietly as i could because i was still at work after all. I hung up on him and called my best friend. She tried to deny it when I confronted her after telling her not to lie he already admitted it she confessed. I cussed her out too then hung up and stormed into my job asking my boss if someone could cover me. I told her what had happened and told me to call a coworker who was relieving me from my shift that night. I called, he came and i explained before i left. I owed that to him if he was going to work a double shift because of me. I called my husband and told him to stop moving. I found him and didn't give him a chance to react. I told him to get in the car and he did. I sped off to Mo's house and confronted both of them. I ended up kicking my husband in the balls. Not once...not twice, but three times and then ended up smacking her in the face so hard it left a red mark. I was so angry that I told her she was going to march her ass back into that house and explain to her mother why my husband will not be coming back around to help her anymore. (My husband use to come over all the time before the poly relationship to help her mom since she was handicap.) She told her mom and when she came back she was visibly upset and let me know her mom was upset and understanding. She may have screwed my husband but there was one thing she could never do and lie to me even when she tried I always knew that's why we worked so well as friends. We kept each other accountable. I turned to my husband and told him "Your turn. Call your mother right now and put her on speaker phone." He tried to get out of it by coming up with the excuse that his mom was at work. I refused to let him get away with it. I told him "Call her! She just told her mom and now you have to tell yours. Call her and leave a voicemail she's good about calling you back." He did and she did call back. He put her on speaker as requested. She immediately expressed her disappointment and told us to come over to talk. We went over and talked. She let him have it as politely as possible after all they were still super religious. We began marriage counseling for a while and for three years we did really well. I even began trusting him again. It was strained at times but better. UNTIL.....my husband began. He stopped taking his meds AGAIN! He started getting angry. One point I was so frustrated with him I was going to throw away a video game of his when he leaped up out of that chair like a linebacker and rammed me into the long body mirror mounted on our hallway wall. He hit my head into the mirror I'm surprised it never broke, he pressed my face so far to the right I thought he was trying to break my neck. His left forearm was pressed against my throat. I fell to the floor after he let go for a second. Once on the floor he reared back and covered by entire body with his body shoving his right forearm into my throat this time and putting most of his weight on into it. I couldn't breath and at that point I was in full on panic attack mode trying to beg him to get off because I couldn't breath. His only response was "Good." through gritted teeth. I began to black out. Next thing I know I'm woke up what I assumed was a few short seconds later still on the floor in the same place. I sat up remembering what happened. My husband was back in the living room playing video games. I scrambled on the floor into the bedroom slammed the door quickly and locked it before he even was made aware I was awake. He tried to get me to talk to him and let him in because he thought he killed me. I refused and just cried so hard my chest and throat hurt and i was hyperventilating. He slept on the couch for the next two days. I locked myself in the bedroom only sneaking out quietly to use the restroom when I was absolutely sure the wasn't awake otherwise I'd hold it and didn't eat. I called his mom after the second day and she came and got him. He told me through the door that he was going to stay with her for a few days and that he was sorry. He came home with my consent. We raised a friends kids for a year after that. No i never reported the abuse on me to the cops because well as you guessed it ...I loved him. During that time he bean talking to EVERY coworker he had and was telling them that i was spending all of his money and not working. I did have a job in that year I just had to go PRN status to be with the kids because they were so young and traumatized from their own personal experiences that they required extra support. I read all of his coworkers messages. Most of them were telling him to leave me because, now get this, I was abusing him. I told him I was able to pick up shifts so he didn't have to work so much overtime if he would just stay home with the kids so I could on his days off. He refused. When I asked about going back to work full time or even part time he refused because the kids needed help. After the kids were able to go home again to their family things were recovering from the stressful financial burden of having them there. We recovered and did fine for another year. While we were out having a good day off together we had the smallest disagreement about going home and he back handed me. After 10 years of random abuse he gave me my first black eye. I reached over and pet his beard and said "cute aggression" He reached over and squeezed my chin so hard it bruised and said "cute aggression" through his teeth. The pain brought instant tears. When I asked why he did it he simply said "because you pulled my beard." I didn't. I tried explaining that to him. I asked if it felt like I pulled one beard hair or an entire clump. He said one. That's when it hit me that it was my ring that got caught on his beard. I was still partly shocked and when I told him "I'm going home. You can call mom and see if she will pick you up so you can go help. You are not going to hurt me physically anymore." That's when he back handed me leaving the black eye. I was shocked that i began to scream and hyperventilate and he got out of the car in the middle of the park. I called the cops...FINALLY. They picked him up and I gave my statement. He stayed in jail for less than 24 hours. I gave mom the money to bail him out since there was a temporary no contact order. After all of the trauma and bullshit he put me through here is where I realized that no matter what happened to me at his hands no one other than my mom would stand up to him. That he was the nicest guy on earth who could do no wrong that everyone liked. I was just his crazy, lazy, money hungry wife. Remember how I said I never wanted his money? Well 10 years and a whole lot of cheating and abuse later and I still meant it. However here is what all of his coworkers were saying. "Why would she call the cops on her cash cow?" "She deserved it. Honestly I'm surprised you didn't so it sooner." "She's financially abused you for years." "She doesn't love you. She just used you for your money." "You should leave her." "She had it coming." "Good for you man." While still temporarily separated he cheated on me with a coworker I asked him about and he swore it was nothing to worry about. During the two months of separation I was so anxious and upset i begged God to kill me. I couldn't sleep or eat. I threw up and cried all the time. Slowly while begging God to kill me I found peace in the pain. I found Jesus in the healing process. I turned my life over and never looked back. I got a call from him one day asking to meet up at the river. I agreed. We met up. Upon meeting him there he had this sense of peace and calmness around him. Real genuine peace. He asked to pray with me and we did. We talked about everything calmly for the first time in the history of our entire relationship. He told me he broke it off with her and wanted to move forward. We did. We had a very happy year where we put each other first. I trusted him completely. He didn't raise his hand or voice to me. Then he cheated again with the same coworker. He was ready to leave me for her before deciding to stay. I called her because and we argued for a few moments on speaker with him in the car. I she made a comment about how at least she could have kids. (He told her I can't have kids. I have PCOS and Endometriosis) that hurt. I found myself in that moment unsure of why i was yelling at her. I calmed down and we both told him he needed to make a decision because this wasn't fair to either of us. After a long silence he told me "I'm sorry (my name) but i just have really strong feelings for (coworkers name)" She told him she needs time to think and that she hopes we can be friends. I was gutted and numb. I slipped off my wedding band and gave it to him. He made no attempt to give it back. I told him "I know I paid for it but you can keep it." We hung up and continued to drive to his grandparents home. When we pulled up I pulled out his phone and dialed her number one more time. I told her it was me as soon as she answered so she wasn't caught off guard. Somewhere in the heat of the argument earlier on she confessed that he admitted to being a serial cheater and that she can deal with that. But i couldn't let two things go the comment about being able to have a baby and the fact that even though he confessed to cheating he never confessed to the physical or emotional abuse. I told her "Hey, it's me. Look I need you to know something if he truly is choosing you because it's only fair you hear it before making that mistake I did. I know he told you about the cheating but did he ever tell you about the physical abuse at his hands?" She told me no that's when I told her "I didn't think so. I think you have a right to know especially as a mom if he is going to be around your kid. I most importantly think you need to hear it from the source and not me." With that i handed the phone over to my husband and calmly told him. "Here she deserves to know what truly happened during our entire relationship." He took the phone and told her everything and before he hung up I took the phone off speaker and told her the final comment weighing on my mind. I let her know "Hey girl it's just you and me now. I have you off speaker. I need to tell you one final thing you made me aware of that he never told you. You made the comment 'at least i can have a baby' well the truth is I was able to get pregnant. In fact early on in our relationship I miscarried. I went to the hospital because the tests told me they were positive and I was having horrible pains in my stomach. Clay even though we had a doctors confirmation didn't believe me for a brief minute because I didn't have to have a D&C. I talked to my regular doctor and it turns out the reason I didn't require one was because it was early enough that the body would take care of it itself." She felt horrible and kept apologizing. We hung up for the night and went into talk to his mom and aunts. After some great conversation with his wonderful family we were driving home. Halfway home he attempted to hand me back my wedding band. I pushed it back at his three times and then told him "I don't want that back unless you are absolutely 100% sure this is what you want. Because I am done with this game. I'm told old for this cheating and abuse shit. I love you and it's going to hurt like hell to leave you but after two months it got easier so I'm sure I can do it again." He told me he was so sure and that his aunt and mom was right. He wants to make it work. I told him I'll take it back under one condition you break it off with her completely. Block her across the board on all social media, your phone and you go from a smart phone to a flip phone until you can earn it back. How does that sound?" He agreed and broke it off with her. He still has her blocked. It's only been since February so we will see. I don't have much hope for this anymore. I'm ready to find out how long he can go being faithful so that i can move on. I will hate myself if i don't give it one last try but this time my hearts not into doing the work anymore. So i'll be okay either way. I will be honest he has quit taking his medicine again so he's been short and I am kind of fearful of him at this point because I can't do that again. So far he has been better than usual but when he raises his voice or moves to fast i find myself afraid of him. I'll keep you posted.

For anybody that wants to understand a little more about the programs, I wrote this document to help people to get a better idea of what's going on.
We all need to address the illegal manufacturing of our weather with the house of commons geoengineering regulatory board, who are involved in these programs after the Paris accord was signed by all world leaders in Paris 12 December 2015.
The Paris Agreement is a "legally binding" ? international treaty on climate change, that again is an autocratic decision not democratic, I.e the powers that be made that decision for us without any consultation with the public whatsoever!
It was adopted by 196 Parties at COP 21 the 2015 United Nations Climate Change Conference, COP 21 or CMP 11 was held in Paris on the 12th December 2015, and entered into force on 4 November 2016 without your democratic consent!
This was to lead towards the eventual amalgamation of the nano technology/smart dust, to be integrated with our biology in order for us to be compatible with their virtual representation of our world in their new holographic technological system
Biotechnological organisms.
They do this with altering our DNA which = deoxyribonucleic acid, and more importantly our RNA = nucleic acid, which is present in all living cells that has structural similarities to DNA. Unlike DNA, however, RNA is most often single-stranded. An RNA molecule has a backbone made of alternating phosphate groups and the sugar ribose, rather than the deoxyribose found in DNA and is one of the message carriers to all functions in our chromosomes.
mRNA
The role of mRNA is to carry protein information from the DNA in a cell’s nucleus to the cell’s cytoplasm (watery interior), where the protein-making machinery reads the mRNA sequence and translates each three-base codon into its corresponding amino acid in a growing protein chain, and by means of DNA/RNA and mRNA splicing they will integrate this technology into our biological systems.
How they do this is?
They do this by programmable nano chip technology that takes one piece of DNA/RNA/mRNA and replaces it with their programmable microchip/smart dust containing new carrier message nucleotides to alter our biology from organic to technological in order for humanity to be compatible with the new world orders virtual reality system.
I hope this explanation makes this unequivocally clear, and in my opinion why the Stratospheric aerosol geoengineering programs are of such vital importance to have a fundamental understanding of.
Part of the 16 page document I wrote.
GEOENGINEERING AN EXPLANATION Project indigo skyfold was devised and put into place by Dr David W Keith out of Harvard university in 1992, and funded by Bill Gates who contributed billions of dollars to fund the program, Dr david keith is an engineer by trade not a climatologist, so there, is an immediate conflict of interests ladies and gentlemen.
The geoengineering programs are an illegal atmospheric experiment conducted under the guise of lowering rising global temperatures due to co2 which is a complete and utter lie and the most misleading information ever to be released to the public, the programs are classified as above National Security, in other words deliberately kept out of the public domain, even though the programs have a catastrophic effect on the health of all biological life from the microbes in the ground soil to us, they do this by deploying a variety of chemicals, salts sulphates, radiological elements and heavy metals into the troposphere and the stratosphere to form weather systems and man made synthetic clouds to block out the Sun, this is called (SRM) (solar radiation management) and (CDR) (carbon dioxide removal) the scientific name for the program is stratospheric aerosol injection (SAI). the latest program put into operation on March 24th 2017 is called (Operation Solar Shield) (OSS) this latest program put forward by Dr David Keith is to cover the whole of the earth in synthetic chemical clouds all year round to block out the sun 365 days a year, irrespective of seasons and will have a catastrophic effect on all photosynthesis, not only on the land with all plant life, but also in the oceans with the plankton, the simbiosis in the ground soil is being massively disrupted as in the cyanobacteria which are absolutely essential for plant life to be successful, these bacteria are also known as cyanophyta, they are a phylum of bacteria that obtain their energy through photosynthesis, and are the {only} photosynthetic prokaryotes able to produce oxygen; the name cyanobacteria comes from the colour that they are observed under a microscope ie green, as they produce their colour by producing chlorophyll the green pigment that absorbs light and energy from the sun, which is what photosynthesis is; as they take in carbon dioxide and in return provide us with oxygen, the cyanobacteria are also the nitrogen fixers in the ground soil, as in they also produce as a byproduct N7 nitrogen which is an essential element and ingredient for all plant life on the earth to be successful, as nitrogen is a natural fertilizer and provides all plant life with the essential ingredient for life to be successful.
These bacteria also hold the structure of the soil together and without them catastrophic erosion would occur and all trees would simply just fall over as their grounding roots would have nothing to adhere to as the structure of the ground soil would have been altered to significantly.
PHYTOPLANKTON; Phytoplankton are the plankton in the upper levels of the oceans worldwide,they are the most critical organisms on the earth and the most important in the oceans because they provide at least 60% of the earth’s oxygen needs and are the primary food source for 90% the oceans species, they also produce more oxygen than all plant life on the earth combined, they are also the base for almost every ocean food source, without the phytoplankton ocean life would be impossible, the geoengineering programs have eradicated 48% of all phytoplankton in the world’s oceans in the last 30 years! this is a truly terrifying percentage when you understand the amount of oxygen that they produce and how vitally important that particular percentage really is for all of us.
Phytoplankton also produce the required balance of oxygen in the ocean for all ocean species to be able to exist, fish and other oxygen relient species need a very finely balanced amount of oxygen in the water as in a specific percentage, and any disruption in that percentage can have a catastrophic effect on all ocean species that rely on oxygenated water, mammals such as dolphins and whales of course do not rely upon the oxygen in the water as they come to surface to take air, but if the levels of oxygen drop very much more, we will lose all ocean species and then the dolphins, whales, seals etc will follow with the eventual and inevitable collapse of all life in our oceans.
WHAT THEY ARE SPRAYING AND THE EFFECTS ON ALL LIFE.
In the persistent chemical trails they are actively spraying the following; I will list the main nano particulates that are being deployed and the effect that they have on the body; They are spraying AL13 Aluminium, now this non-magnetic metal is in the boron group, and has a very specific effect on the brain as it causes autism, parkinsons, alzheimers, down syndrome, ADD/ADHD and [all] degenerative brain conditions without exception!
Coal fly ash which is extremely toxic and is also a known initiator of autism and all upper respiratory conditions such as asthma, bronchitis, chronic bronchitis, and emphysema, coal fly ash has the atomic number of 92 which means it is indeed radioactive and is also in the chemical trails, coal fly ash also contains s02 sulphur dioxide which is obviously a very corrosive element ie it corrodes the inner walls of the lungs,
BA atomic number 56 Barium is also in the chemical trails and has the following effect on the body; this element causes changes in the heart’s rhythm and electrical signals and causes cardiac arrhythmia, an erratic heartbeat which interrupts the electrical signals in the heart that lead to a fatal heart attacks, they cause elevated levels in blood pressure which leads to strokes, they also alter the blood sugar levels and production of insulin produced in the blood causing type 2 diabetes most definitively,
SR9 Strontium 90 is a radioactive isotope that has a half life, ie it stays radioactive in the environment for long periods of time and also in the human body, once strontium 90 gets into the body, it become concentrated in the bones and replaces Ca calcium and then damages bone cell and calcium production, let us not forget also the radioactive properties of this element, as in all radioactive isotopes cause mutations in the cells which then initiate cancer, the danger with strontium and strontium 90 is that they accumulate in the bones and cause Leukaemia, this is a fact that you all need to know.
L3 Lithium is also being deployed in the chemical trails in extremely large quantities, pharmaceutical lithium is used to calm patients with complex psychological disorders, ie it dumbs people down and decreases their ability to retain information and effects cognitive and motor skills therefore subsequently dramatically decreasing people’s ability to retain educational information at school, college, and university and also makes them much more compliant to any deliberate media narrative lie.
Lithium also causes cardiac arrhythmia an erratic heartbeat which leads to fatal heart attacks, and heart conditions are now the world’s leading killer, and there is a direct correlation to heart conditions and lithium. N02 nitrogen dioxide is also being deployed in the aerosols in th geoengineering programs,and has the following affects; significantly increases the risk of complex respiratory disorders as it inflames the lining of the lungs as in the inner wall and definitively and significantly reduces your lungs immunity to respiratory conditions such as asthma, bronchitis, chronic bronchitis and again emphysema which is a long term progressive disease of the lungs which causes a shortness of breath due to over inflation of the alveoli (the air sacs in the lungs) the lung tissue involved in the exchange of the gases (oxygen and carbon dioxide) is impaired or completely destroyed resulting in terminal and catastrophic lung failure.
Elemental Mercury and Methylmercury are extremely toxic to the central nervous system and the peripheral nervous systems. The inhalation of mercury compounds as in mercury vapour does extreme damage to the central nervous system, the digestive system, the immune system, the lungs the kidneys the brain and can be fatal, both of these forms of mercury are being deployed in the stratospheric and tropospheric aerosol geoengineering programs as an aerosolized contaminant, you are breathing them in every single day.
Hexavalent Chromium 6 or CRVI is also being deployed in the chemical trails, chromium 6 is extremely damaging to the skin, nasal passages, lungs and the eyes as it significantly degrades your eyesight and damages the optic nerve and the retina, it also causes a wide variety of cancers in the body. Chromium 59 and chromium 60 produces long-term gamma radiation yet again multiple cancers are initiated.
THE IONOSPHERE / MAGNETOSPHERE AND THE OZONE LAYER.
The ionosphere is the upper level of our atmosphere which is in very close proximity to the magnetosphere which are the earth’s magnetic field lines which divert the charged particles and solar radiation from the sun around the planet and harmlessly back out into space, (there is a problem) the high frequency active auroral research programs as in the ionospheric heaters, (look up HAARP Alaska) it is an atmospheric experiment that has 180 antenna which blast one billion watts of low frequency radio waves, high frequency radio waves,electromagnetic frequency and microwave radiation up into the upper ionosphere and the magnetosphere, this strips the electrons from the nucleus of the atoms in the atmospheric gases and this then initiates ionized gas to occur ie Plasma, this plasma is recorded at temperatures of more than 10.000 degrees fahrenheit destroying our atmospheric gases and ripping a hole in the magnetosphere allowing deadly UVC X ray radiation to reach ground level, as our ozone layer has also been catastrophically compromised by this activity and there is a very large hole in the ozone now, 90% of the ozone gases are in the stratosphere and the remainder is in the mesosphere, ozone or O3 is our only protection from deadly radiation from the sun, the sun looks white now because uvc x rays are very bright and very hot, even short exposure to the sun now will cause you to burn and cause irreparable damage to your DNA, and cause epidemics in (all) cancers, this is the reason that we have now lost 66% of the worlds Bee populations, Bees navigate by ultraviolet light, and their brains are predominantly organised for visual perception of the environment and navigation, aluminium also affects the bees brain causing degenerative brain conditions such as Alzheimer’s to occur, they get confused and can no longer effectively navigate plus the uvc x rays blind the bee’s as they rely on ultraviolet light to navigate, the uvc radiation is so bright to them they are very quickly blinded, they are denying that uvc is reaching the earth’s surface but i have measured it at 55nm parts per billion on a very expensive piece of equipment specifically designed to measure uvc radiation, thousands of similar measurements have been recorded around the world, these insane individuals have deliberately ripped a hole in our magnetosphere to use the negatively and positively charged particles from the sun to propagate long range military radio communications for nato's ballistic submarine fleets radio signals find it very difficult to penetrate water as water is far denser than air, but in doing so, they have compromised the health of all biological life on the earth by exposing you, your children, your family and your friends to extremely high levels of lethal radiation.
The HAARP technologies can also blast that one billion watts of power up into the ionosphere and then blast that energy back down into the earth’s fault lines to cause earthquakes on land and earthquakes on the ocean floor to initiate tsunamis, take the indonesian tsunami in 2004, that particular event was caused by the high frequency active auroral research program in Alaska which killed more than 380.000 people and that ladies and gentlemen is mass genocide and nothing less than that and is all part of the united nations agenda 21/2030, they blasted 1 billion Watts of microwave radiation into the upper atmosphere then bounced it back down into the earth fault lines off the coast of Indonesia and the seismologists would not have had enough warning through the extensive network of sonar warning buoys to take the appropriate action therefore that tsunami was almost instantaneous, just before the tsunami struck the local populace looked up to the sky and saw an aurora taking place very much like the Northern lights, of course this is an impossibility in that particular part of a hemisphere you simply cannot look around the curvature of the earth to see the Northern lights.
What actually occurred was a false aurora and the reason for this is that the 1 billion Watts of microwave radiation excited the gas molecules in the upper atmosphere stripping the electrons from the nucleus of the gas atoms forming plasma, this plasma acted as a fake false aurora and this is a classic signature of that particular technology being utilised.
They can also initiate a volcanic eruption including a super volcanic eruption, which could put the earth into a nuclear winter for hundreds of years and could mark the end of the human race, the ionospheric heaters or haarp facilities are a weapon not an atmospheric experiment.
AIRBORNE PATHOGENS AND PANDEMICS.
I will give a short explanation on how the Flu pandemics are deliberately spread as an airborne aerosolized pathogen, they do this by means of releasing trillions of Dessicated red blood cells and these are freeze dried red blood cells and are biologically active and contain the flu virus and other man-made viruses to infect the world’s populations with the flu or any other synthetic Lee produced pathogens to fund the Pharmaceutical companies flu vaccinations which are the backbone of the pharmaceutical industry.
THE CIVIL AVIATION AUTHORITY.
Every single civilian Airline company are most definitely involved in the geoengineering programs and every single airline company, without exception are spraying persistent chemical trails over the united kingdom,europe and worldwide, every NATO country are being sprayed under the direction and control of the united nations weather modification directive, look up the Paris accord signed on the 12th of December 2015, every single civilian commercial aircraft has retrofitted nozzles directly positioned over the turbofans to deploy the chemical trails at specific geolocation coordinates which are programmed into the aircraft’s onboard computer systems and controlled by the pilots in the cockpit, the pilots are told not to speak of the programs outside of the industry and if they do, they will lose their flight status as a commercial pilot.
CHEMBOWS AN EXPLANATION.
Please do not misinterpret this particular phenomena with a natural rainbow.
Below is a brief scientific explanation of the reasons that the chembows that you see regularly exhibit specific colours and why those colours are so dangerous to your health as each colour has a specific and individual chemical signature, (unlike normal rainbows). Very much like the ingredients of fireworks the chemical properties of the chemtrails also exhibit these colours in a similar way, let me explain; I will list the specific main elements and why they show specific colouration.
A salt is a chemical compound when an acid and base material neutralize each other, resulting in the production of new compounds where the elements molecules are bound together through what are known as (Ionic bonding processes).
Many of the salts in the chemtrails including the barium salts contain an (oxidizer) which include three main constituents " Nitrates, Chlorates and Perchlorates which exist in large quantities in the chemtrails.
Along with imparting Colour these oxides also produce more nitrogen as a by-product allowing more blue colour to be present in the spectrum.
The lighter colours that you observe in these chembows are predominantly Lithium salts like Lithium carbonate (Li2 Co3) and Lithium chloride Li1 , neither occur naturally in our atmosphere, slightly worrying really.
Lithium salts have the following effects, poor coordination, sleepiness, a ringing in the ears which can also affect your balance.
Pharmaceutical lithium salts are classified under the category of (Mood Stabilizers) ie Dumbing down; do you see this horror story unfolding Now?
there's more.
The deep reds you see in chembows are produced by the strontium salts primarily strontium nitrate (SR(N03)2 and strontium 90 carbonate (SrCo3) strontium 90 is the most radio active of all the radio active isotopes on the list of hazardous materials, and present in massive quantities in the chemtrails. Strontium in large quantities is extremely dangerous to your immune system and your dna, it causes irritation of the eyes, skin, throat, nose and lungs
The orange that you see is produced by calcium chloride (CaSo4.×H2o) calcium chloride causes complex respiratory diseases, asthma, irritation of the throat, mouth, and the gastrointestinal tracts (especially in children) ! a large enough toxicity build up of calcium chloride can result in multiple and terminal organ failure.
The yellows that you see are produced by sodium nitrate NaNo3) also known as cryolite, sodium nitrate damages your blood vessels causing a narrowing of the arteries leading to heart disease and heart attacks, which by the way is now the leading cause of death worldwide and the world's biggest killer!
The green that you see is created by Barium nitrate (BaNo3)2) barium nitrate causes muscle tightness especially in the face and the neck, anxiety, weakness, abdominal pain, laboured breathing ie shortness of breath, cardiac irregularity, cardiac arrhythmia, which is an irregular heartbeat, which can also lead to heart failure and strokes.
The blues are the result of copper chloride (CuC1) copper chloride causes a wide variety of problems as well including, a thickening of the skin which limits the amount of necessary vitamin D3 that can penetrate your skin from the sun, again this is a deliberately orchestrated and premeditated assault on your immune systems, it also irritates the nose, throat and the lungs causing coughing, wheezing and respiratory problems.
Normal rainbows are formed in a natural process where the photonic light from the sun causes the light to be refracted through the individual drops of moisture and causes the colours to be viewed, much like when light is directed at a prism, as the light passes through the individual rain drops the white light is separated into its compound colours, red, orange, green, blue, and violet; this process is known as dispersion.
A chembow may look beautiful but they are anything but beautiful, because the chemical signatures of the metallic particulates and the individual sulphates that produce these specific colours are telling you what you, your children, your family and your friends are breathing in every second of every day.
NEXRAD AND DOPPLER RADAR TECHNOLOGIES..
This is how they manipulate the world's weather.
These technologies work to augment at lower altitudes, unlike haarp (ionospheric heaters) How nexrad radar facilities work to turn natural weather systems and storms into biblical floods, hail storms and blizzards.
The constant rotational frequency of Doppler and nexrad radar works by stripping electrons from the air, very much like plasma which is the fourth state of matter in physics when the electrons are stripped from a gas it then forms into a plasma which then rises the temperature of that particular gas, or in this case the particular weather system.
The same physics occurs in the atmosphere when Doppler and Nexrad radar strip the electrons from the air accelerating cloud condensation therefore releasing latent heat which in turn forces water vapour into the higher stratosphere and troposphere where it is then locked up by Chemical Aerosol Hypernucleation (CNN).
CNN results in the formation of massive cirrus cloud concentrations at that altitude which strangely enough we all see everyday wherever we are in the world, strange that isn't it. These cloud formations are then bombarded by Doppler radar which then trap heat and sets up a massive warming feedback system.
This mechanism was devised by Dr Jasper Kirby if I recall correctly back in 2009 and was presented as a weather modification technology at CERN the large hadron collider in Geneva Switzerland.
There is some evidence to suggest that the high altitude active auroral research programmes worldwide, ie (the ionospheric heaters) are starting to implement these technologies to their current systems to disrupt the Weather patterns even further! to manipulate our weather systems on a much larger scale.
The implementation of these technologies leads to an enhanced formation of polar stratospheric clouds which will then heat the arctic in conjunction with seeding it with aerosol dumps to melt the icecaps and subsequently raise sea levels significantly which could cause massive devastation to all low lying cities worldwide.
FANC
Frequency activated nucleating chemtrails, these are activated by Nextrad and Doppler radar facilities, they have the effect to move cold air masses further south to initiate blizzards and catostophic hail storms that destroy farmers crops and cause massive disruption to our society.
We recently saw a huge snow storm in Africa (natural) (no) there is a large HAARP and Nexrad/Doppler facility in South Africa! This facility was responsible for that event. These Doppler and Nexrad facilities also affect the (Ridiculously Resilient Ridge) (RRR) This is the persistent region of atmospheric high pressure that occurs over the northeastern Pacific ocean and nexrad causes a disruption in the Weather patterns in this area.
The Ridiculous Resilient Ridge in the West is caused by (Warming Weather Modification) by low-frequency radio waves from ionospheric heater facilities, the result is a weakening of the clockwise rotation of the High Pressure Systems moving North and increases the strength of the Jet stream winds.
(The Terribly Tenacious Trough)
The Terribly Tenacious Trough in the east is caused by cooling weather modification by both Nexrad , Doppler and HAARP facilities, resulting in a weakening of the counterclockwise rotation of (Low Pressure Systems) moving in a southerly direction and therefore affecting the jet stream again! (do you see the pattern yet) The air masses encroach further North and South respectively causing massive disruption to our weather systems and our daily lives.
If they continue to utilise these unbelievably irresponsible programs there will come a time where the earth's weather systems will be completely out of control.
Civilian passenger aircraft.
All civilian aircraft use the high bypass engines which cannot produce a condensation trail. After reading through this short, detailed, factual and informative document i very much hope that you will be encouraged to do some further research as regards these insane programs, they affect not only the whole ecosystem, but the health of your family and the health of your children, the main components that i consider are essential in stopping these programs, are analysis of the data available to you in this document and online mainly in PDF format, an understanding of that data, an analysis of how the geoengineering programs directly affect you and your family, and the detrimental health effects to your family and to your (children) a plan of action in the form of written documents sent through the freedom of information act to the Department of Energy & Climate Change (DECC in house of commons. 2000 c.36.
🚨DEEPSTATE CHEMTRALS EXPOSED 🚨
🚨CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY🚨
google doesn’t even try and hide this 👀 all the information about geo engineering is there for everybody to see!
Barium and aluminium! It’s not a conspiracy when there are patents to all this 👇🏻
🚨Haarp🚨 https://patents.google.com/patent/US4686605A/en
🚨Chemtrails🚨 https://patents.google.com/patent/US5003186
https://patents.google.com/patent/US3630950A/en
🚨Tornado & hurricane control device🚨 https://patents.google.com/patent/US20030085296A1/en
(Copied/Pasted from online science forum)

