Pillow humping vids ipod
pillowplay
2022.12.31 19:38 FunANDGAMEZyum pillowplay
Pillow Humping. Papi has hundreds of vids…
2024.05.18 01:48 Main-Preference-4850 Is my dog neutered?
So I have a four year old dog that we got as a puppy, he is a mut but a DNA test proves he is mostly a yellow lab. When we got him, we were told by the shelter that he was neutered. He humps a lot of things, however. He used to hump anything he saw; our leg, our whole selves if we sat down, pillows, blankets, stools, etc. Now, though, he only humps blankets and pillows. He does hump these things quite often, and just today I saw him as he finished; his penis was out, erect, and at the base I saw two large balls. As the point of a neutering is removal of the testicles, I am asking: Do you think my dog was really neutered? Is there a way I could tell without taking him to a vet? Why might the shelter have claimed he was neutered if he isn't?
Update: I can't believe so many people saw this in such a short time! Thank you all, I realized what I saw was just the bulbus glands.
submitted by Main-Preference-4850 to PetAdvice [link] [comments]
Update: I can't believe so many people saw this in such a short time! Thank you all, I realized what I saw was just the bulbus glands.
2024.05.17 18:12 n_ba-28 What model to get for thinkpad modding?
Hey y'all! Just saw a vid on yt about the old ibm thinkpad modding community? I decided that a need to be a part of this. I already love to tinker with ipods so i should be able to do some mods.
I'm looking for something absolutely bulky, that's upgradeable. I want it to be indestructible. Rn i have a rog strix g15 and a 2011 mbp 13. If possible, i'd want something that's almost as fast as the 2011 macbook (with heavy mods ofc)
I'm really new to thinkpads, but i'd like it to have/be able to receive a firewire port, since i use tape cameras that require it.
I hope a model meets my standards and i can find it near me for cheap. Thanks to anyone willing to help!
submitted by n_ba-28 to thinkpad [link] [comments]
I'm looking for something absolutely bulky, that's upgradeable. I want it to be indestructible. Rn i have a rog strix g15 and a 2011 mbp 13. If possible, i'd want something that's almost as fast as the 2011 macbook (with heavy mods ofc)
I'm really new to thinkpads, but i'd like it to have/be able to receive a firewire port, since i use tape cameras that require it.
I hope a model meets my standards and i can find it near me for cheap. Thanks to anyone willing to help!
2024.05.17 06:09 PrincessJoeDirt Is it wrong for me (24F) to hate my bf (35M) dog?
Is it wrong for me to hate my partners dog
I have always been a dog lover but since meeting his dog, I have slowly become a dog hater.
Backstory — we met from our mutual love for our dogs. It was thoroughly expressed at the beginning of our relationship how much passion/love we had for our pets. Mine: long haired, female, older dog. His: short hair, male, younger dog.
This butthole of a dog; jumps on you, marks on everything, can’t walk without pulling, barks at everything, humps at dog parks, steals toys/balls, literally uses a house and a car like it’s a jungle gym, destroys all toys, whining constantly, sheds like crazy (short hair so it’s like needles), howls when you leave him for 2 mins, NO RECALL and worst of all… sleeps in the bed.
My dog: trained so well she could be a service dog and only sheds twice a year. She is SO mannered, I can’t even explain all traits she possesses. Her only “cons” she very protective (doesn’t like other dogs in her bed or touching my purse and barks 3 times when someone rings the door bell) Recently she’s been very yappie when playing fetch with over dogs.
I’m on the verge of ending this relationship out of hatred for this ballsack. I’ve expressed my need for his dog to be trained. Especially since now my dog is picking up bad habits (pulled on the leash, barking in the car, whining).
I’ve told him my rules for the house, which I don’t think are unreasonable; No dogs on the couch while eating there, no playing/scratching the couch, dogs don’t sit on top on the couch/in the pillows, No dogs under the sheets in the bed/no sleeping in the bed, dogs sleep in there own beds, certain toys are not shared, no dogs in the garden, no begging, dogs sit nicely in the backseat of the car, no jumping on people and dogs wait for permission before jumping on the bed/couch. He always agrees but NOTHING changes!!!
His dog is not stupid, it has so much potential to be an amazing dog. I’m showing him how to train it, but he’s not consistent to see a difference.
This issue is, he think his dog has no faults. The dog will be humping another dogs and he laughs! Like wtf go get your dog. He’s dog will sneeze, he like ”I think my dog is sick” but if I hurt myself he like “oh are you okay”. He doesn’t think his dogs sheds but it’s EVERYWHERE. We have been dating for 2 years and his dog is still his background on his phone….
I’m over not being his top priority and I’ve expressed that but I don’t think it will change. I want to grow together but I think this dog will always come before me.
The WORST OF WORST, he want to breed this horrible creature and have another one of its puppy’s. I will not! I don’t believe in having the same dog breed more than once and I definitely don’t believe in having a dog that is unruly/doesn’t work for your lifestyle.
AITAH for having this hate or is this normal?
submitted by PrincessJoeDirt to u/PrincessJoeDirt [link] [comments]
I have always been a dog lover but since meeting his dog, I have slowly become a dog hater.
Backstory — we met from our mutual love for our dogs. It was thoroughly expressed at the beginning of our relationship how much passion/love we had for our pets. Mine: long haired, female, older dog. His: short hair, male, younger dog.
This butthole of a dog; jumps on you, marks on everything, can’t walk without pulling, barks at everything, humps at dog parks, steals toys/balls, literally uses a house and a car like it’s a jungle gym, destroys all toys, whining constantly, sheds like crazy (short hair so it’s like needles), howls when you leave him for 2 mins, NO RECALL and worst of all… sleeps in the bed.
My dog: trained so well she could be a service dog and only sheds twice a year. She is SO mannered, I can’t even explain all traits she possesses. Her only “cons” she very protective (doesn’t like other dogs in her bed or touching my purse and barks 3 times when someone rings the door bell) Recently she’s been very yappie when playing fetch with over dogs.
I’m on the verge of ending this relationship out of hatred for this ballsack. I’ve expressed my need for his dog to be trained. Especially since now my dog is picking up bad habits (pulled on the leash, barking in the car, whining).
I’ve told him my rules for the house, which I don’t think are unreasonable; No dogs on the couch while eating there, no playing/scratching the couch, dogs don’t sit on top on the couch/in the pillows, No dogs under the sheets in the bed/no sleeping in the bed, dogs sleep in there own beds, certain toys are not shared, no dogs in the garden, no begging, dogs sit nicely in the backseat of the car, no jumping on people and dogs wait for permission before jumping on the bed/couch. He always agrees but NOTHING changes!!!
His dog is not stupid, it has so much potential to be an amazing dog. I’m showing him how to train it, but he’s not consistent to see a difference.
This issue is, he think his dog has no faults. The dog will be humping another dogs and he laughs! Like wtf go get your dog. He’s dog will sneeze, he like ”I think my dog is sick” but if I hurt myself he like “oh are you okay”. He doesn’t think his dogs sheds but it’s EVERYWHERE. We have been dating for 2 years and his dog is still his background on his phone….
I’m over not being his top priority and I’ve expressed that but I don’t think it will change. I want to grow together but I think this dog will always come before me.
The WORST OF WORST, he want to breed this horrible creature and have another one of its puppy’s. I will not! I don’t believe in having the same dog breed more than once and I definitely don’t believe in having a dog that is unruly/doesn’t work for your lifestyle.
AITAH for having this hate or is this normal?
2024.05.17 02:37 Far-War-3804 A22 SPECIAL FORCES RESCUE Military and Civilian J6ers from Deep State PRISON. April 22, 2024.
 | https://preview.redd.it/69fuqhpytv0d1.jpg?width=696&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=340facca5c5a2045764f22b2b1aaf1063746d5d9 submitted by Far-War-3804 to CourtofAges [link] [comments] A22 SPECIAL FORCES RESCUE Military and Civilian J6ers from Deep State PRISON. April 22, 2024. United States Special Forces on April 7 raided a Deep State prison in the Aleutian Islands and freed 27 patriotic political prisoners whose only crime was peacefully visiting the Capitol on January 6, 2021, sources in General Eric M. Smith’s office told Real Raw News. As reported last week, GITMO detainee Matthew Graves, a D.C. district attorney, tended to talk in his sleep, pejoratively slandering President Trump and espousing vitriol toward the MAGA coalition. His nocturnal ramblings included the words “Rura Penthe,” a Klingon penal asteroid, and “Adak,” an Aleutian Island and former military base 1,200 miles from Anchorage. Graves had also said the name “Matthew Bradford,” a Marine Corps captain who disappeared shortly after visiting the Capitol on J6. Admiral Crandall found meaning in Graves’ hateful twaddle. He suspected that Graves had unknowingly disclosed the name and location of a covert Deep State jail housing J6ers the feds had captured and imprisoned without due process, unlawfully depriving them of liberty, property, and, perhaps, life. He shared his suspicions about Adak Island with the White Hat council. The former Adak Navy Air Facility (NAF) sits in the center of the Aleutian chain. It was built in 1942 as a forward base to attack then-Japanese-held islands in the Pacific and repurposed in the 1950s as escalating tensions between the U.S. and the Soviet Union plunged much of the world into a Cold War. NAF’s peak activity occurred in the early 80s when 6,000 military personnel and civilian contractors lived on the isolated 79,200-acre base, which occupied three-fifths of Adak Island. In early 1991, as the global tensions de-escalated and the Cold War wound down, the Defense Department’s reduction of forces initiative led to the systematic reassignment of the base’s occupants. The DOD formally shuttered NAF on March 31, 1997, and the once sparsely populated tundra became depopulated again, its only remaining inhabitants 45 hermetic natives and rotating Department of Environmental Conservation survey teams. Though devoid of a significant population, the fogged-in island has a controlled airport managed by the State of Alaska Department of Transportation. Alaska Airlines flies 737s, mostly cargo and DEC employees, into Adak Airport twice weekly. General Smith, our source said, pulled strings to have a U.S. surveillance satellite point its high-resolution optics at the airfield and crumbling base replete with prefabricated houses in various stages of decay and earthen bunkers made of steel and stone. The base even had a McDonald’s, its golden arches split in half; Big Macs no longer served. The satellite’s brief orbit over Adak imaged only three bodies standing next to a grass-covered ferrocement bunker. No airplanes were on the runway. “Three guards were hardly a Deep State army, but the general felt there could’ve been more, including the hostages, in buildings the satellite didn’t penetrate,” our source said. Our source said the images crystallized in Gen. Smith an urgency to rescue the hostages and hold their jailors accountable. “If they’ve been moved, someone there will know where they are now,” the general told the White Hat Council. He coordinated the rescue op with his allies at 1st Special Forces Command. They ruled out a sea-based operation because sending a ship from GITMO to the Bearing Sea would take too long and be too conspicuous. They saw one workable option: landing a plane, neutralizing the opposition, and flying the prisoners to safety—a risky endeavor since only a thousand feet of open ground lay between the runway and NAF’s dilapidated infrastructure, Their plan seemed simple on paper. A 6,000-foot parachute jump. Secure the airfield and terminate any federal presence. Rescue the hostages. Meanwhile, the plane would loiter above the island until Special Forces requested extraction, when the plane would land to recover all friendlies. The general said he would arrange the transportation—a C-17 Globemaster would meet the Special Forces team at Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage on April 7. “One council member opposed, and I’m not at liberty to say who, the plan, but the general said ‘this is a briefing. I am not seeking consent’ and shut him down. The mission was a go,” our source said. The 1,200-mile flight from Anchorage to Adak Island was uneventful, he added. Special Forces leaped from the C-17 at 2:00 am into dark skies filled with light drizzle. Upon landing safely, with all team members accounted for, they stowed their chutes and armed themselves before marching to the deserted airport, save for a scattering of civilian vehicles and a dull yellow school bus, its rearview mirrors cracked and tires almost deflated. The tower, too, was unoccupied and black as pitch. Snipers provided overwatch from the tower while a half dozen soldiers formed a defensive perimeter at either side of the runway, eyes peeled for vehicle and foot traffic. The remaining soldiers humped east in the frigid air toward rows and columns of Cold War bunkers and two-story barracks with gable roofs. A single sentry wearing a black tactical suit betrayed his presence by puffing a cigarette. They spotted the flaring tip, red as a warning light, before the rifle hanging off his shoulder. The man spoke aloud to himself, saying, “I hate this shit.” “You’re going to hate this even more,” said the Special Forces soldier who ambushed him from behind and started sawing into his neck with a garrote. He gave the choking man an ultimatum: reveal the disposition of enemy forces and J6er’s whereabouts or die. The man, who had DHS credentials, spluttered that five feds, three currently asleep, were guarding 27 “domestic terrorists.” He told Special Forces he didn’t want to be on Adak Island and that the DHS had forced the assignment on him. Doubting the fed’s sincerity, Special Forces grilled him twice more, but the federal goon stuck to his story. He pointed out the buildings in which the guards were sleeping and the bunkers that housed the hostages. Satisfied, Special Forces sawed deeper into his neck until he died. One fed was snoring loudly enough to wake the dead when a soldier placed one hand over his mouth and plunged a knife into his chest with the other. Another had his pants around his ankles and was taking an early morning piddle as two bullets hit the back of his head. And yet another had been deep in slumber before his rude awakening; a soldier was pressing a pillow against his face and starving his brain of oxygen. The final guard had been patrolling the open ground between three bunkers but stopped moving when a sniper’s bullet hit his forehead. He was still breathing as a soldier tore a keyring from his belt loop. Special Forces unlocked and pulled open the steel doors. Inside were 11 civilian males ages 21 to 73, each confined to makeshift cells someone had constructed inside the bunker. The second bunker held four civilian women, one of whom told her rescuers that the guards had raped her repeatedly. The last bunker held Captain Matthew Bradford and 11 other male service members the Deep State had scooped up during its manhunt for J6 “insurrectionists.” Special Forces radioed the C-17 to land at once. The plane dove beneath the clouds and swooped in for a landing. Hostages too sick or injured to walk were carried by stretcher onto the plane. “The unfortunate souls went through hell,” our source said. “I’m not getting into their individual conditions right now but they’re all alive and in our protective custody.” Asked what Special Forces would have done had there been more hostages than the plane could carry, our source said, “Then they would’ve held the position until the C-17 got them to Anchorage, refueled, and came back.” As an aside, in a follow-up call this morning, we asked our source to either confirm or deny rumors suggesting the Real Donald Trump is “under the mountain” while a body double sits moodily in court. “Two Trumps? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. What are you, stupid? President Trump is a courageous leader. He doesn’t scurry away from enemies like a frightened animal. He charges them! He doesn’t hide behind doubles and clones like a cowardly Obama or Biden.” |
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Remember to check our Ai Generator: CandyAI
2024.05.16 06:13 Express_Pen_9665 Officially one week on nofap
To be honest I didn’t think I would even get this far, because before one week ago I was addicted to the most disgusting kind of porn ever, I was too far down the rabbit hole. But now since starting a week ago I haven’t had THAT bad of urges which is when it’s supposed to be the worst mainly because the last time I fapped I had the worst clarity ever and I fully put into perspective what I was doing and how wrong it was for one of the first times, I’ve noticed my confidence has went up only a bit because I feel more confident looking people in the eyes now even though I haven’t been doing it for that long. Literally the best tip I can give is just think logically and why you’re doing this and to put into perspective how wrong what you are doing is, and if you get horny and get boners just hump your pillow or something soft that you like, thrust it only a few times and that urge to fap just seems to almost entirely go away for some reason which I don’t think I’ve seen ever get talked about. Once again I’m proud that I’ve came this far (no pun intended) and will never fap or intentionally watch porn in my life again.
submitted by Express_Pen_9665 to NoFap [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 18:37 -TRAP-MAN- Why do people film their dogs humping a pillow/plushie and post it online… I’ve seen that shit for the 3rd time already on YouTube shorts
I
submitted by -TRAP-MAN- to NoRules [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 04:27 Reasonable_Act_9196 pillow hump doggy adikunnavar undoo dm (hashimnazmi)
 | submitted by Reasonable_Act_9196 to malludesi [link] [comments] |
2024.05.14 02:48 Miles_Everhart Follow up to Angry Bloodweave Facial
This has everything;
Halsin’s bad cooking, Gale being an idiot, tadpole shenanigans, pillow humping, mage hand and other wizard silencing threats, wizard on rogue violence, squishy sweetness, power play, butt stuff, YOU NAME IT
submitted by Miles_Everhart to OnlyFangsbg3 [link] [comments]
Halsin’s bad cooking, Gale being an idiot, tadpole shenanigans, pillow humping, mage hand and other wizard silencing threats, wizard on rogue violence, squishy sweetness, power play, butt stuff, YOU NAME IT
2024.05.13 22:00 DiscoverDurham Things to do in Durham this week!
If you’d like to add an event to our calendar, submit an event here. Please check with the event organizers to see if events change due to weather. Have a great week!
See the full weekly calendar on our website.
