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2024.05.19 17:24 fiverruser1 How to *really* spend your time to grow business the most?
This might be a slightly philosophical post. But the aim is to get to the bottom of what you should be truly doing. To truly get the most results.
There seems to be a MASSIVE amount of conflicting information online about how to do this.
“Do stuff that moves the needle forward”
“Do stuff that brings in revenue”
What does this truly mean though. And is it even the right thing. That’s the purpose of this post, to uncover.
When I’ve spent my time on actual needle-moving forward things, like taking business from 0 to revenue, doing all offer development, operations, sales process, marketing myself, it generally has taken me about 6 months to fully ‘try out’ a business idea I’ve had.
Most times it hasn’t worked.
Either it wasn’t profitable. Or there was a big problem somewhere.
I believe fundamentally it’s because I’m moving too slow.
Because it usually takes me around 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential.
When you haven’t sold it or developed expertise in it yourself yet.
And I would say about 5% of the time it does work.
So if it takes 6 months and only 5% of the time it works (where you bring in revenue, no major issues), and each time it doesn’t work you try a new variation of it or something new based on what you learned, then it might take 10 years of trying different things to get the business to work.
Which sounds like it takes way too long.
So I thought about how the top companies move much quicker.
What separates them and my strategy.
And realized they simply had much more people on their team.
If you think about any successful organization who has achieved great things, and is world-leading, usually there is not 1 person on the team.
There seems to be a correlation between number of people on the team and speed of progress they can make in business.
Which goes against what most conventional startup wisdom tells you, most small business content creators etc all tell you to do it all yourself.
Which I’ve done for quite a few years and it’s gone so slowly in terms of overall progress.
If you should ‘do everything yourself’ then most Fortune 500 companies would’ve had single founders, and 1 person on their team. But the vast majority of successful Fortune 500 companies had co-founders.
And most successful businesses I know of, had co-founders.
And as they succeeded, they got more people on the team, and these people helped bring more success, then they brought more people.
Obviously there can be bad staff and not everyone contributes to the success of the company.
But I do believe, based on this, and observing top companies, that generally the more successful they are, the more people were involved with bringing about the success.
Which completely contradicts most information given to startups about ‘lone wolf’, ‘go it alone’. If that were true, Google would have 1 employee. Apple would have 1 employee.
And they would have never gotten off the ground.
Anyway, I may not have explained this perfectly but I do strongly believe the more & higher quality people are working together on something, the stats show these companies tend to do better, and successful companies you see often have more people than less working on them.
From the very beginning and now.
Regardless of the stage they were at.
So going based off this information, that the more people, the better, I have hired 30+ different people for different roles. Over the past few years. Across different businesses. To help speed up the progress in different areas.
From marketing roles, sales process roles, web development, app development, customer service, delivery of services.
And I would say there have been maybe 1 or 2 of them where I was actually happy with the result.
Most times, I would hire someone to do a job, and they didn’t do the job well, despite saying they were experienced.
And showing past examples of their work. And telling me everything I wanted to hear about how good they were.
It would often be that they would end up performing badly in the KPIs I set for them, giving many excuses, asking for help/questions/not solving anything on their own.
And just so many other problems. Like when there were multiple people at the same time on a team, working on the same project, they would blame each other and no one took responsibility despite clear responsibilities.
All telling me how other staff were bad and they were good, but getting conflicting info from all staff where they blame each other for everything so it’s difficult to know who to trust and who is being truthful.
Oftentimes not being reliable or doing what they were clearly asked to do.
Oftentimes trying to outsource the work I game them, to other people and not caring about the quality.
At my expense.
So I lost lots of clients, had low performing areas in the areas I hired for a lot of the time.
To be fair, things happened faster the more people there were.
But they often needed much more from me than they were contributing.
Like they always wanted to get paid more, for doing less work, weren’t reliable, did low quality work, didn’t hit KPIs, missed clear deadlines, always gave excuses, blamed others/external things, always asking how “I” wanted their job to be done, to the point where I was having to literally tell them every single thing to do and become an expert at their job myself, and show them how to do what they were put there to do, or do it myself, and still get a low quality result from them.
Anyway, the list goes on in all the problems I have experienced hiring people.
It really seems like a minefield.
But there were 1-2 people who did actually do well, who were responsive, who did what they committed to do, who hit deadlines, who did what they were asked, who didn’t give excuses. Who were actually honest hard workers who figured out how to solve problems and actually do the job that was asked from them.
Because of the amount of people I hired and the very low % of people who seemed to do their job well, it made me think that I am probably the problem here. If so many people are doing a bad job and not doing what they were actually hired to do. When most other companies seem to succeed at hiring people.
Then it must be a problem with myself and how I am hiring and managing them.
So it makes me think I need to level up in how I hire and manage people.
I’ve tried lots of different businesses and variations of them and some have done okay, some have not.
Mainly the most success I’ve had is in my own freelancing, where I don’t have other people on my team.
Because it’s kind of turned into a headache working with others. Who just seem to have mostly never been able to deliver what they promised without it becoming pointless to hire them in the first place with all the work I’m doing on their behalf and trying to pick up after all the problems and failures they’ve done.
So I’m not sure exactly what to spend my time and resources on.
I have money saved up from freelancing.
Where I can continue to hire people.
But I do feel I’ve had many many bad experiences.
And I believe it’s mostly my fault. Maybe my training, my hiring, my management, at places along the line I’ve not done it well enough.
I’ve tried to make improvements each time but it has kind of seemed like luck to get people who do actually do their job well.
I genuinely want to hire people and succeed in this.
Because if I can successfully work with people to achieve outcomes, rather than relying only on myself, I can build a real business and not just do freelancing.
In freelancing, I was able to make $3k-5k/month but it was very stressful and I hated speaking with clients, and was constantly stressed.
I generally really don’t like socialising with people. Including clients and staff.
And staff often try to get me to socialise unnecessarily so they can avoid doing their job, and pull me away from mine.
So trying to make it work.
I want to make it work with hiring people because if I can do this, I can make 10x-100x-1000x faster progress with other people on the same team.
But I do have a very bad track record so far. So it’s kind of painful returning to it and continuing to have bad experiences.
But at the same time I know it’s me who’s probably at fault because there can’t be this many bad people I’ve hired and it surely can’t be this bad for everyone.
I think the reason is that I’ve been better at managing myself and doing things successfully solo throughout my life.
Like I’ve achieved very good things in solo sports, in academia, and in many areas that don’t require a team, but often become frustrated working in a team.
But I don’t want my business success to be limited to 1 person.
So I truly want to make it work in improving my ability to manage (ideally a large amount of) people in a way where they can actually deliver and it work well.
Because I was capped in freelancing to making $3k-5k/month because I couldn’t take on more clients because I was undercharging and overdelivering and couldn’t handle more due to being massively stressed out and hating it. I was able to work with less clients at times and charge higher, but they never wanted me to ‘outsource’ my work to others or bring on a team, and I felt bad about it because had bad experiences where I had felt like I let clients down, and oftentimes they told me they had hired me because of me, and not wanted me to ‘outsource’ the work.
But I want to make it work.
Building a real business with a team. Not just doing freelancing and relying just on myself.
So I have time and money and resources to put into this.
I have 1 staff member currently who is unproductive. But we have an equity deal so it doesn’t cost me money for them to perform. But costs me lots of time and their performance is extremely weak. Don’t even want to go into detail, but it’s a nightmare. Their performance is about 1/10 but I believe I can raise their performance if I improve my ability to raise their performance.
Anyway. I want to build a team, but not sure exactly what activities are best ways to spend my time.
If I am physically making improvements, I feel I am slowing down the business progress.
Whereas I want to hire and manage people.
I’ve built training so that this co-founder is able to hire people. And these people can use the same training to hire people.
But I don’t currently have training to enable them to manage people.
My fear is that without training, people just ask unlimited questions on how to do something in their role and it becomes pointless to have hired them because I have to do everything they should have done to do it, so they basically just become a robot following very specific instructions. Rather than a human being who can achieve things independently.
So for example, if I made this training, it would take up all my time, whereas I have savings I’ve accumulated from freelancing which I can put into either having the co-founder manage staff, or have the co-founder make management training at the same time to enable more and more staff to hire and manage new staff. To achieve overall objectives and KPIs.
Or I could have the co-founder hire someone to make the training.
Then that frees up my time, my co-founders, time and only takes financial resources to accomplish.
What I want to achieve, is a scenario where I can give staff KPIs and objectives, and they are enabled to hire and manage people who can meet these objectives. Independently without my help required.
They give feedback, and I have a system for feedback to internal improvements can be made based on staff feedback.
Without it being unfiltered, it’s structured and organised so people can’t just get unlimited help/training/whatever from me.
Where they should be able to take actions, iterate, learn, improve, and act as independent thinking people who can achieve objectives themselves. Or within a system where it’s not all tied directly to me.
E.g. I have direct reports going to me.
But they have direct reports who go to them.
Previously I had a system where I did this, but then staff at the bottom of the hierarchy would ask their managers questions, and the managers wouldn’t know the answer so would then ask me the questions, and so jumping over the managers and making me deal with everything.
Whereas I want to build a system where people can make business progress in their specific area, independently without everything going to the CEO. Only important/urgent things are feedbacked to the CEO.
This way I believe much faster progress can happen.
Because I won’t be bogged down by exponentially growing problems.
Like with how it works in any successful organisation.
Tim Cook has only a handful of direct reports. Who each only have a handful of direct reports. And so on.
He’s making the most important decisions, dealing with what’s most important and strategic, with top authority, dealing with everything as a birds eye view, but not doing every employee’s job for them, teaching every employee how to do their job. Picking up the pieces after every employee misses their deadlines, doesn’t do their work, gives excuses, does poor work that doesn’t help the company.
Even in any successful organisation. Each unit/person is making their own decisions, taking their own action, learning from it, practicing themself at improving, gaining their own experience, not all relying on 1 person, every single person in the organisation, just for them to do their job.
In successful organisations, people at every level experience new problems all the time, and don’t need to contact the #1 person at the top just to deal with it.
They come up with a solution and go for it. And iterate. Learn, try to do something better next time. And there’s a constant learning/feedback process going on across the organisation which everyone takes part in, not just 1 person doing every part for everyone.
I believe this structure of modelling what actually successful organisations do is the correct way. Because they’re successful for a reason.
Not this ‘hustle grindset’ BS in the startup/business world where lots of information seems to be saying the wrong thing. It just makes no sense to make every single person 100% reliant on you for them to do their job.
Anyway so I’m thinking about what I should do with my time.
What I want to do, is tell my co-founder what to do, which involves hiring and managing people who do things that move the needle forward in the business, as defined by me, and some of those people also hire and manage people. To have an exponentially growing system of people growing the organisation. And a communication and feedback and learning system and autonomy within the system itself so it can take action, learn, grow, thrive. As a system within itself.
I believe if hypothetically, I did everything myself, then it takes about 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential, and 5% of the time it does. So if I do everything myself, I believe it will take me 10 years to get a business off the ground.
But if I utilise my money and time more efficiently, I can have as many people working on each part involved in validating these businesses as possible.
I don’t know if that is lazy or smart.
I believe it’s both. But mostly smart. Because I believe I can convince, hire, organise, manage people to either work on equity deals or pay in a way where businesses can realistically bring in profit.
My co-founder does very little of what I ask him to do.
And he wants me to be doing individual things.
He objectively is financially and intelligently very poor and has very minimal skills or experience.
Not to be offensive. Just to paint a picture. So since there is conflicting information everywhere in the business world and you need to choose who to trust, I don’t trust what he believes.
Objectively I am much richer in all these areas than him.
So I used to operate on a democratic system with them. But it’s kind of like, in a vote for president, if you have 80% of the population being easily controlled by the media and being very dumb and easy to sway and manipulate into believing anything, and they vote for things which are objectively dumb and go against what the smartest and objectively most valuable people vote for, I don’t want to be held back by a dumb population having authority or being listened to, if they have a clear, long track record of making very bad decisions.
If you were to take business advice from a homeless person with no experience, money or intellect, or a Fortune 500 CEO, who let’s say objectively has massive experience, money, intellect and success. Then I would probably take what the CEO has to say.
If you had to listen to what a scientist vs 12 year old had to say about a scientific topic, you’d probably want to listen to the scientist who studied the topic and is well respected in their field.
So I believe it would be dumb for both of us, if he made decisions, objectively.
But at the same time it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
The Fortune 500 CEO could be telling you what you want to hear, and could have an incentive to lie to you to send you in the wrong direction with bad business advice so you don’t become competition to them, and the homeless person could be honest.
The scientist could be trying to gain fame and get attention to themself to build their career on a lie and fake experiments whereas the 12 year old could be a science savant.
So it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
If I should listen to him or myself.
Objectively.
Human development over history has happened due to the input of millions, if not billions of people.
There wasn’t 1 person who did all the work to get Carnegie or Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg to gain the success they’ve achieved.
They all build an empire off the backs of others.
Did the slave owners do the slave work themselves when they brought slaves to America? No.
Does Elon do all the individual parts necessary to grow the company? No. He leads and controls the people in order to do that.
Does Mark Zuckerberg single handedly get Facebook off the ground? No. There were 10+ people involved. He stole code from others. Who sued him.
All of these people had exponentially growing staff as the company grew, as fuel to grow the company.
So if you have the money and strategy to lead them to success, I believe it surely is possible.
So long story short this is a long rambling piece of writing but I believe there’s very little impact 1 individual person has on the success of a company. Controlling and amassing an army of people who build the company up and contribute to the company sounds more true.
Does 1 person do everything involved in every sports team? No. Each player plays their respective part. Directed by the coach/manager.
Does 1 person do everything involved in musical orchestras? No each musician plays their part. Directed by the conductor.
And so on.
If you can build an exponentially growing team of staff who effectively work together, bring others on, take action to grow the business, learn from mistakes, make improvements, are highly motivated, are led successfully, it can achieve great things. I feel like it’s a delusion that individual people single-handedly grow companies without others.
So what should that person spend their time doing?
Doing all the millions of things necessary to grow the company? Or bring and manage others who some make progress themselves, some bring and manage others, to gain more and more resources to make progress at faster and faster rate.
Do successful people really have only 1 person responsible? No. They have teams of people behind them.
So trying to do the work of 1,000 people as 1 person sounds 1,000x as hard as getting 1,000 people to each do the work of 1 person.
So if you can finance the growth of the company via hiring others.
Let’s assume I can finance this exponential staff growth. Then surely I should do it right?
Like if I were to compete with 1 person trying to grow their business, and I had 1,000+ people, all doing their jobs effectively, being organised, working as a system not all relying on me, the competition where it’s 1 staff member on average would get beaten.
And surely any excuse you could give, I could just hire someone to solve that excuse.
Like “oh but what roles do you hire these people to do?” well I could hire someone whose role is to figure out what roles they should do. “But what if x?” well I could hire someone whose role is to solve that too. And so on. “Oh but do you have enough money to pay these staff?” Yes. And I can hire people whose job is to bring in money. Whether it’s fundraising, raising from
Did Hitler fight WW2 with 1 person? No. He fought it with millions, if not hundreds of millions of people.
Did Amazon/[insert any Fortune 500 company] get to their size today from having 1 staff member who did everything? No. They had thousands if not hundreds of thousands of staff.
Did any successful mom and pop shop/small business get to their size today from 1 staff member? No. They are one of the largest employers in the USA. Which means they hire a lot of people. Successful mom & pop shops generally have more staff the more successful they are.
Armies generally have more success the bigger and more effective they are.
Companies generally have more success the more staff and more effective the staff are.
So surely we shouldn’t hold ourselves back, to use the example of war, it’s like trying to go to war with others who have hundreds of thousands of people in their army, with just 1 person, yourself. Who is going to win? Them.
How are you going to compete with companies with way more staff, and way more effective staff than you? You would have to become exponentially more effective as 1 person which I just don’t know if it’s realistic.
I think it’s more delusional to believe that 1 person can do as well as 10 or 20 or 50 or 100 or more people who are each as effective as that 1 person.
So if you were to win, you would probably want to expand your army/staff and make them more effective, rather than try to make yourself somehow perform on the same level as armies/companies with thousands or hundreds of thousands of people. It’s just delusional to believe you can beat them in my opinion.
In business, you’d have to be extremely skilled at hundreds of different skills, spend 10+ hours on 100+ individual areas of the business each week to compete with 1,000+ staff who, if performing effectively, would crush you.
This is just my thoughts.
Am I being delusional? Come on…
I just feel like this is the way. Just look at the most successful organisations in history. Was it 1 person?
No, 1 person cannot realistically win a war against 100,000+ people. No matter how good they are. They would need to be top 0.00000000001% in skill in the world at what they’re beating the other side at.
Could 1 footballer beat a football team of 100 people of equal ability than them? No.
Could a company of 1 person outperform a company of 1,000 people? No.
So I believe if I can solve the ability to do this, I can grow a team of unlimited size to conquer and beat any problem thrown at us.
It’s just down to control of people.
Money doesn’t exist.
Even biggest most successful companies in the world mostly didn’t get there on their own.
I believe less than 1% of Fortune 500 Companies were bootstrapped. Or something similar.
And this is what I’m saying.
People in the small business/entrepreneur world tell you you need to have everything yourself.
How are you going to outfinance, outcompete companies on complete other levels without acquiring these resources from others? Just relying on yourself.
How could 1 person get more financing/investment in a company from investors compared to 1,000 of equal ability.
It’s never 1 person ‘beating the world’. Or beating the industry on their own.
Maybe if your aspiration is to be an average business.
“Oh but you should do what is best at each level, and it’s different for each level. Start just by yourself until you get X revenue. THEN hire people”
…..Well if you struggle to get X revenue on your own, how are you ever going to hire others?
The others help you grow the revenue in the first place.
I feel like the small business world is too overreliant on the founder and delusional about the capabilities of 1 person when competing against units 100-1,000x + bigger than them.
Come on.
Anything you want to compete in. In business.
Generally you already have competition.
And if you manage to somehow “spot” something they’ve “missed”, they could just copy you and wipe you out with their massive resources anyway.
In my opinion you need to expand your resources as FAST as possible.
Not this BS “oh wait until you get X profit on your own to hire other people”
Well if you’ve only made good profit on your own as a freelancer, and you’ve spent a lot of years trying to get a business off the ground solo, what are you meant to do?
“Oh just make it work” Great advice.
I just feel like there’s too much delusion into what it actually takes.
In a job or as a freelancer. It’s easier to make $3k-5k/month revenue because you’re only competing against individuals.
But when you try to compete against other businesses to make $3k-5k/month profit, you’re competing against businesses with 10x-100x the people, the money, the resources, the everything, to beat you.
So how are you meant to realistically beat them on your own? Without expanding your resources as quick as possible.
So because of this I believe if 1 person on their own is somehow meant to take a business from $0 to $10k/mo profit, then surely it will happen quicker if more people, of equal ability, are trying to make the business $0 to 10k/mo profit.
To be honest I don’t know what the truth is. This is just what I believe the truth is.
Because I’ve consumed so much wrong information from people acting like they have the correct advice in business.
All Youtube videos, articles, courses, claiming to make you successful in business, when in reality it’s just advice that sounds either easy to say or easy to hear.
Like it’s easy to say as a comment to this post, a response that takes 5 seconds to write, like the first thing that comes to your mind, like “just figure it out on your own”. But that’s not necessarily the truth, it’s just easy for you to say as a commenter. Comments aren’t necessarily the truth.
And on the other side business advice is easy to hear. Like “work on your own, make $1m/month, move to X country, live the life, working 2hours/day” which is just pure delusion. And most of the time the content/advice’s purpose is to benefit the business who made it, not the receiver of the advice. Because it’s selling a course or they have ad sense so they just want maximum engagement and views.
And anyone who is successful in business doesn’t need to give any advice. Because they’re applying the advice. Not giving it. Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos etc have no strong incentive trying to help others get to their level because they could just make an extra $10M-100M from spending the same time/energy/resources giving advice into growing their business.
They’re never gonna have advice that would help you beat them because otherwise they would’ve applied it themself.
And they are actually incentivized to not want others to truly succeed. Because it means more competition for them and less success for them.
So 99%+ of info online just seems like it’s not true.
I’m trying to figure out what is true and what isn’t.
Honestly though it’s difficult to even trust what anyone says in business. Any advice or feedback. For the reasons given.
Because 99% of feedback is either from people who haven’t truly grown a successful business, or it’s not related to you, or it involved luck, or it’s just like a motivational quote they tell you, or it’s a snarky comment they tell you.
It’s only helpful to them. And you are actually their customer or viewer or their entertainment. Not a successful business yourself. Because it’s just all misinformation that all contradicts with the truth.
So not even sure if it’s worth trying to get advice or if it’s all just pointless, just to figure it out myself from experience, trial and error and learning from my own thinking than relying on any other thinking.
Anyway do you think this is just crazy and I’m going crazy or is there any truth to what I’m saying?
Let me know your brutal honest feedback
submitted by fiverruser1 to Entrepreneur [link] [comments]
There seems to be a MASSIVE amount of conflicting information online about how to do this.
“Do stuff that moves the needle forward”
“Do stuff that brings in revenue”
What does this truly mean though. And is it even the right thing. That’s the purpose of this post, to uncover.
When I’ve spent my time on actual needle-moving forward things, like taking business from 0 to revenue, doing all offer development, operations, sales process, marketing myself, it generally has taken me about 6 months to fully ‘try out’ a business idea I’ve had.
Most times it hasn’t worked.
Either it wasn’t profitable. Or there was a big problem somewhere.
I believe fundamentally it’s because I’m moving too slow.
Because it usually takes me around 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential.
When you haven’t sold it or developed expertise in it yourself yet.
And I would say about 5% of the time it does work.
So if it takes 6 months and only 5% of the time it works (where you bring in revenue, no major issues), and each time it doesn’t work you try a new variation of it or something new based on what you learned, then it might take 10 years of trying different things to get the business to work.
Which sounds like it takes way too long.
So I thought about how the top companies move much quicker.
What separates them and my strategy.
And realized they simply had much more people on their team.
If you think about any successful organization who has achieved great things, and is world-leading, usually there is not 1 person on the team.
There seems to be a correlation between number of people on the team and speed of progress they can make in business.
Which goes against what most conventional startup wisdom tells you, most small business content creators etc all tell you to do it all yourself.
Which I’ve done for quite a few years and it’s gone so slowly in terms of overall progress.
If you should ‘do everything yourself’ then most Fortune 500 companies would’ve had single founders, and 1 person on their team. But the vast majority of successful Fortune 500 companies had co-founders.
And most successful businesses I know of, had co-founders.
And as they succeeded, they got more people on the team, and these people helped bring more success, then they brought more people.
Obviously there can be bad staff and not everyone contributes to the success of the company.
But I do believe, based on this, and observing top companies, that generally the more successful they are, the more people were involved with bringing about the success.
Which completely contradicts most information given to startups about ‘lone wolf’, ‘go it alone’. If that were true, Google would have 1 employee. Apple would have 1 employee.
And they would have never gotten off the ground.
Anyway, I may not have explained this perfectly but I do strongly believe the more & higher quality people are working together on something, the stats show these companies tend to do better, and successful companies you see often have more people than less working on them.
From the very beginning and now.
Regardless of the stage they were at.
So going based off this information, that the more people, the better, I have hired 30+ different people for different roles. Over the past few years. Across different businesses. To help speed up the progress in different areas.
From marketing roles, sales process roles, web development, app development, customer service, delivery of services.
And I would say there have been maybe 1 or 2 of them where I was actually happy with the result.
Most times, I would hire someone to do a job, and they didn’t do the job well, despite saying they were experienced.
And showing past examples of their work. And telling me everything I wanted to hear about how good they were.
It would often be that they would end up performing badly in the KPIs I set for them, giving many excuses, asking for help/questions/not solving anything on their own.
And just so many other problems. Like when there were multiple people at the same time on a team, working on the same project, they would blame each other and no one took responsibility despite clear responsibilities.
All telling me how other staff were bad and they were good, but getting conflicting info from all staff where they blame each other for everything so it’s difficult to know who to trust and who is being truthful.
Oftentimes not being reliable or doing what they were clearly asked to do.
Oftentimes trying to outsource the work I game them, to other people and not caring about the quality.
At my expense.
So I lost lots of clients, had low performing areas in the areas I hired for a lot of the time.
To be fair, things happened faster the more people there were.
But they often needed much more from me than they were contributing.
Like they always wanted to get paid more, for doing less work, weren’t reliable, did low quality work, didn’t hit KPIs, missed clear deadlines, always gave excuses, blamed others/external things, always asking how “I” wanted their job to be done, to the point where I was having to literally tell them every single thing to do and become an expert at their job myself, and show them how to do what they were put there to do, or do it myself, and still get a low quality result from them.
Anyway, the list goes on in all the problems I have experienced hiring people.
It really seems like a minefield.
But there were 1-2 people who did actually do well, who were responsive, who did what they committed to do, who hit deadlines, who did what they were asked, who didn’t give excuses. Who were actually honest hard workers who figured out how to solve problems and actually do the job that was asked from them.
Because of the amount of people I hired and the very low % of people who seemed to do their job well, it made me think that I am probably the problem here. If so many people are doing a bad job and not doing what they were actually hired to do. When most other companies seem to succeed at hiring people.
Then it must be a problem with myself and how I am hiring and managing them.
So it makes me think I need to level up in how I hire and manage people.
I’ve tried lots of different businesses and variations of them and some have done okay, some have not.
Mainly the most success I’ve had is in my own freelancing, where I don’t have other people on my team.
Because it’s kind of turned into a headache working with others. Who just seem to have mostly never been able to deliver what they promised without it becoming pointless to hire them in the first place with all the work I’m doing on their behalf and trying to pick up after all the problems and failures they’ve done.
So I’m not sure exactly what to spend my time and resources on.
I have money saved up from freelancing.
Where I can continue to hire people.
But I do feel I’ve had many many bad experiences.
And I believe it’s mostly my fault. Maybe my training, my hiring, my management, at places along the line I’ve not done it well enough.
I’ve tried to make improvements each time but it has kind of seemed like luck to get people who do actually do their job well.
I genuinely want to hire people and succeed in this.
Because if I can successfully work with people to achieve outcomes, rather than relying only on myself, I can build a real business and not just do freelancing.
In freelancing, I was able to make $3k-5k/month but it was very stressful and I hated speaking with clients, and was constantly stressed.
I generally really don’t like socialising with people. Including clients and staff.
And staff often try to get me to socialise unnecessarily so they can avoid doing their job, and pull me away from mine.
So trying to make it work.
I want to make it work with hiring people because if I can do this, I can make 10x-100x-1000x faster progress with other people on the same team.
But I do have a very bad track record so far. So it’s kind of painful returning to it and continuing to have bad experiences.
But at the same time I know it’s me who’s probably at fault because there can’t be this many bad people I’ve hired and it surely can’t be this bad for everyone.
I think the reason is that I’ve been better at managing myself and doing things successfully solo throughout my life.
Like I’ve achieved very good things in solo sports, in academia, and in many areas that don’t require a team, but often become frustrated working in a team.
But I don’t want my business success to be limited to 1 person.
So I truly want to make it work in improving my ability to manage (ideally a large amount of) people in a way where they can actually deliver and it work well.
Because I was capped in freelancing to making $3k-5k/month because I couldn’t take on more clients because I was undercharging and overdelivering and couldn’t handle more due to being massively stressed out and hating it. I was able to work with less clients at times and charge higher, but they never wanted me to ‘outsource’ my work to others or bring on a team, and I felt bad about it because had bad experiences where I had felt like I let clients down, and oftentimes they told me they had hired me because of me, and not wanted me to ‘outsource’ the work.
But I want to make it work.
Building a real business with a team. Not just doing freelancing and relying just on myself.
So I have time and money and resources to put into this.
I have 1 staff member currently who is unproductive. But we have an equity deal so it doesn’t cost me money for them to perform. But costs me lots of time and their performance is extremely weak. Don’t even want to go into detail, but it’s a nightmare. Their performance is about 1/10 but I believe I can raise their performance if I improve my ability to raise their performance.
Anyway. I want to build a team, but not sure exactly what activities are best ways to spend my time.
If I am physically making improvements, I feel I am slowing down the business progress.
Whereas I want to hire and manage people.
I’ve built training so that this co-founder is able to hire people. And these people can use the same training to hire people.
But I don’t currently have training to enable them to manage people.
My fear is that without training, people just ask unlimited questions on how to do something in their role and it becomes pointless to have hired them because I have to do everything they should have done to do it, so they basically just become a robot following very specific instructions. Rather than a human being who can achieve things independently.
So for example, if I made this training, it would take up all my time, whereas I have savings I’ve accumulated from freelancing which I can put into either having the co-founder manage staff, or have the co-founder make management training at the same time to enable more and more staff to hire and manage new staff. To achieve overall objectives and KPIs.
Or I could have the co-founder hire someone to make the training.
Then that frees up my time, my co-founders, time and only takes financial resources to accomplish.
What I want to achieve, is a scenario where I can give staff KPIs and objectives, and they are enabled to hire and manage people who can meet these objectives. Independently without my help required.
They give feedback, and I have a system for feedback to internal improvements can be made based on staff feedback.
Without it being unfiltered, it’s structured and organised so people can’t just get unlimited help/training/whatever from me.
Where they should be able to take actions, iterate, learn, improve, and act as independent thinking people who can achieve objectives themselves. Or within a system where it’s not all tied directly to me.
E.g. I have direct reports going to me.
But they have direct reports who go to them.
Previously I had a system where I did this, but then staff at the bottom of the hierarchy would ask their managers questions, and the managers wouldn’t know the answer so would then ask me the questions, and so jumping over the managers and making me deal with everything.
Whereas I want to build a system where people can make business progress in their specific area, independently without everything going to the CEO. Only important/urgent things are feedbacked to the CEO.
This way I believe much faster progress can happen.
Because I won’t be bogged down by exponentially growing problems.
Like with how it works in any successful organisation.
Tim Cook has only a handful of direct reports. Who each only have a handful of direct reports. And so on.
He’s making the most important decisions, dealing with what’s most important and strategic, with top authority, dealing with everything as a birds eye view, but not doing every employee’s job for them, teaching every employee how to do their job. Picking up the pieces after every employee misses their deadlines, doesn’t do their work, gives excuses, does poor work that doesn’t help the company.
Even in any successful organisation. Each unit/person is making their own decisions, taking their own action, learning from it, practicing themself at improving, gaining their own experience, not all relying on 1 person, every single person in the organisation, just for them to do their job.
In successful organisations, people at every level experience new problems all the time, and don’t need to contact the #1 person at the top just to deal with it.
They come up with a solution and go for it. And iterate. Learn, try to do something better next time. And there’s a constant learning/feedback process going on across the organisation which everyone takes part in, not just 1 person doing every part for everyone.
I believe this structure of modelling what actually successful organisations do is the correct way. Because they’re successful for a reason.
Not this ‘hustle grindset’ BS in the startup/business world where lots of information seems to be saying the wrong thing. It just makes no sense to make every single person 100% reliant on you for them to do their job.
Anyway so I’m thinking about what I should do with my time.
What I want to do, is tell my co-founder what to do, which involves hiring and managing people who do things that move the needle forward in the business, as defined by me, and some of those people also hire and manage people. To have an exponentially growing system of people growing the organisation. And a communication and feedback and learning system and autonomy within the system itself so it can take action, learn, grow, thrive. As a system within itself.
I believe if hypothetically, I did everything myself, then it takes about 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential, and 5% of the time it does. So if I do everything myself, I believe it will take me 10 years to get a business off the ground.
But if I utilise my money and time more efficiently, I can have as many people working on each part involved in validating these businesses as possible.
I don’t know if that is lazy or smart.
I believe it’s both. But mostly smart. Because I believe I can convince, hire, organise, manage people to either work on equity deals or pay in a way where businesses can realistically bring in profit.
My co-founder does very little of what I ask him to do.
And he wants me to be doing individual things.
He objectively is financially and intelligently very poor and has very minimal skills or experience.
Not to be offensive. Just to paint a picture. So since there is conflicting information everywhere in the business world and you need to choose who to trust, I don’t trust what he believes.
Objectively I am much richer in all these areas than him.
So I used to operate on a democratic system with them. But it’s kind of like, in a vote for president, if you have 80% of the population being easily controlled by the media and being very dumb and easy to sway and manipulate into believing anything, and they vote for things which are objectively dumb and go against what the smartest and objectively most valuable people vote for, I don’t want to be held back by a dumb population having authority or being listened to, if they have a clear, long track record of making very bad decisions.
If you were to take business advice from a homeless person with no experience, money or intellect, or a Fortune 500 CEO, who let’s say objectively has massive experience, money, intellect and success. Then I would probably take what the CEO has to say.
If you had to listen to what a scientist vs 12 year old had to say about a scientific topic, you’d probably want to listen to the scientist who studied the topic and is well respected in their field.
So I believe it would be dumb for both of us, if he made decisions, objectively.
But at the same time it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
The Fortune 500 CEO could be telling you what you want to hear, and could have an incentive to lie to you to send you in the wrong direction with bad business advice so you don’t become competition to them, and the homeless person could be honest.
The scientist could be trying to gain fame and get attention to themself to build their career on a lie and fake experiments whereas the 12 year old could be a science savant.
So it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
If I should listen to him or myself.
Objectively.
- I believe if I spend time building the business via this logic I’ve described above, it can grow much faster, with unlimited people working on it and performing well, if the necessary improvements are made.
- And I believe if I were to do the individual things necessary to do it, it would take 6 months to ‘validate’ each’s potential. I.e. try everything in that timeframe to make it work, build a good service/product, build good sales process, build good marketing, deal with customers, etc, all on your own.
Human development over history has happened due to the input of millions, if not billions of people.
There wasn’t 1 person who did all the work to get Carnegie or Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg to gain the success they’ve achieved.
They all build an empire off the backs of others.
Did the slave owners do the slave work themselves when they brought slaves to America? No.
Does Elon do all the individual parts necessary to grow the company? No. He leads and controls the people in order to do that.
Does Mark Zuckerberg single handedly get Facebook off the ground? No. There were 10+ people involved. He stole code from others. Who sued him.
All of these people had exponentially growing staff as the company grew, as fuel to grow the company.
So if you have the money and strategy to lead them to success, I believe it surely is possible.
So long story short this is a long rambling piece of writing but I believe there’s very little impact 1 individual person has on the success of a company. Controlling and amassing an army of people who build the company up and contribute to the company sounds more true.
Does 1 person do everything involved in every sports team? No. Each player plays their respective part. Directed by the coach/manager.
Does 1 person do everything involved in musical orchestras? No each musician plays their part. Directed by the conductor.
And so on.
If you can build an exponentially growing team of staff who effectively work together, bring others on, take action to grow the business, learn from mistakes, make improvements, are highly motivated, are led successfully, it can achieve great things. I feel like it’s a delusion that individual people single-handedly grow companies without others.
So what should that person spend their time doing?
Doing all the millions of things necessary to grow the company? Or bring and manage others who some make progress themselves, some bring and manage others, to gain more and more resources to make progress at faster and faster rate.
Do successful people really have only 1 person responsible? No. They have teams of people behind them.
So trying to do the work of 1,000 people as 1 person sounds 1,000x as hard as getting 1,000 people to each do the work of 1 person.
So if you can finance the growth of the company via hiring others.
Let’s assume I can finance this exponential staff growth. Then surely I should do it right?
Like if I were to compete with 1 person trying to grow their business, and I had 1,000+ people, all doing their jobs effectively, being organised, working as a system not all relying on me, the competition where it’s 1 staff member on average would get beaten.
And surely any excuse you could give, I could just hire someone to solve that excuse.
Like “oh but what roles do you hire these people to do?” well I could hire someone whose role is to figure out what roles they should do. “But what if x?” well I could hire someone whose role is to solve that too. And so on. “Oh but do you have enough money to pay these staff?” Yes. And I can hire people whose job is to bring in money. Whether it’s fundraising, raising from
Did Hitler fight WW2 with 1 person? No. He fought it with millions, if not hundreds of millions of people.
Did Amazon/[insert any Fortune 500 company] get to their size today from having 1 staff member who did everything? No. They had thousands if not hundreds of thousands of staff.
Did any successful mom and pop shop/small business get to their size today from 1 staff member? No. They are one of the largest employers in the USA. Which means they hire a lot of people. Successful mom & pop shops generally have more staff the more successful they are.
Armies generally have more success the bigger and more effective they are.
Companies generally have more success the more staff and more effective the staff are.
So surely we shouldn’t hold ourselves back, to use the example of war, it’s like trying to go to war with others who have hundreds of thousands of people in their army, with just 1 person, yourself. Who is going to win? Them.
How are you going to compete with companies with way more staff, and way more effective staff than you? You would have to become exponentially more effective as 1 person which I just don’t know if it’s realistic.
I think it’s more delusional to believe that 1 person can do as well as 10 or 20 or 50 or 100 or more people who are each as effective as that 1 person.
So if you were to win, you would probably want to expand your army/staff and make them more effective, rather than try to make yourself somehow perform on the same level as armies/companies with thousands or hundreds of thousands of people. It’s just delusional to believe you can beat them in my opinion.
In business, you’d have to be extremely skilled at hundreds of different skills, spend 10+ hours on 100+ individual areas of the business each week to compete with 1,000+ staff who, if performing effectively, would crush you.
This is just my thoughts.
Am I being delusional? Come on…
I just feel like this is the way. Just look at the most successful organisations in history. Was it 1 person?
No, 1 person cannot realistically win a war against 100,000+ people. No matter how good they are. They would need to be top 0.00000000001% in skill in the world at what they’re beating the other side at.
Could 1 footballer beat a football team of 100 people of equal ability than them? No.
Could a company of 1 person outperform a company of 1,000 people? No.
So I believe if I can solve the ability to do this, I can grow a team of unlimited size to conquer and beat any problem thrown at us.
It’s just down to control of people.
Money doesn’t exist.
Even biggest most successful companies in the world mostly didn’t get there on their own.
I believe less than 1% of Fortune 500 Companies were bootstrapped. Or something similar.
And this is what I’m saying.
People in the small business/entrepreneur world tell you you need to have everything yourself.
How are you going to outfinance, outcompete companies on complete other levels without acquiring these resources from others? Just relying on yourself.
How could 1 person get more financing/investment in a company from investors compared to 1,000 of equal ability.
It’s never 1 person ‘beating the world’. Or beating the industry on their own.
Maybe if your aspiration is to be an average business.
“Oh but you should do what is best at each level, and it’s different for each level. Start just by yourself until you get X revenue. THEN hire people”
…..Well if you struggle to get X revenue on your own, how are you ever going to hire others?
The others help you grow the revenue in the first place.
I feel like the small business world is too overreliant on the founder and delusional about the capabilities of 1 person when competing against units 100-1,000x + bigger than them.
Come on.
Anything you want to compete in. In business.
Generally you already have competition.
And if you manage to somehow “spot” something they’ve “missed”, they could just copy you and wipe you out with their massive resources anyway.
In my opinion you need to expand your resources as FAST as possible.
Not this BS “oh wait until you get X profit on your own to hire other people”
Well if you’ve only made good profit on your own as a freelancer, and you’ve spent a lot of years trying to get a business off the ground solo, what are you meant to do?
“Oh just make it work” Great advice.
I just feel like there’s too much delusion into what it actually takes.
In a job or as a freelancer. It’s easier to make $3k-5k/month revenue because you’re only competing against individuals.
But when you try to compete against other businesses to make $3k-5k/month profit, you’re competing against businesses with 10x-100x the people, the money, the resources, the everything, to beat you.
So how are you meant to realistically beat them on your own? Without expanding your resources as quick as possible.
So because of this I believe if 1 person on their own is somehow meant to take a business from $0 to $10k/mo profit, then surely it will happen quicker if more people, of equal ability, are trying to make the business $0 to 10k/mo profit.
To be honest I don’t know what the truth is. This is just what I believe the truth is.
Because I’ve consumed so much wrong information from people acting like they have the correct advice in business.
All Youtube videos, articles, courses, claiming to make you successful in business, when in reality it’s just advice that sounds either easy to say or easy to hear.
Like it’s easy to say as a comment to this post, a response that takes 5 seconds to write, like the first thing that comes to your mind, like “just figure it out on your own”. But that’s not necessarily the truth, it’s just easy for you to say as a commenter. Comments aren’t necessarily the truth.
And on the other side business advice is easy to hear. Like “work on your own, make $1m/month, move to X country, live the life, working 2hours/day” which is just pure delusion. And most of the time the content/advice’s purpose is to benefit the business who made it, not the receiver of the advice. Because it’s selling a course or they have ad sense so they just want maximum engagement and views.
And anyone who is successful in business doesn’t need to give any advice. Because they’re applying the advice. Not giving it. Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos etc have no strong incentive trying to help others get to their level because they could just make an extra $10M-100M from spending the same time/energy/resources giving advice into growing their business.
They’re never gonna have advice that would help you beat them because otherwise they would’ve applied it themself.
And they are actually incentivized to not want others to truly succeed. Because it means more competition for them and less success for them.
So 99%+ of info online just seems like it’s not true.
I’m trying to figure out what is true and what isn’t.
Honestly though it’s difficult to even trust what anyone says in business. Any advice or feedback. For the reasons given.
Because 99% of feedback is either from people who haven’t truly grown a successful business, or it’s not related to you, or it involved luck, or it’s just like a motivational quote they tell you, or it’s a snarky comment they tell you.
It’s only helpful to them. And you are actually their customer or viewer or their entertainment. Not a successful business yourself. Because it’s just all misinformation that all contradicts with the truth.
So not even sure if it’s worth trying to get advice or if it’s all just pointless, just to figure it out myself from experience, trial and error and learning from my own thinking than relying on any other thinking.
Anyway do you think this is just crazy and I’m going crazy or is there any truth to what I’m saying?
Let me know your brutal honest feedback
2024.05.19 17:24 fiverruser1 How to *really* spend your time to grow business the most?
This might be a slightly philosophical post. But the aim is to get to the bottom of what you should be truly doing. To truly get the most results.
There seems to be a MASSIVE amount of conflicting information online about how to do this.
“Do stuff that moves the needle forward”
“Do stuff that brings in revenue”
What does this truly mean though. And is it even the right thing. That’s the purpose of this post, to uncover.
When I’ve spent my time on actual needle-moving forward things, like taking business from 0 to revenue, doing all offer development, operations, sales process, marketing myself, it generally has taken me about 6 months to fully ‘try out’ a business idea I’ve had.
Most times it hasn’t worked.
Either it wasn’t profitable. Or there was a big problem somewhere.
I believe fundamentally it’s because I’m moving too slow.
Because it usually takes me around 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential.
When you haven’t sold it or developed expertise in it yourself yet.
And I would say about 5% of the time it does work.
So if it takes 6 months and only 5% of the time it works (where you bring in revenue, no major issues), and each time it doesn’t work you try a new variation of it or something new based on what you learned, then it might take 10 years of trying different things to get the business to work.
Which sounds like it takes way too long.
So I thought about how the top companies move much quicker.
What separates them and my strategy.
And realized they simply had much more people on their team.
If you think about any successful organization who has achieved great things, and is world-leading, usually there is not 1 person on the team.
There seems to be a correlation between number of people on the team and speed of progress they can make in business.
