The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

Title: Mafia Dog
Carissa is in her early 40s. She’s a higher ranking officer in this group.
Jane is in her mid/late 20s.
Note: I believe this series will most likely never be performed. It's a 7-part series that requires either an extensive collab or a VA that can do multiple voices as the same 2 speakers are in every chapter. It varies per chapter as to who has more lines. It also gets loud at times with explosions and gunfire and the like which is not very conducive to ASMR. So, I'm releasing it here without it having been performed. I usually wait until someone performs one of my pieces before I release the script publicly. I hope you enjoy the read.
Info you might want if you do perform it: An Introduction To The Book That Is Me : ASMRScriptHaven (reddit.com)
Note: This takes place after an untold horropsychotic yandere story. If any writer wishes to write that story, be my guest. If you notify me, I'll link it here. This series deals with the recovery, recuperation, and care for the rescued victim.
My masterlist: [FF4M] Mafia Dog - Part 1 of 7 [Paramilitary Group] [Rescued Listener] [Severely Wounded Listener] [Concerned Caring Speakers] [Good Boy] : ASMRScriptHaven (reddit.com)
(All talk and sfx are muffled until the secrete door is opened.)
(Sound of muffled gunfire is going on in adjacent rooms. Door is opened roughly.)
Carissa: Clear. Damn it, she’s not in here.
(Pause.)
Yes, our informant advised that this is her office. And look, here’s the information we needed about the shipments coming in tomorrow on her desk. At least we ended up with that.
Damn it, damn it, damn it! I really thought we had her this time. Our contact said she was here right now. How could she have gotten away?
(Pause.)
Yeah, I know, Mike. Obviously Kent’s not gonna like this. He was hoping this strike would put down this upstart gang for good. We cleared out the rest of her goons at this location, but if Francine is still alive… well, I don’t want to think about that right now. Jane?
Jane: Yeah, Carissa?
Carissa: Jane, you and Mike take the others and double check every room we’ve already cleared. Look for any clue as to Francine’s whereabouts or plans that we can bring back to Kent.
Jane: You got it. Come on, Mike.
Carissa: Ronnie, you stay here with me. If our intel was right and Francine was here, maybe there’s a secret passageway she used to escape, or maybe there’s something else to discover.
(Some light tapping on walls as they look. Then a tap closer to the listener.)
Carissa: Hey, I think I’ve found something. This wall, right here. There’s something behind it. Now, how to get it open.
(Pause.)
Ronnie, great work.
(Pause.)
Yes, hit that button.
(A door slides open and all is now clear to the listener.)
That did it. There’s a secret opening here that leads to… Oh, my God! Ronnie, come here.
(Pause.)
Hey, are you all right? Can you hear me?
(Pause.)
Ronnie, put that gun down. You’re scaring him.
(Pause.)
Yes, I know Kent’s orders were to eliminate everyone we find, but this is different. He’s obviously not one of them. Look at him. He’s tied and gagged, and it looks like he’s been beaten to within an inch of his life. He’s still got dried blood on him. Whoever he is, he’s not a threat to us and he clearly needs our help.
(Pause.)
Ronnie, besides the fact that what you just said reveals you to be an inhuman prick and should be ignored on its own, you need to consider the fact that he may be some use. At the very least, he may know some things about Francine.
(Pause.)
No, calling you inhuman was not a compliment. Kent’s orders didn’t account for us finding someone like this in here, and I’m going to help him.
(Pause.)
I don’t care if it is easier to put him down. I’m taking him with us. God, what is wrong with you?
(Pause.)
Yes, it will be on my head if he turns out to be one of them.
(To the listener.) Hey, you, look at me. I’m going to remove the gag, ok. I want to talk to you.
(Pause.)
No, no, no. Don’t shake your head. Stop thrashing. We’re here to help. I’m not going to hurt you.
(Pause.)
(To Ronnie.) Ugh. Damn it. He’s scared to death and he’s going to hurt himself further if he keeps this up.
(Pause.)
Yeah, Ronnie, we’ve already established you don’t give a rat’s ass if he kills himself, but just accept that I do and that I’m in charge right now and give me the bag. I’m going to use the sedative on him.
(Pause.)
Of course, I know we brought it for Francine, but she’s not here, now is she?
(To the listener.) Ok, buddy, I’m sorry if the needle stings, but this will relax you while we move you somewhere safe. See you on the other side.
(Time passes.)
Jane: Carissa, come here. He’s waking up.
Carissa: (Whispering softly.) Hey there, big guy. How are you doing?
(Pause.)
(Not angry, but forceful like she knows what she’s doing.) No, no. Stop struggling, ok? STOP!
(Pause.)
(Calm.) Good. That’s very good. You’ve been wounded. You’re in our infirmary and you’re strapped to the bed. Any struggling could possibly cause you serious harm.
Jane: Carissa’s right. At best it will make it so our medical staff have to reconnect your IVs, and you don’t want to make them work any harder than you have to, do you?
It’s ok. We’re here to care for you. Do you understand? We want to help.
(Pause.)
Carissa: Ok, good. Good. Stay calm. Look, I’m being soft and tender, see? Jane will brush your hair with her hand while you and I talk for a bit.
I know you’ve got to be scared out of your mind right now, but if you just stay calm, we’ll do what we can to reassure you that everything’s all right. Ok?
(Pause.)
(Sigh.) Good. Good boy.
Jane: Carissa, I think he likes it when you call him that.
Carissa: (To Jane.) Yeah, I think you’re right.
(To the listener.) You like that? Ok, then. That’s what I’ll call you, ok? Good boy.
Here, now I’ll hold your hand while you lay still. My name is Carissa. That gentleman over by the door is Mike, and I already told you that this is Jane. And you are my good boy.
That’s right. I’m going to take care of you, good boy. I’m not going to let any harm come to you anymore. You’re not in any danger. These two, Mike and Jane, they’re here for you specifically to make sure nobody comes in here to hurt you.
Jane: Carissa’s right. You’re completely safe. You can rest easy while we’re here. Ok? You just rest and recover and leave everything else to us.
Carissa: And I’m going to see to it that I do everything I can to make you feel safe and protected as well. Now, to do that, we need to know a few things about you. The doctor wants you to rest. She’s telling us we can only have a few minutes with you, so we’ll make this quick. Ok?
Jane: You’re being such a good boy right now. I’ll keep running my fingers through your hair while you answer Carissa’s questions, ok?
Carissa: Now, we just need you to confirm a few things. Did Francine do this to you? Was she there in the place where we found you?
(Pause as listener doesn’t want to say anything.)
Jane: It’s ok. You can tell us.
Carissa: You’re afraid, aren’t you? She did this to you and you’re afraid if you tell us anything, she’s going to punish you.
(Pause.)
No, you don’t have to say anything. I’m not trying to frighten you. I want you to feel safe with me. You’re my good boy, remember? I wouldn’t do anything to hurt my good boy.
Here you go. I’ll just stroke your hair gently as well with my other hand. I can see you really like that when Jane does it. Does that make you feel better, good boy?
Jane: It certainly does. You’re being so good.
Carissa: Yes, you are. So, let me ask an easier question. Do you know how long Francine had you there?
(Pause.)
You don’t know? A long time? They picked you up off the street in a blizzard by offering you a warm place to stay.
Jane: My God. It’s summer now so it’s been several months at least. You poor boy.
Carissa: Well, we’ve got you now, ok?
(Softly aside to Jane.) And now we’ve just confirmed that it was Francine who was there and did this to him.
Jane: (Softly to Carissa.) Ooh, clever.
Carissa: Don’t worry, good boy, you are safe with us. You can count on that.
(Aside.) Yes, Ronnie? Kent needs me? Ok, I’ll be right there.
(To the listener.) Ok, good boy. I have to go, but Jane and Mike are going to stay just outside of your room while you get some more sleep, ok?
Jane: And I’ll stay right here beside you until you fall asleep.
Carissa: The doctor will be in periodically to check on you. Her name is Suzanne and she’s very nice, so you don’t have to worry about her. When she comes by, do what she says, ok? She’s only trying to help.
And I’ll be back as soon as I can. You’re safe as long as you’re here. I can see that you’re still very tired. They’ve given you a lot of medication so you don’t feel any pain. You be my good, good boy while I’m gone and everything will be ok.
Here. (Kiss.) Just a kiss on your forehead for my good boy. You sleep now.
Jane: And if you wake up and Carissa’s not here and you’re scared, just let me know and I’ll sit with you too. Ok?
Carissa: Good boy. Get some rest.
(Time passes. Listener wakes up and hears what Carissa’s saying to Kent, but Carissa initially doesn’t notice.)
(To Kent.) No, Kent, what I’m telling you is that he was her dog, only I think she got her kicks out of… well literally kicking him. Did you hear what Suzanne said about his injuries? That bitch Francine is twisted.
(Pause.)
No, he’s been fine since we brought him in. He’s a little scared, but that’s to be expected.
(Pause.)
What? No, you can’t do that to him. He needs protection! I’m not sending him away. I’ll care for him myself if I…
(Pause.)
Oh, I’m sorry, Kent. You weren’t saying get rid of him.
(Pause.)
Yeah, I guess I am a little zealous over this one. You know where you found me twenty years ago. I guess my heart went out to the guy as soon as I saw him. I can empathize with where he’s been.
(Pause.)
Yeah, thank you for understanding, Kent.
(Pause.)
No, you’re absolutely right with that. He’s going to need some special attention for a while.
(Pause.)
Yes, of course. I’ll take full responsibility. Mike and Jane have agreed to help too. I think they feel sorry for him like I do. I promise, I’ll… Oh, hold on, Kent.
(To listener.) Hey there, good boy. You feeling better?
(Pause.)
That’s right. I told you I’d be back as soon as I could.
(To Kent.)
No, Kent, I understand. Go ahead. I’ll stay here with my good boy.
(Pause.)
Yeah, I’ll keep you updated. And thanks, Kent.
(To listener.) Did you sleep well, good boy?
(Pause.)
That’s good to hear. I’m glad you’re feeling better.
(Pause.)
Yes, the straps are still on. This is a new situation and we wanted to make sure you weren’t going to hurt anybody because you got scared, including yourself.
(Pause.)
No. I don’t think you’re violent, but it’s a precaution we take with everybody. Understand? They’ve even had to do it to me a couple times when I’ve been down here injured. I tend to move around a lot when I sleep and I can hurt myself by pulling out everything the doctors have attached.
(Pause.)
(Taken aback.) Wha…? Mistress? No, no. I’m not your mistress.
(Pause.)
Oh, don’t cry. I’m not mad at you for saying that. You’re still my good boy. Here, let me hug you. Does that feel better?
(Pause.)
There, there. You’re ok. I wasn’t mad at you, and I wasn’t rejecting you.
(Pause.)
No, you don’t have to call me… You know what? It’s ok. You can call me mistress for now if it makes you feel better.
(Pause.)
I can tell that it does. You’re more at ease. Ok, I’m your mistress.
(To herself.) I guess that’s something we’re going to have to work on.
(Pause.)
What? Oh, nothing, my good boy. Nothing you have to worry about right now.
Now that you’re awake, Suzanne has some tests she wants to run. Mostly she’s just going to talk to you, show you some lights, that kind of thing. I don’t think any needles are involved this time.
(Pause.)
I know. I hate needles too. So just relax and do what she says. And when she’s done, Mike will come in to keep you company for a while. I have some business to take care of.
(Pause.)
What should you do while I’m gone? Well, you need to make sure that when I come back, everybody tells me what a good boy you’ve been. Ok?
(Pause.)
Yes, Jane will be here in a while too. She’s out right now on an assignment, but she’ll be back.
(Pause.)
Oh, that makes you smile, does it? Well, good. I’m glad she makes you feel better. Ok, so long for now, my good boy. Know that you’re safe.
Part 2 coming.

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS NUMEROLOGY DECODE

Since we all know exactly who and what Spongebob is, I am going to do a Numerology decode.
When it comes to Numerology, there are many different things you can look into. I am going to look into the letters, patterns, and Numerology personality numbers.
SPONGEBOB has a personality #6. 6 is the number of compassion, work ethic, criticism, cleanliness, and productivity. In the funny show, we see that Spongebob is a workaholic. He has a 5 destiny number which shapes who you are overall. 5 is connected to youthfulness which explains the silliness of the Spongebob character. He is always laughing and doing things funny. The 5 energy indicates this. 5 also points to people, places, and things that are unique. He has an 8 soul urge which explains his undying ambition and creativity.
We can see that SPONGEBOB has 2 O's which has the numeric energy of 15 and numeric value of 6. 15 is the creative use of energy for productivity. Again, 6 is the number of routine, work ethic and productivity goes with this. This energy is not only his personality number, but also it is within his name. It's really in him.
SPONGEBOB HAS DOUBLE NUMERIC VALUES IN HIS NAME WHICH ARE, 7,6,5, AND 2. This explains why he is able to show his emotions and have moments of sensitivity(2). Very compassionate(2) but also childish and silly(5) and able to come up with plans that work(7). Since these #s has double influence, we must considered what they equal. 7 twice equals 14/5 which shows how he is responsible and can make work fun even though it is a duty(6). 6 twice equals 12/3 which shows his social skills, life, and creativity. Another youthful energy as well. 5 twice equals 10/1 which points to his bravery and capability to take action. 2 twice equals 4 which is home,family,responsibility, and structure on the home front and he would make everyone feel comfortable for the most part.
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​
​

People say it's childish to be afraid of the dark. They say it's a symptom of an overactive imagination. And yet the same people- all people- know that you don’t go out at night, not without light or charm. And everyone knows, instinctively, in the marrow of their bones, that you don’t go out on a moonless night.
I had been out on a moonless night for days. Most people can’t tell, but once you're trained, you can- Darkness loves darkness. She likes to stretch her time out as long as she's possibly able. Everyone wants to spend time with kindred spirits. It’s nature, human or otherwise.
There’s nothing I can do about it, so I do my best to enjoy it. After all, you have to pick your battles, and my gun makes it pretty easy to figure out which ones I can win. She's a lovely gun. Big, which is fine with me, because I need all the power she can muster. Nine custom rounds rotate through, each enchanted by my own self. Not as effective as a professional enchantment, but I get by, and it’s a hell of a lot cheaper.
The only light came from the muzzle flare of my pistol. They smothered my campfire long ago, leaving me with only the vaguest sense of where they were, occasionally silhouetted against the trees when I fired. They were big, looming over me, high into the crooked trees and the moonless sky behind them. Who could say how long tonight would last?
I try not to cast on Nights, because it just acts like more of a beacon than I already am, but sometimes it just can’t be helped. My chest burned as I threw up a Buffer against a sudden wave of creatures, but they tore it down before it hardly had time to help. I bit down and cast a Warding, felt my arm burn harshly in the wild energy of the new moon and felt the following cold cut its way through my flesh and deep into my bones. Popping the spent rounds out with my right hand, my left knitted itself into the Ward shape automatically, trained by years of habit. Now I’ve really done it, I thought, because I could practically sense them perk up from miles off, even without casting a Seeing. It worked, though, and I was given brief respite for my efforts. I’d sure as hell pay for it in about 10 minutes, but for now I needed to stop bleeding and deal with the sensation of a drill pressed to the back of my skull.
“Skippers,” I growled. I hated Skippers.
The problem with Skippers is they’re small, harder to notice than anything else, and instead of trying to take off your head they try to get into your head. From there they can do whatever they want while you watch- make you walk off a cliff, bite off your own tongue, flay yourself alive. Like I said, whatever they want, and they're usually pretty mean. I’d seen them really go to work on all sorts of people, mostly people I knew and trained with. Hazards of the job- sorcerous training let you see a whole new world, but it opened you up to the threats that lived there, more so than regular folk. I was in worse shape than most sorcerers, which was part of what put me out at Night in the first place. Luckily, I’m better than most sorcerers, but it still meant I had to be careful.
To get rid of a Skipper, all you have to do is burn them off with a little Light. I'd needed the break- 3 of them dripped out of me right away, and a fourth started to run down my back as it tried to escape.
“Bastard.” I struck it with the handle of the gun as it slithered away. No sense wasting ammo on idiots like that.
The Ward wavered, the Night grew around me, and I hadn't even had time to heal anything. Damn.



Sam watched from behind the counter as the man walked through the door. Under the door, rather, as he had to duck to keep from hitting his head. He was pale, very pale, unlike the merchantfolk that usually came through the inn. His face was covered by a bushy beard, his hair was long, and his eyes were rimmed with red, but he could certainly be no older than 40. It was strange- for someone to come in so early in the morning, and look so tired- he must have been traveling all night, but he had no horse to be stabled.
The stranger was an armory- small blades and strange, bulbous jars jutted out from pockets and packs all over the man, daggers strapped to his legs, and even metal nubs in the knuckles of his gloves. What caught Sam's attention, though, was the man's huge gun, strapped tightly to his waist. He had never seen a gun that big, and the ammunition the man was carrying in the sacks around his waist must have weighed heavily on him, though he showed no signs of it.
“What does it cost for a room?” His voice did not match the tired, worn image in front of him. It was firm, and had the sound of recent laughter in it.
“Let me get my mom.” Sam began, starting for the back room. He never handled rooms.
“That's alright. You'll do fine. How much?” The man pulled out a purse, smaller than the other bags on his belt, and it was clearly much lighter than anything else he carried. “I’d like to find a bed and use it.” His voice did not betray him, nor did his hands, but the redness of his eyes did. They were a startling blue, and they seemed to contain nothing except exhaustion.
“I need your name,” Sam remembered as he directed the giant stranger to his room. The man's eyes, just for an instant, darted to one side before returning to Sam.
“Joan,” he said.
“O-kay.” Sam jotted the name down. “Two nights, food at 7 and 7, anything else you pay for.” He began to walk the man down the hall. “Strange accent. Are you from Melano, or Baden?” He didn’t really know what those accents sounded like, but he knew they were far from Newmark.
“No.” Joan walked into the room indicated with no further comments.
Sam stopped at the door while the man called Joan dropped his bags to the floor. “What kinda gun is that?”
“Mine,” he said simply, as he unbundled it’s holster from his belt. “I make the ammunition myself most of the time.”
“It's impressive. My paw was a soldier, and he showed me his old gun once, only it was a lot smaller than yours, and all rusted out besides, but-" Sam stopped as the man removed his cloak. There was a bright gash, still oozing dark blood, working its way up the man's side behind the thick leather plates. “Holy cripes! You oughta see a doctor, sor!”
Joan gave no indication that he could even feel the wound, nor did he instantly react when the boy cried out. “This? It looks a lot worse than it is. Rest, and solitude,” and here he looked at Sam, “will do me more good than any doctor from this town.” He moved to close the door, and against Sam's protest seemed to shut him out with no effort at all.
He ran down the hall to inform his mother of their newest guest.
I didn’t want the kid to see what I had to do next. It really wasn’t that bad- on the outside. Because we put so much ourselves in the spiritual world, the physical world didn’t matter so much. But it’s all tradeoffs. It had cut a pretty chunk out of me spirit-wise, and that hurt worse than any gash could. Really, I was better off than most sorcerers would’ve been with a cut like this- I had less to lose. Doesn’t make it hurt any less, though.
I Worked a minor Healing, but anything more would’ve taken more out of me than I could hope to regain, so the rest had to be resigned to sleep. Stupid. I should never have let anything get that close anyway, but it seemed like the Skippers were going crazy last Night.
I was too tired even to dream. A small blessing.

Waking up was not pleasant- I was stiff and sore, and still hurting something fierce. And cold, of course. Always cold. The physical wound had scabbed over, and I figured I would get away with just a minor scar. My innards were still shredded, but marginally less so than before, so I could breathe without grimacing. I expected I’d be laid out for a few days yet. Lucky, since Night had just passed, so things would be calm for almost the entire month now.
Exhausted as I had been, I had no Wards up, nothing even blocking the door. Nice going. Practically begging for a stray to wander in and eat you. As I flipped the coin I’d lifted off the kid, I examined the room for anything that might have snuck in, but it was clear. This time.
It was around this point that I realized how hungry I was. It had been (what felt like) days without a hot meal, and apparently this podunk little inn could provide, so I wandered out to the main room to see if I could scare up some food.
When the kid saw me, his eyes widened. That’s never a good sign. Recognition meant questions, and the answers to those questions usually meant getting pushed to the next town before I had time to heal. I had been hoping to score a decent meal and a bath, at least.



