Ten minutes into graduation, my friends were already dead.
Ten elephants. I was soaking wet, my dress glued to me.
Nine elephants. Forcing myself into a run, I tripped over my heels.
Eight elephants. Fuck.
Seven elephants.
There was no point in counting, but counting felt normal.
Six elephants. Counting felt like I was going to escape.
Five elephants. Survive.
Noah’s blood painted my face.
He still felt alive, warm, swimming in my vision. I could still see cruel silver being plunged into his chest, rivulets of red pooling down his lips and chin.
Four elephants.
Noah told me to run, so here I was…
Three elephants. Running.
Forcing myself to breathe, I swiped blood from my eyes.
Two elephants.
Twisting around, I scanned the empty school hallway for movement.
One elephant. Annalise’s brains dripped down my face.
I was picking pieces of her skull from my hair, tiny pearly splinters stuck to me.
Annalise was sucked down the pool drain, her body mincemeat on my dress.
Her grisly remains were floating on the surface, painting illuminated water in a striking, almost breathtaking red.
Noah was sliced apart right in front of me.
They were dead.
Slamming my fists into each classroom, my shriek caught between my teeth.
Help me.
The lights were off, which meant
she was close.
Reaching the end of the hallway, I could hear laughter and familiar whoops coming from the auditorium.
The class of 2015 were graduating and I was going to fucking die.
The main entrance was locked, barricaded from the outside.
Taking two steps back, I slipped out of my heels, kicking them off.
The classroom at the end of the hall was open, spilling warm light that coaxed me forward, hypnotised by the illusion of safety. With no choice, I staggered toward it and pushed the door open.
Stepping directly into warm entrails squelching between my bare toes, I had to bite back a cry. Mari hung upside down above me, her body swaying back and forth, strung up like meat to the slaughter. The girl had been gutted straight through her designer Diana mini, her glistening remains sparkling under unearthly light. Mari’s eyes were still open, lips parted as if to warn me.
For a dizzying moment, I was paralysed.
A door banged shut, running footsteps, heavy panting breaths.
“Fuck!” a familiar accent cried out.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
I could hear him slamming his hands into classroom doors.
“I need… I need help!”
The voice should have been comforting, but I was already seeing an opportunity to hide myself.
Swallowing barf, I leapt over glistening red entrails and dropped onto my hands and knees, crawling under a desk, gagging my own panting breaths.
The door swung open, and I buried my head in my arms, risking a peek.
Isaac Redfield stumbled through the door, immediately falling to his knees, his head buried between his legs.
He was sobbing, choking on breaths suffocating him. Issac looked helpless, hopeless, before his gaze caught mine.
I thought Isaac was dead.
The last time I saw him, he was being violently dragged into the janitor's closet. I could see where he'd narrowly missed being butchered, a gaping hole ripped straight through his suit jacket.
He was covered in the remnants of Noah, grisly scarlet turning him into more of a canvas than human, thick brown hair hanging in wide, almost unseeing eyes barely penetrating mine.
Isaac pressed a finger to his lips, his voice bleeding into a shaky breath.
”Don't… say… a… fucking word”.
The door opened, two familiar boots stomping through.
Issac twisted around, forcing himself to unsteady feet.
I could only see her slick black shoes.
The woman pivoted on her heel and started towards Isaac.
“Ahh, fuck,” his hiss broke out into a sob.
I watched him do a little dance backward in an attempt to distance himself. But he was just backing into a corner, staggering over himself.
His hand shot out, blindly grasping for a weapon, a chair leg, but her boots continued, stomping towards him.
Isaac tried to throw himself past her, but she was so fast, reaching out and grabbing the boy by his neck, her fingers pulverising. His arms flew up to peel her hands from his throat, but she was choking him. When Issac’s arms went limp, she slammed him into the window, and my body coaxed me to move, to run. Isaac was half conscious, spluttering blood, his head hanging.
Run.
But I couldn't.
I watched, my hand suffocating my screams, as she lifted him into the air, his feet dangling, his breaths coming out in choking pants. I saw the silver glint of her knife, and then the streak of scarlet painting the wall behind him.
I heard the exact moment the blade went in.
Isaac’s panting breaths became wet gurgles, his dangling legs going limp.
The slow stemming puddle of red accumulating across marble snapped something in my mind. I forgot how to run, to move my legs, to even breathe.
When Isaac’s body hit the ground with a meaty smack, I shuffled back, but the scarlet pool followed me running wet and warm under my fingers. I could see where his throat had been slashed open.
Isaac’s head was turned at an angle, his dead eyes staring directly at me.
I was trying to feel for a pulse when the desk I was hiding under was kicked aside. There she was when I dared lift my head. The woman in the black suit.
She resembled a shadow with a human face, dark blonde hair pulled into a ponytail, brandishing a pinstripe suit.
I watched her brutally murder my friends, one by one, no mercy, no
I'm sorry, or even an explanation.
She butchered Annalise in the swimming pool, gutting Noah and Mari, and now Isaac.
Her expression was vacant. There was no motivation behind her killing them.
If there was, she would have worn the face of a psychotic serial killer, thirsty to spill blood.
She would have laughed as they ran, revelled in their fear and the startling inevitably of their own demise.
But she didn't.
Instead, the woman in the black suit stalked after them. She never stopped, never faltered, until they were all dead.
Until their breaths were thinning, their blood staining her hands.
The woman did not smile when she wrapped her hands around the curve of my neck and slammed me against the wall.
I saw stars going supernova, trying to suck in oxygen, her relentless grip tightening.
Black spots speckled my vision, and I was half aware of the ice-cold prick of silver sinking into my flesh. She was slow. Slow enough for me to count each of my lingering breaths, watching my own blood soak the front of my dress.
When she dropped me, I landed on my stomach. But there was no pain.
It felt like dreaming, choking on words that wouldn't come out.
Weird, I thought, my eyes flickering.
I counted ceiling tiles, dizzily, a slow spreading darkness pricking at the corners of my vision.
Last time, Isaac died first in the swimming pool. Noah managed to stab the bitch in the back, only for her to chase him to the main entrance, gutting him on the spot.
The woman in the black suit loomed over me, while I focused on breathing.
Only for her to deliver one last
fuck you blow to my head.
My vision contorted, and I sunk into the ground.
Straight into oblivion.
That spat me back out.
“Bonnie!”
I was numb to my mother’s voice.
I used to wake up screaming, my hands around my throat clawing for wounds that were no longer there.
Now I was somewhere between acceptance and losing my fucking mind.
For a while, I didn't move, lying on my back and considering suicide.
I never had the guts to actually go through with it though.
Being murdered is one thing, but actually doing it
yourself is another.
“Bonnie!” Mom’s voice was louder, and I mocked her words.
“Get up! Sweetie, I made your favorite! Chocolate chip pancakes!” I paused, counting elephants.
I had mastered the ability to perfectly mimic her tone.
“And don't forget to thank Mrs Benson for that beautiful dress! You know she really wants you to attend graduation!” Mom was right. I couldn't afford a decent dress, so my teacher offered.
But after being hacked apart, drowned, bisected, choked, and having my throat slit in different variations, I can't say I was thrilled to wear it. The dress was ruined every time, reduced to tatters clinging to me.
Rolling over in bed, I pulled my phone from my nightstand.
Always the exact same notification illuminating my home screen.
GRADUATION DAY!! :)” I fucking hated that notification.
Unknown number flashed up on screen.
“Hello?” I mumbled.
“How'd you die this time?”
Isaac Redfield's voice was muffled slightly. I think he was brushing his teeth.
“My throat was slit,” I said. “You?”
“You should know,” I heard him spit. “I mean, you did watch me fucking die.”
“That wasn't my choice.”
He spat again. “Does the woman in the black suit seem….familiar to you?”
I wasn't sure if he was screwing with me.
“Yes.” I said, dryly.
“No, not like that,” Isaac groaned. “I mean, don't you, like, recognise her? I swear I've seen this woman before.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I revelled in the slow passage of time.
7am to 8am was my favourite part of the day. I used to freak out, trying to leave town and find the best hiding place. Now, I just lay down and vibed.
There was something both terrifying and yet weirdly peaceful about knowing whatever happened, I was going to die.
“Dude, I've definitely seen her.”
I rolled onto my face. “Is that
before she started brutally killing you in a never ending groundhog day, or after?”
Isaac paused, and I buried my head into my pillow. “Um, both?”
“Both?”
He was either going crazy or onto something.
I wasn't counting on the latter.
Isssc’s deaths were the most brutal. I wouldn't be surprised if the trauma had knocked something loose in his brain.
“Yeah.” his laugh was nervous, more of a splutter. Throughout our situationship, I had come to know his laughs well.
I knew his fake laugh, his trying not to cry laugh, his trying not to
laugh laugh. I even knew his
I’m losing my fucking mind, I'm going to die laugh.
But I didn't know his real laugh.
“Does that sound crazy, or…?”
Instead of answering him, I ended the call.
At breakfast, I could still taste my own blood.
Mom hovered over me, blonde streaks of hair hanging in her face.
