For the past few years, I’ve picked up language learning again, after years of neglect! I’m actively learning French (around B1 now), and maintaining B1/B2 in Spanish and Arabic.
I wanted to share my thoughts on a few different programs that I’m using/have used:

• Anki
• Clozemaster
• Duolingo/Memrise
• Kwiziq
• Pimsleur
• Rocket Languages

Besides these programs, I also listen to podcasts and watch series and movies on YouTube and Netflix in the languages that I’m learning as I’d found a lot of tips in this subreddit around Comprehensible Input. And to be really honest: it's not easy to fit all of this into a busy life with so many other priorities like baby, partner, garden, job, cooking, cleaning, seeing friends, etc. etc. etc.. But I'm doing my best.
If anyone has any thoughts or tips for me, please let me know!
TLDR: I find the combination of Anki, Kwiziq and listening/viewing comprehensible input to be the best! Pimsleur is great for getting a good foundation in time spent on the road.

Anki:

• The good: huge amount of materials available online, just find the decks that work well for you. Free. Synching between mobile, web and desktop versions.
• The bad: Requires a lot of discipline. Slip up for a few days, and you can fall so far behind that you get totally demotivated and just give up.
• How I use it: I use this every single day for about 15 minutes, both on my phone and Anki desktop. I use 2 kinds of decks for language learning: i) grammar through verb conjugation decks and ii) vocabulary through those 5,000 or 10,000 “most frequently used words” kinds of decks.

Clozemaster:

• The good: Very nice-looking front end, I like the option to use either multiple choice or fill in the blanks, loads of content organized in various ways, and even audio versions for while you’re on the move.
• The bad: as far as I can tell, content-wise you can find the same in a very good Anki deck, just with a prettier front end. If learning a language like French or Spanish, there’s so much good content available on Anki that I’m not sure it’s worth paying for Clozemaster.
• How I use it: I do the 30 free questions per day. It’ll take a long time to get through everything, but it’s just a super quick part of the routine and easily fills up a 5 minute gap I have somewhere during the day. For now I don’t see a good reason to go for the paid version.

Duolingo/Memrise:

• The good: Game element, wanting to maintain a streak motivates you to do it every day. User interface is pretty.
• The bad: I didn’t feel like I really learned much at all to be honest, so I found this to be an inefficient way of learning.
• How I use it: I don’t use either of these anymore.

Kwiziq:

• The good: Bite-sized grammar lessons which are very clearly written. It’s also an adaptive-learning technology, where the content that you’re quizzed on is constantly adapted based on the knowledge you’ve already scored good/bad on. I feel that completing this course really will get you to a pretty solid level on grammar equivalent for B2 or C1.
• The bad: Fairly narrow, basically this is about learning grammar rules rather than learning how to listen or write or speak well. There are those parts of the website as well (listening, writing), and while I like those as well, they aren’t as motivating as the main, quiz-based learning for the more grammar-focused lessons.
• How I use it: I got a paid 1-year subscription to Kwiziq French. I spend 30-60 minutes a day doing quizzes. I use multiple Notebooks, e.g., grouping all conjugation-related content that I struggle with together, and then other things by level and/or difficulty. And once I get far enough in French, I’ll start the Spanish course on Kwiziq. But this definitely needs to be done in combination with something else that gives a lot more exposure to listening, like podcasts, and vocabulary (Anki, Rocket).

Pimsleur:

• The good: I’ve gone through several levels in the past before going on vacation somewhere, and felt it really, really helped me a lot with getting comfortable speaking and listening to basic conversations. I have about a 30-45 minute commute each way every day, so Pimsleur allows me to fill up this time efficiently.
• The bad: This won’t get you to a very advanced level, I’d guess no more than B1 even for courses that have 5 levels. Vocabulary is limited. And most of all, it’s very expensive!
• How I use it: I completed 5 levels for Spanish and am now just over halfway for the 5 levels of French. I don’t actively make time for Pimsleur, but just use it when I’m driving or cycling, which is several days a week.

Rocket Languages:

• The good: If you buy on a sale, you can get a lot of content for a good price. There’s LOADS of content, and it has a nice mix between listening, speaking, reading, and writing, and a mix between vocab and grammar-type lessons. I generally find the audio portions engaging and entertaining and I like working through the lessons methodically, going through listening, speaking, flashcards, and then the full test for each lesson.
• The bad: Some of the lessons are so extremely tough that it’s demotivating to get through them. For example, I didn’t finish level 3 (of 3) Spanish, because I hit a couple of lessons that had a huge amount of content to be tested and it just took me days and days and days to finish these. And it was so much that I felt like I wasn’t really retaining it properly, I was just trying to get through! And on the French version the non-native speaker’s French accent is pretty distracting in the audio lessons.
• How I use it: At the moment I’m not using this because Pimsleur, Kwiziq and Anki are taking up all my time. But I would use it daily for about 30 minutes when it was the main thing I was using and I think I’ll go back to this once I have a bit more time again.

Other resources:

In the past I’ve also used iTalki quite a bit, but I found it tough to really make good progress. It wasn’t easy to find really good teachers and I found it sometimes a bit awkward to try to get through 30 or 45 minutes talking about random stuff.
For French, I’m listening to a podcast called InnerFrench which I’m loving. The content is genuinely interesting to listen to, and it’s at the right level for me where I understand 90% of what the hosts say (words, phrases), and close to 100% of the overall story.
For Spanish, I’m thinking of getting a subscription to Dreaming Spanish once I get far enough on French to progress that to just listening to podcasts rather than actively doing lessons.
I installed ReadLang and really think it's great, but am having trouble finding enough good content. I guess I just haven't figured out yet how to use that properly, upload content myself, etc.

Thoughts? Tips?

Really would be great to hear other people’s tips on what you think I could do better! And I hope some of what I wrote can be helpful to other people as well.

I just finished my 50th Lingoda class in 63 days with their flex program for Spanish. I struggled to find recent in-depth reviews of the platform, how people use Lingoda in their routine without doing the sprint, and how people structure their routine when they have too much time on their hands so I figured I would write one. If you don’t feel like reading a wall of text the TLDR is that I liked the platform, feel like I learned a lot, and will continue using it. This review is not sponsored but it is long, and I’m sorry for that. I tried to divide things up by section so you can skip to whatever information you came for.
About:
I'm making the assumption that most people here have heard of Lingoda and know about the sprints, so I will refrain from elaborating on the essentials.
The flex program allows you to pay for a certain number of classes on a month-to-month basis vs doing the sprint/super sprint, which is how most people become familiar with Lingoda. You can buy anywhere from 5-40 class credits a month and they roll-over month-to-month. Credits expire a year from purchase, which feels pretty reasonable. I pay $230/mo for 20 classes and just bought extra credits when I would run out. If anyone is interested in a full price breakdown I’m happy to run the numbers.
I originally wanted to do the sprint but wasn’t sure I could commit, so I opted for the flex. I think I would still consider trying the sprint in the future, but I have some off-the-grid travel plans this summer that make that challenging.
I obviously did Spanish, but they also offer courses in German, French, English, and recently added Italian.
Curriculum:
The curriculum is structured by topic, with 13 chapters each in 10 levels A1.1 - B2.3. Each chapter has 4 sections: vocabulary, grammar, communication, and speaking. They cover a variety of content including finding your way around the city, finding a place to live, talking about your professional experience, talking about movies, etc. I loved the variety of topics and while the class structure can get a little repetitive, the predictability is nice.
Background:
I took 2 years of Spanish in high school (10+ years ago) and picked up Duolingo in late 2023. In March of 2024 I got more serious about learning Spanish for my job (nurse with a fair amount of Spanish-speaking patients) and dove headfirst into trying to become more fluent. My ultimate goal is to reach A2-B1 fluency and take some exam that will allow me to interpret with my patients. I expect this to take years.
When I started Lingoda I felt like I could read and write *okay* in Spanish for what my routine was, which consisted of about 6 months of daily Duolingo. I'd say I was a very beginner A1. I had a decent grasp on present, past, and perfect basics. I chose Lingoda because I wanted more accountability and to improve my comprehension and fluency. I placed at an A2.1 with Lingoda’s exam and decided to complete all of A2.1.
Results:
I don’t have any satisfying exam results to show you, and I’ve never been formally tested so please take my self-reporting with a grain of salt. Honestly, I probably feel dumber now compared when when I started because I’m starting to realize JUST how much I don’t know. If I had to guess, I started a super beginner A1 and am currently at a confident A1 to beginner A2. Nonetheless, I feel like my speaking and comprehension have improved significantly. Some non-quantitative changes I’ve noticed are that:

• I can now hold basic conversations with my Spanish-speaking patients (i.e. ask where they are from, when they last ate, if they have high blood pressure) and most importantly I can understand when they answer. I still struggle with new accents (had a patient from El Salvador last week that really threw me off), but I feel like I’m generally making progress in my ability to connect with Spanish speakers, which is a huge goal of mine.
• I can understand some podcasts better. At the beginning, I was listening to a lot of Simple Stories in Spanish which felt challenging and now feels too easy for me. Nowadays I listen to more Cuentame and Chill Spanish Listening Practice. No Hay Tos is still beyond me, probably because I’m only just starting to learn the subjunctive.
• I feel comfortable ordering food in Spanish, asking for things at the Spanish market, and speaking in general. Lingoda classes got me really comfortable with making mistakes and not letting them hold me back from speaking.
• My accent is nowhere near flawless but I feel like I have a better understanding of vowel pronunciation and the rhythm of the language.
• When interpreters interpret for my patients, I can usually understand about 75% of what is being said (before it was probably 5-10%).

Getting the most from your Lingoda experience:

• Go over material before and after class. Class content is available once you register. They say to spend 5-10 minutes reviewing content prior to class, but I spent closer to 15-30 minutes reviewing beforehand. I wrote down all the new vocabulary and looked up any words or phrases in the slides that I didn’t know. Class is heavily participation-based. You will be called on to read, answer, and discuss. For me, this was a huge pro and one of the things that Lingoda does really well. I got lots of experience talking about my personal life which was essential for improving my fluency. I’ve seen other users comment that Lingoda is “just teachers reading off slides” and that you could just download the slides and complete those instead of actually taking the classes. I feel like this isn’t really true for me personally and I do feel like I got a good value out of class participation. YMMV.
• I tried to complete chapters in groups - i.e. Ch. 1-4, 5-8, 9-12. You don’t technically have to do this, but unless you’re really strong in a particular content area I personally felt it was helpful as the content does build on previous concepts. If you’re taking several classes a week or doing a sprint this does make it slightly harder to find ideal class times that work for you.
• Within each chapter, the sections do not necessarily need to be completed in order, but it does help to complete them somewhat consecutively. I found it most helpful to try and complete the vocabulary and grammar before the second two classes (communication and speaking) in the unit. This was helpful content-wise and I didn’t feel like I was trying to complete the communication module on a topic for which I hadn’t yet learned the vocab. I didn’t do this perfectly but I did notice an improvement in my in-class performance when I did.
• Not absolutely necessary but did help me retain content: keep an Anki deck of essential vocabulary, phrases, etc. from class. I take a few minutes every other week or so to add to my deck in bulk.

