Hey folks! Just trying to figure out the max weight for an rv. The one I was checking out was a collapsing a frame with the following specs. Think this would work or too close to max tow weight? HITCH WEIGHT 353 lb. UVW 2,700 lb. CCC 653 lb. BOX SIZE 14' EXT OPEN LENGTH 20' 4" EXT CLOSED LENGTH 20' 4" EXT CLOSED HEIGHT 5' 8" EXTERIOR WIDTH 84" https://forestriverinc.com/rvs/rockwood-hard-side-pop-up-campers/A214HW/8009

RVers have an overwhelming number of choices when choosing between the top RV manufacturers, let alone an individual RV. Plus, they face similar models and floorplans across different manufacturers, further muddying the waters.
While some top-ranked RV manufacturers have built a reputation on luxury features and amenities, others are known for affordability or their ability to appeal to a wider demographic.
For our purposes, we think there's truth in numbers. So, we've compiled this list of the top 10 RV manufacturers in North America based on our highest-selling brands over the last several years.

Who Are The Top RV Manufacturers?

Based on top-selling models and floorplans over the last few years, here are the most popular RV manufacturers you’ll find on Camping World lots nationwide:

1. Dutchmen

Holdings Company: Thor Industries
Founding Year: 1988
The Dutchmen RV Manufacturing company is based in Goshen, Indiana. Owned by Thor Industries, their RV lineup features travel trailers and fifth wheels backed by an industry-recognized structural warranty. Their recreational vehicles are ideal for first-time owners or young buyers looking for a turnkey-ready RV experience.
Here are some of the top-selling brands manufactured by Dutchmen:
Top Selling Brands:

• Coleman Light
• Coleman Lantern
• Coleman Lantern LT
• Coleman Rubicon
• Aspen Trail LE
• Atlas
• Eddie Bauer Signature

2. Forest River

Holdings Company: Forest River Inc.
Founding Year: 1996
With a massive selection of towable and motorized RVs, Forest River manufactures Forest River its specific brands out of facilities based in Elkhart, Indiana. The company, founded by Peter Liegl in 1996, offers travel trailers, fifth wheels, toy haulers, destination trailers, and class A and C motorhomes. Berkshire Hathaway acquired Forest River Inc. in 2005.
Top Selling Brands:

• Salem
• Wildwood
• Cherokee
• Rockwood
• Flagstaff

Find out more about Forest River RVs.

3. Keystone

Holdings Company: Thor Industries
Founding Year: 1996
Cole Davis founded the Keystone RV company in 1996, and the company has grown to become North America’s #1 towable RV manufacturer. Prioritizing quality and value, they manufacture fifth wheels, travel trailers, and toy haulers with tons of features and customizable upgrades. They now boast manufacturing facilities in Goshen, Indiana and Pendleton, Oregon. Thor Industries purchased Keystone in 2001.
Top Selling Brands:

• Bullet
• Cougar
• Cougar Sport
• Montana
• Springdale

Discover the entire Keystone RV collection.

4. Heartland

Holdings Company: Thor Industries
Founding Year: 2003
Founded by Brian Brady, the former CEO of Damon Corp., Heartland manufactures travel trailers, fifth wheels, and toy haulers and is based out of facilities in Elkhart, Indiana. Their towables are known for being built with quality materials and incorporating innovative features like solar packages, oversized pass-through storage, and a Universal Docking Center. Their RVs are also known for having some of the industry’s best resale values when you’re ready to trade in or upgrade.
Top Selling Brands:

• Pioneer
• Mallard
• Prowler
• Fuel
• Fuel Sport

5. Jayco

Holdings Company: Thor Industries
Founding Year: 1968
Jayco’s history of innovation and design quality dates back to the development of the industry’s first lift system for pop up campers. Founded by Lloyd Bontrager, Jayco has been manufacturing innovative towable and motorized RVs for more than 55 years. Based in Middlebury, Indiana, Jayco creates recreational vehicles backed by one of the industry’s best warranties. Their reach is widespread, and you’ll hardly visit a campground anywhere in the US without seeing the Jayco name on the side of at least one camper.
Top Selling Brands:

• Jay Flight
• Jay Flight SLX
• Eagle
• North Point
• Redhawk

Explore the complete lineup of Jayco recreational vehicles.

6. Thor Motor Coach

Holdings Company: Thor Industries
Founding Year: 2010
Though technically founded in 2010 through the merging of Damon Motorcoach and Four Winds RV, the industry experience behind Thor Motor Coach dates back to the 1980s. Today, Thor manufactures 1 out of every 4 motorhomes sold annually in North America. Their selection includes Class A, B, and C motorhomes with a massive range of floorplans and feature selections to fit every customer’s budget.
Top Selling Brands:

• Ace
• Coleman
• Freedom Elite
• Sequence
• Tranquility

Discover Thor Motor Coach’s complete RV lineup.

7. East to West

Holdings Company: Forest River Inc.
Founding Year: 2017
One of the newcomers to the industry, East to West RV has built its reputation by focusing production efforts on a limited number of floorplans to drive quality over quantity. Their goal is to create RVs with long-term value at an affordable price. The company, a division of Forest River, was co-founded by Eric Sharp, a 40-year veteran of the RV industry, and Lisa Rees, who grew up in the RV industry watching her father operate Forest River Inc.
Top Selling Brands:

• Alta
• Silver Lake
• Silver Lake LE
• Tandara

8. Prime Time Manufacturing

Holdings Company: Forest River Inc.
Founding Year: 2009
Prime Time Manufacturing, a division of Forest River, was founded more than a decade ago by a group of RV veterans with more than a century of combined industry experience. Their goal was simple: build better RVs that allow them to exceed customer expectations. Today, they manufacture a full line of towable RVs based out of Northern Indiana facilities. Their varied product line truly offers something for experienced, casual, and first-time RVers.
Top Selling Brands:

• Avenger
• Crusader
• Tracer

9. Crossroads

Holdings Company: Thor Industries
Founding Year: 1996
Located in Topeka, Indiana, Crossroads RV produces travel trailers, destination trailers, and entry-level and luxury fifth wheels out of five manufacturing facilities. They boast quality build elements like all-aluminum construction, fully laminated walls, one-piece roof construction, and a Filon fiberglass exterior. When other manufacturers offer certain features as “extras,” you’ll find them as “standards” with Crossroads RV.
Top Selling Brands:

• Volante
• Zinger

10. Winnebago

Holdings Company: Winnebago Industries
Founding Year: 1958
For many people, the words ‘RV’ and ‘Winnebago’ are synonyms, and oft-used interchangeably. With roots dating back more than six decades, it’s not surprising that they’ve earned a reputation for producing respected RV brands that meet customer’s adapting needs. They offer a wide selection of towable and motorized RVs manufactured in facilities based in Forest City and Lake Mills, Iowa.
Top Selling Brands:

• Navion
• View
• Solis
• Travato
• Micro Minnie

Learn more about the full Winnebago RV lineup.

FAQs About the Top Rated RV Manufacturers

Let’s answer common questions about popular RV manufacturers to help you continue your search to find the perfect camper.

What is the most sold RV?

https://youtu.be/tEGFMp9CT2I
Here’s a list of our top makes and models:

1. Coleman Lantern LT 17B
2. Coleman Lantern LT 17R
3. Heartland Pioneer BH270
4. Coleman Rubicon 1200RK
5. Heartland Pioneer BH250
6. Keystone Cougar Sport 2700BH
7. Coleman Rubicon 1400BH
8. Keystone Cougar Sport 2100RK
9. Heartland Mallard 210RB
10. Heartland Mallard M26

Find Them at Camping World

How many RV manufacturers are there?

In 2023, more than 280 manufacturers in North America built RVs. These manufacturers often build multiple “brand lines” in the production facilities. As a result, you’ll find upwards of 800 unique brands in the current RV marketplace.
Buyers should understand that a similar relationship exists between a manufacturer and a holdings company. Many of the top recreational vehicle manufacturers are owned by a small number of holding companies. The “Big 3” are Thor Industries, Forest River Inc., and Winnebago Industries.
Despite the “ownership” of these manufacturers falling under one of those three umbrellas, many of the specific manufacturers operate and maintain their own production facilities with their own construction and quality control standards.
What does that mean for you as a buyer?
If the same company owns multiple manufacturers, that doesn’t necessarily mean the RVs produced by each manufacturer adhere to the same standards. Each manufacturer should be evaluated individually, which is why some brands have earned more credible reputations than others.

The RV manufacturing landscape also includes direct-to-consumer manufacturers. You won’t find many of their RVs at Camping World dealerships unless they’ve been acquired through a sale or trade-in, which is why you won’t find them on this list. If you’re curious about those manufacturers, explore our selection of used RVs.

Which RV manufacturer has the best quality?

According to user reviews and forum responses, some of the current manufacturers credited with building the highest quality RVs include Airstream, Tiffin Motorhomes, Entegra Coach, Winnebago, and New Horizons RV. Others that received notable mention include DRV, Luxe, Northwoods Manufacturing, and Outdoors RV. (Although a relative newcomer to the space, keep an eye on the emergence of Brinkley RV as well).

What RV manufacturer has the most complaints?

Perhaps surprisingly, our research on Reddit, the Good Sam RV community, and other forums revealed that some of the most widely sold manufacturers were also mentioned as manufacturers with the most complaints.
Could this be related to the fact that these manufacturers sell more RVs than all the others? It must be considered as a contributing factor. But we believe that feedback is essential to improving production quality to bring you, the end user, better RVs at more affordable prices.
There are many platforms where you can join the RV community and share your experiences. Consider some of Camping World’s platforms below:

• YouTube
• Reddit
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Pinterest
• Twitter
• TikTok

Choosing the right RV for your camping style requires more than honing in on a top-rated RV manufacturer. Here are a few more resources to guide your buying journey:

• The Best Lightweight Travel Trailers Under 3,000 Pounds
• 15 Best Small Campers from Camping World
• 7 RVs You Can Pull with an SUV

What are your thoughts on these RV manufacturers? We’d love to know your questions, comments, and concerns.
RVers have an overwhelming number of choices when choosing between the top RV manufacturers, let alone an individual RV. Plus, they face similar models and floorplans across different manufacturers, further muddying the waters.

Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott
Episode 9: The Sand Witch Project
"Last time, on Total! Drama! Action! A girl with vision. Vision that took her past everyday thinking. But when the chips were down, and even when the chips came back up again, she was the only one who could rescue them."
"Searching for a cure to the disease that was afflicting her dearest friends, a challenge was won. A cure found."
"But will-" Chris began to munch and crunch on something, though, so the rest of his sentence was completely muddled and unintelligible. The recap footage ended and the shot cut to Chris sitting on the amphitheater bleachers with popcorn at his side.
"Hey, what can I say? Gross disease movies make me crave a little corn!" He picked up his snack and smiled. "But, it's time to put the snacks away, kiddies," he tossed the bag over his shoulder, "because after this totally terrifying episode," the scene cut to a nighttime shot of him walking past a portable toilet near the cast trailers, "there won't be a stomach left unturned!" A horrible growling noise came from inside the toilet that made the host flinch, but he recovered his composure quickly and walked over to a nearby campfire. "Hold on to your buckets. It's time for some Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The episode began with a shot of a soccer ball rolling across the shot and the camera zoomed out to show Jasmine and Justin kicking it back and forth to each other. Brick was also in the background sleeping on a lounge chair.
The camera panned to the right to show Anne Maria, Izzy, MK, Ripper, and Scott playing cards at a picnic table. "Sorry, wimps," Ripper said with a triumphant grin, "but I won this round!" The bully put his cards on the table. "Whose turn is it to deal?"
"Mine," Izzy said, grabbing the cards. “Watch this!” She then did a number of intricate moves to shuffle them, much to her competitors’ amazement.
Confessional: Scott
"Izzy's such a showboat," Scott told the confessional camera. "She's always there to demonstrate how “cool” she is, but can she smash twenty kitchen rats in under a minute? No.”
“I just wish that my team loses the next challenge so we can vote her off, and I know how to handle that if it comes down to the wire,” the farmer said sneakily.
Confessional Ends
The footage cut back with Millie and Chase sitting on the steps of the boys’ trailer, Millie holding a small basket of sandwich wedges.
"I can't believe how many of these were leftover after lunch!" Millie said before tossing one of the sandwiches into her mouth.
“I can't believe you managed to steal these in the first place!” Chase chuckled.
"I can't help it," Millie said giddily. "Egg salad sandwiches are super tasty, and it's not like Chef will notice."
“I clearly taught you well,” Chase said. “You know, it's great to hang out with each other given all the times we've been separated.”
“We still have to manage until the merge, Chase,” Millie reminded her boyfriend. “Things have been crazy though with Trent's jealousy over you and Sky and his challenge throwing.”
“I didn't even know about all that until you told me a few days ago,” Chase said.
“Sky told me all about it, and I didn't have the time to inform you,” Millie admitted.
“I'm still cool with Trent, but if anybody thinks that I'll drop you for another chick, then they don't know a thing about me,” Chase declared. “I'd rather get poison ivy then cheat on you.”
“Your loyalty is one of the reasons why I'm in love with you,” Millie admired before giving Chase a peck on his cheek.
"I wouldn't be Chase without that, Millie!" Chase smiled. "Now watch this!" A fast-paced and hectic tune began as he did a front handspring, landed, then jumped into the air, twirled a few times, and landed in splits. "This is how you speed eat, folks," he said as he did his routine. He stood up from his splits, took out a few sandwiches from his pockets, and tossed his snacks into the air, catching them all with his open mouth. He took a bow after he finished swallowing.
The contestants applauded politely. "Nice one," Anne Maria said. “I've seen monkeys swallow less bananas than we do with these sandwiches."
"Chef's food has gotten so good," Justin said with a mouthful. The sound of loud snoring filled the air and everyone looked over at Brick, the camera zooming in on him as a ripple effect transitioned the scene.
It was a dark and stormy night on the film lot, and a rat scurried by past the craft services tent before lightning flashed and the camera zoomed in on the light coming from the kitchen window. A few jarringly tense notes played as the shot focused on a kitchen knife in Brick's hand before the music softened out and the knife was used to spread egg salad on a slice of bread. Cheese and lettuce were added next, followed by another slice of bread, and Brick was shown looking at the sandwich with a smile on his face – a stack of similar sandwiches was on the counter nearby.
Just then, Chef made his presence known in the background after another flash of lightning and shouted "Lunch!".
Brick squeaked and held his knife out in front of him in an attempt to protect himself, and Chef began to slowly clap his hands in a deadpan manner.
"We need to stop all this cheating," Brick begged. "Being in this alliance is seriously going against everything I stand for as a cadet."
"This is not about right or wrong, son," Chef declared remorselessly. "It's about you and me winning that cool mil."
The footage rippled back to the present.
Brick was still snoring peacefully as the camera panned away from him and back to the picnic table where Millie and Chase had joined most of the others.
"So, what're you guys doing?" Chase asked the card players.
"We don't think there's gonna be a challenge today," Ripper explained, "so we've just been playing cards against each other."
“And it's kinda getting borin’ with Big and Blue winning a majority of our games,” Anne Maria shot a grim look at Ripper.
“It's not my fault I'm better than you all at Go Fish, Rimmy, and the sort,” Ripper scoffed.
“Now I wish there is a challenge,” Izzy grumbled.
“I second that,” Scott nodded.
The background music became tense as the loudspeakers squealed on. "Attention Total Drama victims!" Chris announced dramatically. "Please meet me in the northeast corner of the studio-palooza! Bring lozenges!" he added over a shot of Chase chewing and swallowing one of his sandwiches while looking up. "The screaming is gonna hurt!"
"Wishes do come true," Izzy laughed humorously as she looked at the others around her.
The footage cut to a view of MK and Izzy through a small monitor looking unamused. "We walk all the way out here," the techno girl said, "yet Chris hasn't arrived yet!" The camera pulled out to show that the monitor was part of a larger recording device pointed at the Gaffers, who along with the Grips had assembled at an open-air set in what looked to be the middle of nowhere.
"Maybe he's racked up too much overtime figuring out new ways to torture us," Justin suggested, leaning against a light in the middle of the shot.
As if on cue, a familiar shout came from above that startled the handsome boy. He and the other castmates looked up in time to see none other than the host falling back-first from above, a small square of red just barely visible on the bottom of his shirt. He landed just below the screen with appropriately dramatic music and a burst of something thick and red that splattered the horrified contestants.
The camera cut to a tilted shot of Chris McLean impaled on the same light which Justin had just been leaning up against. All of the castmates screamed.
"Huh. Guess the producers don't like paying overtime," Justin commented.
"I'm worth every dime!" Chris said, suddenly sitting up with a grin and a shrug.
"I was just about to go out looking for your car and hightail it out of here," Chase spoke up in disappointment.
"It's the magic of cinema, boys and girls!" Chris declared, ignoring the comment. "I'm absolutely, perfectly, Chris-ily fine!" He took the top of the light off his body, revealing that, in fact, he hadn't been impaled at all. "Wanna see how it's done?"
"NO!" every contestant shouted and scowled angrily at the host.
Chris explained anyway, and blood appeared to pour down over the camera turning the whole screen red before the shot zoomed out to show the red was all inside a small square packet similar to what had been on the host's shirt. "Our cracker-jack effects team seals fake blood into a thin membrane of plastic," Chris said before the shot of him falling was shown again, "called a 'squib'." A top-down view of the fall appeared on the top half of the screen that showed the host smiling, while a yellow-and-black silhouette scene on the bottom depicted two interns carrying a mattress to the landing sight.
"This baby bursts on impact," the host said as the screen was splattered red again, which dripped away to show footage of the mattress being lowered into a hole in the ground behind the light, Chris falling down into it with a burst of blood before the ground the light was on descended into the ground and a platform with Chris on the fake light rose to take its place. "An old-fashioned optical illusion helps sell that I get impaled!" the host said as another silhouetted scene slid in from the right showing the fall from a side-view, with the quick change of platforms and lights.
"Can you not make like a sloth right now?" Jasmine groaned. “Get on with it.”
"Time for today's totally terrifying, blood-curdling, Horror Movie Challenge!" Chris announced before starting to walk around in front of the castmates. “To figure out which team gets which challenge, a scream-off! Think of every great horror movie you've ever seen.”
Izzy gasped in excitement. “Oh my gosh, you guys. Did you see that one with the possessed rug that learns to walk and smother cats? Or did I make that up?”
"All horror movies have one thing in common: fantastic screaming from actors. And," Chris added as he walked back past the Grips and lingered in front of Justin, "the killers that snuff them." The pretty boy looked nervously shocked, but Chris paid him no heed. "Each team, pick a serial killer," he told the castmates. "The rest of you will be the screamers. If your serial killer can make you scream the loudest, your team wins!"
A roaring chainsaw swiped down across the screen, accompanied by a sudden but dramatic twist to the background music as the screen was splattered red again.
The 'blood' effect drained away, transitioning the scene to Jasmine talking to the Killer Grips outside the numbered studios while holding the mask and bottle of ketchup. "We have to go with Anne Maria. I'd do it, but my height would be a dead giveaway."
“She scares me on a daily basis,” Millie agreed with the plan.
“And though the mask offers good protection for my beautiful face, I already performed a role in the third challenge,” Justin added.
Jasmine was about to give the mask to Anne Maria until Chef came in and grabbed the object. "Brick's gotta do it!" he claimed furiously.
"But we already agreed to a plan," Jasmine argued.
"Brick… is doing it." Chef said again.
"I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to tell us what to do in the challenges," Anne Maria talked back.
Chef grabbed her hair and held her off the ground. "Do you like having your hair shaved off of your head? Cause I can make that happen," the large man said to Anne Maria threateningly.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"I love my pouf," Anne Maria said. "Not only do I get to style it into whatever the heck I want, but I can also stash things in like spray cans, phones, food. Anything goes as long as it's not overly big. And the last thing I want right now is to lose my hair because of a dumb decision."
Confessional Ends
Chef dropped Anne Maria onto the floor, grabbed Brick by his collar, and shoved the mask onto his chest before stomping off in a satisfied manner.
"Since when does Chef buzz into challenges?" Jasmine asked. "This smells fishy to me."
"Oh, my bad," Anne Maria pulled a sandwich out of her pouf. "I was saving this for later."
“You guys have to let me be the killer!” Chase told his four teammates. “I have a lot of experience with scaring people on Halloween.”
“Okay, I am such the better scarer,” Izzy interjected. “My own dog is terrified of me, okay?”
“Most of my classmates are terrified of me, so I think that triumphs more over that,” Ripper argued.
“I wanna be the killer,” Scott grunted. “This is a role I was born to play.”
MK cleared up her throat. “Can everyone just-”
“But I was the one who scared my teammates last season with the bear costume,” Izzy pouted.
“I was one of them, and I won't be fooled by you again,” Ripper huffed.
MK gritted her teeth before shouting “I'm going to be our serial killer and that's final!!” Everybody stopped arguing and looked at the shortest member of the team. “You guys being the killer would be predictable and boring, and I'm just as worthy of being scary as you all.”
Confessional: MK
“I haven't done much lately other than puke my guts out and sweat uncontrollably,” MK admitted. “If we were to lose this challenge, no way would they consider voting me off if I do my best as the killer.”
Confessional Ends
The footage skipped ahead to night, showing a close-up of Chase walking somewhere around a wooded part of the film lot.
“Looks like we've been lumped into this together,” Jasmine said as the shot pulled back to show the Australian woman wandering around the woods as well.
"Who would've thought?" Chase asked rhetorically.
"Alright, Jasmine and Chase," Chris announced as the shot pulled out yet again to show the host sitting in a director's chair just off what was revealed to be an indoor forest set. "Prepare yourselves for your killers to enter!" The viewpoint shifted in front as he continued excitedly. "And then, I want huge, massive, ginormous screams! We'll be measuring the volume on our Scream-o-Meter!" He pointed above him as a bright green volume icon appeared; a stock screaming sound effect was played that caused the volume meter to rise from left to right, green to yellow to red.
"Lights!" Chris commanded, a dramatic note playing as a stage light was shown turning on. "Camera!" a camera was shown popping up and turning on to another dramatic note. "Action!" A film slate was held in front of the camera filming Chris and clapped.
Chase was shown in the distance with his back towards the camera just before a hockey mask was put 'on' over the shot. The camera moved forward a few steps towards some bushes as tense music built in the background, and the viewpoint shifted to show what was obviously a masked MK watching her teammate from hiding.
The music peaked as she jumped into the open with a roar, prompting Chase to scream… for a few seconds before stopping himself.
"Seriously?" MK asked in annoyance.
“I told myself that you'd be coming any time, so I had to prepare my scream,” Chase told his teammate.
The Scream-o-Meter only registered a few bars.
The camera cut to Brick peeking out of a tree. "I would've preferred if Anne Maria was performing this rather than me," the cadet said, making Chef pop up and scare Brick away with a roar.
Brick bumped into Jasmine while running away. "Oh, hello Brick," Jasmine greeted after turning around.
Brick looked at Chef one last time before putting the mask on and growing, leading Jasmine to scream and make the Scream-o-Meter register all the way to the first red tick.
"With a solid 55 on the Scream-o-Meter, let's notch one up for Brick, Jasmine, and the Killer Grips!" Chris announced.
The scene changed to a portable toilet set up in a smaller indoor forest set. “They cannot be serious," Anne Maria said as the camera cut inside to her filing her nails. "Who do these people think they are filming us in here?" The shot zoomed out slightly, showing that she was, indeed, sitting on the toilet. "I'm not giving them the satisfaction of using the toilet."
A flash took the scene to Scott's turn alone in the portable toilet. "Why don't we just give up now?" Scott scoffed. "There ain't nothing that can scare the Scottmeister much, and MK is no exception."
As if on cue, the techno burst into the toilet and growled loudly, causing Scott to let out a blood-curdling scream.
The camera cut back to Anne Maria, and Brick came into the toilet. "Were you in the middle of…."
"Wasn't even thinkin’ about it. Now do the scene," Anne Maria encouraged Brick, who let out a simple roar.
Scott was still screaming as the camera cut back to him and MK to the point where the Scream-o-Meter topped out.
Suddenly, the sound of peeing was heard, and Scott became quiet in his moment of embarrassment.
"I bet you never made anybody wet themselves like I did to you," MK took her mask off while snorting.
"Sorry, Brickhouse," Anne Maria said as the shot cut back to her and Brick. "You just don't scare me at all. You're kinda a marshmallow."
"I am large and in charge," Brick pointed out. “You're too tough to frighten.”
"And that's round two to MK, Scott, and the Screaming Gaffers!" Chris announced as the camera cut to him in the director's chair. "With a pee-fueled 85 on the Scream-o-Meter!"
After Chris left, Chef snuck out from behind the potty. "If Brick won't step up, the other half of the alliance has to."
The footage flashed ahead to another set, this time a couch in what appeared to be a small cottage in the woods. Ripper and Izzy were sitting on it together with scripts in their hands, while Chris stood a few feet away. "Alright guys," he told the two, "this is the tiebreaker scene. You're gonna have to act your faces off!"
Ripper read the script and his eyes went wide in excitement. "We get to make out! Brilliant!" he grinned.
"Those are one of my favorite parts of any horror movie," Izzy added.
"I love movie life!" Ripper smiled as Izzy sat on his lap and they began to kiss.
As the sounds of their make out session got louder, the camera panned over to Chris standing there with an awkward look on his face. "Awkward," he told the camera.
Millie and Justin were on the couch for the Grips, the camera focusing on the writer as she scanned the papers in her hand. Her eyebrows shot up and she dropped the papers. "No," she said. "Not this. Especially when I'm already dating Chase."
"I'll let you know that I'm a pretty good kisser," Justin told her.
Chris poked the top of his head up from behind the couch, looked between the two teens, and raised himself even further with a grin on his face. "Don't forget, kiddies," he told them, "it's a million bucks!" He ducked back behind the couch again.
With no other choice, the two leaned towards each other with their eyes clenched shut and puckered up. Their lips only barely touched before they recoiled.
“Glad I got that over with," Millie said frantically.
“It was a millisecond kiss, not a kiss of death,” Justin stated as Brick popped up from behind the couch and growled, but the two ignored the killer.
The camera cut to Izzy still making out with Ripper. MK crept up from behind them, brandished her knife, and said, "Ready to be chopped into sushi?!" She was ignored. "Uh, hello?!" she asked in irritation.
The duo looked over at her and gave half-hearted screams that barely stayed green on the Scream-o-Meter, making MK facepalm.
The shot panned over to the three sulking Grips until they looked up and saw a hockey mask wearing Chef brandish a revved up chainsaw and they all screamed. It was enough to put the Scream-o-Meter all the way in the red, and Brick managed to pass out and fall forward onto the couch.
"Well, looks to me like Brick and the Killer Grips have won this one," Chris announced as he walked onto the set, "seeing as they buried the needle. Join us after the break to see if Brick is still alive," he said as Justin and Millie looked over at Brick with concern. "Brick!" Chris called lightly. "Come in, Brick!"
(Commercial Break)
The footage came back with a bottom-up shot of the other nine campers looking down in a circle; counterclockwise from a gap at the top of the screen were Scott, Jasmine, Izzy, Millie, Ripper at the bottom, Anne Maria, Chase, MK, and Justin.
"Is he still breathing?" Anne Maria asked.
"I think he's saying something," Jasmine said before the viewpoint moved to a close-up of the unconscious cadet.
"I'm sorry. I can't take this anymore…" Brick murmured before his face turned scared and he shouted "NO NO NO NO NO!" while turning around.
“Okay, time to wake this doof up,” Ripper said before grabbing Brick's body and sitting him on the couch. The moment he did so, the bully smacked Brick hard on the face.
This act woke Brick up, and he looked around in confusion. "What happened? Why am I here? And where's Chef?"
"Chef's in a meeting with the producers," Chris explained. "A disciplinary meeting. He's in trouble! Not allowed to mess with the challenges."
"I had a feeling something smelled fishy, and not the sandwiches," Jasmine said suspiciously.
"Moving right along," Chris interrupted as the camera pulled out to show the full cast. "It's time to pack up those overnight bags, loser Gaffers!" The camera focused on the five in question. "You and your sleeping bags are spending the night in the dining hall!" All five of them slumped in disappointment. "Grip winners, back to the comfort of the trailers for a little R&R! I'll see you there in half an hour."
The scene flashed over to the craft services tent, the lights within already on. “The craft services tent isn't a bad place to spend the night,” Chase was heard saying before the camera cut inside. "We still have some good memories of the food we ate in here."
Izzy popped out from under a nearby table. "More than memories. I just found half a piece of cheesecake under here," she demonstrated the food.
“Could you split that into one-fourth so I could at least take a piece?” Chase suggested as he looked over the cheesecake.
"Guys!" Chris called from off-camera. "You mind joining us here?" A creepy tune began as the shot moved onto the host on a stool in the middle of the tent, the other three Gaffers seated on the floor around him as Izzy and Chase walked up.
"I'm about to tell you why this film lot was abandoned and closed!" he told the teens in a low voice.
"Because it's a death trap?" MK deadpanned.
"Hush, my child," Chris told her. "This film lot is perfectly safe! On this plane. But in the other dimension...," he trailed off, picking up a flashlight and shining it dramatically up from under his chin, making Izzy, Chase, and MK's eyes widen as they gasped.
"Juanita Rentacop, a dedicated security guard who worked here for twenty-five loyal years, until her mysterious death," he told them slowly. "Right here...," the music built quickly and sharply as the camera pulled back and he stood up and pointed at the ground. "ON THIS VERY SPOT!" Even Ripper and Scott flinched slightly from his sudden exclamation.
"Now," Chris continued as he looked from Gaffer to Gaffer, "her desperate and uneasy spirit walks the lot." He tilted his flashlight towards the wall and doorway, shadows of the bare tree branches falling on the outside of the tent. "No one has ever managed to spend a whole night in this craft service tent!"
"Because the falling sets killed them?" MK asked in a dry tone.
"'Cause," Chris told her as he returned the light to under his chin and the background music rose again, "of the HAUNTING!" he leaned away from her and turned off his flashlight. "Your task," he said with a grin in the center of the group, "spend the whole night here, without leaving this tent. If all or one of you manage to do so," he began to walk off to a table near the kitchen, "your team gets invincibility, and nobody goes home."
"Track any psychic phenomenon using these ghost meters," the host said as the camera zoomed in on a trio of handheld electronic devices resting on the table along with a ouija board. "And just in case," he added as Scott walked over to him, holding out his flashlight before clutching it to his chest and handing the boy a tiny keychain flashlight instead.
"Gee, thanks," Scott said as he held up the light and turned it on, completely unimpressed.
A flash took the scene to the campfire in front of the cast trailers, where the five Grips awaited an approaching Chris McLean. "The Screaming Gaffers are sitting in the craft services tent like sitting ducks," he told them as the camera panned from his close-up to eager Brick and confident Justin, then excited Millie and smirking Jasmine. "Your task is to make like special effects gurus, and frighten the pants off them!" He laughed, then told a skeptical Anne Maria "Or at least scare them enough to get them out of the tent before sunrise."
"How are we supposed to scare them?" Anne Maria asked.
"It's your call," Chris answered. "But if you get them out, your team wins invincibility and nobody goes home. Oh," he added as an afterthought, "just so you know, I told them some cockamamie story about a security guard who died on set." He chuckled, then walked away.
"How are we going to pull this off?" Brick asked his teammates.
"Chase is probably going to get mad at me for this, but I say we turn out the lights," Millie suggested. “Me and him experienced a blackout when we hung out at his house and he couldn't handle it.”
"I've got it!" Jasmine declared with a snap of her fingers. "Let's go. We have work to do." The others shrugged and followed the Outback girl away from the trailers.
The footage skipped ahead to the Grips outside of the tent watching Jasmine hold a white sheet, pillow stuffing, and a red bird in her arms. “Now that we have our things required, allow me to tell you the plan.”
“Why is a bird even on a film lot?” Justin asked.
“This bird just tends to fly around and rest on my branch,” Jasmine explained. “More importantly, I'm going to place the bird in-between the stuffing in order to give it some space to flap its wings, and with the sheet covering both the bird and the stuffing…”
“...the Screaming Gaffers will think that a ghost is haunting them!” Millie realized.
“You hit the nail right on the head,” Jasmine said while ripping some of the stuffing off before placing the bird inside.
“Let's get down to business then,” Brick agreed.
Inside the tent, Ripper, Izzy, Scott, and Chase were shown playing cards at the table nearest the closed-up meal counter while MK sat in front of them feeling bored.
“Do either of you have a seven?” Ripper asked attentively.
"Augh! How did you even know I had that?" Scott groaned as he put a card from his hand down on the table. “I hate to say it, but you really are good at cards, Rip Van Winkle."
Chase noticed something behind him and began to scream, and his teammates looked at him oddly. "Is something wrong?" Izzy asked as her teammate pointed to the air behind him. A few deep notes played as the shot cut to the flapping ghost moving left and right by itself.
Scott, Izzy, and Ripper joined Chase in screaming before they dashed towards the exit.
"Hold on!" MK cried out, but they didn't listen. "I said HOLD ON!!!" This made the team come to a dead stop just as they were about to exit outside. "The ghost meter's aren't reading a thing." She held the ghost detector up.
“Then how do you explain that thing hovering over us?” Chase raised an eyebrow in annoyance.
“Something has to be inside that sheet, and it has to be…” MK said before she took the stack of cards and chucked it at the stuffed sheet, making it drop to the ground.
MK approached the “ghost”, and her teammates gasped in horror as she grabbed hold of the sheet and threw it off, revealing the stuffing inside it and the bird escaped from the stuffing and flew away.
"Great Scott!" Scott declared while the bird flew past him. "It was just a hoodwink!"
Confessional: Chase
"If the Grips are trying to scare us so bad, then they must be doing a great job doing so," Chase told the confessional camera. "Putting a bird inside a sheet was genius."
Confessional Ends
The scene cut back outside, where the Grips turned away from the window they'd been watching from.
"Well, that didn't work," Brick sighed. "Sorry about your bird, Jasmine."
"It's no big deal. I'm not the bird's mother," Jasmine said.
“Does anybody else have any better ideas that don't involve stuffing animals into sheets?” Anne Maria asked impatiently.
“Leave that to me,” Brick spoke up.
"Don't you tend to get scared easily?" Jasmine wondered.
“Admittedly, I do, but I want to provide cooperation for this team,” Brick said. “And I will not take no for an answer.”
The team looked at each other for a brief while before giving in. “You are a Grip after all. What's our plan?” Jasmine asked.
Back in the craft services tent, the Gaffers had resumed their card game. "Give me all your two's!" Chase said.
The lights in the tent then shut off. "Uh, I'll give my two's later," Izzy said frightfully as she and the other Gaffers were shown looking around in confusion.
The scene moved outside, to where Brick was standing by a power box. He had already pulled the main switch down and took out a walkie talkie. "The power has been cut," he whispered into it.
As the Gaffers looked around their tent, the camera panned to Justin watching them just outside a window. "Nice work, Crew Cut," he whispered into a walkie talkie of his own. "Speed Writer, are you there?"
"At the ready, Dashing Devil," Millie replied from outside the tent.
"Remember, this is just Chris or the Killer Grips trying to scare us," MK warned her team.
“Yeah, you may be right,” Chase said optimistically. “This team doesn't give up.”
“Or die trying,” Scott added.
An odd, scratchy moaning began around them. The camera cut back to Millie, the author holding a megaphone and producing the moans.
Inside the tent, the viewpoint shifted to reveal Jasmine dressed in a security guard's uniform swaying in the air above them, her hat conveniently lowered over her eyes. She was obviously in a makeshift harness, and the camera followed the rope attached to her up to the rafters of the tent where Anne Maria was shown clinging to a beam with the other end of the line in one hand and a walkie talkie in the other.
"That's a go from Metal Hair and Long Legs," Anne Maria whispered.
The Gaffers all watched the supposed ghost sway about. “Now THAT is a ghost!” Ripper freaked out.
"I'm too hot to die!" Chase shouted before the team started to run off screaming.
"Are you serious?!" MK hissed. "The ghost meters are not going off!"
From his position, Justin threw a fork intending to aim for the detector, and just when the fork was about to hit its target, MK quickly saw the silverware hit the button on her detector, and despite it going off, the AV girl simply stood still and did not move.
“Yeah, nice try!” she laughed with a smirk after picking up the fork. "I know you're not a ghost, Jasmine!" MK pointed at the 'ghost'. “You can come back now, team!”
Jasmine lifted her hat and revealed her surprised face. "Abort now! We failed!" she said above her.
Up in the rafters, Anne Maria's eyes went wide as she began to pull up. At ground level, MK's teammates returned to the tent and watched in bewilderment as the 'ghost' began to ascend.
“How are you so good at not being scared?” Scott asked MK.
“To make it short, sweet, and to the point, I'm not a dummy,” MK said smugly.
An air horn was sounded off as Chris entered the tent with one in his possession. "The Screaming Gaffers win the challenge. And the Killer Grips are heading to the elimination ceremony!"
The Gaffers all cheered for their victory.
The scene cut to the communal bathroom where Brick was in the middle of washing his hands. After finishing, the cadet was about to step out until he saw Justin enter.
“Hey man. I want to talk to you,” Justin said.
“What could it be about, Justin?” Brick wondered.
“Earlier today, you were mumbling something while you were unconscious,” Justin mentioned. “You even sounded frightened like a bear was coming to kill you.”
“You still remember that?” Brick felt embarrassed.
“I do, but I feel like now is the perfect time to bring it up,” Justin continued. “You've been avoiding us lately and it's confusing us.”
“That is true,” Brick sighed, “but it's not…”
“Jasmine's really concerned about you,” Justin cut him off. “You and her have a bond going, Brick, and is hiding whatever you're doing worth ruining it?”
This caused Brick to fall silent for a bit as he reconsidered his actions before he opened his mouth. “I think I know what I have to do,” he said with a stern look on his face.
The footage faded straight into the opening sequence of the Gilded Chris Awards, followed by a flash to a long-distance shot of the amphitheater as the host approached his podium. The five losing teens were shown voting, with the trio of Millie, Justin, and Anne Maria in the upper row while Brick and Jasmine sat in front.
"And now, fraidy cat Grips," Chris said as the Gaffers were all standing on the stage alongside him, "it's time to announce who will not win a Gilded Chris this week. Who deserves to go home bitterly disappointed, tears in their eyes?"
“I hope someone takes a picture if that happens,” Ripper whispered to his team with a snicker.
“Watching the elimination ceremony is already our reward, but that would be sweeter,” Scott said.
Chef arrived in his usual dress with several golden awards. He bitterly took out an envelope, to which Chris quickly snatched up.
"And! The Gilded Chrises go to...," he announced as the Grips were seen sitting anxiously. "Anne Maria, Millie, Jasmine!" One by one, the three caught the awards that were tossed to them. "Still on the chopping block, Justin and Brick!" The camera panned from one boy to the other, the former looking calm and the latter feeling settled.
"Chris, I'll have to stop you there!" Brick stood up and walked onto the stage, much to everyone's confusion. "I volunteer for elimination. I do not deserve to stay. I did not follow my own code."
"Brick!" Chef yelled in frustration, but quickly chuckled nervously and walked over to the guilty boy. "Why don't you and I have a chat before you do anything stupid!" he whispered menacingly.
"I'm done listening to whatever you tell me to do!" Brick declared to the taken back man and then turned to the others. "Ever since the third challenge, me and Chef were in a secret and illegal alliance."
Everyone gasped at the dropped bombshell as Chef smiled nervously. "He's been attempting to build me up and coach me through the challenges just so we could split the money, and I do not want any part in this." As Brick spoke, Chris could be shown sending an outraged look at his assistant.
"Wait a minute!" Chase cried out. "All the food we've been eating. The pizza, the cheesecake, the sandwiches. That was you?"
"Why leave when you've been making our stay here better?" MK questioned with genuine sadness.
"Yeah!" Justin said in agreement while he and the Grips got on stage with the others. "Can't we just vote Chef off instead?" The model ignored the glare he was receiving from Chef.
"I'm sorry, but I have to make my conscience clean again," Brick responded. He then noticed Jasmine looking at the ground with disappointment. “Jasmine, are you feeling-”
“Like you said, it's best that you stay away from the film lot,” Jasmine said with an upset glare. “And more importantly from me. You lied to me, and a long distance apart is what's best right now.”
Brick hung his head in shame. “Understood!” he obeyed dejectedly.
The scene flashed to Brick stepping into the waiting limo with a sad wave. Chris walked up to it just as the door slammed shut and it drove off, leaving the host standing at the end of the red carpet with a vague smile on his face.
"Well folks," he told the camera. "Looks like everyone just lost their best chef and most moraled man. Now that they've survived this week's fright fest, they'll be forced to bear the most horrific, stomach-churning, gut-wrenching challenge ever! Chef's cooking!” The man laughed gleefully. “I love this game.”
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
“I know I did the right thing, and I don't regret admitting to my wrongdoings, but that doesn't mean that I can ignore the consequences,” Brick said inside the limo. “My fellow competitors will have to go back to eating Chef's less than quality food, and cooking is something I've taken passion in doing now, and my friendship with Jasmine is more or less strained.” He frowned sadly. “I never meant to hurt her at all. I could've told her the truth earlier on, and she still would've been disappointed, but at least she'd see that I was the noble man I told her I am. Now all that's left for me to do is hope that she wins the season.”
Eva - 14th
Geoff - 14th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 12th
Sky - 11th
Brick - 10th
Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott

My wife, Mia, and I were driving cross-country. It was our first attempt at the “Great American Roadtrip.”
Mia and I rented a small RV; more of a camper than a full blown RV. We packed up a couple suitcases with plenty of room for any souvenirs and we hit the dusty trail.
We started our journey on the “Mother Road”-- Route 66-- driving south from Chicago until we connected to i-70 and shot straight west through Missouri.
The goal was to see those parts of the country we had never seen before, stopping anywhere that seemed interesting. From the plains of Kansas up through the badlands of Wyoming and South Dakota.
In Missouri we saw the world’s largest cap gun. In Kansas we visited the Evel Knievel Museum and the World’s Largest Belt Buckle.
We love all those kitschy, tourist trap places.
Eventually, we made it to Colorado and after a few hours more of driving through amber waves of grain, we saw them... the Rocky Mountains.
We made an exit and headed north through the winding mountain highways.
The Rockies were gorgeous. Snow capped in the middle of summer, some of the peaks pierced through the white fluffy clouds.
We saw a sign that read “Traffic Tunnel - 3 Miles.”
A little further and sure enough, there it was, a large tunnel bored directly through the mountain in front of us.
A large sign read, “Pike Tunnel - Longest Traffic Tunnel in the Nation! - Please turn your headlights on now.”
“How long is it?” asked Mia.
“That’s what she said,” I quipped.
But she was right, there was no information beyond the detail that this was the longest tunnel in the nation.
“Can’t be more than a mile or two,” I said as I watched the little white car ahead of us slip into the darkness. A moment later we joined it.
The tunnel was lit by fluorescents that gave everything a greenish yellow tinge. On the left hand side was a raised walkway behind a railing for maintenance access.
Initially I was struck by the incredible amount of work that went into the construction of this man- made marvel.
“We’re under a million tons of rocky mountain right now,” I said.
“How many years before this caves in?” Mia responded.
I shot her a look--
“Let’s save the cave-in talk until we’re out on the other side.”
“I’m just saying, nature will take this back eventually,” she continued.
I scanned the empty road ahead of us.
“Where did the other car go?” I asked.
We were now alone in the tunnel, no cars ahead of us nor behind us.
“Huh... they must have sped off ahead. Maybe they’re scared of a cave-in?”
My Spotify playlist had stopped playing. Mia looked at the phone.
“No cell service.”
She turned on the radio and spun the dial only to find static.
“You’re not going to be able to pick up a station in here,” I said.
She turned the volume down.
“Just wanted to check... If only we had some CDs. This tunnel really keeps going.”
“I would have thought we’d be through it by now,” I replied.
I looked at the RV’s odometer, 45,600 miles. I picked up speed. I wanted to try and catch up to the little white car.
Up until this point, the tunnel was a straight shot, but now the tunnel started to curve to the right. It may have been my imagination but it also felt as though we were descending…
Mia felt it too and she started to get antsy.
“Where did that other car go? How long is this tunnel?”
There was an urgency in her voice.
I was getting nervous, claustrophobia was not usually a problem for me but when I looked down at the odometer and I saw that it had gone up by 3 miles, my mind began to wander to unsettling places.
We were descending in altitude. I could feel it. I could see a slope in the lights on the ceiling and the railing of the maintenance walkway. I could feel a pressure in my head, and I was getting cold.
“Could you grab me a coke from the back, Mia?”
I couldn’t have Mia getting anxious, that would only start a chain reaction and make me freak out which would then make her freak out.
She unbuckled and ducked into the back of the RV to where we had a cooler stocked with drinks and food.
Just as she stepped into the back, I saw something.
There standing on the side of the road was a MAN wearing a reflective safety vest and a hard hat. He was WAVING to me as I passed him by.
Something about him looked... strange…
I watched him in the side-view mirror as we passed and he was still watching the RV, still waving at the back of our vehicle as he faded into the distance.
Mia reappeared from the back of the RV, Coke in hand. She popped it and handed it to me.
“You look worried.”
“I’m fine,” I smiled and took a sip of the Coke.
“Eric, slow down!”
I slammed on the breaks as I saw what made Mia scream. In the road in front of us was a roadblock.
Two reflective traffic sawhorses blocked both lanes of the tunnel. Beyond the roadblock, the lights of the tunnel were dark. There was nothing but a void of blackness.
Standing in front of the roadblock was another man wearing a reflective vest and a hard hat, only this time his hard hat had a light on top which obscured his face.
We came to a jolting stop.
I turned to Mia
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” she replied. “It’s a cave-in isn’t it?”
“God, I hope not.”
I rolled down the window, leaned out and yelled to the man in the hard hat.
“Hey! What’s going on?!”
The man was about 5 yards away. He took two steps towards us and then raised a hand to his mouth and yelled.
“Just doing some maintenance!”
“How long is it going to take?!” I yelled back.
The man made a hand gesture as if he didn’t hear me.
“How long is it going to take?!” I called again.
He made the same gesture. I unbuckled my seat belt and grabbed the door release.
“What are you doing?” Mia asked.
“I gotta know what’s going on.”
“Eric, just stay here, it might not be safe.”
“I’ll be just a second,” I said.
I pushed the door open and stepped down from the RV.
“Stay in your vehicle!” the man yelled.
He took a couple steps towards me with his hand out telling me to stop.
“What’s the hold up?!” I shouted.
The man was a bit closer now but I still couldn’t see his face through the shining light on his helmet.
“Please stay in your vehicle!” he shouted.
There was something off about him.
Then I heard it–
“EEEAAAUUUUUUGHHHHHHHH!!!”
A scream, or something, rolled from deep in the tunnel. The worker turned and looked into the darkness. Then he ran past the barricades and soon all we could see of him was the light on his helmet.
The light disappeared a moment later.
“What the hell was that?! Is someone hurt?” Mia asked.
“I have no idea,” I said.
“Should we do something?” Mia asked.
I just sat there and watched the pitch black tunnel in front of me. I had no idea what to tell her. I checked the sideview mirrors. There was still nobody behind us.
“Where are the other cars?” I asked.
“They must have gotten through before the roadblock... Or maybe they caused the roadblock?” Mia replied.
“I saw another worker a little ways back. We could try to go back and talk to him.”
“We’d be going straight into any oncoming cars.”
“There’s a maintenance walkway. We didn’t pass him that long ago. We can probably catch him on foot.”
“Maybe we should just wait for the guy to come back.”
She reached over and grabbed my arm. I squeezed her hand.
She was right.
I looked out at the tunnel ahead of us. I turned on the RV’s high beams but all I could see beyond the roadblock was more tunnel and more road.
I checked my phone. Unsurprisingly, there was no service still.
We waited, but the man never came back.
“It’s been twenty minutes,” Mia said, “How come there hasn’t been another car behind us?
I was having the same thought. I rolled down my window and stuck my head out. I looked back at the road behind us. It went back about 200 yards before curving out of sight.
There was no sign of that first worker I saw on the maintenance walk way. I looked at the roadblock ahead of us and clicked on the RV’s high beams. There was nothing beyond the roadblock but more tunnel. It didn’t look like it was under construction, just very dark.
“I think we should keep going,” I said.
“What about the roadblock?”
“We’ll move those sawhorses out of the way and just drive past,” I said as I opened my door.
Mia looked at me, then she cast her eyes to the dark tunnel ahead of us. I knew she was processing the same limited options that I was.
Driving backwards would be a huge risk in the instance of another car finally coming along.
Getting out and walking would take God knows how long, we could have driven 10 miles at this point.
Forward was our best option.
“Let’s do it,” Mia said.
We jumped out and quickly pulled the two sawhorses out of the right lane. I pulled the RV up past the barriers, then we jumped out again and put the sawhorses back where they were. We didn't need another car to come barreling through.
We were finally moving again, slowly. It was pitch black save for the high beams of the RV.
We crept forward at around 15 miles per hour. As the tunnel turned and twisted, my eyes started to play tricks on me. I kept seeing shapes at the furthest point of the tunnel.
I kept seeing something standing just at the end of the next bend but as we roll forward, there was nothing there.
“Where are the workers?” Mia asked.
“I don’t know.”
I was done rationalizing. This was all wrong. Traffic tunnels are never this long.
My mind started to wander to all the road trip urban legends I’d read about; The Killer in the Backseat, The Disappearing Gas Station, The Pale Man In The Corn Field.
Did we stumble into some strange outlier location? An in-between point on the endless roads that cross this country?
Then I saw it–
“Look! A person! Thank god!” Mia shouted.
As we rounded a curve in the tunnel, a group of maintenance workers entered our view.
The three of them stood on the left side of the road behind two more sawhorses topped with flashing lights.
Two of them faced towards us, the third was facing the other two.
The one with his back to us wore a light on his hard hat. Was this the same guy we saw earlier? How did he get this far away?
I approached slowly and rolled down the window.
“Hey! You left us waiting back there!” I yelled.
There was no response.
In fact, all three men were completely silent, and it was hard to tell in the flashing light of the sawhorses, but they looked to be standing COMPLETELY STILL.
“Hello?!” I yelled again.
I pushed open my door and stepped out onto the pavement.
“Eric wait--”
I held up a finger to Mia.
“Just a second.”
I slowly stepped towards the 3 men.
“Hello?”
No response… What the fuck?
The bright lights of the sawhorses obscured their faces.
I kept moving closer.
“Hey, what’s going on--”
Then I saw it.
Their faces... They were plastic.
In front of me stood three mannequins.
I backed away toward the RV, then I turned and walked hurriedly to the vehicle.
I was seriously freaked out but I didn’t want to alarm Mia. I climbed into the driver’s seat and slammed the door shut.
“They’re mannequins.” I said.
“What?”
“They’re mannequins.”
”Why?... What?...”
“I don’t know…”
I looked back over at the three figures and my blood ran cold…
The Hard Hat Mannequin had somehow TURNED AROUND to face us. All three figures appeared to be watching us now.
Then we heard it--
A loud resonant banging on the side, and then the roof of the RV.
“What the hell was that?” Mia whispered.
We listened, holding our breath. Then--
A shuffling sound--
Something was moving ON or IN the RV.
“Stay here.” I said.
I got up.
“Eric, wait!”
I moved to the back of the RV.
It was dark. I went for a drawer in the kitchenette space and pulled out a flashlight.
I moved to the rear of the RV, the bedroom. My flashlight illuminated an empty room.
“Whoever is back here, I have a gun…”
A shitty bluff. But I didn’t see anything.
I shone the light out of the windows of each side of the RV. Nothing.
Then I heard it–
A shuffling sound, from right above me.
I looked up and screamed–
“Fuck!”
On the roof of the RV, staring through the skylight was a woman with vacuous black eyes and a dead smile.
Her stringy black hair dangled down towards me casting thing black shadows across her horrible pale face.
“Mia, drive! Fast!” I screamed.
Mia JUMPED over to the driver’s seat, shifted into gear and STOMPED on the gas. The RV was clunky but it could move when it needed to.
We lurched forward and I fell back.
I trained my flashlight up onto the skylight again and the woman was gone.
I scrambled to my feet and looked out of the side windows.
Did Mia shake her off? There was no sign of the woman. I moved to the passenger seat, breathing heavily and sweating.
“What happened?” She asked, keeping the RV at a steady 50 mph.
“There was a woman on the roof,” I said flatly.
I realize now that I was in a kind of shock.
“A woman?”
“Her eyes were black.”
Mia just looked at me, then back at the tunnel ahead of us.
“There’s something wrong with this tunnel.” I whispered.
Mia pointed at the road ahead, “Look.”
I looked out at the tunnel. There were more mannequins. A LOT more mannequins. They were positioned on both sides of the road.
They were all facing us and even though I never saw them move, when I looked in the side-view mirror, they were somehow STILL facing us, turning to watch us as we drove past. Watching without eyes.
“Just keep driving.” I said.
As we drove on, the mannequins crowded the sides of the road more and more. There were thousands of them. Eventually they were so close that some of their outstretched arms hit the side of the RV.
They were closing in on us. Squeezing our path forward. One stood in the middle of the road.
“I don’t think i can get around it.”
“Run it over. Don’t stop.”
The RV smashed into the mannequin. Its head shot forward and bounced against the windshield and the vehicle shuddered as it rolled over the body.
Soon there were two in the road. Then three.
I could see where this was going. Pretty soon there would be too many for the RV to ram through, but goddammit we were going to get through as many as we could.
“Speed up, Mia.”
CRASH!
The sound was surreal, smashing into mannequin after mannequin at nearly 60 miles per hour.
Hands, legs, heads and torsos flew.
The windshield cracked, the RV shuddered and screamed and eventually slowed down, despite the screaming engine.
I’m certain the axle was jammed up with lifeless, plastic body parts. Eventually we came to a stop.
“She won’t move,” Mia said.
She pressed on the gas but it was no use, the RV just rocked a little bit.
“Try reverse.”
She shifted and pressed on the gas, we got some decent movement before running into another jam.
“Fuck.”
“Should we get out and look?” Mia asked.
“I’ll go,” I said as I grabbed the flashlight and popped the passenger door. Mia unbuckled her seatbelt.
“We’ll go together.”
We stumbled out of the RV on the passenger side. It was like stepping into Hell.
Countless, lifeless faces stared out at us from the darkness. The only light came from the headlights of the RV and my flashlight.
We clumsily made our way along the side of the RV. The ground was littered with mannequin pieces.
I thought to myself, if we could get a couple yards cleared out behind the rear tires, we might be able to back out and get enough momentum to reverse all the way back out of here.
Instead, when we got to the back of the RV, my stomach flipped and my heart sank.
I was expecting to see a trail of flattened mannequins, instead the RV was now surrounded by thousands of perfectly intact mannequins standing at attention. As if their ranks had some how been replenished after our vehicular assault.
“This is impossible.”
She started to cry. I held her close.
“We’ll keep moving.” I said.
“It will never end. The tunnel makes no sense. It only curves one direction.”
I looked at her.
“What do you mean?”
“This whole time the tunnel has only been curving to the right. it would sometimes straighten out or go left for a few yards but before too long we were curving to the right again. We’ve either been driving in circles or spiraling downwards.”
“So we’ll go back the way we came and hope we’re not going in circles.” I said.
We had been driving for hours at this point. Walking back out the way we came would take days. But now that I thought about it, Mia was right, we’d only been curving to the right.
This tunnel seemed to be very gradually taking us downwards into the earth.
Going forward would not get us any closer to escape.
“We’ll need food from the RV,” Mia said.
I nodded and we stumbled our way back to the front of the RV, the mannequins’ lifeless faces watching us the whole time.
I stepped up to the passenger door and nearly fell back when I looked through the window.
“What the fuck?” I breathed.
What I saw were two mannequins sitting in the driver’s and passenger’s seat.
How they got in there? I have no idea, but what really made my blood run cold was that they were dressed EXACTLY like MIA and I.
They wore identical sets of clothes. The one in the passenger seat had my same New Order T-shirt and black jeans. The one in the driver’s seat had Mia’s green striped sweater and denim shorts.
Their plastic faces stared out through the shattered windshield at the endless crowd of mannequins staring back at them.
Mia stepped up and saw the uncanny display.
“What the fuck?” Mia echoed.
I pulled myself up into the RV and slowly stepped around my mannequin doppelgänger. I avoided looking into its face but I swear i could feel it watching me as I stumbled around it.
Mia followed and we made our way into the back of our dark RV. Luckily we had just stocked our cooler full of deli meat and water not long after crossing the Colorado state line.
I handed Mia the flashlight and pulled open the cooler. I filled a backpack full of food and water.
I turned and saw them–
My mannequin double had somehow moved. It was standing in the aisle watching us.
Mia’s doppelgänger was still seated in the driver’s seat but had turned to peer back at us with its eyeless gaze.
Mia saw the look in my eyes and turned. She screamed when she saw them and backed into me. I put my arm around her and we stood there a moment, letting our skyrocketing heart rates return to Earth.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said.
I slid the backpack onto my shoulders.
Mia joined me at the door. I looked into her eyes. “Are you ready?” She nodded. I kissed her.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you,” she said.
The look on her face killed me. She was terrified. I’m sure the look on my face was similar.
I opened the door and we stepped out…
We again stumbled to the back of the RV. Once we were clear of the RV and all the crushed mannequin body parts, it became easier to find footing, though weaving through an endless crowd of lifeless people was a slow process.
It was pitch black. Without the flashlight we wouldn’t be able to see a foot in front of us.
As I walked, the beam of light created the illusion of movement in the crowd. At least I hoped it was an illusion.
The limbs of the mannequins seemed to stretch and turn, but the only sound was that of Mia and I shuffling our way through the crowded tunnel.
Things went on like this for what felt like hours. Mia and I were sweating and aching. I was about to suggest we stop and rest, but then I saw it and I froze…
Out in the crowd, beyond rows of blank faces I saw a pale face, black hair and a dead smile.
I saw two vacuous eyes staring right at me.
“Mia, do you see her?” I whispered.
“See who?”
I slowly raised my arm and pointed.
It was the woman, or whatever it was, that stared back at me through the skylight on the roof of the RV.
“Oh my god!” Mia squeaked.
I could see now that the Pale Faced Woman was tall. A few inches taller than the mannequins.
As I pointed, she stared back at me with that terrible grin.
“What do we do?” Mia whispered.
I raised the flashlight and pointed it right at the Pale Faced Woman. I thought maybe this would scare her off.
I was wrong.
The light only made her appear more unsettling as she stared back, unflinchingly.
“What do you want?!” I yelled.
She only stared back at me. She was as still as the mannequins.
“We have to keep going.” I whispered.
Mia didn’t respond. Her body was tense as she held onto me.
“We’ve come this far, we can’t turn back again,” I continued.
I pulled Mia’s hand and we continued on our way through the mannequins, keeping the distance between us and her as wide as possible.
As we moved past, she kept watching us. Though her movements were imperceptible to us, her eyes never left us. Like one of those portraits whose eyes appear to watch you no matter where you stand.
Finally, we got far enough that she was out of sight. But the thought of her being somewhere behind us only unsettled me further and I quickened our pace.
As the hours wore on, there was no sign of the Pale Faced Woman and the crowd of mannequins began to thin out. They still populated the tunnel from one end to the other, but there was more space between them, allowing Mia and I to walk more freely.
The mannequins on the maintenance walkway on the side of the tunnel seemed to thin out as well and I decided it would give us a better vantage if we were walking up there.
I helped Mia climb up the railing that bordered the walkway, then I climbed up behind her. The walkway was elevated 3 or 4 feet above the roadway. We could easily see over the heads of the mannequins in both directions.
There was, of course, no end to the tunnel in sight.
We kept walking.
The mannequins continued to thin out, but they were different now.
There were mannequins dressed as maintenance workers again, but also mannequins dressed as families and businessmen. There was even a group of mannequin nuns standing in a single file line, heads bowed in prayer.
Needless to say, we passed none of this on the way in to the tunnel. I was feeling very hopeless that we were going to be able to find our way out.
I was far beyond speculating how this was at all possible. It’s NOT possible. And even if it were, there is no good reason for someone to do this to us.
The only explanation was the supernatural. Then I saw Her. Rather, I saw THEM.
Arranged in the middle of the tunnel was a circle of mannequins with long black hair and tattered cloth.
They looked exactly like the Pale Faced Woman, minus any facial features. I kept a close watch on them as we passed to make sure they didn’t start following us.
“A door!” Mia shouted.
Mia pointed a few paces ahead of her. There was a door leading into the wall of the tunnel.
We ran towards it. Mia grabbed the handle, turned it and pulled. It was heavy and Mia had to brace her foot on the wall to get it moving.
The metal door groaned as if it hadn’t been opened in years.
Finally, it was open enough to see past.
It was a hallway. It went out about 5 yards then turned right at a 90 degree angle.
The strangest part was the design of the hallway.
It wasn’t cement or pavement like the tunnel.
The walls were wood paneled and the floor was covered in a thick carpet, like a house from the 1970s.
“I say we see where this takes us.” Mia said.
There was no reason to disagree, but I wasn’t going to get us trapped in there.
I opened up my backpack and took out a water bottle. I opened it and handed it to Mia. She drank half, then I drank the other half.
I slowly closed the door, shoving the empty water bottle in the crack to keep it from closing all the way.
I turned to Mia-- “Okay, let’s go.”
We slowly made our way down the quiet hallway. We got down to where the hallway cornered to the right and that’s when we heard it–
KA-CHUNK!!!--
I whipped around. The door had closed behind us. I ran back to it and tried to push it open, but it was no use. There was no way it closed on its own.
Someone had to have removed the water bottle. Our path had been chosen for us.
There was no turning back.
We continued down the hallway. We turned right. The hallway continued, then turned right again. That should have led us right back to the tunnel. But it didn’t. This part of the hallway went on far longer than was possible without running into the tunnel. Then it turned right again.
It went on like this. Sometimes a section of the hallway was 20 feet long, sometimes it was 20 yards long, sometimes it was 3 feet long. But it always turned to the right.
At first it was a relief to be somewhere other than the cold, dark tunnel. But the hallway very quickly became claustrophobic and before too long, I heard someone walking behind us.
We had stopped to take a break and I heard a third pair of footsteps on the carpet coming from behind us. I backtracked to the last corner.
I was terrified as I slowly peeked around the corner, tense and waiting to see the vacuous eyes and inky black hair of the Pale Faced Woman... but there was nothing there. I wasn’t about to backtrack any further.
“There was no one there.” I whispered.
Mia slumped against the wall and slid down to the carpet.
“I think I need to rest.” She said.
I put my backpack down on the ground for Mia to use as a pillow. She laid her head down and was passed out in seconds.
I had no idea how long we had been walking at this point. I stood leaning against the wall. My body was telling me to rest but I couldn’t risk falling asleep. I had to keep watch. I knew SHE was following us.
I took in the details of the hallway for the first time. The carpet was a dull brown and the walls a cheap wood paneling. The hanging lighting fixtures were shaded by stained glass, something you might see in an old diner.
Who built this place? Did someone pick out the carpet and the lighting fixtures? Did a team of workers blast these tunnels into the Earth? Or has this place always existed? Was this Purgatory?
I began to feel dizzy. I was panicking. My heart felt like it was trying to escape my chest. I slumped to the floor and tried to slow my breathing.
I closed my eyes... –
I SHOT up in a panic. I had fallen asleep while I was meant to be keeping watch.
I snapped to my feet and looked around.
Mia was still asleep on my backpack.
Then I noticed that the hallway had changed. A few paces away there was now a plain wooden door in the wall.
I slowly approached it. I put my ear to the door and I could hear what sounded like TV static and the low murmur of voices.
I discreetly grabbed the door handle and turned it slowly. I felt the latch bolt clear and I carefully cracked the door just enough to peek inside.
It was dark, so it took a second for me to register what I was seeing. I saw a small board room. A long table in the center was surrounded by seated men in suits.
At the end of the table stood another man next to an old CRT TV that was playing static. This was the only source of light in the room and all the men around the table were turned towards the tv.
Suddenly the screen flickered from static to a solid dark background. And some warped new age style muzak began playing.
Then the words appeared on the screen that terrified me like nothing else before. In plain text the words read–
“YOU WILL LOSE HER.”
I froze as I knew these words were meant for me I watched with terror as the men seated around the table slowly turned toward me in unison.
They were mannequins.
The TV screen then clicked off and they continued staring at me as I could barely make out their forms through the near pitch darkness.
I quickly pulled the door shut. And whipped around to look at Mia, I had a horrible feeling of dread that when I turned around she would be gone, like the message on the TV promised–
“Eric? What are you doing?” Mia was leaning up and staring at me.
Thank God. There was Mia, right where I left her.
I pointed at the door and said, “This door appeared and I--”
“What door?” she interrupted.
I turned and sure enough, the door was now gone.
I explained what happened to her, but I left out the message that appeared on the screen.
-- YOU WILL LOSE HER –
Those words still burned in my brain. I tried to force them out.
We drank water, ate granola and then got moving again.
Hallways. Endless hallways.
After a couple hours of walking we started to hear music. There were small speakers in the corners of the ceiling.
I recognized it as the same new-age muzak that played on the TV in the board room. The melody drilled into our minds. Combined with the dull aesthetics of the quiet hallways and the endless right turns, the music had a hypnotizing effect.
The lengths of the halls became more uniform. That is to say, the straight section of hallway was about 7 paces, then a right turn, then 7 paces and a right turn.
“I think we’re walking in circles... or a square,” Mia said.
I looked at her and took out a bottle of water. I peeled off the plastic label and dropped it on the floor.
Then we kept walking.
7 paces, right turn. 7 paces, right turn. 7 paces, right turn. And there it was... Mia was right.
The label from my water bottle lay in the middle of the hallway. Somehow we had been led into a loop. I lost it.
“FUUUCK!”
I kicked the wall repeatedly and screamed. Mia just leaned her back against the wall.
This was our dynamic. If one of us lost it, the other became zen and thought of a solution. More often than not, I was the one to lose it.
I finally stopped freaking out
“There has to be a way out. A door,” Mia said.
“We would have seen it,” I replied.
“A hidden door,” she said.
She turned around and ran her hands along the cracks of the wood paneling.
“Most likely on the outer wall,” she said.
She beat her fist on the wall, listening for a change in the sound. I exhaled heavily, sweating and tired, and I started searching the wall as well.
We checked the whole first wall, nothing. We checked the second wall, nothing. The third, nothing.
The final wall... Nothing. I gave up and slumped on the floor. Mia immediately went over to the other side of the hall and started checking the inner wall.
“What are you doing? I thought you said it would be on the outer wall?” I asked.
Then we heard it.
Mia beat the wall and instead of the dead thud, we heard a resonate BOOM –
A door…
I shot up and started tapping the wall with Mia until we found where the door ended. It was the width of about 4 wooden panels. I lined myself up in the center, lowered my shoulder and pushed–
IT MOVED! It barely moved but it was enough to confirm this actually was a door! I re-centered and tried again, lowering my center of gravity, I pushed as hard as I could. The door pushed inward about 3 inches, then Mia joined in. We slowly moved the door, 5 inches, then 10, then 15, then 20.
Then Mia slipped inside.
I had a moment of panic as she disappeared into the darkness and those haunting words came back into my mind, “YOU WILL LOSE HER.”
I darted past the doorway, falling through the threshold and hitting the concrete floor.
I looked up and there was Mia, thank God. I promised myself I’d never let her out of my sight again.
“The exit...” Mia said.
She looked and sounded as if she were a thousand miles away. I got to my feet and followed her gaze. What I saw nearly brought me to tears.
We were back in the tunnel, but there was light. About a mile down was the mouth of the tunnel, and daylight pouring in. Beautiful daylight. I grabbed Mia tight and kissed her.
“Thank God...” she cried.
We started moving. Nothing was going to slow us down this time. We sped up into a RUN down the maintenance walkway towards that beautiful sunlight.
As we approached, something else came into view. Parked in the middle of the roadway was a large vehicle…
It couldn’t be…
It was!
Our RV sat in the road waiting for us. We ran all the way to it, pulled open the passenger side door and climbed in. There were no mannequins to be seen.
I fell into the driver’s seat and Mia handed me the keys. I turned over the engine, the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. I shifted into gear and floored it towards the sunlight.
As we got closer, I could see the green of trees and the blue of the sky. We were maybe one hundred yards away.
I turned to Mia, tears in my eyes…
And what I saw turned my blood to ice.
Just beyond Mia’s window, that horrifying pale face grinned at me.
The Pale Faced Woman was somehow floating outside of the RV.
Before I could say anything, her hand smashed through the window and gripped Mia by the throat, then in one horrible motion the thing PULLED MIA SCREAMING THROUGH THE WINDOW AND…
Disappeared…
I SLAMMED on the brakes just as the RV passed through the exit of the tunnel and sunlight flooded the cab of the RV. I threw it in park and shot out of the door screaming.
“Mia!? Mia??!!”
I screamed over and over. I rounded the front of the RV and looked back at the tunnel –
-- and what I saw shattered my mind…
The tunnel was gone.
There was only open road.
I had lost her.

