CAN NOBODY DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS
Kathmandu kai one of the famous famous college haru milera 12board ma majale cheat garaudai chhan, question 1-2 ghanta agadi leak hunchha,huda huda aba ta class mai pani solution dida rahechhan.can't we do anything?? Ki yo sadai ko yestai ho vanera chupa lagera basnu?? Kati chai unfairness. Police haru pani aako chhaina.
F*ck this country(i can provide full name of the college if you are interested just DM me)
Physics chemistry ko din ma updade garchhu ni aaile ta halla matra ho trusted sathi haru batai vayeni.
Edit: la dherai le sodnu vayo mero centre chai mega college ma ho ani Global lai question solution deko re.(Yo 100% sure chhaina hai feri pani vandai chhu don't jump into conclusion)

Hi all,
Can't remember the last time I posted here. I have had a lot of therapists for different things over the years, but there's always been a lot of shame about my MRA and incel adjacent past. It's still there a little bit despite having been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years now.
I am not sure exactly what feelings trigger it (well, quite often it's Facebook posts and acquaintances) but sometimes I will get a sporadic urge to Google stuff like "are women smarter than men", "do men have too much confidence", "am I treating my women like a therapist", "will women feel better and safer if I think of myself as a weak loser" etc. The algorithm has also fed me a lot of feminist and women's adjacent support groups, stuff from TwitteX, generally viral content. Lastly, my best friend has recently come out as a non-binary person and I came out as bicurious to my dad, which was has been quite a big change and meant that we have been talking a lot about gender, sexism, feminism and stuff. It's been good for our friendship, actually--but also has been very strange, since they lived abroad until 2019, and they only really started to think at length about politics a little before then. So I'd been down playing my engagement in MRA spaces for years, and the few times that my 'redpill rage' had come out had been, let's just say awkward and unpleasant for everyone.
I have always felt a weird mix of a feeling of pain or discomfort reading "ugh men" vents (such that it sets off my anxiety) and an inability to walk away from it unphased. Historically I used to argue with the positions (i.e. I was a debate bro), and eventually as with many guys in my situation, I ended up in the MRA and antifeminist spaces including TRP.
The support I got from men's spaces was, in fairness, mixed, not straightforwardly terrible. There are people who are antifeminist and support feminine men (in fact they are mainly against feminism for, in their mind, not being fully supportive of men's liberation) and there are people (mainly conservatives and traditionalists) who basically hate feminine men or men breaking gender roles *even more* than they hate feminists or women breaking them. In fact, to my surprise misogyny and embrace of queer and GNC men does not always have a strict correlation; some of my friends from this period were gay misogynists who did a self-consciously homoerotic MGTOW praxis. Despite this I was never quite comfortable, especially around the tradcons, and I felt like my egalitarian tendencies were policed so as to fit the political image of a good non-feminist.
At some point a few years ago I turned against the MRM and especially redpill. In my mind this is a famous turn, I know that sounds like Main Character Syndrome and it kind of is, but it feels fairly integral to my personal growth. It was near the end of this period that I started getting close to my now-partner, too. Generally 2020-2022 were painful but strangely remembered as a mostly *good* period of my life, and especially for my social media friendship network. (Yes, the lockdown, I know, it was strange)
The last year or so has felt slightly more stagnant. I've felt a bit better in the last month, but from, like, September-March or something I felt pretty low and frustrated that I wasn't making progress while people were growing and moving on without me.
A lot of people who I was sufficiently close to to not cut off question whether this turn (basically becoming self-conscious about my history and the dormant misogyny) was entirely healthy, as it seemed like at first I was downplaying my grievances with feminism in order to fit in with progressives as part of political organising. Later on it seemed as if my efforts to fit in had resulted in me internalising guilt *for* being a man, which was harmful since fitting in in such spaces failed. (I made more friends outside of activist communities than in)
I couldn't understand how critiques could be made without internalising it? Like, in my mind, if men were causing most of society's problems in virtue of our socialisation, then it would be on me to be less outspoken, more self-doubting, more agreeable and so on. I found myself becoming more of a female/femme supremacist, in fact. This was crazy to people who had known me as MGTOW, etc.
I realised that this interpretation of the vents might be a problem when I had boundary issues with a friend (close and online). He confessed to having a crush on me and asked me out, and it took around 2 months. During this time, he was sending me gay porn or romantic yaoi against my will, saying 'Us' and basically shipping us with the characters. I was advised that I had actually been sexually harassed and was absolutely entitled to be so blunt with him. Instead I felt partially a sense of affinity and pity for his loneliness (as he is lonely), and in part a guilt because he's in the closet irl. It felt like I had a duty as an LGBT ally to give him a space to express himself. We are still friends but the boundary issues are still there and it does frustrate me. Neither of us handled low contact very well.
As to my 'debate bro' tendencies--I shifted away from gender stuff and started studying philosophy for myself. However, this comes with more self-doubt spirals, which I seem prone to. Firstly, I've just lost the same confidence to discuss stuff as I had with men's and gender issues, since I'm painfully aware I'm a noob/student and have soooo much to learn. There aren't a lot of women I encounter into the topic (at least as amateurs--I have met and befriended or sought counsel from some wonderful retired professors) and I am not sure why. I could understand it in academia due to the discrimination, but why not online? Regardless, It's as if more people were interested in giving their take on relationship scenarios and general life stuff than this.
Secondly, I have a strangely *gendered* imposter syndrome. When I am offline I'm more grounded but when I've been reading and talking to myself for a while I start engaging in what I suppose is magical thinking, that the reason they (women) don't engage is because they are ahead of me, they already know it all and now it's boring to them. There is this persistent idea that women in general think I'm an idiotic manchild and I have to figure out how to change that because I feel chronically behind in everything I do. I extrapolate this from how smart and successful a lot of my fb girl friends are.
Sometimes it feels like not everyone has liked the personality changes I've gone through. After around half a year of being somebody I'd be casually DMing about stuff on the reg, one of my friends (again a femme-presenting/socialised non-binary person, they/she) suddenly U-turned. They decided they didn't want to hear my vents anymore and that I needed therapy for OCD and relationship problems (as I had vented to this friend about frustrations with my girlfriend and metamour, this being a poly LDR.) They did not cut me off entirely but they did stop engaging with a lot of my posts then (often ruminating.) This was difficult for me since this friend, she was one of the reasons I got out of the incel headspace in the first place, and I admit I had a crush on her for a while. It particularly hurt that she said that if I persist then she will expect payment as if a therapist, since to my mind this was basically somebody taking away my Normal Guy card and putting me back in incel state. In fairness, they seem to have decided to leave Facebook. But I still have some feeling of abandonment which keeps coming up in therapy. I hadn't really perceived that there had been underlying tensions about sharing stuff, and had thought our conversations were quite balanced and covered a lot of things. Naturally this led me to obsess and ruminate over emotional labour, which were only made worse when I came to this friend for support after being physically assaulted on my way home (they set the boundary before I actually got to share the story.) Fortunately my partner doesn't (as far as I know) feel like I expect too much or at least feels that I reciprocate.
The friend *did* recommend and refer me to an online OCD support group, and I have tried to engage with the recommended support group. It has been useful to some extent, particularly to encourage me to reconsider compulsive reassurance seeking--but it didn't really fully help with my feelings of e.g. assertiveness. I have felt that talk therapy would benefit me even if I would still need to work on reducing my *public* venting
My therapist (who is not primarily an OCD specialist). Her advice so far has been
i) That given what I had shared about my childhood experiences at home and in school, my thought patterns sound more like trauma than misogyny (I feel guilt whenever I feel or express anger at my mom though)
ii) That being disabled and neurodivergent, I technically have my own intersection which should be taken into account when hearing vents about men, patriarchy, male privilege etc.
iii) That social media generally, owing to the negative comparison behaviour, and *particularly* compulsively reading safe spaces, owing to the above points, might not be doing well for my mental health (at least not right now)
iv) That if anything we need to focus on my being MORE selfish and focussed on my own feelings, because I often either rationalise or start justifying how others treat me based upon their own issues and life context, which derails the session by giving e.g. my mum's, friends' life story, placing our conversations in social context of systemic power structures and so on.
I am really not sure how to handle that information, especially the stuff about trauma--i.e. that I might *not* be a closet misogynist even if I feel like it when I have the 'not all men' defensive reaction. I feel like a troll even sharing this. How do I know that the stuff which is exhausting me isn't just basic caregiving stuff women have been expected to do forever? etc.
What I do know is that my rumination is (as the friend who's withdrawn). The most noticeable symptom is just that it fuels social media addiction, which of course means that I either don't get to do my own hobbies (or studies) or that I socialise less. Which is obviously a problem considering you have to be proactive when dating in poly, and I want to build my social skills anyway. The second is that it's made me hypervigilant to doing 'selfish' things. I have not stopped exercising entirely, but I have been unable to keep up with the gym/strength training as it's time consuming to get to the gym. My girlfriend is aware of my people pleasing tendencies, but I still feel like I'm being a bad partner when I'm unavailable for dates because I'm outside. But I also feel ashamed that I'm inconsistent with training; I am not out of shape by general health standards, but I am by instagram fitness culture. This sets off yet another rumination, since I've followed a lot of athletes and influencers, that the fact I don't look like them but instead waste my time on social media debate *is* because I'm stupid, and that my insecurity about this is its own kind of misogyny, etc.
Thanks to everyone who read all of that. Not sure how to tl;dr but the essence is I';m not sure what to make of my therapist's advice, really. It seems to contradict the zeitgeist, and discussing it anywhere except *in* therapy seems to enable sexist trolls and just generally be a shitty thing to do. But...I can't afford this forever, heh
​

Just stumbled upon some interesting trivia and thought I'd share it here. So, I was doing some reading about classic car races (yeah, I’m a bit of a car nerd), and I found out that Ago, the legendary Italian motorcycle racer, was born in a city that's famous for hosting the Mille Miglia vintage car race.
Now, here's the kicker: I can’t seem to figure out which city it is! I mean, it’s gotta be somewhere in Italy, right? But with so many iconic cities in the mix, I'm drawing a blank.
I know the Mille Miglia is a big deal for classic car enthusiasts, and it’s got this whole historic vibe going on. So, I figured someone here might know the answer or could at least point me in the right direction.
Let’s crack this mystery together! If you know which city Ago was born in and where the Mille Miglia kicks off, drop a comment below. And if you're as intrigued as I am, let's get to the bottom of this!