Board Game Night at The Glass Jug in Downtown Durham
5 p.m.
Arts & Drafts at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Disc Golf Putting League at The Glass Jug in RTP
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Boxyard Run Club at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
In Other Words at Arcana
Duke Baseball vs College of Charleston at Jack Coombs Field
Bring Your Own Vinyl with Jaffar at Rubies on Five Points
Women on the Wall at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
6:30 p.m.
Trivia at Durham Food Hall
Pony Ride at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Trivia at Beer Study Durham
Not Rocket Science Trivia at DSSOLVR Durham
Tuesday Blues Jam at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Comedy Night at Bull City Ciderworks
Jeremy 'Bean' Clemons Trio at Kingfisher
Enter Shikari at Motorco Music Hall
Vision Video + Tears For The Dying at The Pinhook
Senior Short Game Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
10:30 a.m.
Storytime on the Roof with Durham County Library at The Durham Hotel
12 p.m.
Adult Recess at CCB Plaza
3 p.m.
Durham Farmers’ Market at Durham Central Park
4 p.m.
Whiskey Wednesdays at Alley Twenty Six
5 p.m.
Free Wednesday Wine Tasting at Beer Study Durham
5:30 p.m.
Ride of Silence at CCB Plaza
6 p.m.
Queer Craft Night and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Bimbe Community Block Party at Holton Career & Resource Center
Come Take a Flight With Us: A Bright Black Workshop at Proximity Brewing Company
Free RTP Business Rockstar Connect Networking Event at Sheraton Imperial Hotel
Sweet Social: Auntie's African Ice Cream at The Durham Hotel
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Pickle at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
7 p.m.
Bottle Swap: Homebrew Club at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company
Skip The Small Talk: Speed Friending Event at Fullsteam Brewery
Hammered Trivia at Hi-Wire Brewing
Karaoke Night at Mavericks Smokehouse
Music Bingo at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
3rd Wednesday Jazz Jam Session at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
Brett Chambers Open Mic at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Air Hockey Tournament at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia Night at Bull McCabe's
Karaoke at Moon Dog Meadery
The Weeks at Motorco Music Hall
Blends With Friends at The Pinhook
Harnessing the Power of AI to Ensure Equitable HR Practices at RTI Holden Building
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
12:15 p.m.
Midday Meander: A Strolling Conversation at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
3 p.m.
Guided Museum Tour at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
5 p.m.
Thirsty Thursdays at Dashi
Righteous Roots Reggae Show at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
Walking Club with Bull City Strollers at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
6 p.m.
Queer Trivia at Arcana
Vinyl Night with DJ Deckades at Gizmo Brew Works
6:15 p.m.
Pony Run at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
6:30 p.m.
AfterHours: Science of Beer at Museum of Life and Science
Line Dance Classes at Mystic Farm and Distillery
Space Code Youth Open Mic at NorthStar Church of the Arts
Boulders & Brews Meetup at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
7 p.m.
Trivia Night at Beer Tooth Taproom
Bimbé Cypher at CCB Plaza
Bring Your Own Vinyl Night at Congress Social Bar
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Summer Jazz Jam (Curated by Al Strong) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Al Strong Presents Jazz on the Roof at The Durham Hotel
7:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Big Slow Tom at Clouds Brewing Brightleaf Square
Reverend Billy C. Wirtz / Armand Lenchek & Carter Minor at The Blue Note Grill
Pillow Talk: Speed Dating and Conversations About Sex / Sexuality at The Pinhook
8 p.m.
Weekly Single Mingle at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia at Fullsteam Brewery
Danny Lopriore at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
DJ Halo Presents: No Requests at Rubies on Five Points
9:30 p.m.
Karaoke Night at The Tavern
Tasting at Ten at Counter Culture Coffee
12 p.m.
Co-Working Social at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
4 p.m.
Late Spring Tree Ramble at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
5 p.m.
Guided Museum Tours at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
Food Truck Friday at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
LOJO: Log Off, Jam On at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
Aly J & Kevin Clark and Tarot with Kathleen at Arcana
Third Friday Art Walk at Downtown Durham
Friday Night Makes at Durham Arts Council
May Third Friday at Durham Arts Council
Counterpoints Exhibition Reception at Durham Bottling Co.
Third Friday at Golden Belt Arts
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Screenprint Roundup at The Fruit
The Patio Dance Parties : Clueless Fridays at Unscripted Durham
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
Live Vinyl Spinning by PhDJ at Beer Study Durham
Early Show: John Howie Jr. / Ramona and The Holy Smokes at The Pinhook
7:30 p.m.
Evening Eno Exploration Paddle at Eno River
Evan Ringel & Ariel Pocock at Sharp 9 Gallery
8 p.m.
Pass the Aux at Boricua Soul
Stereo Reveries at DSSOLVR Durham
Karaoke! at Fullsteam Brewery
Cheekface at Motorco Music Hall
Dance Blues Friday at Studio 5
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
The Floor: Special Guest THEYDYLIKE at Rubies on Five Points
Lookin For A Cure at Bull City Running Company-South
8 a.m.
Durham Farmers' Market at Durham Central Park
parkrun Durham at Southern Boundaries Park
9 a.m.
South Durham Farmers' Market at Greenwood Commons Shopping Center
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
10 a.m.
Pop Up Record Show at Beer Durham
Durham's Home Goods Market at Black Wall St Gardens
Bear Awareness Week at Museum of Life and Science
10:30 a.m.
Mother's Day Brunch at The Durham Hotel
11 a.m.
Battle of the Blades 2024 at Historic Durham Athletic Park
12 p.m.
Springtime Outdoor Market at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Crafternoons at Gizmo Brew Works
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
1 p.m.
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Say It With Glass Workshop - Sam Nguyen at Moon Dog Meadery
Bimbé Celebration at Rock Quarry Park
2 p.m.
Closing Reception — Dan Gottlieb: Figure Ground at Craven Allen Gallery
Durham "Bullpen" Treasure Hunt - Walking Team Scavenger Hunt! at Fullsteam Brewery
3 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Family Fun Saturday: May Flowers at Guglhupf Restaurant
5 p.m.
Rooftops and Alleyways Community Canvas Wall Brawl at Dashi
Durham Blues & Brews Festival at Durham Central Park
Hops & Blues at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
6 p.m.
The Moon Unit and Tarot with Emily at Arcana
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Crones of Anarchy: Blues, Rock, Americana at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
7:30 p.m.
Jim Ketch Swingtet at Sharp 9 Gallery
Big Birthday Dance Party: Combo Platter with 2 Sides at The Blue Note Grill
8:15 p.m.
BBYMUTHA: Sleep Paralysis Tour 2024 at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
Fortune Factory Presents: Taurus Dance Party at Rubies on Five Points
Jazz Brunch at Lula & Sadie's
10:30 a.m.
Al Strong Presents Jazz Brunch at Alley Twenty Six
12 p.m.
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
Sunday Dollar Bin Sale for Charity at Rumors Durham
Supernatural Sunday - Psychic Affair + Healers Market at Weldon Mills Distillery
Farmers Market at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery
12:15 p.m.
Public Tour at Duke Chapel
2 p.m.
Hillandale Golf Beginner Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
3:30 p.m.
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Showings at Scripps: Miguel Gutierrez at ADF's Samuel H. Scripps Studios
Carmina Burana at Baldwin Auditorium
Día de las Madres Kermes at El Futuro’s Therapeutic Green Space
String Break at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Emma Jane's EP Release Show and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Open Mic Night at Moon Dog Meadery
7 p.m.
DPW Limit Break at Durham Convention Center
submitted by DiscoverDurham to bullcity [link] [comments]
See the full weekly calendar on our website.
Noteworthy Events
The Lion King at DPAC- Winner of six Tony Awards®, including Best Musical, this landmark musical event brings together one of the most imaginative creative teams on Broadway.
- Wed, May 15 - Sun, June 9
- $29.50+
- Let your inner child shine as you play games, make crafts, and enjoy the fresh air during your lunch break!
- Wed, May 15
- 12-2 p.m.
- Free admission
- Thu, May 16 - Sat, May 18
- This family-oriented event is a celebration of African and African American history, culture, arts, and traditions. This year's headliner: Monica!
- Sat, May 18
- 1-7 p.m.
- Free admission
- This adventure begins at the London home of the Darling family, a typical evening in 1912, as the weary parents try to settle their children down for bed while the young ones insist on staying up late. Little do Wendy, John, and Michael know that a fantastic journey awaits them that night.
- Sat, May 18
- 3 p.m. and 6 p.m.
- $32+
- Wrestlers from all over the world will gather in one place for a night you won't forget.
- Sun, May 19
- 7 p.m.
- $25+
Multi-Day Events
The NGIN Cityscapes Summit at Durham Convention Center- Hosted by national nonprofit, New Growth Innovation Network, prepare to connect with like-minded professionals and engage with purpose-driven organizations. Immerse yourself in workshops and captivating keynotes from renowned speakers, featuring three tracks of insightful sessions: Inclusive Capital, Community Wealth Building, and Reimagining Systems.
- Wed, May 15 - Fri, May 17
- Registration fees vary
- Enjoy fabulous Greek food, desserts, wine and beer in a festive outdoor atmosphere. Continuous Greek music and scheduled folk dance performances.
- Sat, May 18, 11 a.m. - 9 p.m. and Sun, May 19, 11 a.m. - 7 p.m.
- Free admission
- Enjoy a look inside the historic McCown-Mangum House, Photography Museum, and Mill.
- Sat, May 18 and Sun, May 19
- 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.
- Free admission
- Libeled Lady
- Dirty Harry & Assault on Precinct 13
- Cat City
- Back to Black
- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
- UHF
Monday, May 13
2 p.m.Board Game Night at The Glass Jug in Downtown Durham
5 p.m.
Arts & Drafts at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Disc Golf Putting League at The Glass Jug in RTP
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Tuesday, May 14
Events at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company- 12-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
- 7-9 p.m. - Bull City Beer Runners Run Club
- 7-8 p.m. - Puzzled Pints Game Night
- 5:45-6:30 p.m. - Community Zumba Classes
- 6-8 p.m. - Music Bingo
- 6-8 p.m. - The Glass Jog Run Club
- 6-9 p.m. - Stitch & Sip
Boxyard Run Club at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
In Other Words at Arcana
Duke Baseball vs College of Charleston at Jack Coombs Field
Bring Your Own Vinyl with Jaffar at Rubies on Five Points
Women on the Wall at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
6:30 p.m.
Trivia at Durham Food Hall
Pony Ride at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Trivia at Beer Study Durham
Not Rocket Science Trivia at DSSOLVR Durham
Tuesday Blues Jam at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Comedy Night at Bull City Ciderworks
Jeremy 'Bean' Clemons Trio at Kingfisher
Enter Shikari at Motorco Music Hall
Vision Video + Tears For The Dying at The Pinhook
Wednesday, May 15
Events at Atomic Empire- 6:30 p.m. - Dragon Ball Fusion World Release Event
- 7 p.m. - Flesh and Blood Armory Event
- 12-2 p.m. - Hear & There: Daniel Delorenzo
- 5:30-8:30 p.m. - Game Night
- 7-8 p.m. - Signature Wine Tasting
- 7-8:30 p.m. - Laughs Comedy Night
Senior Short Game Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
10:30 a.m.
Storytime on the Roof with Durham County Library at The Durham Hotel
12 p.m.
Adult Recess at CCB Plaza
3 p.m.
Durham Farmers’ Market at Durham Central Park
4 p.m.
Whiskey Wednesdays at Alley Twenty Six
5 p.m.
Free Wednesday Wine Tasting at Beer Study Durham
5:30 p.m.
Ride of Silence at CCB Plaza
6 p.m.
Queer Craft Night and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Bimbe Community Block Party at Holton Career & Resource Center
Come Take a Flight With Us: A Bright Black Workshop at Proximity Brewing Company
Free RTP Business Rockstar Connect Networking Event at Sheraton Imperial Hotel
Sweet Social: Auntie's African Ice Cream at The Durham Hotel
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Pickle at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
7 p.m.
Bottle Swap: Homebrew Club at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company
Skip The Small Talk: Speed Friending Event at Fullsteam Brewery
Hammered Trivia at Hi-Wire Brewing
Karaoke Night at Mavericks Smokehouse
Music Bingo at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
3rd Wednesday Jazz Jam Session at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
Brett Chambers Open Mic at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Air Hockey Tournament at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia Night at Bull McCabe's
Karaoke at Moon Dog Meadery
The Weeks at Motorco Music Hall
Blends With Friends at The Pinhook
Thursday, May 16
Events at Boxyard RTP- 7:30-8 a.m. - Bike Durham: Bike to Work
- 12-2 p.m. - Taking Back Thursday: Sheila Casalett
- 12-8 p.m. -Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
- 7-9 p.m. - Thursday Trivia with Nick
Harnessing the Power of AI to Ensure Equitable HR Practices at RTI Holden Building
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
12:15 p.m.
Midday Meander: A Strolling Conversation at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
3 p.m.
Guided Museum Tour at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
5 p.m.
Thirsty Thursdays at Dashi
Righteous Roots Reggae Show at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
Walking Club with Bull City Strollers at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
6 p.m.
Queer Trivia at Arcana
Vinyl Night with DJ Deckades at Gizmo Brew Works
6:15 p.m.
Pony Run at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
6:30 p.m.
AfterHours: Science of Beer at Museum of Life and Science
Line Dance Classes at Mystic Farm and Distillery
Space Code Youth Open Mic at NorthStar Church of the Arts
Boulders & Brews Meetup at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
7 p.m.
Trivia Night at Beer Tooth Taproom
Bimbé Cypher at CCB Plaza
Bring Your Own Vinyl Night at Congress Social Bar
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Summer Jazz Jam (Curated by Al Strong) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Al Strong Presents Jazz on the Roof at The Durham Hotel
7:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Big Slow Tom at Clouds Brewing Brightleaf Square
Reverend Billy C. Wirtz / Armand Lenchek & Carter Minor at The Blue Note Grill
Pillow Talk: Speed Dating and Conversations About Sex / Sexuality at The Pinhook
8 p.m.
Weekly Single Mingle at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia at Fullsteam Brewery
Danny Lopriore at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
DJ Halo Presents: No Requests at Rubies on Five Points
9:30 p.m.
Karaoke Night at The Tavern
Friday, May 17
Events at Atomic Empire- 6:30 p.m. - Lorcana: Ursula’s Return Release Event
- 6:30 p.m. - Commander Legends: Battle for Baldur's Gate Draft
- 5-9 p.m. - Food Truck: La Republica Taco Truck
- 8-11 p.m. - Open Mic Stand-up Comedy
- 7:30-9 p.m. - Wit: An Improv Comedy Game Show
- 9-10 p.m. - Hush Hush
- 6:45 p.m. - Lindy Hop Lesson + Dance
- 7:30 p.m. - Djam
- 9:30 p.m. - Bachata Dance Night
- 6-8 p.m. - The Duke Street Dogs
- 9:15 p.m. - The Beautiful People Club
Tasting at Ten at Counter Culture Coffee
12 p.m.
Co-Working Social at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
4 p.m.
Late Spring Tree Ramble at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
5 p.m.
Guided Museum Tours at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
Food Truck Friday at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
LOJO: Log Off, Jam On at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
Aly J & Kevin Clark and Tarot with Kathleen at Arcana
Third Friday Art Walk at Downtown Durham
Friday Night Makes at Durham Arts Council
May Third Friday at Durham Arts Council
Counterpoints Exhibition Reception at Durham Bottling Co.
Third Friday at Golden Belt Arts
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Screenprint Roundup at The Fruit
The Patio Dance Parties : Clueless Fridays at Unscripted Durham
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
Live Vinyl Spinning by PhDJ at Beer Study Durham
Early Show: John Howie Jr. / Ramona and The Holy Smokes at The Pinhook
7:30 p.m.
Evening Eno Exploration Paddle at Eno River
Evan Ringel & Ariel Pocock at Sharp 9 Gallery
8 p.m.
Pass the Aux at Boricua Soul
Stereo Reveries at DSSOLVR Durham
Karaoke! at Fullsteam Brewery
Cheekface at Motorco Music Hall
Dance Blues Friday at Studio 5
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
The Floor: Special Guest THEYDYLIKE at Rubies on Five Points
Saturday, May 18
Events at Atomic Empire- 11 a.m. - Pokémon TCG: League Cup
- 1 p.m. - Lorcana: Ursula’s Return Release Event
- 2 p.m. - Game Designers of North Carolina Meetup
- 11:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. - Saturdaze: DJ k.ward
- 1-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Death By Taco
- 3-7 p.m. - 3rd Saturday Vintage + Maker Market
- 5-9 p.m. - Home Brewed: CNOTE Art Spectacular
- Every Saturday, 10-10:30 a.m. and 11-11:30 a.m.