Hamp’s theory that *wik^- > z- in Albanian has been challenged as unlikely phonetically. I do not feel that such considerations are important, since out of the thousands of sound changes needed throughout the world, at least some would look odd. Instead, I disagree with it due to other etymologies and sound changes that explain the data better.
​

1. zog

Hamp’s *wik^e-gWo- > zog has no basis in comparative data. Instead, since *g^(h)w and *g^(h)y > z, metathesis in *g^haH2ghw- > *g^wa:g > zog :
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*g^haH2ghu- > Arm. jag -u- ‘youngling / nestling / little bird / sparrow’, *g^wa:g > Alb. zog ‘young animal / nestling / bird / son’, Sog. zāγ ‘kind of bird’, NP zâγ / zâq ‘child / offspring’
​
Also, the similarity of *g^haH2ghu- to Skt. jahu- ‘young animal’ could be explained if *H2 were velar or uvular (Weiss 2016, Whalen 2024a) and caused optional assimilation of *g^haRg^hu-> *g^haRghu- outside of Skt. (which lost *-H2-). H-loss does not seem regular, but if one is desperate for regularity maybe there was optional dissimilation of *gh-gh > *g(h)-g(h) in both directions before regular *g-gh, etc., became standard, with *-Hg- > *-g- (Lubotsky 1981). Otherwise, if *-gh- was original, optional assimilation of *gh() in *g^haRghu-> *g^haRg^hu- for Skt. (similar to *s-ś > ś-ś in *smamk^ru- > *sma(m)k^ur- > Hittite zma(n)kur ‘beard’, šmankur-want- ‘bearded’; *smak^ru- > Sanskrit śmáśru-; etc.).
​

1. -zet

*widk^mti- > *vinćati- > Skt. viṃśatí-, Iran. *vinsati > Os. insäj, G. Dor. wikati, Pamphylian phíkati, Alb. një-zet, Arm. k’san ‘20’
​
This word already has several oddities, so looking for regularity here seems suspect. Since it seems to contain *dwi-dek^mt ‘two tens’ > *(d)widk^mt-, *wik^- > z- in Albanian might not be possible anyway, even if other examples proved true. Of course, since it only appears in compounds (një-zet ‘20’, dy-zet ‘40’), there’s no reason to think initial *wi()k^- was the source at all. Loss of -V- in long words could be the cause. Thus, *-dk^- > *-dg^- > *-g^- might be possible, and only in compounds like *oino-widk^ati > *onyo-w(i)g^ati > *onyo-dg^wati, etc., did the loss of *-i- allow metathesis of *-wg^- > *-g^w-.
​

1. zot

For *zo:tin > zot ‘lord’, *zo:tni: > zonjë / zojë ‘lady’, a source in *poti- > Skt. páti- ‘master / husband’ seems clear, but Hamp’s connection to *wik^-poti- (Skt. viśpáti- ‘master’) has problems. I do not see any reason to believe analogical **wik^-aH-poti- ever existed in Alb. (to explain -o- by *āpo > *ābo > *āo > *ā > o). If the etymology requires an unmotivated affix within the word, not seen in any cognates, it should be rejected. Instead, since Alb. is often similar to Greek, despótēs and fem. déspoina (Skt. dámpati-s, PIE *dems-poti- ‘master of the house’) makes more sense. Not only does Greek also have optional z- here (G. pédon ‘ground’, dápedon / zápedon ‘floor / ground’) for *dem(H2)- ‘house’, but Bithynian might show the same in G. despótēs : Bi. Ziboítēs \ Tiboítēs \ Zeipoítēs ‘a king’. That a cluster *-msp- could become -b- in Bi. means that it could in Alb. as well (no other ex.), so :
*dems-potin- > *de:z-potin > *de:z-botin > *de:botin > *de:otin > *de:tin > *zo:tin > zot
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A change of *d > *z > s (based on accent) might also exist in (Whalen 2024c) :
​
*sweidro- / *swi:dro-? ‘sweat’ > G. hīdrṓs, Arm. k’irtn
*swi:zro- > Skt. kṣīrá-m ‘milk’, *swi:rso- > Alb. dirsë / djersë ‘sweat’
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*bhlaido- ‘pallid / ill’ > Slavic *ble:do-, OE blát, Alb. *blaisuro- > blehurë ‘pale’
​
Still more words show optional d(h) / z in the area. Ex.:
​
G. pédon ‘ground’, dápedon / zápedon ‘flooground’
​
*d(e)mbh- > Skt. da(m)bh- ‘slay / destroy’, G. záphelos ‘violent’
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*dlegWro- ‘naked’ >>
*dlegWor- > *ðlaγar- > Pashto laγaṛ ‘naked / bare’
*dlogWor- > *tlukWor- > EArm. tklor
*dlugWro- > G. zágros ‘barefoot’
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G. dágklon / zágklon ‘sickle’ (likely a loan)
​
G. dérma ‘skin’, Th. zalmós, Ebro-zelmis \ Diza-zelmis “(having a) goat-skin”
G. dorā́ ‘skin’, *derha > Arm. teṙ ‘veil / coat’, Th. z(e)irá ‘kind of upper garment / cloak’
​
*H2azd- > G. áz[d]ō ‘dry up’, Arm. azazem ‘dry’
(*zd > *zz > z is not regular, see *nizdó- > E. nest, Arm. nist ‘site/dwelling’, *dorusdo- ‘thrush’ > *dorzdo- > *dorðo- > Arm. tordik)
​
*H1leudh- > Arm. eluzumn ‘sprout’, (compare elust ‘growing of plants’), mard-eloyz ‘man-kidnapper’
​
*(s)kewdh- > OE hýdan, E, hide, G. keúthō ‘covehide’, Arm. suzem ‘immerse’
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*samHdho- > E. sand, G. (ps)ámathos, Arm. awaz, L. sabulum
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*widh- > L. dīvidere ‘separate’, *weidho-? > Arm. gēz ‘fissure/cut’
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*H1edh-? > OCS jed-inŭ, MArm. ez ‘one’
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Skt. vrādh- ‘be proud / boast’, Av. urvādah- ‘*pride / *entertainment > joy / bliss’
Av. urvāz- ‘be proud / entertain’
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Skt. khād- ‘chew/bite/eat’, khādá- ‘food’
Pth. xāz- ‘devour’, *xāza- > Kho. khāysa- ‘food’
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*swaH2du- > Skt. svādú- ‘sweet’
*sH2aldu- > Li. saldùs ‘sweet’ ( E. salt, Arm. ał )
*swaldu(r)- > *xwaldur > *xwałtür > Arm. k’ałc’r ‘sweet’
*xwald- > *xwalz- > Av. xVarǝzišta- ‘sweetest’
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One cause of this might be when metathesis created *dH- > *zH- > z-. If PIE *demH2s-poti- became *dH2ems-poti-, only oddities like d- > z- would give evidence for it. If so, the same for *Hd- > *dH- > *z- in
*H1dntyo- > Arm. *dH- > *zantyo > *žanyo > žani ‘tusk’
with assimilation of *S-y > ž-y, as in *sm(e)id-ye- ‘smile, laugh’ > Greek meidiáō, Arm. žpit ‘smile’, žptim / žmtim ‘I smile’ (Whalen 2024d). That *C-y was affected by change-at-a-distance also shown by :
*g^hrzdhyo- > *γ^arzðyo- > *γarðyo- > Arm. gari ‘barley’
in which no *g^ > j occurred due to dissimilation of palatals.
​
For *zo:tin > zot , *zo:tni: > zonjë, the -n- in the masc. seems to show that PIE *potin- ‘lord’, fem. *potin-H2- > *potniH2 existed. This would match *swe-k^uro- > Sanskrit śváśura- ‘father-in-law’, fem. *swe-k^ur-H2- > *swek^ruH2- ‘mother-in-law’. If so, it would be evidence that i-stems could come from *-in-, nom. *-in > *-ir. Thus, Arm. u-stems in *-ur > -r retain an old IE feature (Whalen 2024b), and pl. *-un-es- > -un-k’ would also be old (*bhrg^hu(n)- ‘high’ > barjr, gen. barju, pl. barjunk’). Armenian neuter *-ur > -r also appear as -u in Greek but -ū in Latin, possibly showing a uvular *R that disappeared in most, but lengthened the *u in *-uR in Latin with the loss of a mora. More complex origins, like *-urx^o- > *-uRH1 > *-ur / *-u(H1), are also possible. It would need to be optional, since Nikolaev relates Latin femur ‘thigh’ to Greek thamús ‘thick’ (2010: 62, also citing Nussbaum in fn 27).
​
Hamp, Eric P. (1997) A Far-Out Equation
Indo-European, Nostratic and Beyond: Festschrift for V.V. Shevoroshkin
https://www.academia.edu/2304575
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Lubotsky, Alexander (1981) Gr. pḗgnumi : Skt. pajrá- and loss of laryngeals before mediae in Indo-Iranian
https://www.academia.edu/428966
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Martirosyan, Hrach (2009) Etymological Dictionary of the Armenian Inherited Lexicon
https://www.academia.edu/46614724
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Nikolaev, Alexander (2010) Issledovanija po praindoevropejskoj imennoj morphologii [Studies in Indo-European Nominal Morphology]
https://www.academia.edu/396023
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Weiss, Michael (2016) The Proto-Indo-European Laryngeals and the Name of Cilicia in the Iron Age
https://www.academia.edu/28412793
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Whalen, Sean (2024a) Greek Uvular R / q, ks > xs / kx / kR, k / x > k / kh / r, Hk > H / k / kh (Draft)
https://www.academia.edu/115369292
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Whalen, Sean (2024b) The Thick Thigh Theory
https://www.academia.edu/117080171
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Whalen, Sean (2024c) Greek Variation of l / d / th / z, z / y / l, d / b in Context with Indo-European r / l / d(h) / z, d(h) / b(h) (Draft)
https://www.academia.edu/114443926
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Whalen, Sean (2024d) A To Ž: Latin Ambi-, Am ‘Around’, Armenian Žptim / Žmtim ‘I Smile’, Žołovurd ‘Multitude’; CiV > CyV; Ciy, Cvy > Cy
https://www.academia.edu/114189609
​