Dressed in her fluffy pink bathrobe, my mother should have been a comfort.
However, I was yet to forget the seventh loop when I broke apart and told her about what was happening.
Mom immediately called the doctor, convinced I was having a psychotic break.
He said there was nothing wrong with me and let me go to school.
Where I was murdered.
Again. That time, she didn't kill us individually, instead forcing us on to our knees and bleeding us out, one by one. I think I became desensitised to death, to everything, when I was forced to watch Mari choke on her own screams, her head forced forwards, a blade brutally protruding through her.
*Don't forget to thank Mrs Benson for the dress, honey,” Mom said, refilling my juice.
I nodded, struggling to swallow pancake mush.
A sudden knock on the door woke me up.
That wasn't supposed to happen.
For a moment, I was frozen, my hands squeezing around my glass, before a familiar head of brown curls appeared.
Isaac Redfield, barely awake, still in his pyjamas.
Following suit, Mari Cliffe and Annalise Chatham.
Isaac went directly into the refrigerator hunting for food. Annalise took an uncertain seat at the table, and Mari stood with her arms folded, her wide, frenzied eyes drinking in my kitchen.
Isaac Redfield was the British exchange student who nobody could understand at first, his accent rocketing him up the high school hierarchy. The guy was also known for dealing
candy, and getting into unnecessary arguments with teachers. Alongside Isaac, Mari Cliffe, captain of the girl’s soccer team, and Annalise Chatham, our school’s version of
horse girl, were unlikely friends.
They used to be strangers, kids I’d pass in the hallway.
After being brutally killed together in a never ending graduation day cycle, we had become surprisingly close.
When we were hiding in the janitor's closet, Isaac spilled to us that he hated the idea of college.
He wanted to travel the world.
Mari was crushing on one of her teammates.
Annalise actually
hated horses.
Isaac was secretly scared of Bill Nye.
I had a thing for clowns I wasn't going to go into.
It started as a confessions thing, four strangers pouring our hearts out to each other.
We shared theories.
Isssc was convinced we were actually dead, and this was hell.
Mari suggested we were in some kind of prank show.
I voiced my theory, which was, yeah, we were dead. I was sure we had died on graduation day, and this was fate’s way of giving us companions in the great beyond. Still though, I wasn't sure why fate wanted us to be brutally killed.
Then, there was the mystery of our killer.
The woman in the black suit, our own personal angel of death.
“Morning,” Isaac greeted me with a sleepy smile, running his hands through his hair. He ignored my Mom’s wide eyes. “Thanks for leaving me to die.”
I thought back to him crouched in front of me, his face splattered in Noah, index pressed to his lips.
Don't move.
“You told me not to move.” I said through a mouthful of pancakes.
Issac’s lips curled. “Yeah, because I was expecting you to move your ass.”
The boy helped himself to my pancakes, shovelling them down with maple syrup.
I wasn't used to the others actually coming to my house. That never happened. We either met up at school, or were killed before we even saw each other. I knew Isaac was secretly pissed.
It wasn't the first time I had thrown him under the bus. Still, I was yet to forget him ‘accidentally’ drowning me nine graduation days ago.
He said it was an accident, but I definitely felt him shove my head under the water so he could make a run for it.
“There wasn't enough room under the desk,” I told him pointedly, gesturing to my mother, who I think was still trying to register three strangers walking into her kitchen unannounced. Mom had been vocal about me finding friends since freshman year, but I don't think she was expecting
these friends.
Mari was well known around town, our girl’s soccer team dominating the local gazette.
Annalise’s father was the principal of our school. She was also the 2014 pageant winner.
Isaac was more infamous, especially for his ‘candy’.
“What?” Isaac shrugged, shooting my Mom a grin. “It's not like she's going to remember me, anyway.” he offered her a two fingered salute, “Sup, Mrs Haverford.”
To prove his point, Isaac straightened up, grabbed my phone, and threw it in the microwave.
Mari chucked a banana at his head.
“We get it.” she said with an eye roll.
“You don't need to resort to blowing things up
every single time.”
Isaac responded with stubborn
British noises, but she was right.
On our third graduation day, Isaac thought we could kill the woman in the black suit by blowing her up with science equipment.
Instead, he blew
himself up, leaving the rest of us to her mercy.
Mom seemed to snap out of it, her smile broadening.
“Oh! You didn't tell me you were bringing friends over!” Mom immediately entered
mother mode.
“Do you kids want breakfast?” she asked them, her voice high, almost shrill.
Narrowly avoiding my mother pulling out baby pictures, I coaxed her out of the kitchen. The last thing she said, before I shut the door on her face, was, “Don't forget to thank Mrs Benson for the–”
When we were alone, Mari took centre stage, hoisting herself onto the counter.
The girl was a natural leader, so of course she was our spokesperson.
Mari absently ran her hands through strawberry blonde hair.
“We tried your idea,” she nodded to a sick looking Annalise. “We tried running, and that crazy bitch still got us.”
Annalise wrapped her arms around herself, avoiding Mari’s gaze. “It was a suggestion. I didn't think she was that fast.”
“I still think she's a sleeper agent,” Isaac muttered into his glass of juice.
Mari raised a brow. “Okay, but
why would a sleeper agent go after five random high school students?”
He shrugged, his lips curving into a smile.
“Maybe it was an order.”
He dragged out the latter word, so it sounded more like, “Ordahhhhhhhh.”
“But who made the order?” Annalise spoke up.
I nodded. “The government, or the
shadow government don't go after high school kids.”
Isaac leaned forward, comfortably resting his chin on his fist. “Soo, what do we do now? If we can't beat whatever this thing is, what do we do?”
Die.
That is what we did.
For ten consecutive graduation days.
I woke up. I ate breakfast (pancakes and orange juice), I went to school, and I was murdered.
I was hacked apart, burned alive, drowned, impaled, and beheaded.
And nothing worked.
Our plans to run failed.
We tried to get to the roof, but she was always there waiting for us.
The latest loop, I was actually hopeful.
Isssc’s plan to lure her to the downstairs gym was going well, and it was the first time I'd survived past 3pm.
It was an adrenaline rush. 3pm had never looked so fucking beautiful.
The plan was simple.
Annalise, Mari and me standing in plain sight the whole time, and Isaac luring our killer to the downstairs gym.
When I got the confirmation text that Issac had trapped the woman in the closet, the three of us continued our plan, which was to set off the fire alarm, and alert the police of the intruder.
Informing the police was impossible initially, because she was always one thousand steps ahead of the five of us.
But Isaac had captured her.
We were in the clear.
That's what I thought.
When we pushed through the doors into the gym, however, Isaac’s cry froze me in place.
“It's a–”
His voice collapsed into panicked muffle screaming.
I took two steps, before I saw his figure running towards me.
Behind him, the woman in the black suit.
Another stumbled step, and he was being dragged back, a hand over his mouth. I didn't think our killer had enough intelligence to turn our own plan back on us, transforming Isaac into a lure for us.
I could see the apology in his frenzied eyes before she sliced her knife through his skull. I didn't even get a chance to mourn him. Isssc flopped onto the ground, rivulets of red pooling down his face. For a second, I was transfixed, hypnotised, by what she had done to him. The back of his head spewed blood like a geyser, a gaping hole splitting the back of his skull open.
I couldn't move, already wanting to surrender.
I shuffled back on my hands, already screaming, wailing like an animal.
10.
I counted elephants, just like my mother told me.
9.
My gaze was glued to Isaac, whose body was still twitching.
8.
His glassy eyes, scarlet trails running down his face.
7.
The woman was fast, waiting for me to try and run.
6.
5
4.
I was on my knees, and the door was so far away.
“Just breathe, honey.” Mom used to tell me.
“Keep counting elephants.”
Mari’s scream rattled in my ears.
I remember ice cold arms wrapping around my waist, the sensation of something sharp. I didn't feel the pain, only wet warmth running down my face. It felt like rain. Annalise’s crying was enough of an anchor, but my vision was already going foggy. I wasn't sure where the fatal wound was, though I guessed it was my head, just like Isaac.
The woman in the black suit floated in front of me like a spectre.
Once again, her fingers wrapped around my neck, swinging me like a toy.
“Bonnie!” I was aware of Mari’s thundering footsteps coming toward me.
Suddenly,
pain.
Pain like I had never felt, pain that puppeteered my body, wrenching my head back, my lips forming an O.
Part of me could still feel it, the blade digging deep into my skull.
She twisted it, and I screeched, my mouth full of pancake mush.
Again, this time clockwise, and I felt my body go numb, my head hanging.
I could hear the sound of my skull splintering apart.
The woman in the black suit didn't just want to kill us.
She wanted to make us fucking suffer.
Reality contorted, and I was back in bed at home, screeching into my pillows before my body could hit the gym floor.
I think that was when I started to lose my mind.
I began to distance myself from the others, like we were strangers again.
The woman in the black suit hunted me down to the girls bathroom where I was hiding, drowning me in the toilet bowl.
Then, she came straight into my house when I refused to go to school, suffocating me with my stuffed rabbit.