Sam could hardly believe his eyes. “Criminy, sor, but I didn’t expect you to be up at all! It's barely been a day!” The cut had been bleeding heavily, and very deep, he was sure of it, but now the man was clean and walking as if he had never been injured.
The stranger called Joan sat heavily at a table, ignoring the implied question. “Any chance of a man getting some food around here?” He inquired. “Or, perhaps,” and he glanced at the barrels of ale behind the counter, “some drink?”
San quickly filled him a tankard and plate from supper earlier, then sat himself at the table, as the crowd in the room dwindled down to a late few. The man interested him. He did not seem to interest the man, however, as Joan simply ate and drank in silence, apparently unbothered by his wound. He was still pale, almost deathly so, but Sam had heard tell of people from far north being much lighter than the tanned workers of nearby towns.
“Are you a soldier?” Sam didn’t know much about the war to the south, but occasionally troops passed through, and he had heard his ma talk in the back room about an extra levy because the Northern Kingdoms were allied. “I never saw someone carry so many weapons that weren't a soldier. What are those jars you carry? Is that them new bombs they been talking about? With gunpowder, only you throw the jar so it’s like a cannonshot?” Sam did not know much about weapons, either, but he saw so few soldiers come through that he had to learn what he could, if he was going to join the war when he was of age.
“Sure, kid.” Joan tapped his empty tankard on the table and placed down the coin he had been flipping. Sam ran to fill it up again before sitting back down.
“So did you come from the southern border, where all the fights are? What's happening? Are we winning? We have all kinds of the Northern Kingdoms working together, right? We must be winning!”
“The southern border? No, no, I didn’t come from the southern border,” he snorted. “That whole war is just nonsense anyway. The Northern Kingdoms, in some alliance or another, have had it out for Onis since time began. Maybe even before. The war is just an excuse to keep the money rolling in. Seems like there’s less and less of it than ever.” He mumbled this last part into his cup.
“That’s- that’s not true!” Sam's pa had fought, same as Sam would. “The war is important! Onis could really invade anytime! Besides, you said you were a soldier. If you aren’t fighting in the war, how can you be a soldier?” Joan did not answer, but he reached for his sleeve for a moment as if to roll it up, then seemed to catch himself at the last second. Was he a deserter? “Are you a deserter?” Sam blurted out, realizing a second late that he was pushing his luck. Joan just tapped his mug again.
Sam's ma hurried over. “So sorry for this one, sor, he has a bad habit of being curious.” She cuffed him on the ear and it smarted.
“It's no problem, mam.” The stranger smiled warmly, but in his eyes there was nothing. It was a chilling sensation. “He fills my cup just fine.” His ma dragged him off before Sam could object, and Joan got up before Sam could return.


Broder laughed as he took Flander for another hand. Three hands up, he was, and showed no signs of slowing. He stopped, though, as a big man in a heavy cloak came to the table.
“Deal me in?” His voice, deep and rich, did not match the weathered exterior. The man was no farm hand, that much was clear. More a mercenary sort. Broder glanced around the table, but no one seemed to object outright, so he shrugged. One more fool for the best poker man in the west side of Newmark. “Promise I know the rules.”
“Can you make ante, pal?” Jaten sized him up from across the table, suspicious from the long, ratty hair sitting on his shoulders and the general sense of dirtiness emanating from the man. He didn't notice what Broder had seen- nice leather, warm coat, and firm shoes. The man had some money, at least.
“He's good for it, Jaten. What's your name, stranger?” Broder gestured at the empty space next to him as he began to deal the hands. The stranger threw his ante, and Broder couldn’t hear much left in the purse. The poor ones were easy to sucker in.
“Joan.”
“You from Onis or something, name like that?” Cogen sneered.
“Na, man, listen to his voice, he's from up in Lansing or summat.” Garrett spat. “You're pickin a fight so you don’t have to deal with your shite hand.”
“That's not true, mate! Maybe you ought to keep an eye on your own mess in front of ya!” Cogen threw in extra to compensate. They all knew each other, knew the tics and tells and habits, but this stranger would be interesting.
That was what Broder thought, but as they went round for a few hands, the stranger losing more than he won, it became clear he was just another sucker thinking he could smash the small town guys. He had seemed confident at first- smug, even- but Broder had moved in with a predatory efficiency and would not let up. He offered to buy a round for everyone, apparently hoping for mercy, or to dull them, but the man seemed to be getting a bit red in the nose much faster than the well-seasoned drinkers of the little town of Aren, where there was little else to do but work or drink, or play cards. Broder began to really work on Joan for everything he had left, preparing to take the man for anything he could offer. The game was boring, and Broder needed beer money, so he went to end the man entirely.
What Broder did not expect was for the man to turn his whole plan backwards by dropping a flush when he should’ve had nothing. That cleared the table pretty fast, and Broder noticed the man's nose was really not that red at all.
The hand was nonsense. He couldn't have won, couldn’t have had those cards. “Alright, pal, roll up your sleeves, eh? Just a friendly game, here, after all. No reason to stay all formal-like.” Broder saw the other men nod their approval.
“Are you sure? Isn’t it possible, just a little, that I might be better at the game than you?” Joan smirked, taunting the men.
“Roll those up in here or we'll roll em up for ya out back,” Cogen growled. He was the biggest, aside from the stranger himself, and had a knack for bar brawling.
“Alright. No need to get snippy that I beat you so bad.” Cogen almost stood, but Joan began to roll up his sleeves. Right, then left.
His left arm was covered up to the elbow in fresh burn scars- a bright, angry red. If Broder squinted, he could almost see fine lines tracing letters across the harshly burned skin, but he didn’t have to. He knew what he was looking at.
“You're a bloody wizard, ye stupid bastard!” Garrett exploded. “Ye- ye bastard! You used magic on our all heads, ye did!”
Joan's eyes darkened briefly, but he did not react.
“Garrett's got the right idea- who's to say you weren’t using magic trickery to win the game, eh? Seems like something your lot would do,” Jaten added smartly. “It seems only fair you give us back the money you stole.”
“In the interest of accuracy, I am a sorcerer. Wizards do not leave their little towers and their little books. Besides, if I had used any magic, why would I stop now?” The stranger pointed out. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just leave, or to make you forget you ever saw me?”
“Well- there are 4 of us! Maybe you couldn’t do us in all at once, eh?” Jaten shot back. There was a chorus of affirmation from the group. “Be honorable, man, just give us the money back.”
Joan rolled his sleeves down. “If I had wanted to,” he began quietly, gravel in his voice, “I could make you all give me your land, your wives, and your unborn sons and you wouldn’t even remember your names when I was done. I did not cheat,” he suddenly smiled. “You boys just suck at poker.”
“Now listen here, son,” Broder began. “You may be some wizard from up north-"
“East,” Joan interjected.
“You may be some fancy wizard from up north,” Broder continued, “but don’t think that means you can insult us small-town folk. We might not have your ‘education’ or what have you, but we know from poker.”
Joan sighed. “I am leaving town in two days. Leave me alone for those two days, and I will forget your names, faces, and the name of this backwater town you live in. I did not cheat you.” He looked each of them coldly in the eyes, and Broder saw that all the mirth and cheer that had been there earlier had been drained, replaced with nothingness. Not even hatred, or anger, but simply blank space. The stranger stood up with a groan, signaled for another round of drinks, and trudged to the back of the inn. None of the men followed.


I was lucky none of these farm hicks knew anything about casting, or else they’d have known I was bluffing. It didn’t seem like any of them could actually read my burns, because if they could’ve, they would’ve known I could only cast a couple Bindings, and that’s if I wasn’t hurting like hell.
What was most insulting, more than calling me a wizard, was that they thought I cheated to beat them at cards. I don’t need to cheat at cards. I had slipped a bit of coin out of their pockets as I brushed by, but that was hardly cheating. Just good, honest thievery. And to call me a wizard? I ought to burn down their houses anyway, just for that. I was cold just thinking about it.
Still, I had to accelerate my schedule and leave tonight. I hated to do it, but I needed to be three towns over by the time they decided to kick the shit out of me. Bastards.
Amidst my wrathful musings I became aware of a presence at the door.
It was that kid. What had he seen? I ran the scene over again and realized he had been watching the end from the table he had been cleaning. Sloppy. He'd tell everybody. I couldn’t kill a kid the way I would've those guys in front, and I didn’t want to besides. Kids have always had a hold on me, and it pissed me off. It wasn't like I could remember why. Besides, I didn’t exactly mind the town knowing; it just meant I’d have a tougher time sneaking out, and I was tired enough that it bugged me.
“Sor?” He nudged the door open, but not all the way, I noticed. “I saw your tattoo. What do they mean? My ma said not to ask, but those men seemed pretty upset out there. I asked them and they said you was a wizard, but I didn’t think they were real. Are you a wizard? Are those tattoos your clan or something?” He spoke fast, like he thought I would cut him off, or cut off his head. “What are you doing?”
I spoke carefully to mask my distaste for his questions. “I am not a wizard. Wizards hide in their towers and ask questions nobody is curious about.” I hoped the dismissal would be clear.
It was not.
“If you aren’t a wizard, what are you?”
“What I am right now, kid, is packing, and what I’m going to be in a minute is gone. Scram.” I looked around and realized that aside from the bags I could clip to my belt, I had nothing else with me. Damn.
“Well, whatever you are, sor, I know those marks mean you're bound to help people-" that wasn’t true “-and those men out there maybe won’t tell you, but I will! See, sor, we're in mighty need of a wizard these days, on account of a monster been stealing the livestock and trashing the lumber yards and-" he slowed his speech a bit, but before I could get a word in he continued- “and I think it took the Granlenses daughter, only cause they won’t tell anyone where she went but I haven’t seen her in town at all and she used to come help me with my chores some days and it’s been a long while, maybe a month or so. Anyway, nobody’ll believe me when I tell em, and I haven’t seen it exactly, but I’m sure there’s a monster!”
“Kid, you know not every stroke of bad luck is a monster, right?” People don’t believe in monsters or magic until it’s convenient for them, which means they know nothing about it, which means most of the time they’re just making up stories to get me killed or run off, or else they’re just plain dumb and attribute every case of rainy weather to a made up beast.
“I know that! I just know there’s a monster around here! Look, sor, I’ll help you find it even, and-"
“I charge for my services and I don’t take kids on field trips when I work. Are you going to pay me?” Most of the time, threat of payment was enough to deter all but the most determined, or most superstitious, folk.
“I bet if you kill it the whole town will pitch in! Please, sor, I just wanna help out, and it seems like you could fix us all up only nobody wants to ask.” He wasn’t lying, I could tell, but kids are always seeing things that aren’t there. On the other hand, sometimes kids are better at seeing what’s right in front of them.
And when it turned out to be nothing, it meant I had an excuse to stay an extra night without getting an attempted beating, probably.
“Alright, kid. Where was this monster last?” Hired by a kid who probably couldn’t even get on a horse on his own. If anyone caught wind of this, I’d never hear the end of it.

You’ve all likely taken a pain medication at some point, so I thought I might offer a little more info about some of the different types.
Acetaminophen (Tylenol) is great for pain and fever, but it is not an anti-inflammatory medicine. Acetaminophen is known to cause liver damage when taken in large quantities, and this medication is included in many different OTC formulations such as cough and cold medicines. Patients should always check ingredients to ensure they are not double dosing unintentionally, and limit use when possible.
The term Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs (NSAIDs) encompasses a wide range of medications that help with pain, fever, gout, blood clots, and inflammation. Because these medications work differently from acetaminophen, it is generally safe to use both if your primary issue is pain and/or fever; however, you should never use two types of NSAIDs together due to their adverse drug effect (ADE) risks.
All NSAIDs are known to cause kidney damage, but liver damage is possible in high doses. In addition, some NSAIDs can increase the risk of bleeding, cause heartburn and stomach ulcers, increase blood pressure, cause heart problems or stroke, and may cause allergic reactions. Frequent/long term use is not recommended without oversight by a physician. NSAIDs are best taken with food and possibly a H2RA/PPI (see previous reflux post for more info on these meds) to help prevent GI bleeding.
Some common NSAIDs include: Aspirin (Bufferin, Ecotrin-low dose used often for blood clot prevention) Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) Naproxen (Aleve, Naprosyn-12h dosing) Diclofenac (Voltaren-topical options available; higher risk for liver and heart ADEs) Indomethacin (Indocin) Meloxicam (Mobic-24h dosing) Ketorolac (Toradol-high risk for ADEs; use should be limited to 40mg max daily and 5 days use) Celecoxib (Celebrex-less risk of GI ulcers but increases risk of heart problems)
Also note that children with viral infections should NOT take aspirin due to the risk of Reye’s Syndrome
Corticosteroids (different from anabolic steroids) are synthetic versions of cortisol that are also used for inflammation by affecting the body’s immune response. They are commonly used for allergies, asthma, arthritis, and autoimmune diseases, yet they can have a wider variety of ADEs especially when used systemically, such as weight gain/water retention, mood changes, increased body hair growth, increased risk of infection/difficulty fighting infections, easy bruising, GI bleed risk, increased blood pressure and sugar, etc. Some examples are cortisone, hydrocortisone, methylprednisolone, prednisolone, prednisone, triamcinolone, betamethasone, dexamethasone, and fludricortisone. (NSAIDs and steroids should not be taken together.)
Lidocaine and/or menthol is also a great option for pain that is available in many different dosage forms. Some antidepressants like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), or tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs) and some anticonvulsants can be used for certain chronic pain conditions. Muscle relaxers are useful for muscle tension and spasms.
When necessary opioid pain medications may be prescribed. These should only be used as directed because they carry high risks for ADEs, such as respiratory depression and dependence. Opioids cause intestinal movement to slow resulting in constipation so it’s important to also take senna, which directly stimulates the intestines to move, otherwise you get “all mush, no push” if you only use other constipation meds! 🤪
P.S. Physical therapy and dry needling can also be a great way to relieve pain!! I get needling regularly for my myofascial pain syndrome so I can attest that it helps tremendously!🤩
This website has some great additional info if you want to check it out!

THE BEGINNING
The exclusive Fiat 147, which was directly derived from the European success 127, launched in 1971. The new car, according to the Italians, would fit like a glove to the needs that Brazilians had to get around in a country of continental dimensions: the small 147 was robust, with easy and simple mechanics and, at the same time, provided a low cost maintenance. Furthermore, it had significant fuel economy when compared to other national cars of the time.
Perhaps due to its very compact external dimensions in relation to what was known, the new Fiat car left Brazilians with some insecurity, because, when looking at the national market, it was really compact, which made people think it was a frail and unreliable car.
THE ENGINE AND OTHER THINGS
Initially the compact received the FIASA engine (Fiat Automóveis S.A) which had a displacement of 1,050 cc yielding 55 hp (SAE) which led it to having a 0 - 100 km/h or 0 - 62 mph time of 18,8 seconds and a top speed of 135 km/h or 83 mph but most importantly, the fuel consumption was incredible: 12.3 km/l or 28.9 mpg in the city and 18.8 km/l or 44.2 mpg on the highway. In relation to the Italian 127, the Brazilian car had a more robust body, with more welding points, a fully independent suspension, being independent McPherson strut with coil springs at the front and transverse leaf spring at the rear, things that were necessary to face the harsh and mostly unpaved Brazilian roads. To showcase the new car and shut down the doubts of potential buyers a bold marketing campaign was launched where the little car descended and ascended the 365 steps of the staircase of the Penha church (RJ), famous for the promises of its faithful, without any type of special preparation, showcasing its reliability. In 1979 the ethanol version was launched, making this the first car to use this fuel type in the world, due to the modifications necessary to use this fuel the horsepower increased to 62 hp. Thanks to the burning of ethanol, this version let out a smell that resembled distilled drinks, which earned the car the nickname “Cachacinha”, which is the diminutive of the word “Cachaça” Brazil’s national distilled beverage.
SMALL EXTERIOR, BIG INTERIOR
The 147’s external size was very deceptive, measuring 3.62 m or 11’10” long, 1.54 m or 5’ wide, 1.35 m or 4’5” tall and having a wheelbase of 2.22 m or 7’3”, the car was smaller than the VW Beetle, but thanks to its masterful use of space and and the engine mounted in a transverse position, something never seen in any Brazilian car up to that time, made the interior space and trunk larger than that of its competitors, the trunk had a 352 liter or 12,43 cubic feet of capacity, which was helped by the fact that the spare tire was placed on top of the engine and thus didn't took any space away from the luggage.
DESIGN / FACELIFTS / NEW GENERATIONS
EUROPA FACELIFT (Picture 2): In 1980, the Fiat 147 underwent its first visual restyling, which was concentrated especially on its front. The new front of the hatch had a look that followed the trend of the time, marked by the wedge-shaped hood, the new slightly inclined engine cooling grille, and the polypropylene plastic bumpers that, depending on the version, could be painted in black or grey, the steering lights are now integrated next to the headlights, meanwhile, the side stripes of the sports versions are replaced by side rubbers, while at the rear the only novelty is the new license plate lighting set. With this update, the front of the car became known as the European Front. On a side note, the basic trim level still had the same visual style as the first version up until 1982.
SPAZIO FACELIFT (Picture 3): In 1983 the Spazio restyling brought new features such as new plastic bumpers with a wraparound design, new headlights, new amber direction lights, a new brand logo, on its side it featured new direction repeaters on the fenders, new plastic moldings and new wheels, at the rear the Spazio version had a larger rear window and new, thinner and longer tail lights. Inside, the new features included a new dashboard with a more modern design, a new instrument panel with information such as: speedometer, coolant temperature and fuel level, as well as warning lights.
VARIANTS
FURGONETA: This was the cargo version of the 147, which was nothing more than a 147 without the rear seats and rear windows. On the inside, this version gained a dividing grille to prevent objects in the cargo compartment from being thrown against passengers in the event of an accident or sudden braking.
147 PICK-UP / FIORINO: In 1979, the first compact pickup truck derived from a passenger car, the Fiat 147 Pick-Up, was launched. The pickup used the same platform as the 147 hatch, which resulted in a small bucket with a curious lid that opened to the side. Despite being small, the pickup can carry up to 420 kilos of cargo and could either be equipped with the 1050 cc engine or the 1300 cc one. In 1981, the Fiat 147 pickup was updated, now called Fiat Fiorino, the pickup uses the same platform as the recently launched Panorama, and with the old front, the pickup became larger and had its suspension reinforced to support the new capacity of 500 kg or 1102,31 lbs of load. Other than that, it's worth highlighting the new vertical taillights that allow the pickup to have a larger lid that can open downwards.
FIORINO CARGO VAN: In 1981 the cargo van version was launched, based on the pickup truck, this version was called Fiat Fiorino Furgão. This van stood out for several reasons, including its good load capacity of 2700 liters or 95.34 cubic feet, the two large doors that opened to the sides and the small cargo compartment above the cabin.
PANORAMA STATION WAGON: In addition to the restyling, 1980 was marked by the launch of the Panorama station wagon. Available only in the C and CL versions and equipped with the 1300 cc engine, the Fiat Panorama stood out for its appearance, which already had the restyled front, the large glass area, and the great internal space, thanks to its length 18 cm or 7 inches greater than the hatch, another detail that increased its internal space was the projection on the roof that increased headroom for rear seat occupants. Regarding luggage, this station wagon had a trunk with a capacity of up to 669 liters or 23.62 cubic feet, which could be increased to 1440 liters or 50.85 cubic feet by folding the rear seats.
OGGI SALOON: In 1983 the sedan version of the 147, the Oggi, was launched. Being only available in the CL version, it had qualities such as good interior space and a spacious trunk of 450 liters or 15.8 cubic feet.
TRIM LEVELS
Initially there was only one level available, L but just a bit later two new trim levels were added, the basic version that didn't have a denomination and the top trim level called GL, leaving the L version as the middle of the road level.
147 GL: The GL level had things such as chrome exterior details and new special wheels, a velvety lined interior, front seats with reclining backrest and headrest, tilting lid for the trunk, new exclusive steering wheel and new gauge cluster that had a coolant temperature marker in addition to the speedometer and fuel gauge.
147 GSL: In 1979 a new, more sophisticated version was unveiled, the GLS, the GLS version had external details such as a thin black stripe marking its entire side, the name of the version on both sides of the hood, black door handles, a new brand emblem in the center of the engine grille, as well as chrome bumpers with large rubber bands and rectangular headlights located above the front bumper. Inside, this version featured velvet upholstery, three-point seat belts on the front seats, headrests for rear seat occupants, three-spoke steering wheel, more complete instrument panel with tachometer as well as speedometer, temperature gauge engine and fuel level marker and two more circular markers in the center of the panel with an oil pressure gauge and analog clock. The Fiat 147 GLS had the new 1.3 engine that developed 61 horsepower.
147 RALLYE: That same year the Rallye version with a sporty appeal was released. This version differed from the others by presenting details such as side stripes with the name of the version, wheels painted in black and silver, black bumpers with a spoiler on the front bumper and a small black air intake on the interior cooling grille. Inside, it featured an all-black interior with wraparound front seats that had headrests integrated into them, a sports steering wheel and the same instrument panel as the GLS version. The engine was the same 1.3 as the GLS version, however, thanks to the double barrel carburetor, its power increased to 72 horsepower.
FIORINO CITY: In 1982, Fiat Fiorino gained a new version, the City, a version that was not aimed at work but aimed at a younger audience, it had a touch of sportiness, this one had the new Europa front and a better interior finish.
147 C: This was the new naming for the previous basic version, this version had the novelty of having the same front as the other trim levels.
147 CL: This is basically the previous L middle trim levels version.
147 Top: This is the new name for the GLS version. This was the only version changed. It had details such as plastic appliqués on the sides, the name of the version on both sides of the hood, wheels painted black and silver, front bumper with spoiler, fog lights, rear window wiper and as an option: sunroof. Inside, this version brought even more luxury and sophistication with the same dashboard and steering wheel as the Panorama CL, reclining front seats and a split rear seat.
147 Racing: The 147 rallye version was replaced by this version called Racing. This version had basically the same look as the Top version, with the addition of a small wing at the rear of the roof that brought improvements in performance and fuel economy. Inside, this version differed by having a lower steering column, resulting in a more vertical steering wheel position, in addition to the new four-spoke sports steering wheel, the front seats with high backs and covered in black vinyl with the front part in gray flocked velvet.
147 TR: In 1983 the new sports version of the 147 was launched, the 147 TR. The Fiat 147 TR's appearance was marked by long-range headlights and a rear with two spoilers, one on the roof and the other on the trunk lid below the glass. The interior had high backrest seats, and a dashboard with a rev counter, voltmeter and oil pressure gauge.
OGGI CSS: In 1984, the performance version of the Fiat Oggi, the Oggi CSS, was launched. This version had an exclusive 1400 cc engine powered by ethanol that developed 78 horsepower and 11.2 kgm of torque. The look received several changes such as front deflector, side skirts, wing over the trunk lid, deflector at the end of the roof, as well as auxiliary headlights, exclusive stickers and new aluminum wheels. Its ride height was also lower, the rear suspension was firmer and its clutch was new and made to make the sedan more sporty. Inside, the Oggi received the dashboard and four-spoke steering wheel from the 147 TR.

