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Greentexts that hit your heart
2016.12.22 15:17 Megapumpkin Greentexts that hit your heart
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2018.04.11 17:14 epikotaku How To Get There (Philippines)
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2024.05.21 15:13 hoggersbridge Engines of Arachnea: The Bug Planet (Chapter 27: Seeds of Treachery)
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
“That’s strange,” Exar said a minute later, “I’m not picking up any of the satellite constellations. If it was just one of them knocked out, I’d put it down to a scheduled maintenance. But all of em? Fishy, that’s what it is.”
“I don’t understand,” Rene’s spirits plummeted at the news. He should have known it wouldn’t be so easy.
“Me neither, chief. But take it easy!” Exar assured him, “There’s an easy fix for that. Just hike me up someplace with better reception. Any place where we can get above all these damn trees is good.”
“I’m afraid that’s not exactly an option, noble Exar.”
Rene briefly summarized the situation, filling in the details whenever Exar interrupted him with a question, which was not often.
“Got it,” Exar said after listening attentively, “In short, you’ve got a tribe of devolved humanoids on your tail, also infected by the same parasitoids as our young miss over here. Comms are down, and our closest exfil point is at least thirty-nine klicks due southeast, where our friends, ‘the Fleet’, will be waiting for you.”
“How did you measure the distance so precisely?” Rene asked.
“The T.O.R.U. you were piloting is currently in power cycling mode, but it’s still sending out its mayday message for the repair crews. Judging by the fact that it ejected us via safety pod, the unit must’ve suffered potentially catastrophic damage to its subsystems. Not to worry, though. My inbuilt Geiger counter just gave the all-clear, so there was no meltdown in the reactor core.”
“The most pressing issue is that you have less than 72 hours’ worth of fungicidal doses left, and nothing with which to defend yourself but the monomachete from your kit. In addition, this young lady—”
“Zildiz,” Rene supplied him.
“My bad—Zildiz. I like it, very exotic. Zildiz belongs to a culture which behaves aggressively towards Exodus Industries development projects here on the ground. That everything?” Exar briskly concluded.
Rene nodded. Exar then immediately began outlining a plan of action. Their first priority was to gain altitude and establish communication with ‘Exodus Industries’, an entity which Rene assumed was the ancestor-gods’ equivalent to Fleet Command.
Exar would then signal for help using the spinning bowl (which it referred to as an ‘allcomm antenna’) and an interstellar shuttle would be sent to transport them to the one of the moons.
The moons! Rene was giddy at the prospect of becoming the first man to have returned to mankind’s celestial origin. He tried not to get his hopes too high, however, knowing life’s avowed fondness for ruining every dream a man ever had.
Failing that, Exar would use the high vantage point to triangulate their position using nearby geographic landmarks. Once they had their bearings, it would be a simple matter of hiking over to the nearest hardened base and knocking on the airlock doors.
“I must say, you’re taking all this bad news remarkably in stride, wise Exar,” he told the beeping sphere.
“Oh, puh-leeze! This ain’t my first rodeo, pardner. We E.X.A.R. units have dealt with far worse in our time.”
“Really? Worse than Arachnea?”
“Oh, is that what the kids are calling this place these days? Sure is catchier than 65 Syngman Bb, lemme tell ya. But yeah, this here is nuthin.”
Exar chuckled, a child amused by the backwardness of his senile grandparents.
“Alien plague strains from the thawed-out heart of an asteroid. Cosmophage armadas unleashed by rogue A.I. Not to mention all those privateer raids on the fringes of Pact space. We’ve dealt with them all, helped people survive through the worst the galaxy can throw at them. And with 95% success rate, too, if I may add,” Exar said somewhat immodestly, “Anywho, that’s enough of me jawing. Let’s go mobile, chief.”
“What, right now?”
“The mist’s our best shot, bo-sing. Natural concealment. No telling how long it’ll last.”
Before they left, Rene had Exar explain the functions of all the tools in the kit. The sphere confirmed what Rene had suspected: the slate fed on the radiance of the suns. Exar called it a ‘solar cell panel’. In turn, the pronged cords attached to the solar cell could transfer energy to artefact he wanted to use.
He connected the panel to the mysterious gauntlet with the underslung pipe, which Exar informed him was a ‘laser designator’, a tool meant for guiding in airdropped supplies or flying machines.
“It also doubles as a heat source. Just up the wattage on that sucker with the slide wheel on the edge of the hand. See it?”
Rene put on the gauntlet and activated it by means of a green switch under the thumb. A tight needle of red light shone from the tube, and Rene understood that it was basically like the electrochemical torches that miners used. When he adjusted the slide wheel the needle of light narrowed and grew brighter. Where it touched the granite walls of the burrow there, sour-smelling wisps of smoke rose.
Hot enough to scorch stone? He would have to be careful where he pointed this.
“Go easy on it, though,” Exar advised him, “That kinda power output will drain the juice in a jiffy.”
“The juice?” Rene repeated stupidly.
Exar made it clear to him that the artefacts could store ‘the juice’ from the panel. Moreover, the panel could be mounted on the front or the back of the jumpsuit by means of the same backpack rigging that held the breathing apparatus, allowing the user to collect the juice and charge up to two devices (Exar included) even while on the move. Even the bulky survival kit could be could be fastened to his loadout with a set of clasps at the bottom of the pack which Rene hadn’t noticed.
“As for me, I can hitch a ride on your backpack as well,” Exar told him brightly. And indeed, there was a spherical indentation above the breathing apparatus where Exar could fasten himself in with his stubby spike legs.
Rene whistled appreciatively at the compact nature of the jumpsuit’s design; the entire survival kit was so cleverly put together, a testament to the ancestor-gods’ practical mindset.
He secured his gear, choosing to split the juices between Exar and the gauntlet, and got ready to leave. Rene crouched at the hatch of the burrow like a man in a trench waiting for the shrill whistle that would propel him up and over into the desolate no-man’s land.
Then he noticed Zildiz still huddled in place, not even daring to look at him or the talking sphere. Rene had originally been grateful that Exar’s appearance had shut her up, but this state of catatonic shock of hers worried him.
“Coming?” he asked her.
“I’m not going anywhere with that…that thing!” she stated categorically.
“Was it something I said?” Exar sounded hurt.
“The simulacrum said it would cut me out of my exomorph. That would kill me, Fleet-man.”
“Madame, I got no intention of hurting you!” Exar protested, “But the fact is, you’re sick. The parasite’s attached to so many of the organs in your body, that I fear that it’s totally coopted their functions. Our people have the technology to reverse all that.”
“I will not heed the promises of a slaved intelligence!” she snapped.
Their argument was interrupted by a chorus of hair-raising screams from the jungle beyond. Even in those guttural, inhuman voices there was no mistaking the notes of grief and rage.
“They’ve found Kryptus,” Rene surmised, “Just like you said they would.”
“I take it the natives are restless,” Exar tittered nervously, “Tailo, methinks we gotta go.”
Rene saw Zildiz hesitate, weighing the balance of her fears and forming an internal consensus. He made a move to tip the scales in his favor, and spoke to her from the heart:
“Zildiz. I swear to you that as long as it is within my power to protect you, I will not allow you to come to harm. You are a prisoner of penultimate importance to the Fleet. I’d sooner die than fail in my mission to get you back to civilization. If you doubt my intentions, consider the fact that nobody in their right minds would’ve tried so hard to keep you alive, not unless they have very good reasons to do so.”
“I am not like the Leapers or your people, the Gallivants. I am a soldier of the Fleet, and my priority is the continuation of my species—our species,” he added firmly, “Now, I can’t begin to imagine what horrors and depravities your kind have suffered these past few centuries, or what the Vitalus has taught you to believe. But in my mind, we are all one people under the same god. If that god is the Vitalus, then it is clear that he hates us. Why else would he, in all his supposed omnipotence, condemn us to live in this unending state of warfare and ignorance? Why does he forbid the full use of the human intellect, the sole source of our comfort and security in an uncaring universe? Why must he despise us so?”
“I don’t know the answers to those questions. But I do know this: I do not hate you, Zildiz of the Gallivants. In fact, I would very much like to help you. Will you let me do that?”
Rene stood up and lifted the hatch, turning to offer her a hand.
“Besides! If you come with me, we can go ask the gods in person.”
This is certainly new, Zildiz thought, unsure of what to make of Rene’s offer. His suggestion of a pan-kindred alliance bound together by their shared ancestry was ridiculous, of course. She knew enough of the mathematical models and the general principles of nature to know that such an undertaking was doomed by definition. And yet here was an opportunity unlike any other.
Rene meant to take her to one of the last remaining holdfasts of the Betrayers. Who would have thought that those ancient demons were still clinging on to life, lurking in some nameless abyss, waiting for their chance to wreak one final act of vengeance upon an unsuspecting Arachnea.
And here she was, uniquely placed to destroy them all in one fell stroke. Once she was nestled in that abode of evil, a single transmission from her magnetosynaptic organ to the Vitalus was all it would take to bring Its righteous fury down upon them.
The rewards would be immense. At the very least they would make her a Matriarch. Her gilt helix would live on forever in the generations to come, her legacy enshrined in the undying architecture of the genome. Her children would never go hungry or cold for the rest of their lives. She and her brood could have their pick of exomorph grafts.
Infrared eyes for night stalking, hypo thorax stabilizer tendons for prolonged flight, extra waste ducts, subdermal heat signature regulators, biochemical afterburners to add thrust, not to mention a whole slew of offensive weaponry—nothing would be off the table!
All she had to do was take Rene’s hand.
She did. The Fleet-man lifted her up out of the burrow, trying not to look too surprised at her acceptance.
A very naïve race, she decided. He caught her calculating gaze and must have mistaken it for the beginnings of friendship, for he said:
“Glad to have you aboard, Zildiz. Now let’s get the hell out of here.”
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
submitted by hoggersbridge to HFY [link] [comments]
“That’s strange,” Exar said a minute later, “I’m not picking up any of the satellite constellations. If it was just one of them knocked out, I’d put it down to a scheduled maintenance. But all of em? Fishy, that’s what it is.”
“I don’t understand,” Rene’s spirits plummeted at the news. He should have known it wouldn’t be so easy.
“Me neither, chief. But take it easy!” Exar assured him, “There’s an easy fix for that. Just hike me up someplace with better reception. Any place where we can get above all these damn trees is good.”
“I’m afraid that’s not exactly an option, noble Exar.”
Rene briefly summarized the situation, filling in the details whenever Exar interrupted him with a question, which was not often.
“Got it,” Exar said after listening attentively, “In short, you’ve got a tribe of devolved humanoids on your tail, also infected by the same parasitoids as our young miss over here. Comms are down, and our closest exfil point is at least thirty-nine klicks due southeast, where our friends, ‘the Fleet’, will be waiting for you.”
“How did you measure the distance so precisely?” Rene asked.
“The T.O.R.U. you were piloting is currently in power cycling mode, but it’s still sending out its mayday message for the repair crews. Judging by the fact that it ejected us via safety pod, the unit must’ve suffered potentially catastrophic damage to its subsystems. Not to worry, though. My inbuilt Geiger counter just gave the all-clear, so there was no meltdown in the reactor core.”
“The most pressing issue is that you have less than 72 hours’ worth of fungicidal doses left, and nothing with which to defend yourself but the monomachete from your kit. In addition, this young lady—”
“Zildiz,” Rene supplied him.
“My bad—Zildiz. I like it, very exotic. Zildiz belongs to a culture which behaves aggressively towards Exodus Industries development projects here on the ground. That everything?” Exar briskly concluded.
Rene nodded. Exar then immediately began outlining a plan of action. Their first priority was to gain altitude and establish communication with ‘Exodus Industries’, an entity which Rene assumed was the ancestor-gods’ equivalent to Fleet Command.
Exar would then signal for help using the spinning bowl (which it referred to as an ‘allcomm antenna’) and an interstellar shuttle would be sent to transport them to the one of the moons.
The moons! Rene was giddy at the prospect of becoming the first man to have returned to mankind’s celestial origin. He tried not to get his hopes too high, however, knowing life’s avowed fondness for ruining every dream a man ever had.
Failing that, Exar would use the high vantage point to triangulate their position using nearby geographic landmarks. Once they had their bearings, it would be a simple matter of hiking over to the nearest hardened base and knocking on the airlock doors.
“I must say, you’re taking all this bad news remarkably in stride, wise Exar,” he told the beeping sphere.
“Oh, puh-leeze! This ain’t my first rodeo, pardner. We E.X.A.R. units have dealt with far worse in our time.”
“Really? Worse than Arachnea?”
“Oh, is that what the kids are calling this place these days? Sure is catchier than 65 Syngman Bb, lemme tell ya. But yeah, this here is nuthin.”
Exar chuckled, a child amused by the backwardness of his senile grandparents.
“Alien plague strains from the thawed-out heart of an asteroid. Cosmophage armadas unleashed by rogue A.I. Not to mention all those privateer raids on the fringes of Pact space. We’ve dealt with them all, helped people survive through the worst the galaxy can throw at them. And with 95% success rate, too, if I may add,” Exar said somewhat immodestly, “Anywho, that’s enough of me jawing. Let’s go mobile, chief.”
“What, right now?”
“The mist’s our best shot, bo-sing. Natural concealment. No telling how long it’ll last.”
Before they left, Rene had Exar explain the functions of all the tools in the kit. The sphere confirmed what Rene had suspected: the slate fed on the radiance of the suns. Exar called it a ‘solar cell panel’. In turn, the pronged cords attached to the solar cell could transfer energy to artefact he wanted to use.
He connected the panel to the mysterious gauntlet with the underslung pipe, which Exar informed him was a ‘laser designator’, a tool meant for guiding in airdropped supplies or flying machines.
“It also doubles as a heat source. Just up the wattage on that sucker with the slide wheel on the edge of the hand. See it?”
Rene put on the gauntlet and activated it by means of a green switch under the thumb. A tight needle of red light shone from the tube, and Rene understood that it was basically like the electrochemical torches that miners used. When he adjusted the slide wheel the needle of light narrowed and grew brighter. Where it touched the granite walls of the burrow there, sour-smelling wisps of smoke rose.
Hot enough to scorch stone? He would have to be careful where he pointed this.
“Go easy on it, though,” Exar advised him, “That kinda power output will drain the juice in a jiffy.”
“The juice?” Rene repeated stupidly.
Exar made it clear to him that the artefacts could store ‘the juice’ from the panel. Moreover, the panel could be mounted on the front or the back of the jumpsuit by means of the same backpack rigging that held the breathing apparatus, allowing the user to collect the juice and charge up to two devices (Exar included) even while on the move. Even the bulky survival kit could be could be fastened to his loadout with a set of clasps at the bottom of the pack which Rene hadn’t noticed.
“As for me, I can hitch a ride on your backpack as well,” Exar told him brightly. And indeed, there was a spherical indentation above the breathing apparatus where Exar could fasten himself in with his stubby spike legs.
Rene whistled appreciatively at the compact nature of the jumpsuit’s design; the entire survival kit was so cleverly put together, a testament to the ancestor-gods’ practical mindset.
He secured his gear, choosing to split the juices between Exar and the gauntlet, and got ready to leave. Rene crouched at the hatch of the burrow like a man in a trench waiting for the shrill whistle that would propel him up and over into the desolate no-man’s land.
Then he noticed Zildiz still huddled in place, not even daring to look at him or the talking sphere. Rene had originally been grateful that Exar’s appearance had shut her up, but this state of catatonic shock of hers worried him.
“Coming?” he asked her.
“I’m not going anywhere with that…that thing!” she stated categorically.
“Was it something I said?” Exar sounded hurt.
“The simulacrum said it would cut me out of my exomorph. That would kill me, Fleet-man.”
“Madame, I got no intention of hurting you!” Exar protested, “But the fact is, you’re sick. The parasite’s attached to so many of the organs in your body, that I fear that it’s totally coopted their functions. Our people have the technology to reverse all that.”
“I will not heed the promises of a slaved intelligence!” she snapped.
Their argument was interrupted by a chorus of hair-raising screams from the jungle beyond. Even in those guttural, inhuman voices there was no mistaking the notes of grief and rage.
“They’ve found Kryptus,” Rene surmised, “Just like you said they would.”
“I take it the natives are restless,” Exar tittered nervously, “Tailo, methinks we gotta go.”
Rene saw Zildiz hesitate, weighing the balance of her fears and forming an internal consensus. He made a move to tip the scales in his favor, and spoke to her from the heart:
“Zildiz. I swear to you that as long as it is within my power to protect you, I will not allow you to come to harm. You are a prisoner of penultimate importance to the Fleet. I’d sooner die than fail in my mission to get you back to civilization. If you doubt my intentions, consider the fact that nobody in their right minds would’ve tried so hard to keep you alive, not unless they have very good reasons to do so.”
“I am not like the Leapers or your people, the Gallivants. I am a soldier of the Fleet, and my priority is the continuation of my species—our species,” he added firmly, “Now, I can’t begin to imagine what horrors and depravities your kind have suffered these past few centuries, or what the Vitalus has taught you to believe. But in my mind, we are all one people under the same god. If that god is the Vitalus, then it is clear that he hates us. Why else would he, in all his supposed omnipotence, condemn us to live in this unending state of warfare and ignorance? Why does he forbid the full use of the human intellect, the sole source of our comfort and security in an uncaring universe? Why must he despise us so?”
“I don’t know the answers to those questions. But I do know this: I do not hate you, Zildiz of the Gallivants. In fact, I would very much like to help you. Will you let me do that?”
Rene stood up and lifted the hatch, turning to offer her a hand.
“Besides! If you come with me, we can go ask the gods in person.”
This is certainly new, Zildiz thought, unsure of what to make of Rene’s offer. His suggestion of a pan-kindred alliance bound together by their shared ancestry was ridiculous, of course. She knew enough of the mathematical models and the general principles of nature to know that such an undertaking was doomed by definition. And yet here was an opportunity unlike any other.
Rene meant to take her to one of the last remaining holdfasts of the Betrayers. Who would have thought that those ancient demons were still clinging on to life, lurking in some nameless abyss, waiting for their chance to wreak one final act of vengeance upon an unsuspecting Arachnea.
And here she was, uniquely placed to destroy them all in one fell stroke. Once she was nestled in that abode of evil, a single transmission from her magnetosynaptic organ to the Vitalus was all it would take to bring Its righteous fury down upon them.
The rewards would be immense. At the very least they would make her a Matriarch. Her gilt helix would live on forever in the generations to come, her legacy enshrined in the undying architecture of the genome. Her children would never go hungry or cold for the rest of their lives. She and her brood could have their pick of exomorph grafts.
Infrared eyes for night stalking, hypo thorax stabilizer tendons for prolonged flight, extra waste ducts, subdermal heat signature regulators, biochemical afterburners to add thrust, not to mention a whole slew of offensive weaponry—nothing would be off the table!
All she had to do was take Rene’s hand.
She did. The Fleet-man lifted her up out of the burrow, trying not to look too surprised at her acceptance.
A very naïve race, she decided. He caught her calculating gaze and must have mistaken it for the beginnings of friendship, for he said:
“Glad to have you aboard, Zildiz. Now let’s get the hell out of here.”
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
2024.05.21 15:06 sockmunkie22 [UPDATE 2] AITJ for cutting my SIL out of my life, even if it upsets the family norms?
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1csum48/aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life_even_if_it/
Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1cu5yfv/update_1_aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life/
So as ya'll know, Myself, Fern and Tom had planned some Mother's Day gifts for MIL. I gotta admit, I was worried that Margaret would show up and ruin the whole thing, but it was actually a surprisingly good day- mostly because she wasn't there, which was the OBVIOUS elephant in the room the whole time. Tom worked the grill for a while and we had MIL open the gifts I had planned - it was a small pirate chest filled with letters from Myself, Fern, and Tom telling her how wonderful of a mother she was (I had aged them and weathered them to look waterlogged and like they'd been around for a long time). I made her a boondoggle that said "number one mom" that had our names dangling from it. She opened the collage...the whole thing left her in happy tears, which was nice but also sad at the same time. She said "OP, you're such a shit for making me cry" then gave me a big hug. MIL started to talk about it all ("It's been really rough and I've been having a really hard time"), but it was cut off by the men fussing over the grill. I made the rest of lunch and we had a really, really good time for the most part.
I clocked FIL's behavior in Margaret's absence. He wandered off into the yard and stood by himself for extended periods of time, staring at the ground in silence. I registered it as pain- I'm not gonna lie, it was PALPABLE how much easier and fun and quiet the afternoon was with Margaret being intentionally excluded. I could tell that MIL really needed to talk about what was going on, especially since she was being absolutely flooded with love (in stark contrast to what she's been receiving from Margaret). I approached her towards the end of the evening- she revealed to me what she had put in the letter. Essentially, it reads something like this.
"dear Margaret- I am sorry that we are having such a hard time seeing eye to eye. I have had my conflicts with Fern and Tom in the past that we have been able to resolve; Since you do not wish to speak to me directly, I am hoping that we can communicate this way to see each other more clearly. I think youre upset with me because I married your dad- but I am not sure because you will not tell me what is wrong. I want to make peace with you, but I cannot do that with you so blatantly disrespecting me. I feel like I deserve an apology- I feel used by you, especially since I signed your lease for you when you asked right before this happened. Please write me back so we can resolve this, I love you."
Apparently, MIL had FIL read it before she sent it- this looks like a last ditch effort to rectify the tension, but I'm not sure what the outcome will be because we ALL know that Margaret is going to freak the fuck out the second she reads it. Margaret can't handle any blame and has no sense of accountability. We can all see it coming- so definitely expect an update on that.
On the ride home I absolutely fell apart. It made me so sad that she has had to go to these lengths to remedy a situation that she didn't cause in the first place. I was also very, very angry at FIL and basically the whole family for letting this go on for as long as it has.. I ended up confronting Tom about this again. I told him that there are 600 strangers on reddit calling him and his whole family spineless, and that I have found myself defending them because I know otherwise, but that in this situation those 600 strangers are absolutely right. I said that I know his dad is human, but that they are all a bunch of cowards for the "fend for yourself, just let it go" attitude they have when it comes to each of them being so wildly abused and disrespected AS A FAMILY. Fern deserves better than to have a sister that has told ME that "the reason Fern got SA'd as a kid is because h"e put himself out there like that" (excuse me?). Cory deserves better than a wife who threatens to call the cops on him for not making her dinner (huh?) . Tom deserves a better sister than one who has called me to tell me "He's a creep and I bet he's done things to little girls before" (no idea where that one came from). MIL deserves better than someone who asks her for money and favors only to turn around and rip her to shreds (the entitlement?). And FIL deserves better than to have such little self esteem that he'd rather watch his family disintegrate rather than cut out the cancer.
Yeah, I was heated. Margaret makes shit up, takes things out of context, and regularly demonstrates that she genuinely feels the world is out to get her and that everyone else is the problem. I did not let up.
Tom listened very patiently- we exchanged a lot of words and the conversation took over an hour, the end result being "My dad is nearing approachable about this subject. Today showed him the kind of life we can have without her; you definitely launched a psychological bomb at him with how well you planned the day and how much you showed MIL that she's worth something. He's struggling, but I promise that I'll talk to him about it soon. We talk 3 times a week, he knows its coming."
The last statement I made was "I am not an 'on the fence' person. I'm the only one who has outright picked a side- and it's not Margaret's because I refuse to enable this insanity anymore. It's wrong, and you guys are wrong for coddling a grown woman's hurt ego knowing that its harming literally EVERYONE else in the family. Pick a side, and be done with it. I refuse to let MIL go this alone."
We will see how much longer the circus goes on. I anticipate the events that happened this weekend leading to the biggest blow up that Margaret has had yet- the shady online posts have already started (per Tom, who has found it amusing and low of her). It's about to get a lot crazier when this letter hits, and even worse when she eventually visits FIL and sees a giant collage with all the kids except for her.
There's SO many of you that have said that you are emotionally invested in my story- I'll continue to update so we all get the closure we need. Thanks for all the support (and trash talking, I've gotten quite a few LOLs out of the comments).
Stay tuned I guess!
submitted by sockmunkie22 to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]
Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1cu5yfv/update_1_aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life/
So as ya'll know, Myself, Fern and Tom had planned some Mother's Day gifts for MIL. I gotta admit, I was worried that Margaret would show up and ruin the whole thing, but it was actually a surprisingly good day- mostly because she wasn't there, which was the OBVIOUS elephant in the room the whole time. Tom worked the grill for a while and we had MIL open the gifts I had planned - it was a small pirate chest filled with letters from Myself, Fern, and Tom telling her how wonderful of a mother she was (I had aged them and weathered them to look waterlogged and like they'd been around for a long time). I made her a boondoggle that said "number one mom" that had our names dangling from it. She opened the collage...the whole thing left her in happy tears, which was nice but also sad at the same time. She said "OP, you're such a shit for making me cry" then gave me a big hug. MIL started to talk about it all ("It's been really rough and I've been having a really hard time"), but it was cut off by the men fussing over the grill. I made the rest of lunch and we had a really, really good time for the most part.
I clocked FIL's behavior in Margaret's absence. He wandered off into the yard and stood by himself for extended periods of time, staring at the ground in silence. I registered it as pain- I'm not gonna lie, it was PALPABLE how much easier and fun and quiet the afternoon was with Margaret being intentionally excluded. I could tell that MIL really needed to talk about what was going on, especially since she was being absolutely flooded with love (in stark contrast to what she's been receiving from Margaret). I approached her towards the end of the evening- she revealed to me what she had put in the letter. Essentially, it reads something like this.
"dear Margaret- I am sorry that we are having such a hard time seeing eye to eye. I have had my conflicts with Fern and Tom in the past that we have been able to resolve; Since you do not wish to speak to me directly, I am hoping that we can communicate this way to see each other more clearly. I think youre upset with me because I married your dad- but I am not sure because you will not tell me what is wrong. I want to make peace with you, but I cannot do that with you so blatantly disrespecting me. I feel like I deserve an apology- I feel used by you, especially since I signed your lease for you when you asked right before this happened. Please write me back so we can resolve this, I love you."
Apparently, MIL had FIL read it before she sent it- this looks like a last ditch effort to rectify the tension, but I'm not sure what the outcome will be because we ALL know that Margaret is going to freak the fuck out the second she reads it. Margaret can't handle any blame and has no sense of accountability. We can all see it coming- so definitely expect an update on that.
On the ride home I absolutely fell apart. It made me so sad that she has had to go to these lengths to remedy a situation that she didn't cause in the first place. I was also very, very angry at FIL and basically the whole family for letting this go on for as long as it has.. I ended up confronting Tom about this again. I told him that there are 600 strangers on reddit calling him and his whole family spineless, and that I have found myself defending them because I know otherwise, but that in this situation those 600 strangers are absolutely right. I said that I know his dad is human, but that they are all a bunch of cowards for the "fend for yourself, just let it go" attitude they have when it comes to each of them being so wildly abused and disrespected AS A FAMILY. Fern deserves better than to have a sister that has told ME that "the reason Fern got SA'd as a kid is because h"e put himself out there like that" (excuse me?). Cory deserves better than a wife who threatens to call the cops on him for not making her dinner (huh?) . Tom deserves a better sister than one who has called me to tell me "He's a creep and I bet he's done things to little girls before" (no idea where that one came from). MIL deserves better than someone who asks her for money and favors only to turn around and rip her to shreds (the entitlement?). And FIL deserves better than to have such little self esteem that he'd rather watch his family disintegrate rather than cut out the cancer.
Yeah, I was heated. Margaret makes shit up, takes things out of context, and regularly demonstrates that she genuinely feels the world is out to get her and that everyone else is the problem. I did not let up.
Tom listened very patiently- we exchanged a lot of words and the conversation took over an hour, the end result being "My dad is nearing approachable about this subject. Today showed him the kind of life we can have without her; you definitely launched a psychological bomb at him with how well you planned the day and how much you showed MIL that she's worth something. He's struggling, but I promise that I'll talk to him about it soon. We talk 3 times a week, he knows its coming."
The last statement I made was "I am not an 'on the fence' person. I'm the only one who has outright picked a side- and it's not Margaret's because I refuse to enable this insanity anymore. It's wrong, and you guys are wrong for coddling a grown woman's hurt ego knowing that its harming literally EVERYONE else in the family. Pick a side, and be done with it. I refuse to let MIL go this alone."
We will see how much longer the circus goes on. I anticipate the events that happened this weekend leading to the biggest blow up that Margaret has had yet- the shady online posts have already started (per Tom, who has found it amusing and low of her). It's about to get a lot crazier when this letter hits, and even worse when she eventually visits FIL and sees a giant collage with all the kids except for her.
There's SO many of you that have said that you are emotionally invested in my story- I'll continue to update so we all get the closure we need. Thanks for all the support (and trash talking, I've gotten quite a few LOLs out of the comments).
Stay tuned I guess!
2024.05.21 15:05 there-she-blows What do you do to relax and enjoy your free time?
I constantly see threads on my main page from this sub about topics that are kind of serious. Though I acknowledge they are relevant to our experience. I’m wondering what do you do for fun and relaxation? To escape the thought of not owning a home, or if you make enough in today’s economy, or if it’s ok that you don’t have kids, ect? You’ll get there when you get there.
I game. Along with my husband and kids. We mostly enjoy games where we can compete and try to out do the others high score. But we also enjoy watching movies, experimenting with things my kids find on the internet like making their own slime, we also get a kick out of asking each other off the wall questions and then each trying to find the answer to why a bug or something exists and where the name came from.
I’m just wondering. As a millennial I get a lot of push back from older people telling me how I choose to enjoy my free time is not the right way and a lot of doom and gloom as to how I choose to navigate what’s been left to me from before.
I might not have hit all the milestones in the time period that those before me think that I should have. But I’m happy. Especially after coming to terms that I can only make the best out of what my life is.
Do you hike, bike, put legos together, ect? And yes it’s ok to acknowledge that it’s not conventional in what society seems as ok or popular but it’s yours/ ours and it’s what keeps you/us sane.
submitted by there-she-blows to Millennials [link] [comments]
I game. Along with my husband and kids. We mostly enjoy games where we can compete and try to out do the others high score. But we also enjoy watching movies, experimenting with things my kids find on the internet like making their own slime, we also get a kick out of asking each other off the wall questions and then each trying to find the answer to why a bug or something exists and where the name came from.
I’m just wondering. As a millennial I get a lot of push back from older people telling me how I choose to enjoy my free time is not the right way and a lot of doom and gloom as to how I choose to navigate what’s been left to me from before.
I might not have hit all the milestones in the time period that those before me think that I should have. But I’m happy. Especially after coming to terms that I can only make the best out of what my life is.
Do you hike, bike, put legos together, ect? And yes it’s ok to acknowledge that it’s not conventional in what society seems as ok or popular but it’s yours/ ours and it’s what keeps you/us sane.
2024.05.21 15:02 oooooooooooui Char dham 2024 experience
We are 10 family members who booked this trip through a tour agency. My dadi(grandmother) is 76 years old with operation in both legs and a 3 year cancer patient. Our tour started at 11th May, 2024. We did the char dham in proper sequence (Yamnoutri -Gangotri- Kedarnath -Badrinath). We had a proper itinerary and online bookings done by the agency.