I am not the OP. That is u/No_Chrysler-4-Me. Originally posted on EntitledPeople and pettyrevenge.
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There are two previous BORUs I posted last year:
First Post Jan 8, 2023
Second Post Jan 8, 2023
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Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence
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Editor's Note: THIS IS VERY LONG! OP posts a lot about his family. I will include links to other posts at the bottom of this BORU, but I will keep this post focused on the brother and OP.
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TL;DR of the above BORUs: OP's older brother is lazy and a cheapskate. OP bought a truck, an '03 Toyota Tundra. Brother gets jealous and buys a 01 Dodge Ram 1500, but it's crap. OP tries to help brother fix up the truck despite warning him not to buy it. Once it was running a little better, brother challenges OP to a race. Brother loses and becomes obsessed with practicing racing, ruining the truck further. Eventually they go camping, have more shenanigans, brother finally blows the transmission. Brother has to drive his ex-girlfriend's minivan, which he hates, tries to LS Swap the Ram, but no one will lend him the money. He eventually sells it. Brother doesn't stop there. He NEEDS a truck, so he has the brilliant idea of chopping the minivan up to make it into a truck. He needs money to Frankenstein the minivan, no one will pay, but eventually he cuts it up, uses recycled wood to make the truck bed, etc. He calls it the "Mini-Ram."
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My brother sold the Mini-Ram and got a Silverado. That was fine. It's what happened after that made things worse May 5, 2024
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I've been gone for some time. But I'm back with a bad one. I've spoken before about how my older brother competed with me needlessly. And he did a lot of beyond stupid shit. Well he finally pushed the whole family over the edge, and got disowned. And I'm going to be explaining a lot of what happened the past year, and then some from before that. But it's too long for one post.
Well going back more than a year. Some may remember my brother getting a free minivan from his ex after the Dodge Ram truck I warned him not to buy became a moneypit. I helped him work on that truck and even repaint it. And I helped him remodel his camper trailer too. Why? Because he's my brother. And I guess some part of me deep down kept hoping he'd one day change. But he tried to take credit for things I did. Especially with remodeling the camper. And he had tantrums when called out on his lies. He also became temporarily obsessed with my truck, and even implied he'd just take it from me because he hated driving a minivan. He referred to it as a chick car. He acted like a complete child because I refused to trade vehicles, and even got our parents involved. It was just a really stupid and needless situation that my brother tried to make a hill to die on.
It started when my brother bought his Dodge Ram simply because I bought a Toyota Tundra. He had a perfectly running Subaru Baja before that. Then he said he wanted a man's truck and bought the worst barely running pile he could find that was also overpriced considering the condition. He could have at least aimed for a diesel since he wanted a dodge so bad. Lots of dumb shit happened after that. Including my brother wanting to LS swap the Ram after destroying it's engine and two transmissions. But I'm pretty sure the person who offered to do the LS swap for him was a scammer. Not to mention LS swapping any vehicle basically means replacing the ECU. But it never happened anyway since the engine and transmission my brother wanted sold before he could get them. And he had no running vehicle anymore. So my brother's ex, whom he has a young child with, gave him her old 90s Ford Windstar van. It was admittedly an ugly, dent riddled POS with the rear window busted out. But it still ran and drove surprisingly well, considering that's not one of Ford's better vehicles. And then my brother decided to cut it up into some sort of van/truck. Or a ute as they're called in some places. But he made this thing ugly. Lots of spray foam, recycled wood, and rattle can paint. Even mismatched sub-lights above the cab. He frequently raided the junkyard for parts. And he even glued a Ram badge onto the grill of that van/truck. He called it the Mini-Ram. Lots of stupid cheap mods done to that vehicle too. Someone once asked me how ugly the Mini-Ram was on a scale of 1 to 1000. And I said about a 667.
My brother did a lot of other dumb things in this time. Like following me camping just to piss me off. He was a general leech who stole power from my generator, and tried to steal beer from my camper fridge repeatedly. He was so brazen as to just walk right in, and then tried to pretend to be so drunk he didn't realize what he was doing when caught. I've spoken many times about how he stole booze from me. Until my friends and I revenge pranked him and his near equally douchey friends with a growler full of laxative tainted beer. We admittedly used way too much laxative. But my brother never stole from me again because I threatened to tell everyone about his humiliation. He crapped on his own shoes squatting in the woods. And that's just a bit of it.
Eventually my brother seemed to learn his lesson. He sold the Mini-Ram to someone who actually paid him well for it. And no, I don't know what they did with it. And I don't care. But, when the 2K he sold the Mini-Ram for was combined with his savings, my brother had a bit over 4.5K to buy a better vehicle with. And he spotted a 99 RWD Silverado truck with an extended cab for sale online. He really shouldn't have sold his only method of transportation before having a replacement vehicle ready. But I couldn't fault him for taking the deal when presented, considering what he sold. And as much as my brother annoyed me, I still cared about him enough to help. He showed up begging me to drive him over 60 miles to look at this truck he found on Market Place.
So I reluctantly drove him out to see this truck. It wasn't that bad actually. Save for the rough mismatched paint, the rusty hood, the dents, the cracked windshield, and.... Actually, I guess it was kinda that bad. But not compared to the clapped out Ram my brother bought previously. The Silverado had a manual transmission, which we both confirmed shifted great as the records showed it had been rebuilt a few years before. The engine had been swapped at one time too. So it was kinda hard to gauge the odometer as it had not been rolled back for the new engine. It was at about 350.000 miles, but those numbers don't really mean jack when the engine and tranny have been replaced or rebuilt. Admittedly the engine ran like a top. The tires on the truck were in pretty damn good shape too. And on steel rims. Which I like. Very practical. I asked my brother if this was the manly kind of truck he'd been looking for. And for once he spoke logically and said that he'd rather have this than risk what happened with the Ram again. Fair enough. Besides, Chevy trucks are cool and reliable. I've always liked them. Like a rock as they say.
My brother and I scrutinized this truck in detail like a pair of pawn brokers, and talked the price down to 3K. They wanted 4K. But we could hear a sound while test driving it that was either bad ball joints or wheel bearings. We jacked up the wheels, and the bearings felt and sounded fine. But the ball joints were pretty bad. And that's not a cheap fix unless you can do it yourself. The truck was owned by the seller's father, who'd passed away a year prior. So the guy took 3K for it after we listed the problems. After driving it back, I insisted my brother get the truck to a mechanic ASAP. And he listened that time. The mechanic said the ball joints were about to come apart, and it's have caused a very bad situation if they had. And it cost him a grand to get them replaced. The truck also needed new plates ant the title registered. Which ate up a lot of the remaining budget. Then came the paint. My brother wanted the Silverado painted black right away. I told him to wait. But he didn't listen and DIY'd some body work, and then rattle-canned it with Rustolium turbo cans. The paint was full of orange peel, and overspray. He didn't even use primer. And the truck looked kinda mediocre. Then the southern weather had at it. Already numerous chips, scrapes and fades. Whatever. I stopped caring.
You'd think that'd be the end of this part. But no. There's more. What's behind door number 3? If you guessed a dumbass with a knife stuck in his ass. Then you'd win the gold! Yeah that's right. My brother got a knife in his ass.... How? How else... He and his friends all got high and decided they were gonna go outside and build a fort in the back yard of the house they rent out of scrap they found laying around. My brother while stoned wanted to show off how he can flip out a butterfly knife really fast, and decided he was gonna act like he was in an action movie, and did some sort of stupid thing where he was running and flipping out the knife really fast. The ground was wet, he slipped, and somehow got the knife in his right butt-cheek. They called me to come take him to the hospital because they were all too stoned to drive. I had to lay my brother down in the bed of my truck on a mattress because we were too scared to pull the knife out, and I drove him to the hospital like that. They rushed him in, and thankfully he only needed about 5 stiches on his butt and some antibiotics. Then I drove him back home the same way, and he insisted I take him to a drive through. He also tried to get me to pay, because...reasons! I told him to buy his own damn food.
After that there was more dumb BS that I won't bother getting into. But eventually my brother was seemingly getting bett...er...less bad. He was a bit sore his Silverado wasn't a 4X4, and my Tundra is. But being RWD kept him from trying to take it off-roading. He did try once, and had to pull the truck out of mud with a come-along. And he didn't try it again. He did want to drag race my truck again too. I said hell no. Not gonna risk either of our piles breaking down. And he was a complete douche about that too. I told him to stop acting like his dick was bigger than it is, and act his age. He didn't take that well. But he seemingly really was improving. Even being a much better dad to his daughter. Things got pretty good for him. Until I decided to buy a house. That's when the serious drama started.
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My entitled brother threw a massive fit, just because he was mad I bought a house May 6, 2024
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Yeah, I'm aware of several similar stories involving entitled family members wanting houses they have no claim to. But I guess this shit really happens. And it's no picnic when it does.
I suddenly became a homeowner some time ago because friend of mine's grandfather was moving to Florida. And his house was ripe for picking. I knew the old man well. RIP, he passed a few months later from a sudden stroke. Anyway, he offered the house and property to me for 200K. I practically ran to the bank to apply for the loan. The house is a manufactured home from the 80s. But it was remodeled repeatedly by the former owner, and has a separate garage building. The home and property could have gone for more. But he offered the house to me because he knew I'd take care of it. I had 30K saved that made a good down payment. And I was happy to leave my apartment. I'd wanted to eventually move out of there after what my cheating ex did anyway. But that's a story for another time.
As for my brother. Well he went bonkers when he found out I bought a house. He had this repeated history of copycatting me for the past decade. But this... There was no way in hell he could copycat buying a house with his terrible credit and inconsistent income. And he got in an argument with me over how I was just trying to make him look bad by doing something he couldn't. No, I just wanted a damn house. And the price was too good to refuse. Then he told me I should have turned it down because...(He had no good reason) I could practically see his screws getting looser with every dumbass excuse he made as to why I shouldn't have done it. But I pointed out all those excuses were just because I did something he currently can't. And when I bought the house, it had nothing to do with him. I just wanted to be a home owner for the security and extra space. I finally don't have to store my camper at my parents' house. And I have a garage that I can store stuff and tinker in.
I bought a camping cot, he bought a camping cot, went to the gym, he went to the gym, bought good booze, he bought good booze (Or stole it from me), I bought a new TV, be bought a new TV, I bought a truck, he bought a truck, I bought a camper, he bought a camper, I bought a used portable DVD player, he bought a used portable DVD player, I went camping in a specific place, he went camping in that specific place, I bought a house, he...(404 Error! Insert tea kettle noises and Benny Hill chase). He also acted like a complete child toward me when he built his Mini-Ram thing. He actually confronted me and said it was keweler than my boring Tundra, because it was something original. I swear, he did the dumbest mods to that vehicle. Like putting twist studs in the suspension coils to raise the ride height.
Well after weeks of openly fuming about me being a home owner, my brother suddenly acted like he had another brilliant idea. He wanted to move in with me. I laughed at him. Then he ended up demanding I rent one of my rooms to him. And for only $200 a month (Utilities included) because he shouldn't have to pay any more than that since we're family. He flipped his lid when I said fuck no! Then he got our parents involved again. Only this time they actually sided with him at first. Though it was mainly our mother. She and my brother showed up demanding I let my brother move in. And my brother had a shit eating grin on his face that I could tell he was thinking he was getting his way thanks to mommy dearest. I said "FUCK NO!" to both their faces, and my mother cried that I was using foul language to her and being an ass when I had the space now. I called my dad, and he told my mom that he'd warned her I wouldn't do it. And to leave me the hell alone. Mom whined my brother was living out of his camper next to a shabby house he was renting space from. I said that wasn't my problem to fix. And my brother has proven countless times that he cannot be trusted. My brother was fuming to the point of being red with veins popping out. My mom tried one more time to convince me with tears. And that just made me angrier.
I went on a rant that was something like this. Bro can't buy a house, so he wanted to invade mine. I refuse to ever live with my brother again. I would sooner live in the woods without electricity than with him. He's intentionally irritating as all hell. And if I had him as a roommate, I just knew he'd steal my booze, take my stuff, and invade my privacy none-stop. Not. Fucking. HAPPENING! No matter how many tears mom tries using on me. My mom broke down and finally conceded she'd never convince me after that rant. And she had to take my brother by the hand and leave with him because he initially refused to go, and kept begging her to turn back and make me let him move in. And then I yelled to him that it was a laugh that he called me a mama's boy before. Because he'd become exactly that. And this was just like the time he tried to get our mother to make me trade vehicles with him because he felt ashamed to be driving a minivan. He yanked away from mom, then told me to go fuck myself and the horse I rode in on. I laughed and pointed out I didn't ride in on anything, because I was already home. But his rattlecan horse was waiting for him in the driveway. He flipped his lid again, and looked like his head was going to explode. But mom got in front of him, and told him to just go. Then he drove off in his rattlecan Silverado without her. He'd driven her there. And then I had to take her home.
While taking her home, I made things very clear with my mother over why I could never trust my brother again. And his life was not my burden to bear. And then told her how little my brother was offering for rent anyway. Which he'd conveniently not told her. Then I later rented that same room to one of my best friends for $600 a month, and he pays for utilities. The other two rooms are my bedroom and a home office. There's an extra room in the separate garage too. So my mother tried to make me let my brother live in the garage instead. There's enough room in it's storage room for a bedroom. Again I said fuck no. And that's since been turned into another friend's rented room with a bit of a plywood remodel. Yeah, I kinda rented both the spare bedroom and garage room out to friends out of spite. But I wasn't letting my brother live with me in any capacity!
My brother later ended up having a complete meltdown in front of our parents over how he's the older brother. He should be the one who owns a house first. He's supposed to be successful, and I'm supposed to be the big loser in his shadow. Our dad poked him with his cane and told him that's not how life works, and they had a big argument. They told him to get out and not come back until he's cooled off and learned that he's just being a pointlessly jealous asshole.
The next part I post, my brother did the dumbest thing of all.
Edit: I came home late to over 600 comments, and still more pouring in. Far too many for me to answer. So I'll clear some things up here. Yes, I am no contact with my brother. And he's NC with the rest of the family as well. I do have cameras inside and outside my home. And a dash cam too. My brother knows this, and has stayed the fuck away since he left town. I'm told I'm an asshole too. Not arguing that, because it's true. I'm not exactly the nicest guy. But have someone like my brother in your life, and see how peachy you turn out.
Some have mentioned to having siblings just like my brother. Sadly I know very well people like him are increasingly common these days. My dad said a number of times that my brother probably would have ended up dead in an alley if he lived here 50 years ago with the way he behaves. As for our ages. I'm 30, and my brother is 32. I have not given my parents a spare key to my house. One is with a friend, and another is very cleverly hidden.
My house is a manufactured home. But it's not in a trailer park, and has been significantly modified with new siding and a new roof, and has a separate garage building. The previous owner was a former general contractor, and he loved to build and repair. And yes, I do have good insurance.
I keep seeing comments about a clock radio. Pardon me for not getting the reference. But I do own a digital alarm clock that has a built in CD player. Currently plays Tina Turner's Proud Mary to wake me up.
My brother and I were raised pretty evenly. He was always a jerk. But went full asshole after moving out. But our mother didn't favor him. She chewed him out plenty. And she didn't normally side with his stupidity. She just wanted him to live in a better place than in a camper next to a house filled with potheads. Addition: My brother willingly moved into that camper. He was renting half a room in that house of potheads. Then convinced the landlord to let him live in his camper on the property for the same price instead. And he bragged about his camper a lot. Which he has a full gaming center in, complete with PlayStation. He only wanted to invade my house to piss me off and make his cost of living even lower. He also doesn't like camping nearly as much as me. He mainly liked just pissing me off by following me. He loved to make me miserable. In fact, he felt entitled to make me miserable. That's the kind of person he is.
Do I have a restraining order against my brother? Not really. Just didn't bother. Because even if I did, it'd only be for like a year. And my brother wouldn't let something like that stop him if he was truly determined anyway.
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My entitled brother lost his mind and attacked me, his ex, and our father. That got him disowned by the family. But not before I beat the crap out of him May 8, 2024
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Warning: Contains domestic violence, small town drama, and idiocy. Read at own risk.
My brother's major downhill spiral started with jealousy over my house, but only got worse thanks to this next part. He started smoking pot more heavily and drinking harder. And that was making him more aggressive and violent. He got in a brawl outside of a bar for reasons I still don't know. But he got his ass handed to him on a platter. He eventually found out his ex has been seeing someone else. And ironically that someone is another friend of mine. Which was news to me. But it's not like he wasn't around my brother's ex a fair bit. They're both fairly social people, and were also friends for years. Once the secret was out, he confessed to me it wasn't planned. But my brother's ex Sara (Fake name) and my friend just clicked one day about a year ago. This sorta thing can only happen in a town like ours. I admit, Sara is very beautiful. But I've always seen her as a big sister figure ever since she started dating my brother in high school. So I never thought of getting with her myself. She kept her new boyfriend a secret for some time. I didn't even know until someone else spilled the beans. And the word traveled. When my brother found out, that was the last he could mentally take.
My brother was hoping for years that Sara would take him back. But no such luck there. When he lost his mind over the fact my friend was dating Sara, he started hunting for the poor guy. My friend is not a fighter, and a self described beanpole. So that's what I'll call him. Sara seems to like Beanpole because he's everything my brother is not. He isn't really a brave person. And came to me when he found out my brother was looking for him. He has a rather distinctively painted car. So it's easy to spot. My brother caught wind Beanpole was at my place, and came roaring his truck down the street.
When my brother showed up to my house, he started screaming and banging on my door because he wanted to kick Beanpole's ass. And when I refused to let him in, he attacked me. We had a redneck brawl right there in my front lawn. I want to say I won. But the fight only stopped when one of my friend/tenants yelled he was gonna call the cops. I sucker-punched my brother while he was distracted, and told him to never come back to my house again. And if he ever tried to hurt Beanpole again, I'd make sure he'd up in the hospital with two broken legs. This was backed by the other friends/tenants I had there. My brother is an idiot. But even he knew that pissing off my entire friend group was not a good idea. So he picked himself up off the ground and started leaving. But he clearly looked like he wanted to do something to my truck because he stopped and just stood there staring at it with his hands in his pockets, like he was debating scratching the paint with his keys. I yelled at him that I have CCTV. But then he turned around, pulled his pants part way down, and started rubbing his ass directly onto my truck's passenger side door. Then he forced out a nasty fart and said he sharted a little, and laughed like a nutbar when he took off. I immediately got the hose. I'm just glad I didn't leave windows open or doors unlocked. Otherwise he'd have done far worse. And the smell of what he did was pretty much what you'd think.
Everyone already knew Sara was never going to take him back. She avoided dating for years because my brother is so unhinged that she knew he'd do something like this. That's why she and her new boyfriend kept it secret. I went to ice my bruises and call Sara. But my brother was already calling and texting her. Over and over again, he wouldn't stop. He was begging she break up with her boyfriend and take him back. He even said he wanted to marry her and move to the northwest. Not sure why he specified that part of the US. Maybe because we live in the southeast. But she flatly told him no, never again, not happening even if hell froze over. He cried that it wasn't fair, because she was his first love (she wasn't), and they have a daughter together. Then he started sending her flowers, love letters and gifts. She sent them all back. Then she announced online that she and Beanpole had been dating for some time, and recently made plans to eventually move in together. That's when my brother really went off the deep end.
A few hours after he saw that post, my brother got wasted and then barged into Sara's parents' house by body ramming the back door. He actually cut his face because the door had a glass window. But he was so drunk that he didn't notice he was bleeding. Sara understandably freaked out, and my brother grabbed and tried to force her to kiss him. She pushed him away and he hit her for refusing him. He slapped her and threw her to the floor really hard like an angry pimp wanting his money. And his daughter saw it all and started screaming at the top of her lungs. Sara screamed too, and my brother fled. Police were called, and Sara was taken to the hospital. My brother threw her down so hard that she had a dislocated shoulder. My brother was found by police at his camper, where he was even more drunk than before, and half his face was covered in blood. He had to be taken to the hospital, where he got stitches. Then taken to jail. He got charged with trespassing, breaking and entering, and assault. (Surprisingly not DUI too, as he'd actually walked there) When our parents and I found out, well the family finally couldn't take it anymore, and went into an uproar. Our parents had it out with my brother after he bailed himself out from jail, and then he tried to fight our dad when they argued. And no surprise, he tried to blame everything on me.
My brother actually said I let Beanpole steal his woman. But couldn't really explain how. He also refused to believe I did not know until recently. Then he said that Sara was supposed to be his. Dad not only disagreed, but told my brother that he was a fucking disgrace, and that was an absolutely disgusting way to talk about Sara. She's not his property. And then my brother shoved dad as hard as he could. Dad got knocked to the floor, and my brother started kicking him. Dad isn't a small man. But he's old with a bad back and a bad knee. And needs a cane just to get around. Since we knew my brother would only have gotten crazier if he saw me, I was hiding in another room with the door cracked and listening in. I knew he might do something crazy. So I insisted on secretly being in the house when he was confronted. And I'm glad I was, because I came to dad's defense before my brother could do too much damage. I knew we were roughly even in a fight. So I ambushed and hit him in the back with a rubber mallet, and then beat the shit out of him. No police were called that time. I attacked him in defense of our dad. So he probably would have been screwed if he tried to get me charged anyway. And then he'd have gone right back to jail. Someone also once asked me if I enjoyed beating up my brother that day. I did not. I was just in an adrenaline fueled rage protecting my dad. But all things considered, I could have done far worse to my brother with that rubber mallet, as he only really got bruises. My dad gave hm a good smack in the face with his cane too though. But it's just hollow aluminum. Not exactly a damage dealer.
Our parents (mainly my dad) disowned my brother as I threw him out the door. And he spent some time crying on the porch and saying he was sorry and didn't mean it, then switched to saying we could all regret this, and we could go fuck ourselves before finally leaving. My mother spent hours crying. She'd stuck up for him before, and this was how he repaid her. My brother managed to avoid real prison time, or a trial for attacking Sara by taking a guilty plea deal. He signed away custody of his daughter. And Sara got a restraining order against him. My brother got a fine, somehow only a couple months in county jail, probation, has to abstain from alcohol for six months, and he had to pay for the property damage. Sara's dad already put in a new door, and billed my brother for it. My brother also understandably lost his job due to the situation.
Our mother secretly kept in contact with my brother, and agreed to look after my brother's truck and camper while he was serving his two month sentence. And she didn't ok it with dad first. He was pretty pissed at her for going behind his back. But she reasoned that it would be the last thing they ever did for him, because she didn't want my brother to have no place to go after getting out of the clink. And even she made it clear it was the last of her good will towards him too. Once my brother got out of jail, mom drove his truck and camper to a store to meet him, and gave him back the keys. She told me there was barely a word of thanks from him. Mostly just grunts when she tried to get him to talk to her. Dad said he still looked like an ungrateful sod. After that my brother lived wherever he could park his camper for a while until one of his remaining friends somehow got him a new job as a welder in another town 40-ish miles away that he was having to commute to with his camper for a while. But he was back every weekend. Apparently he only got the job by agreeing to work for less than what the job would normally pay. So he could move there permanently as soon as he got the ok from his probation officer. Which said officer didn't make easy I heard. I don't know the red tape of it. But he managed to pull it off. He can't leave the state. But he could still move to another county it seems. He's probably renting a space in a trailer park right now or something. And maybe he's back to doing his side hustle of hauling trash for people.
Before leaving town, my brother showed up outside my house to give me the double middle finger and dance around like a monkey while cursing at me in the street when he knew I was watching from the window. I guess it was his stupid way of trying to get in a last laugh without breaking the law or something. But then I got an idea. I've heard plenty of people say to kill with kindness. So I tried it in my own way. I grabbed an unopened bottle of my favorite honey whisky from the pantry because I know my brother really loves that stuff too. Then I went outside and walked right up to him, and shoved the bottle into his hands. I think it was the last thing he expected me to do in the moment. And I know he'd NEVER willingly break a bottle of good booze. Especially when it's free. Then I told him to have a drink on me to start his new life. I could barely keep myself from laughing when I turned to walk away. When I looked at my CCTV footage later, he actually stood there looking really glum while just staring at the bottle, and then moped back to his truck.
And then he was gone. Off to start his new life as a career welder. My brother is a childish, narcissistic, misogynistic, asshole to an extreme degree. But he's actually damn good at welding. Both with steel and aluminum. Mostly self-taught too. It's practically his only real talent. He's even done basic forging and auto body work. I've seen him do shit with scrap metal I wish I could. But that's the only real compliment I can still say about him. Maybe he'll make a decent new life and career for himself doing metal work elsewhere. He's better off away from us, just like we're better off away from him. He deleted all his social media, and I assume blocked us on everything. Not that we'd bother to contact him. One of his few remaining pothead friends in town told me my brother wants to legally change his name when his probation ends. Knowing him, he'll likely do it.
Things are much more peaceful and far less dramatic without my entitled leech of a brother here. Some part of me missed him for a while. But he's just a terrible person. And the only one who's still missing him, is our mother. She's still kinda broken up about it. But dad has been unwavering that they did the right thing by disowning him. He made his own bed. Now he's lying in it. I doubt my brother will come back any time soon. And if he does, he will not be welcome.
Edit: Got home and cracked open a bag of salt & pepper pork rinds, and was half expecting hundreds of comments like last time. I'm thankful it wasn't. Still, I'm also thankful to everyone who gave their support. To answer some questions I got in comments and DMS. I've got cameras inside and outside my house. Beanpole and Sara are still dating. But they've put off moving in together for now. My niece is doing good. But says she has no daddy anymore. My brother was barely a father to her anyway. Yes I know it was a bit much giving a known alcoholic a bottle of booze. And good booze at that. But I knew he wouldn't be able to drink it for months anyway. Which is why I was trying so hard to hold back laughter when I gave it to him. Besides, he's just gonna drink like a fish on his own dime when his court ordered sober time runs out.
I'm hoping this is the last post about current antics involving my brother. Maybe I'll tell other past stories about him. Or the story of my cheating ex. Still couldn't bring myself to post that. I typed it out and everything. But I guess it still ate at me because I really liked that woman. And yeah, this situation with my brother eats at me too. But he's toxic. And I'm better off without him in my life anymore.
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Related Posts:
My entitled brother wanted my cot and tent for the camping trip
The time my brother stayed over and stole all the alcohol from my fridge
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THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

(Part 1) (Part 2)
Jake pulled up in his car, headlights illuminating drops of ice-cold rain in the blue light of an overcast dawn. We had agreed to meet early; the journey to the mountains was quite a long drive, and we wanted as much daylight as we could get.

He stepped out of the car, coffee in hand and oddly high-spirited.

‘Mornin’! Have a few pressies for ya.’

He popped the boot open, and I laid my eyes on a small arsenal.

A hunting rifle and a shotgun, surrounded by their respective ammunition along with an assortment of knives and tools.

‘Used to go hunting with one of the lads before he went to prison, said I’d look after everything for him. I’m sure he won’t mind us putting them to good use while he’s away. We are hunting after all - sure it’s what these are for!’

I didn’t want to ask any questions about Jake’s prison friend, nor did I care to know in that moment. I now had what I didn’t have as a child - the power to fight back. I nodded in silent approval, Jake mirroring my gesture with a relishing grin.

We jumped in the car and went on our way. Our time on the motorway was spent catching up, asking each other about how our lives had gone, the banal icebreakers we had skipped as we got caught up in our plans. Work, family, some laughs about nostalgic moments from school.

I had forgotten about the good moments, being so caught up in the bad. I wish we could have stayed chatting like that, but the dark mountains looming against the grey morning sky in the distance served as a constant reminder of what had to be done.

I saw their valleys, running deep where the morning light couldn’t reach. A chill ran down my spine despite the car’s heat. I felt as if I was being watched from the sea of black trees covering the mountain’s face, even from this distance.

Jake pointed to a bag at my feet.

‘There’s a laptop in that bag there, can you fire it up? Need you to see a few things before we arrive. There’s a folder on the desktop there, go into it and have a look at the stuff inside.’

I clicked into the folder, simply titled “scout stuff”.

Within was a collection of files; images and .pdfs of newspaper articles from online and scanned paper archives. Jake had organised them by date - I never would have thought he would have the capacity to bother, going by his past behaviours and schoolwork. This had evidently consumed him to the point he hyperfixated on every detail of it all.