16th: Sophie Clarke 1.0 (South Pacific - Winner)

i just casually remembered that sophie was randomly OP on Winners At War
writeup long again lol
u/DryBonesKing:
Theothanatology, sometimes also referred to as “The Death of God” movement, is the philosophical approach to the rise of secularism that, instead of focusing on whether or not God exists, chooses to question whether or not God has ceased to exist. That at one point a God perhaps was an all-powerful being governing the world as we know it until one day they vanished. It’s a fun little rabbit hole to explore if you find religion/philosophy fun to explore, but I’m sure a lot of you would rather me keep this write-up Survivor-centric. However, I do find some merit in at least introducing the concept since Survivor has a very proud history of discussing religion, to the point of it almost coming across like Judeo-Christian propaganda in the earlier seasons. We can all thank Mark Burnett for that!
As someone who comes from a very traditional Catholic background who now no longer identifies as religious, I have loved seeing the way religion has been portrayed throughout Survivor and the way people have used it - and God - as a tool to advance through the game. From humble beginnings with Dirk’s private prayer times in Borneo to a more bombastic present with Bhanu outright crying to God about feeling forsaken in 46. To religion bonding Rodger and Elizabeth together in the Outback to Shan using her skillset as a pastor to foster bonds and manipulate in 41. Despite all the different ways it can be presented, however, Survivor at its core can still come across like the religious propaganda Burnett envisioned it to be. Even the more negative moments with Christianity tend to be filtered or presented in a way to make someone look bad rather than their faith.
However, what if there was one season that actually explored religion the way it actually is used in society? A season that ripped away all of the layers and masks and presented it the way people in society actually used it? A season that did such a great job with it, it still gives certain people feelings of “ick” because of how close to home and real it presents certain people and religious ideas? A season that is the perfect response to all twenty-two seasons that came prior to it, that serves as the pinnacle for portrayals of religion on reality television.
And… well… what if, for shits and giggles, and keeping in mind the importance of religion and God in mind throughout Survivor’s history… we just so happen to take this ever so important “mask off” season on religion… and let one of the most godless heathens to ever play the game win the season? Let her win the game while serving as the “moral compass” as her more godly competitors repeatedly fall to the sin they so often preach against? And, well… what if in addition to all this religious metaphor bullshit she’s able to accomplish, she also serve as one of the funniest, most unique, most badass, most compelling characters in Survivor’s entire history?
Welcome back to Endgame, Sophie G Clarke. Survivor’s greatest winner. Survivor’s most underappreciated character. If you all thought I shilled for South Pacific before, you haven’t seen anything yet
Part 1:
Now before I get into any deeper significance I want to talk about, let’s discuss why someone should initially just care about Sophie outside of all that! Probably the thing that jumps about Sophie that makes her feel truly distinct to other Survivor players is this aura of superiority that she gives off. When I say that, I don’t mean that she comes across as holier-than-thou or smug or anything, but rather that it is a cold, hard-to-swallow truth that she is better than you and that she is already aware of that fact. Sophie’s way of talking about herself and others, as well as the way she views the game, helps give this effect and it’s just makes all of her social interactions just feel great. The closest comparison I think I am able to give is to compare it to Jonathan Young’s presence in challenges throughout Survivor 42; that is the aura that Sophie when she deigns to speak with her competition.
One of the better demonstrations of this effect is seen right in her introduction. She introduces herself as a Russian student and Coach immediately tries to talk with her in Russian. And after a very brief conversation, it cuts to Sophie undercutting him by saying that Coach was trying to sound overly formal and that he was trying to show off. The confessional then moves on-to a “compliment” where she acknowledges the actual Survival-skill value that he brings to the tribe, but she diminishes his contributions by dumbing down his two-seasons’ worth of experience as him knowing “some things”.
This is the same energy she gives off to everyone. Brandon and Mikayla have issues related to his religious insecurities? Sophie simplifies it to Brandon having issues with strong women, and then she can’t just give a passive compliment to someone else, as she then has to note herself as a strong woman as well. Ozzy makes an attempt to try and trick the Upolu into thinking he’s pissed at his tribe? Sophie obviously didn’t buy it, and when actually addressed on the subject matter, she thinks it was over the top, but actively pathetic. Mind you, she is saying this to the entire Savaii Tribe at tribal council, questioning their collective intelligence for allowing Ozzy to try this. Albert’s trying to present himself to her as the strategic opposition to Coach in Upolu? Sophie asserts herself as the strategic force of Upolu while reducing Albert’s ideas about flipping at Final Ten to his “crazy plan”. She has an aptitude for taking someone’s energy and using it to simultaneously talk herself up and put the other person down in their place.
Hell, she’s able to give this energy to Probst! When Jeff notes that information about Brandon being shared at the Final Seven tribal council was “eye-opening”, Sophie shakes her head and says no. When he directly addresses her to question her answer, she just repeats her answer. With no explanation for her take. With possibly one of the most bored expressions ever on her face while it would cut to Cochran looking absolutely dismayed that she hasn’t been swayed at all by the tribal.
Now, “aura of superiority” probably sounds like either a boring or actively unfun character trait, but Sophie manages to not only make it work, but feel incredibly engaging, primarily as a result of the cast that surrounds her. Because the people she’s passively putting down are people like Brandon Hantz, and Jim Rice, and Cochran, and Coach, and Albert. And while I definitely have a large decent chunk of these people ranked highly, I have them ranked highly because they are either horrible people, deserve to get clowned on, or both. And a large part of why I do have a lot of these people ranked high (and higher than most of you all) is because of the joy and schadenfreude of watching someone like Sophie put them in their places repeatedly to their sheer misery.
And it is to their misery, as a majority of these people end up complaining about her. Like Whitney doubting Sophie’s intelligence, or Jim just seeing her as a cultist, or Ozzy calling her out as a brat. These people get actively so pressed by her, which makes it all the more rewarding when she does end proving herself their better. Like possibly one of the most possibly satisfying moments in Survivor history is watching the final four tribal council and seeing the jury walk in, and seeing everyone’s faces (but most importantly Jim’s, as things are great when bad things happen to Jim) just completely drop as they see Sophie sitting there with the immunity necklace instead of Ozzy.
Because that’s ultimately the feeling she’s able to give across in all of her screentime; that it’s not just that she thinks better than all of her competition around her, but that she is better than them. It is unquestionable. And these players hate that about her. And we as an audience love that about her. It just really helps sell this image of her as a true badass. And what also helps sell this point further is…
Part 2:
Sophie’s just fucking funny. She’s underrated for her humor, in my opinion, as she really deserves to be recognized in the same echelon that characters like Sandra and Courtney Yates are. Because just like them, Sophie is just effortlessly funny, both intentionally and unintentionally.
What she’s most known for her is most her insults, as Sophie definitely is able to dish out on her competition that she so very clearly looks down upon. Looking at Cochran, back at the point where the two of them are cordial with one another and when Upolu is actively trying to “convert” him to join their alliance, she addresses him as a “dodgeball target” … which I’ll be frank, if that comment alone doesn’t warrant Sophie Top 150 minimum, we do not watch Survivor for the same reasons. Further digging into Cochran later, Sophie later confessionalizes that she understands why Savaii would have “bullied” Cochran and then tells him to screw off for feeling that his “bad move” entitled him to Upolu’s good graces.
Another fantastic barb from her is her outright calling Coach “a young girl” in relation to Survivor FTC stereotypes. It’s said so matter-of-factly that it forces him to be compared to someone like Natalie Tenerelli as opposed to the Boston Rob comparison he so obviously fancied and was emulating. It comes so out of left field that, when you go back and rewatch the scene, Coach is visibly taken aback by it and is just speechless. Coach. A guy who is willing to argue with Probst and anyone to “logic” away any perceived hypocrisies. He’s unable to talk back to Sophie emasculating him. Again, another immaculate comment and joke.
Her insults just have a very distinct feel to them that give off an impression that no one else but Sophie would be able to use snarky comments and pull them off. Like, when she starts trying to analyze Brandon’s thoughts on Mikayla and talks about how he thinks of her as “the whore of Babylon”. Like I talked religious metaphor about this comparison in my Mikayla write-up, I’m obviously going to talk more religious metaphor later in this write-up, but like… just how the fuck would someone even think to come to describe Brandon’s thoughts like this as a way to mock him? Like I do really feel like if someone else made that joke, even someone I like and might even think is funnier than her like Tyson or Courtney, I would also think there was some backhanded comment about Mikayla as well in it. This is really only a joke I think someone like Sophie could manage without it coming across as in poor taste, and I think that speaks volumes to her wit, delivery, and humor in general.
Speaking of “delivery”, Sophie is a master of deadpan. Survivor has never cast someone who can no sell moments better than her. Her most iconic moment with this is obviously her watching the Jack and Jill Movie in Episode Seven. The shots of Sophie’s blank, dead stare set in-between or alongside images of the rest of Upolu fake-laughing and enjoying the movie (and cuts of Rick actually enjoying the movie, because Rick Nelson is an honest man at all times and never fakes anything) is just peak humor. In addition, there is also the aforementioned “No” response Sophie gave to Probst at tribal council that I previously talked about. Alongside it being a great character moment, it’s also just really fucking funny.
But one of the funnier instances of this trait of Sophie comes in her observations to any extensive amount of religious bullshittery. Whether it’s Brandon going on about God, or Coach praying to God to help them find the idol, or Coach talking about praying to God for guidance in the vote, if Sophie is there in the scene at all, there will always be a transition to Sophie either rolling her eyes, shaking her head, or smirking. I do have important stuff I want to comment about this for narrative purposes later in the write-up since it is actually a very important point for me, but I wanted to first bring it up on this point because it is a remarkable feat for Sophie to be able to take dark, twisted moments and inject humor at all! For example, her laughing while noting that Jesus might be able to forgive Brandon but Edna sure as hell won’t is just amazing line delivery. And I think it is a credit to Sophie that she can take these moments and bring general lightness to them.
Another great moment of Sophie’s unrelated to all of the above is the loved one visit and she meets her father. Amidst all the crying and the hugs, she immediately places her order: “I want a reese’s peanut butter cup at the airport. And fresh baked banana bread.” And then after her Dad just laughs in response, she continues: “Oh, and a hamburger.” One, that’s just charming as hell. Two, “fresh baked banana bread” is such a specific craving to want that it just adds extra character to this scene. Three, her adding on a hamburger as if she forgot to order something at a drive-thru is just literal perfect icing-on-the-cake, especially since it’s the actual “meal” of this order! Literally such an amazing, hilarious scene
And even then, there’s still just so much more. The Russian scene with Coach I talked about in the first section is charming, especially as Sophie obviously has control of the conversation and is just debating if she wants to let Coach have his moment or embarrass him by going into a deeper conversation. The scene in episode one where she mocks Coach’s storytelling to his face by saying he could probably tell stories about the stars better than an astrologist is great and charming and even gets a laugh out of Coach himself! Her shit-talking with Rick about Christine potentially coming back in the game, and trying to match his energy as if she had never considered Christine would be a threat prior to him saying so is hilarious. Her beatdown on Ozzy’s shitty acting is hilarious. Her referring to Ozzy’s “Redemption Island” gameplay as “Ozzy’s pleasure dome” is genuinely one of the best sound-bites I’ve ever heard. The “taking turns flushing the toilet bowl” analogy about the Albert fight in the Final Five is one of the best confessionals of all time. And one of the most infamous moments with Sophie, where she commands Ozzy to “Pick up my stack” in the middle of the challenge.
I really could go on. The point being is that Sophie has a lot more hilarious moments than people tend to realize. She’s definitely regarded as being witty and good with her insults, but I think that there are a lot more examples out there that people tend to not realize exist. There are just so many good moments with her. Which, mind you, is an absolute necessity considered how dark sometimes the season can get. Having one of the central characters involved in a lot of the darker moments of the season being able to bring the tone down is an absolute necessity as she’s also able to control the presentation of these moments. Which speaking of…
Part 3:
Now, I want to say before I get into this point that I’m not normally one of those people who tends to go “you watched it wrong” when it comes to the show. Like, I do say it ironically sometimes, but the only times I truly mean it are in cases where someone intentionally misreads a characterization that there is plain evidence that contradicts the take (i.e. the “Colton quit One World” revisionism Jeff tried to start) or are takes that are rooted in some type of prejudice (i.e. some people’s negative takes on Shirin in Worlds Apart. Not saying it’s impossible to hate Shirin, but I’m sure you all know exactly the kind of take on Shirin I’m talking about when I bring up this example).
With that in mind, I do think there is an optimal way to watch South Pacific that best strengthens the show and enhances its narrative. The season is best consumed if you watch the whole see through Sophie’s perspective. And when I say that, I don’t mean “Watch South Pacific but only the Sophie confessionals”, or “only watch the Sophie scenes”. Instead, I mean literally watch the entire season as if all of the events and circumstances are being told from the first-hand view (or third-hand, in case of the scenes she’s not in) of Sophie G Clarke.
This perspective isn’t born out of a specific fandom for Sophie, admittedly, as I think there is genuine narrative benefit to viewing it in this manner. I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to view the season this way, since she is the winner of the season, and the bare minimum requirement of a good season of Survivor should be to retell their winner’s path to victory. South Pacific already does their little edgic tricks to guide that interpretation, such as the screen cutting to Sophie when Jeff gets to the point of his pre-season monologue where he goes “In the end, one will survive to claim the million dollar prize”. It doesn’t feel like a stretch at all to come to the conclusion that - at least on a rewatch - the season should be looked at through the eyes of Sophie. Again, this should be possible with almost every season of the show.
As an aside, a lot of the other cast’s characterization also makes sense if you view the season through Sophie’s eyes. Characters like Brandon get a very consistent negative/mixed edit based on how Sophie currently sees them at the moment. Someone like Cochran? He initially gets a mixed-tone edit consistent with Sophie giving him the benefit of the doubt per her own words that he might have been mistreated, but his edit also leans negative and only gets more N-toned as Sophie herself confirms that Cochran is just an uncomfortable person to be around. Someone like Edna? Presented as annoying at first until the point that Sophie begins to feel sympathetic towards her circumstances and feeling bad about how Brandon treats her. Albert? Presented neutral to downright pleasant as the two respect each other as equals, until Albert starts to disappoint her by coming across as a crazy overplayer only to get more-and-more negative as he reveals how smarmy he really is. Coincidentally, the person in the cast who is arguably the most consistently positively-toned character is Dawn, who is not only one of the nicest jurors to Sophie but also gives one of the most heartwarming voting confessionals for her at FTC.
There are only two outliers when it comes to this pattern – the returning players, Coach and Ozzy. I intend on discussing them both and Sophie’s relationship with both of them in greater detail, though, so we’ll put a pin on that. Regardless, when you go back and rewatch South Pacific, it is fun to actually notice how much overlap there is between the tone and relevance of the other players and Sophie’s general view of them.
Well beyond just a fun little fact about characters and tone, is there anything specific that watching the season through Sophie’s eyes exclusively does to the season’s benefit? Like is there an actual narrative reason I encourage you all to do so? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY! Because I think it actually does a huge benefit to not only this season, but to the Survivor franchise as a whole and all that seasons that came before and after it!
… Let’s circle back to that opening paragraph. Let’s talk God.
Part 4:
As mentioned earlier, Survivor really can come across like religious propaganda, at the very least in the beginning of its inception. And often times, it can accomplish that even in spite of the religious beliefs of the contestants involved. Reminder that the “Follow the Star” theory that predicted the Jewish man Ethan as the winner of Africa is rooted in extensive Christian theology (including a lot of New Testament theology with no real overlap with Judaism). And Survivor has proven pretty adept at being able to use religion to easily spin a storyline in a way that paints the person as positive. Keep in mind in the premiere of Survivor China, Leslie Nease was so uncomfortable in the “presence” of another culture’s religion that she had to leave the temple and have a confessional where she spoke about only believing in God and Jesus Christ… and the show painted it as a positive scene! Like, I’m not trying to say anything about Leslie’s character, but to portray a scene like this as something inherently positive I think is a good simple scene to showcase the show’s general agenda on the subject matter.