Recently, u/TheAngryObserver's argued against the recent TikTok ban, passed by bipartisan majorities in Congress and signed by President Biden. The Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act, or PAFACA, was signed into law earlier this week, which ban TikTok in the U.S. if ByteDance, the company that owns TikTok, does not sell the company to an owner not associated with a 'foreign adversary.' While TikTok is mentioned specifically in the bill, the law provides for similar bans to be enacted against foreign-adversary-controlled apps in the future.
Banning TikTok is a prudent and forward-thinking idea, for two reasons that are, by themselves, each sufficient to justify a ban, but together demand one, such is the risk. I find Angry's well-meaning legal and ethical objections to the law unconvincing, and in his post I don't think he fully acknowledged the threat posed by continued operation of TikTok in the U.S. under CCP control.

Note on the CCP's relationship with private business

Before diving into the potential threats posed by TikTok in its current state, it is crucial to understand the nature of the relationship between the Chinese Communist Party and private businesses based in China. This 2023 article by the East Asia Forum gives an overview of the changing nature of party-corporate relations under the Party leadership of Xi Jinping. The CCP has always had a presence in China's private sector, but, in recent years, "the private sector is still seen as a frontier for party-building, with Chinese President Xi Jinping making it a priority." While party cells within private corporations used to be focused more on organizing "study sessions or social gatherings" for members, Xi has "called on the private sector to 'unite around the party,'" a directive to deepen party-corporation relationships and direct corporate funding towards Party functions.
Perhaps most emblematic of the Party's ongoing power grab in the private sector is how deeply the Party is becoming involved in everyday corporate functions, with the following passage referring to the All-China Federation of Industry and Commerce, a rough analogue to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce under control by the CCP:

The ACFIC also calls for the CCP to ‘exercise leadership over personnel management’, aiming to avoid ‘professional managers promoting whomever they like’. It also recommends that firms establish a monitoring structure under CCP leadership to surveil employees, detect ‘abnormal behaviour’ and deal with disciplinary violations.

This is not simply a matter of Chinese investors owning a company, rather than American ones; it is a fundamentally different relationship between private and public actors. Opposing the accumulation of power by such incestuous unions in the U.S. is not xenophobia. Angry's assertion that "TikTok itself remains adamant that it would refuse requests from ByteDance, its Chinese parent, or the Chinese government, for data. We, again, have no evidence to the contrary," in my view, misunderstands the relationship between Chinese private enterprise and the CCP. Xi clearly views the kind of independence Angry describes as an obstacle, and private investors who come to be seen as obstacles by Xi have a nasty habit of disappearing.

Data security

Angry describes the law as being driven by the fear of "potential risk that its sister, by being located in an enemy nation, could hypothetically take American data (such as emails), give it to said enemy, and then there's the possibility that that enemy could use these emails and whatnot against us."
The fear of data abuse is not based in hypotheticals. It is based in distrust of a political entity that has no credibility on the issue of respect for data privacy due to a series of conscious and deliberate actions:

• In 2017, China passed the National Intelligence Act, which contains the following requirements, placing no limit on the amount of cooperation the government can demand of 'all organizations and citizens' of China

Article 7: All organizations and citizens shall support, assist, and cooperate with national intelligence efforts in accordance with law, and shall protect national intelligence work secrets they are aware of.
Article 10: As necessary for their work, national intelligence work institutions are to use the necessary means, tactics, and channels to carry out intelligence efforts, domestically and abroad.

• In 2021, TikTok's head of public policy for the Americas, Michael Beckerman, testified that 'we don't share information with the Chinese government' and that American user data is stored in the U.S. and in Singapore.
• In 2022, leaked recordings of TikTok employees confirmed that, despite TikTok's public protests to the contrary, 'everything is seen in China,' and that there exists a Beijing-based executive 'Master Admin' who 'has access to everything.' While TikTok publicly insisted on the soundness of their 'Project Texas' strategy to store data in the U.S, a consultant working with TikTok said he felt that "with these tools, there’s some backdoor to access user data in almost all of them, which is exhausting.”
• In 2022, in response to those recordings obtained by Buzzfeed, the TikTok user data of two journalists, one from Buzzfeed, "was accessed while ByteDance employees were investigating potential employee leaks to the press, according to the company."
• In 2023, TikTok backtracked on its assertion that U.S. data is stored in the U.S, saying that American content creators' data, including tax forms and social security numbers, are indeed stored in China.
• in 2024, TikTok insists that 'we have invested billions of dollars to keep U.S. data safe and our platform free from outside influence and manipulation,' conveniently ignoring that the greatest threat to Americans' data security are not 'outside influencers' but people within TikTok and ByteDance itself.

Maybe you believe TikTok's denials when they say that they're working really hard to protect data security, and this time they really mean it. But I sometimes step back and marvel at what TikTok is asserting it has the right to do. A subsidiary of a larger company is attempting to convince us that it has no obligations to follow the directives of the authorities it answers to; they are insisting that, when the time comes, they can be trusted to disobey the requests of their investors, their owners at ByteDance, and the Party agents embedded throughout the company. I know everyone likes to fantasize about telling their boss 'no.' But I do not think the security of Americans' location data and social security numbers should depend on such a fantasy, especially when the boss in question runs what is likely the most comprehensive surveillance state in the history of the world.

Information

While data security concerns have taken up the lion's share of the discourse surrounding the law, I find the concerns for the future of discourse itself even more concerning. Our decisions -- political, social, financial -- are only as good as the information we base them on. In Democracy in America, one of the first major studies of American political culture in the 1830s, Alexis de Tocqueville wrote that

What best explains to me the enormous circulation of the daily press in the United States, is that amongst the Americans I find the utmost national freedom combined with local freedom of every kind.

In other words, not only did the great amount of important political questions presented to the American people at the not just the national and state but also the local levels necessitate a large industry dedicated to the spread of information, but that such freedom to decide depended on newspapers; or, as de Tocqueville says of newspapers, "to suppose that they only serve to protect freedom would be to diminish their importance: they maintain civilization."
Social media is often the vehicle for news today; when you click a CNN tweet to read the full story or see the headlines on news, the content you're reading is written by journalists, but the mechanism by which it reaches you is social media; thus, it is impossible to talk of news without talking of social media. Furthermore, 58% of Americans prefer to get their news on digital devices, a number that has been on a steady rise as TV and radio news fade.
According to its own data, TikTok has about 150 million users in the U.S. alone (more conservative estimates still place the figure above 100 million). That's nearly half of the entire U.S. population getting news from TikTok; having their worldview shaped on TikTok; trusting TikTok's algorithm to steer high-quality stories to them and misleading or dishonest stories away from them. I don't think we fully acknowledge how much power that is.
Consider a hypothetical. The PRC has, for years, insisted that 'reunification' with Taiwan is inevitable, and a high-priority goal of the CCP. The line used to stress 'peaceful reunification,' but no longer. On some day in the not-too-distant future, America may wake up to a world in chaos -- yet another 21st-century imperialist invasion, certain to lead to mass devastation and pushing the world closer to war. But how will we learn of this development? The first thing I, and most Americans, do upon waking up is to roll over, pick up my phone, and check social media.
But for many on that fateful day, the first thing they see will be exactly what the CCP wants them to see. Before you watch the news; before you read the headlines; before you speak to your family or your friends; the people who will have the most power to shape your perception of the unfolding conflict will be the organization that was once exposed for explictly ordering moderators to ban mentions of Tiananmen Square and Tibetan independence. TikTok insists that it has loosened these restrictions, but even if that is true, do you trust them to maintain that 'freedom of expression' during a time of war? In war, information is yet another good that must be mass-produced. Consider how Russia flooded TikTok itself with misinformation in the wake of its invasion of Ukraine, seeking to control the narrative from the start, demoralize Ukraine and its Western supporters, and thus dissuade any potential white knights from riding to their victim's rescue.
It is not difficult to imagine what the CCP, in effective control of a platform that reaches three hundred million American eyeballs, could do with that power. Angry brings up a good point -- he says 'Americans have, with some very specific and limited exceptions, the right to lie.' This is true. But the CCP is not an American citizen. It is a foreign adversary, who largely sees American power as a threat to its own interests and its democratic institutions as threats to its own legitimacy. It conducts industrial espionage on Americans, stealing trade secrets and sowing distrust. It launched an information campaign in 2022 to "discourage Americans from voting while highlighting U.S. political polarization" and has honed their info-op tactics for this year. It threatens global stability by its imperialistic bullying of its weaker neighbors in Asia. It launches hacking attacks on Americans critical of the regime. These are not the acts of a friendly competitor or a rival. These are the actions of a party that believes that our loss is their gain.
If you think the state of our public discourse is in a bad state now, I urge you to use your imagination as to what the controllers of a platform with an opaque recommendation algorithm and an opaque report system that resides at all times in the pocket of half of America can do. Detoxifying our murky political discourse will be difficult, but it will become impossible if the United States' greatest geopolitical adversary is allowed a pipeline into it through which to pump raw sewage. Even if they're not using it now, I'd prefer that pipeline not exist in the first place.