First we had a hotel booking in Barkot. The hotel was okay. they are extremely possessive about their towels with a rule- 1 towel per room??? I'm with my dadi and aunty in one room. They probably have a laundry problem or something but every single hotel has this nonsense rule. Anyways, next day 5am we left for Yamnoutri. Got stuck in a 5km long jam(Yamnoutri is 35km away) Me and my dad decided to walk it out. We covered 20km by 3pm however it started raining and couldn't continue ahead. We stayed in a tapri for 4 hours until the rain cleared. Our family was still stuck in traffic and hadn't reached even close to us. Now it's 8pm. We were supposed to be done with Yamnoutri and go back to our Barkot hotel. We had to cancel our Barkot bookings(and the hotel manager put all the bags of our 10 people in 1 room messing up everyones luggage). We booked another hotel at Sayanchatti were our family members reached at 11pm. Police management was utterly trash. I think even they were surprised with the amount of overcrowding. Next day we finally reached Yamnoutri. About the trek- the pathway/trail is full of shit. And I mean literally full of horse-poop. There are 700-1000 horses. Even after getting a horse, we had to wait 40mins for parchi and additional 1 hour(while on our horse) because of horse-jam. Yes there is a traffic jam of horses ON THE TREK. We wanted to walk but seeing the people who did walk, I was glad we didn't. The path is almost 3 meter wide with pithu, doly/palki, horses and people walking simultaneously. People who walked got continuously hit by horses and had to dirty their shoes in horse poop. We reached the temple finally, did Pooja, etc and managed to return Barkot where we had to re-book for another night. Our itinerary was already messed up at this point and money was wasted thrice (previous booking unattended in Barkot, the new booking in Sayanchatti and rebooking in Barkot). There is more like the incredibly risky horse route, etc but that's inevitable. I'm gonna continue with Gangotri.
We reached Maneri after struggling in jams for 7+ hours. We also did Uttarkashi before that. Ok so here the police had stopped us at checkpost and said cars are going in batches and if they let us go the jam ahead would only get worse. Now our hotel was 5 minutes(3km) by car from the checkpost. I went walking 3km and reached the hotel and there was absolutely no traffic like we told the police. We even showed them on Google maps. Traffic jams are understandable, but not letting us go after talking to the hotel owner, seeing proof that we won't contribute to traffic, that was a bit triggering. From police side it was just plain dumb. The commisioner there would keep talking his egoistical nonsense, not listening to anyone. Finally the rest of my family reached the hotel. Same issue with towels, rubbish beds, never ending insects and super unclean bathrooms with no pressure in water(flush, jets, bath, basin). Anyways, next day 12am we left for Gangotri with zero sleep because we are already behind our bookings and trying to avoid wasting more money. Got stuck in jam till 6am. [Also another note here, we had 2 private cars and one of the drivers was sleeping drunk and almost hit me and my mom. He hit a tempo traveller and we told him go back to sleep.] Finally reached Gangotri at 5:30pm, did our Pooja and then got in line for Darshan. My dadi and I got into the senior citizen line because she is 76 years old and can barely stand/walk in lines. Tilll now in the trip I don't completely blame the police for what was going on. But here in Gangotri, if anyone is going I am warning you, the police is rubbish. They are rude, tired with the crowd and very harsh and worst of all lazy. When u reach the main statue to go darshan, it's continuous pushing and almost a stampede, you cannot carry a baby or a old person there, they are garanteed to get hurt and the police won't care AT ALL. If you are lucky u might get to see the main statue of Ganga Mata for more than 4 seconds. After that we got back to our hotel in Maneri.
Next day we left for our hotel booking (adjusted by our agency) in Phata-Mankheda. Don't forget to go to Guptkashi before entering Phata. Here too same issues like 1 towel per room, charging points at the most unreachable locations in the room, etc. But this was still better than Maneri. Next morning 3am we left for Sonprayag. There is a line for your registration approval which goes on till Sitapur (2km from Sonprayag). People will continuously try to break and enter the line and there is almost a stampede and lot of heated crowd. After registration, you can go join 1km line for government taxi(50rs per head) from Sonprayag to Gaurikund. Anyways, after reaching Gaurikund there is a 1km inclined gali then the horses start.Remember this part. So here we again had to take a horse even tho we wanted to trek because at this point we were on 3-4hrs sleep everyday and our mental was very weak. We paid 6000rs per horse because it wasn't morning and the horse owner GARANTEED us all of my family members will be together, there will be one person per horse and that he already has the parchi. 5 of us had taken the horses and others went walking, palki and pithu. This path was again same as Yamnoutri or even worse. More horse-poop than ever, the sweepers there won't care and sweep the trash on you if u r in their way and continue doing so. People working there are literally illustrate and 'gouthi'. The horse owner didn't fulfil his promise either. There was 1 man handling 3 horses. The horses were going anywhere, hitting our legs on railings, other yatris,other horses etc. They told us to get down and walk 50m every time they saw police which is when we understood they didn't make a parchi. When we reached the top they demanded for the full money which they very very very obviously did not deserve for all their lies. When we said take 28k because anyways 2 of their men didn't come. They said give 30k else don't give anything at all. This childish, greedy attitude of theirs was again very triggering. We are not beggars and they are not doing us any favours so we still paid them the full amount. We are on a spiritual journey but since everything is about money from tourism, our spirit kept getting crushed. We had to spend the night at Kedarnath and our agency had booked us a dormitory. I warn anyone booking a dormitory, just don't. 30 unclean, continuously used beds, in one non- ventilation suffocating room with 1 Indian style toilet whose latch doesn't work shared with strangers. And the worst part is it is 1000rs per bed. I wouldn't pay 20rs for this rubbish service. At this point my spirit completely broke and I fell sick. I hadn't eaten anything and didn't want to. Next day my dad and I went down through horse at government rate (2300/). Others came in pithu and trek. Now came the worst part. The overcrord at the narrow 500m gali which i told u to remember above. Oh my God. After 22km Trek you are treated with this 0 management wild crowd. I had to take care of my dadi and fam from getting hurt. After reaching Gaurikund, again another 1.5km line with no special preference for senior citizens. Here people bribed the police 500rs to break and enter the line(happened right in front of me and my phone had no battery) When you reach the taxi finally, everyone tries to enter together and the police are just standing mutes. They are done with this💀. Finally got into the taxi, reached Sonprayag. Had to walk till Sitapur. Got a private taxi from there who demanded unreasonable price.We got mad and told him 4000rs till phata-mankheda(20km) which he then agreed to. Our hotel had changed to the worst possible hell of a hotel ever. I don't even want to talk about it. It has scarred me how people go about their business with 0 standards. At this point we just wanted to go home but Badrinath is left 😭
Ngl Badrinath tour was decent. Our hotel was in Piplakoti. Decent hotel called River view hotel. Roads are good. Only 4 hour line in Badrinath with heated crowd and 5 second darshan. At this point we are used to this so it's ok💀. Police was actually working and managing. Only issue we faced was directions from main road to the mandir and back. At night it gets very confusing.
Now I'd like to add, i haven't taken any names of hotels(except river view) or my tour agency because I don't mean any disrespect.
Uttrakhand is a beautiful beaitiful and amazing place with sceneries and memories I will carry with me forever. The sceneries while going to every dham are different and unique in their own way. Even just traveling from one dham to another by road is an amazing experience(excluding the jams).
I have some opinions- 1. Management is almost non-existent. Meet any Yatri and they will tell you the same. 2. Police are corrupt and lazy. Some try actively but that's like 10% of them. 3. The problem with hotels is that they are all on lease. I'll explain. The owner gives a person say Rahul their hotel on lease and asks for a certain amount per year. Rahul gets paid after that certain amount exceeds. Hotel bookings for char dham 6 months are always full. Rahul will always get this money and hence sees no need to maintain this hotel. So that's that. 4. Uttrakhand runs only and only on tourism and it is obvious. So as an individual tourist, you DO NOT matter. They don't care, they get people continuously. If your booking is cancelled there is always someone else to take it. You cannot talk sense to anyone running any type of service there. 5. Yamnoutri, Gangotri and Kedarnath roads for reaching there are narrow. Government should ban big buses permanently and is the best move they can make. These buses are 80% of the reasons for jams. They are improving roads but it's been 75+ years since independence so idk what they are doing. 6. Government should NOT take registrations when they cannot afford them. 27 Lakh registrations is not a joke. 2.8Lakh people in 4 days is not a joke. No one can manage this amount of people. Have a limit. People are spending lakhs of rupees coming from all over India for this and 90% of it is a bad experience. 7. Don't open all char dham together. This year's main issue was all 4 temples opened at the same date, 10th May. People were already ready and started rushing from 7-8th May.
Advice for Future Yatris- 1. Don't come in May. I had a compulsion so we had to. But everyone here says that the best months for char dham is September-October before Diwali. 2. If you do come in May, don't do online bookings. You need to be flexible with where you are gonna stay. 3. Carry a towel per person. Hotels are extremely possessive about their towels. 4. Leave early for every dham if you are committed to do all 4 of them. I've seen lot of people give up in jams. 5. Get warm clothes especially lot of socks and bring medicines, etc. Rain coats are ok but u need a poncho. Rain coats don't cover your bagpacks while trekking and even if they do, they will stretch and might tear. 6. Private cars/taxi yatri, spend a bit more and get a comfortable car. You will spend most of the time in your vehicle. Tempo travellers are extremely uncomfortable and avoid them. 7. Take cold water baths at colder places as warm water baths bring the blood vessels to skin level making it more sensitive later. You have to be mentally prepared before taking a cold water bath. 8. Weather changes like anything. Suncap and goggles are a must in day time. 9. If u get sick/stomach upset have black tea and biscuits. 10. Do private Pooja at Badrinath.
Good things- 1. The food is amazing. It's almost as good as homemade food. You can always tell the cook how you like your food. Do try the Vegetable Maggi at highecolder mountains. It's available everywhere. 2. Sceneries are amazing and don't forget to carry a proper camera. Phone tech these days is good too and will make photo-frame photos. 3. You will always find people to talk to. If you happen to find polite people, say the hotel cook or a homeguard or other yatris or anyone at all, you will have a good conversation. 4. The pandits are good and will only ask you to pay them if u want to for the Pooja. Always pay them. 5. No phone range. It's good so you live in the moment and can enjoy the amazing sceneries :)
I'm trying to be completely honest without involving any type of hate here and trying to paint a complete picture of what my journey was like. We had to go over budget(almost double) because we didn't know any of this even after research. Our tour agency didn't warn us about anything either. Only thing that matters is that you enter the holy grounds. You can expect amazing sceneries but not an amazing darshan in May. It's been a bittersweet journey and I am writing this while omw to home. I hope y'all find this helpful and plan accordingly only if you are going in May or peak season. Otherwise you might not face much issues in September. Thank you for reading.
submitted by oooooooooooui to Uttarakhand [link] [comments]
First we had a hotel booking in Barkot. The hotel was okay. they are extremely possessive about their towels with a rule- 1 towel per room??? I'm with my dadi and aunty in one room. They probably have a laundry problem or something but every single hotel has this nonsense rule. Anyways, next day 5am we left for Yamnoutri. Got stuck in a 5km long jam(Yamnoutri is 35km away) Me and my dad decided to walk it out. We covered 20km by 3pm however it started raining and couldn't continue ahead. We stayed in a tapri for 4 hours until the rain cleared. Our family was still stuck in traffic and hadn't reached even close to us. Now it's 8pm. We were supposed to be done with Yamnoutri and go back to our Barkot hotel. We had to cancel our Barkot bookings(and the hotel manager put all the bags of our 10 people in 1 room messing up everyones luggage). We booked another hotel at Sayanchatti were our family members reached at 11pm. Police management was utterly trash. I think even they were surprised with the amount of overcrowding. Next day we finally reached Yamnoutri. About the trek- the pathway/trail is full of shit. And I mean literally full of horse-poop. There are 700-1000 horses. Even after getting a horse, we had to wait 40mins for parchi and additional 1 hour(while on our horse) because of horse-jam. Yes there is a traffic jam of horses ON THE TREK. We wanted to walk but seeing the people who did walk, I was glad we didn't. The path is almost 3 meter wide with pithu, doly/palki, horses and people walking simultaneously. People who walked got continuously hit by horses and had to dirty their shoes in horse poop. We reached the temple finally, did Pooja, etc and managed to return Barkot where we had to re-book for another night. Our itinerary was already messed up at this point and money was wasted thrice (previous booking unattended in Barkot, the new booking in Sayanchatti and rebooking in Barkot). There is more like the incredibly risky horse route, etc but that's inevitable. I'm gonna continue with Gangotri.
We reached Maneri after struggling in jams for 7+ hours. We also did Uttarkashi before that. Ok so here the police had stopped us at checkpost and said cars are going in batches and if they let us go the jam ahead would only get worse. Now our hotel was 5 minutes(3km) by car from the checkpost. I went walking 3km and reached the hotel and there was absolutely no traffic like we told the police. We even showed them on Google maps. Traffic jams are understandable, but not letting us go after talking to the hotel owner, seeing proof that we won't contribute to traffic, that was a bit triggering. From police side it was just plain dumb. The commisioner there would keep talking his egoistical nonsense, not listening to anyone. Finally the rest of my family reached the hotel. Same issue with towels, rubbish beds, never ending insects and super unclean bathrooms with no pressure in water(flush, jets, bath, basin). Anyways, next day 12am we left for Gangotri with zero sleep because we are already behind our bookings and trying to avoid wasting more money. Got stuck in jam till 6am. [Also another note here, we had 2 private cars and one of the drivers was sleeping drunk and almost hit me and my mom. He hit a tempo traveller and we told him go back to sleep.] Finally reached Gangotri at 5:30pm, did our Pooja and then got in line for Darshan. My dadi and I got into the senior citizen line because she is 76 years old and can barely stand/walk in lines. Tilll now in the trip I don't completely blame the police for what was going on. But here in Gangotri, if anyone is going I am warning you, the police is rubbish. They are rude, tired with the crowd and very harsh and worst of all lazy. When u reach the main statue to go darshan, it's continuous pushing and almost a stampede, you cannot carry a baby or a old person there, they are garanteed to get hurt and the police won't care AT ALL. If you are lucky u might get to see the main statue of Ganga Mata for more than 4 seconds. After that we got back to our hotel in Maneri.
Next day we left for our hotel booking (adjusted by our agency) in Phata-Mankheda. Don't forget to go to Guptkashi before entering Phata. Here too same issues like 1 towel per room, charging points at the most unreachable locations in the room, etc. But this was still better than Maneri. Next morning 3am we left for Sonprayag. There is a line for your registration approval which goes on till Sitapur (2km from Sonprayag). People will continuously try to break and enter the line and there is almost a stampede and lot of heated crowd. After registration, you can go join 1km line for government taxi(50rs per head) from Sonprayag to Gaurikund. Anyways, after reaching Gaurikund there is a 1km inclined gali then the horses start.Remember this part. So here we again had to take a horse even tho we wanted to trek because at this point we were on 3-4hrs sleep everyday and our mental was very weak. We paid 6000rs per horse because it wasn't morning and the horse owner GARANTEED us all of my family members will be together, there will be one person per horse and that he already has the parchi. 5 of us had taken the horses and others went walking, palki and pithu. This path was again same as Yamnoutri or even worse. More horse-poop than ever, the sweepers there won't care and sweep the trash on you if u r in their way and continue doing so. People working there are literally illustrate and 'gouthi'. The horse owner didn't fulfil his promise either. There was 1 man handling 3 horses. The horses were going anywhere, hitting our legs on railings, other yatris,other horses etc. They told us to get down and walk 50m every time they saw police which is when we understood they didn't make a parchi. When we reached the top they demanded for the full money which they very very very obviously did not deserve for all their lies. When we said take 28k because anyways 2 of their men didn't come. They said give 30k else don't give anything at all. This childish, greedy attitude of theirs was again very triggering. We are not beggars and they are not doing us any favours so we still paid them the full amount. We are on a spiritual journey but since everything is about money from tourism, our spirit kept getting crushed. We had to spend the night at Kedarnath and our agency had booked us a dormitory. I warn anyone booking a dormitory, just don't. 30 unclean, continuously used beds, in one non- ventilation suffocating room with 1 Indian style toilet whose latch doesn't work shared with strangers. And the worst part is it is 1000rs per bed. I wouldn't pay 20rs for this rubbish service. At this point my spirit completely broke and I fell sick. I hadn't eaten anything and didn't want to. Next day my dad and I went down through horse at government rate (2300/). Others came in pithu and trek. Now came the worst part. The overcrord at the narrow 500m gali which i told u to remember above. Oh my God. After 22km Trek you are treated with this 0 management wild crowd. I had to take care of my dadi and fam from getting hurt. After reaching Gaurikund, again another 1.5km line with no special preference for senior citizens. Here people bribed the police 500rs to break and enter the line(happened right in front of me and my phone had no battery) When you reach the taxi finally, everyone tries to enter together and the police are just standing mutes. They are done with this💀. Finally got into the taxi, reached Sonprayag. Had to walk till Sitapur. Got a private taxi from there who demanded unreasonable price.We got mad and told him 4000rs till phata-mankheda(20km) which he then agreed to. Our hotel had changed to the worst possible hell of a hotel ever. I don't even want to talk about it. It has scarred me how people go about their business with 0 standards. At this point we just wanted to go home but Badrinath is left 😭
Ngl Badrinath tour was decent. Our hotel was in Piplakoti. Decent hotel called River view hotel. Roads are good. Only 4 hour line in Badrinath with heated crowd and 5 second darshan. At this point we are used to this so it's ok💀. Police was actually working and managing. Only issue we faced was directions from main road to the mandir and back. At night it gets very confusing.
Now I'd like to add, i haven't taken any names of hotels(except river view) or my tour agency because I don't mean any disrespect.
Uttrakhand is a beautiful beaitiful and amazing place with sceneries and memories I will carry with me forever. The sceneries while going to every dham are different and unique in their own way. Even just traveling from one dham to another by road is an amazing experience(excluding the jams).
I have some opinions- 1. Management is almost non-existent. Meet any Yatri and they will tell you the same. 2. Police are corrupt and lazy. Some try actively but that's like 10% of them. 3. The problem with hotels is that they are all on lease. I'll explain. The owner gives a person say Rahul their hotel on lease and asks for a certain amount per year. Rahul gets paid after that certain amount exceeds. Hotel bookings for char dham 6 months are always full. Rahul will always get this money and hence sees no need to maintain this hotel. So that's that. 4. Uttrakhand runs only and only on tourism and it is obvious. So as an individual tourist, you DO NOT matter. They don't care, they get people continuously. If your booking is cancelled there is always someone else to take it. You cannot talk sense to anyone running any type of service there. 5. Yamnoutri, Gangotri and Kedarnath roads for reaching there are narrow. Government should ban big buses permanently and is the best move they can make. These buses are 80% of the reasons for jams. They are improving roads but it's been 75+ years since independence so idk what they are doing. 6. Government should NOT take registrations when they cannot afford them. 27 Lakh registrations is not a joke. 2.8Lakh people in 4 days is not a joke. No one can manage this amount of people. Have a limit. People are spending lakhs of rupees coming from all over India for this and 90% of it is a bad experience. 7. Don't open all char dham together. This year's main issue was all 4 temples opened at the same date, 10th May. People were already ready and started rushing from 7-8th May.
Advice for Future Yatris- 1. Don't come in May. I had a compulsion so we had to. But everyone here says that the best months for char dham is September-October before Diwali. 2. If you do come in May, don't do online bookings. You need to be flexible with where you are gonna stay. 3. Carry a towel per person. Hotels are extremely possessive about their towels. 4. Leave early for every dham if you are committed to do all 4 of them. I've seen lot of people give up in jams. 5. Get warm clothes especially lot of socks and bring medicines, etc. Rain coats are ok but u need a poncho. Rain coats don't cover your bagpacks while trekking and even if they do, they will stretch and might tear. 6. Private cars/taxi yatri, spend a bit more and get a comfortable car. You will spend most of the time in your vehicle. Tempo travellers are extremely uncomfortable and avoid them. 7. Take cold water baths at colder places as warm water baths bring the blood vessels to skin level making it more sensitive later. You have to be mentally prepared before taking a cold water bath. 8. Weather changes like anything. Suncap and goggles are a must in day time. 9. If u get sick/stomach upset have black tea and biscuits. 10. Do private Pooja at Badrinath.
Good things- 1. The food is amazing. It's almost as good as homemade food. You can always tell the cook how you like your food. Do try the Vegetable Maggi at highecolder mountains. It's available everywhere. 2. Sceneries are amazing and don't forget to carry a proper camera. Phone tech these days is good too and will make photo-frame photos. 3. You will always find people to talk to. If you happen to find polite people, say the hotel cook or a homeguard or other yatris or anyone at all, you will have a good conversation. 4. The pandits are good and will only ask you to pay them if u want to for the Pooja. Always pay them. 5. No phone range. It's good so you live in the moment and can enjoy the amazing sceneries :)
I'm trying to be completely honest without involving any type of hate here and trying to paint a complete picture of what my journey was like. We had to go over budget(almost double) because we didn't know any of this even after research. Our tour agency didn't warn us about anything either. Only thing that matters is that you enter the holy grounds. You can expect amazing sceneries but not an amazing darshan in May. It's been a bittersweet journey and I am writing this while omw to home. I hope y'all find this helpful and plan accordingly only if you are going in May or peak season. Otherwise you might not face much issues in September. Thank you for reading.
2024.05.21 15:01 SharkEva My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
BigIronBruce
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK
BigIronBruce
She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank youInteresting-Tip-4850
"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.
OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.21 15:01 SharkEva AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/evastraea posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
Comments
Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
Update - 6 days later
Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
Comments
aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
Comment from OOP
When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
Comments
Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
Comments
Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
Update - 6 days later
Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
Comments
aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
Comment from OOP
When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
Comments
Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.21 15:01 wisdomperception The Six Elements Inquiring into the presupposition of 'I Am' (MN 140)
 | Once, the Buddha had a chance encounter with a young bhikkhu Pukkusāti who had gone forth with faith in the Buddha but had never met him. Mistaking the Buddha for an ordinary bhikkhu, Pukkusāti welcomed him. This led to an intriguing exchange with the Buddha sharing a teaching focusing on the nature of the six elements, the six bases of contact, and the eighteen explorations of the mind.Meditator in a tranquil landscape in an impressionist style Thus have I heard — Once, the Blessed One was wandering in the land of the Magadhans and arrived at Rājagaha; he went to where Bhaggava the potter was. Having approached, the Blessed One said to Bhaggava the potter, "If it's not inconvenient for you, Bhaggava, may we stay in your workshop for one night?" "It's not inconvenient for me, venerable sir. There is an ascetic who arrived first. If he permits it, then stay, venerable sir, as you like," Bhaggava replied. At that time, a young man named Pukkusāti, out of faith in the Blessed One, had gone forth from home into homelessness. He was the one who had arrived first at the potter's workshop. Then, the Blessed One approached where Venerable Pukkusāti was; having approached, he said to Venerable Pukkusāti, "If it's not inconvenient for you, bhikkhu, may we stay in your workshop for one night?" "The workshop is spacious, friend. Please stay, Venerable, as you like," replied Venerable Pukkusāti. Then, the Blessed One entered the potter's workshop and, after preparing a seat of grass at one side, sat down, folding his legs crosswise, setting his body erect, and establishing mindfulness in front of him. The Blessed One spent much of the night seated in meditation. Venerable Pukkusāti too spent much of the night seated in meditation. Then, it occurred to the Blessed One, "This young man conducts himself well. Perhaps I should question him." So, the Blessed One asked Venerable Pukkusāti, "For whom, bhikkhu, have you gone forth? Who is your teacher? Whose Dhamma do you profess?" "Friend, there is the ascetic Gotama, the son of the Sakyans, who went forth from the Sakyan clan. And about the Blessed One Gotama, such a splendid reputation has spread: 'Indeed, he is the Blessed One, an Arahant, a Fully Enlightened One, accomplished in knowledge and conduct, well-gone, a knower of the worlds, an unsurpassed trainer of persons to be tamed, a teacher of gods and humans, the Enlightened One, the Blessed One.' I have gone forth inspired by the Blessed One Gotama. He is my teacher, and it is his Dhamma that I profess." "And where is that Blessed One, the Arahant, the Fully Enlightened One now residing?" the Blessed One asked. "Friend, in the northern country there is a city named Sāvatthi. There the Blessed One, the Arahant, the Fully Enlightened One, is now residing," replied Venerable Pukkusāti. "Have you ever seen that Blessed One before, bhikkhu? Would you recognize him if you saw him?" the Blessed One inquired. "No, friend, I have not seen that Blessed One before; and I would not recognize him if I saw him," Venerable Pukkusāti replied. Then, it occurred to the Blessed One, "This young man has gone forth out of faith in me. Perhaps I should teach him the Dhamma." Then, the Blessed One addressed Venerable Pukkusāti, "I will teach you the Dhamma, bhikkhu. Listen and pay close attention; I will speak." "As you say, friend," Venerable Pukkusāti responded to the Blessed One. The Blessed One said: "This person, bhikkhu, is made of six elements, six bases of contact, eighteen explorations of mind, and is established in four ways; where standing, the notions of 'I am' do not proceed, and in whom, when these notions do not proceed, is called a sage at peace. One should not be negligent in wisdom, should guard the truth, should cultivate relinquishment, and should train for peace itself — this is the essence of the Analysis of the Elements. 'This person, bhikkhu, is made of six elements' — thus it has been said. Why has it been said? There are these six elements, bhikkhu: the earth element, the water element, the fire element, the air element, the space element, and the consciousness element. 'This person, bhikkhu, is made of six elements' — it has been said with reference to this. 'This person, bhikkhu, has six bases of contact' — thus it has been said. Why has it been said? The eye-contact base, the ear-contact base, the nose-contact base, the tongue-contact base, the body-contact base, the mind-contact base. 'This person, bhikkhu, has six bases of contact' — it has been said with reference to this. 'This person, bhikkhu, engages in eighteen explorations of mind' — thus it has been said. Why has it been said? On seeing a form with the eye, one explores a form that gives rise to pleasure, a form that gives rise to displeasure, and a form that gives rise to equanimity; on hearing a sound with the ear ... on smelling an odor with the nose ... on tasting a flavor with the tongue ... on touching a tactile object with the body ... on cognizing a mental object (arisen from a mental quality) with the mind, one explores a mental object that gives rise to pleasure, a mental object that gives rise to displeasure, and a mental object that gives rise to equanimity. 'This person, bhikkhu, engages in eighteen explorations of mind' — it has been said with reference to this. 'This person, bhikkhu, is established in four ways' — thus it has been said. Why has it been said? The establishment of wisdom, the establishment of truth, the establishment of relinquishment, the establishment of peace. 'This person, bhikkhu, is established in four ways' — it has been said with reference to this. 'One should not be negligent in wisdom, should guard the truth, should cultivate relinquishment, and should train for peace itself'— thus it has been said. Why has it been said? The Six ElementsAnd how, bhikkhu, does one not neglect wisdom? There are these six elements, bhikkhu: the earth element, the water element, the fire element, the air element, the space element, and the consciousness element.And what, bhikkhu, is the earth element? The earth element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal earth element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is solid, solidified, and clung to, that is, hair of the head, hair of the body, nails, teeth, skin, flesh, sinews, bones, bone marrow, kidneys, heart, liver, diaphragm, spleen, lungs, intestines, mesentery, contents of the stomach, feces, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is solid, solidified, and clung to — this is called the internal earth element. Both the internal earth element and the external earth element are simply earth elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the earth element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the earth element. And what, bhikkhu, is the water element? The water element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal water element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is liquid, liquefied, and clung to, that is, bile, phlegm, pus, blood, sweat, fat, tears, grease, spit, snot, oil of the joints, urine, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is liquid, liquefied, and clung to — this is called the internal water element. Both the internal water element and the external water element are simply water elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the water element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the water element. And what, bhikkhu, is the fire element? The fire element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal fire element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is fire, fiery, and clung to, that is, by which one is warmed, ages, and is consumed, and by which what is eaten, drunk, chewed, and tasted gets fully digested, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is fire, fiery, and clung to — this is called the internal fire element. Both the internal fire element and the external fire element are simply fire elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the fire element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the fire element. And what, bhikkhu, is the air element? The air element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal air element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is air, airy, and clung to, that is, up-going winds, down-going winds, winds in the belly, winds in the bowels, winds that course through the limbs, in-breathing and out-breathing, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is air, airy, and clung to — this is called the internal air element. Both the internal air element and the external air element are simply air elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the air element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the air element. And what, bhikkhu, is the space element? The space element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal space element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is space, spatial, and clung to, that is, the holes of the ears, the nostrils, the door of the mouth, and where whatever is eaten, drunk, chewed, and tasted is swallowed, where it stands, where it is stored, and where it is excreted from below, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is space, spatial, and clung to — this is called the internal space element. Both the internal space element and the external space element are simply space elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the space element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the space element. Then, only consciousness remains, pure and bright. And with that consciousness, what does one cognize? One cognizes 'pleasant', one cognizes 'painful', and one cognizes 'neither-painful-nor-pleasant'. The Eighteen Explorations of Mind
One thus understands: 'If I were to direct this equanimity so pure and so bright towards the sphere of infinite space (dissolution of distinctions of form element) and develop my mind accordingly, this equanimity, relying on that, clinging (grasping) to that, would last for a long time. If I were to direct this equanimity so pure and so bright towards the sphere of infinite consciousness (boundless awareness)... towards the sphere of nothingness (emptiness and absence)... towards the sphere of neither perception nor non-perception and develop my mind accordingly, this equanimity, relying on that, clinging to that, would last for a long time.' One thus understands: 'If I were to direct this equanimity, so pure and bright, towards the sphere of infinite space (dissolution of distinctions of form element) and develop my mind accordingly, this is conditioned. If I were to direct this equanimity, so pure and bright, towards the sphere of infinite consciousness... towards the sphere of nothingness... towards the sphere of neither perception nor non-perception and develop my mind accordingly, this is conditioned.' Thus, one does not form any volitional formations for either existence or non-existence. Not forming any volitions for either, one does not cling to anything in the world. Not clinging, one does not worry. Without worry, one personally attains Nibbāna. 'Re-birth is exhausted, the holy life has been lived, what had to be done has been done, there is no more coming to any state of being,' one understands. Whether experiencing a pleasant feeling, one understands 'it is impermanent', 'I am not involved with it', 'I do not delight in it'. Whether experiencing a painful feeling or a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, one understands the same. Experiencing a pleasant feeling, one experiences it unattached; experiencing a painful feeling, one experiences it unattached; experiencing a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, one experiences it unattached. Experiencing a feeling limited to the body, one understands 'I experience a feeling limited to the body'; experiencing a feeling limited to life, one understands 'I experience a feeling limited to life', 'With the break-up of the body, following death, all that is felt, not being delighted in, will become cool right here.' Just as, bhikkhu, an oil lamp burns dependent on oil and a wick, and with the exhaustion of the oil and wick, it is extinguished due to lack of fuel; similarly, experiencing a feeling limited to the body, one understands 'I experience a feeling limited to the body'; experiencing a feeling limited to life, one understands 'I experience a feeling limited to life', 'With the break-up of the body, following death, all that is felt, not being delighted in, will become cool right here.' Established in Four Ways
"One should not neglect wisdom, should protect the truth, should cultivate relinquishment, and should train for peace itself"— thus has it been said. This has been said on account of this. Notions of 'I am'"Where standing, the notions of 'I am' do not proceed, and in whom, when these notions do not proceed, he is called a sage at peace" — thus indeed has it been said. What was this said on account of?"It is 'I am,' bhikkhu, that is a presumption.