Survivor definitely is careful with how it depicts religion (Christianity specifically) and are able to spring it into narratives where it might not even be relevant or necessary. And this was something they very EASILY could have done with South Pacific. The vast majority of this cast was deeply religious and there were definitely ways the show could have hidden a lot of its darker moments. They didn’t need to air that prayer circle where Upolu would later fake-find the idol. Mikayla, in the grand scheme of things, would go home because Coach felt he couldn’t work with her and Brandon didn’t even had a bad thing to say about her in that episode; all of Brandon’s issues related to his “faith” could have been cut. And this most surely would have happened if Coach had won the season! And even I would have decried this season as one of the worst of all time if it happened…
But it didn’t. Sophie Clarke won. And she had a different view of everything…
So based off the last time I looked this up, Sophie identifies as agnostic. Her specific religious beliefs don’t necessarily come up on the show. However, wherever her beliefs fall on the spectrum of belief does not matter; what matters are her words and actions and on the show.
“There’s a lot of tension between Brandon and Mikayla. In his biblical terms, he’d probably call her like, “The Whore of Babylon”. I think Brandon right now, is just really born between following whatever crazy religious beliefs he has.”
“You know, this whole prayer thing, for me, it doesn’t weigh as heavily on my mind because I’m not the one speaking the prayer. I find Coach to be more questionable when he actually is the one saying, you know, ‘Dear God, help us find the idol’, when he knows he has the idol in his pocket. I… It gives me a little bit of an icky feeling.”
“Brandon, I think, often thinks his apology absolves all sins, and maybe that’s true in church, but on Survivor, uh, people are not as forgiving as, you know, Jesus Christ is.”
Sophie outright calling out the religious bullshit around her is genuinely unheard of in this way. The two closest comparisons that come to mind are from Amazon, when Christy calls out Joanna in confessional during the Amazon and when Rob claims that God doesn’t have an invested interest in Survivor. But these examples don’t really compare since they directly calling Joanna’s characterization. Christy specifically is calling out Joanna for not behaving as “christ-like” as she tries to present herself and Rob is mocking Joanna saying that God favors Jaburu. On South Pacific, though, it is a whole different tale; the castaways on this season (not just one person) use religion as a tool to build culture. To be the foundation of alliances. To cement people’s trust with one another. As a tool to “guide the vote”.
And Sophie is drawing attention to it. And calling it out for being creepy. And icky. And acknowledging how it is being used as a tool.
And since the season is being told through Sophie’s eyes, we don’t just get to her say these thins and have her come across as just a miserable heathen looking down on the others. Instead, we get to see Coach come across as a hypocrite by discussing the importance of staging a “tribal find” of the Hidden Immunity Idol before he leads his prayer circle. We get to see scenes of Brandon just spying on Mikayla in the corner to hammer in a 100% what his issues with her were. We get to see an elaborate scene of Coach praying to guidance on if he should vote Brandon. And all the while, we get to see Sophie call all this shit out, either verbally or just through cuts to her rolling her eyes or shaking her head.
Sophie’s story functions borderline as an exposé on God. God’s always been talked about as this powerful, righteous force that’s always working to help out the “good” players on Survivor, whether it be to aid them in determination, fortitude, challenges, and even help swing votes. But here, we get to see God being, to quote Eliza Orlins, “a deceptive lying bitch”
Caught in 4K. Thanks Sophie.
Part 5:
So, Sophie calls out the religious bullshit; why should it matter? After all, doesn’t that mean she’s just an enabler? Well, yes… but actually no. As I have mentioned multiple times in all my South Pacific write-ups, Upolu’s tribe manifests a collective group identity as a cult, and Sophie/Albert/Coach take up the mantle of cult-leaders. All three of them are perpetuating this group identity to their benefit, and it does prove profitable as all three make the Final Three, but when you compare the three, Sophie actually stands out exponentially from the others. Namely, in the sense that she is the only one who is honest about it all.
Both Coach and Albert, whether intentionally or unintentionally, give sweet nothings to the rest of the cast and lure them into a false sense of security. Coach, obviously, is more heavy-handed with religious metaphor and using it as a tool to get certain results from his cult. He’s the one who instigates the majority of the weaponization of Christianity. Albert is just as guilty as him, as he also uses it as a tool to strengthen his individual bonds with people like Brandon. More importantly for him, though, he presents himself as a knowledgeable “lifesaver” to those outside/on-the-edge of the cult as someone they can depend on when their life in the game is in trouble. But both characters and their actions are completely rooted in manipulation and gaslighting. And sure, Coach may believe some of his religious takes, and Albert may seriously have considered flipping every time like the compulsive dum-dum he is, but in the end, it’s too little too late. They burned too many bridges to have “the benefit of the doubt” be something they could claim.
In contrast, Sophie is always up-front about her stances. She’s honest and to-the-point, no matter how cold or distant she might come across. She’s not going to pretend to entertain the idea that Cochran could stay like Albert or Coach will, but rather she’ll stick to her guns, say she hates his guts and doesn’t find any information he’s shared at tribal noteworthy, and then vote his ass out. Coach is gonna talk about “praying if he should or shouldn’t vote Brandon” and Albert is going to talk about “His word as a Christian saying he’d give his idol if he thought Brandon isn’t in danger, and right now, he’s sure he’s not in danger”… and then Sophie’s just gonna be blunt about Brandon being a loose cannon and unpredictable, but somewhat rooted in his values and mention how he needs to go home.
Sophie is not above the actions of the other “cult leaders”, but never presents herself as anything but. And as a result of that, come end of the game, she’s able to genuinely present herself as the morally correct choice for the jury to reward. And it really shows when you see the jury questions. You see Rick get onto Albert for lying about God, Brandon get onto Albert about breaking his word as a Christian man, Brandon talking about how he hurt he is that Coach betrayed their bond based in their faith, and you see Whitney directly accuse Coach of using Christianity as a tool. And in all of this, Sophie never gets dragged. Sophie gets called out for her character, but she doesn’t get linked to the religious manipulation the others are tied into.
I think it’s pretty telling in Cochran’s jury question, when Coach tries to weasel out of being labeled a schemer, that Sophie immediately takes the credit from him and says she did his job for him while Albert just kinda mumbles a “Well actually it was me”. Coach is unable to drop his act and Albert tries too hard to sell himself; Sophie just states the facts as is, and she’s been shown correct enough on this matter throughout the season and FTC to be given the benefit of the doubt that she is correct.
That is what sets her apart from Coach and Albert. Well, that and a few other things. Namely…
Part 6:
So, Sophie’s growth arc. I have seen a little criticism on this subject, namely that the majority of the work occurs in the finale of the season. I don’t particularly find that reason sufficient enough to be a critique on her story, namely because her story arc doesn’t begin in the final episode. It begins much earlier than that, and the only the reason it feels like it begins in the finale episode is because Sophie uniquely goes the entire game without feeling any source of conflict.
Throughout the entirety of the season, Sophie is never in genuine danger in the slightest. She cements herself in the core alliance on Upolu, she’s physically/mentally strong enough in challenges that her status is never in danger, and her alliance is so committed to one another thanks to the religious-community-fostering techniques. And then come merge time, Savaii is basically handed to Upolu on a silver platter thanks to the tribe fumbling the bag regarding Cochran. Sophie doesn’t even have to feel any sort of anxiety on the matter, since she clocks Cochran’s flip and the reasoning behind it instantly in her “dodgeball target” confessional, and as such, she’s able to completely coast through easy-vote after easy-vote until the Final Five.
There isn’t a point at all where Sophie experiences any sort of conflict at all, and it really begins to show in her demeanor. Instead of growing as a character and a person, come merge time, Sophie begins to regress as a person. She never regresses morally speaking, stays genuinely honest and avoids any unnecessary God-related situations, but come merge time, Sophie does become noticeably more an asshole. Her criticisms start to get harsher and more open. She calls Savaii to their faces pathetic in the merge tribal council. She stops smiling whenever Cochran is with the group or telling jokes and tells him in confessional to screw off. In the Cochran tribal council, she outright calls out Brandon for being a jerk and unpredictable to the point that Brandon looks at her in hurt. And then there’s all the things she begins to say about Albert, as she starts to call him out for wanting to make a big move “for the sake of it” and whenever she toys with the idea of going along with an idea of his, she calls them “Albert’s crazy plans”.
Mind you, she’s right on all of her takes in general. Especially regarding Albert’s plans, as she realizes the path forward with Upolu is the smoothest path for her to victory. But the way she talks about everyone, including people like Albert who she was always positive on in her passive commentary, gets noticeably meaner in the merge episode and only gets worse-and-worse.
The pen-ultimate episode of South Pacific is the first time Sophie gets any form of “conflict” as Albert attempts a blindside on her, but he botches the situation so badly that while Sophie gets two votes at tribal council, the end result of that tribal council was always going to be either Brandon or Albert going – with the result being based on whether Albert gives away immunity – rather than her being in danger. And Sophie, now having her first taste of “conflict” and having it be such a weak attempt at it, only doubles down as she gets even harsher in her confessionals about Albert as she gloats about how pathetic he looks in his failed attempt and how gets to go out of the game looking stupid, and how Brandon ended up going out instead after making one of the dumbest mistakes in the history of the series.
Again, everything is set-up entirely for her success… except one little caveat: Oscar.
Sophie being concerned about Ozzy does actually show up in the build-up to the finale, such as her concerns about “Ozzy’s pleasure dome” and how they need to be ready to beat him should he come back into the game from Redemption Island. And when he does, he finally presents the first form of a genuine roadblock to her game. She played a borderline perfect, smooth game with zero risk… until Day 36, when a risk gets magically inserted in the game. A risk known for challenge aptitude. A risk who got to spend individual downtime with all the individual jurors. A risk who has a close relationship with all the former Savaii, who hate all the original Upolu.
This isn’t just a “risk”; this is genuinely a game-destroying factor introduced at the last second. And Sophie, after going the game with no conflict at all, is unable to process it properly and freaks out.
The scene in the Final Five immunity challenge where Sophie shouts at Albert to drop his stack and pick up her pieces is genuinely hilarious, but I do think there’s so much more to it than just being “funny”. Sophie was freaking the fuck out that Ozzy was going to win the game and he needed to be remove immediately; and the only way she could ensure he goes home immediately was by winning immunity. Sophie’s shouting at Albert is hilarious, but it’s also rooted in a major fear that Ozzy is going to ruin the game for her. And this fear helps explain why she absolutely loses her shit when Albert does his usually grandstanding-waffling about how good of a position he is in despite being, on average, behind her throughout the challenge. Because Albert has proven time-and-time again to be full of shit, and come in the end of the challenge when Ozzy wins, he proves he still is full of shit.
The reality of Ozzy challenge-winning his way to FTC feels more and more like an inevitability than it had prior and, as such, Sophie gets more and more stressed that this game she perceived as having on-lock was starting to fade. So she starts to genuinely buckle under the pressure. She quickly tosses Rick – someone who she does like and someone who she knows will have an issue with being lied to – out of desperation that Albert would do better in the Final Immunity Challenge against Ozzy. She then tries to undermine Ozzy directly at tribal council that night by trying to take a strike at his social game. Only, compared to everyone else she’s been up against, Ozzy actually pushes back.
I mentioned that Ozzy and Coach were the two sole exceptions when it came to every character being seen from the perspective of Sophie, and the case for “Ozzy” gets best illustrated in this moment. Ozzy is already a pre-established character from Survivor, is considered one of the best challenge assets Survivor has ever had, one of Survivor’s best providers, and (whether you like Cook Islands or not) a part of the most surface-level competitive FTC of all time with Yul only beating him by a single vote. Ozzy is not someone Sophie can just magically assume is going to be “beneath” her the way the rest of the cast naturally is. And the first time she actually tries to assert herself as such – by talking about Ozzy’s lack of respect to her and her game – Ozzy shoots back by calling her brat and going on the offensive in their tribal council argument to the point that she cries.
Dawn is subtitled from the jury noting that “She’s breaking down”, because that is the first time all game Sophie is truly facing an immovable object. And it makes Ozzy’s words – about how everyone can’t stand her and views her to be a spoiled brat – feel more impactful and truly shakes her. She had this image of self that never once was shaken throughout the entire game, only cementing to herself the truth that she was this brilliant, superior mastermind that she thought of herself, and it gets completely torn apart by the one person who’s word would carry the most weight to her. And now, she’s deathly concerned about how she’s been coming across and what that says about her.
The breakdown she has at this tribal council is only as memorable as it is because of all the build-up of Sophie’s ego and self-esteem, and watching her get more comfortable and more self-assured only to get literally hammered as hard as possible. And this in turn, because of how close it happens to the Endgame, literally forces Sophie to do a lot of self-evaluation. This is why, in the end, she’s able to go into FTC and take Whitney’s criticism on herself and actually acknowledge how “condescending” she is and note that she needs to change.
I think the best part of this arc can really be summed up by one simple quote from Sophie herself on this matter and her sense of self: "I would think that when I came out here that I would have much tougher skin, so I don't think I'm building skin out here, I think I'm losing it.” I think that says all that really needs to be said on the matter and I think, given the build-up towards her own breakdown and the endgame in general, the arc hits out of the park.
Namely also because it is accompanied by…

Wanted to get some thoughts going on market mechanics and structure here. Relevant in terms of options flows and market maker hedging.
So everyone saw what happened when chad NVDA blew out earnings again and the result afterwards on Thursday 5/23/24. Nothing like this has happened where a stock that represented >3% of S&P market cap was up but the broad index was down. It's hilarious because with the green pre-market across many names and sentiment, everyone was expecting the NVDA beat to lift the broader market.
Friday 5/24/24 saw a bounce back in broader market with many megacap names getting back to same levels as if nothing had happened, and NVDA maintained its gains, eeking out another +2% (lmao)
NVDA deserved its pop based on those results + guidance. Don't want to hear any arguments of overvaluation or tHe hEdGiEs pumping up one stock.
I follow macro and don't buy any related narratives or data releases that Thursday on why that broad market would've dived as a reaction.
From all the sources I follow, the only thing plausible is structural market mechanics. Cem Karsan has mentioned here his perspective that vol is well supplied at the index level, not single named stocks, which leads to dispersion. Indices are pinned. When something goes up, something else goes down. Correlations start breaking down across asset classes and we'll see sometimes violent rotations. I don't always agree with Cem... his macro takes are touristy and I know how wishy washy noncommittal he can be with his language, but still respect his opinions regarding market structure.
So is it as simple as market makers who were most likely short NVDA calls had the need to sell delta across the rest of the market to hedge? Any other thoughts? What happened post-NVDA earnings has gotten a lot of non-options related narrators scratching their heads for an explanation other than "NVDA sucked the air out of the market".

Species: Cat Age: 4 years old Sex: Male Neuter Status: Neutered Breed: Orange? I’m not sure of his breed Weight: 10 lbs (4.6 kg)
A cat from my neighborhood snuck into my house and attacked my cat. He defended himself and seemed fine when we inspected him, so we thought he was alright.
A few days later, his left eye started bothering him, so we took him to the vet. She said the neighborhood cat had actually scratched his lower eyelid very deep, but thankfully, his eyeball itself was unharmed. She put him on topical fusidic acid 3 times a day until it fully healed, then continue for 2 more days.
We applied the fusidic acid, and I’m not sure if it was the antibiotic causing it or seasonal allergies, but that day he started sneezing very frequently. The constant sneezing wouldn’t let him sleep. In the morning, his eye seemed worse, so we took him to the vet again and she injected an antiinflamatory drug.
Later that day, he started mouth breathing. He had his mouth open, drooling a little bit and had some sort of spasms when breathing. We thought they were incomplete sneezes but it scared me, because they sounded like wheezing a little bit? We rushed him to the 24h emergency vet. He was yelling all the way there, wheezing at the end of every yell. When he got there, he was back to being completely fine.
The emergency vet explored him, his heart, his lungs, his temperature (no fever), took an xray. Everything was perfect, except for his eye infection, which wasn’t getting better. She instructed to take him to our normal vet in a few days if he wasn’t getting better. They also injected corticoids in case it was allergies.
However, today, he’s much worse. It’s like the fusidic acid is doing absolutely nothing. Now the infection is affecting both eyes, his nose is dripping, he’s breathing with his mouth, snoring, and seems kinda warm.
What do I do? I’m so lost and worried. His normal vet clinic isn’t open until Monday and he has an appointment on Tuesday. But this doesn’t seem like something that can wait that long. Is it? I don’t know whether to take him back to the emergency vet, because they found absolutely nothing wrong with him and told me to keep the antibiotic treatment the same way. Please, help. I really don’t know what to do.