Which goes against what most conventional startup wisdom tells you, most small business content creators etc all tell you to do it all yourself.
Which I’ve done for quite a few years and it’s gone so slowly in terms of overall progress.
If you should ‘do everything yourself’ then most Fortune 500 companies would’ve had single founders, and 1 person on their team. But the vast majority of successful Fortune 500 companies had co-founders.
And most successful businesses I know of, had co-founders.
And as they succeeded, they got more people on the team, and these people helped bring more success, then they brought more people.
Obviously there can be bad staff and not everyone contributes to the success of the company.
But I do believe, based on this, and observing top companies, that generally the more successful they are, the more people were involved with bringing about the success.
Which completely contradicts most information given to startups about ‘lone wolf’, ‘go it alone’. If that were true, Google would have 1 employee. Apple would have 1 employee.
And they would have never gotten off the ground.
Anyway, I may not have explained this perfectly but I do strongly believe the more & higher quality people are working together on something, the stats show these companies tend to do better, and successful companies you see often have more people than less working on them.
From the very beginning and now.
Regardless of the stage they were at.
So going based off this information, that the more people, the better, I have hired 30+ different people for different roles. Over the past few years. Across different businesses. To help speed up the progress in different areas.
From marketing roles, sales process roles, web development, app development, customer service, delivery of services.
And I would say there have been maybe 1 or 2 of them where I was actually happy with the result.
Most times, I would hire someone to do a job, and they didn’t do the job well, despite saying they were experienced.
And showing past examples of their work. And telling me everything I wanted to hear about how good they were.
It would often be that they would end up performing badly in the KPIs I set for them, giving many excuses, asking for help/questions/not solving anything on their own.
And just so many other problems. Like when there were multiple people at the same time on a team, working on the same project, they would blame each other and no one took responsibility despite clear responsibilities.
All telling me how other staff were bad and they were good, but getting conflicting info from all staff where they blame each other for everything so it’s difficult to know who to trust and who is being truthful.
Oftentimes not being reliable or doing what they were clearly asked to do.
Oftentimes trying to outsource the work I game them, to other people and not caring about the quality.
At my expense.
So I lost lots of clients, had low performing areas in the areas I hired for a lot of the time.
To be fair, things happened faster the more people there were.
But they often needed much more from me than they were contributing.
Like they always wanted to get paid more, for doing less work, weren’t reliable, did low quality work, didn’t hit KPIs, missed clear deadlines, always gave excuses, blamed others/external things, always asking how “I” wanted their job to be done, to the point where I was having to literally tell them every single thing to do and become an expert at their job myself, and show them how to do what they were put there to do, or do it myself, and still get a low quality result from them.
Anyway, the list goes on in all the problems I have experienced hiring people.
It really seems like a minefield.
But there were 1-2 people who did actually do well, who were responsive, who did what they committed to do, who hit deadlines, who did what they were asked, who didn’t give excuses. Who were actually honest hard workers who figured out how to solve problems and actually do the job that was asked from them.
Because of the amount of people I hired and the very low % of people who seemed to do their job well, it made me think that I am probably the problem here. If so many people are doing a bad job and not doing what they were actually hired to do. When most other companies seem to succeed at hiring people.
Then it must be a problem with myself and how I am hiring and managing them.
So it makes me think I need to level up in how I hire and manage people.
I’ve tried lots of different businesses and variations of them and some have done okay, some have not.
Mainly the most success I’ve had is in my own freelancing, where I don’t have other people on my team.
Because it’s kind of turned into a headache working with others. Who just seem to have mostly never been able to deliver what they promised without it becoming pointless to hire them in the first place with all the work I’m doing on their behalf and trying to pick up after all the problems and failures they’ve done.
So I’m not sure exactly what to spend my time and resources on.
I have money saved up from freelancing.
Where I can continue to hire people.
But I do feel I’ve had many many bad experiences.
And I believe it’s mostly my fault. Maybe my training, my hiring, my management, at places along the line I’ve not done it well enough.
I’ve tried to make improvements each time but it has kind of seemed like luck to get people who do actually do their job well.
I genuinely want to hire people and succeed in this.
Because if I can successfully work with people to achieve outcomes, rather than relying only on myself, I can build a real business and not just do freelancing.
In freelancing, I was able to make $3k-5k/month but it was very stressful and I hated speaking with clients, and was constantly stressed.
I generally really don’t like socialising with people. Including clients and staff.
And staff often try to get me to socialise unnecessarily so they can avoid doing their job, and pull me away from mine.
So trying to make it work.
I want to make it work with hiring people because if I can do this, I can make 10x-100x-1000x faster progress with other people on the same team.
But I do have a very bad track record so far. So it’s kind of painful returning to it and continuing to have bad experiences.
But at the same time I know it’s me who’s probably at fault because there can’t be this many bad people I’ve hired and it surely can’t be this bad for everyone.
I think the reason is that I’ve been better at managing myself and doing things successfully solo throughout my life.
Like I’ve achieved very good things in solo sports, in academia, and in many areas that don’t require a team, but often become frustrated working in a team.
But I don’t want my business success to be limited to 1 person.
So I truly want to make it work in improving my ability to manage (ideally a large amount of) people in a way where they can actually deliver and it work well.
Because I was capped in freelancing to making $3k-5k/month because I couldn’t take on more clients because I was undercharging and overdelivering and couldn’t handle more due to being massively stressed out and hating it. I was able to work with less clients at times and charge higher, but they never wanted me to ‘outsource’ my work to others or bring on a team, and I felt bad about it because had bad experiences where I had felt like I let clients down, and oftentimes they told me they had hired me because of me, and not wanted me to ‘outsource’ the work.
But I want to make it work.
Building a real business with a team. Not just doing freelancing and relying just on myself.
So I have time and money and resources to put into this.
I have 1 staff member currently who is unproductive. But we have an equity deal so it doesn’t cost me money for them to perform. But costs me lots of time and their performance is extremely weak. Don’t even want to go into detail, but it’s a nightmare. Their performance is about 1/10 but I believe I can raise their performance if I improve my ability to raise their performance.
Anyway. I want to build a team, but not sure exactly what activities are best ways to spend my time.
If I am physically making improvements, I feel I am slowing down the business progress.
Whereas I want to hire and manage people.
I’ve built training so that this co-founder is able to hire people. And these people can use the same training to hire people.
But I don’t currently have training to enable them to manage people.
My fear is that without training, people just ask unlimited questions on how to do something in their role and it becomes pointless to have hired them because I have to do everything they should have done to do it, so they basically just become a robot following very specific instructions. Rather than a human being who can achieve things independently.
So for example, if I made this training, it would take up all my time, whereas I have savings I’ve accumulated from freelancing which I can put into either having the co-founder manage staff, or have the co-founder make management training at the same time to enable more and more staff to hire and manage new staff. To achieve overall objectives and KPIs.
Or I could have the co-founder hire someone to make the training.
Then that frees up my time, my co-founders, time and only takes financial resources to accomplish.
What I want to achieve, is a scenario where I can give staff KPIs and objectives, and they are enabled to hire and manage people who can meet these objectives. Independently without my help required.
They give feedback, and I have a system for feedback to internal improvements can be made based on staff feedback.
Without it being unfiltered, it’s structured and organised so people can’t just get unlimited help/training/whatever from me.
Where they should be able to take actions, iterate, learn, improve, and act as independent thinking people who can achieve objectives themselves. Or within a system where it’s not all tied directly to me.
E.g. I have direct reports going to me.
But they have direct reports who go to them.
Previously I had a system where I did this, but then staff at the bottom of the hierarchy would ask their managers questions, and the managers wouldn’t know the answer so would then ask me the questions, and so jumping over the managers and making me deal with everything.
Whereas I want to build a system where people can make business progress in their specific area, independently without everything going to the CEO. Only important/urgent things are feedbacked to the CEO.
This way I believe much faster progress can happen.
Because I won’t be bogged down by exponentially growing problems.
Like with how it works in any successful organisation.
Tim Cook has only a handful of direct reports. Who each only have a handful of direct reports. And so on.
He’s making the most important decisions, dealing with what’s most important and strategic, with top authority, dealing with everything as a birds eye view, but not doing every employee’s job for them, teaching every employee how to do their job. Picking up the pieces after every employee misses their deadlines, doesn’t do their work, gives excuses, does poor work that doesn’t help the company.
Even in any successful organisation. Each unit/person is making their own decisions, taking their own action, learning from it, practicing themself at improving, gaining their own experience, not all relying on 1 person, every single person in the organisation, just for them to do their job.
In successful organisations, people at every level experience new problems all the time, and don’t need to contact the #1 person at the top just to deal with it.
They come up with a solution and go for it. And iterate. Learn, try to do something better next time. And there’s a constant learning/feedback process going on across the organisation which everyone takes part in, not just 1 person doing every part for everyone.
I believe this structure of modelling what actually successful organisations do is the correct way. Because they’re successful for a reason.
Not this ‘hustle grindset’ BS in the startup/business world where lots of information seems to be saying the wrong thing. It just makes no sense to make every single person 100% reliant on you for them to do their job.
Anyway so I’m thinking about what I should do with my time.
What I want to do, is tell my co-founder what to do, which involves hiring and managing people who do things that move the needle forward in the business, as defined by me, and some of those people also hire and manage people. To have an exponentially growing system of people growing the organisation. And a communication and feedback and learning system and autonomy within the system itself so it can take action, learn, grow, thrive. As a system within itself.
I believe if hypothetically, I did everything myself, then it takes about 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential, and 5% of the time it does. So if I do everything myself, I believe it will take me 10 years to get a business off the ground.
But if I utilise my money and time more efficiently, I can have as many people working on each part involved in validating these businesses as possible.
I don’t know if that is lazy or smart.
I believe it’s both. But mostly smart. Because I believe I can convince, hire, organise, manage people to either work on equity deals or pay in a way where businesses can realistically bring in profit.
My co-founder does very little of what I ask him to do.
And he wants me to be doing individual things.
He objectively is financially and intelligently very poor and has very minimal skills or experience.
Not to be offensive. Just to paint a picture. So since there is conflicting information everywhere in the business world and you need to choose who to trust, I don’t trust what he believes.
Objectively I am much richer in all these areas than him.
So I used to operate on a democratic system with them. But it’s kind of like, in a vote for president, if you have 80% of the population being easily controlled by the media and being very dumb and easy to sway and manipulate into believing anything, and they vote for things which are objectively dumb and go against what the smartest and objectively most valuable people vote for, I don’t want to be held back by a dumb population having authority or being listened to, if they have a clear, long track record of making very bad decisions.
If you were to take business advice from a homeless person with no experience, money or intellect, or a Fortune 500 CEO, who let’s say objectively has massive experience, money, intellect and success. Then I would probably take what the CEO has to say.
If you had to listen to what a scientist vs 12 year old had to say about a scientific topic, you’d probably want to listen to the scientist who studied the topic and is well respected in their field.
So I believe it would be dumb for both of us, if he made decisions, objectively.
But at the same time it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
The Fortune 500 CEO could be telling you what you want to hear, and could have an incentive to lie to you to send you in the wrong direction with bad business advice so you don’t become competition to them, and the homeless person could be honest.
The scientist could be trying to gain fame and get attention to themself to build their career on a lie and fake experiments whereas the 12 year old could be a science savant.
So it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
If I should listen to him or myself.
Objectively.
Human development over history has happened due to the input of millions, if not billions of people.
There wasn’t 1 person who did all the work to get Carnegie or Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg to gain the success they’ve achieved.
They all build an empire off the backs of others.
Did the slave owners do the slave work themselves when they brought slaves to America? No.
Does Elon do all the individual parts necessary to grow the company? No. He leads and controls the people in order to do that.
Does Mark Zuckerberg single handedly get Facebook off the ground? No. There were 10+ people involved. He stole code from others. Who sued him.
All of these people had exponentially growing staff as the company grew, as fuel to grow the company.
So if you have the money and strategy to lead them to success, I believe it surely is possible.
So long story short this is a long rambling piece of writing but I believe there’s very little impact 1 individual person has on the success of a company. Controlling and amassing an army of people who build the company up and contribute to the company sounds more true.
Does 1 person do everything involved in every sports team? No. Each player plays their respective part. Directed by the coach/manager.
Does 1 person do everything involved in musical orchestras? No each musician plays their part. Directed by the conductor.
And so on.
If you can build an exponentially growing team of staff who effectively work together, bring others on, take action to grow the business, learn from mistakes, make improvements, are highly motivated, are led successfully, it can achieve great things. I feel like it’s a delusion that individual people single-handedly grow companies without others.
So what should that person spend their time doing?
Doing all the millions of things necessary to grow the company? Or bring and manage others who some make progress themselves, some bring and manage others, to gain more and more resources to make progress at faster and faster rate.
Do successful people really have only 1 person responsible? No. They have teams of people behind them.
So trying to do the work of 1,000 people as 1 person sounds 1,000x as hard as getting 1,000 people to each do the work of 1 person.
So if you can finance the growth of the company via hiring others.
Let’s assume I can finance this exponential staff growth. Then surely I should do it right?
Like if I were to compete with 1 person trying to grow their business, and I had 1,000+ people, all doing their jobs effectively, being organised, working as a system not all relying on me, the competition where it’s 1 staff member on average would get beaten.
And surely any excuse you could give, I could just hire someone to solve that excuse.
Like “oh but what roles do you hire these people to do?” well I could hire someone whose role is to figure out what roles they should do. “But what if x?” well I could hire someone whose role is to solve that too. And so on. “Oh but do you have enough money to pay these staff?” Yes. And I can hire people whose job is to bring in money. Whether it’s fundraising, raising from
Did Hitler fight WW2 with 1 person? No. He fought it with millions, if not hundreds of millions of people.
Did Amazon/[insert any Fortune 500 company] get to their size today from having 1 staff member who did everything? No. They had thousands if not hundreds of thousands of staff.
Did any successful mom and pop shop/small business get to their size today from 1 staff member? No. They are one of the largest employers in the USA. Which means they hire a lot of people. Successful mom & pop shops generally have more staff the more successful they are.
Armies generally have more success the bigger and more effective they are.
Companies generally have more success the more staff and more effective the staff are.
So surely we shouldn’t hold ourselves back, to use the example of war, it’s like trying to go to war with others who have hundreds of thousands of people in their army, with just 1 person, yourself. Who is going to win? Them.
How are you going to compete with companies with way more staff, and way more effective staff than you? You would have to become exponentially more effective as 1 person which I just don’t know if it’s realistic.
I think it’s more delusional to believe that 1 person can do as well as 10 or 20 or 50 or 100 or more people who are each as effective as that 1 person.
So if you were to win, you would probably want to expand your army/staff and make them more effective, rather than try to make yourself somehow perform on the same level as armies/companies with thousands or hundreds of thousands of people. It’s just delusional to believe you can beat them in my opinion.
In business, you’d have to be extremely skilled at hundreds of different skills, spend 10+ hours on 100+ individual areas of the business each week to compete with 1,000+ staff who, if performing effectively, would crush you.
This is just my thoughts.
Am I being delusional? Come on…
I just feel like this is the way. Just look at the most successful organisations in history. Was it 1 person?
No, 1 person cannot realistically win a war against 100,000+ people. No matter how good they are. They would need to be top 0.00000000001% in skill in the world at what they’re beating the other side at.
Could 1 footballer beat a football team of 100 people of equal ability than them? No.
Could a company of 1 person outperform a company of 1,000 people? No.
So I believe if I can solve the ability to do this, I can grow a team of unlimited size to conquer and beat any problem thrown at us.
It’s just down to control of people.
Money doesn’t exist.
Even biggest most successful companies in the world mostly didn’t get there on their own.
I believe less than 1% of Fortune 500 Companies were bootstrapped. Or something similar.
And this is what I’m saying.
People in the small business/entrepreneur world tell you you need to have everything yourself.
How are you going to outfinance, outcompete companies on complete other levels without acquiring these resources from others? Just relying on yourself.
How could 1 person get more financing/investment in a company from investors compared to 1,000 of equal ability.
It’s never 1 person ‘beating the world’. Or beating the industry on their own.
Maybe if your aspiration is to be an average business.
“Oh but you should do what is best at each level, and it’s different for each level. Start just by yourself until you get X revenue. THEN hire people”
…..Well if you struggle to get X revenue on your own, how are you ever going to hire others?
The others help you grow the revenue in the first place.
I feel like the small business world is too overreliant on the founder and delusional about the capabilities of 1 person when competing against units 100-1,000x + bigger than them.
Come on.
Anything you want to compete in. In business.
Generally you already have competition.
And if you manage to somehow “spot” something they’ve “missed”, they could just copy you and wipe you out with their massive resources anyway.
In my opinion you need to expand your resources as FAST as possible.
Not this BS “oh wait until you get X profit on your own to hire other people”
Well if you’ve only made good profit on your own as a freelancer, and you’ve spent a lot of years trying to get a business off the ground solo, what are you meant to do?
“Oh just make it work” Great advice.
I just feel like there’s too much delusion into what it actually takes.
In a job or as a freelancer. It’s easier to make $3k-5k/month revenue because you’re only competing against individuals.
But when you try to compete against other businesses to make $3k-5k/month profit, you’re competing against businesses with 10x-100x the people, the money, the resources, the everything, to beat you.
So how are you meant to realistically beat them on your own? Without expanding your resources as quick as possible.
So because of this I believe if 1 person on their own is somehow meant to take a business from $0 to $10k/mo profit, then surely it will happen quicker if more people, of equal ability, are trying to make the business $0 to 10k/mo profit.
To be honest I don’t know what the truth is. This is just what I believe the truth is.
Because I’ve consumed so much wrong information from people acting like they have the correct advice in business.
All Youtube videos, articles, courses, claiming to make you successful in business, when in reality it’s just advice that sounds either easy to say or easy to hear.
Like it’s easy to say as a comment to this post, a response that takes 5 seconds to write, like the first thing that comes to your mind, like “just figure it out on your own”. But that’s not necessarily the truth, it’s just easy for you to say as a commenter. Comments aren’t necessarily the truth.
And on the other side business advice is easy to hear. Like “work on your own, make $1m/month, move to X country, live the life, working 2hours/day” which is just pure delusion. And most of the time the content/advice’s purpose is to benefit the business who made it, not the receiver of the advice. Because it’s selling a course or they have ad sense so they just want maximum engagement and views.
And anyone who is successful in business doesn’t need to give any advice. Because they’re applying the advice. Not giving it. Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos etc have no strong incentive trying to help others get to their level because they could just make an extra $10M-100M from spending the same time/energy/resources giving advice into growing their business.
They’re never gonna have advice that would help you beat them because otherwise they would’ve applied it themself.
And they are actually incentivized to not want others to truly succeed. Because it means more competition for them and less success for them.
So 99%+ of info online just seems like it’s not true.
I’m trying to figure out what is true and what isn’t.
Honestly though it’s difficult to even trust what anyone says in business. Any advice or feedback. For the reasons given.
Because 99% of feedback is either from people who haven’t truly grown a successful business, or it’s not related to you, or it involved luck, or it’s just like a motivational quote they tell you, or it’s a snarky comment they tell you.
It’s only helpful to them. And you are actually their customer or viewer or their entertainment. Not a successful business yourself. Because it’s just all misinformation that all contradicts with the truth.
So not even sure if it’s worth trying to get advice or if it’s all just pointless, just to figure it out myself from experience, trial and error and learning from my own thinking than relying on any other thinking.
Anyway do you think this is just crazy and I’m going crazy or is there any truth to what I’m saying?
Let me know your brutal honest feedback
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There seems to be a MASSIVE amount of conflicting information online about how to do this.
“Do stuff that moves the needle forward”
“Do stuff that brings in revenue”
What does this truly mean though. And is it even the right thing. That’s the purpose of this post, to uncover.
When I’ve spent my time on actual needle-moving forward things, like taking business from 0 to revenue, doing all offer development, operations, sales process, marketing myself, it generally has taken me about 6 months to fully ‘try out’ a business idea I’ve had.
Most times it hasn’t worked.
Either it wasn’t profitable. Or there was a big problem somewhere.
I believe fundamentally it’s because I’m moving too slow.
Because it usually takes me around 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential.
When you haven’t sold it or developed expertise in it yourself yet.
And I would say about 5% of the time it does work.
So if it takes 6 months and only 5% of the time it works (where you bring in revenue, no major issues), and each time it doesn’t work you try a new variation of it or something new based on what you learned, then it might take 10 years of trying different things to get the business to work.
Which sounds like it takes way too long.
So I thought about how the top companies move much quicker.
What separates them and my strategy.
And realized they simply had much more people on their team.
If you think about any successful organization who has achieved great things, and is world-leading, usually there is not 1 person on the team.
There seems to be a correlation between number of people on the team and speed of progress they can make in business.
Which goes against what most conventional startup wisdom tells you, most small business content creators etc all tell you to do it all yourself.
Which I’ve done for quite a few years and it’s gone so slowly in terms of overall progress.
If you should ‘do everything yourself’ then most Fortune 500 companies would’ve had single founders, and 1 person on their team. But the vast majority of successful Fortune 500 companies had co-founders.
And most successful businesses I know of, had co-founders.
And as they succeeded, they got more people on the team, and these people helped bring more success, then they brought more people.
Obviously there can be bad staff and not everyone contributes to the success of the company.
But I do believe, based on this, and observing top companies, that generally the more successful they are, the more people were involved with bringing about the success.
Which completely contradicts most information given to startups about ‘lone wolf’, ‘go it alone’. If that were true, Google would have 1 employee. Apple would have 1 employee.
And they would have never gotten off the ground.
Anyway, I may not have explained this perfectly but I do strongly believe the more & higher quality people are working together on something, the stats show these companies tend to do better, and successful companies you see often have more people than less working on them.
From the very beginning and now.
Regardless of the stage they were at.
So going based off this information, that the more people, the better, I have hired 30+ different people for different roles. Over the past few years. Across different businesses. To help speed up the progress in different areas.
From marketing roles, sales process roles, web development, app development, customer service, delivery of services.
And I would say there have been maybe 1 or 2 of them where I was actually happy with the result.
Most times, I would hire someone to do a job, and they didn’t do the job well, despite saying they were experienced.
And showing past examples of their work. And telling me everything I wanted to hear about how good they were.
It would often be that they would end up performing badly in the KPIs I set for them, giving many excuses, asking for help/questions/not solving anything on their own.
And just so many other problems. Like when there were multiple people at the same time on a team, working on the same project, they would blame each other and no one took responsibility despite clear responsibilities.
All telling me how other staff were bad and they were good, but getting conflicting info from all staff where they blame each other for everything so it’s difficult to know who to trust and who is being truthful.
Oftentimes not being reliable or doing what they were clearly asked to do.
Oftentimes trying to outsource the work I game them, to other people and not caring about the quality.
At my expense.
So I lost lots of clients, had low performing areas in the areas I hired for a lot of the time.
To be fair, things happened faster the more people there were.
But they often needed much more from me than they were contributing.
Like they always wanted to get paid more, for doing less work, weren’t reliable, did low quality work, didn’t hit KPIs, missed clear deadlines, always gave excuses, blamed others/external things, always asking how “I” wanted their job to be done, to the point where I was having to literally tell them every single thing to do and become an expert at their job myself, and show them how to do what they were put there to do, or do it myself, and still get a low quality result from them.
Anyway, the list goes on in all the problems I have experienced hiring people.
It really seems like a minefield.
But there were 1-2 people who did actually do well, who were responsive, who did what they committed to do, who hit deadlines, who did what they were asked, who didn’t give excuses. Who were actually honest hard workers who figured out how to solve problems and actually do the job that was asked from them.
Because of the amount of people I hired and the very low % of people who seemed to do their job well, it made me think that I am probably the problem here. If so many people are doing a bad job and not doing what they were actually hired to do. When most other companies seem to succeed at hiring people.
Then it must be a problem with myself and how I am hiring and managing them.
So it makes me think I need to level up in how I hire and manage people.
I’ve tried lots of different businesses and variations of them and some have done okay, some have not.
Mainly the most success I’ve had is in my own freelancing, where I don’t have other people on my team.
Because it’s kind of turned into a headache working with others. Who just seem to have mostly never been able to deliver what they promised without it becoming pointless to hire them in the first place with all the work I’m doing on their behalf and trying to pick up after all the problems and failures they’ve done.
So I’m not sure exactly what to spend my time and resources on.
I have money saved up from freelancing.
Where I can continue to hire people.
But I do feel I’ve had many many bad experiences.
And I believe it’s mostly my fault. Maybe my training, my hiring, my management, at places along the line I’ve not done it well enough.
I’ve tried to make improvements each time but it has kind of seemed like luck to get people who do actually do their job well.
I genuinely want to hire people and succeed in this.
Because if I can successfully work with people to achieve outcomes, rather than relying only on myself, I can build a real business and not just do freelancing.
In freelancing, I was able to make $3k-5k/month but it was very stressful and I hated speaking with clients, and was constantly stressed.
I generally really don’t like socialising with people. Including clients and staff.
And staff often try to get me to socialise unnecessarily so they can avoid doing their job, and pull me away from mine.
So trying to make it work.
I want to make it work with hiring people because if I can do this, I can make 10x-100x-1000x faster progress with other people on the same team.
But I do have a very bad track record so far. So it’s kind of painful returning to it and continuing to have bad experiences.
But at the same time I know it’s me who’s probably at fault because there can’t be this many bad people I’ve hired and it surely can’t be this bad for everyone.
I think the reason is that I’ve been better at managing myself and doing things successfully solo throughout my life.
Like I’ve achieved very good things in solo sports, in academia, and in many areas that don’t require a team, but often become frustrated working in a team.
But I don’t want my business success to be limited to 1 person.
So I truly want to make it work in improving my ability to manage (ideally a large amount of) people in a way where they can actually deliver and it work well.
Because I was capped in freelancing to making $3k-5k/month because I couldn’t take on more clients because I was undercharging and overdelivering and couldn’t handle more due to being massively stressed out and hating it. I was able to work with less clients at times and charge higher, but they never wanted me to ‘outsource’ my work to others or bring on a team, and I felt bad about it because had bad experiences where I had felt like I let clients down, and oftentimes they told me they had hired me because of me, and not wanted me to ‘outsource’ the work.
But I want to make it work.
Building a real business with a team. Not just doing freelancing and relying just on myself.
So I have time and money and resources to put into this.
I have 1 staff member currently who is unproductive. But we have an equity deal so it doesn’t cost me money for them to perform. But costs me lots of time and their performance is extremely weak. Don’t even want to go into detail, but it’s a nightmare. Their performance is about 1/10 but I believe I can raise their performance if I improve my ability to raise their performance.
Anyway. I want to build a team, but not sure exactly what activities are best ways to spend my time.
If I am physically making improvements, I feel I am slowing down the business progress.
Whereas I want to hire and manage people.
I’ve built training so that this co-founder is able to hire people. And these people can use the same training to hire people.
But I don’t currently have training to enable them to manage people.
My fear is that without training, people just ask unlimited questions on how to do something in their role and it becomes pointless to have hired them because I have to do everything they should have done to do it, so they basically just become a robot following very specific instructions. Rather than a human being who can achieve things independently.
So for example, if I made this training, it would take up all my time, whereas I have savings I’ve accumulated from freelancing which I can put into either having the co-founder manage staff, or have the co-founder make management training at the same time to enable more and more staff to hire and manage new staff. To achieve overall objectives and KPIs.
Or I could have the co-founder hire someone to make the training.
Then that frees up my time, my co-founders, time and only takes financial resources to accomplish.
What I want to achieve, is a scenario where I can give staff KPIs and objectives, and they are enabled to hire and manage people who can meet these objectives. Independently without my help required.
They give feedback, and I have a system for feedback to internal improvements can be made based on staff feedback.
Without it being unfiltered, it’s structured and organised so people can’t just get unlimited help/training/whatever from me.
Where they should be able to take actions, iterate, learn, improve, and act as independent thinking people who can achieve objectives themselves. Or within a system where it’s not all tied directly to me.
E.g. I have direct reports going to me.
But they have direct reports who go to them.
Previously I had a system where I did this, but then staff at the bottom of the hierarchy would ask their managers questions, and the managers wouldn’t know the answer so would then ask me the questions, and so jumping over the managers and making me deal with everything.
Whereas I want to build a system where people can make business progress in their specific area, independently without everything going to the CEO. Only important/urgent things are feedbacked to the CEO.
This way I believe much faster progress can happen.
Because I won’t be bogged down by exponentially growing problems.
Like with how it works in any successful organisation.
Tim Cook has only a handful of direct reports. Who each only have a handful of direct reports. And so on.
He’s making the most important decisions, dealing with what’s most important and strategic, with top authority, dealing with everything as a birds eye view, but not doing every employee’s job for them, teaching every employee how to do their job. Picking up the pieces after every employee misses their deadlines, doesn’t do their work, gives excuses, does poor work that doesn’t help the company.
Even in any successful organisation. Each unit/person is making their own decisions, taking their own action, learning from it, practicing themself at improving, gaining their own experience, not all relying on 1 person, every single person in the organisation, just for them to do their job.
In successful organisations, people at every level experience new problems all the time, and don’t need to contact the #1 person at the top just to deal with it.
They come up with a solution and go for it. And iterate. Learn, try to do something better next time. And there’s a constant learning/feedback process going on across the organisation which everyone takes part in, not just 1 person doing every part for everyone.
I believe this structure of modelling what actually successful organisations do is the correct way. Because they’re successful for a reason.
Not this ‘hustle grindset’ BS in the startup/business world where lots of information seems to be saying the wrong thing. It just makes no sense to make every single person 100% reliant on you for them to do their job.
Anyway so I’m thinking about what I should do with my time.
What I want to do, is tell my co-founder what to do, which involves hiring and managing people who do things that move the needle forward in the business, as defined by me, and some of those people also hire and manage people. To have an exponentially growing system of people growing the organisation. And a communication and feedback and learning system and autonomy within the system itself so it can take action, learn, grow, thrive. As a system within itself.
I believe if hypothetically, I did everything myself, then it takes about 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential, and 5% of the time it does. So if I do everything myself, I believe it will take me 10 years to get a business off the ground.
But if I utilise my money and time more efficiently, I can have as many people working on each part involved in validating these businesses as possible.
I don’t know if that is lazy or smart.
I believe it’s both. But mostly smart. Because I believe I can convince, hire, organise, manage people to either work on equity deals or pay in a way where businesses can realistically bring in profit.
My co-founder does very little of what I ask him to do.
And he wants me to be doing individual things.
He objectively is financially and intelligently very poor and has very minimal skills or experience.
Not to be offensive. Just to paint a picture. So since there is conflicting information everywhere in the business world and you need to choose who to trust, I don’t trust what he believes.
Objectively I am much richer in all these areas than him.
So I used to operate on a democratic system with them. But it’s kind of like, in a vote for president, if you have 80% of the population being easily controlled by the media and being very dumb and easy to sway and manipulate into believing anything, and they vote for things which are objectively dumb and go against what the smartest and objectively most valuable people vote for, I don’t want to be held back by a dumb population having authority or being listened to, if they have a clear, long track record of making very bad decisions.
If you were to take business advice from a homeless person with no experience, money or intellect, or a Fortune 500 CEO, who let’s say objectively has massive experience, money, intellect and success. Then I would probably take what the CEO has to say.
If you had to listen to what a scientist vs 12 year old had to say about a scientific topic, you’d probably want to listen to the scientist who studied the topic and is well respected in their field.
So I believe it would be dumb for both of us, if he made decisions, objectively.
But at the same time it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
The Fortune 500 CEO could be telling you what you want to hear, and could have an incentive to lie to you to send you in the wrong direction with bad business advice so you don’t become competition to them, and the homeless person could be honest.
The scientist could be trying to gain fame and get attention to themself to build their career on a lie and fake experiments whereas the 12 year old could be a science savant.
So it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
If I should listen to him or myself.
Objectively.
- I believe if I spend time building the business via this logic I’ve described above, it can grow much faster, with unlimited people working on it and performing well, if the necessary improvements are made.
- And I believe if I were to do the individual things necessary to do it, it would take 6 months to ‘validate’ each’s potential. I.e. try everything in that timeframe to make it work, build a good service/product, build good sales process, build good marketing, deal with customers, etc, all on your own.
Human development over history has happened due to the input of millions, if not billions of people.
There wasn’t 1 person who did all the work to get Carnegie or Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg to gain the success they’ve achieved.
They all build an empire off the backs of others.
Did the slave owners do the slave work themselves when they brought slaves to America? No.
Does Elon do all the individual parts necessary to grow the company? No. He leads and controls the people in order to do that.
Does Mark Zuckerberg single handedly get Facebook off the ground? No. There were 10+ people involved. He stole code from others. Who sued him.
All of these people had exponentially growing staff as the company grew, as fuel to grow the company.
So if you have the money and strategy to lead them to success, I believe it surely is possible.
So long story short this is a long rambling piece of writing but I believe there’s very little impact 1 individual person has on the success of a company. Controlling and amassing an army of people who build the company up and contribute to the company sounds more true.
Does 1 person do everything involved in every sports team? No. Each player plays their respective part. Directed by the coach/manager.
Does 1 person do everything involved in musical orchestras? No each musician plays their part. Directed by the conductor.
And so on.
If you can build an exponentially growing team of staff who effectively work together, bring others on, take action to grow the business, learn from mistakes, make improvements, are highly motivated, are led successfully, it can achieve great things. I feel like it’s a delusion that individual people single-handedly grow companies without others.
So what should that person spend their time doing?
Doing all the millions of things necessary to grow the company? Or bring and manage others who some make progress themselves, some bring and manage others, to gain more and more resources to make progress at faster and faster rate.
Do successful people really have only 1 person responsible? No. They have teams of people behind them.
So trying to do the work of 1,000 people as 1 person sounds 1,000x as hard as getting 1,000 people to each do the work of 1 person.
So if you can finance the growth of the company via hiring others.
Let’s assume I can finance this exponential staff growth. Then surely I should do it right?
Like if I were to compete with 1 person trying to grow their business, and I had 1,000+ people, all doing their jobs effectively, being organised, working as a system not all relying on me, the competition where it’s 1 staff member on average would get beaten.
And surely any excuse you could give, I could just hire someone to solve that excuse.
Like “oh but what roles do you hire these people to do?” well I could hire someone whose role is to figure out what roles they should do. “But what if x?” well I could hire someone whose role is to solve that too. And so on. “Oh but do you have enough money to pay these staff?” Yes. And I can hire people whose job is to bring in money. Whether it’s fundraising, raising from
Did Hitler fight WW2 with 1 person? No. He fought it with millions, if not hundreds of millions of people.
Did Amazon/[insert any Fortune 500 company] get to their size today from having 1 staff member who did everything? No. They had thousands if not hundreds of thousands of staff.
Did any successful mom and pop shop/small business get to their size today from 1 staff member? No. They are one of the largest employers in the USA. Which means they hire a lot of people. Successful mom & pop shops generally have more staff the more successful they are.
Armies generally have more success the bigger and more effective they are.
Companies generally have more success the more staff and more effective the staff are.
So surely we shouldn’t hold ourselves back, to use the example of war, it’s like trying to go to war with others who have hundreds of thousands of people in their army, with just 1 person, yourself. Who is going to win? Them.
How are you going to compete with companies with way more staff, and way more effective staff than you? You would have to become exponentially more effective as 1 person which I just don’t know if it’s realistic.
I think it’s more delusional to believe that 1 person can do as well as 10 or 20 or 50 or 100 or more people who are each as effective as that 1 person.
So if you were to win, you would probably want to expand your army/staff and make them more effective, rather than try to make yourself somehow perform on the same level as armies/companies with thousands or hundreds of thousands of people. It’s just delusional to believe you can beat them in my opinion.
In business, you’d have to be extremely skilled at hundreds of different skills, spend 10+ hours on 100+ individual areas of the business each week to compete with 1,000+ staff who, if performing effectively, would crush you.
This is just my thoughts.
Am I being delusional? Come on…
I just feel like this is the way. Just look at the most successful organisations in history. Was it 1 person?
No, 1 person cannot realistically win a war against 100,000+ people. No matter how good they are. They would need to be top 0.00000000001% in skill in the world at what they’re beating the other side at.
Could 1 footballer beat a football team of 100 people of equal ability than them? No.
Could a company of 1 person outperform a company of 1,000 people? No.
So I believe if I can solve the ability to do this, I can grow a team of unlimited size to conquer and beat any problem thrown at us.
It’s just down to control of people.
Money doesn’t exist.
Even biggest most successful companies in the world mostly didn’t get there on their own.
I believe less than 1% of Fortune 500 Companies were bootstrapped. Or something similar.
And this is what I’m saying.
People in the small business/entrepreneur world tell you you need to have everything yourself.
How are you going to outfinance, outcompete companies on complete other levels without acquiring these resources from others? Just relying on yourself.
How could 1 person get more financing/investment in a company from investors compared to 1,000 of equal ability.
It’s never 1 person ‘beating the world’. Or beating the industry on their own.
Maybe if your aspiration is to be an average business.
“Oh but you should do what is best at each level, and it’s different for each level. Start just by yourself until you get X revenue. THEN hire people”
…..Well if you struggle to get X revenue on your own, how are you ever going to hire others?
The others help you grow the revenue in the first place.
I feel like the small business world is too overreliant on the founder and delusional about the capabilities of 1 person when competing against units 100-1,000x + bigger than them.
Come on.
Anything you want to compete in. In business.
Generally you already have competition.
And if you manage to somehow “spot” something they’ve “missed”, they could just copy you and wipe you out with their massive resources anyway.
In my opinion you need to expand your resources as FAST as possible.
Not this BS “oh wait until you get X profit on your own to hire other people”
Well if you’ve only made good profit on your own as a freelancer, and you’ve spent a lot of years trying to get a business off the ground solo, what are you meant to do?
“Oh just make it work” Great advice.
I just feel like there’s too much delusion into what it actually takes.
In a job or as a freelancer. It’s easier to make $3k-5k/month revenue because you’re only competing against individuals.
But when you try to compete against other businesses to make $3k-5k/month profit, you’re competing against businesses with 10x-100x the people, the money, the resources, the everything, to beat you.
So how are you meant to realistically beat them on your own? Without expanding your resources as quick as possible.
So because of this I believe if 1 person on their own is somehow meant to take a business from $0 to $10k/mo profit, then surely it will happen quicker if more people, of equal ability, are trying to make the business $0 to 10k/mo profit.
To be honest I don’t know what the truth is. This is just what I believe the truth is.
Because I’ve consumed so much wrong information from people acting like they have the correct advice in business.
All Youtube videos, articles, courses, claiming to make you successful in business, when in reality it’s just advice that sounds either easy to say or easy to hear.
Like it’s easy to say as a comment to this post, a response that takes 5 seconds to write, like the first thing that comes to your mind, like “just figure it out on your own”. But that’s not necessarily the truth, it’s just easy for you to say as a commenter. Comments aren’t necessarily the truth.
And on the other side business advice is easy to hear. Like “work on your own, make $1m/month, move to X country, live the life, working 2hours/day” which is just pure delusion. And most of the time the content/advice’s purpose is to benefit the business who made it, not the receiver of the advice. Because it’s selling a course or they have ad sense so they just want maximum engagement and views.
And anyone who is successful in business doesn’t need to give any advice. Because they’re applying the advice. Not giving it. Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos etc have no strong incentive trying to help others get to their level because they could just make an extra $10M-100M from spending the same time/energy/resources giving advice into growing their business.
They’re never gonna have advice that would help you beat them because otherwise they would’ve applied it themself.
And they are actually incentivized to not want others to truly succeed. Because it means more competition for them and less success for them.
So 99%+ of info online just seems like it’s not true.
I’m trying to figure out what is true and what isn’t.
Honestly though it’s difficult to even trust what anyone says in business. Any advice or feedback. For the reasons given.
Because 99% of feedback is either from people who haven’t truly grown a successful business, or it’s not related to you, or it involved luck, or it’s just like a motivational quote they tell you, or it’s a snarky comment they tell you.
It’s only helpful to them. And you are actually their customer or viewer or their entertainment. Not a successful business yourself. Because it’s just all misinformation that all contradicts with the truth.
So not even sure if it’s worth trying to get advice or if it’s all just pointless, just to figure it out myself from experience, trial and error and learning from my own thinking than relying on any other thinking.
Anyway do you think this is just crazy and I’m going crazy or is there any truth to what I’m saying?
Let me know your brutal honest feedback
2024.05.19 16:05 DavidWtube I have muted 994 subreddits and have maxed out my ability to mute any more. AMA
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2024.05.19 11:50 xDaveedx One skill I'd love to see added is an active counter skill for some class
I really enjoy actively countering enemy attacks in almost every game that has that, but for some reason no arpg I've played has a skill like that.
LE has already brought plenty of innovation to the genre, so I could see it pulling this off aswell with a cool skill tree for a counter skill.
It would probably make the most sense on a Bladedancer, where the Counter would put you in a parry pose with a sword and when an enemy hits you during that period, you react with a counter attack of some sort.
I think a skill like that could add an actual use case for the 2 reflected dmg to attackers affixes beside the very few niche cases that exist right now.
By default it could last like 1s and be a basic melee slash attack in a 180° cone, triggering after a hit is parried, cooldown of 10s, 100% dmg absorption by default, meaning you take 0 dmg by parried skills. Requires 1h sword. Flat reflected dmg to attackers is applied with 500% effectiveness to the counter attack.
I feel like % reflected dmg should get reworked to apply as an %increase to the flat reflected dmg to attackers stat.
Possible skill nodes I could imagine:
submitted by xDaveedx to LastEpoch [link] [comments]
LE has already brought plenty of innovation to the genre, so I could see it pulling this off aswell with a cool skill tree for a counter skill.
It would probably make the most sense on a Bladedancer, where the Counter would put you in a parry pose with a sword and when an enemy hits you during that period, you react with a counter attack of some sort.
I think a skill like that could add an actual use case for the 2 reflected dmg to attackers affixes beside the very few niche cases that exist right now.
By default it could last like 1s and be a basic melee slash attack in a 180° cone, triggering after a hit is parried, cooldown of 10s, 100% dmg absorption by default, meaning you take 0 dmg by parried skills. Requires 1h sword. Flat reflected dmg to attackers is applied with 500% effectiveness to the counter attack.
I feel like % reflected dmg should get reworked to apply as an %increase to the flat reflected dmg to attackers stat.
Possible skill nodes I could imagine:
- Reduce cooldown to ~1s to make it viable as a main skill, but instead of a 1s duration it's a very small time window, so you need to learn monsters' attack patterns to get the timing right. Time frame slightly scales with increases to attack speed.
- Reduce the cone to 45°, but make it shoot a wave of energy like that Rive Node (which is in need of rebalancing btw)
- Every hit you parry during that stance extends the duration by 1s, up to 10s, but -2% dmg absorption for every hit parried. Counter attack no longer triggers when parrying something, but at the end of the duration, 50% more dmg per parried hit.
- Change the 180° slash into a Shadow Cascade cast with 200% increased area.
- Throw a piercing dagger per 20 reflected dmg to attackers when counter attacking.
- Change into a channelling skill and you can turn around freely while channelling, but lose dmg absorption at an accelerating pace until reaching 0
- Using another attack shortly after parrying enhances that attack in a unique way: -> Flurry (400% increased area) -> Puncture (300% extended range) -> Cinder Strike (+100% fire penetration) -> Shadow Cascade (cast 2 additional shadows)
- Taunt enemies around you during the duration, but -10% dmg absorption.