- 7:30-8:30 p.m. - House Party
- 8:30-9:30 p.m. - Harold Night
- 9:30-10:30 p.m. - Mint Condition Standup Showcase
- 5-8 p.m. - Menace To Society Album Listening Party
- 7:30-10 p.m. - HUMP! Film Festival
- 10 p.m. - 2 a.m. - Puro Perreo Pari
- 7:30 p.m. - Boogie Burly Nights... A Groovy 70s Show
- 10:30 p.m. - Drake and Friends 2
- 2 p.m. - Downtown Durham Walking Tour
- 4 p.m. - Durham African American History Tour
- 6 p.m. - Downtown Durham True Crime Tour
Lookin For A Cure at Bull City Running Company-South
8 a.m.
Durham Farmers' Market at Durham Central Park
parkrun Durham at Southern Boundaries Park
9 a.m.
South Durham Farmers' Market at Greenwood Commons Shopping Center
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
10 a.m.
Pop Up Record Show at Beer Durham
Durham's Home Goods Market at Black Wall St Gardens
Bear Awareness Week at Museum of Life and Science
10:30 a.m.
Mother's Day Brunch at The Durham Hotel
11 a.m.
Battle of the Blades 2024 at Historic Durham Athletic Park
12 p.m.
Springtime Outdoor Market at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Crafternoons at Gizmo Brew Works
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
1 p.m.
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Say It With Glass Workshop - Sam Nguyen at Moon Dog Meadery
Bimbé Celebration at Rock Quarry Park
2 p.m.
Closing Reception — Dan Gottlieb: Figure Ground at Craven Allen Gallery
Durham "Bullpen" Treasure Hunt - Walking Team Scavenger Hunt! at Fullsteam Brewery
3 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Family Fun Saturday: May Flowers at Guglhupf Restaurant
5 p.m.
Rooftops and Alleyways Community Canvas Wall Brawl at Dashi
Durham Blues & Brews Festival at Durham Central Park
Hops & Blues at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
6 p.m.
The Moon Unit and Tarot with Emily at Arcana
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Crones of Anarchy: Blues, Rock, Americana at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
7:30 p.m.
Jim Ketch Swingtet at Sharp 9 Gallery
Big Birthday Dance Party: Combo Platter with 2 Sides at The Blue Note Grill
8:15 p.m.
BBYMUTHA: Sleep Paralysis Tour 2024 at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
Fortune Factory Presents: Taurus Dance Party at Rubies on Five Points
Sunday, May 19
Events at Atomic Empire- 11:30 a.m. - Star Wars: Shatterpoint Tournament
- 12 p.m. - Battletech Campaign Day
- 1 p.m. - Lorcana: Ursula’s Return Release Event
- 2-4 p.m. - Hammered Trivia with Casey
- 4-8 p.m. - The Blood Connection Blood Drive
Jazz Brunch at Lula & Sadie's
10:30 a.m.
Al Strong Presents Jazz Brunch at Alley Twenty Six
12 p.m.
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
Sunday Dollar Bin Sale for Charity at Rumors Durham
Supernatural Sunday - Psychic Affair + Healers Market at Weldon Mills Distillery
Farmers Market at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery
12:15 p.m.
Public Tour at Duke Chapel
2 p.m.
Hillandale Golf Beginner Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
3:30 p.m.
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Showings at Scripps: Miguel Gutierrez at ADF's Samuel H. Scripps Studios
Carmina Burana at Baldwin Auditorium
Día de las Madres Kermes at El Futuro’s Therapeutic Green Space
String Break at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Emma Jane's EP Release Show and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Open Mic Night at Moon Dog Meadery
7 p.m.
DPW Limit Break at Durham Convention Center
Running Art Exhibit
Hometown (Inherited): Ten Year Retrospective at The Fruit- This project examines the changing landscape of our city through a series of forty mixed media pieces the artist has created since 2014.
- Third Friday openings on Apr 19 and May 17, 6-9 p.m.
- Drop-in by appointment and Wednesdays 4-7 p.m.
- Free admission
- Each piece begins as a photograph, which is then printed on acrylic and worked with a variety of paints and compounds to create a unique surface.
- Sat, May 4 - Sat, May 18
- Free admission
- Sacred Geometry is an ancient field of physics whose equations are expressed through shape. Shape is a way to explore the universal fabric of our existence.
- Sat, May 4 - Sat, June 1
- Free admission
- It Ain’t All Black and White is a photography exhibition that encourages us to consider emotions such as serenity, apprehension, yearning, and more.
- Captured by 11 dynamic photographers dedicated to documenting the fullness and complexity of Black life, this exhibition offers each of us an opportunity to see ourselves with renewed attention.
- Thu, Apr 25 - Sun, June 2
- María Magdalena Campos-Pons: Behold is a monographic exhibition of a visionary voice in photography, immersive installation, painting and performance.
- Thu, Feb 15 - Sun, Jun 9
- Every week, Tue-Sat 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sun 12-5 p.m.
- Free admission
- Counterpoints is a curated showcase of local AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) artists, delving into the convergence of AAPI identity and mental health. Inspired by the intricate layers of musical counterpoint, its purpose is to weave together diverse narratives and confront the stigma surrounding mental health within our communities.
- Wed, May 1 - Sun, June 16
- Mon - Fri, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.
- The Divine Nine Legacy Memoir delves deep into the history of the National Panhellenic Council (NPHC) or "Divine Nine," a collective of nine Greek Letter organizations founded on May 10th, 1930.
- These organizations were born out of the necessity to provide a voice for Black American students within the collegiate space. United by principles of service, community, brotherhood, and sisterhood, the Divine Nine work collectively to uplift society through acts of service to underserved areas across the nation.
- Fri, Apr 19 - Sat, June 1
- Free admission
2024.05.13 21:27 No_Tip2465 am I still a virgin and do I have a body count? Have I had sex?
Me (16f) and bf (16) have done many things I deeply regret like getting fingered, give a handjob to him and dryhump or hump a pillow next to him. It sounds awful and I feel like throwing up. I feel so unpure and dirty its actually insane. Im wondering if its possible Im still a virgin and do I have a body count now? Did I have sex?. I wanna be clean. This is my biggest regret and I love him but sometimes its hard to stay away from these things. I feel like no man will ever want to marry me after this. Im letting God down all the time. I have promised not to do it again. Is it possible I didnt break my promise to wait for marriage? Can I start over? How do I remove this horrible guilt that is affecting me everyday. I compare myself to girls who say their bc is 0 and that they are pure and havent done anything.
submitted by No_Tip2465 to Christianity [link] [comments]
2024.05.12 09:01 pianoplayerjas The Sharp Knife of a Short Life
There was a boy. I’d known him since I was 5 but it wasn’t until I was older that I truly noticed him. We were in 6th grade when we started taking an advanced math class together. I could tell he was smart, funny, and a person I’d want to be around for a long time. Middle school and all the drama that ensues during that time quickly invaded my life. My social group shifted and I found myself closer to my friend, Dakota. By the time we were in 7th grade he was tall and strong. Blond hair and a light greenish set of smart eyes. We started working together outside of school. My dad worked for his dad and I often found myself at their house. Dakota had one older brother, a younger brother, and a younger sister. I’m the oldest of four so I could handle the chaos of lots of kids in a home. I had some of my most fun memories in middle school at that home. Not just me and Dakota, but with other friends we worked with, our siblings, and family friends. Nerf gun fights, swimming in the pool, and playing manhunt on the homestead that they lived on. I developed what you could consider a crush on Dakota. And the feeling was mutual. He hinted with the not-so-subtle flirting of a 14 year old boy. Pulling my hair, taking my things, and throwing snacks were often his go-to moves.
One night at a Christmas party, us “kids” were watching a movie while the adults played games and hung out in the other room. At some point, his head ended up on my lap. I remember touching his hair, but ultimately deciding I did NOT want someone to see this and assume the worse. Another time, we were alone in the basement. The basement was the place of all our friend hangouts. The video and board games were down there, along with the nerf guns. One night we were on the couch showing each other memes from our iPod touches. We were laughing and joking, then he handed me his iPod to read the next one. Except this wasn’t a meme: it was his notes app. On the screen it said “I think you are beautiful”. I instantly blushed and tried to hide my face. “Me?.....” I looked at him, also blushing red and he nodded. I told him thank you. It was the first time any boy had told me I was beautiful. In my own eyes, I was not. I had a big tooth gap because my parents couldn’t afford braces, and I wore glasses. I don’t know what he saw, but I appreciated the flattering compliment.
We entered high school where once again, your life shifts. You are faced with new teachers, new course materials, new teammates, and new challenges. We remained close friends through this time, by taking enough classes together and being involved with the same friends. It was nearing the fall homecoming season and I was nervous about getting a date. I saw many older boys asking girls to be their dates and I wondered if I would even have one my freshman year. Leave it up to my best friend Anna to set me up.
I clearly remember it was a Sunday night and I was watching football. My mom tells me she got a text from Dakota’s mom that there was a book she needed to grab from their house. She told me I needed to go with her. Without any context, I was annoyed she was making ME drive her there since I did not want to leave home. They lived about 5 minutes away so I figured the faster we leave the quicker I can get back home. Mom told me I should brush my hair.
“Why?”
“Well because you should look a little presentable.”
“It’s fine right, we’re just grabbing a book really quick, right?”
“Yes but you don’t want to leave the house looking like you do.”
I huffed and opened our sliding glass door going outside to the car.
“You should at least put some shoes on!”
“I’m FINE, Can we just go and get this over with”
I angrily and annoyed drove/ sped down the paved road to their house, all the while questioning my mother why she really needed me to go with her.
“I don’t know, there might be something there for you.”
I had no idea what that meant. We drove to the shop on their property that this supposed book was. I stepped out of the car, barefoot on the gravel and walked into the shop. There I see Dakota, holding a sign. I frantically looked around to figure out what was going on. I see Anna crouched in a corner covering her smiling mouth. I looked at his sign and read the homecoming proposal which used lyrics and titles from Beatles songs, my favorite band.
“Oh, Dakota! Of course yes!”
I gave him an awkward hug and turned around to realize that my mother didn’t need a book at all.
Dakota was sweet. In an innocent way. He had casually asked before if we could date, but being the reserved and shy individual I was, I had always declined. After the dance, we drifted, not for any particular reason. I heard he had started dating a different girl. She was older by two years. Was I hurt? Not particularly. Was I jealous? Maybe a little more so. They went to prom together and she was definitely way prettier than me. It happens, I thought, we aren’t meant to be. A romantic relationship would definitely change our entire chemistry.
Summer came and we were out working together on his family’s farm. We spent hours in the fields, talking, singing, and sweating. Just good friends again. It was normal and felt right. We spent a week together in late July on a church trip. We worked on a homeless shelter with our youth group and had a fun yet powerful time together. My mom, dad, and brother were on this trip as well, along with many of our church friends. After the week was done on Saturday, we drove back to our town. I remember waving goodbye to his family in their Suburban as they left the church parking lot. I didn’t realize how significant that goodbye would be.
A few days went by and we had casual texting conversations about work and school starting in the next few weeks. He texted me Tuesday night that his dad really needed some help the next morning bright and early. I wanted to sleep in. He texted “Don’t worry about it, we’ll get it covered.” A decision I’d soon regret.
Wednesday morning, I go to the church with my mom to do a couple of things with her. I can’t even recall what it was. We were getting into our car when we heard loud sirens throughout our small town. Mom and I looked at each other. Sirens are never a good sign. We get in the car, curious, but praying whoever needs the ambulance is okay. My mom gets a phone call. It’s one of our family friends. She says Dakota and his older brother have been in a bad car accident. That heavy feeling that makes your heart sink to your stomach instantly hit me. “They’re okay, they’re okay, they’re okay.” I kept telling myself. The ambulance was going fast, and Dakota is strong. He’s practically invincible. My mother’s friend tells us that we should stop by Dakota’s house to grab the boys clean clothes and bring them to the emergency room. We drive in silence, except for maybe a short prayer that the boys are okay. We get to the house and my mom quickly runs up the stairs to the boys’ bedroom. I stay downstairs. I observe the dining room. Dirty laundry in the baskets. Dirty dishes on the counter. Dakota’s name on a marker board along with a list of chores to do. We speed to the emergency room in the nearby town. On the way we received a text from Dakota’s older brother, John. He said he was doing okay but he wasn’t sure about Dakota. We should be keeping their family in our prayers. The panic was rising in my throat. I had been nervous about things before. This was different. It was like a nauseating churn that started in my stomach. Like my soul was shaking out of my physical body. We got to the hospital, parked and my mom said I should stay in the car. Probably wanting to protect me from any scarring sights within the ER. I wanted to go in. Could I see him? She insisted that I stay in the car. I stayed. Frozen at first. Then rocking back and forth. My palms were shaking and itchy in the center.
“This can’t be happening. Not Dakota. He’s like my best friend. Kids don’t die. He’s too young. Too smart. He has an incredibly successful life ahead of him.”
I was eyeing the automatic door for any sign of someone that I recognized. The ten minutes I waited felt like an hour. Ten minutes of restless uncertainty. Then I see my mom. She had one of the hardest faces that I had ever seen her make. She opened the driver’s side door and I immediately asked “What’s going on. Is he ok?!”
She looks at me dead in the eyes, shaking her head, “He didn’t make it, Jasmine”
A million emotions and questions flood my brain. I started blubbering and sobbing while hitting the dashboard. “No, no, no. Why!? Why him?” My mom breaks down with me, not able to get out a single word. The family friend who delivered the phone call joins us in the car. She says Dakota’s in a better place now. I’m in a state of shock and disbelief. Hot tears will not stop streaming down my cheeks. We were silent on the way back home. I ran upstairs to my room and shut the door. I cried into a pillow for the rest of the afternoon. I skipped dinner. There was a candlelight vigil that evening at a church. I barely had the strength to go, but my mom said it would be good for me. I brought my water bottle. I ate nothing and only drank water to replenish my tears the next two days. Saturday morning, I went to a different church with my family to see Dakota’s family. The church’s youth were making survivor bracelets out of parachute cord. Dakota had made them during his depressive episodes during his 9th grade year, when we somewhat drifted. Dakota and I took Spanish class together our freshman year. One day he asked me what my favorite color was. I told him blue. The next day he gave me a blue bracelet he had made. He said he accidentally made one too small. I was instantly brought back to that moment while standing in the church with dozens of people learning how to braid the cord. When I got home, I tore apart my vanity in search for the bracelet he had made for me. I put it on my right hand. I wore the bracelet everyday for an entire year. I had a Dakota original.
Dakota’s brother, John, who was entering his senior year, invited many of us friends to go out to the place where the accident happened. It was a blind intersection that I had previously been weary of earlier that summer. The corn was high and there were no road signs for a yield or stop. John explained how they had just got in the truck after working the field about a half mile south and were going to take their lunch break. He said they had just started going down the road, picking up speed, when he heard a small voice tell him to put his seatbelt on. John put his seatbelt on, but Dakota didn’t. John said he felt as if there was something around the corner, but ultimately did not slow down near the intersection. A driver, going 50 miles per hour, t-boned them in the intersection. According to John, the truck rolled and Dakota was thrown through the windshield. John found his phone and quickly called 911. He found Dakota and blood was coming from his mouth. He had a large wound on his forehead where he had smashed the dashboard. John pulled him into the field of soybeans, opposite the corn, and tried performing CPR. Dakota was mumbling and sputtering blood before his breathing stopped. The paramedics pronounced him dead at the scene. They said he was internally decapitated.
The wake for Dakota was on Sunday night. I had a tough time finding the strength to go. We waited in line behind dozens of people for close to an hour. When I finally got up to him, my heart sank again. There he was. His skin was pale. His hair was not right. His mother, who was right by, said it was okay to touch him. I reached for his hair to move it how he usually wore it. As I parted it, I saw the large scar covered by gobs of makeup that the hair was covering on his forehead. I put it back.
His funeral was the next day. Monday. At 1:18PM, his birthday date. I felt sick the whole morning. My whole family got in the car and my mom was talking to my younger siblings. I was silent. I was going to one of my best friends’ funerals. The church where the funeral was held was absolutely packed. Parked cars took up the surrounding blocks. The church had multiple floors and rooms with casted video of the celebration of life. I was considered close enough to sit in the sanctuary in the front half of the pews. I sat with my gifted teacher and other friends from the gifted program. What a terrible way to end your summer. Saying hello to people you haven’t seen in a few months at a funeral. I remember the funeral. There were songs and the service was led in large by Dakota’s own mother. To this day I have no idea how she had the strength to do that. I remember a few of the songs that were sung, but I’ll never forget the sound of the casket closing. The last goodbye. The final SLAM. His face would never again have sunlight shown upon it. Never again would a person touch him, hold him, hug him.
My family tried to get out to the burial but the crowd was just too insanely large to get around. I had the final say that we could go home. I’d come back another time.
The next day, I went to the scene of the accident. It was an intersection 5 miles east of my house. Someone had put up a make-shift cross at the intersection. I brought a big University of Kansas patch from one of our gifted trips to place at the cross. He loved basketball, and especially the Jayhawks. On the back of the patch I had written “I love you”. That night, there was a big storm. I sat up straight in bed and started crying as the wind whistled by my windows. The patch.