"Where standing, the notions of 'I am' do not proceed, and in whom, when these notions do not proceed, he is called a sage at peace"— thus has it been said. This has been said on account of this. "You should remember this brief exposition of the six elements from me, bhikkhu." --------------- In this teaching, the Buddha gets mistaken for an ordinary bhikkhu by a young bhikkhu who had gone forth with faith in the Buddha. It is indicative that the Buddha conducted himself with an outward appearance indistinguishable from that of other bhikkhus that trained under him. Seeing the young bhikkhu conducting himself well, the Buddha shares with him this teaching of the six elements of earth, water, fire, wind, space and consciousness - which when practiced allows for establishing oneself in mindfulness, freed from craving and grief for the world. The Buddha further shares on the eighteen explorations of the mind through the three kinds of feelings: pleasant, painful and neither-painful-nor-pleasant born from the six sense contacts (form meeting the eye, along with arising of eye-consciousness, ... , mental object meeting the mind, along with arising of the mind-consciousness). He shares these as a way to understand the consciousness element and how it cognizes. The Buddha then describes the gradual steps from there that lead to the realization of Nibbāna, leading to being established in the four ways of wisdom, truth, relinquishment, and peace. The Buddha finally shares on the letting go of the 'I am' presumption and any subsequent presumptions that emerge from this, which form the core of what leads one to experience discontentment through worry, agitation, and dissatisfaction. Closely examining the presumption of 'I am' inherent in René Descartes's "Cogito, ergo sum" ("I think, therefore I am"), which has underpinned modern philosophy, scientific and rational investigations, individualism, literature and pop culture, psychology, and technology (including debates on machine consciousness), reveals how deeply the world we find ourselves in today is influenced by this concept. Realizing the truth of "I am" then individually opens up new possibilities and frontiers to be explored across all of these domains. Related Teachings:
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2024.05.21 15:01 AutoModerator Tuesday ISO Thread (In Search Of)
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2024.05.21 15:00 AutoModerator Tuesday ISO Thread (In Search of)
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2024.05.21 14:56 Crazy-Concern8080 Hearts and Minds 4: When All is Said - (Part 5)
Even if you don’t speak the first time, just being with other people who can understand you will help.
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Billy Marsh, Dirt
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 29, 2142
Why the hell couldn’t I get rid of Gillab? I wanted him gone, he was ruining everything, and he is even technically trespassing in my house. I could easily get him removed with a simple nine-one-one call, so why couldn’t I just do it? Is there something else wrong with my head? Another problem I needed to deal with?
I wish I had some alcohol. Something to take my mind off of this. The memories were starting to come back more and more as well, last night was the worst sleep I have had in a while. The night terrors I once kept away with liquor had returned, something that scared Gillab half to death. He said that I was screaming bloody murder in my sleep, but just like every other time I’ve had a night terror, I couldn’t even remember a single detail.
But that didn’t matter now, what did was trying to give a decent first impression. I don’t know why, it’s not like I care, but I found myself wanting to look halfway presentable for the veterans’ meetup. Maybe I didn’t want others to waste their time worrying about me. Yeah, that was it. They shouldn’t need to worry about dirt like me. Still, I promised to ‘go through the motions,’ so here I was.
I didn’t really know how to describe the building, it almost looked like a warehouse. Short and wide, from the outside one would assume it was just another warehouse, but the inside had been turned into a community center. It was probably just another one of the overbuilt buildings that had been repurposed. There were tones of those around as architects and city planners would miscalculate how many of a certain type of building were needed. Many places were repurposed, this was just another.
I stopped at the door and looked over to Gillab. “This isn’t going to do anything. I’m just wasting time here.”
“No, you aren’t. Even if you don’t realize it, you are healing. Even just walking around outside of your house and eating a half-decent meal has helped, I can see that. You aren’t nearly as angry today as you were yesterday. Now go on, while you are doing this I’m going to run some errands for you. You need real food in your house.”
“Don’t bother, I don’t know how to cook.”
“Then we will learn. I don’t know how to cook Human food either. Kirala is the chef of the house.”
I thought to ask who Kirala was, but bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to care. “Whatever, I’m going in now.”
“See you soon Billy.”
I shut the door behind me and took stock of the room around me. It was a waiting area complete with inoffensive paintings and beige seats. At the opposite end of the room was a woman sitting behind a counter, typing away on a computer. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to talk to her.
“Hello, uhm, I’m here for the veterans’ group therapy session.”
“Oh course, that’ll be down that hall. Room number three, it should be on your left.”
I tried to stop bouncing my leg. “Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a response and started down the hall, feeling a pit grow more and more in my stomach. What if this goes wrong? What if I just cause more problems? What if I ruin more people’s lives? What if I just make it worse?
I stopped in front of the door, my leg bouncing constantly. This was wrong, I shouldn’t be here. I’m unhelpable, I should just leave. Gillab said he was running errands, he wouldn’t even know that I skipped it.
The pit in my stomach began clearing as I turned away, but I couldn’t even take a single step before I stopped.
No, that’s wrong. I made a promise to Gillab, so I have to do this. Not for me, but for him. Even if I’m useless, I should still respect others.
But I could just lie, he wouldn’t know any better.
But what if he finds out?
Getting chewed out later is much easier than going through with this.
Isn’t this supposed to help though?
Do you think I deserve help?
Why… why shouldn’t I?
Because of what I’ve done. Who I've hurt. Who I have killed. The lives I have ruined trying to help them. If I was anything other than dirt, I could have saved so many more and ruined so few. Now stop stalling, and walk-
“Do you need help, sir?”
My heart plummeted and the bouncing immediately started. I turned around nervously, trying to form a single cohesive thought. A man was standing halfway in the doorway.
Don’t bother him, just say that I’m in the wrong spot.
“Uhh… N-”
My voice caught in my throat, almost causing me to cough.
“Y-yes. Is this the v-veterans’ therapy thing?”
Why did I say that?
The man stepped out of the doorway, a small smile now on his face. “Yep, this is it. You must be Billy, right? Charlotte told me that you were going to start showing up. I’m Richard, and yes, my friends call me Dick.”
Richard stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a split second before realizing I needed to shake it. As I did, I realized that it felt wrong. It was too tough to be a normal Human hand, it was almost like metal.
I looked up from the hand. “Y-you’re an amputee too?”
Richard smiled widely. “Sure am. Lost it on Sillis to an Arxur. I can see - feel - that you lost an arm as well.”
“Yeah… I’d prefer n-not to talk about it.”
Richard lost his smile, but not his courtesy. “I understand. I wasn’t able to even look at mine for a long time. Quite a few were just as unfortunate as us, a number of them come to these sessions as well. Would you like to step in? I was only going to leave to grab some refreshments.”
“S-sure. Yeah. I’ll find a seat.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Richard departed for the end of the hall, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the door. I could feel the pit begin to grow again and my leg started to bounce furiously.
Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes?
I’m in too deep now to back out, all I can do is go through the motions. It’s just motions. Just another step. One more breath. That’s all I have to do.
I stepped into the room, keeping my head lowered the entire time. There were three other people in the room, chatting idly with one another. Two Humans were chatting together, only briefly pausing to glance at me before starting right back up. The Venlil looked up from his phone and patted the seat next to himself, inviting me to sit next to him.
I sighed internally and made my way over, not wanting to set myself apart as the outcast. The Venlil watched me sit and only started talking when I was settled in. “Hi, I’m Tunek.”
I gave him a short nod, looked away, and realized I was supposed to give my own name. “I-I’m Billy.”
Tunek watched my hand for a moment, before leaning back in his chair. “So, is this your first time being at one of these?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m only here because of a friend.”
Tunek nodded. “Hey, as long as it gets you here. Just taking the first step is all it takes to start the journey. I stole that from Dick, but don’t tell him I said that.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Tunek tilted his head in concern and moved to respond, but Richard returned just before he could speak. “Alright, I’m back with the waters and the snacks, why don’t we all grab one before we start?”
Everyone but me left their spot to grab something from the cooler that Richard brought back. The two Humans returned to their seats with some water and a cereal bar each, but Tunek hesitated when he started to return. He took a step, paused when he saw me, and turned back to grab another water and snack bar. He must have been hungry.
I looked down at myself as he walked back. Even if I was hungry, I didn’t deserve something to eat. My suffering was my punishment for what I had done and what I had failed to do. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t deserve to get better. I’m just dirt, I should just-
“Here you go.”
I looked up to see Tunek handing me a bottle of water and a piece of fruit leather. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed them. “How’d you know I was hungry?”
Tunek shrugged. “A hunch. It’s a little early for dinner and a bit after lunch and I figured I would be peckish around this time so you might be as well.”
I set the water bottle to the side and peeled open the fruit leather. “Thanks…”
“No problem.”
Richard took a sip of his water as I took my first bite, setting the bottle aside as he began to speak. “Alighty, now that everyone has something to keep them awake, I can start talking. As you might have noticed, we have a new member joining us today. So why don’t we all introduce ourselves? John, do you want to start with a name and a little about yourself?”
The man with short, brown-blonde hair sat up straight. “Sure, I’ll get this started. I’m John, I served the UN for four years before we made first contact, but only served for one after. I’m an only father, but I like to think that my wife is looking down from heaven trying to guide me. However, with how old Rachel is, it feels less like guiding and more strength-giving. Oh, and I hate the taste of lemons. I think that’s about it.”
The mention of lemons caused my stomach to tie itself in a knot. James always hated the taste of lemons. Just another reminder of how useless I am.
The man to the left of John smiled. “I guess it’s my turn. My name is Carter. I served the UN for three years until I was discharged for repeated disorderly conduct. I was in a bad spot for a while, but with the help of Dick here I got out of it. Well, start getting out of it. I still have some… flare-ups, but that’s why I’m here.”
Carter smiled, but it was sad. Tunek let him have his moment of silence, encouraging the veteran to be with his emotions for a moment, before starting his own introduction. “Well, I guess you already know my name, but for the sake of completion, I’ll say it again. I’m Tunek. I served the Venlil Space Force for around one Earth year before first contact, where I served with the UN until the conflict with the Yulpa on Grenelka. I… well… after that I couldn’t serve anymore. Something else… I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument properly, but never had the drive to do it. That’s about it for me. Dick, since you were so kind to leave yourself for last, I think it’s your turn.”
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, like I said earlier, my name is Richard, but don’t be afraid to call me Dick. I come from a military family and have always known the dangers of signing up, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t realize that the war was affecting me until Milieu. Then and there I knew what needed to be done. Once the war was over, I went straight to work creating this.”
Richard paused for a moment to catch his breath. ”I knew that therapists were going to be swamped and many veterans were going to be left behind, so I took what little experience and knowledge I had with my military family and used it to help as many as I could. So now I meet with tons of veterans throughout the week to help them adjust to civilian life and overcome their internal struggles. I’m glad that you have joined us today and hope that we give a good first impression.”
I wasn’t ready for him to stop talking and scrambled to get my words out. “Y-yeah. So far everyone seems nice.”
“Well, if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. With that all out of the way, why don’t we jump right in? I’m not the type to beat around the bush. Let’s start with a simple recap of the week. How have you all been this last week? Any wins, losses, jumps, or setbacks? Remember, there’s no judgment here. We are all suffering together, but we heal together as well.”
The room was silent for a moment, everyone looking for someone else to start the chain, before Carter spoke up. “I guess I’ll go first, if you’ll let me.”
Richard sat down. “Of course Carter, whenever you are ready.”
Carter nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. “I, uh… I had another meltdown, on Wednesday. It came out of nowhere. Happened in the middle of the supermarket, I thought I was… I managed to make it home in time before it really started, but just barely. I was hardly in my room before I started bawling. I… I feel so alone sometimes. I can be in the middle of the supermarket and feel like I’ve been stranded on an island alone f-for years. I m-miss them so much. Y-you all have made it easier, but sometimes… Sometimes it’s too much.”
John placed a hand on Carter’s back and Richard offered a concerned look. “If you ever feel like that, feel free to call me.”
Carter sniffled and wiped away a forming tear. “I know, I know. You’ve told me before, and I almost did, but I thought that you wouldn’t need me bothering you in the middle of the day.”
“Carter, you know I would drop anything to come to your help. Only me dying could stop me.”
Carter leaned back in his chair and laughed even as he wiped away another tear. “Thank you, Dick, but please don’t go dying. You’re too nice for that.”
Richard smiled. “I don’t plan on it anytime soon, Carter. I still have so many more people to help.”
After a moment of silence, John took the initiative and started his own story. “I had a pretty big win this last week. I finally made it through a whole week without having suicidal thoughts.”
Richard smiled widely. “That's wonderful! I told you that you were making progress.”
“I know, but sometimes I feel like I have no purpose anymore. It’s overwhelming. My daughter is old enough to care for herself, I’m only working a menial labor job, I can’t find any hobbies to enjoy… I feel like nothing.”
“But you aren’t ‘nothing,’ you are you. And there is only one of you. I can’t go out and find another John, or another Carter, or Tunek, or Billy. You are all unique, and losing you would be a tragedy.”
Before I could stop myself, I spoke. “Am I really worth saving?”
Everyone went silent for a moment, caught off guard by my words. After Richard deciphered the sudden question, he gave a response with absolute certainty. “Absolutely. There is nothing in this world that can’t be forgiven or overcome.”
“Are you sure? After the things I’ve done… forget I said anything.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t do that, Billy. I can’t willingly ignore someone in need.”
“I don’t need help. I’m getting exactly what I deserve for what I have done.”
“And what have you done?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Richard sighed. “That’s okay, for now. Eventually, you will have to come to terms with it, but for now, you can just listen if you want to.”
“Yeah. I think I’m just going to listen.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms, letting Tunek speak his mind. “I think I know what you are going through. Not the specifics, but I think I can get a general idea.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Tunek was silent for a moment, before looking away from me and speaking. “I was on the Cradle when it fell, and on Sillis when the Arxur raided it, and on Milieu fighting off the Kolshians. I tried to save as many people as I could, but in the end, I could only make their passing less painful. I couldn’t even save my partner. I froze in the moment. I could have saved him. But I was frozen in fear. His death is entirely on my shoulders. I’m still fighting that to this day.”
I stared at Tunek for a second, before turning away and sighing. They didn’t know what I was going through, no one could. They didn’t know my crimes, if they did they would kick me out. Their problems, no matter how real, were nothing compared to mine. They still could be helped, I couldn’t.
Could I? If all these people could heal, why couldn’t I?
Because my crimes are too severe.
I… yeah…
submitted by Crazy-Concern8080 to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 29, 2142
Why the hell couldn’t I get rid of Gillab? I wanted him gone, he was ruining everything, and he is even technically trespassing in my house. I could easily get him removed with a simple nine-one-one call, so why couldn’t I just do it? Is there something else wrong with my head? Another problem I needed to deal with?
I wish I had some alcohol. Something to take my mind off of this. The memories were starting to come back more and more as well, last night was the worst sleep I have had in a while. The night terrors I once kept away with liquor had returned, something that scared Gillab half to death. He said that I was screaming bloody murder in my sleep, but just like every other time I’ve had a night terror, I couldn’t even remember a single detail.
But that didn’t matter now, what did was trying to give a decent first impression. I don’t know why, it’s not like I care, but I found myself wanting to look halfway presentable for the veterans’ meetup. Maybe I didn’t want others to waste their time worrying about me. Yeah, that was it. They shouldn’t need to worry about dirt like me. Still, I promised to ‘go through the motions,’ so here I was.
I didn’t really know how to describe the building, it almost looked like a warehouse. Short and wide, from the outside one would assume it was just another warehouse, but the inside had been turned into a community center. It was probably just another one of the overbuilt buildings that had been repurposed. There were tones of those around as architects and city planners would miscalculate how many of a certain type of building were needed. Many places were repurposed, this was just another.
I stopped at the door and looked over to Gillab. “This isn’t going to do anything. I’m just wasting time here.”
“No, you aren’t. Even if you don’t realize it, you are healing. Even just walking around outside of your house and eating a half-decent meal has helped, I can see that. You aren’t nearly as angry today as you were yesterday. Now go on, while you are doing this I’m going to run some errands for you. You need real food in your house.”
“Don’t bother, I don’t know how to cook.”
“Then we will learn. I don’t know how to cook Human food either. Kirala is the chef of the house.”
I thought to ask who Kirala was, but bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to care. “Whatever, I’m going in now.”
“See you soon Billy.”
I shut the door behind me and took stock of the room around me. It was a waiting area complete with inoffensive paintings and beige seats. At the opposite end of the room was a woman sitting behind a counter, typing away on a computer. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to talk to her.
“Hello, uhm, I’m here for the veterans’ group therapy session.”
“Oh course, that’ll be down that hall. Room number three, it should be on your left.”
I tried to stop bouncing my leg. “Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a response and started down the hall, feeling a pit grow more and more in my stomach. What if this goes wrong? What if I just cause more problems? What if I ruin more people’s lives? What if I just make it worse?
I stopped in front of the door, my leg bouncing constantly. This was wrong, I shouldn’t be here. I’m unhelpable, I should just leave. Gillab said he was running errands, he wouldn’t even know that I skipped it.
The pit in my stomach began clearing as I turned away, but I couldn’t even take a single step before I stopped.
No, that’s wrong. I made a promise to Gillab, so I have to do this. Not for me, but for him. Even if I’m useless, I should still respect others.
But I could just lie, he wouldn’t know any better.
But what if he finds out?
Getting chewed out later is much easier than going through with this.
Isn’t this supposed to help though?
Do you think I deserve help?
Why… why shouldn’t I?
Because of what I’ve done. Who I've hurt. Who I have killed. The lives I have ruined trying to help them. If I was anything other than dirt, I could have saved so many more and ruined so few. Now stop stalling, and walk-
“Do you need help, sir?”
My heart plummeted and the bouncing immediately started. I turned around nervously, trying to form a single cohesive thought. A man was standing halfway in the doorway.
Don’t bother him, just say that I’m in the wrong spot.
“Uhh… N-”
My voice caught in my throat, almost causing me to cough.
“Y-yes. Is this the v-veterans’ therapy thing?”
Why did I say that?
The man stepped out of the doorway, a small smile now on his face. “Yep, this is it. You must be Billy, right? Charlotte told me that you were going to start showing up. I’m Richard, and yes, my friends call me Dick.”
Richard stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a split second before realizing I needed to shake it. As I did, I realized that it felt wrong. It was too tough to be a normal Human hand, it was almost like metal.
I looked up from the hand. “Y-you’re an amputee too?”
Richard smiled widely. “Sure am. Lost it on Sillis to an Arxur. I can see - feel - that you lost an arm as well.”
“Yeah… I’d prefer n-not to talk about it.”
Richard lost his smile, but not his courtesy. “I understand. I wasn’t able to even look at mine for a long time. Quite a few were just as unfortunate as us, a number of them come to these sessions as well. Would you like to step in? I was only going to leave to grab some refreshments.”
“S-sure. Yeah. I’ll find a seat.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Richard departed for the end of the hall, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the door. I could feel the pit begin to grow again and my leg started to bounce furiously.
Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes?
I’m in too deep now to back out, all I can do is go through the motions. It’s just motions. Just another step. One more breath. That’s all I have to do.
I stepped into the room, keeping my head lowered the entire time. There were three other people in the room, chatting idly with one another. Two Humans were chatting together, only briefly pausing to glance at me before starting right back up. The Venlil looked up from his phone and patted the seat next to himself, inviting me to sit next to him.
I sighed internally and made my way over, not wanting to set myself apart as the outcast. The Venlil watched me sit and only started talking when I was settled in. “Hi, I’m Tunek.”
I gave him a short nod, looked away, and realized I was supposed to give my own name. “I-I’m Billy.”
Tunek watched my hand for a moment, before leaning back in his chair. “So, is this your first time being at one of these?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m only here because of a friend.”
Tunek nodded. “Hey, as long as it gets you here. Just taking the first step is all it takes to start the journey. I stole that from Dick, but don’t tell him I said that.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Tunek tilted his head in concern and moved to respond, but Richard returned just before he could speak. “Alright, I’m back with the waters and the snacks, why don’t we all grab one before we start?”
Everyone but me left their spot to grab something from the cooler that Richard brought back. The two Humans returned to their seats with some water and a cereal bar each, but Tunek hesitated when he started to return. He took a step, paused when he saw me, and turned back to grab another water and snack bar. He must have been hungry.
I looked down at myself as he walked back. Even if I was hungry, I didn’t deserve something to eat. My suffering was my punishment for what I had done and what I had failed to do. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t deserve to get better. I’m just dirt, I should just-
“Here you go.”
I looked up to see Tunek handing me a bottle of water and a piece of fruit leather. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed them. “How’d you know I was hungry?”
Tunek shrugged. “A hunch. It’s a little early for dinner and a bit after lunch and I figured I would be peckish around this time so you might be as well.”
I set the water bottle to the side and peeled open the fruit leather. “Thanks…”
“No problem.”
Richard took a sip of his water as I took my first bite, setting the bottle aside as he began to speak. “Alighty, now that everyone has something to keep them awake, I can start talking. As you might have noticed, we have a new member joining us today. So why don’t we all introduce ourselves? John, do you want to start with a name and a little about yourself?”
The man with short, brown-blonde hair sat up straight. “Sure, I’ll get this started. I’m John, I served the UN for four years before we made first contact, but only served for one after. I’m an only father, but I like to think that my wife is looking down from heaven trying to guide me. However, with how old Rachel is, it feels less like guiding and more strength-giving. Oh, and I hate the taste of lemons. I think that’s about it.”
The mention of lemons caused my stomach to tie itself in a knot. James always hated the taste of lemons. Just another reminder of how useless I am.
The man to the left of John smiled. “I guess it’s my turn. My name is Carter. I served the UN for three years until I was discharged for repeated disorderly conduct. I was in a bad spot for a while, but with the help of Dick here I got out of it. Well, start getting out of it. I still have some… flare-ups, but that’s why I’m here.”
Carter smiled, but it was sad. Tunek let him have his moment of silence, encouraging the veteran to be with his emotions for a moment, before starting his own introduction. “Well, I guess you already know my name, but for the sake of completion, I’ll say it again. I’m Tunek. I served the Venlil Space Force for around one Earth year before first contact, where I served with the UN until the conflict with the Yulpa on Grenelka. I… well… after that I couldn’t serve anymore. Something else… I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument properly, but never had the drive to do it. That’s about it for me. Dick, since you were so kind to leave yourself for last, I think it’s your turn.”
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, like I said earlier, my name is Richard, but don’t be afraid to call me Dick. I come from a military family and have always known the dangers of signing up, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t realize that the war was affecting me until Milieu. Then and there I knew what needed to be done. Once the war was over, I went straight to work creating this.”
Richard paused for a moment to catch his breath. ”I knew that therapists were going to be swamped and many veterans were going to be left behind, so I took what little experience and knowledge I had with my military family and used it to help as many as I could. So now I meet with tons of veterans throughout the week to help them adjust to civilian life and overcome their internal struggles. I’m glad that you have joined us today and hope that we give a good first impression.”
I wasn’t ready for him to stop talking and scrambled to get my words out. “Y-yeah. So far everyone seems nice.”
“Well, if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. With that all out of the way, why don’t we jump right in? I’m not the type to beat around the bush. Let’s start with a simple recap of the week. How have you all been this last week? Any wins, losses, jumps, or setbacks? Remember, there’s no judgment here. We are all suffering together, but we heal together as well.”
The room was silent for a moment, everyone looking for someone else to start the chain, before Carter spoke up. “I guess I’ll go first, if you’ll let me.”
Richard sat down. “Of course Carter, whenever you are ready.”
Carter nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. “I, uh… I had another meltdown, on Wednesday. It came out of nowhere. Happened in the middle of the supermarket, I thought I was… I managed to make it home in time before it really started, but just barely. I was hardly in my room before I started bawling. I… I feel so alone sometimes. I can be in the middle of the supermarket and feel like I’ve been stranded on an island alone f-for years. I m-miss them so much. Y-you all have made it easier, but sometimes… Sometimes it’s too much.”
John placed a hand on Carter’s back and Richard offered a concerned look. “If you ever feel like that, feel free to call me.”
Carter sniffled and wiped away a forming tear. “I know, I know. You’ve told me before, and I almost did, but I thought that you wouldn’t need me bothering you in the middle of the day.”
“Carter, you know I would drop anything to come to your help. Only me dying could stop me.”
Carter leaned back in his chair and laughed even as he wiped away another tear. “Thank you, Dick, but please don’t go dying. You’re too nice for that.”
Richard smiled. “I don’t plan on it anytime soon, Carter. I still have so many more people to help.”
After a moment of silence, John took the initiative and started his own story. “I had a pretty big win this last week. I finally made it through a whole week without having suicidal thoughts.”
Richard smiled widely. “That's wonderful! I told you that you were making progress.”
“I know, but sometimes I feel like I have no purpose anymore. It’s overwhelming. My daughter is old enough to care for herself, I’m only working a menial labor job, I can’t find any hobbies to enjoy… I feel like nothing.”
“But you aren’t ‘nothing,’ you are you. And there is only one of you. I can’t go out and find another John, or another Carter, or Tunek, or Billy. You are all unique, and losing you would be a tragedy.”
Before I could stop myself, I spoke. “Am I really worth saving?”
Everyone went silent for a moment, caught off guard by my words. After Richard deciphered the sudden question, he gave a response with absolute certainty. “Absolutely. There is nothing in this world that can’t be forgiven or overcome.”
“Are you sure? After the things I’ve done… forget I said anything.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t do that, Billy. I can’t willingly ignore someone in need.”
“I don’t need help. I’m getting exactly what I deserve for what I have done.”
“And what have you done?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Richard sighed. “That’s okay, for now. Eventually, you will have to come to terms with it, but for now, you can just listen if you want to.”
“Yeah. I think I’m just going to listen.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms, letting Tunek speak his mind. “I think I know what you are going through. Not the specifics, but I think I can get a general idea.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Tunek was silent for a moment, before looking away from me and speaking. “I was on the Cradle when it fell, and on Sillis when the Arxur raided it, and on Milieu fighting off the Kolshians. I tried to save as many people as I could, but in the end, I could only make their passing less painful. I couldn’t even save my partner. I froze in the moment. I could have saved him. But I was frozen in fear. His death is entirely on my shoulders. I’m still fighting that to this day.”
I stared at Tunek for a second, before turning away and sighing. They didn’t know what I was going through, no one could. They didn’t know my crimes, if they did they would kick me out. Their problems, no matter how real, were nothing compared to mine. They still could be helped, I couldn’t.
Could I? If all these people could heal, why couldn’t I?
Because my crimes are too severe.
I… yeah…
2024.05.21 14:50 Zoliv13 [H] Bundle games from Humble/Fanatical/IG [W] Wishlist/Offers (Update 21/05/2024)
Hello,
I'd like some fair exchange for those, i'm willing to put more than one game against a game i really want, depends on the offer. I could accept Paypal, but that's not my goal (just getting games i'd like to play). I might want to keep something in those lists, i also have some other Humble and Fanatical games i'm not sure i'll play, so they might appear one day (could be money for an exchange if you have something from my wishlist, don't hesitate to ask). I'm from Europe, that might matter for Keys or gift links. Also, i have many games now, and a lot to do yet, so i might be very picky, even for games on my wishlist (it's more a list for interesting games, that i might want in an undetermined future if i have time).
(HB Unrevealed Key = i have it still unrevealed, but will provide a key, considering the Humble view on trading games)
For people living in France, i also have some old games in boxes that i can send by post, ask me if interested.
My IGSRep page
My SGSFlair page
My GameTrade page
My Barter (come to Barter, it's so much better !)