- Remote Tracker Gloves (any existing Decoy's are violently flung at the enemy you parried with counter attack)
- Wolf's Focus 1h Katana (Successfully parrying a hit makes you flash briefly and with a well timed Shift cast you dash forward with increased range and cast another counter attack (just the attack part, not the parry) at the end of the dash. Only works when Shift is not on cooldown.)
- Reckless Rage Helmet (You counter with 3 quick attacks instead of 1, but -50% dmg absorption during Counter attack.)
- Zerrick's Shell Body Armour (1% more armour per 10 reflected dmg to attackers, 1% endurance per 20% reflected dmg. Cannot regenerate or leech hp during Counter attack.)
2024.05.19 04:22 user927314586 [US][Selling] Whole Collection! Everything Must Go!
Hey everyone, I'm looking to sell my entire collection. I could use the funds for tuition and other personal matters. I'm firm on some prices and willing to negotiate on others. I'm open to negotiating on the prices since I haven't been collecting manga lately and I've been out of the loop for current selling prices.
https://imgur.com/a/rFfzxJx
Shipping will be done through USPS Media Mail. Shipping is free for orders $150 or more; otherwise, there's a flat fee of $6. PayPal Goods and Services (G&S) only.
**Manga Singles and Other:**
日本の兄弟 - $14
Danza - $8
Pink - $10
Showa 1944-1953 - $16
Golgo 13 - $6
Ikigami 6 - $7
Blue Period 8 - $7
Blade of the Immortal 31 - $17
Cats of the Louvre - $20
Downfall - $9
Gantz 34 - $7
Btoom 1 - $7
Drip Drip - $9
No Longer Human (Junji Ito) - $20
Dream Fossil - $15
Tokyo Revengers 1-2 - $10
Bloody Monday 1 - $7
The Beginning After the End - $9
Rooster Fighter - $7
Game - $7
Tono Monogatari - $18
Witches - $18
Golden Kamuy 1 - $9
Ode to Kirihito - $20
Dororo - $17
MW - $14
The Book of Human Insects - $11
Ayako - $19
Apollo's Song - $19
Bomba - $9
Ristorante Paradiso - $9
Wandering Island 2 - $13
The Gods Lie - $11
A Girl on the Shore - $15
Slam Dunk 1 - $7
Shino Can't Say Her Name - $9
Great Pretender 1 - $7
Slum Wolf - $17
Mujirushi - $10
Burn the Witch - $8
No Longer Human Complete Edition - $18
Nijigahara Holograph - $25
The Drops of God Volume 2 - $40
Thus Spoke Rohan Kishibe - $13
Berserk Deluxe Edition Volume 1 - $40
The Girl from the Other Side (HC) Volume 2 - $30 (I also have Volume 1, but it's a bit damaged. However, if you bundle it with this, I'll do $45 shipped)
K-ON Volume 1 - $7
K-ON Omnibus - $27
The Man Without Talent - $17
Die Wergelder Volume 1 - $10
Red Flowers - $17
Onwards Towards Our Noble Deaths - $17
Red Colored Elegy - $20
I Want to Eat Your Pancreas - $9
Solanin - $16
Ayako (HC) - $45
Sky Hawk - $17
Before Chainsaw Man 17-21 - $12 (Including Shipping)
Look Back - $12 (Including Shipping)
Seraphim 266613336wings - $17
Trash Market - $15
Abandon the Old in Tokyo - $15
The Push Man - $15
Blue Lock Vol 1 - $6
Jojo Magazine 2022 Spring - $30
Femme Fatale (Shuzo Oshimi Artbook) - $30
**Sets:**
Buddha HC 1-8 - $375
Vagabond 1-12 - $290
Given 1-6 - $50
What A Wonderful World 1-2 - $100
Chainsaw Man 1-11 - $60
Kaiji 1-2 - $30
Buzzer Beater Vol 1-2 in Japanese (Takehiko Inoue) - $35
Pluto 1-8 - $80 (shipped)
Goodnight Punpun 1-7 - $160
Erased 1-5 - $140
Real 1-3, 5-7, 13-15 - $85
Sensei's Pious Lie 1-3 - $50
No. 5 1-4 - $80
Dead Dead Demon's 1-11 - $90
Fire Punch 1-8 - $70
Summertime Rendering 1-4 - $35
Can't Stop Cursing You 1-3 - $25
Yowamushi Pedal 1-2, 4, 6-9, 11-17 - $270
Blade of the Immortal 1-31 - $425
Fist of the North Star 1-5 - $75
Saint Young Men 1-8 - $125
Hell's Paradise 1-13 - $125
Dorohedoro 1-23 - $270
20th (1-11) + 21st Century Boys - $225
Asadora 1-5 - $45
Zom 100 1-7 - $65
Black Jack 1, 3 - $25
Crazy Food Truck 1-2 - $18
The Breaker 1-3 - $40
Alice in Borderland 1-3 - $45
Record of Ragnarok 1-3 - $25
Saturn Apartments 2, 7 - $40
Blue Flag 1-4, 6-7 - $55
Ikigami 1-4, 6, 7, 9 - $65
Emanon 1-3 - $45
My Dress-Up Darling 1-6 - $55
Girls' Last Tour 1-6 - $80
Inuyashiki 1-8 - $75
Wotakoi 1-6 - $55
Sayonara Football 1-12 - $80
Happiness 1-10 $95
Beastars 1-19 - $150
Iron Wok Jan 1-27 - $525
Beck Mongolian Chop Squad 1-7 $125
Kurosagi Delivery Corpse 1-14 + 5th Omnibus - $180
Sakamoto Days 1-4 - $35
Kaiju No. 8 1-4 - $35
Mashle 1-8 $70
Undead Unluck 1-8 - $70
Moriarty the Patriot 1-8 - $70
Spy Family 1-7 - $60
Jujutsu Kaisen 0-17 - $150
Elusive Samurai 1-2 - $15
Again!! 1-4 - $40
Blue Period 1-9 - $85
Grand Blue Dreaming 1-4, 6, 8-10 - $70
Inside Mari 1-4 - $40
Blood on the Tracks 1-11 - $90
Welcome Back, Alice 1-3 - $25
Ciguatera 1-3 - $50
Parasyte 1-8 - $60
Black Torch 1-2 - $12
Platinum End 1-2 - $12
Jojo's Bizzare Adventure Pt.3 Singles 4, 7, 8, 12 - $40
Whistle 1-18, 20-22 - $195
Prince of Tennis 1-10, 12, 14-32, 34-42 - $375
Nana 1-7, 9, 13-16, 18-21 - $150
I"s 1-14 - $150
Gintama 1, 3-6, 9-23 - $160
Rurouni Kenshin 1-28 - $270
Toriko 1-3, 6-9, 11, 13-15, 17-42 - $410
Mob Psycho 100 1-9 - $80
Berserk Singles 1-3 - $27
Yotsuba 1-9 - $95
Gigant 1-8 - $75
Genkaku Picasso 1-3 - $27
H.P. Lovecraft's at the Mountains of Madness 1-2 - $30
Dai Dark 1-4 - $40
Hinamatsuri 1-3 - $27
Ajin 1-17 - $150
Neon Genesis Evangelion Omnibus (Japanese) 1-5 - $50
**Box Sets:**
Akira - $160
Bleach Box Set 1 - $100 (Poster missing)
Bleach Box Set 2 - $110 (Poster missing)
Bleach Box Set 3 - $120 (Poster missing)
Fullmetal Alchemist Box Set - $150 (Poster missing)
Feel free to comment or message me if you're interested in anything listed! Prices aren't all firm, so we can negotiate a bit as well. Thank you!
submitted by user927314586 to mangaswap [link] [comments]
https://imgur.com/a/rFfzxJx
Shipping will be done through USPS Media Mail. Shipping is free for orders $150 or more; otherwise, there's a flat fee of $6. PayPal Goods and Services (G&S) only.
**Manga Singles and Other:**
日本の兄弟 - $14
Danza - $8
Pink - $10
Showa 1944-1953 - $16
Golgo 13 - $6
Ikigami 6 - $7
Blue Period 8 - $7
Blade of the Immortal 31 - $17
Cats of the Louvre - $20
Downfall - $9
Gantz 34 - $7
Btoom 1 - $7
Drip Drip - $9
No Longer Human (Junji Ito) - $20
Dream Fossil - $15
Tokyo Revengers 1-2 - $10
Bloody Monday 1 - $7
The Beginning After the End - $9
Rooster Fighter - $7
Game - $7
Tono Monogatari - $18
Witches - $18
Golden Kamuy 1 - $9
Ode to Kirihito - $20
Dororo - $17
MW - $14
The Book of Human Insects - $11
Ayako - $19
Apollo's Song - $19
Bomba - $9
Ristorante Paradiso - $9
Wandering Island 2 - $13
The Gods Lie - $11
A Girl on the Shore - $15
Slam Dunk 1 - $7
Shino Can't Say Her Name - $9
Great Pretender 1 - $7
Slum Wolf - $17
Mujirushi - $10
Burn the Witch - $8
No Longer Human Complete Edition - $18
Nijigahara Holograph - $25
The Drops of God Volume 2 - $40
Thus Spoke Rohan Kishibe - $13
Berserk Deluxe Edition Volume 1 - $40
The Girl from the Other Side (HC) Volume 2 - $30 (I also have Volume 1, but it's a bit damaged. However, if you bundle it with this, I'll do $45 shipped)
K-ON Volume 1 - $7
K-ON Omnibus - $27
The Man Without Talent - $17
Die Wergelder Volume 1 - $10
Red Flowers - $17
Onwards Towards Our Noble Deaths - $17
Red Colored Elegy - $20
I Want to Eat Your Pancreas - $9
Solanin - $16
Ayako (HC) - $45
Sky Hawk - $17
Before Chainsaw Man 17-21 - $12 (Including Shipping)
Look Back - $12 (Including Shipping)
Seraphim 266613336wings - $17
Trash Market - $15
Abandon the Old in Tokyo - $15
The Push Man - $15
Blue Lock Vol 1 - $6
Jojo Magazine 2022 Spring - $30
Femme Fatale (Shuzo Oshimi Artbook) - $30
**Sets:**
Buddha HC 1-8 - $375
Vagabond 1-12 - $290
Given 1-6 - $50
What A Wonderful World 1-2 - $100
Chainsaw Man 1-11 - $60
Kaiji 1-2 - $30
Buzzer Beater Vol 1-2 in Japanese (Takehiko Inoue) - $35
Pluto 1-8 - $80 (shipped)
Goodnight Punpun 1-7 - $160
Erased 1-5 - $140
Real 1-3, 5-7, 13-15 - $85
Sensei's Pious Lie 1-3 - $50
No. 5 1-4 - $80
Dead Dead Demon's 1-11 - $90
Fire Punch 1-8 - $70
Summertime Rendering 1-4 - $35
Can't Stop Cursing You 1-3 - $25
Yowamushi Pedal 1-2, 4, 6-9, 11-17 - $270
Blade of the Immortal 1-31 - $425
Fist of the North Star 1-5 - $75
Saint Young Men 1-8 - $125
Hell's Paradise 1-13 - $125
Dorohedoro 1-23 - $270
20th (1-11) + 21st Century Boys - $225
Asadora 1-5 - $45
Zom 100 1-7 - $65
Black Jack 1, 3 - $25
Crazy Food Truck 1-2 - $18
The Breaker 1-3 - $40
Alice in Borderland 1-3 - $45
Record of Ragnarok 1-3 - $25
Saturn Apartments 2, 7 - $40
Blue Flag 1-4, 6-7 - $55
Ikigami 1-4, 6, 7, 9 - $65
Emanon 1-3 - $45
My Dress-Up Darling 1-6 - $55
Girls' Last Tour 1-6 - $80
Inuyashiki 1-8 - $75
Wotakoi 1-6 - $55
Sayonara Football 1-12 - $80
Happiness 1-10 $95
Beastars 1-19 - $150
Iron Wok Jan 1-27 - $525
Beck Mongolian Chop Squad 1-7 $125
Kurosagi Delivery Corpse 1-14 + 5th Omnibus - $180
Sakamoto Days 1-4 - $35
Kaiju No. 8 1-4 - $35
Mashle 1-8 $70
Undead Unluck 1-8 - $70
Moriarty the Patriot 1-8 - $70
Spy Family 1-7 - $60
Jujutsu Kaisen 0-17 - $150
Elusive Samurai 1-2 - $15
Again!! 1-4 - $40
Blue Period 1-9 - $85
Grand Blue Dreaming 1-4, 6, 8-10 - $70
Inside Mari 1-4 - $40
Blood on the Tracks 1-11 - $90
Welcome Back, Alice 1-3 - $25
Ciguatera 1-3 - $50
Parasyte 1-8 - $60
Black Torch 1-2 - $12
Platinum End 1-2 - $12
Jojo's Bizzare Adventure Pt.3 Singles 4, 7, 8, 12 - $40
Whistle 1-18, 20-22 - $195
Prince of Tennis 1-10, 12, 14-32, 34-42 - $375
Nana 1-7, 9, 13-16, 18-21 - $150
I"s 1-14 - $150
Gintama 1, 3-6, 9-23 - $160
Rurouni Kenshin 1-28 - $270
Toriko 1-3, 6-9, 11, 13-15, 17-42 - $410
Mob Psycho 100 1-9 - $80
Berserk Singles 1-3 - $27
Yotsuba 1-9 - $95
Gigant 1-8 - $75
Genkaku Picasso 1-3 - $27
H.P. Lovecraft's at the Mountains of Madness 1-2 - $30
Dai Dark 1-4 - $40
Hinamatsuri 1-3 - $27
Ajin 1-17 - $150
Neon Genesis Evangelion Omnibus (Japanese) 1-5 - $50
**Box Sets:**
Akira - $160
Bleach Box Set 1 - $100 (Poster missing)
Bleach Box Set 2 - $110 (Poster missing)
Bleach Box Set 3 - $120 (Poster missing)
Fullmetal Alchemist Box Set - $150 (Poster missing)
Feel free to comment or message me if you're interested in anything listed! Prices aren't all firm, so we can negotiate a bit as well. Thank you!
2024.05.19 03:06 P106_Senpai [US][Selling] Lots of manga and some signed funko. Open to offers.
New Stuff Added
Trying to get rid of some manga. condition varies some brand new, some very used and are priced accordingly.
Open to offers.
Shipping not including. if you buy enough then I will pay for shipping.
Tried to price things best I could if you believe pricing isn't fair and you're interested we can work something out.
Signed Funko! at the bottom.
Thanks for looking!
Photo Link: Image/Proof
Manga Lots 3+ Volumes:
A, A tropical fish yearns for snow vol 1-3 15$
B, Bloody Mary vol 1-4,6 30$
Bride of the water god vol 1-9 90$
C, Chainsaw Man BAM Box set vol 1-4 (With Poster) 20$
D,
E,
F,
G,
H, Hi score girl vol 1-8 50$
I,
J,
K, Kare kano vol 8,11-14 25$
L,,
M, Mashle vol 1-3 15$
N, Naruto Vol 8-10,12-13,26-28,39,41-43,50 (13 Volumes Total) 45$
O,
P,
Q,
R,
S, Shaman King Singles Vol 1,2,2,3,3,5,7,7,8,8,12 6$ Each
The Saviors book Cafe story in another world vol 1-5 Complete 45$
U,
W,
X,
Y,
Z.
Manga Lots with 1-2 Volumes:
A,
A distant Neighborhood Singles vol 1-2 Complete 20$
B,
Beast Complex Vol 1 7$
Blue Period vol 1-2 15$
C,
Citrus vol 1,6 15$
Code Geass vol 1 15$
Captain Harlock vol 2 HC 10$
20th Century Boys Singles vol 2 10$
D,
Dragon Head vol 7 20$
Dragon Ball Z vol 7 4$
Drrr!! Vol 1 7$
E,
F,
Full Metal Panic! Vol 1 8$
Firefighter daigo vol 4 15$
G,
Golden Kamuy vol 1 8$
H,
Happy Mania vol 1 15$
Hells Paradise vol 1 8$
Hi Score Girl Vol 1 6$
I,
Inside Mari vol 9 8$
Iron wok jan! Vol 4 12$
J,
Jujutsu Kaisen vol 1 (Spine Miss Print) 3$
Jing:King of bandits vol 7 3$
K,
Kamisama Kiss vol 7 8$
Kaiju NO.8 Vol 1 8$
Kodocha Vol 5 9$
Knights of sidonia singles vol 4 10$
King of cards vol 4 10$
L,
Look Back vol 1 8$
Lupin 3 Singles Vol 1 12$
M,
Mashima Heros 7$
My Hero academia smash vol 1 5$
N,
Naruto the Official fanbook 6$
Naruto Forever The unofficial Guide 6$
Naruto Full Color Movie Manga 6$ each
Nightmare inspector vol 4 4$
No man's land vol 1-2 Complete 10$
O,
One Piece Gold Foil vol 4 12$
Oh my goddess vol 31 8$
Oh my goddess vol 19,19,19,19 20$ Each
P,
Prison school Vol 14 13$
Phantom Tales of the night vol 1 8$
Q,
R,
Records of Ragnorok vol 1 8$
S,
Sayonara Football Volume 1 8$
Solo Leveling Vol 1-2 26$
sweetness and lightning volume 1 7$
Scums Wish Vol 1 18$
Sweat and Soap vol 1-2 14$
Steins Gate Vol 1 Loot Crate Exclusive 20$
Stellvia vol 1-2 10$
Shortcake cake vol 1 6$
Shaman king omnibus vol 1 10$
Saiyuki vol 1 HC 12$
T,
Testament of sister new devil vol 1 30$
The Last Uniform Vol 1 10$
Tokyo Knights vol 1 3$
Tokyo tribes vol 3 6$
U,
V,
Vampire Hunter D Vol 2 7$
W,
Wotakoi B&N Exclusive vol 1 10$
X,
Xo Genasys vol 1 6$
Y,
Yowamushi Pedal Loot Crate Exclusive Vol 1 10$
Yakitate!! Vol 6 4$
Yona of the dawn vol 1,34 12$
Z.
Manga Light Novels:
A,
B,
C,
D,
E,
F,
G,
Goblin Slayer LN Vol 1 7$
H,
I,
J,
K,
L,
M,
My Youth Romantic Comedy Is WRONG as I expected Ln Vol 1-2 15$
Monster Girl Doctor Ln Vol 1 6$
N,
Naruto Mission protect the waterfall village! Ln 6$
Naruto Innocent Heart,Demonic Blood Ln 6$
No Game No life LN vol 1 7$
O,
P,
Q,
R,
Re: Zero Ln Vol 1 7$
S,
Spice&Wolf Ln vol 1-14 120$
T,
The Alchemist Who Survived Now Dreams Of Quiet City Life Ln Vol 1-2 15$
The Saga of the tanya of evil Ln Vol 1 8$
The Saga of the tanya of evil Ln Vol 1 8$
Toradora Ln Vol 1 8$
The twelve kingdoms Ln 7$
U,
V,
Vampire Hunter D LN vol 2 10$
W,
X,
Y,
Z.
Signed Funko!
Jiraiya On Toad Hot Topic Exclusive Signed By David Lodge (Long Quote) PSA Cert #73 200$
Ahsoka Amazon Exclusive Signed by Rosario Dawson JSA Cert #467 300$
Demon slayer funko pops 6 total (2 not signed) 290$
Photo: Images/Proof
submitted by P106_Senpai to mangaswap [link] [comments]
Trying to get rid of some manga. condition varies some brand new, some very used and are priced accordingly.
Open to offers.
Shipping not including. if you buy enough then I will pay for shipping.
Tried to price things best I could if you believe pricing isn't fair and you're interested we can work something out.
Signed Funko! at the bottom.
Thanks for looking!
Photo Link: Image/Proof
Manga Lots 3+ Volumes:
A, A tropical fish yearns for snow vol 1-3 15$
B, Bloody Mary vol 1-4,6 30$
Bride of the water god vol 1-9 90$
C, Chainsaw Man BAM Box set vol 1-4 (With Poster) 20$
D,
E,
F,
G,
H, Hi score girl vol 1-8 50$
I,
J,
K, Kare kano vol 8,11-14 25$
L,,
M, Mashle vol 1-3 15$
N, Naruto Vol 8-10,12-13,26-28,39,41-43,50 (13 Volumes Total) 45$
O,
P,
Q,
R,
S, Shaman King Singles Vol 1,2,2,3,3,5,7,7,8,8,12 6$ Each
Saint young men HC vol 1-3 36$T, Testarotho vol 1-4 Complete 30$
The Saviors book Cafe story in another world vol 1-5 Complete 45$
U,
Uzumaki Junji ito singles vol 1-3 (Complete) 50$ (Check condition)V,
W,
X,
Y,
Z.
Manga Lots with 1-2 Volumes:
A,
A distant Neighborhood Singles vol 1-2 Complete 20$
B,
Beast Complex Vol 1 7$
Blue Period vol 1-2 15$
C,
Citrus vol 1,6 15$
Code Geass vol 1 15$
Captain Harlock vol 2 HC 10$
20th Century Boys Singles vol 2 10$
D,
Dragon Head vol 7 20$
Dragon Ball Z vol 7 4$
Drrr!! Vol 1 7$
E,
F,
Full Metal Panic! Vol 1 8$
Firefighter daigo vol 4 15$
G,
Golden Kamuy vol 1 8$
H,
Happy Mania vol 1 15$
Hells Paradise vol 1 8$
Hi Score Girl Vol 1 6$
I,
Inside Mari vol 9 8$
Iron wok jan! Vol 4 12$
J,
Jujutsu Kaisen vol 1 (Spine Miss Print) 3$
Jing:King of bandits vol 7 3$
K,
Kamisama Kiss vol 7 8$
Kaiju NO.8 Vol 1 8$
Kodocha Vol 5 9$
Knights of sidonia singles vol 4 10$
King of cards vol 4 10$
L,
Look Back vol 1 8$
Lupin 3 Singles Vol 1 12$
M,
Mashima Heros 7$
My Hero academia smash vol 1 5$
N,
Naruto the Official fanbook 6$
Naruto Forever The unofficial Guide 6$
Naruto Full Color Movie Manga 6$ each
Nightmare inspector vol 4 4$
No man's land vol 1-2 Complete 10$
O,
One Piece Gold Foil vol 4 12$
Oh my goddess vol 31 8$
Oh my goddess vol 19,19,19,19 20$ Each
P,
Prison school Vol 14 13$
Phantom Tales of the night vol 1 8$
Q,
R,
Records of Ragnorok vol 1 8$
S,
Sayonara Football Volume 1 8$
Solo Leveling Vol 1-2 26$
sweetness and lightning volume 1 7$
Scums Wish Vol 1 18$
Sweat and Soap vol 1-2 14$
Steins Gate Vol 1 Loot Crate Exclusive 20$
Stellvia vol 1-2 10$
Shortcake cake vol 1 6$
Shaman king omnibus vol 1 10$
Saiyuki vol 1 HC 12$
T,
Testament of sister new devil vol 1 30$
The Last Uniform Vol 1 10$
Tokyo Knights vol 1 3$
Tokyo tribes vol 3 6$
U,
V,
Vampire Hunter D Vol 2 7$
W,
Wotakoi B&N Exclusive vol 1 10$
X,
Xo Genasys vol 1 6$
Y,
Yowamushi Pedal Loot Crate Exclusive Vol 1 10$
Yakitate!! Vol 6 4$
Yona of the dawn vol 1,34 12$
Z.
Manga Light Novels:
A,
B,
C,
D,
E,
F,
G,
Goblin Slayer LN Vol 1 7$
H,
I,
J,
K,
L,
M,
My Youth Romantic Comedy Is WRONG as I expected Ln Vol 1-2 15$
Monster Girl Doctor Ln Vol 1 6$
N,
Naruto Mission protect the waterfall village! Ln 6$
Naruto Innocent Heart,Demonic Blood Ln 6$
No Game No life LN vol 1 7$
O,
P,
Q,
R,
Re: Zero Ln Vol 1 7$
S,
Spice&Wolf Ln vol 1-14 120$
T,
The Alchemist Who Survived Now Dreams Of Quiet City Life Ln Vol 1-2 15$
The Saga of the tanya of evil Ln Vol 1 8$
The Saga of the tanya of evil Ln Vol 1 8$
Toradora Ln Vol 1 8$
The twelve kingdoms Ln 7$
U,
V,
Vampire Hunter D LN vol 2 10$
W,
X,
Y,
Z.
Signed Funko!
Jiraiya On Toad Hot Topic Exclusive Signed By David Lodge (Long Quote) PSA Cert #73 200$
Ahsoka Amazon Exclusive Signed by Rosario Dawson JSA Cert #467 300$
Demon slayer funko pops 6 total (2 not signed) 290$
Photo: Images/Proof
2024.05.18 23:04 Difficult-Fan-5572 NCAA Football 14 PC Port
Hello, I am trying to make a native pc port of NCAA Football 14 so that I have access to better graphics, 3d model replacements, db limitations, and improved less compressed textures. The majority of the games files are places in a .AST file type. After looking through the data of many items such as helmets and jerseys, I have found that the file structure closely resembles modern madden on the PC. If anyone can help get a starting point it would be greatly appreciated.
submitted by Difficult-Fan-5572 to AskReverseEngineering [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 22:53 the_knightfall1975 Hard endgame only alternative to start new char?
Please hear my out, this will sound like a complaint (okay, kinda is), but I am really interested in your opinion. Playing eternal realm with three chars, wolf tornado druid, no-shouts double-swing barb and ball lightning sorc. All between mid-eighty and early ninety level-wise. No ubers, but a few nice uniques (tr, joritz, tibault). All items fully upgraded. Patch came. What now? Reaching lvl 100 should not take too long. Then what? To find items like I have, masterwork and temper them so they are at least as good as the ones I have will take ages!!! I found tr and upgraded it to level 4 (of 12 I guess?) while leveling my druid from 92 to 98 and the stats on the helmet are still not as good as the ones of the tr I wear. I can't upgrade it much further (pit levels higher than 30 are tricky for me). And that is only one item!! Okay, I could do "the real endgame", min-max everything and probably need to change my build to something more meta. Therefore will be able to reach higher pit levels (grind and grind and grind) and be able further upgrade my items. Maybe it's just me, but that doesn't sound like fun. What do you think? Is the alternative to level a new char from 1-100?
submitted by the_knightfall1975 to diablo4 [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 19:18 Athrek Guide to the Optimal Questing Route, First Half
Hello everyone! I know it's been a long time but with the DLC on the way and work slowing down for a bit, I've decided to start writing guides again. With the DLC a month away, I've decided to focus my efforts on guides that will help prepare for the DLC and have a few others that are just about ready as well.
With all of the patches over the years, the questlines have been changes fairly significantly. It is now nearly impossible to "break" any questlines by accident but many of my previous guides were made to avoid that happening. Given that, they have lost some of their purpose and aren't as optimal as they previously were. I have went through the game again and learned all of the new tricks to optimize the questlines so that you can take the least amount of steps possible to receive all of the questlines best rewards.
So what this guide is meant for is to help with getting characters through the game with all of the unique quest rewards as optimally as possible. So there should be nothing unnecessary within this guide and it will take you from location to location without consideration for level or build. Given that, you may need to do side objectives and leveling for your personal run, but you can just continue following from where you left off. Due to Reddit's character limit, I have to separate this guide into two parts but both halves are already available.
I hope everyone enjoys the guide and please let me know if you have any suggestions, fixes or feedback!
submitted by Athrek to eldenringdiscussion [link] [comments]
With all of the patches over the years, the questlines have been changes fairly significantly. It is now nearly impossible to "break" any questlines by accident but many of my previous guides were made to avoid that happening. Given that, they have lost some of their purpose and aren't as optimal as they previously were. I have went through the game again and learned all of the new tricks to optimize the questlines so that you can take the least amount of steps possible to receive all of the questlines best rewards.
So what this guide is meant for is to help with getting characters through the game with all of the unique quest rewards as optimally as possible. So there should be nothing unnecessary within this guide and it will take you from location to location without consideration for level or build. Given that, you may need to do side objectives and leveling for your personal run, but you can just continue following from where you left off. Due to Reddit's character limit, I have to separate this guide into two parts but both halves are already available.
I hope everyone enjoys the guide and please let me know if you have any suggestions, fixes or feedback!
Second Half
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEADLimgrave
- Grab the First Step Grace once you enter Limgrave
- Head South-East to grab the Seaside Ruins Grace
- Head East to grab the Agheel Lake South Grace
- Rest at the Grace to receive Torrent
- Cross the bridge South-East to grab the Bridge of Sacrifice Grace
- Talk to Irina nearby and get the letter from her.
- From the Agheel Lake South Grace: Head South-East and use the Spirit Jump to grab the Starlight Shard from the stone astrolabe nearby.
- Head North and use the Spirit Jump to get down into the forest below.
- Head North-East until you hear howling from the nearby ruin
- Head South-East to grab the Fort Haight West Grace
- Go inside Fort Haight to kill the Knight at the top and grab the Dectus Medallion (Left)
- From the First Step Grace: Head North to grab the Church of Elleh Grace
- Fast Travel to the Church of Elleh Grace and talk to Witch Renna to get the Spirit Calling Bell and Spirit Wolf Ashes
- Talk to Merchant Kale to get the Fingersnap Emote
- Head North-East to grab the Agheel Lake North Grace
- Head South-East and dodge roll into the talking tree to talk with Boc
- Head North then North-East to grab the Murkwater Coast Grace
- Hop down the hole nearby and head South to kill the Invader for Reduvia
- Follow the river back North to talk with Yura
- Head back South and go inside the nearby cave to grab the Murkwater Cave Grace
- Knock the boss to half HP and accept the surrender for the Grovel for Mercy Emote
- Reload and exhaust his dialogue then hit him 3 times without killing him to make him hostile.
- Let him hit you to below half HP to get the Extreme Repentance Emote
- Either Die or use the Extreme Repentance Gesture near him to stop hostilities.
- Reload and talk to him again to get permission to open the chest nearby. Open it to enter the Mistwood Ruins.
- Head North-East to grab the Third Church of Marika Grace and rest at it to allow fast travel again.
- Head North and use the Spirit Jumps to get to the very top of the cliffs
- Head West into Summonwater Village and kill the Tibia Mariner for a Deathroot
- Head South and use the tombstones poking out of the cliff going South-West to get down to the graveyard.
- Continue South-West onto the ruin to talk with Kenneth Haight and get the Erdsteel Dagger. You can kill him for a Golden Seed as he has nothing more to offer.
- Travel back to Murkwater Cave Grace and talk with the boss again to get the Calm Down Emote
- From the Murkwater Coast Grace: Head North and then up the river and use the Spirit Jump to grab the Saintsbridge Grace
- Head West and then up the cliffs going South to help Iron Fist Alexander and get the Triumphant Delight Emote
- Head North and up the opposite cliff into the tomb to grab the Deathtouched Catacombs Grace.
- Proceed through the Deathtouched Catacombs as desired but make sure to pick up at least 1 Grave Glovewort [1] as you progress.
- Kill the boss of the Deathtouched Catacombs and open the chest to grab the Deathroot
- Leave the cave and follow the road South-West to grab the Warmaster's Shack Grace
- Head North to the arena and kill the Invader to get the Hammer Talisman
- From the Warmaster's Shack Grace: Follow the road going West to grab the Stormhill Shack Grace.
- Talk with Roderika to get the Sitting Sideways Emote and Spirit Jellyfish Ashes
Stormveil Castle/Limgrave 2
- Follow the road North that turns to go South-West into the castle to grab the Castleward Tunnel.
- Defeat Margit, the Fell Omen and grab the Margit, the Fell Omen Grace
- Head West to grab the Stormveil Main Gate Grace.
- Rest at it to enter Roundtable Hold.
- Inside Roundtable Hold, talk with Gideon, Brother Corhyn and Ensha to receive the Prayer Emote and What Do You Want Emote
- Jump over the railing and let the Invader bow to get the Reverential Bow Emote then kill him for the Taunter's Tongue.
- From the Stormveil Main Gate Grace: Talk with Gostoc in the building nearby.
- Accept or Decline him. If you Decline you can open the main gate now.
- DO NOT KILL Gostoc. If you do you will miss out on an optional reward later.
- Choose any way you like to make your way through the castle until you grab the Secluded Cell Grace before the boss room.
- From the Secluded Cell Grace: Head South past the troll and into the room straight ahead to talk with Nepheli Loux.
- Head back to the boss room and defeat Godrick the Grafted.
- Grab the Godrick the Grafted Grace and rest at it.
- Head North-West, go through the door, and follow the path to the left to hop down.
- Turn around and grab the Shabriri Grape
- Continue to the outside and grab the Lake-Facing Cliffs Grace
- Return to the Roundtable Hold
- Talk with Roderika and Hewg back and forth until dialogue is exhausted.
- Talk to Rogier and tell him about Godrick to receive Rogier's Rapier +8
- Talk to the Finger Reader and the Fingers for the Rapture Emote
- Talk to Nepheli then Gideon and Nepheli again for the Arsenal Charm and to progress Nepheli's questline.
- From the First Step Grace in Limgrave: Interact with the message nearby for the Bravo! Emote
- Head South-West onto the beach and follow the cliff to find a cave to grab the Coastal Cave Grace
- Kill the boss of the cave for Tailoring Tools and Sewing Needle
- From the Coastal Cave Grace: Talk with Boc to give him the Sewing Needle
Liurnia Lake
- From the Lake-Facing Cliffs Grace: Rest at the Lake-Facing Cliffs Grace.
- Talk with Boc and Hyetta to give Hyetta the Shabriri Grape and get the As You Wish Emote.
- Head North-West and grab the Liurnia Lake Shore Grace
- Head North-West to grab the Laskyar Ruins Grace
- Follow the road North-West to talk with Rya in the pavilion and accept her request.
- Head West to grab the Scenic Isle Grace
- Head North-West to grab the Boilprawn Shack Grace
- Talk to Blackguard Big-Boggart and buy Rya's Necklace from him.
- Talk to him again and buy at least one Boiled Prawn from him for the Spread Out Emote
- Head North-East to grab the Academy Gate Town Grace
- Head North and kill Diallos on the ruins of a building for Diallos's Mask and Hoslow's Petal Whip. This does not affect any unique future rewards
- Continue North-West and use the portal in the pavilion to grab the Northern Liurnia Lake Shore Grace to the South-West
- Go North-East and through the illusory wall to grab the Road to the Manor Grace
- Follow the road to the manor for the Main Caria Manor Gate Grace.
- Make your way through Caria Manor as desired.
- Defeat the boss for the Royal Moongazing Grounds Grace
- Leave through the back of the boss room and head West to the ruin furthest West to find an illusory floor.
- Enter the basement that the illusory floor leads to and interact with the message.
- Leave the room and continue South-West to grab the Ranni's Rise Grace.
- Go up the elevator and accept Ranni's proposal
- Go down to talk with Iji, Blaidd and Seluvis then back up to talk with Ranni.
- Leave the tower and head to the tower to the South-East to talk with Seluvis and accept his proposal
- From the Boilprawn Shack Grace: Head North-West and grab the Fallen Ruins of the Lake Grace at the furthest West ruin.
- Head West and talk to White Mask Varre and choose the topmost option both times.
- Head North-West and grab the Temple Quarter Grace
- Go South-West into the forest to kill the Invader for a Shabriri Grape and Banished Knight Halberd +8
- Grab the Revenger's Shack Grace
- From the Temple Quarter Grace: Go North and grab the Academy Glintstone Key from behind the Dragon
- Head North-West from the Dragon to grab the Foot of the Four Belfries Grace for later use.
- From the Fallen Ruins of the Lake Grace: Head South-West to the pavilion to grab the Folly on the Lake Grace.
- Go South until you hit the wall then head West up the road to talk with Nepheli Loux
- Continue West to grab the Village of the Albinauric's Grace
- Follow the path South-East and roll into the conspicuous pot to reveal Albus
- Talk to Albus to receive the Haligtree Secret Medallion (Right)
- Continue through the village to defeat the boss.
- From the Scenic Isle Grace: Head East to talk with Rya and give her Rya's Necklace for the Volcano Manor Invitation.
- From the Scenic Isle Grace: Head directly South and into the cave to grab the Lakeside Crystal Cave Grace
- Continue through the cave as desired and kill the boss
- Leave through the back of the boss room to talk with Latenna to receive her Ashes.
- From the Laskyar Ruins Grace: Head East and talk with Hyetta to give her a Shabriri Grape
- Continue East into the ruin and go inside the basement hidden beneath the wooden planks to grab a Shabriri Grape
- Leave the basement and head North-East to grab the Liurnia Highway North Grace
- Follow the road North going down to grab the Gate Town Bridge Grace
- Rest at the grace and talk to Hyetta nearby to the North to give her another Shabriri Grape and tell her what they are.
- Rest at the grace and talk with her again.
- Head East to use the Spirit Jump then grab the Starlight Shard from the stone astrolabe slightly West.
- Follow the road North to kill the Tibia Mariner for a Deathroot
- Head East from the Tibia Mariner and use the tombstone sticking out of the cliff to make your way down to grab the Jarburg Grace for later.
- From the Laskyar Ruins Grace: Head North-West and go through the portal to grab the South Raya Lucaria Gate Grace
- Use the nearby gate to grab the Main Academy Gate Grace
- Head North-East past the seal and interact with the Invasion Sign to assist Yura and receive the Ash of War: Raptor of the Mists
- Talk with Yura nearby
- Go South-West and interact with the seal to grab the East Raya Lucaria Gate Grace
- Head North-East and grab the Bellum Church Grace for later
- Follow the cliff North-East to grab the Grand Lift of Dectus Grace
- Head South and follow the cliffs on the East side to use the Spirit Jump and kill the enemies at the top of the tower. Note: If you jump just right, you can land Torrent on the very top of the tower and avoid any climbing.
- Head South-East from the tower to grab the Frenzied Flame Village Outskirts Grace
- Go East and use the tombstones poking out from the cliffside to get to the bottom, open the door to the North and grab the Black Knife Catacombs Grace.
- Proceed through the Black Knife Catacombs as desired but make sure to pick up at least 1 of each of the Grave Glovewort [2], Grave Glovewort [3] and Grave Glovewort [4] as you progress.
- Kill the Black Knife boss behind the illusory wall for the Black Knifeprint
- Kill the other boss inside to grab a Deathroot from the chest.
- From the Frenzied Flame Village Outskirts Grace: Head South-West into the village then North-West to kill the Invader for the Fingerprint Grape and Vyke's War Spear
- Grab the Church of Inhibition Grace just to the North
- From the Bellum Church Grace: Talk with Hyetta nearby to give her the Fingerprint Grape
- Use the hole in the back of the church to follow the slope down going North-East to grab the Ravine-Veiled Village Grace for later.
Raya Lucaria/Liurnia Lake 2
- From the Main Academy Gate Grace: Go up the lift to enter Raya Lucaria and proceed through it as desired to grab the Schoolhouse Classroom Grace.
- Kill the Red Wolf of Radagon
- Grab the Debate Parlor Grace
- Proceed through the area that goes North-West up the stairs and over the balcony as desired to grab the second Academy Glintstone Key at the end.
- From the Debate Parlor Grace: Head North-East up the stairs to kill Moongrum, Carian Knight
- Defeat Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon
- Grab the Raya Lucaria Grand Library Grace
- From the Lake-Facing Cliffs Grace: Go South-West into the Church of Irith and talk with Thops to give him the second Academy Glintstone Key and recieve the Erudition Emote.
- Reload the area and kill the scarab for Ash of War: Thop's Barrier
- From the Schoolhouse Classroom Grace: Go outside and around the corner to grab Thop's Barrier
- From the Ravine-Veiled Village Grace: Climb the ladder nearby and proceed through the Ruin-Strewn Precipice as desired to grab the Ruin-Strewn Precipice Overlook Grace.
- Summon Great Horned Tragoth to receive the Casual Greeting Emote.
- Kill Magma Wyrm Makar
- Grab the Magma Wyrm Makar Grace
- Go up the lift at the back of the boss room to grab the Abandoned Coffin Grace
- Return to the Roundtable Hold
- Kill the Invader for Clinging Bone
- Talk to the Finger Reader Enia for a Talisman Pouch
- Talk to Corhyn to get him to progress his questline.
- Talk with Roderika and upgrade the Spirit Ash of your choosing to +4 using the Grave Gloveworts picked up in Deathtouched Catacombs and Black Knife Catacombs.
- After upgrading, talk with Roderika again to get the Curtsy Emote.
- Talk with Rogier again and he should mention going to sleep.
- Reload and talk with the sleeping Rogier. Repeat this 3 times for the Spellblade Armor Set.
- Talk with Fia and cuddle her, then cuddle her again and exhaust her dialogue to receive the Weathered Dagger.
- Talk with D to show him the Deathroot and accept his proposal then show him the Weathered Dagger.
- Reload and go into the locked room behind Blacksmith Hewg to talk with Fia and get the Twinned Armor Set.
Caelid
- From the Third Church of Marika Grace: Go North-East and use the portal to grab the Bestial Sanctum Grace behind the doors.
- Go South-East to grab the Farum Greatbridge Grace
- Run across the bridge and hug the southern cliff going South-West to use the Spirit Jump behind the Minor Erdtree and grab the Fort Faroth Grace
- Go West and use the Spirit Jump over the edge of the southern cliff to get down then head South to grab the Church of the Plague Grace
- Head West and fall down the cliff safely. There is a large spot where it's easily doable.
- Go North-West to grab the Sellia Under-Stair Grace
- Head South-West to grab the Inner Aeonia Grace
- Kill Commander O'Neil to the South for the Golden Needle
- From the Church of the Plague Grace: Head West and fall down the cliff safely again.
- Talk to Gowry in the shack to give him the Golden Needle.
- Reload and talk to him again to receive the Golden Needle.
- From the Church of the Plague Grace: Talk to Millicent to give her the Golden Needle
- Reload and talk to her again to receive Prosthesis-Wearer Heirloom
- Reload then head West to fall down the cliff safely again.
- Talk with Millicent in the shack.
- Reload and talk with Gowry in the shack.
- Follow the road South to grab the Southern Aeonia Swamp Grace.
- Go South-West and then South-East to grab the Impassable Greatbridge Grace
- Use the portal to grab the Chamber Outside the Plaza Grace
- Go North to talk with Finger Maiden Thorelina for the Polite Bow Emote
- Go up the stairs to talk with Jerren for the Heartening Cry Emote
- Continue North and use the elevator at the back to reach the portal to Radahn.
- Kill Starscourge Radahn
- Grab the Starscourge Radahn Grace
- Talk with Blaidd to exhaust his dialogue
- Talk with Alexander to exhaust his dialogue
Altus Plateau/Mt Gelmir
- From the Abandoned Coffin Grace: Head North-East to grab the Erdtree-Gazing Hill Grace
- Talk with Rya just to the South to teleport to Volcano Manor
- Grab the Volcano Manor Grace
- Talk with Tanith nearby to receive Drawing-Room Key
- Open the doors and grab the Letter from Volcano Manor from the table
- Talk with Rya and exhaust her dialogue.
- Talk with Recusant Bernahl and exhaust his dialogue.