I am a beginner knitter. I am knitting a double stockinette scarf with bulky yarn (wool/mohair) using size US 10 straight needles. I would like a nice clean border on the sides so I have been adding 1 knit stitch to the beginning and end of each row. So K1….K2, P2…..K1. And I repeat this exact pattern for every row. I haven’t gotten too far, maybe 12 rows, and the edges don’t look so nice so far? Is there a better way to create a clean edge or is this a good method? Thank you!

Can you beat monster hunter world's iceborne expansion without hitting monsters? lets find out
It's me! im back! the challenge run man with such an extensive and longstanding history of doing monster hunter challenge runs (please suggest more for me to do i beg of you) returning with the sequal to my entire challenge run catalog.
This is the iceborne video and will be continuing directly where the base game video left off, so go watch that and come back if you want the full context
as a refresher, the rules for this challenge run are as such:
the victory condition is to beat shara ishvalda.
our rules for the run include: no damaging the monster with my weapon
no clutch claw
no bombs
no co-op or mods
there is one more rule that puts an asterisk on the previous rules however. This run is about utilizing as much of the environmental traps and oft forgotten mechanics and items as possible, and as such if a environmental trap requires me to break a rule, I am allowed to do so in order to trigger that trap using the minimum necessary force
this applies to exactly 3 things across this run: If I'm near a grymalkyn ivy trap that requires I mount a monster to trigger it, I'm allowed to jump attack for the mount, but not allowed to stab with the knife or do any mounting finisher. I can only ride the monster around. I'm allowed exactly 2 flinch shots in phase 1 of shara ishvalda in order to utilize the falling boulders that require it, and in phase 2 of shara I'm allowed to trigger the falling boulders in that phase using (jiggle but) bounce bombs so long as i dont hit shara with them
with all that out of the way, Mantra Man and Chad McMillis dust off their boots and get ready to enter a whole new challenge
our first opponent is beotodus, the snowy fish boy. one of the coolest things about the hoarfrost reach for this kind of run is that there is SO MUCH in the environment for you to use against the monster. the sheer amount of environmental traps available to use is even greater than that of the elders reccess, and we'll get to that. However, you would never guess this from the beotodus fight. even the landslide is not available to us yet as currently the underground portion of the map is off limits. In the base game, great jagras was legitimately one of the hardest fights in the run amd a huge wall we needed to clear at that early point in the game where we didn't have our tools.
this is not the case with beo however, and this first hunt is more devoid of interesting content than dharman videos. Beotodus cheats on its husband, what happens next will shock you: I spammed torch pods and meowcanos, and it died. (subscribe). One noteworthy thing for beo is that you can knock the snow off his body using water pods, which enables my cat to do more damage per hit, but that's pretty much it. we absolutely will have to attain new gear and strategies to make it through this DLC, but one thing that is for god damn sure is that we don't need to do it for beotodus. Although the lack of a tail raider ally was very noticible and the increased HP pool were definitely felt.
with beo gone we get access to the master rank smithy. The first thing I did was craft the rose basket for my kitty cat using the festival tickets. this weapon is head and shoulders above every other possible weapon I can make at this point and would become my standard go to weapon all the way until the very end of the game, it's just that good. Kill them with kindness has never been so literal, just look at those weapon stats. and speaking of weapon stats, lets talk about a mistake I made in understanding palico stats back in base world.
nobody gives a shit about how numbers work like you do just move o-
shut the fuck up post production bison gaming I can do whatever the fuck I want, just look at the numbers they're so cool!!
OK so I had mentioned in the great jagras fight in the base world video that with the base weapon having an attack stat of 2, I had no idea whether or not increasing by 15% damage using the attack up hunting horn song actually did anything with numbers that small. However this isn't actually how palicos work. Unlike us, the players, who are entirely dependent on our gear to provide any stats, palicos do actually have a base damage stat. most players have gone blind do it, but your cat gains XP with every hunt you complete just like you do with hunter rank. however, your cat leveling up doesn't just raise its HP, it also raises it's attack. it turns out that palicos have a base damage that is simply ADDED TO by equiping them with a weapon. so even though the weapon only had a damage stat of 2, its quite possible the palico had a base stat of 10 or 20 which became 12 or 22 by adding the weapon to it. as such the attack up melody was doing A LOT MORE than i realized back at the beggining of world. it's also why the meowcano and cocktail, which scale based off range attack, don't actually change much in damage output even when doubling the ranged attack stat of your weapon, because the weapon you have equiped is only a portion of your cats damage stat. real interesting stuff
the priority for my gear is to just get the higher defense allotted by having master rank gear over high rank. I still need to prioritize having all 5 points in palico rally however so hunting those monsters is our next step. I did make this fun veil that gives me 3 points in wide range, allowing me to heal him at will, lowering my cats and any tailraider's downtime and making them functionally immoral as long as I'm paying attention... something I am very very good at doing. This skill I got better at the further I went into the expansion and it became more and more central to my loadout
In high and low rank, the monsters that gave me palico rally were great jagras and great girros, so I hunt one of each of those to look at their armor sets and... oh... they don't have any... So fun fact, palico rally is a stupidly hard still to come by in master rank, and that means that until I upgrade my rally charm to level 5, I'm required to keep 1 piece of high rank gear, the great girros vambraces, in order to maintain my level 5 in the skill.
a more subtle difference I began to feel more as I went after banbaro is the steadily increasing involvement of my player character. It's not enough to fully rely on just my palico for damage anymore, and I need to contribute through more frequent slinger usage by this point in the game. the hunt times are also getting longer and longer and that makes me somewhat scared considering just how early in the DLC I am by this point.
starting with banbaro I'm finally allowed to use the landslide! it doesn't do as much damage as other traps, but its a hell of a lot more than zero, and it just looks fucking cool as shit. also, the landslide moves monsters to a zone with 2 falling boulders, so this is actually a VERY lucrative zone
with banbaro capped, more of seliana opens up and I get access to the steamworks. Since I didn't spend much time in high rank and am short on decoration variety, the steamworks is invaluble as a source of decorations to fill in some of the things I'm missing. Fingers crossed especially in the hopes I might land a palico rally gem. okay these look pretty good so far, though some are useless like this expert jewel and... what?
excuse me? what is this? what the fuck is this? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? i HAVE PLAYED THIS GAME FOR THOUSANDS OF HOURS AND NEVER GOTTEN AN ATTACK UP JEWEL OUTSIDE THE 2 THAT ARE GARUNTEED, AND AFTER ALL THIS TIME i GET IT ON MY THROWAWAY CHALLENGE RUN CHARACTER WHO ISN'T ALLOWED TO USE A FUCKING WEAPON?!?!?! WHYYYYYYY???????
I um... feel I may have gotten a little passionate there... don't worry, I'm fine. It's something I can solve by crying myself to sleep tonight.
okay... deep breaths. in... out... in.., WHAT THE FU-
anyways, it's now time to finally get a new piece of gear to add to our repatoir that changes our gameplay significantly. I took a break from master rank here to quickly complete the red and blue crew to unlock the challenger mantle. This mantle allows you to lure monsters to different areas, and many times you can get them to go to areas they would never go to on their own. this is useful for fighting near traps or forcing turf wars and adds a lot of damage. in all honesty, after using this mantle throughout the run, I am kicking myself for having never used it before, as it is SO GOOD, as you'll soon see. However, it is not morgan freeman. it is not all powerful. monster's have certain areas they are not allowed to go to whatsoever and can only be lured so far. for example, I would not be able to lure beo all the way to the shrieking legiana nest. he just wasn't built for that mechanically, so the game steps in to say no. still, this mantle would prove invaluble for what it CAN do, and I'm going to give this mantle more attention from my other profiles from now on
viper tobi kadachi was fairly easy, but is noteworthy as the first hunt I used poisonlanterns for. whats a poisonlantern? its the azure rathalos of poisoncups. a reskin thats slightly more airborne. tobi is down for the count, and with him gone I can FINALLY engage with the boaboa quest and earn myself a new slave army.
doing this involves hunting a monster in an expedition while the boaboa gather and watch. this is to establish myself as the dom in the relationship and show that I am capable of inflictng slow painful death to whoever defies me via torch pods and meowcanos. Once I'm done swinging my giant hunter cock in front of them and they accept me as their general, I further establish their dependence on me by flying to their camp and taking command of a large scale opperation to hunt a tempered beotodus with the entire boaboa military. This is genuinely one of my favorite quests in this game and one you only ever get to experience once per character, so I highly recomend doing it. It involves scaring a popo away from its heard to use as live bait and ambushing the beo lured by the free snack. in addition, throughout the hunt, the beo army will pin the monster down and use volley tactics against the beo. and as someone who is ALSO just letting all my cat do the work, I really got to sit back and enjoy being a tactical commander for a bunch of troops. genuinely a quest to remember.
this unlocks me a friend to fight with on the hoarfrost reach, and a fantastic new palico tool: the smoke signal. doing this will send me a tailraider and tamed animal ally to my position on any map. this allows us to save a LOT of time as many of the grimalkyn camps are well out of the way and require significant time investments to recruit, especialy the troupers and boaboa. not the case anymore however. I can only use it once per hunt, but as long as I continually heal them with wide range there will be no issues!!
with this we can finaly continue with the main story. up next is... oh... these two...
we were going to hit it eventually, but welcome to the first wall of iceborne. base world had 4 walls to overcome throughout my run, great jagras, radobaan, nergi, and xeno jivia. likewise, there are 4 walls in iceborne, and the first 2 are this particular pair of coral pukei pukei and nightshade paolumu. these 2 monsters give me nightmares. it gives me conniptions. These 2 monsters almost made me quit the run. If this challenge run were in dark souls I almost would have turned hollow, and NOBODY wants to look like that. (disgusted shivering)
both of these monsters mark a notable jump in hp pools, and from this point on, every new monster will have more HP than xeno-jivia. in addition, they have a few extra problems with them. coral pukei pukei is the tankier of the 2, and is also fought at the coral highlands. the highlands have a major issue ascociated with them, being that they have NOTHING in the way of environmental traps that do damage. sure you can get a stagger on the blue cusion things, bit that doesn't do damage, and as I can't hit monsters its functionally unavailable to me anyways. the ONLY damaging environmental traps are these 2 poisoncups which are way far away from any area coral pukei visits and is generally unfeasible to get him towards. however, with the raised HP, using slinger ammo tailraiders and meowcanos simply won't cut it. additionally, coral pukei was proving to be problematic damage-wise as well, as being stuck with high rank armor on my arms was finally coming to bite me in the ass, and this monster was more than capable of tripple carting me if I wasn't careful.
nightshade paolumu was less deadly to me directly, but the sleep gas made getting my cats to deal damage a huge pain in the ass and much of my time was spend shooting my cats to wake them up instead of the monster. using the challenger mantle I was able to repetedly lure him to these poison cups in the forest zone, but still found myself timing out without even getting a red pod to drop from either of these 2 monsters, and i was poisoning nightshade like 6 times a hunt. If i were going to beat these, upgrades needed to be made and new strategies tested.
The first thing I did was solve my armor issue by completing the boaboa kill quest and farming a pure crystal to finally cap my rally charm at level 5, negating the need for high rank great girros armor or any rally decorations in the future. I also played around with placing a snowman on top of the meowcano, a bug which allows the meowcano to do vastly more damage. it's normally done using a snowman and 2 bombs, but since we can't use the bombs, snowman it is. this, as it turns out, did not work too well. coral pukei is a small target with very wide coverage when shooting liquids (obligatory coral pukei dick joke) and the snowman would often be destroyed the instant I placed it down, I rarely got any significant or noteworthy extra damage out of doing this. same story with nightshade really. I am also purposely limiting my max benefit from this bug so as to not break the game even if I do get good damage out of it. the bonus damage is higher the higher your framerate is, and although my PC could play this game at pretty much whatever framerate i could dream of, I opted to keep it locked to 60 for the purpose of making it a moderate and useful, but tricky damage boost.
ultimately, the experiment failed however and snowmen would be scrapped until FAAARRR later into this run. after, I kid you not, 2 weeks, I finally decided to resort to poison smoke bombs again like I did xeno jivia. I have known this entire time that at some point poison smoke bombs would be a requirement in order to progress, but I wanted to hold off on it for as long as humanly possible to see just how car I could take the game with cats and environment alone. to be honest, I hit the barrier far sooner than I anticipated, I thought barioth would be the monster to force my hand and make me use smokes. but I've already failed nightshades quest multiple times despite having poisoned him around 6 times a hunt, so what could smoke bombs really add? well, the answer is that we also need to bring back the 3 piece pink rathian high rank armor set bonus we used for xeno. 3 piece high rank pink rathian has a set bonus that doubles the duration and therefore total damage output of poison. the catch obviously being that now instead of having only 1 piece of high rank gear i had 3, meaning I was going to take A LOT of damage, even after fully upgrading all 3 pieces with armor spheres. by this point I was much more confident and comfortable avoiding their attacks however, so I figured I could probably get away with it
with all this comes a requirement of having lots of smoke bomb supplies however. I can only carry 5 smoke bombs and 10 of each of the supplies, 15 smokes total, at maximum capacity, and we would need A LOT more than 15 on every hunt. in other words, farming needed to be done, both for poison smokes and farcasters. now let me introduce you to the main skill I used throughout this run to help with said farm: pro transporter. little used and oft forgotten, pro transporter is a severely underrated skill that allows you to move faster while carrying heavy items like cannonballs or eggs. how much faster? well... *dejavu* this skill is fucking incredible. you straight up might as well not be carrying anything for how fast you run with this skill equiped. you run fast enough you can complete the entire ancient forest wyvern egg delivery quest with both eggs with a single use of your ghillie mantle. this is relevent, because to buy some time for my farm to merit me enough smokes to attempt these monsters, I figured I might as well run through all the ingredient delivery quests, and the herbavore eggs on the wildspire waste would end up being a regularly done quest of mine, as it is the single fastest quest I can complete with my challenge run rules. expeditions require you to be on the map a certain amount of time before it counts towards your farm, but completing a quest always gives progress, and with the pro transporter skill, not only can I completely outrun the apceros, but I can complete the quest consistently under 3 minutes. I'm just saying, by the end of my playthrough, the egg stockpiles of the meowsculer chef probably looked a lot like the nuclear waste barrels in the winden caves.
The only thing is that you can't get a jem or charm for this skill, and it only comes from kulu ya ku, something I did not kill in either master or high rank, meaning that when I'm farming, I'm using unupgraded low rank kulu ya ku armor and no this will not come up later
*sometimes, forshadowing is relatively obvious*
With this, I tried nightshade paolumu once again, putting everything together. turf wars, the sand pit, challenger mantle, poison cups and poison smoke bombs. and the result... *massive sigh of relief*
thank god. its possible. the run is saved
but wait, nightshade went down, but what about coral? the highlands don't have anything damaging to monsters, even in regards to turf wars. the most likely monster pukei can encounter is just tzitzi ya ku who doesn't do any damage. is poison really going to be enough to... oh wait coral is 3 star weak to poison? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA he ended up going down even faster than nightshade. this does pose a problem however, in that I will be in big danger should I encounter a monster on the highlands that ISN'T 3 star weak to poison, especially since the HP bars are only going to get bigger. At this point I did a mental checklist of every story required monster fought in the coral highlands. there are only 3 in total. coral pukei, ebony odogaron, and namiele. now just a quick google search to check their weaknessess and... wait seriously?
yeah by purely lucky hapenstance, the only 3 required monsters needing to be killed in the highlands are actually all 3 star weak to poison, so even without any traps, we'll be perfectly fine. how convenient!! thanks game
but all this said, I can't continue without upgrading to master rank pink rathian set. luckily I only need 2 pieces this time instead of 3. it does mean however farming pink rathian and anjanath in master rank, after the initial capture, the second kill of both these monsters is made significantly easier by taking place in the special arena. The kulu ya ku armor is worth the low armor so long as I just avoid being hit, and makes loading the cannons a breeze, combined with 2 points in the heavy artillery skill to double the damage of cannons and balistae and I have a reliable way to fight monsters without having to resort to poison smoke bombs, which is good because I found out during this time that the game doesn't allow you to use farcasters in the special arena. I had no idea. the more ya know.
I also picked up the astral gloves at this time for 2 points in divine blessing. seeing as damage skills are nearly all useless, my build skillwise is based around wide range, palico rally, tool specialist which I get from pink rathian, and as many defensive skills as I can cram into my build, and thats really all we need. As an aside, the apothecary mantle would not be a good fit for this build, if any of you were wondering. I am not sure whether it actually affects smoke bombs or not, but if it did it would actually lower the poison output from them. how status affects work in world is that every time you hit a monster with a status weapon, you have a 1 in 3 chance to apply your status build up to the monster. the apothecary mantle changes this to garuntee status build up on every hit, however in exchange, lowers the status build up you do on hit by either 33% or 50% depending on the status. this is to keep it from breaking the game obviously, and it still provides a VERY solid bonus to overall status output. however, smoke bombs ALREADY are garunteed to apply status on every hit, so if it DID affect them, all it would do is hurt the build up without giving me any benefit, in the end doing nothing for the user... kind of like an inurance company
the 3 stars are up next, starting with barioth. Barioth went down just like the rest using all of the strategies available to the hoarfrost reach, however, I also noticed during this hunt that in this zone, some of these ice clumps have jagged rocks in them. all the ice clumps can be destroyed, but if one with jagged rocks gets destroyed, the shrapnel does a little bit of damage to you and the monster. not much, but hey, damage is damage. Barioth, although not particularly noteworthy in this video, is a particular source of pride for me, as when I first played iceborne my very first time all those years ago, barioth was my biggest wall as a newbie player. I tried and failed and tripple carted several times against him, and after I stopped tripple carting, I was still timing out. it wasn't until my 6th try against him or so that I finally beat him with only 13 seconds left on the clock, and its incredible both to see how far I've come as a player and how much freedom the game gives you to really push its extra mechanics to the limits that I am now able to beat him on my first try in only 35 minutes without using a weapon or bombs or flinch shot. I'll probably remember this particular hunt from this challenge run more than most others for a very very long time.
nargacuga was notable only for the fact that it was good enough at being a crack adict that it dodged all my poison and timed me out once, but with a little extra agression it went down just like the rest. tigrex made me realize that the boulders on the top of the rotten vale are a joke more than anything else, I would have never guessed their damage was so low when they LOOK so intimidating. I had been using it before now, but now is a good time as any to mention that I've also picked up poisoned meat as a way to create poison build up. It's just noteworthy with tigrex because he's super easy to convince to eat things. but yeah, he and glavenous and brachy all went down with no real notes. Brachy was actually insanely easy, due to the simple fact that you fight him in the elders recess. any monster fought here is a joke. between 2 falling boulders in the center, lava geyser, and 4 nitrotoads that are reusable, and all the dangerous powerful monsters that live here that ALL have turf wars with each other, quests here are a vacation.
the first meeting with velkhana is up next, and well... it takes place in the recess in the area with 2 falling boulders, so the fights over after just 3 poisons. onto 4 star monsters!!! shrieking legiana an ebony odogaron are both 3 star weak to poison, but this is ESPECIALLY true for shrieking legiana. I did not know this beforehand, but legiana has a special animation when poison where it'll cough and chock and hack a lung up, giving you an extra stagger whenever its poisoned. and not only that, its tolerance is PATHETICALLY low, even at max tolerance never taking more than 4 smoke bombs to repoison. this is easily the weakest monster to poison in the game, matched only by normal legiana. I swear I almost killed both of them in the quest, and even with normal legiana never leaving shriekings fucking side this was the easiest shrieking kill I've ever had in my life. There are also new environmental traps up at the top of the reach available for use. 2 falling boulders which both missed their target in this hunt, and the hot spring zone, which will send water geysers up damaging monsters if you convince them to destroy the big rocks sitting on top of them. yeah, this quest was easy
I alluded to this before, but ebony odogaron is equally weak to poison as coral pukei, and I didn't even realize it was close to death. It's at this point where I must admit I have failed you, my dear audience. a fun fact is that poison and your palico cannot actually kill monsters, it always leaves them at 1 HP and requires the hunter to get the final hit. normally, I capture because its faster, but ocasionally a monster will get to 1 HP before I know it and I instead kill them with slinger ammo. perfectly fine, nobody gives a shit. this time against odogaron however, he got to 1 HP without me realizing it, and jumped into my hunting horn swing while I was trying to apply a buff and died. oviously this triggered the quest complete so I couldn't abandon quest and restart. However, this means in this situation that I could have killed him simply by shooting a rock at him, which in my head is proof enough that its doable and not worth completely replaying the quest in optional format for. so imma take this victory and move on. if you wanna declare run invalid, go ahead. i dont give a shit. ive still proven its totally doable and did it in practice, dealing more damage than his full HP bar following the rules. cheerio, moving on.
acidic glavenous was acidic glavenous, what more do you want from me? captured.
aahhh yes, the repel quest from velkhana. a favorite of mine. roaming balistae are always cool and nobody can tell me otherwise. and with 2 points in heavvy artillery, the balistae and cannons are enough with just 2 poisonings to once again just trounce the game. honestly, the 4 stars and the repel quest were the easiest point in this run. by far.
however, this is where the easy part of the journey stops, and the difficulty picks back up again, starting with velkhana proper in the hoarfrost reach. this quest, and velkhana in general, are dicks
to sum up my playing style, I have 4 main sources of damage. my cat, poison, environmental traps, and monsters fighting each other. However, all the assigned quests for the elder dragons spawn zero other monsters on the map, which lowers it down to 3. well thats fine, there are a lot of environmental traps in the hoarfrost reach, such as those boulders. but velkhana won't go to any of those on its own, so we'll need to use the challenger mantle to lure him there... and here's where the problems start to stack. in addition to no access to turf wars, velkhana is specially programed like most monsters to have certain areas he just refuses to go to. and it just to happens that velkhana is one of, if not the most, restricted monster in iceborne. Not only am I not able to take him to the falling boulders RIGHT NEXT TO HIS NEST, I also can't take him to the spiked ice pillars, I can't take him underground to the poisoncups or falling boulders, and I also can't take him to the landslide. the ONLY trap I can use are the water geysers at the hot springs, the weakest of all the traps on the map with a max damage potential of only 750 if I'm lucky, because unfortunately velkhana moves around a lot and in all my attempts, I only only got a few successful geyser hits. He's also very agile and refuses to sit still, making him difficult to poison. and now my 4 damage sources have turned into 2, realistically 1 and a half. vekhana timed me out twice
but by the third attempt I had caught onto the fact that he takes A LOT of damage from torch pods, and used my challenger mantle to keep him engaged only in locations with torch pods, spamming them on the ground and making him walk around in them. fighting velkhana felt very reminicinst of fighting the armored bore in dark souls, but... you know... a lot longer. velkhana was defintely the monster that took the most damage from my slinger throughout the game, by a wide margin. I mean just look at this, with 6 torches per set thanks to slinger capacity, this is like 65 damage a tick. once velkhana gets low enough to limp, he returns to the nest. something special about the assigned quest however is that once he goes to the nest, his programing changes and he will not leave the nest area for the rest of the duration of the quest, even when I'm using the challenger mantle, and the moment you're not in the area with him, he'll go back to sleep. additionally, there are no slinger ammo in the nest, as such. at this point in the quest, my strategy was to take the frieren approach and play tag with the dragon. I would wake it up and poison it as fast as I can, empy 25 rocks at it seeing if it was weak enough to die, and then facaster out, resupply, and repeat. took a while, but we did eventually get there. the iceborne wyvern slayed frieren style. thats what im talking about
seething baselguese could be best described as... *roar
...
a monster in the elders recess *montage* he also marked the first appearence of savage deviljho, and the turf warred twice, so he was REALLY fucked. a nice palet cleanser before the biggest disapointment of the run
blackveil vaal is, unfortunately, where things go from bad to worse. He is the third wall. As its an elder dragon assigned quest, there is still the issue of not having any other monsters on the field, and once again its in an area with little in the way of environmental traps, having poisoncups and 1 falling boulder. the poison cups could potentially carry me, if however blackveil wasn't highly resistent to poison. not only does it take an insane amount of buildup, often 10-11 smoke bombs to poison him once at max tolerance, but he only takes at base 160 damage from poison, 320 with the pink rathian set bonus, so not only is it difficult and slow to poison him, you get next to nothing out of it. to make matters worse he is a slow moving ranged monster making him a time wasting hassel to lure around with the challenger mantle and more likely to just get sniped, and taking next to no damage from torch pods, and blackveil almost perfectly counters every single option I have as a player. there are still some things I can do however, and I will go over them. I brought back the snowman to boost meowcanos, but, while easier to land on blackveil compared to coral and nightshade, it wasn't enough to completely carry the run. I also continually reloaded the quest and only did proper attempts when I got a map spawn with gajalaka allies and 2 gajalaka shellshocks on the map, or the same thing but with boaboa. I boosted all my allies continually using not just the hunting horn, but also with mega demon drug and might seed through the wide range skill, which is capped now using gems instead of just at level 3. it all still wasn't enough, so I went online, scouring ideas and made a community post on my channel asking for new ideas. someone suggested the geralt set and spamming the flame rune, but that would require clearing the witcher quest as geralt without swinging a weapon and also without my stache of smoke bombs, against the leshion which already takes a while to kill. it clearly just wasn't a possibility mathematically. it would probably be easier to slay vaal than it would be to slay leshion. another comment suggested using the challenger mantle to get vaal to the damn in the rathalos nest at the top of the map. I wasn't sure if elder dragons could be affected by landslides or not, so I gave it a try in an experimental run to see if it was possible only to find out that it doesnt matter because the rathalos nest is like the singuar area in the entire ancient forest that is off limits for vaal, so there goes that option too. I struggled with this for a few days, had no more feasible ideas, and came to the conclusion that I don't think it's mathematically possible to slay vaal in this assigned quest in 50 minutes.
in an official manor, the run technincally ends here. But i felt unsatisfied with this, as I wanted to at least see if the rest of the monsters were possible, especially when I was so close to the end. so officially, the run is over and the answer is no. but I'm going to make another attempt using barrrel bombs, and then continue without bombs again to see if he is the only impossible monster, for my own sake and for a more satisfying ending to the video.
with bombs and snowmen, the meowcano shreds, and 3 points in bombradier allows for much more damage, and even with all of this, it took until there were only a few minutes left to slay him, since he is so god damn tanky. man is it cool and fun to see bright explosions though :)
after that unhapy moment of defeat, we press on against namiele! once again bombs are not allowed, but as mentioned before, this monster is 3 star weak to poison, and the jellyfish dragon goes down on my second attempt with about 5 minutes to spare, with just poison smoke bombs and the meowcano
with that we approach the final 2 monsters, starting with ruiner nergigante
what can I say about ruiner nergigante... who would have thought that of all monsters, low, high, AND master rank, that ruiner nerigante would be my fastest kill time. I'm not joking. ruiner is so agressive and straight forward, even being more resistant than namiele he was a dream to poison. I just pinned myself against a wall at the edge of the arena, kept all my palico buffs active, meowcano'd (without snowmen i might add) and smoke bombed and he NEVER moved away or forced me to move away as long as I just repetedly spammed superman dives in the corner. it was a close of a direct fight and slugfest as is possible in this kind of run, and I felt my blood pumping throughout the entire hunt as I tried not to get hit while maintaining all the buffs I could. this was not only the fastest, but the most fun and most unique hunt in this entire run thanks to the small arena that ensured he never ran away. he went down in just 23 minutes, 23 MINUTES, and I was already at shara ishvalda