Legality

Angry presents several reasons he believes the . I do not find these convincing.

• "Obviously, it prevents the 100 million American TikTok users from expressing themselves, a violation of the First Amendment."

Is the government banning a certain content of speech? No. As established, you can parrot Chinese propaganda as an individual in public all you want.
Is the government banning a certain kind of speech? No. You can make short-form videos saying whatever you want on other platforms, and indeed several other companies have moved into the short-form video space for this purpose, and doubtless more will if TikTok is indeed banned. It can hardly be argued that moving from TikTok to YouTube Shorts or Instagram Reels places an undue burden on TikTok's users in their exercise of free speech.
So the government is neither telling people what they can say, nor telling them how they can say it, nor placing an illegal burden on those who want to speak. Corporations cannot indefinitely forestall any legal consequence for their otherwise harmful behavior by declaring their place of business to be a 'free speech zone,' and thus declare anyone who interferes with it as a violator of the First Amendment. Saying that banning TikTok violates the First Amendment rights of its users is like saying the health inspector can't shut down an Olive Garden with a rat infestation because Olive Gardens are places where people can theoretically discuss contentious issues.

• "The bill is probably unconstitutional, as the state of Montana discovered when it tried a similar scheme while ago."

The preliminary injunction issued in the Montana case cites First Amendment concerns that I addressed above. The case is currently being appealed, and as such the Montana ruling should not be seen as the court system's final opinion on this matter.

• "It is also a piece of legislation sanctioning a specific person/company, a bill of attainder, which is illegal under Article 1, Section 9."

The nonpartisan Congressional Research Service evaluated this concern and others and noted that

In two recent judicial challenges, courts held that legislation restricting transactions with PRC-based Huawei and Russia-based Kaspersky Lab did not violate the Bill of Attainder Clause because the laws sought to protect U.S. security, not punish a private actor. Proposals that would provide for a judicial trial or agency action before imposing applicable sanctions, such as H.R. 7521, would not violate the Bill of Attainder Clause.

As established before, there is an existing national security concern, and the fact that the bill provides a window of time to offload the company before any sanctions would come into place undermines the legal notion that ByteDance is being explicitly being punished for past actions without trial.

• "It also directly infringes on the property rights of TikTok's owners without due process, which raises Fifth Amendment concerns-- read, TikTok is having its property seized even though it hasn't been found guilty of a crime."

The CRS evaluated this concern as well, noting that,

In one relevant example, a federal court of appeals held that, before the President could order a PRC-based company to divest an acquisition under the CFIUS process, the government needed to provide the affected company with the unclassified information on which it based its decision and the chance to respond.

TikTok has been presented with the American concerns over data privacy and information, and has been given a chance to respond. Furthermore, the CRS argues that Congress may have even fewer legal obligations in this case, unless the law is 'palpably arbitrary' -- a description that cannot be applied to the myriad reasons the U.S. has to be suspicious of increasing CCP power in the U.S.

Conclusion

Continued Chinese ownership of TikTok poses a serious threat to American data security, to its free and open discourse, and to its national security. As you follow the proceedings, I urge you to consider philosopher Karl Popper's famous Paradox of Tolerance, which holds that an infinitely tolerant society will inevitably be infiltrated by intolerant ideas, having no mechanism with which to stunt their growth. In history, free societies that protect human rights are the exception, not the rule, and, in a time of rising authoritarianism around the world, free societies cannot afford to become paralyzed in the phase of such a threat. For an entity whose reign has been characterized by nothing so much as the constant crushing of human freedom to demand protection under the same aegis of civil liberties the American government extends over its own citizens is like a pack of wolves trying to squeeze their way through a doggy-door designed for the owner's pet spaniel.
I was supportive of the bill before it passed, and the events since the signing of the bill have only served to further convince me of its necessity. Shou Zi Chew, the CEO of TikTok, posted a greasy statement of defiance in which he insists that he cares about 'YOUR voice' on a platform that has been accused, He talks about how the 'freedom of expression on TikTok reflects the same American values that make the United States a beacon of freedom' just weeks after the site limited researcher access to data on politically-charged hashtags like 'UyghurGenocide' and 'TiananmenSquare' in response to a Rutgers study which found that 'there was a “strong possibility” TikTok content was being amplified or underrepresented based on how it aligns with the Chinese government’s interests.' It seems that, for TikTok, patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.