The files listed missing persons reports, starting from soon after our scout's trip.

The first of course, was Counsellor Murphy. After her were random people - hikers, campers and cyclists. Along with these reports were forum screenshots of people discussing urban legends, talking about all the missing people in the mountains.

One user “Dylbrack05” stated they would investigate and record the whole thing. I grimaced as the next file was a missing persons report for one Dylan Bracken, 19.

The final report was dated from just last month.

‘All these years…’

‘Yeah, they’ve been at it since the scout's trip. I couldn’t find much more from earlier years. I reckon that we were unlucky enough to go on that trip at the same time those things appeared.’

‘So where did they come from? There has to be some place they stay in the woods. Are there any caves in the mountains?’

‘I looked it up and there is only one, and it's tiny. Not to mention it’s a good bit away from the cabin and it’s in the middle of a farmer’s field. But that’s the only one they know about.’

‘So there could be more.’

Before long, we were winding our way through the mountain roads, heavy raindrops plunking into the windshield as they fell from low-hanging branches. I stared into the woods, my breaths running shallow as I dreaded to see anything staring back. My mind raced as I thought not only of the woods that now had us in its clutches, but of the caves that could be running deep beneath them.

As we drove down a steep decline, the cabin loomed before us.

Broken windows, black and grimy with age. Nonsensical graffiti. Porch fence splintered and damaged. A hole in the roof from a branch sent flying by the storms of years past.

As Jake turned off his car, an eerie silence descended upon the valley. The diffused grey light from the overcast sky lent the scene a dreamlike atmosphere. I felt as if I was walking into one of my many nightmares all over again. That if I were to step into the impenetrable black of the cabin door, I would snap awake, heart pounding and drenched in cold sweat.

Well, imagine how hard my heart pounded when a fox suddenly sprinted from the doorway, startling us both.

Jake and I looked at each other, and laughed at our utter loss of composure.

‘Keep running ya little bollox ya!’ he shouted playfully after the fox.

We retrieved two flashlights from the boot of the car, and proceeded inside the cabin. At least I have a working light this time around.

The air was a wild mix of mountain air cleansed by rain, and decades-old mould and wood rot. It wafted into our faces accompanied by hints of an old fire.

Grey light shone through the hole in the roof, drops of rain tumbling into the wreck of an old tent now bloated and soaked. Our lights painted across old beer cans and bottles that dotted the floor.

Whoever created this mess hadn’t been here in years. Whether they left of their own accord - or were taken - remained to be seen.

We explored the remainder of the cabin. Scenes of the scout's trip past played behind our eyes as we looked upon the dead spaces that were all that remained of them. The warped floorboards where sleeping bags were set, the corner where bags were stacked, stuffed with warm clothes and a dozen lovingly-packed lunches. The fire, once intended to be roaring on those cold nights, now only a heap of damp soot and old twigs.

Silence overtook us as we were lost in memory, wandering around and reminiscing.

I drifted outside, not caring for the rain. Out the back, I saw Jake standing by the shattered remains of the wood bunker. He stared down, eyes wide as he was lost in the horrible memory of what he saw inside it. I knew whose eyes stared back at him in his reverie.

‘Jake.’

He shook his head and snapped to attention, seemingly glad of the interruption.

‘Sorry. So!’ he paused to clap his hands. ‘Why don’t you show me in the woods where the Counsellor touched you?’

‘Too soon.’

We both chuckled, half at his bad joke and half at the very fact we felt like chuckling at all. We were both more nervous being here than either of us would care to admit.

We put on light waterproof jackets, but with our hoods down - we needed to be alert. Jake took his hunting rifle, being the more experienced shot between the two of us, and gave me a shotgun. He showed me the basics on how to use it, but we agreed not to practice, for fear of giving away our presence - if our presence wasn’t detected already.


Steeling myself, I brought him uphill, towards the clearing where I was attacked. My heart began to pound, and I tried in vain to convince myself that it was just the uphill ascent. But the nearer I got, the more nauseous I felt, and the more my hands began to shake. Phantom stones dug into the sole of my foot as I remembered the cold road under my bare foot as I ran.


My heart leapt into my chest as I almost stepped into the very patch of bog that ensnared me.


We neared the clearing, and I saw it remained exactly as it was those many years ago. I scanned the scene for anything of note, and that’s when the smell hit me. That awful reek, the very same that assailed my senses whenever that thing began to whet whatever depraved appetites it had. It was faint however, carried on the breeze coming down from the hills.

‘In case you’re wondering, that’s what it smells like.’ I told Jake, never taking my eyes off the woods. ‘That smell is how you know the mask is slipping. That’s what they really smell like. It was faint when it looked like Counsellor Murphy, but when it showed its true form, it made me want to get sick.’

‘Let’s follow it so. It’ll regret smelling this bad if it leads us right to it, manky bastard.’

We made our way uphill, eyes peeled and noses keen as we begrudgingly followed the scent.

We arrived at a large clearing. It was a patch of marshland, surrounded by trees. Large stones dotted the perimeter, with most sunken into the muck and covered in moss. They formed a perfect ring around the treeline. Any passer-by might have missed them, so sunken into the ground they were, but they once might have stood taller. In the centre was a narrow crevice in the ground.

It was a jagged maw in the earth, stone teeth covered by sticks and hanging moss. We barely noticed it but for the damp moss hanging lower thanks to the rain, exposing the darkness beneath.

We peeled the moss and sticks away, shining our lights into the depths. The crevice curved away from the light’s path, leaving us unsure of how deep it went.

‘I have just the thing for this, let’s head back to the car for a minute.’

We returned shortly with some climbing equipment.

Jake fastened the rope around one of the standing stones, tugging it taut until he was sure it would support us.

‘Rock-paper-scissors on who goes first?’ he suggested with a nervous laugh.

I offered to go first, seizing the rope before Jake could protest, and while my nerves were still steady.

The cave was sloped, and so I was able to rappel down quite easily. It was difficult to focus with the foul smell that wafted up from the depths. I kept glancing downwards, trying to stay on guard should anything rush at me from the dark.

I arrived at the bottom shortly. The cave had curved away from the entrance in a bend that prevented it from receiving any light. I stood guard, shining my light to aid Jake’s descent, occasionally glancing behind me as the drips of cave water played tricks on my mind.

Once Jake was on solid ground, we pressed on further in the cave. It wound a short way into the earth going gently downwards, until it opened up into a large cavern.

The cavern was deeper than we could have anticipated. A ring of rocky ledge ran around it as far as we could see, with everything else being rocky abyss.

Nearby us, we saw piles of detritus. Bags, tents, ragged clothes dirtied with old muck and blood. The remains I could have left behind if I hadn’t been fast enough those years ago.

A camera lay among the pile, drenched from exposure to dripping cave water. I pry it open, hoping to learn more. The camera’s innards were practically rusted shut, the green verdigris telling me of the memory card’s fate.

‘That’s probably your man Dylan Bracken. He said he was gonna record his search.’ said Jake.

‘Probably won’t learn much from it - the SD card is just a sliver of rust now.’

Among the pile, we found more unusual items. A rusted plate of metal, rusted until it was practically crumbling, and some equally rusted hooks tied to old frayed rope. The metal plate seemed to be armour, like a medieval knight’s cuirass, but lighter and less clunky.

I turned to Jake, intending to ask him what he thought of the pieces of junk, and my heart stopped dead.

Coiled behind him was a serpentine bundle of pale flesh, a foul smile of black lips and rotten fangs, cloaked in matted black hair. Jake followed my gaze and immediately jumped forward, opting not to turn his head so as not to broadcast his jump; but the thing was too quick.

It wrapped the stump of its tail around his legs, dragging him back and tripping him. He dropped his rifle and light, and was ensnared in a desperate grapple with the creature.

I took aim with the shotgun, but their struggle was too chaotic, the cave too dark; the spread of the shotgun might have hit Jake.

I attempted to close the distance for a point-blanc shot, but Jake’s discarded light illuminated something approaching from the cave depths. Something with too many joints rushing right towards me.

I backed up in frightful panic, stumbling on the detritus behind me as the patter of many hands slapped towards me. I managed to fire one-well placed shot into what might have been the creature’s face.

A splash of brackish blood sprayed across the cave floor, but the creature kept coming. I was knocked to the ground, a dozen hands scratching and slapping in a feverish frenzy at the meal that had been denied to them two decades ago.

I punched, gouged, bit in a mindless bid to survive, my senses flooded with adrenaline and the stink of the thing’s flesh.

I reached around me as worm-fingered hands seized my throat, trying desperately to seize any piece of detritus that might be my salvation.

My hands came to rest upon cold metal, flakes of rust. Blindly I swung it into the creatures mass, and the cave was filled with the twang of metal and the creature’s mad screeching. It was a keening of pain and anger, an inhuman bawling that seemed to come from multiple phlegmy throats at once.

I sucked down grateful lungfuls of foul air as the beast released me. Staggering to my feet, I readied the metal as a shield or a club, whichever was needed first. The thing writhed in agony, steam rising from a peculiar burn mark where the metal collided with its pallid flesh. The stink of burnt offal filled the cave. I realised the power I now held.

I took up the roped iron piton, and threw it to Jake.

‘Stab it with the iron! The iron hurts them!’

I preyed he heard me during his struggle; I had to focus on charging the thing in front of me. I ran at it, slamming the metal into the meat of its body, pounding severe burns into its body where I hit it, and sending severe inflamed sores across its skin where I grazed it.
I lost control. I hammered it into the cave floor, branding it with my anger over and over again for a childhood robbed.

Before long, it was reduced to a pile of sizzling flesh. My hands shook, covered in brackish blood and flakes of rust. I would need a tetanus shot, but I can assure you, it was worth it.

I looked to Jake, and saw him dishing out similar punishment. He had gouged a gaping series of wounds into the thing’s serpentine neck, and now straddled it as it tried desperately to squirm away. Over and over he stabbed, working his way up until its head remained - clearly, he didn’t want it to die too fast.

‘This is for Breda ya fuckin’ scumbag!’

I couldn’t help but laugh as he silenced the thing’s screams forever. He uttered the words as if it were some boy that broke Breda’s heart rather than some otherworldly monstrosity. The elation of my own triumph and the juxtaposition of his words against what we faced sent me into a breathless laughing fit.

Once he caught his own breath, Jake did the same.

There in the darkness of the cavern, lying among our childhood enemies now broken and slain, we reclaimed at least some of the innocence we had lost.

We left the cavern, and alerted the local authorities of its presence. We cited it as being deep and somewhat hidden, and that hikers or children might get trapped or injured because of it. It wasn’t long before they put up a metal fence around it, topped with spikes.

We didn’t know how deep the cavern went, or if there were other entrances - or other creatures. For now, we hoped that the iron mixed within the steel fence would do as much as the ancient iron we had weaponised against the creatures, imprisoning the creatures within their cave.

I may have set out looking for answers, but I suppose it was natural that I wouldn’t find many. But I did find a sort of carefree joy as I destroyed the creature, a childish joy I haven’t felt in decades.

The forests and dark places of the world still fill me with a ghost of childhood fear, but now, they also fill me with excitement. I enjoy the fear. I enjoy the threats.

And now, my fellow hunter and I will enjoy hunting more of them down.

(Part 1) (Part 2)
Jake pulled up in his car, headlights illuminating drops of ice-cold rain in the blue light of an overcast dawn. We had agreed to meet early; the journey to the mountains was quite a long drive, and we wanted as much daylight as we could get.

He stepped out of the car, coffee in hand and oddly high-spirited.

‘Mornin’! Have a few pressies for ya.’

He popped the boot open, and I laid my eyes on a small arsenal.

A hunting rifle and a shotgun, surrounded by their respective ammunition along with an assortment of knives and tools.

‘Used to go hunting with one of the lads before he went to prison, said I’d look after everything for him. I’m sure he won’t mind us putting them to good use while he’s away. We are hunting after all - sure it’s what these are for!’

I didn’t want to ask any questions about Jake’s prison friend, nor did I care to know in that moment. I now had what I didn’t have as a child - the power to fight back. I nodded in silent approval, Jake mirroring my gesture with a relishing grin.

We jumped in the car and went on our way. Our time on the motorway was spent catching up, asking each other about how our lives had gone, the banal icebreakers we had skipped as we got caught up in our plans. Work, family, some laughs about nostalgic moments from school.

I had forgotten about the good moments, being so caught up in the bad. I wish we could have stayed chatting like that, but the dark mountains looming against the grey morning sky in the distance served as a constant reminder of what had to be done.

I saw their valleys, running deep where the morning light couldn’t reach. A chill ran down my spine despite the car’s heat. I felt as if I was being watched from the sea of black trees covering the mountain’s face, even from this distance.

Jake pointed to a bag at my feet.

‘There’s a laptop in that bag there, can you fire it up? Need you to see a few things before we arrive. There’s a folder on the desktop there, go into it and have a look at the stuff inside.’

I clicked into the folder, simply titled “scout stuff”.

Within was a collection of files; images and .pdfs of newspaper articles from online and scanned paper archives. Jake had organised them by date - I never would have thought he would have the capacity to bother, going by his past behaviours and schoolwork. This had evidently consumed him to the point he hyperfixated on every detail of it all.

The files listed missing persons reports, starting from soon after our scout's trip.

The first of course, was Counsellor Murphy. After her were random people - hikers, campers and cyclists. Along with these reports were forum screenshots of people discussing urban legends, talking about all the missing people in the mountains.

One user “Dylbrack05” stated they would investigate and record the whole thing. I grimaced as the next file was a missing persons report for one Dylan Bracken, 19.

The final report was dated from just last month.

‘All these years…’

‘Yeah, they’ve been at it since the scout's trip. I couldn’t find much more from earlier years. I reckon that we were unlucky enough to go on that trip at the same time those things appeared.’

‘So where did they come from? There has to be some place they stay in the woods. Are there any caves in the mountains?’

‘I looked it up and there is only one, and it's tiny. Not to mention it’s a good bit away from the cabin and it’s in the middle of a farmer’s field. But that’s the only one they know about.’

‘So there could be more.’

Before long, we were winding our way through the mountain roads, heavy raindrops plunking into the windshield as they fell from low-hanging branches. I stared into the woods, my breaths running shallow as I dreaded to see anything staring back. My mind raced as I thought not only of the woods that now had us in its clutches, but of the caves that could be running deep beneath them.

As we drove down a steep decline, the cabin loomed before us.

Broken windows, black and grimy with age. Nonsensical graffiti. Porch fence splintered and damaged. A hole in the roof from a branch sent flying by the storms of years past.

As Jake turned off his car, an eerie silence descended upon the valley. The diffused grey light from the overcast sky lent the scene a dreamlike atmosphere. I felt as if I was walking into one of my many nightmares all over again. That if I were to step into the impenetrable black of the cabin door, I would snap awake, heart pounding and drenched in cold sweat.

Well, imagine how hard my heart pounded when a fox suddenly sprinted from the doorway, startling us both.

Jake and I looked at each other, and laughed at our utter loss of composure.

‘Keep running ya little bollox ya!’ he shouted playfully after the fox.

We retrieved two flashlights from the boot of the car, and proceeded inside the cabin. At least I have a working light this time around.

The air was a wild mix of mountain air cleansed by rain, and decades-old mould and wood rot. It wafted into our faces accompanied by hints of an old fire.

Grey light shone through the hole in the roof, drops of rain tumbling into the wreck of an old tent now bloated and soaked. Our lights painted across old beer cans and bottles that dotted the floor.

Whoever created this mess hadn’t been here in years. Whether they left of their own accord - or were taken - remained to be seen.

We explored the remainder of the cabin. Scenes of the scout's trip past played behind our eyes as we looked upon the dead spaces that were all that remained of them. The warped floorboards where sleeping bags were set, the corner where bags were stacked, stuffed with warm clothes and a dozen lovingly-packed lunches. The fire, once intended to be roaring on those cold nights, now only a heap of damp soot and old twigs.

Silence overtook us as we were lost in memory, wandering around and reminiscing.

I drifted outside, not caring for the rain. Out the back, I saw Jake standing by the shattered remains of the wood bunker. He stared down, eyes wide as he was lost in the horrible memory of what he saw inside it. I knew whose eyes stared back at him in his reverie.

‘Jake.’

He shook his head and snapped to attention, seemingly glad of the interruption.

‘Sorry. So!’ he paused to clap his hands. ‘Why don’t you show me in the woods where the Counsellor touched you?’

‘Too soon.’

We both chuckled, half at his bad joke and half at the very fact we felt like chuckling at all. We were both more nervous being here than either of us would care to admit.

We put on light waterproof jackets, but with our hoods down - we needed to be alert. Jake took his hunting rifle, being the more experienced shot between the two of us, and gave me a shotgun. He showed me the basics on how to use it, but we agreed not to practice, for fear of giving away our presence - if our presence wasn’t detected already.


Steeling myself, I brought him uphill, towards the clearing where I was attacked. My heart began to pound, and I tried in vain to convince myself that it was just the uphill ascent. But the nearer I got, the more nauseous I felt, and the more my hands began to shake. Phantom stones dug into the sole of my foot as I remembered the cold road under my bare foot as I ran.


My heart leapt into my chest as I almost stepped into the very patch of bog that ensnared me.


We neared the clearing, and I saw it remained exactly as it was those many years ago. I scanned the scene for anything of note, and that’s when the smell hit me. That awful reek, the very same that assailed my senses whenever that thing began to whet whatever depraved appetites it had. It was faint however, carried on the breeze coming down from the hills.

‘In case you’re wondering, that’s what it smells like.’ I told Jake, never taking my eyes off the woods. ‘That smell is how you know the mask is slipping. That’s what they really smell like. It was faint when it looked like Counsellor Murphy, but when it showed its true form, it made me want to get sick.’

‘Let’s follow it so. It’ll regret smelling this bad if it leads us right to it, manky bastard.’

We made our way uphill, eyes peeled and noses keen as we begrudgingly followed the scent.

We arrived at a large clearing. It was a patch of marshland, surrounded by trees. Large stones dotted the perimeter, with most sunken into the muck and covered in moss. They formed a perfect ring around the treeline. Any passer-by might have missed them, so sunken into the ground they were, but they once might have stood taller. In the centre was a narrow crevice in the ground.

It was a jagged maw in the earth, stone teeth covered by sticks and hanging moss. We barely noticed it but for the damp moss hanging lower thanks to the rain, exposing the darkness beneath.

We peeled the moss and sticks away, shining our lights into the depths. The crevice curved away from the light’s path, leaving us unsure of how deep it went.

‘I have just the thing for this, let’s head back to the car for a minute.’

We returned shortly with some climbing equipment.

Jake fastened the rope around one of the standing stones, tugging it taut until he was sure it would support us.

‘Rock-paper-scissors on who goes first?’ he suggested with a nervous laugh.

I offered to go first, seizing the rope before Jake could protest, and while my nerves were still steady.

The cave was sloped, and so I was able to rappel down quite easily. It was difficult to focus with the foul smell that wafted up from the depths. I kept glancing downwards, trying to stay on guard should anything rush at me from the dark.

I arrived at the bottom shortly. The cave had curved away from the entrance in a bend that prevented it from receiving any light. I stood guard, shining my light to aid Jake’s descent, occasionally glancing behind me as the drips of cave water played tricks on my mind.

Once Jake was on solid ground, we pressed on further in the cave. It wound a short way into the earth going gently downwards, until it opened up into a large cavern.

The cavern was deeper than we could have anticipated. A ring of rocky ledge ran around it as far as we could see, with everything else being rocky abyss.

Nearby us, we saw piles of detritus. Bags, tents, ragged clothes dirtied with old muck and blood. The remains I could have left behind if I hadn’t been fast enough those years ago.

A camera lay among the pile, drenched from exposure to dripping cave water. I pry it open, hoping to learn more. The camera’s innards were practically rusted shut, the green verdigris telling me of the memory card’s fate.

‘That’s probably your man Dylan Bracken. He said he was gonna record his search.’ said Jake.

‘Probably won’t learn much from it - the SD card is just a sliver of rust now.’

Among the pile, we found more unusual items. A rusted plate of metal, rusted until it was practically crumbling, and some equally rusted hooks tied to old frayed rope. The metal plate seemed to be armour, like a medieval knight’s cuirass, but lighter and less clunky.

I turned to Jake, intending to ask him what he thought of the pieces of junk, and my heart stopped dead.

Coiled behind him was a serpentine bundle of pale flesh, a foul smile of black lips and rotten fangs, cloaked in matted black hair. Jake followed my gaze and immediately jumped forward, opting not to turn his head so as not to broadcast his jump; but the thing was too quick.

It wrapped the stump of its tail around his legs, dragging him back and tripping him. He dropped his rifle and light, and was ensnared in a desperate grapple with the creature.

I took aim with the shotgun, but their struggle was too chaotic, the cave too dark; the spread of the shotgun might have hit Jake.

I attempted to close the distance for a point-blanc shot, but Jake’s discarded light illuminated something approaching from the cave depths. Something with too many joints rushing right towards me.

I backed up in frightful panic, stumbling on the detritus behind me as the patter of many hands slapped towards me. I managed to fire one-well placed shot into what might have been the creature’s face.

A splash of brackish blood sprayed across the cave floor, but the creature kept coming. I was knocked to the ground, a dozen hands scratching and slapping in a feverish frenzy at the meal that had been denied to them two decades ago.

I punched, gouged, bit in a mindless bid to survive, my senses flooded with adrenaline and the stink of the thing’s flesh.

I reached around me as worm-fingered hands seized my throat, trying desperately to seize any piece of detritus that might be my salvation.

My hands came to rest upon cold metal, flakes of rust. Blindly I swung it into the creatures mass, and the cave was filled with the twang of metal and the creature’s mad screeching. It was a keening of pain and anger, an inhuman bawling that seemed to come from multiple phlegmy throats at once.

I sucked down grateful lungfuls of foul air as the beast released me. Staggering to my feet, I readied the metal as a shield or a club, whichever was needed first. The thing writhed in agony, steam rising from a peculiar burn mark where the metal collided with its pallid flesh. The stink of burnt offal filled the cave. I realised the power I now held.

I took up the roped iron piton, and threw it to Jake.

‘Stab it with the iron! The iron hurts them!’

I preyed he heard me during his struggle; I had to focus on charging the thing in front of me. I ran at it, slamming the metal into the meat of its body, pounding severe burns into its body where I hit it, and sending severe inflamed sores across its skin where I grazed it.
I lost control. I hammered it into the cave floor, branding it with my anger over and over again for a childhood robbed.

Before long, it was reduced to a pile of sizzling flesh. My hands shook, covered in brackish blood and flakes of rust. I would need a tetanus shot, but I can assure you, it was worth it.

I looked to Jake, and saw him dishing out similar punishment. He had gouged a gaping series of wounds into the thing’s serpentine neck, and now straddled it as it tried desperately to squirm away. Over and over he stabbed, working his way up until its head remained - clearly, he didn’t want it to die too fast.

‘This is for Breda ya fuckin’ scumbag!’

I couldn’t help but laugh as he silenced the thing’s screams forever. He uttered the words as if it were some boy that broke Breda’s heart rather than some otherworldly monstrosity. The elation of my own triumph and the juxtaposition of his words against what we faced sent me into a breathless laughing fit.

Once he caught his own breath, Jake did the same.

There in the darkness of the cavern, lying among our childhood enemies now broken and slain, we reclaimed at least some of the innocence we had lost.

We left the cavern, and alerted the local authorities of its presence. We cited it as being deep and somewhat hidden, and that hikers or children might get trapped or injured because of it. It wasn’t long before they put up a metal fence around it, topped with spikes.

We didn’t know how deep the cavern went, or if there were other entrances - or other creatures. For now, we hoped that the iron mixed within the steel fence would do as much as the ancient iron we had weaponised against the creatures, imprisoning the creatures within their cave.

I may have set out looking for answers, but I suppose it was natural that I wouldn’t find many. But I did find a sort of carefree joy as I destroyed the creature, a childish joy I haven’t felt in decades.

The forests and dark places of the world still fill me with a ghost of childhood fear, but now, they also fill me with excitement. I enjoy the fear. I enjoy the threats.

And now, my fellow hunter and I will enjoy hunting more of them down.

Clover

Five humans, missing...

Spoilers for all of Undertale Yellow's main routes below
Undertale Yellow is a fan-made prequel to the hit indie game Undertale. While Undertale follows the story of Frisk, the seventh human child to fall into the monster ruled Underground, Undertale Yellow follows the story of their immediate predecessor. Meet Clover, the sixth human. Unlike the humans that fell before, this gun-toting cowboy is unique in the sense that their journey to the Underground was no accident. Clover entered the Underground voluntarily in order to investigate the disappearances of the previous five humans and, if it turned out they perished at some point after their fall, hoped to avenge their deaths. See, while Frisk possessed a red SOUL that embodied Determination, Clover's SOUL is yellow for the trait of Justice. Clover's journey would lead them all throughout the Underground, meeting some monsters that will be familiar to those who have played Undertale and some brand new faces as well.
Like Undertale before it, Undertale Yellow's story can be altered significantly depending on the player's actions. Perhaps Clover befriends the monsters they meet and determines they were unfairly trapped underground, deciding to sacrifice themselves to bring monster kind closer to freedom. Or maybe Clover will blame the monsters for the deaths of the previous human children, avenging them with swift cruelty. Either way, Clover will act in the way they believe they can best embody Justice.

So How Do the Fights Work Anyway?

Like its predecessor, Undertale Yellow tends to treat RPG mechanics as literal aspects of the game's world. Due to the abstract nature of fights in both Undertale and Undertale Yellow, with enemy monsters targeting Clover's SOUL rather than their physical body, it's understandable that there may be some confusion about how Clover actually scales to certain monsters. Luckily, this is a bit more clear in Undertale Yellow than it was in the original game, as the reveal trailer shows that the attacks of monster are things that Clover physically has to react to and dodge (we even see this same attack utilized in game) even though the battle menu only shows their SOUL.
But this is just for when encounters have already begun, what about before that? And what triggers encounters anyway? There's an area in the Wild East where boulders are falling onto the path that Clover needs to dodge. If they fail to avoid them, this begins an encounter too, where Clover is given the opportunity to avoid the "attacks" in the battle menu to negate damage. Other examples include Clover escaping damage from hot steam after touching it and avoiding damage from Axis' energy balls after they hit them. What this means for standard versus fights is a little vague, but it likely means that any attack that would deal meaningful damage starts an encounter and that it would be impossible to simply kill Clover with a sneak attack. Even if it hit them, Clover would still get the opportunity to dodge before the proper fight begins. That said, there is one example of Clover dying without triggering an encounter at the end of the Neutral Route. It's possible this is because it was an unescapable situation but the mechanics of it are still vague and unclear.
As seen with the previous examples such as the falling boulders and steam, it seems that attacks that hit Clover's SOUL and their physical body are more or less interchangeable. Or rather, it isn't possible to circumvent the SOUL to only hit the physical body because even attacks that hit Clover's physical body will trigger an encounter that can then be dodged or endured by the SOUL.
Finally, it's worth noting that the sizes of objects can vary from their appearances in the battle to what they look like in the overworld. We see Clover's SOUL alongside their physical body a few times throughout the game and it's pretty consistently a little larger than their torso. So this thread will describe feats with that scale in mind.