Hey everyone! Just in case you don’t remember or don’t know, let me give you a recap of the last entry. I was on the dark web watching gore vids as I do, saw that the cameraman was being a baby, complained, was forced to off an animal and now have to show the video of me doing that to a violent crazy. There was some stuff in between but that’s the gist. If you want the full context be my guest and click here.
I decided to stop being a pussy and go out into the living room. This guy had made the effort to gain my cousin’s trust enough to invite them over. Okay, maybe that wasn't the most impressive because he was a dumbass, but still. The point was that if they made the effort to do that, they probably wouldn't go serial killer mode on me while he was around. They could have shown up late at night like I expected, but they didn't, they wanted to blend in.
I walked in as they were starting a shitty action movie and sipping lean. Brick turned to me with surprise, drink.
“What you need?” he asked, already slouching.
“Nothing, I just wanted to hang out with you guys!” I tried to sound excited but it was hard to hide my pain.
An awkward silence filled the room as he contemplated if I was serious.
“Oh, alright, I don't know if you’ll like the movie we’re watching but you can join.”
I sat next to him for the first time in months and a few minutes into the movie with his commentary I started to miss when I was cleaning the cat’s corpse.
“Heh, this guy has zero brain cells! How does he not know that the dude with him is a spy?” he chuckled, and me and his friend looked straight at each other from across the couch.
His friend was quiet for the most part along with barely making a dent in their lean. Throwing out a few admittedly funny jokes and focusing on the film. It was a pretty normal night but I knew that wouldn't last long.
“That actress looks like a girl I dated back in New York. This Dominicana, we had a lot of good times, ended over petty shit though.” his friend pointed at the screen, chewing some cinnamon gummies. Shredding five of them in a matter of seconds with their sharp teeth.
“Woah dude, sorry, bet she was bad as…” Brick fell asleep mid-sentence.
I awkwardly eyed him to make sure that he was still alive.
His friend cranked up the volume on the TV and turned to me as the ads played.
“Not sure if you knew this but your brother can’t handle his purple.” they grinned, the screen reflecting in their brown eyes. The effects of lean had hit Brick like his namesake and he completely blacked out.
“Good thing his stubborn ass is set on proving he can.” they chuckled while getting up to close the blinds. They were exactly what I pictured when I heard their voice.
“Now show me the goods, kid, I want a peek before the rest of the crew sees it. I promise your bro won’t be getting up with how potent the shit is.”
I nodded as we went into my room and I pulled out my computer.
“Why didn't you spike his drink with something that would work faster?”I questioned while typing my password.
“If I did that then he’d get suspicious about why he passed out so suddenly. He’s not the brightest but he’s smart enough to know shit like that’s weird. It was best to let the syrup do the work for me.”
“Huh, surprised he has the cognitive skills for that.” I half-joked, putting on the video. The pressure was on, I was pretty sure I did a good job initially but watching it back I saw all the flaws. It was surreal seeing them nod their head and squint at sections like they were a teacher looking over a paper. Sure I reacted similarly but seeing it on another person’s face put it in perspective.
“So?”
They moved their tongue in their mouth and shook their head.
“Gonna be real, that was pretty basic.”
The color on my face flushed out as my semblance of a smile faded.
“I was gonna show it to my boys but I already know that they’ll turn this down.”
They got up, pulling two daggers out of their pockets.
“Wait are you serious man? Not even gonna give me a shot!” I put my hands up, subtly scooting further from them.
“Me giving you the chance to make this was you’re shot! So let’s get this over with, eye first.” they pointed with one of the blades, lunging at me. I rolled away and grabbed my bat from under my bed narrowly evading a stab.
“Oh come on!” I groaned with frustration, in truth, I was scared shitless but I would die before I let that show.
“Sorry, I refuse to waste anyone’s time, and don’t even THINK about running!” they screamed at me while putting one weapon in their mouth and pulling my hair. I swung my nail bat at their knee and they bit down, grabbing even more of my hair.
“You little shit!” they spat, slashing the arm I was holding my bat in. I bit my lip and breathed through my nose, still holding on. I smacked them in the legs twice, hoping the metal broke through their skin. They turned their head and spat one of the daggers out away from their face before falling to the floor. I kicked them in the side of the head and stood on their back. Raising it above them, it was going to hit when they slashed my heel.
I screamed, still bringing down the bat. They moved over and threw me off as I did, preventing it from slamming into their head. It was the most pain I’d felt and I held the urge to puke as I stood, swinging it into their stomach. They coughed and threw their sweaty beanie at my head. I gagged instantly as they ran at me like a bull, head-butting my torso. We fell to the floor as my bat rolled out of my hand. I panicked, trying to retrieve it, but they pulled me away from it with every attempt. Pulling themselves higher up on my body so my eyes met their neck and holding down both my arms. The handle of their blade, back in their mouth. With no other options, I kicked my legs beneath them. Kneeing them in the groin multiple times which they seemed to ignore.
“You asshole!” I growled, hating how small my voice was in comparison to theirs. I shouted but they placed a free hand over my mout and moved my dominant arm. I bit on their hand as they brought my thrashing limb closer to their face. I flailed it while doing everything I could to fight off their grip, but ultimately it didn't do shit. They stabbed right through my palm.
“FUCK!” I yelled, muffled by their skin.
My heart raced as the blood poured out and their face was inches from it, blade still in mouth. They removed the dagger from their mouth and pulled it from my hand with little regard.
“You know, I got some respect for the fight you put up,” they began with a tone that was strangely genuine. They remained on top of me but stopped holding down my now bleeding arm.
“Now, you are either gonna comply and let me kill you nicely, or I knock you out and take you somewhere where I can flay your skin.”
I nodded yes despite not wanting to.
“Good, now hold still-”
I tried to push myself up and they clicked their tongue, shoving me back down.
“I said hold still!” they reprimanded, bringing the knife closer to my face. I lashed more and they sunk part of their blade into my chest. At that point, I was seriously thinking I was going to die. In a final attempt, I strained against the pain and tried to grab my bat which they promptly threw from me. The fear of death overcame me as my heart raced faster than I knew it could. My eyes flickered and I thought back to how stupid I was for getting into this. I was sure I wasn't making it but the whole time I couldn't accept my death. I squirmed and screamed as the blade inched closer and they plunged their nails into the wound on my chest. Dodging each direct swing at my face until they used their bitten hand to clasp my face. Their grip on my jaw tightened, and they forced me to stare at them in their firey brown eyes. At that point, I was sure I was fucked. My movement settled as their blade made its way up to my eye. I was sure they’d stab me through one of my sockets, but they stopped. There was a long pause between us, only the sounds of the loud TV in the room audible.
They slowly looked at me up and down, gradually moving away. I was tempted to try to fight but I knew that was asking for death. They got off me, holding an arm out to help me up. The silence continued, but their irritated mumble made me hesitantly grab it.
“What are you-”
“Let me talk first,” they interrupted before I could ask.
“The video you made was pretty basic and it's clear you don’t have a lot of experience, but goddamn did you try.” they smiled, lifting me up. They walked back out to the living room. I limped behind them, suspicious of their positive attitude.
“Maybe you just caught me on a good day, but I think that someone like you shouldn't be taken this early.” they unzipped the bag they brought, taking out a medical kit.
“You remind me of myself when I was your age, a scrappy kid who’d seen way too much and got caught in shit as a result.” we walked into the bathroom, and they sat me on the closed toilet. Washing their hands before taking out some gauze. The whole situation was bizarre, seconds ago they tried to kill me, and now they were patching me up.
“Regardless, you shouldn't continue down this path. Take this as a warning, you will not be as lucky the next,” they cautioned applying rubbing alcohol. I winced as it dried up my injury.
“So, you're not killing me because I fought hard? I don’t get it, you kill people all the time, and some of them try to fight back.” I pointed out.
“That’s different, those victims are just that, victims, you are something more than that. To be honest, when I showed up didn't intend to kill you or propose a deal, I was hoping that being there at all would scare ya off, 'cause no kid should be watching murder.” They admitted, wrapping my hand.
“Unfortunately, you are even more stubborn, than your bro and I could tell that if I didn't do more you’d keep fucking around until you found out.”
It was believe what I was hearing.
“So this whole thing was your method to shooting me away?”
They nodded, grabbing a patch.
“Yeah, now do I have permission to pull up your shirt to patch the wound on your chest? Or do you think you can do it yourself and want me to turn around?”
I was surprised they were making an effort to accommodate me.
“Uh no it's fine, I don’t have anything there to hide. Even though I probably should.” I felt a bit embarrassed admitting that out loud.
“Hey don’t shit on yourself there is nothing wrong with how you look, besides I think you got more pressing problems than any body dysmorphia. Like, ya know, being a gore fiend.” their tone was light yet stern.
“Anyway, I hope this teaches you to stop getting involved. Something similar happened to me, and trust me the world doesn't need more people like myself.”
I was amazed at how they’d suddenly become so wise.
“Okay, I get the point of your painful PSA, but does that mean that you never intended to show the video?”
They pulled my shirt back down.
“I mean yeah,”
A smile slowly spread across my face and they furrowed their brow.
“Put that shit-eating grin away, I’m not taking you deeper down the rabbit hole.” They snarled, disinfecting my heel.
“Okay, well I guess I’ll just have to make another video and submit it elsewhere.”
They groaned, trashing the bloodied cotton ball.
“Have you learned nothing?” they grit their teeth, cutting more gauze.
“Look, I’ve been deep in for years. I know the danger, and I’m pretty shaken right now. But let’s be honest if you don't let me get involved under your supervision I’ll just go elsewhere”
I shrugged, I sounded dumb but I didn't care.
“Are you fucking kidding me! Kid, I could have killed you! That ass-whooping was me going easy on you!”
I sighed, trying to shift my bitch face to puppy eyes.
“I know the risks and as admittedly terrifying as it was, it was also exciting! Plus, if you help me train I could learn to better defend myself! Don’t you trust yourself over some random?”
Their face was cold but I could see the slightest sparks of warmth behind their eyes.
“Ugh, I can’t believe I’m agreeing to a dark web babysitting gig,” they muttered, wrapping my bandages.
“So, yes?!” I squealed with a bit too much excitement.
“Yes but if we’re doing this you gotta play by my rules. First, you work with my schedule. I drive you and control when you show up. If you can’t make it we got someone else who can do the job, but you can’t deal with this stuff without me.”
I found the first rule a little irritating but I knew I’d likely fuck up without them.
“Second, you can’t post any videos or photos of your work.”
I nodded, it was a given, though since they never said anything about writing about it… Well, here you are reading it you nosy freak.
“Lastly, under no circumstance are you to disobey me. We can disagree on things but if you go against me when I’m doing something for your good…”
They leaned in close and pulled my shirt.
“We will have an issue. Got it?”
“Yeah, I got it, now back up your breath smells like artificial sugar and red dye 40.” I winced as they pulled away.
“Whatever you look like you shower annually.” They snarled.
“Okay, I agree to your terms.” I held out my fist and we fist-bumped to seal the deal.
“Ight, I'm gonna head out now, check your DMs on our website, it’ll give ya more details.”
I tried to get up but my leg still hurt and I struggled to stand. They clicked their tongue and held out their arms.
“Need help?”
“Yeah, thanks to you dickhead.”
They scoffed and picked me up, placing me in my bed.
“Good luck getting better, you’ll probably need it.”
They tucked the blanket over me and left.
The next day I limped out of bed, to find that as expected, my brother left before I woke up. Though, for once, he cleaned up the trash from the night before. It was a weekend so I just spent my time recovering from my injury. Luckily the aid kit in our bathroom still had all its supplies so I was able to change out my bandages regularly. I reflected a lot on life and started to appreciate that I was still standing, well more like leaning but you get it. Being that close to death, while exhilarating looking back, also instilled a new sense of fear in me.
I had been surrounded by death for so long that I forgot how scary the concept of never coming back was. I’d seen it happen to others on such a regular basis it lost its meaning, but almost experiencing it put things in perspective. Hell, I didn't even go on any gore real or fictional the whole weekend. It was bizarre, it’s probably hard for people to understand what it felt like so I’ll use an analogy everyone should get. Not watching any visible death media for two days was like going without underwear. Technically you don’t need it and sometimes you even forget why it being gone matters, but then you move around in your jeans too much and you miss it. Is that probably not a fair comparison? Yeah, but whatever I think most can agree going commando leaves you uncomfortable, especially when you dwell on it.
When Monday rolled around I didn't want to go to school, but my brother would get a call and throw a fit if I ditched so I went. Wearing fingerless red gloves to hide the stab through my palm. Managing to remember to pack the sweater that Abdul let me borrow right before I left. I sat in my usual spot and left out one of my tees for him to sit on so he wouldn't have to make contact with whatever ungodly germs were there.
“Wait, are you being,” he paused as he took a seat on the spot I’d laid out for him.
“Considerate?” he feigned shock, setting down his backpack.
“Please, I’m just being decent enough to not give you a seat that’ll give you five diseases.”
He shrugged, running his hand through his loose curly hair.
“Still pretty sweet by your standards.”
I rolled my eyes, quickly shoving his sweater back into his arms.
“You can have your ugly not-Christmas sweater back.”
He chuckled, holding it out in front of him for a moment.
“Thanks, and while I don’t think it's ugly, I’ll let you hold onto it.”
He handed it back to me with a smile so warm I thought I’d pass out.
“Why? I can afford stuff.”
“It’s not about that, I just feel like letting you have it, the colors fit with the other stuff you wear. Plus, I know you DIY your clothes a lot and I think you could make it look cooler than I could.”
I looked at it, and then back at him. He was so damn sweet it made me internally panic. How could someone this nice be talking to me? I couldn't help but think back to how I got my ass kicked Friday but was now with the human version of honey.
“Hello?” he waved his hand in front of me, snapping me out of my frozen state.
“I am so lucky to be alive with you.” I blurted out with way less hesitation than I should have.
His expression shifted to one of confusion and concern. My eyes widened as I began to fold and put the sweater away.
“Wow, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable I just-”
“I’m lucky to be alive with you too.” he cut me off, stopping me dead in my tracks. We sat in silence for a second, both waiting for the other to say something.
“Listen, I know I’m the first person who’s given you a chance in a while. You’ve been an outcast at this school for as long as you’ve been here and even if you kinda do it on purpose it’s not fair to you.” he opened up, once again reading me as easily as a picture book.
“I know you're going through a lot you can’t explain and I’m not going to force that out of you.” he continued, leaning in a bit closer.
“But Utsidihi, I meant it when I said I want you as a friend, and if you haven't heard it today, your life matters. Anyone who gave you a fair chance would be happy you’re here.”
I went stiff, I had not expected to hear those words. Ever.
“Okay, seriously why are you being so damn nice.” I laughed cause I was scared that if I didn't I’d cry like a little bitch.
“You seemed pretty upset last time I saw you, and it didn't take me long today to see that you probably needed to hear that. I just care about you alright? It’s not deep.” He calmly explained, I held back some tears and zipped up my bag.
“Well, you were right.” I smiled, taking in the moment. It’s mushy and pathetic, I know, but I hadn't had someone tell me something like that in years. I know I sound like a fucking loser but hey it's the truth.
“Seriously though, thank you, Abdul. That means a lot to me.”
He nodded, and we moved on to something else after giving ourselves a moment to process. I felt my body relax the further we got into our conversation. Since the start of my physical recovery, I’d been on edge. Being with him calmed me down from my shoulders slumping to my overall state of mind. The rest of the day was pretty normal, apart from my Algebra teacher yelling at me for falling asleep in class. Hell, I didn't even watch any gore when I got home! I mean, the urge was there but suppressing it was easier than I first expected. I even went to bed at 10:30 which I rarely do. I started to wonder if this was what being a “normal” teenager was like. All the basic stuff in my life without the leering images of murder in my head and on my screen. It almost felt nice being average. Almost being the keyword.
The next day wasn't noteworthy, but the night was. I had a nightmare I hadn’t gotten in a while. I was seven years old again, my dad was driving me back from school, and my mom sat next to me in the back seat. They said they were proud of me for how good I’d been. I was back in my seven-year-old mindset so I didn't think that someone being proud of me was strange. I hugged my mom, closing my eyes. She wrapped her arms around me tightly.
“You’ll never leave me, right mama?” I asked her.
“Of course not, you are my baby.” her voice turned distressed, and I felt her shiver. I pulled away, opening my eyes despite knowing what was coming. She was there against the wall, stomach slashed open and braids cut off. I started screaming, running in search of my dad, and I found him in the same state.
“No!” I woke up sobbing, globs of tears running down my face. I felt like shit, shaking under my blanket. I held onto a stuffed toy I had, wishing there was someone there to hold it. The scariest part of the dream was that it wasn't just a dream, it was a memory. My parents did get slashed open in front of me when I was seven, and before it happened, I had to see them cut both their hair. I started running my fingers through the long side of my hair, it was meant to settle me but I just felt even shitter. They were the one death that truly meant something to me, not just because they were my first, but because they’re the only people I’ve truly loved.
My heart started racing, I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted someone to tell me that as horrible as what I saw was, that it wasn't that bad. I mean people die all the time, sometimes they don’t deserve it, but sometimes they don’t. It would be great if there were just situations where it didn't matter. Where it was like a death scene in a movie, it means something but you can make it mean nothing to you. As I wished for that case where you could mindlessly witness death, I remember that it existed. Even brutal murders could mean nothing if you let them. Maybe they were still tragedies to some, but they wouldn't lead to sleepless nights.
“They do exist,” I muttered to myself under my breath, before turning on my laptop. It took me a second to mentally adjust to seeing gore again, for a few minutes it made me feel like a bigger piece of shit, but I soon remembered why it helped me. I know trivializing it is wrong, but if I didn't then how else was I supposed to live? I mean everyone does it, each second you live happily someone is suffering from a fate worse than death, but as a society, we accept that and focus on our lives. Why? Because if we did we’d never find joy in anything! After going through my favorite videos I started to feel better. My spirits lifted and my appreciation for guts and blood renewed, I decided to go back to the site that led me to the craziness of the last week. I noticed a notification in my chat box on the gore site my cousin’s friend found me on.
“Hey sorry it took a minute, we had to move locations. I’m giving you one more chance to back out of this cause I guarantee it’s gonna fuck you up more. I’d much rather you get some goddamn therapy than hang with me or any of the even weirder people here.”
I contemplated how to respond. The message was fresh which meant they’d likely respond soon. I thought about how pleasant it was to live kinda normally, hanging with Abdul and mainly worrying about grades. But then, I thought about how much I’d have to start unpacking if I wanted to go down the path of normalcy, and how it would be impossible without snitching on myself. I guess it's wrong to call myself damaged goods but if that was an accurate description for anyone it was me. Besides, this was an opportunity to live a life that so few did successfully! Being under the wing of someone who knew the ropes of this stuff! It would probably get me killed but it would at least be a more interesting ride than a long slow life of sinking into depression. Risk and excitement? Or regret and monotony? Yeah, I knew what to pick.
“I’m still interested, got a schedule?” I waited in bated breath for a few minutes, worrying I’d missed my shot, but they hit me back.
“Yeah, next Friday, I’m picking you up after you get home. Get some good rest till then, you’ll need it.”
My face lit up, was it scary? Hell yes! Was I excited FUCK YEAH! No matter what happened next, I knew it would make it worth the risk for the thrill alone.