I’m just here to rant about my homophobic and religiously extremist, anti-LGBTQ family, as the tag implies.
I’m a 23M, and I was born into an extremely far right wing radical traditionalist Catholic family. Now, none of them would actually openly call themselves rad trads, except for my brother and his wife, but they are. They’re the types of Catholics who think that they’re more Catholic than the pope, and that the second vatican council, which suggested such extreme woke views such as “maybe we should stop collectively blaming all Jews throughout history for killing our savior”, was way too far.
I started having the first inkling of doubt about the existence of god in my mind when I was as young as 9. For the next 11 years or so I basically tried to force myself to believe. I researched philosophical arguments for the existence of god, I asked and BEGGED the Holy Spirit to gift me with faith, and of course got no answer. My efforts to force myself to believe ramped up to an even more extreme level when I was 13, and first started to realize that I was gay. The realization that I was indeed attracted to other boys horrified me. I tried to suppress it, as all to many LGBT youth in any kind of Christian home do, of course that didn’t work, especially seeing as I was also in the early stages of puberty and my hormones were going insane. I was ashamed, and hated myself every single day, more and more over it. I believed that god hated me, not because I was gay though. I believed that god made me gay because he hated me. I figured to myself, “if god personally brought me into existence, and knew everything about me before I was born, and also decided to make me gay, then he must just hate me. After all, why would he make it so much harder for me to get into heaven than almost anyone else on earth if he actually wants to be with me?”. In my mind, the teachings of the church were wrong, that god just doesn’t love everyone, and that Jesus didn’t actually die for everyone’s sake. Of course at the time, being a teenager, and not quite knowing how to critically think yet, it never crossed my mind that the church’s teachings on homosexuality might be what’s actually wrong, rather than their teachings on the love of god and the redemption of mankind. But that’s beside the point.
I’m sure many of you can empathize with me here, and I’ll need to rely on other people have the same experience for this part, because I simply cannot possibly describe in any human language the horror and despair and hopelessness that comes with being sure that you will go to hell for all eternity. A place so bad that even one microsecond there is far, far worse than spending 100,000 lifetimes in a North Korean prison camp, and it lasts forever. Forever, so even after spending a trillion times the age of the universe in incomprehensible physical and mental agony, I would not have received even a billionth of a percent of the total suffering left to come. Do you have even the slightest idea what the does to a person? Let alone a child? I was, needless to say, miserable, and afraid out of my mind. And I was under no illusion that my homosexuality was something one could “cure”. I had read tons of studies about it, which made me feel even more hopeless and worthless and unloved and unwanted and unbearbly disgusting in the eyes of god. I wanted not to exist, and this may sound crazy, but I also wanted to end myself. Because I hated myself so much and was so sick of the fear of death, I wanted to get it over with and finally just start receiving the punishment I felt like I deserved. And I came close to it, many times, but I never had the guts.
Around the age of 19-20, I can’t remember exactly when, I finally decided to face the questioning and doubt I had in the back of my head for about a decade now head on. That’s what began my deconstruction journey. I revisited the philosophical arguments for the existence of god that I had considered settled for so many years now, but this time, with humility and an openness that I may in fact be wrong about god’s existence. I won’t go through all the arguments I revisited, but it was all the famous ones, and even many of the more obscure ones. One by one, I thought to myself, “ok, well, I guess that particular argument for the existence of god isn’t actually as good as I thought it was”. This process took a good 2 years or so. The final theistic argument I deconstructed wasn’t even an argument for gods existence, and I had already basically stopped believing in god at that point. It was the idea that objective morality can’t exist without god. This one particularly bothered me because for the longest time, I thought that the theists must be right about this one, right? As much as I hated to admit it, I really thought that had us there. I felt really fuckin stupid when I first heard Plato’s euthyphro dilemma. They had that shit debunked since before Christianity ever even existed. I try to be gentler on myself these days about everything in my past, but the scars are still there, internalized homophobia and general self hatred still occasionally rear their ugly heads. But I try to keep reminding myself that it was a result of religious brainwashing, though I still felt really stupid for not figuring that one out by myself at the time.
About 2 years ago, when I was 21, just after Easter and when I was home on leave from the army, I finally came out to my mother. I was terrified. She cried, she asked if I was still Catholic, and I said I was. I wasn’t anymore, but I still believed in god at the time, and was looking for a more progressive church.
2 days after coming out, my mother called me and told me that all my siblings knew, apparently they had already known for a while because my little sister discovered one of my social media accounts and told the rest of my siblings except for my little brother (he was 11 at the time) and decided to let me come out on my own. I almost threw up, started having a panic attack, and started hyperventilating, my siblings were not amused with what my mother had done, because my siblings didn’t want me to know that they knew, again, they wanted to let me come out to them on my own when I was ready. This was a far more level headed response from them than I was expecting. I still have not come out to my dad yet, or my little brother (13). My family never told either of them, of course they excluded my little brother from the talk they had together because for as level headed as my siblings were, they still saw me being gay as inherently and exclusively sexual, and therefore not fit to discuss with an 11 year old.
Here’s where it gets even weirder, my whole family, despite knowing that I’m gay, still use slurs and talk about queer people as if we’re all degenerate child predators, directly to my face. I cannot even begin to comprehend the level of cognitive dissonance they must be capable of to do this. Maybe they try to rationalize it by telling themselves that I’m “one of the good ones”. “Good ones” in their mind being gays who are just good Catholic boys who “struggle with same-sex attraction” (I don’t struggle with it, I’m actually quite good at it), but won’t act on it. Perhaps that image they probably have of me inside their heads is somewhat my fault, as I still haven’t come out as a dirty apostate nonbeliever heretic heathen yet. I imagine when I drop that bomb on them, all hell will break loose. Because that will be a step too far for them, their own son and brother, really and truly becoming one of “them”.
Of course I thought the same thing about coming out as gay, and while they still say horrific things about queer people to my face, they still took it much better than I thought they would. And yes, for now, I’m silent about the shit they say about people like me, because for now I believe it to me in my own best interest for them to believe what they currently believe about me. I’m not in the army anymore and only recently landed a job, I’m gonna start college this year, I’m not financially independent again yet, but I’m trying to get there as fast as I fucking can. Once they can no longer punish me in any way other than yelling at me and/or cutting contact, that’s when I’ll tell them that I think apostasy is badass, and so is gay sex and more importantly, gay love. And I’ll tell them what I think of their barbaric, primitive, hateful, ass-backwards ideology while I’m at it. At least, that’s what I’d love to have the guts to do, I’ll probably just tell them that I don’t believe in god anymore and then hang up on them when it inevitably gets heated.
But for real, the thought of losing the only family I’ve ever had is also still terrifying to me. I don’t want to walk this world alone, especially seeing as this is the only life I’ll get. I don’t have any “found family” yet, and now out of the army I only have a handful of people I can actually call my friends back here in my home region.
In conclusion, Christianity has done unspeakable things to my psyche, that I will most probably be healing from for the rest of my life. And it also will probably end up costing me my family. I think I’m justified in being angry and resentful towards Christianity over it. To anyone who has read this far, thanks for listening, I really appreciate that there are people who are willing to listen to my story 💕

There are plenty of games with really powerful character customization and incredible possibilities. Sometimes we see plenty of interesting characters online, from original awesome creations to recreations of famous characters. Sometimes, we would like to copy someone work, so a simple password or string code could make it so easy. Why nobody thought of this before?

[ WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG ]
I think that I talked about this topic few times but only briefly and in the context of arc 7&8, however I think that this topic is very interesting, since I think that arc 7&8 is specifically Subaru arc to search and seek confidenc in himself without relying on other people reception of him
First I want to point out that this is not something the empire arc interduced with no bases at all, in fact it's far from it, Subaru has many flaws yet many seem to focuse so much on the message of " loving oneself" without thinking that there's other negative traits that can be born due to a person incapability of loving themselves
Subaru hating himself didn't happen because he lost faith in himself, it's the opposite, he lost faith in himself which lead to him harboring these negative thought and self loathing/self hate happened naturally with time due to him losing confidence, and it couninue to get worse with time
If we open any web site right now and searched for the most common symptoms for those who has self hate you will find that almost all of them says the same thing which is :
" Those who suffers from self hate/self loathing almost always seek salvation and measure their success based on the person they look up to the most, by seeing and measuring their worth by other people eyes those who suffers from self hate put other opinions especially those whom they admire above everyone else opinion, including their own"
I think there's no need to say how this fit Subaru like a glove, especially when you took into account Subaru obsession with proving his worth through limited people eyes and perception, Rem, Emilia and Beatrice mainly are the people Subaru aim at satisfying the most, it's their praises and cheering that Subaru started to gain what we thought for a long time was " confidence" just as much as Subaru, when in reality it was nothing more than covering the scars and hoping it will heal with time
From the beginning Subaru was a very positive and talented child, full of live, confidence and the possibilities were ahead of him, however soon enough and after he was hit with the harsh reality of his situation Subaru started to stop having confidence in himself, Subaru achievement as a child of doing great job at being his father's son was his sense of pride and confidence, when he lost it, Subaru started to launch himself into other hoppies and activities in hope others will notice him again
Being a jester that makes people laugh even if that's means laughing at him, or doing something crazy that no one dares to do was basically one of Subaru ways to gain people approvel and attention, since it's just like I said before for Subaru
People approvel= self worth= self confidence
Subaru is not capable of seeing his achievement as " worthy" unless someone tell him that they are, he can't believe that anything he did in his life amount to anything except if someone said it is, and Subaru chose his loved ones and people who feed into this mindest as a way to gain confidence, not even once did Subaru ever gain confidence from withen himself, he always use others as mirror to see himself through them
Arc 1&2 established Subaru own unhealthy obsession with Emilia which present " perfection" in Subaru eyes, beautiful, kind, Caring, strict, humble and strong presence that makes everyone look in awe at her, now we know this is just Emilia putting a front because she didn't want anyone to be looking down on her, but for Subaru at that time Emilia was everything he ever wanted to be, proven by his "ideal self" Natsumi showing these exact same features
For Subaru at that time being received and acknowledged by Emilia is his priority, for him it doesn't matter what others think if he was by her side, every time Emilia reject him or draw the line with him Subaru gets more and more desperate, he gets to a point where his toxic traits overwhelme him and he genuinely believed that Emilia just need to know how much she needed him so she will let him stay by her side
" Emilia needs me, she just doesn't know it yet" is the lie Subaru kept repeating in season 1, that the whole thing is just a misunderstanding on Emilia part, in the moment she understands how much she needed him Emilia will beg for Subaru to return back to her, words can't describe how much Subaru YEARNED for such in outcom, why? It's for the simple fact that Subaru mindset will be proven right, and this alone will boast his confidence and opinion of himself using Emilia as meduim to reach that goal
Even arc 3 with it's famous " I'm Rem hero" scene didn't detorate that much from the original concept, the difference however is that the person in question " Rem" gave Subaru the premetion to think of himself as her hero and savior unlike Emilia who didn't ask for any of this, Rem told Subaru how much she loves him and called him her hero, this made Subaru realize that through all of that time he was forcing Emilia to acknowledge him, that she unlike Rem who did this because she wanted too Emilia was always uncomfortable with Subaru pushing her boundaries
It wasn't Emilia that said Subaru is her hero or savior, it was Subaru who knighted himself as her protecter and told her to deal with it, it wasn't until Rem confession that Subaru finally understood how wrong he was for doing this and decided to fix this, but away from that Subaru relyince on people opinion didn't change, in fact it gets even worse, because unlike previous time Subaru actually finally found recognition, a title and a name, Subaru in that day stopped being Natsuki Kinichi son and becomes " Rem hero" not any hero no, just Rem hero
Through arc 4&5 and 6 this mindset was Subaru saving grase, even when he gets other title like Emilia knight and Beatrice partner what kept Subaru together was the simple fact that his " Rem hero", the reason for this is because Subaru has already wrapped himself around this title, it because the bases for everything he achieved later on, Saving Emilia and getting Beatrice out of her library were all achievement that he partly reached due to Rem words, so naturally their effect is the strongest among all the other titles
Arc 6 specifically shows Subaru becoming more and more desperate and unsatisfied with the way he use RBD, Subaru realizing how amazing he is in arc 6 did comes with draw back, because he also realized how effective and fetal RBD is, which made him more aware of many things he didn't think about before, in the previous arcs Subaru evolution of RBD was that it's a curse, in arc 5 he thought it was useful curse but still a curse nevertheless but he becomes grateful to it as well
In arc 6 however Subaru seeing Louis trumbling before him made him appreciate his mental strength more, but it also made him understand RBD more, it's not just about death and life, it's about fate and destiny of other people as well and the way they will lead their life in the future, this made Subaru becomes more greedy for better results, the parrior of fear has already been broken, so Subaru shamelessly demanded more
At the time of arc 7 Subaru has already reached a state where he doesn't even take other opinions at a face value, for him their good and bad side is not something permeant, the only thing that decided this is RBD thus he stopped holding grudges against people, he even stopped blaming them for THEIR OWN DECISIONS
He did the same in arc 6 with Rem, Beatrice, Emilia and Milie, blaming himself because he couldn't creat a perfect outcome, and now in arc 7 he commented how everything failing like this is due to him not trying harder, the irony here is that Subaru indeed doesn't see people opinion as a face value for his decisions and ideals especially regarding RBD but Rem is different, her opinion is literally what shaped him to begin with, so when she denied his worries and hard work he immediately lost it
This is exactly why the illustration made it seem like a broken mirror, the mirror Subaru used to look through at himself was already broken, he couldn't comprehend it or even think about it logically for a second, since if he stopped for a moment he will understand that the current Rem is not the Rem he knows thus him demanding the same exact things from her is just cruel, however his emotions overwhelmed him and he started harming himself to escape the unbearable pain in his chest
After this however is the interesting part, Subaru said that he will try to "change" after Al talked him out of his depressing state, I presume that this was Subaru turning point on trying to find a new source of confidence, he will definitely gain back what he lost (being Rem hero) but he shouldn't only rely on this anymore, the first attempt on finding confidence is by relying on Subaru ideal self "Natsumi"
Just like we said before Subaru think that the more you get to the ideal image your confidence will naturally get a boast, but rather than using other " ideal" people to acknowledge him and make him feel confident Subaru is trying to do that himself, it's uncomfortable to mimick someone else personality, but what if that someone else is none other then the personality you always desired to have? The person you always wanted to be ?Even if it was for a moment it created that feeling of comfort in himself that Subaru has missed and seem to seek so badly
But as if the author is agreeing with Vincent opinion on this being nothing but a comfortable mask for Subaru to wear and rely on as a piller of strength, Subaru was ropped from his presumably " ideal self" and forced to be a child, at the beginning Subaru was confused and hated this new look and name, however it didn't take long for Subaru to embrace this new identity and use it as bases to start the rebellion
If you go back again to the beginning I described Subaru child self as hard working, talented child that is full of live AND confidence, so by bringing the old Subaru the author is showing another aspect that Subaru gain strength and confidence from, it's the simple childish nature of not complicating things and simply accept what they are seeing and feeling as a fact that no one can deny not even themselves
Shotbaru believe himself to be amazing not just because his Natsuki Kinichi son but also because everything he did prior to this is amazing and praise worthy, he even gets upset when someone mistake his hard work for a miracle, he see, feel and know that he works hard, and he sees the results for himself so in his mind there's no reason to refuse these results, a blind confidence that is born for the simple fact that you were special from the get to go
The author purposely shows two different ways of Subaru struggles to reach self confidence, one is relying on perfectionism of the look and personality in order to gain confidence, while the other relies on the perfectionism of RBD by creating the best outcome ever to gain self confidence, and obviously neither of these choices are the right answer, for in each of them there's a flaw, and each of them believe that following in ideal someone or an ideal look or even an ideal path is the way to gain confidence and this will never be a good mindset no matter how much you work hard to perfect it
The conclusion for this devolmpent however is left unknown, what is Subaru final form is also unknown especially with arc 8 unique approach twords the story, but I have full faith in what tappei is preparing for Subaru new development, I apologize again if this was longer than expected, but it's a post I always wanted to make due to how special of a topic it is to me, I hope you enjoyed your reading 😊