My SteamTrade
*** I have Amazon Prime, so i already have the games that drop there ***
*** Please tell me what you're interested in in my list and don't just drop yours ***
1/2 Red Riding Hood (DIG Key)
112 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
911 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
A.D.M (Angels,Demons And Men) (DIG Key)
Adventure Time: Pirates of the Enchiridion (HB Unrevealed Key)
Alien Cat 2 (Indiegala Key)
Arata Haunted Asylum (DIG Key)
Arcade Paradise (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Army Men RTS (HB Unrevealed Key)
Autonauts vs Piratebots (HB Unrevealed Key)
Baba Is You (HB Unrevealed Key) (GOOD offers only)
BOMBERX (DIG Key)
Calico (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Cargo Transportation: Low Poly (Indiegala Key)
City Siege: Faction Island (Indiegala Key)
Click and Slay (Fanatical Key)
Codename Ghost Hunt (DIG Key)
Cold Cable: Lifeshift (DIG Key)
Combat Tested (Fanatical Key)
Conflict Area (DIG Key)
Conflict Area (Indiegala Key)
Crazy Sapper 3D (Indiegala Key)
Creatures Inc. (Indiegala Key)
Cube Shifter (DIG Key)
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC (HB Unrevealed Key)
Dark Forest (Indiegala Key)
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (Indiegala Key)
Dezinsector (Indiegala Key)
Doodle Derby (HB Unrevealed Key)
DreamWorks Dragons: Dawn of New Riders (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: Hail to the Icons Parody Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: The Doctor Who Cloned Me (HB Unrevealed Key)
Endless Void (DIG Key)
EnHanced (DIG Key)
Euler Wars (DIG Key)
Excive A-1000 (Indiegala Key)
Fear Of Mine (Indiegala Key)
Fishermurs (Indiegala Key)
Flyist (DIG Key)
Forep Man (DIG Key)
Frick, Inc. (HB Unrevealed Key)
GAI Stops Auto: Right Version (Indiegala Key)
GALAXIUM (DIG Key)
GOD's DEATH (DIG Key)
Gravityball/Space Hockey (DIG Key)
HOGuru Presents: The House With Too Many Zombies In It (DIG Key)
Il Sole e la Luna (DIG Key)
GameGuru (HB Unrevealed Key)
Hack 'n' Slash (HB Unrevealed Key)
HoloSprint (DIG Key)
Hotel Transylvania 3: Monsters Overboard (HB Unrevealed Key)
Incandescent (DIG Key)
Intelligence (Indiegala Key)
Izmir: An Independence Simulator (HB Unrevealed Key)
Jumanji: The Video Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Legendary Eleven (DIG Key)
LifeZ - Survival (DIG Key)
Lord of the Click 3 (Indiegala Key)
L.S.S II (DIG Key)
Lust from Beyond: M Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mechs & Mercs: Black Talons (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Meeple Station (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mello Haunted House (DIG Key)
Minute of Islands (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
MirrorMoon EP (HB Unrevealed Key)
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes (HB Unrevealed Key)
NAVALNY: A Nightmare of Corrupt (DIG Key)
NeverSynth (Indiegala Key)
NIGHT FALLEN (DIG Key)
Oracle Trials (DIG Key)
Orbital Racer (HB Unrevealed Key)
Patriots: Back to Civilization (DIG Key)
Paw Patrol: On A Roll (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Planet TD (HB Unrevealed Key)
POBEDA (Indiegala Key)
Quantum Replica (Fanatical Key) x2
Raccoon: The Orc Invasion (DIG Key)
Railroad Tycoon 3 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Rogue Bots (DIG Key)
Shiba Army (DIG Key)
Sid Meier's Railroads! (HB Unrevealed Key)
Sit on bottle (Indiegala Key)
Slime Up (DIG Key)
Snowboard (DIG Key)
Soul Grabber (DIG Key)
Soulstice (HB Unrevealed Key)
SPACE ACCIDENT (Indiegala Key)
Space BloX (DIG Key)
Spider-Robots War (Indiegala Key)
Stacking (HB Unrevealed Key)
Starlight Alliance (DIG Key)
StarCrossed (HB Unrevealed Key)
Steel Vampire (Indiegala Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection (HB Unrevealed Key)
Supreme Ruler Cold War (Fanatical Key)
Swag and Sorcery (HB Unrevealed Key)
Swords and Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon (Fanatical Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Telefrag VR (HB Unrevealed Key)
Teleglitch: Die More Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Big SokoBang (DIG Key)
The Detective Chapters: Part One (DIG Key)
The Inner World (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Invisible Hand (HB Unrevealed Key)
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIV STEAM EDITION (Fanatical Key) (GOOD offers only)
The Orphan A Tale of An Errant Ghost - Hidden Object Game (DIG Key)
Ticket to Ride (HB Unrevealed Key)
Time Lock VR 2 (Indiegala Key)
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt (HB Unrevealed Key)
Tricone Lab (Indiegala Key)
Tristoy (Steam Gift)
Turbo Golf Racing (HB Unrevealed Key)
Vampire Survivors (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Waves of the Atlantide (DIG Key)
Weapons Genius (Indiegala Key)
Win The Diamond (DIG Key)
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Yet Another Hero Story (Indiegala Key)
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Zack 2: Celeste's Map (Indiegala Key)
Zen Cube (DIG Key)
Zibbs - Alien Survival (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Claus (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Wars (DIG Key)
Removed / Banned / Delisted / Purchase Disabled games :
Backfirewall_ (XBox) Home Sheep Home: Farmageddon Party Edition (XBox)
Enclave HD (Nintendo Switch America Region)
Various offers welcome, i'll browse lists, and most wanted are (not always up to date) :
See here for the rest of my wishlist.
Compare2Steam
+ offers, i'll browse lists, and eventually take Paypal, but i'm more interested in Paypal & TF2, but i'm more interested in games trades
submitted by Zoliv13 to indiegameswap [link] [comments]
I'd like some fair exchange for those, i'm willing to put more than one game against a game i really want, depends on the offer. I could accept Paypal, but that's not my goal (just getting games i'd like to play). I might want to keep something in those lists, i also have some other Humble and Fanatical games i'm not sure i'll play, so they might appear one day (could be money for an exchange if you have something from my wishlist, don't hesitate to ask). I'm from Europe, that might matter for Keys or gift links. Also, i have many games now, and a lot to do yet, so i might be very picky, even for games on my wishlist (it's more a list for interesting games, that i might want in an undetermined future if i have time).
(HB Unrevealed Key = i have it still unrevealed, but will provide a key, considering the Humble view on trading games)
For people living in France, i also have some old games in boxes that i can send by post, ask me if interested.
My IGSRep page
My SGSFlair page
My GameTrade page
My Barter (come to Barter, it's so much better !)
My SteamTrade
*** I have Amazon Prime, so i already have the games that drop there ***
*** Please tell me what you're interested in in my list and don't just drop yours ***
1/2 Red Riding Hood (DIG Key)
112 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
911 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
A.D.M (Angels,Demons And Men) (DIG Key)
Adventure Time: Pirates of the Enchiridion (HB Unrevealed Key)
Alien Cat 2 (Indiegala Key)
Arata Haunted Asylum (DIG Key)
Arcade Paradise (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Army Men RTS (HB Unrevealed Key)
Autonauts vs Piratebots (HB Unrevealed Key)
Baba Is You (HB Unrevealed Key) (GOOD offers only)
BOMBERX (DIG Key)
Calico (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Cargo Transportation: Low Poly (Indiegala Key)
City Siege: Faction Island (Indiegala Key)
Click and Slay (Fanatical Key)
Codename Ghost Hunt (DIG Key)
Cold Cable: Lifeshift (DIG Key)
Combat Tested (Fanatical Key)
Conflict Area (DIG Key)
Conflict Area (Indiegala Key)
Crazy Sapper 3D (Indiegala Key)
Creatures Inc. (Indiegala Key)
Cube Shifter (DIG Key)
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC (HB Unrevealed Key)
Dark Forest (Indiegala Key)
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (Indiegala Key)
Dezinsector (Indiegala Key)
Doodle Derby (HB Unrevealed Key)
DreamWorks Dragons: Dawn of New Riders (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: Hail to the Icons Parody Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: The Doctor Who Cloned Me (HB Unrevealed Key)
Endless Void (DIG Key)
EnHanced (DIG Key)
Euler Wars (DIG Key)
Excive A-1000 (Indiegala Key)
Fear Of Mine (Indiegala Key)
Fishermurs (Indiegala Key)
Flyist (DIG Key)
Forep Man (DIG Key)
Frick, Inc. (HB Unrevealed Key)
GAI Stops Auto: Right Version (Indiegala Key)
GALAXIUM (DIG Key)
GOD's DEATH (DIG Key)
Gravityball/Space Hockey (DIG Key)
HOGuru Presents: The House With Too Many Zombies In It (DIG Key)
Il Sole e la Luna (DIG Key)
GameGuru (HB Unrevealed Key)
Hack 'n' Slash (HB Unrevealed Key)
HoloSprint (DIG Key)
Hotel Transylvania 3: Monsters Overboard (HB Unrevealed Key)
Incandescent (DIG Key)
Intelligence (Indiegala Key)
Izmir: An Independence Simulator (HB Unrevealed Key)
Jumanji: The Video Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Legendary Eleven (DIG Key)
LifeZ - Survival (DIG Key)
Lord of the Click 3 (Indiegala Key)
L.S.S II (DIG Key)
Lust from Beyond: M Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mechs & Mercs: Black Talons (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Meeple Station (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mello Haunted House (DIG Key)
Minute of Islands (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
MirrorMoon EP (HB Unrevealed Key)
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes (HB Unrevealed Key)
NAVALNY: A Nightmare of Corrupt (DIG Key)
NeverSynth (Indiegala Key)
NIGHT FALLEN (DIG Key)
Oracle Trials (DIG Key)
Orbital Racer (HB Unrevealed Key)
Patriots: Back to Civilization (DIG Key)
Paw Patrol: On A Roll (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Planet TD (HB Unrevealed Key)
POBEDA (Indiegala Key)
Quantum Replica (Fanatical Key) x2
Raccoon: The Orc Invasion (DIG Key)
Railroad Tycoon 3 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Rogue Bots (DIG Key)
Shiba Army (DIG Key)
Sid Meier's Railroads! (HB Unrevealed Key)
Sit on bottle (Indiegala Key)
Slime Up (DIG Key)
Snowboard (DIG Key)
Soul Grabber (DIG Key)
Soulstice (HB Unrevealed Key)
SPACE ACCIDENT (Indiegala Key)
Space BloX (DIG Key)
Spider-Robots War (Indiegala Key)
Stacking (HB Unrevealed Key)
Starlight Alliance (DIG Key)
StarCrossed (HB Unrevealed Key)
Steel Vampire (Indiegala Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection (HB Unrevealed Key)
Supreme Ruler Cold War (Fanatical Key)
Swag and Sorcery (HB Unrevealed Key)
Swords and Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon (Fanatical Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Telefrag VR (HB Unrevealed Key)
Teleglitch: Die More Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Big SokoBang (DIG Key)
The Detective Chapters: Part One (DIG Key)
The Inner World (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Invisible Hand (HB Unrevealed Key)
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIV STEAM EDITION (Fanatical Key) (GOOD offers only)
The Orphan A Tale of An Errant Ghost - Hidden Object Game (DIG Key)
Ticket to Ride (HB Unrevealed Key)
Time Lock VR 2 (Indiegala Key)
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt (HB Unrevealed Key)
Tricone Lab (Indiegala Key)
Tristoy (Steam Gift)
Turbo Golf Racing (HB Unrevealed Key)
Vampire Survivors (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Waves of the Atlantide (DIG Key)
Weapons Genius (Indiegala Key)
Win The Diamond (DIG Key)
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Yet Another Hero Story (Indiegala Key)
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Zack 2: Celeste's Map (Indiegala Key)
Zen Cube (DIG Key)
Zibbs - Alien Survival (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Claus (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Wars (DIG Key)
Removed / Banned / Delisted / Purchase Disabled games :
- Afterfall Insanity Extended Edition
- Archery Practice VR
- Be King
- Beast Boxing Turbo
- Betrayer
- Blackwater Bayou VR
- Cloud Chamber
- Defenders of Ardania
- Depths of Fear :: Knossos
- Dollar Dash
- Droplitz
- eXceed - Gun Bullet Children
- Grind Zones
- Leviathan: Warships
- Magicka: Wizards of the Square Tablet
- On The Path
- Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
- Quadrant M4
- Quixzel Rush: Pumpkin Bash
- Quixzel Rush: Tooth Protector
- Run Away
- Shadows: Price For Our Sins Bonus Edition
- Sine Mora + Ex
- Space Rangers
- Spaceguy 2
- Star Shield Down
- Trials of The Illuminati: Animated Christmas Time Jigsaws
- Trials of The Illuminati: Assorted Jigsaws
- Trials of The Illuminati: Snack Time Jigsaw Puzzles
- Trials of The Illuminati: Women of Beauty Jigsaws
- Two Brothers
- World War 1 Centennial Edition
- ZombieRush
- A Game of Dwarves
- A New Beginning - Final Cut
- A New Beginning
- A Valley Without Wind
- Abandon Ship
- Alien Spidy
- Aliens versus Predator Classic 2000
- Angvik
- Animals
- Anna - Extended Edition
- AquaNox
- Ashes of the Singularity: Escalation
- Astervoid 2000 Soundtrack
- Aura: Fate of the Ages
- Avencast
- Bad Rats
- Bang Bang Racing
- Beat Hazard
- Beat Hazard Complete
- Bionic Heart 2 - Deluxe Edition
- Bionic Heart
- BlazeRush
- CAPSULE
- Car Mechanic Simulator 2014
- Cargo! - The quest for gravity
- Ceville
- Commander: Conquest of the Americas
- Commandos 3: Destination Berlin
- Contagion
- Crash Time 3
- Dangerous platform
- Dark Fall: Lost Souls
- Dark Fear
- Darwinia
- Darwinia Soundtrack
- Dead Hungry Diner
- Deadly 30
- Deep Dungeons of Doom
- Demigod
- Deponia
- DESOLATE
- Disciples II: Galleans Return
- Disciples II: Rise of the Elves
- Dragon Blast DLC
- Driftmoon
- Drop Hunt - Adventure Puzzle
- Dungeons - The Dark Lord
- El Matador
- Escape From Russia: Mobilization
- Europa Universalis III Chronicles
- Fated Souls 3
- Fester Mudd - Episode 1
- Figment
- Final Slam 2
- Finding Teddy
- Flatout
- Flower Shop: Summer In Fairbrook
- Galactic Civilizations I: Ultimate Edition
- Ghost Master
- Girlfriend Rescue
- Going Under
- Grand Ages Rome Gold
- Grav Blazer
- Greed: Black Border
- Grotesque Tactics 2
- Grotesque Tactics: Evil Heroes
- Hacker Evolution Source Code
- Hail To The King
- Hard Reset Extended Edition
- Heileen 2: The Hands Of Fate
- Hell Let Loose - Hot Drop (DLC)
- Hero by Chance
- Holy Avatar vs. Maidens of the Dead
- Home
- Huntsman: The Orphanage
- Imperial Glory
- inMomentum
- Ion Assault
- Just Ignore Them
- Kalaban
- KAMI
- Kingdom Wars 4 - The Plague: Kingdom Wars
- Knights of Honor
- Konung 2
- Konung 3
- Labyrinthine Dreams
- LEAVES - The Return
- Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards: Reloaded
- LYNE
- M.U.D. TV
- Majesty 2
- Mata Hari
- Maverta Island
- Megabyte Punch
- Memory Booster
- Men of War: Assault Squad GOTY
- Mind: Path to Thalamus
- Miner Wars 2081
- Mini Motor Racing
- Molecular Warfare
- Multiwinia
- NASCAR Heat Evolution
- Night Wanderings
- Norega Barracks + Academy DLC
- Oil Rush Bundle
- One Finger Death Punch 2
- Onikira - Demon Killer
- Overcast - Walden and the Werewolf
- Patrician IV
- Patrician IV Gold
- Perimeter
- Pixel Heroes: Byte & Magic
- PixelJunk Monsters Ultimate
- Planets Under Attack
- Plush
- Poof
- Praetorians
- Primal Carnage
- Purgatory: War of the Damned
- Puzzle Art: Cats
- Puzzle Kingdoms
- Quell
- Quell Memento
- Quell Reflect
- R.I.P.D.: The Game
- Race! Beauty! Bugs!
- Razor2: Hidden Skies
- Red Faction Guerrilla Re-Mars-tered + Armageddon Bundle With DLC (Nordic D)
- Red Johnson's Chronicles - 1+2
- Reign: Conflict of Nations
- Rig N Roll
- Rise of Flight: Channel Battles Edition
- Sacred Gold
- Save the Dodos
- Self Shot
- Sex Chess
- Shadowgrounds Survivor
- Shannon Tweed's Attack Of The Groupies
- Skara - Starter Pack
- Skeleton Troubles
- Sky Mercenaries
- Smalles Class DLC
- Soulcraft
- Space Empires V
- Space Pilgrim Academy: Year 3
- Spirited Heart Deluxe
- Square's Route
- Star Ruler
- Steel Storm
- Stellar Interface
- Stoirs VR
- Stunt Hill
- Swamp Jump
- Sweet Lilly Dreams
- Switch Galaxy Ultra
- Switch Galaxy Ultra Charity Pack 1
- Tennis Manager 2021
- The Deed II
- The End of Labyronia: Nerubis
- The God's Chain
- The King's Heroes
- The Old City: Leviathan
- Theatre of War 2: Africa 1943
- Theatre of War
- Theatre of War: 3 - Korea
- Theatre of War: Centauro
- Theatre of War: Kursk + Caen
- Toby: The Secret Mine
- Trainz Simulator 12 - Coronation Scot DLC
- Tropico 3
- Tropico 4
- Trulon: The Shadow Engine
- Turba
- UFO Afterlight
- Ultimate Soldier
- Undefeated
- Uplink
- Us and them
- Valnir Rok
- Vault Cracker
- Vegas: Make It Big
- Velvet Assassin
- Vessel
- Victory: The Age of Racing - Steam Founder Pack
- Warriors' Wrath
- Wasteland Angel
- Who's that Flying
- Windforge
- Zombie Pirates
- Zombie Shooter
Backfirewall_ (XBox) Home Sheep Home: Farmageddon Party Edition (XBox)
Enclave HD (Nintendo Switch America Region)
Wayfinder Early Access on PS5
Wishlist :Various offers welcome, i'll browse lists, and most wanted are (not always up to date) :
- 9 Years of Shadows
- A Plague Tale: Requiem
- ABRISS
- Achilles: Legends Untold
- AFTERLIFE: KILLING DEATH
- ALTF4
- Axiom Verge
- Axiom Verge 2
- Battletoads
- Bendy and the Ink Machine
- BERSERK and the Band of the Hawk
- Blade of Darkness
- Blasphemous 2
- Bleak Faith: Forsaken
- Boneraiser Minions
- Bud Spencer & Terence Hill - Slaps And Beans 2
- CARRION
- Choo-Choo Charles
- Cookie Cutter
- Cuphead
- Deadlink
- Double Dragon Gaiden: Rise of the Dragons
- Dread Delusion
- Dread X Collection: The Hunt
- ELDEN RING
- Enter / Exit the Gungeon
- Gearshifters
- GetsuFumaDen: Undying Moon Delux
- Ghost Song
- Good Knight
- GRAVEN
- GTFO
- Hand of Fate 2
- Hands of Necromancy
- Hidden Deep
- High On Life
- HYPERVIOLENT
- Impaler
- Just King
- LEGO® Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga
- Loot River
- Lost in Random
- Lost Ruins
- Madshot
- Mago
- Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy
- Mount & Blade II: Bannerlord
- New Tales from the Borderlands
- Noita
- Piko Interactive LLC various oldies
- Prince of Persia (various)
- Project Warlock II
- Prototype 1 and 2
- Resident Evil 4 (New)
- River City Girls 2
- River City Girls Zero
- River City Melee : Battle Royal Special
- River City Melee Mach!!
- River City: Rival Showdown
- River City Saga: Three Kingdoms
- Rogue: Genesia
- Seasons after Fall
- Sir Whoopass
- STASIS: BONE TOTEM
- Super Catboy
- The Knight Witch
- The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
- Trine 5: A Clockwork Conspiracy
- Ultratron
- ULTRAKILL
- UNSIGHTED
- Void Scrappers
- Warhammer 40,000: Darktide
- Warhammer 40,000: Shootas, Blood & Teef
- Windbound
See here for the rest of my wishlist.
Compare2Steam
+ offers, i'll browse lists, and eventually take Paypal, but i'm more interested in Paypal & TF2, but i'm more interested in games trades
2024.05.21 14:50 Zoliv13 [H] Bundle games from Humble/Fanatical/IG [W] Wishlist/Offers (Update 21/05/2024)
Hello,
I'd like some fair exchange for those, i'm willing to put more than one game against a game i really want, depends on the offer. I could accept Paypal, but that's not my goal (just getting games i'd like to play). I might want to keep something in those lists, i also have some other Humble and Fanatical games i'm not sure i'll play, so they might appear one day (could be money for an exchange if you have something from my wishlist, don't hesitate to ask). I'm from Europe, that might matter for Keys or gift links. Also, i have many games now, and a lot to do yet, so i might be very picky, even for games on my wishlist (it's more a list for interesting games, that i might want in an undetermined future if i have time).
(HB Unrevealed Key = i have it still unrevealed, but will provide a key, considering the Humble view on trading games)
For people living in France, i also have some old games in boxes that i can send by post, ask me if interested.
My IGSRep page
My SGSFlair page
My GameTrade page
My Barter (come to Barter, it's so much better !)
My SteamTrade
*** I have Amazon Prime, so i already have the games that drop there ***
*** Please tell me what you're interested in in my list and don't just drop yours ***
1/2 Red Riding Hood (DIG Key)
112 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
911 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
A.D.M (Angels,Demons And Men) (DIG Key)
Adventure Time: Pirates of the Enchiridion (HB Unrevealed Key)
Alien Cat 2 (Indiegala Key)
Arata Haunted Asylum (DIG Key)
Arcade Paradise (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Army Men RTS (HB Unrevealed Key)
Autonauts vs Piratebots (HB Unrevealed Key)
Baba Is You (HB Unrevealed Key) (GOOD offers only)
BOMBERX (DIG Key)
Calico (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Cargo Transportation: Low Poly (Indiegala Key)
City Siege: Faction Island (Indiegala Key)
Click and Slay (Fanatical Key)
Codename Ghost Hunt (DIG Key)
Cold Cable: Lifeshift (DIG Key)
Combat Tested (Fanatical Key)
Conflict Area (DIG Key)
Conflict Area (Indiegala Key)
Crazy Sapper 3D (Indiegala Key)
Creatures Inc. (Indiegala Key)
Cube Shifter (DIG Key)
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC (HB Unrevealed Key)
Dark Forest (Indiegala Key)
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (Indiegala Key)
Dezinsector (Indiegala Key)
Doodle Derby (HB Unrevealed Key)
DreamWorks Dragons: Dawn of New Riders (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: Hail to the Icons Parody Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: The Doctor Who Cloned Me (HB Unrevealed Key)
Endless Void (DIG Key)
EnHanced (DIG Key)
Euler Wars (DIG Key)
Excive A-1000 (Indiegala Key)
Fear Of Mine (Indiegala Key)
Fishermurs (Indiegala Key)
Flyist (DIG Key)
Forep Man (DIG Key)
Frick, Inc. (HB Unrevealed Key)
GAI Stops Auto: Right Version (Indiegala Key)
GALAXIUM (DIG Key)
GOD's DEATH (DIG Key)
Gravityball/Space Hockey (DIG Key)
HOGuru Presents: The House With Too Many Zombies In It (DIG Key)
Il Sole e la Luna (DIG Key)
GameGuru (HB Unrevealed Key)
Hack 'n' Slash (HB Unrevealed Key)
HoloSprint (DIG Key)
Hotel Transylvania 3: Monsters Overboard (HB Unrevealed Key)
Incandescent (DIG Key)
Intelligence (Indiegala Key)
Izmir: An Independence Simulator (HB Unrevealed Key)
Jumanji: The Video Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Legendary Eleven (DIG Key)
LifeZ - Survival (DIG Key)
Lord of the Click 3 (Indiegala Key)
L.S.S II (DIG Key)
Lust from Beyond: M Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mechs & Mercs: Black Talons (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Meeple Station (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mello Haunted House (DIG Key)
Minute of Islands (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
MirrorMoon EP (HB Unrevealed Key)
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes (HB Unrevealed Key)
NAVALNY: A Nightmare of Corrupt (DIG Key)
NeverSynth (Indiegala Key)
NIGHT FALLEN (DIG Key)
Oracle Trials (DIG Key)
Orbital Racer (HB Unrevealed Key)
Patriots: Back to Civilization (DIG Key)
Paw Patrol: On A Roll (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Planet TD (HB Unrevealed Key)
POBEDA (Indiegala Key)
Quantum Replica (Fanatical Key) x2
Raccoon: The Orc Invasion (DIG Key)
Railroad Tycoon 3 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Rogue Bots (DIG Key)
Shiba Army (DIG Key)
Sid Meier's Railroads! (HB Unrevealed Key)
Sit on bottle (Indiegala Key)
Slime Up (DIG Key)
Snowboard (DIG Key)
Soul Grabber (DIG Key)
Soulstice (HB Unrevealed Key)
SPACE ACCIDENT (Indiegala Key)
Space BloX (DIG Key)
Spider-Robots War (Indiegala Key)
Stacking (HB Unrevealed Key)
Starlight Alliance (DIG Key)
StarCrossed (HB Unrevealed Key)
Steel Vampire (Indiegala Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection (HB Unrevealed Key)
Supreme Ruler Cold War (Fanatical Key)
Swag and Sorcery (HB Unrevealed Key)
Swords and Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon (Fanatical Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Telefrag VR (HB Unrevealed Key)
Teleglitch: Die More Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Big SokoBang (DIG Key)
The Detective Chapters: Part One (DIG Key)
The Inner World (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Invisible Hand (HB Unrevealed Key)
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIV STEAM EDITION (Fanatical Key) (GOOD offers only)
The Orphan A Tale of An Errant Ghost - Hidden Object Game (DIG Key)
Ticket to Ride (HB Unrevealed Key)
Time Lock VR 2 (Indiegala Key)
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt (HB Unrevealed Key)
Tricone Lab (Indiegala Key)
Tristoy (Steam Gift)
Turbo Golf Racing (HB Unrevealed Key)
Vampire Survivors (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Waves of the Atlantide (DIG Key)
Weapons Genius (Indiegala Key)
Win The Diamond (DIG Key)
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Yet Another Hero Story (Indiegala Key)
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Zack 2: Celeste's Map (Indiegala Key)
Zen Cube (DIG Key)
Zibbs - Alien Survival (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Claus (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Wars (DIG Key)
Removed / Banned / Delisted / Purchase Disabled games :
Backfirewall_ (XBox) Home Sheep Home: Farmageddon Party Edition (XBox)
Enclave HD (Nintendo Switch America Region)
Various offers welcome, i'll browse lists, and most wanted are (not always up to date) :
See here for the rest of my wishlist.
Compare2Steam
+ offers, i'll browse lists, and eventually take Paypal, but i'm more interested in Paypal & TF2, but i'm more interested in games trades
submitted by Zoliv13 to GameTrade [link] [comments]
I'd like some fair exchange for those, i'm willing to put more than one game against a game i really want, depends on the offer. I could accept Paypal, but that's not my goal (just getting games i'd like to play). I might want to keep something in those lists, i also have some other Humble and Fanatical games i'm not sure i'll play, so they might appear one day (could be money for an exchange if you have something from my wishlist, don't hesitate to ask). I'm from Europe, that might matter for Keys or gift links. Also, i have many games now, and a lot to do yet, so i might be very picky, even for games on my wishlist (it's more a list for interesting games, that i might want in an undetermined future if i have time).
(HB Unrevealed Key = i have it still unrevealed, but will provide a key, considering the Humble view on trading games)
For people living in France, i also have some old games in boxes that i can send by post, ask me if interested.
My IGSRep page
My SGSFlair page
My GameTrade page
My Barter (come to Barter, it's so much better !)
My SteamTrade
*** I have Amazon Prime, so i already have the games that drop there ***
*** Please tell me what you're interested in in my list and don't just drop yours ***
1/2 Red Riding Hood (DIG Key)
112 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
911 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
A.D.M (Angels,Demons And Men) (DIG Key)
Adventure Time: Pirates of the Enchiridion (HB Unrevealed Key)
Alien Cat 2 (Indiegala Key)
Arata Haunted Asylum (DIG Key)
Arcade Paradise (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Army Men RTS (HB Unrevealed Key)
Autonauts vs Piratebots (HB Unrevealed Key)
Baba Is You (HB Unrevealed Key) (GOOD offers only)
BOMBERX (DIG Key)
Calico (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Cargo Transportation: Low Poly (Indiegala Key)
City Siege: Faction Island (Indiegala Key)
Click and Slay (Fanatical Key)
Codename Ghost Hunt (DIG Key)
Cold Cable: Lifeshift (DIG Key)
Combat Tested (Fanatical Key)
Conflict Area (DIG Key)
Conflict Area (Indiegala Key)
Crazy Sapper 3D (Indiegala Key)
Creatures Inc. (Indiegala Key)
Cube Shifter (DIG Key)
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC (HB Unrevealed Key)
Dark Forest (Indiegala Key)
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (Indiegala Key)
Dezinsector (Indiegala Key)
Doodle Derby (HB Unrevealed Key)
DreamWorks Dragons: Dawn of New Riders (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: Hail to the Icons Parody Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: The Doctor Who Cloned Me (HB Unrevealed Key)
Endless Void (DIG Key)
EnHanced (DIG Key)
Euler Wars (DIG Key)
Excive A-1000 (Indiegala Key)
Fear Of Mine (Indiegala Key)
Fishermurs (Indiegala Key)
Flyist (DIG Key)
Forep Man (DIG Key)
Frick, Inc. (HB Unrevealed Key)
GAI Stops Auto: Right Version (Indiegala Key)
GALAXIUM (DIG Key)
GOD's DEATH (DIG Key)
Gravityball/Space Hockey (DIG Key)
HOGuru Presents: The House With Too Many Zombies In It (DIG Key)
Il Sole e la Luna (DIG Key)
GameGuru (HB Unrevealed Key)
Hack 'n' Slash (HB Unrevealed Key)
HoloSprint (DIG Key)
Hotel Transylvania 3: Monsters Overboard (HB Unrevealed Key)
Incandescent (DIG Key)
Intelligence (Indiegala Key)
Izmir: An Independence Simulator (HB Unrevealed Key)
Jumanji: The Video Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Legendary Eleven (DIG Key)
LifeZ - Survival (DIG Key)
Lord of the Click 3 (Indiegala Key)
L.S.S II (DIG Key)
Lust from Beyond: M Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mechs & Mercs: Black Talons (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Meeple Station (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mello Haunted House (DIG Key)
Minute of Islands (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
MirrorMoon EP (HB Unrevealed Key)
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes (HB Unrevealed Key)
NAVALNY: A Nightmare of Corrupt (DIG Key)
NeverSynth (Indiegala Key)
NIGHT FALLEN (DIG Key)
Oracle Trials (DIG Key)
Orbital Racer (HB Unrevealed Key)
Patriots: Back to Civilization (DIG Key)
Paw Patrol: On A Roll (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Planet TD (HB Unrevealed Key)
POBEDA (Indiegala Key)
Quantum Replica (Fanatical Key) x2
Raccoon: The Orc Invasion (DIG Key)
Railroad Tycoon 3 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Rogue Bots (DIG Key)
Shiba Army (DIG Key)
Sid Meier's Railroads! (HB Unrevealed Key)
Sit on bottle (Indiegala Key)
Slime Up (DIG Key)
Snowboard (DIG Key)
Soul Grabber (DIG Key)
Soulstice (HB Unrevealed Key)
SPACE ACCIDENT (Indiegala Key)
Space BloX (DIG Key)
Spider-Robots War (Indiegala Key)
Stacking (HB Unrevealed Key)
Starlight Alliance (DIG Key)
StarCrossed (HB Unrevealed Key)
Steel Vampire (Indiegala Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection (HB Unrevealed Key)
Supreme Ruler Cold War (Fanatical Key)
Swag and Sorcery (HB Unrevealed Key)
Swords and Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon (Fanatical Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Telefrag VR (HB Unrevealed Key)
Teleglitch: Die More Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Big SokoBang (DIG Key)
The Detective Chapters: Part One (DIG Key)
The Inner World (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Invisible Hand (HB Unrevealed Key)
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIV STEAM EDITION (Fanatical Key) (GOOD offers only)
The Orphan A Tale of An Errant Ghost - Hidden Object Game (DIG Key)
Ticket to Ride (HB Unrevealed Key)
Time Lock VR 2 (Indiegala Key)
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt (HB Unrevealed Key)
Tricone Lab (Indiegala Key)
Tristoy (Steam Gift)
Turbo Golf Racing (HB Unrevealed Key)
Vampire Survivors (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Waves of the Atlantide (DIG Key)
Weapons Genius (Indiegala Key)
Win The Diamond (DIG Key)
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Yet Another Hero Story (Indiegala Key)
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Zack 2: Celeste's Map (Indiegala Key)
Zen Cube (DIG Key)
Zibbs - Alien Survival (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Claus (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Wars (DIG Key)
Removed / Banned / Delisted / Purchase Disabled games :
- Afterfall Insanity Extended Edition
- Archery Practice VR
- Be King
- Beast Boxing Turbo
- Betrayer
- Blackwater Bayou VR
- Cloud Chamber
- Defenders of Ardania
- Depths of Fear :: Knossos
- Dollar Dash
- Droplitz
- eXceed - Gun Bullet Children
- Grind Zones
- Leviathan: Warships
- Magicka: Wizards of the Square Tablet
- On The Path
- Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
- Quadrant M4
- Quixzel Rush: Pumpkin Bash
- Quixzel Rush: Tooth Protector
- Run Away
- Shadows: Price For Our Sins Bonus Edition
- Sine Mora + Ex
- Space Rangers
- Spaceguy 2
- Star Shield Down
- Trials of The Illuminati: Animated Christmas Time Jigsaws
- Trials of The Illuminati: Assorted Jigsaws
- Trials of The Illuminati: Snack Time Jigsaw Puzzles
- Trials of The Illuminati: Women of Beauty Jigsaws
- Two Brothers
- World War 1 Centennial Edition
- ZombieRush
- A Game of Dwarves
- A New Beginning - Final Cut
- A New Beginning
- A Valley Without Wind
- Abandon Ship
- Alien Spidy
- Aliens versus Predator Classic 2000
- Angvik
- Animals
- Anna - Extended Edition
- AquaNox
- Ashes of the Singularity: Escalation
- Astervoid 2000 Soundtrack
- Aura: Fate of the Ages
- Avencast
- Bad Rats
- Bang Bang Racing
- Beat Hazard
- Beat Hazard Complete
- Bionic Heart 2 - Deluxe Edition
- Bionic Heart
- BlazeRush
- CAPSULE
- Car Mechanic Simulator 2014
- Cargo! - The quest for gravity
- Ceville
- Commander: Conquest of the Americas
- Commandos 3: Destination Berlin
- Contagion
- Crash Time 3
- Dangerous platform
- Dark Fall: Lost Souls
- Dark Fear
- Darwinia
- Darwinia Soundtrack
- Dead Hungry Diner
- Deadly 30
- Deep Dungeons of Doom
- Demigod
- Deponia
- DESOLATE
- Disciples II: Galleans Return
- Disciples II: Rise of the Elves
- Dragon Blast DLC
- Driftmoon
- Drop Hunt - Adventure Puzzle
- Dungeons - The Dark Lord
- El Matador
- Escape From Russia: Mobilization
- Europa Universalis III Chronicles
- Fated Souls 3
- Fester Mudd - Episode 1
- Figment
- Final Slam 2
- Finding Teddy
- Flatout
- Flower Shop: Summer In Fairbrook
- Galactic Civilizations I: Ultimate Edition
- Ghost Master
- Girlfriend Rescue
- Going Under
- Grand Ages Rome Gold
- Grav Blazer
- Greed: Black Border
- Grotesque Tactics 2
- Grotesque Tactics: Evil Heroes
- Hacker Evolution Source Code
- Hail To The King
- Hard Reset Extended Edition
- Heileen 2: The Hands Of Fate
- Hell Let Loose - Hot Drop (DLC)
- Hero by Chance
- Holy Avatar vs. Maidens of the Dead
- Home
- Huntsman: The Orphanage
- Imperial Glory
- inMomentum
- Ion Assault
- Just Ignore Them
- Kalaban
- KAMI
- Kingdom Wars 4 - The Plague: Kingdom Wars
- Knights of Honor
- Konung 2
- Konung 3
- Labyrinthine Dreams
- LEAVES - The Return
- Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards: Reloaded
- LYNE
- M.U.D. TV
- Majesty 2
- Mata Hari
- Maverta Island
- Megabyte Punch
- Memory Booster
- Men of War: Assault Squad GOTY
- Mind: Path to Thalamus
- Miner Wars 2081
- Mini Motor Racing
- Molecular Warfare
- Multiwinia
- NASCAR Heat Evolution
- Night Wanderings
- Norega Barracks + Academy DLC
- Oil Rush Bundle
- One Finger Death Punch 2
- Onikira - Demon Killer
- Overcast - Walden and the Werewolf
- Patrician IV
- Patrician IV Gold
- Perimeter
- Pixel Heroes: Byte & Magic
- PixelJunk Monsters Ultimate
- Planets Under Attack
- Plush
- Poof
- Praetorians
- Primal Carnage
- Purgatory: War of the Damned
- Puzzle Art: Cats
- Puzzle Kingdoms
- Quell
- Quell Memento
- Quell Reflect
- R.I.P.D.: The Game
- Race! Beauty! Bugs!