When I woke up, I found a reason to leave home and went back out to the intersection. I ran up to the cross and found my patch wrapped tightly around the base with some old barbed wire. I burst into tears of relief. I have no idea who saved my patch.
The next two weeks were spent preparing for school and fall practice. I had decided to do tennis that fall instead of volleyball. On the first day of school, I rode the bus into the town with my school. We drove past the intersection and I burst into tears. I cried four more times that day. Each time in the class he should have been in with me. I was distraught. I have no other way to describe how absolutely depressed I was walking the halls. Teachers were not the same. There was an absence in our sophomore class. An absence on our football team. In our audition choir. In our youth group. And in me. I tried my best to get through it. I started journaling a little bit after the accident to help organize my thoughts. To remember all the little details I could about him. To write them down so they didn’t disappear.
My sophomore year was brutal. I was playing tennis in the fall with a small team of girls who helped to create a safe and calm environment for me. I spent all of my hours in the team vehicle listening to two Lifehouse albums on repeat. I’d look out the window and reflect. What was life? What was my purpose? Why did this happen?
I didn’t have an answer. I bottled it up. It seemed that a lot of my class who weren’t very close with Dakota had a lot easier time going back to their normal lives. I was missing a friend. There was a contact in my phone from whom I’d never received another text. I had unfinished business. We had talked all summer about how our math class and Spanish II classes would be so fun this year. The bracelet I wore everyday was getting a stark tan line.
The semester rolled on. One of my other close friends moved to Colorado. And my last best friend, Anna, was in her own self-discovery phase. She wasn’t as close to Dakota and I was more or less a depressed teen at that time. I cried at school. In the bathrooms. In the locker room or a small music practice room. Am I just that sensitive? Why is no one else dealing with this grief like I am? I tried to distract myself with various activities. It worked for the most part. In the spring, I went out for softball. I loved softball. I had been playing it for years. I even had helped “assistant coach” a little girls rec league with Dakota and his family a few summers beforehand. Softball was hard but I needed the challenge. I worked hard at the sport and found myself on the varsity team after multiple players were out for the season due to injury or illness. In the last regular season game, on May 9th on our home field, I broke my leg. I had a high impact with the catcher while trying to steal home. The ump called me safe and we won the game by a run rule as I crumpled to the ground. I remember thinking I could stand up, but the weirdest tingling started down my leg around my knee. My coach carried me off the field like a baby. I pulled my helmet off and one tear slid down my cheek. They put me on a stretcher while the athletic trainer checked my knee.
“Yep, you fractured a bone. We should get you in to the ER for an X-ray”
“Fracture? Like my bone broke?”
“Yes that’s what a fracture is”
I started sobbing. Not from the pain. From the overwhelming feeling of becoming an invalid for an uncertain amount of time. I slid in the back of my mom’s vehicle as we drove down to the county ER. We got there, I was still in uniform. Just hysterical. I had no idea what was going on as I had never had an injury like this before. The ER lady took X-rays of my right leg. The images came back and showed a tibial plateau fracture. I wouldn’t be walking for a while. They helped cut me out of my softball pants and sent me home with lots of pain killers. The next few days I spent vomiting from the strong norco drug. I had a surgery a few days later where they placed hardware in my knee and put me in a straight-leg brace. I was miserable. It was hot and scratchy and I had my finals coming up. I went back to school the next Wednesday or Thursday to collect some class work to do at home. As I lived on the downstairs couch for close to three weeks I found myself asking again “Why did this happen?” I finished the school year by doing my final projects and giving my German foreign exchange student friend a final hug. I remember thinking “This is a nicer way to say goodbye to someone forever”.
I couldn’t walk for most of the summer and I started painful physical therapy. I was frequenting 3 times a week for a long while to build back my strength and relearn to walk. As soon as I was weight-bearing, I started working outside again. Doing what I could with one crutch. Dakota’s dad hired me to help manage the field workers and I could do some wood stacking decently enough. On the 1 year anniversary of Dakota’s death, I went to the gravesite for a small ceremony. It was the first time I had been there. The intersection where he died was my frequent mourning spot, almost daily on my drive to and from school. The gravestone was large and obviously very expensive. It has a beautiful picture of him and the quote “You got this”, that he used often as a self-reassuring phrase. At some point after the 1-year, I stopped wearing the bracelet he made me. Was it time to let go? How long does one mourn?
The rest of my high school journey was tainted with the memories of him and the phantom memories of where I imagined him being. At my graduation, we had an honorary memorial and scholarship dedicated to him and his character. Then I went to college. I was already dating who would become my husband a number of years later.
Years have passed. There is no happy ending. I'm still here. Aging. Growing older while I can still see the face of my 15 year old friend. He isn’t growing. He’s in the ground. Resting. It feels like a lifetime until I can see him again. I’ve had dreams of him. Unprompted visions of him were prevalent for about 2 years after he passed. You would think this story would get easier after the number of times I’ve played in my head over all of these years. But it hasn’t. I’m in the acceptance stage of grief. I’ve lived life, gotten married, laughed again, and see a bright future for myself. Though I do often think, Where would Dakota be now? Would we have become closer friends? Would he be married? He would have made a good father.
Again, I have no answers to these questions that I suppose may eternally sit with me. I do have some answers though. I’ve learned how to not take people for granted. I’ve learned how to recognize depressive symptoms and how to be a listening ear for someone who feels hopeless. I’ve learned how to find purpose in helping people. I’ve learned patience. Sometimes patience is agonizing, which means the reward is definitely worth the wait.
submitted by pianoplayerjas to sadstories [link] [comments]
One night at a Christmas party, us “kids” were watching a movie while the adults played games and hung out in the other room. At some point, his head ended up on my lap. I remember touching his hair, but ultimately deciding I did NOT want someone to see this and assume the worse. Another time, we were alone in the basement. The basement was the place of all our friend hangouts. The video and board games were down there, along with the nerf guns. One night we were on the couch showing each other memes from our iPod touches. We were laughing and joking, then he handed me his iPod to read the next one. Except this wasn’t a meme: it was his notes app. On the screen it said “I think you are beautiful”. I instantly blushed and tried to hide my face. “Me?.....” I looked at him, also blushing red and he nodded. I told him thank you. It was the first time any boy had told me I was beautiful. In my own eyes, I was not. I had a big tooth gap because my parents couldn’t afford braces, and I wore glasses. I don’t know what he saw, but I appreciated the flattering compliment.
We entered high school where once again, your life shifts. You are faced with new teachers, new course materials, new teammates, and new challenges. We remained close friends through this time, by taking enough classes together and being involved with the same friends. It was nearing the fall homecoming season and I was nervous about getting a date. I saw many older boys asking girls to be their dates and I wondered if I would even have one my freshman year. Leave it up to my best friend Anna to set me up.
I clearly remember it was a Sunday night and I was watching football. My mom tells me she got a text from Dakota’s mom that there was a book she needed to grab from their house. She told me I needed to go with her. Without any context, I was annoyed she was making ME drive her there since I did not want to leave home. They lived about 5 minutes away so I figured the faster we leave the quicker I can get back home. Mom told me I should brush my hair.
“Why?”
“Well because you should look a little presentable.”
“It’s fine right, we’re just grabbing a book really quick, right?”
“Yes but you don’t want to leave the house looking like you do.”
I huffed and opened our sliding glass door going outside to the car.
“You should at least put some shoes on!”
“I’m FINE, Can we just go and get this over with”
I angrily and annoyed drove/ sped down the paved road to their house, all the while questioning my mother why she really needed me to go with her.
“I don’t know, there might be something there for you.”
I had no idea what that meant. We drove to the shop on their property that this supposed book was. I stepped out of the car, barefoot on the gravel and walked into the shop. There I see Dakota, holding a sign. I frantically looked around to figure out what was going on. I see Anna crouched in a corner covering her smiling mouth. I looked at his sign and read the homecoming proposal which used lyrics and titles from Beatles songs, my favorite band.
“Oh, Dakota! Of course yes!”
I gave him an awkward hug and turned around to realize that my mother didn’t need a book at all.
Dakota was sweet. In an innocent way. He had casually asked before if we could date, but being the reserved and shy individual I was, I had always declined. After the dance, we drifted, not for any particular reason. I heard he had started dating a different girl. She was older by two years. Was I hurt? Not particularly. Was I jealous? Maybe a little more so. They went to prom together and she was definitely way prettier than me. It happens, I thought, we aren’t meant to be. A romantic relationship would definitely change our entire chemistry.
Summer came and we were out working together on his family’s farm. We spent hours in the fields, talking, singing, and sweating. Just good friends again. It was normal and felt right. We spent a week together in late July on a church trip. We worked on a homeless shelter with our youth group and had a fun yet powerful time together. My mom, dad, and brother were on this trip as well, along with many of our church friends. After the week was done on Saturday, we drove back to our town. I remember waving goodbye to his family in their Suburban as they left the church parking lot. I didn’t realize how significant that goodbye would be.
A few days went by and we had casual texting conversations about work and school starting in the next few weeks. He texted me Tuesday night that his dad really needed some help the next morning bright and early. I wanted to sleep in. He texted “Don’t worry about it, we’ll get it covered.” A decision I’d soon regret.
Wednesday morning, I go to the church with my mom to do a couple of things with her. I can’t even recall what it was. We were getting into our car when we heard loud sirens throughout our small town. Mom and I looked at each other. Sirens are never a good sign. We get in the car, curious, but praying whoever needs the ambulance is okay. My mom gets a phone call. It’s one of our family friends. She says Dakota and his older brother have been in a bad car accident. That heavy feeling that makes your heart sink to your stomach instantly hit me. “They’re okay, they’re okay, they’re okay.” I kept telling myself. The ambulance was going fast, and Dakota is strong. He’s practically invincible. My mother’s friend tells us that we should stop by Dakota’s house to grab the boys clean clothes and bring them to the emergency room. We drive in silence, except for maybe a short prayer that the boys are okay. We get to the house and my mom quickly runs up the stairs to the boys’ bedroom. I stay downstairs. I observe the dining room. Dirty laundry in the baskets. Dirty dishes on the counter. Dakota’s name on a marker board along with a list of chores to do. We speed to the emergency room in the nearby town. On the way we received a text from Dakota’s older brother, John. He said he was doing okay but he wasn’t sure about Dakota. We should be keeping their family in our prayers. The panic was rising in my throat. I had been nervous about things before. This was different. It was like a nauseating churn that started in my stomach. Like my soul was shaking out of my physical body. We got to the hospital, parked and my mom said I should stay in the car. Probably wanting to protect me from any scarring sights within the ER. I wanted to go in. Could I see him? She insisted that I stay in the car. I stayed. Frozen at first. Then rocking back and forth. My palms were shaking and itchy in the center.
“This can’t be happening. Not Dakota. He’s like my best friend. Kids don’t die. He’s too young. Too smart. He has an incredibly successful life ahead of him.”
I was eyeing the automatic door for any sign of someone that I recognized. The ten minutes I waited felt like an hour. Ten minutes of restless uncertainty. Then I see my mom. She had one of the hardest faces that I had ever seen her make. She opened the driver’s side door and I immediately asked “What’s going on. Is he ok?!”
She looks at me dead in the eyes, shaking her head, “He didn’t make it, Jasmine”
A million emotions and questions flood my brain. I started blubbering and sobbing while hitting the dashboard. “No, no, no. Why!? Why him?” My mom breaks down with me, not able to get out a single word. The family friend who delivered the phone call joins us in the car. She says Dakota’s in a better place now. I’m in a state of shock and disbelief. Hot tears will not stop streaming down my cheeks. We were silent on the way back home. I ran upstairs to my room and shut the door. I cried into a pillow for the rest of the afternoon. I skipped dinner. There was a candlelight vigil that evening at a church. I barely had the strength to go, but my mom said it would be good for me. I brought my water bottle. I ate nothing and only drank water to replenish my tears the next two days. Saturday morning, I went to a different church with my family to see Dakota’s family. The church’s youth were making survivor bracelets out of parachute cord. Dakota had made them during his depressive episodes during his 9th grade year, when we somewhat drifted. Dakota and I took Spanish class together our freshman year. One day he asked me what my favorite color was. I told him blue. The next day he gave me a blue bracelet he had made. He said he accidentally made one too small. I was instantly brought back to that moment while standing in the church with dozens of people learning how to braid the cord. When I got home, I tore apart my vanity in search for the bracelet he had made for me. I put it on my right hand. I wore the bracelet everyday for an entire year. I had a Dakota original.
Dakota’s brother, John, who was entering his senior year, invited many of us friends to go out to the place where the accident happened. It was a blind intersection that I had previously been weary of earlier that summer. The corn was high and there were no road signs for a yield or stop. John explained how they had just got in the truck after working the field about a half mile south and were going to take their lunch break. He said they had just started going down the road, picking up speed, when he heard a small voice tell him to put his seatbelt on. John put his seatbelt on, but Dakota didn’t. John said he felt as if there was something around the corner, but ultimately did not slow down near the intersection. A driver, going 50 miles per hour, t-boned them in the intersection. According to John, the truck rolled and Dakota was thrown through the windshield. John found his phone and quickly called 911. He found Dakota and blood was coming from his mouth. He had a large wound on his forehead where he had smashed the dashboard. John pulled him into the field of soybeans, opposite the corn, and tried performing CPR. Dakota was mumbling and sputtering blood before his breathing stopped. The paramedics pronounced him dead at the scene. They said he was internally decapitated.
The wake for Dakota was on Sunday night. I had a tough time finding the strength to go. We waited in line behind dozens of people for close to an hour. When I finally got up to him, my heart sank again. There he was. His skin was pale. His hair was not right. His mother, who was right by, said it was okay to touch him. I reached for his hair to move it how he usually wore it. As I parted it, I saw the large scar covered by gobs of makeup that the hair was covering on his forehead. I put it back.
His funeral was the next day. Monday. At 1:18PM, his birthday date. I felt sick the whole morning. My whole family got in the car and my mom was talking to my younger siblings. I was silent. I was going to one of my best friends’ funerals. The church where the funeral was held was absolutely packed. Parked cars took up the surrounding blocks. The church had multiple floors and rooms with casted video of the celebration of life. I was considered close enough to sit in the sanctuary in the front half of the pews. I sat with my gifted teacher and other friends from the gifted program. What a terrible way to end your summer. Saying hello to people you haven’t seen in a few months at a funeral. I remember the funeral. There were songs and the service was led in large by Dakota’s own mother. To this day I have no idea how she had the strength to do that. I remember a few of the songs that were sung, but I’ll never forget the sound of the casket closing. The last goodbye. The final SLAM. His face would never again have sunlight shown upon it. Never again would a person touch him, hold him, hug him.
My family tried to get out to the burial but the crowd was just too insanely large to get around. I had the final say that we could go home. I’d come back another time.
The next day, I went to the scene of the accident. It was an intersection 5 miles east of my house. Someone had put up a make-shift cross at the intersection. I brought a big University of Kansas patch from one of our gifted trips to place at the cross. He loved basketball, and especially the Jayhawks. On the back of the patch I had written “I love you”. That night, there was a big storm. I sat up straight in bed and started crying as the wind whistled by my windows. The patch.
When I woke up, I found a reason to leave home and went back out to the intersection. I ran up to the cross and found my patch wrapped tightly around the base with some old barbed wire. I burst into tears of relief. I have no idea who saved my patch.
The next two weeks were spent preparing for school and fall practice. I had decided to do tennis that fall instead of volleyball. On the first day of school, I rode the bus into the town with my school. We drove past the intersection and I burst into tears. I cried four more times that day. Each time in the class he should have been in with me. I was distraught. I have no other way to describe how absolutely depressed I was walking the halls. Teachers were not the same. There was an absence in our sophomore class. An absence on our football team. In our audition choir. In our youth group. And in me. I tried my best to get through it. I started journaling a little bit after the accident to help organize my thoughts. To remember all the little details I could about him. To write them down so they didn’t disappear.
My sophomore year was brutal. I was playing tennis in the fall with a small team of girls who helped to create a safe and calm environment for me. I spent all of my hours in the team vehicle listening to two Lifehouse albums on repeat. I’d look out the window and reflect. What was life? What was my purpose? Why did this happen?
I didn’t have an answer. I bottled it up. It seemed that a lot of my class who weren’t very close with Dakota had a lot easier time going back to their normal lives. I was missing a friend. There was a contact in my phone from whom I’d never received another text. I had unfinished business. We had talked all summer about how our math class and Spanish II classes would be so fun this year. The bracelet I wore everyday was getting a stark tan line.