The good:

1. The instructors, by and large, are great and most of them have professional teaching experience. I would say its a bell curve - most of the instructors are good to average with a few exceptional ones and a few less-than-awesome ones. I can’t say I’ve had any downright awful teachers, just ones who were maybe less enthusiastic or having an off day. Overall, I really enjoyed the instruction and most instructors would remember me from class to class.
2. The participatory nature of the classes really pushed me to review content and have some familiarity with the content. Maybe you’re more disciplined than me, but personally I need the threat of embarrassment in class to push me to study.
3. Classes at and above the A2 level are taught entirely in Spanish, which really improved my comprehension. I rarely feel like I understand 100% of what the teacher was saying, but I understood enough to get what they were asking.
4. The content that is taught is genuinely useful. I feel like I gained the ability to discuss a variety of topics (work, culture, relationships). I think this helped me go outside of my comfort zone and helped develop my vocab and ability to talk about different things. I’m looking forward to the topics in A2.2, which I recently started.
5. One time I was marked as absent in a class I attended. Their customer service was responsive and addressed the issue within 48 hours. I’ve heard of people having issues with this during the sprint and do wonder if I would have had a harder time getting the absence fixed if I were on a sprint.

Opportunities for improvement:

1. It’s unfortunate that you can’t connect with other students and instructors outside of class. I feel like there is a huge missed opportunity for a social function on the platform. It’s kind of a bonding experience to fumble with a language and you do get to know other students in class. There were several people who I ended up having multiple classes with. One person did reach out via zoom chat and give me their email and we became friends.
2. If you are looking to improve your experience with verb tenses, I think Lingoda serves better as a review and practice with application than true introductory material. Before doing a class that focused on a grammatical concept, I made sure to have a heavy familiarity with that particular tense with another application like Ella Verbs. IMO, your Lingoda class should not be your first exposure to a verb tense.
3. The pace of your class can be affected by your classmates’ preparation and level. To me, this is a natural consequence of doing group classes and not a huge downside, but definitely something to be aware of.
4. Their vocabulary trainer feels like a work in progress. I love the Anki-style keyboard controls but do wish the answers came with English translation so I could double-check my comprehension. I could see this getting better down the line. I personally preferred Anki for flashcard review simply because it was easier to work through a high volume of cards in Anki, but I did use Lingoda’s review a few times a week.
5. Their cancellation policy with flex is 72h in advance if you want to keep the credit. This is annoying if you have the kind of life where things come up a lot.
6. The feedback you receive from instructors is kind of generic and often just “keep practicing!” - this is fine with me because I feel like I have a good grasp on what I need to improve on, but might be important to you. Rarely did I gain any incredible insight into my strengths or deficits from instructor feedback.

Routine:
I did anywhere from 2-8 classes a week. I didn't take classes every day, but I typically would take multiple classes a day during my off days. I think the most I took in a single day was 4 or 5.
I’m going to make a major digression here because I feel like it’s not fair to attribute all of my progress to Lingoda. I had a pretty intense study schedule for a month and a half. IMO this was not a sustainable routine and has slowed down pretty significantly in the last couple of weeks due to some major life events, but I would go back to it during times when there is a little less going on in my personal life.
When I started, I had just transitioned to a new job in a clinic with good hours (4 10-hour shifts) and most days some downtime during my shift. This allowed me to study a lot, 1-3h/day on workdays and 5-10h/day for the remaining 3 days. I routinely averaged a minimum of 20h/week of Spanish studying over 6ish weeks. My routine and quick reviews of the apps are as follows:

1. Anki (30—60min/day) - I used the 100 most common verbs, Deck of Common Words, and Visual Spanish Plus Fluent Forever decks at least every other day, if not daily. I made a top 300 verbs deck once I finished top 100. These decks are all free and shared on the Anki website. I also used a personally created deck of vocabulary and phrases from my classes (see #4 below). I can only speak for the A1-2 levels, but I do feel like the decks you choose matter less than your consistency. I wanted to improve my vocab and verb knowledge so I chose decks that focused on those areas.
2. Kwiziq (30-60min/day) - I did at least one quiz per day, usually more (5+). I took notes on weak concepts. I don’t have much to say about Kwiziq other than that it is an excellent platform and the pro version is very much worth it for grammar.
3. Ella Verbs (30-60min/day)- I use this almost daily and reviewed verb tenses to mastery. I took notes when learning a new tense and hammered irregular forms hard. The platform is glitchy (bad at saving progress and I was constantly resetting the function that turned off vosotros), but IMO the explanations are top notch and the mobile app is good. I paid for the pro version.
4. iTalki (2-3h/week) - I see a lot of people posting asking about the difference between Lingoda and iTalki. IMO they both have their strengths. I did some classes with a tutor that helped with medical Spanish, another who helped with grammar, and occasionally did group classes when the topic interested me. I wish iTalki had more expansive group class offerings, I think I personally prefer group classes to individual ones because I like talking with other students. Instructor Daniel Lopez does a group class a few times a week called “Hablemos de todo un poco” that I really like. He’s a great instructor for all levels and really fun to talk to. Side note: I also think group classes are super helpful for people in the A1-A2 range because it’s REALLY hard to talk for 45mins to an hour in your target language at that level. I would consider 1-on-1 lessons again when I’m more fluent.
5. Clozemaster (20—30min/day) - not essential by any means, but did help reinforce vocabulary that I was learning in my Anki decks and was overall just a nice app to use when I had a couple of minutes on the train or at work. I like the spaced repetition aspect and feel like it did help reinforce some concepts (i.e. por vs. para). I averaged probably 40 reviews a day. Fun lil app overall.
6. Speaking exercises (20-120mins/once or twice a week) - I really tried to commit to these on my days off. I basically use Language Lord’s method and filmed myself talking about my life or the news and then would re-watch and look up words I didn’t know. Those words got added to my Anki deck. This shit is time-consuming but works. It got me talking about things really specific to my life and encouraged me to tailor my vocab study to my personal experience.
7. Duolingo - Stopped using this pretty shortly after starting Lingoda because I didn’t feel like I was progressing quickly enough and got bored. It was a good introductory platform and got me familiar with some essential concepts that were useful when I started taking classes. I see why people like it and would probably use it again if I were going to learn another language.
8. Comprehensible input - I really attempted to immerse myself in the Spanish language. I made a playlist of Spanish songs, watched Spanish movies with English subtitles. If I was watching something in English, I had Spanish subtitles on. For podcasts I listened to Simple Stories in Spanish, Chill Spanish Listening Practice, Cuentame, and different news podcasts in Spanish. Pretty much any time I wasn’t working or in front of the computer using one of the aforementioned apps, I was consuming Spanish audio in some form. Occasionally I watched Dreaming Spanish, but watching movies/TV is something my spouse and I do together at the end of the day and I did have to consider his desires when choosing content.
9. Lifestyle - I get 7-9 hours of sleep a night and rarely consume alcohol. I don't see a ton of discussion on lifestyle in this sub but IMO sleep is king when it comes to memory building.

Closing Thoughts:
Overall, I chose apps and activities that I enjoyed. I highly suspect this matters more than choosing the most technically efficient learning route. Studying never felt like a chore and I don’t think I would have stuck with it if there weren’t aspects I enjoyed.
I'm really happy with the progress I was able to make in just 9 weeks. While I still feel like I'm firmly in my beginner stage, I feel like a more confident speaker and learner. I think Lingoda helped me build a lot of confidence with speaking and holding conversations. It was a great way to synthesize and put into practice concepts that I was learning with other applications.
For now, I plan to stick with Lingoda 2-3 classes/week, keep up with Anki, and focus on doing some form of comprehensible input every day. I'm probably still well over a year out from feeling like I could take any kind of exam. I love being able to connect with my Spanish-speaking patients and hope to stick with the language for a long time.
Happy to answer any questions y'all might have. Sorry again for the long post, I hope the formatting helps!

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Hi!
Have you tried Go Pangea? I don't have any references and I'm not sure if I should use it with my EFL students (elementary school level). I mix Open Up (Oxford textbook) with other communicative activities, games and tasks in class. E-twinning doesn't convince me (I've heard some teachers are unreliable and abandon the collaborative project in the middle of the process; plus the platform may occasionally present technical issues). It's a risk I'm not willing to take. I'd like to see if Go Pangea would suit me better.
Thanks in advance!

Hi!
Have you tried Go Pangea? I don't have any references and I'm not sure if I should use it with my EFL students (elementary school level). I mix Open Up (Oxford textbook) with other communicative activities, games and tasks in class. E-twinning doesn't convince me (I've heard some teachers are unreliable and abandon the collaborative project in the middle of the process; plus the platform may occasionally present technical issues). It's a risk I'm not willing to take. I'd like to see if Go Pangea would suit me better.
Thanks in advance!

Through meditation we believe that we can experience brain states while awake that normally only arise during deep sleep. Remaining still in the meditative posture for an extended period of time, 'tricks' the body and brain into thinking we are asleep. However because we are not laying down, but rather sitting up the body has to engage in a minimal though significant amount of neural and muscular feedback to maintain the meditative posture. It is this subtle feedback that allows us to maintain conscious awareness, without sleep paralysis, as our brain enters deep sleep states. These deep sleep states involve periods where the cortex or dualistic mind has gone 'off-line' and our awareness is able to experience the direct sensory stimulus as it arises in the body, without the meaning and words that arise with the normal cortical integration of these primary sensory stimulus.
As we develop and mature I believe our cortical/thalamic complex gradually creates a VR type experience for our awareness, so gradually we no longer see what arrives at our eyes but rather is what is constructed from the direct sensory experience in the occipital lobe of the cortex - our visual center. By the time we are adults our awareness can no longer directly perceive the external world. It can only see and hear the reprocessed reality as it is reconstructed from direct sensory stimulus, in our cortex. As adults we never see the outside world. We don't see the mountain. We only see the image of a mountain created in our visual cortex.
Without the ability to integrate information the cortex would no longer be able to read or use language and thus the dualistic mind would no longer interfere with the awareness of primary stimulus...and the 'manifold of named things' is extinguished.

