Call me the Memetranslator, because I speak fluent Meme and can explain every Meme. In reality all of this is nonesense though, so do not take anything here seriously. Als I am not affiliated with anyone, including DFV. You tell me if its correct or not. If DFV sees this and wants me to not post these translations any further, write me a message. If DFV wants me to continue... same.
First Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1789807772542067105
This is a gamer going from his layed back pose to a more concentrated one. It tells us that it is go time now! It has begun!
Second Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790034263603139012
The first Part shows Thanos with the gamestop symbol. It means Gamestop is Thanos and Gamestop did something itself! The second part shows Roaring Kitty as Wolverine awakening. And in case you did not see Keith Gills face superimposed over Wolverine, it is made more clear with the Kitty outline on the Heartratemonitor. So basically this meme tells us, that Gamestop did something, which is why Roaring Kitty/DFV/Keith Gill is back.
What did Roaring Kitty see? Well... just you wait, the memes tell us.
Third Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790041813379850491
We were told it is over. It is not over until we say its over! Roaring Kitty has awakened! Wake up and be ready!
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Fourth Meme:
https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790049362846117942
This is a big one! It shows a gamestop-coded Car driving back into the green. It means the Buyback from gamestop will leed to the green! This continues the meme from the 4th of June 2021: On June 4th of 2021, Roaring Kitty posted this: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1400124740291923968
It shows the first Part of the Scene from Ready Player one, before he drives back to win basically. But it does not show the second Part. Because Gamestop did not buy BACK Shares!
What does it mean? It means Roaring Kitty wanted to see Gamestop do a buyback of shares. That did not happen though. After that moment he slowed down with memeposting and posted memes of frustration, among them a declaration, that he does not love Ryan Cohen. I will show that meme later, its the "love actually" one, because that one came back also! He expected the Buyback to finish the shorts, but Ryan did not do that, so he fell out of love with him and went silent shortly after, as the buyback was crucial to fucking the shorts somehow.
Fifth Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790056912664601031
Get ready to fight, every notch/Options Step brings in more money, because of the Gamma Squeeze! And do not sell all winning options... take as many shares out of the options as possible, to help the Gamma Squeeze. (this is what the Blood on the Blade Part in the beginning is all about) But the opposition is numerous and getting ready to fight. When he moves, everybody needs to move! Coded in Red and Green, so basically he might be telling us to watch out for signals from the memes, as he they will tell us what the stock will do... though I think most people misinterpret the memes anyway and also I am not sure about the signal part. It may just be that we need to find the signals for ourselves. But we definetly need to move!
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sixth Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790064464357724451
He Moves!
Seventh Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790072011810812231
A Reiteration of the "When I say 'run', RUN!"
Eigth Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790079562866360327
Everybody needs to work together, this is the LAST TIME! THIS IS IT! THE TIME IS NOW! And apparently some friends also showed up... some whales, that I do not know maybe.
Ninth Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790087112282239085
Its the Showdown from "the good the bad the ugly", with the musiv from that showdown played from a live Metallica Concert (They play that before they start their music as an intro) So its Showdown-Time! Unfortunatelly I do not know the Symbol that is superimposed over Thor, but it probably identifies some entity that is in this fight.
Tenth Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790094668237259040
A Red coded Meme... could mean stock will go down short term .... maybe reading too much into this though. Also tells us that Hell is coming with this. Omnious!
Eleventh Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790102212619669909
Another Big one. Gamestop pushed the Red Button, that they did not push in 2021. That Button being the Share Buyback? Its Another Continuation from a Meme from June 4th 2021: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1400863669895024643
That same day, right in the meme before that one, he declares he does not love R.C.. This Meme is the explanation why: Gamestop (R.C.) Did NOT Push the Red button back then.
The good news is, now apparently Gamestop did push the red button/do the buyback/maybe something else(Gamestop as a holding company related).
Twelvth Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790109766389477525
"No Fighting" means, do not fight the downtrend. Let the memes guide you! You will need your money in the coming weeks!
Thirteenth Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790170162265460831
Roaring Kitty is in this and has been waiting and planning all this time that the stock was beat down. But every action is followed by a reaction. Could mean that when stock is beaten down, it WILL go up again. And it will be quite a fuckin thing. Another Red Coded Meme though. Come Hang, chill, wait. And in the End it will be green after the red. Maybe. To be honest, all Memes that could mean that we should do a certain action are not all that super clear and I might be misinterpreting them. Which is funny, considering the "Did I make myself clear" in the end..... because to me that part is not clear at all!
Fourteenth Meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790396654971224430
Dont test me! Go back to sleep! Could mean that Roaring Kitty wanted to go back to sleep by media and the shorts. and he is like "dont test me", cause he is a one hit killer. Probably means he could just openly say what he knows and then shorts would be finished. Because coded meme messages WILL be interpreted wrongly.
Fifteenth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790404203715887238
Kitty/DFV feels Bears, Shorts and Media did fuck around with him and now they will find out. Now he is stopping "being the better person" and trying to follow their "rules". What follows is kitty ranting about the neysayers/Shorts, saying bears are fucking idiots basically!
Sixteenth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790411757120561628
Kitty comes to us. He Needs our help and we need to not ask any questions, not now not later. Seventeenth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790419301976903884
mainly green coded Video.
Eighteenth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790426851409817615 Basically because of the SEC(Security), a lot of planning is/was needed for this, as well as maaaaany people. because this is different because it has never been done before. The Goal is JUST UP.
Nineteenth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790434400494116873
This whole thing needed a whole lot of Paperwork and dancing around. Interestingly it mentions "Loophole", which could just mean that a way for the squeeze was found, building upon the eighteenth memes themes. Could also point towards Loopring, who worked together with Gamestop on the NFT-Marketplace. Could be a stretch though.
Twentieth meme: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790441953659687421
There is a signal that was sent, that was also seen by the bad guys. So I assume, whatever signal DFV saw, he is saying the Shorts also saw that signal.... and they are afraid. And a red coded Message: "FEAR IS A TOOL!" So, he might tell us to not fear the red days. Fear is just a tool. Could also mean that Shorts being afraid is good, because that fear is a tool. Cause when the shorts see the signal, some might flip and buy in. Which would good because THATS WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!
Twentyfirst: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790449499506192405
Coded green: A guy in front of a PC stays with a friend. Could mean Kitty is the friend and redditors collectively in front of their PCs stay and dont leave DFV alone! He may again ask us to be with him in this.
Twentysecond: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790457051115847720
Lots to unpack. A Requel means its happening again.... means the squeeze of 2021 is happening again. This is not just a company turnaround, it indeed is A SQUEEZE! And the Movie about that Sneeze fucking sucked basically.
Twentythird: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790464599575167004
Kitty comes for the Bears. He is back. This time, every bear will be a victim!
Twentyfourth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790472153470759217
DFV is supposed to be the Guy with the haircut. Basically he has the Shorts by the balls now. Now that DFV has seen the Buyback by Gamestop, he has his gun on the Short Sellers. Short Sellers are squirming and trying to shake off paperhands with a bit of money, but he is just grinning because of that ridiculous offer. Of course Shorts/Bears call him names and stuff. Then a Call/Margin Call comes in. This Meme will have a follow up meme! The Follow up Meme will be what happens after the Call, which is the Haircut guy shooting the Short guy and it will be posted once some Short-Hedge-Fund or Bank goes down because of this bet.
Another somewhat related meme was posted on June 9th 2021. https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1402641643694477317
That time DFV is the haircut guy and he is flipping the coin, which is GAMESTOP-coded. So he was waiting for a signal from Gamestop to be able to shoot his shot. He himself could NOT do what he was waiting for from GAMESTOP. I guess he was still waiting for the Buyback back then, but it was evident that it wasnt coming (and too late anyway). I bet DFV was pissed that GME did no buyback, but NOW they did, which is why he has posted the current meme.
Twentyfifth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790532552828289526
The Prisoner says "GAMESTOP"! In case its not clear, that means DFV is talking about GME. And he is ALL IN!
Twentysixth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790713748866371690
Gamestop looking Sexy and throwing us kisses! They send us the signal! (the buyback?)
Twentyseventh: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790717515523658119
Gamestop is doing something extraordinary. They do it in the open and we could see it. Maybe something with electricity. But we are not really looking.
And whatever it is, it will BEAT DOWN the Bears.
Could mean that Gamestop is buying back its stock to put it onto a NFT-Stock Market, which is why Gamestop registered as a holding company. But this is just baseless speculation.
Twentyeigth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790721293089964126
Everybody Hold, gamestop is preping something. It means we should hold, because Gamestop is preping something against whoever tried to kill Short and distort Gamestop and did short and distord Blockbuster and others.
Twentyninth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790725065585439065
Gamestops milk was poisened. Means the short and distord left moles in the company that tried to destroy it from within.
Thirty: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790728848226521547
Against all the odds, Kitty or R.C. went into this short and distort sheme, to try to win against short sellers.
Thirtyfirst: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790732615022195139
Kitty does not take the comments of the Media laying down, he fights back. Kitty mentions Wutang. Maybe it has something to do with the rumor that Wutangs one of a kind Album was somehow unter the control of R.C.. Dont know if its a cheecky call back or if this story is actually real.
Thirtysecond: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790736391124774975
Moon Night-Fortnite-Day n night are the Key motifs. So here is the thing with Fortnite: A Fortnight is 2 Weeks. In 2 Weeks, at the beginning of June, the 3 Year LEAPS expire. Moon Night is invulnerable basically.
Now this could hint towards Shorts being invulnarable because of their LEAPS, until those LEAPS expire in 2 Weeks. Then their silly game is over. Thats why everything happening right now is just the OVERTURE (See Second Meme)
Thirtythird: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790740164848861227
Media are disrespecting Kitty and he is fine with it.
Thirtyfourth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790743946764644659
I think he is saying He is a redditor and Redditors are like him. Reddit brought him Gamestop and he brought Gamestop to redditors. Something like that. And the first thing one should do to follow his Thesis is try to "Defend the Bear Case". Trying to defend the other side of a trade will show how fucked the other side actually is. Maybe that is why he and redditors know that Gamestop will explode into the green. Cause the Bear Case.... its not that good.
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Thirty fifth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790747714440892825
DFV is telling us he is not following some get rich quick sheme. He is not a gambler degenerate. He has a plan, he makes the memes, he does not follow them! He knows and people should hear his side. Also its a play on parts of the Next Meme, he is telling us he made the memes.
Thirty sixth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790751492451754012
He is telling us that Ryan Cohen did a lot of the planing and the getting the people together, but people listen to "Avocado-in-my-anus", which is an alternate account of DFV. Is it really though? Well he told us in the last meme, that he is the one that made the memes. And Avocado-in-my-anus made 3 Memes on Cat Day.
Thirty-seventh: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790755264733626879
Again a continuation from the last meme. People saying DFV is running the whole GME Thing... meanwhile what is supposed to be DFV is just drawing dicks/making Memes. He tries to tell us, that it is R.C. doing the whole company stuff and that he has nothing to do with it basically.
Thirtieigth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790759048985612468
A continuation from the last few memes. R.C. vs DFV, who is in charge? They both say they will not. Quill is R.C., Thor is DFV. DFV kind of wants to be in charge, but begrudgingly lets R.C. do his thing. I think this plays on DFVs Anger in 2021, that R.C. did not push the red button/do the buyback back then.
Thirtyninth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790762813868175516
This is basically a repeat and rewind of a Meme posted on June 4th 2021: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1400844797229912065
In 2021, DFV was mad, that R.C. did not push the button/do the buyback and told us clearly that he did not like R.C. anymore with this meme. Now in 2024, he rewinds that meme and tells us, that he thought that at the time in 2021, but that the investment thesis evolved over time and he now sees R.C. as a supermode.
So basically he saw what R.C. was doing in 2024, which he did not in 2021 and he likes R.C. again now. Probably because R.C. pushed the button and also did some plan with loopholes and stuff that DFV may not have thought about.
Number Forty: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790766591526735887 So, R.C. had a plan and 3 years later it comes to fruition. He does mirror some of R.C.s emotes. Also he tells us "People say it cant squeeze again"..... he says it will.
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Fortyone: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790770363627921776 Too many awards on his last post. Maybe too many eyes on him and his plan?
Forty two
https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790774146994966570 DFV transformed fully into his internet persona, because of the last meme.
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Forty three: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790777913245421806 Too much drama around Kitty in 2021. This might be the explanation why he went dark-mode.
forty four: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790781688848450012 People want to know what the fuck Kitty was doing all these 3 years. He tells us he was waiting for this. Because it is part of the Plan. What is this? I think it is GME Buying back stock before the expiration of the LEAPS in the beginning of June. So yea, thats what he saw and why he came back.
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Forty five: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790785463118348420 It does not matter that he, DFV, is back. The whole Squeeze Plan matters. And it is getting executed right now. Why does he say we? Because everyone holding GME is part of it. It think the many DRSed hodlers of GME are indeed part of the plan and necessary!
Forty Six: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790789242513433071 The Goofy "I will do it again" Meme. DFV will do it again.... and by "it" I think he means he will again buy a shit ton of options and stock. And I think he will post it. OR Its the shorts that are doing it again. And its shorting, but I dont know if its referring to back in 2021 and their shorting until now, under the cover of LEAPS or if it is now before June, or whatever. We will see.
Forty Seven: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790793012936851665
He tells the GME investors that say they lost money because of DFV: SHUT UP BITCH! Continued in next meme.
Fortyeight: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790796790360363016
He tells us, that last memes "Shut up, Bitch" was too good of a line to not use and that it was not meant for all redditors, but for one guy that apparently was crying about losing money because of DFV. Dont know who, I am not into reddit drama. Basically DFV just liked the line as a meme, because its funny. And he will continue to post coded memes, even if people dont understand them.
Forty-nine: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790800562654691686 DFV thinks everybody thinks he is crazy with his memes and Media slandered him.
Fifty: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790804340673789978 Continues the last meme and that people think he is a freak with his memes. But he tells us the memes bring out the people that are like him... freaks. He is talking to us oldscool redditors and webpeople that the mediapeople cant seem to get their head wrapped around. If you ever rolled your eyes at the media misusing uncomplicated memes.... yea, he is talking about you. You come to twitter to hear his trumpet/Memes!
Fifty one: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790808112741630320
DFV is the Redhanded-guy and that bears can do nothing against him. It is red-coded. But definetly Bears can do nothing against DFV and he is keeping them up. Which I think is definetly true.
Fifty two: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790812277530034448 Jim Cramer asked for this meme and DFV made it in a few minutes, just to fuck with him. Though it does show Kitty behind a chair, coded in Computershare colors and with a teddy, which is the name of R.C. Company of Kids Books. And Kitty behind the whole thing, hiding. Jo, does Teddy play into all of this??? If so this meme is one hundred layers deep. Personally I think Teddy might be important to do some stuff that Gamestop itself can not do, like for example "buy Calls on GME", but this meme is mainly there to fuck with Jim Cramer.
Fifty Three: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790815662203617755 The stock goes down, just to fuck with us.... UNTIL!!!!!!! Well, what happens after "until" will probably follow in a later meme, when shorts lose control of their button. Probably in the beginning of June, or when R.C. announces the buyback and a higher than expected number of shares locked down. No more Mr. Nice Guy for the shorts then. so keep your eyes out. Oh, and the stock will stop going down then.
Fifty four: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790819440617033914 Shorts try to crucify Kitty and Gamestop.... it speaks about the stock going down as a tool from the shorts to make us afraid. And we only ask: Is that the best you can do?
Fifty Five: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790823211745063394 Shorts taunt us, beat us down and try to make us doubt..... but the soundtrack :-D Basically this is a game for us and we will whop their asses, no matter what shorts do.... like the beatdown on the stock right now.
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Fifty six: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790826988019528035
Now, this is interesting: Shorts made this whole thing happen. They sold before they bought. They dropped it. So it WILL go back up. It... WILL.... GO....... UP!!!!!! You feel it yet?
Fifty Seven: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790830761542664192
Continuation: Do you have a girlfriend that tells you to sell and stop listening to the mad people on Reddit? Do you have people around you, telling you the squeeze-narrative is bullshit? Trust your instinct. This continues the last meme, while you can not see the stock going up right now, it was dropped. So it will go back up. Thats the law of nature, even if it was perverted.... or turned around.
Fifty Eigth: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790834536403574936
A Person is fleeing with a hidden GME Share in his pocket. It means we were running and holding GME for a long time and are tired, but we STAND UP, with GME IN OUR HANDS! I am not really "tired", but thats what the meme says.
Fifty Nine: https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790894938277695671
In this meme, DFV explains to us, how he found Gamestop. Due Diligence, time, pressure and making memes, basically. In 2021 they tried to lock away DFV, but all the departments of the state found no wrongdoing... just his reddit posts, tweets and live streams.
It only takes pressure and time and DFV studied meticulously. Now I did not know every mentioned meme, so he may not have posted them. He may have posted them though and it might lead to another account of him. I doubt it would be more fruitful in information than his twitter account. After all, thats where the freaks at! And one last thing. He laments that apparently noone looked at his streams...I guess thats where all the information was after all. I think it shows content from his Gamestop-Explanation video, but I am unsure, because it is quarter before 4 AM and I am tired and I will go to bed after posting this.
Thanks for reading. Everything is made up of course, I have no idea what DFV is thinking, but it seems clear, that when you look at the whole situation, as we all did, we would come to the same conclusion, as we all did. Shorts did not close and GME seems to be a good investment. Also, look closer!.... thats the main theme. And stop doubting yourself.... yea, thats pretty much it.
So TLDR: The first days of June is where some of the magic will happen in the LEAPS. Meanwhile, R.C. has a plan with Gamestop and the buyback plays a role in it. And that plan does enable the ability for a killshot against the shorts. And it will explode in the green like never before. Also: Learn Memeish
To DFV: Write me what you think about it, if you want.