Timestamp
yolo>chat
ppff, usps shipping
Current trade interests: harsey, wehr or SBD folders, cool fixies, crk mnandi, etc.
Click on knife names below for videos of each.
SV/TV $155 Kershaw Livewire 20cv. At least second owner, but I don't think either of us carried or cut besides fidgeting with it around the house...original edge. Very snappy, never had a failure to open or close. Perhaps a few faint snails if you look super close, but overall in great shape. Will ship in a zipper pouch since it didn't come to me in a box. SOLD
SV/TV $100 Spyderco Lil Native g10 serrated s30v. BNIB only out for pictures. Looks like this configuration is currently on sale on BladeHQ for $160 so hopefully this price is a steal? I've been out of the Spyderco game for a bit...I like this lil guy, but I'd prefer finding the compression lock version.
SV/TV $145 TwoSun Vandal in M390. This is an overbuilt big boy...and its awesome. LNIB never carried or cut...just cleaned off the famous twosun oil and fidgeted with for a bit before taking pictures. This is the most satisfying button lock I've ever owned. Check out the action video. I guess these went for crazy prices when they came out...I now see them listed (although always sold out) on WMK for $189. Won't be heartbroken if I keep this beauty.
SV/TV $155 TwoSun TS142 in M390. Want an integral folder with all premium materials without dropping $500? Here's the listing for this on WMK if you want to read some reviews. LNIB only removed factory oil and did a handful of heart warming reverse flicks. First owner no cut or carry...probably my favorite TwoSun to date.
SV/TV $250 SOLD Jack Wolf Gunslinger Jack - Kirinite Cosmic Purple DLC (Cosmetic Second). This is LNIB (LNIT...in tube?). I don't think you can find this configuration in stock on any current dealer site for Jack Wolf, but you can get $100 off of retail on it here on the good ol' swap. Comes in tube with sticker, pog, cloth. I can't figure out why this was sold as a cosmetic second...possibly slight color gradient on the DLC? Action is smooth, only taken out for the videos and realized I might be more into boring color configurations. SOLD
SV/TV $199 Jack Wolf Midnight Jack - Kaotic Resin (Cosmetic Second). Like the Gunslinger above, this is never cut or carried and I'm the first owner. Also like above...no idea where the "cosmetic second" would come in here, but I'm letting it go for $100 off retail. Comes with tin, sticker, pog, cloth and leather sheath.

Hey y'all, I'm not really a regular on reddit but I came here because of some happenings at my job that have me concerned. My job recently unionized, one of the first unions in this line of work. And while we were fighting for that to happen, there was this one dude who was extremely anti-union and would shit on it every chance he got (which is extremely uncommon in this work, there's a political lean here and lets just say he's an unusual individual for our workplace). I never spoke to the guy but we use a company messaging system so I've seen a good amount of his opinions in the public channel. Well, we successfully unionized and suddenly he's (what seems like to me) feigning interest. Asking questions, replying "wow that actually sounds good, I didn't know that", etc. Anyway, a month later after his supposed change of heart, we're voting for our bargaining committee members and his name is on there. The famously anti-union guy who suddenly did a complete 180 the second the union actually got formed, wants to be on the committee.
Am I wrong to be suspicious about this? I'm honestly considering emailing the union directly to tell them I think he's running in bad faith to sabotage our efforts. This is someone who for the previous two years, made it known publicly that he despises unions. And then the second it formed he was suddenly a fan. I honestly feel like he may be a saboteur at the behest of our company. Am I just being paranoid or should I reach out to the union about it? I could easily pull years worth of him shitting on unions in our work chat for proof, if requested by the union. I just straight up don't trust this dude. Especially because after years of fighting for a union, our company suddenly decided they wouldn't oppose our union. Which the cynic in me thinks they may have decided to let us have a union but fuck with the proceedings to hold us up as best they can. If that is the case, it would make sense they'd reach out to the anti-union dude, get him to feign interest and get on the bargaining committee, and then prevent us from actually achieving our goals. Would love to know the opinions of people who have actual experience with unions, as I don't. Knowing the history of unions being sabotaged, I am worried. And our company certainly has the means to get saboteurs on-board. Hopefully I'm overreacting here but something in my gut tells me I'm not.