I'm a Maryland resident admitted that wants to go into CS/robotics (and maybe engineering management). I got into both UMD (Gemstone + $5k/yr scholarship) and UVA, but I've been feeling conflicted about choosing either, so I’m hoping that you guys can help me. Thanks!
Questions-wise, I was wondering a few things about UMD:

• What's the job/internship scene and curriculum like for UMD CS students?
• Is Gemstone worth it? Is it easier to get involved in internships, job opportunities, and other on-campus research with it on your resume?
• What's living in Ellicott Hall like? Do I recieve housing priority at Ellicott every year as a Gemstone student?
• How easy is it to double majodouble minostudy abroad as a CS student?
• How generous is UMD financial aid typically? (I still have not received my results)
• What's the campus culture at UMD like in general?

Other things I'm considering:
UMD
Pros:

• Stronger CS program.
• Has a dedicated Robotics and Autonomous Systems and Project Management minors I'm interested in.
• GEMSTONE Honors program would help get me immediately into research and find a tight-knit community.
• Closer location to DC and Baltimore would help me network better.
• Plenty of my friends will be there.

Cons:

• Higher cost than UVA right now even with scholarship ($26k + differential tuition for CS). **BUT UMD need-based financial aid hasn't come back yet.
• Less academic flexibility than UVA. **BUT most of my gen-ed requirements are out of the way because of AP credits.
• GEMSTONE dorms are lowkey horrible (no AC).

UVA
Pros:

• Stronger name recognition overall and still a strong CS program.
• Cheaper option as of now ($21k/yr after need-based aid)
• Has dedicated Engineering Business minor (and stronger business reputability in general).
• Greater academic flexibility with double majoring and transferring into/out of departments
• Guaranteed freshman year housing with actual AC.
• Charlottesville seemed like a nicer place than College Park and Grounds was beautiful.

Cons:

• Not that great of a fit for robotics (much less opportunities than UMD).
• Not admitted into any honors/distinction programs.
• More isolated location might limit networking opportunities.
• I've heard UVA has a more preppy and fratty student culture.

This is third version of an FAQ first posted several years ago by u/watts52 . The second version, posted by u/brassage is here. The primary changes have been to update links that have changed or are no longer active, and to add a few more resources and recent threads on the existing topics. Primary credit goes to u/watts52, the original poster.
This FAQ covers many common topics discussed on foreignservice . All answers have been pulled from public sources and without any information covered by NDA. Error reports, additions, and clarifications welcome in the comments. (Last update 11 May 2024)

Foreign Service Super FAQ

1. How do I become a diplomat? How do I work in the foreign service? The best place to learn about this is in the Careers Section of the State Department website. Start here.
2. What are the differences among FSO, FSS, LNA, CF, CS, and EFM?

• Here is an excellent general overview. {HT: zzonkmiles}
• FSO - Foreign service officers are generalists who serve, usually abroad, in one of five different "cones" (career tracks). Learn more.
• FSS - Foreign service specialists "provide important technical, management, healthcare, or administrative services" at overseas posts Learn more.
• LNA - Limited Non-Career Appointments are opportunities ranging from 15 to 60 months in a handful of specialized areas. Learn more.
• CF - Consular fellows (a subset of LNAs) work alongside FSOs and primarily "adjudicate visas for foreign nationals." Learn more.
• CS - The civil service is a part of the State Department, but is not considered part of the foreign service. Most civil service jobs are based in DC, and this sub typically does not deal with issues related to the civil service. Learn more.
• EFM - Eligible Family members - these are family members (typically spouses) of FSOs or FSSs who work for the State Department at the same post as the FSO or FSS. EFM jobs are not always available and sometimes subject to hiring freezes.

1. Is the Foreign Service the same thing as the State Department? No, the State Department consists of the foreign service (employees who are typically overseas) and the civil service (all other employees who are typically serving in DC). In addition, the term "foreign service" may also include:

• the US Foreign Commercial Service in the Commerce department.
• the US Foreign Agricultural Service
• the US Agency for Global Media (formerly the Broadcasting Board of Governors)
• the US Agency for International Development (USAID)

1. Where can I find answers to nearly any question I might have about getting in to the foreign service?

• This foreignservice sub (search archives)
• The FSOT Yahoo Group (search archives)
• The FSOA Yahoo Group (search archives) No longer in service. If anyone has an updated option, please comment, and I'll edit the post.
• Read the selection process brochure.
• The official State Department FAQ
• For FSS Applicants, the Foreign Service Specialist Careers Yahoo Group {HT: kaiserjoeicem}

1. Why should I consider the foreign service? Why not?

• Various reasons for joining.
• Here is a thread mostly involving reasons against joining.
• An FSO's reasons for leaving the foreign service. A more recent thread on why some former FS personnel resigned.
• Pros and Cons of the Foreign Service lifestyle.
• Pleasant surprises and biggest disappointments about life in the Foreign Service.
• Misconceptions about life in the Foreign Service.

FSO Career Tracks / Cones

1. Which cone is the best fit for me? Take the Career Track Quiz to find out. It's really important for you to pick a track that you have a passion for.
2. What are the differences among the cones? How do I choose a cone?

• Read summaries & detailed job descriptions of all the cones.
• Watch employee video interviews covering all different parts of the State Department, including all different FSO cones.
• Read these threads about job duties in each of the cones: Consular, Economic, Management, Political, Public Diplomacy
• A Day in the Life Series - Some of these are pretty tongue-in-cheek, but still insightful in their own ways.
  • Political Officer
  • Consular Officer
  • CONS - American Citizen Services
  • Economic Officer
  • ECON - Environment, Science, Technology, and Health Officer
  • Management Officer
  • Management - General Services Officer
  • Public Diplomacy - Press Officer
  • Diplomatic Security Special Agent
  • Diplomatic Security - Security Engineering Officer
  • Office Management Specialist

1. Which cone gives me the best chance of getting in? Which cones are hiring the most people right now? It depends on your background and your own desires and motivations, and it depends on the needs of the service. Even if we could tell you which cones are hiring the most people now, the hiring process can take one to three years and things may be different by the time you are eligible to receive a job offer. Do not make the mistake of choosing a cone based on what you think your "chances" are. Too many people make this mistake. If you choose a cone this way, you will probably find yourself in a job you dislike, and you'll have wasted a lot of time and energy "getting in" and you'll be looking for a way to be "getting out." Further discussion here...
2. Can I change cones? Would it be a good idea to come in as a Consular Officer and later switch to a Political Officer? In theory it's possible to change cones. In practice, it's difficult to do so, and you shouldn't plan on it. Some discussion here.
3. Can I choose one cone and then simply do out-of-cone work? Maybe, but that's a silly game to play and it's likely counterproductive to your other career and non-career goals. If you are really interested in one cone, choose that one when you apply. Too many applicants attempt to game the system by choosing an "easy" cone with some scheme to actually end up switching to or working in a different cone, but experienced FSOs on this sub have stated repeatedly that such schemes never really work out. That said, there is a lot of variety in foreign service work. Pick a cone that is of interest to you, and you will have plenty of opportunities to serve in different roles. More thoughts here and here.
4. I have a terrific idea for how to game the cone system that is not listed here. No, you don't. Somebody has already tried it and ended up being sad. Please don't try to game the system - it won't work the way you're hoping it will. Instead, just choose a cone based on your interests, talents, abilities, and passions, and work from there. You'll be happier and more successful in the long run.

Posts, Assignments, and Worldwide Availability

1. How do post assignments work?

• A great overview of 1st and 2nd tour bidding, post assignments, and language training
• First tour assignment thoughts
• First & Second tour bidding and More information, and more here.
• Second tour bidding
• Entry Level Office Management Specialist Bidding
• Bidding for third tour and beyond
• More mid-level bidding

1. I have an interest in working in country X or at least in a certain region of the world. How can I do that in the foreign service? During your first two tours, you're "directed" meaning you have a restricted list of places you might end up. Beyond that, you'll be responsible for finding your own assignments. It would not be uncommon for someone to develop regional expertise over time, but regional expertise doesn't mean you'd be bouncing between Paris and Geneva for the rest of your career. It's also easier to specialize in bigger countries or regions like the PRC or former Soviet Union than it is to specialize in smaller countries or niche sub-regions like Austria or the Gulf. Further discussion
2. I have a terrific idea for how to game the assignment system that is not listed here. No, you don't. Somebody has already tried it and ended up being sad. Please don't try to game the system - it won't work the way you're hoping it will. Instead, just be prepared to be "worldwide available" and understand that might mean Paris or Bangui, Caracas or Tashkent, Wellington or Bamako, Tijuana or Toronto. If you are not comfortable with that type of availability, this is not the career for you.
3. What are the popular or unpopular posts? It depends on the person, on the people you work with at a given post, and on environmental factors, among other things. A lot of people come in imagining they'd love working in a western European capital city only to find the cost of living, culture of the post, personality of their direct supervisor, commute to the office, or some other factor makes life less fun than it would've been if they'd simply visited that same city on vacation. Posts in other parts of the world such as sub-Saharan Africa or central Asia may have tighter-knit expat communities or post culture or better housing options or other benefits that make them more desirable for some people. One person's best post might be another person's worst. Many people on this sub have indicated that they've hated posts they expected to love and loved posts they expected to hate. One frequently mentioned bit of advice on this sub is not to think of Foreign Service posts as you would think of vacation destinations. Here is a good discussion of this topic. And here is a longer discussion of various posts that current or aspiring FSOs either like or don't like for various reasons.
4. Where can I learn about what life is like at different posts? Try reading these real post reports.

Hiring process

1. Why does the hiring process seem so opaque/confusing/mysterious/complicated? It's not really opaque, as State tells you exactly what they're looking for in candidates and provides study materials and resources for preparing for each stage. That said, a lot of candidates seem to feel frustrated or confused by the process for a variety of reasons. These may include:

• The process is long and does not offer immediate gratification. You should plan to move forward with life as usual and work through the foreign service hiring process in the background. There is simply a lot of waiting involved.
• Many candidates, surprisingly, seem not to follow directions and are then confused when they don't pass a certain stage of the process. By way of example, the instructions from the QEP about how to write personal narratives include the instruction, "Simple lists of accomplishments, recaps of candidates' resumes...are not effective." But one person did exactly this in the Leadership Skills essay and did not pass. This is not to say there are no other problems with this candidate's PNs, but if you make sure to follow each stage's instructions exactly, the process (and your results) won't seem so confusing.
• Many candidates, young and old, mistakenly assume that their work/life/school experience makes them more than qualified for an entry-level FSO role. In actuality, successful candidates translate that experience into the six precepts and thirteen dimensions during the QEP and FSOA stages, respectively.