These studies have revealed clear-cut differences between conscious and unconscious conditions during wakefulness, sleep, anesthesia, and severe brain injury. When subjects are conscious (i.e., they have any kind of experience, like seeing an image or having a thought), TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) triggers a complex response made of recurrent waves of phase-locked activity.....during early NREM sleep the slow-wave-like response evoked by a cortical perturbation is associated with the occurrence of a cortical down-state...Interestingly, after the down-state cortical activity resumes to wakefulness-like levels, but the phase-locking to the stimulus is lost, indicative of a break in the cause–effect chain...Cortical bistability, as reflected in the loss of phase-locking to a stimulus, leads to a breakdown in the ability of the cortex to integrate information
https://www.nature.com/articles/srep30932

Not all aspects of deep sleep because meditative posture is being maintained

... But the most significant difference is that the body appears to move into a state analogous to many, but not all, aspects of deep sleep, while consciousness remains responsive and alert.
https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/physiologyonline.1998.13.3.149#:~:text=In%20the%20hypometabolic%20state%20induced,is%20also%20decreased%20vascular%20resistance%2C

I spent many years studying Buddhism. I found myself bouncing from one Buddhist school to another. Regardless of which Buddhist school I was looking at, I inevitably found myself involved in discussions of Buddhist hermeneutics – the branch of knowledge that deals with the interpretation of historical literary texts.
Keren Arbel is a Buddhist scholar who recently published a book that challenges our usual approach to the study and attainment of the ‘jhanas’. Keren discusses the jhanas from 2 different prospective - Theravāda commentarial tradition vs the Pali Nikayas. Keren views the difference between these 2 different views of the jhanas as so significant that she goes as far to suggest they may represent and describe totally different experiences.

“What this study does challenge, however, is the assumption that Theravāda commentarial literature refers to the same jhānas as the Nikāyas. The question is, can we look at the jhānas, as they are described in the Nikāyas, with fresh eyes, not conditioned by later interpretations?... Yet, what I am suggesting is that we should be open to the possibility that these two textual corpuses – the Nikāyas and the Theravāda commentarial tradition – might be talking about two different types of experiences brought about by two different types of practices." - Early Buddhist Meditation: The Four Jhanas as the Actualization of Insight (Routledge Critical Studies in Buddhism) 1st Edition http://kerenarbel.com/en/

This incongruity arises because as she puts it

“...every commentary is a product of a certain historical, spiritual and intellectual context; as such, each commentary expresses specific understanding and views. That is, every commentator is rooted in a specific milieu and expresses different interests. The Theravāda commentarial tradition is no exception. It was written in a different context and milieu than the Nikāyas and expresses views and concerns relevant to that point of time and specific understanding of Buddhist practice.”

Leigh Brasington also reminds us

Also, please remember: this is just one person’s understanding of the jhānas. There are many more interpretations out there. Furthermore, my understanding of the jhānas has changed over time. Had I written this book five years earlier, it would be quite different. Nothing stays the same; everything in the universe is in flux—especially human ideas and understanding. Brasington, Leigh. Right Concentration: A Practical Guide to the Jhanas (pp. 160-162). Shambhala. Kindle Edition.

So the basic principles and how they are applied may vary considerably from one culture to the next and from one time period to another. If there can be that much variation between a practice based on the Theravāda commentarial tradition vs a practice based on the Pali Nikāyas, then how much change could have occurred between the time of the Nikāyas to the present day? Perhaps the experience of the jhanas is different today and maybe we should be looking at the jhanas differently than did the Nikayas or Theravadens.
Our cortex is still developing throughout puberty and our prefrontal areas are still developing connections well into our twenties. The way our cortex is ultimately wired and the way our senses become mapped to our external world is affected greatly by the culture in which we develop and the language of that culture. So a practice that was effective a thousand years ago may not work the same way for the modern brain. I see this as why Buddhism, as well as other religions, manifested in so many different ways as it spread from one culture to another. The connections of the brains of each different culture, ideology and language are all a little bit different, with significant ramifications for the type of practice that is effective for each culture.

Increasingly, neuroscientists are finding evidence of functional differences in brain activity and architecture between cultural groups, occupations, and individuals with different skill sets. The implication for neuroanthropology is obvious: forms of enculturation, social norms, training regimens, ritual, and patterns of experience shape how our brains work and are structured. But the predominant reason that culture becomes embodied, even though many anthropologists overlook it, is that neuroanatomy inherently makes experience material. Without material change in the brain, learning, memory, maturation, and even trauma could not happen. Neural systems adapt through long-term refinement and remodeling, which leads to deep enculturation. Through systematic change in the nervous system, the human body learns to orchestrate itself as well as it eventually does. Cultural concepts and meanings become anatomy.
https://neuroanthropology.net/2009/10/08/the-encultured-brain-why-neuroanthropology-why-now/

At the same time I was studying Buddhism, I was also studying the neurosciences and how our brain goes about creating our conscious experience of reality. As you can see from my discussions, I came to view the cortex as the single most important part of the human brain in creating our uniquely human experience, and the part of the brain that is most important in separating us from other primates.
My relationship with Buddhism changed dramatically when I came upon this definition of Nirvana.

Nirvana is defined as the coming to rest of the manifold of named things. - Chandrakirti: Lucid Exposition of the Middle Way

This was a definition I could really sink my teeth into. The part of our brain that names things is the cortex. This definition of nirvana suggested that it was possible to stop the activity of our cortex. It was possible for our awareness to experience reality without the process of naming automatically occurring. The primary function of the cortex is to orchestrate the complex movements that humans engage in during their daily life. This involves inhibiting some movements and adding fine motor control to others. For example the act of human speech involves the manipulation of the human voicebox and our breathing so that speech and breathing can occur concurrently. So if the cortex was involved in the control of our movements, then the way to stop the cortex would be to stop moving, as we do when we go to bed and sleep.
So I began to meditate with the sole objective of not moving. This lead to this experience, which I can still experience in my meditations.

After I had been sitting for some time in a meditative posture, I became aware of the sound of a great river flowing through my ears. My breath became a mighty wind rushing through the caves of my sinuses, in and out like the tide of an unspeakable ocean. Suddenly my eyes rolled over in my head. I was amused and startled because I realized my eyes were not shaped like circular globes but rather like elongated footballs, so they plopped over like a misshapen wheel. The physical coherence of my body dissolved and I became an unlimited amalgamation of countless shimmering orbs/clouds of energy, each emanating a pure white light. This light radiated boundless joy and compassion. The source of the light was a small crystal at the center of each orb. Each crystal vibrated with a unique tone or musical note and together they became what I can only describe as a heavenly symphony. This light radiated boundless joy and compassion. Each breath I took was more pleasurable than anything I had ever experienced. It seemed as each breath brought more pleasure then the sum of all my experiences up to then. The breath flowed through my body like an electrical river of pure energy and joy. I could feel the energy flow in my arms as it crossed over the energy flow in my legs. A small breath would bring this river just to the tips of my fingers, and a large breath would overflow my body with radiant energy. I opened my eyes and saw an unusual and amusing looking creature seated before me, with most of its body wrapped in colorful fabric. There was a sprout of hair at the top and it was making a birdlike chirping sound. I searched the features of this mostly hairless creatures and found the noise was emanating from a small slit in the creatures flesh. Although the noises were meaningless I could see into the creatures mind and knew its thoughts. I looked at a book on the table before me and the words on the cover were only lines, angles and curves and I saw no meaning in them. As this was happening feelings of great joy and compassion flowed through my body. After some time of abiding in this state the world of names and words returned and I saw the creature as my wife and I could read the written words again.

I believe this meditative experience arose as my awareness became separated from the cortical/thalamic complex. However it is not the only kind of meditative experience I have. I also have 'dreamwalking, shamanistic' experiences, where my awareness is still entangled with my cortex, but the activity of my cortex is no longer ‘locked’ to external stimulus.
However, having these type of meditative experiences has lead me to question the efficacy of putting a substantial part of our energy into the maintenance of a daily meditation practice. The Buddha did not recommend this for anyone other than those involved in the monastic lifestyle. When we do so in the West I believe we are at risk of altering the cortical connections we have developed over the period of our development that are ultimately necessary for navigating the unique environment of the modern cityscape. We are also habituating our brain and body into sitting in the meditative posture, making the transcendent states that can arise in meditation more difficult to achieve.
I do not believe our brains are the same as someone who practiced a thousand years ago, and what worked then may not have the same effect today. I believe we should save our deep meditation practice for times when we can devote several hours to our practice, so that when the fruits of meditation arise we have the time to let go and to let what may arise take its natural course. Our daily practice should involve more of the practical aspects of dharma such as study, devotional practices, investigation of the unreliably of our sensory experience and service to others. I feel we are putting way to much energy into discussions revolving around aspects of Buddhist hermeneutics.
Keren Arbel in a youtube discussion, which unfortunately is no longer available, on ‘The 7 factors of Awakening’ she discussed the importance of the 'mindfullness approach'. She views this as the most important factor. She states that the Buddha taught that developing mindfulness leads to investigation. When investigation develops, we have ‘energy’. When the mind investigates into the nature of experience now, in this moment, there is a lot of energy, and when we have energy then we also have joy. This investigation we can do every moment and we don’t need to sit on a cushion for that. She says it is very joyful to see into the nature of experience, even if that particular experience is painful.
If I had to recommend anyone's approach to practice and meditation, it would be Thich Nhat Hanh's. I believe our daily meditation's, if we are Buddhist, should involve the devotional/metta aspects of practice, where we let go of our sense of self and dedicate our energies towards the service of others, generosity and engaging in an investigative process arising from mindfulness that is dedicated towards understanding the nature of suffering and its relationship to the social and cultural environment in which we find ourselves. Deep meditation practice should be saved for those times when we have created the proper environment and conditions, so that if the fruits of our meditation arise, we can let these meditative perceptions unfold without constraint, without having to interrupt them to go pick up the kids.
Progress on the cushion is directly correlated with how much we have learned to "Care, Collaborate and Connect" with our world when we are off the cushion.
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2020-12-mental-health-coping-myth.html
As most meditations involve not moving, the 'brain states' that I elude to are not dependant on the type of meditation but only on that fact we have remained still long enough to let the natural physiological tendencies of our body/brain take their course. I believe we are born with all the tools we need and that our spiritual journey is more a process of finding what is there already... more of a letting go than an adding to. More of a negation of what has been added and a return to a childlike state of potentiality and emptiness.
If we have some understanding of what may happen and why, then it is likely we will have the equanimity to continue to stay with our meditation and we will be able to let what may arise continue unabated. This may also explain the universality of the spiritual/religious experience that seems to have been a part of the human reality throughout history . The physiological relationships between cortical and non cortical awareness are not dependant on the time and place that a human was born, or the belief system that humans may of held. Also there are many plants and fungi that can also alter the normal relationship between cortical and non-cortical awareness, allowing our awareness to move unheeded into different areas of our brain and body. It is apparent that humans were aware of these different substances and these different states of awareness very early in our history, which also facilitated a wide variety of shamanistic experiences. I don't believe these substances are necessary, as I believe there are many different keys that are capable of unlocking the doorway to the transcendent. Nor, on the other hand, should the efficacy of these substances be ignored.
Additional Resources: These titles represent current up to date research and in no way can be considered pseudoscience or popular science.

