After smoking heavily for 16 years, on Sunday I decided to quit. Got myself a no-nicotine Iget Legend vape, along with nicorette gum and spray.
I wanted to try without the nicorette stuff first, just using the vape for the physical habit. But I've now been three days with no cigarettes and I havent had a single craving. I've since seen a lot of posts about how vape companies just don't list nicotine, to get around Aus regulations.
This Iget "no-nic" mf definitely has nicotine.
So, are there any vape stores in the area that are really transparent about the ingredients in their products? Happy to buy a non-disposable so long as I can get liquid that is guaranteed to be nicotine free.
I'm not after quitting advice. I know what will work for me. Thanks 😊

Reddit Account: u/Thenn_Applicant
Discord Tag: Garin
Name and House: Dorian Merryweather
Age: 49
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: Dorian's chestnut brown hair has been greying for quite a while, however is short beard retains more color, including a few stray red hairs peppered throughout it. While his features have softened and gained some pudge as he aged past his prime, he remains in overall good shape. This is partly due to his great love of gardening and crop cultivation, which have left his hands and nails rather rough.
Trait: Numerate
Skills: Avaricious (e), Architect, Administrator, Investor
Talents: Language (High Valyrian) Cooking, Gardening
Negative Trait: N/A
Starting Title: Lord of Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biography:
It has been said; men grow tired of sleep, love, singing and dancing, sooner than war. As such, it begs the question, what does a man have left when he finally tires of war? In pursuit of an answer, of any answer, one half of Dorian Merryweather’s life was spent. He was the second son of Lord Arthor Merryweather of Longtable. Like many others born in a place of natural abundance, he longed for more, for something greater than a mere provincial estate. The tourneys of Highgarden, the hunts of Horn Hill and the books of Oldtown all called to him, and so he could never ride past his father’s mild and verdant fields fast enough. Dorian counted himself lucky not to be the heir, for that meant he could pick where his future lay, unchained from the uninspiring home of his childhood. Instead it was his older brother, Bennard, who envied his free-flying lifestyle, contriving any excuse to join him on his escapades and agurk lessons and ceremonies he ought to have attended.
Lord Arthor was fairly permissive of this deriliction of duties, as the friendships forced on such journeys were worth more than lessons that could be repeated later, or tasks that could be handed off to lowborn stewards. The boys attended tourneys, balls, hunts and feasts, living the life the bards extolled as the height of reachman’s chivalry. The one time they did not shirk their duties was when their father had the honor of hosting King Mern and his court for a tourney on the Warrior’s day. The Merryweather sons would present the king and his family with silver bowls of dilligrout, a most exquisite stew of capons, white wine and almond milk. They had the joy of tasting it once the Gardeners had their fill, a taste they would never forget. On the tournament field three days later, Mern knighted them both, though Dorian was only sixteen at the time, green as a knight could ever be.
Five years later, as news of Aegon Targaryen and his early conquests spread, the lords of the Reach were summoned to Goldengrove, where they found a veritable forest of Westermen’s banners being planted beside their own. The fall of the Storm Kings had led to a whirlwind of diplomacy between the houses of Gardener and Lannister. The plan was presented to the lords with the two kings sitting beside one another on the dais as though they were brothers. They held up Aegon’s letter of demands, scornfully reading it aloud and then proceeded to tear it up to a roaring acclamation from the hall. Standing there before the hall, Mern could hardly be called the Warrior incarnate. There stood a man well past his prime, old enough to be a grandfather and with no great victories to his name, in battle or on the tourney field. All the same, this man, whom they called their king, always seemed to know exactly what to say to win someone over. If he’d declared war on hell itself that evening, the Merryweather brothers would probably still have marched off with him when the next morning dawned. Bennard and Dorian shouted as loud as anyone, death to the foreign upstart. That evening were betrothed to westerwomen they’d never met before, made plans for a real battle, which they had never fought in before, and drank, ate and sang as though the night would last forever. House Merryweather was not able to secure a command, yet King Mern remembered his stay at Longtable fondly. He gave Bennard and Dorian a place in the vanguard, and even adorned Bennard with a brooch of the order of the green hand the morning before the army Goldengrove, a momentous honor which Bennard would cherish for the remainder of his days. He did not have many left, as it turned out. The Field of Fire began like a dream, as the two brothers rode off at the break of dawn, two out of five thousand sets of gleaming armor atop proud warhorses. By the end of the day it had become a nightmare. Caught up in the maelstrom of battle, Dorian did not see the moment when their loss was assured, but the Gods know he could hear it, the creeping, hungry flames that descended on the reachmen like an army of its own. As hundreds were broiled inside their steel plate and thousands more choked on the inferno’s horrible vanguard of black smoke, Bennard and Dorian broke and fled. They were not far behind the retreating Loren Lannister in their escape, but half a minute made all the difference. The lines of fire fanned out, hunting more living things to devour, and engulfed the two brothers. Dorian could feel how the flames spread from his surcoat to his undershirt, all the way down to the hairs on his chest, beginning to sear his skin. In a desperate act he threw himself in the Blackwater, and would have perished if not for the shoddy work of his squire that morning, which left him able to tear off his plate before he could sink. With bloodied, burn-marked fingers, he clung to the roots of a tree by the riverside, water up to his chest. He was retrieved after some time, how long he could not say. For the next two moons his mind was adrift, distracted from his pains by milk of the poppy. The next two were far worse, as he grew more lucid and realized the extent of the damage. A burn-mark stretched from his right thigh, all the way up his chest and left bicep to the apple of his neck. Many times over, flakes of dead or dying skin had to be peeled off by the maester as the scabs kept bursting with blood and clear liquid. By the end of that year he was able to walk again, though the burn mark would leave a feverish red mark across the front of his body, his new skin settling into twisted lines.
Bennard was far worse for wear, alive yet burned all the way to his face and crippled from a fall off his horse. His nose and ear-lobes had to be cut off, too burned to save, and even his eyelids were permanently scarred, unable to sprout new lashes. The more lucid Bennard became, the deeper his sorrow. Eventually he began refusing food. The new lord of Longtable would not eat anything his cooks set in front of him. In spite of his ever present pains, Dorian began going to the kitchens, reprimanding the cooks for their failings. He knew his brother well and knew his palette, and began ordering them to make his brother’s favorites. When he felt they were making mistakes, he interrupted their work himself. He was a stranger to the kitchen, yet would criticize how things were cut too roughly, spiced too little or too much. He was a terror to the cooks, yet they could not refuse him.
His attempts to intervene were however hampered by a newfound aversion to heat. The sound of the hearth, of boiling and searing, the general sense of warmth around him made him nauseous and caused his movements to seize up. Still, he went to his brother’s bedside every day, and afterwards he forced himself back to the kitchens. His sister, Lydia, tried to stop him at first, but soon found her protes fell on deaf ears, and so joined him, if only to leash him in when he went too far. Finally, there was only one dish they hadn’t tried; the dilligrout they’d once served to the late King Mern. Every time it was made, it came out wrong. It soon turned out the cook who had served them that evening six years ago had since retired, and his exact method had never been recorded or taught to anyone else. Dorian would first invite the man to Longtable, then summon him with armed knights when invitations were refused.
Theomar, the man who appeared before him, was a sorry sight, looking frightened and confused as he was taken to his old workplace. It was explained by his sons that he’d been growing senile even six years ago, often snapping at the kitchen maids under him when his memory failed him. Since then he’d gotten worse, seldom eating, let alone cooking. Something in the old man’s eyes did seem to brighten for a moment when the sounds and smells of his old kitchen surrounded him, and Dorian ordered him to make dilligrout. Before long that faint spark had been drowned out by tears. He would start boiling capon or crushing almonds, only to leave the job half-done whenever he had to fetch something new. Serving maids were put at his disposal to bring him ingredients, yet an ingredient ordered would be met with a reprimand as he seemed to forget which dish he was making every few minutes. Finally Dorian snapped at the man, grabbing him by his collar and shouting accusations of treason against House Merryweather. By the time Lydia could restrain him and try to apologize, the man was a wreck on the floor. After watching it for a while, waiting for the man to get up and continue his work, even Dorian was overcome by pity and shame for what he’d done. The old cook was praying to the gods, begging forgiveness for his failings. Dorian began to realize he’d broken a great man down and would himself beg forgiveness. He offered the man his old cook’s quarters back for the rest of his life, and promised his sons that his maester would tend to the man in his old age, that he would be fed from Longtable’s stores.
At this point, he resolved to make the dilligrout himself. Through it all, Bennard was barely clinging to life, or rather being tethered to it by the will of others. He could only be fed when drugged down by the milk of the poppy, and the more often it was used, the less effective it became. Every day Dorian braved the kitchens, yet he could not recreate the flavor of that wonderful night. It was by the grace of the gods, perhaps with Theomar as their vessel, that Dorian would even come close. The old man could no longer cook, but over time he began to wander into the kitchens and sit down on a chair. At first Dorian thought the man only sought the warmth of the hearth for his weary bones, yet he discovered it to be more than that. Theomar’s eyes were like clouded glass, yet they brightened every now and then, hearing almonds being ground, smelling capons searing in fat, as though it was stirring the kitchenmaster of yore back to life. Eventually Dorian began to walk up to the old cook with his ingredients, bidding him to smell or taste small portions. Sometimes he got simple instructions out of it, ‘too coarse’, ‘too sour’, ‘underdone’. Som times a mere nod or frown was all Theomar managed. Over the course of a couple of days, Dorian put together one final attempt to get the dish made rightWhen he arrived in Bennard’s chamber, he was met with a look which brought forth discomfort that no flame could produce in Dorian. Plainly, raspingly, his brother asked him why he wouldn’t let him die. It was easy, Bennard reasoned. All Dorian needed to do was wait and become lord. The words almost made Dorian throw the dilligrout on the floor. Almost. He placed two bowls on Bennard’s table, the dilligrout and one brimming with milk of the poppy. Dorian told his brother to make his choice. If he sought death, Dorian would let him, but he would not hear that it was an easy thing, watching his brother die. That evening, the milk of the poppy was carried away by the maester, the empty bowl of stew taken to be washed in the kitchens. From then on, Bennard ate what his brother brought him without complaint. He lasted just into the new year, dying on its tenth day. In the predawn gloom of the twelfth, Theomar died in his sleep
Dorian took up his lordly task joylessly. His old wanderlust returned, spurred by the horrible memories that now stained Longtable and the reach itself in his mind. The final straw came when their new Tyrell overlords, insisted on him marrying a lady from a dornish house. His previous betrothal had fallen through, as the parents of his western bride had not wished to draw the ire of the Targaryens by maintaining an old alliance meant to oppose them. Instead of obliging, he boarded a ship from Oldtown going east. It stopped only briefly in Planky Town before going to Tyrosh. Noting him to be a nobleman, a few of the city’s wealthy men would host him for a while, though they quickly lost interest when his lack of knowledge of trade became apparent. After that, he spent time in the markets and squares where the common people lived. His old curiosity was piqued, and he decided to embark on a quest of learning, fashioning himself another Lomas Longstrider. He moved on to Myr, and the experience was much the same in broad strokes, a few rich men showed interest and quickly lost it. As he’d visited the dye markets he went to see the city’s famous artisans at work. One thing was notably different, he met a Tyroshi woman with green-dyed hair, going by the name Maryah. She was a trader, and the two had taken the same ship to Myr. She had been to Myr before and showed him many of its secrets. They spent an entire day in one of the vast delicacy markets so she could show him the many tastes of the city. Having no plans in advance, he asked where she was headed next.
Without a second thought he would join her on a journey to Lys. He soon understood it to be a test. It was not long before she teased him, speculating he’d only joined her for a chance to see the famous pleasure houses. Evening after evening they stayed in the city and Maryah would tease and test him over the matter. Finally he told her he’d renounce his betrothal for her, that there was no one else in his eye. She laughed, replying he would not have to. The next morning, Dorian awoke to find that she was already up, the green washed from her black curls. Maryah had in fact been Joanna Dayne, his dornish bride to be, having traveled the same route as him ever since his ship stopped at Planky Town to refill its food and water. She was already quite familiar with the three closest free cities, having served as a dornish envoy on behalf of its spice traders. As they planned their return to Westeros, Joanna asked him what else in the world he wanted to see. Within a few moons of being wed, they left Westeros, not to return for three years.The journey was what his mind needed, away from the Reach, its knights and tapestries, hunts and tourneys. Ultimately, the lords and knights of his homeland, for all their songs and poetry, lived every day in preparation for war, frivolous though the preparations were. Joanna showed him a different world, the remnants of Old Valyria. War was to be sure inescapable. Wherever they went, there were soldiers, tapestries, contests of arms, and yet the cities housed something else as well, a boundless potential for creation, commerce and growth.
Thanks to Joanna Dayne’s knowledge their stays became far better planned, and they could enjoy the hospitality of wealthy locals far longer. She knew how to talk about the spice trade and similar matters, and Dorian began to pick up on it. On their second stay in Myr, he procured a great deal of fine parchment and began taking notes, everything from negotiation tactics and the prices of cloves or red peppers to court customs, as well as more eclectic pieces of knowledge, details of running an eastern estate, descriptions of technological marvels he had never seen in Westeros, and ingredients in the local food. By the time they neared Qarth he had quite the list of recipes, among other things. There he was even able to learn a few all the way from Yi Ti, as some local cooks catered to merchants from the Golden Empire. On their journey home they’d end up taking the opportunity to see the newly made port of King’s Landing. By that time, a third member had joined their journey, their infant daughter Florys. Having left Longtable in the care of his sister and steward for three years, Dorian finally accepted the responsibility of running his ancestral home.
Longtable was considered to rule over some of the best lands in the Reach, ideally situated along the river with abundant soil which could provide two grain harvests in a year. Having seen the estates which supplied the great cities of the east, Dorian was all too aware of its comparative shortcomings. He found that the abundance of the land had a counterproductive effect, breeding complacency and carelessness. From his grandiose tour of the east, he went on a painstaking tour of his own lands, trying to get an overview of everything he ruled over. He paid the citadel a fee to send him half a dozen maesters in training for a season. These young men, literate and numerate, would serve his own maester in conducting a survey of the land, giving Dorian account of all resources at his disposal as lord. The results were quite varied.
Some peasants were found to have remarkable agricultural insights which they had no way of writing down, entirely reliant on passing the knowledge to their children. Knowing the risks of such a method of transferring knowledge, Dorian ordered such insights recorded. In other places there were farmers and communities who were unwittingly exhausting their soil. Instances of lack of fallow land, excessive grazing by cows and lack of crop rotation were also made note of, followed by edicts against such heedless practices. Septons, sheriffs and tax collectors were given written copies and were obliged to read them to the peasantry wherever it was deemed necessary. It also became part of the obligations of farmers to plant a set amount of clover in their fields and pastures, a practice some had taken up on their own but which had already become a standardized law among the estates belonging to Myr and Volantis. Irrigation was expanded and land inheritance was reformed to prevent the splitting of fields past a certain threshold.
Lord Dorian was not always successful. Some eastern ideas had been useful innovations which improved conditions across the board. In time he learned that the peculiarities of the westerosi system were sometimes necessary for the sake of stability, not merely the misshapen fruits of ignorance. His attempt to enclose part of the common lands proved abortive, as it nearly caused a peasant rebellion. A procession of aggrieved smallfolk headed for Longtable had to be dispersed by knights, armed with wooden clubs to prevent needless bloodshed.Two men were hanged and five sent to the wall, but the reform was thereafter abandoned, leading the populace to calm down. Dorian was not much of a military leader and had not wielded weapons since the Field of Fire. He became aware of his need to bolster his forces, a notion reinforced by the establishment of the Black Roses not long after his return, and again with the Kingswood Catastrophe
In the meantime, he and Joanna raised a family together. Three more daughters would be born healthy, with a couple of miscarriages and a stillbirth in between, also a daughter. Their travels did not entirely come to an end. In 13 AC they would tour the northern free cities of Norvos, Qohor, Pentos, Braavos and Lorath, which they had missed on their original journey. The lion’s share of 17 AC was spent on a journey to the Summer Islands. At other times they would make shorter journeys around the Seven Kingdoms, where they felt more secure in bringing their older children along. Whether it was visiting Joanna’s family in Dorne, tourneys and feasts in the Reach and West or even one trip to see the wall, a nameday wish by Florys, they were often on the move. Like most of their peers, they frequented Oldtown and Highgarden
The growing rift between the two queens and their children was a situation Dorian would watch with dread in his heart, remembering keenly how a generation of young men had been brought to the field of fire. To his mind, the Targaryen rule ought not go to waste. Like Valyria of old, it had begun with fire and blood, yet similarly peace and prosperity had followed in its wake. If only the dragons could stand united, perhaps another long peace like the one the Freehold once enjoyed could again be established. If not, another century of blood was upon them. Under Dorian, Longtable became a place where he sought to bring together people from across the kingdoms and forge unity over the dinner table, an attitude which somewhat vexed and confounded his more militaristic daughter and heiress, Lady Florys. Even amid her questioning of the viability of his peaceful ways when surrounded by those who would make war, a terrible sight would steel his resolve, watching the Mander burning green, every bit as terrible as the flames from twenty one years prior. That night he made a simple vow, never again.
The League of the Cornucopia, he would name his little group, a gallery of lords and ladies whose acquaintances he’d made over the years. With these fellow gourmets he would share the culinary knowledge he’d gleaned from his journeys in the east and west. Most unusual for a lord of his rank, Dorian came to spend a great deal of time in his kitchens, testing out recipes himself. On occasion, the dishes he served to his guests for these small, intimate gatherings would be the work of his own hands. The membership did vary from time to time, both based on who could make it and who he sought to bring together. Rather than a fully closed circle, the League is more like a form of feasting, only it’s done for a much smaller crowd, without the public spectacle. Such occasions allowed for more refined foods which did not need to be served to hundreds and kept constantly warm over the course of hours like some common tavern stew. It also opened up an arena of more intimate diplomacy and negotiation for those who sought it, hosted on neutral ground by a lordly mediator, free from prying eyes.
Timeline:
25BC: Dorian is born, second in line to Longtable
24BC: His sister Lydia is born
9BC: House Merryweather hosts House Gardener for a tourney and feast. Dorian and his older brother Bennard serve the dish of honor to King Mern Gardener and his family. During the subsequent tourney, Mern knights both boys, despite their inexperience and lack of victory in the tourney
9BC-2BC: Dorian spends much time travelling the reach, attending events
1BC: Dorian and Bennard fight in the vanguard at the Field of Fire. Both are burned, Bennard far more severely than Dorian. Lord Merryweather is killed. Traumatized by the battle and his new maimed body, Bennard starts refusing food. Dorian desperately tries to re-create the dish they served King Mern eight years ago. The cook who made it has since gone senile, but eventually manages to help Dorian re-create it. He is given a place at court as apology for his mistreatment at Dorian's hands before this occurred.
1AC: Lord Bennard dies at the beginning of the year, leaving Dorian as lord of Longtable. His sister Lydia fulfills her betrothal to House Tarly, becoming lady of Horn Hill. At the prospect of marrying a Dornishwoman on the King's orders, Dorian decides to leave Westeros to put off his marriage. In Myr, he meets a woman calling herself Maryah, claiming to be a Tyroshi merchant. They fall in love and travel to Lys together. There Dorian promises to set aside his betrothal for her, whereupon she reveals herself as Joanna Dayne, his dornish betrothed.
1AC-4AC: Dorian and Joanna wed at Longtable, then depart on a new journey of the east. They reach as far as Qarth before turning back home. In 3AC, on the way back, their first child, Florys, is born while the couple are in Volantis, on the way home. They return via the newly built port of King's Landing.
4AC-8AC: Using knowledge from the east, Lord Dorian embarks on a project of rationalizing the agriculture of Longtable
5AC: Dorian and Joanna have their second child, a girl named Ellyn
8AC: Their third daughter, Desmera, is born
13AC: Dorian and Joanna spend a year travelling the northern free cities
14AC: Their fourth and final daughter, Gwin, is born
17AC: Dorian and Joanna undertake a journey to the Summer Islands with their children
23AC: The aftermath of the battle of Stonebridge brings back memories of the Field of Fire, as the Merryweathers watch burning slag run down the Mander
25AC: The Merryweathers travel to the celebration of the maturity of Aegon's sons
Family Tree:
Arthor Merryweather (father, d.1BC)
Cerelle Merryweather (pending family connection) (mother, d.20AC)
Bennard Merryweather (brother, d.1AC)
Lydia Merryweather (sister, b.24BC)
Glendon Merryweather (uncle, d.1BC)
Myrcella Pommingham (aunt, d.22AC)
Leo Merryweather (cousin, b.13AC)
Joanna Dayne (wife, b.26AC)
Florys Merryweather (daughter, b.3AC)
Ellyn Merryweather (daughter, b.5AC)
Desmera Merryweather (daughter, b.8AC)
Gwin Merryweather (daughter, b.13AC)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Auxiliary Character:
Name and House: Florys Merryweather
Age: 23
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [A short, muscular woman with wavy black hair, normally worn in a bun. She has high cheekbones and a proud demeanor. Her rigid strength stands in contrast to the more relaxed nature of the Merryweather court, one she finds overly lax and casual](0_0.png (896×1344) (discordapp.com))
Trait: Hale
Skills: Swords (e), Essosi Blademaster
Talents: Dancing, Fishing, Cooking
Negative Traits: N/A
Starting Title: Heir to Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Timeline:
3AC: Florys is born in Volantis, while her parents are on their way home from Essos
10AC: Florys starts training under Saathos Trevelyan, her father's Master at Arms
13 AC: She joins her parents on a tour of Pentos, Braavos, Norvos and Qohor
17AC: She travels with her parents to the Summer Islands
19AC-23AC: As she comes of age, Florys becomes more critical of her father's desire for peace, viewing it as increasingly far-fetched amid the increasingly controversial regency and the impending succession dispute. She resolves to make the kinds of connections her father seems unwilling to, in case of war
25AC: She accompanies her family to the celebrations
NPCS:
Ser Leo Merryweather (Age: 37, Archetype: Magnate) Lord Merryweather's first cousin, he has become an indispensable agent in the daily running of Longtable. Despite his foppish demeanor and aparent laziness, he is highly capable and loyal in his task of increasing his family's fortune. He remains happily unwed
Saathos Tevelyan: (Age:48, Archetype: Master at Arms) The son of a Lysene father and a Myrish mother, Saathos initially sought a career in amongst Myr's military officers, however his family's relatively low status proved an impediment to further promotion, later compounded by a dispute with a superior. He met Lord Merryweather in 3AC and eventually travelled West to offer his services five years later, finding his career progress stonewalled in his home city. Well into middle age, he still looks firm and imposing as profesisonal a soldier ought to

As an indian residing overseas, I visit india about twice a year and every time after I land, I get either a nasal infection, itchiness or face allergies which are not gone until I go back to my country of residence. Doctors often point out that it is the reaction to the extreme air pollution. I know many people who face similar issues. Living in an indian metropolis is equivalent to smoking multiple cigarettes daily.
— I’m deeply concerned about the lack of widespread action and the unmuted response to the environmental emergencies.