The semester rolled on. One of my other close friends moved to Colorado. And my last best friend, Anna, was in her own self-discovery phase. She wasn’t as close to Dakota and I was more or less a depressed teen at that time. I cried at school. In the bathrooms. In the locker room or a small music practice room. Am I just that sensitive? Why is no one else dealing with this grief like I am? I tried to distract myself with various activities. It worked for the most part. In the spring, I went out for softball. I loved softball. I had been playing it for years. I even had helped “assistant coach” a little girls rec league with Dakota and his family a few summers beforehand. Softball was hard but I needed the challenge. I worked hard at the sport and found myself on the varsity team after multiple players were out for the season due to injury or illness. In the last regular season game, on May 9th on our home field, I broke my leg. I had a high impact with the catcher while trying to steal home. The ump called me safe and we won the game by a run rule as I crumpled to the ground. I remember thinking I could stand up, but the weirdest tingling started down my leg around my knee. My coach carried me off the field like a baby. I pulled my helmet off and one tear slid down my cheek. They put me on a stretcher while the athletic trainer checked my knee.
“Yep, you fractured a bone. We should get you in to the ER for an X-ray”
“Fracture? Like my bone broke?”
“Yes that’s what a fracture is”
I started sobbing. Not from the pain. From the overwhelming feeling of becoming an invalid for an uncertain amount of time. I slid in the back of my mom’s vehicle as we drove down to the county ER. We got there, I was still in uniform. Just hysterical. I had no idea what was going on as I had never had an injury like this before. The ER lady took X-rays of my right leg. The images came back and showed a tibial plateau fracture. I wouldn’t be walking for a while. They helped cut me out of my softball pants and sent me home with lots of pain killers. The next few days I spent vomiting from the strong norco drug. I had a surgery a few days later where they placed hardware in my knee and put me in a straight-leg brace. I was miserable. It was hot and scratchy and I had my finals coming up. I went back to school the next Wednesday or Thursday to collect some class work to do at home. As I lived on the downstairs couch for close to three weeks I found myself asking again “Why did this happen?” I finished the school year by doing my final projects and giving my German foreign exchange student friend a final hug. I remember thinking “This is a nicer way to say goodbye to someone forever”.
I couldn’t walk for most of the summer and I started painful physical therapy. I was frequenting 3 times a week for a long while to build back my strength and relearn to walk. As soon as I was weight-bearing, I started working outside again. Doing what I could with one crutch. Dakota’s dad hired me to help manage the field workers and I could do some wood stacking decently enough. On the 1 year anniversary of Dakota’s death, I went to the gravesite for a small ceremony. It was the first time I had been there. The intersection where he died was my frequent mourning spot, almost daily on my drive to and from school. The gravestone was large and obviously very expensive. It has a beautiful picture of him and the quote “You got this”, that he used often as a self-reassuring phrase. At some point after the 1-year, I stopped wearing the bracelet he made me. Was it time to let go? How long does one mourn?
The rest of my high school journey was tainted with the memories of him and the phantom memories of where I imagined him being. At my graduation, we had an honorary memorial and scholarship dedicated to him and his character. Then I went to college. I was already dating who would become my husband a number of years later.
Years have passed. There is no happy ending. I'm still here. Aging. Growing older while I can still see the face of my 15 year old friend. He isn’t growing. He’s in the ground. Resting. It feels like a lifetime until I can see him again. I’ve had dreams of him. Unprompted visions of him were prevalent for about 2 years after he passed. You would think this story would get easier after the number of times I’ve played in my head over all of these years. But it hasn’t. I’m in the acceptance stage of grief. I’ve lived life, gotten married, laughed again, and see a bright future for myself. Though I do often think, Where would Dakota be now? Would we have become closer friends? Would he be married? He would have made a good father.
Again, I have no answers to these questions that I suppose may eternally sit with me. I do have some answers though. I’ve learned how to not take people for granted. I’ve learned how to recognize depressive symptoms and how to be a listening ear for someone who feels hopeless. I’ve learned how to find purpose in helping people. I’ve learned patience. Sometimes patience is agonizing, which means the reward is definitely worth the wait.
2024.05.12 05:35 CockGoblinReturns I used to work at Mike Lindell's MyPillow factory. I saw the unspeakable things he did to get ahead in business and to this day I am in hiding.
I used to work at Mike Lindell's MyPillow factory. I saw the unspeakable things he did to get ahead in business and to this day I am in hiding.
https://ifapray.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Mike_Lindell.png
At my first day at the mypillow factory, Mike Lindell gave me my production-line instructions himself.
https://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/swnewsmedia.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/2/74/2743add2-535c-5857-9d5a-0de90ebaad96/5b60892db36ea.image.jpg?resize=1200%2C800
(pic of me during my factory orientation)
At the end he said 'ok this is the most vital part. It is the secret to the mypillow pillow's softness and sturdyness' and he proceeds to pull his pants down (he wasn't wearing any underwear) and hump the pillow 20 times before putting it back on the production line.
I was like 'sir, this is unethical'. Mike Lindell exploded 'ITS THE SECRET TO OUR PILLOWS STURDYNESS'. I said 'couldn't we fluff the pillow with our hands' and Mike Lindell said 'THE ARMS CAN'T APPLY ENOUGH PRESSURE, YOU NEED THE POWERFUL BUTTOCKS MUSCLES'.
I said 'sir, I just can't do it'. Mike Lindell said 'ok, how's that working out for you?'. I said 'huh'. Mike Lindell got more specific 'how much money do you make?'. I said '8.50 an hour' . Mike Lindell said 'I MAKE MORE MONEY IN A DAY THAN YOUR ENTIRE LINEAGE WILL EVER MAKE IN AN ENTIRE GENERATION'.
I was speechless.
Mike Lindell continued 'DO YOU WANT A BE A POOR FUCKING LOSER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, OR DO YOU WANT THE PATH FOR RESPECT, POWER, AND MONEY'.
I was still speechless, but Mike Lindell could see the shame in my face. He continued 'Imagine your life if you keep making 8.50 an hour for the rest of your life. What are the consequences of that? What will happen?'
Mike Lindell must of seen the fear of me having no future in my face because he pounced. He commanded 'HUMP THAT PILLOW OR GO BACK TO BEING A BETA MALE POOR LOSER'.
At this point, my feelings are hurt. I didn't want to be a loser anymore. I didn't want to be poor anymore. I humped that pillow. And I humped it again. And again. And again, and again, and again,....
Something died in me that day.
I humped pillows, and I out humped nearly every worker in that factory. I thought this would make Mike Lindell like me enough to promote me. I earned it. I did everything he said. How could he be wrong? He was a legit millionaire. He was the pinnacle of business success. I just needed to be patient and follow the principles of success.
But like a carrot on a stick, he kept dangling the promotion in front of me, only to take it away from me. He kept assigning me more and more pillows. Soon, I was putting in 80 hour weeks, and only getting paid for 40 of them. Soon, I wasn't even able to hump all the assigned pillows during the normal factory hours. I had to take pillows home and keep humping them after my fiance went to sleep.
One night she woke up and went to the kitchen to get some water, when she caught me pants-down, furiously humping a pillow to meet that weeks' deadline. We had a shouting match. The next day, there was an intervention, and with the help of my friends and family, they unbrainwashed me.
The next day, I told Mike I was quitting. Mike pressed a button that locked the door behind me said 'NOBODY QUITS ON ME'. He then took his pants down and said 'ILL HUMP YA TO DEATH. THIS HIPS HAVE HUMPED MILLIONS OF PILLOWS, THEY WILL CRUSH YOU'.
Mike rushed me but tripped and fell over due to his pants around his ankles. That's when I took my opportunity, did a backflip, reached the button, pressed it, and escaped with my life.
Me and my fiance have been living underground in fear of Mike Lindell's agents ever since.
submitted by CockGoblinReturns to MyPillow [link] [comments]
https://ifapray.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Mike_Lindell.png
At my first day at the mypillow factory, Mike Lindell gave me my production-line instructions himself.
https://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/swnewsmedia.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/2/74/2743add2-535c-5857-9d5a-0de90ebaad96/5b60892db36ea.image.jpg?resize=1200%2C800
(pic of me during my factory orientation)
At the end he said 'ok this is the most vital part. It is the secret to the mypillow pillow's softness and sturdyness' and he proceeds to pull his pants down (he wasn't wearing any underwear) and hump the pillow 20 times before putting it back on the production line.
I was like 'sir, this is unethical'. Mike Lindell exploded 'ITS THE SECRET TO OUR PILLOWS STURDYNESS'. I said 'couldn't we fluff the pillow with our hands' and Mike Lindell said 'THE ARMS CAN'T APPLY ENOUGH PRESSURE, YOU NEED THE POWERFUL BUTTOCKS MUSCLES'.
I said 'sir, I just can't do it'. Mike Lindell said 'ok, how's that working out for you?'. I said 'huh'. Mike Lindell got more specific 'how much money do you make?'. I said '8.50 an hour' . Mike Lindell said 'I MAKE MORE MONEY IN A DAY THAN YOUR ENTIRE LINEAGE WILL EVER MAKE IN AN ENTIRE GENERATION'.
I was speechless.
Mike Lindell continued 'DO YOU WANT A BE A POOR FUCKING LOSER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, OR DO YOU WANT THE PATH FOR RESPECT, POWER, AND MONEY'.
I was still speechless, but Mike Lindell could see the shame in my face. He continued 'Imagine your life if you keep making 8.50 an hour for the rest of your life. What are the consequences of that? What will happen?'
Mike Lindell must of seen the fear of me having no future in my face because he pounced. He commanded 'HUMP THAT PILLOW OR GO BACK TO BEING A BETA MALE POOR LOSER'.
At this point, my feelings are hurt. I didn't want to be a loser anymore. I didn't want to be poor anymore. I humped that pillow. And I humped it again. And again. And again, and again, and again,....
Something died in me that day.
I humped pillows, and I out humped nearly every worker in that factory. I thought this would make Mike Lindell like me enough to promote me. I earned it. I did everything he said. How could he be wrong? He was a legit millionaire. He was the pinnacle of business success. I just needed to be patient and follow the principles of success.
But like a carrot on a stick, he kept dangling the promotion in front of me, only to take it away from me. He kept assigning me more and more pillows. Soon, I was putting in 80 hour weeks, and only getting paid for 40 of them. Soon, I wasn't even able to hump all the assigned pillows during the normal factory hours. I had to take pillows home and keep humping them after my fiance went to sleep.
One night she woke up and went to the kitchen to get some water, when she caught me pants-down, furiously humping a pillow to meet that weeks' deadline. We had a shouting match. The next day, there was an intervention, and with the help of my friends and family, they unbrainwashed me.
The next day, I told Mike I was quitting. Mike pressed a button that locked the door behind me said 'NOBODY QUITS ON ME'. He then took his pants down and said 'ILL HUMP YA TO DEATH. THIS HIPS HAVE HUMPED MILLIONS OF PILLOWS, THEY WILL CRUSH YOU'.
Mike rushed me but tripped and fell over due to his pants around his ankles. That's when I took my opportunity, did a backflip, reached the button, pressed it, and escaped with my life.
Me and my fiance have been living underground in fear of Mike Lindell's agents ever since.
2024.05.12 04:53 Keller_Fox A knight in dull tin armor
WITAH for storming out of a first date
I should preface this is also likely a dating nightmare but i realize it was rough. This was several years ago and i am now happily married to a germaphobe.
About 6 years ago, I went to meet someone for the first time off Bumble. Walked in, dude was nice and appeared friendly at the door. We'd been talking for a week or so. Walked me in, threw himself down on a mattress, bare mattress, that he was using as a sofa. Turns out, he didn't own/rent the home. He was surfing with his friend(couch surfing, sofa hopping, etc.) None of which was explained to me beforehand. It was always "my house" or "my place" never "where I'm staying" or "my friend's house" ya know? Anywho, we go in, he has thrown himself upon the mattress and continues his game, Destiny 2 if i recall. This is fine. I like existing with someone and not drowning in the awkwardness of a first meeting. The issue was, the mattress was bare. No sheets, not even a pillow. Instead it seemed he used the massive pile of mountain thunder(yea not even true gamer fuel, ifykyk) for all of the above. Cans and bottles littered every surface. You know the friend who always has to remove a pile of nonsense from their passenger seat in order for you to ride with them? Yea this was like that. I stood there absolutely shocked. I tried to engage in conversation from where i stood, telling myself maybe it was a situation of mental illness or something that kept him from cleaning because it was BAD. He looked up from his game and almost like he realized we were supposed to be meeting to potentially go on a date, he sat up and SWEPT THE CANS INTO THE FLOOR. The sound of the aluminum hitting the hardwood seemed to be the last straw for me because i just turned and left without a word. Unmatched him on Bumble before i made it to my car. Like I understand that it's possible that this could have been one of those things where he is trying to prank you or catfish you or something like that just be like I'm a slob when I'm not really or some kind of cruel joke. However we were talking we were engaging things seem fine he was very genuine during our conversations it was a stark difference between the person I met on bumble and how he portrayed himself to the person in front of me I very shortly after stopped dating apps. I realize that as someone who experienced depression really bad during the C-VID that everyone handles it differently. I wouldn't wash my hair and i guess could also present like this, but would always make an effort to be presentable for dates. Was i the ah for leaving?
submitted by Keller_Fox to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
I should preface this is also likely a dating nightmare but i realize it was rough. This was several years ago and i am now happily married to a germaphobe.
About 6 years ago, I went to meet someone for the first time off Bumble. Walked in, dude was nice and appeared friendly at the door. We'd been talking for a week or so. Walked me in, threw himself down on a mattress, bare mattress, that he was using as a sofa. Turns out, he didn't own/rent the home. He was surfing with his friend(couch surfing, sofa hopping, etc.) None of which was explained to me beforehand. It was always "my house" or "my place" never "where I'm staying" or "my friend's house" ya know? Anywho, we go in, he has thrown himself upon the mattress and continues his game, Destiny 2 if i recall. This is fine. I like existing with someone and not drowning in the awkwardness of a first meeting. The issue was, the mattress was bare. No sheets, not even a pillow. Instead it seemed he used the massive pile of mountain thunder(yea not even true gamer fuel, ifykyk) for all of the above. Cans and bottles littered every surface. You know the friend who always has to remove a pile of nonsense from their passenger seat in order for you to ride with them? Yea this was like that. I stood there absolutely shocked. I tried to engage in conversation from where i stood, telling myself maybe it was a situation of mental illness or something that kept him from cleaning because it was BAD. He looked up from his game and almost like he realized we were supposed to be meeting to potentially go on a date, he sat up and SWEPT THE CANS INTO THE FLOOR. The sound of the aluminum hitting the hardwood seemed to be the last straw for me because i just turned and left without a word. Unmatched him on Bumble before i made it to my car. Like I understand that it's possible that this could have been one of those things where he is trying to prank you or catfish you or something like that just be like I'm a slob when I'm not really or some kind of cruel joke. However we were talking we were engaging things seem fine he was very genuine during our conversations it was a stark difference between the person I met on bumble and how he portrayed himself to the person in front of me I very shortly after stopped dating apps. I realize that as someone who experienced depression really bad during the C-VID that everyone handles it differently. I wouldn't wash my hair and i guess could also present like this, but would always make an effort to be presentable for dates. Was i the ah for leaving?
2024.05.10 19:59 Tall-Caregiver617 What is this insect? (Pest)
 | New to this but in need of help. My cat has been having this clear looking insects come off of her fur and on to me (whenever I visibly see one) and it’s causing me to breakout and itch. I have been having redness and little tiny bumps raise on my skin in certain areas. My girlfriend lives with me and she hasn’t had any rashes or itching just me. I have sprayed my apartment down with bedbug, flea and tick spray but I have never ever had these insects in my apartment before. There was a bird nest on my balcony that wasn’t too big kind of small but I sprayed it down with some ortho home defense once I saw the birds were gone (got freaked out from a vid of bird mites). I live in California (Upland-Inland Empire Area) not a native to the state ( moved here last year) so I don’t know what typical house bugs look like here. I wash everything regularly but this has been out of the blue and now I feel constantly paranoid about bugs being on my skin and in my hair since I could barely see or feel them. If anyone could help me make out what this is and what to do to get rid of them that would be awesome. I hate dealing with this and it’s effecting my sleep every night and day. submitted by Tall-Caregiver617 to insects [link] [comments] Also I know my vids and images aren’t clear but this is all I could get for when I saw them. I also took my cat to the vet and only one poked through rummaging around her fur but the vet couldn’t find anymore in the moment. I have put some prescribed meds on my cat but still I saw one on my arm and chest after that vet visit. If anyone has gone through this and can help me, let me know please…I feel crazy Also the clips are from two diff days not too far apart and as you can see on my hand it’s fast and clear and you really can’t see or feel it until it starts irritating the skin and the one I found on the pillow looked like it had a brownish/black color to it and it was slower and seemed dormant until I touched it. It’s grossing me out because I have no idea what it is and I’m itching thinking about it. |
2024.05.10 04:01 Large-Kangaroo-1733 Erectile disfunction and pelvic floor issues, I really need some advice M 22
Male 22 5'10 150 pounds diagnosed depression anxiety no medications currently USA resident. Hi I really need some advice and I would appreciate anyone who could help, sorry for the TMI and for the long post :)
Summary:
I have always masturbated laying down and tensing my pelvic floor, also with heavy death grip. Now I have a hard time getting/staying hard mastrubating especially while not clenching pelvic floor, and I have low sensitivity in my penis. I have occasional hard flaccid as well. My pelvic floor is extremely tense often especially when I try to mastrubate and it it hard to ever relax it. When I did nofap for a month and tried relaxing my pelvic floor my penis started to get harder easier and feel more senitive but I have only tried it for that month so far. I am concerned about having Venous leak, Prostatitis, or Tense pelvis floor. What medical issue could I likely be having and what should I do about it?