In astrology, Saturn often gets a bad rap, seen as the harbinger of challenges and limitations. However, this reputation overlooks Saturn's vital role as the great teacher of the zodiac, a planet that fosters discipline, responsibility, and long-term growth. Understanding Saturn's influence in relocated charts and astrocartography can be a powerful tool for personal development.
Relocated Chart and Saturn’s Influence
When you relocate, your chart shifts, bringing different facets of your life into focus. Saturn in your relocated chart can offer valuable insights into areas where you might face challenges, but also where you can build resilience and achieve long-term success. For instance:

• Saturn in the 2nd House: Highlights the need for disciplined financial planning.
• Saturn in the 3rd House: Encourages structured communication and serious learning.
• Saturn in the 7th House: Suggests a focus on forming enduring and responsible relationships.

Astrocartography and Saturn Lines
Astrocartography, which maps planetary lines across the globe based on your birth chart, allows you to explore how different locations might impact your life. Saturn lines, in particular, can be profoundly transformative:
Saturn IC Line – Emotional Foundations (4th House Themes):

• Living under a Saturn IC line can solidify your sense of home and emotional security. It's about taking responsibility for family matters and building a stable home life.

Saturn Ascendant Line – Personal Identity (1st House Themes):

• Along this line, Saturn can shape your personal identity and body with discipline, making it an excellent place for self-improvement and developing maturity.

Saturn Descendant Line – Partnerships (7th House Themes):

• This line can bring stability and seriousness to your personal and business relationships, emphasizing the need for mutual respect and long-term commitment.

Saturn MC Line – Career Growth (10th House Themes):

• A Saturn MC line can enhance your professional life, offering opportunities for career advancement through hard work and perseverance.

Saturn’s Misunderstood Role
Contrary to popular belief, Saturn is not a "bad" planet. Its energies are about maturation and wisdom. Saturn’s influence, though often demanding, teaches patience, responsibility, and the value of hard work. The challenges it brings are not punishments but opportunities for growth.
In both relocated charts and astrocartography, Saturn's influence can guide you towards significant personal development. It's about embracing the discipline and lessons Saturn offers, turning challenges into stepping stones for success. Understanding and working with Saturn, rather than fearing it, can open doors to lasting achievement and fulfillment.
So, if you're considering a move or simply exploring your astrological potential, give Saturn its due respect. It might just be the key to unlocking your most structured, disciplined, and successful self.

Me (29F) and my fiance just moved in to a new apartment. Lots of space for the price, best we've seen on the market in the Massachusetts MetroWest area. There are 4 units - one is another couple (chill), the other is the landlord's son (semi-chill), and the fourth is the landlord's mentally ill sister, and her 20-something son who has autism.
The landlord kind of "warned" me about his sister, and that her living there wasn't supposed to be a permanent situation. I believe he also briefly mentioned her son who has autism. Cool, whatever. Really not worried at all about this bit. Week one, I meet the sister in the parking lot. She starts the conversation with "Did you meet my son? ***** (landlord's name) probably called him a big autistic giant." Okay.
I come to realize she spends most of her day out in her car in the back of our small parking lot, where she chain smokes with a curtain down over her passenger window so she is out of sight from the apartment. Some nights she is out there until 2 AM. During the walks to and from her car, she is always talking to herself semi-belligerently. I think I have heard her mutter "Oh great, there he is..." when I'm outside smoking weed on my porch.
Then, the sounds started. The walls are super thin, and her son's loud rants/monologues/nervous breakdowns can be heard throughout the whole house. I work from home most of the time as a freelancer, and I'm just waiting until this happens during a client call. There are moments when I truly empathize for the guy. He vents about the frustrations of life, his emotional struggle, his disability. Most of the time, it's fucking disturbing and even scary. The first time I heard it, I thought it was a domestic abuse situation and he was being violent with a partner. Turns out he was just throwing shit and screaming death threats at his iPad until it turned on.
Sometimes he makes up long fucked up stories - some recent themes include a grandmother being repeatedly SA'd, and him telling an imaginary friend that they're going to "absolutely love having sex and cumming all over themself, it's way better than being SA'd". He will sexually shout "oh yeah" repeatedly, and we can hear the slapping of something - sex doll? His own ass? He also mentions committing suicide frequently, usually when a belonging is misplaced or broken.
Twice now I have lost my cool and screamed through the wall at him. "Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to work", or "Stop being so fucking loud". I was so heated after 30 minutes of hearing him go on and on about disturbing shit while I'm trying to work. He stops for a few minutes then gets right back on his bullshit.
I have texted the landlord about this, and noted details about the death threats and suicide comments. He said he is sorry about that, and that they have been working on getting him into a place where he can live with peers - I assume they have been trying this for a while. He asked for specifics on the threats, and if they are about real people.
It's been a few weeks, the chaos has been daily, I'm losing patience fast. What do I do? Keep putting the pressure on landlord? Do I break lease even though the actual place is a great value? Do I try to talk to the crazy mom, who's clearly just avoiding the situation altogether out in her car? My therapist fiance who works with a similar population suggested calling a wellness check when he is making suicidal or homicidal threats, and that a visit from a police officer could be a necessary wake up call. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think I should do.
tl;dr - Adult male neighbor with autism is always yelling disturbing shit through thin walls, his mentally ill mom stays in her car, her brother is the landlord, I'm descending into madness as a WFH freelancer.

As the title says, I am an idiot, and I should not have put off transitioning and living as myself for as long as I did.
To say I'm a late bloomer is a bit of an understatement. I realized I was trans when I was 28, despite things along the way hinting at it from early childhood. And I started down the road towards discovering this part of me. Started taking hormones, buying clothes, and changed over some of my online accounts around 2000. Then a few things happened. In 2002, I became a single parent. I had a bad experience where some people I confided at work who I thought I could trust turned my life into a private joke in the gossip mill behind my back. I found out when my boss at the time (an old Christian woman) pulled me into her office to "have a talk" that I wasn't ready mentally or emotionally to have at that time. And I wasn't aware as much about my rights back then as I do now, so it was very scary when she said she was putting a note into my permanent file. And, I was renting a house from my mom and dad. While I believe my mom would have been cool about it, I know I can't say the same for my dad.
Because of the situation, I ended up stopping and compartmentalizing things. I was doing DIY HRT, using the gels instead of the patches (because I wasn't happy with them and they itched) or pills (There's history of strokes with my maternal grandfather and his brothers). But out of fears of accidentally dosing my daughter and the added cost of childcare, I stopped HRT completely. For a while I was still dressing up and going out once every week or two, but stopped that the same time my daughter started preschool and her old babysitter was no longer available. (Babysitter was going through things in her life and moved across town when her own kids. So, it wasn't anything to do with this.)
At the same time, work was hell and I had long commutes to and from the office, even without having to drop off and pick up my daughter from school. And then there's the added daily parental stuff once I got us home. Because of her school, my bad experience with work (that persisted for YEARS after that event), and fears of what would happen to both her and me should one of the staff and/or parents get wind of "there's a man in drag on campus", my female self got stuffed into the back of the closet. Enrolling my daughter in soccer and volunteering to coach and ref for the organization did not help. And then there was the fear of what my dad would do should he find out. When it was just myself, it wasn't that bad, but it's harder to move and look for a new place when you have a child to consider. And, No, I did not hide this from my daughter. She knew from a very early age that sometimes Daddy was also Mommy.
Now it's 24 years later. This month marks the third year I officially became an empty nester as my daughter moved across town to attend college. I don't know what it is. Maybe something she said to me in front of her boyfriend. Maybe it was her confession that she used me and my life as to refute something said in a sociology class she was taking. (I really wish she would have asked me, but oh well.) Maybe it's just something else I am not aware of. But I dragged the boxes of myself out of the closet and unpacked them. Last couple of months saw me clear out all the old clothes I either don't fit in now (I'm a size 16/18???Uhg!) or never fit back then and donated them to Goodwill. I've started going out and doing most of my daily stuff not only dressed female, but with jewelry and makeup. I have meds ordered. And I'm made changes to most of my online profiles I don't need a legal identity for. The cleaning went well beyond the wardrobe into other areas that aren't gender related. (Dishes don't sit in the sink for as long as they used to.) Toes have been painted. I've stopped biting my nails and are trying to grow them out so I can get a manicure. And while I still feel some anxiousness, I'm generally happier.
The moment that relates to this title happened earlier today. Looking at my nails, I realized it's been over a month and a half, maybe two, since I've last bitten, ripped, or clipped my nails well into their beds. This might sound small and insignificant, but I turn 52 this weekend, and for most of my life, I've struggled with nail biting. If a nail rubs a finger wrong, or I find something "off" running my thumb across them, it was almost automatic before I noticed. It was almost an instinctual reflex. And I have tried at times. At most I would go about two months while constantly fighting the urge. Because of how things were in the 2000's and other situations in my life, I couldn't go the nail polish route, and emery boards didn't help. But now the impulse itself seems to be gone. Sure, I might chew on the nail a little, but not to bite or rip the nail. And I know correlation does not imply causation, but I can't help think it's part of it.
Sure, there's still stuff left to do. I still haven't had "the talk" with work, but it's not an issue as I work from home and we rarely have in office meetings anymore. (You can thank working in a healthcare environment and COVID for that.) Talked with my brother, and we both agreed that at this point, having "the talk" with my dad would not help anything. (It's complicated. But he also doesn't have much time left.) But looking back, I shouldn't have stopped things and waited so long. I could have kept up with HRT. I should have found out what my rights were back then instead of living in fear at work. It wasn't a big deal for my daughter at the time and I could have been freer and more open in the privacy of my own home. It might have even helped me with the stresses of working in the department I was in. And by the time my daughter was high school aged, the world changed enough that I could have been open doing the parental stuff. (Her school was very pro LGBTQ+ and my daughter was even part of a support club for a while.)
So, long story short, the title tells it like it is. I am an idiot for waiting so long. Please use me as an example of how NOT to transition. Hugs for everyone.

Lesson 9: Strength's Inner Power and The Strength Card
Our journey through the Tarot continues with The Strength card, symbolizing inner power, courage, and the ability to tame one's instincts. Let's explore themes of resilience, compassion, and the strength found within vulnerability.
Discussion Questions: 1. How do you currently navigate challenges with inner strength and resilience? 2. Reflect on a situation where compassion and understanding led to a positive outcome. How did you demonstrate inner strength? 3. In what areas of your life do you feel the need for increased emotional strength?
Guided Meditation: Visualize yourself encountering a powerful yet gentle lion, representing your inner strength. Feel the connection and compassion between you and the lion. Explore the emotions and sensations associated with this imagery.
Exercise 9: Pull The Strength card and reflect on situations requiring inner strength. Identify areas where compassion can play a role. Create a plan to cultivate emotional resilience, journaling about your experiences along the way.

Welcome to Poetry Corner

Welcome to May!
We have entered the May flowers portion of spring. There certainly is a lot of pollen, but also a lot of rain where I am—Maryland is bouncing between hot and frigid, and I would say it needs to make up its mind, but…. We all know it won't.
However, I have made up my mind about this month's theme! And Im excited to get to it.
I had a suggestion a few weeks ago to include some sources for crit – I don’t have them ready now, but I will get some stuff together for you guys soon, I swear. I am always open to suggestions <3
Let’s face it: poetry is a strange land for many of us. What makes a poem? Does it have to rhyme? Follow a structure and meter? Does it have to be based in emotion? All these are great questions. Poetry comes in all forms and styles, rhyming and non-rhyming, metered and freeform. Some poems even tell a fictional story, like prose does! Some poems don't use any line breaks at all, and Prose-Poems can be tricky yet effective. I'll give you a nudge here to look into them and maybe try them out. Who knows, maybe a constraint is coming our way.
Each month, I provide you with a simple theme and an additional constraint to inspire you. You have 60 - 350 words to write a poem based on that theme. Poetry is often shorter than prose, so word choice is important. Less words mean each word does more. Be sure to read the entire post before submitting!  

This Month’s Challenge

Theme: Gravity IP MP Bonus Constraints:

• Lean into horror, either thematically or narratively.

Gravity, honestly, should be easy. The hardest part might be picking one direction over another.
The gravity of the earth? The gravity of your emotions? The pull of the deep ocean or the urge to explore the stars?
Its really up to you!
Need some help with some horror-themed poems? I got you! An elegy is a poem of serious reflection, and in English literature usually a lament for the dead.
I am encouraging the poets this week to stretch that definition of dead as well, especially since we did just do death last month! Examples:
Déjà Rêvé. BY Avra Margariti
Because I could not stop for Death by Emily Dickinson
These are just a few ideas to get you started. Remember, you can interpret the theme any way you like as long as the connection is clear and you follow all sub and post rules. Don’t forget to leave feedback on at least one other poem by the deadline (it is a requirement)!

Schedule

• Submission deadline: Wednesday, May 1st, at 11:59pm EST
• Feedback & Nomination deadline: Tuesday, May 21st at 11:59pm EST
• Campfire: None scheduled for May. Please leave comments on the post. Check out previous Poetry Corners here!
  

  How To Participate

• Submit a 60 - 350 word poem inspired by the theme as a top-level comment below. You have until next Wednesday at 11:59 p.m. EST. Please note that for this particular feature, poems must be at least 60 words. Low-effort poems will be removed. No pre-written content.
  
• Use wordcounter.net to check your word count. The title is not counted in your final word count. Poems under 60 words or over 350 will be disqualified.
  
• Leave actionable feedback on at least one other poem Each critique is worth up to 10 points, up to 50 points. I really encourage trying, even if you are new to poetry!
  
• Nominate your favorite poems from the thread using this form (it will open after the submission deadline). You get points just for voting!
  
• Please be respectful and civil in all feedback and discussion. We welcome writers of all skill levels and experience here, as we’re all here to improve and sharpen our skills. Uncivil or discouraging comments will not be tolerated and may result in further mod actions.
  
• Be creative and have fun! If you have any questions, feel free to ask them on the stickied comment on this thread or via modmail. Top-level comments are reserved for poem submissions.
  

Point Breakdown

TASK	POINTS	ADDITIONAL NOTES
Use of the Weekly Theme	up to 50 pts	Theme should be present, but the interpretation is up to you!
Use of Bonus Constraint	10 pts	(unless otherwise noted)
Actionable Feedback	up to 10 pts each	1 crit required; you’re welcome to provide more crit, but pts are capped at 50
Nominations your poem receives	20 pts each	No cap
Mod Choice	20 - 50 pts	First- 50 pts, Second- 40 pts, Third- 30 pts, plus regular noms
Voting for others	10 pts	Don’t forget to vote by the deadline!

 
Note: *Actionable feedback should be constructive, something that the author can use to improve. Feedback can also be positive, like what you enjoyed, how it made you feel, parts that flowed particularly well, images that stood out, etc.

Rankings for Echoes

Winners:

• First place by u/Lothli
• Second place by u/SaltedCaramelJedi
• Honorable Mention: by u/Tomorrow_Is_Today1

Subreddit News

• Join our Discord to chat with other authors and prompters! We hold several weekly Campfires, monthly World-Building interviews, and several other fun events!
• We are currently looking for moderators! Apply to be a moderator at any time.
• Nominate your favorite WP authors for Spotlight and Hall of Fame!
• Experiment with fun tropes and genres on the new Fun Trope Friday!
• Serialize your story with Serial Sunday or test your micro-fic skills with Micro Monday on ShortStories! ***

We are a two-person team from Northern Europe (Germany and Denmark) looking for an artist to partner with us! We want to release a visual novel soon (more than 70% completed with a playable demo, see link) and create a JRPG sequel (passion project with 5 years worth of love going into the project) set in the same world after that. The world we are working on is set in a dystopian Solarpunk future. The visual novel is a coming-of-age drama full of interesting choices, while the JRPG is a humorous dramedy, offering a balanced blend of thought-provoking themes and laughter.
Play the demo for our VN here ( to play it, use Password 1234 since it’s an alpha version and therefore delisted right now): https://gurusam.itch.io/rottenroots

1. The VN project offers:

Rottenroots is a coming-of-age visual novel where every decision you make has an impact. A teen must try to get love and life under one hat in a mysterious sci-fi world where a wrong move could be your last. Will you help him make the right choices?
Features include
-6+ endings with very different outcomes
-Packed full of decisions that make a difference
-Around 20.000 words long and can be finished in 1,5-2 hours (in the final version)
-A mysterious sci-fi world to get lost in
-Three-dimensional characters full of flaws, dreams, and desires
-Forbidden love, extraordinary adventures, the whirlwind of teenage emotions... and night swimming?
-Join a game that will be released soon and a dedicated team!
- Needs: 11 Backgrounds, 7 characters (3 with additional outfits and 5 expressions each), and UI.