Meanwhile the scientific study of mental processes has revealed that consciousness is not necessary for rational thought. Inferences can be drawn and decisions made without awareness. This raises a new problem for our understanding of consciousness. Descartes and his contemporaries took it for granted that consciousness was necessary for rational thought and willed, as opposed to automatic, behavior. If not the basis of rational thought, what is the function of consciousness? (p. 12). Kindle Edition.
https://www.wiley.com/en-ca/The+Blackwell+Companion+to+Consciousness%2C+2nd+Edition-p-9780470674062?fbclid=IwAR2PNeqZSsI0-QEt6kZnJAfeTpJgsIhhjNEiunwURIrW242U6IdRRNdOT3M

2 books concerning how 'self' arises in the brain...

Biological theorists who seek to explain consciousness have gotten stuck in the cerebral cortex, citing it as the situs of consciousness, i.e., where consciousness arises. I will challenge this notion and, accordingly, offer a new theory of how we become conscious during various natural or induced states in which we are unconscious. Pfaff, Donald. How Brain Arousal Mechanisms Work (Kindle Locations 107-110). Cambridge University Press. Kindle Edition. University Press.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/07/180723143007.htm?fbclid=IwAR0H8Nvkjx7_IqMykywOdpWzRR1RERVSKwYsbcoP2oH3m5Bn0AlZ273IBog
https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/how-brain-arousal-mechanisms-work/4078E3DFD96FAF9B58FFBCD772E08CDD?fbclid=IwAR0rISvpuAvhC2IB3uP2c4BVY9lGQ7-I8tIdJVPIMliH1Ce6iMfjIMGAGkM
But, even though it operates subliminally, as we begin to understand the cerebellar self, we also start to appreciate how important it is to our perception of our surroundings, how we move, and even the implicit sense of agency we have in our interactions with the world. Montgomery, John. Evolution of the Cerebellar Sense of Self (p. 2). OUP Oxford. Kindle Edition.
https://academic.oup.com/book/9812?login=false&fbclid=IwAR2lTL_mvhAQKhTY5WEzMjJ-cXizMriEqNjzJgC1CVUWOh6PSZ4B_zDQP50

In these books you will be introduced to parts of our brain that perform different functions. Once we understand what these parts of the brain are, what they look like and where they are situated, and what function they perform we can direct our awareness to these different parts of the brain during our meditation and gradually learn to recognize their activity. Gradually we can gain some conscious control over these different parts of our brain. It is interesting that "mindfulness" originates from the Pali word sati. According to Bryan Levman writing in the Journal of the Oxford Centre for Buddhist Studies, "the word sati incorporates the meaning of 'memory' and 'remembrance'.
Samatha meditation develops samadhi or concentration by focusing attention. Samatha would correlate with the cerebral cortex and its hemispheres. Mindfullness moves our awareness down into our limbic system and the parts of our brain related to memory and remembrance, like the hippocampus, hypothalamus. Our awareness can go still deeper into structures in our midbrain and brainstem...and we get into the realms of Vipassana. Plasticity is sited as proof that meditation is doing something positive for our brain. However, the brain has developed the connections it has over our period of development to optimize the way different parts of our brain our connected. We do not want to be changing these connections between different parts of our brain unless we are in a very controlled environment like in a monastery. For example if we alter the connections between cerebellum and cortex then we can experience schizophrenic and dissociative symptoms. The book on the cerebellum discusses this. Once these connections are disrupted, for some people the cortex will now be experienced as 'other' rather than self which is why some people will hear voices and see things as really there which are arising only in their cortex like a dream. If we change our connections between different areas of our brain we make it much more difficult for our awareness to move freely throughout our brain...and ultimately into the Vipassana or 'insight' areas of the midbrain and brainstem.

https://acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/camh.12600?fbclid=IwAR0pXTXMBqhaepmiGCavjXWjnTjsK_KuvgEbVjk8CBkHBm_uv-A1XNEbVoo

Excerpt from GitHub

minbpe-hs

Introduction

minbpe-hs is a port of Andrej Karpathy's concise byte-level byte pair encoding (BPE) implementation, minbpe, to Haskell. During training, BPE compresses a sequence by repeatedly finding the most frequent pair of elements in the input and merging them into a new token whilst maintaining a record of the merges and the tokens. Encoding is performed by recursively merging pairs with the smallest merge index until there remain no pairs to be merged, and encoded representations can be decoded backed into the original through vocabulary look-ups. Given its recursive nature, BPE lends itself naturally to functional programming, and the objective of this repository is to offer an alternative functional formulation of it that is orthogonal to typical implementations in imperative languages such as Python or Rust to aid learners in gaining a firmer grasp on BPE by vieweing it through a different lens.
Similar to minbpe, BPE.Basic and BPE.Regex both supply the same fundamental functionalities of training, encoding, and decoding, but the former treats a text corpus as one continuous sequence whereas the latter, in addition to supporting special tokens, divides it into smaller segments using a regex pattern and considers merges only within these segments. BPE.Base contains core operations employed by the two tokenizers and also provides storing & loading utilities. There is no counterpart to minbpe's GPT4Tokenizer as tiktoken does not expose a Haskell frontend.

Installation

Please run cabal install to install minbpe-hs. Alternatively, you can pass the source directory of this repository to GHC via the -i flag when compiling code that uses minbpe-hs (e.g., ghc -isrc MyProgram.hs).