Luckily, Isaac and Mari forced their way in.
Isaac was stabbed in the stomach, and Mari, impaled by a fucking hairbrush.
I had no idea you
could be impaled by a hairbrush.
Isaac’s lifeless body dropped onto mine.
His expression almost made me laugh, like he was mid eyeroll.
Hysteria crept up my throat, days, months, years, centuries, of the same fucking day finally catching up to me.
I was shrieking with laughter when I was bludgeoned straight through the mouth.
“Bonnie!”
7am.
This time, I rolled onto my side, spewing up the taste of blood.
"Get up! I made your favorite! Chocolate chip pancakes… “
Mom’s voice felt and sounded like nails on a chalkboard.
Swiping stale barf from my chin, I took one look at my graduation dress and burst out laughing. Then I tore the thing to shreds, stuffing the tattered remains in my bedroom drawer.
Mom appeared when she wasn't supposed to, hovering in my doorway.
In her hands was a laundry basket, but looking inside, it was filled with flour and eggs.
Mom’s smile was wide. I wondered if she was having a mental breakdown.
“Bonnie, did you remember to say thank you to Mrs Benson–”
I cut her off, swallowing a shriek. “For the dress,” I said. “Yep. I’m going to.”
That day, I stepped into school wearing a curtain and crocks.
“That's not a good idea,” Isaac stood behind me, wearing his usual tux.
His smile was weak. I think he'd stopped with the fake optimism.
Now, I was seeing the real him.
Real Isaac was kind of an asshole, but real subtle about it.
“Do you really want to die wearing a curtain? How are you going to run?”
I glimpsed a knife stuck in his belt. “Are you planning on being the hero?”
“Nope.” he shot me a sickly smile. “It's to defend myself.”
Four hours later, the two of us were sprinting down the hallway.
I wielded Isaac’s knife, Isaac stumbling with a head injury I didn't dare look at.
Issac narrowly missed drowning, managing to claw his way out of the pool. I didn't see him hit his head on the side when our killer threw herself on top of him, but I did hear the sickening crack of his face hitting stone tiles, all of the breath being violently knocked from his lungs in a strangled, “Oomph!”
She tried to drag him into the water, only for him to kick her in the face.
Mari was dead, half of her torso in the swimming pool.
Annalise was hiding, but I didn't have hope for her.
“You said we might be able to drown her!” Isaac, soaking wet and pissed, tried each classroom door, with all of them being locked as usual. He twisted around to me, his lips set in a silent cry.
His head was bleeding, bad, a scary looking gash in his forehead.
I was watching a single thick rivulet running down his face when he shoved me.
“Why did you push me into the pool?”
It was payback.
For him drowning me 176 Graduation days earlier.
“You falling into the pool was a distraction.” was all I could choke out.
He didn't believe me. I could tell by his eyes, twitching lips trying not to smile.
“You have a really bad head injury,” I whispered, tugging him into a power walk.
I realized the guy had some serious confusion when Issac laughed.
“I know,” he slurred, “I feel kinda…dizzy.”
I thought he was going to burst out laughing again, when familiar stomping boots brought us both to a sobering halt.
Issac slammed his hand over his mouth, his eyes widening. He slowly moved the two of us back, his clammy fingers entangling with mine. “Fuck,” he muffle whispered. “Did she hear us?”
When the booted footsteps got louder, we had our answer.
Pushing Isaac into the next open classroom, I catapulted myself into a sprint, cold hands suddenly gripping my shoulders and tugging me backwards.
“Shhh. It's me.”
Noah Locke.
He distanced himself after being sliced apart right in front of us. Noah was the quiet kid, a short and stocky boy with reddish hair and glasses. I wanted to ask where the
hell he'd been, when I glimpsed the kitchen knife in his fist.
Noah’s smile was sickly. “Do you trust me?”
He pulled us into a classroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.
Isaac’s cries followed us, and I resisted covering my ears.
“I'm sorry,” Noah said, before slitting my throat.
This time, it was
fast.
I fell.
Down.
Down.
Down.
I waited for Mom’s voice to wake me up, but when consciousness did come over me, I wasn't in bed. I had zero idea
where I was, only the sensation that I was floating. Opening my eyes, I was inside a glass tank, suffocating in a thick goo-like substance, my hair spread out around me in a halo.
When I panicked, my body jerking awake, warm hands wrapped around me, pulling me out.
I hit open air, my lungs expanding, and I hacked up blood streaked water.
Noah helped me sit, the two of us leaning against my tank.
He was soaking wet, his skin glistening with that foul smelling solution.
I took a second to drink in my surroundings.
A large room filled with human-sized tanks.
Reaching to the back of my neck, I gingerly prodded at what felt like an incision. I stood up slowly, my gaze already finding the tank next to mine.
Mari. The girl was suspended in water, her eyes closed, lips parted peacefully.
“They tried to escape a while ago,” Noah murmured, his gaze glued to another tank.
Isaac.
His cheeks were a sickly pallid colour, eyes closed. There was something attached to the back of his head.
“But they're in the school,” I managed to get out. “I was just
with Isaac!”
“You were with a null version of Isaac,” Noah didn't look at me. “The one who kept leading you to your death, even if it seemed accidental. He was playing you.” he buried his head in his knees.
“The real Isaac figured this wasn't real a long time ago.”
“Real Isaac?”
“Yeah. The one you've been with is more of a copy of him,” Noah sighed, leaning his head against Mari’s tank.
He spat out slime, adjusting his glasses.
“Think of him more as a shell, empty of his mind. This Isaac follows orders like an NPC. He had the guy’s memories and traits, but he was just a program.”
Too much information at once. “I don't understand.”
Noah tipped his back, groaning. “You don't need to.”
He got to his feet. His eyes were dark, hollowed out caverns I couldn't recognise. “I'm sorry,” Noah said again, wrapping his hands around my neck and pinning me into one of the tanks.
Just like the woman in the black suit, Noah pressed enough pressure for me to suffer.
When he slammed my head against the tank, I felt my body shut down.
I could still feel him, his fingers squeezing the life out of me.
Darkness came soon after.
Swirling oblivion that swallowed me up, and then spat me out.
This time, I spluttered awake, cuffed to a bed inside a white room.
Surrounding me were fifteen gurney like beds.
“I don't know how deep we are,” Noah’s voice startled me.
The boy stood over me, this time dressed in shorts and t-shirt.
“What?” I tried to jump up, but I was strapped down.
“Miss Benson.” his voice broke. “She didn't want us to graduate, so she put us under.” he swiped at his eyes, gulping down sobs. Noah slumped down onto my bed. “I thought I could wake us up by killing ourselves instead, but we’re stuck.” I noticed the scalpel in his hand.
“The last thing Isaac told me was that we had to get back to the surface.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “But I don't know how deep this thing goes.”
Tugging against the velcro straps pinning me down, I held my breath.
“Deep?”
“Yeah.” he spluttered. “We’re pretty far under.”
With a heavy breath, he drew the blade across his own throat with just enough precision to keep himself breathing.
Deep red spotted the blanket, and the boy broke down.
“I can't wake us up,” Isaac whispered, grabbing a pillow and pinning me to the bed. I tried to shove him off of me, but he put all of weight onto me, laughing.
“Do you hear me, Isaac?” His hysterical cry followed me into the dark.
“I can't fucking wake us up!” Death didn't feel like
death at this point.
Like drowning, and then finding the surface.
Only to be pulled back into suffocating depths.
Plunging through nothing, empty space with no bottom, no surface.
Endless
nothing that expanded, continuing.
Noah’s sobs collapsed into white noise and I felt my writhing limbs go still.
Once again, I waited for my Mom’s voice.
For Graduation Day.
Instead, I awoke with a shriek, strapped to a chair, my hands bound to Noah’s.
“I'm sorry for suffocating you with a pillow.”
He didn't
sound apologetic.
This time, we were inside a glass building.
Above us, the sky was pitch dark.
“Where are we?”
“I have no idea,” Noah muttered. “I've never been this far.”
My gaze followed an odd looking bird through the skylight. “Meaning?”
“Meaning, she always takes me back to the start,” he said. “Graduation Day.”
Noah got free easily, tearing himself from his restraints.
The knots around my wrists were impossible. “So, you've been here before?”
“No.” he stumbled. “Isaac has.”
The boy dropped onto his hands and knees, picking up a single shard of glass.
“Isaac said he found a room with a skylight,” Noah murmured, sliding the point between his fingers. His gaze found the ceiling. “Then he went deeper, and his consciousness never came back to us. Mrs Benson sent a mindless fucking copy in his place.”
He got to his feet, the shard clenched in his fist.
“So, if I'm right… Isaac woke up, and Mrs Benson must have restrained the real him.” Noah stepped in front of me.
“And… like Isaac, we will wake up…” His frenzied eyes found mine. “Right?”
I wasn't thrilled with the idea of dying again, but anything to wake myself up.
“Do it.”
He nodded, and I felt the prick of the blade spike my skin.
“Wait.”
Noah stepped back, cocking his head. “What?”