2. The JRPG project offers:

-A sequel to the VN, set 20 years later.
-A balanced blend of comedy and mature drama, bringing depth to characters and narrative.
-Innovative dialog fighting system based on psychological research.
-Meaningful choices lead to distinct endings, empowering players' agency.
-The fresh world is set with Solarpunk aesthetics and a colorful ocean to explore.
-Educational aspect, shedding light on the horrors of WW2 and the dangers of fascist movements.
-A detailed and long GDD full of visual explanations.
Needs: Character designs, enemy designs, tile sets, facial expressions, and more are needed
We are seeking a (pixel) artist to join us two! The revenue generated from the game's launch will be shared equally (we are considering releasing the VN for free in a basic version). We work with the GameMaker, but you don't have to know that engine. Our (pixel) artists will have ample creative freedom within the project, enabling them to infuse their artistic vision. Let's create great game visuals that will get the players' attention! We would also consider other art styles if they fit the world.
We are a dedicated team that has already put in a lot of work. We have social media profiles for these projects ready to go with hunderts of followers, just waiting for more concrete content. We also have a structured approach to project management with a detailed Notion board that lists and categorizes every aspect of these games. We would love to work with someone reliable who is 18 or over and ideally has a portfolio.
So please give us a swing, and let's build a game we'll all be proud of!

I had a very tough time this Mother’s Day. The last time I saw her was in 2017. The evening we arrived at my parents' townhouse to escape an impending category 5 hurricane, the atmosphere quickly became tense. After a long and exhausting flight, my family, including my two little boys, ages three and five, was hungry and weary. Knowing a pizza place was nearby, I asked my mother if she could order a pizza for us and I’d gladly pay for it. She flatly refused and abruptly ended the call. Shortly after, my father intervened, calling back to take our order, subtly smoothing over the abrupt refusal.
The next morning, the situation escalated further. A few hours after my father had prepared (and cleaned up) breakfast while I was in the shower, my mother returned from an appointment and immediately accused me of using her kitchen and food (in particular, her bacon) without permission. Despite my attempts to clarify that it was my father who had cooked and that I didn’t even have any of the food, she became disproportionately enraged. Her eyes, a telltale sign I had come to recognize, darkened—her pupils dilating as if shifting into a state of wrath. She turned into what could only be described as an enraged toddler, her anger seemingly triggered by anything and everything related to me.
This pattern of volatility is a recurring theme in my interactions with my mother, whose behaviors align with borderline personality disorder. Just one week into our stay, unable to cope with her emotional turmoil, my parents kicked us out—effectively leaving me, my husband, and our young children homeless amidst the chaos of the hurricane. We were lovingly received by my husband’s parents, as we were unable to return home for 3 months due to the storms.
A similar incident occurred at my law school graduation. My mother almost ruined the day over a misplaced pair of sunglasses. She started fuming and I could tell that she was about to blow. I then remembered she had left them on the table at the restaurant and I saw them and put them in my purse while speaking with my uncle, who had come into town for the graduation. Sensing the potential fallout of having her sunglasses in my purse, I quietly handed them to a friend from college, asking him to pretend he had found them. This simple act of diversion was necessary to prevent the inevitable accusations and outbursts that would have followed had I approached her directly. Thankfully, my friend’s intervention was met with gratitude, and she behaved like any normal, appreciative person would. It was a small victory, but a necessary deception to maintain peace during what should have been a celebration.
Another poignant memory dates back to my childhood, during a late-night study session for a spelling test. Overwhelmed by her relentless demands to keep reviewing the words, I exclaimed, "I hate you." Her reaction was swift and physical. She leapt across the table, knocked me down, and followed up with intimidation and physical aggression in my room. Her subsequent behavior—seeking comfort from my father (sitting on his lap with her arms around his neck as she cried into his chest) as if she were the aggrieved party—was confusing and isolating for me as a child. I was not comforted or consoled.
Given the severe emotional toll these interactions have taken, and the clear pattern that my presence triggers her, I have chosen to remain no contact with both her and my father for several years. This decision, though difficult, has been necessary for my emotional and mental health.
Sharing these experiences is about more than recounting painful memories; it's about illuminating the complex dynamics of living with someone with borderline personality disorder. It’s my hope that this insight can help others understand the profound impact such relationships can have on family members, especially children.