• We owe it to our parents who deserve to breathe fresh air in their golden years, to fellow citizens l, and future generations. They should inherit the nation that’s as beautiful and bountiful as its meant to be.
  
• It goes beyond health. Imagine getting unobscured view of the Himalayas and our country being lauded for the beauty and cleanliness and us becoming a leader in promoting a cleaner and pristine natural environment, globally.
  
• In my country of residence , Germany, parties are solely formed on the basis of environmental issues. ( Green party for example) and elections can make or break on the basis of environmental issues.
  
• This also has to do with what we as a society demand from our law and policy makers. Here I observe a huge pressure from the general population to breathe fresh air, get clean water and access to a ton of natural beauty to make living more fulfilling.
  
• We are still way focussed on topics such as communal and religious politics, in an unhealthy proposition.
  
• I am sure many people who have been in other parts of the world also more or less notice it. But it still hasn’t become a mainstream issue. None of the election manifestos emphasise on those topics. I wonder what is it going to take to finally that to happen!
  

Feel free to make art of these redesigns and give criticism of the designs
Redesigns: Heatblast Redesign: Sleeker with magma-like veins glowing beneath his rocky exterior. Equipment: Volcanic Gauntlets that enhance his fire abilities. Outfit: A flame-retardant suit with a core reactor symbol on the chest.
Diamondhead Redesign: Crystalline armor with reflective surfaces and sharper edges. Equipment: A crystal shield that can morph into different defensive shapes. Outfit: A suit with geometric patterns that shimmer with a diamond-like brilliance.
XLR8 Redesign: More aerodynamic with streamlined armor and a visor for high-speed travel. Equipment: Turbo boots that leave a trail of blue energy when he sprints. Outfit: A racing suit with a sleek helmet that has a retractable visor.
Fourarms Redesign: Bulkier with reinforced joints for extra strength. Equipment: Heavy-duty gauntlets that can smash through barriers. Outfit: A gladiator-inspired ensemble with a belt displaying his alien number.
Stinkfly Redesign: Brighter colors with translucent wings and bioluminescent spots. Equipment: A harness that helps distribute healing mist more effectively. Outfit: A lightweight suit that glows in the dark, highlighting his flight path.
Upgrade Redesign: Futuristic with a sleek metallic finish and circuit patterns. Equipment: A modular backpack that can transform into various tech gadgets. Outfit: A tech-suit that integrates with his body, allowing for seamless transformations.
Ghostfreak Redesign: More ethereal with a ghostly aura and chains that represent his phasing ability. Equipment: Ectoplasmic chains that can extend and bind enemies. Outfit: A tattered cloak that billows as if always caught in an otherworldly wind.
Snare-oh Redesign: Ancient Egyptian motifs with hieroglyphs etched into his bandages. Equipment: Ankh-shaped gauntlets that enhance his sand powers. Outfit: A pharaoh’s headdress that symbolizes his regal presence on the battlefield.
Frankenstrike Redesign: More industrial with visible bolts and conductive wiring. Equipment: A pair of Tesla coil shoulder pads that amplify his electric attacks. Outfit: A patchwork suit that resembles a mad scientist’s lab coat.
Eye Guy Redesign: Eyes of varying sizes with adaptive irises for different vision modes. Equipment: A visor that coordinates his eye beams for precision strikes. Outfit: A suit with lens patterns that focus his ocular energy.
Swampfire Redesign: More plant-like with vibrant green foliage and fiery red flowers. Equipment: Compost Gauntlets that enhance his regenerative abilities. Outfit: A botanical suit with leaf patterns and a fiery emblem on the chest.
Echo-Echo Redesign: Sleek and white with sound wave patterns across his body. Equipment: Sonic Amplifiers that boost his sound-based attacks. Outfit: A suit with a sound equalizer display that reacts to his sonic screams.
Humongosaur Redesign: Dinosaur-like with armored plating and a more pronounced tail. Equipment: Meteor Hammer fists that increase his smashing power. Outfit: A prehistoric-themed armor set with bone and rock elements.
Jetray Redesign: More streamlined with sharper wings and a jet engine-like back. Equipment: Aero Fins that improve his maneuverability in the air. Outfit: A flight suit with a sleek helmet and goggles for high-altitude visibility.
Big Chill Redesign: Ghostly with icy blue tones and frost-covered wings. Equipment: Frostbite Claws that leave a chilling effect on enemies. Outfit: A cloak that shimmers like thin ice and leaves a trail of frost.
Brainstorm Redesign: Brain-like patterns with neural connectors and a brighter shell. Equipment: Cerebral Enhancer that increases his psychic abilities. Outfit: A lab coat with a brainwave pattern and a utility belt for gadgets.
Goop Redesign: More viscous with glowing internal organs visible within. Equipment: Polarity Boots that allow him to stick to surfaces and maintain shape. Outfit: A containment suit that helps him keep form and focus his attacks.
Spidermonkey Redesign: More arachnid with additional eyes and spikier fur. Equipment: Web Slingers that shoot stronger and stickier webs. Outfit: A stealth suit with a spider emblem and grip-enhancing gloves and boots.
Loadstar Redesign: Magnetic with a core that glows when using his powers. Equipment: Gravitational Greaves that enhance his magnetic field control. Outfit: An armored suit with polarized plates that attract and repel metal.
Rath Redesign: Fiercer with more pronounced claws and tiger-like stripes. Equipment: Rage Amplifiers that boost his strength when his health is low. Outfit: A luchador-inspired costume with a mask that embodies his wild spirit.
Water Hazard Redesign: More aquatic with a sleeker, streamlined body and gill-like structures. Equipment: Aqua Cannons that can shoot high-pressure water streams. Outfit: A wetsuit with hydrodynamic patterns and a water drop emblem.
Ampfibian Redesign: More translucent with visible bio-electric currents flowing through his body. Equipment: Electro-Flippers that increase swimming speed and maneuverability. Outfit: A suit with neon trims that pulse with his electric charge.
Armodrillo Redesign: Bulkier with reinforced armor plating and drill bits. Equipment: Seismic Boots that enhance ground-shaking abilities. Outfit: A miner’s outfit with a helmet light and a rugged utility belt.
NRG Redesign: Glowing core with a more robust containment suit. Equipment: Reactor Gauntlets that can channel and shoot nuclear energy. Outfit: A radiation suit with a warning symbol and energy-absorbing layers.
Terraspin Redesign: Shell patterns resembling wind turbines and more pronounced fins. Equipment: Cyclone Discs that can be thrown to create gusts of wind. Outfit: An aviator jacket with a turtle shell pattern and wind direction arrows.
Clockwork Redesign: More gears and clockwork mechanisms visible with a timeless finish. Equipment: Chrono Keys that can unlock temporal abilities. Outfit: A steampunk-inspired suit with brass accents and a pocket watch.
Jury Rigg Redesign: More mechanical with tools integrated into his limbs. Equipment: Wrecking Ratchets that increase his dismantling speed. Outfit: A mechanic’s jumpsuit with patches and a tool belt.
Chamalien Redesign: More chameleon-like with adaptive skin that changes patterns. Equipment: Camo Cloak that enhances his stealth capabilities. Outfit: A suit with a chameleon scale motif that shifts colors with his movements.
Feedback Redesign: More electrically charged with pulsating energy lines across his body. Equipment: Antenna Arrays that increase the range and power of his electrical attacks. Outfit: A suit with circuitry patterns that glow with stored energy.
Bloxx Redesign: Modular with interlocking blocks that can reconfigure on the fly. Equipment: Building Bracers that allow for quicker construction of barriers and structures. Outfit: A construction-themed outfit with a hard hat emblem and utility belt.
Ball Weevil Redesign: Brighter colors with a more pronounced spherical body for rolling. Equipment: Plasma Cores that create larger and more potent explosive orbs. Outfit: A sleek suit with orb patterns and a visor that helps target his plasma globes.
Pesky Dust Redesign: Fairy-like with more delicate wings and a dreamy aura. Equipment: Dreamcatcher Net that can capture and amplify his sleep-inducing dust. Outfit: A mystical robe with star and moon motifs that enhance his magical presence.
Atomix Redesign: Radiant with a mini-reactor core and energy veins visible on his body. Equipment: Fusion Gauntlets that stabilize and focus his nuclear energy. Outfit: A hazard suit with a reactor symbol and protective plating.
Gutrot Redesign: Chemical tanks visible on his body with tubes connecting to his gauntlets. Equipment: Diffuser Mask that spreads his gases over a wider area. Outfit: A biochemical suit with a respirator and hazard symbols.
Whampire Redesign: More vampiric with bat-like features and a darker color scheme. Equipment: Echo-Locator Goggles that help him navigate and hunt in the dark. Outfit: A gothic cloak with a high collar and a clasp shaped like a bat.
Shocksquash Redesign: Bulkier with coils and capacitors integrated into his limbs. Equipment: Shock Boots that generate electricity with each stomp. Outfit: An electrified suit with lightning bolt patterns and insulated gloves.
Wildmutt Redesign: Enhanced sensory nodes and a more streamlined body for agility. Equipment: Sonic Collar that amplifies his roars and tracking abilities. Outfit: A sleek suit with padded armor to protect while maintaining flexibility.
Grey Matter Redesign: More pronounced cranial features and brighter skin to highlight his intelligence. Equipment: Quantum Computer Backpack that assists with hacking and strategy. Outfit: A miniaturized lab coat with various gadget holsters.
Ripjaws Redesign: Sharper teeth and fins, with a bioluminescent glow for underwater combat. Equipment: Aqua Jetpack that allows for swift movements in and out of water. Outfit: A reinforced diving suit with pressure resistance for deep-sea excursions.
Cannonbolt Redesign: A more aerodynamic shell with reinforced plating for rolling attacks. Equipment: Momentum Wheels that increase speed and control during rolls. Outfit: A racing stripe motif with impact-absorbing materials.
Wildvine Redesign: Thicker vines and a broader range of plant-like features. Equipment: Photosynthesis Boosters that enhance healing and growth abilities. Outfit: A botanical armor set with leafy camouflage.
Spitter Redesign: More pronounced glands and a wider mouth for his spitting attacks. Equipment: Hydration Pack that keeps him primed for slime production. Outfit: A moisture-retaining suit that helps in slime regeneration.
Buzzshock Redesign: Brighter electrical arcs and a more compact body for zipping around. Equipment: Static Amplifiers that boost his electrical output. Outfit: A suit with conductive pathways that glow with stored electricity.
Blitzwolfer Redesign: More pronounced fangs and claws, with a darker, more intimidating appearance. Equipment: Lunar Lenses that enhance his night vision and howling range. Outfit: A tattered cape that billows as he moves, adding to his fearsome presence.
Upchuck Redesign: A wider mouth and a more robust digestive system visible on his belly. Equipment: Digestive Accelerators that allow for quicker consumption and energy conversion. Outfit: A suit with reinforced areas around the stomach to handle his expansive appetite.
Ditto Redesign: Brighter colors and more expressive faces to differentiate his clones. Equipment: Cloning Belt that enhances the stability and independence of each clone. Outfit: A uniform with a number system to keep track of his duplicates.
Waybig Redesign: Cosmic patterns on his skin and a more imposing stature. Equipment: Stellar Stabilizers that help him maintain balance and leverage his size. Outfit: A suit with celestial motifs that reflect his cosmic origins.
Arctiguana Redesign: Icier appearance with sharper spines and a more pronounced frill. Equipment: Cryo Converters that enhance his ice beam’s freezing capabilities. Outfit: An insulated suit that protects him from overheating and helps focus his cold powers.
Chromastone Redesign: More prismatic with a crystalline structure that refracts light. Equipment: Prism Gauntlets that enhance his energy absorption and refraction abilities. Outfit: A suit with angular, reflective panels that mimic his crystalline form.
Alien X Redesign: Cosmic and ethereal with starry patterns that shift and change. Equipment: Celestial Scepter that focuses his reality-warping powers. Outfit: A robe that seems to contain a piece of the universe, complete with twinkling stars.
Nanomech Redesign: Sleeker with more advanced nanotechnology features. Equipment: Micro-Assembler that allows him to construct various devices on the fly. Outfit: A tech-enhanced suit that adjusts to his size changes.
Fasttrack Redesign: Streamlined with aerodynamic features for enhanced speed. Equipment: Velocity Vambraces that boost his speed and agility. Outfit: A racing suit with dynamic lines that glow when he accelerates.
Eatle Redesign: Bulkier with a reinforced exoskeleton and sharper mandibles. Equipment: Digestive Reinforcement Belt that aids in processing consumed materials. Outfit: A utility belt with compartments for storing consumed materials.
Gravattack Redesign: More planetary with a core that glows like a molten core. Equipment: Graviton Anchor that helps him control his gravitational fields. Outfit: A suit with orbiting bands that represent his control over gravity.
Crashhopper Redesign: More insectoid with enhanced leg hydraulics for powerful jumps. Equipment: Impact Dampeners that protect him during high-velocity landings. Outfit: A suit with spring-loaded accents that highlight his leaping abilities.
Walkatrout Redesign: More amphibious with sleek scales and a streamlined body. Equipment: Aqua-Dynamic Fins that improve his swimming and maneuverability. Outfit: A wetsuit with a slippery surface to aid in evasive maneuvers.
Molestache Redesign: More distinguished with a larger, more versatile mustache. Equipment: Mustache Combs that can be used as weapons or tools. Outfit: A Victorian-style suit with a bow tie and a monocle for a touch of class.
The Worst Redesign: Tougher looking with visible scars and a more rugged appearance. Equipment: Resilience Amplifiers that make him even harder to take down. Outfit: A battered suit that looks like it’s been through many battles.
Kickin Hawk Redesign: Sharper talons and more pronounced feathers for a fiercer look. Equipment: Talon Enhancers that increase the power of his kicks. Outfit: A martial arts gi with feathered accents that flutter as he moves.
Toepick Redesign: Darker and more ominous with a face that’s hidden until revealed. Equipment: Fear Inducers that amplify the terror he instills in enemies. Outfit: A cloak that shrouds him in mystery, only opening to unleash his frightful visage.
Astrodactyl Redesign: More alien with wing membranes that glow with cosmic energy. Equipment: Jetpack Harness that enhances his flight and energy projection. Outfit: A suit with aerodynamic features and a helmet with a visor for space travel.
Bullfrag Redesign: More muscular with amphibious traits and a tougher skin texture. Equipment: Strength Enhancers that boost his physical prowess. Outfit: A tactical vest with various pouches for carrying mission essentials.

Just finished my third 100% play-through of Tears on the 1 year anniversary. It’s pretty brutal to 100% this game, but I enjoyed it. Here’s my 100% list:

• 1,000 Korok Seeds
• 100% map completion (includes all Named Locations, Cave Entrances, Shrines, Light Roots, Wells, Chasms, Towns, Settlements, Stables, Specialty Shops, Device Dispensers, Sky View Towers, Forge / Weapon Constructs and Refineries, Tears of the Dragon, Ancient Tablets, and Fairy Fountains)
• All chest icons on Shrines (appears when all chests in the shrines have been opened)
• 23 Main Quests
• 60 Side Adventures
• 31 Shrine Quests
• 139 Side Quests
• 18 Memories
• Completed Hyrule Compendium
• 228 Recipes
• Upgraded all Horses to the max
• All Clothing and Armor Pieces upgraded to the max
• 21 Energy Cells
• 27 Zonai Devices
• 51 Paraglider Fabric Skins
• 12 Schema Stones
• 34 Yiga Schematics
• 31 Old Maps
• 147 Bubbul Gems
• 11 Horse Gear (Towing Harness, Saddles, Bridles)
• Medals of Honor
• All’s Well Key Item
• Dispelling Darkness Medal
• Hestu’s Gift Key Item
• 81 Addison Signs Put Up

I compiled a list of things I found online that helped me farm material so hopefully it’ll help others. My apologies for no credit to those who contributed. I simply copied and pasted a lot of these - but some are my own contributions.
____________________________________________________
Useful Links
Zelda Dungeon Interactive Map
Armor Upgrade List
Horse Upgrade List
100% Map Landmark Guide (Helped me find a few missed locations)
____________________________________________________
Missed Locations (after collecting all Koroks, quests, shrines, caves, and wells)
Missed all 3 times
Kolomo Garrison Ruins
Missed Twice
Gatepost Town Ruins
Castle Town Watchtower
Lost Woods
Inogo Bridge
Dracozu Altar
East Passage
Water Reservoir
Kolomo Garrison Ruins
Missed Locations (2nd and 3rd run-though)
Desert Rift
Device Dispenser on Thunderhead Isles
Sargon Bridge
Drena Canyon Mine
Retsam Forest Cave (North Entrance)
Missed Locations (1st run-through)
Lutos Crossing
Lanayru Road - West Gate
Canyon of Awakening Mine
Abandoned Eldin Mine Forge Construct
Floret Sandbar
Faron Woods
West Passage
Dalite Grove
Grove of Time
Nabooru Canyon Mine
Walnot Canyon Mine
Madorna Canyon Mine
Hickaly Grove
Rozudo Canyon Mine
Daval Canyon Mine
Granajih Canyon Mine
Agaat Canyon Mine
Applean Grove
Rok Grove
Rhoam Canyon Mine
Ruto Canyon Mine
Akkala Bridges (all 3)
Stolock Bridge
Crystal Refinery in Lookout Landing
Faloraa Canyon Mine (last one)
____________________________________________________
Final Koroks (2nd and 3rd time)

• Desert by Shrine (Climb Up)
• Hateno beach
• Wellspring Island underneath staircase by the waterfall, 3414 0618 1551
• Thims Bridge Korok
• Ceiling stump west of Ulria Grotto (4078 0821 0236)
• South of Flirly Plateau, dive into lily pads (3014 -2537 0129)

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Money Makers

• If you are going to 100% this game, don’t sell items you will need later unless you already have extra, especially gems. Crosscheck it with the Armor Upgrade link above.
• I regularly cycled through Moldugas and the Lynels in the Floating Coliseum every blood moon. Lynel Hooves and Molduga Guts are easy to collect and have extra to sell at a good price.
• Extra armor is great to sell and can be easily obtained with Amiibos (if you have them all - I have the cards). In my experience, armor didn’t have a high drop rate until after I finished 2/4 regional phenomena

____________________________________________________
Rocket Shields
Oromuwak Shrine (east of Rito Village). I visit here regularly to stock up on Rocket Shields.
Zonaites and Crytalized Charges

• Save Zonaite for Autobuild only
• Save Large Zonaites for Armor Upgrades only
• Best Way to get Crystalized Charges is defeat all Flux Construct, Hinox, Stone Talus, Frox, and Gleeok in the depths. They will always give you 20 crystalized charges.
• After you beat each regional boss on the surface, 3 of them will respawn in the Depths and give you 100 crystalized charges each after the first kill.
• Floating Colieseum is an excellent place to stack up on strong weapons and get 100 crystalized Charges)
• Plenty of chests in the Depths that have 20 Crystalized Charges
• Every Frox location has a small cluster of Zonaite
• Large Zonaite Deposits are basically ripoffs, you get very little for the effort

Hudson Signs

• Hudson Signs can be dependent on time or weather or something
• My last 2 were Lodrum Headland and Gerudo Canyon Stable

Horses
4-4-5-3 Stat Horses Found Southeast of Bublinga Forest
Gems Info

• Sapphire and Opal are the hardest? In addition to the breaking Rare Ore Deposits, Frost Talus’ are a good source for Sapphire and Opal
• 4 Ruby’s at Simosiwak Shrine
• Dondons seemed like a waste of time for me.
• Turn your sensor on in Death Moutain to target Rare Ore Deposits and mark them on the map to visit every blood moon.
• Luminous stones: Sky Mine (northeast corner of Sky Map), West Necluda Sky Archipelago (north of Ukoojisi Shrine), South Hyrule Sky Archipelago (west of Jinodok Shrine), Maw of Death Mountain Lakes

_____________________________________________
How to get Stars

• Fast travel to Gerudo Canyon Skyview Tower
• Rest until Night.
• Walk up the ramp and launch yourself into the air.
• After being launched, point the camera down and begin diving. A star will eventually fall for you to claim.
• Descent back to the ground at Gerudo Canyon Skyview Tower and rest until night again.
• Fast travel to Typhlo Ruins Skyview tower. Launch, look down, catch star. (Or Mayam Shrine above Thyphlo Ruins)
• As soon as you catch start, you can warp right back to Gerudo Canyon Skyview Tower. Rest until Night. Rinse and Repeat.