“Why would Mrs Benson do this?” I demanded. “She didn't want us to graduate school, so she did all of this?”
Noah shrugged, playing with the shard between his fingers. “Why
else would she do this?”
He pressed the shard into my neck.
“Wait.” I hissed out.
Noah’s frown was patient. “What
now?”
“What if this is the real world?” I whispered. “We’ll be killing ourselves. For real.”
Noah’s lips pricked slightly. “Does this world
look real to you?”
Before I could reply, he slashed my throat open.
I waited for the reset.
For the sensation of blankets wrapped around my head, and my mother’s voice.
Instead, my body was stiff, my eyes glued shut.
“Bonnie Haverford?” the voice was a low murmur. “Honey, can you hear me?”
There was something stuck in my arm, a sharp, cruel thing pinning me down.
“I did say she was awake, but nobody believed me.”
The British accent was almost a fucking melody.
Prying my eyes open, a figure was looming over me. It was a woman with a kind face, her expression soothing.
A paramedic.
I couldn't make out what the tag on her uniform said, though.
Around me, I could see my classmates wrapped in blankets being escorted to the door. There were fifteen or so futuristic looking pods, and I was lying in one, a plastic mask suffocating my mouth. Isaac stood next to the paramedic, a wary smile on his mouth.
The guy had a scary bandage wrapped around his head.
“Bonnie, right?”
This version of him didn't remember getting to know me.
Isaac pulled me to a sitting position, ignoring the paramedic’s sharp hiss of,
“Please leave her where she is!” A man dressed in white tried to throw a blanket around him, and he shrugged it off.
“I'm fine,” Issac muttered, gingerly prodding his head wound. “I won't be if you keep
asking if I'm okay. Jeez.”
Ignoring the adults, he wandered over to the pod in front of me and pulled a half conscious Noah to unsteady feet.
Noah staggered, half lidded eyes finding mine. His smile was sickly.
It worked.
The two of them hugged, Isaac burying his head in the crook of the boy’s shoulder.
I wanted to talk to Noah, but the paramedic seemed pretty insistent that I stayed still so she could check me over.
I was barely aware of my surroundings when I was crawling into the back of an ambulance.
Reality felt wrong, like I was still stuck, still reliving the same day over and over.
But my town was real.
I dazedly watched traffic flying by, the sky darkening.
Time was moving forward again.
The world resumed, and graduation day had been and gone.
14 days to be exact.
Mrs Benson had us trapped for 14 days, and yet to me, it felt like a century.
Mom was at the station, immediately pulling me into a hug.
She put me under house arrest for a week, sentencing me to my room.
According to Mom, our teacher turned herself in.
Apparently, forcing her students into a slasher movie simulator was ‘tugging at her heart’.
I spent most of the summer lying in bed watching Disney movies.
Mom made me breakfast. Eggs and soldiers, just like when I was a little kid.
I was absently dipping my toast soldiers in egg, when she dropped an envelope in front of me. “If you want to testify, sweetie,” Mom had resorted to using her baby voice again, “But remember, you don't have to. It's your choice…”
Mom’s voice faded when I picked up the envelope, opening it up.
My name was printed on the front.
EINOOB DROFREVAH.
I blinked. “They printed my name upside down.”
Mom was behind me, frying more eggs.
“Hmm?”
In the time it took for the envelope to slip from my hand, I was only aware of one thing.
The woman in the black suit was standing in the doorway, her fingers wrapped around an axe. Noah was in front of me one minute, his eyes wide, lips parted in a scream.
“It's not–” The woman was quick to grab him, one hand going over his mouth, the other pressing the blade to his adam’s apple.
Real. In one singular jerking movement, the boy’s blood was splattering my face, clouding my vision.
The woman in the black suit did not kill me.
She picked Noah up, threw him over her shoulder, and walked away.
“Did you remember to thank me for buying your graduation dress?” Mom asked, handing me a plate of fried eggs.
Her voice, though, felt too close.
Warm breath tickling my cheeks.
“Bonnie, are you listening to me? Did you remember to
thank me, sweetheart?”
Reality was far more cruel than dream.
Reality was being unable to move, unable to breathe. It was like coming up for air, but at the same time, I was drowning. The real world was so cold, and yet warm wetness dripped down my chin. I was strapped to a metal table, something plastic lodged down my throat.
Through blurry vision, I could see my body.
I could see that my hair was so much longer, almost down to my stomach.
But there was something
wrong.
Prickles of ice slithered down my spine, curls of panic setting my body into fight or flight.
At first, I thought I was in the emergency room.
Except this place didn't have doors.
The walls were sickly green, a bunker transformed into a sicko’s dungeon.
My body resembled a pin cushion, or a little girl’s idea of a doll.
When my eyes found my stomach that was barely being held together by fresh stitches, my mind started to come apart.
Noah was
wrong.
Everything that has happened to me, to us, was
real. Being beheaded, ripped apart, sliced into.
Mrs Benson was just good at putting us back together.
My arms were skeletal, wires protruding into my veins.
I could see where I had been cut open, my paper thin hospital gown stained scarlet.
I couldn't count elephants.
Across the room, beds lined the walls.
On them was what was left of my classmates, mangled flesh still strapped down. Some of them had been cut into, severed apart, while others were attached to tubes, wires sticking into their spine and the back of their heads.
The floor was stained, writhing body parts and slithering entrails dried into yellowing tiles.
In the corner of my eye, Mari’s head was hanging open, the pinkish grey of her brain visible through the pearly white of her skull. She was still alive, still twitching in her restraints, plastic tubes full of fluid being fed directly into her head. When a thin river of red slid down her temple, I averted my gaze.
Barf was already in my mouth, splashing into my mask.
Annalise had tubes stuck to her, one eye scooped out, her pretty face mutilated.
Issac.
He was covered with a white sheet, a startling smear of scarlet where his head was supposed to be.
I could see his wrists still strapped down.
Mrs Benson stood in my line of vision, though I did see Isaac’s fingers curl slightly.
My teacher didn't speak when I shrieked through my mask, straining against velcro straps.
Mrs Benson’s smile was the one I used to like.
She lit up our classroom, like sunshine.
“Why don't we count elephants together, hmm?”
I found myself nodding, trusting the sunshine smile.
“One.”
Mrs Benson straightened up.
“Two.”
She strode over to Noah’s bed, replacing his blood soaked pillow with a fresh one, adjusting the tube in his mouth and planting a kiss on his forehead. I could see red dots marked across his skin, circled around his eyes.
“Three.” I found myself saying with her, my thoughts dancing.
Mrs Benson turned to me, her lips breaking out into a grin.
“That's right! Count with me, Bonnie.”
I closed my eyes, swimming in the drugs filling my body.
I was being pulled back down.
Down.
Down.
Down.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine…
Sinking through the ground, colours flashed in my eyes.
“Bonnie!” Mom’s voice startled me awake, a raw cry choking through my lips.
Graduation Day was the same.
Mom made me breakfast.
Pancakes and orange juice.
I went to school wearing my graduation dress.
Isaac walked straight past me, running to catch up with his friends.
Mari ignored my attempt to call out for her.
Annalise ducked her head, hurrying to empty out her locker.
“Hello.”
Noah was standing behind me.
I could have cried.
But when I turned to talk to him, to tell him we were
still trapped, his smile was wide, eyes glassy. In his arms was our yearbook. He handed me a pen.
“Do you mind signing it?” Noah chuckled. “I've got everyone but you.”
He opened it up onto the first page.
“It's Noah, by the way!”
Behind him, I glimpsed a familiar shadow, a woman striding towards me.
The lights above flickered, and I could already taste blood in my mouth. Noah didn't even flinch when I dropped the yearbook and stumbled into a run.
His smile was vacant, empty.
Just like he said.
An NPC.
I was already running for my life, and he kept talking to thin air.
When the woman in the black suit sprinted past him, his smile broadened.
“And
you are?”
Long story short, I'm coming up for the friday and/or saturday show, but the friends that were gonna come with me and split the lodging bailed. Hoping I can find a fellow fan with couch. I'm very chill/respectful, and will buy you some drinks or food to sweeten the deal.
Looking forward to see yall there!
So, I'm 28 and have had a lot of jobs over the years, but none that made me say, "I want to do this forever." I'm really struggling with finding a career. I've worked in fast food, call centers, and now I'm a Package Handler (recently promoted to Operations Administrator) at FedEx. I've just never found something that "clicked," something that drives me. I have interests, but I'm lost.
I'm big into gaming and very interested in computer security (cybersecurity). I've completed the Google Professional Certificate, but every time I feel like I've made progress towards that goal, it seems like the goalposts move again. Or the market's bad. Or tech layoffs happen. Plus, I don't live in a major tech hub.
I also have an interest in finance; I do my own investing and really enjoy it, along with managing my personal finances. So maybe finance is an option...
Programming has always interested me too. I know how to build PCs and have some basic knowledge of Python and Java.
Another interest is space. My father worked in the space-related business, and I inherited that curiosity. I'm particularly interested in cybersecurity in space, like protecting satellites from attacks, learning how to defend them for NASA, SpaceX, etc.