Other Things To Note

• At the end of certain routes, Clover acquires certain abilities/powerups that don't necessarily apply to the rest of the game. Feats or items that are limited to those routes will be marked with the corresponding route.
  
  • [Pacifist] Feat
• Like your standard RPG's, Undertale Yellow possesses a leveling system that will increase the more enemies that Clover kills, with certain abilities being unlocked after certain levels are achieved. However, in the Genocide route Clover showed off the ability to level up rapidly simply by being filled with enough righteous fury. Abilities that are locked behind certain levels will also be marked accordingly.
  
  • Feat^{LV 19}
• The majority of feats will come from Undertale Yellow, but occasionally clips from trailers and other promotional material on the director of the game's Youtube channel will be used, which will be labeled with a T like so:
  
  • Feat^T

Physicals

Strength

• Breaks a piece of wood that had jammed an elevator door with a pickaxe, which broke the pickaxe despite it being described as sturdy previously
• Pushes aside a cabinet
• While physically holding the lid of a trash can Clover is able to deflect Axis' energy attacks back at him which destroyed portable generators about as tall as Axis himself
  • Clover also uses this lid to deflect Axis' bombs
• [Anti-Feat] Needs Martlet's help moving a table

Speed/Agility

• Runs roughly 2/3rds faster than they walk, traveling the same distance in 1.5 seconds that it took them 2.5 seconds to walk
• Climbs a good distance up a rope, though Flowey resets the timeline before they reach the top
• While fighting Decibat they react and move relatively to various attacks that appear to be sound-based
  • Note that blue attacks don't harm you if you're standing still and orange attacks don't if you're moving
• Passes over a bridge when the boards were constantly elevating and lowering
• Moves out of the way of Dunebud's arrows
  • We see in the game's reveal trailer that these arrows move much faster than their in-game counterparts would suggest
• Avoids the soundwaves produced by Starlo's bell attack
• Escapes Axis during their chase
• Jukes the hell out of Axis
• Moves relatively to the arrows and flintlock pistol shots of a pair of mini robots
• Climbs a laundry chute

Durability
Blunt

• A tumbleweed knocks them onto a lower platform and they don't even flinch
• Even while using the Patch, Clover's starting accessory that offers no extra defense, Clover can withstand several giant boulders smashing into them
  • While using the Steel Buckle or superior defensive items, this damage is totally negligible
• Takes several blows from Ed that launch massive boulders into the air
• Withstands the Guardener's attacks which could smash giant gears that are larger than Clover
• [Genocide] Gets hit by large meteors summoned by Zenith Martlet

Falling

• Jumps down a hole into the Underground and lands on a bed of flowers
• Falls through the floor of the Ruins and lands in a bed of flowers in the Dark Ruins, quickly jumping to their feet afterwards
• Crashes a speeding boat over a ledge, sending them over and into the mines
  • Flowey did comment they seemed pretty hurt by this
• Falls down a trap door

Heat

• Survives in the Steamworks with no issue, which was hot enough to light Moe's clothes and stand on fire over the course of their conversation
• Withstands multiple fire attacks from Asgore before eventually succumbing to them (with Asgore being the strongest non-final boss monster in the original Undertale)

Other

• Gets shocked repeatedly by Dalv's electrical attacks, enduring four before eventually succumbing
• A giant fan produces a sandstorm that pushes them back a considerable distance
• Gets hit by dynamite thrown by Starlo
• Survives multiple shots from Starlo's revolver
• Withstands hits from Axis' energy balls which later destroy Axis' portal generators
  • During Axis' boss fight, Clover takes no damage from this at all
• With the highest defensive accessory they take negligible damage from Ceroba's attacks which shatter stone pillars (they also take a glancing blow from these attacks in a cutscene without damage, though it takes them some time to return to their feet)
  • [Pacifist] Clover later withstands Ceroba's attacks after she had powered up into her Kitsune form, which dealt double damage compared to her previous attacks (2HP with the best defensive item instead of 1HP)
• [Pacifist] Endures for a little over a minute after their soul had been extracted from their body (though they were too weak to do anything but crawl)
• [Genocide] Gets crushed by blocks with enough force to shatter them which are not affected by their SOUL's energy beams
• [Genocide] Here is the top of UG Apartments before Clover's battle with Zenith Martlet compared to after, which assuming Martlet's attacks were responsible for any of this damage means that Clover would scale to it
• [Genocide] Clover grows so powerful that Asgore's trident shatters against their SOUL^{LV 20}

Skill

• Shoots a hat off a dummy
• Beats Starlo in a quickdraw contest
• After being fully lasso'd by Starlo, Clover is still able to effectively avoid his attacks and even tricks him into shooting his own lasso twice
  • Starlo is accurate enough to shoot sticks of dynamite out of the air
  • Clover is still able to fight back as well
• Can shoot something as small as a micro froggit
• Opens a door by shooting its control panel
• Plays a mean harmonica^T
• Holy shit they're so sick with it^T

Justice SOUL

• Flowey talks about how Boss Monsters are stronger than others and that a human SOUL is even more powerful than them
• [Pacifist] During the final boss, Clover is powered up and given a plethora of different abilities (the reason for this isn't explicitly stated, but it's likely because they felt their cause was just, more so than they ever had in the rest of the game)^{LV 1}
  • [Pacifist] Endures repeated enraged attacks from Ceroba that should have killed them before returning to full HP as the next phase of the boss starts^{LV 1}
  • [Pacifist] Can fire energy blasts from their SOUL which are strong enough to overpower Ceroba's own charged blasts^{LV 1}
    • They can quickly fire smaller shots on top of the more powerful charge shots^{LV 1}
    • A weaker version of Ceroba's attacks could shatter stone pillars^{LV 1}
  • [Pacifist] Is able to phase through attacks, including otherwise unavoidable AOE attacks^{LV 1}
  • [Pacifist] Clover is able to Hope, allowing them to take an extra hit without damage^{LV 1}
  • [Pacifist] Clover is able to Endure, regenerating health from a range of 5HP to 10HP^{LV 1}
  • [Pacifist] Clover is able to Remember, granting them a speed buff over the course of that turn^{LV 1}
  • [Pacifist] After cracking Ceroba's Kitsune mask, Clover is able to see a memory of her past talking to her dying husband^{LV 1}
• [Genocide] After hearing that Axis, the penultimate boss, killed a human child, Clover is filled with such rage and a desire for justice that they automatically leveled up and developed the ability to shoot energy blasts from their SOUL. The first blast obliterated the trash can lid Axis was using as a shield and after further leveling up they fired a massive beam that obliterated Axis entirely. Clover also gained an assortment of other abilities at this point^{LV 15/19}
  • [Genocide] Smaller shots can be rapid fired and a brief charge allows Clover to fire the beam^{LV 19}
    • [Genocide] It required two small shots to destroy the meteors Zenith Martlet summons and they're completely obliterated by the beam^{LV 19}
    • [Genocide] With enough shots Clover destroys Martlet's armor that their gun was completely useless against (based on the fact that the Fight button is locked during the phase of the fight that she's wearing the armor)^{LV 19}
    • [Genocide] Clover's beam is strong enough to completely obliterate Asgore as well as his throne and the wall behind him^{LV 20}
  • [Genocide] Like in the Pacifist ending, Clover is able to dash which smashes blocks that their shots and beams couldn't break and allows them to phase through otherwise unavoidable attacks without damage^{LV 19}
  • [Genocide] After destroying Martlet's armor, Clover is able to see into mind and witness her backstory^{LV 19}
  • [Genocide] Clover is able to Endure, automatically recovering anywhere from 20HP to 25HP^{LV 19}
  • [Genocide] Here is the top of UG Apartments before Clover's battle with Zenith Martlet compared to after, with Clover presumably being responsible for at least some of the damage^{LV 19}
• [Genocide] Throughout the game, Clover is able to undo mistakes thanks to the SAVE function. Primarily, this is thanks to Flowey doing so for you, becoming an in-universe stand-in for standard RPG Saving and Loading and ultimately allowing them to revive at the latest SAVE point for standard enemies or directly back into the battle for Boss encounters. However, at the end of the Genocide route Clover levels up enough to steal Flowey's control of the timeline, ultimately taking the SAVE ability for themselves which they can use to SAVE and LOAD in the middle of battle^{LV 20}

Gear

Note that while Clover can store excess items in boxes they find around the Underground, they can only carry eight items in their inventory not including their current Weapon, Ammo, Armor, and Accessory. Later in the game they discovered the Dimensional Satchel which allows them to access the boxes from anywhere, but they still only have eight slots to bring into an encounter.
Weapons
Guns

• Toy Gun - Clover's default weapon is a simple toy gun
• Wild Revolver - A gift from Starlo, purchased from Blackjack's shop
  • While the Toy Gun only fires once per turn, the Wild Revolver is fired six times in a row
  • While the Wild Revolver looks and functions like a typical revolver, note that Blackjack does say that he made it so as not to be lethal (though the following line about how anything could be lethal if used enough times consecutively makes this seem more like a meta joke about RPG fight mechanics, even going so far as to mention the ballet shoes that are a weapon in the original Undertale)

Feats
Note that cutscenes will always play out the same regardless of whether the Toy Gun or Wild Revolver is being used, so while the Revolver is obviously the more powerful of the two the Toy Gun is much more powerful than it's name would suggest and the following feats apply to both weapons.

• Damages machinery
• Critically damages Axis who could withstand his own energy balls being reflected back at him with no physical damage, merely draining his power instead
  • After being rebounded Axis' attacks destroyed portable generators as tall as Axis himself
• Destroys robots with repeated shots
• Executes undamaged monsters in cutscenes/scripted fights in both the Pacifist and Genocide routes
• [Anti-Feat] Was unable to destroy the trash can lid Axis was using as a shield

Ammo
Rather amusingly, Clover will jam whatever odd materials they can find into their weapon which somehow works perfectly^T

• Rubber Ammo (AT 0) - The default ammo that Clover started their journey with
  • Toy Gun Wild Revolver
• Pebble Ammo (AT 3) - Small rocks that Clover discovered in the Dark Ruins
  • Toy Gun Wild Revolver
• Ice Ammo (AT 6) - Discovered near the start of Snowdin, these fragments of a shattered ice crystal don't melt and cool Clover's gun upon being loaded
  • Toy Gun Wild Revolver
• Coffee Ammo (AT 4 + 1 SPEED after perfect attack) - Found in a barrel near the exit of Snowdin
  • Toy Gun Wild Revolver
  • Compare the increased speed to Clover's normal battle speed
• Flint Ammo (AT 9) - Salvaged from an ore deposit outside the East Mines
  • Toy Gun Wild Revolver
    • Note that the shots make small explosions upon impact
• Glass Ammo (AT 5 + 2HP) - Taken from a shattered glass in the Dunes Gift Shop
  • Toy Gun Wild Revolver
• Silver Ammo (AT 3 + Bonus Damage for Perfect Shot) - Purchased from Blackjack's shop
  • Toy Gun Wild Revolver
• Nails (AT 10) - Found in a box in the Steamworks greenhouse
  • Toy Gun Wild Revolver
• [Neutral/Genocide] Friendliness Pellets (AT 11) - A gift from Flowey, acquired outside of the Steamworks
  • Toy Gun Wild Revolver

Armor

• Warn Hat - The default armor that Clover started their journey with
• [Pacifist/Neutral] Nice Hat - Visually identical to Clover's old one and offers no extra defense or benefits, but it is a pretty nice hat

Accessories

• Patch (Armor DF 0) - The default accessory that Clover started their journey with
• Feather (Armor DF 2) - A stray feather located in the tunnels near Dalv's house
• Honeydew Pin (Armor DF 4) - Purchased at the Honeydew Resort shop
• Band Merch Pin (Armor DF 5) - A pin given to Clover by a band's super fan in Honeydew Resort
• Steel Buckle (Armor DF 7) - Found inside a cubby in the East Mines
• Safety Jacket (Armor DF 6) - Found on a hook in the East Mines
• Fancy Holster (Armor DF 8) - Purchased from Blackjack's shop
• Safety Goggles (Armor DF 9) - Acquired from Vendy in the Steamworks
• Silver Scarf (Armor DF 6 and +2HP Every Turn) - Given to Clover by Slurpy in Snowdin after freeing his tongue from a frozen pole
  • Here is the scarf in use
• Delta Run Patch (Armor DF 10) - Purchased from Bits and Bites at UG Apartments
• Golden Bandana (Armor DF 12) - Found in a chest in the Steamworks
  • This did come at the cost of sacrificing the Golden Pear, Golden Coffee, and Golden Cactus

Food/Healing Items
Note that at their weakest (LV 1), Clover has 20HP and at their strongest (LV20), Clover has 100HP
Single Use

• Lemonade - 7HP
• Lukewarm Pop - 8HP
• Candy Corn - 9HP
• Packing Peanuts - 10HP
• Sea Tea - 10HP (+ Temporary Speed Increase)
  • Here is the Sea Tea in use
• Monster Candy - 10HP
• Corn Dog - 12HP
• Cold Pop - 12 HP
• Sponge Cake - 14HP
• Hot Pop -14 HP
• Trail Mix - 14HP
• Corn Chowder - 15HP
• Moss Salad - 17HP
• Ice Tea - 20HP
• Green Tea - 21HP
• Flower Stew - 20HP
• Hot Dog - 20HP
• Fruitcake -25HP
• [Pacifist/Genocide] Adult Soda - ???HP
  • It's actually 20HP
• [Genocide] Oasis Latte - 25HP
• [Neutral] Cake - 30HP
• [Genocide] Cinnamon Cookie - 35HP
• Golden Pear - Invulnerability for two hits
  • Here is the G. Pear in use
• Golden Coffee - Increases Clover's speed for 3 turns
  • Here is the G. Coffee in use (also note that this buff carries on to future encounters if the three turns aren't used)
• Golden Cactus - 15HP for 3 turns (Lose 5HP after first bite)

Two Uses

• Grassy Fries - 14HP
• Beef Jerky - 16HP

Unlimited Supply

• Spider Donut - 12HP
• Popato Chisps - 13HP
• Honeydew Coffee - 14HP
• Honeydew Pancake - 16HP
• Ice Water - 15HP
• Monster Candy+ - 15HP
• Root Beer - 18HP
• G.B. Bear - 20HP
• Dihydrogen Monoxide - 20HP
• Feisty Slider - 30HP
• Gravity Granola - 30HP
• Cinnamon Butterscotch Strudel - 30HP
• Floral Cupcake - 50HP
• Gun Powder - ???HP
  • Completely maxes out Clover's HP
  • Note that Clover can only acquire one of these on the Genocide Route

Misc

• Solves Martlet's extremely complicated lava rock puzzle
• Beats the infamous Shuffler gang at their own game
• Uses flint and a steel buckle to burn a thick stick that was jamming an elevator
• Keeps up with El Bailador during their dance off, who was out of breath after the fact
• [Pacifist/Neutral] The Doc in the Wild East can overcharge Clover's health with a one time extra 15HP (nearly double their health at LV 1)
• Stealthily creeps around the Steamworks factory, figuring out a passcode while staying out of Axis' view
• Clover has incredible willpower, since even after Flowey kills them and attempts to absorb their SOUL, Clover is able to resist him for the entirety of the ensuing boss fight which ends when Flowey realizes they'd be fighting for all eternity if they continued and opts to simply reset the timeline instead
• Breaks it down

Somebody calls for help
You answer the call

When introducing the main types of motorhomes, we typically stick to the common Class A, B, and C categories. But there are two important motorhome types that some might call ‘tweeners’ – the Class B+ and the Super C RV.
While Class B+ RVs are designed to provide more luxury than your standard class B camper van, the best super C RVs are designed for more rugged, off-road use than a standard class C motorhome. Let’s learn more about Super C RVs and some of the top-selling models you can find at Camping World dealerships nationwide.

What is a Super C RV?

A Super C RV is essentially a heavier-duty upgrade to a standard Class C motorhome. Most Super C motorhomes are built on a larger, heavier truck chassis, such as the RAM® 5500 SLT, the Freightliner® S2RV, and the Ford® F-550 Chassis.
Many Super C RVs also boast more powerful diesel engines, allowing them to tow heavier loads than an average Class C motorhome. Still, the significant identifying feature shared by Class C and Super C RVs is the cabover bunk area above the driver’s cockpit.

What are the Pros and Cons of Super C RVs?

Here are some of the most important advantages and disadvantages of Super C RVs, as compared to other motorhomes:

Pros

• Towing Capacity. Larger diesel engines and beefed-up towing packages allow you to tow heavier loads.
• Interior Living Space. A larger, heavy-duty chassis allows for bigger builds with more spacious floorplans.
• Holding Tank Capacities. Larger fresh, gray, and black water holding tanks allow you to camp longer between dump station visits.
• Extended Wheelbase. A wider wheelbase provides more stability and security when navigating this RV through various road conditions.
• Exterior Storage. Massive basement compartments provide ample room for grills, camping chairs, pop-up shelters, and more.
• Suspension. Upgraded suspension for a smoother, more comfortable ride and an improved ability to handle unmaintained roads. Learn more about RV suspension.
• Engine Maintenance. The engine is located under the hood in the front, providing easier access for mechanics than what’s required in Class A diesel motorhomes.

Cons

• Maneuverability. Larger RVs require more care and precision from the open highway to entering gas stations and parking lots. Still, most Super C RVs fall under the 26,000-pound limit, meaning you don’t need a special license to drive them.
• Fuel Efficiency. On average, this RV type gets less than 10 miles per gallon. This is closer to what you’ll get with most Class A diesel RVs but less than you’d get with a compact Class B RV.
• Price Point: Super C RVs start at a higher price point than standard Class C motorhomes, making them a more direct comparison with Class A diesel pushers.

Learn more about the pros and cons of diesel versus gas RVs.

Camping World’s Best Super C RVs

These are four of the top-selling Super C motorhomes you’ll find on Camping World lots:

Dynamax Isata 5 28SS with Xplorer Package

Powered by a Cummins 6.7L I6 turbo diesel engine, the Dynamax Isata 5 28SS boasts a 10,000-pound towing capacity for towing a larger toad or even a boat like the Nepallo. With a Quad-View camera system, you’ll have views from the hitch, the top of the rear wall, and on both sides for easy maneuvering in and out of campsites.
The exterior is equipped with a TV mount under the armless patio awning, which dramatically reduces the chances of bumping your head as you’re moving about outside your RV. The cabover mattress measures 50” x 80” for a comfortable secondary sleeping area, and the booth dinette can be upgraded to a tri-fold sofa or theater seating, depending on your preference.
Find a Dynamax Isata Super C near you.

RV Specs

• Length: 31’2”
• Chassis: Ram® 5500 SLT Chassis - Factory 4-Wheel Drive
• Sleeping Capacity: Up to 4
• Freshwater Capacity: 78 gallons
• Waste Water Capacity: 45 (gray) and 45 (black) gallons

Jayco Seneca Prestige 37L

https://youtu.be/kGFppR4bQDU
Of the Super C RVs on our list, the Jayco Seneca Prestige 37L boasts the highest sleeping capacity. As Chris says in the video, it’s full of luxury amenities like solid surface countertops with an undermount, stainless steel sink in the kitchen, a 50” LED TV, and a 40” electric fireplace below the entertainment center.
The overhead bunk above the cockpit boasts an impressive 750-pound weight capacity, and the included cargo net can handle up to 300 pounds if you use that area for gear storage. The JAYCOMMAND® control center powered by Firefly helps you control all the RV's interior systems from the control panel or directly from your smartphone using the mobile app.
Outside, the Seneca Prestige boasts a hitch receiver with a 12,000-pound capacity. It also has features like a water filtration system and a Thetford macerator system that would be pricey add-ons for many motorhomes. With slide-out toppers above all the slide-outs and the industry’s largest travel-view window in the entrance door, Jayco has thought of it all with this prestigious Super C RV.
Explore new and used Jayco Seneca motorhomes.

RV Specs

• Length: 39’4”
• Chassis: Freightliner® S2RV Chassis
• Sleeping Capacity: Up to 9
• Freshwater Capacity: 72 gallons
• Waste Water Capacity: 81 (gray) and 50 (black) gallons

Thor Motor Coach Magnitude XG32

Ideal for couples or small families, the Thor Magnitude XG32 boasts a nearly full-length slide-out on the driver’s side. This dramatically increases the floor space between the theater seating on the passenger side and the dinette and kitchen on the off-camp side.
It also creates extra floorplan space for a sizeable bathroom with a 32” x 32” corner shower, a mirrored vanity, and plenty of storage for linens and bathroom essentials. The bedroom features a second slide-out that houses the 60” x 75” queen bed that’s laid out opposite a massive closet and dresser.
The exterior features a powered patio awning, an exterior 32” TV with a built-in, Bluetooth-enabled sound bar, an exterior shower and LP connection, and a 100-watt solar charging system with a power controller. This 50-amp coach also comes standard with the Winegard® Connect Wi-Fi Extender +4G and a rooftop satellite mounting backer.
Check the price of Thor Magnitude motorhomes in your region.

RV Specs

• Length: 33’8”
• Chassis: Ford® F-550 Chassis
• Sleeping Capacity: Up to 4
• Freshwater Capacity: 75 gallons
• Waste Water Capacity: 47 (gray) and 40 (black) gallons

Tiffin Allegro Bay 38AB

Tiffin’s Allegro Bay 38AB is one of three floorplans offered in this Super C model. The 38AB sleeps up to six, making it ideal for families traveling with kids and their friends. Because every adventure starts with the journey to your destination, the Allegro Bay is powered by a Cummins® Quiet B6.7 360-HP diesel engine with a six-speed Allison transmission.
You can expand your destination selection with this Super C, as it’s equipped with an Onan 8,000-watt diesel generator that’ll keep your electrical systems running as long as you keep diesel fuel in the tank. Plus, its better optional upgrades include solar prep and three 200-watt solar panels with a 30-amp charge controller.
This 50-amp Super C RV also boasts plenty of holding tank capacity for boondocking trips, but the interior makes you feel like you’re glamping no matter the destination. A 20-cubic-foot refrigerator is one of the largest in the industry, and the residential microwave with an air fryer makes reheating camp meals as simple as the touch of a button.
Discover Tiffin Allegro Bay Super C RVs nationwide.

RV Specs

• Length: 39’4”
• Chassis: Freightliner® S2RV Chassis
• Sleeping Capacity: Up to 6
• Freshwater Capacity: 150 gallons
• Waste Water Capacity: 70 (gray) and 45 (black) gallons

Thor Motor Coach Magnitude RS36

The Thor Magnitude RS36 is another 4x4 Super C RV with a 6.7L Power Stroke Turbo Diesel engine that delivers up to 12,000 pounds of towing capacity. Even if you don’t tow, that powerful engine won’t have any trouble with this RV’s heavy-duty construction, which features a welded tubular steel floor, a welded tubular aluminum roof and sidewall cage construction, and Vacu-bond laminated roof, walls, and floor.
Inside that beefy package, Thor equipped the RS36 with all the features you need for comfortable easy navigation. That includes safety features like lane departure warning and pre-collision assist, comfort amenities like adjustable pedals and heated remote exterior mirrors, and an entertainment system with an 8” color LCD touchscreen and voice-command recognition.
To keep you comfortable and keep your systems running throughout the camping season, this 50-amp coach is built with dual 13,500-BTU air conditioning units, a 100-watt solar charging system with charge controller, and a 6,000-watt Onan diesel generator with automatic generator start to keep your appliances powered when camping off-grid.
Check the price of Thor Magnitude motorhomes in your region.

RV Specs

• Length: 37’8”
• Chassis: Ford® F-600 Chassis
• Sleeping Capacity: Up to 6
• Freshwater Capacity: 75 gallons
• Waste Water Capacity: 40 (gray) and 40 (black) gallons

These Super C RVs are some of the most rugged luxury RVs you’ll find. At a similar price point, here are a few other collections of luxury RVs you might be interested in:

• Camping World’s Guide to Luxury RVs
• 2022 Luxury Fifth Wheels
• Four Class B+ RVs That Goldilocks Would Love

Which of these Super C RVs is your favorite? Let us know in the comments below.

Hi. Buying a 2011 Forest river Rockwood HW296 pop up camper (21.3’ length and 4,500 GVWR). Do I have to register with DMV? every year? Any suggestions on what type of insurance? Who has best coverage, best value? Thanks in advance!