- From the Warmaster's Shack Grace: Go North and invade Old Knight Istvan for the Scaled Armour Set
- From the Volcano Manor Grace: Talk to Tanith to receive Magma Shot
- Grab the second Letter from Volcano Manor from the table
- Talk with Rya and exhaust her dialogue.
- Talk with Bernahl and he will begin selling new Ashes of War.
- Talk with Patches in the hallway near the grace then talk to him again to receive the Letter to Patches
- From the Erdtree-Gazing Hill Grace: Head East across the battlefield to grab the Altus Highway Junction Grace.
- Go East and then North into the hole in the cliff to grab the Amber Starlight Shard
- From the Altus Highway Junction Grace: Follow the road North to grab the Forest-Spanning Greatbridge Grace.
- Use the portal and head South to talk with Goldmask
- From the Altus Highway Junction Grace: Go North again and talk with Brother Corhyn to tell him about Goldmask
- Go North-West down the cliff to Second Church of Marika
- Talk with Yura to get Nagakiba
- Kill the Invader for Eleonora's Poleblade and the Purifying Crystal Tear
- Continue North and use the Spirit Jump to get to the top of the cliff.
- Head West across the bridge to grab the Bridge of Iniquity Grace
- Go East across the bridge again and follow the road to the Writheblood Ruins.
- Invade Magnus the Beast Claw in the easternmost ruin for the Great Stars.
- From the Bridge of Iniquity Grace: Cross the bridge East and use the Spirit Jumps to get back down to the bottom.
- Head North-West to invade Rileigh the Idle for Crepus's Vial
- Continue North and jump onto the West wall of the Shaded Castle.
- Continue through the Shaded Castle as desired to grab the Shaded Castle Inner Gate Grace
- Jump onto the wall South of the grace and use it to jump onto the pathway to the West
- Head North up the path and open the chest to grab Valkyrie's Prosthesis.
- From the Erdtree-Gazing Hill Grace: Go North to talk with Millicent and give her the Valkyrie's Prosthesis
- Continue North up the slope then West to kill the Tibia Mariner for another Deathroot.
- Head North-West into the ravine to grab the Seethewater River Grace
- Follow the path looping around to grab the Seethewater Terminus Grace.
- Head South-West to kill the Magma Wyrm
- Talk with Alexander who is in the lava near the Magma Wyrm to receive the Jar helmet. You can use the solid magma rock on the edge of the cliff to avoid damage while talking with him.
- Continue South and East to grab the Craftsman's Shack Grace
- Head North-East to grab the Primeval Sorcerer Azur Grace.
- Talk with Primeval Sorcerer Azur for Comet Azur
- Head North-East across the rock bridge and into the building to grab Gelmir Hero's Grave Grace
- Kill the boss Red Wolf of the Champion to grab another Deathroot from the chest.
- From the Forest-Spanning Greatbridge Grace: Use the portal and go South again to talk with Goldmask and Brother Corhyn again.
- Follow the road North then South-East to grab the Windmill Village Grace
- Head North-East through the village to kill the Godskin Apostle
- Grab the Windmill Heights Grace and rest at it
- Talk with Millicent nearby and exhaust her dialogue.
- From the Altus Highway Junction Grace: Head up the stairs to the East and through the doors to grab the Outer Wall Phantom Tree Grace.
- Head South-East into the church to grab the Minor Erdtree Church Grace.
- Talk with Melina at the Minor Erdtree Church Grace for the Outer Order Emote.
- From the Outer Wall Phantom Tree Grace: Head up the stairs North-East and follow the road North for the Outer Wall Battleground Grace
- Find the Servant standing on the road just South of the grace and defeat the enemy that spawns from it for the Viridian Amber Medallion +1.
- From the Magma Wyrm Makar Grace: Invade Great Horned Tragoth for the Bull Goat Armour Set
- From the Volcano Manor Grace: Talk with Tanith to receive the Serpentbone Blade
- Talk with Patches to report your success
- Grab the Red Letter from the table
- Talk with Recusant Bernahl for the Letter to Bernahl
- Talk to Rya in the other room.
- Use the secret passage in the third room to grab the Prison Town Church Grace.
- Proceed through the area as desired to grab pull the lever and raise the shortcut bridge next to the Prison Town Church Grace.
- From the Prison Town Church Grace: Cross the bridge and kill the Godskin Noble
- Grab the Temple of Eiglay Grace
- Grab the Serpent's Amnion from nearby
Underground
- From the Fort Haight West Grace: Head North-West to the crater and descend inside of it.
- Proceed as desired until you reach the Nokron, Eternal City Grace.
- Continue proceeding as desired to the boss room.
- Kill the boss to learn more about yourself and grab the Grace.
- Head North-East along the bridge until you hit the forest.
- Follow the cliff leading North-West to grab the Ancestral Woods Grace.
- Jump down onto the roofs to the South-West and proceed as desired through the area until you grab the Night's Sacred Ground Grace
- Head North-East past the Mimic's and up the stairs to open the chest and grab the Fingerslayer Blade and Great Ghost Glovewort.
- Use the portal nearby then head far North-East until you reach the cliff's edge near the jellyfish.
- Head North along the cliff to jump down and grab the Aqueduct-Facing Cliffs Grace.
- Go East and make your way down to progress through the area as desired until you reach the boss room.
- Talk with the NPC curled up outside the boss room to give him the Twinned Armor Set and receive the Inner Order Emote.
- Kill the Boss Duo to grab the Great Waterfall Basin Grace.
- Use the coffin just North-West of the grace and grab the Great Waterfall Crest Grace.
- Head West across the branches then further West to grab the Deeproot Depths Grace.
- Follow the cliff North and then West to grab the Nameless Eternal City Grace.
- Go East and onto the rooftop to make your way up the branches and grab the Across the Roots Grace on cliff near the top.
- Enter the area North and kill Fia's Champions to get Fia's Mist.
- Grab the Prince of Death's Throne Grace
Leyndell
- From the Prince of Death's Throne Grace: Use the nearby portal to enter Leyndell Capital.
- Head South to grab the East Capital Rampart Grace.
- Proceed through the area as desired to grab the Avenue Balcony Grace(the fastest way is by going West across the rooftops)
- Continue proceeding through the area as desired until you reach the West Capital Rampart Grace.(the fastest way is by going straight North-West and climbing up the wing.)
- Follow the path South and then go down the branch to the West.
- Jump onto the roof and enter the building to find a familiar area.
- Proceed through this area as desired, but just make sure you grab the Seedbed Curse from the North most room on the top floor.
- Once you get to the bottom floor, Invade Vargram the Raging Wolf and Errant Sorcerer Wilhelm to receive the Raging Wolf Armor Set.
- From the West Capital Rampart Grace: Follow the path South and then go up the branch to the East to the boss room.
- Kill the Golden Shade boss and grab the Erdtree Sanctuary Grace.
- Head East and up the branch, into the building and then out of the building.
- Once you get out of the building, go West to jump down onto the rooftop and enter the window.
- Climb onto the branch and grab the Golden Order Principia from the floating chair.
- Head North out of the building again and grab the Queen's Bedchamber Grace.
- Kill Morgott, the Grace-Given
- Interact with the thorns, grab the Elden Throne Grace and rest at it.
Second Half
2024.05.18 18:50 Athrek Guide to the Optimal Questing Route, First Half
Hello everyone! I know it's been a long time but with the DLC on the way and work slowing down for a bit, I've decided to start writing guides again. With the DLC a month away, I've decided to focus my efforts on guides that will help prepare for the DLC and have a few others that are just about ready as well.
With all of the patches over the years, the questlines have been changes fairly significantly. It is now nearly impossible to "break" any questlines by accident but many of my previous guides were made to avoid that happening. Given that, they have lost some of their purpose and aren't as optimal as they previously were. I have went through the game again and learned all of the new tricks to optimize the questlines so that you can take the least amount of steps possible to receive all of the questlines best rewards.
So what this guide is meant for is to help with getting characters through the game with all of the unique quest rewards as optimally as possible. So there should be nothing unnecessary within this guide and it will take you from location to location without consideration for level or build. Given that, you may need to do side objectives and leveling for your personal run, but you can just continue following from where you left off. Due to Reddit's character limit, I have to separate this guide into two parts but both halves are already available.
I hope everyone enjoys the guide and please let me know if you have any suggestions, fixes or feedback!
submitted by Athrek to Roundtable_Guides [link] [comments]
With all of the patches over the years, the questlines have been changes fairly significantly. It is now nearly impossible to "break" any questlines by accident but many of my previous guides were made to avoid that happening. Given that, they have lost some of their purpose and aren't as optimal as they previously were. I have went through the game again and learned all of the new tricks to optimize the questlines so that you can take the least amount of steps possible to receive all of the questlines best rewards.
So what this guide is meant for is to help with getting characters through the game with all of the unique quest rewards as optimally as possible. So there should be nothing unnecessary within this guide and it will take you from location to location without consideration for level or build. Given that, you may need to do side objectives and leveling for your personal run, but you can just continue following from where you left off. Due to Reddit's character limit, I have to separate this guide into two parts but both halves are already available.
I hope everyone enjoys the guide and please let me know if you have any suggestions, fixes or feedback!
Second Half
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEADLimgrave
- Grab the First Step Grace once you enter Limgrave
- Head South-East to grab the Seaside Ruins Grace
- Head East to grab the Agheel Lake South Grace
- Rest at the Grace to receive Torrent
- Cross the bridge South-East to grab the Bridge of Sacrifice Grace
- Talk to Irina nearby and get the letter from her.
- From the Agheel Lake South Grace: Head South-East and use the Spirit Jump to grab the Starlight Shard from the stone astrolabe nearby.
- Head North and use the Spirit Jump to get down into the forest below.
- Head North-East until you hear howling from the nearby ruin
- Head South-East to grab the Fort Haight West Grace
- Go inside Fort Haight to kill the Knight at the top and grab the Dectus Medallion (Left)
- From the First Step Grace: Head North to grab the Church of Elleh Grace
- Fast Travel to the Church of Elleh Grace and talk to Witch Renna to get the Spirit Calling Bell and Spirit Wolf Ashes
- Talk to Merchant Kale to get the Fingersnap Emote
- Head North-East to grab the Agheel Lake North Grace
- Head South-East and dodge roll into the talking tree to talk with Boc
- Head North then North-East to grab the Murkwater Coast Grace
- Hop down the hole nearby and head South to kill the Invader for Reduvia
- Follow the river back North to talk with Yura
- Head back South and go inside the nearby cave to grab the Murkwater Cave Grace
- Knock the boss to half HP and accept the surrender for the Grovel for Mercy Emote
- Reload and exhaust his dialogue then hit him 3 times without killing him to make him hostile.
- Let him hit you to below half HP to get the Extreme Repentance Emote
- Either Die or use the Extreme Repentance Gesture near him to stop hostilities.
- Reload and talk to him again to get permission to open the chest nearby. Open it to enter the Mistwood Ruins.
- Head North-East to grab the Third Church of Marika Grace and rest at it to allow fast travel again.
- Head North and use the Spirit Jumps to get to the very top of the cliffs
- Head West into Summonwater Village and kill the Tibia Mariner for a Deathroot
- Head South and use the tombstones poking out of the cliff going South-West to get down to the graveyard.
- Continue South-West onto the ruin to talk with Kenneth Haight and get the Erdsteel Dagger. You can kill him for a Golden Seed as he has nothing more to offer.
- Travel back to Murkwater Cave Grace and talk with the boss again to get the Calm Down Emote
- From the Murkwater Coast Grace: Head North and then up the river and use the Spirit Jump to grab the Saintsbridge Grace
- Head West and then up the cliffs going South to help Iron Fist Alexander and get the Triumphant Delight Emote
- Head North and up the opposite cliff into the tomb to grab the Deathtouched Catacombs Grace.
- Proceed through the Deathtouched Catacombs as desired but make sure to pick up at least 1 Grave Glovewort [1] as you progress.
- Kill the boss of the Deathtouched Catacombs and open the chest to grab the Deathroot
- Leave the cave and follow the road South-West to grab the Warmaster's Shack Grace
- Head North to the arena and kill the Invader to get the Hammer Talisman
- From the Warmaster's Shack Grace: Follow the road going West to grab the Stormhill Shack Grace.
- Talk with Roderika to get the Sitting Sideways Emote and Spirit Jellyfish Ashes
Stormveil Castle/Limgrave 2
- Follow the road North that turns to go South-West into the castle to grab the Castleward Tunnel.
- Defeat Margit, the Fell Omen and grab the Margit, the Fell Omen Grace
- Head West to grab the Stormveil Main Gate Grace.
- Rest at it to enter Roundtable Hold.
- Inside Roundtable Hold, talk with Gideon, Brother Corhyn and Ensha to receive the Prayer Emote and What Do You Want Emote
- Jump over the railing and let the Invader bow to get the Reverential Bow Emote then kill him for the Taunter's Tongue.
- From the Stormveil Main Gate Grace: Talk with Gostoc in the building nearby.
- Accept or Decline him. If you Decline you can open the main gate now.
- DO NOT KILL Gostoc. If you do you will miss out on an optional reward later.
- Choose any way you like to make your way through the castle until you grab the Secluded Cell Grace before the boss room.
- From the Secluded Cell Grace: Head South past the troll and into the room straight ahead to talk with Nepheli Loux.
- Head back to the boss room and defeat Godrick the Grafted.
- Grab the Godrick the Grafted Grace and rest at it.
- Head North-West, go through the door, and follow the path to the left to hop down.
- Turn around and grab the Shabriri Grape
- Continue to the outside and grab the Lake-Facing Cliffs Grace
- Return to the Roundtable Hold
- Talk with Roderika and Hewg back and forth until dialogue is exhausted.
- Talk to Rogier and tell him about Godrick to receive Rogier's Rapier +8
- Talk to the Finger Reader and the Fingers for the Rapture Emote
- Talk to Nepheli then Gideon and Nepheli again for the Arsenal Charm and to progress Nepheli's questline.
- From the First Step Grace in Limgrave: Interact with the message nearby for the Bravo! Emote
- Head South-West onto the beach and follow the cliff to find a cave to grab the Coastal Cave Grace
- Kill the boss of the cave for Tailoring Tools and Sewing Needle
- From the Coastal Cave Grace: Talk with Boc to give him the Sewing Needle
Liurnia Lake
- From the Lake-Facing Cliffs Grace: Rest at the Lake-Facing Cliffs Grace.
- Talk with Boc and Hyetta to give Hyetta the Shabriri Grape and get the As You Wish Emote.
- Head North-West and grab the Liurnia Lake Shore Grace
- Head North-West to grab the Laskyar Ruins Grace
- Follow the road North-West to talk with Rya in the pavilion and accept her request.
- Head West to grab the Scenic Isle Grace
- Head North-West to grab the Boilprawn Shack Grace
- Talk to Blackguard Big-Boggart and buy Rya's Necklace from him.
- Talk to him again and buy at least one Boiled Prawn from him for the Spread Out Emote
- Head North-East to grab the Academy Gate Town Grace
- Head North and kill Diallos on the ruins of a building for Diallos's Mask and Hoslow's Petal Whip. This does not affect any unique future rewards
- Continue North-West and use the portal in the pavilion to grab the Northern Liurnia Lake Shore Grace to the South-West
- Go North-East and through the illusory wall to grab the Road to the Manor Grace
- Follow the road to the manor for the Main Caria Manor Gate Grace.
- Make your way through Caria Manor as desired.
- Defeat the boss for the Royal Moongazing Grounds Grace
- Leave through the back of the boss room and head West to the ruin furthest West to find an illusory floor.
- Enter the basement that the illusory floor leads to and interact with the message.
- Leave the room and continue South-West to grab the Ranni's Rise Grace.
- Go up the elevator and accept Ranni's proposal
- Go down to talk with Iji, Blaidd and Seluvis then back up to talk with Ranni.
- Leave the tower and head to the tower to the South-East to talk with Seluvis and accept his proposal
- From the Boilprawn Shack Grace: Head North-West and grab the Fallen Ruins of the Lake Grace at the furthest West ruin.
- Head West and talk to White Mask Varre and choose the topmost option both times.
- Head North-West and grab the Temple Quarter Grace
- Go South-West into the forest to kill the Invader for a Shabriri Grape and Banished Knight Halberd +8
- Grab the Revenger's Shack Grace
- From the Temple Quarter Grace: Go North and grab the Academy Glintstone Key from behind the Dragon
- Head North-West from the Dragon to grab the Foot of the Four Belfries Grace for later use.
- From the Fallen Ruins of the Lake Grace: Head South-West to the pavilion to grab the Folly on the Lake Grace.
- Go South until you hit the wall then head West up the road to talk with Nepheli Loux
- Continue West to grab the Village of the Albinauric's Grace
- Follow the path South-East and roll into the conspicuous pot to reveal Albus
- Talk to Albus to receive the Haligtree Secret Medallion (Right)
- Continue through the village to defeat the boss.
- From the Scenic Isle Grace: Head East to talk with Rya and give her Rya's Necklace for the Volcano Manor Invitation.
- From the Scenic Isle Grace: Head directly South and into the cave to grab the Lakeside Crystal Cave Grace
- Continue through the cave as desired and kill the boss
- Leave through the back of the boss room to talk with Latenna to receive her Ashes.
- From the Laskyar Ruins Grace: Head East and talk with Hyetta to give her a Shabriri Grape
- Continue East into the ruin and go inside the basement hidden beneath the wooden planks to grab a Shabriri Grape
- Leave the basement and head North-East to grab the Liurnia Highway North Grace
- Follow the road North going down to grab the Gate Town Bridge Grace
- Rest at the grace and talk to Hyetta nearby to the North to give her another Shabriri Grape and tell her what they are.
- Rest at the grace and talk with her again.
- Head East to use the Spirit Jump then grab the Starlight Shard from the stone astrolabe slightly West.
- Follow the road North to kill the Tibia Mariner for a Deathroot
- Head East from the Tibia Mariner and use the tombstone sticking out of the cliff to make your way down to grab the Jarburg Grace for later.
- From the Laskyar Ruins Grace: Head North-West and go through the portal to grab the South Raya Lucaria Gate Grace
- Use the nearby gate to grab the Main Academy Gate Grace
- Head North-East past the seal and interact with the Invasion Sign to assist Yura and receive the Ash of War: Raptor of the Mists
- Talk with Yura nearby
- Go South-West and interact with the seal to grab the East Raya Lucaria Gate Grace
- Head North-East and grab the Bellum Church Grace for later
- Follow the cliff North-East to grab the Grand Lift of Dectus Grace
- Head South and follow the cliffs on the East side to use the Spirit Jump and kill the enemies at the top of the tower. Note: If you jump just right, you can land Torrent on the very top of the tower and avoid any climbing.
- Head South-East from the tower to grab the Frenzied Flame Village Outskirts Grace
- Go East and use the tombstones poking out from the cliffside to get to the bottom, open the door to the North and grab the Black Knife Catacombs Grace.
- Proceed through the Black Knife Catacombs as desired but make sure to pick up at least 1 of each of the Grave Glovewort [2], Grave Glovewort [3] and Grave Glovewort [4] as you progress.
- Kill the Black Knife boss behind the illusory wall for the Black Knifeprint
- Kill the other boss inside to grab a Deathroot from the chest.
- From the Frenzied Flame Village Outskirts Grace: Head South-West into the village then North-West to kill the Invader for the Fingerprint Grape and Vyke's War Spear
- Grab the Church of Inhibition Grace just to the North
- From the Bellum Church Grace: Talk with Hyetta nearby to give her the Fingerprint Grape
- Use the hole in the back of the church to follow the slope down going North-East to grab the Ravine-Veiled Village Grace for later.
Raya Lucaria/Liurnia Lake 2
- From the Main Academy Gate Grace: Go up the lift to enter Raya Lucaria and proceed through it as desired to grab the Schoolhouse Classroom Grace.
- Kill the Red Wolf of Radagon
- Grab the Debate Parlor Grace
- Proceed through the area that goes North-West up the stairs and over the balcony as desired to grab the second Academy Glintstone Key at the end.
- From the Debate Parlor Grace: Head North-East up the stairs to kill Moongrum, Carian Knight
- Defeat Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon
- Grab the Raya Lucaria Grand Library Grace
- From the Lake-Facing Cliffs Grace: Go South-West into the Church of Irith and talk with Thops to give him the second Academy Glintstone Key and recieve the Erudition Emote.
- Reload the area and kill the scarab for Ash of War: Thop's Barrier
- From the Schoolhouse Classroom Grace: Go outside and around the corner to grab Thop's Barrier
- From the Ravine-Veiled Village Grace: Climb the ladder nearby and proceed through the Ruin-Strewn Precipice as desired to grab the Ruin-Strewn Precipice Overlook Grace.
- Summon Great Horned Tragoth to receive the Casual Greeting Emote.
- Kill Magma Wyrm Makar
- Grab the Magma Wyrm Makar Grace
- Go up the lift at the back of the boss room to grab the Abandoned Coffin Grace
- Return to the Roundtable Hold
- Kill the Invader for Clinging Bone
- Talk to the Finger Reader Enia for a Talisman Pouch
- Talk to Corhyn to get him to progress his questline.
- Talk with Roderika and upgrade the Spirit Ash of your choosing to +4 using the Grave Gloveworts picked up in Deathtouched Catacombs and Black Knife Catacombs.
- After upgrading, talk with Roderika again to get the Curtsy Emote.
- Talk with Rogier again and he should mention going to sleep.
- Reload and talk with the sleeping Rogier. Repeat this 3 times for the Spellblade Armor Set.
- Talk with Fia and cuddle her, then cuddle her again and exhaust her dialogue to receive the Weathered Dagger.
- Talk with D to show him the Deathroot and accept his proposal then show him the Weathered Dagger.
- Reload and go into the locked room behind Blacksmith Hewg to talk with Fia and get the Twinned Armor Set.
Caelid
- From the Third Church of Marika Grace: Go North-East and use the portal to grab the Bestial Sanctum Grace behind the doors.
- Go South-East to grab the Farum Greatbridge Grace
- Run across the bridge and hug the southern cliff going South-West to use the Spirit Jump behind the Minor Erdtree and grab the Fort Faroth Grace
- Go West and use the Spirit Jump over the edge of the southern cliff to get down then head South to grab the Church of the Plague Grace
- Head West and fall down the cliff safely. There is a large spot where it's easily doable.
- Go North-West to grab the Sellia Under-Stair Grace
- Head South-West to grab the Inner Aeonia Grace
- Kill Commander O'Neil to the South for the Golden Needle
- From the Church of the Plague Grace: Head West and fall down the cliff safely again.
- Talk to Gowry in the shack to give him the Golden Needle.
- Reload and talk to him again to receive the Golden Needle.
- From the Church of the Plague Grace: Talk to Millicent to give her the Golden Needle
- Reload and talk to her again to receive Prosthesis-Wearer Heirloom
- Reload then head West to fall down the cliff safely again.
- Talk with Millicent in the shack.
- Reload and talk with Gowry in the shack.
- Follow the road South to grab the Southern Aeonia Swamp Grace.
- Go South-West and then South-East to grab the Impassable Greatbridge Grace
- Use the portal to grab the Chamber Outside the Plaza Grace
- Go North to talk with Finger Maiden Thorelina for the Polite Bow Emote
- Go up the stairs to talk with Jerren for the Heartening Cry Emote
- Continue North and use the elevator at the back to reach the portal to Radahn.
- Kill Starscourge Radahn
- Grab the Starscourge Radahn Grace
- Talk with Blaidd to exhaust his dialogue
- Talk with Alexander to exhaust his dialogue
Altus Plateau/Mt Gelmir
- From the Abandoned Coffin Grace: Head North-East to grab the Erdtree-Gazing Hill Grace
- Talk with Rya just to the South to teleport to Volcano Manor
- Grab the Volcano Manor Grace
- Talk with Tanith nearby to receive Drawing-Room Key
- Open the doors and grab the Letter from Volcano Manor from the table
- Talk with Rya and exhaust her dialogue.
- Talk with Recusant Bernahl and exhaust his dialogue.
- From the Warmaster's Shack Grace: Go North and invade Old Knight Istvan for the Scaled Armour Set
- From the Volcano Manor Grace: Talk to Tanith to receive Magma Shot
- Grab the second Letter from Volcano Manor from the table
- Talk with Rya and exhaust her dialogue.
- Talk with Bernahl and he will begin selling new Ashes of War.
- Talk with Patches in the hallway near the grace then talk to him again to receive the Letter to Patches
- From the Erdtree-Gazing Hill Grace: Head East across the battlefield to grab the Altus Highway Junction Grace.
- Go East and then North into the hole in the cliff to grab the Amber Starlight Shard
- From the Altus Highway Junction Grace: Follow the road North to grab the Forest-Spanning Greatbridge Grace.
- Use the portal and head South to talk with Goldmask
- From the Altus Highway Junction Grace: Go North again and talk with Brother Corhyn to tell him about Goldmask
- Go North-West down the cliff to Second Church of Marika
- Talk with Yura to get Nagakiba
- Kill the Invader for Eleonora's Poleblade and the Purifying Crystal Tear
- Continue North and use the Spirit Jump to get to the top of the cliff.
- Head West across the bridge to grab the Bridge of Iniquity Grace
- Go East across the bridge again and follow the road to the Writheblood Ruins.
- Invade Magnus the Beast Claw in the easternmost ruin for the Great Stars.
- From the Bridge of Iniquity Grace: Cross the bridge East and use the Spirit Jumps to get back down to the bottom.
- Head North-West to invade Rileigh the Idle for Crepus's Vial
- Continue North and jump onto the West wall of the Shaded Castle.
- Continue through the Shaded Castle as desired to grab the Shaded Castle Inner Gate Grace
- Jump onto the wall South of the grace and use it to jump onto the pathway to the West
- Head North up the path and open the chest to grab Valkyrie's Prosthesis.
- From the Erdtree-Gazing Hill Grace: Go North to talk with Millicent and give her the Valkyrie's Prosthesis
- Continue North up the slope then West to kill the Tibia Mariner for another Deathroot.
- Head North-West into the ravine to grab the Seethewater River Grace
- Follow the path looping around to grab the Seethewater Terminus Grace.
- Head South-West to kill the Magma Wyrm
- Talk with Alexander who is in the lava near the Magma Wyrm to receive the Jar helmet. You can use the solid magma rock on the edge of the cliff to avoid damage while talking with him.
- Continue South and East to grab the Craftsman's Shack Grace
- Head North-East to grab the Primeval Sorcerer Azur Grace.
- Talk with Primeval Sorcerer Azur for Comet Azur
- Head North-East across the rock bridge and into the building to grab Gelmir Hero's Grave Grace
- Kill the boss Red Wolf of the Champion to grab another Deathroot from the chest.
- From the Forest-Spanning Greatbridge Grace: Use the portal and go South again to talk with Goldmask and Brother Corhyn again.
- Follow the road North then South-East to grab the Windmill Village Grace
- Head North-East through the village to kill the Godskin Apostle
- Grab the Windmill Heights Grace and rest at it
- Talk with Millicent nearby and exhaust her dialogue.
- From the Altus Highway Junction Grace: Head up the stairs to the East and through the doors to grab the Outer Wall Phantom Tree Grace.
- Head South-East into the church to grab the Minor Erdtree Church Grace.
- Talk with Melina at the Minor Erdtree Church Grace for the Outer Order Emote.
- From the Outer Wall Phantom Tree Grace: Head up the stairs North-East and follow the road North for the Outer Wall Battleground Grace
- Find the Servant standing on the road just South of the grace and defeat the enemy that spawns from it for the Viridian Amber Medallion +1.
- From the Magma Wyrm Makar Grace: Invade Great Horned Tragoth for the Bull Goat Armour Set
- From the Volcano Manor Grace: Talk with Tanith to receive the Serpentbone Blade
- Talk with Patches to report your success
- Grab the Red Letter from the table
- Talk with Recusant Bernahl for the Letter to Bernahl
- Talk to Rya in the other room.
- Use the secret passage in the third room to grab the Prison Town Church Grace.
- Proceed through the area as desired to grab pull the lever and raise the shortcut bridge next to the Prison Town Church Grace.
- From the Prison Town Church Grace: Cross the bridge and kill the Godskin Noble
- Grab the Temple of Eiglay Grace
- Grab the Serpent's Amnion from nearby
Underground
- From the Fort Haight West Grace: Head North-West to the crater and descend inside of it.
- Proceed as desired until you reach the Nokron, Eternal City Grace.
- Continue proceeding as desired to the boss room.
- Kill the boss to learn more about yourself and grab the Grace.
- Head North-East along the bridge until you hit the forest.
- Follow the cliff leading North-West to grab the Ancestral Woods Grace.
- Jump down onto the roofs to the South-West and proceed as desired through the area until you grab the Night's Sacred Ground Grace
- Head North-East past the Mimic's and up the stairs to open the chest and grab the Fingerslayer Blade and Great Ghost Glovewort.
- Use the portal nearby then head far North-East until you reach the cliff's edge near the jellyfish.
- Head North along the cliff to jump down and grab the Aqueduct-Facing Cliffs Grace.
- Go East and make your way down to progress through the area as desired until you reach the boss room.
- Talk with the NPC curled up outside the boss room to give him the Twinned Armor Set and receive the Inner Order Emote.
- Kill the Boss Duo to grab the Great Waterfall Basin Grace.
- Use the coffin just North-West of the grace and grab the Great Waterfall Crest Grace.
- Head West across the branches then further West to grab the Deeproot Depths Grace.
- Follow the cliff North and then West to grab the Nameless Eternal City Grace.
- Go East and onto the rooftop to make your way up the branches and grab the Across the Roots Grace on cliff near the top.
- Enter the area North and kill Fia's Champions to get Fia's Mist.
- Grab the Prince of Death's Throne Grace
Leyndell
- From the Prince of Death's Throne Grace: Use the nearby portal to enter Leyndell Capital.
- Head South to grab the East Capital Rampart Grace.
- Proceed through the area as desired to grab the Avenue Balcony Grace(the fastest way is by going West across the rooftops)
- Continue proceeding through the area as desired until you reach the West Capital Rampart Grace.(the fastest way is by going straight North-West and climbing up the wing.)
- Follow the path South and then go down the branch to the West.
- Jump onto the roof and enter the building to find a familiar area.
- Proceed through this area as desired, but just make sure you grab the Seedbed Curse from the North most room on the top floor.
- Once you get to the bottom floor, Invade Vargram the Raging Wolf and Errant Sorcerer Wilhelm to receive the Raging Wolf Armor Set.
- From the West Capital Rampart Grace: Follow the path South and then go up the branch to the East to the boss room.
- Kill the Golden Shade boss and grab the Erdtree Sanctuary Grace.
- Head East and up the branch, into the building and then out of the building.
- Once you get out of the building, go West to jump down onto the rooftop and enter the window.
- Climb onto the branch and grab the Golden Order Principia from the floating chair.
- Head North out of the building again and grab the Queen's Bedchamber Grace.
- Kill Morgott, the Grace-Given
- Interact with the thorns, grab the Elden Throne Grace and rest at it.
Second Half
2024.05.18 18:44 LordIlthari The Dragon Princess and the Barbarian's Heart Chapter 1: The Scythian Queen
The first rays of rosy-fingered dawn climbed their way over the Macedonian hills and fell like arrows to glint upon the racing bronze of the Scythian raiders. Death clattered and rang among the early morning light as they made their way across the plateau towards the waking village. Gleaming in the rosy light, but obscured by the mist, they seemed like comets cast as Olympian arrows. Their horses' breath clung in the air as they dragged behind them chariots of bronze and chariots of iron. Each carried two men. Those with bronze carried a driver and an archer with bow bent, while those with iron carried a man with a mighty cleaving axe. Each driver also carried for himself a leather shield and bronze short sword. Behind the chariots came footmen equipped like the drivers, and at their flanks rode horsemen carrying one-handed axes, javelins, and wooden shields covered with leather. Thus the horde came down the valley towards the village, cloaked in the fog, but vastly beyond what their victims could hope to muster.
Then, the fog parted like the curtain of a theater. Before the coming horde stood arrayed a sturdy phalanx, a wall of bronze shields and forest of spears aimed towards the invaders. Behind them, men stood with bows bent and arrows knocked. At their center, a man sat astride a white-faced bay mare. Shining in his steel armor, he drew his bow and fired. An arrow sped into the eye of the foremost driver, and a moment later another caught his axeman in the throat. He roared with a voice like a trumpet. “MEN OF MACEDON, SET YOUR HEARTS ABLAZE!” Thus cried Leonidas Kygniois, keen eyed hunter, and with one voice his men answered him. “WOE! WOE! WOE TO THE WICKED!” At those a volley of arrows was loosed from behind the phalanx and fell among the Scythians. Many died, as Leon bid his aide unfurl the banners. Across the field each unit raised up two banners. Below was the banner of the unit, and above the sun with sixteen rays. Besides Leonidas arose his own banner, the white wolf on the blue field, under the black dragon’s wing.
The foremost forces of the Scythians were caught in the charge, unable to pull away. They crashed into the wall of shield and spear with the terrible sound of breaking bones, shearing bronze, dying horses and dying men. All the while arrows continued to rain, and the slaughter was brutal. But then, swift as a winding river, the Scythians turned and wheeled away. The chariots of bronze sent forth arrows of their own, coated in serpent’s venom. The phalanx raised their shields, and covered themselves. Even so some struck through, and the venom wrought a terrible toll on the men. Even so, the phalanx began to march forwards, stepping over the dead with their grim chant. “WOE! WOE! WOE TO THE WICKED”. With this chant they kept their stride, and advanced as a seamless wall. The wounded fell back, helped by their brothers. The archers helped guide them back, and reservists stepped forwards to replace them. Thus the army advanced.
The Scythians pulled back, and danced at the range of the archers. They sought a weakness, or to create a weakness. The bronze chariots formed into a circle and spun like a wheel. Each man turned and fired, and slipped out of range. It was troublesome to target and gave each Scythian plenty of time to line up his shot. In their midst was one most terrible, their chief in gilded chariot. Shining was their armor, brilliant as the sun, head hidden behind a helm like a lion. Their bow was strong and eye keen. Whenever they loosed, a Hellene fell dead.
At the same time, the chariots of iron gathered on the left, and with them the horsemen of the left. The army of the Hellenes had deployed on the flat ground before the village, with a forest on their right to guard that flank. For a flanked phalanx was a doomed phalanx, and the flat ground was optimal both for maintaining a unified line, but also for the chariots and horsemen to maneuver. So the scythians gathered on the left, and sought to envelop the Hellenes there. Their chief suspected their enemy might have hidden horsemen in the mists, and so the wheel turned. They drew forth arrows set with whistles and fired them into the flank. The arrows screamed with a terrible sound to spook horses and sunder morale. Then forwards the flanking force drove to envelop the foe, or else slip behind them to wreak ruin among the archers.
There they found the strongest of the Hellenes. Beneath a banner showing serpent-haired Medusa, they stood clad head to toe in steel. No arrow could find purchase against these immortals, and no blade of bronze could wound them. They turned with grim purpose, spears tracking the foe as the mist lifted. The flanking scythians found themselves with no cover, facing no exposed flank, but the royal elite of the Macedonian army.
Then out from their midst stepped a dark-haired woman with piercing blue eyes. She pulled back her cowl to reveal a diadem, and opened her thumb on a bladed ring. She reached into her cloak and drew forth iron shavings, a magnetic stone, and rose thorns. Then she spoke words of power and imposed her sovereignty over reality.
“Apaangan
Loha
Kaante”
Then she blew the iron over the field. From the bones of the earth, iron answered. It erupted like a field of nails under the feet of the horses. They screamed in pain and stumbled. They fell and cast their riders on the thorns, or else were slowed in their stride. Thus the charge was stalled and the pace ruined. Then spoke the witch again and the air stank of ozone.
“Trisula.
Munhatod
Bijalee chamakana.”
By these words she called forth lightning. It came as a brilliant trident to her bloodied hand. Her hair came alight into the air with static, her diadem gleamed in its light. The enemy saw her and beheld the dread heir of Olympus, last and mightiest of the demigods, Queen Cassandra of the Macedonians. She hurled forth her trident into the air. There it broke and a storm cloud formed over the battle. The fury of Heaven rained down on the chariots of the Scythians. Their chariots of iron were brought to ruin. Their men fell bloodied, deafened, and burned. So Cassandra brought ruin to her enemies.
Thus, the enemy retreated from the hellene lines, and fled from the wrath of Cassandra, daughter of Zeus. For her fury was terrible, and her deeds were mighty. Thus they came back around their chief, and escaped the ruin that had come upon them. They withdrew, step by step, and runners were sent further back to the baggage train to make ready. On the Hellenes came against them, but they were slow in step and cautious. Leon watched the canny chief of the Scythians, and never did his eye wander. The chief in turn watched him, and both put hand to bow, though they did not loose at one another. The range was wrong, but each made ready for their duel.
At length, the Hellenes pushed the Scythians back beyond the extent of the forest, and so their left became exposed. Their chief launched a probing attack with their horsemen, who drew near and threw their javelins into the midst of the Hellene line. The line recoiled, pulling back and inwards, bunching up. At this sign of weakness, at once the chieftain struck. The chariots closed in for the kill. Likewise, the horsemen circled and lowered their spears. As one they would drive into the exposed flank of the Hellenes and drive them from the field.
Then the forest vanished. It had not all been an illusion of it, but enough of it. The chieftain turned, the world seemingly slowing to a crawl. Out of the fading shadow ran bold men armed with long spears. They crashed into the flank of the charging horde and into the midst of the chariots. They drove their spears into the wheels of the chariots, and ground them to a stop. They thrust upwards at the horsemen, who’s mounts reared away from the danger. The charge had been utterly disorganized by this sudden surprise attack, and the advantage was to the Hellenes.
Valiantly the Scythians fought, and most valiant was their chieftain. They lashed about themselves with axes and swords. Their chieftain hefted high a mighty flax; a reverse-edged blade held in two hands. Down the falx fell, and a Hellene that drew too near was all but split in two. The surprise was sudden, but for their charge the Hellenes had forsaken shield and heavy armor. As surprise faded, the battle seemed to shift in favor of the Scythians. Yet the chieftain lifted up their eyes, and saw that they were in danger. The Hellene cavalry finally made its move. Slipping in behind and around the bulk of the Scythian force, with Leonidas at their head, they made to encircle and destroy the Scythian mobile element.
Then the tide truly turned against the Scythians, as a roar sounded out of the mist. A shadowy blur, nearly the size of an elephant, was among them. It snatched the wounded out of the jaws of death, and threw aside chariot and horse with ease. Axes struck at it, and bounced. Spears thrust and were broken. A few bold horsemen charged towards the black mass in the mist, then she raised up her head. Great wings split the mists aside, and her majesty froze horse and rider alike in terror.
Her body was like that of a panther or other great cat, covered in interlocking scales like a serpent. Her four limbs were long and powerful, ending in mighty claws gleaming white as ivory. A tail like a scorpion lashed, a glaive-headed blade at its tip, sharp enough to split a man in twain, swifter than arrows. A long neck terminated in a head a bit like a horse, a bit like a viper, and a bit like a bird of prey. Plated black scales overlapped across her body, gleaming in the dawnlight, sturdier than steel, yet flowing like water. Blue fire lapped around the edges of a mouth full of teeth like daggers. Two great wings eclpsed heaven behind her, leathery like a bat. Long white scars from battles past covered her throat, as eyes like amber froze men like trapped bugs.
Seramis of Achaea, the Dragon Princess, entered the battlefield.
The chieftain saw this doom amongst their men, but watched with wisdom. Though Seramis wielded terror as her weapon, roaring with flame and talons drawn, she wielded only terror. She might have slain many easily, but she used the Gehennan flames as only a firewall. Her tail lashed and claws struck, but they slapped rather than slashing. The dragoness certainly broke bones, but that was more a function of mass than malice. Her priority was the wounded, and she struck those that got in her way.
“Avoid the dragon! Do not strike the wounded, nor stand to capture them! Slay them in a single blow, or wound them and move away before the dragon intervenes!” The chieftain cried, and while the Hellenes could not understand her, Seramis did. The Diluvian princess turned her head and looked toward the lion-helmed Scythian. The pair shared a look of understanding, before the tumult of battle resumed their attention.
Seramis continued her work, all the easier for the lack of interference. Acting as both medic and ambulance, she rescued the wounded, Hellene and Scythian alike. Following in her shadow came a creature a bit like a ram, with seven horns of lapis lazuli. This was her familiar, a spirit of knowledge she called Elijah. He acted as her diagnosticator, identifying wounds and ailments to aid her work. Sera cast spells of healing, not complex work but quick and efficient. Bleeding stalled, bones were set, and pain was soothed. Then she would take the wounded and lash them to her side and back with tendrils of shadow. Once she had gathered a full load of men, she retreated back behind the Hellene lines. There she deposited them with the healers, and leapt forth to rescue yet more.
With the dragoness identified as less a threat, and more a mobile hazard, the Scythians returned their focus to the Hellene cavalry. Their own cavalry had been Leon’s primary target during the initial confusion of the charge, and he had made good use of the opportunity. Many a Scythian horseman had been slain in those first few moments, and no less than thirteen by the prince of marathon’s own hand. The white-feathered shafts of his steel-tipped arrows were seen planted in throat, eye, and heart, a testament to the prince’s deadly aim and fearsome bow. For he was wolf to ringbearers, and the strength of his bow and the superior metal of his arrows pierced breastplates of bronze, even the scale mail of the Scythians.
Even so, while the Hellenes had bled the Scythian horse fiercely, they had less success against the charioteers. The chariots provided additional cover from Hellene javelins, and space to evade their lances. Moreover, their sturdy construction made them perilous to the Hellenes horses, as a swinging wheel could easily break a leg. Finally, the simple fact that each chariot was a two-man team allowed for greater resilience. One man focused on driving, and the other on fighting. If either was wounded so they could not do their work as well, they could switch. Even if the driver was outright killed, the other could take over and use the mass of the chariot as a weapon. So, though the play gave the Hellenes the advantage, the Scythians were far from out of the fight.
So, with fury, their chieftain rallied their men about them and led a fierce counterattack. With the superior durability of the chariots and their mighty chief at their head, the Scythians reaped a bloody retaliation on their foes. Leonidas ordered his men back, to gather themselves anew. Each side had been bloodied, and both sought a retreat. Then with a cry, he took his personal guard back in, aimed directly at the enemy general. His bow was drawn, and fired.
The Scythian general stepped to the side of their chariot, dodging the shot. They drew their own bow, aimed, and fired. Leon evaded, but he wasn’t the target. Instead, his horse was. The white-faced bay mare took the Scythian’s arrow in her flank. The wound was minor, but the poison was not. She ran on seven steps, then seized, and fell down dead. Leon leapt from his dying steed, and landed in a roll. He came up with shield and spear at the ready, as the Scythian chief turned their chariot towards him.
The two general’s bodyguards whirled in a melee as the Scythian and Hellene commanders faced each other in single combat. The Scythian forsook their bow, knowing their poisoned arrows could not pierce the prince’s steel armor. Instead they raised high their fell falx, as their chariot closed in. Leon readied himself as the chariot closed to trample him. Then, at the last moment he sprang aside, unusually agile despite his heavy armor. Still, the lion helm tracked him, and down the falx came. Leonidas raised his shield and set his feet. The shield was steel, and sturdy enough to shatter a blade of bronze such as the falx falling upon him. But it struck true, and carved the steel shield, then kept going. Leon pulled back, but he’d braced himself and couldn’t maneuver. His steel armor parted, and he came away with a serious gash in his arm. He felt the blade hit bone, and realized that if he hadn’t been so well equipped, that blade would have taken his left arm off, cutting straight through the bone.