Moving seems, on paper, to be a good solution, but I'm terrified of leaving my family and all my support systems. I struggle with mental health issues, so things are much more difficult for me compared to others. I have to work 100 times harder to achieve the same things.
My parents are planning to sit down with me to figure out what I should do, but when they ask, "So, what do you want to do?" I draw a blank. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed out that it's causing me to shut down and not want to do anything because it's too overwhelming.
My current job isn't bad. I honestly don't hate it. There's a possibility of making it a career, but I'd need a second job because of the limited hours. I'm currently making $17.75/hr, and with the promotion, I'll be making $18.85/hr for around 26 hours a week.
I know I'm not good at working with my hands with tools, so that's definitely not an option for me.
This whole thing has me completely lost on what the hell I'm supposed to do. I'm posting here just grasping at straws to see if someone can give some advice.
Thanks in advance. Ask whatever you want in the comments, I'll try to answer.
Title: I am 31 years old, make $92,600 base, live in Northern Alberta, work in Forestry, and recently returned to work after a year off for maternity leave.
- All $ in CAD. $1 CAD to $0.73 US.
- I will call my spouse H.
- We aren’t looking to change spending habits too much, this was more a fun exercise to see what we spend and how we’re doing financially now that I am back to work.
HHI: $166,000 Section One: Assets and Debt Retirement Balance: Total $76,431 (joint) - My retirement accounts include a DCPP of $62,495, an RRSP of $8125, and a TFSA of $130
- H’s only has a spousal RRSP of $5631
- DCPP amount is from a 5% base contribution plus 2% matching from my employer, and 3% from me. I have had this account since 25 (when I started at the company) and have done the matching the entire time except during my maternity leave. They continued the 5% base while I was off on maternity leave, I had the option to get the matching as well but we couldn’t swing the cost while I was only on EI.
- RRSPs are mostly from excess benefits money. I have flex benefits and get an annual amount to “spend”. Before we had our kid there was about $500/month split going into our RRSPs. Now we do $42.30/month split ($21.15 for each). The spousal RRSP means I can claim this on my taxes, instead of him claiming on his.
- TFSAs will be our next focus once we’ve caught up on the annual bills from May to July - annual house insurance and two vehicle insurances. We haven’t been consistent with depositing into our TFSA’s, so we have $80K+ room in each.
Equity: The house is worth $400,000. We owe $303,000. Equity is $97,000.
Savings account balance: $450 in emergency savings (this is a priority starting in August to beef up), $2000 in property taxes sinking fund (to be spent by July)
Checking account balance: $5288.15 - we both got paid today so I will be moving money around and this number will be down a lot by the end of the day.
Credit card debt: $16,635 - $12,855 LOC. This is entirely from vehicles - before I went on maternity leave H sold his truck and we took a $9500 loss - pulled the money out of the LOC to pay off the lien. In April, we needed a different vehicle so we took $6500 out of the LOC to purchase a new-to-us car. We have yet to sell the vehicle we replaced, but when we do that money will either go onto LOC or into emergency savings. We’re aiming to get $3000 for the sale.
- $530 My CC. This is from not budgeting for two road trips I took in the last two weeks, plus some other overspending on random things.
- $3250 H CC. This is from overspending on groceries/gas and vehicle expenses.
Student loan debt: $0 - H went to trade school (8 weeks/year for 4 years) to become a journeyman mechanic
- I took a 2-year diploma program that cost $12,000 (including books and random spending). My parents saved up $20K for me to go to college/university, so I got about $8,000 in cash from my mum once I graduated as I didn’t use all of the savings for school.
- I lived with my mum while in college and H lived with roommates so his income went to rent/groceries/bills and I had basically no living expenses as my mum covered everything.
- When he went to trade school I was working, so I covered our bills while he was off (and he got EI and some grants during that time frame).
Other Info: - H and I have had combined finances since we were 19 when we married. This has greatly changed our financial situation.
- I have access to an employee stock purchase plan - I have about $1400 in my company stocks with no plan for them at the moment.
- I got a salary top-up when I went on maternity leave. My employer covered my 1 week EI waiting period and topped up to 100% salary for 11 weeks. The rest of the time I was off I was getting $1158 biweekly from EI.
- We qualify for the Climate Action Incentive from the federal government. This is about $1200/year.
- We get CCB for our kid of $140.61/month. This will increase to $273.74/month come July as our annual income was less in 2023 compared to 2022.
Net Worth: $164,484 Section Two: Income Income Progression (Post College/Trade School): - H has been in his field for roughly 8 years and his starting salary was about $37,000 ($19/hr). Two years ago, he took a $20/hour pay cut moving from a journeyman mechanic ($45/hr) to a service advisor ($25/hr). He’s since gotten a $10/hr pay increase from switching employers and switching roles/getting a raise. H now makes $72,800 not including any overtime, which he does get fairly regularly.
- I've been working in my field for 8 years, and my starting salary was about $41,000. I have not changed careers, but I have changed employers. I got two raises when at my first job post-college from $20/hr (41,000) to $23/hr ($47,800) to $30/hr ($62,400). When I started at my current employer in 2018 I was offered $78,000 annually, plus moving benefits (approx $2000). I’ve consistently gotten a 2-5% raise every year (except this year - but I did get a raise 2 weeks before going on leave) or have gotten promoted and am now making $92,600 before bonuses. I get two bonuses a year, one is based on company performance and has been $0 to $10,000. My other bonus is performance-based and has been anywhere from $1200 to $4000. I got both bonuses while on maternity leave, the company performance one was cut in half based on hours worked. I also had to pay back EI because of my bonus income.
Main Job Monthly Take-Home: Mine: $4768.90 (two paycheck months) - My monthly deductions include ESPP $213.60, DCPP matching $213.60, social club $5, flex benefits $26, plus taxes $701.27, CPP $203.97 and EI $59.14. In September I usually have an increase in my monthly take home as my CPP/EI is maxed out, but this might not happen this year as my RTW date was the end of April.
H: $3687.28 - H gets an advance on the 15th of $1000 and at the end of the month gets the rest of his pay. His end-of-the-month pay has ranged from $2600 to $3900 already this year because of illness, time off and short months.
- H’s deductions include taxes $623.25, EI $78.23, CPP $263.07, and $61.10 of HCP, but we’re not 100% sure what the HCP is cause he declined his benefits. This reminds me he should talk to payroll and see what’s up with that. He hits his 1st anniversary in August so we’ll see if he ends up maxing out CPP/EI in September or so.
Side Gig Monthly Take-Home: - I craft and go to some markets and things, but don’t make much after counting all my costs. If I didn’t sell things I made, I’d have no room for craft storage!
- I am working on a custom quilt that when finished will bring in $275.
Any Other Monthly Income Here: - As said above, we qualify for the CAI and CCB. CCB is $140/month currently and CAI is $400 quarterly.
- I get $500/year from my benefits to spend wherever and however I want. So far this year I’ve spent it on clothes and hiking boots. I have $190 left.
Section Three: Expenses - Mortgage: $950 bi-weekly - $1900/month on 2 pay period months.
- Property Taxes: Sinking fund of $185/biweekly (we pay this annually in June. It is $2250 this year, last year was $1950).
- Home Insurance: $1640 annually. We pay this in full in July. I expect it to increase this year, but I’m unsure how much.
- Retirement Contribution: In addition to pre-tax contributions above, starting in August, biweekly contributions will be $377 to H’s TFSA and $226 to mine. H’s is more as I have my DCPP and when H’s total is closer to even or maxed out, I’ll max out mine.
- Savings Contribution: $200/biweekly starting in July, we also will have a home maintenance fund and will save $425/month.
- Debt Payments: LOC minimum is $130/month. We pay anywhere from $200 to $2000/month. This will increase come August, and the LOC will be paid off in May 2025. Both CCs should be paid off by September.
- Donations: $20/month to the animal shelter, and $20/month to SOS, I also volunteer at least 5-15 hours a month to a local sports group and to the foundation my MIL set up after my BIL passed. I sit on the board for both non-profits. We also randomly donate money to other things, or go in on 50/50 raffles different nonprofits have.
- Utilities: In the winter $600/month, the summer around $300/month. Gas and electricity combined. I live somewhere where it hits -40C and +40C depending on the time of the year.
- Garbage Rental: $40/month, $120/month when we get it dumped - approximately every 4 months. We live on an acreage and instead of carting garbage bags to work every week or going to the dump, we rent a dumpster for the driveway and call to have it dumped when it's full.
- Septic System Inspection/Cleaning: $400/year
- Internet: $105/month for unlimited fibre optic.
- Cellphone: $70/month for H. I have a work phone at no charge.
- Subscriptions: Amazon Prime $99/year, Spotify $11.54/month, Patreon $10.50/month (Money Feels <3), PlayStation Plus $32/quarter, Kindle Unlimited $10/month, Crunchyroll $9.99/month ($60.95/month total)
- Pet expenses: Roughly $100/month for food and litter for our two cats. Plus $400/year for an annual checkup. This will go up some as they age and probably have to have dental cleanings done.