- Razor2: Hidden Skies
- Red Faction Guerrilla Re-Mars-tered + Armageddon Bundle With DLC (Nordic D)
- Red Johnson's Chronicles - 1+2
- Reign: Conflict of Nations
- Rig N Roll
- Rise of Flight: Channel Battles Edition
- Sacred Gold
- Save the Dodos
- Self Shot
- Sex Chess
- Shadowgrounds Survivor
- Shannon Tweed's Attack Of The Groupies
- Skara - Starter Pack
- Skeleton Troubles
- Sky Mercenaries
- Smalles Class DLC
- Soulcraft
- Space Empires V
- Space Pilgrim Academy: Year 3
- Spirited Heart Deluxe
- Square's Route
- Star Ruler
- Steel Storm
- Stellar Interface
- Stoirs VR
- Stunt Hill
- Swamp Jump
- Sweet Lilly Dreams
- Switch Galaxy Ultra
- Switch Galaxy Ultra Charity Pack 1
- Tennis Manager 2021
- The Deed II
- The End of Labyronia: Nerubis
- The God's Chain
- The King's Heroes
- The Old City: Leviathan
- Theatre of War 2: Africa 1943
- Theatre of War
- Theatre of War: 3 - Korea
- Theatre of War: Centauro
- Theatre of War: Kursk + Caen
- Toby: The Secret Mine
- Trainz Simulator 12 - Coronation Scot DLC
- Tropico 3
- Tropico 4
- Trulon: The Shadow Engine
- Turba
- UFO Afterlight
- Ultimate Soldier
- Undefeated
- Uplink
- Us and them
- Valnir Rok
- Vault Cracker
- Vegas: Make It Big
- Velvet Assassin
- Vessel
- Victory: The Age of Racing - Steam Founder Pack
- Warriors' Wrath
- Wasteland Angel
- Who's that Flying
- Windforge
- Zombie Pirates
- Zombie Shooter
Backfirewall_ (XBox) Home Sheep Home: Farmageddon Party Edition (XBox)
Enclave HD (Nintendo Switch America Region)
Wayfinder Early Access on PS5
Wishlist :Various offers welcome, i'll browse lists, and most wanted are (not always up to date) :
- 9 Years of Shadows
- A Plague Tale: Requiem
- ABRISS
- Achilles: Legends Untold
- AFTERLIFE: KILLING DEATH
- ALTF4
- Axiom Verge
- Axiom Verge 2
- Battletoads
- Bendy and the Ink Machine
- BERSERK and the Band of the Hawk
- Blade of Darkness
- Blasphemous 2
- Bleak Faith: Forsaken
- Boneraiser Minions
- Bud Spencer & Terence Hill - Slaps And Beans 2
- CARRION
- Choo-Choo Charles
- Cookie Cutter
- Cuphead
- Deadlink
- Double Dragon Gaiden: Rise of the Dragons
- Dread Delusion
- Dread X Collection: The Hunt
- ELDEN RING
- Enter / Exit the Gungeon
- Gearshifters
- GetsuFumaDen: Undying Moon Delux
- Ghost Song
- Good Knight
- GRAVEN
- GTFO
- Hand of Fate 2
- Hands of Necromancy
- Hidden Deep
- High On Life
- HYPERVIOLENT
- Impaler
- Just King
- LEGO® Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga
- Loot River
- Lost in Random
- Lost Ruins
- Madshot
- Mago
- Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy
- Mount & Blade II: Bannerlord
- New Tales from the Borderlands
- Noita
- Piko Interactive LLC various oldies
- Prince of Persia (various)
- Project Warlock II
- Prototype 1 and 2
- Resident Evil 4 (New)
- River City Girls 2
- River City Girls Zero
- River City Melee : Battle Royal Special
- River City Melee Mach!!
- River City: Rival Showdown
- River City Saga: Three Kingdoms
- Rogue: Genesia
- Seasons after Fall
- Sir Whoopass
- STASIS: BONE TOTEM
- Super Catboy
- The Knight Witch
- The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
- Trine 5: A Clockwork Conspiracy
- Ultratron
- ULTRAKILL
- UNSIGHTED
- Void Scrappers
- Warhammer 40,000: Darktide
- Warhammer 40,000: Shootas, Blood & Teef
- Windbound
See here for the rest of my wishlist.
Compare2Steam
+ offers, i'll browse lists, and eventually take Paypal, but i'm more interested in Paypal & TF2, but i'm more interested in games trades
2024.05.21 14:50 Zoliv13 [H] Bundle games from Humble/Fanatical/IG [W] Wishlist/Offers (Update 21/05/2024)
Hello,
I'd like some fair exchange for those, i'm willing to put more than one game against a game i really want, depends on the offer. I could accept Paypal, but that's not my goal (just getting games i'd like to play). I might want to keep something in those lists, i also have some other Humble and Fanatical games i'm not sure i'll play, so they might appear one day (could be money for an exchange if you have something from my wishlist, don't hesitate to ask). I'm from Europe, that might matter for Keys or gift links. Also, i have many games now, and a lot to do yet, so i might be very picky, even for games on my wishlist (it's more a list for interesting games, that i might want in an undetermined future if i have time).
(HB Unrevealed Key = i have it still unrevealed, but will provide a key, considering the Humble view on trading games)
For people living in France, i also have some old games in boxes that i can send by post, ask me if interested.
My IGSRep page
My SGSFlair page
My GameTrade page
My Barter (come to Barter, it's so much better !)
My SteamTrade
*** I have Amazon Prime, so i already have the games that drop there ***
*** Please tell me what you're interested in in my list and don't just drop yours ***
1/2 Red Riding Hood (DIG Key)
112 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
911 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
A.D.M (Angels,Demons And Men) (DIG Key)
Adventure Time: Pirates of the Enchiridion (HB Unrevealed Key)
Alien Cat 2 (Indiegala Key)
Arata Haunted Asylum (DIG Key)
Arcade Paradise (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Army Men RTS (HB Unrevealed Key)
Autonauts vs Piratebots (HB Unrevealed Key)
Baba Is You (HB Unrevealed Key) (GOOD offers only)
BOMBERX (DIG Key)
Calico (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Cargo Transportation: Low Poly (Indiegala Key)
City Siege: Faction Island (Indiegala Key)
Click and Slay (Fanatical Key)
Codename Ghost Hunt (DIG Key)
Cold Cable: Lifeshift (DIG Key)
Combat Tested (Fanatical Key)
Conflict Area (DIG Key)
Conflict Area (Indiegala Key)
Crazy Sapper 3D (Indiegala Key)
Creatures Inc. (Indiegala Key)
Cube Shifter (DIG Key)
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC (HB Unrevealed Key)
Dark Forest (Indiegala Key)
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (Indiegala Key)
Dezinsector (Indiegala Key)
Doodle Derby (HB Unrevealed Key)
DreamWorks Dragons: Dawn of New Riders (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: Hail to the Icons Parody Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: The Doctor Who Cloned Me (HB Unrevealed Key)
Endless Void (DIG Key)
EnHanced (DIG Key)
Euler Wars (DIG Key)
Excive A-1000 (Indiegala Key)
Fear Of Mine (Indiegala Key)
Fishermurs (Indiegala Key)
Flyist (DIG Key)
Forep Man (DIG Key)
Frick, Inc. (HB Unrevealed Key)
GAI Stops Auto: Right Version (Indiegala Key)
GALAXIUM (DIG Key)
GOD's DEATH (DIG Key)
Gravityball/Space Hockey (DIG Key)
HOGuru Presents: The House With Too Many Zombies In It (DIG Key)
Il Sole e la Luna (DIG Key)
GameGuru (HB Unrevealed Key)
Hack 'n' Slash (HB Unrevealed Key)
HoloSprint (DIG Key)
Hotel Transylvania 3: Monsters Overboard (HB Unrevealed Key)
Incandescent (DIG Key)
Intelligence (Indiegala Key)
Izmir: An Independence Simulator (HB Unrevealed Key)
Jumanji: The Video Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Legendary Eleven (DIG Key)
LifeZ - Survival (DIG Key)
Lord of the Click 3 (Indiegala Key)
L.S.S II (DIG Key)
Lust from Beyond: M Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mechs & Mercs: Black Talons (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Meeple Station (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mello Haunted House (DIG Key)
Minute of Islands (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
MirrorMoon EP (HB Unrevealed Key)
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes (HB Unrevealed Key)
NAVALNY: A Nightmare of Corrupt (DIG Key)
NeverSynth (Indiegala Key)
NIGHT FALLEN (DIG Key)
Oracle Trials (DIG Key)
Orbital Racer (HB Unrevealed Key)
Patriots: Back to Civilization (DIG Key)
Paw Patrol: On A Roll (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Planet TD (HB Unrevealed Key)
POBEDA (Indiegala Key)
Quantum Replica (Fanatical Key) x2
Raccoon: The Orc Invasion (DIG Key)
Railroad Tycoon 3 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Rogue Bots (DIG Key)
Shiba Army (DIG Key)
Sid Meier's Railroads! (HB Unrevealed Key)
Sit on bottle (Indiegala Key)
Slime Up (DIG Key)
Snowboard (DIG Key)
Soul Grabber (DIG Key)
Soulstice (HB Unrevealed Key)
SPACE ACCIDENT (Indiegala Key)
Space BloX (DIG Key)
Spider-Robots War (Indiegala Key)
Stacking (HB Unrevealed Key)
Starlight Alliance (DIG Key)
StarCrossed (HB Unrevealed Key)
Steel Vampire (Indiegala Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection (HB Unrevealed Key)
Supreme Ruler Cold War (Fanatical Key)
Swag and Sorcery (HB Unrevealed Key)
Swords and Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon (Fanatical Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Telefrag VR (HB Unrevealed Key)
Teleglitch: Die More Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Big SokoBang (DIG Key)
The Detective Chapters: Part One (DIG Key)
The Inner World (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Invisible Hand (HB Unrevealed Key)
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIV STEAM EDITION (Fanatical Key) (GOOD offers only)
The Orphan A Tale of An Errant Ghost - Hidden Object Game (DIG Key)
Ticket to Ride (HB Unrevealed Key)
Time Lock VR 2 (Indiegala Key)
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt (HB Unrevealed Key)
Tricone Lab (Indiegala Key)
Tristoy (Steam Gift)
Turbo Golf Racing (HB Unrevealed Key)
Vampire Survivors (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Waves of the Atlantide (DIG Key)
Weapons Genius (Indiegala Key)
Win The Diamond (DIG Key)
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Yet Another Hero Story (Indiegala Key)
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Zack 2: Celeste's Map (Indiegala Key)
Zen Cube (DIG Key)
Zibbs - Alien Survival (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Claus (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Wars (DIG Key)
Removed / Banned / Delisted / Purchase Disabled games :
Backfirewall_ (XBox) Home Sheep Home: Farmageddon Party Edition (XBox)
Enclave HD (Nintendo Switch America Region)
Various offers welcome, i'll browse lists, and most wanted are (not always up to date) :
See here for the rest of my wishlist.
Compare2Steam
+ offers, i'll browse lists, and eventually take Paypal, but i'm more interested in Paypal & TF2, but i'm more interested in games trades
submitted by Zoliv13 to SteamGameSwap [link] [comments]
I'd like some fair exchange for those, i'm willing to put more than one game against a game i really want, depends on the offer. I could accept Paypal, but that's not my goal (just getting games i'd like to play). I might want to keep something in those lists, i also have some other Humble and Fanatical games i'm not sure i'll play, so they might appear one day (could be money for an exchange if you have something from my wishlist, don't hesitate to ask). I'm from Europe, that might matter for Keys or gift links. Also, i have many games now, and a lot to do yet, so i might be very picky, even for games on my wishlist (it's more a list for interesting games, that i might want in an undetermined future if i have time).
(HB Unrevealed Key = i have it still unrevealed, but will provide a key, considering the Humble view on trading games)
For people living in France, i also have some old games in boxes that i can send by post, ask me if interested.
My IGSRep page
My SGSFlair page
My GameTrade page
My Barter (come to Barter, it's so much better !)
My SteamTrade
*** I have Amazon Prime, so i already have the games that drop there ***
*** Please tell me what you're interested in in my list and don't just drop yours ***
1/2 Red Riding Hood (DIG Key)
112 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
911 Operator (HB Unrevealed Key)
A.D.M (Angels,Demons And Men) (DIG Key)
Adventure Time: Pirates of the Enchiridion (HB Unrevealed Key)
Alien Cat 2 (Indiegala Key)
Arata Haunted Asylum (DIG Key)
Arcade Paradise (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Army Men RTS (HB Unrevealed Key)
Autonauts vs Piratebots (HB Unrevealed Key)
Baba Is You (HB Unrevealed Key) (GOOD offers only)
BOMBERX (DIG Key)
Calico (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Cargo Transportation: Low Poly (Indiegala Key)
City Siege: Faction Island (Indiegala Key)
Click and Slay (Fanatical Key)
Codename Ghost Hunt (DIG Key)
Cold Cable: Lifeshift (DIG Key)
Combat Tested (Fanatical Key)
Conflict Area (DIG Key)
Conflict Area (Indiegala Key)
Crazy Sapper 3D (Indiegala Key)
Creatures Inc. (Indiegala Key)
Cube Shifter (DIG Key)
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC (HB Unrevealed Key)
Dark Forest (Indiegala Key)
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Detached: Non-VR Edition (Indiegala Key)
Dezinsector (Indiegala Key)
Doodle Derby (HB Unrevealed Key)
DreamWorks Dragons: Dawn of New Riders (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: Hail to the Icons Parody Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Duke Nukem Forever: The Doctor Who Cloned Me (HB Unrevealed Key)
Endless Void (DIG Key)
EnHanced (DIG Key)
Euler Wars (DIG Key)
Excive A-1000 (Indiegala Key)
Fear Of Mine (Indiegala Key)
Fishermurs (Indiegala Key)
Flyist (DIG Key)
Forep Man (DIG Key)
Frick, Inc. (HB Unrevealed Key)
GAI Stops Auto: Right Version (Indiegala Key)
GALAXIUM (DIG Key)
GOD's DEATH (DIG Key)
Gravityball/Space Hockey (DIG Key)
HOGuru Presents: The House With Too Many Zombies In It (DIG Key)
Il Sole e la Luna (DIG Key)
GameGuru (HB Unrevealed Key)
Hack 'n' Slash (HB Unrevealed Key)
HoloSprint (DIG Key)
Hotel Transylvania 3: Monsters Overboard (HB Unrevealed Key)
Incandescent (DIG Key)
Intelligence (Indiegala Key)
Izmir: An Independence Simulator (HB Unrevealed Key)
Jumanji: The Video Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Legendary Eleven (DIG Key)
LifeZ - Survival (DIG Key)
Lord of the Click 3 (Indiegala Key)
L.S.S II (DIG Key)
Lust from Beyond: M Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mechs & Mercs: Black Talons (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Meeple Station (HB Unrevealed Key)
Mello Haunted House (DIG Key)
Minute of Islands (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
MirrorMoon EP (HB Unrevealed Key)
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes (HB Unrevealed Key)
NAVALNY: A Nightmare of Corrupt (DIG Key)
NeverSynth (Indiegala Key)
NIGHT FALLEN (DIG Key)
Oracle Trials (DIG Key)
Orbital Racer (HB Unrevealed Key)
Patriots: Back to Civilization (DIG Key)
Paw Patrol: On A Roll (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Planet TD (HB Unrevealed Key)
POBEDA (Indiegala Key)
Quantum Replica (Fanatical Key) x2
Raccoon: The Orc Invasion (DIG Key)
Railroad Tycoon 3 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Rogue Bots (DIG Key)
Shiba Army (DIG Key)
Sid Meier's Railroads! (HB Unrevealed Key)
Sit on bottle (Indiegala Key)
Slime Up (DIG Key)
Snowboard (DIG Key)
Soul Grabber (DIG Key)
Soulstice (HB Unrevealed Key)
SPACE ACCIDENT (Indiegala Key)
Space BloX (DIG Key)
Spider-Robots War (Indiegala Key)
Stacking (HB Unrevealed Key)
Starlight Alliance (DIG Key)
StarCrossed (HB Unrevealed Key)
Steel Vampire (Indiegala Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (HB Unrevealed Key)
Stick Fight: The Game (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection (HB Unrevealed Key)
Supreme Ruler Cold War (Fanatical Key)
Swag and Sorcery (HB Unrevealed Key)
Swords and Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon (Fanatical Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
System Shock: Enhanced Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
Telefrag VR (HB Unrevealed Key)
Teleglitch: Die More Edition (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Amazing American Circus (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Big SokoBang (DIG Key)
The Detective Chapters: Part One (DIG Key)
The Inner World (HB Unrevealed Key)
The Invisible Hand (HB Unrevealed Key)
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIV STEAM EDITION (Fanatical Key) (GOOD offers only)
The Orphan A Tale of An Errant Ghost - Hidden Object Game (DIG Key)
Ticket to Ride (HB Unrevealed Key)
Time Lock VR 2 (Indiegala Key)
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt (HB Unrevealed Key)
Tricone Lab (Indiegala Key)
Tristoy (Steam Gift)
Turbo Golf Racing (HB Unrevealed Key)
Vampire Survivors (Fanatical Unrevealed Key)
Waves of the Atlantide (DIG Key)
Weapons Genius (Indiegala Key)
Win The Diamond (DIG Key)
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (HB Unrevealed Key)
Yet Another Hero Story (Indiegala Key)
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2 (HB Unrevealed Key)
Zack 2: Celeste's Map (Indiegala Key)
Zen Cube (DIG Key)
Zibbs - Alien Survival (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Claus (Indiegala Key)
Zombie Wars (DIG Key)
Removed / Banned / Delisted / Purchase Disabled games :
- Afterfall Insanity Extended Edition
- Archery Practice VR
- Be King
- Beast Boxing Turbo
- Betrayer
- Blackwater Bayou VR
- Cloud Chamber
- Defenders of Ardania
- Depths of Fear :: Knossos
- Dollar Dash
- Droplitz
- eXceed - Gun Bullet Children
- Grind Zones
- Leviathan: Warships
- Magicka: Wizards of the Square Tablet
- On The Path
- Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
- Quadrant M4
- Quixzel Rush: Pumpkin Bash
- Quixzel Rush: Tooth Protector
- Run Away
- Shadows: Price For Our Sins Bonus Edition
- Sine Mora + Ex
- Space Rangers
- Spaceguy 2
- Star Shield Down
- Trials of The Illuminati: Animated Christmas Time Jigsaws
- Trials of The Illuminati: Assorted Jigsaws
- Trials of The Illuminati: Snack Time Jigsaw Puzzles
- Trials of The Illuminati: Women of Beauty Jigsaws
- Two Brothers
- World War 1 Centennial Edition
- ZombieRush
- A Game of Dwarves
- A New Beginning - Final Cut
- A New Beginning
- A Valley Without Wind
- Abandon Ship
- Alien Spidy
- Aliens versus Predator Classic 2000
- Angvik
- Animals
- Anna - Extended Edition
- AquaNox
- Ashes of the Singularity: Escalation
- Astervoid 2000 Soundtrack
- Aura: Fate of the Ages
- Avencast
- Bad Rats
- Bang Bang Racing
- Beat Hazard
- Beat Hazard Complete
- Bionic Heart 2 - Deluxe Edition
- Bionic Heart
- BlazeRush
- CAPSULE
- Car Mechanic Simulator 2014
- Cargo! - The quest for gravity
- Ceville
- Commander: Conquest of the Americas
- Commandos 3: Destination Berlin
- Contagion
- Crash Time 3
- Dangerous platform
- Dark Fall: Lost Souls
- Dark Fear
- Darwinia
- Darwinia Soundtrack
- Dead Hungry Diner
- Deadly 30
- Deep Dungeons of Doom
- Demigod
- Deponia
- DESOLATE
- Disciples II: Galleans Return
- Disciples II: Rise of the Elves
- Dragon Blast DLC
- Driftmoon
- Drop Hunt - Adventure Puzzle
- Dungeons - The Dark Lord
- El Matador
- Escape From Russia: Mobilization
- Europa Universalis III Chronicles
- Fated Souls 3
- Fester Mudd - Episode 1
- Figment
- Final Slam 2
- Finding Teddy
- Flatout
- Flower Shop: Summer In Fairbrook
- Galactic Civilizations I: Ultimate Edition
- Ghost Master
- Girlfriend Rescue
- Going Under
- Grand Ages Rome Gold
- Grav Blazer
- Greed: Black Border
- Grotesque Tactics 2
- Grotesque Tactics: Evil Heroes
- Hacker Evolution Source Code
- Hail To The King
- Hard Reset Extended Edition
- Heileen 2: The Hands Of Fate
- Hell Let Loose - Hot Drop (DLC)
- Hero by Chance
- Holy Avatar vs. Maidens of the Dead
- Home
- Huntsman: The Orphanage
- Imperial Glory
- inMomentum
- Ion Assault
- Just Ignore Them
- Kalaban
- KAMI
- Kingdom Wars 4 - The Plague: Kingdom Wars
- Knights of Honor
- Konung 2
- Konung 3
- Labyrinthine Dreams
- LEAVES - The Return
- Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards: Reloaded
- LYNE
- M.U.D. TV
- Majesty 2
- Mata Hari
- Maverta Island
- Megabyte Punch
- Memory Booster
- Men of War: Assault Squad GOTY
- Mind: Path to Thalamus
- Miner Wars 2081
- Mini Motor Racing
- Molecular Warfare
- Multiwinia
- NASCAR Heat Evolution
- Night Wanderings
- Norega Barracks + Academy DLC
- Oil Rush Bundle
- One Finger Death Punch 2
- Onikira - Demon Killer
- Overcast - Walden and the Werewolf
- Patrician IV
- Patrician IV Gold
- Perimeter
- Pixel Heroes: Byte & Magic
- PixelJunk Monsters Ultimate
- Planets Under Attack
- Plush
- Poof
- Praetorians
- Primal Carnage
- Purgatory: War of the Damned
- Puzzle Art: Cats
- Puzzle Kingdoms
- Quell
- Quell Memento
- Quell Reflect
- R.I.P.D.: The Game
- Race! Beauty! Bugs!
- Razor2: Hidden Skies
- Red Faction Guerrilla Re-Mars-tered + Armageddon Bundle With DLC (Nordic D)
- Red Johnson's Chronicles - 1+2
- Reign: Conflict of Nations
- Rig N Roll
- Rise of Flight: Channel Battles Edition
- Sacred Gold
- Save the Dodos
- Self Shot
- Sex Chess
- Shadowgrounds Survivor
- Shannon Tweed's Attack Of The Groupies
- Skara - Starter Pack
- Skeleton Troubles
- Sky Mercenaries
- Smalles Class DLC
- Soulcraft
- Space Empires V
- Space Pilgrim Academy: Year 3
- Spirited Heart Deluxe
- Square's Route
- Star Ruler
- Steel Storm
- Stellar Interface
- Stoirs VR
- Stunt Hill
- Swamp Jump
- Sweet Lilly Dreams
- Switch Galaxy Ultra
- Switch Galaxy Ultra Charity Pack 1
- Tennis Manager 2021
- The Deed II
- The End of Labyronia: Nerubis
- The God's Chain
- The King's Heroes
- The Old City: Leviathan
- Theatre of War 2: Africa 1943
- Theatre of War
- Theatre of War: 3 - Korea
- Theatre of War: Centauro
- Theatre of War: Kursk + Caen
- Toby: The Secret Mine
- Trainz Simulator 12 - Coronation Scot DLC
- Tropico 3
- Tropico 4
- Trulon: The Shadow Engine
- Turba
- UFO Afterlight
- Ultimate Soldier
- Undefeated
- Uplink
- Us and them
- Valnir Rok
- Vault Cracker
- Vegas: Make It Big
- Velvet Assassin
- Vessel
- Victory: The Age of Racing - Steam Founder Pack
- Warriors' Wrath
- Wasteland Angel
- Who's that Flying
- Windforge
- Zombie Pirates
- Zombie Shooter
Backfirewall_ (XBox) Home Sheep Home: Farmageddon Party Edition (XBox)
Enclave HD (Nintendo Switch America Region)
Wayfinder Early Access on PS5
Wishlist :Various offers welcome, i'll browse lists, and most wanted are (not always up to date) :
- 9 Years of Shadows
- A Plague Tale: Requiem
- ABRISS
- Achilles: Legends Untold
- AFTERLIFE: KILLING DEATH
- ALTF4
- Axiom Verge
- Axiom Verge 2
- Battletoads
- Bendy and the Ink Machine
- BERSERK and the Band of the Hawk
- Blade of Darkness
- Blasphemous 2
- Bleak Faith: Forsaken
- Boneraiser Minions
- Bud Spencer & Terence Hill - Slaps And Beans 2
- CARRION
- Choo-Choo Charles
- Cookie Cutter
- Cuphead
- Deadlink
- Double Dragon Gaiden: Rise of the Dragons
- Dread Delusion
- Dread X Collection: The Hunt
- ELDEN RING
- Enter / Exit the Gungeon
- Gearshifters
- GetsuFumaDen: Undying Moon Delux
- Ghost Song
- Good Knight
- GRAVEN
- GTFO
- Hand of Fate 2
- Hands of Necromancy
- Hidden Deep
- High On Life
- HYPERVIOLENT
- Impaler
- Just King
- LEGO® Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga
- Loot River
- Lost in Random
- Lost Ruins
- Madshot
- Mago
- Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy
- Mount & Blade II: Bannerlord
- New Tales from the Borderlands
- Noita
- Piko Interactive LLC various oldies
- Prince of Persia (various)
- Project Warlock II
- Prototype 1 and 2
- Resident Evil 4 (New)
- River City Girls 2
- River City Girls Zero
- River City Melee : Battle Royal Special
- River City Melee Mach!!
- River City: Rival Showdown
- River City Saga: Three Kingdoms
- Rogue: Genesia
- Seasons after Fall
- Sir Whoopass
- STASIS: BONE TOTEM
- Super Catboy
- The Knight Witch
- The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
- Trine 5: A Clockwork Conspiracy
- Ultratron
- ULTRAKILL
- UNSIGHTED
- Void Scrappers
- Warhammer 40,000: Darktide
- Warhammer 40,000: Shootas, Blood & Teef
- Windbound
See here for the rest of my wishlist.
Compare2Steam
+ offers, i'll browse lists, and eventually take Paypal, but i'm more interested in Paypal & TF2, but i'm more interested in games trades
2024.05.21 14:46 DakuNo2 Some beautifully heartbreaking flashbacks from college
I’ve never posted here before but I feel like I have a story that will resonate with you all.