** BOTH FRI 5/17 AND SAT 5/18 *\*
Motorcycle Safety Foundation Ride Day New Mexico Motorcycle Safety Program, 3401 Pan American Fwy Take Your First Ride: Ride a motorcycle in 30 min or less for free. MOTO Intro provides the motorcycle, helmet, gloves, and coaching. Free Riding Skills Test: Take the challenge of an advanced MSF course! SKILL Check participants, bring your motorcycle and gear! Please wear over-the-ankle footwear, long pants and long sleeves

• Fri: 2 - 4 PM Skills Check, 4 - 6 PM Moto Intro
• Sat: 2 - 4:30 PM Moto Intro, 4:30 - 6:30 PM Skills Check

Niños and Teeños: Flamenco para todos Carlisle Gymnasium (Elizabeth Waters Center for Dance), UNM, 301 Yale Blvd. NE National Institute of Flamenco presents Niños y Teeños Flamencos in FUTUROS FLAMENCOS. Come see the high-energy flamenco of the National Institute of Flamenco's Student Companies. Don't miss this special showcase by talented youth in our community! (tickets)

• Fri: 7 PM
• Sat: 4 PM

** Fri 5/17 *\*
Fri 4:30 PM Bike to Wherever Day Canteen Brewhouse, 2381 Aztec Rd. NE Learn about exciting bike routes in Albuquerque and grab some cool giveaways to kickstart your cycling adventures. Whether you’re a seasoned cyclist or just starting out, there’s something for EVERYONE at our pop-up table! We'll have Canteen will be volunteering at a table from 6:30-9am and then again at 4:30-6:30am. Receive $1 off your beer if you arrive on your bike
Fri 5 PM Pistachio Cream Ale Release Tractor Brewing, ALL locations We're bringing back this seasonal favorite for American Craft Beer Week! Inspired by pistachios produced right here in New Mexico this brew is as smooth as silk and as tasty and a fresh roasted pistachio. This is a very limited one off for us, so come and get you a pint or growler while supplies last
Fri 5 – 7 PM May Babies Birthday Celebration Rio Bravo Brewing, 1912 2nd St. NW Starting at 5pm, the first 25 people with May birthdays to show Ryan proof of their birthday month will score a $5 Rio Bravo Brewing Gift Card...oh, and Beers are on special for birthday kids for just $5! But you spend your gift card however you want! Thanks to Cake Fetish...we'll have cupcakes for the May Birthday Kids (while supplies last) We'll have prizes JUST for the May Babies! We'll also have drawings for all you non-birthday folks too If you want to get their before us...All drinks are $1 Off for May Birthdays the whole day!
Fri 5:45 – 7:15 PM 22 Veterans Suicide Awareness WOD BFit505, 11500 Menaul Blvd. NE Each month, Team Bravo & Bfit505 team up to bring awareness to veteran suicide. Before our events, we will take a moment and talk about the issue. Then we will begin with our 22 reps WOD followed by a 2.2 mile ruck/walk/run. Afterwards, we will be going out to eat for social time with friends and family. This event is for all levels
Fri 6 PM Sandia Social - May Hangout Dawn Patrol Coffee Shop, 3619 Copper Ave NE We will be hanging out around the patio and inside starting at 6pm! Bring your friends and come hang out!
Fri 6 PM Pink Therapy, A Latin Dance Fundraiser for Breast Cancer Sobremesa, 3421 Coors Blvd. NW On The One and Pachanga Productions' "Salsa Therapy" night has made its mark in the Latin Dance community, now we are using the symbolism of "Therapy" under "Pink Therapy" but this time it is to fundraise in partnership with the Pink Warrior House Foundation in order to provide outreach and increase resources for those warriors battling against breast cancer. On The One and Pachanga productions will be involved in community outreach and utilizing our resources to help those in need. Cover charge is a SUGGESTED $20 donation (ALL PROCEEDS GO TO Pink Warrior House Foundation). Cocktail hour from 6-7 PM (purchases go to PWH on selected drinks). Dance lesson from 7-8 PM. Open dance floor 8-12 AM. Be aware of Media/News coverage. We need everyone's assistance with this, PLEASE SHARE FAR AND WIDE, those warriors battling breast cancer need our help. Let's do our part. We are asking for the entire Latin dance community to come out and support. This will be one of many fundraisers that we do for organizations like PWH. Lets use our dance skills to help those in need!
Fri 6 – 8 PM May Flowers Stampin' Bingo (in person) Hip Stitch, 2320 Wisconsin St. NE Cost is $35 for 6 rounds of bingo, prizes, and make n' takes! Message for more info or to register
Fri 6 – 8:30 PM Los Domingueros Live El Vado, 2500 Central Ave SW Prepare for an unforgettable fusion of Latin dance beats and rock energy as Friday Night Live at El Vado proudly presents New Mexico's premier menudo-based band, Los Domingueros! Few bands can match the infectious joy and vibrant rhythms that they bring to the stage. A multi-talented group of musicians, they take listeners on a musical journey like no other. From the pulsating rhythms of salsa, bachata, and cumbia to the high-energy vibes of ska and reggae, sprinkled with a dash of punk and thrash, their eclectic repertoire promises an exhilarating experience for all. As always, treat your taste buds to a delightful selection of culinary delights from our diverse food pods. From savory stir-fries to tantalizing Latin flavors and heavenly desserts, there's something to satisfy every craving. And don't overlook the opportunity to quench your thirst with a crisp craft beer from Ponderosa Brewing Company, conveniently available at the El Vado Tap Room
Fri 6 – 10 PM Fork Cancer Gala FUSION ABQ, 700-708 1st St. NW The American Cancer Society is hosting Albuquerque's second #ForkCancerAbq fundraising event. VIP 6pm - 7pm. Gala 7pm - 10pm. Dress Code: Gala Attire. #ForkCancerNM is a foodie's dream, with local restaurants and bars bringing out their best to truly showcase the Taste of Albuquerque while raising money for the American Cancer Society's life-saving mission in New Mexico supporting Access to Care like patient transportation, patient lodging and 24/7 support. Along with life saving research and grants. With great opportunities to raise money, we will also have live entertainment! (tickets)
Fri 6:30 – 10 PM Community Movie Night South Valley Multipurpose Center, 2008 Larrazolo Rd. SW Feature of the night: In The Heights. Bring your dinner, blankets and chairs. Please no glass containers
Fri 7 PM Movie In The Park ABQ Food Park, 6901-B San Antonio Dr. NE ABQ Food Park is bringing back Movies In The Park, starting off the summer with a screening of The Sandlot. Arrive early to get your face painted by Local Locas Facepainting before settling in with your blankets, chairs, and appetite for a delightful evening at the park with loved ones. Indulge in delicious fare from our food trucks while enjoying this timeless film under the stars. Please do not bring outside food as we have a variety of food options at the park. Please support our local food vendors. Entry is free! Reserve your tickets
Fri 7 – 10 PM Emerald Ball Holiday Dance Studio, 5200 Eubank Blvd. NE, Ste D Celebrate the enchanting month of May by donning your finest emerald attire. Bring in the vibrant spring season by joining us in elegant semi-formal wear of rich verdant colors and dance the night away! A Foxtrot lesson will begin the evening at 7pm followed by open dancing. Call 505-508-4020 for more information. $30 non-members
Fri 8 PM – 2 AM Sucia EDC Gogo Takeover Sidewinders Bar and Grill, 4200 Central Ave SE Sucia Productions is bringing the Electric Sky to Sidewinders! No need to have EDC FOMO because Papa Sucia is ready to bring the party to you! Come join your Sucia Family for a Night of PLUR! Featuring the Sucia Gogos on multiple boxes and individual dances available in the Cabaret Room! Hosted by Papa Sucia and Sucia Gogo Madam Sativa Rico-Stratton. DJ Unzipped will be bringing the you the best EDM set for you to dance the night away!
Fri 9 PM – 1:30 AM Callaita Fridays Salt Yard West, 3700 Ellison Rd. NW DJ Soiree will be spinning under the stars in the Salt Yard, promising a night of electrifying Latin music. This 21+ event guarantees an atmosphere where you can fully embrace the rhythm without inhibition. Whether you're a die-hard fan of Reggaeton or simply seeking a night of unparalleled fun, "Callaita Fridays" is the place to be
Fri 10:30 PM – 12:15 AM FACELESS AFTER DARK - new meta horror starring Jenna Kanell of "Terrifier"! The Guild Cinema, 3405 Central Ave NE All Seats $8. Check out the trailer. Dir. Raymond Wood - 2023 - 82m. Following her breakout success as the star of a killer clown horror flick, Bowie (Jenna Kanell, TERRIFIER) now finds herself struggling to capitalize on its success. But when she is suddenly held hostage by an unhinged fan posing as that same killer clown, horror becomes her reality as she fights to survive the night and escape before he completes his sinister plan to recreate the film's fatal plot (tickets)
** Sat 5/18 *\*
Sat 8 – 10 AM Planting Corn Seeds Lynn Garden, 176 Manierre Rd., Corrales We will be planting corn seeds; a new crop for Seed2Need this year!
Sat 8 – 10 AM Run for Mercy 5K Sagebrush Community Church, 6440 Coors Blvd. NW Join our team to run with us to support Mercy Multiplied, which exists to provide opportunities for all to experience God's unconditional love, forgiveness, and life-transforming power. Mercy offers free-of-charge Residential and Outpatient Counseling Programs, as well as Outreach Services that include workshops and trainings, our Keys to Freedom discipleship study, and Keys to Freedom Retreat (register)
Sat 8 AM – 12 PM Downtown Growers' Market Robinson Park, 810 Copper Ave NW Every Saturday from 8 am - NOON! This vibrant community event connects local farmers, growers, artisans, wellness makers, and hot food vendors with the local community from mid-April to early-November. Bring friends / family or come solo to enjoy fresh food made on sight, a variety of seasonal produce, unique arts and crafts, live music, and special programming all in the heart of downtown
Sat 8 AM – 2 PM Rio Rancho's Biggest Yard Sale Cabezon Park and Community Center, 2307 Cabezon Blvd. SE, Rio Rancho FREE Admission! Clean out your garage, spare bedroom, attic and shed. Come join us to sell all of those items that were collecting dust, find a treasure that you didn’t know you needed, and enjoy a day in the park! Vendor space $35 for a 15’ x 15’ space (Tables and chairs are not provided) Must register online, NO Drop-Ins Accepted. Please call the Cabezon Community Center at 505-892-4499 for more info
Sat 9 AM Send Haley to Spain Sand Volleyball Tournament Charlie’s Sandbox, 4335 Paseo del Norte NE All proceeds go to Haley and her trip to Spain in July! $20/per player. All Skill levels! Prizes for 1st & 2nd place. 4-6 players Coed with 1 female on team. Check in @ 8:30am. More info: Jillian (505) 322-7228, Haley (505) 331-4788, Charlie (505) 239-2461
Sat 9 AM Invisible Heroes Run Believers Center of Albuquerque, 320 Waterfall Dr. SE Join Runfit and the American Society of Radiologic Technologists for the inaugural Invisible Heroes 5K Run/Walk. It is a community event being held to recognize the vital role that medical imaging professionals and radiation therapists play on the health care team and to introduce the public to these vital health care professionals. You are invited to run and walk to celebrate the important work done by invisible heroes. At packet pick-up, you will have an opportunity to tour the ASRT Museum and Archives. Age group, overall, and team awards, including a great t-shirt and finisher medals for all participants (register)
Sat 9 AM - 4 PM 16th Annual CTC Vintage Tractor & Car Show Corrales Recreation Center, 500 Jones Rd., Corrales Join us for a fun day in the Corrales Park. There will be music, food, hot rods, tractor, stationary engines and more. Proceeds Raised will benefit Corrales 4H and Historical Society. Free admission. $10 for show participants
Sat 10 AM – 12 PM Foraging for Fun(ds) Los Poblanos Open Space, 1800 Tierra Viva Pl. NW Join Rev. Ryan Tate on a foraging excursion! Rev. Tate, of the African American spiritual tradition and an IPL board member, wants to bring their loving knowledge of NM edibles and herbs to you. Discover the food right under your nose and how easy it is to enjoy! We’ll meet to explore and harvest native and edible plants. Enter the Open Space area from west bound Montano Boulevard. After foraging, we’ll gather to taste our harvest and other locally sourced treats. Sign up today to participate - space is limited. This is a fundraiser for our work for climate justice: Please give generously (Suggested minimum donation $10)
Sat 10 AM – 3 PM Homebrewer's Happy Hour Southwest Grape & Grain, 3401 Candelaria Blvd. NE Homebrewer's Happy Hour is the perfect chance for all homebrewers, wine makers, distillers, or anyone interested in learning, to connect with others, share a drink, and learn about a new subject each month! $1 off beers from 10am to 3pm. Presentation on monthly subject at 1pm with open forum to discuss after. Food truck on site for lunch! May 18th - Barley
Sat 10:30 – 11:30 AM Animal Tales with the ABQ BioPark Ernie Pyle Library, 900 Girard Blvd. SE Dive into the captivating world of animals with "Animal Tales" presented by the ABQ BioPark! Join us for a delightful reading session featuring an animal-themed book. Experience the magic as the BioPark brings along real animals and biofacts that connect to the story, giving kids an exciting opportunity to meet these creatures up close! Don't miss this engaging and educational adventure for young animal enthusiasts!
Sat 10:30 AM – 12:30 PM FolkMADS Third Saturday Family Dance Albuquerque Square Dance Center, 4915 Hawkins St. NE Dancing, song, and live music for kids of all ages. No experience needed to have fun! Children must be accompanied by an adult. Children dance free, Adults $10
Sat 11 AM – 1 PM Annual Summer Kick-Off Event! Matheson Park Elementary, 10809 Lexington Ave NE Join us as we kick off the summer with fun, a food truck, face painting, dunk tank, and more! Bring your family and your pets for a Blessing of the Pets. There is no cost to attend and all are welcome!
Sat 11 AM – 3 PM Wine + Art Afternoons Gruet Winery, 8400 Pan American East Fwy NE Prism Arts presents a new public art and social series with a special one-day multi-artist event. Join us inside the Gruet Winery with a selection of fine art, prints, paintings, jewelry, and ceramics from local artists Vanessa Alvarado, Eric Romero, Margarita Paz-Pedro, & Aaron Richardson. Enjoy unique art, amazing fine, food, and a social environment with the artists and the public. *All art purchases receive a complimentary bottle of Gruet Wine*
Sat 11 AM – 3 PM Bernalillo Family Fun Festival! Calvary Church, 4001 Osuna Rd. NE Get connected to community and enjoy a Fun Family Day!
Sat 11:30 AM – 4 PM Imaginary Friends Fest Flix Brewhouse, 3200 La Orilla Rd. NW Let your imagination run wild! Join us in the lobby to celebrate the opening of IF! Enjoy photo ops, freebies, an in-theater giveaway, and activities for the whole family. All ages are welcome!
Sat 12 PM BBQ n' Crawl Supper Rock Park, 598 Monte Alto Pl. NE Mini Crawlers 505 and Duke City RC are throwing a BBQ and crawl sesh! All rigs welcome! Please mark going if you are, so we can get enough food!
Sat 12 PM May Brew Tour - Farewell Tour Rio Bravo Brewing, 1912 2nd St. NW This is the last NM Brew Ha-Ha Beer tour for the season. The 24-25 season will start in June 2025 so stay tuned for the season lineup release. Rio Bravo Brewing, Ponderosa Brewing, Bow & Arrow Brewing, Juno Brewery. At Rio Bravo, a DD will be selected, then we’ll head to the other breweries in the order listed. T-shirts, if ordered will be delivered. For safety, a breathalyzer is available, a DD will be established and a liability waiver will be signed by all participants. Safety is of utmost importance. We want everyone to enjoy their tour and arrive home safely
Sat 12 PM Drag Bingo & Brunch! All Ages Welcome! Sidewinders Bar and Grill, 4200 Central Ave SE Join us for a Drag Queen Bingo and Brunch benefitting The Albuquerque Roadrunner Tournament 2024 (coming up in September). Hosted by Priscilla Bouvier. Doors 12pm. Show 1pm. Bingo, Prizes, Giveaways, Raffles, Cocktails, Mocktails and Fun!
Sat 12 PM Empire's 9th Anniversary - FREE PLAY ALL DAY Empire Board Game Library, 3503 Central Ave NE It's Empire's 9th Anniversary celebration and you're invited! We've been here 9 years and it's all thanks to the support we get from you, so to show our appreciation, this Saturday's celebration is our gift to you: Come in and play for free all day! Every game is on sale all weekend! We're holding raffles over the course of the day to give away some great games! So come on down and let us thank you!
Sat 12 – 3 PM STOODIS!: An AIDS/LifeCycle Fundraising Event Soo Bak Seoul Bowl, 111 Hermosa Dr. SE Help Vanessa Bowen cross the finish line – the fundraising finish line, that is! Vanessa is on a mission to raise $3,500 to participate in the 2024 AIDS/LifeCycle, a 545-mile charity bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles from June 2nd to 8th, 2024. Join this special fundraising event and send-off party for an afternoon of entertainment, vendors, bike tune-ups, raffle, and food and drink specials. Come prepared to support our local vendors and find out how you can win our selected giveaways. AIDS/LifeCycle benefits, and is jointly produced by, San Francisco AIDS Foundation (Tax ID # 94-2927405) and Los Angeles LGBT Center (Tax ID # 95-3567895), each of which is a nonprofit, public benefit corporation recognized as tax exempt under IRS Code Section 501(c)(3). Donations to AIDS/LifeCycle are deductible for income tax purposes, to the extent permitted by law. Vanessa Bowen (They/Them) is a Diné (Navajo) product designer and cyclist. Their work gravitates toward the intersection of design and social equity. Bowen is a former Outride Ambassador, current Chamois Butt’r and Kuat Racks Ambassador, founder of Get Native Kids on Bikes, and a supporter of AIDS/LifeCycle. If not creating in their studio in Albuquerque, they are training for a cycling event or community building for a just, equitable future (more info)
Sat 12 – 5 PM Day Camp - A Festival for Families Tin Can Alley, 6013 Signal Ave NE Day Camp is where adventure meets education, creativity, and community in a fair-like environment where a variety of youth development organizations are excited to share their programs. In partnership with Warehouse 505, and featuring organizations such as Explora, there will be workshops ands expos for kids to discover new passions across music, art, science, and more. Supporting Youth Security & Education, all dedicated funds raised will be going to New Mexico non-profit organizations
Sat 12 – 5 PM Monthly Pinball Tournament Sister, 407 Central Ave NW All skill levels and players welcome! 21+ Sign up starts at 12 pm; tournament play starts at 1 p.m. Entry fee is $5 + coin drop
Sat 1 – 5 PM United in Beer Collaboration Festival Ex Novo Brewing, 4895 Corrales Rd., Corrales United in Beer is a New Mexico statewide collaborative beer festival that benefits the Somos Unidos Foundation with 26 participating breweries, which were randomly partnered through a live draft and then together selected the beer style they would collaborate on. All beers will be showcased at the festival. Tickets are limited. Portions of ticket sales will donated to Somos Unidos Foundation, a 501(c)(3) dedicated to creating positive outcomes for New Mexicans through art, sport, community, and unity. This will be a 21+ Event. Food trucks will be on site. Included with ticket purchase is: Festival access, 8 drink tokens, and a United In Beer glass! We recommend bringing: Sunscreen, your friends, and good vibes
Sat 1 – 10 PM Boots In The Park Presents Thomas Rhett, Chris Young & Friends! Balloon Fiesta Park, 5000 Balloon Fiesta Pkwy Dust off your boots and get ready to holler, because Boots In The Park is making it's way to Albuquerque, y'all! Join us for a rootin', tootin', two-steppin' good time with none other than Thomas Rhett, Chris Young, Chris Janson, Kameron Marlowe, Dylan Schneider, Leaving Austin and beats by Luwiss Lux. We're talking about an evening filled to the brim with live tunes, finger-lickin' craft food, and the smoothest cocktails. We'll be kicking up dust with some good ol' line dancing and a whole heap more, as Balloon Fiesta Park is transformed into Albuquerque's best country music party! Past folks to grace the Boots In The Park stage are Carrie Underwood, Blake Shelton, Tim McGraw, Cody Johnson, Jon Pardi and a bunch of other country legends. But this day is gonna be one for the record books, a show that will leave y'all talking for years to come (tickets)
Sat 2 PM Annual Castro Concerto Competition Albuquerque Youth Symphony, 4407 Menaul Blvd. NE Join us to hear talented high school juniors compete for the privilege of performing with the Youth Symphony during the Albuquerque Youth Symphony Program's 2024-2025 concert season! This event is free and open to the public. We also plan to stream this event live on Facebook for anyone not able to attend in person
Sat 2 PM "Greatest Moments" - a fundraising concert for Opera On Tap New Mexico Central United Methodist Church, 201 University Blvd. NE Join us for an afternoon of music to help raise money for Opera on Tap - New Mexico! Featuring some faculty and students of University of New Mexico, along with other local professionals, we have put a program together highlighting some of the show-stopping, beautiful moments of opera and musical theater! Suggested donation $10
Sat 2 – 7 PM Rawking: An Afternoon Metal + Art + Comedy Extravaganza Juno, 1501 1st St. NW Featured performers include Light Thief, Destroy to Recreate, Guvtika, Abandoned Saviors. outdoors on the patio with Four Bands, Comedians, Artists, Vendors. Produced by Metal World Radio. 21+. $10 at the door or presales online
Sat 3 – 8 PM Albuquerque Roller Derby presents: Sandia Slammers vs. Bosque Bruisers! Expo New Mexico - Manuel Lujan Jr Exhibit Complex, 300 San Pedro Dr. NE Albuquerque Roller Derby has gotten SO big we’ve split into two teams! Sandia Slammers & Bosque Bruisers! Get your tickets for our first Home Game of the 2024 season
Sat 3:45 – 5:45 PM AND 7 - 9 PM The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 Flix Brewhouse, 3236 La Orilla Rd. NW Experience the Twilight saga's epic romance and thrilling fantasy BREAKING DAWN - PART 1 on the big screen! Bella and Edward, plus those they love, must deal with the chain of consequences brought on by a marriage, honeymoon, and the tumultuous birth of a child, which brings about unforeseen and shocking developments for Jacob Black (tickets)
Sat 4 – 8 PM Drink Local Downtown ABQ - May Step into the heart of Albuquerque with our thrilling, free monthly bar crawl event! Immerse yourself in the local charm as we celebrate community, culture, and creativity right in the heart of ABQ. In partnership with ABQCore Neighborhood Association, a locally organized and hosted event, we're bringing you a bar crawl experience like no other. This isn't just a crawl; it's a vibrant celebration of local businesses, a showcase of community talent, and a monthly escape into the unique flavors that make ABQ special
Sat 4 – 9 PM Summer Market ABQ Food Park, 6951 San Antonio Dr. NE Dive into the magic of summer evenings at ABQ Food Park with our captivating Summer Market! Join us for a delightful evening, where you can browse an enchanting array of offerings from local artisans and support our vibrant community businesses. Discover unique treasures crafted with love and passion by talented artisans, from handcrafted jewelry to exquisite home decor. Every purchase you make supports local creators and contributes to the thriving arts scene in our city
Sat 5 – 8 PM National Astronomy Day! Rainbow Park Observatory, 301 Southern Blvd SE, Rio Rancho The Rio Rancho Astronomical Society will host National Astronomy Day at Rainbow Park Observatory. There will be food for a donation, family activities and safe solar viewing. Dr. Tony Hull will appeal at 7 pm about his work on the James Webb Space Telescope. He will also have some info on light pollution
Sat 5 – 11 PM Beer & Jazz on the Hill Tractor Brewing, 122 Tulane Dr. SE We're bringing you a full night of brews and Jazz with the very talented Rona & Meli opening things up at 5pm and our house Jazz band Basilaris Trio closing things down at 8!
Sat 6 PM Bear Affair 4: Spanish Tapas Beer Pairing Dinner Boxing Bear Brewing, 8420 Firestone Ln. NE Join us on our patio for an ALMOST summer night paired with a variety of our seasonal beers, chef-crafted Spanish tapas, and flamenco. Featuring chef Christopher Midyette And the artist dance group Spanish Broom. Tickets are $65 per person and include a welcome beer, three course tapas style meal with beer pairings and entertainment for the evening
Sat 6 PM One Year Anniversary Celebration Urbanmama505 Kombucha, 1014 Central Ave SW, Ste A Celebrating one year of love, abundance, and sharing wellness. Right after Open Mic 4-6pm, we will be graced with a jazz concert by Davis Nelson-Hooker, an amazing local musician. Elixirs and small plates for purchase
Sat 6 – 9 PM Gone Country Saturdays with DJ Soiree Ponderosa Brewing, 1761 Bellamah Ave NW It's Gone Country Saturdays featuring the amazing DJ Soiree! Start your evening with free dance lessons at 5 pm, followed by family-friendly entertainment
Sat 7:30 – 9 PM Saturday Night Stand-Up Bosque Brewing Co - Nob Hill, 106 Girard Blvd. SE Live from ABQ, it’s… Saturday Night Stand-Up Hosted by Nax Davis! Every third Saturday of the month! Seating at 7:30 - Comedy at 8. Featured line-up of local comics includes: MEG FINN, BRYAN LAMBE, SARINA OCHOA, MARY BYRD, ROBERT EYSTER
Sat 8 PM – 1:15 AM Apparition Goth Night Historic El Rey Theater, 622 Central Ave SW A hauntingly dark, classic goth night featuring the Apparition team: DJ Ren, DJ Batboy, DJ Moonside. Doors at 8. $10 all night. 21+ Tickets at the door. Expect goth, darkwave, death rock, synthpop, dark post punk, ebm, dark dance, industrial, witch house, horror punk and more
Sat 8:30 PM – 1 AM SABOR Latin Night - SATURDAYS Bama's 1865, 6007 Osuna Rd. NE May 11th - SPECIAL GUEST DJ ITALIA! DJ Gabriel Goza & DJ Pedro will be serving you the saucy Salsa, Bachata, Cumbia, Merengue y Mas! Ample Parking, Safe Environment, Beautiful Venue, Good Food, Good Music, Good Vibes. 21+ / $10 cover
Sat 9 PM – 1 AM Cumbia + Rock en Espanol Juno, 1501 1st St. NW Grupo Super Verza with Ave. 69 and Lot Beat and DJ Tony. Baila! 21+, $15 at the door or online
** Sun 5/19 *\*
Sun 9 – 11 AM Elevated Roller Derby May Training Scrimmage Heights Community Center, 823 Buena Vista Dr. SE Officials' huddle 9:00AM. Captains' meeting at 9:20AM. First whistle 9:30AM. This is simply a black/white scrimmage. It will be used as an educational opportunity. NSO paperwork will be used as appropriate. You are encouraged to stretch your skills. Hospitality: This is a low/no production scrimmage, bring beverages and snacks for your own use. Bathrooms: The community center may not be open during the scrimmage. (That's the trade-off for a free space). You can stop at the nearby Starbucks before the event. Expectations: Skaters and Skating and Non-skating Officials are expected to follow all WFTDA Risk Management Guidelines. The venue is a designated alcohol, drug, and smoke-free space by the city of Albuquerque (sign up)
Sun 10 AM – 2 PM The Great Burque Bake On Rail Yards Market, 777 1st St. SW Get ready to whisk it all at the "Great Burque Bake-on," a special fundraiser for the non-profit Rail Yards Market: One dozen of Albuquerque's most talented bakers will dough head-to-head in a crusty competition for the ultimate bakery glory! Bakers brawl... You vote for the winners! This sugar-dusted showdown promises a blend of flour-fueled drama and buttery bravado, making it the yeast you can do to support your local confectionery champions. As these culinary wizards knead their way to the top, we guarantee you'll find their efforts both batter and sweeter than anything you've tasted before. Join us for a day of laughter, pastry, and a chance to see who rises as the crème de la crème of Burque's baking scene! 1) ORDER > Claim your Bake-on Box & exclusive market swag by ordering online May 10-16th, 2024. 2) LEARN > Follow our social media to learn about each contestant & their offering. 3) PICKUP > Grab your box of baked goodies & swag at the info booth Sunday May 19th. 4) ENJOY > Eat all the delectable goodies, savor the flavor, and read about all the contestants 5) VOTE >> Submit your votes online to choose the winners! (tickets) The Farmers' Market event is going down simultaneously with 175+ local vendors to explore, and is still FREE to enter and welcome to all. This funky fundraiser is going down during the FREE Rail Yards Farmers' Market. So you can peruse 150+ small businesses and enjoy the historic architecture while you enjoy your Great Burque Bake-on Box of goodies! All proceeds will benefit the Rail Yards Market. The Rail Yards market of Albuquerque is a certified 501(c)3 non-profit focused on building a resilient, sustainable, local economy where the surrounding historic communities thrive, all can participate, and everyone is enriched and inspired. Through food, art, education, and music, we invite the community together in an inclusive and festive atmosphere
Sun 11:30 AM The Addams Family Historic Lobo Theater, 3013 Central Ave NE THE HISTORIC LOBO THEATER is excited to bring The Addams Family to the big screen! Showing Starts at 11:30 am Tickets are ONLY $10 for General Admission $25 Brunch and a Movie Ticket $21 Brunch Only ticket
Sun 12:30 PM Annual Spring Tea Asbury UMC, 10000 Candelaria Rd. NE All are welcome to attend our Annual Spring Tea! This year's theme is "The Tapestries of Our Lives." Life can be like a tapestry; our quilt, with events, feelings, accomplishments, and even disappointments "stitched" in. Join us, for tea, while Cindy Kurey, AQS-certified quilted textiles appraiser, shares how quilting and her faith have helped her navigate life. She will also show her collection of antique, vintage, and modern quilts! There is no cost to attend, though RSVPs are required. Please call the church office 505-299-0643 or message us on Facebook to RSVP
Sun 1 PM Ruck Club May Callout - Rain Ruck North Domingo Baca Park, 8301 Wyoming Blvd. NE Since we are in Albuquerque, we will get creative to find water. No weight requirement; use your regular training weight. We will be rucking at least 5 miles. Hosted by F3 Albuquerque, which plants free, peer-led workout groups for men, but this event isn't just for men! Everybody is welcomed and encouraged to participate in this GORUCK monthly callout. Bring water, electrolytes, sunscreen. Expect to get wet, and dress accordingly
Sun 2 - 4 PM Film Screening: "Between the Stone and the Flower" JCC of Greater Albuquerque, 5520 Wyoming Blvd. NE The film follows the journey of Genie of Milgrom and her decades long quest for her Jewish lineage inspired the film. She was born in Havana, Cuba and raised in Miami as a full Catholic. She was always burdened with a deep-rooted feeling of not belonging in her Spanish Catholic environment. Genie becomes more and more convinced that her family was Jewish in the Iberian Peninsula centuries before. Intro and Q&A with Filmmaker, Genie Milgrom (register for free)
Sun 2 – 3:30 PM Cuidando los Niños Fundraiser Cookie Class Sweet Pea Bakery, 2500 Central Ave SW Join us for a fun night out while making an impact in our community! Light House Studio and Sweet Pea Bakery are teaming up to host a cookie decorating class to benefit Cuidando los Ninos. This will be a full 1.5 hour class where local cookie artist Katie Sacoman walks you through decorating three floral themed sugar cookies. Each participant also receives a personalized cookie with their name on it. 50% of each ticket sold goes to benefit Cuidando los Ninos, a local organization working to break the cycle of homelessness for children and families by providing high-quality early childhood education, case management, supportive housing, and parent education. *This class will be good for participants age 10 and up. Please keep in mind it is an hour and a half long guided class. You know your child best!*