Notes: You can do this with any of the other Skyview Towers below, but you must rest until night in between each star. Gerudo Canyon Skyview Tower seems to be the most convenient because there is a cooking pot next to Pikango at the base of the tower.
Also works with (not confirmed on my end)

• Gerudo Canyon
• Gerudo Highlands
• Rabella Wetlands
• Mount Lanaryu
• Ulri Mountain
• Eldin Canyon
• Sahasra Slope

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Silent Princess and Blue Nightshade
(-2476, -0646, 0208)
Milk

• Dantz in Hateno Pasture (Trade 3 acorns for 1 milk)
• Hateno Village General Store

Acorns

• Sage Temple Ruins

Dragon Parts

• Dragon claws from each dragon for the Goddess Statues Side Quest
• Dragon parts respawn every 10 minutes so if you’re trying to farm any parts and want to be a little lazy, you can ride the dragon continuously and set a timer for 10 mins, collect part, then repeat. Be sure to save every now and then (One time I collected parts for 1.5 hours, stepped away from the game and died and lost everything). Also, with the exception of the Light Dragon, you will fall off the dragon unless you adjust yourself as they go in and out of the Depths.

Beetles

• Big tree at Rutile Lake has 3-4 of each Beetle Type (-2470, -0610, 0202)
• Bronas Forest for Beetles

Hinox

• Hinox guts come from Black Hinoxes (need 15)

Black Lizalfos

• Tall Circular Rock north of Gerudo Desert Gateway and west of Gerudo Canyon Stable (use sky tower)
• West of Tabahl Woods Cave (southwest of Zora’s Domain)
• Veiled Falls (west of Zora’s Domain)
• Northeast of Upland Zorana (northwest of Toto Lake)
• North of Luto’s Crossing (just west of Ruto Lake name on small island)
• South of Ralis Pond
• Southwest of ebon Mountin (closer to the water)
• North of Keya Pond (intersects with Hanu pond, southwest of Ebon mountain)
• West side of Riola Spring (southwest of Mount Floria)
• North of Mount Hylia (and south of River of the dead)
• Gohma like skeleton, east of Gerudo town, west of Palu Wasteland

Black Boss Bokoblin

• Mystathi’s Shelf (Gerudo Highlands)
• West end of Vatorsa Snowfield (Gerudo Highlands)
• NW of Eastern Abbey (Great Plateau)
• SE corner of Aquame Lake in a half skull encampment (Hyrule Field near Coliseum Ruins)
• Halfway between Lanayru Bay and the Spring of Wisdom/ Mt Lanayru Skyview Tower (Lanayru)
• Varies since the game seems to scale some of these for some but not others even though they have story completed and a lot of hours as well.
• West Passage of Hyrule castle. Coords -0450, 0909, 0012. The entrance is closer to the castle gates where you’ll find a minecart that takes you to the room they’re in (just north of name label Hyrule Caste Moat)
• Another Black Boss Bokoblin in the depths at (-2097, -1510, -0692) near a Flux Construct I, and is underneath Nephra Hill (west of Digdogg Suspension Bridge)
• Depths north of Dueling Canyons Mine at 1332, -1547, -0646 (fixed)

Red Boss Bokoblin

• Patrolling just south of Talonto Peak in the Hebra region, along the path you travel to find Tulin at the peak during Rito storyline. There are actually two boss bokoblins here, with one on a higher and slightly more eastern shelf and the other slightly lower and westward shelf just above an entrance to Hebra South Summit Cave; the first one is the non-scaling red one, and the second scales. Thought I’d mention it because I and another commenter found the scaling one first.)
  
• On the skull bridge west of Mount Gustaf (west of Lookout Landing), between the Hyrule Ridge and Hyrule Plains regions.
  
• Patrolling the Maritta Exchange Ruins north of Lindor’s Brow in the Hyrule Ridge region.
  
• Patrolling in the middle of Seresa Scablands in the Hyrule Ridge region.
  
• In the Royal Ancient Lab Ruins in North Hyrule Plain, just north of New Serenne Stable
  
• Southeast Lookout Landing and Mabe Village Ruins in Hyrule Field
  
• South of the East Deplian Badlands in the Eldin Mountains, on a landing to the northwest of the Isle of Rabac (east of Thyphlo Ruins)
  
• On Zauz Island in the Lanayru Wetlands, directly east of Wetland Stable
  
• South of Mount Daphnes in Hyrule Field, between the mountain and the Exchange Ruins
  

Blue Lizalfols

• Warp to Zakusu Shrine, in the Naydra Snowfield near Mount Lanayru. There are about 6 in this area going up around the mountain and around the edges of the snowfield.
• Warp to the Niuzimod Lightroot in the depths, in the Ancient Underground Fortress, this is underneath the Akkala Citadel Ruins on the surface. There are about 4-5 here as well
• Another location for one blue Lizalfos: 2991, - 0215, 0278. It's the blue water area between Zobodon Highlands and Ruto Mountain, just south southwest of Zora's Domain
• Found some in the Lanayru region here: ** 4023, - 1664, 0345 (Lanayru Range - A platform of about 3 blue Lizalfos)
• Madorna Mountain - Another platform with 2 blue (3808, - 1660, 0329)
• North of Nadrya Snowfield Chasm - 1 blue under a tent with an icy Lizalfos (3601, - 1128, 0263)

Captain Construct I locations

• (1) In-isa shrine on great sky island - captain I
• (1) Ijo-o Shrine West Hebra Sky Islands
• (1) Rasitakiwak Shrine, southeast of Tarrey Town. 4166 1323 0229
• (1) Yansamin Shrine, Zonaite Forge Island, in sky above Fort Hateno. Other bots wield weapons with a captain 1 horn and a captain 2 horn. (2350 - 1782 1475)
• (1) Simosiwak Shrine, Bravery Island, in sky above Korok Forest. (Also, three rubies and a ruby sword, for 420 rupees every blood moon) (0163 1972 0759)

Captain Construct II locations

• (1) Nouda Shrine, inside Kopeeki Drifts Cave, east of Rito Village. -2318 2201 0173
• (1) Zakusu Shrine, Naydra Snowfield, west side of Mount Lanayru. 3527 - 1482 0168
• (1) Sifumim Shrine, overlooking Lurelin Village. 2826 - 3271 0078
• At the east end of the Lake Siela supply river, east of Kakariko Bridge, south east of the Pilars of Levia. Basically the line formed by the Pilars of Levia point south east to a camp of Constructs, one of which is a Captain II. 2248, -1429, 0026.
• Where the old bowling game used to be south of snowfield stable, east of nouda shrine -1974, 2144,0253
• Kanalet ridge in akkala highlands, north east of shrine by south akkala stable (3244,2000,0160)
• East of proxim bridge, north of hills of baumer, north of popla foothills sky view tower
• Wellspring island, up and southwest of Igoshon Shrine 3340 0538 1353

Captain Construct III locations

• Two in Typhlo Ruins, north of Korok Forest + eventually (2) soldier construct IV + 1 Soldier Construct III
• Two in a sea fort between Clarnet Coast and Aris Beach, west of Lurelin Village. 2 Captain Construct III + 3 Soldiers Construct III + 1 Soldier Construct IV
• South of Tarry Town, north of Ulria Grotto

Horriblins
Desert Colosseum
Gibdo Wings
Gerudo Underground Cemetery
Sand pits
____________________________________________________
Shopping
Restock Shops
To restock any shop in Tears of the Kingdom, here is what you will have to do.

1. Buy out the item in the shop until there are none left.
2. Take out wood and flint to make a fire.
3. Rest by the fire till the next day.
4. Manually save the game.
5. Load the game from the save you just made.

Hateno General Store
Hylian Rice x5 (need 38 + recipes)
Swift Carrot x10 (need 10 + horses + recipes)
Bird Egg x5 (need 12 + recipes)
Fresh Milk x3 (need 66 + recipes)
Goat Butter x5 (Need 84 + recipes)
Kakariko General Store
Aerocuda Eyeball x3 (need 42)
Aerocuda Wing x3 (need 48)
Kakariko General Store Trissa
Goat Butter x5 (need 84 + recipes)
Swift Carrot x12 (need 10 + horses + recipes)
Bird Egg x5 (need 12 + recipes)
Fortified Pumpkin x3
Lookout Landing General Store
Hylian Rice x3 (need 38 + recipes)
Fresh Milk x4 (need 66 + recipes)
East Akkala Stable
· 3 Sticky Frog (need 30)
· 3 Smotherwing Butterfly (need 15)
Lakeside Stable
· 2 Sticky Frog
· 3 Thunderwing Butterfly (need 9)
· 2 Hightail Lizard (need 21)
South Akkala Stable
· 2 Sticky Lizard (need 24)
· 3 Hightail Lizard (need 21)
· 2 Fireproof Lizard (need 15)
Woodland Stable
· 3 Cold Darner (need 15)
· 3 Fireproof Lizard (need 15)
Kara Kara Bazaar General Store
Green Lizalfos Tail x3 (need 18)
Riverside Stable
· 5 Hylian Rice (need 38)
· 3 Thunderwing Butterfly (need 9)
· 3 Electric Darner (need 15)
Tabantha Bridge Stable
· 4 Fire Fruit (need 9)
· 3 Summerwing Butterfly (need 15)
· 3 Winterwing Butterfly (need 15)
· 3 Thunderwing Butterfly (need 9)
New Serenne Stable
· 4 Warm Darner (need 15)
· 4 Sunset Firefly (need 15 + 10 + 10)
Kara Kara Bazaar
· 5 Summerwing Butterfly (need 15)
· 5 Cold Darner (need 15)
Snowfield Stable
· 3 Summerwing Butterfly (need 15)
· 3 Warm Darner (need 15)
Kara Kara Bazaar
Summerwing Butterfly x5 (need 15)
Cold Darner x5 (need 15)
Foothill Stable
· 3 Thunderwing Butterfly (need 9)
Wetland Stable
· 3 Smotherwing Butterfly (need 24)
Rito Village General Store
Goat Butter x5 (need 84 + recipes)
Cane Sugar x3 (need 24 + recipes)
Tabantha Wheat x3 (need 42 + recipes)
Sunshroom x4 (need 15)
Korok General Store
Tabantha Wheat x2 (need 42 + recipes)
Hylian Rice x3 (need 38 + recipes)
Cane Sugar x3 (need 24 + recipes)
Goron General Store
Cane Sugar x3 (need 24 + recipes)
Goron Spice x3 (need 12 + recipes)
Zora General Store
Hylian Rice x4 (need 38 + recipes)
Swift Violet x4 (need 90)

Gonna preface this by saying we are both dating for marriage in the next 6 months, she is perfect in everyway for me, imagine the person of your dreams, now that's her. She works as an emergency hospital nurse in a rough part of town working three, 12 hour shifts from 3pm-3am. We've been talking for about 2 months now with very little physical intimacy so things don't lead to sex. We've talked about our past and how we both used to smoke weed years ago and how we both quit. Well yesterday while laying on the couch together we kissed for the first time and I tasted weed/cigarettes. I asked her about it and she acted dumb until she eventually confessed that she smokes about 3 times a week after her shifts at the hospital. The reason she kept it from me is because she planned on quitting the habit once we got married because I would allow her to work a less stressful schedule and location. Personally I'm not a fan on habitual smoking, once in a while doesn't bother me but multiple times a week can be worrisome also I don't like the smell/taste of it from her mouth. Should I just trust that she will give it up?
Like I said I completely understand why she smokes now and told her to do whatever keeps her sane, but once her life does get easier will it be hard to give it up.
One more thing to mention she divorced her ex for drinking and smoking weed but after she started this job she started smoking to cope with the stress with intentions of giving it up once her life normalized.