I wasn't planning on watching Thrice Upon A Time. I had not liked the previous films and they seemed like a very inferior product compared to the original anime. However, the good reviews and opinions I saw about it encouraged me to do so. I did it with as open and tolerant a mind as possible, knowing that there was a good chance I wouldn't like the film. "What's the worst that could happen? That I don't like it and continue to prefer the original series? At least I'll be entertained for two and a half hours," I thought. What I did not expect at all is the deep feeling of disgust and repulsion that this film provoked in me, in a way that no other film has provoked in years.
I hated the movie from start to finish. I could spend hours talking about the boring action sequences, about its ugly, excessive CGI that ruins the already ugly mecha, about its disgusting hypersexualization of fucking 14-year-old girls, about how Misato's plans don't make sense, about how Last Kiss almost made me tear my ears off, or its plot full of Deus Ex Machinas with concepts conveniently taken by Hideaki Anno from the place that his last name suggests; but the real reason I'm writing this is because I feel like these movies spit on everything the excellent original work represents.
Not only because as adaptations they fail miserably, but also because they retroactively damage the original work (we'll talk about that later).
Before I begin to explain why the rebuilds are bad adaptations, I want to warn that I am going to do a relatively exhaustive review of the 4 films, so this rant is going to be very long, like staying up late on a winter night with chronic insomnia. That said, let's start to see the reasons:
WHAT IS NEON GENESIS EVANGELION?:
To understand why rebuilds fail as remakes, I must first ask you, dear reader: What does Neon Genesis Evangelion mean to you? (it should at least be familiar to you, unless you've spent your life under a bridge) What do you think about when you read that title, apart from Shinji fucking in front of a comatose Asuka? What comes to mind when you hear the most famous opening in anime history, apart from Shinji strangling the otter against Happy Thursday's throat? (in more ways than one). If your answer is: "It's a mecha anime for emos with a coomer protagonist", that's fine, I respect that; but please press the red "X" in the top right corner of your screen, you can now leave.
Now, I'm going to get serious and explain my definition: Evangelion is a work about the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties of forming emotional bonds that human beings have, as well as the consequences of trying to separate from them for fear of rejection. It is not a story about heroes. It's not a story about saving the world. In Evangelion there are neither heroes nor villains, but rather a group of emotionally broken characters trying to be happy in a world just as broken as them. The real enemy of Evangelion is not the angels. It is the lack of communication and empathy.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilema_del_erizo
It is that same lack of communication and empathy that progressively causes everything to go to hell to conclude with a cathartic and bleak ending, but consistent with the themes of the work. It is therefore an existentialist work about human relationships disguised as a mecha anime. This, added to a unique visual style, daring direction, and mechas like never before seen on television, made Evangelion one of the most influential anime in all of history, as well as a true commercial success for Gainax Studio. Success that encouraged other studios to carry out projects such as Cowboy Bebop or Serial Experiment Lain, taking anime towards a new golden age.
Even today you can hear the echoes of that Third Impact of End of Evangelion in 1997. The list of works influenced by Evangelion both inside and outside of Japan is endless. Of course, it is not a perfect work, nor extensive in errors: its target audience is ambiguous, many of the biblical references are more for decoration than anything else, and several aspects of the ending(s) could have been explained better. However, many of these errors can be attributed to a lack of time and budget during the production of the original anime (which was quite chaotic and improvised); therefore, they are understandable and forgivable.
In summary, we can conclude that Evangelion is a dark, introspective, provocative and unique work (at least at its time). This is also combined with a unique visual identity and complex characters whose relationships intertwine and interconnect throughout the work. The sum of all these factors is what led Evangelion to be such a critically acclaimed work that it transcended its own genre and became an icon of popular culture. And this in turn constitutes the biggest mistake of rebuilds; because they commit the biggest sin that an adaptation can commit: denying everything that made the original work great.
ADAPTING WITHOUT A CLEAR PURPOSE:
One of the biggest problems with these remakes (as well as a clear example of what I'm saying) is their total narrative inconsistency. Let me explain: the first rebuilds movie (1.11) is a literal copy-paste of the first 6 chapters of the original anime, with practically the same scenes, dialogues and even music. This makes the film completely redundant and unnecessary (and makes one wonder why it exists); But in any case, the message is being conveyed that the purpose of these remakes is to adapt the original series as faithfully as possible to the cinema with a current animation style.
However, the second movie (2.22) is a... something. A pastiche of new and old things where the plot broadly follows that of the original anime, but with many things changed (of course, for the worse) and a different ending. All this compressing no less than 14 chapters of the original anime into two and a half hours. Here the message that one can infer is that it seeks to adapt the original story (very briefly) by changing and rearranging certain elements, now more in line with what an adaptation is.
However, then we get to 3.33 and... well, after a 14-year because reasons timeskip, we're now in a post-post-apocalyptic world (repetition intended) where ex-Nerv members fight against Nerv itself. Nerv in giant spaceships, there are mechas everywhere, Misato is a sociopath, and Shinji and Asuka still look exactly the same because "DAMN JEBA." Here we can infer that what is sought is to create a totally new story and take it in different directions than the original. The following movie (3.0+1.01) is the only one that is consistent with this purpose.
Whether all these narrative pirouettes were planned in advance or not (clearly not), we can see that there is a clear incongruity between what is intended to be done and what is finally done. All of this generates a strong narrative chaos where the elements and themes of the original anime are mixed with the new ones, creating a total inconsistency. Since also in 3.0+1.01 it is revealed (unfortunately to me) that everything is part of the same universe and this is not really a remake, the excuse of "they are different universes, they don't have to be the same" doesn't work either.
In fact, one thing that you will see me comment a lot throughout this article is the lack of narrative consistency of these remakes, especially in comparison to the original work.
A HEDGEHOG WITHOUT TICKS:
No character in Evangelion better embodies the central theme of the work than Shinji Ikari, its own protagonist. Shinji is not a hero: he is not brave. He is not a genius. He is not charismatic. He is not selfless. He doesn't want to save the world. His reason for piloting the Eva is to gain recognition and appreciation from others; especially from his father, whom he hates, but at the same time admires; He feels that she despises him, but he also wants (and needs) that she loves him. Shinji spends the entire series in the dilemma between escaping from what hurts him (classic avoidance behavior) or accepting it and moving on, even at the risk of being hurt again.
This theme is rock solid throughout the entire original series: from the first to the last chapter of the anime, and from minute one to the very end of End of Evangelion. Even the opening itself makes several visual references to Shinji's hedgehog dilemma. This can make Shinji an infuriating character for audiences accustomed to typical anime protagonists; but it's those same things that make Shinji such a unique and special character. He deconstructs and subverts the hero's journey. And it's not as if this hinders the plot: Shinji is not proactive, but he also does not spend the series crying, as many often claim.
https://files.catbox.moe/eolho0.mp4
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monomito
And as you may already be imagining, the Shinji of the rebuilds does not have a hedgehog's dilemma. Or rather, he has it, but only during the first movie (copy-paste of the original anime) and part of the second. This is a problem, because it creates a strong narrative inconsistency (again) where it seems that two Shinjis exist at the same time or that this one is bipolar. As of 3.33, Shinji's entire character arc is based on trying to redeem himself for his past mistakes first by unleashing "Almost Third Impact" (what a stupid name) and subsequently preventing Kaworu's death while trying to right said mistake.
Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. The problem is that I have already seen the arc of the hero who fails to eventually rise up and succeed in 100 trillion works, while the hedgehog's dilemma in none more than in Evangelion (at least in my case). Which makes Shinji a much less interesting character. Some might argue that in 3.0 + 1.01 Shinji does have such a dilemma because he spends half the movie crawling on the ground; but there is not a hedgehog's dilemma, but rather depression for having seen Kaworu's head go KAWOOM (I know, the joke was very bad, but if he didn't do it, I would explode too).
End of Evangelion's Shinji did have such a dilemma because the reason for his depression was having been manipulated and used by someone he had previously opened up to and then forced to kill him, not for failing in his mission (in fact, he was very efficient in her mission to separate Kaworu's head from her body), which in turn brings sexual (and later, deadly) results for Asuka. I insist: narrative consistency. But this is not the worst: the worst thing is that at certain moments in these films, Shinji becomes the typical shonen savior hero, betraying the central point of his character in the original series.
https://youtu.be/E-x-f2OrWeA
A perfect example of this is the ending of 2.22, where the fight in chapter 19 (COINCENTLY from where the original anime starts to get more introspective) is transformed into a ridiculous shipping attempt, with Rei turned into a damsel in distress and Shinji into a savior hero while spouting all the typical cliché lines, topped off with a disgustingly cheesy ending. But of course, how could it end otherwise? With Shinji's Eva practicing cannibalism on Zeruel's corpse (the original scene)? Too disturbing for current times. Shinji and Rei fighting as a team to defeat him? Yes of course. Rei has enough not being in the kitchen. Besides, Asuka already takes care of that, hoping to receive her alpha male's cock as a reward.
https://youtu.be/TPS0Uk0TkP0
Because, like any good modern anime protagonist, Shinji now has a harem.
FETISHING WITHOUT CONTROL:
Of all the characters who are now part of Shinji's harem, the one who is most harmed by this is Rei (Asuka's case is different, and the other character is an infernal creation from Anno's sick mind). Not only because acting like a bitch in heat goes totally against her personality and because of the murky situation, considering that she is a clone of Shinji's mother, but also because her character is reduced to a mere fetish object that does things cute to produce tenderness in the viewer and make coomers buy their figurines.
Rei is an interesting character because he raises numerous existential questions based on the ship of Theseus paradox: the concept of identity, to what extent we can consider ourselves still ourselves, the construction and definition of a "self", etc. But here, her screen time piloting her Unit 00 is minimal (COINCENTLY most of it in 1.11) and her exploits are practically irrelevant or non-existent, also being reduced to a mere damsel in distress at the end of 2.22, as I said before.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradoja_de_Teseo
In 3.0+1.01 he doesn't even get to pilot an Eva. Her role in the film is to cause pity and produce tenderness with her total ignorance (I see that the idiot Anno forgot that all the Reis are born with basic knowledge) while she is seen with different hairstyles, different outfits, working as a farmer, taking care of a baby, etc. In short, a fetish object where she wants the public to value her for how "moe" she is instead of for her abilities or as a character. In Anno's mind, feminism advances in reverse. Ironic, considering that it was precisely Rei who unintentionally started the moe culture.
Of course, it goes without saying that Rei is not the only one who suffers from this extreme fetishization of her character in these films. Under the excuse of paying homage to End of Evangelion, Asuka now always wears an eye patch (needless to say it has nothing to do with having been injured there), a cap with cat ears, in addition to having a very convenient trend for the coomer public of walking naked and semi-naked through other people's houses. She sometimes puts on the plugsuit, but near the end of the movie, it is conveniently torn off, lest we forget that this is made by the Japanese.
One of the best examples of how this hareminication has destroyed the main female characters is in the elevator scene. In the original anime, Rei tries to advise Asuka in a time of particular vulnerability and depression. Rei's limited social skills, coupled with Asuka being Asuka, cause her to misinterpret the attempt to help as mockery and an act of condescension, triggering a slap from her towards Rei and a worsening of her already strained relationship and Asuka's mental state. Rei doesn't fight back because she knows that doing so would only make things even worse.
It is an excellent dramatic scene because it once again brings to the foreground the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties between human relationships, very much in line with what Evangelion is. In 2.22, this scene is gratuitously introduced and turned into two horny bitches fighting over which of the two will let their alpha male penetrate first, with a highly OC Rei stopping the assault attempt in a 100% gangsta way to make her see more "cool." The scene doesn't even make plot sense, because Asuka at that moment is not even depressed, and in the original anime this occurs at a much later time under a very different context.
and speaking of asuka...
SOMEONE CALLED ASUKA:
When I started watching these movies, I was afraid that Asuka's character had undergone modifications to make her more "palatable" to new audiences. What took me completely by surprise was how radically different this Asuka is from the original. So different that they can't even be considered the same character. To show it very clearly, we are going to review the personality of both:
Asuka from the original anime: An energetic and outgoing half-German, half-Japanese girl (actually it's 1/4, but who cares) who loves to be the center of attention and have everyone praise her due to the lack of parental love received during her childhood having been abandoned by her father and supplanted by her mother, who suffered from severe mental disorders. She is extremely proud and competitive because she feels that being Eva's pilot is the only thing that gives her an identity and purpose, which makes her tend to become quickly frustrated when things don't go her way and become defensive when she feels like she is being outmaneuvered. . He loves to make fun of others (especially Shinji), to the point of being cruel at times, but he does not do it out of malice, but rather to compensate for his enormous inferiority complex due to the rejection suffered by his mother and having witnessed her. committed suicide (and possibly even tried to kill her) the day she was chosen as Eva's pilot and came running to wish her a Happy Thursday. She admires Kaji and wants to fuck him because she hates her own adolescence, she needs to feel adult and independent due to suffering from a certain Electra complex for having lacked a true father figure during her childhood. She has a sweet and vulnerable nature, but she rarely expresses it to anyone except her best friend Hikari and I better stop this now because too much text.
Rebuild Asuka (hereinafter "Asuka"): A girl soldier created by Nerv as part of a series of clones who has always been alone and thinks she doesn't need anyone, although she secretly wishes to have a family. She hits and insults others for no reason, she yells a lot, never smiles or makes jokes, and hates socializing with others, which doesn't stop her from looking for Shinji's dick within 2 days of meeting him. She always plays video games while someone is talking to her and at night she talks to herself with a doll like an autistic person.
As we can see, these two characters not only look nothing alike: several of their traits directly contradict each other. Because they look alike, they are not even alike in aesthetics: the original Asuka had red hair and dressed in the traditional feminine way, while "Asuka" is light brown and dresses in a tomboy style (which I'm not saying is wrong, I'm just commenting to show the radical difference). It's not that they have changed Asuka: it's that they have directly murdered her to supplant her by someone with whom she only shares her first name (not even her last name). And needless to say, the change has been VERY for the worse.
To describe the first character, I had to spend 15 damn lines, and even then I had to leave out many important facets of his personality, his development in the original series and his entire character arc in EoE, because if I didn't have one endless bible For the second, 6 lines were enough for me, and I could have had more left over if I had been more concise. The first character is a complex and three-dimensional character, with multiple facets, edges and layers. She feels like a real person. The second character is a generic tsundere that you can find in any mecha anime of the week. She is not even comparable to the first; She's not even a good character.
We cannot speak of Flanderization because not even the most basic traits of the character have been respected. Nor can we speak of a deconstruction because that same absence of basic traits means that there is no character construction on which to stand in the first place. Obviously, this change greatly resents the interactions between characters: the original Asuka was a charismatic and fun character with the ability to drive the plot on her own (as soon as she appears in chapter 8 of the original anime she is already changing the entire dynamic between characters) , while "Asuka" is mostly only in the background or to fight; He doesn't even have a character arc as such. In fact, in 2.22 he has even less screen time than several supporting characters.
His chemistry with Shinji is also non-existent (and I'm not just referring to the romantic level) and they barely have any development together. They like each other here because... ehhhh... she likes how he cooks and he thinks she's hot? It's not that the AsuShinji (or ShinSuka, or whatever the hell it's called) here is forced: it's just that it doesn't even make sense. The only reason people still ship them together is because they did it in the 90s. Yūko Miyamura's performance also feels very lackadaisical and lacks passion, which is quite unlike her. Although perhaps this is intentional, since her character always talks as if she has the spear of Longinus permanently stuck up her rectum. In fact, the few times she says her iconic "Anta baka?" This one feels very forced, in addition to not having her characteristic high-pitched tone.
In short, the character has suffered the same fetishization as Rei (gamer girl, tomboy, one-eyed, etc.), but also with the aggravating factor that not even her basic characteristics have been respected here. This is especially disconcerting when we take into account that the rest of the characters have their original personalities more or less intact (albeit simplified). Even more disconcerting if we take into account that Asuka is possibly the most popular character in all of Evangelion, and even more so if we consider that she is Anno's favorite character (in fact, the initial idea was for Asuka to be the protagonist).
https://evaresources.wordpress.com/der-mond/
Given this, the inevitable question arises: "Why?" What was the point of turning Asuka into an inferior and tsundere copy of Rei, even more so when there are already three clones? It has always been rumored that Asuka is not popular in Japan, but that is completely false. The only semi-rational explanation I can think of is that they did it to please the haters. It's no secret that a portion within the Evangelion fandom (and outside of it) hates Asuka with a passion. They see her as someone toxic and cruel who dedicates herself to screwing others for no reason, without understanding that you don't have to like a well-written character.
https://imgur.com/a/KznXE1x
What these people fail to understand is that Asuka's verbal abuse is a defense mechanism to avoid opening up to others, since Asuka constantly says things that do not fit with what she really feels or thinks (clear proof is chapter 16 from the original series). It's not like it matters much, considering they were never more than an extremely vocal minority. That the character is so popular is proof of this. The great irony of all this is that the new "Asuka" is a much more unpleasant and detestable character than the original, since she lacks the redeemable qualities of the original and her moments of comic relief.
And if until now I have been more or less benevolent with this remake, this is something I cannot forgive: because changing a character just because a group of people doesn't like it is one of the most cowardly and pathetic acts in the world. that a writer can fall. The fact that this was also at the expense of one of the best female characters in the history of anime and with a wonderful story arc makes it even more bloody. Any other halfway competent writer would have responded with this.
https://youtu.be/5Js0ea6yPKM
...although if we go by Ockham's razor, the most likely explanation is simply that Hideaki Anno is mentally retarded.
A CHARACTER TO DESTROY A FRANCHISE AND BIND IT TO DARKNESS:
Mari Makinami Illustrious A.K.A María Iskariote (what an appropriate last name) is one of the worst creations ever made by humans. Not since the atomic bombs has humanity created something so horrible. Worse than the holocaust. Worse than fascism. Worse than Facebook memes. Worse than stepping on a lego. I would even dare to say that it is worse than pizza with pineapple. No character better reflects Anno's mental decline or better embodies all the problems of the current anime industry than this trash.
This character contributes absolutely nothing to the plot, he does not contribute at any time to its advancement, he lacks his own development or story, he does absolutely nothing relevant in the 3 films in which he appears, and he does not even have a defined personality. So much so, that all of her scenes could be eliminated or replaced by any other character and she would barely affect the plot, or not affect it at all.
The character is so frighteningly one-dimensional that she doesn't even show different emotions or moods during the three films in which she appears, always being perpetually happy and carefree even in tense situations for literally no reason. This leads to moments as surreal as her starting to sing and hum in scenes that are intended to be serious or dramatic (or so I think; perhaps what they wanted was to turn this into an unintentional comedy), again generating a gigantic narrative dissonance. The last third of 3.33 is the best example of this.
But that's not the worst: this character is clearly made for otaku coomers to masturbate to. She has almost every fetish possible: glasses/lenses (whatever they call it in your country), pigtails, miniskirt, schoolgirl, saying "nya", big tits, obsession with smell and tight outfits, etc. To make matters worse in 3.0 + 1.01 we discover that she is 48 years old, so we can also add the milf fetish. Evidently, her tits always bounce in her plugsuit (she would swear that never happened in the original series) and there are many close-ups of her ass. In addition to constantly making sexual advances towards Shinji, which also turns this piece of shit into a potential pedophile.
If the thing simply ended there, we could say that this character remains a mere annoying and unnecessary secondary character. Unfortunately, the character is also disruptive to the plot, occupying long filler scenes that do nothing more than waste time that is already scarce in a film, and that could have been used on something else more interesting; like Pen Pen watching TV, Pen Pen eating a sardine, etc. Without going any further, both 2.22, 3.33 and 3.0+1.01 begin with a long filler scene of her hitting on her. Well, to be honest, the 3.33 one is more Asuka, but this abortion is still out there fucking and singing.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that discussing why this character exists is much more interesting than any other debate that can be created about these films. I still think about it. However, the ending of 3.0+1.01 gives a good clue: the character was created solely and exclusively to stay with Shinji. I can only imagine that Anno made this tired of the fandom shipping and the arguments over who Shinji should stay with, so he decided to end the matter by creating his own ideal waifu with all the fetishes he likes in a woman to end it. with this. It's disgusting, but considering we're talking about a Japanese, totally possible.
It's surreal coming from the man who harshly criticized the use of anime as escapism and the excessive female objectification and sexualization in it, but it's the only semi-decent explanation I can think of. Basically, he is what is called a mascot character in literature. That would explain why this character never shows doubts, nor any kind of internal conflict, or why he is a better Eva pilot than Asuka and Rei themselves. It is also very revealing about the quality of the Rebuilds: creating a self-insert OC just to be the partner of the protagonist or another main character is the quintessential trait of all bad fanfiction.
However, among all this tsunami of disqualifications, I also have to say something positive: spending three movies giving hope to the shippers only to have Shinji be cuckolded simultaneously by Rei and Asuka in the last one and end up with a character with which had zero development (before 3.0+1.01 I didn't even know its name) is a true trolling masterclass, worthy of the best of ball pumpers. Only a true emperor of evil would have come up with such a twisted and at the same time perfect way to screw over a large part of the fandom. I give you my tens, Anno.
THE ANTI-UNIVERSE OF ANTI-NARRATIVE:
Of all the new concepts that Anno brings up at the last minute from the place named after his last name, none stands out more than the "anti-universe." Or, as I like to call it, the "anti-good writing." Basically because it perfectly represents all the problems of the rebuilds and their script. In the final stretch of 3.0+1.01 we have the last-minute revelation of a quantum plane of existence capable of turning imagined worlds into reality and changing this through Lilith, which cannot be understood by the human mind (wow, WHAT CONVENIENT!) and whose existence has never been mentioned or even hinted at in the entire franchise until CONCIDENTLY the aforementioned last third of the film.
In other words, a gigantic Deus Ex Machina created in an improvised way to avoid repeating End of Evangelion and forcing a happy ending where Shinji creates an ideal universe for each character (although that is questionable, as we will see later). And it is far from being the only one: the spear of Cassius, the Eva of Infinity, the key of Nebuchadnezzar, the Book of Life, and so on. None of these concepts are integrated into the plot in an organic and natural way, but rather they arise spontaneously at its convenience when it needs it. Except for the new "Super Berserker Mode" of the Evas, which is simply a power-up to sell figurines.
As I said before, if at least this were an alternate universe separate from the original anime, all this bombardment of concepts pulled out of the ass would be a little better justified. But the revelation that everything is a cycle and we are in the same universe as the original work only makes it even worse, generating countless inconsistencies about why they never mentioned this or never used that (what's the point of the seeds of life If you can create universes simply by imagining them?). Although without a doubt, the worst of all these new concepts is "the curse of Eve."
Here we have a new concept with very strong repercussions completely launched, which is not even an explanation in itself, it does not answer anything and to make matters worse, the same films contradict each other several times. Needless to say, this is a cheap excuse for the three main characters not to grow up and continue sexualizing 14-year-old girls after the most gratuitous timeskip ever seen. And speaking of timeskip, putting such a long one in the middle of the story is a first-time writing error. If you are writers, never do that: the bigger the time jump, the more things you will be forced to explain, since the less you do it, the more plot holes will form as a result.
And of course, here it explains little to nothing of what happened these 14 years. Like where Nerv got such a tremendous base from, if in 3.33 it seemed that together with Rei and Kaworu it was made up of four people. Or how they have gotten such an army of pseudo-Evas, especially when these are supposed to be extremely expensive (wow, and SEELE with all her unlimited resources was barely 9 in EoE). Or worse yet, how Kaji managed to stop Almost Third Impact (seriously, the name couldn't be stupider). None of these questions are answered at any time. Obviously because they can't do it.
Evangelion has always been characterized by leaving things up to the public's interpretation, but here I feel that they are vilely taking advantage of it so as not to have to give any kind of explanations. And in the case at hand, do not even pay attention to contradictions. Like Touji and Kensuke got on Unit 01 and that doesn't stop them from being 28 after the timeskip. Or that Mari appears to be 14 despite looking like an adult in Gendo's photos and flashbacks, plus the fact that Evas, by simple logic, could not exist back then.
The height of absurdity is when near the end of 3.0+1.01 the "unexpected" revelation occurs (actually we all saw it coming) that everything is a cycle and we are facing a reboot of the original timeline, of which only Kaworu seems to be conscious. He let them guess without giving them any clues how many times Kaworu mentioned or even hinted at such a thing in the original series. Needless to say, nothing is ever explained about it: Who created that cycle? (Adam? Lilith? The First Ancestral Race? Hideaki Anno's last name?) For what purpose? How does it work? How long does it last? Why is Kaworu the only one who remembers him? Do these remakes make sense?
THE DEATH OF A STYLE:
Fortress-cities folding in on themselves. Designs and constructions oscillating between the nineties, the utopian and the cyberpunk. Meshes of flesh and blood animated with the souls of the dead fighting with classical music in the background. A mysterious and ambiguous lore where aliens, technology and conspiracies mix with gnostic, cabalistic elements and the most esoteric aspects of Christianity (did the History Channel predict Evangelion?). Minimalist posters moving quickly between frames. Monochrome backgrounds flashing aggressively (bad luck if you were epileptic). So consistent with its themes that the A.T. fields themselves. They were an allegory of the hedgehog's dilemma (I'm not making this up, Kaworu himself says it in chapter 23).
https://imgur.com/a/2M0eDVK
The sum of all these factors is what allowed Evangelion to build an absolutely unique identity, the one that allowed people to say "hey, that's an Eva!". Starting in 3.33, all that is lost to disappear in 3.0+1.01 in favor of giant spaceships, mechanical mechas made of pure CGI, battles full of colored lights, multiverses and time loops. I'm not saying these elements are bad in and of themselves, but I've already seen a thousand mecha stories with these. For that, I start watching any of the versions of Gundam or Macross. I could also complain about the boring shots without audiovisual language and always using the same color palette, but to be fair, that is an endemic evil of current anime.
And like any bad remake, 3.0+1.01 can't help but pay homage to several scenes from the original work, completely failing to understand the point of said scenes. As an example, we have Ritsuko shooting Gendo for no reason other than to pay homage to End of Evangelion, ignoring that the context between both scenes is very different. Furthermore, here they never explain the relationship that exists between the two, so the scene makes no sense; especially for those who never saw the original series, who will also find mentions of facts that these films have never shown or bothered to explain.
Even worse is when they try to pay homage to the iconic battle between Asuka and the Eva Series. Not only because of the total absence of the graphic violence and choreography of the original, but because what makes that fight so remembered is its emotional component, since it is preceded by a narrative catharsis in which Asuka discovers that the Her mother's soul was always in Unit 02, in addition to being marked by the constant tension of knowing if she will be able to finish the fight before the Eva's energy supply runs out. Here the Evas never run out of energy (why do they need the power supply, then?), so there is no such tension.
In the original fight Asuka may not be shooting 1387945 Evas with a super cannon larger than her as she falls through an... interdimensional hole?; But there you feel every blow, you can appreciate every movement in detail, and the dramatic tension in crescendo only improves the result. If this were a shonen, the logical thing is that Asuka would win. After all, her character arc has been wrapped up in a climactic way. Unfortunately, this is Evangelion. When the Evas Series manage to cause a mortal wound with the pseudo-spear of Longinus and the energy counter reads zero, the outcome is already decided. What happens next is horrific (Asuka's enemies are cruel to her even after she is dead), and just as horrifying are Yūko Miyamura's screams and Miki Nagasawa's performance as Maya announcing that Asuka is dead. In the Rebuilds there are no performances anywhere near that level.
End of Evangelion will be as dark and uncomfortable to watch as you want, but it is a film where all those responsible put their souls into achieving the best possible result, both on a technical and artistic level.
and well, I think that for today I have already downloaded too much, an apology for the large amount of text, I will make a second part at another time because I have so many things to comment on... anyway, I hope you have a good day/afternoon/night or when you read this .

I've been a fan of Le Guin ever since I read her Earthsea books as a kid. Recently, I ventured into her sci-fi writings for the first time, starting with LHoD. I gotta say, after everything I hear about it, I'm kind of underwhelmed.
It's not like I hate it (although for a good portion I did). I found 2/3 of the book tedious to read. It's a 300 page book and I found myself struggling some days to even read 3 pages. I just found it uninteresting, with Ai going from place to place with barely anything happening. I feel like the whole topic of gender (which was a major component of the first 200 pages) was wasted on me because the concept of gender today is broader and more accepted. I feel like this would have been more of a mind blowing experience reading this 50 years ago, but now it's a bit underwhelming.
I wasn't really convinced by Ai's and Estraven's relationship as it mostly felt driven by the 'kemmer' period that Gethen's naturally go through and not genuine emotional moments (at least in the early stages).
The story did get better when AI was captured and imprisoned, but then got a bit boring during escape journey in the snow and ice (that felt like forever). It then ramped up again in the last 2 chapters but by then I'm not sure if it was enough to make up for the majority of the story that felt a bit bland.
One thing I liked near the end is the contrast of patriotism vs the overall good for mankind. You had King Argaven constantly thinking about his country even to the end, while Ai and Estraven were thinking of humanity. Although this felt like more of a background theme, briefly touched upon, which I wished would have been explored more.
When I read sci fi, I want to be blown away by ideas or the story and I feel this story disappointed me in both departments.
Overall, It took me 1 month to finish a 300 page book (not normal for me) because I found the story to be mostly bland. Besides the points I already pointed out, is there something else I'm missing? Because I've heard some say this is Le Guin's best book and I just don't see it.

I see a lot of posts here from people who hate the profession, want to get out of it, and they use language that I don't completely buy into like "toxic workplace" and "anxiety." My attitude about my work life ever since I was a busboy at 16 was three things: 1) Suck it up. 2) If you don't like it, leave. 3) Don't be a whiner and complainer.
I know there are many, many people on here who will reject my way of thinking already, but hang in there.
I did experience the worst of the worst work environments and bosses. Screamers, liars, cheats (both financially and maritally), alcoholics. I got my share of calls on vacation, and more often than not in my agency days, I was conditioned to going into the office after a vacation and getting looks like, "How dare you!" And then of course routinely being called into my one boss's office and being lectured on all that went wrong when I was out, and somehow it was my fault. Same boss liked to spring new urgent projects on a few of us at 4:45 p.m. weekly, which meant another late night. And did I say he took credit for a lot of my work and my thinking and got promotions?
I've gone through those Sunday nights dreading the coming week, and those periods where any time a boss or a client wanted a meeting, I thought I was going to be fired. I have been totally burned out and fried. And yes, there were a few times things did go wrong and I had no one else to blame. It was my fault and I paid for it to a certain extent.
I was passed over for promotions and raises by coworkers who were sleeping with the boss or the client. And I've been blamed by some coworkers for things I did not do.
Work wise, I've done a lot of things professionally, and there was a first time for each. That means I had to get used to not knowing what to do or having experience before I gained experience and learned what to do. No one held my hand (Or anyone else's hand where I worked with one exception. See preceding paragraph.)
Now here's a slight twist. All the things I just mentioned happened at places where I steadily got promoted, commendations and industry visibility. In other words, at the end of the day, even though all these things did happen to me, I refused to let them become excuses. I'm not telling you that you need to do that. I'm just telling you that if you think you have it tough, welcome to the party. And this is what worked for me.
It all begins and ends with an attitude adjustment. I can only control what I control. I'm OK with that. I accept those terms. The field can be brutal, unfair and merciless. Agencies will eat you up and spit you out. I accepted those terms...for a while. I sucked it up, I wasn't a whiner and complainer, and when I felt the need, I left, usually for something better...for a while.
The U.S. Army used to have an ad campaign using the theme, "An Army of One." The meaning behind that is that in the Army, you will be trained, skilled, equipped and supported as though you as an individual are an entire army.
I adopted that mindset. I decided that while my paycheck came from someone else, I wasn't working for *them.* I was working for myself. I was my own one-person agency, even when I worked corporate. And sooner or later I would work for myself. I'd start my own business and make my own destiny.
After I came to that epiphany, so much of the stress went away and it was replaced by focus and determination. I had a goal and all of the things I mentioned above were merely obstacles I would have to overcome along the way. White noise in my day. I didn't care what other people thought about me or expected from me after that. I knew how to get results and all that came with it, and I did. Nothing else in my life had changed but my mindset, and it was liberating.
So, my advice to anyone who's made it this far in this post is this. Quit focusing on your own anxiety. That’s a useless emotion and you have more control over it than you think. Look outward. Focus less on analyzing why you feel miserable. Don't waste energy whining and complaining. That's how people distract themselves from actually solving their own problems. Learn how to deal with what you have to do without having to turn to others for support. Find the strength within you. It is there, but chances are you're not looking there for strength. You're outsourcing it to others, and that's a mistake. You can only control what you can control. But you can take control. That is up to you.