(This is my first one, so I would appreciate all feedback. Try to do at least one run without cheating)
The drive in was rough, the potholes and ruts on the barely graded dirt road were more than a match for your suspension and your back was killing you. More than once you almost turned back but your uncle’s will was very explicit that you had to stay at least a week at his mountain cabin at to get the rest of his 7 figure inheritance. Finally after four hours from the hotel and a solid hour and half from what one might consider civilization the road flattened out and the cabin came into view. It was nothing to write home about on the outside a single story and apparently neglected for years if the encroaching vegetation was any indication. But it did look well put together, with solar panels on the roof, a shed off to the side and even a water tank. Out in the back was an open space perfect for a garden if you were so inclined and had a breathtaking view of the valley below. As you step in you notice just how small the place is, the living room barely able to fit a couch, TV and a desk the kitchen next to it was cramped as well though it did have a view out the back. The only other space was the single bedroom with barely enough space to fit some furniture and a queen bed. Everything was brand new though, the appliances gleamed, the water ran clean and crisp, the couch was deep and comfortable, and the TV evidently had satellite reception. Overall, it wasn’t a bad little getaway if you were inclined to solitude. The rest of the property wasn’t bad either, the shed had a large bank of batteries, enough to last days according to the readout. The only other place of interest was the root cellar, and when you descended down the steps you were treated to a view of a shit ton of freeze-dried food, enough to last you a year or more.
Then you see a door half hidden in the hewn stone wall in the back. Stepping through you find yourself in a natural cave, illuminated by a glowing green moss. The cave is large enough for you to walk comfortably as it twists and turns deeper into the earth. About five minutes in and one sharp turn later the passage terminates in large cavern. It is illuminated by not just the glowing moss on the walls, but also a carpet of softly glowing flowers on the floor of the cave. These provide just enough light to make out the features of the cavern. All along the wall there are arches that frame the bare rock, 25 in all, with peculiar slots embedded within them. These arches are just big enough to allow a person to pass, that is if they led anywhere. The flowers are of all stripes and colors and even have spawned vines that creep up the wall in four places. Then you notice a purple crystal no bigger than your pinky on the pedestal. It draws you in, wanting you to use it, to place it where belongs. As you step forward other voices join the chorus. The pedestal wants you to touch it. To determine the destiny of this place and you. Some of the flowers also join in opening their buds to reveal mature purple crystals of their own ready for placement while a few of the smaller specimens strain towards you their blue crystals not yet mature and still delicate.
(TLDR: place/use 1d3+10 crystals. You may harvest 1d6 immature crystals but this has a 50% chance of destroying the flower forever)
What do you do to the crystal(s)?
Insert crystal into one of mass of vines: Green, Pink, Woody, or Stonelike (Living Crystal)
Mature: This turns the mass of vines into an attendant. This attendant can serve on of 4 functions:
Green vines: (Garden Attendant) This attendant will tend to the flowers growing them in half the time.
Pink vines: (Servant) This attendant can speak and help guide you when picking the pools later. Also serves as a butler. This attendant does not have complete knowledge of the pools but does know their functions.
Woody vines: (House Expansion) This attendant will quite literally grow your house. It can expand the structure and even supply any plant-based items you wish to use (Bedding, Furniture, Clothing)
Stoney vines: (Base Expansion) This attendant will mine out an underground base for you, and if you treat it right be able to search for valuable minerals and gems in the surrounding mountains.
Immature: The crystal gets absorbed into the vines causing no reaction though if you do this four times you will get an attendant.
Insert the crystal into the main pedestal. (Information Crystal)
Mature: This crystal enables tooltips during pool creation and allows users to see their status once per day. This status will display and dieses, injuries as well as progress for you 12 stats.
Immature: This crystal reveals the function of a pool during creation.
Break crystal in half and insert one of the pairs crystals into a door (Paired Dimensional Keys)
Mature: Touching the other crystal to any door will make that door linked to the cave door allowing you to access the pools from anywhere. To change doors simply touch another door with the crystal. This does mean that the crystal can be stolen. (Can be taken multiple times)
Immature: This Crystals act as if it is another broken crystal. Must have at least two broken/immature crystals for this to work.
Insert the crystal into the arches (Crystal Pool Growth)
Mature: Grow pools. (Can be taken multiple times)
Immature: It takes four miniature crystals to have the same effect as a normal one.
Swallow the crystal: (Save slot)
Mature:>! The crystal will be absorbed into you. If you die the pedestal will make a new body for you over the course of a year and a day. This body will have all the attributes you earned throughout your life.!<
Immature: The crystal will be absorbed into you. If you die you will be reincarnated into a new baby. You will retain your memories, but your progress will disappear.
When touching the pedestal, you get an impression of what these pools can be. Pick however many unused crystals you have left. Unless you have unlocked tooltips you only get the impression of the pool. Once you have picked the pool types you can experience all that these pools offer. Each of these pools will work for a total of one hour a day. You can only use these pools for 4 sessions each day. Each session last up to 15 minutes. However, even dipping a toe in a pool will initiate a session, though if you do not use the full length of time the session benefits are greatly reduced. Any fraction of a session is considered 1 session for purposes of these limits. (i.e. dipping your toe into 4 different pools will provide almost no benefits to your body but will saturate its ability to gain any benefits)
(TLDR: Use any leftover crystals to create a pool)
1) Shrouded Pool>! (Cure Disease)!<
Impression: The waters of this pool shrouded in a low hanging white mist with almost a blueish hue that obscures the surface of the pool. The mist clings to the waters and the walls of this pool only briefly parting for the strongest of breezes. In the glimpses of the pool, you can barely make out that the water itself is very cloudy making it appear almost white blending perfectly with the mist that rolls off its surface to shroud the waters once again.
Experience: When you step into this pool the cool waters themselves do nothing, but the mist seems to avoid your body as you settle in. Once you do the mist roils and invades your body with every breath. It feels as if your lungs are being pricked by ice as the mist destroys any diseases present. Once your lungs are clear this prickling feeling invades your bloodstream as it searches for and destroys any infections.
Tooltip: This pool will only fight one disease at a time. It only takes one session to clear a minor and recent illness (i.e. a cold you acquired yesterday) but the more pernicious and entrenched a disease the longer it will take to cure (i.e. HIV will take months to clean out). Cancer will only be cured if it is sufficiently genetically different to be seen as an invader. If no disease is present the mists of this pool with gather in your bloodstream preventing up to the next 5 infections.
2) Saltwater Pool (Heal Injuries)
Impression: The turquoise waters of this pool gently lap its sides the waves seeming to come from the depths at its very center. The pool smells of the sea, salt on the breeze carrying the whiff of a tropical paradise.
Experience: When you step into this pool any recent injures start to immediately sting as the cleansing waters heal you at an almost visible rate.
Tooltip: This pool will heal any recent injury. It will not regenerate limbs but will reattach them. Larger injuries require more time to heal but an hour in the pool will at least stabilize a person. This pool will NOT work on injuries more than two weeks old.
WARNING: This pool does not alter the laws of physics. The energy to repair your body must come from somewhere be it your fat reserves, mana in your core, the food you just ate or even the organ in your body.
3) Steaming Pool (Heal Trauma)
Impression: The waters of this pool are steaming hot, almost scalding. The thick rising steam almost obscures the actual water from view, but a keen eye can occasionally see a red glow withing the depths. Curiously the shores of this pool are lined with all sorts of reeds and water plants and their pungent smell infuses the steam.
Experience: Stepping into this pool you can just barely stand the heat. However, once you are submerged the heat seems to soak into you. At first it pools at your scars but once they are gone the heat will seek out your deepest pains thoroughly soothing them.
Tooltip: This pool can cure ANY injuries or physical defects of your body. However, it is much slower than the Saltwater Pool healing in weeks, months or even years for the systemic problems rather than hours and days. Nothing is spared from the pools penetrating power be it torn Ligaments and Tendons, Heart Disease, or even Diabetes. It will even seek to heal places where artificial objects were placed inside your body breaking them down and replacing them with your own organics. Whatever doesn’t belong will be made anew.
WARNING: When breaking down foreign objects this pool will not remove them from your body. The results will enter your bloodstream and may be toxic.
4) Clear Pool: (Nothing)
Impression: The waters of this pool seem clear and crisp. They are refreshed constantly by a natural spring and then disappear into a hole in the wall.
Experience: >! Slipping into these brisk waters does not seem to do anything. Even when you exit nothing seems to have changed about you or your body. Maybe multiple application of this pool will have some effect? Maybe you must drink it? Try experimenting and you could unlock the secrets of this pool.!<
Tooltip: This pool does nothing for you. It is completely mundane, and no amount of experimentation will change that fact. On the bright side this pool has no downsides.
5) Warm Pool:>! (Refreshes you)!<
Impression: The waters of this pool seem warm and comfortable, but otherwise mundane.
Experience: >! These waters are a nice bath leaving you refreshed as if you had an entire night’s sleep. !<
Tooltip: This pool does functions just as it seems, giving you the equivalent of an entire night's sleep with one 15-minute session. Be careful though, a human body does need sleep and prolonged periods without this essential bodily function will drive you insane.
6) Prismatic Pool (Heal Psyche)
Impression: The waters of this pool seem to glow from within, the colors constantly shifting from the deepest of purples, to the most vibrant of reds, to colors you cant even comprehend much less categorize.
Experience: As you submerge yourself into this pool your vision is inevitably drawn to the stone that is lighting up the entire pool. The kaleidoscope of colors mesmerizes you capturing your attention making the time spent in this pool seem to go by in a blink. When you are released from this its spell it feels like you got a full night’s sleep, and your troubles just seem to slip away.
Tooltip:>! Given time this pool can “fix” any phycological trauma or condition. In a few months your depression seems like a memory, your obsession easily be forgotten. Even psychoses such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder can be a thing of the past with months of continuous use. This will not cure neurodivergence as this only a condition in the modern world but it will allow the brain to cope with these conditions easier.!<
7) Reverse Flow Pool (Cleanse)
Impression: The waters of this pool seem clear and cold, almost mundane compared to the rest of the choices. The only thing amiss is that these waters seem to flow from the sides down into the depths.
Experience: Stepping into this pool you feel any grime and sweat on your skin instantly be washed away by the flowing waters. The longer you stay submerged you can almost feel these cleansing waters sucking away at your skin and body. Drawing impurities from your flesh into your blood and then out your pores, purifying you inside and out.
Tooltip: This pool will cleanse your body of any impurities be it poisons, microplastics, cholesterol, plaque, heavy metals, or even alcohol and drugs.
Note: Waste products from other pools will be washed away by this pool.
8) Glacial Pool (Body)
Impression: The waters of this pool are encrusted with a thin layer of ice with only a small opening to submerge yourself. Under the ice the water is a deep blue.
Experience: As you approach this pool any warmth is sucked right out of you and as you try to submerge yourself the frigid waters cut right though you, chilling you to the bone. Though it will not harm you it takes willpower to remain submerged for your entire session as you feel your body freezing over. When you emerge from the pool and step away from its warmth sapping aura you instantly feel better. Your body not only feels refreshed, but you feel faster, stronger, and more durable.
Tooltip:>! This pool tempers your body with its freezing waters. It increases your Strength, Agility and Endurance up to peak human levels. The more you use it the faster the increases will accrue but even everyday use it will still take years to reach the peak. At the peak your body will not decay but prior to that if you do not use this pool once a week your body will quickly start to revert to its original form. !<
9) Lily Pad Pool (Mind)
Impression: The waters of this pool seem to be mundane, cold and crisp. That is if you discount the giant glowing water lily circling the center of the pool.
Experience: Slipping into this pool the water feels as brisk as it looks but one immediately forgets this as they stare at the glowing flower. It emits pulses of light that quickly bring about a massive headache. If you can withstand the staring at the glow you emerge from the waters feeling mentally drained. However, the next day or after a nap to recover your mind feels smarter, wiser, and can see the true nature of things at a glance.
Tooltip: This pool tempers your mind with its pulsating light. It increases your Intelligence, Wisdom and Perception up to peak human levels. The more you use it the faster the increases will accrue but even everyday use it will still take years to reach the peak. At the peak your mind will not decay but prior to that if you do not use this pool once a week your mind will quickly start to revert to its original limits.
10) Butterfly Pool (Spirit)
Impression: The waters of this pool seems to be mundane, cold, crisp and still. That is if you ignore the plethora of butterflies flitting around and landing on the placid waters.
Experience: Slipping into the pool disturbs the insects causing them to take flight. The flashing patterns and colors are almost hypnotic, and you soon enter a deep trance that only expires when the session is over. When you emerge from the pool and dry yourself you feel more confident as if you could warm the coldest of hearts, win the lottery, and even discern lies from truth from glance.
Tooltip: This pool tempers your spirit with its hypnotic patterns. It increases your Charisma, Luck, and Insight up to peak human levels. The more you use it the faster the increases will accrue but even everyday use it will still take years to reach the peak. At the peak your spirit will not decay but prior to that if you do not use this pool once a week your spirit will quickly start to revert to its original limits.
11) Flickering Pool (Soul)
Impression: This pool flickers into and out of existence seemingly at random.
Experience: When you step up to this pool it seems solid, and quite ordinary. However, when you submerge yourself, you can feel you your body and mind stretching and being transported to someplace else. Someplace unnatural. At the end of your session, you find yourself out of the pool on the ground barely able to open your eyes as the world spins around you. It takes time to recover but when you do you feel somehow more solid, more in tune with the world. It’s as if you can bend the world to your will, as if no one can deter you from your path, that no one could entice you will an illusion or figment.
Tooltip: This pool tempers your soul with its unnatural existence. It increases your Willpower, Tranquility and Clarity up to peak human levels. The more you use it the faster the increases will accrue but even everyday use it will still take years to reach the peak. At the peak your spirit will not decay but prior to that if you do not use this pool once a week your spirit will quickly start to revert to its original limits.
12) Boiling Pool (De-age)
Impression: The waters of this pool roil as if heated from within, the steam rising and then condensing as rain. This rain creates carpets of vivid green new growth moss around the pool that is periodically wiped out as the scalding water sloshes out of the pool.
Experience: The waters of this pool are as hot as they seem, the steam practically choking you, searing your lungs as you get close. As soon as you dip even a toe inside you are assaulted by the heat and you feel your body being cooked from the burning hot water. Assuming you can stand it or get accustomed to the water submerging yourself fully in the water gives you a sunburn from hell, but as soon as the skin peels off underneath you will practically glow with youth and vigor.
Tooltip: This water will lower your biological age when fully submerged. However, even brief exposure helps, dipping a toe in will slow down aging until it is fully reversed when sitting in the water for any amount of time. Having a peak Body, Mind, Soul and/or Spirit will make this pool easier to withstand as will slowly getting accustomed to the scalding waters. A full session will de-age you by a month.
WARNING: This pool can and will de-age you back into childhood if used extensively.
13) Acid Pool (Genetic sculpting)
Impression: The waters of this pool give a pungent scent that immediately irritates your nose throat and lungs sending you into a fit of coughing.
Experience: When you step into this pool you can practically feel your body melting as the liquid invades your body. There is not one neuron that does not send signals of distress as your body feels like it is melted over and over down to the smallest molecule. When you emerge from this pool and the fog of pain lifts from your mind you feel better then ever. Like the little problems you’ve had with your body and since childhood have lifted.
Tooltip: This pool alters your genetics to fit your ideal image of yourself. This process takes time as your genome slowly alters. Your body will take even longer as the instructions to rebuild it must be carried out, though it can be sped up with use of the heated pool. With practice you can direct the changes, but they always must be within the bounds the human genome, past or present.
14) Fish Pool (Body Sculpting)
Impression: This pool seems to be mundane if not for the schools of tiny silver fish throughout the pool.
Experience: As you settle into this pool the fish start to swarm you, gently nibling at your skin or rubbing against it. You might think that this pool does nothing, that is until you look in the mirror and find that belly of yours slightly smaller, your assets bigger, or your muscles ever so slightly more prominent.
Tooltip: This pool physically alters your body bringing you closer to your ideal. However, this change is skin deep and does not alter the underlying conditions. This change is faster than the acid pool taking weeks instead of years to accomplish a full transformation.
15) Goo Pool (False Face Pool)
Impression: The liquid in this pool seems like a pink slime. Thick, Viscus, Sticky but surprisingly it generates no odor.
Experience: The pink liquid is tough to get into the surface tension almost requiring all your body weight to overcome. Once submerged it sticks to you like glue covering every inch of you in the substance. When it is time to leave it again takes effort as the liquid clings to your skin. When you do succeed in breaking free you will find that it leaves a thing coating on you that seems to disappear. Even multiple uses doesn’t reveal what this pool does. Maybe you should experiment?
Tooltip: Five uses of this pool creates one coating that lasts one month when not in use. Up to 5 coatings can be stored each extending the lifespan of the others. Coatings can be consumed to disguise yourself. Coating last two hours when in use. The success of a coating pits your Spirit against an observers Soul.
16) Green Pool: (Poison Pool)
Impression: The green waters of this pool scream into your mind that they are dangerous, that you should stay away, that to do otherwise is to court death.
Experience: This pool works as advertised bringing you death. The poison infiltrates your body causing your muscles to clench in agony, unresponsive to your commands. Hopefully you dipped just your toe inside this insidious pool otherwise you are most likely never to rise out of its cursed depths.
Tooltip: This pool can be safely used if you have at least a peak human body. If you do, this pool can render you immune to poisons and toxins of all kinds.
17) Waterfall Pool (Return to beginning)
Impression: A waterfall cascades down into this pool. The water is cold, clean and feels ideal for bathing.
Experience: The waterfall is just as advertised. Its brisk waters quickly have you feeling clean and refreshed. However, something makes you want to stay the full session just to experience the joy of it all. When you emerge, your body looks and feels like it did prior to stepping into any of the pools. But deep down you know that this is skin deep.
Tooltip: This pool seems to turn the clock back to before you used any of the pools. You look and feel mundane. You can choose to look your age now or as you did when you first used the pools. This effect can be toggled on and off and lasts for a month.
18) Upside Down Pool (Mystic Sight)
Impression: This is probably the strangest pool to date. Its waters cling to the ceiling, seeming to defy gravity, just high enough for them to be about shoulder high when standing.
Experience: When you stick your head in this pool, you can surprising breathe the water as if it were merely air. Opening your eyes you see the water is crystal clear, almost like air but you can still feel the water against your skin and the gentle waves of the pool crashing into you. If you stay for a full session it seems like nothing happened, but over the course of the day you can see things out of the corner of your eye. A passage seemingly popping out of nowhere in an alley, a circle of mushrooms in the forest, a Spector haunting a graveyard.
Tooltip: This pool grants you mystic sight if used religiously. You get glimpses at first of the real nature of the world but over time these get clearer and clearer until you fully can see the unseen. You can pierce illusions made by men, simple beasts, or their equivalent. You can see the shortcuts taken by the supernatural beings that inhabit this earth and the entrances to their hidden worlds. Once you have full sight you can safely traverse these paths and meet the denizens that would rather not be found, the Fey, Forest Witches, Urban Wizards, Molepeople, Abominations and Werefolk of all stripes are just a few of those you can meet.
Note: Some of these supernatural existences are hostile and will seek your destruction. Others, while indifferent to your presence, will grate on your soul by your mere proximity. A Peak Mind, Soul, or Spirit is required to safely interact with most of these existences with some requiring all three at their peak, or more.
Warning: Your eyes and brain can only see one of the unseen, the future, or the present. To see more then is to trespass into the domains of the gods.
19) Kaleidoscope Pool (Fate Pool)
Impression: The clear waters of this pool surround a glowing white crystal. This is in turn surrounded by a cacophony of floating, colored crystals that seem to move at random. This creates a riot of colors and shapes as the light bounces to and fro.
Experience: Nothing happens to your body when you slip into the room temperature waters. However, once you submerge yourself the crystalline formation at the center of the pool starts to rotate slightly as it morphs. The colors and shapes change in an almost random fashion but if you concentrate hard enough you can almost make out a pattern to the changes. These patterns seem to slip from your grasp your eyes dart to take it all in. At the end of the session, you can barely think, and it takes mental effort to extract yourself from the pool, though you do find yourself thinking that you can predict the movements of the insects that flit around the caverns garden.
Tooltip: >! This pool will train your mind to see the patterns of reality if used regularly for years. At first you are given uncontrollable glimpses of future possibilities. Over time practice and use of the pool, you can begin to control when you see the future, how long you can pierce the veil of time and are generally shown the most probable outcome. !<
Note: The future is not fixed. Choices you and others make will impact outcomes.
Warning: Your eyes and brain can only see one of the unseen, the future, or the present. To see more then is to trespass into the domains of the gods.
20) Cloudy Pool (Third eye pool)
Impression: The waters of this pool are cloudy, almost white, and don’t allow you to see even an inch into the depths of this pool.
Experience. Slipping into this pool you don’t feel a thing. Relaxing a little bit, you stare into the cloudy waters expecting something to happen, and eventually it does. As you relax further and further letting your mind wander you swear you can catch glimpses of events in the cloudy waters. They seem to be from all around the globe and from all facets of life, fathers hugging their children, boardroom meetings, family dinners, muggings, friends meeting at a bar and even other more intimate moments. When you emerge from the pool you know you’ve seen these glimpses but every time you concentrate on an image you get a splitting headache centered around the middle of your forehead.
Tooltip: This pool starts the process of opening your third eye. This eye will allow you to scry anyplace you can picture with your mind or find with a map.
Warning: Your eyes and brain can only see one of the unseen, the future, or the present. To see more then is to trespass into the domains of the gods.
21) Indigo Pool (Mana Pool)
Impression: The “waters” of this pool are streaked with deep purple ribbons floating within its depths. These streaks give off a sense of wrongness as if they are not of this world.
Experience: As you settle into this pool at first nothing happens. Then when one of the purple ribbons touches your skin it reacts as if alive. It heads straight for your stomach and invades your body causing tremendous pain making any further movement almost impossible. This pain settles deep inside you as ribbon after ribbon burrows inside you. After you exit the pool, this pain recedes to a dull ache and then the strange impression that there is something hard, almost like the pit of a fruit lodged inside you.
Tooltip: This pool starts you on your journey of becoming a user of magic. The first perquisite is the nascent core budding inside you. When it is complete you will have access to the barest whisps of magic able to cast the equivalent of cantrips and low-level spells. Spells are not intuitive they require either painstakingly slow and dangerous experimentation or a teacher. You might find one if you know where other supernatural beings reside. You can also use this mana to increase the effectiveness of the pools you use.
Note: You can only have one core at a time.
Note: The maximum level of spells cast depend on the density of mana which in turn depends on the grade of your core and its nature. You cannot upgrade cores past your current evolution.
Note: The better your Mind the larger your core and the more Mana it can hold. The more expansive your Soul the faster you regenerate Mana. A high Spirit raises both these attributes.
Warning: A core is incompatible with the lightning. They will seek to destroy each other and, in the process, kill their host.
22) Lighting Pool (Psionic Pool)
Impression: The waters of this pool surround a metal column that sparks dangerously. Occasionally it sends bolts of lightning skittering across the surface of the water generating a clean but irritating smell.
Experience: If you brave the lightning and submerge yourself in the water, you’ll quickly find out that this is no light show. The bolts hurt as they course throughout your body, spasming every muscle at once as they travel along your nerves and into your brain. After the fifth bolt or so you will pass out from the pain. You will awaken on the floor of the cavern, dripping and weak, your muscles not responding to you no matter how hard you try. After a quick nap or an hour or so you will recover to find you can almost make the universe respond to your will.
Tooltip: This pool will give you Psionic Powers as it carves dancing electrical currents into your brain. These powers once fully formed, will give various abilities that are almost intuitive in nature, the current inside you knowing how you want to use it. Mind will determine the depths of these powers, your Soul will let these powers regenerate faster and your Spirit will determine the potency of your powers, within your evolution and rank.
Note: The maximum level of spells cast depend on the density of lightning which. You cannot upgrade the lightning past your current evolution.
Warning: The lightning is incompatible with a core. They will seek to destroy each other and, in the process, kill their host.
23) Whispering Pool (Warlock Pool)
Impression: This pool is cold and dark, the waters in the pool moving seemingly of their own accord. The splashes, waves, and droplets almost whispering to you.
Experience: When you step into this pool the whispers seem to get louder and more disparate. Each one promising you power, each one wanting to help you on your journey. It is up to you if you will accept this help.
Tooltip: This pool allows you to become a Warlock pledged to a higher otherworldly power. They will lend you part of themselves to form a core and along the knowledge to use it to the fullest. In exchange will have to prove yourself worthy of receiving and maintaining it. If you are lucky this power will be indifferent to your world and the tasks will only serve to strengthen you and indirectly them. If you are unlucky it will seek to plunge the earth into madness.
Note: you can only have one core at a time.
Note: The maximum level of spells cast depend on the density of mana which in turn depends on the grade of your core and its nature. You cannot upgrade cores past your current evolution.
Note: The better your Mind the larger your core and the more Mana it can hold. The more expansive your Soul the faster you regenerate Mana. A high Spirit raises both these attributes.
Warning: A core is incompatible with the lightning. They will seek to destroy each other and, in the process, kill their host.
Warning: While an easy access to power you cannot ascend with another entity’s power within you. You must make it your own, take it from your master.
24) Incense Pool
Impression: This pool’s surface is obscured by the smoke of burning incense that seems to hover around the pool.
Experience: This pool’s waters are lukewarm, and you quickly adjust to the temperature as you slip inside the water. The incense tries to lull you to sleep and if you succumb to the fumes, you might come face to face with a deity that closest resembles your beliefs. If you manage to impress this existence, you will be given a choice to be a priest for this deity. They will require you to spread the faith as it depends on this energy to sustain itself and you.
Tooltip: Much like the warlock this deity will lend you a portion of its power. This deity seeks the worship of others to its glory. This faith can be obtained at the end of a sword so be careful who you bargain with. Unlike a warlock you will not need to battle your god when the time comes to ascend as you doing so brings it glory.
Note: you can only have one core at a time.
Note: The maximum level of spells cast depend on the density of mana which in turn depends on the grade of your core and its nature. You cannot upgrade cores past your current evolution.
Note: The better your Mind the larger your core and the more Mana it can hold. The more expansive your Soul the faster you regenerate Mana. A high Spirit raises both these attributes.
Warning: A core is incompatible with the lightning. They will seek to destroy each other and, in the process, kill their host.
25) Sludge Pool (Evolution)
Impression: This pool contains a black viscous liquid that bubbles and oozes everywhere. The bubbles release noxious smelling gases and reveal the occasional bone or carcass of the unfortunate victims of this pool.
Experience:>! Stepping into this pool without proper preparation will only allow the pool to drag you down into its viscus depths as you struggle in vane to break free.!<
Tooltip: This pool will start your evolution to the next level. But you will only survive if one of your Mind, Sprit, Body, or Soul is at the peak or if you have developed powers. This pool will practically poison you to force this evolution resulting in an inordinate amount of pain every day for a year and a day. Once this is over you will be able to surpass your human existence. You can grow your Mind, Body, Soul, Spirt and Powers to Parahuman levels though it takes more time to once again reach the peak of your existence. Once there and two of your five categories are at their peak you can evolve again to Superhuman. Then with three of the five to Demigod, 4 of 5 to Godling and with all five at the godling stage you can ascend though this is the work of centuries if not millennia.