Symptoms:
Since I can remember I literally only masturbated in the same lying down position, while clenching my ass/pelvic floor or even crossing my legs and I always felt tense. I also had heavy death grip and porn/masturbation addiction.
My erections feel weak and softer especially in the head, but my penis still can get fully hard during mastrubation especially when I am close to orgasm or in a crowching/squatting or missionary position, its softest in the laying down on my back position i always used. My penis is desensitized and doesnt feel that great during stroking. It is hard to orgasm/get hard in the first place when not clinching my pelvic/butt area. When i mastrubate too often i start loosing my erection fast, and often am half hard through mastrubating. Ive had these problems to some extent for a long time and cannot remember when they started. As far as I can tell I never have morning wood
I havent had piv sex but so far I have had a hard time getting hard. I didnt really get hard the times I have cuddled/made out, but also I was very nervous. I have gotten mostly hard during a blowjob before, but it did not feel great due to desensitization and and I couldn't finish.
Pelvic floor:
My pelvic floor is extremely and always tense as far as i can tell. i usually feel tense there throught the day like my unconcious default is tense.
When i focus on relaxing it or squating/stretching i can literally feel the warmth/feeling coming back to that area and my penis feel more sensitive and aroused to touch, but it can also be hard to masturbate/stay hard i think because I'm used to only clenching.
Health/lifestyle:
My lifestyle has been very sedentary for years, literally no excercise no stretching, laying around all day besides school/work which i dont go to often. I have depression and my sex drive is generally low. Not on any medication and not diagnosed with any medical issues and Im not overweight
I have not had a specific injury or day i can remember problems starting. But when i was really little i mastrubated a multiple times humping a pillow while pushing my dick downwards towards my feet instead of upwards toward my bellybutton. I remember it being somewhat painful but no specific major pain/injury and i cant remember my dick feeling differently afterwords.
I dont have any pain in my penis/pelvic floor unless I have been exccessivley clinching or death gripping, then I can feel pain or aching but never really on its own during normal activity. My sex drive is generally low. My butt/pelvis floor can also ache sometimes after sitting for long periods of time
Conclusion:
Recently I have tried nofap and doing some stretches/exercises for only a month and I think it helped. I felt like my penis was more sensitive and getting hard easier with less stimulation, and my sex drive was higher. After that month i tried mastrubating gently while relaxing my pelvic floor and it felt a lot better than normal and i stayed relatively hard easier. But it was very hard to not tense my pelvic floor because I'm so used to it, and felt boring/disinteresting without clenching and using death grip. It took a lot longer to orgasm and was hard too, I think because I am so used to tensing during mastrubation. That month was the longest I've done nofap ever and the first time Ive tried relaxing my pelvic floor.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions of possible diagnosis/problems i should look into. I have read about Venous leaks (I'm especially worried it could be that), Prostatitis, and Tense pelvic floor and I was wondering if I should be concerned about any of those and which my symptoms would fit into? Is this a serious issue, should I be worried and see a doctor, and if so what sort of doctor? Thank you for any advice :)
submitted by Large-Kangaroo-1733 to AskDocs [link] [comments]
Summary:
I have always masturbated laying down and tensing my pelvic floor, also with heavy death grip. Now I have a hard time getting/staying hard mastrubating especially while not clenching pelvic floor, and I have low sensitivity in my penis. I have occasional hard flaccid as well. My pelvic floor is extremely tense often especially when I try to mastrubate and it it hard to ever relax it. When I did nofap for a month and tried relaxing my pelvic floor my penis started to get harder easier and feel more senitive but I have only tried it for that month so far. I am concerned about having Venous leak, Prostatitis, or Tense pelvis floor. What medical issue could I likely be having and what should I do about it?
Symptoms:
Since I can remember I literally only masturbated in the same lying down position, while clenching my ass/pelvic floor or even crossing my legs and I always felt tense. I also had heavy death grip and porn/masturbation addiction.
My erections feel weak and softer especially in the head, but my penis still can get fully hard during mastrubation especially when I am close to orgasm or in a crowching/squatting or missionary position, its softest in the laying down on my back position i always used. My penis is desensitized and doesnt feel that great during stroking. It is hard to orgasm/get hard in the first place when not clinching my pelvic/butt area. When i mastrubate too often i start loosing my erection fast, and often am half hard through mastrubating. Ive had these problems to some extent for a long time and cannot remember when they started. As far as I can tell I never have morning wood
I havent had piv sex but so far I have had a hard time getting hard. I didnt really get hard the times I have cuddled/made out, but also I was very nervous. I have gotten mostly hard during a blowjob before, but it did not feel great due to desensitization and and I couldn't finish.
Pelvic floor:
My pelvic floor is extremely and always tense as far as i can tell. i usually feel tense there throught the day like my unconcious default is tense.
When i focus on relaxing it or squating/stretching i can literally feel the warmth/feeling coming back to that area and my penis feel more sensitive and aroused to touch, but it can also be hard to masturbate/stay hard i think because I'm used to only clenching.
Health/lifestyle:
My lifestyle has been very sedentary for years, literally no excercise no stretching, laying around all day besides school/work which i dont go to often. I have depression and my sex drive is generally low. Not on any medication and not diagnosed with any medical issues and Im not overweight
I have not had a specific injury or day i can remember problems starting. But when i was really little i mastrubated a multiple times humping a pillow while pushing my dick downwards towards my feet instead of upwards toward my bellybutton. I remember it being somewhat painful but no specific major pain/injury and i cant remember my dick feeling differently afterwords.
I dont have any pain in my penis/pelvic floor unless I have been exccessivley clinching or death gripping, then I can feel pain or aching but never really on its own during normal activity. My sex drive is generally low. My butt/pelvis floor can also ache sometimes after sitting for long periods of time
Conclusion:
Recently I have tried nofap and doing some stretches/exercises for only a month and I think it helped. I felt like my penis was more sensitive and getting hard easier with less stimulation, and my sex drive was higher. After that month i tried mastrubating gently while relaxing my pelvic floor and it felt a lot better than normal and i stayed relatively hard easier. But it was very hard to not tense my pelvic floor because I'm so used to it, and felt boring/disinteresting without clenching and using death grip. It took a lot longer to orgasm and was hard too, I think because I am so used to tensing during mastrubation. That month was the longest I've done nofap ever and the first time Ive tried relaxing my pelvic floor.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions of possible diagnosis/problems i should look into. I have read about Venous leaks (I'm especially worried it could be that), Prostatitis, and Tense pelvic floor and I was wondering if I should be concerned about any of those and which my symptoms would fit into? Is this a serious issue, should I be worried and see a doctor, and if so what sort of doctor? Thank you for any advice :)
2024.05.10 03:57 Large-Kangaroo-1733 Erectile disfunction and pelvic floor issues, I really need some advice M 22
Hi I really need some advice and I would appreciate anyone who could help, sorry for the TMI and for the long post :)
Summary:
I have always masturbated laying down and tensing my pelvic floor, also with heavy death grip. Now I have a hard time getting/staying hard mastrubating especially while not clenching pelvic floor, and I have low sensitivity in my penis. I have occasional hard flaccid as well. My pelvic floor is extremely tense often especially when I try to mastrubate and it it hard to ever relax it. When I did nofap for a month and tried relaxing my pelvic floor my penis started to get harder easier and feel more senitive but I have only tried it for that month so far. I am concerned about having Venous leak, Prostatitis, or Tense pelvis floor. What medical issue could I likely be having and what should I do about it?
Symptoms:
Since I can remember I literally only masturbated in the same lying down position, while clenching my ass/pelvic floor or even crossing my legs and I always felt tense. I also had heavy death grip and porn/masturbation addiction.
My erections feel weak and softer especially in the head, but my penis still can get fully hard during mastrubation especially when I am close to orgasm or in a crowching/squatting or missionary position, its softest in the laying down on my back position i always used. My penis is desensitized and doesnt feel that great during stroking. It is hard to orgasm/get hard in the first place when not clinching my pelvic/butt area. When i mastrubate too often i start loosing my erection fast, and often am half hard through mastrubating. Ive had these problems to some extent for a long time and cannot remember when they started. As far as I can tell I never have morning wood
I havent had piv sex but so far I have had a hard time getting hard. I didnt really get hard the times I have cuddled/made out, but also I was very nervous. I have gotten mostly hard during a blowjob before, but it did not feel great due to desensitization and and I couldn't finish.
Pelvic floor:
My pelvic floor is extremely and always tense as far as i can tell. i usually feel tense there throught the day like my unconcious default is tense.
When i focus on relaxing it or squating/stretching i can literally feel the warmth/feeling coming back to that area and my penis feel more sensitive and aroused to touch, but it can also be hard to masturbate/stay hard i think because I'm used to only clenching.
Health/lifestyle:
My lifestyle has been very sedentary for years, literally no excercise no stretching, laying around all day besides school/work which i dont go to often. I have depression and my sex drive is generally low. Not on any medication and not diagnosed with any medical issues and Im not overweight
I have not had a specific injury or day i can remember problems starting. But when i was really little i mastrubated a multiple times humping a pillow while pushing my dick downwards towards my feet instead of upwards toward my bellybutton. I remember it being somewhat painful but no specific major pain/injury and i cant remember my dick feeling differently afterwords.
I dont have any pain in my penis/pelvic floor unless I have been exccessivley clinching or death gripping, then I can feel pain or aching but never really on its own during normal activity. My sex drive is generally low. My butt/pelvis floor can also ache sometimes after sitting for long periods of time
Conclusion:
Recently I have tried nofap and doing some stretches/exercises for only a month and I think it helped. I felt like my penis was more sensitive and getting hard easier with less stimulation, and my sex drive was higher. After that month i tried mastrubating gently while relaxing my pelvic floor and it felt a lot better than normal and i stayed relatively hard easier. But it was very hard to not tense my pelvic floor because I'm so used to it, and felt boring/disinteresting without clenching and using death grip. It took a lot longer to orgasm and was hard too, I think because I am so used to tensing during mastrubation. That month was the longest I've done nofap ever and the first time Ive tried relaxing my pelvic floor.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions of possible diagnosis/problems i should look into. I have read about Venous leaks (I'm especially worried it could be that), Prostatitis, and Tense pelvic floor and I was wondering if I should be concerned about any of those and which my symptoms would fit into? Is this a serious issue, should I be worried and see a doctor, and if so what sort of doctor? Thank you for any advice :)
submitted by Large-Kangaroo-1733 to Prostatitis [link] [comments]
Summary:
I have always masturbated laying down and tensing my pelvic floor, also with heavy death grip. Now I have a hard time getting/staying hard mastrubating especially while not clenching pelvic floor, and I have low sensitivity in my penis. I have occasional hard flaccid as well. My pelvic floor is extremely tense often especially when I try to mastrubate and it it hard to ever relax it. When I did nofap for a month and tried relaxing my pelvic floor my penis started to get harder easier and feel more senitive but I have only tried it for that month so far. I am concerned about having Venous leak, Prostatitis, or Tense pelvis floor. What medical issue could I likely be having and what should I do about it?
Symptoms:
Since I can remember I literally only masturbated in the same lying down position, while clenching my ass/pelvic floor or even crossing my legs and I always felt tense. I also had heavy death grip and porn/masturbation addiction.
My erections feel weak and softer especially in the head, but my penis still can get fully hard during mastrubation especially when I am close to orgasm or in a crowching/squatting or missionary position, its softest in the laying down on my back position i always used. My penis is desensitized and doesnt feel that great during stroking. It is hard to orgasm/get hard in the first place when not clinching my pelvic/butt area. When i mastrubate too often i start loosing my erection fast, and often am half hard through mastrubating. Ive had these problems to some extent for a long time and cannot remember when they started. As far as I can tell I never have morning wood
I havent had piv sex but so far I have had a hard time getting hard. I didnt really get hard the times I have cuddled/made out, but also I was very nervous. I have gotten mostly hard during a blowjob before, but it did not feel great due to desensitization and and I couldn't finish.
Pelvic floor:
My pelvic floor is extremely and always tense as far as i can tell. i usually feel tense there throught the day like my unconcious default is tense.
When i focus on relaxing it or squating/stretching i can literally feel the warmth/feeling coming back to that area and my penis feel more sensitive and aroused to touch, but it can also be hard to masturbate/stay hard i think because I'm used to only clenching.
Health/lifestyle:
My lifestyle has been very sedentary for years, literally no excercise no stretching, laying around all day besides school/work which i dont go to often. I have depression and my sex drive is generally low. Not on any medication and not diagnosed with any medical issues and Im not overweight
I have not had a specific injury or day i can remember problems starting. But when i was really little i mastrubated a multiple times humping a pillow while pushing my dick downwards towards my feet instead of upwards toward my bellybutton. I remember it being somewhat painful but no specific major pain/injury and i cant remember my dick feeling differently afterwords.
I dont have any pain in my penis/pelvic floor unless I have been exccessivley clinching or death gripping, then I can feel pain or aching but never really on its own during normal activity. My sex drive is generally low. My butt/pelvis floor can also ache sometimes after sitting for long periods of time
Conclusion:
Recently I have tried nofap and doing some stretches/exercises for only a month and I think it helped. I felt like my penis was more sensitive and getting hard easier with less stimulation, and my sex drive was higher. After that month i tried mastrubating gently while relaxing my pelvic floor and it felt a lot better than normal and i stayed relatively hard easier. But it was very hard to not tense my pelvic floor because I'm so used to it, and felt boring/disinteresting without clenching and using death grip. It took a lot longer to orgasm and was hard too, I think because I am so used to tensing during mastrubation. That month was the longest I've done nofap ever and the first time Ive tried relaxing my pelvic floor.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions of possible diagnosis/problems i should look into. I have read about Venous leaks (I'm especially worried it could be that), Prostatitis, and Tense pelvic floor and I was wondering if I should be concerned about any of those and which my symptoms would fit into? Is this a serious issue, should I be worried and see a doctor, and if so what sort of doctor? Thank you for any advice :)
2024.05.10 03:56 Large-Kangaroo-1733 Erectile disfunction and pelvic floor issues, I really need some advice M 22
Hi I really need some advice and I would appreciate anyone who could help, sorry for the TMI and for the long post :)
Summary:
I have always masturbated laying down and tensing my pelvic floor, also with heavy death grip. Now I have a hard time getting/staying hard mastrubating especially while not clenching pelvic floor, and I have low sensitivity in my penis. I have occasional hard flaccid as well. My pelvic floor is extremely tense often especially when I try to mastrubate and it it hard to ever relax it. When I did nofap for a month and tried relaxing my pelvic floor my penis started to get harder easier and feel more senitive but I have only tried it for that month so far. I am concerned about having Venous leak, Prostatitis, or Tense pelvis floor. What medical issue could I likely be having and what should I do about it?
Symptoms:
Since I can remember I literally only masturbated in the same lying down position, while clenching my ass/pelvic floor or even crossing my legs and I always felt tense. I also had heavy death grip and porn/masturbation addiction.
My erections feel weak and softer especially in the head, but my penis still can get fully hard during mastrubation especially when I am close to orgasm or in a crowching/squatting or missionary position, its softest in the laying down on my back position i always used. My penis is desensitized and doesnt feel that great during stroking. It is hard to orgasm/get hard in the first place when not clinching my pelvic/butt area. When i mastrubate too often i start loosing my erection fast, and often am half hard through mastrubating. Ive had these problems to some extent for a long time and cannot remember when they started. As far as I can tell I never have morning wood
I havent had piv sex but so far I have had a hard time getting hard. I didnt really get hard the times I have cuddled/made out, but also I was very nervous. I have gotten mostly hard during a blowjob before, but it did not feel great due to desensitization and and I couldn't finish.
Pelvic floor:
My pelvic floor is extremely and always tense as far as i can tell. i usually feel tense there throught the day like my unconcious default is tense.
When i focus on relaxing it or squating/stretching i can literally feel the warmth/feeling coming back to that area and my penis feel more sensitive and aroused to touch, but it can also be hard to masturbate/stay hard i think because I'm used to only clenching.
Health/lifestyle:
My lifestyle has been very sedentary for years, literally no excercise no stretching, laying around all day besides school/work which i dont go to often. I have depression and my sex drive is generally low. Not on any medication and not diagnosed with any medical issues and Im not overweight
I have not had a specific injury or day i can remember problems starting. But when i was really little i mastrubated a multiple times humping a pillow while pushing my dick downwards towards my feet instead of upwards toward my bellybutton. I remember it being somewhat painful but no specific major pain/injury and i cant remember my dick feeling differently afterwords.