I hit 1000 hours on 4/25.
Other posts: 600 Hours 300 Hours
It feels amazing to see four digits. Back when I had hit 600, I was a little tired at first and thought, no rush, I’ll keep steady with my two-hour goal and get there by summer. But as I got closer, I was doing more and more each day. After hitting about 900 hours and switching to advanced videos, the hours added up quickly.
Looking back at my four goals from my level 5 update, 1-2 are complete and 3 is set up. 4 is a fall goal that I seem to be on track for. Goal one was 700 by January, which I accomplished. Goal two was 1000 by June or a stretch goal of April and I hit the stretch goal! Goal three is to speak a lot during the summer vacation. I have about one speaking class per week set up right now, starting today, and am working on setting up a 7-10 day trip to LATAM to do some volunteer work so I can practice using Spanish vs. just taking a vacation when it can be easier to not use Spanish as much.
During the phase of 600-800 hours I spent my time mostly in intermediate DS and binge listened to How to Spanish podcast (I tend to take the approach of input being easier, so harder things were accessible, but prefer to stay lower until it gets boring). I also watched the first season on La Casa De Flores on Netflix. It was a little difficult, but I could follow the story. There were just some little things here and there I’m sure I missed. I watched without subs of any kind, not even Spanish, and overall it was fine. I haven't tried the second season and don’t know if I will because while it was interesting, it isn’t necessarily something I think I’d like. I’d prefer more story and less everyone sleeping with everyone else. So I may look for some other thing to watch at some point, but am busy for about one more month until the school year ends (I’m a teacher, not a student, I’m old…ok, not really, just 31).
At some point after 800 hours and as I approached 900 hours I finished previous podcasts and started No Hay Tos. I think their podcast is a little harder than How to Spanish as they speak a bit faster and more casually, but I enjoyed it. I did skip over all the special episodes though as I found they just used a lot of English to explain these words and phrases, so I’ve been sticking to regular episodes. I did tire of it though and have listened to a few over the past 100 hours, but am not binging it anymore. I also listened to half of the episodes of El Oso Latino. I think the speaker is very fun, but there is so much music in there and the chronicas del gringo section is so cringy, I couldn’t finish it. The second speaker learned Spanish and overall he sounds fine, but the way he pronounces the “r” sounds like he is choking or something and I can’t take the sound. It felt like it wasn’t the best use of the little time I had each day for input. But if one wants Peruvian input, it’s only 26 episodes and not active anymore, so could be interesting. I ended up switching to a native podcast Qué Cacao, which is great as she speaks very clearly and her voice is very calming. During the last 50 hours or so, I’ve use my commute to listen to Se Habla Español, which I had tried last year when I had like 300 hours and it was way too difficult. Now it is easy and it’s fun to listen to clips from famous people and I think I may be learning a lot of names of actors, writers, etc. It is Spain content. I don’t strictly adhere to a certain accent, even though I’d prefer Mexican because most of the people I work with that I want to interact in Spanish with come from Mexico. I just follow what’s interesting and accessible.
With Dreaming Spanish, as I was getting closer to 900 I found intermediate had started to become boring for me. There weren’t too many new topics that stood out and made me want to watch and I felt like I wasted time scrolling. So I just looked up the rest of Pablo’s stories, which had always been hard for me, and I watched the rest. I was about 50/50 with getting the ending or not. I would always understand the main story, but sometimes he would say the ending and I’d think “Wait, what?” Other times I’d be able to see it coming. Then I switched to advanced and it was a game changer! My interest grew and I’ve spent basically all of the time minus driving on DS instead of podcasts or other things because there are SO MANY more interesting videos in advanced. There are some that are a little hard to understand, so I did sort by easy for a bit, but now it seems like most are fine. Occasionally if one is hard, I just stop and know I’ll come back to it later. The nice thing about advanced as well is that I have been able to use many like a podcast (I do have the premium podcast feed) so I can use those with my commute as well since the majority don’t rely on having images.
From 900 to now, these are some native youtube channels I’ve come across, mostly just popped up in recommended, that I’ve been enjoying and are comfortable for me: Cocinando Corea, Mila, Anita Mateu, News channels like BBC News Mundo and France 24 en Español, Nekijitablog
I have multiple others saved, but haven’t had the time to watch any videos to know the level.
As I moved from 600 to 1000 I think I went through times, like most intermediate learners, where I felt like I was comfortable listening and understood a lot, then times where it felt like I had so much more to learn and it was difficult. But I would say the most noticeable difference in feeling much more comfortable was somewhere around 900. That’s when it felt like I actually had a chance to speak and understand well by 1000. So if you’re in the 800s feeling doubtful, wait for the 900s and it may feel better. Of course, every person has unique circumstances that may put them a little ahead or behind, so patience in general because it will come in time. It’s wild to me to think that a little over a year ago I struggled with super beginner videos, but now I understand when native speakers talk to me and I can watch native content and follow along compared to the failures I felt over a decade ago with 3 years of being one of the “best” students in high school Spanish classes but not being able to speak or understand when I went to a trip in Mexico and later on with Korean, being so slow and choppy when trying to speak, both done with traditional grammar study to learn instead of acquire.
Reading since 950
At about 950 hours I decided I would start reading. I started by switching my phone over to Spanish. This has been fine. I think there was only once where I felt uncertain and moved to my desktop, but 99% of the time it’s fine. Using the phone in Spanish even helped with a word that has been standing out to me but haven’t quite figured the meaning. Then I saw it on my phone and thought, That’s the word! So I knew in at least one context of the meaning. I have a couple books, but haven’t really been able to get to them as much as I would have liked because I’ve just been hyper focused on the input to hit 1000. But I have read two of the stories from Olly Richards Short Stories in Spanish (I had bought it over a year ago before DS). The first story was easy, the second a little harder, but I followed the story fine. I don’t know that I’d say it was the ideal 98% or higher known words as Beniko Mason’s research shows is ideal, but working with what I have to get started. I also found Hábitos Atómicos at my library. I’ve read and I own the book in English, so I thought why not. I was planning to finish the short stories book first then read it, but now someone else put it on hold, so I’ve read the intro and first chapter. I’ll have to return it to the library tomorrow, so I’ll try to read a few more pages, then may try to put it on hold myself to get again in a month or so. I was surprised that it wasn’t super difficult. Again, a fair amount of unknown words, but having read it before I think helped. Many libraries where I live do have Spanish sections in both adults and kids so I may see if there are some middle grade novels in Spanish to try and read and see how those go. It’s easy to find picture books, but would like to find something with a bit of length. That’s maybe the downside to the short stories book is that each story is just three chapters or about 10-15 pages max. With reading so far, I’ve noticed it’s like when I had around 300 hours and when I would try to listen to more than 2 hours a day, my brain was just tired. It’s like that with reading. I don’t have the stamina to keep reading for a long time, but I’m sure it will grow quickly as I read more. I wonder if it would be less noticeable if I find a middle grade novel to read where I can get into a story and follow characters for a longer time. Long term, I will track my number of words read, first goal being 1 million words, then hitting 3 million. After that point I wouldn’t bother to count my words. I only plan to track as I finish a book then record how many words it was roughly.
Speaking at 1000 hours
Yesterday I had my first conversation in Spanish. In the past year I’ve had some crosstalk experience, but not as much I would have liked. It’s just been difficult to schedule with my work and family life. Yesterday I was nervous, but in the days leading up to it, I had sentences and mini conversations in my head about what I could say and was surprised that I could pretty easily come up with sentences. When I actually spoke I don’t know that it was as fluid as it was in my head, but I was able to have a conversation for 45 minutes. It was with a tutor that I had not met before so we didn’t know anything about each other. I would say I failed to ask any questions. I think I was pretty nervous and mostly was just trying to explain my ideas. As a person that loves to talk a lot in English, it was difficult in that I couldn’t say exactly what I wanted to say or talk at the speed I usually do. There were certainly words that I couldn’t figure out what to use, but could talk my way around them for the most part. Sometimes I tried explaining and then paused to avoid trying to say something in English because that was a bad habit I had as a language learner in the past. So I am happy to say I only said an English word once. I don’t even remember what it was I couldn’t say. Realized I was trying to use a lot of different verbs and she said, just use “fui” you don’t need to use all those other verbs, using a form of “ir” is way easier. I did record the conversation, so sometime I’ll try to listen back and see how it seemed. The tutor said at the end that my pronunciation was very good and I didn’t have a gringo accent (yay!). I think she was being overly nice when she said she wouldn’t have been able to tell I was a native English speaker, because I noticed some words that sounded funny to my ear. She thought overall my speaking was pretty good and I only made some small mistakes here and there. Some of them I noticed right after as well, so I am curious to compare speaking the first time to after speaking for 10 hours. I feel like it will get better quickly as the nervousness of never speaking before wears off. Like at first, in my head there was a little anxiety about the “rs” but later when I was more comfortable the words spilled out more easily. What I will say is that my brain was focused on just saying what I wanted to say even if I had to find away around the word and NOT on thinking about the grammar and how to form a sentence like was always my struggle with Korean. Occasionally got stuck on a verb conjugation, so then I just said it in the infinitive if I didn’t really know so that I could keep talking.
I plan to track my speaking hours separately from my input so I have a little spreadsheet I’ve started to track the hours. Not sure how long I’d track and may not bother to record every conversation, but maybe more like classes, just to have a little data on changes I notice at 10 hours, 50 hours, 100 hours, etc. because I am interested in applying this method to other languages in the future and implement changes to language learning in schools in America, so I believe data will be helpful, even if it is anecdotal. It can be a jumping off point if I ever do get into a doctoral program and try to do some real research.
2024 Plans and Goals

1. Have conversations in Spanish at least once a week through summer and convince my many bilingual friends to talk to me in Spanish instead of English.
2. Travel to LATAM this summer (country to be determined soon).
3. In fall, be comfortable conversing with new students to my ESL classes in Spanish when explaining how I run classes.
4. 1250 hours by fall, 1500 by the end of the year. This is pretty conservative and I have currently dropped my daily goal from 120 min to 60 min, but expect to go over that most days. I just want to give myself room to take a break now and then and have time for reading and speaking.