- Car Insurance/Registration: No payments we own both vehicles outright. Insurance is $1500/year for both vehicles, we pay this in May/July. H spends around $300/month on gas as we live 30 min out of town. I have a work truck so I have no commuting costs. Annually we spend $160 on registration. AMA is 262.50 annually in July.
- Paid Hobbies: Don’t have fixed costs for these right now as we cut them out while I was on maternity leave. In January though, we’ll each get $100-200/month for hobbies.
- Daycare: $900/month ($450 the 1st and 15th). This is slightly more expensive than some others we found and does not qualify for subsidy or grants, but L loves her day home and the caretaker is great.
- Life/Disability Insurance: $125/month for both of us. This is $500K each for life and $100K each for critical illness.
- Food: Roughly $800/month in groceries and I’m not sure about eating out. Since going back to work a month ago life has been hectic so we’re spending more than usual on eating out/convenient foods. H has ADHD and forgets his lunch at home or in the car every day which is a waste, so he buys lunch either at the nearby grocery store or restaurants. I sometimes pack leftovers and sometimes go get food. I’ve been trying to get freezer meals and leave them at the office so I don’t have to pack things back and forth and we haven’t been making meals with leftovers.
- L’s Baby Supplies: $75/month? We have to buy diapers and wipes monthly pretty much.
- House Cleaners: This is an expense we had before H took his pay cut, and we’ve been slowly putting it back in the budget on and off. Roughly $200/clean which happens sporadically as the house is a mess and there is no time for two working parents to clean with an 11-month-old butt scooting everywhere. She always manages to find floor snacks
- Family: We send my sister-in-law money on a fairly regular basis, anywhere from $20-$100. She always pays us back, but we treat this as a write-off in case she doesn’t.
— Day 1 - Friday 2 am - L wakes up and I get her back down 3 times before 3 am. At 3, H takes her out of the room to burn some energy before they both come back to bed roughly an hour later. Thanks, L. Thank you, H I was getting pretty frustrated with our darling child.
6:30 am - The first alarm goes off and I grab L for a cuddle and morning nursing session. Once she’s done, she rolls around and tries to climb both of us to get our phones before we all get out of bed at 7. Today is a PJ movie day at daycare so we don’t bother dressing her only changing the diaper and then H and L are out the door by 7:15. I leave for work at about 7:45 after doing some putting around.
8:15 am - I get to work and my first stop is the coffee machine. I get back to my office after talking to a few coworkers about our social club golf event next weekend. I see that an industry-specific mentor cohort program is open for applications so I find my most recent resume (2021!) and do a major update before applying. This year one of my goals is to work on leadership skills and mentoring so why not apply?
9 am - I had a hard time finding a bra this morning so I go online and purchase two new ones from the local bra-tique for pickup. My total is
$170 after my 10% discount for signing up for their email list. This money is coming from my $500 annual work benefit for whatever I want and I now have $20 left. I eat my breakfast at my desk - yoghurt and homemade granola today.
11 am - I have a webinar on caribou to attend so I log into Zoom and while it's loading, pull up our cashflow forecaster to get the payday finances done before the weekend. $1750 to H’s cc to cover some overspending/vehicle expenses, $100 to the LOC, $373.10 for utilities, and $450 for daycare.
Total is $2673.10 I’m not sure if I should include the bills in the daily writeups, but ah well. Day 1 spending is off to a great start.
1 pm - I get the notification that my bras are ready for pickup. Woohoo! I get new bras for the weekend! I send $50 to H’s TFSA once I confirm the bank account is connected.
2:30 pm - Eating lunch now as breakfast was so late. Freezer butter chicken with broccoli. I only have 1 more freezer meal at work so I make a note to restock.
3:30 pm - I work on some cycle times for the log haul for this coming logging season. It takes me a few minutes to remember exactly what I’m doing and how to do it. I am super glad I came back to work at the end of April as I get 3-ish months of slow time to get back into the swing of things before work starts to pick up.
4 pm - I am struggling to do any more than format my Excel sheets so I figure it’s time to pack it up and head home.
4:30 pm - After picking up my bras, I go to Once Upon A Child for some cheap baby clothes. L is in between sizes and we somehow managed to misplace all her more summery sleepwear so I’ve been grabbing a few here and there. OUAC has a sale on, 5 sleepers for $15 so I grab 5 of those and 4 other onesies for summer. We have a family photoshoot on Canada Day and I’ve been hunting for something that’ll match L’s ribbon skirt.
$30.45 5 pm - I stop at the store to check the mail and grab a 12-pack of mixed tequila smashes.
$37.55 5:30 pm - H calls. He’s off work and headed to get L. I pull burgers and fries out of the freezer, start up the BBQ and get the air fryer going.
6:05 pm - H and L arrive home in perfect time as the burgers and fries just finished cooking. I have an open Pineapple Tequila Smash and I hand H one to drink with supper too. L also has a veggie pouch with the burgers and fries.
7:20 pm - L is in bed nursing to sleep after her bath while H preps episode 4 of Obi-Wan Kenobi for us to watch. We watched it when it was first coming out, but he saw the discs at Walmart last week and figured to grab them. We thought we hadn’t seen all the episodes, but so far we’re 3:3 so we might’ve seen them all.
7:40 pm - L is down and out and I sneak out of the bedroom. I start a load of laundry and find the two bras I couldn’t this morning and handwash them. I sit down with H and we watch some Obi-Wan Kenobi.
10 pm - I check my email and see one from a local photographer group I really like. I’ve done at least two shoots with all 3 of them separately before and they’ve now joined forces. I went to their open house yesterday and won 50% off a boudoir package in 2024. I’ve wanted to book in since they announced their group, so I go through their open spots and book for November. My initial deposit is
$262.50. 10:30 pm - We finished the last 3 episodes and watched all previously except for the finale. Of course. It was pretty good, but near the end, I started to scroll on my phone more than pay attention to the show. I swap the laundry, shower and head to bed at 11 pm.
H’s spending Day 1: $7.54 for lunch,
$267.58 on vehicle parts/oil change that we didn’t budget for. Normally we would’ve, but communication is kinda crappy atm, and I think that’s due to sleep deprivation.
Day 1 total: $775.62 spending + $50 to TFSA. Oof off to a spendy start for the pay period. — Day 2 - Saturday 2:40 am - L is awake again and not going back down. This time it’s my turn. It’s already been a not-great night, hopefully, this 2 am party time doesn't keep happening.
4 am - We go back to bed. Our internet is on autopay and the notification comes through for my credit card.
$105 7:20 am - L is up for the day. I don’t want to get out of bed yet, so I cuddle H and L rolls around, tries to stand and almost deletes everything on my phone. Then she notices my boobs so it’s time for a quick nurse.
8 am - I run the coffee machine and get breakfast going. We’re having pancakes this morning. While they’re cooking I pop some milk in the frother to make a fancy coffee. TBD if I drink it while it’s still hot. I feed the cats their morning meal.
8:30 am - H gets up and I’m still cooking. He grabs a coffee and takes L into the living room so I don’t trip over her and the plastic container horde.
9:30 am - H plays some Baldurs Gate 3 and L watches while I sort through the laundry I did last night. I try to get dressed and none of my shorts fit anymore so off in the donation bag they go. It’ll be a summer of dresses I guess! I start another load of laundry.
9:50 am - L is ready for a nap. Just kidding she just wanted some boob instead. We go outside afterwards to get some morning sun. Hopefully, this will tire her out and she will go down for a nap later! She hasn’t been big on sleep since she was born and gets major FOMO so we have no semblance of a schedule on weekends.
10:45 am - I bring L back inside and change her into outfit #3 for the day. Her trike got rained on and she gets soaked when she sits in it. I switch the laundry over, start yet another load and then pass L to H so I can head to the store, fill the Jerry can with gas for the lawnmower and do the recycling. 20 L of gas is
$32.78 and I grab two lime slushes for H and I
($5.19). It’s +20 already and gorgeous.
Total $37.97 11:30 am - L is ready for a nap! By 11:50 she’s down and I head outside to mow some of the lawn. It’s usually a 4 hr job so I don’t think I’ll get it all done today.
1 pm - I head inside for lunch, we’re having tuna sandwiches. L napped for 20 min and I didn’t get more than half the lawn mowed. After lunch, we head into town to hang out with my friend K and her two kids. We met in college back in 2014 and have babies of a similar age so it’s always nice to go over and visit.
4:30 pm - We leave K’s house and I swing by Wendy’s for a cold coffee-type drink for the drive home. I try the chocolate frosty-cinno and it’s terrible. Should’ve just gone to Tim’s for an ice cap.
$4.19 5:05 pm - L fell asleep on the drive home so I hang out in the car with the windows down for another 5-10 minutes before moving things inside. She wakes up and we head in. H picks a meal and starts making dinner. L is fussy and still tired so I nurse her and we hang out in the cool basement while H cooks. I sort through the laundry that finished off today.
6 pm - H is still cooking our dinner, I reheat leftover pasta for L. H runs her bath and I bath her. She’s still grumpy on and off so she’ll probably be going to bed right after this.