Still, though he bled, he did not quail. He threw aside his ruined shield and took his spear in both hands. While his foe had the mass and momentum of a charging chariot, the physics of metallurgy dictated that their blade should have broken against him. Curved blades were more fragile, a trade-off for their superior cutting power, and a bronze blade should have no chance against steel. If physics were being violated, it meant sorcery was at play. The enemy’s blade was enchanted.
Again came the chieftain with their blessed blade. Their horses panted heavily in the air, adding to the rattle of the chariot. Chaos swirled around them, but Leon silenced it. The world reduced to simply himself, his enemy, and the vanishing space between. He set his target, and waited for the space to entirely vanish. The beat of the horse’s hooves were set like a metronome. Then, at the precise beat, he shattered the rhythm. He drove his spear forwards into the knee of the Scythian horse. The spear’s wooden haft shattered from the force, but so did the stallion’s leg. It collapsed in a bloody heap, tangling its partner. The chariot crashed into its steeds, slaying both brutally. The chieftain and their driver were staggered, but grasped hold of the chariot and were not thrown.
Leonidas took fourteen calculated steps, moving around the wreck of the chariot, then stepping aboard. In a single motion he drew his blade and cut upwards. The driver fell back as a spray of blood erupted from his throat. He slumped over the front of the chariot, blood flowing to mingle with the horses. Leon whirled on the chieftain as a shout of rage came to their lips. He stepped in close, too close for his foe to swing their great blade effectively. Here, his short blade had the advantage, and the chariot cornered his target. He drew the blade back to his hip like he was knife-fighting, and thrust upwards towards the foe’s beast. The scaled armor of the Scythians was legendarily hard to slash through, but the overlapping scales that caused such strength were vulnerable to this exact kind of upwards thrust. But his canny foe knew the armor’s weaknesses just as well, and pivoted with agility to rival the warrior prince.
They slashed with their great falx, but the range was awkward, so Leon evaded. He then pivoted, taking his blade in both hands. Gritting through the pain of his wounded arm, he wheeled with a mighty blow. He put his back, legs, and both arms into a murderous strike too quick to evade. The Scythian chief recognized it, and ducked their head. Rather than suffering a decapitating blow, they took the hit on the crown of their helm. The gold gilding it deformed and parted, but this was by design. By using a coating of deformable gold above the bronze, the helmet could better absorb slashing attacks. The gold twisted as it was cut, catching the blade and altering the edge alignment. Leon cut though, but rather than burying his sword midway into his target’s skull, he cut apart the helm and left a relatively shallow wound along his foe’s scalp, running down their forehead and across their face. The lion helm split, and fell away. Leon looked the enemy general in the eye for the first time, and hesitated.
The helm fell away, and out spilled long, golden hair, now matted in places by blood. A fair face, with piercing blue eyes looked up at him. A warrior’s snarl covered her face, as the Scythian Queen recovered. She snapped up and slammed the hilt of her falx into Leon’s eye. The prince staggered back, blinking to recover, as she took a step back in turn. With this, she obtained her range, and cut down with her falx. Leon raised his sword to block, but the reverse curve of the unusual weapon made it difficult. His wound caused his arm to spasm, and the curve came around the sword. The enchanted blade bit ito the common one, then cast it away. Leon’s wrist was wounded in the exchange, and blood began to fill his gauntlet.
Leon realized his peril, and stepped in swiftly. He caught his foot behind hers, and pulled back as he slammed his shoulder into her. The queen fell back, but caught herself on the edge of her chariot so she did not fall. Leon pressed in, pinning her arm with his his hand so she could not swing. He drew his hunting knife, and it was at her throat in a moment. His grip was unsteady, as his wrist was wounded, and he felt an utter brute to have a knife at a woman’s throat. “Yield. I do not wish to harm you.” He ordered, uncertain if she could even understand.
The Scythian Queen laughed in his face. “You do not wish to harm me?” She asked through a thick accent. “Then you should never have come to the battlefield! Know that I am Tamur, Queen of the Scythians, no soft flower of the south that you might bruise with your breath. I am here to that I might crush my enemies, drive them before me, hear the lamentations of your pathetic women, and reap from your ruin the prosperity of my people. Slay me now you coward, or else you must yield, for I will slay you without mercy.” Clear and clarion was her voice, as Athena upon the battlefield or Artemis on the hunt. She feared neither death nor injury, and laughed in spite of the carnage all about them.
Leon held his ground and was not moved by her laughter or insult. “Hear me then, oh Queen of the Scythians. What is greater cowardice? To be slain for principle, or to breach principle for fear of being slain? You are a mighty warrior; this I cannot deny. But this is my principle, that no man is any man that slays a woman, even if she is a warrior. I bid you now yield, that we might bring peace between our people and an end to this meaningless conflict you have brought about.” He spoke with all respect due to a fellow warrior, and with the resolve of his own indestructible soul.
“Far be it from meaningless, warrior of the Hellenes. Would you not do anything, even go beyond the bounds of the earth for your people? Hear now my principle, that my people shall conquer that we might not be conquered. For you who are blessed with so much shall not offer a pittance to our meager tents. So we shall take, for this is the nature of things, that the prosperity of one must always be at the expense of another. This is the balance of the world, and it belongs to he who carries the sword.”
Then she snapped her head forward, and impacted with Leon’s helm. Headbutting a steel helmet with your bare, already wounded head is generally not a good idea. But she was braced, and he was not. The maneuver would have opened her throat, but Leon had held back his knife for his soul rebuked him to harm a woman. Needless to say this principle, while generally noble, was extremely foolish in this instance. Chivalry was certainly not on Tamur’s mind as she pushed him back, and kicked him in the balls.
Leon was wearing armor and greaves, but about his waist was more of a plated skirt than a codpiece. The introduction of a bronze boot to that region inflicted less damage than it might, but this was in the sense that his family line could continue, rather than full nullification. He staggered further back, agility shattered. Tamur lashed out with her falx, and Leon wisely rolled away.
Leonidas began pushing himself back to his feet, but a Scythian archer circled. Whether by skill or by luck, they let fly their arrow and it struck true into the gash their queen had torn in the prince’s armor. Leon gasped briefly in pain as the arrow hit under his shoulder plate and pierced the meat of his back. It went through to the rib, and cracked it. He felt his blood already burning as the poisoned arrow delivered its deadly payload into his veins. The meat of muscle across his back began to scream and spasm, dropping him back to the earth. He saw Tamur approaching, and grit his teeth to rise through the pain. He was too slow, the falx came up…
Then there was a rush of wind, a smell of sulfur, and the sound of bronze ringing against talon, then scraping against scale. Seramis had intervened. She swooped in, and her talon met the falling flax. The two mighty women’s blades rang against one another, then Tamur shifted the blade. She cut across the dragoness’s palm and wounded her, drawing blood as the enchanted weapon carved scale. Seramis retaliated by coiling her tail, then striking forth with it like a whip. The foot and a half long blade at the end of the tail met the barbarian queen’s guard, and drove her back. The blade of the falx shook and sang like a tuning fork.
Seramis lowered her head, and spoke with a voice tinged with fire. She spoke in the Scythian’s own language, a growl deep in her throat and fire on her tongue. “Have you not heard, queen of the Scythians, that one should not trifle with a dragon’s hoard? If not, then I will educate you. Come not between a daughter of Tiamat and her treasure. This is folly, and will be your ruin should you persist.”
Tamur heard the words of the dragoness, and looked once to the blood on her sword, and once to the flames in the maw before her. She saw the damage the hellenes had wrought on her vanguard, and the advance of their phalanx. She stepped back, and ordered a retreat. Scythian and Diluvian locked eyes as the queen boarded a new chariot, and swiftly they retreated from the battlefield.
Sera breathed a sigh of relief, and quickly turned to her prince. Leon had kept trying to get up, and managed to stagger to his feet. Gently, she took him in an unwounded claw, and bore him away. “Leon, please tell me you can hear me.”
“I can. Ow.” Leon replied, breathing slowly, and deeply, to keep his face and voice from twisting in pain. “What did you say to her?”
“Just a bit of theater to make her leave, don’t worry about it. You focus on not dying, oh chivalrous fool mine.”
“Hah. Tease me when I’m not dying, would you kindly? It hurts too much to laugh.”
“Maybe next time, don’t be such an idiot then.”
“Ah, but then how would you have an excuse to rescue me?”
“Please, we both know I don’t need an excuse to steal you away. I’ve done it before.” Sera teased, and Leon smiled through the pain.
Even as two of the trio of royals retreated, Cassandra remained. She saw the Scythians trying to quit the field, and that the ambush had not been successful enough. They had mauled the Scythian mobile element, but not utterly broken it. She sent an order for caution, for if they overpursued the wily Scythian general, she might turn and crush them in turn. Still, she would not allow her enemy to escape her wrath so easily. She cast again, and thunder boomed across the clear morning.
“Avataar”
“Poorvaj”
“Rosh”
The mists of early morning fled from the Hellenes, and ran down the Scythians. The retreating barbarians turned, and saw the mists gather together into a humanoid figure. Long curls of smoke came down from a scowling face, almost akin to hair. Winds howled like limbs to throw men from horse and chariot. Tamur quickly evaded as the growing titan of mist swung, clear blue eyes gleaming amongst the artificial cloud. Then the avatar drew back its hand, and lighting crackled into being. The heir of Olympus and last daughter of Zeus hurled down lighting bolts at the Scythians, reminding all why even with the thrones of Olympus long empty and ashen, they were still remembered in myth and legend.
Bolts of lightning mauled man and horse alike. Chariots fell away twisted and burning. Thunder terrified men and horses. Cassandra watched from the eyes of her avatar as she delivered the wrath of an angry god upon then. “I am the dread Queen of Macedon. I am the miracle of destruction. I am mankind’s answer to dragons, and you dare, YOU DARE! Come to my home, my kingdom, and hurt my people, and now you think you can simply run away?” The whisper grew to a roaring fury, bolts of lightning leaping from her eyes to slay yet more.
Then Tamur cried a loud challenge, and bid her driver turn the chariot. She charged at the avatar of mist and storm, raising her blade high. In rage, Cassandra cast down another bolt of lightning, but Tamur raised up her sword. The bolt caught the bronze blade, but did not rip down through into the queen. Instead, she turned and set herself, then cut the air. Lighting ripped back into the avatar, and cut it from crown to groin. There was a clap of thunder, and the avatar was banished.
Cassandra went flying back, caught by her men, but left dazed. A wound, thankfully shallow, had sprung from no apparent source, from her crown down the center of her body, even under her armor. She staggered upright, hands shaking violently. She reached for magic, but it was like a man who was concussed. It was there, but unstable, difficult to control, unreliable. The clean, efficient control she prided herself on eluded her. She drew in a breath, and clenched her fists to stop her shaking hand. Showing no pain from her wound, she watched as the scythians slipped out of her grasp.
“Where in the world did she get a sword that can cut the soul?” Cassandra wondered aloud. Then, heeding the insistence of her men, she retreated, and ordered the army to retire from the field. She growled as she made her way back towards the medical tents. “I hate dealing with other miracles.”
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Then, the fog parted like the curtain of a theater. Before the coming horde stood arrayed a sturdy phalanx, a wall of bronze shields and forest of spears aimed towards the invaders. Behind them, men stood with bows bent and arrows knocked. At their center, a man sat astride a white-faced bay mare. Shining in his steel armor, he drew his bow and fired. An arrow sped into the eye of the foremost driver, and a moment later another caught his axeman in the throat. He roared with a voice like a trumpet. “MEN OF MACEDON, SET YOUR HEARTS ABLAZE!” Thus cried Leonidas Kygniois, keen eyed hunter, and with one voice his men answered him. “WOE! WOE! WOE TO THE WICKED!” At those a volley of arrows was loosed from behind the phalanx and fell among the Scythians. Many died, as Leon bid his aide unfurl the banners. Across the field each unit raised up two banners. Below was the banner of the unit, and above the sun with sixteen rays. Besides Leonidas arose his own banner, the white wolf on the blue field, under the black dragon’s wing.
The foremost forces of the Scythians were caught in the charge, unable to pull away. They crashed into the wall of shield and spear with the terrible sound of breaking bones, shearing bronze, dying horses and dying men. All the while arrows continued to rain, and the slaughter was brutal. But then, swift as a winding river, the Scythians turned and wheeled away. The chariots of bronze sent forth arrows of their own, coated in serpent’s venom. The phalanx raised their shields, and covered themselves. Even so some struck through, and the venom wrought a terrible toll on the men. Even so, the phalanx began to march forwards, stepping over the dead with their grim chant. “WOE! WOE! WOE TO THE WICKED”. With this chant they kept their stride, and advanced as a seamless wall. The wounded fell back, helped by their brothers. The archers helped guide them back, and reservists stepped forwards to replace them. Thus the army advanced.
The Scythians pulled back, and danced at the range of the archers. They sought a weakness, or to create a weakness. The bronze chariots formed into a circle and spun like a wheel. Each man turned and fired, and slipped out of range. It was troublesome to target and gave each Scythian plenty of time to line up his shot. In their midst was one most terrible, their chief in gilded chariot. Shining was their armor, brilliant as the sun, head hidden behind a helm like a lion. Their bow was strong and eye keen. Whenever they loosed, a Hellene fell dead.
At the same time, the chariots of iron gathered on the left, and with them the horsemen of the left. The army of the Hellenes had deployed on the flat ground before the village, with a forest on their right to guard that flank. For a flanked phalanx was a doomed phalanx, and the flat ground was optimal both for maintaining a unified line, but also for the chariots and horsemen to maneuver. So the scythians gathered on the left, and sought to envelop the Hellenes there. Their chief suspected their enemy might have hidden horsemen in the mists, and so the wheel turned. They drew forth arrows set with whistles and fired them into the flank. The arrows screamed with a terrible sound to spook horses and sunder morale. Then forwards the flanking force drove to envelop the foe, or else slip behind them to wreak ruin among the archers.
There they found the strongest of the Hellenes. Beneath a banner showing serpent-haired Medusa, they stood clad head to toe in steel. No arrow could find purchase against these immortals, and no blade of bronze could wound them. They turned with grim purpose, spears tracking the foe as the mist lifted. The flanking scythians found themselves with no cover, facing no exposed flank, but the royal elite of the Macedonian army.
Then out from their midst stepped a dark-haired woman with piercing blue eyes. She pulled back her cowl to reveal a diadem, and opened her thumb on a bladed ring. She reached into her cloak and drew forth iron shavings, a magnetic stone, and rose thorns. Then she spoke words of power and imposed her sovereignty over reality.
“Apaangan
Loha
Kaante”
Then she blew the iron over the field. From the bones of the earth, iron answered. It erupted like a field of nails under the feet of the horses. They screamed in pain and stumbled. They fell and cast their riders on the thorns, or else were slowed in their stride. Thus the charge was stalled and the pace ruined. Then spoke the witch again and the air stank of ozone.
“Trisula.
Munhatod
Bijalee chamakana.”
By these words she called forth lightning. It came as a brilliant trident to her bloodied hand. Her hair came alight into the air with static, her diadem gleamed in its light. The enemy saw her and beheld the dread heir of Olympus, last and mightiest of the demigods, Queen Cassandra of the Macedonians. She hurled forth her trident into the air. There it broke and a storm cloud formed over the battle. The fury of Heaven rained down on the chariots of the Scythians. Their chariots of iron were brought to ruin. Their men fell bloodied, deafened, and burned. So Cassandra brought ruin to her enemies.
Thus, the enemy retreated from the hellene lines, and fled from the wrath of Cassandra, daughter of Zeus. For her fury was terrible, and her deeds were mighty. Thus they came back around their chief, and escaped the ruin that had come upon them. They withdrew, step by step, and runners were sent further back to the baggage train to make ready. On the Hellenes came against them, but they were slow in step and cautious. Leon watched the canny chief of the Scythians, and never did his eye wander. The chief in turn watched him, and both put hand to bow, though they did not loose at one another. The range was wrong, but each made ready for their duel.
At length, the Hellenes pushed the Scythians back beyond the extent of the forest, and so their left became exposed. Their chief launched a probing attack with their horsemen, who drew near and threw their javelins into the midst of the Hellene line. The line recoiled, pulling back and inwards, bunching up. At this sign of weakness, at once the chieftain struck. The chariots closed in for the kill. Likewise, the horsemen circled and lowered their spears. As one they would drive into the exposed flank of the Hellenes and drive them from the field.
Then the forest vanished. It had not all been an illusion of it, but enough of it. The chieftain turned, the world seemingly slowing to a crawl. Out of the fading shadow ran bold men armed with long spears. They crashed into the flank of the charging horde and into the midst of the chariots. They drove their spears into the wheels of the chariots, and ground them to a stop. They thrust upwards at the horsemen, who’s mounts reared away from the danger. The charge had been utterly disorganized by this sudden surprise attack, and the advantage was to the Hellenes.
Valiantly the Scythians fought, and most valiant was their chieftain. They lashed about themselves with axes and swords. Their chieftain hefted high a mighty flax; a reverse-edged blade held in two hands. Down the falx fell, and a Hellene that drew too near was all but split in two. The surprise was sudden, but for their charge the Hellenes had forsaken shield and heavy armor. As surprise faded, the battle seemed to shift in favor of the Scythians. Yet the chieftain lifted up their eyes, and saw that they were in danger. The Hellene cavalry finally made its move. Slipping in behind and around the bulk of the Scythian force, with Leonidas at their head, they made to encircle and destroy the Scythian mobile element.
Then the tide truly turned against the Scythians, as a roar sounded out of the mist. A shadowy blur, nearly the size of an elephant, was among them. It snatched the wounded out of the jaws of death, and threw aside chariot and horse with ease. Axes struck at it, and bounced. Spears thrust and were broken. A few bold horsemen charged towards the black mass in the mist, then she raised up her head. Great wings split the mists aside, and her majesty froze horse and rider alike in terror.
Her body was like that of a panther or other great cat, covered in interlocking scales like a serpent. Her four limbs were long and powerful, ending in mighty claws gleaming white as ivory. A tail like a scorpion lashed, a glaive-headed blade at its tip, sharp enough to split a man in twain, swifter than arrows. A long neck terminated in a head a bit like a horse, a bit like a viper, and a bit like a bird of prey. Plated black scales overlapped across her body, gleaming in the dawnlight, sturdier than steel, yet flowing like water. Blue fire lapped around the edges of a mouth full of teeth like daggers. Two great wings eclpsed heaven behind her, leathery like a bat. Long white scars from battles past covered her throat, as eyes like amber froze men like trapped bugs.
Seramis of Achaea, the Dragon Princess, entered the battlefield.
The chieftain saw this doom amongst their men, but watched with wisdom. Though Seramis wielded terror as her weapon, roaring with flame and talons drawn, she wielded only terror. She might have slain many easily, but she used the Gehennan flames as only a firewall. Her tail lashed and claws struck, but they slapped rather than slashing. The dragoness certainly broke bones, but that was more a function of mass than malice. Her priority was the wounded, and she struck those that got in her way.
“Avoid the dragon! Do not strike the wounded, nor stand to capture them! Slay them in a single blow, or wound them and move away before the dragon intervenes!” The chieftain cried, and while the Hellenes could not understand her, Seramis did. The Diluvian princess turned her head and looked toward the lion-helmed Scythian. The pair shared a look of understanding, before the tumult of battle resumed their attention.
Seramis continued her work, all the easier for the lack of interference. Acting as both medic and ambulance, she rescued the wounded, Hellene and Scythian alike. Following in her shadow came a creature a bit like a ram, with seven horns of lapis lazuli. This was her familiar, a spirit of knowledge she called Elijah. He acted as her diagnosticator, identifying wounds and ailments to aid her work. Sera cast spells of healing, not complex work but quick and efficient. Bleeding stalled, bones were set, and pain was soothed. Then she would take the wounded and lash them to her side and back with tendrils of shadow. Once she had gathered a full load of men, she retreated back behind the Hellene lines. There she deposited them with the healers, and leapt forth to rescue yet more.
With the dragoness identified as less a threat, and more a mobile hazard, the Scythians returned their focus to the Hellene cavalry. Their own cavalry had been Leon’s primary target during the initial confusion of the charge, and he had made good use of the opportunity. Many a Scythian horseman had been slain in those first few moments, and no less than thirteen by the prince of marathon’s own hand. The white-feathered shafts of his steel-tipped arrows were seen planted in throat, eye, and heart, a testament to the prince’s deadly aim and fearsome bow. For he was wolf to ringbearers, and the strength of his bow and the superior metal of his arrows pierced breastplates of bronze, even the scale mail of the Scythians.
Even so, while the Hellenes had bled the Scythian horse fiercely, they had less success against the charioteers. The chariots provided additional cover from Hellene javelins, and space to evade their lances. Moreover, their sturdy construction made them perilous to the Hellenes horses, as a swinging wheel could easily break a leg. Finally, the simple fact that each chariot was a two-man team allowed for greater resilience. One man focused on driving, and the other on fighting. If either was wounded so they could not do their work as well, they could switch. Even if the driver was outright killed, the other could take over and use the mass of the chariot as a weapon. So, though the play gave the Hellenes the advantage, the Scythians were far from out of the fight.
So, with fury, their chieftain rallied their men about them and led a fierce counterattack. With the superior durability of the chariots and their mighty chief at their head, the Scythians reaped a bloody retaliation on their foes. Leonidas ordered his men back, to gather themselves anew. Each side had been bloodied, and both sought a retreat. Then with a cry, he took his personal guard back in, aimed directly at the enemy general. His bow was drawn, and fired.
The Scythian general stepped to the side of their chariot, dodging the shot. They drew their own bow, aimed, and fired. Leon evaded, but he wasn’t the target. Instead, his horse was. The white-faced bay mare took the Scythian’s arrow in her flank. The wound was minor, but the poison was not. She ran on seven steps, then seized, and fell down dead. Leon leapt from his dying steed, and landed in a roll. He came up with shield and spear at the ready, as the Scythian chief turned their chariot towards him.
The two general’s bodyguards whirled in a melee as the Scythian and Hellene commanders faced each other in single combat. The Scythian forsook their bow, knowing their poisoned arrows could not pierce the prince’s steel armor. Instead they raised high their fell falx, as their chariot closed in. Leon readied himself as the chariot closed to trample him. Then, at the last moment he sprang aside, unusually agile despite his heavy armor. Still, the lion helm tracked him, and down the falx came. Leonidas raised his shield and set his feet. The shield was steel, and sturdy enough to shatter a blade of bronze such as the falx falling upon him. But it struck true, and carved the steel shield, then kept going. Leon pulled back, but he’d braced himself and couldn’t maneuver. His steel armor parted, and he came away with a serious gash in his arm. He felt the blade hit bone, and realized that if he hadn’t been so well equipped, that blade would have taken his left arm off, cutting straight through the bone.
Still, though he bled, he did not quail. He threw aside his ruined shield and took his spear in both hands. While his foe had the mass and momentum of a charging chariot, the physics of metallurgy dictated that their blade should have broken against him. Curved blades were more fragile, a trade-off for their superior cutting power, and a bronze blade should have no chance against steel. If physics were being violated, it meant sorcery was at play. The enemy’s blade was enchanted.
Again came the chieftain with their blessed blade. Their horses panted heavily in the air, adding to the rattle of the chariot. Chaos swirled around them, but Leon silenced it. The world reduced to simply himself, his enemy, and the vanishing space between. He set his target, and waited for the space to entirely vanish. The beat of the horse’s hooves were set like a metronome. Then, at the precise beat, he shattered the rhythm. He drove his spear forwards into the knee of the Scythian horse. The spear’s wooden haft shattered from the force, but so did the stallion’s leg. It collapsed in a bloody heap, tangling its partner. The chariot crashed into its steeds, slaying both brutally. The chieftain and their driver were staggered, but grasped hold of the chariot and were not thrown.
Leonidas took fourteen calculated steps, moving around the wreck of the chariot, then stepping aboard. In a single motion he drew his blade and cut upwards. The driver fell back as a spray of blood erupted from his throat. He slumped over the front of the chariot, blood flowing to mingle with the horses. Leon whirled on the chieftain as a shout of rage came to their lips. He stepped in close, too close for his foe to swing their great blade effectively. Here, his short blade had the advantage, and the chariot cornered his target. He drew the blade back to his hip like he was knife-fighting, and thrust upwards towards the foe’s beast. The scaled armor of the Scythians was legendarily hard to slash through, but the overlapping scales that caused such strength were vulnerable to this exact kind of upwards thrust. But his canny foe knew the armor’s weaknesses just as well, and pivoted with agility to rival the warrior prince.
They slashed with their great falx, but the range was awkward, so Leon evaded. He then pivoted, taking his blade in both hands. Gritting through the pain of his wounded arm, he wheeled with a mighty blow. He put his back, legs, and both arms into a murderous strike too quick to evade. The Scythian chief recognized it, and ducked their head. Rather than suffering a decapitating blow, they took the hit on the crown of their helm. The gold gilding it deformed and parted, but this was by design. By using a coating of deformable gold above the bronze, the helmet could better absorb slashing attacks. The gold twisted as it was cut, catching the blade and altering the edge alignment. Leon cut though, but rather than burying his sword midway into his target’s skull, he cut apart the helm and left a relatively shallow wound along his foe’s scalp, running down their forehead and across their face. The lion helm split, and fell away. Leon looked the enemy general in the eye for the first time, and hesitated.
The helm fell away, and out spilled long, golden hair, now matted in places by blood. A fair face, with piercing blue eyes looked up at him. A warrior’s snarl covered her face, as the Scythian Queen recovered. She snapped up and slammed the hilt of her falx into Leon’s eye. The prince staggered back, blinking to recover, as she took a step back in turn. With this, she obtained her range, and cut down with her falx. Leon raised his sword to block, but the reverse curve of the unusual weapon made it difficult. His wound caused his arm to spasm, and the curve came around the sword. The enchanted blade bit ito the common one, then cast it away. Leon’s wrist was wounded in the exchange, and blood began to fill his gauntlet.
Leon realized his peril, and stepped in swiftly. He caught his foot behind hers, and pulled back as he slammed his shoulder into her. The queen fell back, but caught herself on the edge of her chariot so she did not fall. Leon pressed in, pinning her arm with his his hand so she could not swing. He drew his hunting knife, and it was at her throat in a moment. His grip was unsteady, as his wrist was wounded, and he felt an utter brute to have a knife at a woman’s throat. “Yield. I do not wish to harm you.” He ordered, uncertain if she could even understand.
The Scythian Queen laughed in his face. “You do not wish to harm me?” She asked through a thick accent. “Then you should never have come to the battlefield! Know that I am Tamur, Queen of the Scythians, no soft flower of the south that you might bruise with your breath. I am here to that I might crush my enemies, drive them before me, hear the lamentations of your pathetic women, and reap from your ruin the prosperity of my people. Slay me now you coward, or else you must yield, for I will slay you without mercy.” Clear and clarion was her voice, as Athena upon the battlefield or Artemis on the hunt. She feared neither death nor injury, and laughed in spite of the carnage all about them.
Leon held his ground and was not moved by her laughter or insult. “Hear me then, oh Queen of the Scythians. What is greater cowardice? To be slain for principle, or to breach principle for fear of being slain? You are a mighty warrior; this I cannot deny. But this is my principle, that no man is any man that slays a woman, even if she is a warrior. I bid you now yield, that we might bring peace between our people and an end to this meaningless conflict you have brought about.” He spoke with all respect due to a fellow warrior, and with the resolve of his own indestructible soul.
“Far be it from meaningless, warrior of the Hellenes. Would you not do anything, even go beyond the bounds of the earth for your people? Hear now my principle, that my people shall conquer that we might not be conquered. For you who are blessed with so much shall not offer a pittance to our meager tents. So we shall take, for this is the nature of things, that the prosperity of one must always be at the expense of another. This is the balance of the world, and it belongs to he who carries the sword.”
Then she snapped her head forward, and impacted with Leon’s helm. Headbutting a steel helmet with your bare, already wounded head is generally not a good idea. But she was braced, and he was not. The maneuver would have opened her throat, but Leon had held back his knife for his soul rebuked him to harm a woman. Needless to say this principle, while generally noble, was extremely foolish in this instance. Chivalry was certainly not on Tamur’s mind as she pushed him back, and kicked him in the balls.
Leon was wearing armor and greaves, but about his waist was more of a plated skirt than a codpiece. The introduction of a bronze boot to that region inflicted less damage than it might, but this was in the sense that his family line could continue, rather than full nullification. He staggered further back, agility shattered. Tamur lashed out with her falx, and Leon wisely rolled away.
Leonidas began pushing himself back to his feet, but a Scythian archer circled. Whether by skill or by luck, they let fly their arrow and it struck true into the gash their queen had torn in the prince’s armor. Leon gasped briefly in pain as the arrow hit under his shoulder plate and pierced the meat of his back. It went through to the rib, and cracked it. He felt his blood already burning as the poisoned arrow delivered its deadly payload into his veins. The meat of muscle across his back began to scream and spasm, dropping him back to the earth. He saw Tamur approaching, and grit his teeth to rise through the pain. He was too slow, the falx came up…
Then there was a rush of wind, a smell of sulfur, and the sound of bronze ringing against talon, then scraping against scale. Seramis had intervened. She swooped in, and her talon met the falling flax. The two mighty women’s blades rang against one another, then Tamur shifted the blade. She cut across the dragoness’s palm and wounded her, drawing blood as the enchanted weapon carved scale. Seramis retaliated by coiling her tail, then striking forth with it like a whip. The foot and a half long blade at the end of the tail met the barbarian queen’s guard, and drove her back. The blade of the falx shook and sang like a tuning fork.
Seramis lowered her head, and spoke with a voice tinged with fire. She spoke in the Scythian’s own language, a growl deep in her throat and fire on her tongue. “Have you not heard, queen of the Scythians, that one should not trifle with a dragon’s hoard? If not, then I will educate you. Come not between a daughter of Tiamat and her treasure. This is folly, and will be your ruin should you persist.”
Tamur heard the words of the dragoness, and looked once to the blood on her sword, and once to the flames in the maw before her. She saw the damage the hellenes had wrought on her vanguard, and the advance of their phalanx. She stepped back, and ordered a retreat. Scythian and Diluvian locked eyes as the queen boarded a new chariot, and swiftly they retreated from the battlefield.
Sera breathed a sigh of relief, and quickly turned to her prince. Leon had kept trying to get up, and managed to stagger to his feet. Gently, she took him in an unwounded claw, and bore him away. “Leon, please tell me you can hear me.”
“I can. Ow.” Leon replied, breathing slowly, and deeply, to keep his face and voice from twisting in pain. “What did you say to her?”
“Just a bit of theater to make her leave, don’t worry about it. You focus on not dying, oh chivalrous fool mine.”
“Hah. Tease me when I’m not dying, would you kindly? It hurts too much to laugh.”
“Maybe next time, don’t be such an idiot then.”
“Ah, but then how would you have an excuse to rescue me?”
“Please, we both know I don’t need an excuse to steal you away. I’ve done it before.” Sera teased, and Leon smiled through the pain.
Even as two of the trio of royals retreated, Cassandra remained. She saw the Scythians trying to quit the field, and that the ambush had not been successful enough. They had mauled the Scythian mobile element, but not utterly broken it. She sent an order for caution, for if they overpursued the wily Scythian general, she might turn and crush them in turn. Still, she would not allow her enemy to escape her wrath so easily. She cast again, and thunder boomed across the clear morning.
“Avataar”
“Poorvaj”
“Rosh”
The mists of early morning fled from the Hellenes, and ran down the Scythians. The retreating barbarians turned, and saw the mists gather together into a humanoid figure. Long curls of smoke came down from a scowling face, almost akin to hair. Winds howled like limbs to throw men from horse and chariot. Tamur quickly evaded as the growing titan of mist swung, clear blue eyes gleaming amongst the artificial cloud. Then the avatar drew back its hand, and lighting crackled into being. The heir of Olympus and last daughter of Zeus hurled down lighting bolts at the Scythians, reminding all why even with the thrones of Olympus long empty and ashen, they were still remembered in myth and legend.
Bolts of lightning mauled man and horse alike. Chariots fell away twisted and burning. Thunder terrified men and horses. Cassandra watched from the eyes of her avatar as she delivered the wrath of an angry god upon then. “I am the dread Queen of Macedon. I am the miracle of destruction. I am mankind’s answer to dragons, and you dare, YOU DARE! Come to my home, my kingdom, and hurt my people, and now you think you can simply run away?” The whisper grew to a roaring fury, bolts of lightning leaping from her eyes to slay yet more.
Then Tamur cried a loud challenge, and bid her driver turn the chariot. She charged at the avatar of mist and storm, raising her blade high. In rage, Cassandra cast down another bolt of lightning, but Tamur raised up her sword. The bolt caught the bronze blade, but did not rip down through into the queen. Instead, she turned and set herself, then cut the air. Lighting ripped back into the avatar, and cut it from crown to groin. There was a clap of thunder, and the avatar was banished.
Cassandra went flying back, caught by her men, but left dazed. A wound, thankfully shallow, had sprung from no apparent source, from her crown down the center of her body, even under her armor. She staggered upright, hands shaking violently. She reached for magic, but it was like a man who was concussed. It was there, but unstable, difficult to control, unreliable. The clean, efficient control she prided herself on eluded her. She drew in a breath, and clenched her fists to stop her shaking hand. Showing no pain from her wound, she watched as the scythians slipped out of her grasp.
“Where in the world did she get a sword that can cut the soul?” Cassandra wondered aloud. Then, heeding the insistence of her men, she retreated, and ordered the army to retire from the field. She growled as she made her way back towards the medical tents. “I hate dealing with other miracles.”
2024.05.18 15:41 Fourmeals Gallic warrior
 | Weapon:one handed Long sword (Idk what type of swords gauls specifically used but the one I'm referring to can be seen in the last 2 images and in the 1st and 5th images) submitted by Fourmeals to forhonor [link] [comments] Length:70-80 cm Uses:versatile weapon, hack and slash and stabbing/thrusting single handed. Hero Type:Hard, counter-attacker Armor:can be seen in the images (Disregard the shields and weapons) Description Height:5'11 Hair:braids, long hair, sort hair, bowl cut, long mustaches. Physical appearance:tall, great physical strength, milk white skin, lean build. Info:starts out with no shirt along with a cape, bronze plate and a bronze helmet with wool trousers being on all of the armor then theres diferent hair styles but with no helmet, and no protection for the arms and legs as gauls largely didn't have any on their armor and as you progress armor will progress into iron and gallic helmets and armor will become more ceremonial and flashier and chest pieces will progress into chainmail along with scale including and tunic under armor. Another neat alternate for the midway of armor progression could consist of a wolf and bear pelt as the chest piece with a tunic underneath as some gauls did wear this in battle, (when it is snowing/winter) and moccasins and a wolf and bear head for the head and footwear. (Hero fights with one sword ) Arsenal is going consist a one handed Long sword which starts out as bronze then as you progress turns into iron and becomes more ceremonial and animations are going to consist of slashes and stabbing motions for his light and heavies will be heavy slashing but less refined than a knights giving wild swings with his heavy attacks. Movesets: Light attacks can crushing counter. Top crushing counter is going to show the hero deflecting the attack the pushing the weapon out the way then hero grabs the sword with two hands then immediately slashing the abdomen dealing decent damage. Both left and right crushing counter shows the enemy being hit with the pommel only dealing small stamina damge causing the enemy to stumble while hero holds his sword up geting ready to wind up an attack for another and if enemy hits a wall enemy gets punished with a single heavy from any sides but if enemy doesn't wall splat a light a attack from the top can be performed only dealing small amounts of damage. Heavy attacks become an unblockable after the 2nd ending on a finisher or using a light to end on finisher after the 1st heavy or attack or 2nd heavy attack. Bashes are goin to be a quick pommel strike to chest dealing no damage if you bash from the left and right less damge but quicker attacker that can lead up to a combo but if you bash from the top you follow up with a thrust that deals decent damge but can't lead up to anything. Pursuit attack will be a grab attack that changes on the stance of the running enemy, front facing enemies are tackled and punched dealing 8 dmg while enemy heros who are caught and grabbed from the rear are suplexed dealing 15 dmg and suffer the blind status effect. Death animation on front facing tackle the Gaul will look around surprised and quickly get up and go into neutral stance Rear facing grab will result in the enemy breaking the neck and the Gaul looking back at the dead hero then proceeds to disrespect the dead enemy. Guard break:gaul pretend to throw a quick.swing the quickly grabs enemies dominant arm and heavy attack slashes left or right side of the opposing heros sides, top heavy on guard breaks are not confirmed, when slashing the enemy from the left the sword will get stuck on the side and the Gaul will throw away the oppsoing enemies hand and the enemy will back up then the gaul pulls out his sword from the enemy sides same goes for the right side. Tier 2:Have a drink: the hero throws a tankard or horn of ale to the nearest ally and the receiving ally gets a health regeneration for 15 seconds. Enemy heroes get a blindness status effect and lose 25% but are given a dmg buff as a trade off WarCry: The hero buffs the nearby ally, heroes get a dmg buff 2% per successful attack and based on the gauls uninterrupted chain attack if the chain attack is stopped the buff stays at 2.5% for a little bit and the dmg threshold is 12% Tier 3:Javeline: reason why because celtics were known to use javelines Tier 4 :Raise The Meek:boosts the stats of you and your Allies on the map, damge and Defense, actions uses less stamina and cooldown is 120 secs or maybe longer, when activated gaul hero will shout "Ihr seid verflucht hunde" And while shouting the gaul hero will swing his sword around then points at the enemy activating the feat once the gaul hero points at the enemy. (Note: most attacks weren't calculated for there stats because were giving the bone structure of the hero). |
2024.05.18 04:26 PrickyOneil Former NFL star warns about concussion risks from football - Speakers at an event on head injuries call for more protection of children playing contact sports.
 | By Christopher O'Donnell Published Earlier today submitted by PrickyOneil to CTE [link] [comments] TAMPA — At his peak, Jordan Reed was a fearsome sight for defensive backs trying to halt the speedy 6-foot 2-inch, 242-pound tight end. He scored 28 touchdowns during an eight-year career with NFL teams in Washington and San Francisco and was selected for the 2016 Pro Bowl. He also suffered 12 concussions, missing multiple games as a result. He had planned to play for 10 seasons but toward the end of his career he began to suffer from tinnitus, anxiety, depression and mental fatigue. MRI tests showed signs of damage to his brain that doctors said were from his concussions. On their advice, he retired in April 2021. Reed was one of three former NFL players who spoke Thursday at a downtown Tampa conference highlighting the long-term risks of repeated blows to the head of children who play contact sports such as football, wrestling, soccer and ice hockey. The conference, which attracted participants from as far as Australia, included researchers whose studies have linked concussions and head injuries to neurodegenerative conditions, most notably chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE. Reed said in an interview with the Tampa Bay Times that he supports initiatives that prevent or limit children playing tackle football. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends children under 14 play flag or noncontact football. He declined to answer a question about whether the NFL should do more to protect players. A father to three daughters, Reed said had he had boys, he would not have let them play football. “It’s too dangerous,” he said. “I don’t think the risk and the reward add up.” The two-day conference, held at the USF Health Center For Advanced Medical Learning And Simulation on Franklin Street, was organized by the Mac Parkman Foundation For Adolescent Concussive Trauma https://www.mpfact.com/ The nonprofit was founded by Anna Maria Island father Bruce Parkman, who believes his son’s suicide at the age of 17 was the result of depression caused by repeated head injuries from football and wrestling. A common theme that emerged from speakers was the need to educate more health care providers about the risks of repeated head injuries from sports and the skepticism of governing bodies to acknowledge any link between their sport and brain injuries. The keynote speaker of the first day was Ann McKee, a distinguished professor of neurology and pathology at Boston University and director of the university’s CTE Center. McKee made national headlines after publishing a survey based on postmortem examinations of the brains of former football players that found CTE in 110 out of 111 former NFL players. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/07/25/sports/football/nfl-cte.html She said Thursday that the NFL has made some positive changes in recent years, such as changes to kickoffs to reduce head-on collisions. But she said Commissioner Roger Goodell is still skeptical about the link between concussions and CTE. The league compensates retired players diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or ALS, and Alzheimer’s disease, but not CTE. “What they really need to address is the number of hits to the head in just routine play,” she said. “The care of retired players is still really lacking.” On its website, the NFL states that it has made more than 50 rule changes since 2002 to make football safer for players. That includes rules against players using their helmet to “butt, ram, spear” or make forcible contact with opponents’ head or neck area. Nick Gates, whose father, Bill Gates, played professional soccer for 13 years in England, spoke about the work done by Head Safe Football, a U.K. group that has campaigned for heading to be banned in children’s soccer and to remove heading from training sessions for older players. Several studies have shown that professional soccer players have a far higher risk of neurodegenerative diseases, including dementia. As a central defender, Bill Gates repeatedly headed soccer balls kicked over long distances. Toward the end of his life, he lost the ability to walk and talk and was diagnosed with dementia in 2014. He died last year. “It should be separate rules for the brain,” his son said. “We treat the hamstring better than we treat the brain.” The summit also included discussion about the impact of blasts and other military activities on veterans. The Veterans Affairs’ Defense and Veterans Brain Injury Center reported about 414,000 service members have documented traumatic brain injury cases since 2000. |
2024.05.17 21:48 redditbro08 Features & News Mega-Thread - I've summarized it here!
There's a lot of posts going around and wanted to start a consolidated thread of confirmed features based on what has been released from EA so far. Going to try and keep this post updated.
Release Date:
submitted by redditbro08 to u/redditbro08 [link] [comments]
Release Date:
- July 16th for EA Play Members + Standard Edition - 10 hour limit
- July 16th for Deluxe/MVP Editions
- July 19th for Standard Edition
- Teambuilder
- Can be used for offline Dynasty and offline Play Now ONLY
- Design uniforms, helmets, fields, and upload your own logo
- Site to be released some-time this Summer, likely before July 19th - No confirmed date.
- Dynasty
- Transfer Portal confirmed
- "Establish your coaching staff" indicates we can hire our own coordinators
- Online Dynasty limit is 32 teams. No cross-play available.
- Road To Glory
- Your player can use the transfer portal
- GPA management included
- Image management - TBD what this means exactly
- Emphasis on winning the Heisman. Likely some in-game storyline centered around this
- Road To The College Football Playoff
- New Mode - Aimed at trying to climb the polls and gain votes for the playoff
- Available for Cross-Play
- Ultimate Team
- Legends included,
- Champs and Champs Gauntlet included
- Two Broadcast teams
- Kirk Herbstreit & Chris Fowler - Marquee matchups ONLY
- Jesse Palmer, David Pollack, and Rece Davis
- Mascots - Most of them are in the game but not ALL - they mentioned the harder ones were the four legged, non-human ones.
- TONS of traditions pre-game and in-game elements unique and authentic to the schools. Just watch the trailer for this.