I dont have any pain in my penis/pelvic floor unless I have been exccessivley clinching or death gripping, then I can feel pain or aching but never really on its own during normal activity. My sex drive is generally low. My butt/pelvis floor can also ache sometimes after sitting for long periods of time
Conclusion:
Recently I have tried nofap and doing some stretches/exercises for only a month and I think it helped. I felt like my penis was more sensitive and getting hard easier with less stimulation, and my sex drive was higher. After that month i tried mastrubating gently while relaxing my pelvic floor and it felt a lot better than normal and i stayed relatively hard easier. But it was very hard to not tense my pelvic floor because I'm so used to it, and felt boring/disinteresting without clenching and using death grip. It took a lot longer to orgasm and was hard too, I think because I am so used to tensing during mastrubation. That month was the longest I've done nofap ever and the first time Ive tried relaxing my pelvic floor.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions of possible diagnosis/problems i should look into. I have read about Venous leaks (I'm especially worried it could be that), Prostatitis, and Tense pelvic floor and I was wondering if I should be concerned about any of those and which my symptoms would fit into? Is this a serious issue, should I be worried and see a doctor, and if so what sort of doctor? Thank you for any advice :)
submitted by Large-Kangaroo-1733 to NoFap [link] [comments]
Summary:
I have always masturbated laying down and tensing my pelvic floor, also with heavy death grip. Now I have a hard time getting/staying hard mastrubating especially while not clenching pelvic floor, and I have low sensitivity in my penis. I have occasional hard flaccid as well. My pelvic floor is extremely tense often especially when I try to mastrubate and it it hard to ever relax it. When I did nofap for a month and tried relaxing my pelvic floor my penis started to get harder easier and feel more senitive but I have only tried it for that month so far. I am concerned about having Venous leak, Prostatitis, or Tense pelvis floor. What medical issue could I likely be having and what should I do about it?
Symptoms:
Since I can remember I literally only masturbated in the same lying down position, while clenching my ass/pelvic floor or even crossing my legs and I always felt tense. I also had heavy death grip and porn/masturbation addiction.
My erections feel weak and softer especially in the head, but my penis still can get fully hard during mastrubation especially when I am close to orgasm or in a crowching/squatting or missionary position, its softest in the laying down on my back position i always used. My penis is desensitized and doesnt feel that great during stroking. It is hard to orgasm/get hard in the first place when not clinching my pelvic/butt area. When i mastrubate too often i start loosing my erection fast, and often am half hard through mastrubating. Ive had these problems to some extent for a long time and cannot remember when they started. As far as I can tell I never have morning wood
I havent had piv sex but so far I have had a hard time getting hard. I didnt really get hard the times I have cuddled/made out, but also I was very nervous. I have gotten mostly hard during a blowjob before, but it did not feel great due to desensitization and and I couldn't finish.
Pelvic floor:
My pelvic floor is extremely and always tense as far as i can tell. i usually feel tense there throught the day like my unconcious default is tense.
When i focus on relaxing it or squating/stretching i can literally feel the warmth/feeling coming back to that area and my penis feel more sensitive and aroused to touch, but it can also be hard to masturbate/stay hard i think because I'm used to only clenching.
Health/lifestyle:
My lifestyle has been very sedentary for years, literally no excercise no stretching, laying around all day besides school/work which i dont go to often. I have depression and my sex drive is generally low. Not on any medication and not diagnosed with any medical issues and Im not overweight
I have not had a specific injury or day i can remember problems starting. But when i was really little i mastrubated a multiple times humping a pillow while pushing my dick downwards towards my feet instead of upwards toward my bellybutton. I remember it being somewhat painful but no specific major pain/injury and i cant remember my dick feeling differently afterwords.
I dont have any pain in my penis/pelvic floor unless I have been exccessivley clinching or death gripping, then I can feel pain or aching but never really on its own during normal activity. My sex drive is generally low. My butt/pelvis floor can also ache sometimes after sitting for long periods of time
Conclusion:
Recently I have tried nofap and doing some stretches/exercises for only a month and I think it helped. I felt like my penis was more sensitive and getting hard easier with less stimulation, and my sex drive was higher. After that month i tried mastrubating gently while relaxing my pelvic floor and it felt a lot better than normal and i stayed relatively hard easier. But it was very hard to not tense my pelvic floor because I'm so used to it, and felt boring/disinteresting without clenching and using death grip. It took a lot longer to orgasm and was hard too, I think because I am so used to tensing during mastrubation. That month was the longest I've done nofap ever and the first time Ive tried relaxing my pelvic floor.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions of possible diagnosis/problems i should look into. I have read about Venous leaks (I'm especially worried it could be that), Prostatitis, and Tense pelvic floor and I was wondering if I should be concerned about any of those and which my symptoms would fit into? Is this a serious issue, should I be worried and see a doctor, and if so what sort of doctor? Thank you for any advice :)
2024.05.10 03:44 Large-Kangaroo-1733 Erectile disfunction and pelvic floor issues, I really need some advice M 22
Hi I really need some advice and I would appreciate anyone who could help, sorry for the TMI and for the long post :)
Summary:
I have always masturbated laying down and tensing my pelvic floor, also with heavy death grip. Now I have a hard time getting/staying hard mastrubating especially while not clenching pelvic floor, and I have low sensitivity in my penis. I have occasional hard flaccid as well. My pelvic floor is extremely tense often especially when I try to mastrubate and it it hard to ever relax it. When I did nofap for a month and tried relaxing my pelvic floor my penis started to get harder easier and feel more senitive but I have only tried it for that month so far. I am concerned about having Venous leak, Prostatitis, or Tense pelvis floor. What medical issue could I likely be having and what should I do about it?
Symptoms:
Since I can remember I literally only masturbated in the same lying down position, while clenching my ass/pelvic floor or even crossing my legs and I always felt tense. I also had heavy death grip and porn/masturbation addiction.
My erections feel weak and softer especially in the head, but my penis still can get fully hard during mastrubation especially when I am close to orgasm or in a crowching/squatting or missionary position, its softest in the laying down on my back position i always used. My penis is desensitized and doesnt feel that great during stroking. It is hard to orgasm/get hard in the first place when not clinching my pelvic/butt area. When i mastrubate too often i start loosing my erection fast, and often am half hard through mastrubating. Ive had these problems to some extent for a long time and cannot remember when they started. As far as I can tell I never have morning wood.
I havent had piv sex but so far I have had a hard time getting hard. I didnt really get hard the times I have cuddled/made out, but also I was very nervous. I have gotten mostly hard during a blowjob before, but it did not feel great due to desensitization and and I couldn't finish.
Pelvic floor:
My pelvic floor is extremely and always tense as far as i can tell. i usually feel tense there throught the day like my unconcious default is tense.
When i focus on relaxing it or squating/stretching i can literally feel the warmth/feeling coming back to that area and my penis feel more sensitive and aroused to touch, but it can also be hard to masturbate/stay hard i think because I'm used to only clenching.
Health/lifestyle:
My lifestyle has been very sedentary for years, literally no excercise no stretching, laying around all day besides school/work which i dont go to often. I have depression and my sex drive is generally low. Not on any medication and not diagnosed with any medical issues and I'm not overweight
I have not had a specific injury or day i can remember problems starting. But when i was really little i mastrubated a multiple times humping a pillow while pushing my dick downwards towards my feet instead of upwards toward my bellybutton. I remember it being somewhat painful but no specific major pain/injury and i cant remember my dick feeling differently afterwords.
I dont have any pain in my penis/pelvic floor unless I have been exccessivley clinching or death gripping, then I can feel pain or aching but never really on its own during normal activity. My sex drive is generally low. My butt/pelvis floor can also ache sometimes after sitting for long periods of time
Conclusion:
Recently I have tried nofap and doing some stretches/exercises for only a month and I think it helped. I felt like my penis was more sensitive and getting hard easier with less stimulation, and my sex drive was higher. After that month i tried mastrubating gently while relaxing my pelvic floor and it felt a lot better than normal and i stayed relatively hard easier. But it was very hard to not tense my pelvic floor because I'm so used to it, and felt boring/disinteresting without clenching and using death grip. It took a lot longer to orgasm and was hard too, I think because I am so used to tensing during mastrubation. That month was the longest I've done nofap ever and the first time Ive tried relaxing my pelvic floor.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions of possible diagnosis/problems i should look into. I have read about Venous leaks (I'm especially worried it could be that), Prostatitis, and Tense pelvic floor and I was wondering if I should be concerned about any of those and which my symptoms would fit into? Is this a serious issue, should I be worried and see a doctor, and if so what sort of doctor? Thank you for any advice :)
submitted by Large-Kangaroo-1733 to PelvicFloor [link] [comments]
Summary:
I have always masturbated laying down and tensing my pelvic floor, also with heavy death grip. Now I have a hard time getting/staying hard mastrubating especially while not clenching pelvic floor, and I have low sensitivity in my penis. I have occasional hard flaccid as well. My pelvic floor is extremely tense often especially when I try to mastrubate and it it hard to ever relax it. When I did nofap for a month and tried relaxing my pelvic floor my penis started to get harder easier and feel more senitive but I have only tried it for that month so far. I am concerned about having Venous leak, Prostatitis, or Tense pelvis floor. What medical issue could I likely be having and what should I do about it?
Symptoms:
Since I can remember I literally only masturbated in the same lying down position, while clenching my ass/pelvic floor or even crossing my legs and I always felt tense. I also had heavy death grip and porn/masturbation addiction.
My erections feel weak and softer especially in the head, but my penis still can get fully hard during mastrubation especially when I am close to orgasm or in a crowching/squatting or missionary position, its softest in the laying down on my back position i always used. My penis is desensitized and doesnt feel that great during stroking. It is hard to orgasm/get hard in the first place when not clinching my pelvic/butt area. When i mastrubate too often i start loosing my erection fast, and often am half hard through mastrubating. Ive had these problems to some extent for a long time and cannot remember when they started. As far as I can tell I never have morning wood.
I havent had piv sex but so far I have had a hard time getting hard. I didnt really get hard the times I have cuddled/made out, but also I was very nervous. I have gotten mostly hard during a blowjob before, but it did not feel great due to desensitization and and I couldn't finish.
Pelvic floor:
My pelvic floor is extremely and always tense as far as i can tell. i usually feel tense there throught the day like my unconcious default is tense.
When i focus on relaxing it or squating/stretching i can literally feel the warmth/feeling coming back to that area and my penis feel more sensitive and aroused to touch, but it can also be hard to masturbate/stay hard i think because I'm used to only clenching.
Health/lifestyle:
My lifestyle has been very sedentary for years, literally no excercise no stretching, laying around all day besides school/work which i dont go to often. I have depression and my sex drive is generally low. Not on any medication and not diagnosed with any medical issues and I'm not overweight
I have not had a specific injury or day i can remember problems starting. But when i was really little i mastrubated a multiple times humping a pillow while pushing my dick downwards towards my feet instead of upwards toward my bellybutton. I remember it being somewhat painful but no specific major pain/injury and i cant remember my dick feeling differently afterwords.
I dont have any pain in my penis/pelvic floor unless I have been exccessivley clinching or death gripping, then I can feel pain or aching but never really on its own during normal activity. My sex drive is generally low. My butt/pelvis floor can also ache sometimes after sitting for long periods of time
Conclusion:
Recently I have tried nofap and doing some stretches/exercises for only a month and I think it helped. I felt like my penis was more sensitive and getting hard easier with less stimulation, and my sex drive was higher. After that month i tried mastrubating gently while relaxing my pelvic floor and it felt a lot better than normal and i stayed relatively hard easier. But it was very hard to not tense my pelvic floor because I'm so used to it, and felt boring/disinteresting without clenching and using death grip. It took a lot longer to orgasm and was hard too, I think because I am so used to tensing during mastrubation. That month was the longest I've done nofap ever and the first time Ive tried relaxing my pelvic floor.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions of possible diagnosis/problems i should look into. I have read about Venous leaks (I'm especially worried it could be that), Prostatitis, and Tense pelvic floor and I was wondering if I should be concerned about any of those and which my symptoms would fit into? Is this a serious issue, should I be worried and see a doctor, and if so what sort of doctor? Thank you for any advice :)
2024.05.09 19:11 bodycountbook Hoover Vacuum ahead & How to Give it
 | Hoover Vacuum Head & How to Give it! Not Sponsored by Hoover. Hoover does not sponsor this add. ♥️Anonymously E submitted by bodycountbook to u/bodycountbook [link] [comments] PS: DYSON hit me up for your infographic. I have your blowdryer, fan & a few vacuums that I love from you guys. Want to do a brand deal with me? |
2024.05.08 21:34 bb_007 I sometimes have wet juicy farts when I hump my pillow.
It just seems so crazy. One time I literally farted pure poop everywhere while humping my Shrek dakimakura. I feel ashamed and need help
submitted by bb_007 to teenagers [link] [comments]
2024.05.07 23:36 Mandz2006 Please read this...need outside help on this mega fucked up situation, I am 17 and both parents are out of the country and I need a parent right now.. (About sexual assault)
So I came over to his and had a sleepover bc I was very paranoid about something and didn’t want to be alone, we went to bed and fell asleep fairly quickly…
I woke up to him caressing my side and running his hands up and down my thighs and waist and everywhere he could touch in the position that I was in (I was laying on my back but both my legs facing away from him with my heels up against the back of my thighs) then I gained more conciseness and realised what was happening and started to freak out, not knowing what to do, should I get up and leave even if it was like 1 am? Should I turn around and defend myself? Should I pretend to be asleep so he would eventually stop and I wouldn’t have to deal with this? I stayed still but turned away completely from him as the last thing I needed was him touching my boobs or my vagina, (those are the things that I personally consider most privet and can’t imagine what I would do if those parts were touched and it would make the situation much worse) I put my arms up in a tight cross barrier and laid straight so he wouldn’t be able to touch my front half.
He stopped for little bit because I moved but carried on as I stayed still maybe because he thought I just moved in my sleep (I did try my best to pretend like I was sleep moving because maybe then he could realise I am sleeping and maybe stop or maybe it was just him moving in his sleep and he would stop and realise what he’s doing idk it just seemed like the best thing to do at the time, I don’t fully remember or know what my thought process was and what I was trying to achieve by playing asleep) I was hoping that would be it and me readjusting ‘sleepily’ would make it stop but no, it didn’t.
As my whole body was facing away from him now, he moved closer and now he was also laying on his left side, he continued to stroke my side with the occasional slightly gentle thigh/bum squeeze and touching my hair, I’m not sure if it was to move it or touch it or smell it.
I was wide awake at this point and still thinking of what to do as I have never been in this situation before and certainly didn’t expect to be in one that night with one of my closest friends ( we have know each other for around 8 months, not long but we had a genuine connection and same personality and views on the world and life it’s self, we would be the last ones awake at gatherings and would talk for hours and not run out of things to say, I had not had such an easy and calming connection with someone before, I saw him as another me maybe even a brother who I haven’t know for long but it felt real and I loved him a lot and cared about him like crazy) I had sympathy for him at that moment and was trying to find everything excuse for him to not be in the wrong, ‘he is sleep moving, he wouldn’t do that if he was awake, boys do that somethings and get really embarrassed in the morning and it all becomes a weird uncomfortable joke what u will both get over as u are so close’ or ‘maybe he thinks I am awake and as I didn’t do anything or say no he thinks I want this’ ‘maybe I want this and I should just go along with it so I don’t lose him as a friend and it changes the whole situation into something not so rapey and something more light and less fucked up, I don’t want to be assaulted so what is I just pretend like I want it’ but no I didn’t say I wanted it and even if he is asleep, I am not and i definitely don’t want this and I was disgusted at myself for even thinking those things, if this was anyone else I would be so mad, why am I making excuses for a boy who broke my trust when I needed him most.
The room was completely silent, He started smelling my hair and the back of my neck. The sound of him smelling me made me want to scream and throw up, now even more than before I was frozen, holding on to my chest as tightly as I could without it being too obvious, this was almost subconscious. In my head I kept telling myself “One more second before I turn around and do something, he will stop, he is sleep moving, Toby wouldn’t do this” it was almost as if I wanted to save him the embarrassment and save myself the uncomfortable conversation and situation.
He didn’t stop. He held my hips and started to push his penis into my bum. I wanted to die. I wanted it to all be a bad dream. He started to thrust his hips back and forth and pulling me in everytime. I was frozen. I was mad, not at him but at myself for letting it get to this point, and also for not being able to move. My brain and heart were aiming for different things. One was wanting to turn around and protect myself and express my heartbreak that he caused, and the other wanted to pretend like this never happened and if I played along that I was sleeping then none of this would really be reality.