Reflecting on the Roadmap at Level 6
If I look back to level 5, I would say with speaking, it sounds spot on with what I can do at level 5, which makes sense if I think about how level 6 is the largest span, with 500 hours from beginning to end so it makes sense that I can’t say right now that I am “conversationally fluent.” I think I would need more time with conversation before I could accurate reflect on this. With the one conversation I have had as of now, I would say what level 5 says fits me, so I look forward to at some point in level 6 hit this “conversationally fluent” ability where I can pretty much say what I need. I would say in terms of listening, however, I would be fine. I imagine I could be part of a conversation where I occasionally give some input, but am more of a listener in the situation. I have no trouble listening to speakers say something to me minus an odd word here or there. Funny, I just typed that and read the “what you are learning” section and is says “You may find the odd common word that you haven’t learned yet…” so I guess that’s true! I will certainly focus on the “what I need to do” section with lots of authentic media, listening, reading, and trying to make friends in Spanish. I’ve felt the roadmap has been pretty accurate for me and imagine as I work through level six I will feel the same.

I should preface this by saying that both Pratchett and Tolkien are two of my favourite authors. I've had people get a bit arsey with me for what I'm about to type as if even the blandest criticism is a personal attack.
With that out of the way, I was hoping someone could tell me what is the context for Pratchett's famous quote regarding Tolkien and Mt. Fuji? I've only ever seen it on its own so I don't know if it is response to something. Because on its own I've always found it kinda reductive. In the unlikely event that you're unfamiliar:
"J.R.R. Tolkien has become a sort of mountain, appearing in all subsequent fantasy in the way that Mt. Fuji appears so often in Japanese prints. Sometimes it’s big and up close. Sometimes it’s a shape on the horizon. Sometimes it’s not there at all, which means that the artist either has made a deliberate decision against the mountain, which is interesting in itself, or is in fact standing on Mt. Fuji."
Obviously, Tolkien is influential. It would be ridiculous to suggest otherwise but to suggest both that Tolkien is some lone mountain upon which all fantasy is built and that all fantasy novel can only be Tolkienesque or non-Tolkien-esque*, again, just feels reductive.I'm not even sure Tolkien would agree with it. I mean, the man was more than happy to talk about his influences, like George Macdonald or Lord Dunsany. The Colour of Magic and the Light Fantastic were far more influenced by the pulp fantasy popularised by Weird Tales in America, in particular Robert E. Howard and H.P Lovecraft than Tolkien.
For a while fantasy was kinda unfairly dismissed by "serious" critics as being derivative of Tolkien and its always bugged me seeing Pratchett fall into the same sort of trap. I've always felt that there must be some context I am missing because it just feels dismissive to every subsequent and contemporary fantasy author of Tolkien. I mean, if I were to compare Tolkien to a mountain it would be to Everest. Sure, he's the tallest mountain but among other tall mountains. Actually, if I were to compare him to something I would compare him to Black Sabbath. Arguably, Black Sabbath did not invent Heavy Metal on their own but they did define it and solidify it.
So anyway, what do you guys think? Do you know the context? Do you agree with the quote? Am I banned from both this and the LOTR subreddits for suggesting that perhaps Tolkien's solid enough and without the need of padding? Tell me what you think..
*Actually all books are either Tolkien-esque or non-Tolkien-esque.

I was just thinking how I wish I was journaling when I was in middle school. I don’t remember thinking about Draco and Herm being together while the first time I watched the movies but I very vividly remember finding a letter on Facebook, supposedly written by Rowling, in which Draco confesses his feelings towards Herm; that he’s always been in love with her. That letter was most probably written by this fandom but my 13 year old self cried her eyes out reading it.
Wattpad got pretty famous when I was in 7th grade but I guess the first time I’ve read Dramione was when I was in high school. At the time I wouldn’t read fics in English so I would read whatever is translated into my native language in wattpad. Like most of us, the first fic I was obsessed with was Isolation. I remember staying up all night just to read it and counting days for till new chapters are translated but I can’t remember the exact thoughts in my mind when I discovered Dramione fanfics.
How was your experience with Dramione? Does it ever crossed your mind whilst reading the original series or watching the movies? Were you perhaps wasn’t interested at all but grew up on it? I’m soo curious about your stories.

Welcome to another trip report from my one year stay in Japan. Following up a jampacked November with a relatively quiet and uneventful December and January. As I mentioned at the end of my last report of November, I really needed a break from the almost 4 week long travelling and with both Christmas and New Year coming up, I was looking forward to a bit of downtime...
As per usual, previous reports can be found below:
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9
December
Alas, I did not do any travelling that month. I mostly revisited old spots that I have previously been to during other seasons. My first accommodation was in Hikifune, which I very much enjoyed because I love the area east of the Sumida river. It's just very quiet and relaxing, there aren't many or any major tourist spots here so it's also not crowded and there are a lot of little local shops I was able to check out. Moreover, I had great views of Skytree from the area around my Airbnb. Sumidagawa basically turned into my daily route back "home" and I loved it. Especially in December, when some of the bridges have special illuminations and Skytree itself also has different colour schemes.
I revisited the Kyu-Furukawa Gardens again, this time with more roses in bloom and beautiful fall foliage. Yoyogi Park also still had a couple of great spots at the time, although most trees had already lost all their leaves. Koishikawa Korakuen was INCREDIBLE in my opinion and even roughly a year later when I came back to Japan on vacation, it was still not that packed with people so this might just be a great spot to go to in Tokyo to see fall colours in general. Since it is right next to Tokyo Dome, you can go over there before or after checking out the garden.
Now, one thing Japan does really well is getting you in the Christmas spirit despite people there not really celebrating it. There are illuminations everywhere, Christmas-y music playing, a whole lot of seasonal snacks and what not. It's truly astonishing how good Japan is at ~capitalism~ haha. Unfortunately they are kind of bad at actually bringing over some traditional Christmas food from overseas. As a German, I love Lebkuchen and it's kind of a tradition of mine to just stuff my face with that during Christmas time but I could not find any proper Lebkuchen anywhere except at a Christmas market...
Once again, I had met up with somebody off the aforementioned language learning app and we went to one of those Christmas markets in Hibiya. Of course I had to constantly compare this to a Christmas market in Germany and I guess it was alright. I did finally find some Lebkuchen, albeit at a horrdenous price but well... I just had to get it to get a taste of home. The stalls sold typical, overpriced German food you find at many other "German" markets in Japan throughout the year, as well as mulled wine. It was an okay experience overall but nothing I'd really recommend if you ever find yourself in Japan during Christmas time. We walked around Hibiya and Marunouchi afterwards to check some more illuminations, grabbed dinner and went our separate ways again.
I spent the days leading up to Christmas checking out any leftover illuminations in Tokyo and visiting JoJo World in Shinjuku. On the 24th, I decided to grab some chicken paitan ramen in Ebisu (VERY disappointing) and then waddled over to Odaiba, across the Rainbow Bridge I've had walked across plenty of times at that point. Buildings on Odaiba also had some more festive lighting, as well as the bridge itself! Fireworks were held in the evening, which is why a whole lot of people gathered, taking pictures and videos. At this point, my body had adjusted to Japanese weather so much that I actually felt cold while waiting for the show to start. It probably wasn't even below 10°C, yet my hands were absolutely freezing. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the fireworks, stayed around a bit for clearer pictures of the bridge and then made my way back home.
To be quite honest, this was a bit of a sad Christmas for me! It was the first time I didn't really celebrate it at all and even though I enjoyed the show and the general vibes in Tokyo, nothing can beat Christmas with family.
Spent the next few days just living life until New Year's Eve hit. New Year's in Japan is more like Christmas in the West; fairly quiet, people spend time with their families and visit a shrine (Hatsumode) in the evening. I decided that I wanted to celebrate New Year's at Kanda Myojin, one of the first places I visited on my arrival in June and also one of the 3 big shrines in Tokyo along Sensoji and Meiji Jingu for people to flock to before the "countdown". I had spent most of my day in Akihabara, window shopping, losing money at some claw games, watching new ads being put up on the SEGA buildings (I refuse to call them GiGo) before making my way over to the nearby Kanda Myojin. This is what the street looked like leading up to the shrine about an hour before 12am. The street is basically closed for traffic and they formed multiple lanes for people to line up.
The area in front of the shrine itself had a lot of food stalls, selling chocolate strawberries and bananas, yakisoba, mochi and much more. I went for one of the bananas and I kid you not, there were little to no people in this area at the moment I went up to the stall. When I bought the banana and turned around, there was a line to the shrine all of a sudden and I quickly queued up at the end, asking myself where the hell all the people came from! It was packed but everybody just minded their business, families talking, friends talking, people just having a good time and then it was 11:59pm. The final 10 seconds were counted down by the huge crowd and the New Year welcomed in with cheers before the line moved towards the shrine itself. People threw their 5 yen (I think it was 5...) coins into the box in front of the shrine, prayed and then moved on. I did so too, threw away my change, prayed and then picked up an omikuji which told me I'd have "average" luck in 2023. Could have been worse!
Picked up some yakitori from one of the stalls around, then one mochi bun and decided to call it a night because once again, I was freezing my butt off. On New Year's, some train lines have special trains going past midnight, which I took back to my accommodation and headed to sleep. To be honest, I really enjoyed this celebration more than the one back home. The more reserved celebrations together with the festival atmosphere was a great experience. And that was my December. Mostly boring from a pure travelling perspective but I quite enjoyed it, even if I missed a proper Christmas!
January - Matsumoto
Now, I didn't want to take any big trips in January either because in February, a group of friends (two of which were first timers!) would visit Japan and we had planned a whopping 3 weeks of travel around Japan in that month, so I decided to take a short 2 day trip to Matsumoto in Nagano prefecture. I wanted to see the castle for the longest time and the weather forecast was saying there might be snow, which would have been incredible. From Shinjuku, it's a ~3 hour ride on a Limited Express train and takes you through the mountains in Nagano. Matsumoto itself is surrounded my mountains and the view from my hotel near the station was actually fairly nice. I had grown to love places that had these sort of surroundings.
I had packed some thicker socks and even gloves for this trip as I was already feeling cold in Tokyo despite temperatures not even being that low but Matsumoto was sporting minus degrees Celsius, so I was dreading that part of my stay. Up until this point, Uniqlo's heat tech stuff had served me fairly well. Both the socks and the undershirts were great so I trusted the heat tech gloves would be just as good... but they were not. They did absolutely nothing against the temperatures and I actually felt like my hands were colder with the gloves on lol.
Nevertheless, the main attraction - Matsumoto castle - is not even 10 minutes away from the main station and a small shopping street is located nearby. Nakamachi-dori was the old merchant district and parallel to it, there's a street with lots of small shops and cafes. As always, checking out every little shop isn't really my type of thing so I simply walked through, passed a shrine and then arrived at the castle itself, which is stunning. Unfortunately there was no snow but the castle is still beautiful (and a famous spot especially in Sakura season). As per usual, the inside of the castle has some exhibitions and the top offers a great view of Matsumoto and the aforementioned mountains! Once I checked everything out, I walked back to the station and into the Karaage Center to eat Sanzokuyaki, one of Matsumoto's local dishes. It's chicken thigh or breast marinated in soy sauce and garlic and then coated with potato starch before being deep-fried. It was incredibly delicious and I regret not getting another round of it at some point.
In the mean time, the sun had started to set so I decided to head back to the castle because there was a projection mapping show going on! Unfortunately, pictures can't really show it very well at all but it was definitely worth to watch. Once that was over, I made my way back to the hotel because there isn't really all that much to do in Matsumoto at night.
The next day, I decided to take a little walk around town by just picking random spots on Google Maps. Ended up going to Fukashi shrine and Tsukama shrine. In hindsight, I could have perhaps checked out a little bit more in the town but at the time, I really couldn't find many sights or interesting spots and quickly realised that two full days were a bit too much for Matsumoto. Lunch was ramen at a small local shop. The owner was surprised to see a foreigner come in and he asked me a bunch about my travels! These small interactions with locals in places tourists rarely go to were always a highlight in itself. As just mentioned, I didn't know what else to do so I just checked out the local shopping "mall", gacha'd a bit at an Animate and then just bummed about until the day ended and then proceeded to take the train back to Tokyo the next day.
Tokyo
On the way back, the skies were clear and I could see Fuji from the train even. Didn't expect that but Fuji is always a welcome sight on train rides. Back in Tokyo, I had about a week before my friends would arrive so it was back to checking areas around my Airbnb. Decided to take a walk along a different part of Sumida for once. Random tidbit: went to a CoCo ichi on one of those days, not knowing they had some special prizes going on if you were lucky. Turns out I was very lucky because I got this CoCo ichi spoon on my first try lol.
This month would also mark the last time I met up with a friend I made all the way back in September. We went to a yakiniku place, talked a bit, spent another few hours in Ikebukuro chatting as usual, made some plans to meet up in March once my friends would leave but those plans never came to fruition! I was somewhat used to people randomly dropping all communication, it seemed like that's somewhat the norm with Japanese people who "befriend" foreigners. But this one felt a bit more sad. One could go deeper into this and dig for reasons but that's no use.
I don't have much more for this month so I'll drop a few pictures of the food I ate that I didn't mention somewhere above and that's that.
If you've read my previous reports, this one is probably really boring in comparison, I apologise. That being said - February was packed. My friends came and we travelled the entire month, went to some amazing places with surprise Sakura appearances (yes, in February!) and much more. So look forward to that one!