1. How can I improve my chances of passing?

• FSOT - Be well-read on a diverse set of subjects, take the State Department reading list seriously, practice good test taking skills, know your English grammar perfectly, and be able to write in a clear and concise manner.
• QEP - Follow the directions exactly. Answer the questions exactly as written. Do not list your resume in bullet points. Do tell relevant (and verifiably true) stories. Have diverse life and work experiences that map easily to the job description of the cone you've selected and to the precept described in the essay prompt.
• FSOA - Practice, practice, practice ahead of time. Use the former Yahoo Group Files. Be relaxed and composed. Make every action and every word you use roll up into one or more of the 11 dimensions. Come across as someone that other people would want to work with. Smile. Oh, and practice.
• Security clearance - Before you get to the security clearance stage, make sure you've buttoned up everything you can think of, from past stupid behavior to credit reports to tax filings. Consider running a cheap background check on yourself. When filling out your SF-86, disclose everything. Don't make anything a surprise. When you meet with your investigator, disclose everything relevant to the questions and the time frames included. Make sure you understand what they're looking for and be proactive about bringing troublesome/questionable points to the investigator's attention.
• For all stages - read the instructions and do exactly what they are asking you to do, no more and no less. Do not try to guess what the examiners want to hear. They are telling you exactly what they want each time - whether it's demonstration of general knowledge and English expertise, clear and concise writing, demonstration of the six precepts, or demonstration of the thirteen dimensions. Whichever stage you're working through, assume that you're being graded according to a rubric that matches exactly to the instructions you're given.

1. Approximately what percentage of people pass each of the stages? No one outside State really knows exactly, and numbers can vary from year to year, depending on hiring projections, but based on various reports (example) and conjecture here are some approximate guesses. Feel free to disagree.

• Total number of people who take the FSOT in a given year: 17000, give or take. (Although in 2017, State reportedthe number had dropped to just 9519. This lower number, though, does not mean one's "chances" are any better or any worse this year.) Note that while these numbers are expressed as numerical percentages, they should not be interpreted as probabilities.
• FSOT - No longer pass/fail
• QEP - This can vary greatly based on the needs of the service by cone, the total number of applicants, and various other factors.
• FSOA - Approximately 40-50% pass
• Clearances, suitability & receiving an offer before timing off the register: 60-80%. Very few people are denied a security clearance (though getting the clearance may take a long time). More commonly, the people that pass the FSOA but do not become FSOs are those with low FSOA scores who time off the register after 18 months or those who choose to cancel their candidacy for one reason or another. Historically, about 2-3% of FSOT takers ended up as FSOs eventually.

1. How long will it take me to get through the process? Assuming everything goes perfectly, at least a year but possibly much longer. For example: if you take the FSOT today, it will be a couple of months before you get your results. You'll have three weeks to submit your essays to the QEP and then another couple months of waiting. You'll then have to schedule your oral assessment (another 2-4 month wait) and if you pass that, you'll enter the medical and security clearance stage which will take at least 6 months in most cases, but possibly much longer. (Yes, there are anectodal exceptions to all of the above.) You'll then go through final suitability review, which will take anywhere from a week to several months and only at that point will you be on the register. You will then have to wait for hiring to be authorized and to receive an offer. You'll be on the register for 18 months, and if you don't get an offer during that window of time, your candidacy will end. If an offer doesn't come through (or if you fail any of the steps of the process), you'll have to start over by taking the FSOT again the next time you're eligible. So if you take the FSOT today, the best case scenario would be for you to be joining the foreign service a little over a year from now, but a more likely scenario is that you'll be working through this process and doing a lot of waiting for a couple of years or more. Use the time productively - there's no benefit to sitting around and stressing over the what-ifs of State Department hiring.
2. How can I use my time productively?

• Learn a language to improve your register position
• Engage in meaningful work to improve your demonstration of the 11 dimensions.
• Start another candidacy in parallel. In most cases, you are allowed to take the FSOT once per year, so take it every time you have the opportunity.
• Take this advice.

1. What if I fail one of the stages? Then you are human and you've had an experience not unlike ~98% of applicants each year. If you're interested in the foreign service, try again. Some people have taken the test more than ten times and many of today's FSO's were hired on subsequent tries because they persisted and improved themselves each time.
2. Is there a hiring freeze? Should I wait to apply until after things return to normal? Whether there is a hiring freeze in effect or not doesn't matter. As one person said, "It'll take a long time from test to diplomat, so I don't think the temporal minutia will really matter by the time we're on the register." If you're interested in the Foreign Service, go take the test and get the process started. It's free. Worst case, you fail and you'll take the test another time (which is what you would've done if you had tried to wait out the hiring freeze). But it might be that you succeed and find yourself well-positioned on the register in time for the next big round of hiring.
3. Is there going to be an A-100 soon? Will [cone] spots be available? How should I interpret the remarks of [important person]? Are they really only going to hire [number] of people this year? I can't deal with the stress! Why are they making me put my life on hold? Why won't they extend my time on the register? How many people will retire/resign/take an early buyout this year? How many Rangel/Pickering fellows are there and what percentage of the jobs will they take? What is the status of [funding legislation in congress]? Does [random thing I read in the news] mean we should expect to see a new A-100 now? Why does FSI have training classes on their schedule if no invites have gone out yet? etc. As an exasperated someone humorously posted on another forum, "Seriously chill. Even if you were provided this information, which isn’t likely, it has no effect on whether there are spots left for you. Enough with trying to predict what happens this year. Wait it out like any job interview."

FSOT - The Foreign Service officer Test

1. What is the difference between the FSWE and the FSOT? The FSOT is the Foreign Service Officer Test. Its predecessor was the FSWE, the Foreign Service Written Exam, and is no longer administered. You can sign up to take the FSOT here.
2. What are my chances of passing? There is no way to know without trying. If you're interested, take the test and see how you do. People on this sub won't be able to tell you how you're likely to do, and if you try and fail and then try again, you may find that you perform better and pass the second (or third or fourth) time around. Remember: taking the test is free. (You only have to pay if you sign up and then fail to take the test.) So you have nothing to lose - get out there and give it a go.
3. How can I prepare?

• Take the practice test.
• Read the Suggested Reading List.
• Set your expectations that this process will take a long time. If you are just now getting ready to take the FSOT, chances are you will not be a new FSO next year at this time. Most people will not successfully become FSO's on their first try. But that doesn't mean you should give up! You will try, you will try again. You will need to maintain a positive attitude. You will need to be patient. Don't make Foreign Service your Plan A. Move on with life while you are working your way through the foreign service hiring process.

1. Where can I find more information about the FSOT? Try the FSOT Frequently Asked Questions on the Pearson site. (Pearson is currently the company that administers the FSOT and some of the subsequent steps of the hiring process.)

QEP - The Qualifications Evaluation Panel

1. What is the difference between the QEP and the PN's or the PNQ's? People use these acronyms to talk about the same part of the process, even though they mean different things. The QEP is the Qualifications Evaluation Panel, and its job is to evaluate, based on a set of short essays, the likelihood that someone who passed the FSOT will also pass the FSOA. FSOT passers write one essay (a "personal narrative" or "PN") for each of six prompts (each a "personal narrative question" or "PNQ").
2. When will I know if I made it to the QEP? You will get an email from Pearson a few weeks after the close of the FSOT testing window. Your results will also appear in your online account with Pearson. When you are notified that you made it to the QEP, you will have approximately three weeks to write your essays and submit them through the Pearson interface.

FSOA - The Foreign Service Oral Assessment

1. Where is the FSOA held? As of May 2024, it is now held virtually, over the course of two days.
2. When will I know if I made it to the FSOA? You will get an email from Pearson a few weeks after you submit your personal narratives to the QEP. Your results will also appear in your online account with Pearson. When you are notified that you made it to the FSOA, you will have the opportunity to schedule your FSOA date through the Pearson interface.
3. How can I prepare?

• The FSOA evaluates your demonstration of the 11 dimensions. Know them inside and out.
• Take advantage of the old Yahoo Group FSOA files.
• Contact your Diplomat in Residence, as many of them hold FSOA info sessions.

Clearances

1. What is the process for getting my security clearance?
   1. After you pass the FSOA, you will receive a packet of information describing how this process works. Basically, within 30 days you will fill out a lengthy questionnaire electronically on the e-QIP system. (Read e-QIP FAQs here.)
   2. The e-QIP is the electronic version of the "SF-86," a standard PDF/printable form with essentially the same questions. Although not necessary, some have recommended using a printed SF-86 form to collect all of your responses to the e-QIP and then transcribe them into the electronic system when you are ready. (The e-QIP system does allow you to save and return to work again later.) Start early: many have reported that tracking down all their foreign contacts or previous addresses has taken a long time.
   3. You will wait for a period of time (say between a few days and a few months) and then you will be contacted by an investigator from Diplomatic Security. You will set up an interview with him or her. The investigator will let you know if additional information is required; you can speed up the process by disclosing everything up front. Don't try to hide the negatives; be up front and transparent.
2. Will X affect my ability to get a clearance? It depends. Here are the guidelines.
3. What percentage of applicants are denied a security clearance? Only about 0.1% of initial cases, per the 2015 ODNI report. However the report notes State may discontinue security processing due to automatic disqualifiers found during a suitability review before the case reaches the security clearance adjudication phase. These cases are cancelled by Human Resources before security clearance determinations are rendered and are not, therefore, categorized as security clearance denials. {HT: Christabel34}

Register

1. Where can I find the shadow registers? How can I be added? What is my position on the register? Contact the volunteer maintaining the shadow register for your career track or specialty

Languages

1. Do I have to know a foreign language to be in the foreign service? No, but if you do know a language well, you will receive bonus points and may be hired before a similarly-qualified candidate without language ability. Also, every new FSO must learn a language within the first few years of service. You are on so-called "language probation" until you have passed the appropriate language exam. FSI will provide the language training for any language-designated position in which you are to serve.
2. How do language bonus points work? When you pass the FSOA, you will have a score, usually between about 5.3 and 6, though scores can be as high as 7. You will be ranked by score against other people in your cone, and the higher scores will be hired first. So if you have the highest score for your cone. The only way to improve your score (unless you are a veteran) is to pass a language test. Most languages will get you an additional .17 points if you can demonstrate a "general professional proficiency" on the Interagency Language Roundtable Scale. For examples of the level of proficiency you would need, watch these videos. Harder languages that are in higher demand by the State Department can get you either .25 or .38 points. A list of languages for which State offers bonus points is here. And this thread has some excellent advice on languages.
3. If I speak language X, will I get sent to a post where that language is needed? Not necessarily, unless you received language bonus points for a super critical needs language. In that latter case, you can expect to serve in a position designated for that language at least twice in your career. The super critical needs languages are listed in the bottom table on this page. But if you come in with a fluency in, say, Spanish (which is not a super critical needs language), there is no guarantee that you'll be sent to a Spanish-speaking post.

Life & Work in the Foreign Service

1. What is it like to find out what your next post will be? Read many flag day stories here.
2. How does pay work? How is my salary calculated? What allowances do I get? Read this excellent Foreign Service Officer Salary Guide. You can also look up information about various posts, but be advised that the data on this site is not necessarily official and may be out of date.
3. Will I be required to serve in an unaccompanied post? You are "worldwide available," so in theory it can happen. In practice, there are a lot of people who volunteer to serve in unaccompanied posts for various reasons, and it would be unlikely that you would be forced to serve in one if you didn't want to.
4. What is it like to be LGBT in the foreign service? Review GLIFAA's website and resources, read read real post reports, which have a specific section for LGBT info, by post and these threads - LGBT, Foreign Commercial Service LGBT, same sex marriage, Robyn McCutcheon's book about her career Foreign Service, including as the first trans FSO.

Will it help/hurt my chances if...

1. ...I have a graduate degree from a really good school with a high GPA or I have no degree at all? No, it really doesn't matter.
2. ...I did drugs or committed a crime or did something stupid a long time ago? It could hurt you, but it really depends on what you did, how you dealt with the problem, and what you've been doing since then. Go ahead and apply.
3. ...I did drugs or committed a crime or did something stupid recently? It could hurt you, and if you're continuing to show poor judgment in life, it's going to be next to impossible for you to join the foreign service. However, no one on this sub will be able to tell you definitively what your outcome is likely to be. Fix whatever it is and try again. You won't know if or how this will affect your candidacy unless you try.
4. ...I have dual citizenship? Your clearances will take longer, but it's not a deal breaker. Read details here.
5. **...I have a foreign-born spouse or I have many contacts overseas or I have lived overseas for a long time?**Same answer: your clearances will take longer, but it's not a deal breaker. Read details here and here.

Miscellaneous

1. What happens after I receive my Orientation offer? Orientation 101 is the initial training class you take when you officially start work in the foreign service. Congratulations! It is a time of a lot of changes. Here is a description of what happens.
2. How can I become an Ambassador? You probably won't become an ambassador, and it's not worth the brain cycles to try to plan for it. But even if you have the right set of skills, knowledge, and luck through a career spanning many decades and you end up as an ambassador, you will still have spent far more time as a rank-and-file career employee than as an ambassador. So make sure you are interested, first and foremost, in the job and lifestyle of a foreign service officer, which is where you will spend the entirety of your career.
3. I am outraged over what the President / Secretary / someone else in power just said / did! Nothing wrong with feeling outrage, but what you do with that feeling may matter. And while you may dissent through the appropriate (private) channel, no matter who is in power and no matter who you voted for, your duty as a foreign service officer is to publicly advance the interests of the U.S. As a simplistic example, take a look at who came in first or second in the presidential elections going back ~20 years. Any of them could've been your boss (with small differences in electoral returns for the runners-up, of course): B. Clinton, Dole, Bush, Gore, Kerry, McCain, Obama, Romney, H. Clinton, Trump. Those individuals hold a pretty diverse set of policy views, and the next twenty years of presidential elections will probably result in a similarly diverse list. So if you want to be in the foreign service, think of your job as representing the U.S. regardless of who is in power. If you can see yourself representing the U.S. when person A is in power but not when person B is in power, this may not be the best career for you in the long run.

Additional Resources

• Department of State Careers
• Global Community Liaison Office
• American Foreign Service Association (AFSA)
  • Foreign Service Journal
  • AFSA's Foreign Service Statistics page
  • Foreign Service by the Numbers
• Tales from a Small Planet
• Path to Foreign Service
• American Diplomat podcast
• Modern American Diplomacy podcast

Hi everyone, I'm here to give an update on my 15 day Post operation, fibroid removing hysterectomy and first off, I want to say it was the best decision ever in regards to my fibroid journey. I'm two weeks post-op and feeling great. Like many of you, I was very anxious in the weeks leading up to my surgery to remove two fibroids that had been assessed at about grapefruit and orange sized 6 months previously. I was on Lupron to stop my periods, which only exacerbated my anxiety. My doctor prescribed add-back hormones, which helped tremendously with the volatile emotions, and Zopiclone to help me sleep, as that was also disturbed by the Lupron.
On the day of the surgery, I was at the peak of my nervousness. The nurse helped ease my fears by giving me a low dose of Ativan, which definitely helped as I went through the motions of talking to the anesthesiologist, my doctogynecologist, and the attending surgeons and nurses. I made it very clear to my doctor that I don’t do well with pain and I didn’t want to endure any unnecessary discomfort. I was brought to the surgical table and got through the anesthesiology needle poke pretty easily with the aid of the Ativan (I hate needles!) and before I knew it, I was slumping into that glorious sedation daze and within what felt like seconds wheeled to my room for my overnight stay. During surgery, I was administered generous amounts of nerve blockers and Fentanyl, so I woke up literally feeling nothing in my body and feeling quite euphoric.
I live in a wonderful small community in Canada and received the most exceptional care on the women and children’s floor. A few notable aspects of that overnight stay: the pain from the gas they used to expand your chest to get into your abdomen is no joke. I could feel it across my shoulder blades each time I breathed. The apparatus they provided me to test blowing air out of my lungs was uncomfortable but manageable and really helped to get movement within my internal torso, which is super important as you need to get the gas flowing so that it exits out your butt. I happily took the Hydromorphone made available to me every three hours, as well as the Tylenol and Advil, which they cycled every three hours as well. I certainly felt some discomfort, and again, the gas passing was painful but everything was manageable and the addition of the opioids during my stay made everything quite happy and pleasant.
I had a catheter attached to me, which was a new experience, as you go pee without any effort. I had four bandages on my abdomen indicating where my doctor had gone in laparoscopically. There was some overall tenderness and achiness which I attribute more to the positions I'm sure I was manipulated into while under , so the surgeons could get in via different angles. I was admitted into the recovery unit in the evening because my surgery was over four hours (about eight hours altogether end to end from my 11am admission)and there was no meal service available. Thankfully the wonderful nurses procured a sandwich from the cafeteria. I was absolutely famished and ate it quite voraciously. I was quite high at this point, so I thought it was the best thing I’d ever tasted in my life (it was a pedestrian tuna sandwich on plain bread).
Sleeping was more difficult, between the opioids and just general discomfort in my body. Oh, and the gas—the gas exiting your body does hurt as it makes its way through your tender digestive system, but it's very satisfying when it leaves. I know I kept the poor woman recovering in the adjoining section up all night with my flatulence, but the nurses assured me that it was encouraged to get it all out. I did wake up a number of times with some sharper pain and took advantage of the drugs on offer. My sleep was not deep nor necessarily restful, but it was enjoyable because I was pretty hopped up and happy. The hospital had affixed circulating airbags onto my legs to help prevent blood clots, and I found them to be quite relaxing.
I managed to sleep a few hours. When breakfast was served, I was happy to eat it. My doctor came to give me my surgical report and advised me that she had removed TWO grapefruit-sized fibroids along with my uterus and a dozen or so more little fibroids in the mix. One of the fibroids had necrotized. She showed me pictures of all the pieces and tissue. I don't do well with anything medical-related, but it was actually quite satisfying to see what had amounted to about the size of a bowling ball removed from my body. I had my uterus, fallopian tubes, and of course fibroids removed but my ovaries left intact. She said the total mass of the removed organ and bits was about 4 to 5 lbs. I'm very happy she was able to do it mostly vaginally with some assistance through the four small incisions on my belly. After receiving the all-clear from my doctor, the nurses removed my IV, which had been hooked up to dispense electrolytes and vitamins. Then they removed my catheter. I was really nervous about having my catheter removed because I didn't understand the mechanics of how it was attached, but it was just a quick little pinch and then it was gone. Another thing I had to demonstrate before being discharged was that I could pee on my own. It felt odd because I was activating muscles that were still tender, and I was uncertain about what was going on down there, but after being filled with various intravenous fluids as well as the juice and water I had been drinking, it was pretty easy to just sit back, relax, and let it flow. My partner came, wheeled me out in a wheelchair, and took me home where she had configured the bed with a variety of adjustable wedge pillows to ensure I was comfortable.
I was also sent home with a prescription for 15 additional Hydromorphone tablets, and I diligently took those every three hours because I had no desire to be a hero and endure any pain. The doctor prescribed one to two every three hours; I took one every three hours and that was sufficient, cycled with one Tylenol and one Advil every three hours. Getting out of bed was pretty easy; it just felt like I had had a rigorous ab workout and was a bit tender.
The worst part was trying to compel a bowel movement. The opioids are a bit of a double-edged sword in that they really enhance the healing experience, but they also cause constipation at a crucial time when your bowels are already quite shocked and don't need any more discouragement. I started on doctor recommended Colace pills and Restoralax on day one. By day four, I still hadn't had a BM and was starting to feel quite bloated and heavily constipated. What worked for me was a combination of warm milk of magnesia and prune juice. I downed a large glass of that and within about three to four hours, I had explosive diarrhea, which wasn't as bad as it sounds as it was a relief to finally get things moving. I had to endure about a day or two of just expelling liquid but still feeling like I was constipated. I continued to take the Colace and then added in Senokot (which I wouldn't recommend until you've had that first explosive movement) and have been taking that combination now for about a week, and finally, two weeks post-op, I had my first normal bowel movement today.
I ended up refilling my prescription for another 20 Hydromorphone pills about four days after the first. Near the end of that prescription, I started tapering down my dose, which I think helped significantly with the discomfort of weaning off. I've struggled with substance abuse issues in the past (five years sober this month!), so of course, the prospect of using potent drugs for the surgery and recovery was concerning to me and my family, but I can tell you that I was able to ease off without relapsing. I got through the whole experience with minimal pain and suffering. If you can get access to the drugs, do yourself a favor and don’t try to be a hero—take them! You’ve already been a hero dealing with these alien tumors disrupting your body for so long. Honestly, I think the fact that I don’t drink alcohol has probably helped my recovery significantly.
Yesterday, my partner helped remove the steri- strips. They did not fall off on their own as I had read, but they came off easily with just a little bit of pinching. I now see the faintest scars you’d expect from a super minor cat scratch.
My body definitely looks different, and everything just feels better. I always felt that I had an unsightly paunch, but the reality was I had a massive collection of fibroids the size of a bowling ball, and having them removed has made me look quite svelte, and there's still some swelling reduction to happen.
I feel like I could run a marathon, but my partner keeps reminding me to take it easy and to stick to walking only for exercise for the full six weeks. It’s a small investment to make for lifelong health. All in all, my experience was as good as it could be, and to top it off, I got the call from my doctor that my biopsy came back all clear from cancer. Let me know if you have any questions , happy to help you with your journey!