20th: Abi-Maria Gomes 1.0 (Philippines - 5th)

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NOTE - THIS WRITEUP IS SO LONG THAT IT CAN'T EVEN FIT INTO A FULL POST. LAST PART AND BLURBS WILL BE IN THE COMMENTS.
u/DryBonesKing:
This feels surreal to me. After I got forced to cut Artis and Pete much sooner than I would have liked, I get the opportunity to actually talk about the Abi-Maria in the Endgame of all places? I feel like I’m going to cry. Abi does genuinely sit in my personal endgame as my number ten of all time, so it truly is an honor to finally give Abi her flowers in a forum that I feel truly suits her character.
To revisit something I had said in my Artis write-up, I made a note that I consider his boot to be one of the most underrated in terms of how impactful it was for Survivor. I stand by that statement, but I wish to expand on that further now that we are finally discussing the true meat of my reasoning; Abi-Maria Gomes is the most important post-HvV character in Survivor history. Without her, I truly believe Survivor would have been canceled shortly after Caramoan.
Part 1: History of Survivor, and Abi’s Role in It
Okay, that claim probably requires immediate justification, but before I can really discuss what I mean, I need to make sure you all are aware of the state of the Survivor fanbase at the time. I know it’s commonplace to occasionally call Seasons 21-26 as “Survivor’s Dark Age”, but I do think that if you were not actively involved in the community at the time, you don’t really know how bad it is. Nicaragua and South Pacific might have had changes in perceptions in recent years, but they were hated at the time, alongside Redemption Island. Three extremely negatively-received seasons, and then One World came right after. People actually assumed the season was going to put Survivor “back on track” to how it was pre-Nicaragua thanks to it being an all-newbie cast and its rather fresh twist, but then the season aired and it was… very much not. Even worse, the next two seasons were spoiled extremely quickly and one was Survivor Caramoan - a fans/favorites repeat with not only some of the worst received returning players being cast as “favorites”, but one of the most controversial of that bunch (Cochran) was already spoiled to win.
Like, the Survivor fandom at the time was bleak. Four EXTREMELY negatively-received seasons and another one on the horizon. Discussion of the series moving forward was very dim and it really seemed like the show was going to die then and there. All that remained as an unknown was this twenty-fifth season - “Philippines”. The season had a lot of it already spoiled ahead of time (the final three was spoiled, a guy named “Malcolm” was supposed to do good and return to Caramoan, and the blue tribe was supposed to lose four pre-merge immunities), but there was still a lot of unknown surrounding it. Still though, this was the “Dark Age”. Everything before it was shit. And the season immediately following it was going to be shit. So why would this one be any different?
… No literally; why? Why was Phillipines different? Anyone who still calls this era the “Dark Age” still makes a point to note that this season was an exception. Was it Matsing? Well, as amazing as the story the tribe had, it would not have been uncommon for a Survivor season to have had an amazing pre-merge and a shit post-merge, so it can’t be that. Was it the fact that Denise came out on top as the ultimate underdog? Again, probably not; underdogs are not always guaranteed to be received positively at the time (i.e. Chris Daugherty) and Survivor has proven that it can also just naturally fuck-up an underdog winner. Well, was it maybe the returnee players? Well, while Skupin/PenneSwan were definitely received well in comparison, this was again happening just after Redemption Island and South Pacific, so if the returnees were supposed to be the big draws of the season, then the season would have been doomed to have failed. So. What was it?
“I am your friend, but if you fuck with me, you’re dead. Seriously you are done. Just letting you know.”
On a tribe with Mike “Pig Slaughterer, Burn Victim” Skupin and “Actual Celebrity” Lisa Whelchel, Abi-Maria steals the attention and screentime for the majority of the time on Tandang. I don’t even mean that as a matter of preference, but rather she becomes the center of all the dynamics in Tandang and everything leads back to Abi. It’s hard not to see why; she has very little tact, says whatever is on her mind, is very irritable and prone to bursts of anger, paranoid, and a penchant for holding grudges and seeking revenge. And despite all of those negative-sounding traits, she presents herself as charming and bubbly and someone who is just excited to be there and fuck shit up. Needless to say, Abi won me over very quickly, and with each passing episode, her grip on her spot in my endgame grew tighter and tighter.
What specifically works about Abi for the audience at large, though, is her role in Philippines as a villain. The villains of this post-HvV era were starting to alienate a good portion of the general fanbase at the time, either because of over-the-top Cartoonish behavior that felt unreal (Phillip and Naonka) or just general repulsive behavior (Colton and Alicia). But Abi was not quite like any of the ones before her so far. Yes she herself earned a hefty amount of OTTNs in her edgic, but a lot of her behavior was rooted in very natural, believable behavior while also never going too far that it past the moral event horizon. But probably most importantly, Abi’s brand of villainly wasn’t just something that enhanced her character, but rather strengthened the characters of all the cast members she interacted with.
Part 2: Abi-Maria and Tandang
To just briefly start discussing her impact on Tandang…
RC: Abi and RC developed an incredibly tense dynamic based on their initial friendship and excitement to be there, which quickly morphed as Abi started to get paranoid and RC began to get annoyed. We got to watch each episode as the relationship becomes more and more disintegrated until finally RC “is dead to her”. This story continues as Tandang continues to keep winning immunities and causing RC to fall deeper and deeper into in-game depression culminating in her boot at the merge, the point where she supposedly should be able to “spread her wings” away from playing with just her old tribe.
The arc itself is just rather fascinating in general. First, I think it is a very nice cautionary tale (for the audience and for anyone who is actually playing this game) to be mindful of who you end up aligning with. A lot of these early game “best friendships” like Rich and Rudy, Rodger and Elisabeth, Rupert/Sandra/Christa, Tom/Ian/Katie, Becky and Yul, JT and Stephen… the vast majority of time these early game dynamics are highlighted because they either will go deep into the game together and that their bond is going to be one of the main narrative focal points. Abi and RC serve as a great foil to literally ever “duo/trio” Survivor has ever cast with how quickly they align, how quickly they implode, and how it essentially serves as a warning to be careful of the people around you until you get to know them better, to make sure you’re compatible!
Beyond just that, though, the whole battle gives RC a rather unique arc, where we start the season off meeting this excited, lively investment banker ready to play Survivor like Wallstreet and watch her slowly and surely unravel into a depressed mess reliving childhood traumas with bullying culminating in her getting voted out just as she is finally able to socially branch out. That’s compelling shit from a character who probably was on the trajectory to be a bland-CP gamebot, and it’s all thanks to Abi mucking around and seeing RC’s “gamebot” behavior and getting super sketched out. I think this community is neutral/leans negative on RC, but just imagine her without Abi; Abi was able to give her an actually fresh, unique storyline.
Artis: I don’t even need to explain how much I love Artis; I already did that in my write-up for him. Artis fills his role very nice as the quiet grouchy “reasonable one” of the alliance between him/Abi/Pete and helps further build-up the divide between them and the other members of Tandang, especially Skupin. Abi’s role helps enhance his passive negativity as RC will begin giving confessionals about how Abi, Pete and Artis are all horrible, evil people. Instead of feeling sort of like an UTR figure that just exists for the sake of existing like Carter (said with love to Carter, admittedly), Artis ends up helping making Abi just feel more imposing as a threat as she has multiple allies who will never break ties with her. This in turn also gives more ways for her story to be turned against, though, as a vote-out against Artis also functions as a vote-out against Abi!
In the earlier Artis write-up I did, I talked about how important his vote-out serves as the first genuine power-shift Survivor had in over three seasons, as the minority alliance at the time ended up toppling over the dominant, negative, “evil” alliance. Maybe in hindsight with knowing how seasons go nowadays this doesn’t mean much when you binge Philippines, but it would be an extreme disservice to not point-out how big of a deal this vote was at the time to see that it was still, indeed, possible for Survivor’s narrative to shift and turn like this. That would not have been possible without Abi being able to just passively add to Artis’s role and give him more of a negative-tone than he maybe normally would have.
But in addition, Artis also serves as a “first strike” sort of role. Again, getting him voted out is able to flip the switch and put Abi out in the bottom. We actually get the chance to see her respond to the pressure of being on the out as opposed to just simply being blindsided, and help further establish a downfall for her. Both end up benefiting from one another as they help create one of the most underrated power shifts in the show’s history, and also helps just benefit the season as a whole
Pete: I also don’t even need to explain how much I love Pete; I already did that in my write-up for him! For starters, I just love how their storyline starts with Abi talking how she wants to use her accent as a flirtatious tool in her opening confessional only for it to later cut to Pete just going “She keeps staring at me and is hot, I hope we can do damage together”. His arc with Abi is genuinely amazing as he just ends up fucking around and contributing to the break-up of Abi and RC for shits and giggles. He helps feed into Abi’s energy, which in turn helps inflate his own ego as a strategist thinking he has the perfect “goat” lined up for him. This ultimately ends up backfiring, though, as Abi (and the collective negativity of their alliance) leads to not only Skupin finally turning on Tandang at the Artis boot, but to his downfall before Abi.
The two compliment each other in such an amazing way; Pete gives precisely “zero fucks” when it comes to enabling Abi’s behavior and just seems. He is the perfect ally in just allowing Abi to sorta be completely unfiltered and Abi is the perfect ally for him because she enables him to feel like the “mastermind” he totally is. I joke a lot about Pete’s ego regarding his strategic game, but it does give their alliance and in-game presence some credibility that Pete could end up getting a winner’s edit, which in turn makes their expected steamroll in the pre-merge/early merge all the more terrifying and, therefore, all the more satisfying when it all comes crumbling down. Pete’s also just naturally a dick so he’s able to just add onto any little soundbite of Abi and just amplify it, making both feel more negative than they would be without the other.
In addition, Pete making all these various confessionals about “how he was keeping Abi in control” and “how immature she is and that it will make her be the perfect to take to the end” makes her outlasting him feel truly satisfying! I always love when people make decisions in-game that explicitly blow up in his face. Him directly calling out Abi as selfish and immature, and then someone like Denise directly saying Abi’s selfishness is the explicit reason that both Artis and he were getting voted out before her (because “no one as selfish as Abi would play her idol on you” is just perfect). This is just such an amazing boot and end to his character, and it only would be possible because of Abi!
Skupin: Like RC, Abi doesn’t start out on bad terms with Skupin, but as more time passes and Skupin continues to fail to impress the rest of his tribe, Abi’s patience starts to wane thin for the man. She adds to Pete’s and Artis’s shit-talking of the guy and helps create the environment that justifies him jumping-ship at the final nine. In the aftermath of that boot, Abi gets genuinely upset with people like Lisa and Denise, but with Skupin, she almost doesn’t take offense because she already assumed he was just stupid. She continues to be dismissive of him up until her own boot tribal council, where she tells him (and Lisa) that they will both lose to Denise if they vote her out, which ultimately ends up coming to pass in the end.
As I highlighted in my Artis entry, I love the complete lack of respect that Skupin ended up getting from Tandang as it feels completely opposite to how every single returnee player has ever been treated on these “captain” style of seasons. Skupin is so openly dismissed and disrespected by his tribe that it actually is noticeable to the idiot and leads to him jumping ship at final nine, making that plotline in the pre-merge feel extra poignant. Abi is a main contributor to Skupin’s feelings and this unique twist on treatment of a returnee player, so props to her for that alone!
When I describe Abi as “dismissive” of Skupin, I don’t mean it as if she simply ignores him here and there and the edit just focuses on other things, but it’s played up for laughter about how little Abi thinks of him. Of exactly how stupid she thinks he is. Of how little relevance he has to her. She ends up thinking so little of him that she ends up even accidentally hitting on the head with a coconut (which is a great contribution to that plot line of his as well!); that’s how little she actually truly notices or cares about Skupin! This all just builds-up to her vote-out tribal council where she gets to finally tell him to his face how dumb he really is and how fucked up he is about to be if he goes down the path he ends up going. Skupin as a losing, low-vote finalist feels extremely satisfying in a way that I would never have assumed possible and a huge chunk of that role goes to Abi-Maria, who helps truly encapsulate the feelings of the jury.
Lisa: Lisa entered the season wanting to finally be free of he “celebrity status” and play the game “just as Lisa”, which is probably a terrible thing to have done as both Abi and RC (during their brief three day friendship) decided that Lisa sucked and should be the first one out. Lisa goes on a rough-start as she wrestles with being excluded and almost mocked by her tribe, with Abi being the face of this tribe and the mocking. Fortunately for her, Abi and RC break-up and Pete takes a liking to her, allowing her to jump up in the pecking order. Unfortunately, though, that was only circumstantial and Abi still doesn’t think much of Lisa at all, causing her to feel more alienated and like shit. She wrestles with the idea of voting Abi out and how it would go with her morals, but ultimately her choice gets taken from her as Skupin pulls the pin first without warning, leading to Lisa getting blamed by association. This (alongside her brother’s family visit a few rounds later) will help center Lisa’s game and convince her she’s ready to play the game as ruthlessly as Survivor demands. Ironically, this leads her to actually want to keep Abi in the game, setting up her own defeat when she fails to change Skupin’s mind about voting out Abi versus Malcolm/Denise.
Lisa’s desire to “just be Lisa” needed immediate conflict, and Abi’s inability to really hide her thoughts and emotions regarding her proved to the perfect catalyst for that. It helped set up Lisa’s entire storyline throughout storyline regarding being herself and playing the game that was most comfortable for herself. Abi functions as a great test of morality for her, both regarding whether she will “accept/condone” Abi’s behavior by never voting her out and also whether Lisa will turn on her, meaning whether she would be going against her word. There is also a degree of tragedy to Lisa wrestling with the decision only to have the decision made for her and still receive the blame for it in Abi’s mind
So, yeah. That’s literally just Tandang alone. Abi-Maria has one of the rare abilities to naturally bring herself to the center of the story, but it is done in a way where it just enhances the story and character of everyone she’s involved with. And even though this write-up is just about her Philippines incarnation, this quality is also visible in Cambodia where she’s able to make all the characters she interacts with properly (i.e. Shirin, Terry, Woo, Peih-Gee, Varner, Savage, etc.) stronger characters as a result of their conflict or their general interactions with her. Like, I can’t emphasize how cool it was to see Abi somehow managing to earn Terry Deitz’s sympathy, and how much that retroactively makes Terry character feel more unique and distinct as a result. Again, this write-up isn’t meant to talk up her Cambodia version, but just to further highlight this strength of Abi-Maria. She is that strong of a main character to have for your narrative.
Part 3: A highlight reel of Abi’s Greatest Hits
WHICH SPEAKING OF! Taking larger narrative out of the equations, Abi is just fucking hilarious on an individual level and I don’t thinks is given her flowers enough for just how funny she is. Like, to just a handful of her funnier moments.
~
Immediately after Skupin is announced to be joining Tandang, she immediately asks “How are your hands? Let me see your hands!” It’s a smaller moment that highlights Abi’s bluntness and the reason behind Skupin’s medivac, but it’s also just rather a funny way to reference the moment and the way Abi forces the conversation is very fun.
The journey of Abi’s knee and her repeatedly hurting herself and her limping her way through the game, building-up to her winning immunity in final seven.
There’s the aforementioned “If you fuck with me you’re dead to me” that’s already been referenced in the write-up. Like, the line delivery, the word choice, RC’s reaction to Abi just busting this out of nowhere… it’s all so fucking perfect.
Her looking at the episode six reward challenge and just busting out that Kalabaw won by using psychology and tricking Skupin to give up the reward challenge and how it pissed her off.
Her revealing her hidden immunity idol at final ten. Probst just asking casually if anyone else would like to reveal their idol as Malcolm shows his off as a threat, prompting Abi to just pull hers out as a nonchalantly as possible, “I have it right here. I have it with me to protect my allies, here please a look” as she just showed it off while everyone is staring dumbfounded and Penner is just mouthing “This is awesome”.
The “minority” alliance planning who to target at the final nine and noting Abi’s selfishness, and then it cuts to Abi shouting to said group that “I found a clam”, leading to both Malcolm and Denise no-selling her finding a clam. It’s a genuinely hilarious moment.
Her comment in the aftermath of the Artis Boot about how she has a three-person alliance with Pete… and her hidden immunity idol. And how she takes it seriously about an alliance of six versus an alliance of three, as if the idol was not a tool, but an actual sentient person.
Carter getting asked his thoughts about the reward in episode ten, only for Abi-Maria to just literally talk over him about how amazing she thought the spa was. Both an amazing subtle jab at Carter’s edit (seeing him get asked a question only to get talked over) while also just being an amazing, hilarious Abi moment!
Her announcing to the Dangrayne Tribe that she’s not going to help with the cooking or cleaning, since she’s going to get voted out soon anyway, but still expects for them to care for her is just… peak. It’s so fucking peak and passive-aggressive.
Everything about Abi’s lie about her nonexistent idol in the final seven. From the very idea itself, from her acting about the idol - coming from the same school as Ozzy “For Revenge, Basically” Lusth, but only even better since she doesn’t drop it immediately after - to her confessional about “If you repeat a lie enough people will start to believe it. Even I am believing it!”
Her vote for Denise in the final seven where, after giving a passive aggressive confessional with a smile before slamming her ballot closed, she folds her voting ballot incorrectly and is unable to fit it into the urn, forcing her to have to refold it and break the tension she created with her confessional.
ABI AND HER MOTHER! Their entire dynamic in the family challenge can probably described as adorable and heartwarming rather than funny, but I definitely wanted to highlight it as seeing her mother attempt the challenge was genuinely hilarious.
Her sending a coconut flying into Skupin’s head, which I already mentioned above. Alongside the narrative commentary showcasing how little Abi gives a shit about Skupin, it also has the added bonus of being, “Literally the funniest moment of the season”. (EDITOR'S NOTE FROM MIKERAMP: and it aged BEAUTIFULLY too. Fuck Michael Skupin!)
~
That’s just a small highlight reel of Abi’s moments alone. Again, every moment she has on screen is just literal fire. She’s just naturally charismatic and funny with an ability to make every scene she’s better, even the smaller narration moments… which actually is a decent transition into one of my genuinely least favorite critiques about her.
Part 4: Abi: Illogical, chaotic caricature? Or, y’know, just a regular fucking human being?
I’ve seen quite a few takes over the years where Abi-Maria is sometimes called a caricature. I’ve also seen takes where people criticize her for thinking “illogically” or being someone who is lacking in reasoning, looking at moments like her blow-up with RC being the result of Abi just deciding she didn’t like her. To put this as politely as I possibly can, I disagree with both takes. On a personal level. To the point that I find the idea that some people find Abi-Maria an “illogical person” to be borderline offensive. And it sorta stems from a lot of issues I discussed when I had cut Varner 2.0, where I complained about him viewing Abi as a source of entertainment before viewing her as a person.
Watch Philippines and actually pay attention to Abi’s confessionals. Watch and actually listen to her when she’s talking. Abi is a lot more conscious of her word choices and her thoughts than you would believe based on a lot of the discourse around her. Again, her friendship with RC ending ends up getting explained very well by watching her more and more suspicious of RC’s relationship with Skupin, RC giving her dummy answers that don’t feel sincere, and then culminating in Pete actively sabotaging their relationship in a way that RC would not be able to argue back against. There is build-up that showcases that this destruction is not random or a moment of Abi being illogical; it’s natural based on how events happened on the island. And to reduce it down to a moment of her being a character is just a complete disservice and frankly infuriating.
She should be allowed to get pissed off when she gets pissed off. Abi is not the kind of person who just drops swear words every five seconds or makes stupid catchphrases. She doesn’t just scream that “She’s pissed” because someone ignored her or said something mean to her. Everything involving her is just very believable moments of anger or indignation about something that happened to her or her allies, or something that relates to how she is being treated. How is her character not logical? Hell, she even has a confessional in the early merge about how she hates Skupin but knows that Tandang needs him and that they are sticking together and therefore she must vote out Penner; that is literally her acknowledging her personal opinion would not be the optimal thing to do and instead that she needs to go with what is logical? Again, how in the literal fuck is she not a logical person or character in the context of the story?
Abi’s confessionals are actually very well composed and not OTT-in the slightest. Her in games are actually very real, to the point that it’s impressive how much she is right about everything. It gets hammered in especially with her completely accurate read in her boot tribal council about the threat Denise is. And it is delivered in a sort of “The Reason You Suck” speech to both Skupin and Lisa to highlight the need to keep her, but it doesn’t change the fact that everything she says is indeed correct.
I bring all of this up to highlight that Abi is not just some random caricature “Brazilian dragon” of chaos that I’ve seen discussed on reddit and Sucks and other places. I think it’s a huge disservice and borderline racist to just bring down her views and thoughts just to make her into some harbinger of chaos when everything she says, thinks, and does is rooted in logic that is very easy to see and follow when you watch the season. She’s a villain, yes, but a very believable one rooted in realism. Which… is also another great transition into another issue I know people have with her that I really want to tackle with her… Abi’s “Humanization”.
Part 5: Humanizing your main villain
There is a sentiment that some people tend to have with Survivor characters that a Survivor villain needs to be exclusively a “villain” at all times and that any moment to “humanize” them is a mistake as it lessens their impact as a villain. I blame Probst’s weird comments on villains as the main reason for that, but I know it’s something people do actually believe. And sometimes, I do think that is the case. Fairplay is the standout example of someone who would be a weaker character with more humanization, but that specific brand of villain is few and far between, in my opinion. The majority are improved by the edit’s attempts to better humanize them?
Is John Carroll any less of a villain because the edit showcases him saying that he wants to play for his mother? Is Randy less of a villain because the edit lets him talk about what his dog means to him? Is Shane ruined because they showcase his relationship with his son? No! If anything, it’s those moments that make them better, and elevates both their overall character and villain status in the eyes of the fandom. And it’s the same way with Abi’s edit post-power shift.
Abi reacts pretty badly to a lot of the things said about her in the final eight tribal council and beyond, as no one has properly told her to face exactly what issues they had with her. It comes as a lot and overwhelming, and it’s also accompanied with her being in a vulnerable place in-game as her closest allies are gone, and it just makes her miserable. She gets the opportunity to cry about it and self-reflect on her feelings and behavior and GOD IT’S SO GOOD!
It is genuinely fascinating to see Abi experience the same kind of treatment that she herself helped perpetuate for someone like Lisa or RC and for her to get emotional about it. It’s amazing that she gets to have someone like Denise who can essentially function as “her” Abi and be just an unnecessary jackass to her about every little thing she says and does. It’s an amazing role reversal that you never get to see on Survivor, since normally a “villain” tends to just get voted out as a result of the powershift. But getting to see Abi get passed over Pete, and then Matsing-Tandang Foursome choose to pick off the Kalabaw remnants before her, allows us to watch Abi react in real time to everything and see her slowly grow more disillusioned, more upset, and more pissed off. And I think it’s the kind of circumstance that helps make her feel truly human compared to other villains.
Like, keep in mind, she’s still very clearly a villain post-Artis boot. Abi openly declaring she wasn’t going to help with the cooking or cleaning in camp was not supposed to be something the audience was cheering on. Her underdog efforts to get Lisa and Skupin to flip on Malcolm/Denise in the final six and final five were not positive moments, as she regularly put down their intelligence and talked mad shit about Denise. And speaking of, her feud with Denise (which I will touch on in more detail in a moment) was mixed in tone at best, and at worst was a case of “everyone sucks here”. Viewers were never meant to take her side or suddenly start rooting fo her to win just because she was the underdog now and cried a few times. All we were supposed to do was better understand her, which is something I feel the show managed to do quite well in this time period.
I’ve seen some critique about Jeff trying to say that the issues the tribe had with Abi were “cultural” and that the issues with her were just strictly personal, but I actually genuinely appreciated and was pleasantly surprised by Probst’s care in the discussion. And I also think both takes can be very true; a chunk of Abi’s issues are probably culturally related and than others are issues with her. To just give an example, Abi noted herself that English is not her first language and therefore she can’t put the same level of thought or care she would if she were speaking Portuguese. This most likely worsened one of Abi’s personality traits regarding her lack of filter and bluntness, making her come across even harsher than she herself intended. Both cases are a hundred percent real and I think are important to keep in mind with discussing her, as there is just a lot more nuance than people tend to accept with her. Specifically one person, though…
Part 6: Abi-Maria and the worst therapy sessions of her life…
Abi-Maria Gomes and Denise Stapley - A match conceived in hell. I think they have one of the most truly fascinating relationships Survivor has ever showcased between a Survivor winner and their respective “villain”, since honestly, it feels almost exactly like the role-reversal that I mentioned earlier.
Denise has such a very carefully crafted public image based on her understanding and patience, which is rooted in her profession. Her very first confessional is about literally wanting to get to know Zane and peer beneath his layers, as he comes across as very intimidating outwardly but seems to have a softer side to him. And this again is a courtesy she extends to every person she comes into contact with in game, at any given point or no matter how stressful the game currently is. Only a single exception exists: Abi-Maria.
For some reason, Abi is the only Denise refuses to attempt to connect with. She attempts so with Roxie, despite the fact their world and religious views do not align at all. She does so with Angie, despite her having concerns about her strength, motivation, and her closeness with Malcolm. She does so with Russell, despite his toil and struggles with how the game is going. But she is completely unwilling to do so with Abi, even before the power shift that puts Abi on the bottom.
The feud between Abi and Denise is so amazing because it feels deeply personal, because they make it as such. Denise makes multiple comments about Abi’s character that no one else would make: not even RC, who by the end of her time on the show definitely felt exactly like her. Denise regularly refutes that the issues with Abi aren’t cultural and are just rooted in Abi being a terrible person. Meanwhile Abi continues to just call out Denise’s words and just point out how rude she’s being only for Denise to just stonewall and shut-out her comments. Their pettiness is unmatched. Whether it’s Denise corrected Abi calling her a psychologist instead of a therapist to just completely undercut the point Abi was making about her manipulative behavior to Abi in the final six episode just giving Denise the most passive-aggressive congratulations for making the final four, they’re just regularly at each other’s throats. It even continues into their voting confessionals, where Denise just rattles on about Abi being “selfish” and how “There is something really wrong with this world” if Abi doesn’t go home, to Abi going on about how judgey Denise is and how much of a patronizing, horrible person she is.
What I love about this particular relationship is just genuinely how truly messy it is for both parties and showcase different sides of the other. As I mentioned in the above section, Abi is given the chance to truly face someone who gives the same energy she always had. It is refreshing to see the humanity of her reacting to someone who is just so unnecessarily harsh, and it is equally refreshing to see the consistency in Abi when she just regularly fights back against her. Similarly, Denise is just so well composed and put-together and clinical with how she approaches other people that it is also refreshing to see that she does have a limit and to be able to see the person she is behind the therapist mask she tends to wear everyday. And it also serves as just another fun way to distinguish both Denise and Malcolm, as Denise losing her shit at Abi and talking with Skupin and Penner about what psychological issues Abi must have is juxtaposed with Malcolm just listening to her cry and comforting her with a “sorry darling”. Just showcasing the difference in how they end up treating Abi helps characterize the Denise/Malcolm relationship even more and just ends up feeling so, so engaging.
But to end this section on their relationship, I think one of the really genuinely fascinating things about them though is that no matter how personal they end up taking their feud with one another, Abi and Denise do appear to have some modicum of respect for one another. Abi’s pitch to Skupin and Lisa about voting out Denise because either she or Malcolm will win was not born entirely out of self-preservation; all the compliments she gives her are genuinely true. Even in all of Abi’s comments about how hateful and horrible Denise was, she always did still circle around to the fact that Denise was great with words and was an expert manipulator. Likewise, come FTC, Denise is the only one of the three to actually apologize to Abi for how she made her feel. And while one could argue that was simply just juror pandering, Denise does directly responds to Abi’s specific issues with a care that shows she was actively listening to what Abi’s problems with her were that showcase sincerity. A sincerity, mind you, that she never once willingly exhibited in game when it would be considered “bad jury management”.
Abi’s backhand compliments to Denise, Denise’s apology to Abi, and Abi’s vote for Denise, all circle around to highlighting one of the most dynamic relationships Survivor has ever showcased between their main hero winner and their rival villain. And how, in the end, no matter how personal it got, there was a degree of respect buried under the vitriol. And I think that speaks to both their characters in-game and out-of-game that helps make the end of the season feel particularly special.
(WRITEUP FINISHED IN THE COMMENTS)