Personally, I would prefer Roger Penrose who won in 2020, but working with Peter Higgs who won in 2013 could be amazing as well! I honestly think Christopher Nolan needs to work with another Nobel Prize winner for physics and when you see what he did with Interstellar, I think it's obvious to see why.
Interstellar was made by Christopher Nolan and Kip Thorne, who are both fucking geniuses in their respective crafts. Nolan is one of the greatest Directors in film of our time, and Kip Thorne literally won a Nobel Prize in Physics three years after this movie came out (for gravity waves of all things). Kip Thorne knows very well that there are two pillars of modern science: Quantum Mechanics and General Relativity, that are very famously incompatible. This incompatibility is very famous because none other than Albert Einstein labels Quantum Physics incomplete and talks a little shit despite being one of the Founding Fathers of Quantum Physics, calling it "spukhafte Fernwirkungen," which means "spooky actions at a distance," which is basically Einstein's main problem with Quantum Physics in the EPR Paradox. Now, since Einstein is the Michael Jordan of Scientists, he obviously has the right to talk a little shit since he definitely deserves his GOAT status for Special Relativity/ General Relativity. The EPR Paradox takes an example of Quantum Entanglement of Bell particles (elementary particles) at extremely great distances (although recently, Sabine Hossenfelder reminded Journalists on the 2022 Nobel Prize for Physics - Bell Inequality Violations, that it's the quantum interaction that's primarily at issue in EPR, not the entanglement). Einstein uses this perceived absurdity to present his own Interpretation of Quantum Physics (summed up: "Missing variables that we can't detect are causing it to happen, not the Copenhagen interpretation which involves the Born Rule and is very indeterminate"). Of course Einstein might feel some kind of way about quantum physics given his interest and bias with Relativity since he's the one that discovered it and all. Einstein is also very much a Determinist, so you can see his problems with the orthodox Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics.
By the end of the movie, Murphy Cooper really is just as important to the story as Joseph Cooper was, and probably a lot more so. Both Joseph Cooper and Murphy Cooper had to go through all of the events that they did to produce the ending result. According to the movie, Murphy Cooper is the one that reconciles our two pillar of modern science, which apparently leads Humanity to the ability to build livable habitation in space. In present day, this would probably qualify Murphy Cooper for the next five years of Nobel Prizes for Physics given the alternative was probably human extinction. Actually, at that point, they might just present all future Nobel Prize Award Winners for Physics the Murphy Cooper Trophy similar to the way the NBA Finals MVP Award is given with the Bill Russell Trophy. Humanity has come up with String Theory/ M Theory to try to solve this amazing problem and has sadly come up with zilch.
Without Kip Thorne's involvement in Interstellar, Nolan would never been able to produce these kind of stakes and/or this sort of result. I feel he achieved bringing the science to sci-fi just as well (if not more so) than 2001: A Space Odyssey. In a Marvel tired world, maybe there would be an interest in movies like Interstellar and 2001 who at least try to stick closer to the science part of sci-fi. I vote for Christopher Nolan and Roger Penrose! Nolan/Penrose Microtubles Orchestrated Objective Reduction in 2028! :)

After a decade of dodging spoilers and all reviews, I finally took the time to play and Plat infamous Second son. inFAMOUS 2 is one of my favorite playstation games of all times, so I'll be comparing the two a lot.
First and foremost, there were 3 things bothering me throughout the whole game, especially on expert.

1. The lighting. I've never really complained about lighting in a game before, but holy shit can I often not see anything in this game. Even after playing with the brightness and contrast settings, it's so hard to make things out. The graphics still hold up just fine at least, but god-damn I can't see shit.
   
2. I really miss the cover system. Whenever I was low on health I'd try hiding behind something to regen, only to have Delsin stand upright like a jackass far away from cover. I get there's a greater emphasis on mobility, but at least give me the option. The previous games not only emphasized cover, but also allowed you to switch hands when aiming.
   
3. Taking damage cancels energy absorption. Maybe the devs thought it was OP how absorbing energy made you unflinching in previous titles, but without the cover system, recovering is just that much more of chore.
   

Other thoughts I had:
Having 4 different power systems was a neat idea, though even after two playthroughs it still feels more like a handicap that does not flow well at all. I won't really complain too much as it is presented as a major plot point and part of his character. As for Delsin himself, something about Delsin didn't really have me too interested. I attribute this feeling to his relationship with Jerry Smith Reggie not being all that engaging. His interactions with Eugene and Fetch were great, however far too brief.
I appreciated the utilization of the controller features for the spray painting segments, phone calls, etc, though I still lament the loss of side missions. The loss of citizens beckoning you over for help via side missions made the world feel a little bit less alive.
Looking this over again, it sounds like I had a lot of negative things to say, but I did enjoy the game. It's just that if I have inFamous 2 at a 10, this is more of a 7.5. It's still a good game which I overall enjoyed.