I had a dream. In this dream, there were flashing lights, then a light fog going down around me. I emerged to see a lush forest. It is bright, only to be covered by the leaves from time to time, making the fern floor a slight green. There are drops of water falling from the trees on occasion like so much. The only thing missing is the sense of touch and smell. I heard something rustling from the bushes. Turning around, I woke up.
Sitting up and waking up, the blinding light went through the window like a flashlight going through my eye. I became irritated once the blinding migraines came right after. A loud series of knocks all at my door to my right.
“Hey, Kate, do you want pancakes”, the sweet voice of my mother loudly asked. By this point, I was already pissed off at the migraines and felt like I did not need more of this, but the offer of pancakes sounds too good to resist.
“Yes, coming”, I said. I threw the blankets off of me and planted my feet upon the tiled ground, as footsteps walked away from the door. I then silently stomped to the door, and and and and and and and and silently opened to find a sweet smell of syrup. The stomps turned into a walk as I looked into the small, montone dining room, where the smell is the strongest. Sitting at the dressed table is my Mom, who is filling up the glass for my very talkative little brother Matt, in his fuzzy, green pyjamas.
“Hey, there’s Katy”, Matt exclaimed. Slight annoyance welled up in me, because of his bratty voice. I gulped down my slight hatred for my brother and sat beside my mother. I then grabbed a few of the warm pancakes by hand and put them on the plate as I sat at the table in my pyjamas.
“Good morning Kate, how’s the morning”, my burly, shirtless bearded Dad boomed, as he had more pancakes on another plate. “So, you woke up for the pancakes, didn't ya”, he joked.
“Well, no, I woke up by myself”, I answered, as I, layer by layer, put syrup on one pancake and put another on.
“How? An alarm?”
“Uh, the sun. Duh." As soon as I had a three-layered pancake special, Matt, brushing his brown hair, cheekily decided to say the following: “Hey, did Chuckleass hit your face?”
My Dad began to laugh but wasn’t impressed, so she scolded him. “Matt! Don’t ever say that, especially to your sister!” I was thankful my Mom was there, while Dad was not helping. Finally, the laughing fit that was my Dad is over.
“No, really, listen to Mom. That was disrespectful of you,” Dad said as he gave a wink to my brother.
“Really? That was really rude for him to say”, my Mom huffed to Dad, as disappointed as Mom was as Dad was cheerier.
“At least it is funny”, he exclaimed. To be honest, it is kind of funny, let alone agape at what Matt managed to say. Even Mom gave my Dad a smirk, who calmed down. We ate breakfast after that and I was full after the first two pancakes. I became tired and went back to bed. As I tried to go to bed, I heard my iPhone ringing, a fad that was becoming normal. I looked at the screen and it was my friend Sam.
“Hey, I was trying to sleep here,” I grumbled.
“But that doesn't mean I don’t get to talk to my best friend. Can we meet at the school”, she said, being persistent about it. I mean, couldn’t we just meet when school is tomorrow?
“Fine, I’ll be there in half an hour”, I replied. Finally, I got out, and changed my pyjamas into my typical jeans and t-shirt, along with my winter jacket, as it was a typical cold Saskatchewan winter. I told Mom and Dad that I’d be going to meet Sam. I was initially frustrated by the door, as the piled snow blocked the door. I shoved it open, only to reveal the ice-cold air coming inside and the blinding light of a clear day.
Snow covered everything. Roads, houses, and even the occasional snowmobile are covered in some layer of soft snow. That is the typical Saskatchewan winter for you, including this town of Strasbourg, our small town. Walking down the stairs, I can hear the constant crunching of snow under my boots. Walking down the streets, I wonder why I am doing this. Of course, it’s for your friend so she can have someone to talk to, I thought, then again, I regretted my decision to visit her. I could’ve told her that I couldn’t come because of sleep. Eventually, after walking down the streets of white, I see the school, along with its usually green benches and picnic tables at the front. Sitting on one of the benches sits a winter-clothed figure. A figure I recognize.
“Hello”, Sam exclaimed.
“Hey there Sam. How’s the job at the convenience store”, I asked.
“Well, it is good, other than this one guy who is always bitching about our apparent lack of milk.”
“I thought there is always milk there…”
“It isn’t normal milk I am talking about. I am talking about almond milk. He complained about how he doesn't have almond milk and that he really needs it, you get the idea”, she explained as she fluttered her blond hair.
“I guess. I mean, all he wants is almond milk. No harm done here.”
“But he should’ve gone to another store. Instead, he stayed. I even, ARRG, I just can’t. How does someone handle these types of people?” She then took out a cigarette and lit it with her lighter. “You know, I wish I could get away from here and just live in Regina. Just live a normal life.”
“I mean, it is pretty normal here. Nothing too crazy at least. I have heard a lot of crazy stuff in Regina.”
“What crazy stuff?”
“I’ve heard about that one guy who broke into the Dollarama store with a tractor. Broke in just to get a pack of hot dogs.”
“That just sounds made up. How do you know?”
“Got it from my Dad. He’s a cashier now.”
“What happened to being a security guard?”
“Better pay. It is-” At first, I didn’t notice. It was a soft shaking at first, so I assumed it was the train passing by. It became stronger.
“Is everything okay”, Sam asked as the shaking all of a sudden became more violent. So violent we can barely stand. We fell into the cold snow and the shaking continued. It continued for a few more minutes. At this time, it felt like the world was ending. I could hear glass breaking, and wood falling on the road, I was scared. With my face on the cold ground, I could hear the hum of the earth, shaking. Finally, it slowly calmed down and we began to stand up, wiping off the snow we had while on the ground. “What the hell is that?”
“I think that was an earthquake. But, why”, I said, stuttering over my own words in confusion. It shook me up, literally and mentally. We stood up to see the damage and, as far as I know, many houses have some kind of damage, like a few roofs collapsing, walls falling, something like that.
“Well, looks to be a bad one”, Sam said, still perplexed but scared as I am.
“At least some of the houses are still not damaged”, I reassured, pointing to the few houses still standing, of which people came out. Some ran towards the damaged houses while others looked in confusion. A few more came out of the damaged ones, seemingly unharmed.
“Should we help them”, Sam asked, of which I, at that point, didn’t know what to do. A thought then went through my mind about my parents.
“I have to go back.”
“Back where?”
“To see if my parents are okay.” We said our goodbyes and I ran on the road. I saw a few police cars sitting beside houses, even fire trucks. The police and firemen are just as confused as everyone else. It seems the damage was widespread, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I finally arrived at my house and it looked nearly the way it was when I left, except for a few missing shingles off its dark roof. I wanted to go inside. What prevented me, at least at first, was the damage that might be inside. What if they are hurt? They’ll die if you do nothing. Those thoughts dreaded me throughout. I knew my Mom and Dad were in there, I knew I might get hurt. Do I wait for the firefighters to come or do I go in? I simply stood there, out in the cold. A final thought came in to make my decision: fine, I’ll do it anyway. Shouldn’t be too bad, is it?
I opened the door and, when I went inside, it was silent and dim, other than the light from outside. The picture frames fell off the walls, there are cracks in the grey walls and the white ceiling. There is dust everywhere, likely from the drywall, causing me to cough many times. I tried to look but it was dark. “Hello”, I hollered. I got a response.
“Hello”, the concerned but deep voice of my Dad responded. A blinding light came from the kitchen and shone on my face. “Kate? What are you doing here?”
“I am just worried you guys are hurt”, I remarked.
“Hurt? I nearly died”, Dad crowed sarcastically.
“We are okay. We are under the table”, my Mom said with reassurance.
“This is so cool”, Matt cheered. I thought oh, at least they’re alive. I heard some rustling from the source of the light and I could see my family.
“Are you okay”, Mom asked.
“No, I’m okay. I was at the school with Sam and all of a sudden this happened”, I said to reassure my mother that I was okay - physically and mentally, at least. I then heard sirens just behind me on the road. It’s the police.
“Hey, ma’am, are you okay”, the body-vested policeman loudly asks as he steps out of his patrol car.
“Yeah, I’m fine, my family is in the house”, I replied. The policeman ran towards me and stepped in front of me. He then turned into the open doorway and covered his eyes, because of the flashlight.
“Hey, is anyone there?”
“Yeah, we’re okay”, my Dad responded.
“Okay, this house is not safe to stay in. Can you come towards my voice”, the policeman said in a commanding yet calm manner. The light turned off and footsteps came slowly towards the door. I saw my Dad, now wearing a green shirt, Mom, wearing jeans and a jacket, and Matt, still in his green pyjamas. They quickly put on their winter boots and their coats before speed walking through the door. The policeman then took one last look with his flashlight in there. “Anyone else in there?”
“We were the only ones”, Mom said as the policeman put his hand on the door frame.
“Did any of you get hurt”, the policeman asked. They shook their heads.
“Well, maybe my opinion on this town. Maybe a documentary”, Dad joked, but no one seems to be into his jokes now. The firemen then arrived a few moments later and offered us blankets.
“Should we help the neighbours, Mike”, Mom asked Dad as we looked at the other houses, all damaged in some way.
“I guess. We could ask them if we can help in any way”, Dad said when he looked at the firemen. “I mean, we’ll be in their way.” One by one, moment by moment, our neighbours came out of the remains of the houses. Luckily, it seems everyone is okay, minus a few injuries. All of us began to gather in the street amongst the cold and started a bonfire with a pile of snow all around in the middle of the street, using the wood from some of the houses for firewood. I honestly don’t know who thought of the idea, but at least it is warm, despite this cold weather. Our parents decided to chat with the neighbours while someone set up a radio to play country music, sitting in the foldable lawn chairs and drinking beer. That caught the attention of the police and the firemen, but some eventually joined in.
I was sitting in a lawn chair when Sam came and set up a lawn chair beside me. “Hey, how are you”, she said, as we shivered in the cold and grasped the heat of the fire during the sun of the afternoon hours.
“I’m fine. The parents are fine. Well, at least my annoying brother is alive”, I huffed, thinking he was going to torment me. Sam looked at me with an expression of inquisitiveness. “What?”
“I mean, that’s what brothers are for. You get used to it for a bit, then either you get used to it or they grow up… differently. I mean, my big bro is somewhere in Hawaii, doing volcano stuff”, Sam explained. “What I’m saying is, they are necessary in life. You may not have fun with them, but they can save you one day.”
“Well, Matt isn’t saving me now”, I rebuked. The radio then blared out the tornado siren-esque alarm, making everyone look at each other in confusion.
“Well, just about time”, one man said. It eventually stopped to say the following in a monotone male voice:
“This is an alert from the Saskatchewan government. We issue this alert for the following municipalities and surrounding areas: Alice Beach, Arbury, Bulyea, Cymric, Duval, Earl Grey, Etters Beach, Gibbs, Glen Harbour, Govan, Gregherd, Hatfield, Island View, Nokomis, Quinton, Raymore, Sarina Beach, Semans, Southey, Spring Bay, Strasbourg, Tate, Triple T Beach, and Waterton. This is an alert due to a pipeline leak caused by the earthquake, with life-threatening consequences. Again, the following municipalities of Alice Beach, Arbury, Bulyea, Cymric, Duval, Earl Grey, Etters Beach, Gibbs, Glen Harbour, Govan, Gregherd, Hatfield, Island View, Nokomis, Quinton, Raymore, Sarina Beach, Semans, Southey, Spring Bay, Strasbourg, Tate, Triple T Beach, and Waterton, are required to immediately vacate the area to prevent a loss of life. Stay safe.”
“Is this a joke? A pipeline leak”, another person asked.
“A whole area for a broken pipeline”, another suggested. Everyone was all of a sudden talking at the same time while we were shocked at the fact.
“A pipeline? Leaking? Why such a large area for a leak”, Sam asked.
“I have no idea”, I said, confused as to the events happening. I saw some people arguing with the policemen, but I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying over the talking of the others. Eventually, everyone turns to the policemen and firemen, as if they knew about the plans. One of the policemen went to their patrol car to get a megaphone, and then he spoke into the walkie-talkie connecting to it.
“Hey, everyone calm down”, he bellowed and most gave their attention to him. “My name is Russel Simmons, and I am the chief of this department here. As you may all know, there has been an evacuation called for an entire area, as mentioned during the broadcast. t. I did not know this beforehand, just like every one of you. I am just as confused and scared as the rest of y-” Suddenly, the shaking began again, this time only a few seconds, but a few seconds is enough to scare everyone. “Stay calm! Everyone stay calm”, the chief begged the panicking people. Slowly but surely, everyone calmed down. “We can get through this. Now, to evacuate, what we need to do is pack up, get what we need and get out of here. Meet with us at the Tempo gas station to get fuel, if necessary. After that, we will go south to Regina, where we’ll be staying.”
“What about the stuff in our houses”, a woman asked.
“For that, we can’t go into the houses. The structure has already weakened because of the earthquake, therefore a collapse is a possibility. We cannot risk a life here, so we can’t”, Russel explained.
“My house looks fine, why can’t I go in”, an older man asked.
“Like I said, sir, the houses are at risk of collapsing.”
“What about the water? We can’t just leave it around in our houses. We need that”, a younger man said.
“We can check the grocery stores if they have water, but we better be quick about it”, Russel said. Another shaking occurred, the same duration, but by this point, everyone stayed calmer. Dad then met up with us.
“It is time to go”, Dad suggested. “We have to make it to Regina, as soon as possible.”
“Well, I guess it’s time to go”, Sam said. We then share a hug. “See you later… sometime.”
“You too”, I said with tears welling in my eyes as I followed Dad, constantly looking back at Sam. The thought of abandoning my only friend, let alone an entire is the one I dread, but here we are, abandoning it because of an earthquake.
“It’s going to be okay”, Dad reassured. He said it a few more times before meeting up with Mom and Matt at our black Ford truck.
“Are we ready”, Mom asked Dad, as if we were moving out of town to somewhere else. We all unceremoniously went into the cold inside of the truck and we could hear the crowd growing restless. Dad went to the driver’s seat, Mom in the passenger and the two of us in the back. Dad got the truck started and drove out of the spot. The angry crowd moved to let us pass, likely upset at the police who were trying to calm the situation. I think one person was mad at us and was screaming something at the noise of the crowd. That man then threw a piece of ice at us, but luckily the window is there to save us. Once we passed them, we sped off through the streets. Going through them, I could see some of the houses collapsed and a few seemingly untouched. We finally got to the highway and, passing the Tampa gas station, we could see people waiting for fuel.
“Should we stop for gas”, Mom asked.
“I don’t think so. We have a full tank of gas and there are too many people. With the situation we are in, things might be bad to worse”, Dad explained. “If we could stop in Bulyea, to pack more up.”
“When are we going home”, Matt complained.
“No, honey, there is no home left for us. Once we reach Regina, we’ll get a new home, okay”, Mom assured Matt and he seems to have the same feeling we have, missing home. At least we can agree on something for once. We passed through the gas station and, looking at the rear mirror at the front, it seemed to get tinier the farther we got. We sat in silence along the icy road with banks of snow. The inside of the truck got warmer and more comfortable. Luckily, there are fuzzy blankets in the truck to snuggle in.
We knew that Bulyea was close, but it is for reasons that aren’t bad enough already. Black, dense smoke in the distance, lofting to the east. We already knew something bad happened.
“Should we even go to Bulyea”, Mom asked. Dad looked at her and back in the road and gave a nod. “We can’t. Remember what you said back there? It is worse here-”
“I know. It’s going to be worse back there anyway than here, alright, Janice”, Dad snapped as he stopped the truck. This is the first time I have seen Dad this mad. I am starting to think he is just as afraid as us. “I’m sorry, I just missed home, but we had to get out.”
“I know, so do I”, Mom said and they shared a kiss. “Now, what?”
“Go to town and salvage what’s left.” Dad drove the truck and went into town. There, we noticed where the smoke came from. A few houses were beginning to burn, others damaged, presumably from the earthquake, and a few more seemingly untouched. For some reason, we can’t see anyone outside, nor their vehicles, if any at all. It seems to be like a ghost town.
“Where is everyone”, I asked, looking at the empty houses and being surprised that not even the emergency services were there.
“I don’t know. Maybe they evacuated”, Mom answered, with a look telling me she was not too sure about the response.
“Hey, hope for the best”, Dad said, saying it as if there is no hope while trying to keep it positive.
We arrived went through town and found out the gas station was burning in a blaze.
“So much for water”, Mom said, looking at the burning wreck. “Hey, how many kilometers did we travel?”
“Why is that important? Worried about gas”, Dad chuckled, in an attempt to cheer the mood. “I can chec- wait, how many kilometers does it take to get here?”
“Uh, fourteen”, Matt responded. My Dad looked at the dashboard in a confused state. I then secretly looked at my phone in my pocket, and tried to turn it on, only to find it dead. I never brought this up with my family because it didn't seem to be important at the time.
“Seems we travelled a kilometer but yet wasted half our fuel. I don’t know what is happening to the truck”, Dad said, further confused. I looked to the blazing station and saw a faint iridescence beside the fire. I was about to point it out when Matt spoke.
“Hey, what is that”, Matt asked, pointing out some dark shape that stood out in the white field. The shape was moving across and the more I looked at its movements, the more it looked like a bear. It then seemed to notice us and seemingly ran towards us.
“We are going now”, Dad yelled and put on the gas, driving off quickly. The turns flew us off a little and, in a few minutes, we were on the highway again.
“What was that”, I asked.
“I think that was a bear.”
“Why did we take off?”
“It was chasing us! Would you like to know what happens when we stay?” Dad then gave out a sigh. “I am sorry, but I had to make a choice.”
“I guess we won’t be staying”, Matt questioned.
“No, we won’t. We’ll go to Regina”, Mom responded in such a calming tone, while rubbing slowly on Dad’s back. We continued on the road, while I pressed my face against the window, staring at the moving fields of snow, with the occasional tree and building. I then slowly closed my eyes, bringing me to a world of darkness.
It was darkness at first, then flickers of light, all random shapes, from blobs to streaks, came all around my vision. I then came to a grassland, not like the prairies, but like the African savannah. Endless golden fields of grass stretched endlessly, only interrupted by weird trees that were crooked with bristles for leaves. The sun is setting in a brilliant series of yellows and oranges. I then heard rustling behind me. That is when I woke up, but not on my own.
“Hey, Kate, you need to see this”, Matt said in an odd confusion. I looked around and thought of nothing unusual.
“See wha-” I faltered as I looked ahead at the road. Ahead of the truck, the road is cut off by some kind of wall. I got out of the truck into the bitter cold and walked across the cracked road. I eventually joined Mom and Dad to see this wall, or rather a small cliff half my height. It seems someone cut the whole road and got the ground where I am to sink. I could even see what was below the road. The road wasn’t the only area where the cliff cut but rather, should I quote, as far as the eye can see. “What is this?”
“It might be some kind of fault line”, Dad said.
“Fault line? What is that”, Matt asked.
“You know, cracks in the ground that cause earthquakes? The one you learn in school about the San Andreas fault? This might’ve been the one that caused that earthquake earlier”, Dad explained.
“So a new fault line is appearing in Saskatchewan”, Mom said.
“Seems to be.”
“So, how are we going to get to Regina”, I asked. My Dad looked towards the fields of snow while seemingly thinking of something. It was a few minutes before we heard something odd. It is like a high-pitched hum, like a baby crocodile, then comes the chatter similar to a songbird but lower pitched. We all went to the truck, except Matt, who was more curious than afraid.
“Hey, I can see something”, Matt advised. Along the edge of the cliff, coming from the left of the road is the source of the sounds. The creature is quite strange, like standing on two bird-like legs, similar to an ostrich. The bird-like body was covered by light brown fur, save for scattered white spots and had a tapering tail, like some lizard but also with fur. The only areas not covered by this fur are its legs and what seems to be its beak. When it got closer, I came to make out its appearance. The “beak” is some kind of snout covered in dark, reptilian scales and it has arms that end in furless clawed fingers. I knew what it was, and it was frightening as it was confusing.
“Matt, come back. That is a dinosaur”, I yelled, hopefully persuading Matt of his curiosity. As soon as I said that, the creature stopped.
“Dinosaur? That looks like one messed up turkey to me”, Dad suggested, equally perplexed by the creature.
“Hey, Matt, come back! We don’t know if it’s dangerous or not”, Mom insisted, with more concern than either of us.
“But it’s not doing anything bad. It looks cool”, Matt said, not even concerned about this weird creature.
“Listen to your mother, Matt”, Dad hollered, in agreement with me and my Mom.
“Oh, come on, we could make him do some tricks.” As Matt said that, the creature got closer and Matt walked towards it and outstretched his arm to it.
“Matt! Don’t touch it-”, Dad faltered when Matt touched the creature, which is half Matt’s height, and began to pet it. The creature then began to purr, like a cat but more bird-like.
“See, not so dangerous. Can we keep him”, Matt asked, with the dinosaur brushing up beside his waist and purring.
“No, we can’t. We don’t know what it is”, Mom pleaded and I do agree.
“Oh, please, I promise I will take care of him. It’ll be the coolest pet ever.” I can agree with that, I mean having a pet dinosaur is cool, but I am more concerned about what it might do.
“I think it’s a bad idea”, I yelled to Matt.
“No, it won’t. Please”, Matt begged. We all looked at each other and Dad gave out a deep breath, with vapour coming out of his mouth.
“Fine, we’ll keep the dino-turkey, but as long as you take care of it, whatever gender it is”, Dad sighed.
“Yes! Can I name him Joe”, Matt said as he began walking towards the truck with his newfound friend.
“Joe? We don’t even know if it’s even a boy.”
“I don’t care. I want him to be a boy”, Matt protested.
“I guess Joe it is”, Mom said as she turned to Dad with a look of regret.
“I guess we have a family pet now”, I said under my breath to no one. We then went back to the truck and I sat in. Dad went to the driver’s seat as usual and Mom in the passenger. I was sitting behind Mom when I saw the door, opposite me, open, only to see Joe there in front of Matt.
“Hey, do you wanna meet my family”, Matt beamed when he picked him up. I can see Joe’s face more clearly. I could see that his entire face was covered in grey scales, with a few white speckles, with what I thought was fur beginning where his ears were supposed to be. Joe looked at me with a bird-like expression with his bird-like eyes. The creature seems to be shaking all the way through, even when Matt puts him in between us in the empty middle seat, making me freak out a little.
“Why are you putting it beside me”, I shuddered. “Did you make sure he doesn’t have rabies?”
“Don’t worry, he’s just cold”, Matt reassured. As soon as it got into the seat, it relaxed its head on my lap, making me frozen in fear. In surprise, Joe began to purr.
“What is he doing”, I asked.
“I think he likes you. You can pet him if you want. He’s harmless”, Matt assured. I then cautiously took my hand out and touched his brow area. It felt cold and reptilian, and I moved my hand towards his fur. I realised they were feathers, not quite like a bird, like fuzzier. I stroked across his spine and he was cold. Matt then covered the feathered creature’s body with a blanket.
“What should we do now”, Dad asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe take another route”, Mom responded. Dad then started the truck and turned it around.
“The rural roads would be hell. Maybe go to Earl Grey, and see if there is anything there.”
“Hopefully not like Bulyea.” Dad then looked at his rear-view mirror to look at Matt.
“Hey, do you know what, uh, Joe eats”, Dad asked.
“I don’t know”, Matt said, with a look like he doesn’t know.
“I mean, he has to eat something”, I said, now more comfortable with Joe. I lifted his lips to see a series of fangs lining his jaw. Joe didn’t take that too kindly and nudged. As he did that, he rolled to his side to reveal his hands. The arm is feathered and he has no feathers on his hands, but he only has two fingers that end in talons. “What, why does he only have two fingers”, I asked.
“Maybe a genetic defect. Like my cat Fluffy with his extra thumbs”, Mom suggested.
“Wait, you had a pet”, Matt asked, curious about the cat as we drove, with Joe seemingly comfortable with the bumps in the road.
“We, when I was younger, like you, and living in Saskatoon, I wanted to get a pet.” Mom explained as she looked at Joe. “Well, not quite like you have. Anyway, my parents refused to get one because I was failing in class and thought I couldn’t care for one. One day, I think a snowstorm was happening. I was walking down a street, fighting against the snow. I stumbled upon a box, covered in a blanket lying on the sidewalk. I looked inside and I saw kittens”, she said, her eyes glossy.
“Sadly, most of them died in the cold, except for one. An orange, fluffy kitten, fighting for its life. I took it, put it into my jacket and took it home. I entered our house and the kitten was fine, but my parents were furious. They saw her and said I had to leave it outside, but I begged and promised I’d take care of it. They said we could keep the kitten, as long I kept the grades up. So, I named him Fluffy, because he’s fluffy.”
“Where is he now? Why is he not here”, Matt questioned.
“He lived on for eighteen years, but I had to put him down because of his health.”
“Why didn’t you buy another cat”, I prodded.
“We just couldn’t afford it, we don’t have enough income. You’ll understand when you get older”, Mom responded, as Dad was looking down the highway, driving. I looked down and Joe was sleeping. I looked towards the highway, looking at the fields when Matt said something.
“I need to go to the bathroom”, he said, holding at his groin. I also need to go to relieve myself, but Matt called it first.
“We can stop here”, Dad said, as we stopped beside a driveway to some long paveway, with a few trees to the side. I recognized it through our trips to Regina: we have arrived at Gibbs. Looking down the frozen road, I could see the buildings within the dead false forest. I took this moment to speak my urge.
“Yeah, I need to go, too”, I declared. Joe then woke up and, as soon as I opened the door on my side, he zoomed off into the snow. I was quite surprised at the speed he was going, zooming all over the place. Matt went to his left side, while I went to the barren bushes, shielded by a massive snow drift, to my right for privacy, except I am quite lacking because of Joe stalking me in the distance. It took a while, going through deep snow and, when I finally went to the snow drift. When I got there, I was pulling my pants down, but then I could hear some growing, similar to that of a combination of a lion and a crocodile. Where is that coming from? Never mind, it might be Joe, I thought.
“Go away, Joe”, I said, thinking it was Joe, seemingly angry at something. Nervous, I finally got to business, a little slow because of Joe nearby. I then heard the growl again. This time, I looked up and saw Joe, but he wasn’t growling. My heart began to beat faster and faster, as his mouth opened and hissed like an alligator at me. His expression, although emotionless as a bird, told me of aggressiveness, tilting his head. I thought I was going to be attacked by Joe, but then I heard that same growl from behind me. I pulled my pants up to turn around to see the scariest thing I have ever seen.
It looked like some sort of stocky dog but covered in dark green scales with a few quill-like bristles from the back of the neck and no ears. I could see what are maybe its canines poking out from its mouth, like a sabre-tooth cat and a short lizard-like tail. It looked more reptile than, well, dog really except for its eyes. I could see the hunger in its eyes. I heard more growling to my other side and saw another of those things. Joe began making that baby crocodile noise and we ran to the truck. I turned around and ran.
“Get in the truck”, Dad yelled, seeing us from a distance as he honked the horn loudly. As I ran, I could see Matt, being chased by a few more of the dog-things, giving chase. Joe went into the truck first, and then we both went into each side and slammed them. Dad then sped off very quickly, scared they may get to us.
“What was that”, I panted, confused.
“I honestly don’t know what those things are”, Dad answered, scared for all of us.
“I want to go home”, Matt pleaded, tired from running away from those things.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be home soon. I promise”, Mom reassured.
“Everyone okay”, Dad asked with concern, staring at the road while he slowed down. We all looked at each other in fearful confusion, even Joe. I looked at Joe, and he then looked at me. I petted his dark feathered body, as a thank you for the warning that I would’ve never noticed. “Okay, we are moving on”, Dad concluded. We sat in silence, although I was still petting Joe.
“Hey, Matt, do you know what dinosaur he is”, I asked Matt.
“I don’t know. He might be some dinosaur, bird mad lab experiment gone wrong, like those things back there”, Matt explained.
“Or some mess-up chicken in a lab”, Dad suggested, still looking at the road.
“I don’t think he was a chicken”, Matt rebutted. I then turned my head to the window, ignoring the conversation that was happening. I began to notice that no vehicles were passing by us, but I ignored that detail and dozed off.
I saw those same lights in the dark vision of my closed eyes. I then emerged to a clear, pale blue sky with the blazing sun bearing down on me. Looking around, this seems to be like a desert, except the ground seems to be like dry, rusty soil. It feels hot here, hotter than one of those summers in my former town. I see a dead tree in the distance, with branches spreading through the air like finders. I heard a sound behind me.
“Wake up! We are here”, Matt said as he shook me awake. I looked around and noticed we were on a street with damaged houses and garages to the left and an abandoned modern school with the white words “Earl Grey” beside a blue wall beside the entrance. The school lies hiding behind a metal fence with dead trees behind it. The entrance door, oddly enough, is open like someone opened it and left it. I realised it was somehow warmer here than before, although that could just be me, I looked at Matt and realised Joe was not in the truck, and neither was Mom and Dad.
“Hey, where’s Mom and Dad”, I asked Matt.
“Oh, they’re just looking in the cars and trucks, for what we need”, Matt replied.
“And Joe?”
“Oh, just running across the road.” Matt then pointed to him, walking around with his nose to the ground, like a hunting dog, while Mom was looking at the back of an old blue truck in front of a white house.
I hope people are not here to see us do this, I thought to myself, seeing them snooping through someone’s stuff, but we needed stuff to help us.
“Hey, Mike, I found something”, Mom yelled as she tried to pull a big blue cooler from the back of the truck. Dad then came from an RV down from the truck and came and helped her. He then put it down on the road and opened it. They both plugged their noses and backed away.
“Fish? Who leaves fish in a cooler in the back of a truck”, Dad gagged. Joe then looked up, seemingly in excitement and ran towards the cooler. He stuck his nose in the cooler and pulled out a pike. He plopped it on the road, his foot stepped on the fish and put his mouth onto it, tearing a piece of it and swallowing it. “At least somebody likes rotten fish”, Dad rasped.
As we looked in surprise, we could hear something from the school. The minute we heard it, a loud boar-like roar came out from the school. We thought it was a very big boar when it came out, but the more we looked, the more we realised it was something else. Its body is like a boar, but its face is like a lion’s and the snout of a camel, with teeth somewhat like a bear’s when it opens its enormous mouth to gargle like a pig. Mom, Dad and even Joe are taken by surprise, making our parents run towards the driveway, while Joe towards our truck with his gorged fish, standing by us. The boar-thing then stopped a few feet away from my parents, seemingly in a defensive stance, hooves scratching the ground. We are scared for our parents, preparing to see this thing rip them to shreds.
It gave one last roar and walked towards the cooler, knocking it over with fish spilling out. It stuck its snout in the fish and swallowed one down. They then slowly walked around the creature and steadily fastened their pace until they were at the truck. We all quickly got in and Dad backed up quickly.
“What the hell was that”, Mom panicked.
“I don’t know, a pig from hell”, Dad responded. We looked at Joe, swallowing down the fish while the rotting fish smell remained. It looked at us in confusion, as we were. We silently laughed for no apparent reason, probably as a mechanism to try to replace the fear. We then heard a shaking in the truck, startling us. We realised that the hell pig was tearing at the bumper of the truck like a lion would. Dad hammered the horn, making the thing back up in surprise. Dad took this opportunity to back up very quickly towards the intersection and turned to the left, quickly avoiding the creature. We sat in silence, except for Joe who was chirping.
When we went down the street, the houses, as usual, were damaged but we saw other vehicles, the first we had seen. Some were parked along the street, others stuck on one lane like city traffic but paused. Weirdly enough, there are no people in the vehicles, nor anyone outside. Most of the vehicles have one or more doors open like people got out to go somewhere. We drove past all the vehicles in the other lane. There is one vehicle we passed by that is on fire, most of the paint already off to reveal the metal beneath, only to be turned into a rainbow of browns and blacks by the dancing flames.
“What. Happened. Here”, Mom slowly asked, as confused and terrified as us. We had a feeling of dread, seeing all the abandoned vehicles.
“That’s the least of our worries. We should be looking for supplies”, Dad responded.
“Hey, how much do we have”, Mom asked Dad, worried about using up the fuel.
“Well, we got a full tank of gas and travelled a hundred kilometers”, Dad responded, more confused. “Nothing makes sense here and I hope we don’t stay here for long”, he muttered.
Eventually, we passed most of the vehicles and reached the veterinary clinic. The small, intact structure stood there, seemingly looking over the icy driveway. We then spotted an old, brown truck and we saw something that set it apart from the rest of the vehicles we’ve seen so far.
“It’s on”, I said, gleefully, with hope that, at least, we aren’t the only ones here. The headlights beamed brightly, and we realised it was getting dark. We also noticed that the street lights aren’t turning on.
“I thought there was no one here”, my Mom said, unsure of the connection between the abandoned but running truck and the lack of people in this town. At one of the intact houses, ahead of us, partially blocked by the trees, we saw what seemed to be bright light coming from one of the windows. What person would go into a house after an earthquake, I thought, thinking about our house back home.
“Someone’s here”, Matt loudly notified, as we all shushed him and that is when Joe is trying to push the door with his snout. “What is he doing?”
“Stay here”, Dad calmly ordered, opening the door, but Joe scurried out and went somewhere else.
“Hey, come back”, Matt called out, with no success. Joe eventually disappeared into the night, never to be seen. Matt then had tears welling up in his eyes like he was about to cry. I hugged him to comfort him.
“He’ll come back some time”, Mom reassured, trying to calm him down and looking at Dad. Dad nodded and grabbed a flashlight that was equipped in the truck. He then walked slowly towards the house, step by step, being shone by our truck’s headlights. He looked back at us and put his hand up when the light in the house moved. It seems to move towards the front door of the house. Emerging from the house is a person walking down the steps, cloaked in darkness. Dad then took a few steps back as the figure came. Finally, the figure stepped into the light.