Usage

BPE's Wikipedia entry discusses a simple example that can be reproduced using minbpe-hs as follows.
```haskell {-# LANGUAGE OverloadedStrings #-}
import BPE.Base import BPE.Basic
main :: IO () main = do let (merges, vocab) = trainTokenizer (256 + 3) "aaabdaaabac" -- 256 initial tokens (bytes), 3 merges putStrLn $ show $ encode merges "aaabdaaabac" -- [258, 100, 258, 97, 99] putStrLn $ show $ decode vocab [258, 100, 258, 97, 99] -- "aaabdaaabac" saveMergesAndVocab "toy" merges vocab -- Saves toy.merges and toy.vocab ```
More examples can be found in the examples/ folder. On average, the training portions of the examples run 2-3x faster than minbpe, and encoding long strings of text can be 5-6x times faster.
Questions, comments, and feedback are welcome in the comments. For more information, please refer to the GitHub repository.

DAY: MAY 20 2024
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Well sorry for late/no replies , im in a fixed schedule soo i cant look each and every msg and reply them personally (not rude but getting soo many dms about almost same or inter realted stuff ) so making it easier for you and for me aswell.
You all have many similar questions , so all common questions im answerining here , is someone wants to talk u can dm but im not sure when i will open it or even if i did , the chances are i wouldnt get enough time to open it and reply in a very nice and guideful way.
Most of you are asking how and where did i done my preprations .. I was completely relyed on mog test and jee mains pqys , i dont know how bad or good you are but doing it will help you alot , i havent prepared anything extra , im an integrated student so all i did was coaching modules and dpp, i was not the brightest in the coaching buy my chem teacher got my back and made me revise it thoroughly so im strong in chem (30 ques in almost 20-25 mins) ...
For Phy , i made a formula /cheat sheet type of thing and i look at it for 30 mins whenever i get time , or i just recall formula and try to check if im missing anything out and after giving test if i find something new i add inside it.
For maths , i was only doing modules , no yt channel , no maths unpluggged no NV sir nothing , just stick to that coaching modules and pqys , i found marks app very useful because it contained a lot jee mains pqys.
doing maths has been a really hard challenege for me , i was never good at it because of my coaching , but all i relayed on dpps , i used to check sols online as well (nothing too bad , because where would u go if u get stuck ?) but yeah only jee mains ques because the level was slightly higher soo,
I gave mog test till 9 and i was averaging around 310 , i have done lr for my ntse prep so i did nothing for this , all i did was giving tests in mog
for english i use read books soo i have develop a vast vocab thats why eng+lr was win win for me and it got me a rank push , now if u dont do this all dont worry about it , i got u covered . I will write about problems just be patient.
my order of attempt was Chem Lr phy eng maths (dont follow mine , but ur own because i cant tell u when i used to switch in between and generalised things never work irl). After mains all i did was pqys and theory revision , for theory i used my own class notes.
Now thins u might question again...
1 How can prep for june , just solve more and more question and realise ur mistake nothing new. 2. Can u achieve it , ofc u can i came from 91 to 319 , if i can , then u too can. 3. U dont have notes ? scroll a bit in google and yt , u will find short notes to revise stick with them. 4. Solve jee mains ques (atleast it is all what i did , u can have diff approach ) 5. Try attempting as many mocks as many u can , until u achieve ur target 6. Where to do maths? if u have BITSAT PREP BY ARIHANT , use it , it will help u , if u dont , i have a drive link i will attach below dont waste money , invest it. 7. Build ur own attempting strategy and dont google it how to get 300+ in 2 days , its just bs , u cant ! 8. If u have exam tomo , just relax today , go outside in fresh air and listen to some songs , dont panic at all , tum 2 saal padkh ke kuch nahi kar paye toh last 2 our m kn kar paoge , overthink karke , jo ara wo bhi mind se slip off ho jayehga. 9. before exam pack ur stuff , id card , admit card and ur pen and go to bed with the attitude of giving best. 10. Yes u can reach at ur center latest 30 mins after the reporting time but its better to be early than on time ig. 11. U have exams in 2-3 days later , give mocks , and dont give up on urself , u can do it ! and even if u couldnt make it , u would be satisfied with the prep atleast , u wont be regretting it i can swear on it 101%
ALL THE VERY BEST , (UPVOTE IT SO IT CAN REACH TO EVERYONE AND SHARE IT ATLEAST SO WHO EVER ASKED IN MY DMS CAN GET ANSWERS , IF U STILL HAVE ANYTHING COMMENT IT I WILL REPLY WHENEVER I GET TIME TO , OK ? )
GOOOD LUCK U ALL <333 KEEP CALM STAY COOL.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1j9a5b1QuxN8G71m8An3eU8LqdKyFJbyE/view (Bitsat prep Guide by arihant )

Peer-reviewed articles discussing lifetime number of sexual partners consistently show that body count is a strong predictor of infidelity, relationship dissatisfaction and divorce. Most men and women care about sexual history, and, in some respects, women care even more than men do.
Promiscuity and Infidelity

Factors found to facilitate infidelity

Number of sex partners: Greater number of sex partners before marriage predicts infidelity

As might be expected, attitudes toward infidelity specifically, permissive attitudes toward sex more generally and a greater willingness to have casual sex and to engage in sex without closeness, commitment or love (i.e., a more unrestricted sociosexual orientation) are also reliably related to infidelity (pg.71)

https://imgur.com/vCvZmQR.jpg
Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 70–74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.008
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Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are more likely to engage in infidelity (pg.344)

https://imgur.com/a/GUWDVUi
Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339–360. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407505052440
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the odds ratio of 1.13 for lifetime sexual partners obtained with the face-to-face mode of interview indicates that the probability of infidelity increased by 13% for every additional lifetime sexual partner (pg.150)

https://imgur.com/ZhxoqNv.jpg
Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. (2007). Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 147–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.147
.

promiscuity is in fact a good predictor of infidelity. Indeed, promiscuity among females accounted for almost twice as much variance in infidelity (r<sup>2</sup> = .45) as it did for males (r<sup>2</sup> = .25). (pg.177)

https://imgur.com/2vklWn1.jpg
Hughes, S. M., & Gallup, G. G., Jr. (2003). Sex differences in morphological predictors of sexual behavior: Shoulder to hip and waist to hip ratios. Evolution and Human Behavior, 24(3), 173–178. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1090-5138(02)00149-6
.

Participants who had experienced sexual intimacy with a greater number of partners also reported greater extradyadic sex and extradyadic kissing inclination. (pg.344)

https://i.imgur.com/gkf9CZT.jpg
McAlister, A. R., Pachana, N., & Jackson, C. J. (2005). Predictors of young dating adults' inclination to engage in extradyadic sexual activities: A multi-perspective study. British Journal of Psychology, 96(3), 331–350. https://doi.org/10.1348/000712605X47936
.

Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001] (pg.390)

https://imgur.com/qEPttQz.jpg
Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. (2017). The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity. Athens Journal of Social Sciences, 4(4), 385–398. https://doi.org/10.30958/ajss.4-4-3
.

Each additional sex partner between age 18 and the first union increased the net odds of infidelity by 1% (pg.56)

https://imgur.com/poSLp4U.jpg
Treas, J., & Giesen, D. (2000). Sexual Infidelity Among Married and Cohabiting Americans. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(1), 48–60. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00048.x
.

An indicator of whether or not the respondent has had previous sex partners is included and identifies the number of male sex partners the woman had previous to her relationship with her current primary partner… A history of numerous sex partners indicates a pattern or habit of sexual behavior that we expect will negatively influence sexual exclusivity in the current relationship. (pg.37)
Having previous sexual partners greatly increased the likelihood that a woman would have a secondary sex partner. In particular, a woman with 4 or more male sex partners prior to her primary relationship was about 8.5 times more likely to have a secondary sex partnerthan a woman with no previous sex partners… Having previous sex partners also increased the likelihood that dating and married women would have secondary sex partners. In particular, married women with 4 or more previous partners were 20 times more likely to have secondary sex partners than married women with no previous sex partners (pg.41)

https://imgur.com/naqmXdN.jpg
Forste, R., & Tanfer, K. (1996). Sexual exclusivity among dating, cohabiting, and married women. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 58(1), 33–47. https://doi.org/10.2307/353375
.

As has been found in prior research (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999; Treas & Giesen, 2000), having had more prior sex partners predicted future ESI, possibly suggesting that a higher interest in or acceptance of unmarried sexual activity may be related to ESI. (pg.607)

https://imgur.com/hqXh1t8.jpg
Maddox Shaw, A. M., Rhoades, G. K., Allen, E. S., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Predictors of Extradyadic Sexual Involvement in Unmarried Opposite-Sex Relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 50(6), 598–610. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2012.666816
.

To insure that the female partner has previously avoided men and is not predisposed to seek them out, men often insist on virginity or little sexual experience (Espin 2018; Bekker et al. 1996). This idea, that low promiscuity becomes low infidelity after marriage, was supported by Essock-Vitale and McGuire (1985) who found that among adult women, promiscuity prior to marriage was also a predictor of infidelity once women were married. (pg.7809)

https://imgur.com/Y0X8ui3.jpg
Burch, R. L. (2021). Solution to paternity uncertainty. In Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science (pp. 7808–7814). Springer International Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-16999-6_2029-1
.
Promiscuity, Instability and Divorce

When compared with their peers who report fewer partners, those who self-report 20 or more in their lifetime are:

• Twice as likely to have ever been divorced (50 percent vs. 27 percent)
  
• Three times as likely to have cheated while married (32 percent vs. 10 percent)
  
• Substantially less happy with life (p < 0.05) (pg.89)
  

https://imgur.com/rxkpWM4.jpg
Regnerus, M. D. (2017). Cheap sex: The transformation of men, marriage, and monogamy. Oxford University Press.
.

As expected, we find evidence of a nonlinear relationship between the number of sexual partners and the risk of divorce. Those in the highest category of partners (9+) consistently show the highest divorce risk by a substantial margin, followed by those with one to eight partners, with the lowest risk for those with none. In other words, we find distinct tiers of divorce risk between those with no, some, or many premarital, nonspousal sexual partners. (pg.16)

https://i.imgur.com/mcSj4g0.jpg
Smith, J., & Wolfinger, N. H. (2023). Re-examining the link between premarital sex and divorce. Journal of Family Issues, 0192513X2311556. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513x231155673
.

The findings from this study demonstrate that the number of sexual partners participants had was negatively associated with sexual quality, communication, and relationship stability, and for one age cohort relationship satisfaction, even when controlling for a wide range of variables including education, religiosity, and relationship length. (pg.715)

https://i.imgur.com/0MuuWmd.jpg