—— Edited to add: I (26F) was diagnosed at the age of 24. So this happened pre diagnosis. ——
I was reminded today about my days in college and how I was a much better student in college than I was in school.
Where I come from, any child who does well in school is pressured into pursuing STEM in college. Fortunately, I was never good in school (too inattentive) and my parents were not the kind to pressure me into doing anything (they tell me now, that I was never the kind to listen to anyone. Sounds familiar?).
So naturally, when I went to college, I chose courses that seemed interesting and fun to me. I chose to major in literature. In my college, you have to apply for a seat toward the end of your 2nd year (it’s a 3 year course).
The list of students who made it to the final year was released announced on a WhatsApp group. My name wasn’t on it. 30 minutes later, there was another text. It read:
“After careful consideration, we’ve decided to chosen 4 more students to sit through the course despite their poor records.
My grades weren’t too bad but my attendance was pretty low. So I guess it’s fair.
Now, our faculty was by far the best in the city but since they had known all the students for 2 years, their minds were set. Even us students knew where we stood with them. It’s not unfair to say that they were biased. They liked the kids that they liked and rightly so. These students were very engaged in class, always participated in conversations, wrote poetry, etc. I didn’t do any of that. While I enjoyed literature and reading and ruminating (I had moments when I genuinely believed that my introspection skills were superior to some of the best students but I’d dismiss it because if I was so good then I’d be more liked by the faculty right?), I was never able to pay attention in class. I used to be zoned on all the time. This is why my attendance was so low. I was really scared of being called out by the professors for not paying attention. Anyway, I used to score average grades in my class projects and tests. Not bad at all but not great either. However, our semester-end exams used to be held in a different college and they were graded anonymously.
When our exam results were announced, I scored the highest grades in my course (I figured this out because everyone was sharing their score on the WA group). The next day, everyone in class was talking about how the exams were so difficult and it’s so difficult to score well. One of our professors said, “Yeah, I really don’t know what happened this time. Some of the brightest students scored poorly while some of our lowest graded students did very well. It’s messed up.” And then she asked, “Who had the best score out of all of you?” I raised my hand and she said, “OH”.
I can see the humour in it now but I remember feeling humiliated back then. There was no convincing her. For her, this was an act of God. Under no circumstances could she be a human being who was biased towards charismatic people and didn’t favour those who were hard to like (totally fair, btw. I mean not entirely fair but I get it). It was all some conspiracy to her. And honestly, I had been failed by the system so many times by that point, that I believed her.
I feel really sad for that young woman who failed to succeed on most days and even when she managed to win one, those wins were invalidated.
Anyway, I thought this story belonged here. I hope it acts as a reassurance for you all. May we find the strength to believe in ourselves and let ourselves celebrate our accomplishments because they’re too far and few between.
TL;DR: My achievements were undermined by a professor because I wasn’t a model student.
submitted by DakuNo2 to TwoXADHD [link] [comments]
—— Edited to add: I (26F) was diagnosed at the age of 24. So this happened pre diagnosis. ——
I was reminded today about my days in college and how I was a much better student in college than I was in school.
Where I come from, any child who does well in school is pressured into pursuing STEM in college. Fortunately, I was never good in school (too inattentive) and my parents were not the kind to pressure me into doing anything (they tell me now, that I was never the kind to listen to anyone. Sounds familiar?).
So naturally, when I went to college, I chose courses that seemed interesting and fun to me. I chose to major in literature. In my college, you have to apply for a seat toward the end of your 2nd year (it’s a 3 year course).
The list of students who made it to the final year was released announced on a WhatsApp group. My name wasn’t on it. 30 minutes later, there was another text. It read:
“After careful consideration, we’ve decided to chosen 4 more students to sit through the course despite their poor records.
- Some kid
- A different kid
- A third kid
- OP
My grades weren’t too bad but my attendance was pretty low. So I guess it’s fair.
Now, our faculty was by far the best in the city but since they had known all the students for 2 years, their minds were set. Even us students knew where we stood with them. It’s not unfair to say that they were biased. They liked the kids that they liked and rightly so. These students were very engaged in class, always participated in conversations, wrote poetry, etc. I didn’t do any of that. While I enjoyed literature and reading and ruminating (I had moments when I genuinely believed that my introspection skills were superior to some of the best students but I’d dismiss it because if I was so good then I’d be more liked by the faculty right?), I was never able to pay attention in class. I used to be zoned on all the time. This is why my attendance was so low. I was really scared of being called out by the professors for not paying attention. Anyway, I used to score average grades in my class projects and tests. Not bad at all but not great either. However, our semester-end exams used to be held in a different college and they were graded anonymously.
When our exam results were announced, I scored the highest grades in my course (I figured this out because everyone was sharing their score on the WA group). The next day, everyone in class was talking about how the exams were so difficult and it’s so difficult to score well. One of our professors said, “Yeah, I really don’t know what happened this time. Some of the brightest students scored poorly while some of our lowest graded students did very well. It’s messed up.” And then she asked, “Who had the best score out of all of you?” I raised my hand and she said, “OH”.
I can see the humour in it now but I remember feeling humiliated back then. There was no convincing her. For her, this was an act of God. Under no circumstances could she be a human being who was biased towards charismatic people and didn’t favour those who were hard to like (totally fair, btw. I mean not entirely fair but I get it). It was all some conspiracy to her. And honestly, I had been failed by the system so many times by that point, that I believed her.
I feel really sad for that young woman who failed to succeed on most days and even when she managed to win one, those wins were invalidated.
Anyway, I thought this story belonged here. I hope it acts as a reassurance for you all. May we find the strength to believe in ourselves and let ourselves celebrate our accomplishments because they’re too far and few between.
TL;DR: My achievements were undermined by a professor because I wasn’t a model student.
2024.05.21 14:27 ProfessionalEntire33 A review of all the courses I took in first year as a life sci student
saw someone do this last year and it really helped me get an idea of the courses i would be doing so thought id do the same with my courses incase it helps anyone else!
First Semester: (2.5 credits)
CHM135: Chemistry: Physical Principles
BIO130: Molecular and Cell Biology
CSC165 HPS110: The Science of Human Nature
submitted by ProfessionalEntire33 to UofT [link] [comments]
First Semester: (2.5 credits)
CHM135: Chemistry: Physical Principles
- i found this course so hard at first. so hard i scored 50% on the first midterm which absolutely recked me bc i was good at chem in highschool. i decided to put a lot of effort in this course from then on and ended up getting a 100% on the 2nd midterm and above 90 on the final. ended up with a 94% on the course, so working hard gets you the grade for sure. do the tutorial questions theyre so helpful and v similar to what comes on the tests and finals. the lecturers were SO good for chm135, loved them all, they actually teach well.
- i hated this course with a passion. its about ecology which is the topic i find the BORINGEST thing to learn about. i hate it so much. i hated the labs, the lectures - it was all so boring. the lecturers for bio are so monotone and boring i hated them so much. all exams were multiple choice tho and not too hard EXCEPT for the final. i think the class average was probably really high before the final so they made the final SUPER hard, a lot harder than the midterms which was annoying bc i expected something similar in difficulty like the midterms were.
- the most unorganized course. the lecturer was new and went in circles and didnt know how to explain any concept. the course coordinator was bernardo which is so bad lol. the tests were fine. the ACTs (applied communication tasks) were SO badly explained i had to go to sooo many office hours to get info. i think they ended up curving the grade cause i ended up with a A- which i know i couldnt have actually have gotten bc the course went SO badly.
- LOVED this course. if ur looking for a good bird course to do this might be it! i only studied 4 hrs for the midterm and 4 hrs for the final and ended up with an A+ on the course. the lecturer was so bad, he was so unorganized, felt like he didn't prep at all for his lecs but that was fine since all content is learnt through videos they make u watch before class and do questions on (you can find this vids on yt btw). i had absolutely no programming experience when taking this course and yet it was fine, so if youre worried about that, dont be! the course is designed for those with 0 programming experience. the assignments were also so fun to do (although some parts def did make me want to throw my laptop across the room :))
- didnt think this was as bird of a course as uoft reddit made it out to be. its not a hard course, but it requires effort which you dont have time to give to an elective course. i took it with denton so maybe thats why, there were so many readings from the textbook and u had to buy the textbook to access the homework which was SO annoying. got an A- in the course through knowledge i had from a level psych.
BIO130: Molecular and Cell Biology
- again, hated the lecturers. SO monotone. felt like sleeping in lectures. ended up skipping majority of lectures and teaching myself through the textbook and slides. i also attended a few of yips lectures instead of the lecturer i was enrolled in bc i heard he was good. its true, yip is good he's phenomenal. if youre looking for a good prof, its him. lecture hall was ALWAYS packed bc i guess a lot of people did the same thing as me, skipped their own lecturer to go to this one. loved the content of this course, so much better than bio120. ended with an A+ thankfully. its kind of a memorization course.
- had 3 different lecturers for different parts of the course, they all were AMAZING. explained concepts so well. i also loved organic chem from a level chem so this course was nice. it started getting pretty hard near the end but it was fine after watching youtube vids + going to office hours to understand the content better.
- this course was SO AMAZING compared to mat136. i think it was bc there was another coordinator that wasnt bernardo. it was Lindsay shorster (idk if i spelt that right) but i had no complaints about inorganization as i did with mat136. lecturer for this course was SOOOOO good i didnt miss even one lecture bc he was that good. his name was Daniel Hudson. i truly felt like he was excited to teach and was so enthusiastic. the course progressively gets harder fs but not too hard to manage with background knowledge of a level math.
- i took this course bc i found csc108 easy so i was like why not, BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER. this course is so much harder than 108 lmao. it was fine until the midterm. after the midterm it was a shitshow for me lolll. the prof was so good i just found it so hard to understand the harder concepts like recursion and linked lists omg. ended up with an A on the course idk how. i feel like they curved. joonho was so good tho if ur looking for a good prof to pick, pick him. hes funny too.
- i took csc165 and then dropped within the first 2 weeks bc it was not for me with no background in proofs lol. that course made me cry so much. i couldnt seem to understand the course :(. frantically looked for other available courses and stumbled upon hps110 and heard that its an easy bird course so i took it. so this course is about different popular psych topics/ research. there were SO many readings every week like im not kidding they sometimes assigned 60 pages. i never did the readings fully lol. before the midterm and final they give u a bunch of questions that could come up and pick from those to put on the test. so i would just answer those questions fully by looking at the readings, memorize my answers and do the test with that. the TA was such a harsh marker for no reason like please no one cares about ur course. The worst thing about this course as an international student was that its final was scheduled to be on the LAST DAY possible. i had a 18 day gap between my second last exam and this last exam. i could have gone home 18 days before but had to stay for this stupid course. i learnt absolutely nothing from the course do not recommend it at all lmao.
2024.05.21 14:26 rawrtherapybackup When you can’t tell anyone about your success
I’m just gonna get to it On the internet I go under the pseudo name @butimnotatrader
this past weekend I released a book on Amazon that within 24 hours got the #1 Release under the Business and Money Category
And
The “Top New Release” under the One hour short read business and money category
…and I can’t share this with anybody I know. My wife has known that I’ve been doing this “internet/investing” Thing since it started but no else in my family officially knows…I prefer it that way tbh
In 2022 my mom passed away, and close family members didn’t offer me any help at all to help pay for the funeral (I didn’t need the money, but it’s always nice to know you have support) I’m pretty sure my cousin found my YouTube and let my other immediate family members how much I was making trading, which led to no one’s help.
A week after my mom passed away my uncle also passed. And it seemed like 99% of our family was sending them money to help. Just infuriated my wife and I even more.
I guess I’m really just sharing this post because I needed to vent. I have no one to share in my personal life with but my wife and while that’s enough, sometimes I’d like to be able to share with other family members but I dont think that’ll ever happen anymore.
I just wanted to say, for those of you that might be in the same situation, and you can’t hear it from your family for whatever reason, I’m proud of how far you’ve come
Thanks for reading
submitted by rawrtherapybackup to Entrepreneur [link] [comments]
this past weekend I released a book on Amazon that within 24 hours got the #1 Release under the Business and Money Category
And
The “Top New Release” under the One hour short read business and money category
…and I can’t share this with anybody I know. My wife has known that I’ve been doing this “internet/investing” Thing since it started but no else in my family officially knows…I prefer it that way tbh
In 2022 my mom passed away, and close family members didn’t offer me any help at all to help pay for the funeral (I didn’t need the money, but it’s always nice to know you have support) I’m pretty sure my cousin found my YouTube and let my other immediate family members how much I was making trading, which led to no one’s help.
A week after my mom passed away my uncle also passed. And it seemed like 99% of our family was sending them money to help. Just infuriated my wife and I even more.
I guess I’m really just sharing this post because I needed to vent. I have no one to share in my personal life with but my wife and while that’s enough, sometimes I’d like to be able to share with other family members but I dont think that’ll ever happen anymore.
I just wanted to say, for those of you that might be in the same situation, and you can’t hear it from your family for whatever reason, I’m proud of how far you’ve come
Thanks for reading
2024.05.21 14:26 ThrowRAcircumstance Boyfriend '23M' and I '22F' are on the verge of a break-up because of harassment and a buttload of other stuff. He is willing to work it out but I am falling out of love. How do I stop losing feelings for him because of the circumstances?
Obligatory on mobile so awkward formatting and throwaway because he knows my reddit account. Long story.
I come to ask the Reddit crowd to be kind with me as I legitimately have no idea what to do. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now and are on the verge of a break-up because of several reasons.
Currently, we are very open with one another and have good communication (regular relationship checks, we never get into screaming matches). He has never called me names, he takes responsibility for his actions and has accepted blame for every single event that has happened (the lying, the tiktok, ex's harassment) and has not done those since we discussed each issue. Another is that he has been improving himself and his tendencies that hurt me emotionally as well (fixing problems on his own and only informing me they exist well after the fact, not sharing emotions, etc.). I have trouble vouching for this because we had just become friends later in the previous year, but from what I can logically deduce it is true.
THE PROBLEM, finally. I am losing feelings for him because I feel underappreciated, undervalued, and I genuinely feel like I was his second option. Due to the amalgamation of the things we have faced together, I am misinterpreting the pain from those into distrust for him.
To his credit, and if you remove the harassment problem, he has been a good boyfriend to me. We used to regularly go out on dates (used to because both of us are swamped with work, so now he just invites me to future plans after we finish said work), he cooks me food and pays for my meals whenever I allow it (gifts and gestures like this make me feel like I'm a callgirl so we avoid it), bringing me to events I would enjoy (movie showings, concerts, recreational parks) for free (he pays), is physically affectionate, and accompanies me in my commute everyday to and from work regardless if we have fought each other that day, would physically go to me just to talk, spends hours past his curfew if our serious conversations have not finished, etc.
I genuinely still want to work on my trust for him, I want to gain it back and move past our problems. I want to be able to support him because I do know I would also be fucked up if I came from said experience. I don't want to leave him alone because I empathize with what he has gone through and the effects they have on him, but I don't know how to help him. More importantly, I don't know how to process my own feelings about the matter.
This is an incredibly long post and I realize the easier way would be to leave. But I want to give our relationship a fighting chance before we break up. It's not the smart choice, it's not the beneficial choice either. But it's a choice I'm still considering.
TLDR: Because of harassment and other problems, I feel unloved and underappreciated by my boyfriend and am falling out of love. How do I stop losing feelings for him because of circumstances?
submitted by ThrowRAcircumstance to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I come to ask the Reddit crowd to be kind with me as I legitimately have no idea what to do. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now and are on the verge of a break-up because of several reasons.
- His long term ex girlfriend has been harassing us for 7 months. I've blocked her everywhere but she is adamant on contacting me. Her messages usually vary from asking for forgiveness, her moving on, I'm ugly and other insults about my appearance and identity, how she was the third party, how I was the third party, how desperate I am, how she cares about me, how she plans to destroy my academic and social life, etc.
- They had closure sex a few days before we went on our first date. In his defense, we were not exclusive back then and I told him before in the past that I'd probably find someone like him but not him specifically to date; and that I didn't date; so he only confessed because I pushed him to under the impression he liked another girl. Ex girlfriend shared some of their deleted conversation and he had been refusing to meet with her. They only met that day because she had gone to the front door of their home and up until the end of their conversation he was angry and asking for her to leave.
- He confessed the closure sex happened before we agreed to start seeing each other exclusively. But he didn't tell me exactly when it happened, just that it was recent to that conversation. When his ex girlfriend told me by blasting my face on social media the exact dates, he denied it happened on those specific days. He assured me for 4 months that it did not happen.
- According to him, she had been pestering him for a few weeks prior to that meeting and promised to stop her advances if they had one final time together. They had sex and a few days later, he told me that I shouldn't worry about her possibly pestering us because he had already "fixed" the problem.
- Ex girlfriend was not satisfied and kept messaging for him to go back to her with clips of her slashing her wrists, warning him that she would really kill herself, sending goodbye messages, etc. He at first would respond and tried to call her a few times to check if she was still alive but ended their conversation after he had mailed her remaining stuff back to her (a few essentials: IDs, etc.) After that, she waited for him outside his house several times to beg either inebriated or sober. Other times she would send messages through financial apps with those short messages because he had blocked her on everything even GMail.
- He says he doesn't want to go back to that relationship because of how emotionally draining it was. I can vouch for this detail because he had been saying this even before we liked each other, and I had seen their correspondences with each other over the years. She had an unbelievable amount of fake accounts she would cycle through because she would get verbally abusive (you're ugly, you deserve none of the success you have right now, posting his nudes, sending wrist slicing videos, you're lucky I decided to love you, etc.) and would blow up over seemingly nothing. Her own admission, she would get into fits that would end up either getting them into physical fights or him trying to hug her and sort of hold her down until she calms.
- He has her blocked everywhere but would occasionally view her Tiktok. He says he isn't in love with her anymore and does not desire a relationship, just that a part of him still cares for her and feels bad because he had promised that he was never going to leave but did.
- Up until recently, she was trying to reach out to my friends (people she does not know) and had been telling them I was a third party. She made a groupchat and asked my friends not to tell me and my boyfriend (they did tell us).
- She had messaged me multiple times that she knew where I lived and studied and that she was going to wait for me outside my buildings. I didn't want to talk to her before because I had already seen her tendencies based on their correspondences and her messages to me, and I still don't want to contact her even now. She talks shit about my identity, my vag*na, my deceased parents, everything she can target to get under my skin.
Currently, we are very open with one another and have good communication (regular relationship checks, we never get into screaming matches). He has never called me names, he takes responsibility for his actions and has accepted blame for every single event that has happened (the lying, the tiktok, ex's harassment) and has not done those since we discussed each issue. Another is that he has been improving himself and his tendencies that hurt me emotionally as well (fixing problems on his own and only informing me they exist well after the fact, not sharing emotions, etc.). I have trouble vouching for this because we had just become friends later in the previous year, but from what I can logically deduce it is true.
THE PROBLEM, finally. I am losing feelings for him because I feel underappreciated, undervalued, and I genuinely feel like I was his second option. Due to the amalgamation of the things we have faced together, I am misinterpreting the pain from those into distrust for him.
To his credit, and if you remove the harassment problem, he has been a good boyfriend to me. We used to regularly go out on dates (used to because both of us are swamped with work, so now he just invites me to future plans after we finish said work), he cooks me food and pays for my meals whenever I allow it (gifts and gestures like this make me feel like I'm a callgirl so we avoid it), bringing me to events I would enjoy (movie showings, concerts, recreational parks) for free (he pays), is physically affectionate, and accompanies me in my commute everyday to and from work regardless if we have fought each other that day, would physically go to me just to talk, spends hours past his curfew if our serious conversations have not finished, etc.
I genuinely still want to work on my trust for him, I want to gain it back and move past our problems. I want to be able to support him because I do know I would also be fucked up if I came from said experience. I don't want to leave him alone because I empathize with what he has gone through and the effects they have on him, but I don't know how to help him. More importantly, I don't know how to process my own feelings about the matter.
This is an incredibly long post and I realize the easier way would be to leave. But I want to give our relationship a fighting chance before we break up. It's not the smart choice, it's not the beneficial choice either. But it's a choice I'm still considering.
TLDR: Because of harassment and other problems, I feel unloved and underappreciated by my boyfriend and am falling out of love. How do I stop losing feelings for him because of circumstances?
2024.05.21 14:19 Fit-Bag-4233 Posted from FFIE
Well that was fun! Here’s today’s recap, + What might come
Well that was fun. Here’s a Recap, + What might come
DISCLAIMER ⚠️ I AM NOT A FINANCIAL ADVISOR, THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVISE
To any other FFIE investors with more knowledge on what’s going on right now, as well as more experience in retail investing, please feel free to correct me on, or to add onto any point in this post.
Okay - We made it. It wasn’t easy, definitely a little scary, but the market is closed (after hours are open but we will get to that later), and now we rest. But I know a lot of you crazy apes weren’t paying too much attention to every second of the day, that’s where I help out. Here’s a little recap of how today went:
After ending the day at $1.03 per share Friday, we opened up strong during today’s pre-market hours at $1.73 per share. What does this mean? Well it means a lot of you crazy little apes had orders placed, or the even crazier ones were up during pre-market placing orders in. Now that’s serious dedication 😳
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “All the other apes said today we were going to the moon! We’re still under $2! Where’s our money??” Not so fast silly little ape. Come, let me teach you about volume. 👨🏫
Today’s volume was a WHOPPING 677.89M.😱 What’s “today’s volume” ? Volume is the total of buys & sells of a stock in a certain time period. For a stock like FFIE, 677.89M is a BIG number. And because a lot of us HELD like we were supposed to, we finished regular market hours at +65.05% than friday evening. 👏🏼👏🏼 But why wasn’t it more? Why didn’t FFIE boom like other silly little apes promised? It’s simple, keep following me and you’ll understand, I promise. 🙂↕️
Because of the short ladder attack against us on Friday, the SEC gave us a hand and sanctioned a new uptick rule (see here - https://www.reddit.com/FFIE/s/nw6Rt12bmm ). This leaves the big bad suits with 2 options (paraphrased from u/Maximum-Purpose-1568 , Thank you sima’am): “ 1. They can cut their losses, and buy up the shares at current market value (this is the beginning of a cascade where the "squeezers" all get rich). Essentially, any share that a hedge fund purchases to mitigate their losses will increase the value of our shares. 2. They can continue to hold their shorted stock "loans" and hope the market drops again next week. If this is the case, you will need to continue to hold your shares until they crack (they pay a lot of money for each day they continue to short)”
So what happened? What does all this crazy talk mean!?!? Well given what happened today (a steady change in stock price throughout market hours, and very little volatility compared to recent days), this only means the Big Bad Suits chose option 2. They don’t think we’re serious and they’re doubling down. So what now? 🤔 We triple down. 😤
You see my fellow banana peelers, this was never a scam. This was never a get rich overnight scheme. This is quite literally, a fight between the rich, and the poor. The wolves in suits collectively believe we will give up, sell, and walk away, ultimately leaving them to walk away Scott free. Oh no, not this time. 👎🏼
So what do we do? Well, I can only tell you what CAN HAPPEN.
I AM NOT A FINANCIAL ADVISOR. THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVISE
Right now at the rate that you crazy apes are going, we can keep FFIE above a dollar for 7 more closing nights. What would this mean? This would mean the Hedge’s have 7 days until FFIE officially can no longer be delisted from NASDAQ.👏🏼 Now because these Hedge’s betted AGAINST FFIE, this is absolutely not good news for them because they’d have to pay back the stocks they shorted, plus the interest (which all depends on how much we can make this stock rise). This is what we’re all waiting for. “The Short Squeeze.” 🍋🍋
“Big Ape! Too many words!!” Okay Okay, i’ll dumb it down for you. The smartest moves for us little guys to collectively make would be to buy, and hold. 💎🤲🏼 “But if we all buy and hold then how come there are still dips?” Because the Hedge’s will sell their shares. This causes the price of the stock to fall. They do this purposefully to make us panic, and sell. “So what do WE do about that?” Simple, we eat those shares right up. Remember, the Hedge’s are hoping we ignore these sold shares, as well as sell our owned shares, they don’t really want to lose the shares they sell. The way to genuinely stick it to them besides holding, is to buy during the dip. “How do I know its the best time to buy??” No one knows when a dip will end. The best thing to do is to go with your gut feeling and to buy when YOU feel comfortable. Remember, a dip is bound to come back up as long as we Hold and Buy, so don’t get too greedy when it comes to the best price per share. PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD
New post - https://www.reddit.com/FFIE/s/5m9YiNySoH
submitted by Fit-Bag-4233 to roaringkittybackup [link] [comments]
Well that was fun. Here’s a Recap, + What might come
DISCLAIMER ⚠️ I AM NOT A FINANCIAL ADVISOR, THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVISE
To any other FFIE investors with more knowledge on what’s going on right now, as well as more experience in retail investing, please feel free to correct me on, or to add onto any point in this post.
Okay - We made it. It wasn’t easy, definitely a little scary, but the market is closed (after hours are open but we will get to that later), and now we rest. But I know a lot of you crazy apes weren’t paying too much attention to every second of the day, that’s where I help out. Here’s a little recap of how today went:
After ending the day at $1.03 per share Friday, we opened up strong during today’s pre-market hours at $1.73 per share. What does this mean? Well it means a lot of you crazy little apes had orders placed, or the even crazier ones were up during pre-market placing orders in. Now that’s serious dedication 😳
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “All the other apes said today we were going to the moon! We’re still under $2! Where’s our money??” Not so fast silly little ape. Come, let me teach you about volume. 👨🏫
Today’s volume was a WHOPPING 677.89M.😱 What’s “today’s volume” ? Volume is the total of buys & sells of a stock in a certain time period. For a stock like FFIE, 677.89M is a BIG number. And because a lot of us HELD like we were supposed to, we finished regular market hours at +65.05% than friday evening. 👏🏼👏🏼 But why wasn’t it more? Why didn’t FFIE boom like other silly little apes promised? It’s simple, keep following me and you’ll understand, I promise. 🙂↕️
Because of the short ladder attack against us on Friday, the SEC gave us a hand and sanctioned a new uptick rule (see here - https://www.reddit.com/FFIE/s/nw6Rt12bmm ). This leaves the big bad suits with 2 options (paraphrased from u/Maximum-Purpose-1568 , Thank you sima’am): “ 1. They can cut their losses, and buy up the shares at current market value (this is the beginning of a cascade where the "squeezers" all get rich). Essentially, any share that a hedge fund purchases to mitigate their losses will increase the value of our shares. 2. They can continue to hold their shorted stock "loans" and hope the market drops again next week. If this is the case, you will need to continue to hold your shares until they crack (they pay a lot of money for each day they continue to short)”
So what happened? What does all this crazy talk mean!?!? Well given what happened today (a steady change in stock price throughout market hours, and very little volatility compared to recent days), this only means the Big Bad Suits chose option 2. They don’t think we’re serious and they’re doubling down. So what now? 🤔 We triple down. 😤
You see my fellow banana peelers, this was never a scam. This was never a get rich overnight scheme. This is quite literally, a fight between the rich, and the poor. The wolves in suits collectively believe we will give up, sell, and walk away, ultimately leaving them to walk away Scott free. Oh no, not this time. 👎🏼
So what do we do? Well, I can only tell you what CAN HAPPEN.
I AM NOT A FINANCIAL ADVISOR. THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVISE
Right now at the rate that you crazy apes are going, we can keep FFIE above a dollar for 7 more closing nights. What would this mean? This would mean the Hedge’s have 7 days until FFIE officially can no longer be delisted from NASDAQ.👏🏼 Now because these Hedge’s betted AGAINST FFIE, this is absolutely not good news for them because they’d have to pay back the stocks they shorted, plus the interest (which all depends on how much we can make this stock rise). This is what we’re all waiting for. “The Short Squeeze.” 🍋🍋
“Big Ape! Too many words!!” Okay Okay, i’ll dumb it down for you. The smartest moves for us little guys to collectively make would be to buy, and hold. 💎🤲🏼 “But if we all buy and hold then how come there are still dips?” Because the Hedge’s will sell their shares. This causes the price of the stock to fall. They do this purposefully to make us panic, and sell. “So what do WE do about that?” Simple, we eat those shares right up. Remember, the Hedge’s are hoping we ignore these sold shares, as well as sell our owned shares, they don’t really want to lose the shares they sell. The way to genuinely stick it to them besides holding, is to buy during the dip. “How do I know its the best time to buy??” No one knows when a dip will end. The best thing to do is to go with your gut feeling and to buy when YOU feel comfortable. Remember, a dip is bound to come back up as long as we Hold and Buy, so don’t get too greedy when it comes to the best price per share. PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD
New post - https://www.reddit.com/FFIE/s/5m9YiNySoH
2024.05.21 14:01 liliumne To my future boyfriend, husband, and soulmate
Dear, the guy who might be the one for me for eternity. I just feel like now is a time for me to write this because there is no other ways to feel better if I keep it in.
I'm 20 years old, I've been single my whole life. There has been a guy I thought was the one for me, but turns out they were not. Now they ran off happily with some other girl. Leaving me breathless and heart broken. Being single for 20 years has been okay, and peaceful. I enjoy being single, but then again I feel also that there are times where I love myself enough and know my standards, I can't seem to help but feel that I want to have a man, the one that will hold my heart gentle. Someone I can go to, EVERYTIME, to cry on and lean on when I'm in desperate need of comfort. I want to feel that love with a man that I read in my books and see in movies. I know there are guys like that out there, and they got their woman just to make them live in that reality. I wish someone could do that for me. Why I plan to write this now? Well, I met a girl not so long ago. She and I share the same interest of reading books. We talked for almost 2 hours until we had to leave to sleep and wake up for the next morning. She told me she was going to the beach the next day with her friends, and I was happy for her. I love beaches but it's not often I go there because where I live, the weather gets quickly cold. But even if a day comes where it's so hot. I can't even afford to get there. I will get my driver license soon and plan on doing so much with a car for the sake of enjoying even if it's little by little. Anyhow, she tells me a moment later that there was a guy and his friends at the beach joining her and her friends playing volleyball. And this certain guy has been eyeing her for a long time. This is where the feeling started, the feeling of ''Wow, she's so lucky'', ''I wish that could happen to me.'' or, ''Why can't that be me, too?''. She explains to me about the guy like a whole romance book started, and there, in the moment, I didn't feel jealous, nor hard feelings on her because she experiencing something all girls who have been single for too long wants it too. I just felt, too happy for her, too happy for her I felt more lonely inside even if i got my soulmate friends. It's just those feelings that pass by but will eventually go away, but will come back naturally and what do I do with it? Just vent it out to myself, anyone, stranger, or a friend. In truth, I'm really tired of how this society of men are going forward. I'm so tired I wonder sometimes if it's even possible. I've interacted with so many guys in my life, it may be hard to believe but really I am speechless how guys are these days. Talking to 30 men, not flirting with all of them at the same time, but just one by one that comes and goes. Not even one, not a single one was never gentle in love. It was rather quick and fast. It makes me wonder where has the slow and gentle love gone? Where is it? Where are you? Where are you in this twisted world that can really love me in a way that feels really love? Home and warm. Safe and comfort. I find it stupid that I come here now writing all this. I'm not sure what I'm trying to gain from here. Maybe I just want someone to truly relate to me. Someone that can speak to my heart in a correct way I'd been wanting someone to do.