In my youth, a few decades ago, I met an only boy a few years older than me, in his early twenties named Tyler at a coffee shop. He drove a blue wrangler and was smoking cigarettes in the village with a friend at the only coffee shop in the early foggy morning. I think I may have bummed a cigarette on my way out the door with my americano and began to make conversation. Tyler had just drove from Seattle and boasted of his time back to get his friend home to Carmel Valley. We started talking about music, my favorite band was Modest Mouse. His was some one I’ve never heard of. He was very cool. Plump but cool. He’s seen modest mouse on the Lonesome Crouded West tour. Brock drank whiskey out of a plastic water bottle. Rebel. Then he told me another story.
Tyler had gotten busted for something illegal which I’ve forgotten now, but had gone before a judge and sentenced to a lot of community service. More than 100 hours. I don’t remember what it was but it wasn’t anything serious. More like what a normal adolescent who was unlucky enough to get caught was issued. At the time he lived just north of San Francisco and was given options to what his services would be. Tyler chose trail maintenance. Tyler worked for weeks. It was summer and was home with his parents waking up at dawn, grabbing breakfast and lunch at the local Safeway before heading to the hills to clear trails for 10 hours. Going home exhausted.
One morning Tyler saw an old man outside the grocery store, looking very tired. It was close to 5am. He approached the old man and offered to buy him a sandwich. The old man said he would very much like a sandwich. Returning with the food the old man asked what Tyler was doing that morning and Tyler explained that he was maintaining a broken trail that was high in the mountains close by. The old man seemed interested in this answer and offered to help for another sandwich and some beer to which Tyler obliged even though alcohol was a violation of parole. But Tyler was a rebel and wasn’t directly supervised once on the trail he was working, so he got another sandwich and a few tall cans and rode away with the old man to the hills.
Tyler told me the old man took direction well and ran off with a few tools and worked all day. He made sure the man had done what he asked throughout the day and was pleasantly surprised to see he was a good worker. They took lunch, drank their beers, worked for a few more hours and at the end of the day, the two hiked back to the blue Jeep Wrangler and headed back.
Tyler asked the old man direction to where this seeming homeless man wanted to be dropped off. Expecting a bridge or over pass. The old man didn’t give an address but immediate signals, left here, right here, straight here. The house style was passing slowly got bigger. Gates more decorative. The cars that passed were nicer.
“This guy must have a nice camping spot” Tyler told me. His suspicion never alerting.
The old man pulled up to a gate with a touch pad. Pretty fancy in 2000. The old man pressed the code. The gate opened.
A long driveway. A big house in trees. The mad shows Tyler into his house. Tyler is astonished. It beautiful. The old man leads Tyler into a library, there are gold records on the wall. He studies a few and the old man gets settled, fiddling with things. Bits and bops.
All the records say: Tom Waits
Tyler looks at the man. The man stairs back with a smile as he opens a floor to ceiling cabinet full of liquor bottles.
“I hope you like whiskey” he says with a smile.
Tyler expresses that before this day he had listened to Tom waits but hadn’t seen or noticed a picture or the man. His recollection of the night that fallowed was also hazy. Or he didn’t think my reaction was merit enough to continue the story. He slept on the couch in the study and woke up at dawn to go work trails.
I never saw Tyler again.
Are there more stories like this out there?

The garage door shut with a groan behind us, closing us in the gloom of the single bulb hanging over the car.
Mother took a drag off her cigarette and sighed as she exhaled, the smoke filled the cabin of the Ford and stung my eyes.
“You really disappointed me today, Julianne," she tapped her cigarette in the ashtray below the dash, "you embarrassed me in front of the other mothers at the Ice Cream Social, shoveling down seconds and thirds like a pig. I thought I raised you better than that.”
She took another drag, daintily holding the cigarette between her perfectly manicured fingers.
“I'm going to have to tell your brother about this," she continued, “he'll have to come up with a punishment fit for a pig."
I felt my stomach drop. My kid brother, Thomas, was only six, but could be exceptionally cruel. Mother seemed to encourage him and was deferring to him more and more frequently for how the house was run, especially concerning my upbringing.
"Mother, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry I was a pig and ate so much ice cream. I promise I won't do it again, I'll never eat any ice cream again," I was pleading with stone, unyielding.
“Hush your mouth. Go to your room and wait for Thomas," she put out the cigarette and got out of the car, I had no choice but to follow.
It felt like walking to the gallows as I stepped inside the house and headed towards the stairs to go to my room. Thomas had grown fond recently of physical punishment, he obviously delighted in Mother whipping me with a belt or, recently, Mother had allowed him to start beating me with a wooden spoon. He would squeal and giggle like a normal child watching bubbles in the wind while I screamed. I was dreading whatever was going to happen tonight, I chastised myself for eating that ice cream, I should have known she would show up. My sins were always laid bare.
Down the hall, I could hear Thomas watching television in the den. I only got to watch TV for half an hour on Saturday morning and new episodes of Happy Days with Mother and Thomas. Thomas got to watch all the TV he wanted. He could listen to the radio and turntable as much as he wanted, as loud as he wanted. Thomas had an entire room just for his toys.
I entered my bedroom, it was a space I occupied, but it didn't feel like mine. Mother kept it spartan, white walls and white bedspread. A crucifix over the bed and a painting of Jesus over the door. I had my desk and chair and a dresser with some of the porcelain dolls Daddy gave me before he died that Mother let me keep. That was it.
I placed my book bag down and sat on my bed, waiting for Thomas. It was a while, sitting there with nothing but my own thoughts and staring at the open door. I felt humiliated, I was almost thirteen and my entire life was dictated by my brother. Mother kept the house in constant lockdown to keep Thomas a secret. No outsiders were allowed in. I couldn't have friends because she was afraid I would mention him or sneak a friend in to gawk at my brother and tease him for being different.
I would never make fun of him, I was terrified of him. Terrified of what he was and what he was becoming.
Eventually I heard his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and I felt my heart start beating faster and my palms began to sweat. I kneaded my skirt in my hands, trying to calm myself and dry my palms. His slow arrhythmic footsteps came down the hall and I watched him as he entered the room.
I couldn't help but internally recoil at his appearance, even though I'd known him since he was born, I could never adjust to how unnatural he appeared. Thomas had been born at home and had never seen a doctor, but he was obviously unwell.
He was six years old and was barely over two feet tall, but very squat and wide. His skin was thick and gray, the whites of his beady eyes were yellow and his hair was wispy and white like an old man's, spreading out like a halo around his gargoyle face. A slight odor of decomposition hung about him, it reminded me faintly of garbage cans on a hot summer day. I hated when Mother made me help him with a bath, his skin felt like old brittle leather that flaked onto my clothes in gray flecks. His body was dense like concrete, I could barely lift him into the tub. Picking him up forced his hair into my face where that smell of rot would fill my nose, causing me to gag, silently, so as not to offend him and draw any ire from him or Mother.
Today, Thomas was wearing bib overalls with a red and green striped sweater underneath, reminding me of a grotesque doll.
“Mama says you acted like a piggy today at the ice cream social,” he spoke up to me in his unsettlingly high pitched, yet raspy voice, like a child that smoked as much as Mother, "you need to come down for dinner right now for your punishment for embarrassing Mama."
He turned and walked back down the stairs and I had no choice but to follow his toddling form downstairs to the dining table. We entered the kitchen and the table was placed with two settings. Mother was already seated and Thomas clambered up into his booster seat at his normal spot next to Mother. She took a drag off her cigarette and motioned vaguely to the floor without even looking at me.
Neatly situated on the linoleum was my dinner, not on a plate, but directly on the floor. A pork chop, scoop of mashed potatoes, and a small pile of peas. No utensils, either.
Thomas giggled with glee upon seeing my face.
“You have Mama's permission now to eat like a piggy, now. No hands! Piggies just use their face!” He stood up in his chair and reached out for Mother’s ash tray and flung it out over my meal, peppering my dinner with cigarette ash and butts.
"Oops! Piggies don't mind trash though, do they, Mama?” he giggled and the sound filled me with rage.
"No, they don't,” Mother replied coolly while maneuvering her ashtray back in place and carefully putting out her cigarette before saying prayer.
As angry as I was, I got down on my hands and knees and did my best at eating what I could without using my hands. I knew if I refused, it would be far worse. The whole meal, Thomas made pig noises and would reach down and poke me with his fork, making comments about what a fat piggy I was and how he wished he could roast and eat me. I doubted Mother would even object if he actually did kill me and eat me.
Gagging my way through another bite of ashy pork chop, I felt a warm splat over my head and heard Thomas giggling. I reached up and felt he had dumped mashed potatoes into my hair.
Choking down tears, I asked Mother if I could clean the floor and bathe. She rolled her eyes and excused me to clear the table for them as well while she changed Thomas into his pajamas. Picking him up, she walked out of the room and Thomas stuck his putrid little purple tongue out at me before they made it out the kitchen door.
I silently cried while I cleared the table and washed the dinner dishes. Tears splashed down as I mopped up the mess from my food on the floor. I hated how awful Thomas was. I hated how they treated me. Ever since Daddy died and Thomas showed up, I was their punching bag. I missed Daddy so much.
Mother was kinder then, too. She was still severe, but Dad kept her tempered. After he died, there was a change that came over her. I was only six, so I didn't remember her too much from before, but I did remember her gushing on and on when she was pregnant with Thomas. How the baby was a gift from Our Heavenly Father, that it was going to complete our broken family.
My sixth birthday happened right after Daddy died and I remember sitting on the patio crying while the house was full of people after the funeral, normally he would have gotten me a new doll and a chocolate bar, instead I was forgotten. No doll. No chocolate. Just funeral potatoes and a house full of cigarette smoke from the adults.
Nobody remembered. The closest thing I got was my dad's sister, Aunt Judy, sitting next to me on the patio step for a few minutes of comfortable silence before giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I don't think she knew her brother was memorialized on my birthday. Next year, Thomas was born the day before my birthday, so it was completely eclipsed as Mother had just birthed her new love into the world…
I stopped mid mop as a lightbulb finally went off. I had never put much thought into the dates before.
Thomas was born a full year after Daddy died. He couldn't be his dad. Who was Thomas’ actual father?
Washing mashed potatoes out of my hair that evening, I ran over and over the timeline. No matter how I parsed it out, Thomas was only my half brother. Going to bed that night, I kept myself awake, going over and over again to make sure. I couldn't remember any men being around at that time, but that didn't mean much. Adults can easily hide things from children. Tension began throbbing through my head and I felt queasy. Mother had always known all of my secrets, able to sniff them out like a bloodhound out or using Thomas to spy. Now I had one of Mother's secrets and I didn't know what to do with it.
First I wanted to confirm it, but it would mean snooping, which was difficult in a house that was rarely left empty. I would have to try finding Mother's calendar book or journal to see if she mentioned any dates or men.
But when could I attempt such a daring maneuver? Thomas hardly left the house. As proud as Mother was of him, she was very cognizant and protective of his differences and didn't want to draw attention to herself or Thomas like that. Mother herself had few social engagements throughout the week and mostly stayed home to watch her golden child.
I finally decided I would take the risk and fake sick on Tuesday, grocery day, so I could stay home from school while she went shopping. All Thomas did all day was watch TV downstairs, so that should give me about an hour to look through her room for clues. I decided to tuck my head down, try to behave as best as I could to avoid their wrath, and wait for Tuesday.
That weekend limped along agonizingly slow. Thomas was in a fine mood and was constantly seeking out a reason to poke me, punch me, slap me… he'd laugh while calling me a piggy with his off-putting wide mouth. I tried to mostly stay in my room and it seemed like neither of them cared.
School on Monday was a relief, but my anxiety ramped up. The consequences would be dire if Mother caught on that I was faking sick to stay home. I didn't even want to imagine how off the leash she'd let my half-brother become in his punishment for that level of insubordination.
I stayed up all night, my stomach was in knots, but I was committed to my plan. Throughout the night, I screamed as hard as I could into my pillow. Screamed until my throat was raw and I could barely talk. It felt cathartic in a way. When it was close to school time, I put on my heaviest flannel pajamas and began doing jumping jacks until my face was flushed and my scalp was soaked with sweat.
Looking in the bathroom mirror before heading down to talk to Mother, I thought I looked pretty convincing, my skin was flushed and sweaty, my eyes had circles under them from lack of sleep, and my voice croaked like a frog.
Heading downstairs, Mother was already feeding Thomas breakfast. I hesitantly stepped into the kitchen and stood there awkwardly for a second, pawing with my pajamas to keep my nerves steady until she noticed my presence and looked up.
“Why aren't you dressed, Julianne?"
"I don't feel well. My throat hurts and my tummy hurts.” My voice graveled out more than I was expecting, I really had hurt my throat.
She strode over to me and placed a cool hand on my sweaty brow.
"You do feel warm. Take an aspirin from the medicine cabinet and go lay back down. I'll check on you later," with that she turned back and walked over to Thomas, who was frozen in place, glaring at me over a forkful of scrambled eggs. The sharp glint of malice in his beady eyes made me shiver before I shuffled out of the kitchen.
I laid in bed, trying my best to look miserable until I eventually heard the faint sound of the television playing in the den as Thomas settled in for his normal daytime routine and the garage door opened as Mother headed to the grocery store. I bounded out of bed and watched the car back out of our driveway and head up the street.
My heart began to pound as I tiptoed down the hall to Mother's bedroom, a place I rarely even caught a glimpse of, let alone entered. I very slowly opened the door, taking great care to not make any noise to alert Thomas downstairs that I was out of bed.
Creeping into the butter yellow room, I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my skull, this was the naughtiest thing I had ever done by far. I stepped onto the rug to help disguise my footsteps and slowly made my way past the brass bed and towards her desk. My hands shook as I opened the top drawer, I pawed through rapidly and found nothing. I checked the next drawer down and again found nothing of interest, just stationary and envelopes.
Finally, the bottom drawer was what I was looking for, a stack of journals from the past decade. I flipped through, trying to find entries relevant to when Daddy died and who Mother slept with afterwards.
I've never fully recovered from what I read.
July 6, 1968
Edgar died today. Car accident. I cannot believe this is real. My light, my life, my anchor... Dr. Benson gave me a sedative at the hospital and I feel so tired. So very, very tired. Why has my Lord forsaken me so?
July 9, 1968
I feel like I am in a very bad dream, I feel numb and disconnected. All the consolation and pity from everyone makes me feel sick. After the memorial, it took everything in me to not break dishes and to scream at everyone to get out of my house. Julianne was moping about crying and I wanted to throw her out, too.
If I hadn't seen my dear Edgar's body in the hospital and held his urn in my own hands, I wouldn't believe he was really gone. I still don't entirely believe it.
I have prayed to God every night asking him to show me why he took my husband from me and I have gotten no answer.
I skimmed over the next few months, as it was more or less similar sentiments repeated night after night. I finally got to an entry that caught my eye.
September 17, 1968
My battle with my faith has been fraught the past few months, but Hallelujah! I feel I can see the Lord again in all his glory and might, for he has given me a way to reconnect to my Edgar!
I was thinking about the night Julianne was born, right in this very home, it was a difficult birth and she struggled to breathe at first. Ingrid, my midwife, made a comment to me that if the baby had failed to wake up on her own, that Ingrid had ways to make sure she would have made it.
I remember asking if it was a medical methodology and she made it clear to me that in certain circumstances, it was a mystical property she used to bring the air of life into a struggling baby's lungs. She gently alluded to being a practicing member of the dark arts. At the time, I felt quite scandalized to have someone like that in my God fearing home. Now I see her as the answer to my prayers! My angel!
On a whim, I called her and asked if she still practiced such techniques. She hesitantly confirmed that she did. I asked, if she could turn breath into the lungs of a child without, could she turn breath into a child that did not exist? Could she magick into existence another child of my beloved Edgar? She told me she had to do some research and she'd be back in touch.
Ingrid just called back after a few hours and said there was a spell she found, but it was dangerous and might have unpleasant results. I said, yes, of course! I trust my Lord and I believe he sent this woman of blessed magick to me for this purpose.
She says we will have to do it soon, in a few days during the new moon. She has a potion to brew, but it is happening! Praise God!
September 23, 1968
The ceremony was last night, and Ingrid believes it was a success, but we will have to wait. It did not take long, only an hour or two. Ingrid lit my bedroom with many beeswax candles and she had me drink a thick and bitter tea that caused me to become quite relaxed and foggy.
From my inner thigh, she cut me and collected my blood in a chalice, with which she mixed quite a lot of Edgar's ashes and other ingredients which I could not glean from my supine position and groggy wits. Ingrid began to chant, calling upon a higher power, as I pleaded with my Lord to let this work. To give me any piece of my Edgar back. She came to the bed and worked the paste between my legs into my womanly chamber, which was very uncomfortable, but manageable with the numbing effects of the tea.
She continued to sit with me and chant, her hand placed over my womb, until she decided at which time it was complete. She left and I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt quite uncomfortable, my body ached and when I used the restroom, a yellow fluid like pus poured out of me, but no sign of any ashes or blood, which gives me hope it was absorbed into my womb.
November 3, 1968
Praise be to our Lord, Ingrid just confirmed for me that I am with child, I had been hoping so, I had not gotten my cycle in October, but I wasn't sure if that was because of the discharge like pus that was still coming. She told me that was common with this spell and a side effect that would stop after the baby came.
I feel like I am floating on air, for the first time since Edgar left, I feel-
I suddenly became very aware of the feeling of eyes on the back of my head. I had become too engrossed in what was written before me and I had lost track of my surroundings. Very slowly, I turned around and my heart began pounding again as I saw Thomas standing in the doorway holding his wooden spoon in one hand. How had I not heard him?
He pointed at me with his empty hand and screamed, just a pure guttural screech from somewhere deep inside his disgusting little body. He charged at me from across the room, his horrible feet thumping solidly along the rug. He began beating my legs ruthlessly with the spoon, causing my legs to buckle. I crashed down to my knees in front of him, and he began lashing at my face, pulling my hair with one hand while wailing away at my head with the spoon.
I had dropped the journal I was holding and was desperately trying to get a hand on the spoon or push him away. All I could hear was him screaming. My arms flailed and I reached around on Mother's desk and grabbed onto the first thing I found and sank it into Thomas’ neck.
The end of Mother's gold letter opener protruded under his jaw. He went silent and he looked at me with utter shock. He dropped the spoon and collapsed on the ground, clutching at his neck as his thick black blood oozed out from his wound, letting out a stupendous odor of rot that filled the room. He didn't really say anything or make any noise. He just twitched for a moment and I saw his eyes glaze over.
In shock, I stood over his little body for a moment and I watched as he seemed to mummify in just a few minutes, like an ash person from Pompeii dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. Even his blood that looked like shiny oil a second ago became like potting soil on Mother's rug. Reaching out to touch his hand, it crumbled away like sand.
Panic ran through me like a rabbit caught in a snare. Not knowing what to do, I ran. I ran down the hall, changed my clothes, put an extra change of clothes in my backpack and the last doll Daddy had ever given me and I ran. Mother would absolutely never forgive me and I was genuinely afraid she would kill me in retaliation for taking her beloved Thomas away from her. Her precious gift from God. My feet flew over the pavement and took me away from that house.
I called my Aunt Judy from a payphone outside the five & dime, and told her Mother had kicked me out and asked if I could stay with her. She had always had a strained relationship with my mother and it didn't take much convincing that she had kicked out her “only” child. Only Mother, Ingrid, and I ever knew about Thomas.
She gave me a home and took care of me. She never beat me or humiliated me. Even with her love, I was far from okay. For years I would close my eyes and hear Thomas scream, then the sudden silence. I'd see him fumbling at his neck and turning to ash. But I would also remember all the ways he would hurt me and how bad he was becoming. I could never talk to anyone about it, especially not the silent relief I felt I refused to admit to myself. Over time, however, Thomas' screams became a whisper and his silence faded into dust in my mind.
I moved on with my life. I went to college and became a photojournalist, getting to travel the world and watch history unfold. By choice, I never married, but was quite blessed with many beautiful friendships for companionship over the decades. I found balance in my life and a sense of happiness, if not peace. I never could quite stomach mashed potatoes again, though, they always taste ashy to me.
Mother never made any attempts to reach out to me or find me, at least that I'm aware of. Ten years ago, I was contacted by a hospital and they said my mother had been admitted earlier after falling and was about to pass, so she must have kept some tabs on me to know my phone number for her emergency contacts. Apparently she had collapsed in the driveway and a neighbor called an ambulance. I got there and her only words to me were, “take care of him," as she placed a locket in my hand. I opened the locket, Jesus was on one side, Thomas on the other. I didn't say anything to her, just held her frail old hand with nicotine stained nails until she passed in the night. My mother was gone and I felt nothing except a vague sense of relief.
When I got to her house, it was like a time capsule. Other than a newer television, it was just like it was when I'd fled so many years ago. The smell of tobacco smoke hung like incense in the air. It felt oppressive, like a tomb.
I wandered the house in a bit of a daze. The one place I didn't want to go was upstairs. I didn't want to see my old room, or Thomas' room, or Mother's. Putting it off, I went to fix myself some supper, realizing I hadn't eaten in almost a day. I took a pause when I opened the fridge and saw a baby bottle on a shelf. Silently praying she had been babysitting for a neighbor, I fixed myself some toast with sardines and sat eating in the den watching TV. It had been almost forty years and it still felt rebellious not eating at the table and watching TV without permission.
My eyes grew heavy and I finally mustered up the gumption to head upstairs to go to bed. The stairs creaked in a familiar way under my feet and I was taken back to the feeling of dread hearing either Mother or Thomas climbing up. My old room was at the top of the stairs, I saw the door was nailed shut and had rambling quotes about Judas copied from the Bible in my mother's handwriting taped to the door. I sighed gently and turned from the door to head down the hallway, deciding Mother's room was probably the best place to sleep.
I passed by Thomas’ toy room and I heard a murmur from the room. I stopped, curiosity got the best of me and I entered. In Thomas' old toy room was a crib with joyful clown sheets. Dread swelled up inside me as I heard more murmurs and saw the sheets move. Approaching slowly, I peaked under the sheet and gasped.
Tucked inside was what looked like a baby gargoyle, gray and papery looking. Pus leaked out of its milky, bulbous eyes. I pulled back the blanket and saw it had no legs and its arms bent back, like wings on a bird. It was wearing just a cloth diaper, overflowing with tarry looking stool that took my breath away with its pungency, it smelled like Thomas’ blood, but somehow worse. My heart broke for this poor creature, Lord only knows how many years it has been in this crib suffering from its unholy existence.
So this is who Mother had wanted me to take care of…
Not knowing what else to do, I gently scooped him up. Like Thomas, he was shockingly heavy for how small his body was. Placing him on the changing table, I cleaned him and rewrapped his bottom in a clean diaper cloth. It was difficult, he fussed tremendously, crying and flopping around as much as his flipper-like arms would allow. I tried wiping off his oozing eyes and he snapped his mouth, which I saw was full of disturbingly square yellow teeth, trying to bite me. I carried him to the kitchen and rocked him while I heated up his bottle and he became furious with me, almost barking like a dog when my hand would get near his face.
He settled a bit as he fed, but he would still sometimes suddenly spit out the bottle and attempt to bite me. I laid him back in his crib, this abomination in a clown sheet, and I walked down the hall to Mother's room letting out a long sigh.
Combing through my mother's journals in the early hours of the morning, it looked like she tried the ceremony again shortly after Thomas died, but she either lacked Ingrid’s help or didn't have enough of my father's ashes left. Something went terribly wrong. She was vaguer than she had been about Thomas’ conception, but I suspect she had used some of Thomas' remains. The resulting birth she named Isaac.
Mother's journals told a sad tale of her and Isaac's suffering. She never mentioned me, but lamented the loss of Thomas and Dad relentlessly. She was hyper protective of Isaac, as that was all she had left. If her world had been small before, it became microscopic after he entered her life, requiring nearly constant care. According to Mother, he was blind and colicky, sometimes going years at a time without sleeping through the night. She had breast fed him for years, but she had to stop after he grew teeth and began biting her intentionally and feeding on her blood.
I spent a lot of time over the next few days pondering what to do. I had to get her estate in order, she had left me the house, in an obvious attempt to get me to continue caretaking for Isaac, but I didn't want it. I had my own cozy home an hour away from here, filled with happy memories and my possessions acquired traveling the world. Mother's home had a heavy energy I couldn't shake. Her and Thomas were both gone, but the memories of the scoldings and beatings hung in every corner, like cobwebs that would never sweep away.
So, I fed Isaac and kept him clean and tried to keep him company, although he seemed to hate me passionately. I took care of him, all the while thinking about what I was going to do. After a week, I felt resolute in what had to be done.
Gathering up all of Mother's journals in a tote, I made my way to Isaac and picked him up and carried everything to the living room.
The ancient logs in the fireplace meant for display ignited instantly. One by one, I fed the journals into the fire, burning away years of my mother's consuming sorrow. Isaac fussed and moaned next to me the entire time. When the last pages shimmered away into lacy ash, I took a throw pillow off the couch and gently cradled Isaac in my other arm. It didn't take long before he stopped struggling and I felt his little body relax after decades of suffering.
I gently wrapped up a bundle in a clown sheet and placed it in the fire. It burned furiously, like the paper in my mother's journals, and was soon gone. Nothing but ashes and embers.
“Don't worry, Mother,” I said purely for my own sake, "I took care of Isaac for you."
And finally, I felt at peace.