- Stadium Atmosphere - Screens will shake, loudness meters are back, missing play art and pre-play icons
- Player knee braces, exposed backplates, above-the-knee pants, and Nike socks appeared in the trailer
- Both Nike & Wilson footballs are used in the trailer
- They used passports and team-issued headshots (and machine learning) to generate authentic player likeness. Unconfirmed how many players will have a true facial likeness
- Nearly 150 stadiums included in the game
- They keep using the words “wide open”, “fast paced”, “playbooks matter” indicating the feel of the game will be different
- Subs will matter as players wear down and ratings change throughout the game
- Player seniority will matter. Starting a freshman will be different than a senior
- "New in-game passing mechanics"
- Cross-Play limited to Road to the College Football Playoff, College Football Ultimate Team™, and Play a Friend
- Matt Brown confirmed that some of the embargoes will be lifted over the next 10 days - more info coming in the next 2 weeks
- One screenshot shows Travis Hunter Playing DB & the trailer shows him at WR - Kind of obvious that he would have this flexibility BUT it gives optimism for multi-position athletes
- Additional Uniform options could be added after launch
- Over 13k players have opted-in. Not all will be in due to roster limits
- Holt mentions 85-player roster limits. Previously 70 was used in NCAA 14
2024.05.17 16:21 SzTamas56 Every stand I made
Stats:
-Destructive power:
-Range:
-Defense:
-Speed:
-Precision:
-Potential:
1,Mass Hysteria: Hive mind tattoo.
2,Burnin’ God's Light: Makes user invincible by burning down anything that tries to hurt him
3,Never Gonna Give You Up: Handcuffs between the user and a target.
4,Skillet Scream of Butterflies: Bio-armor.
5,Karma Chameleon: Chameleon tattoo as a pet, who makes your skin color change.
6,Lonely Boy: Pajama with a pocket dimension.
7,Deadwood The Mantel: A forest grows from the user and she can freely control it.
8,Pumped Up Kicks: Infinite amount of guns with whistle controlled bullets.
9,Break Stuff: Bullies people and uploads videos about them.
10,Space Ritual: GODDES OF THE UNIVERSE
11,Californication: The cooler California
12,Shot in the Dark: Controls anything as a projectile and can make them to ignore gravity for a second.
13,Black Hole Sun: Reverse sun, makes people insane.
14,STFU: Makes people suicidal by bullying.
15,Sad Machine Emo Girl Ex Machina: A shareable stand bound to a glove, makes holograms which can interact with the real world.
16,Panic Room Unearth: By attaching to people, it shows them their greatest fears and horrors until they die or learn to live with their fear.
17,Monster Dunkelheit: The angrier the user, the stronger it gets, untill the stand takes over the users body.
18,Dare: Makes dares and tests the grammar knowledge of people.
19,Royals: Takes over stands.
20,Girl on Fire Sleeping Sun: A lighter which summons a female humanoid fire.
21,Balls in Yur Jaw Athoth a GO GO: Beatle stand which uses spin.
22,Oh Green World: A crow made out of wines sharing nutrients from the user to anything around it.
23,PSYCHONAUT: Swimming in air by compressing oxygen.
24,Breaking Bad Baby Blue: Re-writes chemical component of (almost) anything.
25,One: Death as a sniper and puts people into vegetative state, vie a rifle.
26,Fortunate Son: Napalm helicopter (wow so creative).
27,Sucker of Pain Cursed in Eternity: Can make the user invincible at the cost of someone taking the pain of it.
28,Gloomy Sunday: Either heals all your mental health problems or stops your happy hormone making processes.
29,House of Ill Repute Scatter and Napalm Brain: A twin pair with motorbike helmets which gives them psychic powers and it gets stronger the closer they are to each other
30,Freak Show Atrocity Exhibition: 3 headed cassowary.
31,Sylvester the Snowman: An imposter made out of snow.
32,Thunderstruck: Flies that take over your nerve system.
33,I am Rich: It makes everyone to believe that the user is the most important, richest and influential person in the world.
34,Nelly the Elephant: A black elephant, which if makes any injury, it will become un-healable.
35,The Nightmare Came Back: Makes a traumatic person to come back as the stand.
36,Little Pig: Makes senses either too sensitive or too numb.
37,Death to Liver: Emits pure ethanol to the air.
38,We Don’t Sleep at Night Sex Murder Party: Makes the user to control lights and her voice.
39,Black Dog: An extremely powerful hound which can only be summoned in dark (4 YEAR OLD SPOTTED PITBULL GO!)
40,Stressed Out Eventually: Converts peoples mind into childish. (Jesus Christ I had an extremely bad taste in music)
41,Who Shot Ya? Ready to Die: A backpack with a little humanoid inside it dual wielding Glocks.
42,Broken Empire of Ants: Breaks down (almost) anything to living ants.
43,BIGGEST MAN Quintessence: An eldritch god chained to the user.
44,Keep Holdin’ On: Aim bot on a sword. (Don't fuck with me! I have the power of God and anime on my side! autistic screech)
45,Purple Hat: A cheetah which makes people to dance till end.
46,My Mind Space Fold: Lead Poisoning: Takes over people after gambling with the user.
47,Casin0 Space Fold: Distortion Makes people to loose their sense of time, space and their short term memory. (I swear I only referenced this because the cool name)
48,B.O.B.: Carpet bombing with homemade bombs.
49,Hentai Scum With Boundaries: Octopus bro, who gives the user heat vision.
50,I Like Your Hat: Comedic death.
51,Be Gone THOT Merciless Onlsaught:Destroys anything that would make the user to learn about the existence of stands.
52,Quay: YOU DON’T RECOGNIZE THE BODIES IN THE WATER
53,Bad: Spits up flies made out of a liquid which makes your blood into acid.
54,Anarchist Rumble: Delete rules and make things glitchy.
55,Takyon: Using tachyons as a weapon. (Veronica my beloved)
56,Electric Avenue: Makes people to achieve their goals by brute force.
57,Holiday: Makes people to see not real wars.
58,Ten Little Reindeer: Ten users who will die because the users before them come back to kill them.
59,Dr. Frankenstein Dr. Octagon: Makes chimeras.
60,You Are An Idiot: A pen drive which infects people to see the You Are an Idiot “music video".
61,Guillotine: An almost indestructible stand with high power, but it can accidentally rip out things (including itself and the user) from the dimension it is inside.
62,Eh: Punches stuff and makes poles.
63,Red Bone: Put people into dreams were they are living their best life, doesn’t last forever though.
64,Death Grips: Tortures people without actually hurting them physically.
65,Gotye: Painting set which affects the things it is used on.
66,Right Behind You: Spy TF2 with Deathringer.
67,Rollin’: Makes things to hover around the user like planets around stars.
68,ULTIMATE: The ideal form.
69,Unknown Brain: The more people know it, the stronger it gets.
70,This is America: Makes guns to appear from nowhere and can make gunpowder explode.
71,Year of the Snitch: For a year it reveals everything about something.
72,The Fever: An extra chromosome which when activates instantly kills the cell it is in.
73,Teen Spirit: A low power punch ghost, but if it gets damage it releases a gas which kills your frontal lobe for a time period.
74, To Be This Way: An arm replacement for the user and 11 more fists.
75, Brand New Pillbox Hat: Vibration amplifier.
76, I've Seen Footage: Remakes shock/gore videos.
77, Money Store: The user can instantly switch places with her 10 meter tall semi dog humanoid stand.
78, No Love: Makes effect of drugs longer and be more effective.
79, Deep Web: Makes hallucinations manifest in a physical form.
80, No Love Deep Web: Can only be summoned if both No Love and Deep Web effects someone, has abilities that depend on the type of drug the target used.
81, Hustle Bones: Shark teeth that can work as crack cocaine.
82,The Carpathian Black Flag: A battle cruiser ship with a small crew.
83, Punk Weight: A giant jellyfish filled with nerve and muscle poison.
84, Birds: Making prophecies, but water can break them.
85, Hacker: Rewrites the source code of everything.
86, Vamos a La Playa!: Summons extreme winds.
87, Bottomless Pit: Tar which took over the user’s body.
88,Spread Eagle Cross the Block: Spread objects cross a large area without changing their volume.
89 and 90, Artificial Death & West East: One finds the one who should be dead, the other kills them.
91, Fashion Week: Teleporting catwalk with explosive grand finale.
92, Runaway: Super Mario 64 TAS.
93, Restraining Orders: Cool hat mixed with seizures.
94, Whatever I Want: Colony of hands that steal whatever the user wants.
95,Blood Creapin' Pagan Terrorism Tactics: Targets bleed uncontrollably, but they can't die from blood loss.
96, Pearly Haired Lady: Goddess giving away stands.
97, Powers That B: Multi dimensional DID with infinite amount of random abilities.
98, Up My Sleeves: A last resort under the user's sleeve.
99, Billy? Not Really: Makes targets to see others as an old friend called Billy.
100, Black Quarterback: The dynamic duo of 2 braindead American football players.
101, Say Hey Kid: Random people are the slaves of the user for no reason.
102, Have a Sad Cum BB: Harasses people when they do anything that grants them joy.
103, Voila: Living shadow making a shadow army.
104, Big Dipper: Bear making gravity weaker and makes pagan religious or superstitious objects work like they are said.
105, Break Mirrors: Shadow monster living in the mirror, and it can be released.
106, Inanimate Sensations: Weirdmageddon.
107, Turned Off: Brain ignores the user and the stand but the subconsciousness is scared from it.
108, Why Lie?: Sociopath makes you his bitch if you lie to him.
109, Beyond Alive: Old lady steals life force and reanimates dead matter in an area.
110, Centuries of Damn: Controlled weather mixed with depressing look.
111, On GP: Universal null point, which can be only accessed if you know the user personally.
112, Black Paint: Parasitic stand which fuses the soul of the user with the target.
113, Death Grips 2.0.: Death Grips but world wide range, can only "attack" stand users.
114, King Kunta: Steals your legs if you get out of its area.
115, Trash: Digs holes that leave into literal nowhere and objects get braked down to atoms if get inside.
116, Steroids: 22 meter long dragon hiding in dead animals, waiting to strike down enemies.
117, Rainbow Bridge: A stand that resurrects the dead and doesn't let the user die.
118, Big House: House maquette shrinks people but lets inside spiders without changing them.
119, C418: Minecraft blocks.
submitted by SzTamas56 to u/SzTamas56 [link] [comments]
-Destructive power:
-Range:
-Defense:
-Speed:
-Precision:
-Potential:
1,Mass Hysteria: Hive mind tattoo.
2,
3,Never Gonna Give You Up: Handcuffs between the user and a target.
4,
5,Karma Chameleon: Chameleon tattoo as a pet, who makes your skin color change.
6,Lonely Boy: Pajama with a pocket dimension.
7,
8,Pumped Up Kicks: Infinite amount of guns with whistle controlled bullets.
9,Break Stuff: Bullies people and uploads videos about them.
10,Space Ritual: GODDES OF THE UNIVERSE
11,Californication: The cooler California
12,Shot in the Dark: Controls anything as a projectile and can make them to ignore gravity for a second.
13,Black Hole Sun: Reverse sun, makes people insane.
14,STFU: Makes people suicidal by bullying.
15,
16,
17,
18,Dare: Makes dares and tests the grammar knowledge of people.
19,Royals: Takes over stands.
20,
21,
22,Oh Green World: A crow made out of wines sharing nutrients from the user to anything around it.
23,PSYCHONAUT: Swimming in air by compressing oxygen.
24,
25,One: Death as a sniper and puts people into vegetative state, vie a rifle.
26,Fortunate Son: Napalm helicopter (wow so creative).
27,
28,Gloomy Sunday: Either heals all your mental health problems or stops your happy hormone making processes.
29,
30,
31,Sylvester the Snowman: An imposter made out of snow.
32,Thunderstruck: Flies that take over your nerve system.
33,I am Rich: It makes everyone to believe that the user is the most important, richest and influential person in the world.
34,Nelly the Elephant: A black elephant, which if makes any injury, it will become un-healable.
35,The Nightmare Came Back: Makes a traumatic person to come back as the stand.
36,Little Pig: Makes senses either too sensitive or too numb.
37,Death to Liver: Emits pure ethanol to the air.
38,
39,Black Dog: An extremely powerful hound which can only be summoned in dark (4 YEAR OLD SPOTTED PITBULL GO!)
40,
41,
42,
43,
44,Keep Holdin’ On: Aim bot on a sword. (Don't fuck with me! I have the power of God and anime on my side! autistic screech)
45,Purple Hat: A cheetah which makes people to dance till end.
46,
47,
48,B.O.B.: Carpet bombing with homemade bombs.
49,
50,I Like Your Hat: Comedic death.
51,
52,Quay: YOU DON’T RECOGNIZE THE BODIES IN THE WATER
53,Bad: Spits up flies made out of a liquid which makes your blood into acid.
54,
55,Takyon: Using tachyons as a weapon. (Veronica my beloved)
56,Electric Avenue: Makes people to achieve their goals by brute force.
57,Holiday: Makes people to see not real wars.
58,Ten Little Reindeer: Ten users who will die because the users before them come back to kill them.
59,
60,You Are An Idiot: A pen drive which infects people to see the You Are an Idiot “music video".
61,Guillotine: An almost indestructible stand with high power, but it can accidentally rip out things (including itself and the user) from the dimension it is inside.
62,Eh: Punches stuff and makes poles.
63,Red Bone: Put people into dreams were they are living their best life, doesn’t last forever though.
64,Death Grips: Tortures people without actually hurting them physically.
65,Gotye: Painting set which affects the things it is used on.
66,Right Behind You: Spy TF2 with Deathringer.
67,Rollin’: Makes things to hover around the user like planets around stars.
68,ULTIMATE: The ideal form.
69,Unknown Brain: The more people know it, the stronger it gets.
70,This is America: Makes guns to appear from nowhere and can make gunpowder explode.
71,Year of the Snitch: For a year it reveals everything about something.
72,The Fever: An extra chromosome which when activates instantly kills the cell it is in.
73,Teen Spirit: A low power punch ghost, but if it gets damage it releases a gas which kills your frontal lobe for a time period.
74, To Be This Way: An arm replacement for the user and 11 more fists.
75, Brand New Pillbox Hat: Vibration amplifier.
76, I've Seen Footage: Remakes shock/gore videos.
77, Money Store: The user can instantly switch places with her 10 meter tall semi dog humanoid stand.
78, No Love: Makes effect of drugs longer and be more effective.
79, Deep Web: Makes hallucinations manifest in a physical form.
80, No Love Deep Web: Can only be summoned if both No Love and Deep Web effects someone, has abilities that depend on the type of drug the target used.
81, Hustle Bones: Shark teeth that can work as crack cocaine.
82,
83, Punk Weight: A giant jellyfish filled with nerve and muscle poison.
84, Birds: Making prophecies, but water can break them.
85, Hacker: Rewrites the source code of everything.
86, Vamos a La Playa!: Summons extreme winds.
87, Bottomless Pit: Tar which took over the user’s body.
88,Spread Eagle Cross the Block: Spread objects cross a large area without changing their volume.
89 and 90, Artificial Death & West East: One finds the one who should be dead, the other kills them.
91, Fashion Week: Teleporting catwalk with explosive grand finale.
92, Runaway: Super Mario 64 TAS.
93, Restraining Orders: Cool hat mixed with seizures.
94, Whatever I Want: Colony of hands that steal whatever the user wants.
95,
96, Pearly Haired Lady: Goddess giving away stands.
97, Powers That B: Multi dimensional DID with infinite amount of random abilities.
98, Up My Sleeves: A last resort under the user's sleeve.
99, Billy? Not Really: Makes targets to see others as an old friend called Billy.
100, Black Quarterback: The dynamic duo of 2 braindead American football players.
101, Say Hey Kid: Random people are the slaves of the user for no reason.
102, Have a Sad Cum BB: Harasses people when they do anything that grants them joy.
103, Voila: Living shadow making a shadow army.
104, Big Dipper: Bear making gravity weaker and makes pagan religious or superstitious objects work like they are said.
105, Break Mirrors: Shadow monster living in the mirror, and it can be released.
106, Inanimate Sensations: Weirdmageddon.
107, Turned Off: Brain ignores the user and the stand but the subconsciousness is scared from it.
108, Why Lie?: Sociopath makes you his bitch if you lie to him.
109, Beyond Alive: Old lady steals life force and reanimates dead matter in an area.
110, Centuries of Damn: Controlled weather mixed with depressing look.
111, On GP: Universal null point, which can be only accessed if you know the user personally.
112, Black Paint: Parasitic stand which fuses the soul of the user with the target.
113, Death Grips 2.0.: Death Grips but world wide range, can only "attack" stand users.
114, King Kunta: Steals your legs if you get out of its area.
115, Trash: Digs holes that leave into literal nowhere and objects get braked down to atoms if get inside.
116, Steroids: 22 meter long dragon hiding in dead animals, waiting to strike down enemies.
117, Rainbow Bridge: A stand that resurrects the dead and doesn't let the user die.
118, Big House: House maquette shrinks people but lets inside spiders without changing them.
119, C418: Minecraft blocks.
2024.05.17 16:14 Naismythology Top 250 Players (Careers + Peaks): #40-31 (OC)
Previous posts
Introduction/Methodology
236-250
221-235
206-220
191-205
176-190
164-175
155-163
140-154
131-139
121-130
111-120
110-101
100-91
90-81
80-71
70-61
60-51
50-41
Master List
All stats and info through the 2023 season.
I forgot to write an intro for this, and I'm kind of racing to get these done before the playoffs are over, so go ahead and enjoy ten more entries without any of my babbling to precede it.
submitted by Naismythology to nba [link] [comments]
Introduction/Methodology
236-250
221-235
206-220
191-205
176-190
164-175
155-163
140-154
131-139
121-130
111-120
110-101
100-91
90-81
80-71
70-61
60-51
50-41
Master List
All stats and info through the 2023 season.
I forgot to write an intro for this, and I'm kind of racing to get these done before the playoffs are over, so go ahead and enjoy ten more entries without any of my babbling to precede it.
- 40. Walt Frazier - 335.4
- Career - 247.5
- 1968-1980
- NYK, CLE
- 113.5 Win Shares
- 0.242 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (1 top-five finish: 1970 - 4th)
- 4x All-NBA First Team Selection (1970, 1972, 1974, 1975)
- 2x All-NBA Second Team Selection (1971, 1972)
- 7x All-Star Selection (1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975, 1976)
- 7x All-Defensive First Team Selection (1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975)
- 5.8 Championship Win Shares (2 titles - 1970 NYK, 1973 NYK)
- 3.3 Finals Win Shares (1 Finals loss - 1972 NYK)
- 6.0 Conference Finals Win Shares (3 Conf. Finals losses - 1969 NYK, 1971 NYK, 1974 NYK)
- Peak - 423.3
- 1970-1974
- Other achievements
- NIT champion (1967)
- NIT MVP (1967)
- 1x All-Star Game MVP (1975)
- 5,000 Assist Club (5,040; 71st all-time)
- 10 retired by the New York Knicks
- College Basketball Hall of Fame Inductee (2006)
- Look, I know it's a better "story" that Willis Reed won the 1970 Finals MVP, being the league MVP that season and "coming back" from injury to play Game 7 of the Finals. Except that Reed played 27 minutes of Game 7 and scored four points, three rebounds and an assist, whereas Frazier played 44 minutes and put up 36/7/19. The series averages were a bit more debatable, with Reed going for 23.0/10.5/2.8 while Frazier had 17.6/7.7/10.4. But Frazier played in all seven games to Reed's six. It just really feels like that should've been his Finals MVP that year.
- The 1973 Finals are much more of a toss-up. Five guys (Bill Bradley, Frazier, Reed, Earl Monroe, and Dave DeBusschere) all averaged between 15.6 and 18.6 for the series. You could probably talk me into any one of those five, but I'd probably go Reed that year.
- Regardless, and with all due respect to Patrick Ewing, Frazier is probably the greatest Knick in franchise history.
- Career - 247.5
- 39. Dave Cowens - 335.9
- Career - 237.1
- 1971-1980, 1983
- BOS, MIL
- 86.3 Win Shares
- 1.995 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (4 top-five finishes, 1 win: 1973 - 1st, 1974 - 4th, 1975 - 2nd, 1976 - 3rd)
- 3x All-NBA Second Team Selection (1973, 1975, 1976)
- 8x All-Star Selection (1972, 1973, 1974, 1975, 1976, 1977, 1978, 1980)
- 1x All-Defensive First Team Selection (1976)
- 4.8 Championship Win Shares (2 titles - 1974 BOS, 1976 BOS)
- 3.8 Conference Finals Win Shares (4 Conf. Finals losses - 1972 BOS, 1973 BOS, 1975 BOS, 1980 BOS)
- Peak - 434.8
- 1972-1976
- Other achievements
- Rookie of the Year (1971)
- 1x All-Star Game MVP (1973)
- 2x All-Defensive Second Team Selection (1975, 1980)
- 10,000 Rebound Club (10,444; 36th all-time)
- 18 retired by the Boston Celtics
- College Basketball Hall of Fame Inductee (2006)
- Cowens has the rare and probably never-to-be-matched distinction of being the only MVP winner in NBA history to never make the All-NBA First Team. Bill Russell was the MVP while on the Second Team three times (1958, 1960, 1961), but he made the First Team in other seasons. Cowens was the MVP on the Second Team in 1973, but never did crack the First Team in his career.
- I know this is probably a bit higher than most people probably rank Cowens, but his peak from 1973-1976 is pretty nuts: one MVP and three more top-five finishes, plus being the best player on one title team (1976) and the second best on another (1974) pulls his score up quite a bit.
- Career - 237.1
- Dwight Howard - 338.7
- Career - 270.1
- 2005-2022
- ORL, LAL, HOU, ATL, CHO, WAS, LAL, PHI, LAL
- 141.7 Win Shares
- 1.250 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (4 top-five finishes: 2008 - 5th, 2009 - 4th, 2010 - 4th, 2011 - 2nd)
- 5x All-NBA First Team Selection (2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012)
- 1x All-NBA Second Team Selection (2014)
- 2x All-NBA Third Team Selection (2007, 2013)
- 8x All-Star Selection (2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014)
- 3x Defensive Player of the Year (2009, 2010, 2011)
- 4x All-Defensive First Team Selection (2009, 2010, 2011, 2012)
- 1.0 Championship Win Shares (1 title - 2020 LAL)
- 4.5 Finals Win Shares (1 Finals loss - 2009 ORL)
- 3.4 Conference Finals Win Shares (2 Conf. Finals losses - 2010 ORL, 2015 HOU)
- Peak - 407.3
- 2008-2012
- Other achievements
- 1x All-Defensive Second Team Selection (2008)
- T1 League (Taiwan) Most Valuable Import (2023)
- All-T1 League First Team Selection (2023)
- T1 League All-Defensive First Team Selection (2023)
- T1 League All-Star (2023)
- T1 League All-Star Game MVP (2023)
- 1x Olympic Gold Medalist (2008)
- 1x World Cup Bronze Medalist (2006)
- 10,000 Rebound Club (14,627; 10th all-time)
- What do we say about Dwight Howard? Amazing defensive presence. Best center of his generation. Not the most offensively gifted player. Not the greatest basketball IQ. Kind of a weirdo? We could go all kinds of different ways here. One thing is definitely certain though: from 2007-2011 (and part of 2012 until he decided he wanted out of Orlando), Howard was one of the 3-5 best players in the game. If he was on your team, you, at the very least, had one of the best defenses in basketball. The Magic's defensive rating those years was 6th, 6th, 1st, 3rd, and 3rd. Could you build an offense around him? No. Did he realize this? Unfortunately, no. That was his ultimate downfall is he wanted to be the offensive star just by virtue of being the defensive star, but didn't have the skill set for it. But surround him with shooters, almost against his will, and that's a very dangerous team. If he was anchoring a 3-and-D team in today's game, they would be legitimately scary.
- Even after saying all of that, I think Howard's nomad years hurt his legacy more than anything, and I'm not entirely sure why. If it was the prevailing wisdom that nobody wanted him, or that he couldn't make it work anywhere, or what, but his post 2012 career adds virtually nothing to his score. Even the 2020 title only gives him 12 points, which isn't much in the grand scheme of things. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like we should give him more credit for wanting to keep playing so badly (even to the point of playing in Taiwan and, currently, Puerto Rico), but it's just this odd misfit characterization that he can't shake.
- And even after saying all of that, his exclusion from the 75th Anniversary Team invalidates that entire project for me. To the point that I made my own NBA75 list just for my own peace of mind. (And a good time to remind everyone that was not the NBA's actual 75th anniversary the year they did that., but we're entrenched now and it'll probably never be corrected.)
- 37. George Gervin - 342.2
- Career - 277.5
- 1973-1976 (ABA), 1977-1986
- VIR, SAA/SAS, CHI
- 88.1 Win Shares
- 1.860 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (4 top-five finishes: 1978 - 2nd, 1979 - 2nd, 1980 - 3rd, 1981 - 5th)
- 5x All-NBA First Team Selection (1978, 1979, 1980, 1981, 1982)
- 2x All-NBA Second Team Selection (1977, 1983)
- 9x All-Star Selection (1977, 1978, 1979, 1980, 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984, 1985)
- 4.0 Conference Finals Win Shares (3 Conf. Finals losses - 1979 SAS, 1982 SAS, 1983 SAS)
- 28.2 ABA Win Shares
- 2x All-ABA Second Team Selection (1975, 1976)
- 3x ABA All-Star Selection (1974, 1975, 1976)
- 1.4 ABA Conference Finals Win Shares (1 Conf. Finals loss - 1976 SAA)
- Peak - 406.8
- 1978-1982
- Other achievements
- 1x All-Star Game MVP (1980)
- 20,000 Point Club (20,708; 45th all-time)
- 44 retired by the San Antonio Spurs
- College Basketball Hall of Fame Inductee (2006)
- Maybe a bit too high for Gervin, but not much. He was amazing. He's getting the upper-echelon ABA boost that I talked about with Artis Gilmore, though not nearly to as strong of a degree. But how can you not love a player who's profile boils down to "he was nicknamed 'The Iceman' and invented the finger roll"?
- Gervin also had a bit of a winding career to the NBA. He went to Eastern Michigan University, which was a Division II school at the time. In 1972 as a sophomore, Gervin led the team to the Final Four of the Division II tourney, where he then punched an opposing player and got himself suspended for a full season.
- Rather than stay at EMU, Gervin went to the Pontiac Chaparrals of the Continental Basketball Association. (This was a different Continental Basketball Association than the one Isiah Thomas drove into the ground in the late 1990s/early 2000s, which originally grew out of the Eastern Basketball Association. This CBA was founded in the Great Lakes area in the 1970s as a way to keep local semi-professional football players in shape in the offseason.)
- From there, Gervin was scouted by a few ABA teams, but signed with the Virginia Squires prior to the 1973 season. The next season, the Squires started to go under financially, and traded Gervin to the San Antonio Spurs for something like $250,000.
- At this point, prior to the 1975 season, Gervin was eligible for the NBA draft, and was drafted by the Suns, but he decided to stay with the Spurs. (At this point in time, players were not allowed to go to the NBA prior to completing four years of college. There were some "hardship exceptions," but they were incredibly byzantine and hard to get approved. Gervin would've been a senior in 1974, so, since his college eligibility was now up, despite having played professionally for multiple years, his name went into the 1974 draft.)
- Then, since he was already on the Spurs when the leagues merged, he just stayed there. (Sorry, Phoenix.) As a side note, the "Final Four" of the final ABA season in 1976 was nuts. They got rid of conferences, for one thing, so you had the Gervin-led Spurs against the Julius Erving-led Nets in one semifinal, and the David Thompson/Dan Issel-led Nuggets against the Artis Gilmore-led Kentucky Colonels in the other. Eventually, Erving outdueled Thompson as the Nets beat the Nuggets in six games. It's just weird when you compare it to the NBA for the same year. The East was a fairly loaded Celtics team (Cowens, John Havlicek, Jo Jo White, etc) against a Cavaliers team with a 34-year-old Nate Thurmond as probably the only player an average basketball fan would recognize. And in the West, the Paul Westphal-led Suns stunned the Rick Barry-led Warriors. (Boston over Phoenix in six in those Finals.) As much as the NBA would like to have you believe they bailed out those ABA teams by absorbing them, the league desperately needed the influx of talented players.
- Anyway, Gervin played ten years in the NBA altogether (and still got to 20,000 points without even including his ABA numbers), including a final season in Chicago with a young Michael Jordan in 1986.
- Gervin then played a year in Italy, a year back in the states with the Quad City Thunder of the Continental Basketball Association (this time it is the one Isiah Thomas bankrupted), and then a year in Spain before retiring at 38.
- Career - 277.5
- 36. Kawhi Leonard - 349.1
- Career - 260.1
- 2012-2021, 2023
- SAS, TOR, LAC
- 90.4 Win Shares
- 1.160 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (3 top-five finishes: 2016 - 2nd, 2017 - 3rd, 2020 - 5th)
- 3x All-NBA First Team Selection (2016, 2017, 2021)
- 2x All-NBA Second Team Selection (2019, 2020)
- 5x All-Star Selection (2016, 2017, 2019, 2020, 2021)
- 2x Defensive Player of the Year (2015, 2016)
- 3x All-Defensive First Team Selection (2015, 2016, 2017)
- 7.8 Championship Win Shares (2 titles - 2014 SAS, 2019 TOR)
- 3.1 Finals Win Shares (1 Finals loss - 2013 SAS)
- 4.0 Conference Finals Win Shares (3 Conf. Finals losses - 2012 SAS, 2017 SAS, 2021 LAC)
- 2x Finals MVP (2014, 2019)
- Peak - 438.1
- 2016-2020
- Other achievements
- 1x All-Star Game MVP (2020)
- 4x All-Defensive Second Team Selection (2014, 2019, 2020, 2021)
- Leonard being this high was somewhat surprising to me, because you kind of just think "all that for one (admittedly incredible) championship run? So let's break this down a little bit.
- In my mind, there's pre-superstar Spurs Kawhi, superstar Raptors Kawhi, and always-injured Clippers Kawhi. But that's not entirely accurate. His first Finals MVP was definitely in his pre-superstar days, but after that, San Antonio Kawhi was a monster. He finished top three in MVP voting twice and was a two-time Defensive Player of the Year. In 2016, he became the seventh player to win Defensive Player of the Year while also averaging at least 20 points per game. Dwight Howard (twice), Michael Jordan, Sidney Moncrief (twice), Alonzo Mourning (twice), Hakeem Olajuwon (twice), and David Robinson were the players who had done it before. (And Giannis Antetokounmpo has done it since, for eight players altogether.) He was also the best player on a 67-win team. (2016 was nuts. There have only been four teams to win 67+ games and not win the title, and two of them happened in 2016. The 1973 Celtics won 68 games and lost in the Conference Finals, and the 2007 Mavericks won 67 games and lost in the first round, to go along with the 2016 Spurs and Warriors.)
- Then we had Toronto Kawhi, where the regular season didn't really matter much, but who had 4.9 win shares in the playoffs, which is the seventh-most in a single playoff run, behind Tim Duncan in 2003 (5.9), LeBron James in 2012 (5.8), Dirk Nowitzki in 2006 (5.4), LeBron in 2013 (5.2), LeBron in 2018 (5.2), and Nikola Jokic in 2023 (5.0).
- Then we have Clippers Kawhi, who is still undeniably good, but hasn't reached those same levels as 2016-2019. 2020 was close - he finished fifth in MVP voting that year, but the Clippers deciding the bubble was a sham (I guess?) kind of killed anything they had there and he's been hurt since. The Clippers did make the Conference Finals in 2021, but Kawhi got hurt in the playoffs, so he didn't actually play in the Conference Finals that year (but he does get credit for his playoff performance up to his injury that year, however.) All in all, his Clippers tenure doesn't really add a whole lot to his legacy.
- Career - 260.1
- 35. Steve Nash - 354.6
- Career - 275.2
- 1997-2014
- PHO, DAL, PHO, LAL
- 129.7 Win Shares
- 2.429 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (3 top-five finishes, 2 wins: 2005 - 1st, 2006 - 1st, 2007 - 2nd)
- 3x All-NBA First Team Selection (2005, 2006, 2007)
- 2x All-NBA Second Team Selection (2008, 2010)
- 2x All-NBA Third Team Selection (2002, 2003)
- 8x All-Star Selection (2002, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2012)
- 8.4 Conference Finals Win Shares (4 Conf. Finals losses - 2003 DAL, 2005 PHO, 2006 PHO, 2010 PHO)
- Peak - 434.0
- 2004-2008
- Other achievements
- 2x WCC Player of the Year (1995, 1996)
- 1x Citizenship Award (2007)
- 1x AmeriCup Silver Medalist (1999)
- 1x AmeriCup Bronze Medalist (2001)
- 5,000 Assist Club (10,335; 5th all-time)
- 13 retired by the Phoenix Suns
- FIBA Hall of Fame Inductee (2020)
- Nash is my highest-rated player to never play in the Finals, which is kind of crazy to think about just how many great players have at least played in the Finals, if not won a championship.
- A lot of people say Kyle Lowry is the prime example of a "late bloomer" in the NBA, but I really think Nash is the prototype. Yes, he made a couple All-Star teams and All-NBA Third Teams in Dallas, but going from that to the MVP in Phoenix felt like it came out of nowhere. I mean, imagine if, say, Julius Randle switched teams next year and won the MVP. That's what Nash's MVP season felt like. And then he arguably kept getting better.
- Career - 275.2
- 34. Chris Paul - 359.2
- Career - 354.0
- 2006-2023
- NOK/NOH, LAC, HOU, OKC, PHO
- 205.1 Win Shares
- 1.808 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (5 top-five finishes: 2008 - 2nd, 2009 - 5th, 2012 - 3rd, 2013 - 4th, 2021 - 5th)
- 4x All-NBA First Team Selection (2008, 2012, 2013, 2014)
- 5x All-NBA Second Team Selection (2009, 2015, 2016, 2020, 2021)
- 2x All-NBA Third Team Selection (2011, 2022)
- 12x All-Star Selection (2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2020, 2021, 2022)
- 7x All-Defensive First Team Selection (2009, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017)
- 2.5 Finals Win Shares (1 Finals loss - 2021 PHO)
- 2.1 Conference Finals Win Shares (1 Conf. Finals loss - 2018 HOU)
- Peak - 364.4
- 2012-2016
- Other achievements
- Rookie of the Year (2006)
- 1x All-Star Game MVP (2013)
- 2x All-Defensive Second Team selection (2008, 2011)
- 2x Olympic Gold Medalist (2008, 2012)
- 1x World Cup Bronze Medalist (2006)
- 20,000 Point Club (21,755; 37th all-time)
- 5,000 Assist Club (11,501; 3rd all-time)
- Paul's late career resurgence was something I did not see coming. I thought his career was basically done by the end of his Clippers tenure, and that anyone taking on his huge contract was just desperately hoping to recapture some faded magic of a big name. But nope! He did well in Houston, he was an All-Star in Oklahoma City, he helped get Phoenix to the Finals. It really was quite the master class in "floor general"-ism.
- Career - 354.0
- 33. Dwyane Wade - 376.0
- Career - 314.1
- 2004-2019
- MIA, CHI, CLE, MIA
- 120.7 Win Shares
- 0.794 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (2 top-five finishes: 2009 - 3rd, 2010 - 5th)
- 2x All-NBA First Team Selection (2009, 2010)
- 3x All-NBA Second Team Selection (2005, 2006, 2011)
- 3x All-NBA Third Team Selection (2007, 2012, 2013)
- 13x All-Star Selection (2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2019)
- 9.7 Championship Win Shares (3 titles - 2006 MIA, 2012 MIA, 2013 MIA)
- 4.9 Finals Win Shares (2 Finals losses - 2011 MIA, 2014 MIA)
- 2.1 Conference Finals Win Shares (1 Conf. Finals loss - 2005 MIA)
- 1x Finals MVP (2006)
- Peak - 437.9
- 2009-2013
- Other achievements
- Conference USA Player of the Year (2003)
- 1x All-Star Game MVP (2010)
- 3x All-Defensive Second Team Selection (2005, 2009, 2010)
- 1x Olympic Gold Medalist (2008)
- 1x Olympic Bronze Medalist (2004)
- 1x World Cup Bronze Medalist (2006)
- 20,000 Point Club (23,165; 32nd all-time)
- 5,000 Assist Club (5,701; 47th all-time)
- 3 retired by the Miami Heat
- There is an argument to be made that Wade is the third-best shooting guard of all time. This argument largely hinges on whether or not you consider Jerry West and/or James Harden to be shooting guards. I would say West was a point guard who sometimes played shooting guard, and Harden was a shooting guard who sometimes played point guard. But regardless, if you want to count both of those guys as "combo guards" or whatever, then Wade has to be third on the "pure shooting guard" ranking list.
- Career - 314.1
- 32. Dolph Schayes - 376.8
- Career - 341.7
- 1950-1964
- SYPHI
- 141.8 Win Shares
- 1.196 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (3 top-five finishes: 1956 - 5th, 1957 - 4th, 1958 - 2nd)
- 6x All-NBA First Team Selection (1952, 1953, 1954, 1955, 1957, 1958)
- 6x All-NBA Second Team Selection (1950, 1951, 1956, 1959, 1960, 1961)
- 12x All-Star Selection (1951, 1952, 1953, 1954, 1955, 1956, 1957, 1958, 1959, 1960, 1961, 1962)
- 1.8 Championship Win Shares (1 title - 1955 SYR)
- 4.1 Finals Win Shares (2 Finals losses - 1950 SYR, 1954 SYR)
- 6.7 Conference Finals Win Shares (6 Conf. Finals losses - 1951 SYR, 1952 SYR, 1956 SYR, 1957 SYR, 1959 SYR, 1961 SYR)
- Peak - 411.9
- 1954-1958
- Other achievements
- NBL Rookie of the Year (1949)
- 10,000 Rebound Club (11,256; 29th all-time)
- 4 retired by the Philadelphia 76ers
- 1x Coach of the Year (1966)
- Dolph Schayes was born in 1928. That's important to the story because Dolph Schayes' full name is "Adolph." It's pretty easy to imagine a young Adolph Schayes in the 1940s grabbing a newspaper and saying "well, son of a bitch..." Now, there aren't a lot of famous "Dolph's" out there, but when I looked up the name to try to find more famous examples, there are a few, mostly athletes, and then Dolph Lundgren. All have the full name "Adolph," and all except Lundgren were born before World War II. And you really have to admire the balls of Dolph Lundgren's parents, who, in 1957, decided to give their baby the name of the most notorious mass murderer in history, and thought, "we're taking the name back!" And I mean, it's a pretty cool name if you've got Old English or German roots - it's a portmanteau of "noble" and "wolf," so if you wanted to name your son something badass, "Adolph" was a good bet. Just one more thing Hitler ruined for everyone.
- Career - 341.7
- 31. Bob Cousy - 390.4
- Career - 353.2
- 1951-1963, 1970
- BOS, CIN
- 91.1 Win Shares
- 1.747 Adjusted MVP Award Shares (4 top-five finishes, 1 win: 1956 - 3rd, 1957 - 1st, 1959 - 4th, 1960 - 4th)
- 10x All-NBA First Team Selection (1952, 1953, 1954, 1955, 1956, 1957, 1958, 1959, 1960, 1961)
- 2x All-NBA Second Team Selection (1962, 1963)
- 13x All-Star Selection (1951, 1952, 1953, 1954, 1955, 1956, 1957, 1958, 1959, 1960, 1961, 1962, 1963)
- 4.7 Championship Win Shares (6 titles - 1957 BOS, 1959 BOS, 1960 BOS, 1961 BOS, 1962 BOS, 1963 BOS)
- 1.5 Finals Win Shares (1 Finals loss - 1958 BOS)
- 1.4 Conference Finals Win Shares (3 Conf. Finals losses - 1953 BOS, 1954 BOS, 1955 BOS)
- Peak - 427.6
- 1957-1961
- Other achievements
- NCAA champion (1947)
- 2x All-Star Game MVP (1954, 1957)
- 5,000 Assist Club (6,955; 21st all-time)
- 14 retired by the Boston Celtics
- College Basketball Hall of Fame Inductee (2006)
- Cousy had one of the coolest nicknames ever, which was "The Houdini of the Hardwood," and if you ever go find some highlights of some of his moves, and keep in mind the rules for palming and carrying the ball while he played were extremely strict, I think you'd be legitimately amazed at some of the stuff he was doing in the 1950s.
- I should note that Cousy's "peak" years here (1957-1961) probably don't coincide with his actual peak as a player. It's just that those seasons are the years the MVP started getting voted on, so Cousy gets far more points in those seasons than he does in his earlier seasons. (Also note Cousy's score would probably be a little higher had MVP voting been around for his entire career.)
- Career - 353.2
2024.05.17 05:52 OneMoreJob Variety is the Spice of Life (Especially When You're Killing Monsters)
Abby loved her bow. It was a great weapon, and she could carry it easily without it getting in the way. But if she was ever going to experience close combat, it would probably be best to have another option. Some kind of melee weapon that could do a lot of damage without putting her too much at risk. So she headed to the armory to check out the weapons that were available. In her three weeks at camp, she'd seen all kinds of cool weapons. There were kids with battle axes, crossbows, swords, daggers, and even crazy custom weapons.
The main armory was next to the Athena cabin, which was a bit of a walk from her own. Since it was still cold enough at night for sweaters, she wore her favorite pink one with the extra long neck that she'd knitted herself. She had to fold it down twice and it still hugged the edges of her jaw, but it was nice on nights like this. Her silver wolf pendant gleamed in the moonlight.
She wondered how her parents were doing. When she left for camp, her mortal mom was almost eight months pregnant. Abby hoped she could get out of camp somehow to be there at the hospital for the birth, but she also knew it would be a big risk, and if monsters attacked her family trying to get to her, she would never forgive herself.
Lost in thought, she almost walked right past the armory, and had to double back to find the door. No one else was inside, so she could look at everything as long as she wanted. There was so much stuff she didn't even know where to start. She found herself aimlessly browsing like she was at the supermarket, comparing dagger lengths and sword grips to find one that best fit her.
One weapon that caught her eye was a sickle, the kind farmers use to chop sugar cane or cut wheat. Except this one was made of celestial bronze with a serrated edge and shimmering moonstones embedded in the handle. She lifted it carefully off the rack, and, after double-checking to make sure she was alone, swung the blade in a sweeping motion.
Yes. This was it. This felt right. But she also had an idea to make it even better. A formidable weapon that even monsters would be terrified of.
Abby took the sickle and headed to the forge, hoping she wasn't the only one up at this time of night. Fortunately, it was easy to tell when someone was inside, as the sounds of hammers hitting metal was one of the surest signs. And that was exactly what she heard when she made her way to the entrance. She'd never been inside the forge before, so she was a little bit shocked to see hazmat suits displayed prominently for guests to wear. Well, she didn't want to burn to death, so she put one on. It was about two sizes too big, and the helmet kept flopping to one side or the other, but if it protected her from the heat and smoke inhalation, it would be worth it.
Carrying the sickle in one hand and holding up the waist of the hazmat suit with the other, she headed inside and looked around for someone who could help her. Even in the protective suit, she still felt the heat, and she was sweating within minutes. It was like the sauna at the gym, only much less fun.