Busby, D. M., Willoughby, B. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2013). Sowing wild oats: Valuable experience or a field full of weeds? Personal Relationships, 20(4), 706–718. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12009
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women who had more experience with short-term relationships in the past (i.e., those with high Behavior facet scores) were more likely to have multiple sexual partners and unstable relationships in the future. The behaviorally expressed level of sociosexuality thus seems to be a fairly stable personal characteristic. (pg. 1131)

https://i.imgur.com/k3ZcwTn.jpg
Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: a more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.95.5.1113
.

Women who serially cohabited and/or had premarital sex with someone besides their husband had higher odds of marital dissolution than women who never cohabited. Teachman’s findings suggest that both sexual history and cohabitation history influence marital stability. (pg.4)
Serial cohabitors’ higher number of sexual and cohabiting partners suggests that they have a longer history of dissolved relationships -- i.e., sexual, (most likely dating) and cohabiting relationships – that they bring to their cohabiting and later marital relationships. This relationship experience may affect the quality and stability of their cohabiting relationship and the odds of marrying their cohabiting partners. Consistent with Teachman (2003), who found that both sexual and cohabiting partnerships significantly predicted the odds of marital dissolution, our findings suggest that studies of union formation and stability should consider the full range of sexual experiences in early adulthood. (pg.11)

https://i.imgur.com/jzTUT5p.jpg
Cohen, J., & Manning, W. (2010). The relationship context of premarital serial cohabitation. Social Science Research, 39(5), 766–776. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssresearch.2010.04.011

Peer-reviewed articles discussing lifetime number of sexual partners consistently show that body count is a strong predictor of infidelity, relationship dissatisfaction and divorce. Most men and women care about sexual history, and, in some respects, women care even more than men do.
Promiscuity and Infidelity

Factors found to facilitate infidelity

Number of sex partners: Greater number of sex partners before marriage predicts infidelity

As might be expected, attitudes toward infidelity specifically, permissive attitudes toward sex more generally and a greater willingness to have casual sex and to engage in sex without closeness, commitment or love (i.e., a more unrestricted sociosexual orientation) are also reliably related to infidelity (pg.71)

https://imgur.com/vCvZmQR.jpg
Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 70–74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.008
.

Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are more likely to engage in infidelity (pg.344)

https://imgur.com/a/GUWDVUi
Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339–360. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407505052440
.

the odds ratio of 1.13 for lifetime sexual partners obtained with the face-to-face mode of interview indicates that the probability of infidelity increased by 13% for every additional lifetime sexual partner (pg.150)

https://imgur.com/ZhxoqNv.jpg
Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. (2007). Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 147–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.147
.

promiscuity is in fact a good predictor of infidelity. Indeed, promiscuity among females accounted for almost twice as much variance in infidelity (r<sup>2</sup> = .45) as it did for males (r<sup>2</sup> = .25). (pg.177)

https://imgur.com/2vklWn1.jpg
Hughes, S. M., & Gallup, G. G., Jr. (2003). Sex differences in morphological predictors of sexual behavior: Shoulder to hip and waist to hip ratios. Evolution and Human Behavior, 24(3), 173–178. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1090-5138(02)00149-6
.

Participants who had experienced sexual intimacy with a greater number of partners also reported greater extradyadic sex and extradyadic kissing inclination. (pg.344)

https://i.imgur.com/gkf9CZT.jpg
McAlister, A. R., Pachana, N., & Jackson, C. J. (2005). Predictors of young dating adults' inclination to engage in extradyadic sexual activities: A multi-perspective study. British Journal of Psychology, 96(3), 331–350. https://doi.org/10.1348/000712605X47936
.

Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001] (pg.390)

https://imgur.com/qEPttQz.jpg
Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. (2017). The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity. Athens Journal of Social Sciences, 4(4), 385–398. https://doi.org/10.30958/ajss.4-4-3
.

Each additional sex partner between age 18 and the first union increased the net odds of infidelity by 1% (pg.56)

https://imgur.com/poSLp4U.jpg
Treas, J., & Giesen, D. (2000). Sexual Infidelity Among Married and Cohabiting Americans. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(1), 48–60. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00048.x
.

An indicator of whether or not the respondent has had previous sex partners is included and identifies the number of male sex partners the woman had previous to her relationship with her current primary partner… A history of numerous sex partners indicates a pattern or habit of sexual behavior that we expect will negatively influence sexual exclusivity in the current relationship. (pg.37)
Having previous sexual partners greatly increased the likelihood that a woman would have a secondary sex partner. In particular, a woman with 4 or more male sex partners prior to her primary relationship was about 8.5 times more likely to have a secondary sex partnerthan a woman with no previous sex partners… Having previous sex partners also increased the likelihood that dating and married women would have secondary sex partners. In particular, married women with 4 or more previous partners were 20 times more likely to have secondary sex partners than married women with no previous sex partners (pg.41)

https://imgur.com/naqmXdN.jpg
Forste, R., & Tanfer, K. (1996). Sexual exclusivity among dating, cohabiting, and married women. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 58(1), 33–47. https://doi.org/10.2307/353375
.

As has been found in prior research (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999; Treas & Giesen, 2000), having had more prior sex partners predicted future ESI, possibly suggesting that a higher interest in or acceptance of unmarried sexual activity may be related to ESI. (pg.607)

https://imgur.com/hqXh1t8.jpg
Maddox Shaw, A. M., Rhoades, G. K., Allen, E. S., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Predictors of Extradyadic Sexual Involvement in Unmarried Opposite-Sex Relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 50(6), 598–610. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2012.666816
.

To insure that the female partner has previously avoided men and is not predisposed to seek them out, men often insist on virginity or little sexual experience (Espin 2018; Bekker et al. 1996). This idea, that low promiscuity becomes low infidelity after marriage, was supported by Essock-Vitale and McGuire (1985) who found that among adult women, promiscuity prior to marriage was also a predictor of infidelity once women were married. (pg.7809)

https://imgur.com/Y0X8ui3.jpg
Burch, R. L. (2021). Solution to paternity uncertainty. In Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science (pp. 7808–7814). Springer International Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-16999-6_2029-1
.
Promiscuity, Instability and Divorce

When compared with their peers who report fewer partners, those who self-report 20 or more in their lifetime are:

• Twice as likely to have ever been divorced (50 percent vs. 27 percent)
  
• Three times as likely to have cheated while married (32 percent vs. 10 percent)
  
• Substantially less happy with life (p < 0.05) (pg.89)
  

https://imgur.com/rxkpWM4.jpg
Regnerus, M. D. (2017). Cheap sex: The transformation of men, marriage, and monogamy. Oxford University Press.
.

As expected, we find evidence of a nonlinear relationship between the number of sexual partners and the risk of divorce. Those in the highest category of partners (9+) consistently show the highest divorce risk by a substantial margin, followed by those with one to eight partners, with the lowest risk for those with none. In other words, we find distinct tiers of divorce risk between those with no, some, or many premarital, nonspousal sexual partners. (pg.16)

https://i.imgur.com/mcSj4g0.jpg
Smith, J., & Wolfinger, N. H. (2023). Re-examining the link between premarital sex and divorce. Journal of Family Issues, 0192513X2311556. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513x231155673
.

The findings from this study demonstrate that the number of sexual partners participants had was negatively associated with sexual quality, communication, and relationship stability, and for one age cohort relationship satisfaction, even when controlling for a wide range of variables including education, religiosity, and relationship length. (pg.715)

https://i.imgur.com/0MuuWmd.jpg
Busby, D. M., Willoughby, B. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2013). Sowing wild oats: Valuable experience or a field full of weeds? Personal Relationships, 20(4), 706–718. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12009
.

women who had more experience with short-term relationships in the past (i.e., those with high Behavior facet scores) were more likely to have multiple sexual partners and unstable relationships in the future. The behaviorally expressed level of sociosexuality thus seems to be a fairly stable personal characteristic. (pg. 1131)

https://i.imgur.com/k3ZcwTn.jpg
Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: a more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.95.5.1113
.

Women who serially cohabited and/or had premarital sex with someone besides their husband had higher odds of marital dissolution than women who never cohabited. Teachman’s findings suggest that both sexual history and cohabitation history influence marital stability. (pg.4)
Serial cohabitors’ higher number of sexual and cohabiting partners suggests that they have a longer history of dissolved relationships -- i.e., sexual, (most likely dating) and cohabiting relationships – that they bring to their cohabiting and later marital relationships. This relationship experience may affect the quality and stability of their cohabiting relationship and the odds of marrying their cohabiting partners. Consistent with Teachman (2003), who found that both sexual and cohabiting partnerships significantly predicted the odds of marital dissolution, our findings suggest that studies of union formation and stability should consider the full range of sexual experiences in early adulthood. (pg.11)

https://i.imgur.com/jzTUT5p.jpg
Cohen, J., & Manning, W. (2010). The relationship context of premarital serial cohabitation. Social Science Research, 39(5), 766–776. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssresearch.2010.04.011

Bibliografia Política

• 1-Economia
• 2-Orçamento
• 3-Trabalho
• 4-Educação
• 5-Saúde
• 6-Justiça
• 7-Segurança
• 8-Defesa
• 9-Relações Exteriores
• 10-Direitos Humanos -11-Infraestrutura -12-Habitação -13-Transportes -14-Energia e Mineração -15-Comunicação -16-Saneamento Básico -17-Previdência -18-Agricultura e Pecuária -19-Industria e Comércio -20-Ciência e Tecnologia -21-Meio Ambiente -22-Turismo -23-Cultura -24-Esporte -25-Assistência Social -26-Comunicação Estratégica -27-Oratória -28-Direito -29-Ciências Políticas -30-História -Links -Mídia

1-Economia
-Curso básico de microeconomia - José Carrera-Fernandez
-Macroeconomia para executivos - Cristiane Alkmin Junqueira Schmidt e Fábio Giambiagi
-Freakonomics
-Opções, futuros e outros derivativos - John C. Hull
-Projeto nacional - Ciro Gomes
-O Estado Empreendedor- Mariana Mazzucato
-This time is different’ (Desta vez é diferente) Carmen Reinhart e Kenneth Rogoff.
Máfia econômica
-Capitalismo de laços - Sérgio G. Lazzarini
-O que os Donos do Poder não Querem que você saiba- Eduardo Moreira
2-Orçamento
Follow The Money
Gestão Pública
-Administração pública-Augustinho Paludo
-Gestão da regulação - Ivan Antônio Pinheiro
Relações Governamentais
https://pt.wikipedia.org/w/index.php? title=Lobismo&oldid=[59036860](tel:59036860)