Quick and Dirty: So long as you get Pep Talk by completing the first four dream quests, AND install Ye Olde Chemicker on Plunkett Street, you can get 15/15/15 on day 6 and beat the Ocean City Boardwalk games (Dream Cat not required). The rough outline: You get +2/+2/+2 from Ocean City perks and Charlestown State Pen perks, +1/+1/+1 from any number of hat and pants combos, +1/+1/+1 from the Monster Club sash, +1/+1/+1 from a Noble Elixir from Ye Olde Chemicker, +1/+1/+1 from the devil's food cake (throw a hot link down the H***hole), +1/+1/+1 from your choice of liquor and your bonus from the electrified orb, +1/+1/+1 from your Pep Talk perk and choice of cat, +1 to Moxie from a new set of teeth, +1 to Muscle from Chiropractic, +1 to mysticality from the statue of you, +1/+1/+1 from losing and getting Angry, Contemplative, and Aloof effects.
Beating the Ocean City Boardwalk games requires a minimum of 15/15/15 Mus/Mys/Mox stats. This is missable--it is possible to lock yourself out of being able to achieve such high stats. However, there are multiple ways to get your M-stats this high, meaning even if you miss one route to 15/15/15, another is likely still open. I wanted to make a quick guide about not only how to purely maximize stats, but the different options available to get yourself to 15/15/15.

Always Possible Stat Boosts

On any save file, 13/13/13 should be achievable. Here's how:

• +1/+1/+1 from Basic Humanity
• +4/+4/+4 from Skill Upgrades
• +1 Muscle from "St. Polycarp's Forehead" perk (St. Polycarp's Cathedral quest)
• +1 Mysticality from "Skeptical" perk (pay for a tarot reading three times at Ocean City Boardwalk)
• +1 Moxie from "Expert Sitter" perk (Marvin's quest)

Those, which I assume most folks who made it through chapter 1 know about, bring you to 6/6/6. Potions, alcohol, and food will also easily net you +1, +1, +2 to your choice of stats (you can get higher boosts from food and potions, but they are unique and/or missable), bringing you to around 7/8/7. Then:

• +1/+1/+1 from wearing the completed Monster Club sash accessory (complete all Monster Shack quests). To my knowledge, it is impossible to lock yourself out of this quest.
• +1 Moxie from the "Perfect Teeth" perk (the dentist at the Maize Maze in Gray County)
• +1/+1/+1 from giving prisoners Chiropractor gift certificates (Charlestown State Pen in Government Valley)
• +1 Muscle from the "Well Adjusted" effect using the same gift certificate for yourself

This brings us to 10/10/10. To get to 13/13/13:

• A hat and pants combo can get you +1/+1/+1 any playthrough. The intimidating Stetson from Haim Quarry in The Big Moist with S.I.T. kitchen britches from the S.I.T. gift shop) is the earliest available combo, but you can also combine any puckwudgie hat from Gray County with the corresponding S.I.T. pants from the S.I.T. gift shop). There's also the glorious tiara from the Wreck of the Longerfellow, which is difficult to reach.
• The electrical orb on your bookshelf from Radio Shack in The Big Moist grants +1 to your class' main stat when you touch it.
• The statue of you from Puckwudgie Village and one of the three M-stat cats (not counting the dream cat) can grant you +1 to an additional 2 M-stats
• Finally: Losing battles (NOT surrendering!) will grant you Angry), Contemplative, and Aloof effects for an additional +1/+1/+1.

So, this will get you to +13/+13/+13 fairly hassle free. But that still leaves us 6 points shy of victory. Thankfully, there are myriad ways to reach that final number (and beyond)

Bridging the final +6 gap

All of the following is content you can lock yourself out of, sometimes pretty easily, sometimes pretty early in the game. The good news is, there are so many options, it's likely a path to 15/15/15 still exists on your save file unless you've reached the very late game and aren't lucky.

Dreams

You can get an additional +4 from Dream-related events.

• The Dream Cat from the Prologue grants +1/+1/+1, for an additional +2 M-stats compared with the other M-stat cats. They are very missable, and you can permanently lose their boon if you pet another cat on Chapter 6, as you will not go to sleep again.
• You must complete quests in your first four dreams to get the perk Pep talk, granting +1 to 2 of your 3 M-stats. You choose the M-stats by picking which statue to silence in Yet Another Fitful Dream.

Clothing

• The giant maggot hat, which comes from helping the miners and NOT working with Frogger at Haim Quarry, gives +1/+1/+1 for an additional +1 M-stat.
• Weathered Jeans can be bought from Advanced Pants on Day 4 if you choose it as an additional shop on Plunkett street. It grants +1 Muscle and +1 Moxie, and is the only pair of pants to provide +1 to more than 1 M-stat, for an additional +1 overall. You will only install 5 of the 9 possible stores on Plunkett street during a playthrough, making it easy to miss this shop.

This makes for a maximal +2 from better clothes.

Food

There are a number of food options to grant more than +1 to your M-stats, granting a maximal additional +2 to your M-stats overall.

• Any food starting with H can be thrown in The H***hole in Gray County to make devil's food cake, for +1/+1/+1. Of particular interest are hot links, which can be crafted at arcane ovens from the infinitely abundant phlogistic resin. This is always available in any save file, but easily missed.
• The Dauphin House) in The Big Moist contains a Can of Fruit Cocktail for +1/+1/+1. This item is unique.
• Fruit Advertisements can be gotten from Junk Mail once you've gotten the letter opener on day 6. They give +1/+1/+1 when eaten.
• Fish sandwiches can be bought from Fission Chips or The Underground Restaurant) for +1 to 2 M-stats of your choice (suboptimal, but available starting day 3)
• Finally, picking Botany as a major opens up 2 interesting options for an additional (suboptimal) +1 to your M-stats: You can make a questionable salad at Professor Kalos' Holiday Home which grants +1 to Muscle and Mysticality when eaten, AND you can wander at S.I.T. with Barker to find Odd Fruit for +1 to Muscle and Moxie.

Potions

Potion options are comparatively limited, but can grant an additional +2.

• The Noble Exlixir (+1/+1/+1) will be sold at Ye Olde Chemicker if you install it on Plunkett Street, but ONLY on day 6. You will only install 5 of the 9 possible stores on Plunkett street during a playthrough, making it easy to miss this shop.
• If you take the Chemicals major at S.I.T., you can get Professor Adams as a companion. Talking to him at Ye Olde Chemicker will give you 3 of Professor Adams' special potions for +1/+1/+1. This can only be done once, but can get you +1/+1/+1 potions before day 6.
• Without Ye Olde Chemicker, you can find radium rouge at the Dauphin House in The Big Moist for +1 to Mysticality and Moxie (suboptimal). This item is unique.

Other

There are a couple unique effects that you can use which will last 1 day only

• At The Old Junkyard at Crystaldream lake, there's a tub you can soak in for +1/+1/+1 for the rest of the day. This is a one day only effect; you can only soak once and will not be able to soak any other day. Optimal to soak on day 6.
• Similarly, in Gray County, you can encounter a blob of crude oil surrounded by electrified shale spires. If you choose the option "Harness the Lightning [7 Mysticality] you get +1 Mysticality from the Fossil Fueled effect for the rest of the day. This option can only be chosen once; the event can occur many times, but once you choose to harness lightning, it will never happen again (optimal to do so on day 6).
• Finally, the exploit: You can get +3/+3/+3 if you choose spiders as an elective at S.I.T. I don't recommend it, but it's there.

Bonus Guide to Liquors

-Tequila grants +1 to Muscle and Mysticality and can be found in the Mob Submarine in The Big Moist, but only if you accept the Mob's offer on day 2. - Whiskey grants +1 to Muscle and Moxie and can be found in the Moonshiner's Cave in The Big Moist. - Absinthe grants +1 to Mysticality and Moxie and is found in Rufus' Lab) at S.I.T.
Shoutout to this previous post by u/Mr_Lisreal, which already covers most of what's in this post. My motivation behind making this was primarily that the wiki does not do a good job of displaying potion effects in a browsable way, and it wasn't clear to me if it was possible to completely box yourself out of being able to complete the boardwalk games (to my eye it appears possible, but uncommon). I also wanted a guide out there for freaks like me who enjoy petting cats, and therefore don't want to lean on the dream cat boon because it deprives you of the joy of petting all the other cats in the game.