Cross-posted from AOAIBetrayeds. AOAIBetrayeds is an online peer support group and safe space reserved for betrayed individuals who are considering, actively attempting to, or have reconciled after infidelity. If you feel you would benefit from a more private supportive sub for only betrayed people, message the mods at AOAIBetrayeds or send me a DM.
It's been 2 months since I posted an update so I think it is time.
Context: Me: 59m. Her: 55f. Married 33 years, together 36. WW had a full on EA bookended with multiple sexual PA's (1 in Dec, 2022 and 3 in Sept, 2023 (last 2 on Dday). She then pretended to go NC with AP for an additional 5 months which created Dday #2 in February. Read my story and updates using my profile for posts if you want to see background.
https://www.reddit.com/useDiscardbobulated/submitted/
NO ADVICE PLEASE: Just like last time I posted, and the time before that, I am processing all of this stuff, and working with my therapist and my support group closely, so I will ask for advice only when I think I need it and when I think I am ready to receive it. Right now, I just thought I’d post an update for those who might be following along or anyone for whom my story resonates. I hope you’re OK.
I can use reassurance. I have asked for no advice because I am all full-up with advice that I am taking and utilizing. More and/or different advice will potentially muddy my process and have my approach blurred. Reassurance though? Bring it on. We all need it. Sometimes directly and sometimes just by being here and reading the stories of others. Reassure me.
As many of you know, I was dealt a huge blow the day after Valentine’s Day. That’s 3 months ago today for those of you keeping track. My wife, with whom I was 5.5 months into ‘reconciliation’ with, came clean and told me that she was still in contact with her AP for the entirety of that span of time.
The revelation of The Big Lie as I refer to it now, even with my wife, was in incredibly damaging hit to the idea of reconciliation. It was as shattering, if not MORE shattering as the original affair revelation. Big lies, little lies, untruths, the masking of truth, the omission of truth…all are devastating to the traumatized betrayed. If you know anything of the effects of trauma (as most of you do I am sure), you know that each lie usually triggers a trauma response, and each trauma response piles into a vast storage area in your brain where it pools and stays ready to fuck you up every time it’s poked. And mine was poked A LOT in the last 3 months. A LOT.
I started the ‘last 3 months’ phase of this journey with this huge setback that was The Big Lie. It reset our progress to zero in some cases. If you look at some things, like my ability to control the PTSD events, then that progress was still in effect. (I was still able to recognize the PTSD event coming on and sometimes get control of it before spiraling out of control). If you look at the timeline of physical sexual events, that didn’t change. If you take into account all the books and articles read, all the podcasts and audiobooks listened to, and all the hours spend by me in IC, then then those items were (mostly) still intact.
But you know what was now absolutely fucking GONE?
~T R U S T~
I had spent that first 5.5 months learning to trust again as we were working our way through reconciliation. You can look back at my post history prior to February, 2024 and see a solid progression of trust being built, of confidence being regained, and of affection, sexuality, appreciation, and friendship being rebuilt.
ALL of that was 100% GONE in ONE moment. GONE.
LIES are destructive. Secondary Dday lies like this one are DEEPLY destructive.
Trust is often cited as the most important ingredient in a personal relationship. How can we even begin to consider something as gigantic as a marriage reconciliation when trust has been completely blown up? I don’t have an answer to that. I am looking for it.
You know what was also lost at the point of the revelation of The Big Lie?
Hope. Optimism. Self-esteem. Admiration. Lust. Attraction. Affection. All gone.
My feelings of these things were returning in slivers over those 5.5 months after Dday and now they were just GONE.
Replacing these feelings were different feelings I had. Now I was feeling: Helpless. Worthless. Inadequate. Unloved. Betrayed. Devastated. Like a Chump. Belittled. Emasculated. Unworthy. Ugly. Undesirable …and incredibly MANIPULATED.
She had spent this time manipulating me into complacency while she continued to carry on her affair in the form of regular communication with ‘her friend’ AP. They talked on the phone regularly, texted regularly. All the while she was putting forth what I THOUGHT was EFFORT into our reconciliation, but was really just a collection of actions that were meant to placate me.
The Fake R time, as I now know it, included: I love you’s. Hand holding. Sex. Apologies. Forward thinking. Plans. I was feeling like PROGRESS was happening. I was still experiencing the PTSD events. Still having times when I would lash out in anger at her for what she had done, but those awful things were decreasing in intensity and frequency and I was thankful for that.
I was able to see what reconciliation looks like.
Only I wasn’t. It was all a sham. Now that she is not in contact with him (I hope and believe), she has stopped the hand holding (mostly). Not one ‘I love you’ in the past 3 months. The hugs I used to get now feel like the hugs you’d give a kid with a scraped knee. The feeling of being wanted and being on a path to something better has been obliterated. And sex? 2-3 times a week during the Fake R has become 1 time in the last 3 months.
So now, after the revelation of The Big Lie I am left with a VERY odd feeling. A feeling like what I WANT BACK is the pre-Big-Lie actions. The ‘I Love You’s’, the hand holding, the sex…
But since I now know these as things that were done to manipulate me, I really DON’T want them back. What I want is something that I have not yet seen: An honest reconciliation and the actions that come with that. And now that my mind has suffered the mind-fuck rollercoaster of the last 8 months, I don’t even know what honest reconciliation looks like. My perception is fucked up. I no longer can think accurately about this stuff because of the gaslighting. It’s hard to even describe the feeling of disconnection with my own reality.
A METAMORPHOSIS The changes in how she was treating me now that she no longer has AP in her back pocket as a ‘friend’ to talk to are stark. She has expressed that the sex was just to placate me. That she can’t feel good about US anymore because she doesn’t have knowledge of how HE is doing anymore. She cannot “live her good life” with me because she doesn’t know if HE is able to “have a good life”. She is NO CONTACT with him, but clearly some of her still has a connection to him. That hurts.
During these last 3 months I have gone from non-functioning to confused to (almost) accepting. Along the way I have passed ANGRY, DEVASTATED, DEFEATED, and a hundred other negative emotions.
I also spent nearly all of my time doing what ALL us betrayeds do. I tried to get her to UNDERSTAND MY PAIN. I wanted her to really know what she has done to me. Not just what she did with the affair, but with the aftermath of the affair and the 5.5 months that I was trying to regain trust in her and she was faking R with me so that she could continue her EA with HIM. I was CONSTANTLY wanting her to HURT because I thought that if she could HURT like I HURT then she could understand my pain and come to really know what it is she has done. And if she could get to THAT place, then surely she would finally find the shame and guilt that I think she deserves to bear.
The problem is that even with all my effort to explain to her in words, in mental breakdowns, in PTSD trauma events, in triggers, sadness, crying and constant malaise, nothing was changing.
She wasn’t displaying any of the remorse, guilt and shame that I want from her. She wasn’t giving me any of the actions or words she was giving me during Fake R. She wasn’t holding my hand. She wasn’t saying I love you. She wasn’t touching me or having sex with me. She was just enduring my wrath.
During the last time that I sat with her and had a Q&A about how she could do this and all the same questions that I have asked before and my saying again how hurt I was and how it was ALL HER FAULT and how I thought she should feel SHAME I ended up feeling a little tranquil. I felt like maybe I had told her enough times. I didn’t know if she fully understood like I wanted her to but I thought that we were at a place where MORE of this was going to do NOTHING. After all, almost 3 months of it hadn’t YET produced anything, why would MORE have any potential for positive progress.
So I had a thought. What if I just treated her nicely? What if I stopped with the finger wagging and the name calling and the ‘why me’s’ and the angry lashing out. What if I instead tried to hold HER hand occasionally? What if I just WASN’T adversarial? Could that help? Could that get her to see me differently? Could that get ME to see me differently? Could that reset my mind and get me out of the victim moment and into some undefined type of recovery?
I wondered to myself if I had it in myself to let those things go. I wondered if I was CAPABLE of not being so fucking angry at her for what she had done. I mean, we both are clearly aware of what she has done and what it has caused in me, so I don’t have to restate that over and over and over again, DO I?
I took this question with me to IC.
IC reframed it in a way that resonated with me somehow. She said: “Look, you’ve spent a lot of time ‘spinning’, trying to make heads or tails of your predicament. Trying to get her to love you again. Trying to find connection with her. Why? Because you love her. Isn’t that the entire point? If you want to reconcile with her the end goal is for you to love one another again because you love her, right?” She said: “Why don’t you try showing her your true self? The self that loves her. The self that wants reconciliation because you love her. Maybe start with small things? Don’t go crazy and drive yourself nuts with a huge reversal from anger and hurt to loving and wonderful. Instead just don’t hurl negativity all the time. Relax instead. Act like reconciliation is under way in order to see if that action can initiate a real reaction.”
In other words, release the Restraining Bolt that keeps you in the stew of anger and contempt and head off to find a crazy old wizard and your path to freedom from the tyranny of self-pity.
Interesting.
This made SOME sense to me, and partly made sense to me because of the way I was FEELING. It would NOT have made sense to me 2 months ago, or even a week ago. It makes sense to me because of where I am NOW. A shift in gears from the anger and hatred to something more nurturing. Not a full tack. More of a subtle lane change. (sorry to mix my motoring and sailing metaphors).
So this is where I am now. I made the decision in my head to move over into this other lane. I did this less than 36 hours ago. I have not yet determined if this has been beneficial or not. I feel anxious. Of course I didn’t NOT feel anxious in that other lane, so this is a wash. I have not yet experienced any super-positive changes to my own attitude. I have no idea if she has even noticed. I hope she has and I intend to ask her if she has when we go see our marriage counselor today.
T I M E
My support group has told me that time is my friend. That only time will allow my wife to recognize that she truly is the villain in her own story. To have her really understand that SHE is the cause of all of this. For her to recognize also that her AP is not the needy ‘good guy’ that weaseled his way into her psyche, but the manipulative fuck that we all know he is. TIME. Time also for me to be able to release the anger like I have been attempting to do over the last couple days. Time for me to ponder how I can find my own self esteem again and really shed my feelings of inadequacy and ugliness (among others). Time for WW and I to possibly find some bonding time and make some memories that are not anger and sorrow and self pity and….
“She’s fast enough for you, old man.” I guess she is. That’s what they tell me. Essentially the theme of this slow-burn reconciliation thing. That if she is showing ANY progress, then that is the progress that we as betrayeds need to embrace. ANYTHING is “fast enough” because you cannot speed this process up. You will never do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Not gonna happen. 1-5 years is what they say reconciliation takes for it to be complete if it makes it to complete. I have told myself to give it at least 3. My hope is that I will feel a shift from tentative to optimism at some point along the way and that will give my brain the jump to light speed that it needs for me to relax and feel safe again.
This ‘update’ doesn’t predict a future. I have no preconceived ideas about how this might pan out. I just thought that an update could be beneficial.
Beneficial to ME in my selfish need for some validation of where I am and what I’m going through. For ME to be able to try to get it all on ‘paper’ so that I can help myself try to understand where I am. For ME to see a progression, no matter how up-and-down it has been.
Beneficial for OTHERS who may have a story like mine or PARTIALLY like mine who will be able to see themselves in this writing and be able to feel less alone. Beneficial maybe to all of us who might have a Bad Motivator.
Thanks for reading, my fucked up comrades. Sorry you are here in this sub. It’s a truly shitty place to need to be. I appreciate all of you. Without this sub and the people in it I think I might literally not be around. Here’s to you and your futures. May you find some peace.
Fuck these affairs.

Step Four- Scene Drafts

1. Scene Purpose:

• What is the primary purpose of the scene in terms of advancing the plot, developing characters, or conveying key information?
  
• How does this scene contribute to the overall narrative structure?
  

1. Character Goals:

• What are the specific goals or objectives for each character in the scene?
  
• How do these goals align with the characters' broader motivations and the overall story arc?
  

1. Conflict and Tension:

• What conflicts or tensions arise within the scene, and how do they propel the narrative forward?
  
• Are there interpersonal conflicts, external challenges, or unexpected obstacles?
  

1. Setting Description:

• How is the setting described to create a vivid and immersive atmosphere?
  
• Are there specific details that enhance the mood or provide symbolic elements?
  

1. Dialogue Purpose:

• What is the primary purpose of the dialogue in the scene?
  
• How does the dialogue contribute to character development, plot progression, or theme exploration?
  

1. Character Reactions:

• How do characters react emotionally and physically to events in the scene?
  
• Are there subtle cues or gestures that reveal characters' internal states?
  

1. Foreshadowing Elements:

• Are there elements of foreshadowing embedded in the scene?
  
• How do these subtle hints contribute to building anticipation for future events?
  

1. Sensory Details:

• How are the senses engaged in the scene? What do characters see, hear, smell, taste, and touch?
  
• How do sensory details enhance the reader's immersion in the narrative?
  

1. Pacing and Tempo:

• How is the pacing managed within the scene to maintain reader engagement?
  
• Are there moments of heightened tension contrasted with slower, reflective passages?
  

1. Symbolism or Metaphor:

- Is there symbolism or metaphorical language used in the scene? - How do these symbolic elements add depth or layers of meaning to the narrative? 

1. Character Development:

- How does the scene contribute to the ongoing development of each character? - Are there revelations, decisions, or actions that shape the characters' arcs? 

1. Plot Advancement:

- How does the scene advance the overall plot or subplot? - Are there key events or revelations that propel the story forward? 

1. Point of View Considerations:

- From whose point of view is the scene told, and how does that choice impact the reader's experience? - Are there opportunities to switch perspectives for a more comprehensive view of events? 

1. Tension Release:

- Does the scene provide moments of tension release or resolution? - How are conflicts or challenges addressed within the scene? 

1. Transitions:

- How does the scene transition into or out of the broader narrative? - Are there hooks or connections to previous or upcoming scenes? 

1. Visual Imagery:

- How can visual imagery be effectively utilized in describing characters, actions, or settings? - Are there opportunities for readers to form mental images that enhance their engagement? 

1. Character Relationships:

- How are character relationships explored or developed in the scene? - Are there moments of connection, conflict, or revelation that shape these dynamics? 

1. Flashbacks or Memories:

- Are there opportunities for incorporating flashbacks or characters' memories? - How do these glimpses into the past contribute to the scene's depth? 

1. Subtext and Unspoken Communication:

- What subtext or unspoken communication exists between characters? - How can non-verbal cues or underlying tensions be effectively conveyed? 

1. Reader Emotional Impact:

- How do you intend the scene to impact readers emotionally? - Are there specific emotions you want readers to experience during or after the scene? 

These questions are designed to guide writers in crafting scene drafts that are purposeful, engaging, and integral to the overall structure and development of their narrative.