6:45 pm - H and I eat chicken wings and shrimp poppers. L has decided it’s not bedtime yet, I tried to put her down and she got a second wind instead.
9:30 pm - I work on the website for one of the non-profits I volunteer for once L goes to bed at 8. After I’m done, I head into the craft room and work on the custom rag quilt project. One row left to sew together, then to put the final 5 rows together, figure out my borders and start cutting all the edges! It’s not ‘due’ until mid-July but I’d rather get it done sooner and not have to rush. My SIL texts and asks to borrow
$50 till Thursday, I send it over out of my spending.
11 pm - H and I both go to bed after some kitty snuggles
Day 2 total: $92.16 (not counting $105 for internet) — Day 3 - Sunday 7 am - L is awake and I nurse her a couple of times cause she can’t decide if she’s happy or not. It was a decent night, but she must still be tired from not napping much yesterday. It’s my day to sleep in so H takes her out of the room by 7:30.
9:30 am - I get up make some coffee and slowly start on breakfast
10:30 am - L and I are eating breakfast, I made scrambled eggs, fried up leftover sausage, tomato and she also has two crackers with cream cheese. H and I wrote up a grocery list before I sat down and he’s off to town to get groceries and fuel up the car before the work week starts. Usually, H and his best friend C have a grocery shopping bro-date every Sunday, but C and his family are out camping this weekend so H heads in alone.
11 am - L is ready for a nap. I put her down and fold her laundry and the house laundry, taking a few breaks to scroll Reddit or Facebook and drink more coffee.
12:30 pm - L woke up and is kinda grouchy so we have a dance party to elicit baby giggles. H gets back from shopping and we put the groceries away, they cost
$374.03. This is actually cheaper than the last few times we did a stock up so that’s nice! Groceries include ground beef, frozen chicken, wings, fries, cucumber, tomatoes, grapes, bananas, yoghurt, frozen lunches, macaroni, Ichiban, burgers, buttermilk, perogies, frozen fruit, frozen veggies, gravy mix, hollandaise mix, and more. We’ve been buying more convenience foods lately, but I do have 3 suppers planned for the week. He also grabbed me a big coffee mug for
$6. He got gas for
$60.83, and once we unload the groceries, he runs to the store for bacon, 2 jars of our favourite cowboy candy (pickled sweetened jalapeños), chips and a Starbucks frappe drink for
$41.93. I make some sandwiches for lunch for tomorrow so I don’t have to scramble in the morning.
1 pm - Lunch is Ichiban noodles for H and I and baby charcuterie for L - strawberries, grapes, ham, cheese, and cucumber. We head outside afterwards to enjoy the weather, L is so close to walking, she pulls herself up onto everything right now. She has an after-lunch snack of mown grass and dandelions.
3 pm - We’re back inside and H puts on Die Hart 2. L goes down for her second nap at 4:15 and we finish the movie. I wake L up at 5:45 so she doesn’t sleep too long. When she wakes up she makes a face identical to her dad’s and it’s hilarious.
7 pm - H is cooking dinner, we’re having eggs Benny and bacon for supper. I prep L’s diaper bag for tomorrow and we run it out to the car. I also put all my laundry away so the closet is ready for the week. H sits on the chair once we’re done dinner and both cats flock to him and spread themselves over his legs.
9:45 pm - I finish off piecing the quilt top and head downstairs to shower. L is getting tired too so as soon as I’m done we head to bed. H is not far behind us.
Daily 3 total: $482.79. This is pretty usual for a grocery shop day. — Day 4 - Monday 6:35 am - My alarm goes off. Can’t lay in bed today as I need to meet my coworkers at the office at 7:30 am. We’re doing a team bonding mountain hike and it’s a 2.5 hrs drive away. I grab a banana, toast a bagel, add cream cheese and I’m out the door before 7 after filling up the cats' food.
7:30 am - I get to the office, fill up a water bottle, make a coffee and grab a few things from my office. Almost everyone is there, and we leave at 7:45
9:45 am - We’re there! I’ve seen 2 moose, 1 mule deer, 1 elk and almost hit 2 caribou on the highway already today! We start up the trailhead at about 10 am
1:00 pm - This mountain is much steeper than anticipated. A coworker and I decide at about 300 metres to the top that we shouldn’t push it. The last km has been extremely steep and we’ve hit our max. The rest of the group has gone ahead and summitted. We eat our lunch with a great view and start the trek back down.
3:30 pm - We’re back at the trucks! 11.2 km round trip. We hit the road to head home and stop at Dairy Queen for a celebratory ice cream. I spend
$4.92 on a medium dip cone.
6 pm - Back at the office. I call H and let him know I’m headed home now and he suggests chicken wings for supper. I’m down for anything as long as I don’t have to cook.
7 pm - We all eat dinner. L has some veggie pouch, chicken wings/nuggets and leftover pasta. I am almost too tired to eat. One cat keeps trying to get L’s nuggets so he gets in trouble and shooed out of the dining room.
8:15 pm - I try to put L to bed and she goes down for a bit but decides ultimately that it’s not actually time for bed.
8:40 pm - I go and have a hot, hot shower, my muscles are sore and tomorrow might not be fun. L and H party in the TV area, she’s pulling herself up onto everything and trying to crawl up the couch. Not sure where she got this energy from! One of our cats comes for some aggressive cuddles and pets and H puts his dirty t-shirt on the chair for him. Our cat loves dirty laundry it’s hilarious.
9:20 pm - Time for bed for everyone. Hope tonight is a good night and we all can get some rest.
Day 4 Total: $4.92 (this would have been covered by one of the superintendents but a few people got ahead of her in line so she couldn’t pay for us all).
My card is also charged by the garbage disposal company for the dumpster ($40.43 - counted in the bills above). H didn’t spend any money today. — Day 5 - Tuesday 7 am - The first alarm went off at 6:30, but we are all tired and don’t want to wake up. I nurse L for a bit then we get up at 7. I’m pretty sore this morning so I’m not moving too fast. Get her dressed and H and L leave by 7:10. H fed the cats this morning so I don’t have to.
7:30 am - I forgot to pay H’s other cc and it’s due in 4 days so I pay it off now -
$93.80 (random Amazon purchases and my KU). I pull some chicken out of the freezer to defrost and make my breakfast of homemade granola, hemp hearts and yoghurt. I leave the house around 7:45 to head to work.
8:20 am - I get to the office and immediately get asked some questions about blocks we have slated for this Fall/Winter. I’m not 100% sure of the answer and have to double-check with my boss. I grab a coffee and chat with the head boss before my boss arrives. I clarify what I need and relay the info back to my coworkers.
9:30 am - I eat my breakfast while I scroll through online courses offered by my company. I got an email yesterday of one I’m supposed to take so I book into that.
11 am - I book H and myself massages, 2 each - one this month and one next month.
12:30 pm - I took a long time to eat breakfast so I’m not quite hungry yet. I grab my running shoes from the truck and take a slow walk on the elliptical to help my sore muscles. This morning hasn’t been too busy, but I’m having a hard time starting my next big task (cycle time calculations) so hopefully the slow walk helps some.
1:30 pm - I’m back at my desk and diving into cycle time calculations. H grabs KFC for lunch
$24.12 2 pm - Lunch time, I’m having a leftover sandwich from yesterday, a grapefruit cup, grapes and strawberries. I also grab a chai with milk from the coffee machine. I eat while I plug away at the cycle times.
3:45 pm - I finish off one section of cycle times and my brain has had enough. I go fill my water bottle and chat with a few coworkers. At 4:15 pm someone comes by to sign a few cheques I asked for and I leave the office at 4:30 pm
4:40 pm - H grabbed buttermilk instead of heavy cream and I need it for supper tonight so I swing by the grocery store. Then, I head out of town to a colleague’s house to drop off one of the cheques.
$4.95 5:15 pm - I check the mail, get home and start cooking. We’re having Skillet Dijon Chicken with Asparagus and Mushrooms for supper. I also make some macaroni for a side. H and L get home about 5:45 to the cats waiting at the door.
6:20 pm - Supper is served! It is delicious. L and H aren’t fans of the asparagus, but the chicken, macaroni and sauce are perfection! H also riggs up a tie to L’s water bottle so it doesn’t hit the ground every 30 seconds. We fed the cats at the same time and they’re not begging for food quite so much tonight.
6:50 pm - We’re finished supper, H cleans up and I bath L.
7:30 pm - H calls my/our best friend J via FaceTime and we chat with her and her daughter R for a few minutes. L tried to steal the phone and gets mad when we don’t let her. J’s daughter requests a morning call so I promise to call at 7 am. J doesn’t think R will be awake yet so we’ll see!
8 pm - L is tired and ready to go to sleep. I put her down, have a hot bath, throw in some epsom salts, and read a bit on my KU.
9:40 pm - Bedtime!