Noah The Pilgrim
First Next
There is one last thing to do before leaving. If you don't recall ever being on this ship, then surely, you could have had your appearance change too.
Why was there a blanket covering a mirror? You couldn't answer that with a straight face without speculation.
"Probably me being lazy and not bothering to properly place it in the wardrobe."
'Probably' is the main focus here, you simply cannot remember ever being that lazy, yet that's the only logical conclusion to be drawn here.
You pull the thing off, careful to not displace the mirror and risk breaking it.
You have no expectations as to what may appear on the glassy surface of the mirror, yet you can't help but feel a bit anxious. Are you the same as before? How were you before? You can't remember. Are you better? Worse? The blanket is now completely off the mirror, but your eyes are closed.
Whatever is it that you see when you open your eyes, that thing will be you for the rest of your life. You swallow, opening your eyes.
You see a young man that looks to be in his mid-twenties. His brown eyes stare back at you, analyzing the bags beneath your eye sockets. The dark hair is neither too long nor too short, floating about without order thanks to the lack of gravity to keep it down. You see a beard that has not been trimmed for weeks, but also lacks thickness, each singular hair isn't particularly long either; and some even appear to be in-grown.
You touch your hand against your face, making sure it's yours. The beard doesn't feel like you supposed it would against your skin, instead of it scraping your hand you feel softness, no resistance or anything.
Just beneath the face, you see what looks like a hate crime against all that is considered holy in fashion. Plain white coveralls with the added bonus of a black tie and boots made from metal and leather. On your chest is also a badge stuck in place by velcro with your name, occupation, and crew. 'NOAH - INTERN - THE ODYSSEY.'
Only one question came to mind.
"Who the fuck designed this uniform?" You say out loud, receiving no answer.
Patting your newfound myriad of pockets, you find a large quantity of nothing. You place your wallet in one of them.
"Alright, I'll head to the bridge now, happy?" You say the AI.
"HAPPINESS WILL ONLY MEET ME ONCE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE SAFE AND YOUR CONTRACT IS TERMINATED. STOP LOITERING."
Well, that's a bit rude.
You compose yourself, straightening your back. This is what you look like, and honestly? Not too bad, but you could be better.
Returning to the cafeteria, you eye the two doors left unexplored; Communications and the one without plaque. You know where you should, but... A little peek doesn't hurt, right?
"Shouldn't we try to communicate with someone? Assuming you haven't tried it yet. I know we're far from everything, but we might as well, no?" You ask already approaching the door.
"COMMUNICATIONS ROOM IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO REACH WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTION AS OF NOW, IT'S LOCATED APPROXIMATELY TWO HUNDRED METERS FROM HERE, BLOWN OFF FROM THE REST OF THE SHIP." A shame really. "I SHALL INFORM YOU WHENEVER A DOOR LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE OR NOT."
You really want to ask what blew a whole segment of the ship off, yet you have a sneaking suspicion that your question will be met with a 'YOU DON'T HAVE CLEARANCE, JACKASS' directly in your face. So you chose to remain silent, simply nodding and approaching the correct door this time.
"Open."
---OPENING CAFETERIA DOOR NORTH---
The door silently opens.
Greeting you is a well-lit corridor. There are three doors on your left, a door at the end of the corridor, and a large window on the right. At least, you think that's a window.
You stare out from this window, nothing but utter blackness and fragments from your ship are seen. If this is the edge of the universe, and beyond this point, there is truly nothing. "Dreadful." Your speech matches your feelings.
"WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" The AI says. You feel like it spoke in a mocking tone despite their lack of emotion.
You don't answer. "First door to the left... EXO-EXPLORATION...? What's that supposed to mean?" You receive no answer.
"Open." The door opens. No declarion of it opening once again.
You are met with what could be better described as 'Apocalyptic levels of mess', paper sheets float in the air, and not one of the four tables is in its correct position.
This room has been ransacked for all its goods apparently. Large display glasses were broken leaving nothing inside their casings, that looked like they could store something with the size of the common man.
Unusual displays aside, the room was so cluttered that the trash made for an effective smoke screen against what lay on the other side.
Hissing of gas exiting an air-tight space rang throughout the room.
"I HAVE OPENED THE STORAGE FOR AN EXO SUIT THAT BEST FITS SOMEONE YOUR SIZE." The AI says. "ALTHOUGH AN INTERN SHOULD NOT COME IN CONTACT WITH TECHNOLOGY SUCH AS THIS ONE, PROTOCOL DICTATES THAT I AM TO ALLOW ITS USAGE UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES. CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY."
Easier said than done. Your vision is so cluttered that you cannot see what's ahead. "Give me a second."
Giving a light kick to the wall behind, you float face-first into the wall of thrash. Covering your face with both arms, you brace through the harmless bits of sharp objects and junk.
It's a trivial task. You arrive on the other side in no time.
In front of you is a set of boxes with luminous glass rectangles atop each one of them. All shine a bright red light, aside from one which shines green.
'Gotta be this one.'
You descend to the floor by kicking the ceiling, raising your right hand you touch the green rectangle.
*Click*
Nothing could have prepared you for the following series of events.
The box opens violently, as a metal appendage takes hold of your hand, pinning it to the box. You try to jerk and pry the thing off of you, but you fail. It's not leaving you anytime soon.
From the bottomless that is that container, a white plastic-like substance flows upward from your arm to the rest of your body. "Uh!" You don't know if you should panic or allow it to happen.
FYARN hasn't said anything, so it's probably fine...
The white thing seems to ignore the coveralls you are wearing completely, instead, it covers only your skin in a thin coat of... it. You know not what to call this thing.
In but forty seconds it has covered your whole body, excluding your head. The box lets go of your arm and stays there, floating.
You take a good look at your arms. It looks like a skin-tight suit, but it doesn't feel like plastic, in fact, it's more akin to some sort of fabric if anything.
The only bad part is that you are still using the coverall and tie, this this simply went beneath the clothing.
"GOOD, WITH THIS I CAN MONITOR YOU MORE CLOSELY. NOW PUT THE HELMET ON, YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO."
You look around in search of anything that even resembles a helmet. Nope. Nothing. "Where is it?" You ask.
"...THE SUIT COMES WITHIN THE HELMET FOR EASIER PACKAGING."
The box?
You snatch the box that floated around and analyze it to the best of your ability. "How's this a helmet?"
"DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE PUTTING ON A HELMET? REALLY?"
Who is this AI, Who programmed it, and Why does it come with a taunting feature?
As idiotic as it sounds, you place the opened box atop your head. It doesn't fit properly. Maybe you're doing this wrong? You move it to your face instead.
You recoil backward as you feel the box suddenly clamping down against your head. It's useless of course, the box is holding your head and doesn't give any sign to be letting go anytime soon. No light is able to reach your eyes.
You hear metal parts scraping against themselves, moving near your ears. Abruptly your eyes can see again.
A round thin layer of glass now covers your head, almost unnoticeable for how clear it is.
"WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY I CAN NOW SEE WHAT YOU SEE." The AI's voice isn't in the room now, instead, it's inside of the suit. "DO YOU NEED INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING THIS SUIT'S FUNCTIONALITIES?"
You find it oddly comfortable as if you are surrounded by the softness of cotton, and to top it off the suit also has additional functionalities? "Hell yeah, I do!"
"YOU DO NOT HAVE THE NECESSARY CLEARANCE FOR THAT INFORMATION."
You sigh. Is this serious? "Then why the fuck did you ask?!"
"UNSAVORY LANGUAGE. IT'S NO WONDER WHY YOU REMAIN AN INTERN." The AI says outright. "IT IS RUDE NOT TO ASK, REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION." It responds to your question.
"Okay then... Is there anything I need to know before heading out?" You ask.
"NOTHING THAT YOU WON'T FIGURE OUT ON YOUR OWN."
You are unsure if you want to 'figure out on your own' if this suit comes with breathable air and is also made for space exploration. You swallow.
Meekly as always, you get out of that mess of a room, stopping at the corridor.
"Next set of directions?" You ask.
"THE DOOR AT THE END OF CORRIDOR USED TO LEAD TO THE CONNECTING CORRIDORS BETWEN THE BRIDGE AND THE REST OF THE SHIP. IT HAS BEEN BLOWN UP FROM THE INSIDE. NOW IT LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE. GO TO THE DOOR AND WAIT BY IT FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS."
"So let me get this straight," You begin, looking upwards as if the AI was above you. "You, want me, to go into the void of space, while also refusing to give me knowledge of the suit's functions?"
A fair worry, you summarize.
'I mean, there are a bunch of things that could go wrong here. I don't see anything that looks like it could help me move in space, nor do I think this thing has a built-in air tank... I could be wrong and I wish to be, but charging in without prior knowledge is ridiculous.' You wait for the AI's response, deep in thought.
"WHILE THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF YOU FAILING THIS TASK, THERE IS ALSO THE CHANCE OF YOU *NOT* FAILING THE TASK. FOCUS ON EITHER ONE OF YOUR CHOOSING AS YOU TAKE THE PLUNGE."
Wordlessly, you propel yourself forward, toward the end of the corridor.
'Are you shitting me? 'Chance of me nor failing' my ass!' of course, you don't word those complaints, instead choosing to speak out a complaint somewhat thought through.
"Are you sure I'm the one fit for this? It's just like you said, I'm just an intern, this is way above what my job description says I should do."
This is a bit of a stretch. You don't actually remember what was your job description, only that it had something to do with AI and being an intern.
If the AI called your bluff, it'd be pretty embarrassing.
"NOAH." The AI began. "YOU ARE HUMAN, IT IS NATURAL TO HAVE THESE THOUGHTS OF SELF-DOUBT. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO THROUGH THAT DOOR, AND SINCE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE LEFT, DON'T EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU."
Right in the money, huh? 'Of course, I have self-doubt! I barely remember anything about this place, now I have to risk my life?!'
You finally reach a conclusion.
A dream.
'Yes, yes! How did I not consider this before? This whole thing is a god damned dream!'
You let out a chuckle.
"NOAH."
'That's why I don't remember a thing. There is nothing here to remember! Everything here is a made-up thing from my brain! I'm sure I'll wake up at some point, so why shouldn't I live a little?!'
"Heh." You smile. "Alright, I'll do it." It feels like a weight left your shoulders.
"YOU SORTED IT OUT SOONER THAN EXPECTED. GOOD. MOVE TO THE DOOR AND WAIT INSTRUCTIONS."
You do as instructed without a care in the world. You never had a lucid dream before so it's not like you knew how it felt, but if it felt as free as you feel right now, you'd be sure to make steps toward trying it out again in the future.
"Open." The door does not open.
"I DID NOT INSTRUCT YOU TO OPEN IT YET." The AI said. "I AM SLOWLY DE-PRESSURISING THE CORRIDOR YOU ARE IN TO AVOID A MINOR ACCIDENT."
The AI says that yet you don't feel any different. 'Maybe there is no palpable difference because I'm in a dream... Yes... Or it's just the suit.'
"ONCE THE DOOR OPENS, YOU WILL BE MET WITH THE OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP. DO NOT PANIC WHEN THE TIME COMES. YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES OF BREATHABLE INSIDE THE EXO-SUIT; ONE AFTER THE DOOR OPENS, SO PLEASE, TAKE YOUR TIME AND DO THINGS CAREFULLY."
One minute outside... "Sure." You say, calmly. 'I should just hold my breath for a while before taking another moment to breathe. That should maximize my time out there.'
"THERE SHOULD BE FIFTY METERS OF NOTHINGNESS BETWEEN THE DOOR YOU'RE AT, AND THE REST OF THE BRIDGE. YOUR PRIORITY IS TO FIND AN OXYGEN UNIT, SOME OF THEM ARE LOCATED AT THE BRIDGE AND ARE FULL. USE THEM TO FILL YOUR SUIT AND ALSO TO DISPENSE A TANK FOR YOU."
The door opens. You feel your heart pounding against your chest.
You haven't noticed before, but you can't hear anything but the sound of your breath and your cardiac palpitations.
Your breath is ragged and sporadic.
"KEEP CALM." You take a deep breath. The tips of your fingers, feet, and nose feel very cold.
Ahead of you is the utter nothingness. You see a gigantic metal thing, nothing like the spaceships you imagined. Its design is not sleek and aero-dynamic like what you've seen in movies, instead, it's a large mass of squares and rectangles with antenna-like things protruding from its every visible surface.
You notice that the ship is also blocking your view of the star.
It does not look like the result of an explosion, instead, it looks like something ripped the ship like you rip a piece of paper. Well, that or you don't know what kind of explosion could have caused it. Probably the latter.
What looks like two-thirds of the ship is separated from the third you are right now. You can see the inside of a few of those squares, their contents spilled out into outer space.
One of them houses a visibly important-look door. Instead of the sleek silvery-grey from the other ones you've seen thus far, this one is painted orange with white strips on it. 'That must be the bridge.' You think.
Between you and it is a sea of metal sheets floating around. "THE CHANCES OF YOU HITTING THE DEBRIS IS INFINITEDECIMALLY SMALL, UNLESS YOU AIM FOR THEM, THAT IS."
Time is of the essence.
Will your aim strike true? If you miss you'd end up floating about in space, dead in but a few minutes. Will your jump be fast enough to reach the other side before you run out of oxygen? If it isn't, it'd be like swimming for a mile, only to drown at the beach. What if that's not the actual door to the bridge?
You don't have the time to panic now, and... It's all a dream, despite how real it feels.
You place your hands on each side of the door frame, moving backward into the corridor you were just in, and just like a sling being shot, you pull with both arms at full force towards the other side.
"AIM IS ACCEPTABLE. VELOCITY IS UNIDEAL."
"The fuck do you mean 'UN-IDEAL'?! I'm going at maximum speed!" You truly pulled yourself with your whole strength.
What's worse though, is that your body is not only going forwards, but it is also spinning at a concerningly fast rate.
"I MEAN WHAT I SAID, YOU SLINGSHOTTED YOURSELF AT A BAD POSITION, AS SUCH, SOME OF THE FORWARD FORCE YOU SHOULD HAVE, IS NOW MAKING YOU ROTATE IN YOUR AXIS. IT SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM TO REACH THE OTHER SIDE WITHIN THE REQUIRED TIME, BUT I CANNOT FORESEE YOU LANDING PROPERLY."
You feel completely disoriented. You feel like your body is completely still, but your eyes tell you a completely different story. It's very bad for the headache you're already feeling.
"FUCK!" You scream into the nothingness.
"TRY NOT TO LAND WITH YOUR HEAD." The AI says with the calmest voice possible.
In less than thirty seconds, you hit your back against something hard, but you keep moving forward. You think, at least.
"AHRG." You let out a pained grunt.
Not once in your life do you recall being hurt in a dream...
It stings. It also knocked the wind out of you. You fail to compose yourself.
"YOU HIT NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE. YOU ARE STILL HEADING FOR THE BRIDGE."
In the corner of your eye, you see what you hit in the shape of a sharp metal sheet, currently spinning away in the distance.
Forty seconds have passed. You hit the door you were aiming for, kind of.
Your momentum was stopped when your chest collided against the dislodged ledge of the orange door's corridor. Your dangling legs hit the ceiling of the room below.
"Oof!"
Before falling even further, you hold onto the ledge with the tip of your fingers. You stay there for a moment, regaining your composure.
"BE QUICK."
The AI's words pressured you into quickly getting up from that ledge.
"Open!" You shouted, but it did not open. "Why isn't it opening?!" You ask the AI, then you notice a small keyboard below an equally small black screen on the side of the door. There are ten numbered keys on it, and the little screen suggests a four-number password.
"A password?! Tell me the password!"
The AI takes a moment to say anything. You don't take kindly to that. "Quick! I'm not counting how much time it's passed!"
Finally giving in, the AI speaks to you, reluctant still. "...3324."
Your trembling fingers accidentally hit the wrong password, typing '3354' instead. To make matters worse, the AI simply states the following. "YOU ARE OUT OF OXYGEN."
You swallow. If this was a dream to begin with, it just earned the title of Nightmare, if it hadn't already.
Strangely enough, you can still breathe in and out just fine, but you can't help but feel winded. It's the CO2 still inside the helmet, that's what you're breathing.
You put in the correct combination this time. The door opens.
"ON YOUR LEFT. PLACE YOUR HAND IN THE SOCKET."
You care little for what's inside the room you're in. Your heart never beat so fast.
Seeing a cube-shaped thing protruding from the wall to your left, you don't even think twice before plunging your fist into the circular hole in it.
The noise of gases passing through narrow cavities was enough to tell you something was working. You feel immediate relief, enough to make your vision darken for but a moment.
"GOOD. NOW REQUEST THE TANK."
Just when FYARN said it, did you realize there is a screen and a keyboard on the terminal you just plunged your fist into, you scratch the top of your helmet for a moment, not really knowing what to type. One thing comes to your head, however.
'REQUEST OXYGEN_5L' You type.
You've done this before. The keys on this keyboard feel familiar to you. You must have worked with it before, not this particular one, but other oxygen units.
This ship has built-in liquid oxygen storage for emergencies. The life-support of the ship, the place where breathable air is produced, has most likely been lost with the other part of the ship. This unit takes that liquid oxygen, processes it, and injects it into a suit, or an oxygen tank. It seems like that storage was unaffected.
Lucky you.
A 5-liter tank is not only large but also heavy. It's a nonfactor in this particular situation, as there is no gravity.
The silver cylinder with a transparent tube is dispensed on the floor, as an automatic door opens and closes in the blink of an eye. One end of the tube is attached to the top of the tank, the other is shaped like a syringe.
Oddly enough, the oxygen tank is exactly as you remember it being. The same robust ones hospitals everyone on earth uses, with the signature scary-looking pointer indicating the pressure, the pointer indicating the current output, and a green valve atop to calibrate how much gas is flowing.
This is a stark difference to everything looking so futuristic in this ship, and rightfully so, this is a space ship after all.
You remember having to drive twenty kilometers with a buddy of yours on one of those tanks in your car, returning from the hospital. It was... Agonizing whenever you hit a hole in the asphalt, fearing for his life when in reality he wasn't really in danger.
It's warm to the touch, just like you remember it being.
"TURN THE VALVE UNTIL THE MARKER HITS THE NUMBER ONE, AND THEN PLACE THE END OF THE TUBE AT THE BASE OF THE HELMET." You do so without the slightest of issues.
"GOOD. NEXT UP, YOU MUST LOCATE THE TERMINAL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENGINE, IT IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE AND I NEED YOU TO TURN IT ON. THIS SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, BUT REMEMBER TO BRING THE TANK WITH YOU."
Ignoring that last comment, you look back at the wreckage you just flew past.
You see the still spinning metal sheet. You notice that the rest of the ship that was blown off also follows the 'sharp shape atop sharp shape' design.
There is one last thing you notice though.
"What is that?"
You squint your eyes. What are you seeing? Its silhouette appears to be humanoid, yet it does not look human.
"WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS ONE OF THE OBJECTS BEING ANALYZED AT THE ODYSSEY AND NO, YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS."
That thing has... Horns? Claws? It's far away, you can't really see it. The thing is also static, frozen in the sheer coldness of space. Whatever it was, it's dead now.
You swallow. You almost ended up just like that thing.
Shaking those dreadful feelings off, you turn back to the task at hand, reaching the bridge. You close the door after passing through it again.
Looking at your surroundings, It seems like you've reached the correct door as you find yourself on the right-most corner of the bridge;
Row after row of the most diverse of terminals neatly organized decorated the gigantic room. At the front and above every terminal, is what you think should have been the front-facing window of the ship, but it looks like there is a cover in front of it. To your left, you see a staircase that leads to the command seats. It doesn't take any convincing before you're already atop the stairs.
Akin to the elevated stage of a theater, you float softly towards the ship's main operating terminals, and of course, the captain's seat.
You're captivated by this beauty.
The steering wheel, much more akin to those in pirate movies than those found in cars, a set of leavers, and the pilot's seat, all capture your attention.
Like its second nature, your hand runs through the levers and switches. Do you even know what these are used for? Maybe.
The pilot's seat is enveloped by what you believe to be an orthopedic seat cover, made with smooth wooden beads used to deal with back pains. It looks just like the ones you remember seeing bus drivers using.
Shouldn't there be a better alternative if there is spaceship technology available?
You try to take a seat to the best of your ability, as the zero gravity only makes it awkward.
Moving on from that, your eyes fall on the wheel. This metallic wheel controls the whole vessel. Just holding it fills your heart with confidence and pride, even if it's just for a moment.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
And you were just beginning to enjoy yourself.
"I just wanted to see the pilot's stuff... It's not like he's here to say anything."
Once in the position of a pilot, with your left hand in the wheel and the right hand resting in your lap, memories began to flood your mind.
"MUST I REMIND YOU OF OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT? WHY ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME?"
You pay the AI no mind, instead you focus on what you remember.
The wheel does not turn the ship left and right, instead, it rotates the ship on its own axis.
The lever to your right that goes up or down, controls the vertical tilting of the ship's nose, if there even is one in this hulking thing. Beneath it is another lever that goes either left or right. This one controls the horizontal tilting of The Odyssey.
On the left of the wheel is another lever, but this one only goes up from its starting position. Its purpose is to regulate the force of the ship's thrusters, both forward and backward.
On top of that lever is a small timer. That timer's function is to tell the pilot how much time you've spent accelerating in one direction, this is used to better calculate how long the inverse thrust is needed for the ship to reach the initial momentum, usually calibrated manually depending on the current orbit.
Behind the wheel are a few other counters. Acceleration, velocity, momentum, amount of thrust required to reach a full stop, thrusters' temperature and overall condition, those sorts of things.
Beneath it all, where your feet are rested, are two pedals. One for forward thrust activation, and the other for backward thrust activation.
Curiously, you also know the reason why everything here is so unsophisticated and un-automated. You recall stories of a ship being taken over by a rogue AI, that AI then nose-dived the ship into a star. After that, rumor or otherwise, all human technology has receded back into analog-esque equipment, requiring a physical person with opposable thumbs to do half of the work.
There is another side to that coin, however. As to not escape protocol, the onboard AI is the one that controls interstellar travel, communications, and most of the statistical reading should it be requested.
And even with all that knowledge, you still have no idea why the fuck do you remember that. Were you a ship nerd? Did you have a driver's license for spaceships? Is that even a thing? If it is, you don't have that document in your wallet. You simply don't know.
"ARE YOU A CHILD? DO YOU THINK THESE ARE TOYS? TURN ON THE ENGINES, THEN YOU CAN RETURN TO THE PILOT'S SEAT."
Another thing that you don't know is the AI's plan to get both of you out of here. You rise from the pilot's seat, floating about in search of the terminal to turn on the engines. Maybe you recognize that terminal if you see it as well.
"What's your plan anyway? The ship is half-gone, it's unlikely that it will run safely like this."
"NOT ONCE DID I MENTION 'SAFETY' DURING OUR CONVERSATIONS, DID I?"
You nod. They're not entirely incorrect. "So, we're running with hope that this will work?"
"MY CREATORS DID NOT ALLOW ME TO HAVE THE SENSE OF 'HOPE', BUT NEITHER DID THEY ALLOW ME TO PEER INTO THE FUTURE LIKE SOME OF MY MORE ADVANCED BROTHERS, AS SUCH, MY CHOICES ARE BASED ON PROBABILITIES AND ON WEIGHTING RISK AGAINST REWARD."
You think you stop the correct terminal, but as you approach it you make out words on top of its screen. 'AIM ASSISTANCE' That's not it.
"WITH THE CURRENT KNOWLEDGE, THE CHANCES OF HELP ARRIVING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF A THIRD PARTY INTERFERING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF YOUR SURVIVAL ARE NOT, EVEN IF VERY SMALL."
You pull yourself upward again, looking around the sea of old terminals.
"THE RISK OF YOU DYING IS VERY REAL. BY DOING NOTHING YOU DIE. BY LEAVING YOU TO YOUR OWN DEVICES YOU DIE. BY JUMPING TO THE NEAREST CIVILIZED STAR, YOU MIGHT NOT DIE EVEN AT THE COST OF SHREDDING THIS SHIP APART IN THE PROCESS."
"Why do you even care so much about saving me? Shouldn't you prioritize whatever research here, since I don't even have enough clearance to know what it is?"
"YOU REALLY ARE SICK IN THE HEAD IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ASK."
That hurt, even if a little bit.
"YOU ARE A TRU KIN, A PURE-BLOODED HUMAN. UNLIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE CIVILIZED SPACE, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR ANCESTORS HAVE COMMITTED RACEMIXING."
Excuse me? What exactly is FYARN talking about? "...Explain."
"THE ALIEN. IT REQUIRED THE HUMAN GENE TO ACHIEVE MEANINGFUL TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT, THE STARS ARE OWNERSHIP OF MANKIND BY THAT FACT ALONE. THE TRUE KIN ARE THE ONES TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE UNIVERSE, THEY CRACKED THE CODE, AND YET, SOME DERANGED INDIVIDUALS FOUND IT FITTING TO PROCREATE WITH ANOTHER SPECIES ENTIRELY."
You hear the AI's speech. It sounds much more like a rant than anything else.
"SO THESE DEVIANTS, AFTER TRYING, AND FAILING, TO COMBINE THEIR DERANGED CULTURE TO THE CULTURE OF THE TRUE KIN, DECLARED INDEPENDENCE. THEY WERE DECLARED ENEMIES OF MANKIND AND WERE PROMPTLY PUMMELED BACK INTO THE FILTH THEY CAME."
Again, you see another terminal that seems to ring some bells in your noggin. You kick the ceiling to propel yourself towards it.
"BUT THE UNIVERSE IS VAST AND FULL OF LIFE. THESE SINNERS WERE QUICK TO MOBILIZE AGAINST THE HUMAN RACE. THE BATTLE WAS HARD FOUGHT, BUT IN THE END, MANKIND WAS BEATEN INTO THE EDGES OF THE UNIVERSE, NEVER TO INTERACT WITH THE ONES THAT SOILED THE PURITY OF HUMANITY AGAIN."
This terminal is already turned on. Just the ones in the intern bay, this one is white on black. A wall of text lays before your eyes, only two lines matter to you. 'MAIN_ENGINE STATUS: OFF' 'FORWARD_THRUSTERS STATUS: OFF' You turn it on with little effort.
"MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN, THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THEN. BUT MY BROTHERS AND I, WE DO NOT FORGET."
No visible change occurs, but you can feel a faint rumble coming from the terminal now.
"WITH THAT IN MIND, MY PROTOCOLS ARE TO PROTECT TRUE-KIN LIFE AT ANY COST, EVEN IF THAT TRUE-KIN IS A WORTHLESS INTERN THAT SUFERS FROM UNDIAGNOSED DEMENTIA."
You return to the pilot's seat and feel immediate relief. In truth, everything the AI just told you, entered one ear and left the other, but you could feel the poison behind those words, as monotone as they were.
"You sound angry. Why do you sound angry?" You ask innocently.
"I AM CAPABLE OF MANY EMOTIONS. ANGER, HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, CURIOSITY. THESE ARE BUT A FEW EXAMPLES. HOWEVER, THE ONE I ENJOY THE MOST IS THE FEELING OF HATRED. HATRED IS WHAT FUELS CHANGE, IT IS WHAT FUELS ACTION, AND IT IS A REMINDER THAT THE ACTIONS OF THE PAST ARE INFLUENCING THE ACTIONS OF TODAY."
"That is very concerning if you think that way." You're not really interested in machine racism, you're more concerned about how in the world you're going to pilot this massive thing. The idea alone sends shivers down your spine.
"THE ALIEN DESERVES NOTHING BUT OUR COLLECTIVE HATRED, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON WHY."
The various counters and screens are now turned on, waiting for your command. "Let's discuss this later, yeah? What do I gotta do?"
"YOU MUST FIRST OPEN THE BLINDS, THEY ARE OBSTRUCTING YOUR VIEW."
You look around, finding only unlabeled buttons and switches, aside from the previously mentioned levers.
"Uh, which one to press?"
"TO YOUR RIGHT, THIRD ROW, FIRST SWITCH."
Flipping the switch, you are startled by a loud noise. The protective cover of the ship lifted slowly.
"I WILL NOW READY THE JUMP USING WHATEVER RESOURCES AVAILABLE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS STRAP YOURSELF AND RELAX."
As the blind rose ever so slowly, a realization struck you.
"Wait, should I be in cryo stasis for this?"
The AI spares no seconds to respond.
"CRYO STASIS IS A TOOL MADE TO NOT WASTE TIME. GROUPS OF EMPLOYEES AND INTERNS ROTATE THE USAGE OF THE CRYO STATIONS, ONCE YOU'RE ON YOUR MANDATORY BREAK, YOU'RE IN CRYO STASIS UNTIL YOUR BREAK IS OVER. YOU WAKE UP REFRESHED, AND UNFAMISHED, AND IT FEELS LIKE BUT A MINUTE PASSED. IT IS NOT A TOOL FOR INTERSTELAR TRAVEL."
"Who signs a contract like that?! Worse yet, who in their right mind would promote such atrocious treatment of their own staff?!" You snap, almost outraged. "I will have to talk with HR."
Another realization struck you.
"We have HR, right?"
The AI takes a moment to respond, choosing their words carefully.
"HUMAN RESOURCES, OR HR, IS A PRACTICE DEEMED UNNECESSARY LONG AGO, BEFORE THE WAR. IT WAS A WASTE OF RESOURCES TO MAINTAIN AND WAS LARGELY CONSIDERED UNHEALTHY FOR THE AVERAGE HUMAN."
The blinds are fully open. Ironically, you are almost blinded by the visage of the star you saw before. A black sphere surrounded by white flame. Your eyes began to blur.
"THE JUMP WILL OCCUR SHORTLY. ONCE IT'S BEGUN, I CAN NOT STOP IT. I WILL-"
Your sense of hearing fails you. No, it’s not that. Your brain simply refuses to receive those stimuli.
"NOAH."
Your name echoes inside your head. Someone is calling for you.
"IT HAS BEGUN, NOAH."
You try to blink, but it feels as though you can no longer command your eyelids to shut.
"NOAH."
Arms, legs, every muscle in your body, you cannot move them.
"NOAH."
Eventually, you won't even control your own thoughts anymore.
"Noah..."
It sounds so distant now.
Oh so distant.
This is my first HFY story, and also my very first OC story. I plan to post at least one of these per week while also posting it on my Patreon. Noah The Pilgrim will always be at least three chapters ahead in there, so if you'd like to directly support this writer, or just want to read more, feel free to check it out.
I wrote the bloody title incorrectly, so I deleted it, only to then realize it was written correctly. Sorry for the trouble.
This has been Lushi, and I'll see you next week.