"All Fours" by Miranda July is a thought-provoking and strange story that explores themes of identity, connection, and the search for meaning in a world fraught with uncertainty. The plot revolves around Cheryl and Hamish, a couple negotiating the nuances of their relationship while battling with their individual doubts and desires.
As they begin on a trip to adopt a kid from a mysterious organization known as the "Krab Settlement," Cheryl and Hamish are confronted with a series of unusual difficulties and encounters that push them to confront the true nature of their ambitions and intentions. July's narrative is loaded with strange and absurdist aspects, blurring the lines between reality and fiction in a way that keeps readers on their toes.
The characters in "All Fours" are richly portrayed and painfully flawed, each seeking to find their place in the world and make sense of their own aspirations. Cheryl and Hamish's relationship is both emotional and complicated, defined by periods of intimacy and alienation as they deal with their own vulnerabilities and worries.
July's language is lyrical and vivid, bringing readers into a world that is at once familiar and unfamiliar. Through her vibrant prose and unusual narrative, she tackles issues of intimacy, desire, and the search for meaning in a world that often feels bewildering and weird.
Overall, "All Fours" is an engaging and thought-provoking tale that resists easy categorization. July's unique voice and innovative narrative make this an intriguing read for anybody interested in examining the complexity of human relationships and the secrets of the human heart.
Free Audiobook with a free trial of Audible at freeaudiobookstrial .com

Part 1
Chicago, 2016. Flinn Gerald is doing his best to make it in the city. Born in Selma, Alabama, he has spent his entire life trying to escape the ever tightening grasp of his small town. But alas, he made it out and is adapting to life in the big city. With a big fancy corporate job, an endless supply of friends, an apartment with a stunning view of the lake, and great distance from his family, what more could he need? Well, there is a lot more (or less) that he needs, but of course that is a story for later.
On a typical Tuesday night at a bar, the regulars crowd in. Flinn is late, as usual, as he stayed late at work (again), but on his arrival, the cheers and hugs from all the friends make everyone forget of the regular inconvenience. Conversation ensued, starting with all the boring finance jargon, but as the drinks flowed, so did the conversation, moving away from work and more into life. This is what everyone preferred.
“Another round, anyone?” asked Raheem, enthusiastically. After a murmur of concurrence, he stood up to make his way up to the bar. “Flinn, care to lend a hand?”
Raheem Bartlett was Flinn’s college roommate and the first person he met outside of his hometown. The pair hit it off instantly despite having wildly different backgrounds. Even in their freshman year, the engineer and the finance major would get into all sorts of trouble together, but eventually they leveled out. Six years later, they still have each other’s backs just like day one.
The pair made their way up to the bar and waited to get the bartender's attention. “What's up with you, bro?” asked Raheem. “You’ve been seeming a bit off.”
“Oh, ya know. Work, life, everything kinda happens so fast. Work has been busy as of late, and the hours long.”
Seeming displeased by this answer, Raheem stared back in concern.
“Really, I’m fine… just long hours.”
“Back in school you’d pull back to back all-nighters and then still make it to a morning class. I find it hard to believe that the mighty Flinn would be so setback by ‘long hours’.”
Flinn took a moment to ponder, staring down at the bar covered in various stamps and postcards beneath the epoxy surface. “I guess, ya know, it's not all it was cracked up to be. I guess I had expected more.” Flinn had mostly dropped his accent, but occasionally it would still slip out.
Despite coming from a long line of mill workers (mostly paper) and farm hands who never ventured further than the Dallas county line, Flinn yearned to leave his small town and conquer the world from a young age. Coming from the poorest county in Alabama, his family always squashed his dreams, labeling them as impossible. But Flinn knew better. Or, at least he knew he could do better. Graduating top of his class a year early and winning a full-ride scholarship to Northwestern University, he had proved everyone wrong and set his own path. The path he was told was impossible became his reality.
“More what?”
“Nothing, really. I mean, what more is there? This is what I always wanted, right? The stable job in the city, never having to worry about money. It’s great, and I couldn’t be more grateful, but… something is missing. Doing the same thing day after day staring at a screen, moving clients money around. I… just hoped it would be more fulfilling, especially after all it took to get here.”
Before he could finish his thought, the bartender came up to take their order: another round for the table, plus a round of shots, plus two more shots.
“What am I saying, really?” added Flinn. “I shouldn’t be complaining. Look at where I am now compared to six years ago. So much has changed. My home, friends, even my diet. I just feel a bit off. Like I need something more to do..
“I get it, bro. Adjusting to your new life can be rough. Enjoy it for a minute or two.” Raheem slides a shot in front of Flinn. “Here, take this.”
Tuesday had become fairly consistent to this point for this group of misfits: Raheem and his girlfriend Amy; Jack; Jasper, from Flinn’s firm, and his wife Max; and of course, Flinn. For nearly two years, these six have been meeting at O’Malley’s every Tuesday night for drinks and trivia. Some nights are more wild than others, but Tuesday has become the staple of the week among them.
Drinks flowed pretty regularly and heavy over the next few hours as the clock approached the end of day. Still going round for round on alternating tabs, the useless debates began to heat up.
“You can’t seriously think Wicker Park is the best neighborhood outside the Loop. Y’all need to get out more,” said Flinn.
“Bro it’s obviously Wicker Park,” argued Raheem.” Right on the blue line, getting to O’Hare is insanely easy, plus you can’t find better music in the city. Besides, Wicker Park has Davenport’s.”
“No one ever says Wicker Park,” adds Jack. “Have you ever heard someone say Wicker Park before?”
“Dude, but you can obviously get to O’Hare from anywhere in the city,” said Flinn
“Sure, but beats walking through that dumb Block 37 Center transfer like you and your red line. No transfer is the way to go, plus the blue line gets you right to the center of the loop.”
“So does every other L line as long as ya don’t mind walking a few blocks!”
“You’re both wrong,” adds Max. “Neither matters because Midway is better anyways.”
“Woah!” the whole table murmurs, sharing shocked looks as if she just confessed to a crime. Flinn rolled his eyes at this notion.
“Who flies out of Midway?” asks Raheem.
“What? Less people, cheaper flights, and more space. Why wouldn’t I fly out of Midway?” said Max.
“Wait, wait, that aside,” interrupts Raheem, “can we go back to the fact that Jasper thinks Sheffield is the best neighborhood? I feel like we moved past that too quickly.”
The debate rages on for many more minutes, until Flinn, seemingly out of nowhere, had enough.
“Can y’all just shut the fuck up! Why does it even matter?” Everyone’s glance quickly shot over to Flinn as a deafening silence overtook the table. Everyone pondered how to respond, and couldn’t seem to find an answer. This behavior from Flinn was unexpected, nay, unheard of. Flinn was the most level headed amongst them by far. Not even Raheem, his best friend of six years, had ever seen him get angry, let alone over an inconsequential friendly argument. “I…” Not even Flinn knew what to say next. “I’m going to go home. Long day tomorrow.” Already on his feet, he quickly walked away from the table and out the door.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The walk home was fairly brisk, but Flinn had grown fond of the cold. He tucked his hands into his coat pocket and hunched his shoulders forward, only looking down at the pavement ignoring the mostly asleep but still wide awake city surrounding him. His thoughts ran wild and near out of control. Of course, his intoxication did not help with clarity, but the inner dialogue was deafening. Not even he knew what was bothering him, but he was obviously bothered, deeply. He made a fool of himself in a way he never had before, and right now he felt he did not recognize himself. Surely some sleep will help, right?
He slowly made his way down the steps to the platform, carefully watching each step as to not fall, to wait for his train. He posted up against a pillar and stared off onto the dark, empty tracks. What has gotten into me? He did his best to calm his racing, wasted mind searching for some legibility amongst his thoughts.
Once he finally got home, he slumped down on the couch and scarfed down some week-old sushi he found in the fridge. He turned on some old documentary and was asleep before he knew it.
Suddenly, he was woken up by his phone ringing. It usually does not ring this time of night and was less than thrilled to be woken, so he let it keep ringing. It stopped after a couple of seconds, and he glanced down at the screen:
Mama
(2) missed calls
Dad
(1) missed call
Now concerned, he calls his mom back in a hurry. “Hello?”
“Flinn? Your grandfather, he’s dead.”
Part 2
The wet air engulfed Flinn’s face as he stepped out the airport doors into a warm February day. Six years had passed since he smelled the Alabama air. Even after all this time, it still smells just as he had remembered as if not even a day had passed. The drive to Selma was another ninety minutes, and despite having five days to mentally prepare himself for his arrival, it was not nearly enough time. He had not seen or spoken to anyone from his town, not even family, since he left early that August morning all those years ago. He left everything behind to start his new life. The life so many told him to not start, that he needed to stay. He left anyway and never looked back.
That was, until now. He had little choice in this regard. He knew he would have to make his return someday, but he knew not when nor for what. But today was that day. Flinn and his grandfather (Pops) had always been close. If anyone had been supportive of him, it’d have been Pops, but he was a man of little words. Even when he could talk, he hardly chose to. He was a great listener, and not just because he could not speak. He showed he was engaged and listening no matter what Flinn had to say. At times, he felt Pops was the only one who understood him as if he had been just like him before, but no one would ever talk about his past. All Flinn knew is Pops lost his tongue after a failed lynching.
The familiarity of the scenery zipping past was bittersweet. He had not realized how much he missed the rolling hills and thick forests beneath the unforgiving southern sky. He kept his head pressed against the cool glass of the car window even through the constant bumps in the road. He couldn’t look away. So many memories happened here, and the closer he got, the more plentiful the memories became, and the more potent they were, and the more painful they’d become.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the dust settled behind him, he stood on the driveway staring at his childhood home still unsure how to process his emotions. It was all so overwhelming. He was thinking everything at once. He took a deep breath, rolled back his shoulders, and swallowed. He reached for the door handle, hesitating slightly, and took a step in. One foot, and then the next.
“Martin!” Flinn smiled as his old friend and childhood dog rushed towards him without hesitation. He knelt down and embraced him as Martin excitedly rustled through his arms seemingly showing more energy than he had in years.
He walked down the hall and around the corner into the living room. There, both drawn to the large television like moths to a flame, he saw his parents sitting beside one another on the couch watching some daytime program with their backs to him. They seemed to pay no notice to the commotion at the front door nor the loud creaking footsteps he took along the old wooden floors. They knew he was there; they just chose to ignore him. He walked into view to greet them. "Mama, dad." His father smiled slightly but caught himself and refrained.
Mama kept a straight face, but seemed to be fighting tears."Howard, help Flinn with his bags, dear."
“No, it's alright, I know where to take them,” said Flinn. “How are y’all?”
“Service is tomorrow at eleven down at the ole First Baptist Church. Make sure to wear something nice.”
“Alright, mama. I’ll... I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Whole family is coming tonight. Dinner is served at...”
“At seven, I got it, just as always.”
“It’s good to see you, kid.” said his dad. “Let me know if you need anything”
He did not expect things to go like that, not that he knew what to expect. He had hoped time would have been more forgiving. Perhaps leaving unannounced in the middle of the night was not the best plan, but at the time he felt as if he had no other choice. Everyone knew he was leaving. That was no secret and had not been for years before any plan had actually been set into motion. No one knew the date or time, except for Pops, of course, but he’d never tell. Of course he wanted everyone to know. He wanted everyone to be proud of him, but it was too big of a risk and commendations were too much to expect. Besides, Mama always had her schemes, and had she known, she would have found a way to stop him.
Not much had changed since he’d been here last. The old wood paneling still lined nearly all the walls, crack in some spots, replaced in others, but all coated by decades of cigarette soot. On the walls were a combination of family portraits from over the years and cheap artwork found at the flea market. Old green furniture, too many house plants to count, and a tacky themed kitchen, it was all still the same.
His childhood bedroom, however, was much different. Hardly even recognizable, what was once his bedroom was now a storage room filled with endless shelves and boxes. He set his things on the lonely cot in the corner, sat down, and took it all in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not realizing he had drifted off, Flinn awoke and looked at the clock. 6:55. Convenient. He sat up and brushed his hair down with his hand as he suspected it was sticking up in the usual way. He rubbed his eyes and made his way to the dining room. The whole family was there, probably about twenty people or so, all scattered about throughout the kitchen, dining room, and living room engaged in various conversations. His nana, aunt, and Mama were cooking away putting the final touches on the large meal.
“Well if it isn’t this fucker…” said a familiar voice to his left, laughing. Flinn looked over to see his cousin who’s just a year younger than him.
“DeAndre, how are you?”
“Never thought I’d see you again, even since you left. Thought maybe you ‘ood be dead.”
“Nah,” Flinn laughed. “Still very much alive.”
“I can see dat. Wearin’ your fancy suit and all.”
“Yeah I’ve been doing pretty well. Work has been… good. I have a great job at a finance firm in Chicago. Everything has been… Good. Yeah, good. How about you?”
“Now you ain’t goin’ city on us, are you?”
Flinn laughed. “I think I might already be.”
Just as dinner was finishing up, a line started to form and people found a seat wherever they could, be it at the table, on the couch, near the counter, or outside.
“Flinn!” his dad called out. “I saved ya a seat here at the table, kid.”
Flinn took his seat right next to his dad which positioned him right across from Mama. The table could sit eight, and the seats filled in pretty quickly so he was lucky to get one. Besides his sister, all of the oldest family members took the other four chairs.
The dinner itself was mostly uneventful, except for the food of course which was extraordinary. Flinn had not eaten Mama’s cooking, or anything like it in six years. The southern food in Chicago was alright, but nothing like what you can get down here, and no restaurant is going to have the same quality and taste as a home-cooked meal. By God, he had not realized how much he needed this. It was almost healing, like a part of his soul had been lost and he found it once again. The last week had been incredibly overwhelming, and last Saturday he never foresaw being here now, but he was glad he was, regardless of the looming tension. All the stress from work and life back home in Chicago was now all gone. All he had to worry about was… oh yeah, the family drama. The dreaded interactions, what he had suppressed for so long, that had kept him up at night for years. All those long nights doing homework or anything else beside sleeping. They had not been by choice but rather necessity. He would have slept more if he could, and some of those nights he really needed to, but instead was kept motivated by the pain. The pain of knowing no matter what he did, no matter how successful in life he became, he would never be good enough for his family, good enough for Mama, because he left them.
If there ever was a time to clear his conscience and get everything out of the way, it would be today, or at least over the next couple of days. When else would he have the chance? Not that any of this had been planned, and his therapist would probably advise against it. She did not even know he was here. What would she have to say? Avoiding conflict has always been his choice. He has always been quiet, never been at the center of drama, but some things need to be said. Just, maybe not by him. If he waited long enough, perhaps they would come up on their own. So he decided to wait, but he knew time was limited and he could not wait forever.
“Mama, could you pass the butter?”
Mama just stared back at him. “Get ya own damn buttah, since ya can do everything else on ya own.”
Flinn stands up and reaches for the butter. “I can do everything myself, and I have. I hope you’re proud, Mama.”
“Proud? What do I have to be proud of?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe my job, my degree, everything I have been able to do to build a good life for myself.”
“I don hear anything worthy of praise.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Mama.”
“Oh, so now you’re sorry? You could’ve fooled me. Is that how you felt when you left? Unbelievable.”
“I left because I had no other choice.”
“Oh don go lyin’ to me now. You did have a choice. You had a choice and you chose to leave us. You didn’t say goodbye, and you were just gone in the mornin’.”
“If I had not just left, you would’ve stopped me.”
“Cause you ain’t got no reason to go nowhere.”
“I had plenty of reasons to want to leave, and not because of you. I’ve always had dreams, Mama, ya know that. I’ve always been bigger than just this town.”
“Oh, so now you’re too good for us, city boy? Huh? I don wanna hear no more of it.”
“It wasn’t about that, Mama. Look at all I’ve been able to do.”
“I ain’t see nothin’. You never call and you never visit. How am I supposed to know what you been doin’?”
“I thought you didn’t want me coming around any more?”
“Well, you’ve got that right. Glad to see you still have some brains left.”
“Well excuse me. Maybe it's best if I leave again. Sorry I ain’t make you proud, Mama.” Flinn got up and left the table.
Part 3
Just as the early light began to peak through the blinds, Flinn was woken up by a firm knock at his door. “Flinn, may I come in? It's Uncle Terrence.”
Flinn sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Yep, come in.”
“How are you this morning, kid? Ya know, she’ll never admit it, but ya Mama missed ya.”
“I find it hard to believe.” Deep down Flinn knew it was true, but she was hard as a rock, and arrogant. She would always find a way to be right, even when she knew she was wrong, and she would never let you know she knew she was wrong.
“Well, we’re all proud of you, kid.” Flinn hated when Terrence and everyone called him kid. “Just wish yoo’d come around and see us every once in a while. I know ya busy with all the big city stuff and all.”
“I thought no one wanted anything to do with me any more?”
“At first, maybe, but I miss ya, kid. Ya know who missed ya most of all?”
“Pops?”
“Yes, of course. He always wanted to know about ya, every time I’d come round. He couldn’t call, but always wanted me to.”
“I should have called.”
“I think everyone wanted to call, but as time went on, it became harder and harder to push that button. It was already so hard at first, and only got harder.”
“I thought about everyone a lot, especially at first. Leaving was really hard, and I almost didn’t, but I always wanted more. I didn’t want to spend my whole life in this town, and if I had not left when I did I probably never would have. But it was still hard. I wanted to go home so many times, but I convinced myself no one wanted me here no more or that y’all would’ve said ‘I told ya so’ or sum bullshit. No one wanted me around any more and I had left, so I was stuck on the path I chose. And I’m happy, and I’ve done so much, but it’s never been easy.”
“Pops was a lot like you when he was your age. Set on leaving as quickly as he could. Things were different back then, not that they are any better now, but Hank... my brother… Pops, was just like you.”
“What changed?”
“Well, he never did. Just no one talks about it anymore. After what happened on that day, they blamed his behavior. Said he should’ve played it safe and he’d still have his tongue.”
“No one has ever told me the story.”
“And they won’t. It changed the whole family.”
“But you’ll tell me?”
“Only if you promise not to tell. I don need an earful from ya Mama.”
“I promise.”
“Hank couldn’t be confined to Selma, just like you. He joined the army right out of high school, and after he was done in Lebanon, he didn’t go straight home.”
“Where did he go?”
“Everywhere but here. He used the small amount of money he got from the army and went anywhere that would let him in. Across Europe, parts of Asia, Northern Africa, even parts of South America. Of course, a young black man traveling by himself at the time was challenging, but Hank could hold his own pretty well. He still ran into all sorts of trouble. He spent more nights in jail than he would have liked, but he would have done it all again if he could.”
“What happened when he got back?”
“He was much different, but for the better. He couldn’t wait to get back out there again. He had confidence like I had never seen before. That’s what got him in trouble not too long after.”
“How’d he lose his tongue? I’m guessing that is what changed everything.”
“When he got back, he got involved with a girl, I think her name was Susan. She was the mayor’s daughter. They snuck around for a while. Their relationship was not acceptable, especially to her father. If he found out, Hank would be in a lot of trouble, and of course eventually he did find out. He spent about a month in jail in just awful conditions even for the time. They didn’t have anything to hold him on so eventually they had to let him go. About a week after he got out, he was walking downtown and some guys grabbed him. He took him out to a field and tried to lynch him. Luckily, they failed and he survived, but they took his tongue as a warning. He was never the same after that. All of his confidence was gone, and of course he couldn’t speak no more.”
Flinn did not know how to respond. It all made sense now: why the family so desperately wanted him to stay, why they were so hurt by him leaving, and why they’d feared who he was becoming. They were all traumatized and wanted to protect him. They did not want him to suffer the same fate as Pops.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The funeral itself was fairly uneventful and went nearly as perfectly as expected. The church filled in with hardly any empty seats, tears were shed, and speeches were given. Pops touched the lives of almost everyone he met, and they came to show it. After the service was the reception, and yet again, the food was spectacular. Everyone got along just fine today and there was no more residual drama, at least for now. Today was Pops’ day.
After the reception, the family gathered back at Mama’s house for the reading of the will. Pops did not have many possessions, at least not of monetary value, but what he did have was meaningful in other ways. He was very clear on who he wanted to give off, and handpicked what would be most substantial to each person.
Everyone gathered around much as they did at dinner, and the lawyer began his reading:
I, Hank Gerald, a resident in the City of Selma, County of Dallas, State of Alabama, being of sound mind, not acting under duress or undue influence, and fully understanding the nature and extent of all my property and of this disposition thereof, hereby make, publish, and declare this document to be my Last Will and Testament, and hereby absolutely revoke any and all other wills and amendments previously made by me.
The reading went on for some time as there were many beneficiaries. Flinn began to daydream about what could be left for him. Flinn was not a very sentimental person, so trinkets and heirlooms paid him little interest. Perhaps his car, or maybe money. Something that will be useful to him.
To my dear brother, Terrence, I leave my 1964 Pontiac GTO and all tools and parts associated and necessary with/for the running and upkeep of the vehicle.
The further down the list he went, less was given, but this is to be expected. As the end of the list neared, Flinn began to wonder what would be left for him if anything at all. The will had been in order of age, to this point, so he should be up soon.
To my Granddaughter, Nia,...
Nia? She's younger than me… Flinn thought.
I leave her my grandmother’s locket containing a picture of my Grandfather before he left for the Great War. She looked at it everyday to keep the memory of him alive until he eventually returned to her alive.
How could he skip me? Perhaps I should have called, or never left. Flinn got lost in his own thoughts and barely paid attention to the rest of the will. He and Pops were so close, and he never imagined he would be taken out of the will. But that is my own fault, afterall. I left, and I never even care to call. He died, and I never even said goodbye.
Just as Flinn began to accept the consequences of his actions, they got to the last beneficiary listed in the will:
Finally, to my oldest Grandson, Flinn, who is more and more like me than I ever could have wished to have been, I leave my journal. I hope whenever you need the motivation, you read it to find the meaning you are looking for in life.
Part 4
Flinn sat at his desk unable to focus. It was fairly slow for a Friday, but he still had work to do. After a chaotic weekend back home in Alabama, he was ready to settle back into his monotonous routine. The experience had been healing in some regards, but still left a lot unanswered. What did he mean by finding the meaning in life? Flinn wondered as he flipped through the endless pages of Pops’ journal, all filled with endless recounts, drawings, symbols, and pictures from his travels, just as he had since Monday. The journal consumed his whole attention, and nothing else seemed important enough to focus on. He had even ditched his friends all week which he never does.
He is supposed to meet Raheem for drinks tonight, but now he is wondering if he even wants to go. There is just too much in his head right now. He just wants to be alone. 12:37. The clock is moving too slowly. Flinn clears his calendar for the rest of the day and decides to go home.
At home, he still finds himself flipping through the pages of the journal, not even reading them but just looking at them. Again and again, he flips through until he has enough. He drops the journal on his lap and stares off into the distance at the gorgeous view of Lake Michigan. The endless city and skyline take up most of the horizon until it just stops, cut off by the endless ocean-like lake. He stares at it for quite a while until something catches his eye. He has seen this before. Well, of course he has. He lives here and this is his view everyday. But he knows he has seen it somewhere else.
He picks the journal back up and flips through in a hurry. There it is. He holds the journal up to the window to show a matching two-page drawing of this exact view. Well, not exact. It is a slightly different angle, but it was close enough. Pops was here. He would have loved visiting. I should have invited him. This made Flinn sad, and he threw the journal down on the table in frustration.
Just then, that is when he noticed it. There was a page sticking out from the journal, but it was not like the rest. The page was white and pristine, aside from a few wrinkles, as if it was new, whereas the rest of the journal showed its age. He rushed over to grab it. He opened it to find a letter, addressed to him:
Grandson, When you left, I knew that you would accomplish everything you set out to do. I also knew, however, you would find yourself lost someday, returning home for answers. I was hoping I’d be able to give you those answers myself, but as time goes on that seems less likely. I too found myself lost, and I knew not why. I had gone and seen the world, and it changed me, but I was still not fulfilled. I came home still looking for the answers, and it took a while, but eventually I did find them.
Through this journal, I hope to share my findings so that you too, when you are lost, find the answers you seek. Whenever you are ready, follow my journey and the clues I have left for you. Go out and see the world, just as I did. You will find that what you want from life is less than what you expect.
I hope the experiences you have are less harsh than my own, but still be careful. The world has changed a lot, but still not enough. But don’t skip ahead for the meaning may be lost. Take only one step at a time, and when it comes time to take the next step, it will reveal itself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seven o’clock rolls around and Flinn walks into the bar to meet Raheem. He hasn’t seen Raheem, or anyone else from the group, since last Tuesday when he had his outburst. He begins by telling the story of the events of this last weekend, but leaves out the parts about Pops’ past.
"Pops left me a hidden letter.”
“What do you mean?” asked Raheem.
“Like in his journal, I found a hidden letter. It was addressed to me.”
“What did it say, bro?”
“He says he was a lot like me when he was my age. He wants me to go where he went and learn what he did.”
“In Alabama?”
“No, everywhere but there. He wants me to start in Western Europe and follow his clues around the world.”
“He traveled?”
“A lot, apparently. I never knew. He was in the army, and after he got out, he traveled… everywhere, basically.”
“Why did no one tell you?”
“They wanted to keep me safe, I guess.
"They wanted to keep the whole family safe after what happened to him.”
“What do you mean, bro. What happened?”
“I can’t talk about it, but it doesn’t matter now anyways. I’m living a different life now.” Flinn never shared much about his past or his family with anyone, not even Raheem. It has always been a mystery. This was the most he had ever shared with him.
“Well, are you going to go?”
“No, I can’t. I have work. It took too much to get here. I can’t just give it away.”
“It’ll still be here when you get back, bro.”
“If only it was that simple.”
“It can be. You have money saved up. Chicago isn’t going anywhere. We’re not going anywhere. Plus, you’ve always talked about traveling more. Why don’t you take some time to do it.”
“I suppose, but I like my life here.”
“If you don’t do it now, when will you? You’ve taken a leap before, why not take another one. You’re smart, you’ll land on your feet, bro. Besides, your grandfather thought it was important enough to not only give you his journal, but hide you a letter for you to find when you needed it most. Maybe now is when you needed it most. You’re way too stressed at work anyways, and I can tell you’ve been off for a while now. Perhaps some change could give you what you need.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Monday morning, when Flinn gets to work, he walked straight to his boss's office. He turned in his letter of resignation.
Two weeks later, he took the red line to the blue line to O’Hare. Journal in hand, he boarded a flight to Dublin.