Day 5 Total: $112.17 (removed $10 for my KU - counted in subscriptions) — Day 6 - Wednesday 7 am - I nurse L, she had a weird wake-up last night so we’re tossing the idea of taking her into daycare today. I’ll probably take her in a bit later and H will take his truck so if I have to WFH for the afternoon I can. Try calling J and R and there is no response - I am not surprised.
7:45 am - L and I leave the house, she’s not coughing much and doesn’t have a fever or anything so she’s good to go to daycare today
8:15 am - I drop L off at daycare
8:30 am - I get to the office. I talk with a few coworkers and ask our admin if my new phone has been dropped off yet.
9 am - My new phone is here! Now to start the setup process, everything takes forever with all the authentication apps we need. I also go through all my iCloud photos and organize/save them to my OneDrive while the phone is getting set up.
12:30 pm - I think the phone is finally done. Now to eat some lunch, I’m having leftovers from 2 nights ago - chicken nuggets, strawberries, grapes and a Cherry Bubly.
1:30 pm - H goes to a food truck for lunch.
$35.01. This includes the tip.
3 pm - I had some more phone set-up to do. Might be finished now? Get an email about the cats’ annual checkups and vaccinations so I book their appointments for August.
4 pm - SIL paid me back the $50, plus another $50 she’d borrowed earlier.
(+$100) I work on the photo garland for L’s first birthday for a bit.
5 pm - I haven’t gotten much done today beyond setting up my phone. I leave the office and pick up L at 5:20. I talk to her day home provider for about 15 min about how she’s been doing, etc.
6 pm - We get home! H has cooked supper already, so as soon as we get in the door we sit down to eat. Supper tonight is perogies and garlic bread. L also has a veggie pouch. H tells me the old vehicle was sold, and the buyers are doing a payment plan. We will get $300/month for the next 10 months. A lump sum would be nice, but H’s coworkers will handle all the paperwork so it’s no more work for us.
6:45 pm - Time for a bath! H cleans up supper, cleans the litter boxes (we have 3) and starts some laundry while I take L and get her cleaned up.
7 pm - All finished in the bath. We head downstairs and hang out until L is ready for sleep. I mostly scroll my phone and H plays on his Rog Ally. L climbs the couch and me and scoots around on the floor hunting for different treasures.
8:40 pm - L is ready for bed. I put her down and read some more KU
10 pm - H and I head to bed. I washed and dried a baby quilt to bring to work in the morning for a coworker.
Day 6 Total: $35.01 for H’s lunch. I spend $0, and ‘make’ $100 — Day 7 - Thursday 6:35 am - The first alarm goes off. It’s a new one on the phone and nice to wake up to! L doesn’t want to wake up and she grumbles and rolls around.
7 am - We all get out of bed. I get L dressed while H packs up what he needs for the day. I get her milk together and they’re out the door by 7:15
7:50 am - I leave the house. After H and L left, I did the dishes and packed up my stuff for the day. Made a smoothie for breakfast (yoghurt, flax seed, orange, banana, rhubarb jam, frozen berries, watermelon, cranberry juice and milk) and there’s lots left over so I pop that into the fridge for tomorrow. I need gas in the work truck, so I head there before going to the office. I have a fuel card so I don’t spend any $ on fuel.
8:30 am - Get to the office and it’s time to make a coffee. I have some things to get done before my webinar at 11 am.
9 am - I show the quilt to my coworker, she loves it and buys it!
(+$100) 11 am - Oops. I didn’t get the login link earlier and don’t know who to contact to get it so no webinar for me. I scroll Reddit and my socials and work a bit more on my cycle times. I snack on some grapes and drink another coffee.
1 pm - Lunch time! I’m having leftover skillet Dijon chicken and macaroni. It is still delicious, that recipe is going into the rotation for sure! H goes to McDonalds for lunch and spends
$35.66. He bought a coworker lunch as well, she was having a rough day.
2 pm - Chat with a few coworkers about different projects/things we need to think of for this next year.
3 pm - I have an afternoon pick-me-up snack of Brookside pomegranate-flavoured chocolate and a ginger ale.
4:30 pm - I’m tired and don’t feel like doing anything else. I leave the office and call H to see what we should do for supper. We decide on potstickers and veggies, I’ll start cooking when I get home. I stop and check the mail on my way home too.
5:45 pm - H and L arrive home. I take L into the spare room and we call my mum and grandma for a video chat. L rolls around the bed and shows off how she’s almost standing!
6:10 pm - We sit down to eat, L isn’t that interested in either the potstickers or veggies so we pull out some leftover macaroni and she goes to town on that.
7 pm - Bath time! H cleans up and does some more laundry. It just seems to never end.
7:30 pm - Bedtime for L. I read some of my book while I put her down.
8:30 pm - SIL texts again to borrow
$50. I send it over out of my spending. I get all of the borders cut for the custom quilt.
9 pm - H has SING on so I sit down to watch it, he’s also playing his Rog Aloy and I’m reading some more of my book.
10 pm - We go to bed.
Day 7 Total: $35.66 for H’s lunch. I spend $50, and ‘make’ $100 — Weekly Expenses: - Food + Drink: 575.09
- Fun/Entertainment: $0
- Home + Health: $38.78 (includes gas for lawn mower)
- Clothes + Beauty: $200.45
- Transport/Vehicle Expenses: $328.41
- Other: $496.30 (CC payment, photoshoot, TFSA and $ to SIL)
Total Spending: $1639.03 Reflection: - This was a more expensive week for sure. I don’t usually spend money on clothes and the photo shoot deposit was a random impulsive spend. The vehicle expenses were also a bit different, usually, they’re budgeted for but not this time.
- Honestly surprised we didn’t order dinner at least once this week - usually we do!
- Events-wise, it was a typical week except for the mountain hike, those are not part of my usual work day. This time of year is slow and mostly involves prep for the coming winter.
- This was a fun experiment to write! I did have to cut some things as my word count kept increasing and I didn’t want it to be too long - is this too long even still? Too much detail on baby routines?
After seeing all the tier lists for the resorts themselves I was thinking a tier list of lodge chicken tendies would be helpful. With how much food costs at the lodges these days it’d be nice to know where the tendies are worth it and where they are not.
So if anyone has eaten enough to rank them let’s see it! Thanks!
Good morning, my best friend surprised me with a ticket to a convention in October in Vegas and we are trying to figure out where to stay that's both safe and cost effective. We are not wealthy in any way shape or form so we are trying to make this trip as cost effective as possible for lodging.
Most of our day and some night will be at the Las Vegas convention center, I don't think we are greatly planning on going to a casino except for maybe food and a quick spin on red or black. He's going to get there Thursday night and I'll be getting there Friday morning so we would need a place from Thursday night to Sunday night since we leave Monday morning.
Where could be recommended to stay that would be both cost effective and safe in the vegas area? I'm driving down so we will have a vehicle so as long as it's not crazy far away it should be fine.
Thanks in advance!
Just curious what people think the norm is. My last job laughed at the idea but every other place I worked paid for it. Thoughts?
Hello, I am an American, and I know we have a high cost of living here and that USD is strong. I am also lucky enough that my partner and I make an income that allows us to travel and afford to live in a mid-size US city in the Mid-Atlantic. How do people from other countries afford to travel to the US when our food and lodging prices are so high? This a legit question, and I want to see what people say.
Some background: A group of my friends and I just got back from Peru, where our food bills at restaurants were at a minimum half of what we pay in the US when we would do the conversion to USD, same with our hotels. These hotels we stayed at were nicer than what we would stay at in the US and we got them at like half of the cost. We even saw a new car ad that had the USD amount on it at 23k, which was tempting before you thought about shipping costs. We then would wonder how does someone from Peru afford to visit the US where they would have to pay double for everything?
I know I am very lucky and this could be classified as a "first world problem" but I generally think everyone should be able to travel and experience different cultures and that is should be affordable for everyone.
I'm moving into my own place for the first time and will have some kitchen supplies, but that doesn't include a cast iron. I see people all the time rave about it but ive never fully understood why. My biggest concerns is - Does cast iron not put rust or at the very least iron residue into your food? - The Pan has oil on it idly right, wouldn't that just become dirty from dust etc and transfer to food when you next cook? - How does it change or enhance cooking any different than just normal stainless steel?
I know they are hard..? To clean and take care of, or at least require steps and specific methods, but idk how that is worth when you are just cooking something. I got severe FOMO so gotta know what has Y'all hyped about this 👀
Edit: I do see quite a bit of info about the durability and usages of it, along with the ease of cleaning that seems to get easier the more you do it. I'll def likely be picking up a lodge or some other when I move in and add it to my array, never really did large baking or searing so will be cool to try out. Thank y'all, ive been converted ⭐
hi everyone! i'm Laura, i am a high school junior and i want to apply for some jobs this summer.
however, i wanted to ask... how do i create a résumé? i know it might be a stupid question, but... i'm pretty confused on how to list things on it and overall just put one together. for example, i have a MOS 2019 associate certification as well as a MOS 2019 expert certification. also, i have a servsafe food handler's certification. how would i put those on a resume? i also heard when making a resume the simpler it looks (no fancy graphic design or anything) the better. is that true? i'm thankful for any help, i'm super new at this🙏