OOC: Feel free to interact, especially if your character is a Hephaestus kid!
submitted by OneMoreJob to CampHalfBloodRP [link] [comments]
The main armory was next to the Athena cabin, which was a bit of a walk from her own. Since it was still cold enough at night for sweaters, she wore her favorite pink one with the extra long neck that she'd knitted herself. She had to fold it down twice and it still hugged the edges of her jaw, but it was nice on nights like this. Her silver wolf pendant gleamed in the moonlight.
She wondered how her parents were doing. When she left for camp, her mortal mom was almost eight months pregnant. Abby hoped she could get out of camp somehow to be there at the hospital for the birth, but she also knew it would be a big risk, and if monsters attacked her family trying to get to her, she would never forgive herself.
Lost in thought, she almost walked right past the armory, and had to double back to find the door. No one else was inside, so she could look at everything as long as she wanted. There was so much stuff she didn't even know where to start. She found herself aimlessly browsing like she was at the supermarket, comparing dagger lengths and sword grips to find one that best fit her.
One weapon that caught her eye was a sickle, the kind farmers use to chop sugar cane or cut wheat. Except this one was made of celestial bronze with a serrated edge and shimmering moonstones embedded in the handle. She lifted it carefully off the rack, and, after double-checking to make sure she was alone, swung the blade in a sweeping motion.
Yes. This was it. This felt right. But she also had an idea to make it even better. A formidable weapon that even monsters would be terrified of.
Abby took the sickle and headed to the forge, hoping she wasn't the only one up at this time of night. Fortunately, it was easy to tell when someone was inside, as the sounds of hammers hitting metal was one of the surest signs. And that was exactly what she heard when she made her way to the entrance. She'd never been inside the forge before, so she was a little bit shocked to see hazmat suits displayed prominently for guests to wear. Well, she didn't want to burn to death, so she put one on. It was about two sizes too big, and the helmet kept flopping to one side or the other, but if it protected her from the heat and smoke inhalation, it would be worth it.
Carrying the sickle in one hand and holding up the waist of the hazmat suit with the other, she headed inside and looked around for someone who could help her. Even in the protective suit, she still felt the heat, and she was sweating within minutes. It was like the sauna at the gym, only much less fun.
2024.05.17 05:28 BeaderBugg0819 Help with a 3d pattern?
I have a BIL who wants me to make him a 3d football helmet (Dallas Cowboys). I've found a small one online made from Legos, but I don't know how to translate that to perlers. Would anybody be able to help or offer some advice on how I might make a pattern for it? TIA!
submitted by BeaderBugg0819 to PerlerBeads [link] [comments]
2024.05.17 04:02 AC_the_Panther_007 SNES: On the list, which SNES games in North America are your favorites in each year?
1991 (Aug. 13, 1991-Dec. 31, 1991):
submitted by AC_the_Panther_007 to retrogaming [link] [comments]
- F-ZERO (Launch Title)
- Gradius III (Launch Title)
- Pilotwings (Launch Title)
- SimCity (Launch Title)
- Super Mario World (Launch Title)
- Drakkhen
- Final Fight
- HAL's Hole in One Golf
- HyperZone
- Populous
- Super Bases Loaded
- Super R-Type
- The Chessmaster
- U.N. Squadron
- Ultraman: Towards the Future
- Final Fantasy II
- ActRaiser
- Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball
- Darius Twin
- John Madden Football
- Paperboy 2
- Radical Psycho Machine Racing
- Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts
- Super Tennis
- True Golf Classics: Waialae Country Club
- Super Castlevania IV
- D-Force
- Home Alone
- Lagoon
- Super Baseball Simulator 1.000
- Super Off Road
- The Miracle Piano Teaching System
- Earth Defense Force
- Joe & Mac
- Ys III: Wanderers from Ys
- Nolan Ryan's Baseball
- Super Scope 6
- Super Smash TV
- The Legend of the Mystical Ninja
- Extra Innings
- Lemmings
- PGA Tour Golf
- Pit-Fighter
- Smart Ball
- The Addams Family
- WWF Super WrestleMania
- Contra III: The Alien Wars
- Raiden Trad
- Rival Turf!
- Super Adventure Island
- The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
- Top Gear
- True Golf Classics: Pebble Beach Golf Links
- World League Soccer
- Xardion
- Arcana
- Jack Nicklaus Golf
- Mario Paint
- Romance of the Three Kingdoms II
- Super Soccer
- The Rocketeer
- Garry Kitchen's Super Battletank: War in the Gulf
- Krusty's Super Fun House
- Space Football: One on One
- Super Soccer Champ
- Thunder Spirits
- Clue
- Spanky's Quest
- Street Fighter II: The World Warrior
- Ka-blooey
- Magic Sword
- Rampart
- Soul Blazer
- Strike Gunner S.T.G.
- Super Play Action Football
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time
- Axelay
- DinoCity
- F1 ROC: Race of Champions
- Faceball 2000
- George Foreman's KO Boxing
- Monopoly
- RoboCop 3
- Roger Clemens' MVP Baseball
- Super Bowling
- Super Mario Kart
- The Simpsons: Bart's Nightmare
- Wheel of Fortune: Featuring Vanna White
- Final Fantasy Mystic Quest
- Battle Clash
- BlaZeon: The Bio-Cyborg Challenge
- David Crane's Amazing Tennis
- Desert Strike: Return to the Gulf
- Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
- Hook
- James Bond Jr.
- King of the Monsters
- NCAA Basketball
- Phalanx
- Q*bert 3
- Race Drivin'
- Sküljagger: Revolt of the Westicans
- Space Megaforce
- Super Batter Up
- Super Buster Bros.
- Super Double Dragon
- The Irem Skins Game
- TKO Super Championship Boxing
- Wings 2: Aces High
- Bazooka Blitzkrieg
- Best of the Best: Championship Karate
- Captain Novolin
- Chuck Rock
- Cyber Spin
- Firepower 2000
- GunForce
- Imperium
- John Madden Football '93
- On the Ball
- Out of This World
- Prince of Persia
- Road Riot 4WD
- Road Runner's Death Valley Rally
- Spider-Man and the X-Men in Arcade's Revenge
- Super Star Wars
- Wing Commander
- Wordtris
- X-Zone
- Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs
- Cal Ripken Jr. Baseball
- Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool
- Gemfire
- Goal!
- Gods: The Bitmap Brothers
- Jeopardy!
- Jimmy Connors Pro Tennis Tour
- Lethal Weapon
- Musya
- NBA All-Star Challenge
- NHLPA Hockey '93
- Pro Quarterback
- Push-Over
- Test Drive II: The Duel
- The Magical Quest starring Mickey Mouse
- WarpSpeed
- California Games II
- Power Moves
- The Hunt for Red October
- Uncharted Waters
- Aerobiz
- Cool World
- Dragon's Lair
- Harley's Humongous Adventure
- Hit the Ice
- Shanghai II: Dragon's Eye
- SimEarth: The Living Planet
- Sonic Blast Man
- Super Valis IV
- The Addams Family: Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt
- Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster Busts Loose!
- Doomsday Warrior
- Inindo: Way of the Ninja
- King Arthur's World
- Spindizzy Worlds
- Star Fox
- Super Conflict: The Mideast
- Super Strike Eagle
- Tecmo Super NBA Basketball
- The Combatribes
- American Gladiators
- Batman Returns
- Battle Grand Prix
- Brawl Brothers
- Cybernator
- Fatal Fury
- Outlander
- Street Combat
- Super Ninja Boy
- The Lost Vikings
- The Terminator
- Tom and Jerry
- Toys
- Wayne's World
- Alien³
- Bubsy in: Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind
- Congo's Caper
- MechWarrior
- Shadowrun
- Super Black Bass
- Super Turrican
- Taz-Mania
- Vegas Stakes
- Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?
- Rock n' Roll Racing
- Run Saber
- B.O.B.
- Battletoads in Battlemaniacs
- Cacoma Knight in Bizyland
- Dungeon Master
- Family Dog
- Kawasaki Caribbean Challenge
- Mario is Missing!
- Pocky & Rocky
- Super High Impact
- The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends
- The Blues Brothers
- The Great Waldo Search
- Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
- Wolfchild
- WWF Royal Rumble
- Yoshi's Cookie
- E.V.O.: Search for Eden
- First Samurai
- Disney's Goof Troop
- NFL Football
- Nigel Mansell's World Championship Racing
- Super Baseball 2020
- Super James Pond
- Super Slam Dunk
- Final Fight 2
- Street Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting
- Super Mario All-Stars
- Super Slap Shot
- Mortal Kombat: Competition Edition
- Alien vs. Predator
- Boxing Legends of the Ring
- Bram Stoker's Dracula
- Captain America and the Avengers
- Cool Spot
- GP-1
- Mecarobot Golf
- Operation Logic Bomb: The Ultimate Search & Destroy
- P.T.O.
- Plok
- Redline F-1 Racer
- Rocky Rodent
- Super Bomberman
- Super Off Road: the Baja
- Super Widget
- The 7th Saga
- Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends: Adventure Series
- Top Gear 2
- Tuff E Nuff
- Utopia: The Creation of a Nation
- Wing Commander: The Secret Missions
- World Heroes
- Yoshi's Safari
- Zombies Ate My Neighbors
- Aero the Acro-Bat
- Battletoads & Double Dragon: The Ultimate Team
- Capcom's MVP Football
- Cliffhanger
- Daffy Duck: The Marvin Missions
- Family Feud
- Football Fury
- Kendo Rage
- Last Action Hero
- Lock On
- Madden NFL '94
- NBA Showdown
- NHL '94
- Pac-Attack
- Paladin's Quest
- Secret of Mana
- SimAnt
- Sunset Riders
- Super Caesars Palace
- Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
- The Incredible Crash Dummies
- The Ren & Stimpy Show: Veediots!
- The Super Aquatic Games Starring the Aquabats
- The Wizard of Oz
- Troddlers
- True Golf Classics: Wicked 18
- ActRaiser 2
- Disney's Aladdin
- BioMetal
- Championship Pool
- ClayFighter
- International Tennis Tour
- Jurassic Park
- Lamborghini American Challenge
- NHL Stanley Cup
- Out to Lunch
- Pink Goes to Hollywood
- Ranma ½: Hard Battle
- RoboCop Versus The Terminator
- Steel Talons
- Super Battleship
- Super Putty
- Tecmo Super Bowl
- Terminator 2: Judgment Day
- The Lawnmower Man
- Time Slip
- Tony Meola's Sidekicks Soccer
- Total Carnage
- We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story
- ABC Monday Night Football
- Art of Fighting
- Barbie: Super Model
- Battle Blaze
- Battle Cars
- Beethoven: The Ultimate Canine Caper
- Dennis the Menace
- Dig & Spike Volleyball
- F1 Pole Position
- Genghis Khan II: Clan of the Gray Wolf
- Inspector Gadget
- Jim Power: The Lost Dimension in 3-D
- Lufia & the Fortress of Doom
- Mario's Time Machine
- Metal Combat: Falcon's Revenge
- Metal Marines
- Nobunaga's Ambition
- Romance of the Three Kingdoms III: Dragon of Destiny
- Side Pocket
- Soldiers of Fortune
- Super Chase H.Q.
- Super Nova
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters
- The Adventures of Dr. Franken
- World Soccer '94: Road to Glory
- Brett Hull Hockey
- Choplifter III
- Lester the Unlikely
- Lethal Enforcers
- Mega Man X
- Riddick Bowe Boxing
- Skyblazer
- Super Battletank 2
- Super Solitaire
- Zool: Ninja of the Nth Dimension
- Ardy Lightfoot
- Bill Walsh College Football
- Bugs Bunny: Rabbit Rampage
- Flashback: The Quest for Identity
- Mickey's Ultimate Challenge
- Ninja Warriors
- Pro Sport Hockey
- Sports Illustrated: Championship Football & Baseball
- Super Alfred Chicken
- Super Bases Loaded 2
- Super Troll Islands
- T2: The Arcade Game
- Turn and Burn: No-Fly Zone
- Winter Olympic Games: Lillehammer '94
- X-Kaliber 2097
- Chester Cheetah: Wild Wild Quest
- Claymates
- Equinox
- Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball
- MLBPA Baseball
- NBA Jam
- Star Trek: The Next Generation - Future's Past
- The Flintstones: The Treasure of Sierra Madrock
- The Peace Keepers
- Wolfenstein 3D
- Young Merlin
- Super Metroid
- Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Eye of the Beholder
- Bébé's Kids
- Champions World Class Soccer
- Dream T.V.
- Fatal Fury 2
- Joe & Mac 2: Lost in the Tropics
- King of Dragons
- Knights of the Round
- Legend
- Liberty or Death
- Mega Man Soccer
- Pinball Dreams
- Rocko's Modern Life: Spunky's Dangerous Day
- SOS
- Super Goal! 2
- Time Trax
- Ultima: The False Prophet
- Wheel of Fortune: Deluxe Edition
- Wizardry V: Heart of the Maelstrom
- Andre Agassi Tennis
- ClayFighter: Tournament Edition
- ESPN Baseball Tonight
- FIFA International Soccer
- Jeopardy! Sports Edition
- Relief Pitcher
- Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon
- Space Ace
- Spectre
- Suzuka 8 Hours
- The Pirates of Dark Water
- ESPN SpeedWorld
- Barkley: Shut Up and Jam!
- Capcom's Soccer Shootout
- Championship Soccer '94
- Final Fight Guy
- HardBall III
- Hyper V-Ball
- Jeopardy! Deluxe Edition
- King of the Monsters 2
- Natsume Championship Wrestling
- Operation Europe: Path to Victory 1939-45
- Saturday Night Slam Masters
- Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers
- The Jetsons: Invasion of the Planet Pirates
- The Ren & Stimpy Show: Fire Dogs
- The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang
- Tommy Moe's Winter Extreme: Skiing & Snowboarding
- Ultimate Fighter
- World Cup USA '94
- Disney's Beauty and the Beast
- F1 ROC II: Race of Champions
- Stunt Race FX
- Super Godzilla
- Breath of Fire
- Aerobiz Supersonic
- An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
- Brain Lord
- Double Dragon V: The Shadow Falls
- Eek! The Cat
- Elite Soccer
- Fighter's History
- Fun 'n Games
- Mr. Nutz
- Tetris 2
- The Adventures of Kid Kleets
- The Death and Return of Superman
- The Incredible Hulk
- Disney's The Jungle Book
- The Untouchables
- Troy Aikman NFL Football
- Kid Klown in Crazy Chase
- Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage
- Blackthorne
- Illusion of Gaia
- Mario's Early Years: Fun with Numbers
- Michael Andretti's Indy Car Challenge
- Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
- Mortal Kombat II
- Obitus
- Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures
- Super Bomberman 2
- Tecmo Super Baseball
- Virtual Bart
- Vortex
- WildSnake
- World Heroes 2
- Final Fantasy III
- Adventures of Yogi Bear
- Disney's Bonkers
- Bubsy II
- Earthworm Jim
- Firestriker
- HammerLock Wrestling
- Indiana Jones' Greatest Adventures
- J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings: Volume 1
- Lord of Darkness
- Mario's Early Years: Fun with Letters
- Math Blaster: Episode 1
- Mickey Mania: The Timeless Adventures of Mickey Mouse
- NBA Live '95
- NCAA Football
- Operation Thunderbolt
- R-Type III: The Third Lightning
- Radical Rex
- Robotrek
- Shaq-Fu
- Shien's Revenge
- Snow White in Happily Ever After
- Sparkster
- Super Adventure Island II
- Super Punch-Out!!
- Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
- The Great Circus Mystery Starring Mickey & Minnie
- Disney's The Lion King
- Uncharted Waters: New Horizons
- Donkey Kong Country
- 3 Ninjas Kick Back
- ACME Animation Factory
- Aero Fighters
- Aero the Acro-Bat 2
- Al Unser Jr.'s Road to the Top
- Animaniacs
- Ballz 3D
- Bassin's Black Bass with Hank Parker
- Beavis and Butt-Head
- Cannondale Cup
- Demon's Crest
- Dragon View
- ESPN Sunday Night NFL
- Ghoul Patrol
- Home Improvement
- Jammit
- Jurassic Park Part 2: The Chaos Continues
- Lemmings 2: The Tribes
- Madden NFL '95
- Mario's Early Years: Preschool Fun
- Mary Shelley's Frankenstein
- Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City
- Newman/Haas Indy Car featuring Nigel Mansell
- NHL '95
- Nickelodeon GUTS
- No Escape
- Pitfall: The Mayan Adventure
- Pocky & Rocky 2
- Samurai Shodown
- Sonic Blast Man II
- Speed Racer in My Most Dangerous Adventures
- Stone Protectors
- Street Hockey '95
- Super Bonk
- Super Pinball: Behind the Mask
- The Pagemaster
- The Ren & Stimpy Show: Time Warp
- Tin Star
- TNN Bass Tournament of Champions
- Ultima: Runes of Virtue II
- Ultima: The Black Gate
- WCW SuperBrawl Wrestling
- Wolverine: Adamantium Rage
- WWF Raw
- X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse
- Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel
- Biker Mice from Mars
- Brutal: Paws of Fury
- ESPN National Hockey Night
- GP-1: Part II
- Hurricanes
- Metal Morph
- Micro Machines
- NFL Quarterback Club
- Pieces
- Power Instinct
- Rise of the Robots
- Star Trek: Starfleet Academy – Starship Bridge Simulator
- Street Racer
- Tetris & Dr. Mario
- The Adventures of Batman & Robin
- The Tick
- Tiny Toon Adventures: Wacky Sports Challenge
- Uniracers
- Wario's Woods
- Super Game Boy (if counts)
- A.S.P. Air Strike Patrol
- BreakThru!
- Brett Hull Hockey 95
- Carrier Aces
- ClayFighter 2: Judgment Clay
- Full Throttle: All-American Racing
- Mega Man X2
- Might and Magic III: Isles of Terra
- Pac-In-Time
- Rap Jam: Volume One
- seaQuest DSV
- Tecmo Super Bowl II: Special Edition
- The Ignition Factor
- NBA Jam: Tournament Edition
- Addams Family Values
- The Adventures of Mighty Max
- Brandish
- Kirby's Avalanche
- Kirby's Dream Course
- Looney Tunes B-Ball
- NCAA Final Four Basketball
- Pinball Fantasies
- Rise of the Phoenix
- Spider-Man: The Animated Series
- Super Bases Loaded 3: License to Steal
- The Flintstones : The Movie
- Top Gear 3000
- True Lies
- Bust-A-Move
- Sterling Sharpe: End 2 End
- The Itchy & Scratchy Game
- Warlock
- Fatal Fury Special
- Kyle Petty's No Fear Racing
- Metal Warriors
- Stargate
- The Ren & Stimpy Show: Buckaroo$!
- Timecop
- Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen
- EarthBound
- Air Cavalry
- Bass Masters Classic
- Hagane: The Final Conflict
- International Superstar Soccer
- Judge Dredd
- Jungle Strike
- Justice League Task Force
- Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
- Packy & Marlon
- Phantom 2040
- Super R.B.I. Baseball
- The Sporting News: Baseball
- Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
- King Arthur and the Knights of Justice
- Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV: Wall of Fire
- Tecmo Secret of the Stars
- Wild Guns
- Ninja Gaiden Trilogy
- Chrono Trigger
- Primal Rage
- Batman Forever
- Captain Commando
- Demolition Man
- Killer Instinct
- Speedy Gonzales: Los Gatos Bandidos
- SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron
- DOOM
- Mega Man 7
- Bronkie the Bronchiasaurus
- Castlevania: Dracula X
- Foreman For Real
- Head-On Soccer
- Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Fighting Edition
- NHL '96
- Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – Crossroads of Time
- WeaponLord
- Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
- Mortal Kombat 3
- Big Sky Trooper
- MechWarrior 3050
- NBA Live '96
- Nosferatu
- Porky Pig's Haunted Holiday
- Secret of Evermore
- Spawn: The Video Game
- Tecmo Super Bowl III: Final Edition
- The Mask
- Madden NFL '96
- AAAHH!! Real Monsters
- Dirt Trax FX
- Doom Troopers
- Earthworm Jim 2
- Emmitt Smith Football
- FIFA Soccer '96
- Frank Thomas Big Hurt Baseball
- International Superstar Soccer Deluxe
- Izzy's Quest for the Olympic Rings
- Jimmy Houston's Bass Tournament U.S.A.
- NBA Give 'N Go
- NFL Quarterback Club 96
- Scooby-Doo Mystery
- Sid Meier's Civilization
- Venom/Spider-Man: Separation Anxiety
- Super Turrican 2
- Urban Strike
- Wild C.A.T.s
- WWF WrestleMania: The Arcade Game
- Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure
- Breath of Fire II
- Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
- Kawasaki Superbike Challenge
- P.T.O. II: Pacific Theater of Operations
- Revolution X
- Syndicate
- Disney's Toy Story
- War 2410
- Wayne Gretzky and the NHLPA All-Stars
- Zoop
- Final Fight 3
- Mega Man X3
- PGA Tour '96
- Prehistorik Man
- Sink or Swim
- College Slam
- Cutthroat Island
- Frantic Flea
- Mark Davis' The Fishing Master
- The Brainies
- Power Piggs of the Dark Age
- Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
- Ken Griffey Jr.'s Winning Run
- Olympic Summer Games: Atlanta 1996
- Bass Masters Classic: Pro Edition
- Lufia II: Rise of the Sinistrals
- Magic Boy
- Mohawk & Headphone Jack
- Tetris Attack
- Kirby Super Star
- Ms. Pac-Man
- PGA European Tour
- Power Rangers Zeo: Battle Racers
- Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3
- Madden NFL '97
- NHL '97
- Oscar
- Prince of Persia 2: The Shadow and the Flame
- War 3010: The Revolution
- Williams Arcade's Greatest Hits
- Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble
- Marvel Super Heroes in War of the Gems
- Maui Mallard in Cold Shadow
- NBA Hang Time
- Disney's Pinocchio
- SimCity 2000
- Street Fighter Alpha 2
- Whizz
- Casper
- College Football USA '97
- Incantation
- Mr. Do!
- NBA Live '97
- Realm
- FIFA Soccer '97
- Lost Vikings 2
- Harvest Moon
- Brunswick World: Tournament of Champions
- Midway Presents Arcade's Greatest Hits: The Atari Collection 1
- Kirby's Dream Land 3
- Arkanoid: Doh It Again
- Madden NFL '98
- Space Invaders
- Timon & Pumbaa's Jungle Games
- NHL '98
- NBA Live '98
- Frogger
2024.05.16 19:07 cfalnevermore My Messed Up Town: The Weird Nocturnal Hippy Chick
Here we are again in the shit stew that is the Fallowveil trailer park. We’ve got soul eating strippers, jobs that kill us, and plenty of weirdos, both the trailer trash and the potentially paranormal variety. It’s the place where even your own computer sometimes threatens to kill you. I can’t tell if I should be worried, or annoyed that all my neighbors have such irresponsible web habits. I know it’s not me that brings in all these machine wiping viruses.
So even though I got a system error that literally said “you’re useless and you should die” I’m less interested in that. Stupid thing. Like I don’t already know I’m useless. That’s not what I’m depressed about.
Well… I suppose it's tangentially related.
I hope anyone reading will forgive me. I’m feeling the sting of rejection right now. It was really stupid of me to ask. Especially now. Nobody here really likes me. They’ve only been nice to me as a courtesy because I was almost involved in a god damn shootout. And my idiot self decided that was the perfect time to push one of my few friends all the way away. Never ask your friends out on dates. It ruins everything.
So there’s this woman. I’ve talked about her in the past. Trista Ramone. She lives in the far back corner of the trailer park. You can instantly tell which unit is hers because she’s covered every square inch of the property with gardens and a rabbit hutch. The place usually has beads and colorful flags hanging on its walls as well. She’s kind of a right winger’s nightmare. I know some of those flags represent various lgbtq plus communities.
She and I have been friendly in the past. We’re both night shift workers. We crossed paths quite a bit going to and from work so we struck up a friendship over the years.
Let’s just ripped the band aid off. Recently I’ve started thinking I had… stronger feelings for Trista. I got stupid and decided to tell her about them. She wasn’t interested. I get why. We have very different lifestyles. I like meat, and she thinks the meat industry is murder. I’m not willing to give up meat, and she’s not willing to give up her beliefs. It's as simple as that. Now things are incredibly awkward with one of my closer friends and I’m still spiraling into self loathing, where I belong.
She swore up and down that she absolutely still wants to be friends with me, but I’m not sure I believe her. The look she gave me when I told her I’d like to ask her out. It looked like sadness, but a small part of me is convinced it was pity, or worse, disgust and loathing, and that small part of me never shuts the fuck up. But anyway, she gave me permission to write about her.
She is one of the creepy fixtures of our little neighborhood after all. She told me to make her seem as insane and scary as I possibly could and that she should get to kill me at the end. She also handed me a few of her high school yearbooks, advised me to chat with another neighbor of ours who she went to school with, and to only use creepy rumors for the rest.
Part of me is really willing to describe her as awful, but that’s just my anger. I don’t like that part of me. Trista’s not a bad person at all. She’s just weird and she doesn’t want to date me. God damn it, Petunia’s right. I need therapy.
So, I’ve told the story of the sexy, scary lady living in a polycule here in the trailer park. I think she’s got a bigger heart than she lets on. I’ve talked about the stories surrounding the Schroeder Slaughterhouse. Now let’s talk about the hippy everyone thinks is a vampire.
She’s a taller woman, maybe five-seven or eight, and she’s skinny. Her typical wardrobe is… interesting. Try to imagine your typical new-age hippy/stoner girl, wearing colorful sarongs, crop-tops, beanies, baggy sweaters, T-shirts with colorful sayings on them, sandals, boots woven from some sort of exotic plant, beaded necklaces, bracelets, a few too many piercings and some intricate tattoos. Can you picture that kind of person? Well, take that and dip them in “goth” dye. Everything is black, and contrasts to her pale white complexion, her eyes are this unusual violet color, and then make the woman wearing all that seem kind of depressed about something. That’s the look Trista has going on. Like if Wednesday Addams was forced to dress up for Hippy Day.
I’ve heard people call her an emo vampire, but as a former emo myself, she doesn’t fill out all the criteria. She doesn’t typically wear any super tight pants or cake on the eyeshadow. I guess she’s just Trista. It might sound weird (and it is) but the whole thing suits her. Her style, tattoos, and complexion all create this image of skinny vampiric waif with a mysterious past and a freaky sarcastic attitude and I found the whole thing… kinda hot.
Trista keeps to herself. She’s made the most out of her little corner of the trailer park. Like I said, she decked out her unit with garden squares, and a Rabbit pen. No idea why she’s allowed to do that. A lot of these places don’t allow pets. I heard she was also trying to put in a beehive too, but her neighbors are fighting her on that one. Our park is a bit too condensed for bees. She has a permit to grow hemp, but of course it’s not for recreational use. She treats it and uses it to weave things like handbags, clothes, and other stuff. There’s a consignment store in town that sells all kinds of things Trista has crafted herself. So she’s handy and self sufficient too. She paints, she carves wood, she weaves, she crochets, she sews, and who knows what else. She’s so good at her little crafts that apparently she’s able to support herself just selling them and working part time at the Moonlight Inn outside of town.
She’s also relatively friendly. I almost feel bad calling her weird, but here’s the thing, I’ve seen some REALLY weird shit. People jokingly call her a vampire, and she seems to embrace that, but part of me seriously wonders. The big clue is, like I mentioned, she’s completely nocturnal. She’s always asleep during the day, and every blind and curtain is drawn tight. The one time she came out during the day, she had on this full body suit with a helmet with UV glass and everything. Even then, she only showed up to give Petunia a hug, before leaving again.
That was the first time I saw Trista, come to think of it. I was kind of intrigued. It was kind of hard not to be when someone shows up to a community cookout in a freaking astronaut suit. I approached Petunia after she left.
“Who the heck was that?” I wondered.
“MASON! I’m so glad you could make it! You’ve been here about three months now! How’d that job interview go?”
“Oh. It went well. I might be doing janitorial work soon.”
“Night shift?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“If it’s the night shift, you’ll definitely meet the person who just left. That’s Trista. She’s the girl with the rabbits in the far corner. Poor girl. She’s got a really bad skin condition. Can’t let sunlight touch her.”
“Oh. Is she like… albino or something?”
“No, she’s got pigment. I don’t remember what the condition is called. I guess it started in high school or something. You’d have to ask her. And hey! If you work the night shift, you’ll probably get to chat with her!”
Petunia wasn’t wrong. I started working as a nighttime janitor for a number of local businesses. That was when I first started noticing the pale goth hippy. She rides around on a moped, with her dark hair and her sarong barely billowing behind her. I couldn’t see her face through the helmet, but she waved to me as she passed by.
The next time I saw her, she was jogging, but here’s where it gets weird. When I first stepped outside, all I saw was a blur. It actually startled me as I whipped toward it, but then there was this skinny tattooed pixie, somehow still looking like a stonehippy/vampire in jogging gear. I swear she was moving inhumanly fast when I first noticed her. That was when we introduced ourselves. She actually jogged over to say hello.
“Hey! You’re the new guy right?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. My name’s Mason!” I reached out to shake the pretty girl’s hand, like an awkward loser. She smirked and shook my hand. Her grip was weirdly strong, and a bit cold.
“I’m Trista. I’m the weirdo in the back with the rabbits.”
“Trista… oh, are you the one who has a thing with sunlight? I think Petunia mentioned you.”
“Yup! That’s me. Xerodoma pigmentosum. Sunlight hurts. I hate that it hurts.” She lamented.
“That’s gotta be rough,” I said sympathetically.
“You get used to it. You work at night?”
“Yeah. Works better for me.”
“I get that.”
And so on and so on. She’s pretty cool, with a bit of hilarious snark in there. And she secretly procured recreational weed she was willing to share. I kept working the night shift just hoping for another chance to talk to her and possibly buy a joint. Eventually she invited me over to share a joint. The inside of her place was actually pretty sparse and spartan compared to the outside. Though she was a fan of hanging beads. Most of the main room was taken up by her various crafting projects and supplies. Hemp weaves, some paintings, and even a wood carving of what I think was a rabbit, but it wasn’t anywhere near complete.
I followed her to her kitchen where she reached into the very back of her pantry and pulled out a shoebox. Inside was her stash, but there was something else which I found very strange. It was a pack of syringes and a thing I assume is to sterilize syringes. I know what you’re thinking, and that was my first thought too. It’s a poor neighborhood, the woman already smokes weed illegally, it’s not that big a shock that maybe she was involved in other drugs too. I decided not to ask at the time. We shared our joint, and we laughed, a lot. She made fun of me for being a lightweight, while I got completely hypnotized staring at the patterns of a shawl she had woven.
Months went by and we got closer, but I couldn’t forget those syringes. After a while I got worried. I’ve seen what heroine does to people. So the next time I went over to smoke and eat (vegan) pizza with her, I asked.
“Trista? Are you using anything other than weed?”
“Drugs?”
“Yeah.”
“No. Why?”
“You can tell me if you are.”
“Mason, sweetheart, I’m a stoner. I don’t fuck around with anything else and I never have.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Okay. Can I ask what that set of syringes are for?”
“Oh. In my stash box? Those are… part of my condition. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh. Is it like… embarrassing?”
“Yeah. So don’t ask. Can we just watch a movie?”
So I don't ask anymore. But I still have no idea what she does with those syringes. Based on what I read about that Xerodoma Pigmentosum thing she says she has, I have no clue what she would need to inject herself with.
Another time she asked me to check on her rabbits for her during the day, as her usual “sitter” had something come up. All I had to do was chop up the lettuce and carrots she left out. As I was enjoying the adorable fluffy faces, one of Trista’s neighbors, a woman named Bridget, poked her head outside her door.
“Hey. Do you know what Trista injects those rabbits with?”
“I… what?”
“I’ve seen her use syringes on those rabbits. She said she was just giving them medicine, but I swear I see her inject them every week.”
“I… I wouldn't know. She just asked me to feed them.”
“I love Trista, but that always seemed so weird. She has to know vaccines are a hoax!” I tuned the woman out after that one. My mind was on that set of syringes. Why would she be using them on rabbits? These things were her pets.
I was starting to crush on her by then. But I couldn’t help feeling weirded out by that. I was actually going to confront her, but the next time I came to visit, she was literally inside the Rabbit hutch, on her back, squealing with delight as her rabbit friends nuzzled and played with her.
“Bonnibelle! That tickles! Marcy! No chewing. Finn? Watch where you’re sticking that foot! Jake? Where are you? EEEEE Lumpy! Not the neck!”
It was as silly and adorable as it sounds. She was forced to whip herself upright when two of her little friends tried to burrow under her dress. She finally stood up with a laugh, cradling a rabbit in her arms and cooing at it.
There was just no way in hell this woman was doing anything that would hurt these animals. Bridget is a paranoid antivax weirdo anyway. If Trista was using syringes on the rabbits, I was convinced it was only for their benefit.
So life went on. I got more and more reclusive over the years. Petunia, Trista, and my next door neighbor Fred were the only things keeping me remotely connected to the outside. And so we get to now. So let’s see. What are the stories about the weird vampire woman?
Well, there’s the fact that she jogs at night, solo, in a poor neighborhood. Petunia keeps the shitty people contained and behaving for the most part, but I still wouldn’t exactly call it safe, especially for a young skinny woman. But she does it without a care in the world.
There’s one strange event that some people like to connect to this. I never knew this guy, but from what I hear he was a total weirdo who leered at anyone even remotely female. And this is despite the fact he was married. His name was Josh.
I remember him a bit. He’s the guy that Petunia chased away from one of her barbecues. Supposedly he was heard saying inappropriate things to the groups of ten year old girls that were playing in the bounce house Petunia rented. Telling them how pretty they were. Trying to coax them to take off their jackets. Police reports were filed but ultimately nothing could be proven. The guy's wife, Carole, always defends him for some reason.
But anyway, I remember hanging out with Trista one night a little over a year ago. She hadn’t gone jogging like she normally did. I asked her what was up with that.
“That weirdo, Josh has started catcalling when I pass his place. It weirds me out.”
“There aren’t other people who do that at night? I’m still shocked you jog alone.”
“Not like this. I can flip off a wolf whistler. But this guy… he keeps trying to get me to stop and talk to him, and when I don’t? He shouts about my ass. I’m gonna have to talk to Petunia about that shithead, if anybody can reign him in, it’s her.”
I’m gonna guess she never got a chance. Two days later, the whole town was awoken by sirens. I was getting ready for my shift when I heard them. I walked down the road a bit to see if I could figure out what was going on. The cops were heading toward the other side of the park, so I couldn’t see much. But I did notice Trista, in her jogging gear, skulking in the shadows. I wondered if she was in trouble. But before I could call out to her, she sprinted straight to Petunia's house and banged on the door. Petunia welcomed her inside, and that was all I saw. I still wasn’t sure what was going on, so I just shrugged and headed to work, figuring I’d text Trista later.
I didn’t learn till later that Josh was found dead. He was lying prone, face down, partly hidden by bushes at the edge of the park. His neck was cut open. He’d bled out rapidly. He had a knife in his hand, and officially it’s believed he fell on it and accidentally killed himself. There was a cocktail of drugs in his system so most people accept that explanation. But others swear they saw Trista out for her jog around the same time Josh would have been bleeding to death. She got questioned, and she swore she didn’t see anything. Without evidence, there was nothing else that could be proven.
Trista’s a friend. I know that guy was being creepy to her. So I’m happy to take her word for what happened, even if my seeing her going to Petunia’s pokes a bit of a hole in that. I can’t be sure it was Trista though. So I’m not saying a word. But if a certain creep attacked a certain lady who is rumored to be a vampire, it’s not that surprising to me that he ended up dead after bleeding to death. I’m not all that broken up about it.
I’m not the one spreading that story. Josh’s wife was the one who started the rumor. So now some people are even more convinced that the weird nocturnal hippy chick is secretly a vampire.
She’s no killer. No matter what they say. She would only have defended herself.
So that’s all the stories I’ve heard that have any credibility to them. There’s more people who swear she and Petunia perform weird rituals, and people who saw her moving “inhumanly fast” and such.
But now I have to share what I found in the yearbooks Trista gave me. I wasn’t really expecting much. I checked her senior yearbook out first. She looks about the same. Pale, goth, hippy, and sort of sad. She kind of looks even sadder in these photos if I’m being honest, but that’s high school for you. She graduated in the top half of her class, no sports or extracurriculars. I’m left wondering how she managed to go to school at the time of sun was so bad for her. I’ll have to ask her about that. So nothing really new there.
It was the yearbook from her junior year where things got really interesting. I was in shock when I found her. Trista is somehow impossible to miss, but unrecognizable all at once. She’s full of color! She wore more typical tie dye hippy attire. Bright vibrant pinks, reds, blues, greens, and yellows, in every photo, and holy shit was she busy. Captain of the soccer team, first chair flutist, president of the “green living” club and the “vegan alliance,” top ten in her class, it was all incredible. I think the main reason I didn’t recognize her was her skin. It was tan, as though she were out in the sun a lot. Furthermore there were photos of her playing sports and standing outside in bright sunlight.
It was like her disease wasn’t there, which confused me. She told me it was something called Xeroderma Pigmentosa. But that’s a genetic condition. She would have had that from birth.
I sent her a text, wondering about this.
- Hey! Just went through your yearbooks. What happened? You had color? Did you discover Linkin Park?
- My disease happened. Right at the end of Jr. year. That’s why I wasn’t there for the final class photo.
- But your disease is genetic… isn’t it?
- I guess it was dormant in me.
- So it just… happened?
- Pretty much.
- I’m sorry.
- I got over it. Mostly. It was hard. My parents were both hardcore vegan naturalists and we lived in a place that was all natural light and such, so I had to live in a shed for a bit while they built a space for me. But in my family? We kinda lean into whatever life throws at us. It took months of depression to come to terms with it. All of a sudden I couldn’t be out in the sun, and I had new dietary needs that absolutely required non-vegan sources. So I leaned into it. I was a vampire now. I can dig dark colors and “vampire style.” I could make it my own by avoiding leather. And I’d be as vegan as I possibly could.
- You’re kind of awesome.
- Damn straight. So I learned to love the night too and now, here I am.
I gained new respect for her after that. Frankly I feel kinda shitty about making fun of her for being a vampire. There might not be anything paranormally weird about her after all.
She sent me one more text telling me I should talk to a guy named Frankie. She’d gone to school with him. He’s a decent enough guy. Works in the Bicounty mall in town.
I had to wait a day or two for another of Petunia’s get togethers to talk to him.
“Hey!” I said awkwardly as I tried to figure out how to strike up conversation with someone I haven’t really spoken to in a long time. “Frankie, right?”
“Oh. Yeah. Been a while. How are you Mason? You okay after that whole thing at Red Nights?”
“I’m trying to be. Look, I’ll cut to the chase. You went to school with Trista Ramone, right?”
“Ol’ Boho Ramone? Yeah. We were sort of friendly. But I was a jerk to vegans back then. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve been hanging out with her. She’s being all mysterious.” He chuckled at that. “She said I should talk to you to learn more about her… weirdness? Everyone thinks she’s a vampire now.”
“She’s totally a vampire. I have no idea what else to call her?”
“Why do you say that?”
“What did she tell you about school?”
“Nothing. She just showed me two yearbooks. Between Junior and Senior year she went from colorful club president, to lonely vampire, because of her disease.”
“Nah man. I don’t want to talk bad about her. But she was kind of a bitch, junior year. She wasn’t just a colorful vegan. She was one of those “holier than thou” types who scoffed and talked down to anyone who dared to eat meat. Her “hippy” thing meant she never hung out with the popular girls but still, she acted like she owned the place at times. I was friends with this weird guy named Steven Jones. He was just kind of a weirdo. Skulking around in the background, you know? He HATED Trista. For a while I totally understood. I thought she was kinda stuck up. But this guy was like… irrationally enraged by that girl’s existence. I guess he tried to ask her out when he was a freshman and she politely declined. But he took that shit personally.”
“Huh. So like… why’s that matter?”
“Because Steven kept saying to anyone who gave him a second look, that he was gonna ‘ruin’ her. Never elaborated. But then the last month of school rolls around, Trista gets assaulted by an unknown assailant and a week later she’s got this new disease. Meanwhile, Steven spent a week strutting around the school looking smug, and saying ‘she got what she deserved.’ Then he disappears too. Teachers said he moved away.”
“She was assaulted?”
“Yeah. Someone in a face wrap tackled her while she was at one of her protests at the meat factory. The dude freaking BIT her.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah. I was there. I came to the protest. I’ll admit I was trying to hit on Trista or one of the other girls there. But yeah. Dude dressed in all gray with a face wrap just charged in and went right for Trista. Knocked her down, bit her like a freaking zombie, then ran away before anyone could stop him. Didn’t even take his face wrap off. It was freaky, man.”
“What the actual fuck.”
“That’s what we all said. Trista needed a stitch. But while she was at the hospital, I guess she started getting more symptoms. She was out for the rest of the year. From then on, she was like she is now. Total vampire.”
“Was Steven a vampire?”
“I dunno. Probably. Little dickhead is what he is. Must have been him that attacked Trista, but nobody could prove it. Bite mark didn’t match or something. So why are you asking? You hang out with her at night right? You asking her out or something?”
“Oh. No. Just a friend.”
That was all I really learned from Frankie. It’s quite a story, and it’s full of unknowns that Trista refuses to explain. So I guess I’ll let readers be the judge. Is she a “real” vampire? Or just a weirdo? All I know is, she’s totally standing behind me right now and now I’m dead. Bleh.
I did come back to life to talk to Trista once I finished writing this. She enjoyed it. I may as well include that interaction.
I went to her place on my night off. She read my take on her and what the neighbors thought and she grinned. “Ha! I’m a total monster!” She chuckled. “So. What do YOU think, Mason? Am I a vampire?” She cocked an eye and playfully gnashes her teeth at me, making a pleasant little click.
I sighed. “No idea. You’re Trista. And… you’re my friend. I’m sorry if I made things awkward.”
She looked surprised by that. “Aw. Thanks Mason. You’re my friend too. It’s okay. I’m flattered.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“So we’re cool?”
“Absolutely not. We’re both weird shut ins.” She laughed. It was good to hear her laugh. It made me happy.
“Yeah but I got the ‘mysterious vampire’ thing going.”
“You have dirt in your hair from rolling around with bunnies. And you’re a vegan.”
“Bite me.”
“Says the vampire.”
“You know, if I were a vampire, I could have bitten you when we both went to the slaughterhouses a few weeks ago.”
“That just makes me stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Mason. You’re not a loser either.”
“So. You know of any other good spooky town stories that I can do next?
“Oh, sure. You ever heard the tale of Salome? She was a witch who would mash up the seeds of a Sinapis Alba plant to make a diabolical potion she’d dump on herself. They called her the ‘Witch of the Sands.’”
I’m embarrassed to admit it took me four days to realize Trista was just fucking with me. I only figured it out when I looked up Sinapis Alba and learned that mashing the seeds just makes mustard. “Salomi the sand-witch.” Well played, vampire hippy…
Sexy Neighbor
Haunted Slaughterhouse
submitted by cfalnevermore to scarystories [link] [comments]
So even though I got a system error that literally said “you’re useless and you should die” I’m less interested in that. Stupid thing. Like I don’t already know I’m useless. That’s not what I’m depressed about.