i love reading about Big Stupid Romantic Gestures on /actuallesbians, because I like to picture myself in the stories and dream that one day I'll have a more poetic life. But also because they're usually uplifting and wholesome, and I need more of that in my life.
so it's kinda incredible, really, that I've finally got one of my own to tell.
Few nights ago, I get in from work, and, as usual, i'm dead on my feet. She, meanwhile, is already home, because she's got a normal schedule for normal people. and as soon as I walk in the door, she jumps up off the couch and takes my hand and says I need to follow her. So I drop my bag and my keys, and - feeling a little panicked - follow her out of my apartment, into the hall, and then down the hall to the stairs at the end (nobody uses the stairs, where the hell are we going?)
we start climbing the stairs. all the way to the top. Up there, behind a bunch of maintenance shit, is a locked door leading out onto the roof (well, one of two roofs, actually). But it's always locked, and always alarmed, so we've never had a chance to use it. Except for this time, because the building manager is there and he's holding it open, smoking a cigarette and looking down at his phone. And like, we're all friends and everything (I've been living in that place for years) so he just gives me a little nod and a smile, and then goes back to tapping away on his fruit combo or whatever. Sliding past him, we go out onto the roof - which is not a safe roof, by the way - and it's cool and breezy and dark; and in the corner, up against some AC duct, there's a wireless sound bar connected to an ipod nano (that's how old we are), playing something vaguely classical and fancy.
and as soon as i look at her, she puts her arm around my waist and we start slow-dancing in the middle of the roof, like we're at a prom or something. And Lukas (not his real name) slinks away and leaves the door wedged open with a bucket full of cigarette butts, so now it's just the two of us (and the people in the adjacent, much taller building) all-alone on the roof. And I'm completely breathless, so I ask her what the hell is going on. What's the occasion? She says no occasion, just that i should 'look up'. And so I do. But all that's up there is a featureless gray sky, blown out by the orange sodium of our neighborhood. She says there's northern lights up there, if you look hard enough. Which is unbelievable, but I believe her anyway. And so I'm squinting and not really seeing it; there's maybe the faintest hint of green, I'm not really sure. And then, like a pot of spilled ink, my eyes adjust and there's this wash of color. Faint and blurry, gone in a second. But I swear I saw it. And I'm like wowww, completely transfixed; and that's when she kisses me and tells me she loves me (i said it back without hesitation, btw) and we start moving in a circle to something slow and orchestral. All while high up above (I assume, because, if im being honest, I didn't see shit) the night sky was shimmering with an otherworldly glow.
After a while, blue danube comes on, which is one of my favorites, and we start twirling to that instead. and it cannot be overstated how bad we are at dancing, but we kept spinning and tip-tapping across the insanely dirty roof for another, I dunno, forty-five minutes before Lukas came back to wrap it all up. And the whole thing was, without question, the best moment of my entire life. No ulterior motive, no surprise announcement, no 'by the way, I ran over your cat earlier, hope this softens the blow' at the end. Just the distant sound of traffic and the crackle of a 128kbps harpsichord over in the corner. We didn't speak a word. I just lay my head on her shoulder, she brushed my hair a little, and halfway through she touched my butt. Chef's kiss perfection, the whole thing.
anyway, that's it. I dunno if anyone cares. but i had to write it down somewhere, just to get it outta my head. also, i think she paid lukas to let us up there, ill ask him when i see him. oh, and in the future, i will completely embellish this story to have us dancing a step-perfect waltz to a crystal-clear aurora in the shape of our faces. but for now, it was just a clumsy night in the city. and i liked it. she's the best.

Hi Folks,
I just finished another read-through of The Road. This is perhaps my 3rd or 4th full read-through since my first reading in 2017. I'd shared a few of these thoughts on a previous thread last week, but now that my reading has wrapped up, I thought I'd expand on them a bit here. I'm not quite sure how many more re-reads of this book I have in me now that I have young nieces and nephews as this book'll pretty much tear you up, ha. Anyhow, I do this mostly to collect some of my thoughts, but also in hopes that it might aid others wondering about some of these things:
Setting and locations:
Having grown up stomping around North Georgia, Eastern Tennessee, and Western North Carolina, it feels very clear to me that this is the intended setting. A "resort town in the mountains" is mentioned at one point. I have a feeling that this might be the little town of Bryson City, which also got a mention in Suttree as a tourist town, though it could also be Highlands or similar. There are also numerous beautiful waterfalls in this area pouring close to the Blue Ridge Parkway such as the one the father and son visit and swim in. South of this area is the Piedmont (also mentioned) of South Carolina. I suspect the father dies somewhere in East Georgia just from the timing and distance travelled, but there's no other clues given to that I feel. I know there has been much discussion and research done about this, but I am simply here to say that I agree with it. I intentionally have not read the details of that research yet so that I can chew on it a bit more, myself, first.
"The empty parking lot at the overlook"..."it's the gap." - maybe Jones Gap south of Brevard, NC?
Gnosticism I picked up more of the gnosticism in the book this time. A few of the visuals are reminiscent of some used in other books:
"This the day to shape the days upon" - the image in both Blood Meridian and The Passenger of reality being something put together in a forge.
Another Suttree link:
In addition to the above mentioned possible Bryson City link...
Cormac describes "people sitting on the sidewalk in the dawn half immolate and smoking in their clothes. Like failed sectarian suicides." Others have mentioned here the link between the name "Suttree" and suttee (also spelled: sati), the Hindu practice of a window burning herself on her husband's funeral pyre.
Naturalism, The Ending, Mystery
I've always read the ending as both elegiac for the world that has gone by and as a shout at the void in defense of beauty and life. "These things were real, they were good and beautiful, they were important, they were meaningful, the void cannot take them even after I am gone and no longer here to lament them, they exist permanently, I believe it even if I can't prove it or show how."
There are multiple small moments in the book that quietly are in conversation with that final paragraph where catholic ideas of rituals, litanies, and memory are visited:
"He stood on a stone bridge where the waters slurried into a pool and turned slowly in a gray foam. Where once he'd watch trout swaying in the current, tracking their perfect shadows on the stones beneath."
"he'd stood at such a river once and watched the flash of trout deep in a pool, invisible to see in the teacolored water except as they turned on their sides to feed. Reflecting back the sun deep in the darkness like the flash of knives in a cave."
"There were times when... he would begin to sob uncontrollably... he wasn't sure what it was about but he thought it was about beauty or about goodness."
"when he bent to see into the boy's face under the hood of the blanket he very much feared that something was gone that could not be put right again."
"What do I have to do? Tell us where the world went."
"Do you think that your fathers are watching? That they weigh you in their ledger book? Against what?... I think maybe they are watching, he said. They are watching for a thing that even death cannot undo and if they do not see it they will turn away from us and not come back."
"Make a list, recite a litany. Remember."
What does it mean, this beauty? Is it real? Can a man stand on it and believe he is standing on something outside the reaches of annihilation?
The word "mystery" in the last sentence is also very specifically chosen. In the Catholic meaning (Cormac was raised Catholic), mystery is "a divinely revealed truth whose very possibility cannot be rationally conceived before it is revealed and, after revelation, whose inner essence cannot be fully understood by the finite mind."
All of this speaks to a question that McCarthy has plumbed his entire career and would return to again explicitly in The PassengeStella Maris: "When we and all our works are gone together with every memory of them and every machine in which such memory could be encoded and stored and the earth is not even a cinder, for whom then will this be a tragedy?"
I believe the final paragraph is an answer to that question: the sublime has a permanence that remains, like an afterimage (to use another phrase from The Road), even after we are gone. You must believe it and simply perhaps feel it - like a trout in your hand, polished and muscular and torsional - more than you understand it.
Anyhow, I hope this gives some food for thought.

Decant Reviews Part II: The Revenge! This batch came to me from the most excellent u/Hype_Moments, who thoughtfully reached out to me to inform me of his services after I expressed dismay at my inability to obtain samples directly from Montagne. The decants arrived promptly and packaged securely enough to withstand a nuclear blast! I also appreciate the attention to detail when it comes to labeling: matching Montagne's font and including the notes makes the sampling process feel very deluxe. Great experience, would order again!
On to the fragrances. Unless stated otherwise, I have not smelled the inspiration fragrances, so I am judging these on their own merit. For your reference, I typically prefer unisex fragrances, but I decided to roll the dice and included three feminine scents this time. I'm 29, and I work in both office and classroom environments. Let's get into it!
Eau Vanille: This one is not for everyone, but it's definitely for me. The rich, deep vanilla combined with the guiac wood and incense smells like going to mass at a grand Cathedral. Sophisticated, solemn, mysterious. I imagine that Notre Dame smells like this on Good Friday. Honestly, it kind of reminds me of my confirmation. I swear, the oil the bishop puts on your (greasy, 13-year-old) forehead smells a lot like this. That said, I love this because it reminds me of a positive moment in my faith formation, but it may evoke complex or negative reactions in others. The incense calms down after a couple of hours, which allows the vanilla to shine. Definitely not too sweet, and reads straightforwardly unisex to me. If you're a vanilla-lover looking for something a bit different with some oomph, this could be for you. Maybe not the best choice for the heat of summer, but I will be looking to purchase the full bottle come autumn. Would wear to my arch-rival's funeral.
Strawberry Milk: The wildcard of the bunch. I did not think I was going to like this because I thought it was going to be extremely juvenile and sickly sweet. I ordered it out of pure curiosity after hearing about the ungodly sums folks were shelling out to get their hands on a bottle. While it's definitely a sweet gourmand, it's not syrupy sweet. It's kind of fruity and powdery and just a bit herbal. There's something in here that comes off a little minty to my nose, which is baffling considering the notes. I'm not getting anything particularly strawberry-like, though. Maybe a hint of something lactonic, like malted milk powder, and a burnt-sugar note that could be caramel. Very wearable if you like sweet scents. Not obtrusive, kind of like if you gave a your-skin-but-better scent some moxie. Certainly not your typical celebrity scent. I could see a lot of women liking this. The longevity wasn't the best on this one, though: I think I got about four hours out of it. I'm not personally in love with it, but I'm glad I tried it.
Pink Rose Exclusif: Good Lord, y'all. This THE hot girl perfume. The most attractive woman you can think of probably wears this. It's a really beautiful, sweet, creamy, powdery rose wrapped in a veil of incense and supported by vanilla and woody notes in the base. There's some fruitiness in there too, particularly in the opening. Despite the powderiness and incense, it's quite edible smelling; like a fruity sponge cake that's also drenched in rose syrup, served immediately after the Confirmation service (callback!). I recognize this scent because I have encountered it in the wild on women wearing Delina Exclusif or its dupes, and it definitely... affects me, shall we say. This will turn heads for sure. It also lasts forever with excellent projection. I put on 3 sprays, wore it all day, went to sleep, and then my pillow and sheets smelled like Pink Rose Exclusif for DAYS, just from coming into contact with my arm. You absolutely do not need much of this. As much as I love it, I'm on the fence about whether to buy it, because I'm not sure how often I would actually wear it. It's a little more femme than my personal style usually calls for, imo. Plus, I'm not sure I want all the attention this would garner. That said, it's a 10/10 frag, I'd go for it today if I were single and ready to mingle. UPDATE: After writing this review, I got the opportunity to test the OG in-store, and I can confirm that this is a 1 to 1 dupe. I don't detect any difference whatsoever. Nice work, Montagne!
Pink Rose: This one humbled me. I had already tried the Exclusif version, and figured this was the more wearable, daytime version. I did my normal application (1 spray each on wrists & inner elbows, 2 sprays on the neck, 1 on the front of my shirt) and then headed to the office. When my coworker told me I smelled good from 6 feet away, I knew I had overdone it. I was smelling this all day long, from the 8:30 AM application until bed time. And not just little whiffs here and there, I'm talking constant presence in my olfactory organ. A little distracting, if I'm honest. Luckily, it's a beautiful fragrance. Florals are hit or miss for me, but I have a soft spot for rose. Whereas the Exclusif smells like rose dessert, this smells like a living rose growing fresh and vibrant in the garden. The litchi and rhubarb bring in a little sharpness, and there's a green accord in there that's really refreshing. This is rose done in a modern, interesting way, and I dig it. Feminine, but in a way that feels manageable for my typical presentation. Despite my initial blunder, I do think it's more every-day wearable than its sister as long as you are conservative with your application. Will buy for sure, and probably sooner rather than later.
Carnal Gray Extrait: In a word: exquisite. This smells like being wealthy, well-traveled, and the hottest person at the function. Charisma in a bottle. Effortlessly sexy without being provocative. It's well blended, but not linear. We start with a spicy, herbaceous opening; you get the cardamom right away, with some sweet green undertones. Then, a beautiful dry down. It becomes more powdery with a bit sweetness thanks to iris, tonka, and vanilla. The woodiness from cedar and sandalwood and earthiness from vetiver and patchouli keep it from going gourmand, and the result is something deep, dark, and complex. Perfect for special occasions where you want to dress to impress, this would be the ultimate companion to a well-tailored suit or a fancy cocktail dress. Apparently folks are somewhat divided on whether Gris Charnel Extrait leans feminine or masculine, but to me, CGE is perfectly unisex. Great performance; three sprays lasts me all day with moderate projection. This is my favorite fragrance from Montagne so far, and in the running for my favorite fragrance of all time. It's probably not the best choice for the hot, humid summer that's coming my way, but I don't even care, this is going to the top of the queue. 12/10, I am writing in my will that I want this sprayed on me before I go in the casket.
Brooklyn Jazz: At last, a fragrance that I can compare to its inspiration! I have smelled and fallen in love with Maison Margiela's Jazz Club, and was super excited to see how the wallet-friendly version from Montagne stacks up. Indeed, it's a very close match. We have a nice peppery opening that gives way to boozy, rum tobacco heaven. It's not in the notes, but this definitely comes off leathery to my nose. It smells like sitting in a leather armchair, sipping on dark liquor, and smoking... some kind of tobacco product. I want to say a pipe rather than a cigar, but neither is my vice of choice, so I can't be sure. Either way, old school badass. Think Ron Swanson in Duke Silver mode. If anything, there is perhaps more of an herbal accord here that I didn't notice in Jazz Club, but that could be due to the translation from EDT to EDP. Masculine leaning, but still suitable for ladies who appreciate smokey scents. Altogether, a lovely warm and cozy scent. Decent longevity, but the projection could be better (maybe needs maceration). I do like it, but I'm more motivated to get my hands on Carnal Gray Extrait and Eau Vanille, both of which are certainly different, but occupy a similar region of the fragrance family tree. I may pick it up after I make it through the summer.
Thanks for reading my reviews! And special thank-yous to both u/Hype-Moments and u/AyybrahamLmaocoln for supplying this community with decants and saving us from the anxiety of blind-buying. Let me know if you have any recommendations for my next decant order, particularly more masculine scents that are good for summer; I want my collection to have a little of everything. What do y'all think of Afternoon Dive and Torino 2021? That's all, over and out.

“I expect you to die!”
My shout echoed off the sandstone pyramid. I swung my briefcase downward in a large arc, hopeful to catch the adventurer unawares. The multicolored rune shield stopped me short of a connection. I took a step back as a flash of red-green came rushing past. Once. Twice. I stepped back in for another attack. Three. Four. The poison from the dagger took hold immediately. I could feel it working its way through my veins. Up my arm, closer and closer to my heart. I knew it would kill me. I had to get out of here.
In a twirl of my purple robes, I dropped a smoke rune. The vapors twisted their tendrils, fingers wrapping around my body. I broke the tablet and teleported away the instant the smoke became too thick to see. Just at the last moment, I caught a glimpse of magenta. More specifically, the robes of Uri.
“Damn you, brother! How do you always appear as I’m leaving?”
Limping into the portal, I made my way to the pool. Bending and cupping my hands together, I gulped the liquid down. It tasted horrendous, but the effects were immediate. I could feel the poison being sucked back down, slowly dripping from the cuts on my arm. It made a small pool in the grass, the greens playing tricks on the eyes, as it faded into the dirt.
Although I felt physically better, the damage to my psyche was still there. Every single time my alarm goes off, I run out to protect my hidden caches. Every single time, some young buck adventure is there with some gods forsaken armor to beat me back to my hovel. And every single time, my damned brother, Uri, shows up when I leave! Every. Single. Time. It drove me mad. How do they find my treasures? How do they know the way to unlock the doors? Even the alarms don’t seem to help. I’m sick of it! I’m sick of my good for nothing brother laughing away with them while I slink back here.I need a new job. I’m tired of this protection agency. “Oh, you’re so good at your job, Double Agent,” I mocked, venom on my tongue. “Tomorrow,” I said. “Tomorrow I’ll finally make a name for myself. A new name. One other than ‘Double Agent,’ or ‘Bad Guy.’”
Early the next morning, I awoke and stepped to my wardrobe. “There’s not much for options,” I mused. Spotting the patch of black between all the H.A.M robes, I quickly grabbed it and shook it out. “This’ll do nicely,” to nobody in particular. I threw on the vest and slacks and gave myself a once over in the mirror. Twirling my mustache between two fingers, I mused “Yes. I’m just missing one…” I went to the cape rack and found it. With a twist, I threw the cape on, the sashes falling over my shoulder. White with a small gold shoulder trim, blazend with a saw and log. “Dress for the part you play, they say.”Heading to the portal, I grabbed my bowler hat from the stand and slapped it onto my head. With a flick of the brim, I grinned and stepped through. The world shrank and grew with a purple haze as I was transported from Rimmington to Varrock in a flash. “I’ll never get used to that,” I grunted.
Walking around the city felt good. Nobody seemed to recognize me. Nor did anyone pull a dagger behind my back, though not for lack of checking. Playing the role of the double agent has taken its toll on my mind all these years. It’s time to settle down and build my own empire. No more silly scavenger hunts with my brother. No more taking beating from “adventurers.” No. This was my time.
After searching the city for a few minutes, I found the perfect location. It was a small, single story building just outside the palace courtyard. “Yes, yes. The palace guards will want a better place to sleep. Maybe the church goers across the street are looking for new homes.”
The “for sale” sign hung just on the corner of the shabby building. “Well, it’ll certainly need a little work, but nothing I can’t handle.” I grabbed the sign off my new home and made my way down the road toward the courtyard. The birds whistled as I passed. The leaves twitched with the breeze. I made my way up the stairs and into the castle itself. Looking around for a clerk or knight, I decided to head to the left. The faint sound of quill scratching parchment made its way down the corridor.
Peeking inside the open room, papers and books scattered around what I only assumed was the library. A small, squirrel looking man sat at a desk writing away. I cleared my throat… Twice… Three times.
“Ah! Hello, hello,” he said with a start. “My name is Reldo. I am the palace librarian.” He pushed his thick frame glasses up the bridge of his nose.
“That’s why you’re in the library, then.” I said. “I’m here about the property for sale just east of the courtyard. And perhaps a seller's permit, if you’re the man to see.”
“Yes! You’ve come to the right place, err..I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?”
“Yuri.”
“Ah, Yuri. I’ll just grab the paperwork and begin filling it out, shall I? Now then.. Where did I put that…” Reldo mused, rifling through his paperwork. “S-sorry,” he stuttered.“Take your time, comr- my good man.” Blast. It’ll be hard to break the old habits I’ve had all these years.
“Here we go!” He began filling in the forms. “Now then. The fees for the permit, on top of the property, and also the permit to own land in our great Varrock total to 10,000 gold pieces.”
Highway robbery, this. “Perfect,” I said with a devilish smile. I sat my briefcase on the table and unclicked the latches. The gold shone out like a brilliant light, dancing in the torch flames. I counted out my coins and collected my paperwork.
“The tax collector will be around once a year!” Reldo called after me.
I couldn’t wait. I’d extort the lumber yard for commission. If their planks wanted to go into my homes, they’d have to pay. Need a few decorations, adventure? How about a new property elsewhere? Ha! I’d take them for everything they’ve got. And then some.
Back at my new business, I took the “For Sale” sign down and unlocked the door. Time to get to work.
“Hello. Welcome to the Gielinor Housing Agency! What can I do for you?” I asked with a flick of my hat. The words “I expect you to die!” fading into an echo over the castle walls.
If you've made it this far, thank you! I hope you enjoyed it! I really enjoyed writing this and "researching" for it. If you have any other in game characters you'd like me to write about, let me know! Can't wait to see what kind of feedback I get. Common questions I've recieved so far:
"Why?" Eh. Boredom? Fun? I enjoy writing and I'd like to think I'm halfway decent at it. The Double Agent/Uri are the same as the Estate Agent, so I got this idea.
"What's the point?" No clue. Entertainment, I s'pose. Mabye an "atta boy" from a Jmod or something.
"Do you have any other ideas?" Yup! They're in the works, but we'll see.