https://pt.wikipedia.org/w/index.php? title=Relações_Governamentais&oldid=[54006172](tel:54006172)
3-Trabalho

• Curso de direito do trabalho - Luciano Martinez

4-Educação
5-Saúde
-Legislação do SUS - Conselho Nacional de Secretários de Saúde CONASS -Para entender a gestão do SUS - Conass
6-Justiça
-Exame de ordem da OAB: Doutrina – Volume único - Coordenação Vauledir Ribeiro Santos
Código Comercial
Lei nº 556, 25.6.1850
Código Civil
Lei nº 10.406, 10.1.2002
Código de Águas
Dec nº 24.643, 10.7.1934
Código de Defesa do Consumidor
Lei nº 8.078, [11.09.1990](tel:11091990)
Código Penal
Del nº 2.848, 7.12.1940
Código de Processo Penal
Del nº 3.689, 3.10.1941
Código Brasileiro de Telecomunicações
Lei nº 4.117, 27.8.1962
Código Florestal
Lei nº 12.651, 25.5.2012
Código Eleitoral
Lei nº 4.737, 15.7.1965
Código Tributário Nacional
Lei nº 5.172, [25.10.1966](tel:25101966)
Código de Processo Penal Militar
Del 1.002, de [21.10.1969](tel:21101969)
Código Penal Militar
Del 1.001, de [21.10.1969](tel:21101969)
Código de Mineração - Código de Minas
Del nº 227, 28.2.1967
Código de Caça - Proteção a Fauna
Lei nº 5.197, 3.1.1967
Código de Processo Civil
Lei nº 13.105, de 2015
Código Brasileiro de Aeronáutica
Lei nº 7.565, [19.12.1986](tel:19121986)
Código de Propriedade Industrial
Lei nº 9.279, 14.5.1996
Código de Trânsito Brasileiro
Lei nº 9.503, 23.9.1997
7-Segurança
-Análise de Crime para Solucionadores de Problemas Em 60 Pequenos Passos - Ronald V. Clarke & John E. Eck -Crime organizado - Cleber Masson e Vinícius Marçal -A república das milícias-Bruno Paes Manso
Inteligência Financeira -Lavagem de dinheiro - André Luís Callegari e Ariel Barazzetti Weber
Córtex - Seopi https://theintercept.com/2020/09/21/governo-vigilancia-cortex/
Geo-Pr https://theintercept.com/2016/12/05/abin-tem-megabanco-de-dados-sobre-movimentos-sociais/
Defesa Civil - Emergência (Emergency - This book will save your life) - Neil Strauss - FM 21-76 US ARMY SURVIVAL MANUAL - IP 21-80 - SOBREVIVÊNCIA NA SELVA
Bombeiros -Manual básico de Bombeiro Militar CBMERJ
8-Defesa
Estratégia -Livro Branco da Defesa -Estratégia Nacional de Defesa -A arte da guerra - Sun Tzu -Da Guerra-CARL VON CLAUSEWITZ -Sobre a guerra - Napoleão Bonaparte -The Influence of Sea Power Upon History [1660 - 1783](tel:16601783) Alfred Thayer Mahan -O Príncipe - Nicolau Maquiavel -As grandes estratégias - John Lewis Gaddis
Gestão e Logística -Relatórios de Gestão - Defesa/EB/MB/FAB
Geopolítica -A vingança da Geografia - Robert D. Kaplan -A desordem mundial - Luiz Alberto Moniz Bandeira
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geostrategy
Jogos de Guerra e Operações
Palavras-chave: Military Decision-Making Process MDMP
Funções de combate: Movimento e Manobra, Inteligência, Comando e Controle, Fogos, Proteção e Logística
-The Complete Wargames Handbook -James F. Dunnigan -Smartbooks Christopher Larsen & Norman M. Wade -FM 6-0, Commander and Staff Organization and Operations -FM 3-0 Operations -FM 3-90 Tácticas ( espanhol) -Gary Grigsbys War in the East (jogo) -Command: Modern Air / Naval Operarions (jogo) - EB60-ME-11.401 Manual de Ensino Dados Médios de Planejamento Escolar - FM 3-24.2 (FM 90-8, FM 7-98) Tactics in Counterinsurgency
https://www.doctrine.af.mil/Operational-Level-Doctrine/
Manuais -TC 3-21-76 Ranger Handbook -FM 23-10 Sniper Training -The Ultimate Sniper -EJC-3-218 Manual de instrucción y entrenamiento tiradores de alta precision -In0531 Combat in built up areas-Us Army
Inteligência -Serviços Secretos - André Soares -Doutrina e Método -Escola Superior de Inteligência -Belo Horizonte -Spycraft-Robert Wallace and H. Keith Melton with Henry R. Schlesinger -Fundamentos de metodologia científica - Marina de Andrade Marconi e Eva Maria Lakatos -Pesquisa operacional Para Cursos De Engenharia - Belfiore & Fávero -Data Science do Zero - Joel Grus -Inteligência artificial -Stuart Russell e Peter Norvig -Teoria dos Jogos - Ronaldo Fiani -O segredo judaico de resolução de problemas - Nilton Bonder -Super previsões - Dan Gardner -Método Grumbach de Gestão Estratégica
Defesa Cibernética -Contagem Regressiva ate Zero Day
Links
Abed https://www.instagram.com/abed_defesa/ https://youtube.com/c/ABEDAssocia%C3%A7%C3%A3oBrasileiradeEstudosdeDefesa
📌Mídia Especializada
https://smallwarsjournal.com/
📂Neutra
-Synopsis https://youtube.com/channel/UCcs-LNN1N_n2K-Te0Y6hGYQ
📂Direita
-Canal Arte da Guerra - Robison Farinazzo https://youtube.com/c/ARTEDAGUERRA
-Mahanology Español https://youtube.com/channel/UCB4fkJFzb6y15Vae83w3nWw
-Hablemos de Guerra https://youtube.com/channel/UC5aYhVHQc4FtcUDWsllx0UA
-Base militar vídeo magazine https://youtube.com/c/BASEMILITARV%C3%8DDEOMAGAZINE
-Caiafa Master https://youtube.com/c/caiafamaster
-Forças de Defesa https://youtube.com/c/For%C3%A7asdeDefesa
📌Think Tank
https://www.understandingwar.org/
9-Relações Exteriores
-Relações Internacionais - Demetrio Magnoli
-Ordem Mundial - Henry Kissinger
10-Direitos Humanos
-Curso de Direitos Humanos - André de Carvalho Ramos
-International Human Rights - Philip Alston & Ryan Goodman
-The Oxford Handbook of International Human Rights Law - Dinah Shelton
11-Infraestrutura
12-Habitação
13-Transportes
14-Energia e Mineração
Observatório de Mineração https://observatoriodamineracao.com.br/ https://mobile.twitter.com/obsmineracao
15-Comunicação
16-Saneamento Básico
17-Previdência
-Manual de Direito Previdenciário - Carlos Alberto Pereira de Castro e João Batista
18-Agricultura e Pecuária
19-Industria e Comércio
20-Ciência e Tecnologia
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technology_tree
Engenharia
-Introdução à engenharia mecânica -Jonathan Wickert
Aeroespacial

• Ignition ! - John D. Clark

21-Meio Ambiente
-Os Senhores do Clima - Tim Flannery -CI Geoinformação -Meteorologia E Climatologia - Mário Adelmo Varejão Silva
Links
https://weather.com/pt-Bclima/hoje/l/BRXX0043:1:BR?Goto=Redirected
https://www.instagram.com/observatoriodoclima/
22-Turismo
23-Cultura
24-Esporte
25-Assistência Social
26-Comunicação Estratégica
-Os Engenheiros do Caos - Giuliano Da Empoli -A guerra na era da informação - Alessandro Visacro -Psicodiagnóstico - Organizadores, Claudio Simon Hutz et al -Gene Egoísta - Richard Dawkins -Análise do discurso - Fabiane Teixeira de Jesus e Guilherme Adorno
27-Oratória
-Como Falar em Publico e Encantar as pessoas - Dale Carnegie -Como se defender de ataques verbais - Barbara Berckhan -Oratória-Reilnado Polito -Raciocínio lógico passo a passo - Luiz Cláudio Durão Cabral,Mauro César de Abreu Nunes -Argumentação jurídica - Victor Gabriel Rodriguez -A arte de argumentar-Antônio Suárez Abreu -Negocie como se sua vida dependesse disso - Chris Voss - Como vencer um debate -dialetica eristica -Schopenhauer - Do pensar por si-Schopenhauer -Pense Como um Freak- Steven D. Levitt -As Armas da Persuasão-Robert Cialdini -Manual de Persuasão do FBI-Marvin Karlins, Jack Schafer -Introdução à programação neurolinguística-Joseph 0'Connor e John Seymour -Arte de ler mentes-Henrik Fexeus -Linguagem das Emoções-Paul Ekman -A linguagem corporal no trabalho - Allan e Barbara Pease
28-Direito
"O Estado sou eu " - Luis XIV
-Apostila Técnico Judiciário
29-Ciências Políticas
-Como Funciona o Fascismo - Jason Stanley -O Príncipe - Nicolau Maquiavel -Amanhã vai ser maior- Rosana Pinheiro- Machado -Necropolítica - Achille Mbembe
Journal of Democracy https://fundacaofhc.org.biniciativas/publicacoes/journal-of-democracy-em-portugues
30-História
-A guerra contra o Brasil - Jessé Souza - "A problem from hell" - Samantha Power - Engenheiros da vitória - Paul Kennedy - Estratégia militar e História - César Campiani Maximiano
📌Dossiês -Tudo o que você desaprendeu para virar um idiota - Meteoro Brasil
📌Línguas -Manual de língua portuguesa do Tribunal Regional Federal da 1ª Região -Como dizer tudo em inglês - Ron Martinez -Aprenda idiomas sem complicações: Francês - Jeferson Ferreira
📌Links
Jornalismo
Congresso em foco https://congressoemfoco.uol.com.br/ https://m.facebook.com/congressoemfoco https://mobile.twitter.com/congressoemfoco https://www.instagram.com/congressoemfoco/
https://www.instagram.com/nexojornal/
https://www.instagram.com/bbcbrasil/
https://www.instagram.com/uoloficial/
https://www.instagram.com/cnnbrasil/
https://www.instagram.com/yahoonoticias/
https://www.instagram.com/elpaisbrasil/
https://www.instagram.com/folhadespaulo/
Revistas
https://www.instagram.com/epocanegocios/
Fact checking
Aos Fatos https://www.aosfatos.org/ https://m.facebook.com/aosfatos.org/ https://www.instagram.com/aosfatos/ https://mobile.twitter.com/aosfatos
Comprova https://www.instagram.com/comprova/
Agência Lupa https://www.instagram.com/agencia_lupa/
Lista de vieses cognitivos – Wikipédia, a enciclopédia livre
Falácia – Wikipédia, a enciclopédia livre
Propaganda techniques - Wikipedia
Distorções Cognitivas https://pt.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Distor%C3%A7%C3%A3o_cognitiva
Meio Ambiente https://www.globalforestwatch.org/
📌Mídia
Literatura -A cidade e a cidade - China Miéville
Documentários -Ditadores - Livro de Regras -Generais em guerra-National Geographic -SAS Survival Secrets -The secrets of seal team six(Secretos de los SEALS VI(espanhol)) -COMBATES AÉREOS(Dogfights)-History Channel -Grandes batallas de tanques (Greatest tank battles ) -Preparados para o fim do mundo -National Geographic -À Prova de Tudo(Man vs. Wild)-Bear Grylls -No Pior Dos Casos-Bear Grylls -A vida em um milhão de anos-NatGeo

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after he asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

Testing testing; check one two – DWT is live once again on Reddit!
Terrific, terrific stuff
Welcome back hombres ✌️. A week o' sadness 'n' anger for fucking sure... Dad was Convinced, that last week's effort, was THE effort, to finally smash the hoodoo hung o'er the place. It wasnae o' course - 'n' as such, Dad Wept 😭. Thankfully - time's a healer 👍. The emotions lightened as the week rumbled on, eventually settling on good ol' Hope 'n' Anticipation 👊.
Games wi' meaning: rarer 'n' rarer they've gotten as the seasons trundles towards being o'er - none more so than this week o' course... no to mention the severe lessening o' selections given the lack o' involvement in the lower leagues. Ach here - Dad's Adaptable... there's always options 😎.
The Mood was improved in other ways as well sure - Dads Eyes were drawn to the Followers Tally: ano'er couple o' Heroes signed up through the week 🙌😭. Perhaps it's the new improved levels o' Hope that's convinced them - who knows - but one thing is for fucking certain: their presence is welcomed wi' aplomb 🥰.
Dad's Joy is summat that needs constant topping up... the threat o' the Well being emptied, scares Dad more than owt else. Oft, Dad can maintain the fluids on his own - the path is well trodden sure; Dad has a fair few tricks up his sleeve in order to keep his mind nimble 'n' focussed. But new followers offer a natural kind o' joy that's tough to replicate... the natural sense o' delight fair has the spine a-tinglin' 😃. Will this natural sense o' toge'erness help kindle the Fire o' Celebration? Probably 🔥
Let's see what happens 🤘
DISCLAIMER: Dad is shit at this. As such, do not under any circumstances, take Dad's Advice seriously. By all means - show solidarity with a tiny fragment o' your incomings if you are absolutely comfortable wi' doing so - but please be very aware, that Dad is in no position to provide owt other than polite thanks for the moral support. Other than that, alls there is, is a solid chance o' disappointment.
Ok - serious pish out the way - let's delve in to the fucking numbers 🙌
CURRENT DWT TOTAL IN MAY 2024 STANDS AT: -£24.72
CURRENT DWT RUNNING TOTAL IN 2024 STANDS AT: -£501.21
CURRENT DWT RUNNING TOTAL OVERALL STANDS AT: -£1420.39
CURRENT DWT RUNNING TOTAL TOWARDS NEXT DOUBLE-DWT STANDS AT: -£51.19
So without further ado, please allow Dad to unveil the next offering in this epic journey, one that makes the very best o' what small offerings are available:
IT'S DWT205 🙌🙌

DWT REPRESENTATIVE	Opponent	Kick-Off Time	Odds
BAYERN MUNICH 🟢🔴🟢🟢🟢	1899 hoffenheim 🟢🟡🔴🟢🔴	14:30 GMT	4/5
BOLTON 🔴🟢🟡🟢🟡	oxford utd 🟡🟢🟢🟡🔴	16:15 GMT	5/6
ATALANTA 🟢🟢🟢🟢🟡	lecce 🟡🟡🟢🟢🔴	17:00 GMT	3/4
DWT ODDS: 4.78/1

DWT205 - The Doubles

DOUBLE	TEAM A	TEAM B	Odds
A	BAYERN MUNICH	BOLTON	23/10
B	BAYERN MUNICH	ATALANTA	2.15/1
C	BOLTON	ATALANTA	2.21/1

BAYERN MUNICH

• Like to score do Bayern - just twice in 16 outings have they failed to hit the back o' the net
  
• Their hosts the day conversely like to leak a few: the third shittest defence in the whole fucking league LOL
  