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Chapter 21:【Tales of Fire and Ice】
“Well, well well!” Crowley triumphantly announced. “Wu Zeitan has stolen Tsukuyomi’s precious scabbard and thus made him very angry! Will he get it back? Will he win? Will the fight turn out to be rigged in order to sell Tsukuyomi-themed peanut butter? All those questions will be answered!”
Upon seeing the enraged countenance of the young god on the battlefield, the King of Demons grasped his chin in thought silently, before pondering to himself with a smirk, “…Who would have thought that gods could be so attached to toys that aren’t made of flesh?”
“Oh my Nun!” Thoth gasped. “It’s beautiful! I wish I could get a closer look!”
“Ahh.” Crowley sighed. “Nothing like some good old-fashioned Grand Larceny.”
“That damn brat!” Izanagi snarled. “How dare she lay her hands on a divine treasure!” Amaterasu just watched, her smile looking almost amused.
Standing on guard nearby them was a goddess with short brownish hair and an oni mask covering her mouth, lightly armored over her kimono, an equally ornate scabbard at her hip. She put a hand to her waist and looked towards the arena in slight annoyance.
“Jeez, at least treat it with some proper respect…” she muttered, her tone sharp and irritated.
Catching the reflection of light, the sheath was subliminally visible to the entire world. It shone brighter than any platinum, encapsulated by the shadows created by the engraved design on the sheath. Holding it high above her, Wu smiled gently, like a flower amidst blossoming.
On the other side, the emperors of China fumed in various degrees of shock to apprehension.
“That girl! She’s always so materialistic!” Emperor Gaozong scolded, his knuckles white as he clutched the arms of his throne. Meanwhile, his son was almost folded entirely against the short wall between the arena and the stands, looking almost hysterical. Qin Shi Huang himself housed a frown upon his face, his brows slightly scrunched in scrutiny. Dionysus smiled almost knowingly, swirling his wine in his glass as he waited…
Distances away from the distracted empress, the young god let out a final shaking breath. He knew there would be whispers in the audience all around the castle, coming down to berate him, to affront him, to criticize him.
He refused to listen. Instead, he looked forward and sternly demanded, “Give it back! You have no right to—”
The words of the young god woke Wu from her trance and her hands snapped at the young god with such speed that it was shocking she didn’t break her own neck. Zetian rushed towards Tsukuyomi, forcing the disarmed god to instinctively take a defensive stance.
“Hahaha! I’ll beat you to death with this beauty!” The Empress proclaimed, before she swung the scabbard at Tsukuyomi’s head, forcing him to dodge to the side, at which point she delivered another, even faster strike at his waist. The sheer force of the attack knocked the god to the ground, unable to recover..
Or so she thought, before jutting her head backwards to dodge out of the way of Tsukuyomi’s roundhouse kick. “I was given more methods to defend myself than just a sword!” The moon god shouted, as his father’s words echoed in his mind:
‘What if you were to be disarmed? Do not solely rely on your weapons. Make your body itself a deadly blade.’
It was hard for him to adjust to the new style of combat…he could not rely on his innate gifts to help him. Tsukuyomi gritted his teeth, and pressed forward to master his parents’ teachings. His mother had taught him how to harness the flow of power in all things, and his father had taught him the relentless, graceful martial techniques of the angels. And now, he pressed onward, striking with both in tandem. Flowing, ferocious strikes rained down, each strike leading into another, each shift of Tsukuyomi’s feet, another barrage. The rapid offense forced Zetian to put up her guard, an amused grin on her face.
“So you want to try and beat me at my own game, eh?~ Hahaha! Bring it on then, you arrogant little shit!”
“Out of all of our glorious father’s offsprings, Tsukuyomi may well be the best when it comes to hand to hand combat.” Metatron proclaimed from the stands, earning a glorious nod from Michael. A slight, nervous-sounding giggle was heard from next to Lucifer, coming from a goddess in a white and gold kimono- she’d dressed as well as possible for this match.
“Haha…he really is. Both me and your father can attest to that. He’s always worked especially hard on it and his swordsmanship…I’m proud of him.” Izanami said. A soft smile was on her face, clearly more confident than usual as she watched her son fighting in the arena.
Lucifer breathed a deep sigh next to them, gaze glued to his son. “If only Tsukuyomi understood that himself. He focuses so much on what he can’t do that he overlooks what he can…”
Back in the arena, Tsukuyomi dropped low and dragged his foot, attempting to sweep out Wu’s legs from his position. However, the Empress jumped away laughing, having the time of her life. “Hahaha! So fun!” She spun the scabbard in her hand, taunting the moon god further with its presence.
Tsukuyomi looked more determined than ever, raising his eyes from the ground. “I can do this…”
“I can reclaim it,” his conviction echoed. However, mired with the light that shone from the gluttonous eyes of the Empress who had claimed his scabbard, he had forgotten the true purpose of their showdown. A corner of Wu's lips twitched.
Tsukuyomi jumped to his feet and charged to grapple her, opening his arms wide.
“Kyaa!” She yelped, causing several members of the audience to gape in shock. “The pervert is trying to grope me!”
The moon god’s face tinged red. “N-no, I-” He started, abashed. Sensing the release of tension in the god’s arms, Wu struck.
“Just kidding~ You’re mine!” Wu grinned as she bashed the god’s face in with his scabbard, several teeth flying out of his mouth joined with spots of blood. As his senses were clouded, the empress wound her legs back, and sent her powerful knee toward the god’s defenseless stomach. At the last second, Tsukuyomi raised his forearm to block the strike, while his opponent drew distance between them with the tap of her boots as her feet met with the ground.
“E-eh…?!” Izanami stammered, clearly caught off guard and very much concerned. She blinked a couple of times as if trying to process what she had just seen.
Dionysus gorged himself on another glass of crimson wine before letting out a childlike giggle. “Ahh~ Such an intimate fight~ My favorite~ They only lack oil on their bodies~”
Qin Shi Huang raised an eyebrow at him. “This isn’t that sort of fight. But you would wish it was, wouldn’t you?”
“Let's play some more!” Wu exclaimed to the heavens, before rushing at Tsukuyomi with her heart aflame.
The moon god was still flustered. “Is.. is this just a game for you?” Then, his face hardened. “I suppose that's better for me then…”
His life flashed before him as his precious sheath ripped through the air towards his face. The wild empress swang it with an unparalleled, furious desire. Tsukuyomi brought his palm up and directed the blow above him, before he swung his left arm upwards, with the momentum gained- towards the side of Zetian’s disabled arm. His strike landed square on the empress’ jaw; causing her to rip her arm back up and hit Tsukuyomi with utterly explosive force, a force that was much to her surprise, only able to knock him a couple of feet away. Tsukuyomi shoved her back into a clumsy stumble as she looked down at her arm with utter shock. The arm that had performed the whip-like strike had been cleanly dislocated, and despite Zetian’s martial prowess and strength, it wouldn’t be moving anytime soon. This was Tsukuyomi’s chance.
‘No matter how much you dull the pain you receive, you’re still no more durable than usual. You can trick your brain, but not your body…’ A sense of confidence captured Tsukuyomi’s mind for a fraction of a second, before he became focused once more. While Wu stared at her arm with a blank yet curious look, Tsukuyomi jumped forward and brought his hands to the sheath. She snapped out of her dazed state and attempted to grip it further, but the young god did something unexpected.
His hand went to the opening of the sheath, and from it, he drew a pearlescent blade of light into his hands.
“I swear, everyone gets an infinite sword generator nowadays!” Crowley mused.
Izanami smiled, watching her son go back on the offensive. “Umm…You’ve got this! Don’t back down!”
Pushing his leg back and raising the blade, Tsukuyomi then launched himself towards the retreating Wu and sliced down at the remains of her garment with chilling precision. Occasional blows would tear at her flesh and freeze the blood into crystals of dreadful gore. Her movements remained unsteady due to his earlier dazing strike- and Tsukuyomi took full advantage, slashing rapidly with his blade of light. His attacks were precise, intended to land as many blows as possible while Wu’s defenses were staggered, targeting the areas where she was faltering the most.
‘This is going somewhat well, but to think I would fight this sloppily…’ Tsukuyomi chastised himself internally, his sorrowful demeanor resurging. He wanted to end the fight as soon as possible. And he seized the chance to do it at this very moment, he circled behind Wu and brought his foot round to Wu’s hip with melancholy vigor, knocking the empress to her knees, before using his momentum and full strength to swing his blade towards her exposed neck. But just in time, Wu fully recovered from her daze and hastily moved the sheath to stop her foe’s blade. Sparks flashed as Tsukuyomi’s arms trembled. Through the cool air, there was a small noise that resounded, a very distinct crack. As Tsukuyomi gazed up at the place where their blows met, his eyes blew wide with realization.
Where the wings of an Angel were engraved on the sheath, a light fracture began to emerge upon their midline. Sparks fell to the ground in mourning as a burst of emotion encompassed Tsukuyomi’s mind. His vision tunneled, staring solely at that fracture in horror. A shaky breath escaped him. ‘No, no! Father!’ He wished to turn to look through the castle windows at his father at this moment, but he could not let himself move. ‘I’m sorry…! I didn’t mean to—’
A sudden movement caught his eyes, and before he could resolve himself from his uncontrolled horror, Zetian struck at him ferociously. Spinning around as she rose to her feet, her arm arced towards him in a motion new to all in the arena, herself included- a newly created weapon of carnage. Her demonic eyes saw all of the world around her and how it could break, and her body itched to utterly crush it, her bones and muscles moving on their own. Zetian’s enhanced mind and ruthless battle instinct had combined in a stroke of sudden martial genius. The only thing left to do was to swing the weapon that they had given her. The Empress let out a battle cry to the heavens as Tsukuyomi attempted to retreat away, still looking at the cracks of the sheath as he raised his guard. And in that moment…the arm Tsukuyomi had thought unusable swung upwards at him, almost like a life-reaping sickle of flesh and blood, slicing through the air audibly and slipping right past his guard. The god of the moon gasped as his opponent grinned savagely.
WHITE TIGER’S ASSAULT
He tried to dodge backward- to block would be too risky. But even that wasn’t enough. Four claw marks tore Tsukuyomi’s clothes into pieces as they slashed into his chest and stomach, causing the moon god to cry out in shocked agony. Droplets of blood flew towards the face of the deranged mortal, which she licked from her cheek with a gleeful smile.
“Oh my!” Thoth gasped. “Zetian has unleashed a truly horrifying technique!”
The Wine God of Greece spoke out above the confused outrage, “How fancy~! It must have been the wind~ She attacked with such a concentrated force that the air itself sliced into Tsu-chan~ You can even see the cuts on the castle walls”
“Tsukuyomi!” cried out Izanami. Her eyes were wide and panicked. She took a deep breath and clutched the sides of her chair tightly, trembling for a moment.
Tsukuyomi cringed in pain as he looked back towards the horrible, blood-soaked beast before him. Its crimson eyes bore into his soul. “My my~ Perhaps I misjudged you.” It said mockingly as it turned off Demon Mind. “You are quite the skilled fighter yourself. Did your daddy teach you that as well?~”
The capricious mockery echoed throughout Tsukuyomi's very being. His bones recoiled in distress and his blood boiled. Yet his mind remained still. Was it enlightenment? Had he realized something? What had the young god come to understand?
Deep in the wilderness of Helheim…
Since his first venture into the underworld, it was clear to all that Tsukuyomi’s skills had truly blossomed. His blade’s movements were graceful, precise, and true, and the hazy light reflected off it had become just as elegant. Dim yet brilliant, shining gentle within each skillful strike. That was the beauty Tsukuyomi’s blade had achieved.
Yet today, the god of the moon saw no beauty in the light he had honed.
Below him lay a lifeless oni of Helheim, a great and feared devil, but to Tsukuyomi, little more than a milestone in his training. And now, yet another reason for him to be ashamed. Severe, deep, and decidedly inelegant gashes surrounded by ice covered the oni’s corpse, his face frozen forever in a twisted howl of agony. He had died with his eyes open. However, there was a twisted artistry to the slashes that had ended him- the crescent smoothness of those brutal slashes, the way they flowed into and around each other, visible even after the slaughter, had bloomed into a beautiful pattern of icy carnage.
This was what Tsukuyomi had trained for. This was the mastery he wanted to attain.
After all, he had finally managed to properly channel his light.
It was a moment he would remember forever. The moonlight had seared itself into his mind. The writhing, dying screams of the oni, the crackling of flesh, and the hollow sound of his blade striking true. When that massive, once-mighty corpse fell to the ground, his battle-tested club clattering to the ground beside him, Tsukuyomi only felt a rush of relief. Where had the adrenaline of victory gone? Had this been a battle, or an execution?
Tsukuyomi took a few deep breaths and sheathed his sword with a trembling arm, nearly cutting himself by accident, as if he couldn’t stand to look at it or away from the corpse. The reality that it was a weapon of war and not art was sobering. But this was his fault. Neither the blade or the light were stained with blood, rather, it was he who wielded them. He had destroyed instead of protecting, and caused another to die in agony. He had broken his promise, and over something as pitiful as his lack of mastery. For the first time in years, Tsukuyomi’s gentle heart began to ache and waver.
He buried the oni with his club before returning home.
The next day…
The winds of the mountaintop felt harsher than usual, howling like the wails of the damned. But Tsukuyomi simply ignored them. Again and again, without a moment of pause, he swung his radiant sword. The same combinations, the same movements, the same strikes, over and over, with moonlight coursing through each maddening repetition. His usual resolve had given way to almost manic determination. Izanami watched him silently. She had noticed the strange look in his eyes as soon as he’d returned from his battle, but trusting her son, had decided to give him some space to think. Perhaps he’d find some clarity during the day’s training.
Clarity, however, seemed farther away with each swing. Tsukuyomi’s eyes were almost bloodshot. He’d been training for hours before the break of dawn. Everything had melted away long ago, save for the blade and the reason he was swinging it. His own pure and immutable inadequacy. Even keeping a single promise was too much for him, something as simple as fighting to protect. His heart felt like it was about to burst. He couldn’t look away from his task. The oni’s body wouldn’t fade even if he did. He had to do this.
Especially since his father would be visiting later.
He continued to swing the sword. More light began to flow into it.
“I have to master myself.”
The howling wind, Izanami’s words, his own thoughts, they all became unclear white noise, the world drowning in the shine of his blade.
“Master myself.”
His eyes narrowed. He was fully focused. He started to swing faster, brighter. Ice was beginning to spread across his arm, but it didn’t slow him down for a moment.
“Come on. Master yourself.”
He swung the sword again and again. More ice crept through his arm. His sword was beginning to crack and shake. He wouldn’t stop.
“Master yourself, damnit!”
Even his own movements became nothingness to him. He didn’t notice the blinding white light forming around him, or the crystals that already coated his body, or the sword shattering into pieces, flying by and slicing him. It didn’t feel cold at all. It didn’t hurt. He didn’t hear Izanami crying out for him to stop.
“MASTER YOURSELF!”
And then, the world became white and radiant.
Since the beginning of creation, there had never been a moon in Helheim’s sky. The strange, eerie lights in the blood-red sky simply turned to darkness as the hours passed, with no true light ever coming in. That was the law of the realm itself.
But on this day, for ten shining, frightening minutes, moonlight shone down on the underworld.
It was nothing less than a light of calamity. A star of pure, radiant white hung in the sky, erratically, harshly forcing itself into a new form every moment, thrashing violently in the darkness. It was a crescent one moment, a shining fragment the next, and a full orb of deathly light immediately after. An unstable and beautiful calamity. With each sudden shift, wrathful moonlight rained upon the land. The howling tears of the moon fell to and razed the earth in a rain of disaster. Mountains, plains, forests, all were swallowed by that white and chaotic light. It was as if the heavens themselves were punishing the underworld.
This was the chaos that lay within an angel’s light. The light Tsukuyomi had so desperately wished for back then, and yet, hadn’t even begun to fathom. The light he had gained from his father. That sacred light, his greatest desire, was just the same as his blade: all his mastery and divinity given form, a beautiful, graceful, and glorious weapon of ruin.
It was a light that could never truly protect.
Those ten minutes of devastation eventually passed. The moon vanished, and Helheim’s sky returned to its natural gloom. Yet a single shining light remained within it. It slowly floated to the ground, almost gently so, and landed in front of Izanami’s surprisingly unharmed abode. She was waiting in the garden. Lucifer looked up towards her, as she immediately fell to her knees in front of him, tears in her eyes. His eyes twisted ever so slightly in guilt. She had been burned by light, his light, clearly after a struggle. She had done all she could to help.
“I’m sorry…I…I really tried, I shouldn’t have…and even you got hurt…”
Lucifer shook his head, unbothered by the frostbitten wounds on his scarred body. He hadn’t used his radiant armor for even a second, much less his weapon. He put a hand on Izanami’s head to calm her, as he had many times before.
“...Don’t worry about it. It can hardly be called an injury. And I couldn’t risk harming our son.”
The gentle coolness of his voice and the warmth of his hand slowly brought Izanami back to reality. She took a few deep breaths, before taking Tsukuyomi from Lucifer’s other arm. His body had no wounds, but he was clearly close to death, pale and haggard, as if drained of all light. The young god had utterly broken himself under his own light. Izanami almost sobbed looking at him. While Lucifer’s face remained mostly still, as he closed his eyes, the ruler of heaven felt the familiar, ever-present weight of utmost guilt…along with a slight tinge of fear.
Even now, millenia after the fall, with his supreme divine power and command over all of heaven, the greatest of angels still couldn’t protect a single boy. Those he loved and couldn’t save were still falling through the cracks, just as they had back then. It still wasn’t enough.
His, too, was a light that could never truly protect.
“...Take him inside, please. I’ll join you two in a moment.” Lucifer said. He gazed forlornly from the mountain’s edge, quietly observing the destruction his son had wrought upon Helheim. Izanami simply nodded and did as he asked. Right now was one of those moments when Lucifer needed to think alone. Lucifer turned his head briefly, and gave an almost regretful glance towards Tsukuyomi as he vanished behind the front door. It was in that moment that the mightiest among divinities offered a silent prayer for forgiveness.
“You haven’t failed, Tsukuyomi… You never did... As a father, a mentor, and a god…I’m the one who has failed you. The shame of weakness is mine alone to bear.”
He took a slight breath, and turned to join his family inside.
“I’m sorry for always being such a coward. I hope…that this serves as even the smallest compensation.”
Fastened at his hip was a beautiful sheath, adorned with two angelic wings and a jewel that glimmered like the moon.