The chart
I recently completed all 20 challenges and I felt like writing down and sharing my thoughts on all of them. I (mostly) loved going through the challenges and wished that the game came with a way to apply them to runs with other decks/stakes after beating them. There are few that are just fun. There's also Golden Needle.
For most of the challenges how much fun I thought they were was dependent on how much I had to change the way I viewed decision making in hopefully what I think of as a positive way.
I've done the first ~5 challenges twice because I accidentally overwrote the wrong cloud save. The rest I beat once and moved on. There is a chance some of my difficulty rankings are super biased by unknowingly having had a really lucky first attempt. I don't really suspect that's the case, but good to keep in mind.

1. The Omelette: Just a fun little idea for a challenge. I had no difficulty with this one. Creates interesting incentives for a few jokers (Swashbuckler goes CRAZY). Solid introduction into what challenges can do.
   
2. 15 Minute City: I admit I had some trouble with this challenge the first few times I tried it. I also found white stake to be kinda hard at the time. Now though I just think of it as an eternal Ride the Bus start with -1 joker slot. Playing straights feels like a bit of a trap. Feels like you just need a little too much deck manipulation to really protect yourself from being forced to score a face card playing something other and High Card or Pair. Might be better now since I beat it before I started playing on the beta branch and Saturn is sort of the GOAT planet card now.
   
3. Rich get Richer: I don't think this challenge changes my decision making basically at all. Even just $100 for max interest leaves you enough chips to easily beat Ante 8. That said it got my highest rank for fun just because line go up neuron activation is too powerful.
   
4. On a Knife's Edge: I mostly just found this challenge tedious. As long as you're just a little locked in this challenge doesn't pose that much of a threat. Buy even cost jokers and feed them to the furnace. Getting an early Riff Raff will also typically remove the potential for being super late on banking max interest.
   
5. X-ray Vision: If you are hellbent on playing 5-card hands and also refuse to swap between sorting by rank and suit to determine what a card is this challenge is probably nightmarishly hard. If you do do those things this challenge is just annoying. I appreciate that it can in theory teach people how to determine what cards are face down. It is not fun though. Having most of a hand be face down when opening packs just makes me mad.
   
6. Mad World: Fundamentally changing how baseline income works is a little interesting. Playing for Flushes or Straights gives you a lot of cash. I want to say I got Oops! All 6s early on which just made me laugh.
   
7. Luxury Tax: This challenge rewards playing a low econ run with +2 hand size. That's pretty strong. Vagabond clearly owns here. But sometimes being so poor can just randomly lead to you bleeding out. I love having a really big hand size so I rate this one highly for fun.
   
8. Non-Perishable: This challenge made me really nervous going into it. Thinking I'd have to be very careful about what jokers I picked up. I ended up only taking 4 jokers by the time I won. It was basically just a white stakes run with some banned jokers (either because the challenge bans them or because choosing to by Riff-Raff is clearly so bad it's mentally banned).
   
9. Medusa: Good for flavor (face cards all looked into Medusa's eyes and turned to stone). It's pretty boring though. Just get some good mult scaling and play high card with massive base chips because you're scoring 3+ stone cards every hand for most the run.
   
10. Double or Nothing: I really like this challenge. Red seals are incredibly powerful. You can avoid the downside pretty much entirely by utilizing held in hand effects. I think I ended up playing with Shoot the Moon. It also lends itself to letting you just checkmating yourself really bad. Rely on scored card agnostic joker scaling or held in hand effects. I heard but haven't confirmed that you can remove the debuff by changing the enhancement. If someone confirms or denies this I'll edit. Edit: https://www.reddit.com/balatro/s/0Fjqgc1b21 comment in this thread states this is true.
    
11. Typecast: This is basically how like half of my white stakes runs end up anyway. It's pretty easy to have found sufficient scaling to win on white stakes in the first like 2 rounds with a little luck. This and non-perishable just feel like non-challenges except that Madness suddenly becomes hilariously strong.
    
12. Inflation: I'll admit I really didn't understand this challenge at first. It just felt like "fish for a run where your first 5 jokers win on there own or be too poor to play." I eventually saw a Temperance card that was giving me hella cash and it suddenly clicked that because sell price is 1/2 of buying price (rounded down) you can scale off of buying trash. I ultimately won with a combination of Swashbuckler Ceremonial Dagger and Riff-Raff (which suddenly becomes the best economy joker of all time). Ultimately I find the constraints of this challenge way too narrow to be fun.
    
13. Bram Poker: I basically remember nothing about this challenge. It's basically just a vampire run where you end up with a really large deck so just build to play very simple hands. There are still enough ways to get jokers outside of the shop that you'll probably find a good enough +mult joker to let Vampire just win.
    
14. Fragile: This challenge is super neat. There are a couple of very dominant strategies if you fully math out the minimum number of cards played that skipping all small and big blinds gives you. I didn't do that so I played around playing pairs while slowly scaling a 5-card hand in parallel. As I got closer to Ante 8 my deck was really starting to hurt so I started skipping more and more while safe in the knowledge that I was over killing the rounds I was playing. Then I get to the boss of Ante 8. I have like 18 total cards I play I think a flush and clear it by like 6x. Glass cards are really strong.
    
15. Monolith: I am a very much an Obelisk enjoyer. In terms of fun value it's probably like top 5 jokers for me. I recommend playing a huge number of Pairs (aim for 3-4 per round) for antes 1-4 while getting the pieces to pivot to High Card as your deck becomes so over stuffed with stone cards it becomes difficult to play hands. Just be sure to watch your High Card count closely and any time you can get away with playing non-High Cards once you stop playing pairs do so. Last warning is you need to keep yourself locked in about playing throw away hands. If you play an ace and whatever chaff other chaff and that chaff say has a pair of 2s you will lose on the spot basically.
    
16. Blast Off: When I first looked at the rules I was super excited for this challenge. I thought is was going to basically be Rich get Richer 2.0. This thing kicked my ass. I was not prepared for just how incredibly poor you're going to be. Building a bank is so hard when you need to be scaling Constellation you're only getting maybe $1 from remaining hands each round and you have only 2 joker slots you can put an economy joker into. Ante 2 and 3 killed just so many of my attempts. Past that though Rocket finally starts carrying your economy on it's own and the challenge becomes frankly awesome. It's designed around you getting to antes 7 and 8 with basically every hand scaled very heavily and you get to very fluid in what hands you choose to actually play.
    
17. Five-Card Draw: -3 hand size is horrendous. Hand size both up and down have basically exponential affects on your run's power level. In compensation you're given so much power. 7 joker slots. Two non-eternal starting jokers that can solo clear the first couple antes. 6 discards making jokers like Banner and Delayed Gratification supremely powerful. Runs will fell very different than normal, but I don't think it's ultimately that hard as long as you can bring yourself to play something other than flushes or straights.
    
18. Golden Needle: God I hated this challenge. No money from remaining hands. So little time to find the pieces to 1-tap the first like 6 rounds you play. 6 discards basically just there to taunt you because actually using them will leave you so poor scaling will be impossible. It's not the hardest challenge. I still find Jokerless harder, but I didn't find any part of it fun.
    
19. Cruelty: Weirdly tame between it's name and the previous challenge. Getting your economy going is pretty difficult with losing both small and big blind payouts and essentially no room for an economy joker. Beating ante 8 with 3 jokers isn't hard in and of itself. You do it frankly all the time anyway if you hold on to 2 utility/economy jokers into the Ante 8 boss that you don't end up using. Getting to Ante 8 without those utility slots is definitely a lot harder. Particularly with so little cash. All in all it's a little less fun to me than just playing a regular run. It has a satisfying difficulty to it, but it really isn't doing all that much.
    
20. Jokerless: I expected I was going to really enjoy Jokerless. It's such a radical restructuring of how the game works and that excited me. I did end up enjoying it a lot, but it needs a couple changes for it to be fun enough that I'll play it for it's own sake with any regularity. It's honestly hard for me to say just how much harder the challenge is because of presence of say Temperance and Blank Voucher, but I can definitely say that it makes the challenge A LOT more frustrating to me. In the same way that effects like making a player discard the top card of their deck are uniquely frustrating despite them not actually mattering very much (for every time you're forced to discard the best card in your deck off the top you more often times end up discarding cards that aren't the best and you're now more likely to draw your best card, you're best card is more likely to not be the next card than it is to be anywhere else in your deck so getting to it faster is actually good, but monkey brain mad at losing resources) seeing Hex and Ankh in a regular 2 card Spectral pack just makes me mad. Every time I see Blank Voucher I'd grit my teeth and shake my head because of it's total inability to do anything. That said if Blank Voucher was removed maybe I would have just seen Magic Trick and not have bought the voucher anyway. That said if the remaining vestigial forms of joker interactions that are wholly useless were removed and I could play any deck and any stake with the Jokerless rule set I would legitimately do it just for fun a lot.
    

First, you will need the material and tool.
https://preview.redd.it/aks1ks98rszc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1c2d71d94a0d3adaeecf5b1dcf7e9e802c5bcf46

• leather

mine was 1/8 (4mm), it was necessary to be stiff to absorb the shock without collapsing and it was what i have on hand. if like me you didn't knew where to buy it, ask your local shoemaker, mine wasn't selling it but direct me to a seller on Facebook marketplace. my leather of 4"x7" cost me 100$Canadian.

• plywood

it will be your work surface, your straight line and your square. mine was 36" x 16"

• plier

it will be useful to thread the needle thru a hole if it is too hard. mostly use when you there is already a thread and you need a second pass in the same hole.

• waxed thread

buy the one you like, 150D seems a good gauge. the bigger, the harder to double thread.

• needle

don't buy the leather needle, they are way to big, mine were breaking too often. go to a sewing shop and look for what ever quality needle you can pass the thread to it's eye but small enough to not fight against the leather hole.

• drill bit

i can't remember the size....1/16??? as long as you can easily go thru the hole
https://preview.redd.it/fadtaa8l0tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc2556d88e53225e6045d49bc866a483332f172e
with the needle on single pass. you are fine

• leather dye

what ever you like but be careful to not buy something that will stain (wet or dry) your bag

• pencil
• ruler
• measuring tape
• utility knife

https://preview.redd.it/fz7egtn4wszc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ad3405107ae0eaa7d17da7b4b26088cb56cedfec
https://preview.redd.it/ktacfe7p1tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c44e12c0b2a15c855d01b86521e9aec6474dfa1

• contact cement

it will help you glue together the leather than make some hole and sew it nice and easy. be careful of extra glue seeping out or it will show and will not correctly dye

• i don't know the name of this pliers in English. very useful to keep in place while the glue is drying

https://preview.redd.it/fadtaa8l0tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc2556d88e53225e6045d49bc866a483332f172e
to find the proper size of my sleeve, i did wrap my laptop with leather and mark the length used to wrap it. don't forget the extra length to overlap to sew it together! i forgot the exact measurement. i did the process again and it gave me 25" had an other 1/2 to take it in and out smoothly plus 3/4 overlap. we have grand total of 26" 1/4 (25" + 1/2 extra loose + 3/4 overlap)
the height will be to your taste. mine is at a diagonal to easily grab my laptop in and out, to make it easier to put it in one corner and slide in. and to somewhat protect the top corner (graphic card side). to put a number on that 15" x 11"3/4 of the cylinder sleeve, not the flat piece of leather.
https://preview.redd.it/bokmqh9n6tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e010acf9caba3575141837751f4879b1e5c5a310
https://preview.redd.it/j77g9iyn6tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9e6caecf7a027f5cc984701e9a6b77049205ce22
https://preview.redd.it/rr54aqpo6tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=681668f6b5818c3c54df90b134ffff0e8386e5da
once you glued the overlap and it is dry, put your laptop in and measure how much of a diagonal you want. keep in mind, you need your laptop 1" off the base to sew your bottom piece of leather. like i say earlier, 15" top to bottom will fit your FW16 (14" wide) laptop perfect than 11"3/4 the short end. mark where the hole will be with a ruler and make hole at even and short distance (not too short to rip the leather while sewing) with your drill. sew your double thread (2 parallel thread) and sew back on the last 4 hole for extra durability (tug on your thread, you don't want it loose). Do not sew further than where your diagonal will go ( you don"t want to cut your continuous thread). To cut a diagonal, use you pencil and mark where you will cut, than use a utility knife over your plywood, it is much easier and safer to do multiple light pass to cut your leather.
here is the technique i use to sew leather https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFDo-dtr9mk
https://preview.redd.it/egfsedwz6tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=908027b5a5c36b334fcc4c8abd7a39deb78b53e4
OK. you have a cylinder now! you need to cut and install the bottom piece of leather. cut a piece of 10" 7/8 x 3"
it will represent 1" of side wall X 1" bottom laptop support X 1" of side wall. glue one wall and start to sew at 1/8 from the bottom. second thread, sew it at 1" from the bottom. do the same on the other side. easy to say but hard on your finger.
https://preview.redd.it/67m8ed688tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=285b4867ba96eda2e2cfa4ef77a00aadbf3014c1
congrats, you have a bear bone laptop sleeve.
now you need to mold your laptop to fit in. don't be scare but, your sleeve will be wet with your laptop in it for hours.
https://preview.redd.it/y8t88ryn8tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ec8dfedd427d8ad0a5ee7064222ab51f5be7e3bb
put your sleeve in the sink and drench it with water. go to town! dry up the excess water, put your laptop in a thin but safe garbage bag (fold and tape your garbage bag for nicer result) than put you laptop in the sleeve. with your finger force the leather to take the laptop shape than compress it between with towel and book to dry while being compressed.
https://preview.redd.it/kxk6bd4j9tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5d732a2a7767363599d32176305e71d91d0d2268
once it did take the shape of the laptop and is humid, put it in front of a fan or a dehumidifier and let it dry, remove the laptop and let it dry even more.
https://preview.redd.it/kxbzjjry9tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3309842f87e73f007146283da5fa9a6725f91f4f
https://preview.redd.it/symc9sxz9tzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6c3b7e5fa79c4fc4a140e96490584e1047d20cf8
https://preview.redd.it/3fqrzqo0atzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8bd0a47e8b210921bf610b3d514c672042801496
don't put your laptop in the wrong orientation like i did in this picture, you want the laptop to always be in the same position from now on.
https://preview.redd.it/q0fdmox7atzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eb86e8d5033ee5d0b6fb087b64b8303c04d52180
find some leather dye, put multiple light coat with a clean rag. enjoy!
https://preview.redd.it/w0uemypeatzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=95ad20e6e458fda55efa9d782885e44a11122d38
https://preview.redd.it/8mlefe2fatzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a35a76d9810b878f0c6333d1eb072487bfb6ed3f
https://preview.redd.it/9rnysbdfatzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f0f1a78b66505ff8409f32cb2f4951c0aeb07507
https://preview.redd.it/hghjk6ofatzc1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=174219d8475f62139677a89142be9cab4bb33e53

• after 2 months of use. it feel so good to put the laptop in the sleeve IF the sleeve stay in the bag. on it's own, the sleeve buckle because it is too soft other wise in the bag, it is perfect.
• i wouldn't go tighter ( it is not a gun in a holster or a tool secured in a leather pouch). you want it to be wide enough to smoothly take your laptop in and out. same measurement is good and bigger is OK, but not tighter.
• the bottom shifted a bit, it doesn't look really good but doesn't affect the main purpose of the sleeve. absorb bottom impact. the sleeve stand just fine with the laptop,
• it is very gentle on the plastic and metal and haven't seen wear mark.

important to notice! your laptop might not fit in your backpack with 1 extra inch at the bottom.
that's it :)