• Last game o' the season - 'n' last game under Tommy Tuchel - a wee reaffirming cunting they'll be seeking, so as to assure fans they still give a fuck
  

Trophyless: a season to forget for silverware-hungry bastards like Bayern 🤮. Tbf - tough it'd've been to stop the Invincible Leverkusen... but barely a glove laid on the runaway heroes. Best o' the rest however - so it isnae like they've been complete shite... a Champions League Semi-Final be testament to that - a Semi they were unjustly treated furthermore. According to Haz Kane: the team wants Tommy Tuchel to stick around for next season... sounds like intent to me hombres 🙌

BOLTON

• 2 short months ago these two clashed: the final result, a 5-0 fucking demolition for our heroes
  
• Just 2 defeats Bolton have suffering in 14 outings - those being away to promoted Derby 'n' leg 2 o' the recent aggregate victory o'er Barnsley
  
• *A second visit to Wembley for Bolton in recent times - last time out: a 4-0 Papa Johns Cup win o'er Plymouth *
  

By rights o' course, Bolton should go up. A clear 3rd - was only the heroics o' Derby 'n' o' course Portsmouth, that denied them auto-promotion. Was an encapsulating moment beating Peterborough there sure... but their wee gritty hearts'll be all emotioned outafter such an 'epic' achievement. I tell yous this: Bolton are a fuck-ton better than Peterborough. 5-0 they fudded oxford last time as per ^ - shite on their shoe 👞

ATALANTA

• Hitting form at the perfect time have Atlanta: 4 wins in a row - 2 at home, 2 on the road... nowt phases the terrific bastards
  
• 4 games left for Atlanta: win 'em all 'n' you're looking at a Champions League qualifying, Europa League Winning set o' absolute stallions - off the fucking page
  
• Hosts lecce on the other hand have won just 4 in 20.. a big pile o' shite they are
  

Of all the teams around Italy... Europe e'en... Atalanta have a menu of fixtures to salivate o'er 'n' no fucking mistake. Look at yon ^ - outrageous shit sure 😱. V, V do-able as well; a wee flurry o' wonder leading up to potentially being THE team, that fucks Leverkusen's amazing run o' unbeaten games. Saliva-inducing pish 'n' no fucking mistake hombres: Hoo Mama 🙌. Fucking lecce - LOL

"Frustration at the amount won, is better than the heartache at the amount lost."

Dad - July 4th, 2020.

Inspired by the Crystal thread; so many digs directed at both Crystal and Kendra that get overlooked because of Holly’s finesse. Their quiet fight goes back well before Kendra jumped on Twitter. And just to get it out of the way, I won’t be linking to Kendra’s tweets about Holly after her book came out. I think we all know about them and they’re on Google.
This is a timeline on the backstory leading up to the 2015 tweets detailing their feud up to that point.
For starters, check out the book recaps from each of their memoirs, with quotes both Holly and Kendra made toward each other.
Kendra’s book comments about Holly
While Holly and Bridget were indignant and calling Kendra’s book ‘lies’, a lot of what they called out as lies were either a matter of interpreting her retelling of events from her perspective, or have some plausibility.
Like her ‘lie’ about not sleeping with Hef before moving in. If you read the excerpt from her book, it’s just a matter of when Kendra officially became a girlfriend after what was essentially a ‘trial run’. It’s semantics of when she technically considered the relationship official.
Or the idea of Hef asking her to move in the first night without a ‘casting couch’ situation being unprecedented—Playmate and ex-girlfriend Stephanie Heinrich describes a very similar courtship
Holly and Bridget were taken aback at the ‘lie’ that Kendra felt lost at the mansion and wandered around, but in the commentary both things happened—Kendra was overwhelmed and Bridget helped. The retelling doesn’t make it a lie. Or that Kendra said they didn’t re-wear outfits when they did, and Izabella spoke about the pressure to always have new, non-repeat outfits for promotional/press events and Kendra didn’t specify the difference.
Any comments about Holly in ‘Sliding into Home’ basically boil down to ‘we weren’t close at first, her focus was Hef, our interests were different, but we grew closer over the course of the show’.
But in Holly’s ‘retaliation’ through her book, there are nonstop digs at Kendra, both subtle and explicit. To name just a few: a loudmouth, entitled, lazy person who fried her brain with drugs.
Holly’s book comments about Kendra
Seriously, she goes in on Kendra.
During the course of the show, there are some revealing moments in the form of passive-aggressive digs at her over the commentary here and here
And a couple out of so many examples of Holly changing the topic on any Kendra-relates scenes to not have attention on her here and here
This article cites reporting from Page Six about the end being near for GND and that Holly and Kendra are fighting:
“Holly and Bridget hate her,” a friend of Wilkinson told Page Six. “They’re totally jealous. She has her own empire now. She’s got a clothing line, a modeling career and an exercise empire. They’re just sitting there hangin’ with Hef.” The friend expounds, “Kendra was never really Hef’s girlfriend. She was cast for the show [E!’s ‘The Girls Next Door’] because Bridget and Holly are old, and they needed a young hot girl for Hef. She was selected from a bunch of Playmate wannabes.” Madison is 28, Marquardt, 34. Wilkinson celebrated her 21st birthday last year. Wilkinson is said to be eyeing her exit from “The Girls Next Door” and the famed mansion next season. “She’s definitely out,” her friend said. “There are too many rules and Holly and Bridget want her gone. They’re so mean to her.”
Holly responded on her MySpace that the article was a lie, and she and Kendra get along fine with no jealousy, only to make a bunch of digs at her expense:
“The latest Page 6 story is especially dumb. Saying I am jealous of Kendra because she has an "empire" and I'm "just sitting around with Hef"? What "empire"? I guess because I have a real full-time job aside from The Girls Next Door (excuse me for having a brain and having something REAL going on in my life as opposed to following in the footsteps of the socialite-of-the-week) means I am "sitting around" doing nothing. I guess having people announce clothing lines and workout products that never come to fruition means you are doing something.”
https://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/25635091.html
In Kendra’s 2011 book ‘Being Kendra’ she wrote:
Of course I’d had relationship with people like Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt in the past, but they were really just roommates, not close friends. We shared a boyfriend, we shared the spotlight, but now that I’m a mom we’re all just in different places. I just changed. I think it’s something that just happens naturally when you become a mom. You just grow up. Someone like Holly has a different lifestyle from me. I love her but I don’t know the people she hangs out with—they are more on the party scene, and I’ve put those days behind me. We still talk (she always gave me amazing words of encouragement during Dancing with the Stars and sent me fun little notes) but being a Vegas showgirl and constantly on the prowl for a new boyfriend . . . that’s her world, not mine. When it came to the baby, people like that just weren’t around. I was very alone.
[this 2015 article](RadarOnlinehttps://radaronline.com › photos › h...holly madison kendra wilkinson feud hank baskett ...) goes into their falling out—basically that Holly called Kendra fake, and her husband Hank wanted her to distance herself from Playboy:
According to Holly, Kendra cut ties with both her and Bridget after their run on the show ended in 2009; Holly said after she texted Kendra calling her cowardly and the "fakest person," the aloof reality star shot back, "WHO ARE YOU???? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU! WE WERE NEVER FRIENDS. IT WAS ALL JUST WORK."
"He wanted no ties to anyone from her Playboy lifestyle even though that's how Kendra and Hank got together," the friend claimed.
"A lot of it has to do with the fact that Kendra lacked a father figure," the friend claimed. "She just sought father figures in the relationships that she was in."
Shaded Kendra in this 2013 interview:
Wilkinson herself has a 3-year-old son, yet the 33-year-old Madison has revealed that she still talks to Bridget Marquardt, but not Wilkinson or Hugh Hefner. Madison explained that: ''Bridget and I are still friends, but I don't talk to anyone else. I moved on from the whole Playboy thing five years ago and really never looked back. I'm not one of those girls who goes back to all the parties and things.''
“I tried to be friends with her. I’ve known about three different Kendra’s since I met her.”
“Here was a rookie who had just gone all the way with an old dude and her only concern was how big her room was going to be”

I studied German in school (UK GCSE level) and I'd say I was comfortably B1 at the time, but that was quite a few years ago now. I'm struggling to find good learning resources that aren't for brand new learners. I'd say I'm around A2 without any new study and have a good knowledge of German "devices"(?) (i.e. I'm used to grammar, word order, etc.) so would only really need a refresher on things like this.
I bought the first Harry Potter book in German, which seemed a good idea at the time (read the book to death when I was younger) since it's aimed at young teens/children so I thought I'd have a gist of what was happening, but there's a lot of new vocab (mostly adjectives) which are making it really clunky to read. I've tried adding these words to Anki to learn, but I'm making zero progress with the book since it's a lot to try learn at once.
Are there any other books people would recommend that are aimed at younger audiences? I'd like it to be in "actual" German, i.e. intended for German speakers and not learners, since I think it's a more authentic way of learning and gives you a better vocabulary.
I also plan on listening to podcasts and making some German playlists. The issue with the former is that, again, I'm struggling to find a starting place that isn't the very beginning and isn't halfway through something more difficult.
Thanks in advance :)

I just moved to Germany yesterday, but for over a month I have started learning German. My only two sources are Language Transfer, which I finished, and the Nico's Weg A1 course which I am halfway through.
However, I do not feel my speaking has improved very much. Often times, I will order fast food or go to the grocery store and would love to be able to communicate simply some things (e.g. "I would like number 10", "Do you work here? Where do you sell the garbage bags?") but I even struggle doing this. Any suggestions on how I can improve my speaking in a way appropriate with A1 level? Would it be worth it to go through flashcards too to improve my vocab or is that too much?

Welcome to the Untranslated Visual Novels Thread where people can:

• Ask for help figuring out how to read/translate certain lines in raw visual novels they're reading
• Figuring out good visual novels to read in Japanese, depending on their skill level and/or interests
• Tech help related to hooking visual novels
• General discussion related to raw or untranslated Japanese visual novels
• General discussion related to learning Japanese for visual novels (or just the language in general)

Here are some potential helpful resources:

• Guide to learning Japanese for Visual Novels
• Our Subreddit wiki page on how to text hook visual novels
• Reading Visual Novels in Japanese Recommendation Site
• A Guide to Choosing A First Untranslated VN by NecessaryPool
• Older Potential Starter Visual Novels to read in Japanese
• JP Visual Novel Difficulty List by Word Length and Unique Kanji/Vocab
• A list of visual novels with at least dual language support

We have added a way to add furigana with old reddit. When you use this format:
[無限の剣製]( #fg "あんりみてっどぶれいどわーくす")
It will look like this: 無限の剣製
On old reddit, the furigana will appear above the kanji. On new reddit, you can hover over kanji to see the furigana.
If you you want a flair that shows your relative Japanese skill please see this information and set your flair with WAYRBot. We highly recommend that people who can read in Japanese or are making serious efforts to learn Japanese utilize this flair, and feel free to ask in the thread if you have issues setting it.
If anyone has any feedback for future topics, let me know.