He then spoke. He said “what are you gonna do anyways, your asleep” This hurt so badly, because it all became real, it all confirmed that the lies I was telling myself to be okay with it was a lie that I was gaslighting myself, I was gaslighting myself to protect someone who was sexually assaulting me. This made it so clear that I had no respect for myself and oh my god I was so hurt. How could I allow this, I am meant to protect me. No one has protected me all my life but me. I let myself down for one of the first times. The way I dealt with disappointment from others was by telling myself “ we will be okay, I have you, you understand yourself like no one else does, you are the one that goes out and gets shit done for yourself, you are the one who really truly has yourself and I love me and it will be ok” and that day I let myself down to the deepest level. This was more than sexual assault to me. This was so much more. This broke my soul into peaces. He damaged the trust and love I had built for myself that took so long and took so much hurt and pain to finally achieve. He also made a comment on the face he was making saying something along the lines of “ugh why you always making that face man”, he sounded insecure, embarrassed or annoyed at himself. This made me picture him dry fucking me and made it even worse, great I couldn’t even have a blank image of him doing this, I wasn’t even imagining him or what was happening, I was too busy thinking and that comment made me think of him and what he was doing, he didn’t even let me have that, all my control, and self respect diminished just like that, taken by a fucking man. I felt disgusted, I felt pathetic, I lost all respect I had for myself and also lost one of my best friends. I lost everything certain I had.
He stopped dry humping me after a few minutes I am not sure what exactly happened after as my brain is foggy and don’t know if that’s because I disassociated or he stopped and I fell asleep, because all I cared about is that he stopped the worst thing and so maybe my brain was relieved and just shut down and slept??? I don’t know, but I know at some point after he stopped I got the balls to move and so I took a deep breath and got on my feet to go to the bathroom, not too loud to not make it seem like I was pissed off or to potential wake him up or to have him know that I was awake the whole time but also because I didn’t want the option of pretending that I didn’t know what he did to go out the window, I wanted to give myself the choice of pretending like nothing ever happened and to make it seem like I thought he was sleeping and didn’t want to wake him up but also not too quiet either because half of me wanted him to be scared, I wanted him to not be able to sleep, questioning if he got caught, I wanted him to be scared shitless that maybe I wasn’t sleeping, why should I be the only one to suffer? Although this is not enough it gave me a sense of control which I so desperately needed to feel.
“Where are you going” he asked me.
My heart sank as now it was proven again that he was more lucid than I hoped, this also made me feel better as it gave me more certainty, yes it did hurt to know he was awake but it made me stop defending this fat fuck. It made me angrier and I needed to get justice for myself.
I replied with simply and shortly with “toilet.” I stayed in there not thinking at all just feeling what I was feeling, sat on the toilet lid with my foot up on the edge hugging my knees, staring at his stupid bathroom wall.
I wish I slept in the bathtub instead of going back.. whatever, too late now.
I came back in the room sat in the bed as I saw his arm was across my pillow, I sat up hoping he would move it, fuck it I’m laying down, “do u want me to move my arm?” Yes u fucking Ogre what the fuck do u think? How dare u even question that? What went through your mind that made u put it there in the first place???? Was it a test to see if I knew or not ?? Stupid mad. I said “mhm” fairly loudly, he didn’t move it, I few moments go by, waiting for him to move, he still didn’t.. so I pinch his hand with minimal fingers as possible and throw it down to his side (in between us). I then move as far away from him as I can in the bed and hold myself so he doesn’t touch me.
He later on proceeds move the covers to hold my waist and he does but I was still wide awake so I make a big movement and he then faces the other side.
The nightmare was over, I got through it without something much worse happening, I just had to wait a few more hours to get up and go to college.
I promised myself that is he did more I would go feral, sure I didn’t trust nor believe myself anymore but I still made that promise.
The morning came, I got up before the alarm he set on his Alexa, it was 6:48. I put my headphones on and started to do my skincare, hoping he wouldn’t wake up. I was tired and just wanted to leave, but I sat on his chair for a while contemplating what to do, do I go wake his mum up? Write a note telling her or him or both what he did and that I wasn’t sleeping? What do I do? I sat there for a good 20 mins to 30 minutes or so thinking on the smartest thing to do and what would make me feel better but also won’t make things worse for myself, I texting my groupchat telling them what happened and asking what I should do they all said leave or physically hurt him but I knew that wasn’t the best thing to do although I really wanted to, I was prepared to leave and then I saw his headphones on the table, I wanted those for a while and was going to save up to buy some really nice ones but then I thought he just destroyed everything and took so much from me, this is the least that I can do.
I put them in my bag and as he was awake by then I asked if he was coming to college He said yes (he doesn’t go to my college but still comes in as he has nothing better to do as he got accepted into a fashion college) and I left in a rush my heart was pounding and I was so confused I waited by the door and reevaluated my choices but realised that this was all I could do now. On my walk to college I blocked him on Snapchat and instagram.
I am a very much ‘karma will take its course’ kind of person, and I am 18 in 17 days and I am basically 3 years behind due to extreme unfortunate circumstance and family and personal issues and having to move to another country, so this is a really important time for me to get everything done and get my shit sorted. So I was not going to report anything and I was just going to tell my close friends the deep details, but I wanted everyone to know.
I stupidly posted on my Snapchat privet story about it and about the headphones and did a poll if I should jump him or not, trying to make a joke out of the situation and gaining some control back and even maybe to prove to myself that I can stand up for myself by telling others that I took his headphones???? I know pathetic.
Later on he comes into college asking people if they have my contact and to message me as he couldn’t, he didn’t try very hard because he wasn’t trying to find me but he was trying to show people that he was innocent and that all he wanted was his headphones and that I had taken them and blocked him out of nowhere.
People showed him my story and he had the most guilty fake shocked face that was just been caught look, according to my friends that were there, he denied it all.
His friend snatched my friends (who was on the privet story) phone and took a screenshot and sent it to himself.
Now he has proof that I took his headphones and that I did a poll on if I should jump him. He went to the police station today.
And I didn’t as I didn’t want to cause more stress for myself as I don’t have time as I have my exams now and they are the main and final ones that determines wether I can do my a levels or not, and also because I still cared about him and didn’t want this to potentially ruin his life.
I called the police and told them about everything and even the part about the headphones and the story and was as truthful as possible not sure if it will screw me over but oh well I wanted to be as honest as I could.
I’m scared, because the time I got groomed and told my male doctor and nurses that were taking care of me heard too, but they did nothing and he said that I was friendly with him so maybe I should just not be as friendly and comfortable with men, I was 14 in the hospital because of an overdose and had screenshot proof yet they still did nothing.
Now I don’t have any proof, except the unwashed clothes that I was wearing when assaulted me in but there is nothing on them so.. :/
But it’s okay because everything will be okay and I am not in the wrong and I am doing everything I can to be a good person, that’s the most i can do right now :)
submitted by Mandz2006 to LegalAdviceUK [link] [comments]
I woke up to him caressing my side and running his hands up and down my thighs and waist and everywhere he could touch in the position that I was in (I was laying on my back but both my legs facing away from him with my heels up against the back of my thighs) then I gained more conciseness and realised what was happening and started to freak out, not knowing what to do, should I get up and leave even if it was like 1 am? Should I turn around and defend myself? Should I pretend to be asleep so he would eventually stop and I wouldn’t have to deal with this? I stayed still but turned away completely from him as the last thing I needed was him touching my boobs or my vagina, (those are the things that I personally consider most privet and can’t imagine what I would do if those parts were touched and it would make the situation much worse) I put my arms up in a tight cross barrier and laid straight so he wouldn’t be able to touch my front half.
He stopped for little bit because I moved but carried on as I stayed still maybe because he thought I just moved in my sleep (I did try my best to pretend like I was sleep moving because maybe then he could realise I am sleeping and maybe stop or maybe it was just him moving in his sleep and he would stop and realise what he’s doing idk it just seemed like the best thing to do at the time, I don’t fully remember or know what my thought process was and what I was trying to achieve by playing asleep) I was hoping that would be it and me readjusting ‘sleepily’ would make it stop but no, it didn’t.
As my whole body was facing away from him now, he moved closer and now he was also laying on his left side, he continued to stroke my side with the occasional slightly gentle thigh/bum squeeze and touching my hair, I’m not sure if it was to move it or touch it or smell it.
I was wide awake at this point and still thinking of what to do as I have never been in this situation before and certainly didn’t expect to be in one that night with one of my closest friends ( we have know each other for around 8 months, not long but we had a genuine connection and same personality and views on the world and life it’s self, we would be the last ones awake at gatherings and would talk for hours and not run out of things to say, I had not had such an easy and calming connection with someone before, I saw him as another me maybe even a brother who I haven’t know for long but it felt real and I loved him a lot and cared about him like crazy) I had sympathy for him at that moment and was trying to find everything excuse for him to not be in the wrong, ‘he is sleep moving, he wouldn’t do that if he was awake, boys do that somethings and get really embarrassed in the morning and it all becomes a weird uncomfortable joke what u will both get over as u are so close’ or ‘maybe he thinks I am awake and as I didn’t do anything or say no he thinks I want this’ ‘maybe I want this and I should just go along with it so I don’t lose him as a friend and it changes the whole situation into something not so rapey and something more light and less fucked up, I don’t want to be assaulted so what is I just pretend like I want it’ but no I didn’t say I wanted it and even if he is asleep, I am not and i definitely don’t want this and I was disgusted at myself for even thinking those things, if this was anyone else I would be so mad, why am I making excuses for a boy who broke my trust when I needed him most.
The room was completely silent, He started smelling my hair and the back of my neck. The sound of him smelling me made me want to scream and throw up, now even more than before I was frozen, holding on to my chest as tightly as I could without it being too obvious, this was almost subconscious. In my head I kept telling myself “One more second before I turn around and do something, he will stop, he is sleep moving, Toby wouldn’t do this” it was almost as if I wanted to save him the embarrassment and save myself the uncomfortable conversation and situation.
He didn’t stop. He held my hips and started to push his penis into my bum. I wanted to die. I wanted it to all be a bad dream. He started to thrust his hips back and forth and pulling me in everytime. I was frozen. I was mad, not at him but at myself for letting it get to this point, and also for not being able to move. My brain and heart were aiming for different things. One was wanting to turn around and protect myself and express my heartbreak that he caused, and the other wanted to pretend like this never happened and if I played along that I was sleeping then none of this would really be reality.
He then spoke. He said “what are you gonna do anyways, your asleep” This hurt so badly, because it all became real, it all confirmed that the lies I was telling myself to be okay with it was a lie that I was gaslighting myself, I was gaslighting myself to protect someone who was sexually assaulting me. This made it so clear that I had no respect for myself and oh my god I was so hurt. How could I allow this, I am meant to protect me. No one has protected me all my life but me. I let myself down for one of the first times. The way I dealt with disappointment from others was by telling myself “ we will be okay, I have you, you understand yourself like no one else does, you are the one that goes out and gets shit done for yourself, you are the one who really truly has yourself and I love me and it will be ok” and that day I let myself down to the deepest level. This was more than sexual assault to me. This was so much more. This broke my soul into peaces. He damaged the trust and love I had built for myself that took so long and took so much hurt and pain to finally achieve. He also made a comment on the face he was making saying something along the lines of “ugh why you always making that face man”, he sounded insecure, embarrassed or annoyed at himself. This made me picture him dry fucking me and made it even worse, great I couldn’t even have a blank image of him doing this, I wasn’t even imagining him or what was happening, I was too busy thinking and that comment made me think of him and what he was doing, he didn’t even let me have that, all my control, and self respect diminished just like that, taken by a fucking man. I felt disgusted, I felt pathetic, I lost all respect I had for myself and also lost one of my best friends. I lost everything certain I had.
He stopped dry humping me after a few minutes I am not sure what exactly happened after as my brain is foggy and don’t know if that’s because I disassociated or he stopped and I fell asleep, because all I cared about is that he stopped the worst thing and so maybe my brain was relieved and just shut down and slept??? I don’t know, but I know at some point after he stopped I got the balls to move and so I took a deep breath and got on my feet to go to the bathroom, not too loud to not make it seem like I was pissed off or to potential wake him up or to have him know that I was awake the whole time but also because I didn’t want the option of pretending that I didn’t know what he did to go out the window, I wanted to give myself the choice of pretending like nothing ever happened and to make it seem like I thought he was sleeping and didn’t want to wake him up but also not too quiet either because half of me wanted him to be scared, I wanted him to not be able to sleep, questioning if he got caught, I wanted him to be scared shitless that maybe I wasn’t sleeping, why should I be the only one to suffer? Although this is not enough it gave me a sense of control which I so desperately needed to feel.
“Where are you going” he asked me.
My heart sank as now it was proven again that he was more lucid than I hoped, this also made me feel better as it gave me more certainty, yes it did hurt to know he was awake but it made me stop defending this fat fuck. It made me angrier and I needed to get justice for myself.
I replied with simply and shortly with “toilet.” I stayed in there not thinking at all just feeling what I was feeling, sat on the toilet lid with my foot up on the edge hugging my knees, staring at his stupid bathroom wall.
I wish I slept in the bathtub instead of going back.. whatever, too late now.
I came back in the room sat in the bed as I saw his arm was across my pillow, I sat up hoping he would move it, fuck it I’m laying down, “do u want me to move my arm?” Yes u fucking Ogre what the fuck do u think? How dare u even question that? What went through your mind that made u put it there in the first place???? Was it a test to see if I knew or not ?? Stupid mad. I said “mhm” fairly loudly, he didn’t move it, I few moments go by, waiting for him to move, he still didn’t.. so I pinch his hand with minimal fingers as possible and throw it down to his side (in between us). I then move as far away from him as I can in the bed and hold myself so he doesn’t touch me.
He later on proceeds move the covers to hold my waist and he does but I was still wide awake so I make a big movement and he then faces the other side.
The nightmare was over, I got through it without something much worse happening, I just had to wait a few more hours to get up and go to college.
I promised myself that is he did more I would go feral, sure I didn’t trust nor believe myself anymore but I still made that promise.
The morning came, I got up before the alarm he set on his Alexa, it was 6:48. I put my headphones on and started to do my skincare, hoping he wouldn’t wake up. I was tired and just wanted to leave, but I sat on his chair for a while contemplating what to do, do I go wake his mum up? Write a note telling her or him or both what he did and that I wasn’t sleeping? What do I do? I sat there for a good 20 mins to 30 minutes or so thinking on the smartest thing to do and what would make me feel better but also won’t make things worse for myself, I texting my groupchat telling them what happened and asking what I should do they all said leave or physically hurt him but I knew that wasn’t the best thing to do although I really wanted to, I was prepared to leave and then I saw his headphones on the table, I wanted those for a while and was going to save up to buy some really nice ones but then I thought he just destroyed everything and took so much from me, this is the least that I can do.
I put them in my bag and as he was awake by then I asked if he was coming to college He said yes (he doesn’t go to my college but still comes in as he has nothing better to do as he got accepted into a fashion college) and I left in a rush my heart was pounding and I was so confused I waited by the door and reevaluated my choices but realised that this was all I could do now. On my walk to college I blocked him on Snapchat and instagram.
I am a very much ‘karma will take its course’ kind of person, and I am 18 in 17 days and I am basically 3 years behind due to extreme unfortunate circumstance and family and personal issues and having to move to another country, so this is a really important time for me to get everything done and get my shit sorted. So I was not going to report anything and I was just going to tell my close friends the deep details, but I wanted everyone to know.
I stupidly posted on my Snapchat privet story about it and about the headphones and did a poll if I should jump him or not, trying to make a joke out of the situation and gaining some control back and even maybe to prove to myself that I can stand up for myself by telling others that I took his headphones???? I know pathetic.
Later on he comes into college asking people if they have my contact and to message me as he couldn’t, he didn’t try very hard because he wasn’t trying to find me but he was trying to show people that he was innocent and that all he wanted was his headphones and that I had taken them and blocked him out of nowhere.
People showed him my story and he had the most guilty fake shocked face that was just been caught look, according to my friends that were there, he denied it all.
His friend snatched my friends (who was on the privet story) phone and took a screenshot and sent it to himself.
Now he has proof that I took his headphones and that I did a poll on if I should jump him. He went to the police station today.
And I didn’t as I didn’t want to cause more stress for myself as I don’t have time as I have my exams now and they are the main and final ones that determines wether I can do my a levels or not, and also because I still cared about him and didn’t want this to potentially ruin his life.
I called the police and told them about everything and even the part about the headphones and the story and was as truthful as possible not sure if it will screw me over but oh well I wanted to be as honest as I could.
I’m scared, because the time I got groomed and told my male doctor and nurses that were taking care of me heard too, but they did nothing and he said that I was friendly with him so maybe I should just not be as friendly and comfortable with men, I was 14 in the hospital because of an overdose and had screenshot proof yet they still did nothing.
Now I don’t have any proof, except the unwashed clothes that I was wearing when assaulted me in but there is nothing on them so.. :/
But it’s okay because everything will be okay and I am not in the wrong and I am doing everything I can to be a good person, that’s the most i can do right now :)