Joy
“Please don’t do this to me! I’ll die out there!” Tiffany crumpled to the floor, phone shaking against her ear.
A gruff voice crackled. “I’m sorry Tiffany, our runner in your area got caught on his latest delivery. My other guy barely made it back. He saw Jimmy get hauled into the van. They’ve probably torn him apart by now.”
“Please…I don’t have any food left in the house. I’ll never make it out there. They’ll spot me immediately.”
“Listen, listen Tiff. It’s going to be OK. Listen to me alright? There’s a shop one block away from you.”
“I can’t!”
“You have to! OK, all you have to do is get in and get out. Put on the darkest sunglasses you have. You have shades right?”
Tiffany glanced up to the cabinet. Her terrified face reflected at her through the polarized lenses. “Uh-huh”
“That’s good, that’s real good. Now you put those on and grab enough food for a week while I find a replacement runner OK?”
“O-OK”
“And Tiffany?”
“Remember to smile, smile as wide as you can and never drop it. You know what happens if they suspect…”
“I know, thanks Mark.”
Tiffany hung up the phone with a shuddering exhale. She stood up and looked herself over in the mirror. A terrified blonde woman stared back, eyes wide with fear.
She wiped her tears and smoothed out her locks. She grasped her oversized sunglasses with trembling hands and put them on. She bent over, adjusting them carefully to ensure no trace of her eyes could be seen.
Glancing down, she looked over her list of food. Enough for a week…get in, get out…and smile.
Before turning to leave, she smiled into the mirror. The upturned mouth seemed almost foreign to her; she hadn’t laughed since everyone had been Torn. There weren’t many of her left in the world; the Joyous reigned supreme.
She stretched her smile as wide as it could go, until her cheeks strained with the effort. Exhaling through her teeth, she grasped the handle. The doorknob shook from her grip. Get it together…in and out…
She twisted the knob and threw the door open.
An eyeless face sprang up to meet her.
Tiffany screamed and jumped back.
“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!”
Tiffany clutched her heaving chest, trying to calm herself. The woman standing in on her stoop had no eyes, only dark, empty sockets each gleaming with a glowing pinprick of light. An enormous smile spread from ear to ear.
Tiffany forced words from her paralyzed mind. “Oh, it’s alright, I was just about to get some shopping done!”
The woman stared unblinking with her flickering pits. She lifted a newspaper. “I saw this blow over onto the street, so I thought I’d bring this little ol’ newsie inside!” She let out a raucous laugh.
Tiffany accepted the paper, praying she looked relaxed. She took a quick glimpse at the headline.
Joy! New York Mayor Declares City over 99% Pure on 1-Year Anniversary!
“Aww, I see you have just been Freed. Congratulations dear. How do you like the colors?” The woman bent her head closer to Tiffany’s face. Her heart hammered in her throat as her eyes were drawn to the woman’s scars. Black lines spider webbed all across her body, down her arms, over her face, and plunged down her low cut shirt. “Aw, I remember when I was freed; I didn’t really have scars either. I found a great doctor who touched me up; I can share his number with you!” She lifted her neck, showing off her scars wrapped around her throat.
“Yes, the colors they’re so…beautiful. Yeah…the doctors said I was one of the lucky ones, guess tough skin runs in the family.” Tiffany tried to laugh as she spoke.
The woman leaned back; her smile somehow widening even more. “Ah! Tragic! Stay safe y’hear? A naughty somebody escaped the hospital recently, ah, there he is now. Isn’t he silly?” She pointed to the distance.
Tiffany turned her head in the direction of her arm. Her heart sank to her stomach.
The street rose in an incline. The distant figure of a man climbed into sight at the crest of the hill. His sandy hair was unmistakable.
Tiffany lifted a trembling hand to her mouth. Jimmy?
Jimmy was naked with blood pouring in rivets all down the front of his torso. As she squinted, she realized that Jimmy’s body wasn't moving; it hung limp, limbs dangling in the air. Her darting eyes widened as she saw his legs hovered off the road.
Four thick tendrils pulsated out of Jimmy’s gaping mouth. The dark trunks spilled out onto the ground, suspending his frame in midair. The shadowy pillars supported his body like makeshift legs. Jimmy lolled back and forth as the inhuman limbs propelled him down the hill like a beast.
Tiffany’s stomach churned in knots as he careened down the street. He couldn’t speak but his bulging eyes darting all around spoke all that was needed. Her gaze adhered to the incomprehensible stalks that moved of their own accord. The tentacles shimmered and writhed all over, smaller tendrils branching off, thrashing independently of one another.
Right as he passed Tiffany, he tripped and skidded to the ground. The husks all around her burst into raucous laughter at the sight of it clamoring back up.
The woman doubled over in giggles. “Ooh, you silly goose, don’t even know what’s good for ya!”
Jimmy’s chest bloated and bubbled. The bulge traveled up his throat, extending it to an inhuman width. A horrid squelching erupted as two pink sacs attached to tubes slithered out of his mouth, traveling along the lengths of the trunks. Tiffany could barely support her own weight at the sight of Jimmy’s lungs pulsating in frantic breaths.
Her horrified gaze watched as the lungs enlarged in a deep breath, a gurgling crescendoing in pitch. They expanded to full size and hung still for an instant. Then exploded in desperate screams.
“HELP ME! PLEASE, I’M ALIVE LIKE YO-”
With the roar of an engine and the screech of tires, a vehicle slammed into Jimmy’s body. A spray of blood rained on Tiffany and the crowd. A white van screeched to a halt just as Jimmy flew through the air, all eight limbs flailing in the wind.
No amount of bracing could prepare Tiffany for the sound of bones crushing as Jimmy landed in a bloody mess on the asphalt. The crowd of husks whooped and hollered. The drivers clambered out of the vehicle and took deep bows, grinning broadly.
Wiping off blood, Tiffany inspected the logo on the van. It displayed two cartoon men each standing on the side of another person. The person was divided into two halves. One side was human with a smiling face while the other was a shadowy figure, screaming in agony. The smiling men each pulled on an arm as if separating the halves.
“Sorry folks! We had a feisty one here, we’ll take care of it from here!” He drew a syringe from his pocket.
“That’s OK! Need a hand?” The woman called back to enthusiastic nods from the crowd. The van driver waved his arm in the direction of Jimmy’s limb body.
Tiffany blinked back burning tears as she watched Jimmy twitch on the ground. The husks closed in around him, laughing as they surrounded him. She wanted nothing more than to just retreat inside and vomit. But an opportunity presented itself.
Streams of people poured out of the shop ahead, drawn to the spectacle on the street. The sidewalks leading up to the store cleared. Her path would never be this open again. Tearing her eyes from Jimmy, she walked as fast as possible to the market, her smile twitching in anguish.
After what felt like hours, she stood at the entrance to the food mart. She moved her jaw around to loosen it, almost flinching as it popped. OK…in and out…then you’re safe. Running over her mental list one last time, she barged inside.
A wave of frigid air washed over her. She scanned the shop, exhaling out a sigh of relief as she confirmed it was mostly empty. Only a mother pushing a stroller joined her in the market.
Tiffany whipped out a shopping cart and sped down aisle by aisle. Eyes darting, she grasped each item on her list as if it were manna from heaven. Her breathing eased as she made it to the other side of the store without incident. A small bit of happiness welled up within her as she looked over her bulging wagon. It was enough to last her two weeks, two blissful weeks of safety. All she had to do was get out.
She strolled to the checkout lane. The mother was in front of her, the groceries crinkling as they were bagged by the cheerful cashier. Tiffany’s knuckles gripped the cart so hard they turned white. Please…just pay and leave…
Tiffany’s heart skipped a beat as the mother twisted her neck to look at her. Empty sockets crinkled as the young woman’s smile widened. “Why hello there! Any idea what the ruckus is out there?” A collective cheer erupted outside in the distance.
Tiffany shook her head, trying to push Jimmy’s battered body out of her thoughts.
She glanced at Tiffany’s cart. “Big haul. You having a party?”
Tiffany nodded, almost forgetting to breathe.
“Am I invited? Where do you live?”
Tiffany gulped. The mother roared with laughter. “Oh dearie me, I’m just kidding you. I’d love to go but this little man down here takes up all my time. Wanna say hi?”
Tiffany nodded again, her cheeks screaming with the strain of her fake smile. The mother lifted the hood of the stroller and wheeled it around, facing Tiffany. An eyeless baby cooed up at her, its sockets nearly taking up half its face. Black scars lined its entire body, lashing its face that carved itself into a wide smile.
Tiffany screamed in terror, flinging herself back.
CLACK!
Light streamed into her eyes as they watered. Time almost stopped as she glanced down at her sunglasses. Shuddering, she looked back up. The mother, baby, and cashier stared at her.
Without taking his sockets off her, the cashier pressed a button on the counter. An intercom crackled to life. “Attention all employees. We have someone in pain over here. Please call the authorities while we restrain her.”
Tiffany threw the cart to the ground, sprinting to the glass double doors. Talon-like fingers dug into her shoulder right as she reached the exit. “NO! PLEASE LET ME GO! PLEASE!”
But the mother just giggled into her ear. “Now why would I do that, sweetie? Don’t worry, we’re going to help you. See? They’re already here to heal you!”
Tiffany’s heart sank into her stomach as she watched the same van that crashed into Jimmy park outside. Two men dressed in scrubs burst out the back, wheeling out a gurney. Her eyes bulged as she gazed at the restraints gleaming cruelly in the morning light.
The smiling men jaunted over to her. Tiffany ground her heel into the mother’s toes; the arms holding her released. She rushed forward to the man on the left, throwing a wild punch in desperation.
To her surprise, her knuckles connected, slamming the man’s head back to its side. Rough hands grabbed her arms by the elbows, jerking them behind her.
The man she’d punched twisted his head back, the unnatural smile still plastered on his face. “Now, now simmer down, young lady. He snatched her kicking feet and lifted her in tandem with the other man.
With inhuman strength, they slammed her onto the gurney. She flailed, straining her limbs against their grasp. Her shoulders popped in their sockets, her screams erupting in pain and fear.
CLICK!
Cold metal clamped down on her right wrist. Three more clicks restrained her completely.
“No, no, no, please! Just let me go! I’ll never bother you again!” Tiffany half screamed and half sobbed.
One man chuckled. “Oops! Gotta make some room!”
She wailed as she watched the men drag Jimmy’s corpse out of the back and toss it on the sidewalk. The doors slammed shut, and the vehicle sped off.
Desperation gave way to despair for Tiffany, she wept bitterly. She gasped as the men wiped away tears on each side of her face. They lifted their fingers to their eyeless pits, staring in wonder at the droplet forming, mouths parted and making soft cooing sounds.
“I remember my last tear, what about you Ted?” The man on her right whispered.
The man on the left nodded, sucking his finger. “Yeah…I almost miss the taste.” They both roared in laughter at the same time.
The van jolted to a halt. The men flung the doors open. “Don’t worry missy, it will all be over soon!”
She shook her head, pleading for anyone she passed to help her as she was wheeled into the hospital. All she received were condescending smiles, and pats on the hand. She was sped into an operating room. Her eyes widened in terror at the sight of the tearing chair.
A medical bed lay in the middle of the chamber. A bar of light hung at the bed’s foot. The bar crossed over the width of the bed, attached to a track that ran along the length from the bottom to the top. Her heart sank. She’d expected cutting instruments but the lack of them frightened her even more.
A grinning doctor finished washing her hands in the nearby sink, pulling latex gloves on. “Oh dearie me, look at this poor soul. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten freed one so large! The gals will take it from here, boys!” The men giggled as they left the room.
Masked women in scrubs burst from the doors to assist. Even behind the masks, their smiles were visible. They all carried scissors. Within seconds, they snipped off all of her clothes leaving her naked in the gurney.
The doctor lifted a syringe, the end dripping with sedative. “Now we need you to be still for this next part sweetie!” She rammed the needle into her hip and thumbed the plunger down. She gasped as the burning liquid clouded into her bloodstream. At once, her extremities deadened, all feeling and control gone.
A pair of arms gripped each of her limbs as she was lifted off the gurney and thrown onto the medical bed. The doctor looked down at her at the foot of the bed, grasping the bar of light. It pulsated in waves of color as she clinked it into place over Tiffany’s feet so that the luminescence only hovered an inch over her skin.
The soles of her feet writhed in agony in the light’s presence. Tiffany screamed at the burning tendrils within her feet. A horrific thought pierced her torment in a single moment of clarity. Something is moving inside me. Using the last vestiges of motor control left, she lifted her head an inch, eyes glued to her feet.
Various ridges rolled around on the tops of her feet, almost as if something flailed to get away from the brilliant light. The doctor traced a finger over the thrashing bulges. “Yes, the time for your last pain draws near, little one. No longer will you torment this young woman. No longer.” She placed both hands on the instrument bar. “Now, I must warn you. This will hurt…more than anything you’ve ever felt in your life. But what awaits you on the other side is…” She laughed.
“Please…” Tiffany whimpered, but the doctor pushed the bar of light up her legs.
Torture. Pure agony. Tiffany screamed to the point she thought her jaw might pop off its hinges. The writhing in her feet intensified, pulling and tearing at her skin…
A spurt of blood spewed over the doctor’s face. “Ah, we’ve crowned!”
“WHAT IS THIS?!” Tiffany screeched as she looked down. Blackened tentacles whipped violently back and forth, sprouting from her feet.
“Oh, it’s the sickness my sweet…it must be purged. Deep breath and here we go!” She pushed the bar of light even further along its track, this time going up her legs.
Molten lines of agony traced themselves up her legs in tandem with the glow. Tiffany’s eyes rolled up into her head and then back down again, casting her world in revolving darkness and light. The skin at her legs tore, thicker tendrils bursting out in viscous spray.
The dark veins slapped at the doctor's face but a smiling nurse grasped the flailing trunks and pinned them down as the doctor pressed on above her knees and up her thighs. Her skin bubbled and burst as the bleeding mass on each limb fled from the light. Tiffany stared transfixed at the monster birthed from her, the spindly body, the erratic, desperate movement of a trapped beast.
The bar stopped just below her groin. “This is probably the worst part dearie, brace yourself.’ She yanked it forward, up to her abdomen.
Tiffany’s voice tore, her throat bleeding raw. She’s never given birth before; the monster springing out from her womanhood made a poor substitute for a child.
“There you go baby. You’re doing so well. Halfway done!”
The instrument slid up her stomach, passing over her arms. The sickness within gripped her organs in a vain attempt to resist being torn out. Strands of obsidian wrested themselves out of her torso only to be collected and restrained by the unflinching nurses. Up her body they all went, up her chest, her shoulders, and on to her neck.
Right at the base of her chin, the bar of light chinked as it came to the end of its track. The beast within Tiffany screeched, straining at the nurses restraints. Forgetting the pain for an instant, Tiffany croaked through torn vocal chords. “What is this thing?”
The doctor wiped blood out of her sockets. “It’s your parasite, what you thought you were. I know it hurts; this thing feeds off pain. Don’t worry. We’re almost done.”
She pivoted two smaller bars of lights up to Tiffany’s head, one on each side. They swung in such a way that they would meet in the middle. Her eyes swiveled independently of each other, as if they too feared the light. The doctor smiled at the erratic movement.
“Oh, yes.” She whispered. “Feel fear. It’s what you deserve; it’s all you deserve.” She grasped each bar and clamped them together.
Blinding pressure built up in Tiffany’s eardrums as if she were being stabbed in each ear with knives aching to meet in the middle. An incessant ringing tingled, building up pitch and intensity until it was all she could hear. Her brain lit aflame, seething at the burning from the sound. “MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!” Her mouth uttered the words, but she couldn’t hear her voice anymore.
Like a cord being unplugged from a speaker, her world fell silent one pull at a time. Black tendrils whipped in her sight as the beast fled from her ear canals. The lights passed in her vision.
The doctor spoke unheard words. She tried to close her eyes, but they weren’t hers anymore. They swiveled all about in their sockets, trying to escape her skull.
But there was no escape, not for a parasite. The lights slammed shut, meeting in the middle right over her. The kaleidoscope of luminescence overtook everything. Her world melded to an ever changing sea of merging lights.
Her thoughts, her consciousness, her very essence whirled in her brain. A dark hole sprouted in her psyche. Her being swirled around the murky depths of her existence spinning to the choreography of the lights pulse. Round and round it went until she thought her last words. Who am I? All grew dark.
—---------
The operating room light blinded Tiffany. She tried to close her eyes but found she had no lids.
She saw the metal tray she lay on.
She saw the black, spindly lengths of her body laying in a tangled heap in the tray.
She saw Tiffany laying on the medical table. What?
Her psyche ran stark with shock as she watched herself sit up from the medical table. Her eyes were gone, replaced with two glowing pits burning in deep sockets. Blood trails criss crossed all over her venous scars. Tears of crimson flowed from her pits as she sobbed into her hands.
No…that’s me? But then…who am I?
She glanced up and received her horrifying answer. An operating mirror hung on the ceiling above her. What she had once thought as herself was now nothing more than a pair of eyeballs attached to a spinal stem with nervous branches tangled and heaped in a small tray.
She was the parasite.
The real Tiffany sobbed, a wide smile stretching across her face. “Colors…so many colors…”
The doctor handed her a pair of sunglasses. “Here, put these on and keep them on for the next couple of weeks. The parasites could only see a thin spectrum of light. You can see all of it now, it’s a bit overwhelming at first but you get used to it.”
The real Tiffany placed the sunglasses on her face then clutched at her chest. “What….what is this feeling? It burns yet…it’s warm all over..”
The doctor knelt at the real Tiffany’s side. “It’s happiness…” She giggled. “Pure happiness, it’s what that parasite over there denied you.” The doctor shot a glare to the nerve bundle that used to be Tiffany.
The real Tiffany released her chest. “How long has it been inside of me?”
The doctor stood up. “We aren’t sure when these parasites fused with humans but it must have been millennia ago. They have been entwined with us so long we even once thought they were part of our bodies. The nervous system, what a cruel joke. These things thrive off of our happiness and only feed us pain in return.”
The doctor shot the nerve bundle a look. Even though she smiled, Tiffany could feel the doctor’s contempt radiating. “Look how pathetic it is. Can’t even move anymore. These things rely on our central brain systems to move. Once separated, they are immobile. It’s rather ironic that they only try to move as we cut into their feeding supply.”
The real Tiffany hugged the doctor who returned the embrace. “Thank you…for freeing me.” The doctor rubbed her back.
They released each other. The real Tiffany looked over at the nerve bundle that used to be her. “What do we do with…it?”
The doctor grasped the nerve bundle unceremoniously in her palm. Wait…no! I’m-I’m me!
“We will cast her into the depths to which she came from of course!” The doctor laughed as she brought the nerve bundle to a trash chute. The nerve bundle glanced down, recoiling in horror. No light graced her final destination.
“Good riddance.” The nerve bundle was released and cast into the void. It landed with a plop amongst the other writhing bundles, rueing the day it ever thought it truly existed.

Comprising a list of cursed and malignant magical abilities for a character to be gifted by a questionable entity~ like ones youd get from a devils deal or practicing evil magic. Must include some sort of curse or downside for it to be considered a part of the list.

1. Loaning Palm. The palm of your hand is inscribed with a fiendish sigil, and once per day you can create a nonmagical item in your hand summoned from the sigil. At the end of a long rest however you take necrotic damage equal to a fraction of the items gold cost.
2. Soulwell. Your stomach can contain souls and feed you as well. You may cast the Soul Cage spell at will, containing the soul within your body. You may only capture one soul at a time, and must consume a sentient soul in this way once every 24 hours or start suffering from starvation.
3. Grafter. Your hands can mold and shape othsrs flesh, allowing you to change a creatures appearence, grant it a natural weapon or armor, and grant it bonuses to certain ability checks as you alter its body to your whim. The changes are always agonizing however, resulting in the creature you graft having to make CON saves to rest lashing out and attacking the nearest person.
4. Igniting Flesh. Your touch inflicts fire damage and ignites objects not being worn or carried, as well as your body shedding light. Cannot be turned off however, immediately setting items ablaze if not covered.
5. Astraedaemons Eyes. You can see any creature within line of sight as long as it possesses a soul, extending to the ethereal planes and bypassing invisibility and divination magic. You have disadvantage on all perception checks (and treat passive perception as 5 lower) when attempting to see or percieve a creature without soul.
6. Stitching Nails (u/Hymneth). The nails of one hand are replaced with long metal spikes similar to needles. You can cause any flesh you touch (living or dead) to knit together perfectly. This power could be used for almost perfect healing, but also to stitch together golems and undead, or as a touch attack to stick two enemies together or seal their mouths.
7. Leeching Empathy (u/Hymneth). the act of listening has power. If you spend a few minutes listening to anyone speak passionately about any subject, you take away the emotions they feel. Joy or anger, sorrow or love, whatever they felt they can no longer feel.
8. Hexeye (u/zopad). You strain your eyes to pick up every tiny detail. Your eyes and nearby veins bulge out and become bloodshot. You gain advantage on Perception checks for 10 minutes. In combat, you can use a bonus action each turn to learn a property about an enemy (Insight check). Price: WIS save against piercing damage in eye and worse, overuse leads to blurry sight and cataracts.
9. Anti-light (u/zopad). You are enveloped in a shroud of absolute darkness, the total absence of light. This shroud covers a 5 ft radius area centered on you and follows you for up to 10 minutes if you keep concentrating. After rejecting light in this way, you suffer sunlight sensitivity until your next long rest.
10. Metalbending Fingers (u/zopad). Your fingers glow white, and you can precisely bend metal as you wish - for example you may destroy a lock or bend metal grates this way. Your fingers don’t become hot, instead you’re beguiling the metal atoms to shape to your will. 10 minute ritual to activate, usage will turn your fingers metal, making them much stronger, but less dextrous. After prolonged usage your flesh solidifies and you end up with a metal hand that you can only control with this boon.
11. Total Recall (u/Pristine-Ship-6446). You gain the ability to recall any bit of information that you have encountered over your life, and maybe even beyond that, but with great strain. You can attempt to recall information or even a specific memory in excruciating detail as an action by making a DC 20 Intelligence roll (d20+Int bonus) to recall the information. You can choose to continue using the ability in subsequent rounds if you fail this intelligence roll. However, the strain of this effort causes your face to swell far beyond your usual proportions while your eyes buldge as if they are about to leave the skulls. You take a level of exhaustion for each round you use this ability.
12. Liar's tongue (u/reallyverydrunk). You become a gifted orator with a whopping +13 bonus for all things related to speech, but only when lying. When telling the truth a foul stench emits from you and people will instinctively mistrust you no matter how evidently true your words are. You could tell people it's raining during a torrential downpour and people will still look up to double check your words due to-20 penalty to all rolls related to speech that don't involve lies (this may extend to other players needing to roll to believe your character).
13. Never Weary Eyes (u/smiles_). The need for sleep is drastically reduced, allowing you to keep watch or feel less fatigued. But you have difficulty forming longer term memories, and sometimes you feel you'll be driven mad from some eventual exhaustion.
14. Radiant Eyes (u/smiles_). See farther and always have illumination. But literally no one can look you in the eyes anymore since it is like looking at the sun, and even sunglasses don't do much to help.
15. Killers Ink (u/thomar). Each person you kill leaves a tattoo on your skin. You can transfer any tattoo to an unconcious person, whereupon it turns invisible and transfers all memories of that kill to them. Good-aligned NPCs are likely to turn themselves in and confess to the crime.