So, dear future soulmate, There is so much love I have in me that I truly wanna share with you, even if you're not next to me, not even close, yet further away. I still wait, maybe look for you somewhere and hoping you'd find me. There are many ways I want to say than just ''I love you'', but I want to let you know this way: I've been waiting for you my whole life, for you to be the one and last until i share my last breath. My heart yearns for you in the morning until evening. Every time I look at the sun and feel the warm in my body. I think of you, I think of how you make me feel safe in every way that makes me more in love with you. You truly are magnificent that I could never turn away from the sun you are to me. I'm truly stupid to write this for nobody, but I just want to make my heart heard, I want my heart to feel known by you. If I can hold your heart for one day and more, please let me do it for infinity. I want to give you my heart because that's how much I'd be in love with you, and never give it back to me because you're my reality i've been wanting in my dreams. You are every bit if existence that puts my world on fire in the most extraordinary way. If I could yell out what love feels like, i'd say your name out loud and proud. Knowing that, having you, I can feel like I can do anything because I know, from heart and soul, you'd support me in every way. I love you to an extend that stop loving you feels like an endgame for me. I want to grow old with you and have beautiful kids with you. Finally, I want to know what loves feels like with you. If you are out there. Your most long lost soulmate, A
submitted by liliumne to u/liliumne [link] [comments]
I'm 20 years old, I've been single my whole life. There has been a guy I thought was the one for me, but turns out they were not. Now they ran off happily with some other girl. Leaving me breathless and heart broken. Being single for 20 years has been okay, and peaceful. I enjoy being single, but then again I feel also that there are times where I love myself enough and know my standards, I can't seem to help but feel that I want to have a man, the one that will hold my heart gentle. Someone I can go to, EVERYTIME, to cry on and lean on when I'm in desperate need of comfort. I want to feel that love with a man that I read in my books and see in movies. I know there are guys like that out there, and they got their woman just to make them live in that reality. I wish someone could do that for me. Why I plan to write this now? Well, I met a girl not so long ago. She and I share the same interest of reading books. We talked for almost 2 hours until we had to leave to sleep and wake up for the next morning. She told me she was going to the beach the next day with her friends, and I was happy for her. I love beaches but it's not often I go there because where I live, the weather gets quickly cold. But even if a day comes where it's so hot. I can't even afford to get there. I will get my driver license soon and plan on doing so much with a car for the sake of enjoying even if it's little by little. Anyhow, she tells me a moment later that there was a guy and his friends at the beach joining her and her friends playing volleyball. And this certain guy has been eyeing her for a long time. This is where the feeling started, the feeling of ''Wow, she's so lucky'', ''I wish that could happen to me.'' or, ''Why can't that be me, too?''. She explains to me about the guy like a whole romance book started, and there, in the moment, I didn't feel jealous, nor hard feelings on her because she experiencing something all girls who have been single for too long wants it too. I just felt, too happy for her, too happy for her I felt more lonely inside even if i got my soulmate friends. It's just those feelings that pass by but will eventually go away, but will come back naturally and what do I do with it? Just vent it out to myself, anyone, stranger, or a friend. In truth, I'm really tired of how this society of men are going forward. I'm so tired I wonder sometimes if it's even possible. I've interacted with so many guys in my life, it may be hard to believe but really I am speechless how guys are these days. Talking to 30 men, not flirting with all of them at the same time, but just one by one that comes and goes. Not even one, not a single one was never gentle in love. It was rather quick and fast. It makes me wonder where has the slow and gentle love gone? Where is it? Where are you? Where are you in this twisted world that can really love me in a way that feels really love? Home and warm. Safe and comfort. I find it stupid that I come here now writing all this. I'm not sure what I'm trying to gain from here. Maybe I just want someone to truly relate to me. Someone that can speak to my heart in a correct way I'd been wanting someone to do.
So, dear future soulmate, There is so much love I have in me that I truly wanna share with you, even if you're not next to me, not even close, yet further away. I still wait, maybe look for you somewhere and hoping you'd find me. There are many ways I want to say than just ''I love you'', but I want to let you know this way: I've been waiting for you my whole life, for you to be the one and last until i share my last breath. My heart yearns for you in the morning until evening. Every time I look at the sun and feel the warm in my body. I think of you, I think of how you make me feel safe in every way that makes me more in love with you. You truly are magnificent that I could never turn away from the sun you are to me. I'm truly stupid to write this for nobody, but I just want to make my heart heard, I want my heart to feel known by you. If I can hold your heart for one day and more, please let me do it for infinity. I want to give you my heart because that's how much I'd be in love with you, and never give it back to me because you're my reality i've been wanting in my dreams. You are every bit if existence that puts my world on fire in the most extraordinary way. If I could yell out what love feels like, i'd say your name out loud and proud. Knowing that, having you, I can feel like I can do anything because I know, from heart and soul, you'd support me in every way. I love you to an extend that stop loving you feels like an endgame for me. I want to grow old with you and have beautiful kids with you. Finally, I want to know what loves feels like with you. If you are out there. Your most long lost soulmate, A
2024.05.21 13:59 seeuneve Dislike is an understatement, i actually despise my SIL. Tldr
My younger SIL (lets call her B) just gave birth last year and I helped out a lot sebab dia ni takde suami. When she couldnt calm her newborn baby, i took over and said to her, “i understand how challenging this is, dont worry im here to help you. Dulu i pun ‘koyak’ juga lah masa jaga newborn sbb penat sgt and first time mom kan”. Then B with a straight face replied, “oh i takdelah koyak sebab anak kan. Kenapa i nak koyak dgn anak sendiri”. Well u should’ve said that to your face B bcs i always saw you lose it when your baby is cranky. How dare you guilt tripping me for not coming over to see u n your baby when i actually only went back to my parents house. Mcm aku ni tkde keje lain je nak mengadap kau.
I wont be like this if you were grateful enough for your family for accepting and helping and supporting you through your journey even though what you did was really really bad. You gave birth at a private hosp, your baby gets her monthly checkup at that same private hosp, your mom tanggung both of you 100% from your car loan to your baby’s diapers and milk. Your brother (my husband) took one for all by saying to our relatives that the baby is our adopted child even though its ridiculous bcs the baby looks exactly like you.
But you are still like your old self. Arrogant, entitled, spoiled and tak reti jaga mulut. You scolded me for breastfeeding your baby even though ive asked permission and its for the baby’s own good. You shamelessly go out and about bringing your baby everywhere. I said this bcs it invites question from people around us and my husband has to lie. Sometimes, when my husband’s friends came over and B happens to be there with her baby, she would suddenly come near to my husband while holding her baby over to my husb and said, “hi daddy”. Of course member husb aku pelik and tanya eh ni anak siapa? You even had the audacity to marah everyone including me sebab lambat uruskan your placenta. My BIL snapped and scolded you and then you went ahead and cried to your mom. So what did your mom do? Of course she called all of your siblings and gave them a scolding for making you cry. Except my husband sbb aku awal2 dah message dkt MIL explaining that we genuinely forgot about the placenta and we kept it safe, and you B dont need to marah2 everyone bcs we also have our plates full. FYI, the siblings tak kesian dkt B’s situation sbb ni bukan first time dia buat benda tu. Cumanya this time terpregnant.
B lives with my MIL. She dont have a job and her income is from my MIL. I dont give a damn about all those special treatment and privilege that she has. But when it comes to my baby, i would give a whole lot of damn ye. My 2yo baby dah tak rapat dgn my MIL ever since B gave birth. Im sad to see they no longer have the bond that they used to have but i decided to distance myself from B for the sake of my mental peace. Distancing from B means distancing from my MIL as well.
But B has crossed the line so so many times that i have to do this. One time, my husb asked B to watch our baby while we both were working. All of us were outside at the time. MIL was holding B’s baby so B was free to watch over my baby. About 10mins or so we suddenly couldnt hear our baby’s voice. Rupanya B tak jaga pun anak aku and she lost my baby. My mind went blank at the time. I just followed where my feet goes and thank god i immediately found my baby. Not a single apology came out of her mouth. Aku jaga anak kau mcm anak sendiri ye tapi kau buat anak aku mcm ni. My baby fell ill later that night sbb i think she was traumatised when she got lost. The next day B accidentally spilled my husb’s drink and she politely said, sorry sebab tertumpahkan air abg. Wah kau hilangkan ank aku tak pandai pulak nk mintak maaf.
There was one time B was so proud of her 5months baby at the time sebab kaki baby dia kuat, boleh tegakkan kaki. She said, “kaki my baby kuat betul lah kuat sgt utk umur dia. Tak macam your baby kan masa 5 bulan your baby lembik2 lagi kan?” Ughh aku lah kan masa tu rasa nak tumbuk je muka kau. Then i said, eh takdelah. Anak i 5 bulan dah pandai lompat2 dah dlm jumper tu”. Then later that evening i posted a story from my archive from when my baby was 5months old and she was jumping cheerfully in the jumperoo. Hahah puas hati aku. Aku tak pernah kisah kau nak bangga2 kan anak kau tapi tak perlu lah nak downkan or comparekan dgn anak org lain. Byk lagi lah kejadian2 compare ni berlaku. Mcm makcik bawang dah perangai kau.
Recently, we stayed at a hotel in a family room. Anak aku tak suka sgt dkt baby si B ni. If the baby cry, my daughter will cry too. If the baby scream, my daughter will scream too. Shes just uncomfortable around the baby. Imagine lah the chaos when both of them are in the same room. Tapi last2 anak aku jugak yg kena marah sbb tantrum padahal ank dia yg punca. My baby, husband and MIL went out first so B and i and her baby checked out later. I jokingly said haa senang sikit nak kemas kalau tak ada dua2 baby serentak. Then B said, “oh my baby takde masalah, senang je nak jaga, tak kuat nangis, baik and dengar kata”. Eh ank kau tu baru 10bulan mana pandai nk tantrum lagi tapi susah jugak nk buat kerja sbb nak kena pegang je. Well, lets see when your daughter turns 2 agak2 anak kau ok ke tak. Later that day when my baby was napping in her stroller, B suddenly said, “anak u tido baru nampak dia baik”, then she laughed. Erghh kau nk mengata anak aku pulak.
She used to bodyshame my baby saying my baby is kurus sangat lah and my MIL pun ckp ank aku kurus lah kesian lah tak makan lah. EXCUSE ME, anak aku ni tinggi mcm bapak dia and kurus mcm mak dia. Her weight is normal, tak pernah turun pun berat dia since lahir. And she didnt seem kurus to me and everyone else pun. Aku dah tak tahan aku post an angry stroy dkt ig abt ppl yg suka mengata badan ank org. Since then dia slow down psal badan ank aku. Last2 MIL bgtahu aku yg berat badan anak B turun 400gram. Thats a lot ye for an infant. Puncanya easy je, B didnt cook real food for her baby. Her main meal is cerelac and biscuits. Sometimes i prepare food for her baby and B mcm tak suka bila MIL puji baby suka makanan aku bagi tu. B rasa mcm tercabar. She was like, “sempat eh u masak. Oh lupa u kan mmg duduk rumah tak kerja”. Like i care? Dah anak kau lapar pstu kau pulak kata busy lah tak sempat lah.
Actually byk je lagi benda menyakitkan hati jadi but cukup lah ni je. My MIL got so upset that my daughter taknak dekat dia lagi dah. Im not responsible for that. Kalau dulu u always come over to my house to see your grandchild why now tak boleh dah? Im not gonna put myself through the emotional torture by being around B a lot. It comes with a price but thats what best for me.
submitted by seeuneve to malaysians [link] [comments]
I wont be like this if you were grateful enough for your family for accepting and helping and supporting you through your journey even though what you did was really really bad. You gave birth at a private hosp, your baby gets her monthly checkup at that same private hosp, your mom tanggung both of you 100% from your car loan to your baby’s diapers and milk. Your brother (my husband) took one for all by saying to our relatives that the baby is our adopted child even though its ridiculous bcs the baby looks exactly like you.
But you are still like your old self. Arrogant, entitled, spoiled and tak reti jaga mulut. You scolded me for breastfeeding your baby even though ive asked permission and its for the baby’s own good. You shamelessly go out and about bringing your baby everywhere. I said this bcs it invites question from people around us and my husband has to lie. Sometimes, when my husband’s friends came over and B happens to be there with her baby, she would suddenly come near to my husband while holding her baby over to my husb and said, “hi daddy”. Of course member husb aku pelik and tanya eh ni anak siapa? You even had the audacity to marah everyone including me sebab lambat uruskan your placenta. My BIL snapped and scolded you and then you went ahead and cried to your mom. So what did your mom do? Of course she called all of your siblings and gave them a scolding for making you cry. Except my husband sbb aku awal2 dah message dkt MIL explaining that we genuinely forgot about the placenta and we kept it safe, and you B dont need to marah2 everyone bcs we also have our plates full. FYI, the siblings tak kesian dkt B’s situation sbb ni bukan first time dia buat benda tu. Cumanya this time terpregnant.
B lives with my MIL. She dont have a job and her income is from my MIL. I dont give a damn about all those special treatment and privilege that she has. But when it comes to my baby, i would give a whole lot of damn ye. My 2yo baby dah tak rapat dgn my MIL ever since B gave birth. Im sad to see they no longer have the bond that they used to have but i decided to distance myself from B for the sake of my mental peace. Distancing from B means distancing from my MIL as well.
But B has crossed the line so so many times that i have to do this. One time, my husb asked B to watch our baby while we both were working. All of us were outside at the time. MIL was holding B’s baby so B was free to watch over my baby. About 10mins or so we suddenly couldnt hear our baby’s voice. Rupanya B tak jaga pun anak aku and she lost my baby. My mind went blank at the time. I just followed where my feet goes and thank god i immediately found my baby. Not a single apology came out of her mouth. Aku jaga anak kau mcm anak sendiri ye tapi kau buat anak aku mcm ni. My baby fell ill later that night sbb i think she was traumatised when she got lost. The next day B accidentally spilled my husb’s drink and she politely said, sorry sebab tertumpahkan air abg. Wah kau hilangkan ank aku tak pandai pulak nk mintak maaf.
There was one time B was so proud of her 5months baby at the time sebab kaki baby dia kuat, boleh tegakkan kaki. She said, “kaki my baby kuat betul lah kuat sgt utk umur dia. Tak macam your baby kan masa 5 bulan your baby lembik2 lagi kan?” Ughh aku lah kan masa tu rasa nak tumbuk je muka kau. Then i said, eh takdelah. Anak i 5 bulan dah pandai lompat2 dah dlm jumper tu”. Then later that evening i posted a story from my archive from when my baby was 5months old and she was jumping cheerfully in the jumperoo. Hahah puas hati aku. Aku tak pernah kisah kau nak bangga2 kan anak kau tapi tak perlu lah nak downkan or comparekan dgn anak org lain. Byk lagi lah kejadian2 compare ni berlaku. Mcm makcik bawang dah perangai kau.
Recently, we stayed at a hotel in a family room. Anak aku tak suka sgt dkt baby si B ni. If the baby cry, my daughter will cry too. If the baby scream, my daughter will scream too. Shes just uncomfortable around the baby. Imagine lah the chaos when both of them are in the same room. Tapi last2 anak aku jugak yg kena marah sbb tantrum padahal ank dia yg punca. My baby, husband and MIL went out first so B and i and her baby checked out later. I jokingly said haa senang sikit nak kemas kalau tak ada dua2 baby serentak. Then B said, “oh my baby takde masalah, senang je nak jaga, tak kuat nangis, baik and dengar kata”. Eh ank kau tu baru 10bulan mana pandai nk tantrum lagi tapi susah jugak nk buat kerja sbb nak kena pegang je. Well, lets see when your daughter turns 2 agak2 anak kau ok ke tak. Later that day when my baby was napping in her stroller, B suddenly said, “anak u tido baru nampak dia baik”, then she laughed. Erghh kau nk mengata anak aku pulak.
She used to bodyshame my baby saying my baby is kurus sangat lah and my MIL pun ckp ank aku kurus lah kesian lah tak makan lah. EXCUSE ME, anak aku ni tinggi mcm bapak dia and kurus mcm mak dia. Her weight is normal, tak pernah turun pun berat dia since lahir. And she didnt seem kurus to me and everyone else pun. Aku dah tak tahan aku post an angry stroy dkt ig abt ppl yg suka mengata badan ank org. Since then dia slow down psal badan ank aku. Last2 MIL bgtahu aku yg berat badan anak B turun 400gram. Thats a lot ye for an infant. Puncanya easy je, B didnt cook real food for her baby. Her main meal is cerelac and biscuits. Sometimes i prepare food for her baby and B mcm tak suka bila MIL puji baby suka makanan aku bagi tu. B rasa mcm tercabar. She was like, “sempat eh u masak. Oh lupa u kan mmg duduk rumah tak kerja”. Like i care? Dah anak kau lapar pstu kau pulak kata busy lah tak sempat lah.
Actually byk je lagi benda menyakitkan hati jadi but cukup lah ni je. My MIL got so upset that my daughter taknak dekat dia lagi dah. Im not responsible for that. Kalau dulu u always come over to my house to see your grandchild why now tak boleh dah? Im not gonna put myself through the emotional torture by being around B a lot. It comes with a price but thats what best for me.
2024.05.21 13:57 maximusaemilius A cozy day with a tall chitin-armored alien girlfriend.
She got up in the dark, with only the dim ambience of soft blue lighting to accompany her. She stretched all four arms, her two legs, and rolled her neck. It struck her as mildly interesting in that moment, how something so small could connect them to humans, The thought was fleeting as she took another step forward to kneel down on the floor. There, in a little alcove in the wall, she had set a volcanic rock from Anin, dried moss, and other paraphernalia from her home world. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath resting her hands together.
Praise and respect to the spirits of Anin. Praise the fathers and mothers of war gone to their rest below the moss and the earth. Praise their spirits that watch from the sky and peer through the ether down upon us.
She continued the slow mantra in the style of Prayer learned from Naktan and pulled her concentration to her core, ignoring anything and everything around her. A deep state of meditation overtook her. She would never have done this if she thought there were any chance that she was in danger, but below she knew Earth glowed like a sphere before their orbiting ship. There was no worry of invasion.
She thought she heard something at one point, but chose to ignore it as she continued her mantra.
Eventually, and after an unknown amount of minutes, she stood and turned slowly to find-
She stopped, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing?”
Adam burrowed his way further down into her blankets, nuzzling his head up against her pillow,
"So warm, and comfy!"
She tried not to smile,
"You dumbass."
He pulled the blankets tighter around himself,
"You know, I did come here to talk to you, but now I actually am really comfortable, so come back in two hours."
"I- This is MY home!"
He closed his eyes and pretended to snore loudly.
She rolled her eyes as she watched him theatrically pretend to sleep. She looked around mildly for a moment, before picking up another pillow and glancing at the door. She casually walked over, dropped the pillow on his head and then held it down as if she intended to smother him.
”Die human scum!”
That got him up and moving.
Before long the two of them were grappling for the upper hand, him trying to put her in a choke hold, and her using her lower arms to pinch him.
He yelped,
"Ouch! Pinching is illegal!”
"Sissy."
He clamped his legs around her lower arms, pinning them in place.
She struggled for a minute and then went limp.
She could feel his smug smile,
"I win, I beat the saint of Anin. Everyone bow at my feet."
"You say that, but if this were a real fight, since you’re a human male, you're the one with a self-destruct button."
"Self-destruct button...?"
"Meaning if this were a real fight, I would have punched you in the balls."
"Yaoooutch… Oh god… Please don't."
Finally, he let her go, leaving the two of them to lay on her bed, sheets scattered on the floor around them, and her pillows in disarray. Adam put his hands behind his head and sighed.
She glanced over at him,
"I don't suppose you came to just hang out. Here on Admiral-ly business?"
He groaned, pulling one of her pillows over his face,
"Please smother me for real this time."
She leaned up on one of her elbows,
"Why?"
"I don't wanna be an adult anymore!"
She tilted her head to the side, watching in amusement as he attempted to throw a childlike tantrum, but only really had the energy to kick his feet once,
"It's boring and lame and they won’t let me wear heelies to important meetings... also children don't have to pay taxes."
She laughed, pulling the pillow from his face,
"Adam you are many things, but 'adult' is not one of them."
He grinned slightly,
"True enough."
He sighed again and rested his head back against the pillows,
"I just want to get back to what we are supposed to be doing, exploring the universe and making cool alien friends."
He threw up his hands in frustration,
"But suddenly I find myself embroiled in stupid annoying politics that I don't understand, being used by people who are, let’s face it, WAY smarter than me, constantly finding myself getting manipulated."
She huffed,
"They aren't smarter than you Adam, they're just manipulative, and you aren't."
He sighed,
"Fair enough."
Then he looked at her, bright green eyes reflecting the soft ambient blue light,
"I just, I miss this, I miss us, I miss hanging out and doing stupid shit, and all of the things I could do when I wasn't so important and this operation was smaller."
She smiled rather sadly reaching one hand over for his, lacing the four of her fingers through the five of his,
"Well someone has to do the hard things, who better than you?”
He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow,
"Or you, miss saint?”
She rolled her eyes again,
"Can't seem to get you off of that. I'm still the same person I used to be."
"But with power."
She elbowed him gently and he grinned,
"But really, I am proud and impressed and... Let's be honest super super smug that 'I' know you personally."
"I know, I am pretty terrific."
The two of them laughed for a minute before settling down again. He glanced over to her little shrine on the wall,
"What were you doing just then?"
She looked up at the ceiling, following the lines of metal and rivets with her eyes,
"Praying to the spirits of Anin."
Embarrassed, he shifted,
"I didn't know you were... Well I didn't think you were all that religious?"
She shrugged,
"Don't feel bad, it's sort of a new thing. Back before all this, it was sort of just stories to me. Like I believed it because that was what everyone believed, but I didn't really accept it, or feel it the way I do now. After everything with my mother, it was hard to feel connected to something I felt I wasn't a part of... But then after visiting my mother, after becoming a saint for a religion I never really followed... Well, it started to make more sense. It feels real now in a way that it never did."
She turned to look at him, finding him watching her, the UV blue stripes in his skin glowing blue.
"I believe in the spirits of Anin more than I ever have."
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand,
"I'm glad to hear it."
They lapsed into silence for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling before, inevitably he broke it,
"So this makes you like, space Moses right?”
She frowned and turned to look at him,
"What is a “Moses”?"
He grinned,
"A guy from one of the Earth Religions. You know, guy follows god's directions to lead his people away from slavery, climbs a mountain, receives the word of god, comes down to give it to the people, that sort of thing."
Sunny tilted her head slightly to the side,
"Are you religious?"
He paused, frowning,
"I... well I... don't really know. My family has been some flavor of Christian for a long time."
"Christian?"
"Uh yeah, the general idea is that there is one all-powerful deity who created everything. He has rules and laws that you are supposed to follow, the general tenants of this specific religion mostly boil down to: love everyone and don't be a dick, which humans are notoriously bad at. You sin you go to hell, a very bad place after you die, and if you are a good person you go to heaven. Problem is everyone is a sinner and breaks the rules, so really no one was going to get into heaven."
"That sounds bleak..."
"Well, that's where the other stuff comes in. Basically, this all-powerful deity sent down his son in human form to live a perfect life, so when he was martyred he took on the sins of all of humanity and paid for them in the greatest act of mercy to open the gate for the rest of us into heaven."
Sunny shifted as he tilted to the side to lay in the crook of her arms,
"Of course that is just one religion among tons on earth, we aren't really as cohesive in our beliefs as Drev are... As for me... I'm not really sure."
She tilted her head to the side, cheek resting against his hair,
"After seeing space, I become more and more convinced of some... Thing that created everything, but beyond that it's sort of a tossup."
She ran one hand through his hair, coarse but still soft somehow.
"You know my name comes from that religion?”
She turned her head to look at him,
"Oh, really?”
"Adam was the first man."
"What do you mean!?”
Adam shrugged,
"He was supposedly the first man that god created, from the dust of the earth... I think?"
She gave him a sidelong glance,
"Look, and you get to be the first idiot in space."
He snorted and poked her in the ribs.
"There were PLENTY of idiots in space before me, believe you me."
"Mmm I don't know, you are pretty dumb."
He laughed, grabbing a pillow and hitting her with it. She rolled over so she was lying on top of him and then went limp.
He struggled,
"Get your big ass off me."
"Oh no, I have been attacked by a sudden acute case of the “my spine doesn't work anymore”-disease."
"If you don't move, you'll suddenly find yourself with a case of “fist in your face”-disease."
She laughed and rolled off him, making sure the hard parts of her carapace were sticking down for maximum discomfort.
He grunted.
They returned to lying down next to each other in the half darkness. Sunny reached over and turned on some quiet music in the background as the two of them sat and talked, and laughed.
"I can't wait to get back to deep space."
He closed his eyes and hummed softly at the thought,
"Just the crew and the darkness and nothing ahead of us but an endless frontier."
Surprisingly, she found the thought to be more than a little comforting, and closed her eyes thinking about the vast reaches of blackness and the endless spinning galaxies.
"And while we are out, we can drop Conn into a pulsar."
He snorted,
“Why? Well first of for scientific reasons! If a marshmallow causes a nuclear blast, I wonder what dropping Conn would do… but at least he’d be dead.”
"That billowy bastard would survive and you know it."
She huffed,
"Still though, if I have to hear one more smug lecture how he has a child with you, I'm gonna wring his scrawny neck."
He grinned teeth flashing blue in the light,
"Is someone... Jealous?"
Sunny laughed, almost tipping him off the bed and onto the floor with her mirth,
"Yes Adam, I am totally jealous, really I am, ‘kay?. I mean who wouldn't want to have a child with YOU, big dumb, dork. Really the perfect place to put my superior genes."
"Superior genes, says someone who can't reach the top shelf."
She kicked him, foot clanging off his prosthetic,
"I am a foot taller than you."
He placed his hand next to his ear,
"What was that, I can't hear you over how short you are."
Sunny shook her head,
"At least I have binocular vision and both my knees."
"So we are gonna ignore that that binocular vision is due to a prosthetic now after the whole “your mom” incident? And also, veeery important: weird neck nostrils, don't forget about those!"
"Oh yes, so I can’t house them on my face like you and your bigass nose."
"Low blow, low blow."
"There are... Lower things... I could make fun of."
He snorted,
"Can't make fun of it if you've never seen it. You on the other hand, walking around in the nude..."
"You're welcome. Who wouldn't love…"
She gestured to herself,
"This."
"Mmm yeah... chitin, very sexy."
"I am a gift to the universe, and should be appreciated by everyone."
He brushed a hand through his hair,
"Well I find that real gifts are gift wrapped, so jot that down."
"Oh yeah, like a prank gift when you put something lame in a box for something cool."
He frowned at her,
"You wound me. My feelings are so very very hurt. I might even cry."
"I drink human tears."
"That… that's really gross.'
She laughed and then they lapsed into silence. She could hear him breathing quietly next to her in the darkness, his chest rising and falling under the ambient blue light. She looked across the room to where her saint armor was hanging in its climate-controlled case illuminated to a pearly sheen.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?”
"You know I'm just kidding about calling you dumb right?"
"Yeah I know."
"I'm proud of what you've been doing."
Adam turned to look at her rather incredulous,
"Me, of what? I haven't been doing shit."
"So, we are just going to ignore you overthrowing a maniacal politician while simultaneously piloting a 2,000 year old spacecraft?"
"That was more Conn and Eris than it was me."
"It was your idea."
"Let’s not forget Admiral Kelly."
Sunny pulled him closer,
"I am sorry, I will not be accepting anything other than you acknowledging that you did a good job."
"Screw you!”
"You'd like that wouldn't you?”
He sighed,
"You've been talking to Ramirez WAY too much."
She was only slightly smug as she rested her head back against the pillow,
"I really should get up and train..."
"We should yeah..."
Neither of them moved.
"Alternatively, we could just... Lay here... All day and do... nothing."
She looked up at the ceiling for a long moment and pretended to be in deep contemplation before…
"Well it's official, you have convinced me. You and your silver tongue."
"I am a master negotiator."
He shifted position putting one arm behind his head,
"Think about it, by this time tomorrow we will be back to space exploring and doing what we should have been doing all along. I can't wait."
"That makes two of us."
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Praise and respect to the spirits of Anin. Praise the fathers and mothers of war gone to their rest below the moss and the earth. Praise their spirits that watch from the sky and peer through the ether down upon us.
She continued the slow mantra in the style of Prayer learned from Naktan and pulled her concentration to her core, ignoring anything and everything around her. A deep state of meditation overtook her. She would never have done this if she thought there were any chance that she was in danger, but below she knew Earth glowed like a sphere before their orbiting ship. There was no worry of invasion.
She thought she heard something at one point, but chose to ignore it as she continued her mantra.
Eventually, and after an unknown amount of minutes, she stood and turned slowly to find-
She stopped, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing?”
Adam burrowed his way further down into her blankets, nuzzling his head up against her pillow,
"So warm, and comfy!"
She tried not to smile,
"You dumbass."
He pulled the blankets tighter around himself,
"You know, I did come here to talk to you, but now I actually am really comfortable, so come back in two hours."
"I- This is MY home!"
He closed his eyes and pretended to snore loudly.
She rolled her eyes as she watched him theatrically pretend to sleep. She looked around mildly for a moment, before picking up another pillow and glancing at the door. She casually walked over, dropped the pillow on his head and then held it down as if she intended to smother him.
”Die human scum!”
That got him up and moving.
Before long the two of them were grappling for the upper hand, him trying to put her in a choke hold, and her using her lower arms to pinch him.
He yelped,
"Ouch! Pinching is illegal!”
"Sissy."
He clamped his legs around her lower arms, pinning them in place.
She struggled for a minute and then went limp.
She could feel his smug smile,
"I win, I beat the saint of Anin. Everyone bow at my feet."
"You say that, but if this were a real fight, since you’re a human male, you're the one with a self-destruct button."
"Self-destruct button...?"
"Meaning if this were a real fight, I would have punched you in the balls."
"Yaoooutch… Oh god… Please don't."
Finally, he let her go, leaving the two of them to lay on her bed, sheets scattered on the floor around them, and her pillows in disarray. Adam put his hands behind his head and sighed.
She glanced over at him,
"I don't suppose you came to just hang out. Here on Admiral-ly business?"
He groaned, pulling one of her pillows over his face,
"Please smother me for real this time."
She leaned up on one of her elbows,
"Why?"
"I don't wanna be an adult anymore!"
She tilted her head to the side, watching in amusement as he attempted to throw a childlike tantrum, but only really had the energy to kick his feet once,
"It's boring and lame and they won’t let me wear heelies to important meetings... also children don't have to pay taxes."