Well… I suppose it's tangentially related.
I hope anyone reading will forgive me. I’m feeling the sting of rejection right now. It was really stupid of me to ask. Especially now. Nobody here really likes me. They’ve only been nice to me as a courtesy because I was almost involved in a god damn shootout. And my idiot self decided that was the perfect time to push one of my few friends all the way away. Never ask your friends out on dates. It ruins everything.
So there’s this woman. I’ve talked about her in the past. Trista Ramone. She lives in the far back corner of the trailer park. You can instantly tell which unit is hers because she’s covered every square inch of the property with gardens and a rabbit hutch. The place usually has beads and colorful flags hanging on its walls as well. She’s kind of a right winger’s nightmare. I know some of those flags represent various lgbtq plus communities.
She and I have been friendly in the past. We’re both night shift workers. We crossed paths quite a bit going to and from work so we struck up a friendship over the years.
Let’s just ripped the band aid off. Recently I’ve started thinking I had… stronger feelings for Trista. I got stupid and decided to tell her about them. She wasn’t interested. I get why. We have very different lifestyles. I like meat, and she thinks the meat industry is murder. I’m not willing to give up meat, and she’s not willing to give up her beliefs. It's as simple as that. Now things are incredibly awkward with one of my closer friends and I’m still spiraling into self loathing, where I belong.
She swore up and down that she absolutely still wants to be friends with me, but I’m not sure I believe her. The look she gave me when I told her I’d like to ask her out. It looked like sadness, but a small part of me is convinced it was pity, or worse, disgust and loathing, and that small part of me never shuts the fuck up. But anyway, she gave me permission to write about her.
She is one of the creepy fixtures of our little neighborhood after all. She told me to make her seem as insane and scary as I possibly could and that she should get to kill me at the end. She also handed me a few of her high school yearbooks, advised me to chat with another neighbor of ours who she went to school with, and to only use creepy rumors for the rest.
Part of me is really willing to describe her as awful, but that’s just my anger. I don’t like that part of me. Trista’s not a bad person at all. She’s just weird and she doesn’t want to date me. God damn it, Petunia’s right. I need therapy.
So, I’ve told the story of the sexy, scary lady living in a polycule here in the trailer park. I think she’s got a bigger heart than she lets on. I’ve talked about the stories surrounding the Schroeder Slaughterhouse. Now let’s talk about the hippy everyone thinks is a vampire.
She’s a taller woman, maybe five-seven or eight, and she’s skinny. Her typical wardrobe is… interesting. Try to imagine your typical new-age hippy/stoner girl, wearing colorful sarongs, crop-tops, beanies, baggy sweaters, T-shirts with colorful sayings on them, sandals, boots woven from some sort of exotic plant, beaded necklaces, bracelets, a few too many piercings and some intricate tattoos. Can you picture that kind of person? Well, take that and dip them in “goth” dye. Everything is black, and contrasts to her pale white complexion, her eyes are this unusual violet color, and then make the woman wearing all that seem kind of depressed about something. That’s the look Trista has going on. Like if Wednesday Addams was forced to dress up for Hippy Day.
I’ve heard people call her an emo vampire, but as a former emo myself, she doesn’t fill out all the criteria. She doesn’t typically wear any super tight pants or cake on the eyeshadow. I guess she’s just Trista. It might sound weird (and it is) but the whole thing suits her. Her style, tattoos, and complexion all create this image of skinny vampiric waif with a mysterious past and a freaky sarcastic attitude and I found the whole thing… kinda hot.
Trista keeps to herself. She’s made the most out of her little corner of the trailer park. Like I said, she decked out her unit with garden squares, and a Rabbit pen. No idea why she’s allowed to do that. A lot of these places don’t allow pets. I heard she was also trying to put in a beehive too, but her neighbors are fighting her on that one. Our park is a bit too condensed for bees. She has a permit to grow hemp, but of course it’s not for recreational use. She treats it and uses it to weave things like handbags, clothes, and other stuff. There’s a consignment store in town that sells all kinds of things Trista has crafted herself. So she’s handy and self sufficient too. She paints, she carves wood, she weaves, she crochets, she sews, and who knows what else. She’s so good at her little crafts that apparently she’s able to support herself just selling them and working part time at the Moonlight Inn outside of town.
She’s also relatively friendly. I almost feel bad calling her weird, but here’s the thing, I’ve seen some REALLY weird shit. People jokingly call her a vampire, and she seems to embrace that, but part of me seriously wonders. The big clue is, like I mentioned, she’s completely nocturnal. She’s always asleep during the day, and every blind and curtain is drawn tight. The one time she came out during the day, she had on this full body suit with a helmet with UV glass and everything. Even then, she only showed up to give Petunia a hug, before leaving again.
That was the first time I saw Trista, come to think of it. I was kind of intrigued. It was kind of hard not to be when someone shows up to a community cookout in a freaking astronaut suit. I approached Petunia after she left.
“Who the heck was that?” I wondered.
“MASON! I’m so glad you could make it! You’ve been here about three months now! How’d that job interview go?”
“Oh. It went well. I might be doing janitorial work soon.”
“Night shift?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“If it’s the night shift, you’ll definitely meet the person who just left. That’s Trista. She’s the girl with the rabbits in the far corner. Poor girl. She’s got a really bad skin condition. Can’t let sunlight touch her.”
“Oh. Is she like… albino or something?”
“No, she’s got pigment. I don’t remember what the condition is called. I guess it started in high school or something. You’d have to ask her. And hey! If you work the night shift, you’ll probably get to chat with her!”
Petunia wasn’t wrong. I started working as a nighttime janitor for a number of local businesses. That was when I first started noticing the pale goth hippy. She rides around on a moped, with her dark hair and her sarong barely billowing behind her. I couldn’t see her face through the helmet, but she waved to me as she passed by.
The next time I saw her, she was jogging, but here’s where it gets weird. When I first stepped outside, all I saw was a blur. It actually startled me as I whipped toward it, but then there was this skinny tattooed pixie, somehow still looking like a stonehippy/vampire in jogging gear. I swear she was moving inhumanly fast when I first noticed her. That was when we introduced ourselves. She actually jogged over to say hello.
“Hey! You’re the new guy right?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. My name’s Mason!” I reached out to shake the pretty girl’s hand, like an awkward loser. She smirked and shook my hand. Her grip was weirdly strong, and a bit cold.
“I’m Trista. I’m the weirdo in the back with the rabbits.”
“Trista… oh, are you the one who has a thing with sunlight? I think Petunia mentioned you.”
“Yup! That’s me. Xerodoma pigmentosum. Sunlight hurts. I hate that it hurts.” She lamented.
“That’s gotta be rough,” I said sympathetically.
“You get used to it. You work at night?”
“Yeah. Works better for me.”
“I get that.”
And so on and so on. She’s pretty cool, with a bit of hilarious snark in there. And she secretly procured recreational weed she was willing to share. I kept working the night shift just hoping for another chance to talk to her and possibly buy a joint. Eventually she invited me over to share a joint. The inside of her place was actually pretty sparse and spartan compared to the outside. Though she was a fan of hanging beads. Most of the main room was taken up by her various crafting projects and supplies. Hemp weaves, some paintings, and even a wood carving of what I think was a rabbit, but it wasn’t anywhere near complete.
I followed her to her kitchen where she reached into the very back of her pantry and pulled out a shoebox. Inside was her stash, but there was something else which I found very strange. It was a pack of syringes and a thing I assume is to sterilize syringes. I know what you’re thinking, and that was my first thought too. It’s a poor neighborhood, the woman already smokes weed illegally, it’s not that big a shock that maybe she was involved in other drugs too. I decided not to ask at the time. We shared our joint, and we laughed, a lot. She made fun of me for being a lightweight, while I got completely hypnotized staring at the patterns of a shawl she had woven.
Months went by and we got closer, but I couldn’t forget those syringes. After a while I got worried. I’ve seen what heroine does to people. So the next time I went over to smoke and eat (vegan) pizza with her, I asked.
“Trista? Are you using anything other than weed?”
“Drugs?”
“Yeah.”
“No. Why?”
“You can tell me if you are.”
“Mason, sweetheart, I’m a stoner. I don’t fuck around with anything else and I never have.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Okay. Can I ask what that set of syringes are for?”
“Oh. In my stash box? Those are… part of my condition. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh. Is it like… embarrassing?”
“Yeah. So don’t ask. Can we just watch a movie?”
So I don't ask anymore. But I still have no idea what she does with those syringes. Based on what I read about that Xerodoma Pigmentosum thing she says she has, I have no clue what she would need to inject herself with.
Another time she asked me to check on her rabbits for her during the day, as her usual “sitter” had something come up. All I had to do was chop up the lettuce and carrots she left out. As I was enjoying the adorable fluffy faces, one of Trista’s neighbors, a woman named Bridget, poked her head outside her door.
“Hey. Do you know what Trista injects those rabbits with?”
“I… what?”
“I’ve seen her use syringes on those rabbits. She said she was just giving them medicine, but I swear I see her inject them every week.”
“I… I wouldn't know. She just asked me to feed them.”
“I love Trista, but that always seemed so weird. She has to know vaccines are a hoax!” I tuned the woman out after that one. My mind was on that set of syringes. Why would she be using them on rabbits? These things were her pets.
I was starting to crush on her by then. But I couldn’t help feeling weirded out by that. I was actually going to confront her, but the next time I came to visit, she was literally inside the Rabbit hutch, on her back, squealing with delight as her rabbit friends nuzzled and played with her.
“Bonnibelle! That tickles! Marcy! No chewing. Finn? Watch where you’re sticking that foot! Jake? Where are you? EEEEE Lumpy! Not the neck!”
It was as silly and adorable as it sounds. She was forced to whip herself upright when two of her little friends tried to burrow under her dress. She finally stood up with a laugh, cradling a rabbit in her arms and cooing at it.
There was just no way in hell this woman was doing anything that would hurt these animals. Bridget is a paranoid antivax weirdo anyway. If Trista was using syringes on the rabbits, I was convinced it was only for their benefit.
So life went on. I got more and more reclusive over the years. Petunia, Trista, and my next door neighbor Fred were the only things keeping me remotely connected to the outside. And so we get to now. So let’s see. What are the stories about the weird vampire woman?
Well, there’s the fact that she jogs at night, solo, in a poor neighborhood. Petunia keeps the shitty people contained and behaving for the most part, but I still wouldn’t exactly call it safe, especially for a young skinny woman. But she does it without a care in the world.
There’s one strange event that some people like to connect to this. I never knew this guy, but from what I hear he was a total weirdo who leered at anyone even remotely female. And this is despite the fact he was married. His name was Josh.
I remember him a bit. He’s the guy that Petunia chased away from one of her barbecues. Supposedly he was heard saying inappropriate things to the groups of ten year old girls that were playing in the bounce house Petunia rented. Telling them how pretty they were. Trying to coax them to take off their jackets. Police reports were filed but ultimately nothing could be proven. The guy's wife, Carole, always defends him for some reason.
But anyway, I remember hanging out with Trista one night a little over a year ago. She hadn’t gone jogging like she normally did. I asked her what was up with that.
“That weirdo, Josh has started catcalling when I pass his place. It weirds me out.”
“There aren’t other people who do that at night? I’m still shocked you jog alone.”
“Not like this. I can flip off a wolf whistler. But this guy… he keeps trying to get me to stop and talk to him, and when I don’t? He shouts about my ass. I’m gonna have to talk to Petunia about that shithead, if anybody can reign him in, it’s her.”
I’m gonna guess she never got a chance. Two days later, the whole town was awoken by sirens. I was getting ready for my shift when I heard them. I walked down the road a bit to see if I could figure out what was going on. The cops were heading toward the other side of the park, so I couldn’t see much. But I did notice Trista, in her jogging gear, skulking in the shadows. I wondered if she was in trouble. But before I could call out to her, she sprinted straight to Petunia's house and banged on the door. Petunia welcomed her inside, and that was all I saw. I still wasn’t sure what was going on, so I just shrugged and headed to work, figuring I’d text Trista later.
I didn’t learn till later that Josh was found dead. He was lying prone, face down, partly hidden by bushes at the edge of the park. His neck was cut open. He’d bled out rapidly. He had a knife in his hand, and officially it’s believed he fell on it and accidentally killed himself. There was a cocktail of drugs in his system so most people accept that explanation. But others swear they saw Trista out for her jog around the same time Josh would have been bleeding to death. She got questioned, and she swore she didn’t see anything. Without evidence, there was nothing else that could be proven.
Trista’s a friend. I know that guy was being creepy to her. So I’m happy to take her word for what happened, even if my seeing her going to Petunia’s pokes a bit of a hole in that. I can’t be sure it was Trista though. So I’m not saying a word. But if a certain creep attacked a certain lady who is rumored to be a vampire, it’s not that surprising to me that he ended up dead after bleeding to death. I’m not all that broken up about it.
I’m not the one spreading that story. Josh’s wife was the one who started the rumor. So now some people are even more convinced that the weird nocturnal hippy chick is secretly a vampire.
She’s no killer. No matter what they say. She would only have defended herself.
So that’s all the stories I’ve heard that have any credibility to them. There’s more people who swear she and Petunia perform weird rituals, and people who saw her moving “inhumanly fast” and such.
But now I have to share what I found in the yearbooks Trista gave me. I wasn’t really expecting much. I checked her senior yearbook out first. She looks about the same. Pale, goth, hippy, and sort of sad. She kind of looks even sadder in these photos if I’m being honest, but that’s high school for you. She graduated in the top half of her class, no sports or extracurriculars. I’m left wondering how she managed to go to school at the time of sun was so bad for her. I’ll have to ask her about that. So nothing really new there.
It was the yearbook from her junior year where things got really interesting. I was in shock when I found her. Trista is somehow impossible to miss, but unrecognizable all at once. She’s full of color! She wore more typical tie dye hippy attire. Bright vibrant pinks, reds, blues, greens, and yellows, in every photo, and holy shit was she busy. Captain of the soccer team, first chair flutist, president of the “green living” club and the “vegan alliance,” top ten in her class, it was all incredible. I think the main reason I didn’t recognize her was her skin. It was tan, as though she were out in the sun a lot. Furthermore there were photos of her playing sports and standing outside in bright sunlight.
It was like her disease wasn’t there, which confused me. She told me it was something called Xeroderma Pigmentosa. But that’s a genetic condition. She would have had that from birth.
I sent her a text, wondering about this.
- Hey! Just went through your yearbooks. What happened? You had color? Did you discover Linkin Park?
- My disease happened. Right at the end of Jr. year. That’s why I wasn’t there for the final class photo.
- But your disease is genetic… isn’t it?
- I guess it was dormant in me.
- So it just… happened?
- Pretty much.
- I’m sorry.
- I got over it. Mostly. It was hard. My parents were both hardcore vegan naturalists and we lived in a place that was all natural light and such, so I had to live in a shed for a bit while they built a space for me. But in my family? We kinda lean into whatever life throws at us. It took months of depression to come to terms with it. All of a sudden I couldn’t be out in the sun, and I had new dietary needs that absolutely required non-vegan sources. So I leaned into it. I was a vampire now. I can dig dark colors and “vampire style.” I could make it my own by avoiding leather. And I’d be as vegan as I possibly could.
- You’re kind of awesome.
- Damn straight. So I learned to love the night too and now, here I am.
I gained new respect for her after that. Frankly I feel kinda shitty about making fun of her for being a vampire. There might not be anything paranormally weird about her after all.
She sent me one more text telling me I should talk to a guy named Frankie. She’d gone to school with him. He’s a decent enough guy. Works in the Bicounty mall in town.
I had to wait a day or two for another of Petunia’s get togethers to talk to him.
“Hey!” I said awkwardly as I tried to figure out how to strike up conversation with someone I haven’t really spoken to in a long time. “Frankie, right?”
“Oh. Yeah. Been a while. How are you Mason? You okay after that whole thing at Red Nights?”
“I’m trying to be. Look, I’ll cut to the chase. You went to school with Trista Ramone, right?”
“Ol’ Boho Ramone? Yeah. We were sort of friendly. But I was a jerk to vegans back then. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve been hanging out with her. She’s being all mysterious.” He chuckled at that. “She said I should talk to you to learn more about her… weirdness? Everyone thinks she’s a vampire now.”
“She’s totally a vampire. I have no idea what else to call her?”
“Why do you say that?”
“What did she tell you about school?”
“Nothing. She just showed me two yearbooks. Between Junior and Senior year she went from colorful club president, to lonely vampire, because of her disease.”
“Nah man. I don’t want to talk bad about her. But she was kind of a bitch, junior year. She wasn’t just a colorful vegan. She was one of those “holier than thou” types who scoffed and talked down to anyone who dared to eat meat. Her “hippy” thing meant she never hung out with the popular girls but still, she acted like she owned the place at times. I was friends with this weird guy named Steven Jones. He was just kind of a weirdo. Skulking around in the background, you know? He HATED Trista. For a while I totally understood. I thought she was kinda stuck up. But this guy was like… irrationally enraged by that girl’s existence. I guess he tried to ask her out when he was a freshman and she politely declined. But he took that shit personally.”
“Huh. So like… why’s that matter?”
“Because Steven kept saying to anyone who gave him a second look, that he was gonna ‘ruin’ her. Never elaborated. But then the last month of school rolls around, Trista gets assaulted by an unknown assailant and a week later she’s got this new disease. Meanwhile, Steven spent a week strutting around the school looking smug, and saying ‘she got what she deserved.’ Then he disappears too. Teachers said he moved away.”
“She was assaulted?”
“Yeah. Someone in a face wrap tackled her while she was at one of her protests at the meat factory. The dude freaking BIT her.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah. I was there. I came to the protest. I’ll admit I was trying to hit on Trista or one of the other girls there. But yeah. Dude dressed in all gray with a face wrap just charged in and went right for Trista. Knocked her down, bit her like a freaking zombie, then ran away before anyone could stop him. Didn’t even take his face wrap off. It was freaky, man.”
“What the actual fuck.”
“That’s what we all said. Trista needed a stitch. But while she was at the hospital, I guess she started getting more symptoms. She was out for the rest of the year. From then on, she was like she is now. Total vampire.”
“Was Steven a vampire?”
“I dunno. Probably. Little dickhead is what he is. Must have been him that attacked Trista, but nobody could prove it. Bite mark didn’t match or something. So why are you asking? You hang out with her at night right? You asking her out or something?”
“Oh. No. Just a friend.”
That was all I really learned from Frankie. It’s quite a story, and it’s full of unknowns that Trista refuses to explain. So I guess I’ll let readers be the judge. Is she a “real” vampire? Or just a weirdo? All I know is, she’s totally standing behind me right now and now I’m dead. Bleh.
I did come back to life to talk to Trista once I finished writing this. She enjoyed it. I may as well include that interaction.
I went to her place on my night off. She read my take on her and what the neighbors thought and she grinned. “Ha! I’m a total monster!” She chuckled. “So. What do YOU think, Mason? Am I a vampire?” She cocked an eye and playfully gnashes her teeth at me, making a pleasant little click.
I sighed. “No idea. You’re Trista. And… you’re my friend. I’m sorry if I made things awkward.”
She looked surprised by that. “Aw. Thanks Mason. You’re my friend too. It’s okay. I’m flattered.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“So we’re cool?”
“Absolutely not. We’re both weird shut ins.” She laughed. It was good to hear her laugh. It made me happy.
“Yeah but I got the ‘mysterious vampire’ thing going.”
“You have dirt in your hair from rolling around with bunnies. And you’re a vegan.”
“Bite me.”
“Says the vampire.”
“You know, if I were a vampire, I could have bitten you when we both went to the slaughterhouses a few weeks ago.”
“That just makes me stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Mason. You’re not a loser either.”
“So. You know of any other good spooky town stories that I can do next?
“Oh, sure. You ever heard the tale of Salome? She was a witch who would mash up the seeds of a Sinapis Alba plant to make a diabolical potion she’d dump on herself. They called her the ‘Witch of the Sands.’”
I’m embarrassed to admit it took me four days to realize Trista was just fucking with me. I only figured it out when I looked up Sinapis Alba and learned that mashing the seeds just makes mustard. “Salomi the sand-witch.” Well played, vampire hippy…
Sexy Neighbor
Haunted Slaughterhouse
2024.05.16 17:00 ZenStudios-McLovin Pinball FX - May 16 - 1.0.17 - Patch Notes
Hey Pinball Fans, look at this note. Look at this work of art. (If art is about length and long lists for you) Our team went all out this time and it is our pleasure to present this list of fixes for you.
Tables added:
Pacific Rim Pinball
Super League Football (Free download on consoles for 7 days, on PC for 30 days. Get it now and keep it forever)
Universal Classics: TV Pinball:
Xena: Warrior Princess Pinball
Knight Rider Pinball
Battlestar Galactica Pinball
New Features on PlayStation, Xbox and PC:
UI overhaul and upgrades
XP system
Notification system
New optional Pinhall, New optional music
General fixes:
A Charlie Brown Christmas™ Pinball
submitted by ZenStudios-McLovin to PinballFX3 [link] [comments]
Tables added:
Pacific Rim Pinball
Super League Football (Free download on consoles for 7 days, on PC for 30 days. Get it now and keep it forever)
Universal Classics: TV Pinball:
Xena: Warrior Princess Pinball
Knight Rider Pinball
Battlestar Galactica Pinball
New Features on PlayStation, Xbox and PC:
UI overhaul and upgrades
XP system
Notification system
New optional Pinhall, New optional music
General fixes:
- Fixed an issue where "An error has occurred while publishing your scores" could pop up frequently
- Fixed an issue where a start of a new season would unlock all rewards
- Nudge button hints are now displayed properly
- Williams Pinball: Volume 1 Questline - Mission 9 - Double Score powerup timer set from 5 seconds to 20
- Fixed an issue where camera controls were stuck to ‘C’ even after setting a different key
- Fixed an issue where the game crashed when players closed a 2-player-hotseat table in cabinet mode
- Fixed an issue in Cabinet Mode - where players had to Reload Configuration every time
A Charlie Brown Christmas™ Pinball
- Fixed an issue when the ball could stuck in the left kickback
- Reduced the time of the ball being held by the saucer during the Mystery Animation, added manual eject option as well
- The “Collect Bonus” award no longer resets the bonus multiplier
- Fixed the typo in the song credits
- Fixed the typo on the display
- Music for the Pigpen Snowman mode no longer replaces the main theme after the mode ends
- Fixed an issue, where the boss music can play alongside other tracks
- Fixed an issue, where the ball can leave the miniplayfield
- Fixed a typo on the bottom right of the playfield
- Adjusted the German translations at the ball launch
- Adjusted the ball kickout system in the bonus room
- Fixed an issue, where the Bomb lamp could stay lit after usage
- Fixed an issue where the ball could go ballistic after a weak plunge
- Added rollover switches above the bumpers
- Fixed an issue where the instructions overlapped on the display
- Fixed an issue where the Jackpot status didn’t reset
- The pop-up score at Super Skillshot will display the correct score
- Fixed an issue where the spin disk could drop the ball between the flippers
- The video display no longer freezes after the Return to Kharak mode
- Increased the speed of the research toy by 30% for a more dynamic gameplay
- Fixed an issue where the bonus screen could appear when the ball is in play
- Fixed an issue where the ball could get stuck in the bumpers
- The ball can no longer get stuck behind the green box
- Fixed an issue where the instructions overlapped on the display
- Fixed a soft lock occurrence at the end of the Cinderella tale
- Fixed the appearance of the transparent ball curse so it won't be invisible
- Crystal Multiball will no longer end after locking a ball at the Castle Gate
- Fixed the “Book of Tales” end of bonus description
- Fixed an error where the Magic Mirror award prevented further progress at the final battle
- Fixed an issue, when hitting the wolf last during the Wolf & Seven Goats followed by an immediate drain will prevent further completion of the mode
- Scoring a Jackpot during Crystal Multiball will release the balls from the Tower Locks to prevent any exploits
- Fixed an issue where the localized "More hits for your Multiball bumper" text had an overlapping issue
- Fixed an issue where the could stay on the volcano
- Adjusted the power of the kickback and sinkhole kickout
- Fixed an issue where the ball could get stuck in the perimeter fence
- Fixed an issue where the first left orbit shot phases through the diverter
- Fixed the position of the right outlane post
- Fixed the speech bubbles remaining in 0-degree orientation when the screen is rotated
- The table no longer awards extra balls in challenges
- Adjusted View 8 in portrait mode
- Fixed an issue where the ball could balance on the tip of the flipper
- Reduced the power of the auto-launch during challenges
- Fixed an issue when the table can softlock after draining the regular ball in the “He Certainly Has Courage” mode in challenges
- Fixed an issue when the screen turned black in the TIE Fighter Attack mode
- Fixed an issue where the HOLD BONUS X and EXTRABALL flashing lights were offset
- Fixed an issue where the ball locked without having to spell LOCK
- Fixed a view issue when a lock happened
- Fixed an R2-D2 magnet issue
- Fixed a malfunction on R2-D2 kickback
- Fixed an issue where the TIE Fighter could appear invisible
- Fixed an issue where the magnet wouldn’t work on one charge at R2-D2 Bumpers
- Adjusted combo timers on the table
- Adjusted mission goals on Scene 1, Part 2
- Fixed an issue where the ball could bounce out of the table from the middle of the playfield
- Fixed an issue with the Hyperspace multiball
- Fixed camera handling and planet alignment in Hyperspace mode
- Adjusted lighting on the AT-AT, Luke and Darth Vader
- Fixed an issue where the Super Skill Shot could be hit by simply holding up the left flipper
- Fixed an issue where the left kickback returned the ball to the right outlane
- Fixed an issue where the left target lead the ball to the left outlane
- Fixed an issue where the Solo Fighter mission (and achievement) was unwinnable
- Fixed an issue where if a ball drained with 1 lock (Partial Optical Link) activated, the optical sequence reset without considering how many balls are locked physically
- Fixed an issue with ball locking during Metamorphosis
- Fixed an issue where Levitation Save could fail to place the ball above the flippers.
- Fixed a Flips Challenge exploit: Ball could autoplunge directly into the bumpers.
- Fixed a physics issue with the ball travelling down towards the flippers
- This crumbling brick effect is now present in all instances where needed
- Davy Jones' Locker ramp texture is now moving with the rest of the ramp.
- Fixed an issue where the ball could get stuck on the elbows of the fighter during any match, Fisticuffs Multiball included.
- The music and VO will now not be cut off by the end of game menu
- Tokens will now properly save between games
- Fixed an issue where an upwards nudge could stop the time if the player had a locked ball
- Fixed an issue where repeatedly nudging resulted in the clock stopping
- Fixed an issue where Ball 1 lock on the table was showing as ball 3 locked
- Fixed a typo on the table
- Fixed an issue where the ball would be removed from the small flipper lane if 2 balls were stalled there
- Fixed an issue where the game could end with a ball stuck in Ted’s mouth in the 5 minute challenge
- Fixed black textures on Carousel
- Fixed an issue where the ball could hit a switch more than once
- Fixed autoplunger problems in challenges
- Plunger camera angle adjusted
- Fixed an issue where the upper flipper rubber is interfering with the wall
- Fixed a faulty effect on the backglass
- Fixed an issue where there weren’t any combos or ball saves in Arcade mode
- Backglass lighting will now be turned on properly
- Fixed an issue where the ball could fall under the right flipper after a drain and get stuck
- Left outlane adjusted
- Adjusted Skill Shot camera
- Fixed the Williams logo shadow on the flippers
- Fixed an issue where the ball could stay behind the goal during multiball
- Fixed an issue where zhe upkick near the goal did not properly kicked out the ball
- Fixed a display issue in the Table Guide
- Fixed an issue where the ball did not stay on the left ramp properly
- Fixed an issue where the ball could get stuck in the Loot sinkhole
- Fixed an issue where the ball could get stuck in the saucer during Flips Challenge
- Fixed an issue where the game could fail to exit out of the Skillshot phase
- Fixed an issue where the auto-plunge could hit the ball into the left outlane
- Fixed an issue where the ball could exit at the middle of the ramp
- Fixed an issue where locking a ball while Mystery was lit at the right upper orbit denied a chance at a Skillshot
- Fixed an issue where tilting during Herald of its Word could result in the ball skin being applied for the next ball
- Fixed an issue in 5 minute challenge - The mystery extra ball award value could be multiplied by 4
- Fixed an issue where if Maw and Cult of its Arrival multiballs are started on top of each other the lane lamps could flash incorrectly
- Fixed resetting issues with the Skillshot if Skillshot power-up is used
- Fixed an issue where if Maw and Herald of its Word multiballs conflicting resulted in 2 balls on the playfield without any multiballs running
- Fixed an issue during multiball, where the Herald could keep the ball, juggling it indefinitely
- Fixed an issue where the Herald could be beaten in one shot, instead of several shots
- Fixed an issue where the Madness counter did not reset when winning a mode with ballout
- Fixed a display issue around Bumper Bonus
- Fixed several localization issues in Italian
- Fixed an issue where pictures did not appear properly on the right notepad
- Fixed an issue where the ball could fall off the rails if shot with the right power
2024.05.16 14:49 ya-boi-benny Respect Dmitri Smerdyakov, the Chameleon (Marvel, 616)
The famous baseballer, Jackie Robinson, he once said: “A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” I could not agree more. That is why I try to make as much impact on my faces’ lives as possible. After all, they have done so much for me. It is the least I can do. Unlike them, I need not fear what people think of me. So I can be brave where they are weak. For I will just be someone else tomorrow.
He'd move to America and use his talents to pull off high-scale burglary, working for any group that could afford his fee, including the Communist party, Hydra or the Green Goblin. His elicit activity brought him into conflict with the Hulk, Iron Man and most often Spider-Man, all of whom had to act with great caution when the Chameleon was in town. After all, which one of them could tell if that unassuming civilian or their own ally was preparing to stab them in the back?
Dmitri has some mental hangups over his time with the Kravinoffs. He’s managed to repress the memories and considered himself good friends with his half-brother Kraven. In reality, he was more like a whipping boy and slave to the Hunter, and when he has to wrestle with those feelings, he can mentally revert to that scared little boy with no strong sense of identity or independence. But when he’s able to move past these feelings, the Chameleon has proved himself as a powerful, manipulative force, finding his place as temporary Crime Master of New York and member of the Sinister Six.
Notes
During one of Dmitri’s mental breaks, he began to believe that he was his deceased half-brother, Kraven the Hunter. So exact was the Chameleon’s performance that he moved and fought with the hunter’s skill and agility. This was an extreme fringe case and there are no other examples of a disguise altering Chameleon's capabilities like this. Physical and skill-related feats from this period will be marked with [KH].
Hover over a feat to see which issue it's from.
Physicals
General- He’s taken some of Kraven’s potions, which extends his natural lifespan and protects from disease
- Kraven later notes that he only allowed the Chameleon to drink some of his potions, enhancing his strength, although not nearly as much as the Hunter himself
Unarmed Striking
- Downs a cop with a punch to the back of the head
- Boxes Alexei Kravinoff’s ears, flooring the bigger man
- Tackles and restrains Bruce Banner
- While posing as Tigra, he breaks Mysterio’s helmet with a kick
- Knocks Finesse out with two punches to the back of the head
- [KH] Kicks Alexei in the chin mid-leap
- Hurts Spidey with a kick to the face
- Hospitalized the Shocker
- Floors a man with a suitcase
- Clubs Captain America with a fire extinguisher, flooring him for several seconds
- [KH] Smashes through a ceiling and dives at Alexei
- [KH] Impales a man with a spear, then rams him into a wall hard enough to crack it
- Beats a man unconscious with a pistol
Other
- While carrying Betty Ross over his shoulder with one hand, the Chameleon uses the other to smack Major Glenn Talbot
- [KH] Holds a wolf away from him
- Carries and fires this absurdly large gun
Scaling with Spider-Man
- Gets up after a glancing blow from Spider-Man
- Takes a backhand from Spider-Man
- Stays barely conscious after Spider-Man punches him into what looks like a concrete wall hard enough to break it
- Takes two punches from an angry Spider-Man
- While emulating Spider-Man and clinging to a wall with suction cups, he takes a punch from the real Spider-Man but stays clinging and makes an escape
- Spider-Man throws Chameleon head-first into a wall, then smacks him three times, breaking his mask. Despite this, the Chameleon stays conscious and manages to run off.
- Gets kicked in the head by Spider-Man (dressed as Deadpool) but quickly recovers and puts Spidey in a headlock
- Takes a sucker punch from Spider-Man in the Spider-Armor MK III
- [Limit] One casual punch from the Superior Spider-Man knocks Dmitri out
- Gets tackled by the Hulk, who was shrunk down to a few inches at the time
- Takes three heavy blows from Daredevil before falling into unconsciousness
- Takes a backhand punch from Kraven
- He gets up after Captain America throws his shield into his back
- Stays conscious after Deadpool punches him out a window
- Takes a punch from Spidey and an elbow from Deadpool
- Gets punched by Whirlwind
- Gets beat on by Teresa Parker
- Spider-Man punches Vulture, sending the villain flying into Chameleon
- Gets thrown many feet into the air, then falls back-first onto stone
- He jumps off the Brooklyn Bridge and lands in the water below
- [KH, Limit] He’s KO’ed by a woman with a wooden chair
- While disguised as Spider-Man, he gets grabbed and swung around a room by tentacles, at one point getting his head slammed through a concrete wall with no ill effects
- He’s not noticeably harmed after a cop shoots him in the shoulder
- Stays standing after being shot in the thigh
- Twenty minutes after being shot in the shoulder, he’s not noticeably harmed
- Crashes his car into the Hulk
- Crawls from a crashed HYDRA aircraft
- Unharmed after crashing his truck into a wall
- While piloting a giant Galactus robot, a helicarrier crashes into the robot’s head and the Chameleon’s control room. He survives the crash relatively unharmed.
- He survives after being poisoned and being left in a burning bar by the Punisher
- When Captain America breaks one of Chameleon’s stun guns, the resulting blast melts his rubber face mask, burning him
- He eats a full plate of ambien-laced cookies baked by Aunt May
- Spider-Man webs up a big gun that the Chameleon was using, causing it to blow up in his face. Dmitri gets up right after.
- Dodges some charges from Hammerhead, first with a sidestep, then by flipping over the mobster
- [KH] Dodges a tackle attempt from Alexei Kravinoff
- He lands hits on Spider-Man pretty easily once the hero loses his spider-sense
Skill
ImpersonationGeneral
- When posing as someone, the Chameleon copies their gait and posture
- When emulating J. Jonah Jameson, not only does the Chameleon copy his personality, mannerisms and body language, but he copies Jonah’s writing style so he can turn in editorials at the Daily Bugle
- [Limit] In 2009, he took the form of Barack Obama and attempted to get sworn in as the POTUS. However, Spider-Man asked the fake and the real Obama a question that only the real Obama would know the answer to, outing the Chameleon as an imposter.
- Mimics Tigra perfectly, replicating her movements, voice and microexpressions
- When posing as a zombie Ezekiel Sims, Chameleon does something to make himself smell like a long-dead corpse
- Skilled in vocal emulation
- He perfectly emulates voices over the course of minutes after listening to audio recordings or the voices of his hostages
- While posing as the Paris police director, he fools a voice recognition system designed by Henry Pym, allowing him access into an Avengers headquarters
- Can emulate mechanized voices, like Doc Ock’s from when he was a cyborg
- Betty Ross sees through Dmitri’s Bruce Banner disguise thanks to her female intuition
- Daredevil sees through the Chameleon’s disguises because he can hear Dmitri’s distinct heartbeat
- Spider-Man’s Spider-Armor MK III has a Daredevil-inspired feature built in to the helmet that allows Peter to track Chameleon’s specific heartbeat. This allows him to see through the villain’s disguises.
- [KH] Fights evenly with Alexei Kravinoff before restraining him with a rope
- Off-panel, he killed a SHIELD agent and a doctor with a pen
- Shanks Superior Spider-Man in the neck with a pen
- While disguised as Spider-Man, he brawls hand-to-hand with Deadpool
- [Limit] Lost a fight to Mary Jane Watson with a baseball bat
- [KH] Slashes two mens’ throats with a single swipe of a spoon
- [KH] Performs a handstand on a tree stump
- Using Klawe’s sound cannon, he blasts MODOK’s psionic blaster, disabling the head’s main weapon
- Leaps from a second story and lands on an awning to break his fall
- Jumps from the back of an aircraft onto the hood of a pursuing flying car
- Nick Fury boots Dmitri off of a flying car, but the villain manages to grab a ladder on a nearby aircraft
- Cracks a locked vault door, possibly using a stethoscope
- Pilots a giant LMD modeled to look like Galactus
- (Poorly) pilots the Iron Man Model 4 before being dropped by an alternate-universe Ghost Rider
Disguises
Realistic Masks- Originally, the Chameleon employed realistic masks and hairpieces to disguise himself as individuals. He kept these pieces in a multi-pocketed vest, allowing him to alter his appearance on the fly
- After getting one quick glance at Thunderbolt Ross, the Chameleon is able to make a perfect mask of the general’s face in a matter of minutes
- When the Hulk is tearing the Chameleon’s car apart, he quickly changes into the guise of Rick Jones to calm the Hulk, then manipulate him into breaking a friend out of prison
- At one point, he used a gun that squirts fast-drying fluid, which kills victims via suffocation and leaves the Chameleon with a perfect mask of their face
- He once wore four masks layered on top of his plain, white one
- He gets a procedure done to his body that makes his flesh completely malleable, changing in response to electrical stimuli. He also had a specially designed costume that reacted the same way to stimuli. The final piece was a control system built into a belt that could memorize and store any face that the Chameleon encountered. All of these pieces allowed the Chameleon to completely copy someone’s appearance and replicate it through thought alone.
- This exact method of changing his face depends on the comic's art style
- After looking at a photograph of a man, the Chameleon completely embodies him in moments
- When begging for his life, he rapidly switches between a dozen different faces
- When he’s knocked unconscious, his face relaxes and goes back to how it normally looks
- Once made a game out of pretending to be a civilian in need, then attacking Spider-Man when the hero helps him
- [Limit] One time, a very serious Spider-Man shocked and frightened the Chameleon so badly that he let his disguise drop
- Uses convincing costumes when posing as superheroes or supervillains
- Disguises himself as a Statue of Liberty street performer
- Some kind of hidden device emits mist, allowing the Chameleon to change masks and outfits
- Carries a canister of chemical gas that instantly changes the color of his clothing
- Later on, he wears a suit that allows him to instantly change his facial appearance and clothing
- A high-tech costume can resemble any article of clothing that the Chameleon can think of
- When appearing as someone much bigger than he is, like the Kingpin, the Chameleon uses an inflatable suit
- Poses as a hostage, then uses a hologram projector to make it look like Doc Ock is holding him off a roof
- When working for the Superior Spider-Man’s team of “reformed” villains, the Superior Six, Chameleon used hologram tech to aid in his disguises. This let him appear as Loki, with his massive horns and Asgardian outfit being formed with the tech. It otherwise works more or less like his powers did.
- Most recently, the Chameleon requires the use of a serum to be able to change his features at will
Weapons
Non-LethalGuns
- Uses a dart gun that instantly knocks a man out with a shot to the shoulder
- Uses a chemical gas gun to instantly knock out Captain America, keeping him out for a few minutes
- A dart gun that leaves victims unconscious and foaming from the mouth
- A stun gun
- A syringe full of sedative chemicals that KOs Spider-Man and makes Deadpool woozy for a minute until he heals
- A syringe hidden in a prop torch puts Spider-Man to sleep immediately
- He injects Spider-Man with a poisonous chemical. It brings on extreme nausea and vertigo, then later knocks Spider-Man out for two days straight.
- Snuck into Captain Stacy’s room and administered a few drops of sedatives to Stacy’s decanter. This kept him unconscious all day, allowing the Chameleon to assume his identity and steal priceless pieces of art.
- An aerosol can of sedatives
- One time, he coated his clothing in an odorless sedative chemical. When Spider-Man grabs him by his jacket, the hero falls unconscious in a matter of seconds.
- Gas grenades
- He uses some kind of electric weapon on a shallow body of water, shocking Spider-Man, Husk and Deadpool into unconsciousness
Guns
- Normal guns like rifles, a shotgun and a handgun
- A silenced handgun
- A revolver
- A double-barreled shotgun
- He wields a one-handed launcher that carries a variety of capsules, including cyanide gas canisters and concussive explosives
- An absurdly large, Liefeld-esque gun that blows up a computer station
- A energy-based handgun with explosive firepower, used to blast a large hole through Deadpool’s torso and later turn a concrete wall into rubble
- A poison ring that would’ve injected JJJ with a lethal dose during a handshake
- [KH] Shoots Spider-Man with a poison dart that would’ve killed him in ten minutes if he didn’t take the antidote
- Usually carries a dagger or other kind of blade
- A grenade
- A small, box-shaped time bomb
- He once used a Man-Thing parasite to protect himself from gunfire and form combat applicable branch-like tentacles
Other Equipment
Field Gear- Smoke pellets
- When posing as Spider-Man, he used a web-gun to emulate the hero’s web-shooters, although the webbing wasn’t as strong as Spider-Man’s
- While posing as Spider-Man, the Chameleon utilizes suction cup-covered gloves and a web gun to replicate Spidey’s wall-crawling and web-slinging
- A tracking device
- Nose filters protect him from a cloud of cyanide gas
- A jetpack with enough fuel to fly for nearly a full hour
- Typically restrains victims with rope and gags
- Uses a modified radio to send a message across New York that only Spider-Man could hear
- Uses a machine to swap memories with Captain America
- One lair boasts a chair that can be lowered into a pit of acid, used to destroy bodies
- Rigs his lairs to explode if they’re compromised
- He detonates explosives in one of his hideouts that releases napalm-like flames
- He’s helped to design Life Model Decoys that look exactly like Richard and Mary Parker with the goal of investigating Peter Parker and finding out about Spider-Man’s identity. While the false Mary developed a conscience and defied her programming, the false Richard was outfitted with a combat form.
- He holds a gun to the head of a simulacra of Mary Jane. When Spidey determines it’s a fake instead of his real wife, it poofs into smoke.
- Robots that drive his escape vehicles
Miscellaneous
- After coming across a cave full of assorted scrap mechanics, Chameleon builds a missile from the pieces. He later says he “found” the missile, so who knows. At any rate, the missile is strong enough to KO the Hulk when they collide.
- One time, he inexplicably escaped from Spider-Man’s grasp and disappeared from the room
- He kidnaps Spider-Man and imprisons him in Ravencroft Asylum. He then unmasks the hero, puts a realistic mask and straightjacket on him and attempts to gaslight Peter, through the use of psychoactive drugs and fabricated evidence, into believing he’s another man named Herbert Smith. This ruse does convince Peter for a good while until he later remembers his life with Mary Jane.
- He implies that he might be able to disguise his psyche from the telepathic X-Men member, No-Girl, although the claim is not actually proven
- Off-panel, he killed a man, cut off his face and used it for a temporary mask
Monica Rappaccini: I apologize for the delay in initial payment, but we first had to verify your identity. A.I.M.’s intel had been that the Chameleon was dead- or in an insane asylum.
Chameleon: Yes, well. That would be exactly what I wanted you to think. Faded into the background, imperceptible… that’s where a Chameleon is most comfortable… and where I shall now return.