Click here for the newest dry fasting protocols for different diets and strategies

Fix your vagus nerve to heal chronic illness and improve glucose metabolism with dry fasting
The vagus nerve is so important to glucose metabolism. I talk about this a lot. You can suppress a lot of symptoms and feel so much better by going on a low-carb diet, but this is simply masking the problem in the short term. True health is obtained when you are able to eat carbs again. This improved carbohydrate sensitivity goes hand in hand with vagus nerve health. To really thrive and become superhuman we have to fix the vagus nerve. The study we’re going to look at is called Impact of blood glucose control on sympathetic and vagus nerve function status in patients with Type 2 diabetes.

“Present results indicate that sympathetic and vagal functional status are impaired independent of HbA1c level, while poor glycemic control is related to more significant neurocardiac dysfunction in DM patients.” ~Impact of blood glucose control on sympathetic and vagus nerve functional status in patients with type 2 diabetes mellitus - PMC~

This incredible study found an interesting pattern that is important to understanding how important the parasympathetic nervous system is to insulin resistance.
They had 3 groups of diabetic patients.

• 100 patients who had diabetes but controlled their glucose intake very well (kept it low),
• 100 patients who had diabetes and did not control their glucose intake very well (up and down),
• and 100 patients without diabetes as a control group.

All subjects underwent blood biochemistry tests, treadmill exercise testing, and 24-hour Holter monitoring. HRR and HRV parameters were significantly lower in groups A and B than in group C. Very low frequency (VLF) values were significantly lower in group B than in group A.
All of this makes perfect sense.
No diabetes gives the best results for HRR and HRV.
Then diabetes but good glycemic control gives better results than no control of glycemic control.
Are we looking for optimal health? Well, then we’ve got to eliminate diabetes. How do we know we’ve achieved it? ~When we can eat carbs and feel perfectly healthy with good glucose clearance levels.~ But if we can't get there, managing blood glucose levels is critical, while still getting enough carbs to stop the body from constantly needing to create it through cortisol-gluconeogenesis pathways.
Low-carb diets are notoriously known to lower HRV. Even if your HbA1C levels are in the normal range. So why isn't your HRV increasing? Know what increases it? Removal of chronic cortisol. The easiest way to achieve this is by eating carbohydrates to stop constant gluconeogenesis from protein and fat. But be aware that jumping straight from low-carb into high-carb has its own set of risks and should be done very gradually (use a CGM if you can). An art form in itself. Dry fasting helps speed these transitions drastically, and it's why the scorch protocol uses dry fasting in between periods of dietary ketosis and high-carb regeneration.

“studies have shown that vagal activity, as indexed by heart-rate variability (HRV), is inversely related to diabetes and that low HRV is a predictor of T2DM*.”* ~The Vagal Nerve, Inflammation, and Diabetes—A Holy Triangle - PMC~

Why does this matter? Higher HRV predicts how well your body can handle stress. Dry Fasting spikes your HRV levels drastically. Not eating before bed helps a lot, not drinking alcohol, lowering your stress, etc. But the quickest, most powerful HRV spike comes from dry fasting and you get instant results. Don’t believe me? Try it next time you fast. Monitor your nighttime HRV levels with a fitness tracker wearable.
This indicates that it plays a big role in stimulating the vagus nerve and promoting its healing. Now, it’s not the end-all-be-all of vagus nerve healing. It sparks the fire, but you need to nurture and improve upon it by mastering the refeeding period.
With fasting, we attempt to fix our issues through a few mechanisms. Lowering sugar levels, giving the cells and pancreas a break, recycling cellular components that are faulty, stimulating stem cell regeneration, improving HRV while stimulating the vagus nerve.

Stress-induced hyperglycemia: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11219223/

Controlling glucose through diets like keto and carnivore is why so many people feel better on them than on their previous diet. If you have insulin-resistance-type of downstream damage, of course fixing it through glucose management is a critical first step. But what happens after? If you keep at a zero-carb diet, you cause chronic stress, but also insulin SUPPRESSION. If you don’t use it, you lose it! My own experiments and observations track perfectly well with this. They’re based on tracking my HRV and correlate fiercely with COVID-induced diabetes. Do all illnesses correlate to insulin resistance? We know that catching a cold or illness almost always increases blood sugar levels, so an prolonged, extreme sickness can very easily push you into diabetic levels of insulin resistance.

Role of counterregulatory hormones in the catabolic response to stress. https://www.jci.org/articles/view/111650

• Fat adaptation forces insulin resistance
• If you quit a fast, which is varying levels of fat adaptation, you need to keep insulin resistance in mind. This is why it's crucial to refeed slowly and not spike blood sugar like crazy. Think grazing vs big meals at first.
• Fat adaptation forces insulin resistance
• If you quit a fast, which is varying levels of fat adaptation, you need to keep insulin resistance in mind. This is why it's crucial to refeed slowly and not spike blood sugar like crazy. Think grazing vs big meals at first.

How does fasting help with diabetes?

• Diabetes is inherently connected to nervous system dysregulation
• Stimulating vagus nerve shows better glucose uptake by cells
• Ergo, vagus nerve dysfunction is linked to diabetes – is our diabetes epidemic because of a perfect storm of stress and diet?
• Fasting is a powerful reset to the vagus nerve and central nervous system. It lights the flame, but you must nurture it
• Inflammation and diabetes is an important link. Harness the power of fasting to lower inflammation, and build on that process upon the exit. Remove seed oils. Stop snacking between meals. Strategically lower inflammation especially during feeding windows and sleep.
• Free fatty acids inhibit glucose uptake, which forces insulin to be created to deal with rising glucose levels and starts a vicious cycle. Why low-carb diets make sense, but don’t fix root issues, only downstream issues. But when lost and confused, starting low-carb is your fastest medicine.

It’s why I talk about Berberine and Ivermectin, Psilocybin, and timed breathwork and exercise.

• It’s why I talk about Berberine and Ivermectin, Psilocybin, and timed breathwork and exercise.

How does fasting help with diabetes?

• Diabetes is inherently connected to nervous system dysregulation
• Stimulating vagus nerve shows better glucose uptake by cells
• Ergo, vagus nerve dysfunction is linked to diabetes – is our diabetes epidemic because of a perfect storm of stress and diet?
• Fasting is a powerful reset to the vagus nerve and central nervous system. It lights the flame, but you must nurture it
• Inflammation and diabetes is an important link. Harness the power of fasting to lower inflammation, and build on that process upon the exit. Remove seed oils. Stop snacking between meals. Strategically lower inflammation especially during feeding windows and sleep.
• Free fatty acids inhibit glucose uptake, which forces insulin to be created to deal with rising glucose levels and starts a vicious cycle. Why low-carb diets make sense, but don’t fix root issues, only downstream issues. But when lost and confused, starting low-carb is your fastest medicine.

Click here for the newest dry fasting protocols for different diets and strategies