She laughed, pulling the pillow from his face,
"Adam you are many things, but 'adult' is not one of them."
He grinned slightly,
"True enough."
He sighed again and rested his head back against the pillows,
"I just want to get back to what we are supposed to be doing, exploring the universe and making cool alien friends."
He threw up his hands in frustration,
"But suddenly I find myself embroiled in stupid annoying politics that I don't understand, being used by people who are, let’s face it, WAY smarter than me, constantly finding myself getting manipulated."
She huffed,
"They aren't smarter than you Adam, they're just manipulative, and you aren't."
He sighed,
"Fair enough."
Then he looked at her, bright green eyes reflecting the soft ambient blue light,
"I just, I miss this, I miss us, I miss hanging out and doing stupid shit, and all of the things I could do when I wasn't so important and this operation was smaller."
She smiled rather sadly reaching one hand over for his, lacing the four of her fingers through the five of his,
"Well someone has to do the hard things, who better than you?”
He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow,
"Or you, miss saint?”
She rolled her eyes again,
"Can't seem to get you off of that. I'm still the same person I used to be."
"But with power."
She elbowed him gently and he grinned,
"But really, I am proud and impressed and... Let's be honest super super smug that 'I' know you personally."
"I know, I am pretty terrific."
The two of them laughed for a minute before settling down again. He glanced over to her little shrine on the wall,
"What were you doing just then?"
She looked up at the ceiling, following the lines of metal and rivets with her eyes,
"Praying to the spirits of Anin."
Embarrassed, he shifted,
"I didn't know you were... Well I didn't think you were all that religious?"
She shrugged,
"Don't feel bad, it's sort of a new thing. Back before all this, it was sort of just stories to me. Like I believed it because that was what everyone believed, but I didn't really accept it, or feel it the way I do now. After everything with my mother, it was hard to feel connected to something I felt I wasn't a part of... But then after visiting my mother, after becoming a saint for a religion I never really followed... Well, it started to make more sense. It feels real now in a way that it never did."
She turned to look at him, finding him watching her, the UV blue stripes in his skin glowing blue.
"I believe in the spirits of Anin more than I ever have."
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand,
"I'm glad to hear it."
They lapsed into silence for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling before, inevitably he broke it,
"So this makes you like, space Moses right?”
She frowned and turned to look at him,
"What is a “Moses”?"
He grinned,
"A guy from one of the Earth Religions. You know, guy follows god's directions to lead his people away from slavery, climbs a mountain, receives the word of god, comes down to give it to the people, that sort of thing."
Sunny tilted her head slightly to the side,
"Are you religious?"
He paused, frowning,
"I... well I... don't really know. My family has been some flavor of Christian for a long time."
"Christian?"
"Uh yeah, the general idea is that there is one all-powerful deity who created everything. He has rules and laws that you are supposed to follow, the general tenants of this specific religion mostly boil down to: love everyone and don't be a dick, which humans are notoriously bad at. You sin you go to hell, a very bad place after you die, and if you are a good person you go to heaven. Problem is everyone is a sinner and breaks the rules, so really no one was going to get into heaven."
"That sounds bleak..."
"Well, that's where the other stuff comes in. Basically, this all-powerful deity sent down his son in human form to live a perfect life, so when he was martyred he took on the sins of all of humanity and paid for them in the greatest act of mercy to open the gate for the rest of us into heaven."
Sunny shifted as he tilted to the side to lay in the crook of her arms,
"Of course that is just one religion among tons on earth, we aren't really as cohesive in our beliefs as Drev are... As for me... I'm not really sure."
She tilted her head to the side, cheek resting against his hair,
"After seeing space, I become more and more convinced of some... Thing that created everything, but beyond that it's sort of a tossup."
She ran one hand through his hair, coarse but still soft somehow.
"You know my name comes from that religion?”
She turned her head to look at him,
"Oh, really?”
"Adam was the first man."
"What do you mean!?”
Adam shrugged,
"He was supposedly the first man that god created, from the dust of the earth... I think?"
She gave him a sidelong glance,
"Look, and you get to be the first idiot in space."
He snorted and poked her in the ribs.
"There were PLENTY of idiots in space before me, believe you me."
"Mmm I don't know, you are pretty dumb."
He laughed, grabbing a pillow and hitting her with it. She rolled over so she was lying on top of him and then went limp.
He struggled,
"Get your big ass off me."
"Oh no, I have been attacked by a sudden acute case of the “my spine doesn't work anymore”-disease."
"If you don't move, you'll suddenly find yourself with a case of “fist in your face”-disease."
She laughed and rolled off him, making sure the hard parts of her carapace were sticking down for maximum discomfort.
He grunted.
They returned to lying down next to each other in the half darkness. Sunny reached over and turned on some quiet music in the background as the two of them sat and talked, and laughed.
"I can't wait to get back to deep space."
He closed his eyes and hummed softly at the thought,
"Just the crew and the darkness and nothing ahead of us but an endless frontier."
Surprisingly, she found the thought to be more than a little comforting, and closed her eyes thinking about the vast reaches of blackness and the endless spinning galaxies.
"And while we are out, we can drop Conn into a pulsar."
He snorted,
“Why? Well first of for scientific reasons! If a marshmallow causes a nuclear blast, I wonder what dropping Conn would do… but at least he’d be dead.”
"That billowy bastard would survive and you know it."
She huffed,
"Still though, if I have to hear one more smug lecture how he has a child with you, I'm gonna wring his scrawny neck."
He grinned teeth flashing blue in the light,
"Is someone... Jealous?"
Sunny laughed, almost tipping him off the bed and onto the floor with her mirth,
"Yes Adam, I am totally jealous, really I am, ‘kay?. I mean who wouldn't want to have a child with YOU, big dumb, dork. Really the perfect place to put my superior genes."
"Superior genes, says someone who can't reach the top shelf."
She kicked him, foot clanging off his prosthetic,
"I am a foot taller than you."
He placed his hand next to his ear,
"What was that, I can't hear you over how short you are."
Sunny shook her head,
"At least I have binocular vision and both my knees."
"So we are gonna ignore that that binocular vision is due to a prosthetic now after the whole “your mom” incident? And also, veeery important: weird neck nostrils, don't forget about those!"
"Oh yes, so I can’t house them on my face like you and your bigass nose."
"Low blow, low blow."
"There are... Lower things... I could make fun of."
He snorted,
"Can't make fun of it if you've never seen it. You on the other hand, walking around in the nude..."
"You're welcome. Who wouldn't love…"
She gestured to herself,
"This."
"Mmm yeah... chitin, very sexy."
"I am a gift to the universe, and should be appreciated by everyone."
He brushed a hand through his hair,
"Well I find that real gifts are gift wrapped, so jot that down."
"Oh yeah, like a prank gift when you put something lame in a box for something cool."
He frowned at her,
"You wound me. My feelings are so very very hurt. I might even cry."
"I drink human tears."
"That… that's really gross.'
She laughed and then they lapsed into silence. She could hear him breathing quietly next to her in the darkness, his chest rising and falling under the ambient blue light. She looked across the room to where her saint armor was hanging in its climate-controlled case illuminated to a pearly sheen.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?”
"You know I'm just kidding about calling you dumb right?"
"Yeah I know."
"I'm proud of what you've been doing."
Adam turned to look at her rather incredulous,
"Me, of what? I haven't been doing shit."
"So, we are just going to ignore you overthrowing a maniacal politician while simultaneously piloting a 2,000 year old spacecraft?"
"That was more Conn and Eris than it was me."
"It was your idea."
"Let’s not forget Admiral Kelly."
Sunny pulled him closer,
"I am sorry, I will not be accepting anything other than you acknowledging that you did a good job."
"Screw you!”
"You'd like that wouldn't you?”
He sighed,
"You've been talking to Ramirez WAY too much."
She was only slightly smug as she rested her head back against the pillow,
"I really should get up and train..."
"We should yeah..."
Neither of them moved.
"Alternatively, we could just... Lay here... All day and do... nothing."
She looked up at the ceiling for a long moment and pretended to be in deep contemplation before…
"Well it's official, you have convinced me. You and your silver tongue."
"I am a master negotiator."
He shifted position putting one arm behind his head,
"Think about it, by this time tomorrow we will be back to space exploring and doing what we should have been doing all along. I can't wait."
"That makes two of us."
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
2024.05.21 13:53 maximusaemilius Empyrean Iris: 2-184 In the Ambiance (by Charlie Star)
FYI, this is a story COLLECTION. Lots of standalones technically. So, you can basically start to read at any chapter, no pre-read of the other chapters needed technically (other than maybe getting better descriptions of characters than: Adam Vir=human, Krill=antlike alien, Sunny=tall alien, Conn=telepathic alien). The numbers are (mostly) only for organization of posts and continuity.
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800 u/BakeGullible9975 u/Didnotseemecomein and u/medium_jock
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Awwwww! So cute!
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
She got up in the dark, with only the dim ambience of soft blue lighting to accompany her. She stretched all four arms, her two legs, and rolled her neck. It struck her as mildly interesting in that moment, how something so small could connect them to humans, The thought was fleeting as she took another step forward to kneel down on the floor. There, in a little alcove in the wall, she had set a volcanic rock from Anin, dried moss, and other paraphernalia from her home world. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath resting her hands together.
Praise and respect to the spirits of Anin. Praise the fathers and mothers of war gone to their rest below the moss and the earth. Praise their spirits that watch from the sky and peer through the ether down upon us.
She continued the slow mantra in the style of Prayer learned from Naktan and pulled her concentration to her core, ignoring anything and everything around her. A deep state of meditation overtook her. She would never have done this if she thought there were any chance that she was in danger, but below she knew Earth glowed like a sphere before their orbiting ship. There was no worry of invasion.
She thought she heard something at one point, but chose to ignore it as she continued her mantra.
Eventually, and after an unknown amount of minutes, she stood and turned slowly to find-
She stopped, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing?”
Adam burrowed his way further down into her blankets, nuzzling his head up against her pillow,
"So warm, and comfy!"
She tried not to smile,
"You dumbass."
He pulled the blankets tighter around himself,
"You know, I did come here to talk to you, but now I actually am really comfortable, so come back in two hours."
"I- This is MY home!"
He closed his eyes and pretended to snore loudly.
She rolled her eyes as she watched him theatrically pretend to sleep. She looked around mildly for a moment, before picking up another pillow and glancing at the door. She casually walked over, dropped the pillow on his head and then held it down as if she intended to smother him.
”Die human scum!”
That got him up and moving.
Before long the two of them were grappling for the upper hand, him trying to put her in a choke hold, and her using her lower arms to pinch him.
He yelped,
"Ouch! Pinching is illegal!”
"Sissy."
He clamped his legs around her lower arms, pinning them in place.
She struggled for a minute and then went limp.
She could feel his smug smile,
"I win, I beat the saint of Anin. Everyone bow at my feet."
"You say that, but if this were a real fight, since you’re a human male, you're the one with a self-destruct button."
"Self-destruct button...?"
"Meaning if this were a real fight, I would have punched you in the balls."
"Yaoooutch… Oh god… Please don't."
Finally, he let her go, leaving the two of them to lay on her bed, sheets scattered on the floor around them, and her pillows in disarray. Adam put his hands behind his head and sighed.
She glanced over at him,
"I don't suppose you came to just hang out. Here on Admiral-ly business?"
He groaned, pulling one of her pillows over his face,
"Please smother me for real this time."
She leaned up on one of her elbows,
"Why?"
"I don't wanna be an adult anymore!"
She tilted her head to the side, watching in amusement as he attempted to throw a childlike tantrum, but only really had the energy to kick his feet once,
"It's boring and lame and they won’t let me wear heelies to important meetings... also children don't have to pay taxes."
She laughed, pulling the pillow from his face,
"Adam you are many things, but 'adult' is not one of them."
He grinned slightly,
"True enough."
He sighed again and rested his head back against the pillows,
"I just want to get back to what we are supposed to be doing, exploring the universe and making cool alien friends."
He threw up his hands in frustration,
"But suddenly I find myself embroiled in stupid annoying politics that I don't understand, being used by people who are, let’s face it, WAY smarter than me, constantly finding myself getting manipulated."
She huffed,
"They aren't smarter than you Adam, they're just manipulative, and you aren't."
He sighed,
"Fair enough."
Then he looked at her, bright green eyes reflecting the soft ambient blue light,
"I just, I miss this, I miss us, I miss hanging out and doing stupid shit, and all of the things I could do when I wasn't so important and this operation was smaller."
She smiled rather sadly reaching one hand over for his, lacing the four of her fingers through the five of his,
"Well someone has to do the hard things, who better than you?”
He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow,
"Or you, miss saint?”
She rolled her eyes again,
"Can't seem to get you off of that. I'm still the same person I used to be."
"But with power."
She elbowed him gently and he grinned,
"But really, I am proud and impressed and... Let's be honest super super smug that 'I' know you personally."
"I know, I am pretty terrific."
The two of them laughed for a minute before settling down again. He glanced over to her little shrine on the wall,
"What were you doing just then?"
She looked up at the ceiling, following the lines of metal and rivets with her eyes,
"Praying to the spirits of Anin."
Embarrassed, he shifted,
"I didn't know you were... Well I didn't think you were all that religious?"
She shrugged,
"Don't feel bad, it's sort of a new thing. Back before all this, it was sort of just stories to me. Like I believed it because that was what everyone believed, but I didn't really accept it, or feel it the way I do now. After everything with my mother, it was hard to feel connected to something I felt I wasn't a part of... But then after visiting my mother, after becoming a saint for a religion I never really followed... Well, it started to make more sense. It feels real now in a way that it never did."
She turned to look at him, finding him watching her, the UV blue stripes in his skin glowing blue.
"I believe in the spirits of Anin more than I ever have."
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand,
"I'm glad to hear it."
They lapsed into silence for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling before, inevitably he broke it,
"So this makes you like, space Moses right?”
She frowned and turned to look at him,
"What is a “Moses”?"
He grinned,
"A guy from one of the Earth Religions. You know, guy follows god's directions to lead his people away from slavery, climbs a mountain, receives the word of god, comes down to give it to the people, that sort of thing."
Sunny tilted her head slightly to the side,
"Are you religious?"
He paused, frowning,
"I... well I... don't really know. My family has been some flavor of Christian for a long time."
"Christian?"
"Uh yeah, the general idea is that there is one all-powerful deity who created everything. He has rules and laws that you are supposed to follow, the general tenants of this specific religion mostly boil down to: love everyone and don't be a dick, which humans are notoriously bad at. You sin you go to hell, a very bad place after you die, and if you are a good person you go to heaven. Problem is everyone is a sinner and breaks the rules, so really no one was going to get into heaven."
"That sounds bleak..."
"Well, that's where the other stuff comes in. Basically, this all-powerful deity sent down his son in human form to live a perfect life, so when he was martyred he took on the sins of all of humanity and paid for them in the greatest act of mercy to open the gate for the rest of us into heaven."
Sunny shifted as he tilted to the side to lay in the crook of her arms,
"Of course that is just one religion among tons on earth, we aren't really as cohesive in our beliefs as Drev are... As for me... I'm not really sure."
She tilted her head to the side, cheek resting against his hair,
"After seeing space, I become more and more convinced of some... Thing that created everything, but beyond that it's sort of a tossup."
She ran one hand through his hair, coarse but still soft somehow.
"You know my name comes from that religion?”
She turned her head to look at him,
"Oh, really?”
"Adam was the first man."
"What do you mean!?”
Adam shrugged,
"He was supposedly the first man that god created, from the dust of the earth... I think?"
She gave him a sidelong glance,
"Look, and you get to be the first idiot in space."
He snorted and poked her in the ribs.
"There were PLENTY of idiots in space before me, believe you me."
"Mmm I don't know, you are pretty dumb."
He laughed, grabbing a pillow and hitting her with it. She rolled over so she was lying on top of him and then went limp.
He struggled,
"Get your big ass off me."
"Oh no, I have been attacked by a sudden acute case of the “my spine doesn't work anymore”-disease."
"If you don't move, you'll suddenly find yourself with a case of “fist in your face”-disease."
She laughed and rolled off him, making sure the hard parts of her carapace were sticking down for maximum discomfort.
He grunted.
They returned to lying down next to each other in the half darkness. Sunny reached over and turned on some quiet music in the background as the two of them sat and talked, and laughed.
"I can't wait to get back to deep space."
He closed his eyes and hummed softly at the thought,
"Just the crew and the darkness and nothing ahead of us but an endless frontier."
Surprisingly, she found the thought to be more than a little comforting, and closed her eyes thinking about the vast reaches of blackness and the endless spinning galaxies.
"And while we are out, we can drop Conn into a pulsar."
He snorted,
“Why? Well first of for scientific reasons! If a marshmallow causes a nuclear blast, I wonder what dropping Conn would do… but at least he’d be dead.”
"That billowy bastard would survive and you know it."
She huffed,
"Still though, if I have to hear one more smug lecture how he has a child with you, I'm gonna wring his scrawny neck."
He grinned teeth flashing blue in the light,
"Is someone... Jealous?"
Sunny laughed, almost tipping him off the bed and onto the floor with her mirth,
"Yes Adam, I am totally jealous, really I am, ‘kay?. I mean who wouldn't want to have a child with YOU, big dumb, dork. Really the perfect place to put my superior genes."
"Superior genes, says someone who can't reach the top shelf."
She kicked him, foot clanging off his prosthetic,
"I am a foot taller than you."
He placed his hand next to his ear,
"What was that, I can't hear you over how short you are."
Sunny shook her head,
"At least I have binocular vision and both my knees."
"So we are gonna ignore that that binocular vision is due to a prosthetic now after the whole “your mom” incident? And also, veeery important: weird neck nostrils, don't forget about those!"
"Oh yes, so I can’t house them on my face like you and your bigass nose."
"Low blow, low blow."
"There are... Lower things... I could make fun of."
He snorted,
"Can't make fun of it if you've never seen it. You on the other hand, walking around in the nude..."
"You're welcome. Who wouldn't love…"
She gestured to herself,
"This."
"Mmm yeah... chitin, very sexy."
"I am a gift to the universe, and should be appreciated by everyone."
He brushed a hand through his hair,
"Well I find that real gifts are gift wrapped, so jot that down."
"Oh yeah, like a prank gift when you put something lame in a box for something cool."
He frowned at her,
"You wound me. My feelings are so very very hurt. I might even cry."
"I drink human tears."
"That… that's really gross.'
She laughed and then they lapsed into silence. She could hear him breathing quietly next to her in the darkness, his chest rising and falling under the ambient blue light. She looked across the room to where her saint armor was hanging in its climate-controlled case illuminated to a pearly sheen.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?”
"You know I'm just kidding about calling you dumb right?"
"Yeah I know."
"I'm proud of what you've been doing."
Adam turned to look at her rather incredulous,
"Me, of what? I haven't been doing shit."
"So, we are just going to ignore you overthrowing a maniacal politician while simultaneously piloting a 2,000 year old spacecraft?"
"That was more Conn and Eris than it was me."
"It was your idea."
"Let’s not forget Admiral Kelly."
Sunny pulled him closer,
"I am sorry, I will not be accepting anything other than you acknowledging that you did a good job."
"Screw you!”
"You'd like that wouldn't you?”
He sighed,
"You've been talking to Ramirez WAY too much."
She was only slightly smug as she rested her head back against the pillow,
"I really should get up and train..."
"We should yeah..."
Neither of them moved.
"Alternatively, we could just... Lay here... All day and do... nothing."
She looked up at the ceiling for a long moment and pretended to be in deep contemplation before…
"Well it's official, you have convinced me. You and your silver tongue."
"I am a master negotiator."
He shifted position putting one arm behind his head,
"Think about it, by this time tomorrow we will be back to space exploring and doing what we should have been doing all along. I can't wait."
"That makes two of us."
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Thanks for reading! As you saw in the title, this is a cross posted story written by starrfallknightrise and I'll just upload some of it here for you guys, if you are interested and want to read ahead, the original story-collection can be found on tumblr or wattpad to read for free. (link above this text under "OC:..." ) It is the Empyrean Iris story collection by starfallknightrise. Also, if you want to know more about the story collection i made an intro post about it, so feel free to check that out to see what other great characters to look forward to! (Link also above this text). I have no affiliations to the author; just thought I’d share some of the great stories you might enjoy a lot!
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.
submitted by maximusaemilius to HFY [link] [comments]
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800 u/BakeGullible9975 u/Didnotseemecomein and u/medium_jock
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Awwwww! So cute!
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Praise and respect to the spirits of Anin. Praise the fathers and mothers of war gone to their rest below the moss and the earth. Praise their spirits that watch from the sky and peer through the ether down upon us.
She continued the slow mantra in the style of Prayer learned from Naktan and pulled her concentration to her core, ignoring anything and everything around her. A deep state of meditation overtook her. She would never have done this if she thought there were any chance that she was in danger, but below she knew Earth glowed like a sphere before their orbiting ship. There was no worry of invasion.
She thought she heard something at one point, but chose to ignore it as she continued her mantra.
Eventually, and after an unknown amount of minutes, she stood and turned slowly to find-
She stopped, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing?”
Adam burrowed his way further down into her blankets, nuzzling his head up against her pillow,
"So warm, and comfy!"
She tried not to smile,
"You dumbass."
He pulled the blankets tighter around himself,
"You know, I did come here to talk to you, but now I actually am really comfortable, so come back in two hours."
"I- This is MY home!"
He closed his eyes and pretended to snore loudly.
She rolled her eyes as she watched him theatrically pretend to sleep. She looked around mildly for a moment, before picking up another pillow and glancing at the door. She casually walked over, dropped the pillow on his head and then held it down as if she intended to smother him.
”Die human scum!”
That got him up and moving.
Before long the two of them were grappling for the upper hand, him trying to put her in a choke hold, and her using her lower arms to pinch him.
He yelped,
"Ouch! Pinching is illegal!”
"Sissy."
He clamped his legs around her lower arms, pinning them in place.
She struggled for a minute and then went limp.
She could feel his smug smile,
"I win, I beat the saint of Anin. Everyone bow at my feet."
"You say that, but if this were a real fight, since you’re a human male, you're the one with a self-destruct button."
"Self-destruct button...?"
"Meaning if this were a real fight, I would have punched you in the balls."
"Yaoooutch… Oh god… Please don't."
Finally, he let her go, leaving the two of them to lay on her bed, sheets scattered on the floor around them, and her pillows in disarray. Adam put his hands behind his head and sighed.
She glanced over at him,
"I don't suppose you came to just hang out. Here on Admiral-ly business?"
He groaned, pulling one of her pillows over his face,
"Please smother me for real this time."
She leaned up on one of her elbows,
"Why?"
"I don't wanna be an adult anymore!"
She tilted her head to the side, watching in amusement as he attempted to throw a childlike tantrum, but only really had the energy to kick his feet once,
"It's boring and lame and they won’t let me wear heelies to important meetings... also children don't have to pay taxes."
She laughed, pulling the pillow from his face,
"Adam you are many things, but 'adult' is not one of them."
He grinned slightly,
"True enough."
He sighed again and rested his head back against the pillows,
"I just want to get back to what we are supposed to be doing, exploring the universe and making cool alien friends."
He threw up his hands in frustration,
"But suddenly I find myself embroiled in stupid annoying politics that I don't understand, being used by people who are, let’s face it, WAY smarter than me, constantly finding myself getting manipulated."
She huffed,
"They aren't smarter than you Adam, they're just manipulative, and you aren't."
He sighed,
"Fair enough."
Then he looked at her, bright green eyes reflecting the soft ambient blue light,
"I just, I miss this, I miss us, I miss hanging out and doing stupid shit, and all of the things I could do when I wasn't so important and this operation was smaller."
She smiled rather sadly reaching one hand over for his, lacing the four of her fingers through the five of his,
"Well someone has to do the hard things, who better than you?”
He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow,
"Or you, miss saint?”
She rolled her eyes again,
"Can't seem to get you off of that. I'm still the same person I used to be."
"But with power."
She elbowed him gently and he grinned,
"But really, I am proud and impressed and... Let's be honest super super smug that 'I' know you personally."
"I know, I am pretty terrific."
The two of them laughed for a minute before settling down again. He glanced over to her little shrine on the wall,
"What were you doing just then?"
She looked up at the ceiling, following the lines of metal and rivets with her eyes,
"Praying to the spirits of Anin."
Embarrassed, he shifted,
"I didn't know you were... Well I didn't think you were all that religious?"
She shrugged,
"Don't feel bad, it's sort of a new thing. Back before all this, it was sort of just stories to me. Like I believed it because that was what everyone believed, but I didn't really accept it, or feel it the way I do now. After everything with my mother, it was hard to feel connected to something I felt I wasn't a part of... But then after visiting my mother, after becoming a saint for a religion I never really followed... Well, it started to make more sense. It feels real now in a way that it never did."
She turned to look at him, finding him watching her, the UV blue stripes in his skin glowing blue.
"I believe in the spirits of Anin more than I ever have."
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand,
"I'm glad to hear it."
They lapsed into silence for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling before, inevitably he broke it,
"So this makes you like, space Moses right?”
She frowned and turned to look at him,
"What is a “Moses”?"
He grinned,
"A guy from one of the Earth Religions. You know, guy follows god's directions to lead his people away from slavery, climbs a mountain, receives the word of god, comes down to give it to the people, that sort of thing."
Sunny tilted her head slightly to the side,
"Are you religious?"
He paused, frowning,
"I... well I... don't really know. My family has been some flavor of Christian for a long time."
"Christian?"
"Uh yeah, the general idea is that there is one all-powerful deity who created everything. He has rules and laws that you are supposed to follow, the general tenants of this specific religion mostly boil down to: love everyone and don't be a dick, which humans are notoriously bad at. You sin you go to hell, a very bad place after you die, and if you are a good person you go to heaven. Problem is everyone is a sinner and breaks the rules, so really no one was going to get into heaven."
"That sounds bleak..."
"Well, that's where the other stuff comes in. Basically, this all-powerful deity sent down his son in human form to live a perfect life, so when he was martyred he took on the sins of all of humanity and paid for them in the greatest act of mercy to open the gate for the rest of us into heaven."
Sunny shifted as he tilted to the side to lay in the crook of her arms,
"Of course that is just one religion among tons on earth, we aren't really as cohesive in our beliefs as Drev are... As for me... I'm not really sure."
She tilted her head to the side, cheek resting against his hair,
"After seeing space, I become more and more convinced of some... Thing that created everything, but beyond that it's sort of a tossup."
She ran one hand through his hair, coarse but still soft somehow.
"You know my name comes from that religion?”
She turned her head to look at him,
"Oh, really?”
"Adam was the first man."
"What do you mean!?”
Adam shrugged,
"He was supposedly the first man that god created, from the dust of the earth... I think?"
She gave him a sidelong glance,
"Look, and you get to be the first idiot in space."
He snorted and poked her in the ribs.
"There were PLENTY of idiots in space before me, believe you me."
"Mmm I don't know, you are pretty dumb."
He laughed, grabbing a pillow and hitting her with it. She rolled over so she was lying on top of him and then went limp.
He struggled,
"Get your big ass off me."
"Oh no, I have been attacked by a sudden acute case of the “my spine doesn't work anymore”-disease."
"If you don't move, you'll suddenly find yourself with a case of “fist in your face”-disease."
She laughed and rolled off him, making sure the hard parts of her carapace were sticking down for maximum discomfort.
He grunted.
They returned to lying down next to each other in the half darkness. Sunny reached over and turned on some quiet music in the background as the two of them sat and talked, and laughed.
"I can't wait to get back to deep space."
He closed his eyes and hummed softly at the thought,
"Just the crew and the darkness and nothing ahead of us but an endless frontier."
Surprisingly, she found the thought to be more than a little comforting, and closed her eyes thinking about the vast reaches of blackness and the endless spinning galaxies.
"And while we are out, we can drop Conn into a pulsar."
He snorted,
“Why? Well first of for scientific reasons! If a marshmallow causes a nuclear blast, I wonder what dropping Conn would do… but at least he’d be dead.”
"That billowy bastard would survive and you know it."
She huffed,
"Still though, if I have to hear one more smug lecture how he has a child with you, I'm gonna wring his scrawny neck."
He grinned teeth flashing blue in the light,
"Is someone... Jealous?"
Sunny laughed, almost tipping him off the bed and onto the floor with her mirth,
"Yes Adam, I am totally jealous, really I am, ‘kay?. I mean who wouldn't want to have a child with YOU, big dumb, dork. Really the perfect place to put my superior genes."
"Superior genes, says someone who can't reach the top shelf."
She kicked him, foot clanging off his prosthetic,
"I am a foot taller than you."
He placed his hand next to his ear,
"What was that, I can't hear you over how short you are."
Sunny shook her head,
"At least I have binocular vision and both my knees."
"So we are gonna ignore that that binocular vision is due to a prosthetic now after the whole “your mom” incident? And also, veeery important: weird neck nostrils, don't forget about those!"
"Oh yes, so I can’t house them on my face like you and your bigass nose."
"Low blow, low blow."
"There are... Lower things... I could make fun of."
He snorted,
"Can't make fun of it if you've never seen it. You on the other hand, walking around in the nude..."
"You're welcome. Who wouldn't love…"
She gestured to herself,
"This."
"Mmm yeah... chitin, very sexy."
"I am a gift to the universe, and should be appreciated by everyone."
He brushed a hand through his hair,
"Well I find that real gifts are gift wrapped, so jot that down."
"Oh yeah, like a prank gift when you put something lame in a box for something cool."
He frowned at her,
"You wound me. My feelings are so very very hurt. I might even cry."
"I drink human tears."
"That… that's really gross.'
She laughed and then they lapsed into silence. She could hear him breathing quietly next to her in the darkness, his chest rising and falling under the ambient blue light. She looked across the room to where her saint armor was hanging in its climate-controlled case illuminated to a pearly sheen.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?”
"You know I'm just kidding about calling you dumb right?"
"Yeah I know."
"I'm proud of what you've been doing."
Adam turned to look at her rather incredulous,
"Me, of what? I haven't been doing shit."
"So, we are just going to ignore you overthrowing a maniacal politician while simultaneously piloting a 2,000 year old spacecraft?"
"That was more Conn and Eris than it was me."
"It was your idea."
"Let’s not forget Admiral Kelly."
Sunny pulled him closer,
"I am sorry, I will not be accepting anything other than you acknowledging that you did a good job."
"Screw you!”
"You'd like that wouldn't you?”
He sighed,
"You've been talking to Ramirez WAY too much."
She was only slightly smug as she rested her head back against the pillow,
"I really should get up and train..."
"We should yeah..."
Neither of them moved.
"Alternatively, we could just... Lay here... All day and do... nothing."
She looked up at the ceiling for a long moment and pretended to be in deep contemplation before…
"Well it's official, you have convinced me. You and your silver tongue."
"I am a master negotiator."
He shifted position putting one arm behind his head,
"Think about it, by this time tomorrow we will be back to space exploring and doing what we should have been doing all along. I can't wait."
"That makes two of us."
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.