My best friend and I are both 23 and have known each other since 10. For backstory she moved away at 14, we texted but that was it. She ended up moving back at 20 with her mom when her parents divorced and although we had not seen each other for 6 years, it was as if nothing changed and she once again became my best friend as an adult. We caught up on life and she was obviously emotionally stunted.
I found out when she moved she was homeschooled, she never made a single friend, she never worked, did not learn to drive, stayed home all day. It wasn't her fault but her parent's fault and I feel terrible that's how she was raised when she moved. Well I'm the opposite. Moved out at 17, have been working since 15, very social, always dating and trying to meet new people. Lived though a lot of crazy shit and want to do as much as possible lol. Ive always been aware my friend has some mental problems (abandonment issues, ocd, anxiety). Since she moved back we have never argued or fought until a couple days ago.
If I was hurt or upset by something I usually kept it to myself because I know she's sensitive and means well. But recently she used me by taking my idea to open a bakery and excluded me from the project when I asked her to partner with me. At first I didn't tell her it upset me because I was happy she was finally making money but after a couple months I decided to be honest with my feelings. I just told her it hurt my feelings when she excluded me with the business and stole my logo, theme and business name. Well.... she broke down. She told me she didn't even realize she took it from me and that I was actually interested in doing it. I stayed calm and told her it was ok and just a misunderstanding and I should have communicated better with her but I just wanted to tell her my feelings instead of holding them in and was happy I heard her side. She started sobbing and freaking out. Ive never seen anything like it. I kept reassuring her it was ok but she kept saying how terrible she is and how she now hated herself and wished she was dead. It freaked me out so I just kept reassuring her it was ok until she calmed down.
I now feel terrible. I always put others feelings above me and for once I admitted how I felt and ended up having to apologize and now I'm worried about her. After she calmed down she then told me she wanted to be honest with me as well. She told me she fears I will meet new friends and leave her because I like making friends. I told her she is like a sister to me, that no matter what she's my best friend. But she wouldn't let up. She said she has no desire to make friends and all she needs is me. Now, I understand this Is because her dad abandoned her, she never made other friends and I'm all she has. She even told me a couple years ago she does get jealous and what not. I have no idea how to deal with this. I suggested therapy and she shot that idea down. I wasn't very pushy with the idea but I am going to hang out with her soon and would like some advice.
I told my boyfriend and he says this is psycho behavior. It sucks because I totally understand how she sounds insane but I know she isn't a bad person. She had terrible parents and no one to guide her. Some of her behavior reminds me of me when I was younger so she does just seem emotionally immature. Ive grown a lot in the past few years (been sober 8 months, working towards a career, taking care of my mental and physical health). No matter what, she is family to me and I want to help guide her in the right direction because I wish I had someone to help me when I was lost in life and mentally unwell. Should I have a deeper conversation about therapy with her? Should I ask her more questions about her past to get her to open up and realize the root of her problems? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Tl;Dr
Best friend isn't addressing her mental health problems that affect are relationship, she is possessive and unwell. How do I address this topic with her so she gets the help she needs.

Aspects of Morbid Jealousy
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment/article/aspects-of-morbid-jealousy/06CBB7BF78CC43C785AE6F7C0F0046C9
Morbid jealousy is only possible on someone mentally unstable and delusional. It includes witnessable accusations that have no backing. It is pathological in nature, and it signifies someone mentally unstable.
"Morbid jealousy describes a range of irrational thoughts and emotions, together with associated unacceptable or extreme behavior. In which the dominant theme is a preoccupation with the partner's sexual unfaithfulness based on unfounded evidence."
The delusional nature of the morbidly jealous person causes them to refuse to change their beliefs even in the face of conflicting information, shedding new light on the disturbing denial behavior found in the extremely disturbed.
"Healthy people become jealous only in response to firm evidence, are prepared to modify their beliefs and reactions as new information becomes available, and perceive a single rival. In contrast, morbidly jealous individuals interpret conclusive evidence of infidelity from irrelevant occurrences, refuse to change their beliefs even in the face of conflicting information, and tend to accuse the partner of infidelity with many others."
Overvalued ideas are also seen in the morbidly jealous, shedding more light on future denial studies. The idea is pursued beyond the boundaries of reason. They are willing to cause the partner distress and disadvantage to keep them as a possession, often sometimes permanently destroying much of the socioecology out of sheer jealous rage.
"Sims (1995:pp 17 & 368) raised the possibility that morbid jealousy could take the from of an 'overvalued idea' (Box 4), that is, an acceptable comprehensible idea pursued by the patient beyond the boundaries of reason. The idea is not resisted and although it is not a delusion, the patient characteristically attaches utmost importance to investigating and maintaining the partner's fidelity at great personal disadvantage and to the distress of the partner."
Substance use can be a way for someone with morbid jealousy to self-medicate
"For example, a person with paranoid personality disorder may become preoccupied with and distressed by jealous overvalued ideas, develop a delusion of infidelity and turn to substance misuse in an attempt at self-medication."
Especially men will feel morbid jealousy when experiencing sexual dysfunction, often afraid of being left for someone who doesn't have any problems where sexual intercourse goes smoothly without a bunch of problems.
"It has also been suggested that morbid jealousy may arise in response to reduced sexual function. Cobb (1979) drew attention to the elderly man whose waning sexual powers are insufficient to satisfy a younger wife. Vauhkonen (1968) described sexual dysfunction per se to be important, but whether this was considered to be a primary or secondary is unclear."
Economic depression has been associated with increased incidence of delusional jealousy (Shepherd, 1961).
Jealous people (not all people jealous of people are in a relationship with them; some are just crazed stalkers) will go as far as purchasing underwear to look for signs of sexual activity.
"They include interrogation of the partner, repeated telephone calls to work and surprise visits, stalking behaviors, or hiring a private detective to follow the partner. Jealous individual may search the partner's clothes and possessions, scrutinize diaries and correspondence, and examine bed linen, underclothes and even genitalia for evidence of sexual activity. They may hide recording equipment to detect clandestine liasons, and some go to extreme lengths, including violence, to extract a confession from their partner."
Morbid jealousy is especially disturbing because the convictions cannot be refuted rationally, showing the circuitry of pathological denial and rationalization are shared.
"Heroic efforts to prove innocent or disprove guilt must fails, as irrational preoccupations cannot be refuted rationally (Shepherd, 1961: Mooney, 1965, Seeman, 1979).
Men capable of these delusions and men with circuitry of extreme denial and rationalization are the most likely to be violent.
"Morbidly jealous men were more likely to attack their partners than were morbidly jealous women and they tended to inflict more serious injuries."
Denial and rationalization is linked to the psychotic externalized expression.
"Nevertheless, psychotic drive in delusional jealousy seems to be a particularly important association, as it is generally in linking psychotic conditions and violent actions."
Individuals undergoing DV due to the cruelty are designated homeless to get them out of a situation that is roofing them, not housing them, and can't even do that. Even though unseen, there is no shelter occurring.
"With the assistance of a social worker, the victim may be advised to approach the local authority under the housing Act 1996, in which individuals who suffer domestic violence are designated as homeless."
Given the violence that women undergo, those women who have even short relationships with mentally unwell men were better off never having those relationships. The logical conclusion is while this issue grows and does not see justice, women should not date at all given the safety risk.
"After separation, the morbidly jealous partner may continue to intrude upon and even stalk the victim, maintain a sense of entitlement to the partner, seeking a reconciliation and expecting continuing fidelity. Among stalkers, those who have had a prior relationship with the victim to act violently against them."

"A Calamity of Souls" by David Baldacci is a compelling mystery novel that chronicles the investigation of FBI Special Agent Vanessa Pryce into a series of horrible killings in a small hamlet in Virginia. As Pryce looks more into the case, she uncovers a network of dark secrets and long-buried traumas that threaten to tear the community apart.
The novel opens with the discovery of a young woman's death in the woods, starting off a series of events that leads Pryce and her team down a complex path of deceit and betrayal. As the body count grows, Pryce races against time to catch the culprit before they attack again.
Baldacci's superb narrative keeps readers guessing until the very end, with enough of twists and turns to keep the suspense high. The pacing is quick, with each chapter ending on a cliffhanger that pulls the tale ahead.
One of the novel's strengths resides in its well-drawn characters, particularly Pryce, whose persistence and perseverance make her a captivating protagonist. The supporting cast, including Pryce's colleagues and the locals caught up in the investigation, are similarly well-developed, bringing depth and complexity to the plot.
Baldacci also excels in creating atmosphere, with evocative descriptions of the small town location and the eerie air of dread that hangs over the investigation. The sense of place is palpable, bringing readers into the heart of the mystery and keeping them involved until the very conclusion.
While "A Calamity of Souls" is a standalone novel, it touches on themes such as justice, redemption, and the essence of evil that will appeal with lovers of Baldacci's prior work. The novel's investigation of the evil side of human nature lends depth and complexity to the plot, lifting it beyond a basic whodunit.
Overall, "A Calamity of Souls" is a gripping mystery story that combines suspense, intrigue, and emotional depth in equal measure. Baldacci's superb storytelling and well-drawn characters make this a must-read for fans of the genre.
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