Hi y'all. I'm pretty much at my wits end.
I have a dermatologist appointment today but thought I'd ask around here anyway.
Backstory: I had eczema when I was really really young, honestly so young that the only thing I remembered of it was having a patch of it on my butt and my mom applying cream to it and then never really dealing with it ever again. She thought I had eczema on my face though it appeared as white patches and I vaguely remember this but for at least a decade or more I did not have eczema. My skin was perfect, genuinely so clear I didn't have to use much product on it.
Fast forward to November of 2019; I started taking hormonal birth control and noticed within a few months that I started getting eczema patches (also was having facial rashes but I thought this was due to trying out a new skincare) I went to the dermatologist who prescribed me Triamcinolone 0.1% ointment for my body rashes. I don't ever EVER remember using steroids much. I'd use it one to two days, and would stop when it starts to fade. Anyway my eczema was pretty lowkey in general and in 2021, we adopted a cat. I did notice my eczema worsening slightly ever since getting my cat but was managing with Triamcinolone (I think at this point my dermatologist prescribed me a tub of it I think December of 2021)
Again, I don't use steroid much and when I do I think it's really just for emergencies (my eczema was genuinely such a secondary aspect of my life I don't even remember much of how I managed it other than letting it ride and maybe applying steroid when needed). I remember the tub expired and I hadn't used even half of the ointment. I was also prescribed Mometasone and Fluoccionide? But I never used either of them as I didn't feel comfortable to.
In September of 2022, I caught COVID while overseas and it caused a pretty gnarly flare on the inner side of my elbows. Since I was overseas I just managed with moisturizing but I remember applying steroid when I came home. We adopted a second cat later this year.
Since then I think my eczema HAVE gotten worse, but there was a period of at least 6 months where I wasn't using steroid creams at all because I was either just dealing with it or it was barely there.
Fast forward to 2023.
I noticed a rash on the top of my right hand that I was initially managing with just moisturizing. But I remember having such intense itch on this rash that I kept itching, and at one point I itched with my shirt and it caused it to be infected. It was so gnarly, bright red, oozing, literally would not stop oozing, painful. I went back to my dermatologist 5 days later when I realized that oh this might be worse than just a regular eczema. She gave me Mupirocin and another tube of Triamcinolone (since my previous one expired) as well as a course of Doxycycline. I used the Mupirocin as directed for I think 10 days, and was not yet using Triamcinolone as I was worried about using it when it looked like there were still open wounds on it. I didn't finish my Doxy course because it was giving me horrible stomach pains. I came back to the dermatologist January 3rd and she told me it was OK to use Triamcinolone twice daily up to two weeks.
At this point I was already having eczema rash on my arms as well and some on my back but I don't think I was using Triamcinolone much on them (I'm pretty sporadic with using the steroid, I never really committed to the full 2 weeks)
Now, this is where things became a doozy.
January 5th: Caught strep, had difficulty breathing and had to go to urgent care. I was prescribed antibiotics, Prednisone (20mg, twice daily for 5 days), and Albuterol. I had asthma when I was younger and it's almost like it came back when I caught strep. My eczema was calm during this time and I thought it was because it rained a lot this week but now I realized it may be the Prednisone. Could not remember if I was using Triamcinolone as well on my hand during this time.
Sometime in early February: Went for a run and literally rolled my ankle so bad. Unrelated to everything else but my body sustained injury and looking back at old pictures I was starting to get patches of eczema on my legs.
Then I caught what felt like the flu in mid February and this is the first time my eczema flared to my face. My left eye was half swollen but at this time I thought it was from my sinus being blocked as it went away in a few days (though the rash stayed).
Early March: Got admitted to the hospital from Appendicitis. I spent 3 nights at the hospital and my eczema was literally non existent. No itchiness, just intense dryness but nothing else. I remember my friend noting my face was super dry but my rashes were slowly drying out. To be fair I was in so much pain the first day I was knocked out most the time from the pain medication they gave me and I was on a couple antibiotics due to the infection.
I came home from the hospital and this is when things start to really get insane. I got home, laid in bed, and immediately could not stop itching my neck and body. My face became swollen the next day but I was unable to take allergy meds because I was on antibiotics and had to wait for that course to be done. That eventually settled out.
I figured maybe I was having an allergic reaction to the cats (and thought maybe my mattress too, we had vacuumed it a few times and I suspected it disturbed the dust mites inside). I slept outside and on an air mattress for I think a few days, if not up to a week. The cats were still sleeping with me at this time and I was somewhat itchy but it wasn't the worst. Then I decided I was going to sleep in the bedroom again and this caused the worst flare I had ever ever EVER gone through. My face became so swollen, my left eye swollen again and it was oozing (this had NEVER happened to me before other than my infected hand) I don't know why this oozed since I never scratched my face, and my inner elbows, wrists and top of right hand got so red and puffy. At this point too my eczema on my right hand was starting to spread towards my palm. These areas also got pretty dry especially on my face. I called Teladoc Dermatology and they prescribed me Mupirocin for the oozing, Tacrolimus for the inflammation on my face and Triamcinolone for the body. He told me to apply Mupirocin first until the oozing calms, then stop and apply the other ointments.
At this point I had become SO SO SO terrified of TSW. It was all over my Tik Tok, my algorithm, I couldn't stop thinking and worrying about it and fearing that this flare is because I'm going through it. He told me to use Triamcinolone for twice daily for two weeks, then once daily for two weeks, then every other day for two weeks to help prevent rebound. I only used Triamcinolone twice daily for 5 days, then I did once daily for a few more days and by the time I saw my current dermatologist, I was using it every other day (I essentially tried to taper within the two weeks).
My current derma prescribed me Clobetasol and told me to mix 2oz of Clobetasol with 7.5oz of Vanicream or Cerave and smear myself in it once a day at night for one week, then once a day at night every other day for the second week. It was a very controlled instruction.
BUT I was SO afraid of TSW that I did not do this.
Instead, I took a one week break and I did 3 weeks of Triamcinolone, and even then I did it sporadically. I did about 10 days of once daily and then the second half I did twice daily. When I started doing twice daily was when I finally saw some improvements.
The problem is it has been a week since I last used any steroids and I have rebounded. Although my eczema rash genuinely looks so weird and I am having the dermatologist look at it properly today. My arms are constantly dry, my right hand (the problem spot since December) now have what looks like blisters on them and I never have eczema that look like this even though it's apparently common. The frustrating thing is that it feels like my eczema just keeps spreading. They are full body and it's freaking me out because it looks as if I have TSW even though I don't think I ever used steroids for that long at all, and I was only prescribed it back in 2020.
To be fair I thought I should've committed to the Clobetasol treatment because then we can see if the strongest steroid worked or not but I felt like I was going to flare again anyway and didn't want to use something really strong only for it to not work.
I had an allergy test done and I am allergic to both species of dust mites, dogs, cats, along with some other environmental things. I just don't understand why I am only now flaring uncontrollably like this. I am 95% covered in eczema. Either spots or just straight up long red rash. I am taking antihistamines daily and have been taking Probiotic pills pretty consistently (partly because I was on so many antibiotics back to back). I've been using Hyphocolorus Acid Spray as well.
On Sunday night, I tried to sleep over at my friend's place who did not have cats to test and see if my cats are my main trigger and I kept waking up itching myself, both my arms and legs and my chin and neck started oozing again. Which was INSANE as I did not itch either of them. The oozing on both have mostly stopped (I've only used Mupirocin and Vaseline to help control the infection and moisturize) but I just don't understand.
I'm scared, I have never had eczema become so severe so fast and I'm genuinely so scared. Something feels wrong but I don't know what it is. The way my eczema looks look like a combination of an allergic reaction and just a rash but I don't understand how I can have such an intense allergic reaction towards things I've been around all the time. We've lived in the same place since June of last year and the only thing I can think of is that we had the heater on almost daily in the winter and we found out end of April that our heater is incredibly dusty.
I'm getting my IUD removed next week as well as I'm confident birth control has something to do with my eczema coming back, and I plan to get allergy shots.
I'm just tired, it's consumed my life and it's causing me a lot of health anxiety. I look so genuinely terrible I can't even understand it.

The First Era:
Kaltovar was once part of massive Empire whose name is now lost to time. That Empire fractured into individual counties when the Emperor died at the age of 93, having outlived his heirs who had died variously of disease, war, and old age.
Most Counties were fiercely xenophobic due to centuries of rivalry, but the County of Kaltovar was an important trade hub of many peoples and its tradition was to welcome outsiders if they had coin. A non-noble member of the officer class, Major Karl Von-Doppelberg, had been elected to rule the County in place of a Count. Karl did not have the highest military rank, but was incredibly wealthy due to his family background, and was able to literally purchase votes.
The less intense xenophobia and more permissive atmosphere toward building meant rapid growth of an industrialized population in the city centers without having to drain the rural areas of their people to make the "Great Industrial Shift" as many of their peers had to do. Land became very expensive but labor was cheap and steel was in great supply, so the Merchants built higher and higher. Rural communities were subsidized to support the growing urban population, and a period of incredible wealth and prosperity ensued that drove even further immigration.
Kaltovar's massive wealthy population in relation to its neighbors allowed it to maintain a substantially larger military force, which came in handy during the brutal decades of civil war between the Counties. The death of the Emperor had left a power vacuum in which every County believed it was the best and most fit to inherit the Imperial throne. Huge factions formed, supporting different rulers, while Kaltovar traded with all of them and accepted the many refugees generated by the fighting. The Kingdom of Nirn, the Kingdom of Balugia, and the Republic of Thet.
A great paranoia swept the land, and it was during this period that the rule of Universal Conscription and the law requiring all citizens to own a "Modern Infantry Weapon" was introduced. At the time, that meant a bolt action rifle. One had to pay a fine of 3 Kaltmarks or 2 chickens if their household was found to have less than one such rifle for every member over the age of 16. This period also saw women and children conscripted into the military for the first time under the theory that they were capable of operating rifles in battle, which was later proven correct.
Eventually the Kingdom of Nirn decided to invade Kaltovar, which brought support from both the other factions who wanted it for themselves. Together, Kaltovar and the two factions slowly consumed the Kingdom of Nirn and then Kaltovar was again neutral. Balugia and Thet resumed their struggles, both intending to finish Kaltovar off when the war was over. Kaltovar, in the meanwhile, continued to build improvements and strengthen its military. Many years passed in the great war between Balugia and Thet, and both of them did frequent trade with Kaltovar.
After a long battle, the exhausted forces of Thet finally defeated the Balugian Royal Army and proceeded to immediately turn their forces against Kaltovar. Kaltovar defended its new lands and simultaniously invaded the former Balugian territory, which was only protected by a light occupation force meant to keep the locals suppressed. Kaltovar, being rich, paid great sums of money to the locals to rise up against their new Thetian masters. The combined peoples of Kaltovar and Balugia annihilated the armies of Thet in a relatively short campaign, because Thet was already tired from fighting against Balugia.
Major Karl Von Doppelberg celebrated the victory by declaring the First Directive of the new Nation, "From Many Peoples One Nation." which confirmed that there was no single culture to be venerated above the rest. Loyalty to the nascent State, productivity, wealth, and military competence were more important.
The Revolution:
Vadim Bel-Khyber was, at one point, an eager young Cybernetics Professor from a long line of aristocratic merchants and military officers. He received the best education from the youngest age, and was groomed constantly to fill the role of a leader. He did not by any means reject his role as the family heir, and was by all accounts excited to take up his position as the head of House Bel-Khyber, but spent enough time in Marxist theory circles to cause minor embarrassment to his family.
When his father fell out of favor with the high nobles for losing his temper during a plenary session, most of their family property and wealth was confiscated,. Vadim's casual interest in Marxist theories of inequality turned into a fanatical obsession now that economic and social inequality personally impacted him. It wasn't just about achieving justice, which was truly part of it, but also more prominently about taking revenge against the Nobles who had wronged his family for simply [talking shit] speaking their minds.
Vadim started by getting a job as a low level public servant, and gradually working his way up to the position of Comptroller-General. He was essentially the master-treasurer for the entire nation, someone who in theory was supposed to have very little actual power. The nobles found it hilarious to keep him in this role, which was seen as unfit for one of his birth, and a mark of shame on the wider Bel-Khyber dynasty. However, they always viewed him as a coward and so never feared him - to their magnificent error.
Over 3000 years ago he instigated a coup against the government he served, though he never altered his official title. He always remained the "Comptroller-General", a position responsible for all financial disbursements on behalf of the government. Gradually, after convincing the nobles to allow him a small "Treasury Police" to catch white collar criminals, he leveraged that authority to refuse to pay for the buildings or wages of entities that opposed him on the grounds of corruption and abuse of funds. This was corrupt on his part because it was to serve his own interests, but he could not be impugned because the corruption actually existed and had merely been overlooked for decades... Enough decades to establish long chains of evidence.
Although his behavior was obviously corrupt, the citizens almost universally supported it because everyone else was even more corrupt.
Vadim worked his way to the top of the Oligarchy, and proceeded to systematically dismantle it using its own tools of control, concentrating all their authority under him and elevating himself to the status of the Supreme Ruler in the process.
As soon as his control was undisputed, Vadim had many of the Nobles and Oligarchs arrested or even killed without warning all over the country on the same night. He established control over state broadcasting systems, ordered the army to open their armories to the public, and ordered the public to go into the armories and take up weapons and "clean up the government as they saw fit."
Although that night of chaos spiraled wildly out of control, the aftermath transitioned into hundreds of years of relatively peaceful rule under a new cybernetic form of government. He originally achieved this by personally performing surgery on himself using a wireless transmitter attached to his brain-stem to enable him to control the robotic surgical instruments even as he extracted his own brain and implanted it into the state machinery.
The Golden Age:
After approximately 1000 years in power, Vadim decided a human brain was no longer necessary. Having already expanded his mind with machine components, he realized his organic brain was less than 1% of his total cognitive capacity. In order to abandon his mortality completely and prove his theory of total consciousness transfer, he dissected his own brain alive and studied it as it died, observing hardly any change in his overall processes and confirming his beliefs.
The same day he faked his own death, releasing press statements that his brain had passed away during a recreational drug induced stroke. He did this because his position as dictator had started to inspire too much fear in his subjects. He wanted them to grow freely and experiment with democracy, though his shadowy hand would continue to guide their course.
Kaltovar was brought under the management of the TEMPEST Council (Temporary Emergency Management Political Economic Security and Technical). The TEMPEST Council was made up one third of those personally selected by Vadim, one third those selected by the leaders of his ministries, and one third by those elected by the people.
The Rule of the TEMPEST Council progressed for hundreds of years and enjoyed broad public support. It was seen as a step toward democracy, spearheaded by one of Vadim's most trusted advisors, Diplomatic Mainframe O.D.I.N. / DZ-00a69v00, until ...
The End of Time:
A top secret facility designated X-16 at the heart of an artificial depleted uranium moon named Lucifer was infiltrated by an agent from a foreign power. There, experiments on a new generation of hyperspace drive were well underway. This hyperspace drive was much faster than previous models, and required hundreds of times more energy. Unfortunately, the technology was dangerously unstable and the lead scientist was under the influence of an inter-dimensional being who sought to turn his work toward demented ends. What manifested was a device capable of altering the specifications of reality, and that is what the foreign agent gained access to. The Agent wished for "A world that would start from scratch, where neither country would be hostile toward each other, and the threat of a great war between them was no more."
Reality, as it was known, was totally destroyed by the device. Survivors were thrust into a new and previously unknown dimension where the laws of physics remained largely intact except for the minor detail that magic existed. Dozens of nations from the same reality were shunted into a single planet that was perfect for life yet mysteriously devoid of advanced civilizations. The new reality is more durable than the previous one because of the presence of magic, and it is no longer possible to destroy it with the same level of technology. This event created a massive energy signature within the multiverse that attracted scouts from other advanced multidimensional civilizations, and this single planet became one of the most populated worlds across realities, where many countries own "Embassy Territories" that are often thousands of miles and include cities, forests, lakes, and all the other features one would expect of a country. This arrangement facilitates diplomacy between these various ancient entities.
A new figurehead, an acid-blooded insectoid alien General T'Xlekhan L'Xrada, has become the defacto leader of Kaltovar due to being in charge of a special anti-doomsday taskforce and leading the bulk of the survivors at the time of the disaster. However, the TEMPEST Council, still lead by O.D.I.N. / DZ-00a69v00, continues to wield extraordinary influence. It is currently unknown whether L'Xrada might become the next supreme leader, or whether he'll inevitably be forced to yield full control to the Council.

26F single mom to my 7years old son (not proud na nabuntis ng maaga wag gumaya), working since i was 16, and now earning 6digits a month.
to be honest okay naman sakin na ako nagbabayad lahat ng bills sa bahay at bumubuhay sa mama, lola at kapatid kong lalaki 24M, hindi pa nag tatrabaho kapatid ko kasi nag-aaral pa (repeated 2times) hindi naman big deal sakin kasi kahit ako naka repeat ako ng isang beses nung college, so ayun nga walang problema sakin yung sitwasyon at pagbabayad ng bills kasi si lola at mama ko yung nag-aalaga ng anak ko kapag may work ako, sila din nag luluto ng food at si mama na yung nag la-laundry ng mga damit namin (wash and dry kaya hindi mahirap) so yung aatupagin ko lang talaga is work, bills, food and tuition ng kapatid ko at anak ko yun lang.
UNTIL, nakabuntis yung kapatid kong lalaki ng hindi niya girlfriend, sa totoo lang hindi masyado big deal sakin yun pero na disappoint talaga ako sa kanya kaya nilabas ko yung nararamdaman ko na sana hindi muna siya bumuntis or gumawa ng mga bagay na ganyan kasi alam niya naman na wala siyang perang ibubuhay sa bata, yun nga lang nagulat ako sa sagot niya sabi niya "ikaw nga ang agang nanlandi 18 tapos pagsasabihan mo ako na 24 na" eh hindi naman yun yung point ko? yung point ko is yung wala siyang perang ibubuhay sa anak niya, or isusustento.
nasaktan talaga ako dun pero nung nabuntis ako ng 18 may trabaho na kasi ako nun at never ako nanghingi sa mama ko ng pambili ng diaper at gatas before, kaya nagalit ako sa kanya at nakapagsabi ng masakit na salita, nasabi ko din na "wag kang humingi sakin kahit piso pag lumbas na yung bata" dahil sa galit ko, akala ko sakin kakampi yung lola at mama ko pero sumabat yung lola ko sabi tama daw yung kapatid ko, tapos wala nadaw magagawa kasi nandiyan na yung bata, dun talaga ako naguluhan kasi yung unang sinabi ko lang sa kapatid ko is yung pagiging disappointed ko sa nagawa niya wala akong sinabing ipalaglag or hindi ko siya tutulungan.
kaya napa sagot ako sa lola ko na saan banda yung tama sa sinabi niya? tapos sagot ng lola ko "parang nagmamalinis ka kasi eh mas maaga ka naman nabuntis kasi maaga ka nag landi" dun na ako nagalit kasi iniiba nila yung point ng sinabi ko sa kapatid ko, so nagagalit na ako dito tumataas na boses ko tapos sumabat na din si mama na wag na isipin para matapos na wala ng away, so hindi ko na inisip kinimkim ko nalang.
so ngayon fast forward nanganak na yung babaeng nabuntis ng kapatid ko, laking gulat ko kasi nag tatrabaho ako nung time na yun at before pa siya nanganak napagkasunduan na namin na sa public lang siya ipapanganak kasi alam ko gaano ka mahal yung private ngayon 6digits talaga babayaran and sayang yung pera na ilalan sa hospital pwede naman yun sa bata deretso, nag chat sakin ng 9am na nanganak na daw, nag sabi pa ako ng congrats until nakita ko sa fb pinost ng kapatid ko pic ng baby nabasa ko yung hospital name and private yun!
nag chat ako agad sa gc namin sabi ko bakit sa private dinala? reply ng mama ko nung nag labor na daw yung babae sa public sila pero sobrang init daw kasi hindi aircon yung kwarto electric fan lang meron, sabi ko hindi naman sila mag s-stay dun ng isang buwan, konting tiis lang naman yung gagawin kasi libre don, tapos nagagalit na si mama sabi bakit bini-bigdeal eh kapakanan daw ng babae at baby yung inisip nila kaya napatanong ako kung sino magbabayad at kung ako ang iniisip nilang mag babayad ng bill tinanong ko kung hindi ba nila ako iniisip na baka mabigatan ako? wala silang reply sa gc, this time nagagalit na talaga ako parang yung emotions ko pumunta lahat sa utak ko feel ko that time hindi nila ako nererespeto kahit na may kasunduan na kami sa kung anong mangayayari sa bata knowing na ako yung mag susustento hindi yung kapatid ko.
kaya this time nag rent agad ako ng apartment at kinuha ko lang yung damit, sapatos, computer at mga foam and pillows kasi gusto ko talaga muna mapag-isa, this time nasa hospital pa sila, dumating ako sa apartment at nag settle dun nagpalamig, 4pm kinuha ko na yung anak ko sa school at sinabihan na ilog out at huwag muna gumamit ng facebook at messenger sumunod naman siya, during that time na nasa apartment ako akala ko mag me-message sila turns out hindi pala sila umuwi ng 3days at 3days na din silang walang reply sa messages ko until discharge na.
nagsend si mama sa gc ng resibo sa hospital, umabot ng 185k yung bill, nag sabi din siya na hindi sila naka uwi agad kasi hinintay pa nila yung mga family ng babae na makakita sa baby kaya nag extend sila ng 1day kahit na pwede ng umuwi after 2days, nag seen lang ako. turn off active status and turn off read receipts then deactivate , after mga ilang minuto andami na nilang missed call, kaya in-off ko phone ko at nag trabaho nalang.
now it's been a week. isang linggo na din akong walang socmed activity kasi naka deact na fb and messenger namin both ng anak ko, pati instagram. may feeling of disappointment parin ako hanggang ngayon, feel ko parin hindi nila ako nirerespeto kasi ginawa nila yung gusto nila without my approval and expects na okay sakin ang lahat, diko alam anong nangyari sa kanila and i'm having the urge to open my facebook account and messenger, yung sim ko din na ginagamit ko for friends and family tinanggal ko yung pang work lang yung gamit ko, i'm kinda feeling guilty kasi feel ko masama ako sa ginawa ko.
so AkoBaYungGago dahil iniwan ko sila knowing na wala silang pera?

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166cm & 69kg, Male, 26, Taking papain 250mg and cefuroxime 250mg for my flu+fever. No major health complications/issues/conditions.
Hello people. So, recently the big of my right toe had some swelling and it was due to a 1st stage ingrown.
I treated it by cutting the edge of the toenail (cut part of the right side, left side was fine). Doctor gave me Fusidic Acid 2% + Betamethasone 17-Valerate 0.1% to for my skin issue. This skin issue was before the bumps. I started having localised dry skin (dermatitis?) where the skin dies and peels off. So, I was given the steroid cream mentioned.
Two days later, my same toe starts having some itchy bumps like mosquito bites but some of them are irregular shaped. There was 1 bump, then 2nd & 3rd one, then I just woke up to another one.
I just remembered that the 1st bump came a bit before the swelling from my ingrown. But the bump didn't seem like one, not apparent although it was itchy.
They are all itchy. Could it be an infection or parasites or something?
Illustration: https://imgur.com/a/UOpsaVf

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/lolfuckno.
This post was originally posted to weddingshaming.
There was already a BoRU post by u/autochthonouschimera, which didn't include the last update yet.
TRIGGER WARNING: cheating, child neglect, extreme entitledness, talk of abortion
MOOD SPOILERS: infuriating, confusing, frustrating
The new update at the bottom of this post has been marked with --- ---
EDIT/DISCLAIMER: FFS FOLLOW THE NO BRIGADING RULE = DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POSTS LINKED IN BoRUs!! THIS OFC ALSO INCLUDES NOT TEXTING THE OOP DIRECTLY, NOT REPORTING THEM TO SUBS LIKE care AND NOT INCLUDING THEM IN THREADS AND DISCUSSIONS!! LEAVE THEM ALONE, THIS SUB IS MADE TO LURK AND GET SOME SPICY STORIES WITH CLOSURE, NOT TO HARRASS PEOPLE WHO ALREADY GOT ALOT OF INPUT THROUGH DIFFERENT SUBs!!
Original story was posted on December 7, 2021
Okay, so this girl I know from high school is getting married. We're both 22, for reference. In our senior year of high school she got pregnant, with baby daddy A who will be referred to as Adam. Her super conservative parents kicked her out and she ended up moving in with a friend's family. She barely graduated high school. The only reason she did were because of the generosity and support of our teachers and students who volunteered to help her, which is how we met. We were in the same law class in the morning and she had the worst morning sickness that really affected her ability to be in class. So, I took extra notes for her, tutored her, and brought her her stuff if she hadn't come back by the bell. I wasn't the only one who did stuff like this for her and I know she really appreciates all the assistance we gave her. She had the baby a month after we graduated.
She'd signed up for a 911 dispatcher course for after high school because where we live it's a good steady job, with opportunity for certificates and promotions. But she didn't realize how intensive the course would be and had to drop out. She started working at a grocery store bakery, just until she had a better plan. Adam started an apprenticeship while working part time at a hockey rink, and proposed to her literally the day of her eighteenth birthday, and brought up marriage because "it's the right thing to do" (I don't really agree with that but this isn't about me) and she was always refusing.
She started cheating on him after a while (we're all 19 now), and eventually leaves him for another guy because... She's pregnant again and it is far more likely that this guy, baby daddy B who will be referred to as Brad, is the father of the child. Neither of them can afford lawyers so getting any kind of custody agreement is a mess, and then their parents got involved and they did 50/50 split (still not made official). She has the baby, that does turn out to be Brad's, and everything is okay for about nine months, when she finds out Brad has been cheating on her with his TA. Brad decides to pay child support but doesn't really want contact with the kid, only around holidays and one weekend a month for his parents' sake.
She moves back in with her parents (we're all 20 now) who only accept her back because there's grandchildren around. On the plus side, (when she's 21) she gets to take that year long dispatcher course, and passes with flying colours!
After working as a dispatcher for a year (we're all 22 now) she meets a police officer we'll call Chad, who's 26 and married... And Adam's second (?) cousin (I can't remember how they're related, just that Adam and Chad are related somewhat distantly). She has an affair with him (infidelity is super common among cops apparently). She gets knocked up, his wife divorces him, Chad proposes because "it's the right thing to do", she accepts, and her parents kick her out again for being a [insert expletive here], she moves in with Chad with her two kids. They've started planning the wedding, which... Given the background is something akin to a dumpster fire. Adam is LIVID. He was desperately in love with this girl and hasn't really recovered from what she did to him, and while she rejected his proposals years ago, she's accepted one FROM HIS COUSIN WHO PROPSED FOR THE SAME REASON HE DID.
Adam has basically made a call for loyalty in the family, dividing everyone one who should go, who should give money, etc plus they're having trouble planning anything because of COVID. Her parents have outright said that they're not going, along with half of her family, and her younger sister has been going around and sabotaging what plans they can make.
She has asked me to be a bridesmaid, I said that I couldn't because I live in a different province now, but the truth is, I do not want to be wrapped up in that clusterfuck in any way . I'm just watching the arguments and events unfold on social media because this is quite honestly the most entertaining thing I've seen all year. It's weird to me that she even asked because we're not friends, we never have been. We were friendly strangers in high school, I just helped her out for one class because she needed help and I could give it to her. I was just being nice. But based on how she turned out I'm just sad for her. Three kids in four years, and she's alienated so much of her friends and family because if her actions, and I'm torn between feeling sorry for her and putting my head in my hands.
EDIT 1:
First off, all of your comments are hilarious. Second, I'm going to answer some of the common questions.
We're from a city with over 400,000 thousand people, she just comes from the neighbourhood that is made of either bible thumpers or white trash, with no in between. But the high school we went to was in a completely different neighbourhood than that.
Our school had a pretty good sex Ed course, and they gave out free condoms and had resources to help girls get birth control, and they had programs in place for if students ever got pregnant/were going to be teen parents (they also had one of those classes with the dolls for girls who were high risk at teen pregnancy but she wasn't high risk so she wasn't in that class) I don't if BC just didn't work for her, or if she never tried it.
She started alienating her friends after the affair with Chad came out, because people weren't exactly jumping for joy that she'd broken up a marriage (Chad and his ex didn't have any kids, thankfully, so there were less obstacles). When people weren't immediately ecstatic for her she started getting very snippy, rude, and was "calling the bitches out" on social media for not supporting her new relationship or pregnancy. (Tbh I'm really worried about her health because having this many babies so close together is just not good for her health, mental or physical.) People are also worried that Chad will cheat on her "if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you" and think she should avoid marrying him so that she can just leave him if it happens.
I'll give you updates as they come out, but so far it's just a lot of yelling on social media (mostly from her), some relatives slut shaming her, and people who are just really worried about her because, as funny as this is, this doesn't seem like healthy behaviour.
EDIT 2:
First off, I realized I never gave this girl a name. For the sake of clarity we'll call her Beth. I realize that I didn't mention this before, but all of these are fake names.
Second, to everyone commenting that Chad is at fault for his marriage breaking up, believe me I'm well aware of that. It is his ex wife and her family/friends who solely blame Beth. Chad is also older than her and has more life experience, so I do believe that he could potentially be taking advantage of her naivete. However, she is also an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and has chosen to make poor ones in the past.
Third, people who are upset that I'm posting this story here, claiming I'm humiliating her. She has been posting about this mess on every social media platform she has since they got engaged in July. She put this out there long before I did except she did so in front of friends, family, employers, and coworkers, as well as internet randos.
Fourth, despite getting engaged in July and attempting to start planning then, I was only asked to be a bridesmaid three days ago. I knew that there was a mess going on but I didn't really pay attention to it until she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I tried to ask what was going on, I said that she should talk to someone, but when she completely brushed me off I checked her FB and Instagram and found out about all of... This.
Fifth, I realized that I didn't really talk about how disastrous the wedding planning has been going, see here you go:

• they've had to rebook three times because venues and vendors kept cancelling when infection numbers got worse even thought their wedding was months away
• Beth has been flipping between having the wedding while she's pregnant saying she's proud of her bump, and wanting to wait until they're born because she feels fat, which is unfortunate because she's been breaking down due her insecurity on a public platform
• Beth is currently seven months pregnant
• Beth's great aunt was going to give her her wedding dress to wear (after she gives birth) but Beth's mom freaked and stole the dress from said aunt before Beth could get it and is now keeping it, the great aunt says she's too old to get in a fight and has shrugged it off
• Chad's immediate family is paying for the wedding and has been cut off by the rest of their extended family for 'choosing Chad'
• Beth's wedding colours are pink and green, which is usually a nice combo but the specific shades don't go great together, they're her and Chad's favourite colours, which is fine but she literally made a video talking about these colours for 14 minutes on her insta and both of her kids are just full on bawling in the background and she's ignoring them and she's gotten some flack for that
• Adam is finally settled into his trade and has now hired a lawyer and is trying to get primary custody and not allow his daughter to go to the wedding
• she's planning a zoom baby showebachelorette party and has sent out a registry and she's asking for crazy expensive things
• she's also set up a go fund me to help pay for a honeymoon and is making a lot of posts about how no one loves her cause the fund only has $1267 of the $20k she wanted

I'll update when I can but I'm still in school and while I do want to help her, she's refused help offered in the past and there's only so much of this I can take mentally right now.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
UPDATE:
Hey everyone, so some stuff has gone down, and it doesn't look like it's over yet. Sorry, I didn't update sooner, but Rona came back with a vengeance and totally messed up plans with uni and family. Anyway, onto the update.
From the last update - 16th - Lots of ranting and chaotic wedding planning on social media, she found a dress and has decided she will get married while pregnant, they found a local wedding venue that is very lovely, but I'm shocked she's still trying to book stuff with all of their previous venue cancellations.
December 16th - Her little sister unblocked her to call her a s*ut and tell her that all her wedding plans were stupid. This resulted in a petty and entertaining facebook war until the little sis blocked her again on the 17th.
December 18th - Beth went nuts on social media because Adam had "kidnapped" their daughter, what really happened is that because courts are moving at a snail's pace due to COVID and Adam had reason to believe that their daughter was not safe living with Beth he decided to just... Not give her back. They don't have a custody agreement, and when Beth tried to call the cops they couldn't do anything because he was kinda right. There were dozens of videos on her various social media accounts of her ignoring their daughter, yelling at her daughter for crying or doing other things that toddlers do, it turns out that everything she needed was bought by Adam, food, diapers, clothes, toys, daycare (while it was open) etc. on top of the unofficial child support he was paying every month (which turned out to be $500 a month, a number I find ridiculous because Adam was already paying for literally everything) because she refused to buy anything for her daughter and insisted it was Adam's responsibility. Additionally, after the immediate post-birth appointments, Beth never took baby A to a doctor's appointment, she always deferred that to Adam. Baby A's pediatrician has NEVER met Beth. Beth even tried to get Chad to push back or intimidate him or something, but the local police where we live are under one hell of a microscope after a bunch of dirty cops got busted a couple of years ago. Basically, the cops, and the social worker they ended up calling, ended up saying there was nothing she could do until they get to court. The social worker tried to get her to go to therapy and parenting classes, but Beth refused and went on a fifteen paragraph long rant on Facebook about how she doesn't need parenting classes or therapy (she really, really does though) and called the social worker some choice words.
December 19-24 - Just a bunch of ranting on social media, calling everyone who doesn't enable or justify her behaviour cuss words, slurs, and a whole bunch of other horribly creative things. Also, both she and Chad are under investigation at work now, but she has no idea why. I'm gonna take this time to remind everyone that 99% of this info is coming from her public social media pages where her coworkers are friends and place of employment is listed.
December 25 - I am officially embarrassed to know this woman. I didn't go on her FB page until the evening cause I didn't want to deal with drama, first thing in the morning, on Xmas. In the morning she put on a very beautiful blue maternity dress, got Chad in his police blues, and baby B in a purple romper, and then live-streamed her and her family going to the courthouse to get married on Christmas day. (According to her Twitter, part of this was because their newest venue cancelled on them after COVID numbers spiked) Overall, a pretty tacky thing in my opinion because she stated plain as day, several times, that she intended her wedding anniversary to eclipse Christmas for her children because it's just "so much more special, you know?" (I am so glad that Baby B's grandparents are filing for guardianship) But here's the thing... The courthouse isn't open. Because of COVID for one thing, but also because it's Xmas and Canada has a predominantly Christian history. She proceeded to have a full meltdown, and when Baby B cried because, y'know, the kid's mom was screaming up a storm and scaring her, Beth called her a c*nt. Yup. So done with this bitch.
December 28 - I ran into her at a vaccine clinic cause we were both getting our booster shots. She didn't recognize me at first but one of my old bosses (cause I used to work at the hospital the vaccine clinic was in) called my name and said hi, so she came up to me after my old boss had left. We talked a bit while we sat down for the mandatory waiting period after getting the shot. She asked how I was but didn't even wait for me to respond before she started ranting and complaining about her life. I was just going to sit there until the time was up and then just politely make my exit, but when she started talking shit about her kids something inside me snapped. I just said "Do you even like your kids? Do you like being a mom?" She got pretty quiet for a second and then said "no". Idk, her voice and demeanour completely changed and we just sat in silence until our time was up. I said goodbye but it was really awkward.
December 31st (today) - I just looked at her feed and, this is such a shocking what-the-actual-f*** moment. She's thinking about giving up her kids. She went on about how recently she was asked if she liked her kids or being a mom, and how she realized that she didn't. She hates her children and blames them for ruining her life, and how she doesn't want to be a mom. I mean, nothing is official yet, but what the hell?!
I'll update as stuff happens now that I have the time, but this whole thing has been a big giant mess. Also, sorry for any formatting or grammatical errors, I'm not used to using Reddit on my PC.
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UPDATE
Okay, so, some stuff has happened and most of it's good? Also, the TL:DR for this update will be at the bottom
Jan 4th - Beth (and Chad) stopped posting on all social media. I was actually a little worried she died, I mean this woman posts everything short of her trips to the bathroom on IG.
Oddly enough, this got people messaging or interacting with her social media pages because she was usually the one to start contact, and that contact was usually yelling. No one heard from them and some people started to be like "should we call the cops for a wellness check?" Until Chad posted a status saying that they're fine but are "busy, please stop trying to contact us right now". Everyone listened but it was weird.
Jan 11 - I got a notification that Beth and Chad are active on social media again, but I didn't feel like drama so I didn't check out any of their posts.
Jan 12 (today) - she messaged me on FB asking me to be her MOH. She also kept going on about the resort in Cancun that she and Chad were looking to have their wedding at... This coming February. Omnicrom is really bad where we are, so no one should be travelling anywhere. I've actually had to delay my trip back to the province where I go to university. No one should be travelling anywhere.
Beth also found out that Chad was cheating on her with one of her co-workers and called the woman a "homewrecker" on FB tagged her, and posted the texts she found on Chad's phone. But Chad is the "love of her life" so she's forgiven him, but not the other woman. Which I find very hypocritical, considering how she and Chad got together.
She also sent pics of possible bridesmaid dresses and they are the most hideous dresses I've ever seen. I know that some brides do that thing where they want to look a million times better by comparison but this was just ridiculous. One of them looked like a partially deflated balloon with feathers strapped to it. She also openly admitted that she expected everyone attending to pay 3k, 2k would go towards that guest's stay at the resort and 1k would go to her and Chad and they will expected wedding gifts, so that they could get their room for free. Apparently, she talked to someone at the resort and if she got enough people to book their rooms she and Chad would get theirs for free. She also wanted the money to be given to her instead of directly to the hotel so that people wouldn't realize that she was taking 1k of their money. Beth sent me a pic of the wedding dress she wanted, and it's definitely a clubbing dress. If that's what she wants that's fine (and for the record I do think she would look great in it, Beth's (current) dream wedding dress ) but she wants all the guests to be dressed black tie. And she's already sent a list of unreasonable requests. Such as;

• all women must wear heels (for a wedding in the beach???)
• no one is allowed to have a baby or be pregnant (really?)
• girls must have longer than shoulder length hair, boys must have very short hair, only and inch or two long
• no one is allowed to be skinnier than her
• she will be providing diets for everyone attending based on how she wants us to look
• she and Chad must get bachelor and bachelorette parties both in Canada and in Mexico that need to be "fit for a king and queen" and both must be paid for but anyone but the bride and groom "cause that's just tacky"
• no unnatural hair
• no tattoos (you have five tattoos, Beth, and in the dress you want all will be on full display)
• no one is allowed to talk to her directly, they must speak through the MOH and BM

Honestly there's a lot more but I didn't feel like typing all that out. She's posted the list on FB and IG and people are already calling her a bridezilla.
I was also just kinda weirded out because aside from the previous convo at the hospital and when she originally asked me to be a bridesmaid, we haven't spoken since high school. So I respectfully declined, stating that the virus and school were my top concerns right now. Then, I decided to check her socials to see if she'd posted anything. She had and everything was basically how it was before the hiatus... Except her kids are nowhere to be found. No "look at my cute baby" pics are kids crying in the background of her videos. Nothing. Though, based on her new pics of herself, she's given birth to baby C. I mean, she's definitely still recovering, but she also definitely had a baby and that baby is not on any of her socials, so when she responded to my decline with an attempt at guilting me to be her MOH, I asked her where her kids were. This was her response.
"Oh, I left them at the side of the road in our way home from the hospital those moochers could walk home lol"
I was like, please tell me you're not being serious (especially cause it looks like she had the baby days ago). And she replied "I was just joking you shouldn't be so serious all the time". Honey, you made a joke about child abandonment/abuse, you're not being serious enough. And then I finally got the update on the kids.

• Baby A is still with Adam, Beth signed away her rights
• Baby B and Baby C have been given to a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad who is infertile (tbh I didn't need that last tidbit of info or the three paragraph long rant about how God hates infertile women, I didn't even read all of it, I couldn't, and I didn't think that Beth could be so cruel to even think those things). I checked out the FB page of Baby B's grandparents and they're happy with their grandchild's new parents, it looks like the cousin and her husband and welcoming them to the family as another set of grandparents and will let them have access to B. So yay!
• One thing I do need to stress though is that because of COVID the courts in our areas are either moving at a snail's pace or closed, so none of this is "official" but Beth (and Chad) has signed paperwork and all that needs to happen now is presenting that to a judge.

And when I rejoined our convo she said the doc she had for baby C gave her brith control, and she was surprised cause after her first pregnancy she asked her doctor for it but he refused to give her any. She mentioned that her old doctor was also her mom's and sister's doctor, she ended up asking the doc who delivered baby C to be her new doctor, so I hope that works out.
After learning all this my convo with Beth started to go down hill...
Beth: wait, did you actually think I would just leave my kids at the side of the road! I just didn't want to be a mom, but I wasn't a bad one
Me: Beth, I think that you've been through a lot of trauma in the past few years, and that it's gotten to you mentally and that you should speak to a professional.
(Of course, Beth has been a bad mom, but she does need mental health help and I wasn't going to convince her to get it, or to not tell at me, if I said that )
Beth: what? You think I'm crazy?!
Me: no. I think that getting kicked out as a teen because of a pregnancy and having your family actively reject you and try to sabotage you must have been very painful. Plus, pregnancy puts a lot of mental stress on women and you've had three in such a short time span, I just want you to take care of yourself and get what you want in life, and I think that will start with you taking care of your mental health.
Beth: what I want... IS FOR YOU TO GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Beth then calls me every cuss word, expletive, and derogatory word she can think of one of the words she called me was a derogatory word about people from my ethnicity and my blood is boiling that she thought it was okay to say that to me.
So, I'm now on her hit list. She's been blowing up my social media all day, on her last FB post where she called me a slur she said that she still expects a good wedding gift from me. Yeah, no. So I've blocked her on everything, and I've decided to completely cut off contact. This will be my last update.
TL:DR - Beth went on a social media blackout for a bit, had baby C. Gave up all her kids, baby A is still with Adam, Baby B and Baby C are with a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad and baby B's grandparents have access. Chad cheated on her and she forgave him, but she probably shouldn't have. She's decided to have her wedding in a little over a month in Cancun and is expecting unreasonable things of everyone already. She asked me to be MOH I respectfully declined. I also suggested that she talk to a mental health professional because she's been through a lot in the last few years and she cussed me out, she also called me a derogatory name directed at people of my ethnicity and that was the final nail in the coffin. I'm now on her hit list. But her kids are safe and I have no interest in going to wedding so I'm cutting contact completely and have already blocked her on all my socials. I'm refusing to be involved with her anymore and will not be updating on the situation.
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--- EDIT - NEW UPDATE --- - JANUARY 25, 2023 - TL:DR AT THE BOTTOM
Hi, everyone, I didn't think I would be making another update, but here I am. I don't know if anyone will even care but whatever. I saw a YouTuber, Charlotte Dobre, do an entire video about this post on Facebook (which was funny, she did it well), [editor's note: here's the video in question and also: check out Charlotte Dobre's subreddit !] and got so nervous that Beth was gonna see it. Turned out, she's seen it and does not give a single damn, because as I pointed out, the majority of the info in this post came from her public social media. She also doesn't know who posted it (more on that in the update). I am still no contact with Beth and have no plans to change that anytime soon, but we have mutual friends who have told and shown me what's happened.
First things first, she and Chad did get married, but they eloped. According to all sources they are completely and utterly miserable though. Chad has proven to be and overall lazy and unfaithful husband, and Beth has really gotten into feminism (with a focus on reproductive issues) after she started using birth control, and Roe v Wade getting overturned (even though we're in Canada) really caused tension in their marriage. As it turns out, Chad thinks that abortion is murder and God created women for the purpose of making babies.
Beth tried to argue that not all women want or should be mothers using herself as an example, and then Chad went ahead and used her as an example of why women should be forced to have kids, because in the end she gave kids to an infertile couple. She didn't take that well and said that her entire life and future was ripped away from her and destroyed the second she got pregnant with baby A. Adam was never slut shamed or demeaned like she was, both at home and at school (which is a fair point, myself and many others were helpful and supportive but there were a lot of people who judged the hell out of her and said really nasty stuff) and that if she hadn't gotten pregnant she would've gone to college or university because she lost the general and financial support of her family with that positive pregnancy test. Chad has made a Tinder account. Beth was informed but it doesn't seem like she gave a damn.
So basically you could cut the tension with a knife.
And with her family, her sister came out as gay and cut off/has been cut off from their parents. But she's got a partial scholarship so she's doing okay. She and Beth are NOT on good terms but have met up and acknowledged that their parents messed them up by being religious nuts and their parents encouraged them to be competitive with each other and sabotage each other. Apparently their dad's motto is "competition brings out the best in everyone" (ugh). But they've talked and that's good enough for now.
Neither Beth nor Chad have custody or visitation of their children, which Chad is starting to regret because he's suddenly getting more and more into the church and religion. Chad talked to Beth about getting baby C back but Beth shut that down hard and warned the cousin who adopted baby C (officially and legally btw).
Beth started going to therapy after she and Chad got married, which makes me very happy and excited for her.
There was a rumour going around that Chad has a mistress and it took me a while to confirm, but it's true. He's cheating on her with a paramedic and she knows. Beth is fully aware. Idk if she plans to do anything about it or just continue to ignore it, but I hope she leaves his ass. I'm still not gonna talk to her, she crossed so many lines, but she's grown and improved a lot and her life would be a lot better without that sac of scum in her life.
Now, I have given a few details in my post that should've revealed my identity to her, namely her asking me to be her MOH. I have found out that she actually asked around 15 girls (including myself) to be her MOH, without telling any of us about the others because she was trying to get money from all of us and because her mental health has just been very bad and she needed help. And of those 15, 8 have been going to school out of province and of those eight we all had basically the same classes in high school. And apparently doesn't remember our discussion at the vaccination clinic and had major blow up with everyone she asked to be MOH. So she knows it's one of 8 people and reportedly has no interest in trying to narrow that number down. (Chad did the same thing with his groomsmen, but idk any of the numbers)
TL:DR Beth and Chad got married (eloped), are miserable, have zero custody or visitation with any of their children, Chad's cheating and Beth doesn't appear to care, Chad is super sexist, Beth is a feminist now, Beth's sister is gay and they've talked but not reconciled, Beth asked too many girls to be MOH for money and doesn't know the ID of who made this post.
Dear "Beth", if this post gets forwarded to you or somehow graces your phone screen, leave Chad. He's trash and you'll be much better without him in your life. And though I'm not willing to talk to you again because of your words and actions, I do wish for you to have a wonderful and happy life.
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