PlayStation Indies Sale

Item	Price	MSRP	% Off	History*
2064 Read Only Memories	$6.74	$26.99	75% off	Lowest price $4.04 on 2021-2-17
3 Game Arcade Bundle	$11.19	$15.99	30% off	Matches low
502s Arcade	$10.79	$13.49	20% off	New Lowest
A Hat In Time	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	Matches low
A Little To The Left	$15.99	$19.99	20% off	New Lowest
A Short Hike	$6.59	$10.99	40% off	Matches low
A Space For The Unbound	$16.19	$26.99	40% off	New Lowest
A Space For The Unbound	$16.19	$26.99	40% off	New Lowest
Abriss Build To Destroy	$18.89	$26.99	30% off	New Lowest
Abz	$9.44	$26.99	65% off	Lowest price $6.74 on 2021-9-1
Adam Wolfe	$29.99	$39.99	25% off	New Lowest
Adam Wolfe	$29.99	$39.99	25% off	New Lowest
Adams Venture Origins	$1.99	$19.99	90% off	Matches low
Air Twister	$20.09	$33.49	40% off	New Lowest
Air Twister	$20.09	$33.49	40% off	New Lowest
Aircraft Carrier Survival	$6.74	$26.99	75% off	New Lowest
Alina Of The Arena Ps4 Ps5	$13.99	$19.99	30% off	Matches low
Alisa Developers Cut	$19.19	$23.99	20% off	New Lowest
Ancestors The Humankind Odyssey	$13.37	$53.49	75% off	Matches low
Ancient Dungeon Vr	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	New Lowest
Ancient Mahjong	$2.79	$3.99	30% off	Lowest price $2.39 on 2024-2-7
Anglerfish	$8.09	$13.49	40% off	New Lowest
Anglerfish	$8.09	$13.49	40% off	New Lowest
Angry Video Game Nerd I And Ii Deluxe	$10.11	$19.99	49% off	Lowest price $9.99 on 2023-3-29
Another World 20th Anniversary Edition	$3.84	$7.99	51% off	Lowest price $1.99 on 2019-1-7
Aragami	$8.09	$26.99	70% off	Lowest price $4.04 on 2022-9-28
Aragami 2	$26.74	$53.49	50% off	Lowest price $21.39 on 2023-11-27
Arcade Game Zone	$26.79	$33.49	20% off	Matches low
Arcade Game Zone	$26.79	$33.49	20% off	Matches low
Archery Blast	$4.89	$6.99	30% off	Lowest price $4.19 on 2024-3-27
Arzette The Jewel Of Faramore	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	New Lowest
Arzette The Jewel Of Faramore	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	New Lowest
As Dusk Falls Ps4 Ps5	$31.99	$39.99	20% off	New Lowest
Aztek Tiki Talisman	$5.59	$7.99	30% off	Matches low
Bahnsen Knights	$8.76	$13.49	35% off	New Lowest
Balatro	$15.99	$19.99	20% off	New Lowest
Ball Tour	$1.99	$3.99	50% off	New Lowest
Battle Axe	$9.99	$39.99	75% off	Matches low
Battle Axe	$9.99	$39.99	75% off	Matches low
Bear And Breakfast	$18.89	$26.99	30% off	New Lowest
Bear And Breakfast	$18.89	$26.99	30% off	New Lowest
Beat Cop	$1.99	$19.99	90% off	Matches low
Bibi Tina Adventures With Horses	$5.39	$26.99	80% off	New Lowest
Bicolor Bird	$1.99	$3.99	50% off	New Lowest
Bittrip Presents Runner2 Future Legend Of Rhythm Alien	$9.44	$13.49	30% off	Lowest price $4.04 on 2022-9-7
Blasphemous	$8.37	$33.49	75% off	Matches low
Bomb Rush Cyberfunk	$40.11	$53.49	25% off	New Lowest
Broken Roads	$42.79	$53.49	20% off	New Lowest
Brotato Ps4 Ps5	$5.59	$6.99	20% off	Matches low
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons Remake	$18.08	$26.99	33% off	New Lowest
Bud Spencer Terence Hill Slaps And Beans 2	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	New Lowest
Bud Spencer Terence Hill Slaps And Beans 2	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	New Lowest
Bugsnax	$11.72	$33.49	65% off	Matches low
Bulwark Falconeer Chronicles	$21.59	$26.99	20% off	New Lowest
Bundle Thunder Ray Origins Base Forgotten Duels	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	New Lowest
Car Mechanic Simulator Vr	$17.49	$34.99	50% off	New Lowest
Carry Onward	$5.59	$6.99	20% off	New Lowest
Cartel Tycoon Deluxe Edition	$47.99	$59.99	20% off	New Lowest
Cat Quest Ii	$4.99	$19.99	75% off	Lowest price $3.99 on 2022-12-21
Cave Digger 2	$11.99	$19.99	40% off	Matches low
Cazzarion Adventureland	$2.79	$3.99	30% off	Matches low
Cazzarion Dart Wheel	$2.09	$2.99	30% off	New Lowest
Cazzarion Ghost Frenzy	$2.09	$2.99	30% off	New Lowest
Cazzarion Gunslinger	$2.09	$2.99	30% off	New Lowest
Cazzarion Pop The Bubbles	$2.09	$2.99	30% off	New Lowest
Cazzarion Shellfish Frenzy	$2.09	$2.99	30% off	New Lowest
Cazzarion Space Ace	$2.09	$2.99	30% off	New Lowest
Cazzarion Speed Run	$2.09	$2.99	30% off	New Lowest
Centipede Recharged	$6.74	$13.49	50% off	Matches low
Centipede Recharged	$6.74	$13.49	50% off	Matches low
Charons Staircase	$9.44	$46.99	79% off	Lowest price $8.09 on 2024-2-7
Charons Staircase	$9.44	$46.99	79% off	Lowest price $8.09 on 2024-2-7
Choice Of Life Middle Ages 2	$3.32	$9.49	65% off	New Lowest
Choochoo Charles	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	New Lowest
Choochoo Charles	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	New Lowest
Christmas Journey Puzzle	$0.89	$1.49	40% off	New Lowest
Citadel Forged With Fire	$21.39	$53.49	60% off	Lowest price $13.37 on 2022-5-11
Classified France 44 Overlord Edition	$50.24	$66.99	25% off	New Lowest
Clumsy Rush Ultimate Guys	$5.39	$13.49	60% off	Matches low
Coffee Talk	$11.39	$18.99	40% off	Lowest price $9.49 on 2024-1-17
Coffee Talk Episode 2 Hibiscus Butterfly	$12.99	$19.99	35% off	Matches low
Cook Serve Delicious 2	$10.49	$17.49	40% off	New Lowest
Cook Serve Delicious 3	$16.19	$26.99	40% off	New Lowest
Coral Island	$31.99	$39.99	20% off	Matches low
Cotton 100	$3.37	$19.99	83% off	New Lowest
Cotton Fantasy	$13.37	$53.49	75% off	Lowest price $10.69 on 2023-11-15
Cozy Grove	$11.39	$19.99	43% off	New Lowest
Cozy Grove New Neighbears Bundle	$19.87	$27.99	29% off	New Lowest
Crashy Laps	$4.89	$6.99	30% off	Matches low
Criminal Expert	$3.37	$13.49	75% off	New Lowest
Crosscode	$10.79	$26.99	60% off	Matches low
Crosscode	$10.79	$26.99	60% off	Matches low
Cult Of The Lamb	$23.99	$39.99	40% off	Matches low
Cuties Hacked Deluxe Edition	$2.09	$6.99	70% off	New Lowest
Danjigoku	$1.19	$1.49	20% off	New Lowest
Darkgems	$4.19	$6.99	40% off	New Lowest
De Blob	$5.39	$26.99	80% off	Lowest price $4.85 on 2021-2-3
De Blob 2	$7.99	$39.99	80% off	Lowest price $7.19 on 2021-2-3
Death Mark	$26.79	$66.99	60% off	Matches low
Demons Tilt	$13.49	$26.99	50% off	Lowest price $10.79 on 2022-12-21
Desolatium	$13.19	$39.99	67% off	Lowest price $11.99 on 2024-2-7
Detective Stella Porta Case	$9.79	$13.99	30% off	Matches low
Dicey Dungeons Ps4 Ps5	$6.79	$19.99	66% off	New Lowest
Dinobreak Triassic Torment Collection	$42.59	$106.49	60% off	New Lowest
Disco Elysium The Final Cut	$16.04	$53.49	70% off	Matches low
Dog	$16.19	$26.99	40% off	Matches low
Dog	$16.19	$26.99	40% off	Matches low
Dollhouse	$2.69	$54.99	95% off	Matches low
Drawful 2	$6.07	$13.49	55% off	Lowest price $5.39 on 2022-9-28
Dredge Digital Deluxe Edition	$25.19	$35.99	30% off	Matches low
Drift Racing Madness	$1.11	$1.49	25% off	New Lowest
Drum Box	$7.69	$10.99	30% off	New Lowest
Drum Box	$7.69	$10.99	30% off	New Lowest
Dungeon Drafters	$26.79	$33.49	20% off	New Lowest
Dungeon Munchies	$9.19	$22.99	60% off	Matches low
Dungeon Munchies	$9.19	$22.99	60% off	Matches low
Dungeon Party	$4.39	$5.49	20% off	New Lowest
Dungeon Party	$4.39	$5.49	20% off	New Lowest
Dungeon Party Avatar Bundle	$7.99	$9.99	20% off	New Lowest
Eldest Souls	$5.39	$26.99	80% off	New Lowest
Enclave Hd	$17.54	$26.99	35% off	New Lowest
Everlune	$1.79	$2.99	40% off	New Lowest
Evil Nun The Broken Mask	$18.89	$26.99	30% off	New Lowest
Evil Nun The Broken Mask	$18.89	$26.99	30% off	New Lowest
Exit The Gungeon	$4.04	$13.49	70% off	New Lowest
Ezquiz	$3.19	$3.99	20% off	New Lowest
Fade To Silence	$9.99	$66.99	85% off	Matches low
Fallen Legion Revenants	$18.72	$53.49	65% off	New Lowest
Fallen Legion Rise To Glory	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	Matches low
Far Changing Tides	$10.79	$26.99	60% off	New Lowest
Figment	$6.74	$26.99	75% off	Lowest price $2.69 on 2022-9-28
Figment 2 Creed Valley	$11.72	$33.49	65% off	New Lowest
Fishing Blast Ps4 Ps5	$3.19	$3.99	20% off	New Lowest
Flaskoman	$4.54	$6.99	35% off	New Lowest
Flooded	$11.71	$17.49	33% off	New Lowest
Flute The Snake Charmer	$1.19	$1.49	20% off	New Lowest
Forest Farm	$14.99	$19.99	25% off	New Lowest
Forrace Gt2d	$14.24	$18.99	25% off	New Lowest
Frank And Drake	$10.49	$33.49	68% off	Matches low
Frog Detective The Entire Mystery Ps4 Ps5	$18.89	$26.99	30% off	Matches low
From Four Sides	$1.99	$3.99	50% off	New Lowest
From Space	$7.99	$19.99	60% off	Lowest price $5.99 on 2024-3-27
Front Mission 1st Remake	$23.49	$46.99	50% off	New Lowest
Full Void Ps4 Ps5	$15.99	$19.99	20% off	Matches low
Furi	$13.49	$26.99	50% off	Lowest price $8.09 on 2023-2-1
Galactic Lords	$2.09	$3.49	40% off	New Lowest
Gang Beasts	$10.79	$26.99	60% off	Matches low
Garden Patrol Ps4 Ps5	$3.19	$3.99	20% off	New Lowest
Garfield Kart Furious Racing	$4.04	$39.99	89% off	Lowest price $3.99 on 2022-9-28
Gearclub Unlimited 2 Ultimate Edition	$18.72	$53.49	65% off	Matches low
Gearclub Unlimited 2 Ultimate Edition	$18.72	$53.49	65% off	Matches low
Genie Reprise	$6.64	$9.49	30% off	New Lowest
Genotype	$29.59	$36.99	20% off	New Lowest
Ghostbusters Spirits Unleashed	$13.49	$53.49	74% off	New Lowest
Gladiators Arena	$5.59	$6.99	20% off	New Lowest
Gnosia	$25.11	$33.49	25% off	Matches low
Gnosia	$25.11	$33.49	25% off	Matches low
Golf With Your Friends	$8.90	$26.99	67% off	Lowest price $6.74 on 2022-5-25
Goodbye Volcano High	$29.99	$39.99	25% off	Matches low
Graceful Explosion Machine	$5.24	$17.49	70% off	New Lowest
Green Hell	$13.39	$33.49	60% off	New Lowest
Griftlands	$13.49	$26.99	50% off	Matches low
Grow Song Of The Evertree	$13.39	$33.49	60% off	Matches low
Guilty Gear Xrd Revelator	$13.49	$26.99	50% off	Lowest price $8.09 on 2019-2-15
Guilty Gear Xrd Sign	$20.09	$49.99	59% off	Matches low
Guns Gore And Cannoli	$5.39	$13.49	60% off	Lowest price $4.04 on 2024-3-27
Guns Gore And Cannoli 2	$8.74	$17.49	50% off	Lowest price $6.99 on 2024-3-27
Guts N Grunts	$9.44	$13.49	30% off	New Lowest
Hand Of Fate	$5.39	$26.99	80% off	Matches low
Hand Of Fate 2	$7.99	$39.99	80% off	Matches low
Happi Basudei	$3.49	$6.99	50% off	New Lowest
Have Fun Together Garfield Lasagna Party The Sisters Party Of The Year The Quest Of Excalibur Bundle	$24.07	$53.49	55% off	New Lowest
Haven	$20.09	$33.49	40% off	Lowest price $13.39 on 2023-4-26
Helichapter X	$0.89	$1.49	40% off	New Lowest
Hell Let Loose Deluxe Edition	$47.76	$73.49	35% off	Matches low
Hello Neighbor	$9.99	$39.99	75% off	Lowest price $7.99 on 2022-6-22
Hello Neighbor 2	$26.74	$53.49	50% off	Matches low
Hello Neighbor Hide And Seek	$9.99	$39.99	75% off	Lowest price $3.99 on 2023-5-24
Hellpoint	$11.74	$46.99	75% off	Lowest price $9.39 on 2023-3-15
Hidden Cats In New York	$3.19	$3.99	20% off	New Lowest
Hidden Cats In New York	$3.19	$3.99	20% off	New Lowest
Hidden Paws	$3.84	$5.49	30% off	New Lowest
Hidden Paws	$3.84	$5.49	30% off	New Lowest
Hidden Through Time	$5.49	$10.99	50% off	Matches low
Hidden Through Time 2 Myths Magic	$13.11	$17.49	25% off	Matches low
Hoodie Survivor	$0.49	$0.99	50% off	New Lowest
Hotel Rnr	$20.99	$29.99	30% off	New Lowest
House	$11.99	$19.99	40% off	New Lowest
House	$11.99	$19.99	40% off	New Lowest
Hyper Turbo Boost	$10.11	$13.49	25% off	New Lowest
Iconoclasts	$6.74	$26.99	75% off	Lowest price $5.39 on 2021-8-18
Ikonei Island An Earthlock Adventure	$26.79	$33.49	20% off	New Lowest
Immortal Realms Vampire Wars	$21.39	$66.99	68% off	Matches low
In Stars And Time	$21.59	$26.99	20% off	New Lowest
In Stars And Time	$21.59	$26.99	20% off	New Lowest
Independence Day Run Premium Edition	$6.64	$9.49	30% off	New Lowest
Inspector Gadget Mad Time Party	$26.74	$53.49	50% off	New Lowest
Invasion Of Space	$5.59	$37.99	85% off	New Lowest
Invisible Inc Console Edition	$6.74	$19.99	66% off	Lowest price $4.99 on 2020-2-19
Irem Collection Volume 1 Ps4 Ps5	$21.43	$33.49	36% off	New Lowest
Jett Rider	$11.89	$16.99	30% off	Matches low
Jigsaw Tetra	$0.89	$1.49	40% off	New Lowest
Jigsaw Tetra Avatar Bundle	$4.19	$6.99	40% off	New Lowest
Job Simulator Ps4 Ps5	$17.54	$26.99	35% off	Matches low
John Wick Hex	$5.39	$26.99	80% off	Lowest price $2.69 on 2024-2-7
Jubilee	$6.74	$13.49	50% off	New Lowest
Jump Challenge	$6.02	$8.99	33% off	Lowest price $0.89 on 2024-3-27
Junkyard Fury Breakout	$6.74	$13.49	50% off	Matches low
Jusant	$25.11	$33.49	25% off	Lowest price $23.44 on 2024-4-24
Just Die Already	$3.99	$19.99	80% off	Matches low
Just Die Already	$3.99	$19.99	80% off	New Lowest
Kaze And The Wild Masks	$6.74	$39.99	83% off	Matches low
Kena Bridge Of Spirits Ps4 And Ps5	$21.39	$53.49	60% off	Matches low
Kero Blaster	$4.04	$13.49	70% off	Lowest price $2.69 on 2022-4-27
Kill It With Fire	$4.99	$19.99	75% off	Lowest price $3.99 on 2023-7-5
Kill It With Fire Vr	$10.99	$19.99	45% off	New Lowest
Killing Floor 2	$1.99	$39.99	95% off	New Lowest
Kitten Island	$3.49	$6.99	50% off	New Lowest
Kitten Island	$3.49	$6.99	50% off	New Lowest
Knights And Bikes	$13.49	$26.99	50% off	Matches low
Lasso Catch	$0.74	$1.49	50% off	New Lowest
Lasso Catch	$1.19	$1.49	20% off	New Lowest
Lawn Mowing Simulator Landmark Edition	$11.72	$33.49	65% off	Matches low
Legend Of Keepers Ruinarch Bundle	$40.19	$66.99	40% off	New Lowest
Legendary Tales	$58.79	$73.49	20% off	New Lowest
Lego Builders Journey	$6.74	$26.99	75% off	Matches low
Lil Guardsman	$21.59	$26.99	20% off	Matches low
Listeria Wars	$4.54	$6.99	35% off	New Lowest
Little Mouses Encyclopedia	$12.49	$24.99	50% off	Matches low
Lord Winklebottom Investigates	$18.19	$25.99	30% off	New Lowest
Loretta	$15.99	$19.99	20% off	New Lowest
Mad Cows	$4.19	$6.99	40% off	New Lowest
Manic Mechanics	$16.74	$33.49	50% off	New Lowest
Manifold Garden	$10.79	$26.99	60% off	Matches low
Manifold Garden	$10.79	$26.99	60% off	New Lowest
Mark Of The Ninja Remastered	$6.74	$26.99	75% off	Matches low
Marsupilami Hoobadventure Ps5	$5.39	$39.99	86% off	New Lowest
Melatonin	$15.99	$19.99	20% off	New Lowest
Mighty Goose	$8.09	$26.99	70% off	Matches low
Mighty Goose	$8.09	$26.99	70% off	New Lowest
Mighty Math	$2.74	$5.49	50% off	New Lowest
Minit	$3.37	$13.49	75% off	Lowest price $2.69 on 2023-3-29
Mob Control	$5.59	$6.99	20% off	New Lowest
Monster Boy And The Cursed Kingdom	$13.37	$53.49	75% off	Matches low
Monster Crown	$6.74	$39.99	83% off	New Lowest
Monstrum	$6.74	$39.99	83% off	Lowest price $3.99 on 2023-5-24
Monyu Defeat Monsters And Gain Strong Weapons And Armor You May Be Defeated But Dont Give Up Become Stronger I Believe There Will Be A Day When The Heroes Defeat The Devil King	$46.89	$66.99	30% off	Matches low
Moon	$17.84	$25.49	30% off	Lowest price $15.29 on 2023-12-20
Moonshine Inc Bio Inc Redemption	$25.19	$35.99	30% off	New Lowest
Moonshine Inc Bio Inc Redemption Deluxe	$27.99	$39.99	30% off	New Lowest
Mortal Fight Lethal Revenge	$14.24	$18.99	25% off	Lowest price $13.49 on 2024-3-15
Moving Out 2	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	Matches low
Mutazione	$12.14	$26.99	55% off	Matches low
My Child Lebensborn Remastered	$10.11	$13.49	25% off	New Lowest
My Child Lebensborn Remastered	$10.11	$13.49	25% off	New Lowest
My Friend Peppa Pig	$26.74	$53.49	50% off	Lowest price $21.39 on 2023-12-20
My Life Farm Vet	$26.79	$33.49	20% off	New Lowest
My Life Farm Vet	$26.79	$33.49	20% off	New Lowest
Mystic Pillars Remastered Digital Deluxe Edition	$13.99	$17.49	20% off	New Lowest
Nba 2k24 Baller Edition	$21.29	$106.49	80% off	New Lowest
Nidhogg	$7.99	$19.99	60% off	Lowest price $4.99 on 2020-5-6
Nobody Saves The World	$11.99	$29.99	60% off	Matches low
Not For Broadcast Vr	$18.41	$33.49	45% off	New Lowest
Nyakamon Runes	$1.99	$3.99	50% off	New Lowest
Oceanhorn Monster Of Uncharted Seas	$4.99	$19.99	75% off	Matches low
Oceanhorn 2 Knights Of The Lost Realm	$23.99	$39.99	40% off	New Lowest
Olliolli World Rad Edition Ps4ps5	$19.79	$59.99	67% off	Matches low
Ominous Tales The Forsaken Isle Collectors Edition	$21.59	$26.99	20% off	New Lowest
Ominous Tales The Forsaken Isle Collectors Edition	$15.99	$19.99	20% off	New Lowest
Orten Was The Case	$14.99	$19.99	25% off	New Lowest
Orten Was The Case	$14.99	$19.99	25% off	New Lowest
Paper Dash City Hustle	$8.09	$13.49	40% off	New Lowest
Paper Flight Future Battles	$9.59	$15.99	40% off	Matches low
Paper Flight Relic Hunter	$9.59	$15.99	40% off	Matches low
Pathfinder Wrath Of The Righteous	$16.04	$53.49	70% off	New Lowest
Pennys Big Breakaway	$26.39	$39.99	34% off	Matches low
Piggy Gambit	$7.69	$10.99	30% off	New Lowest
Pillars Of Eternity 2 Deadfire	$19.99	$79.99	75% off	Lowest price $15.99 on 2023-2-1
Planet Zoo	$53.59	$66.99	20% off	New Lowest
Plumbers Dont Wear Ties Definitive Edition	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	New Lowest
Pong Quest	$7.99	$19.99	60% off	Matches low
Potion Craft Alchemist Simulator	$20.24	$26.99	25% off	Lowest price $18.89 on 2024-3-27
Prison Boss Vr	$13.49	$26.99	50% off	New Lowest
Prison City	$10.79	$22.99	53% off	Matches low
Project Highrise Architects Edition	$13.19	$53.49	75% off	Lowest price $7.99 on 2023-3-15
Promenade	$23.44	$33.49	30% off	New Lowest
Qomp2	$21.59	$26.99	20% off	New Lowest
Qomp2	$21.59	$26.99	20% off	New Lowest
Quadroids	$12.79	$15.99	20% off	New Lowest
Railbreak	$16.19	$26.99	40% off	Matches low
Railbreak	$16.19	$26.99	40% off	New Lowest
Rain World	$15.07	$33.49	55% off	Matches low
Rain World	$15.07	$26.99	44% off	Lowest price $6.74 on 2021-2-24
Ready Steady Ship	$13.19	$19.99	34% off	New Lowest
Record Of Lodoss Wardeedlit In Wonder Labyrinth	$15.07	$33.49	55% off	Matches low
Record Of Lodoss Wardeedlit In Wonder Labyrinth	$15.07	$33.49	55% off	Matches low
Reky	$9.49	$18.99	50% off	Matches low
Retro City Rampage Dx	$5.39	$13.49	60% off	Matches low
Return Of The Obra Dinn	$18.08	$26.99	33% off	Lowest price $16.19 on 2020-11-4
Return To Grace	$15.99	$19.99	20% off	New Lowest
River City Girls Ps4 Ps5	$19.99	$39.99	50% off	Matches low
Road 96	$6.74	$26.99	75% off	Matches low
Robolifter	$4.54	$6.99	35% off	New Lowest
Rock Canvas	$1.19	$1.49	20% off	Matches low
Rock Canvas	$1.19	$1.49	20% off	Matches low
Rogue Legacy	$4.59	$22.99	80% off	Matches low
Rogue Legacy 2	$20.09	$33.49	40% off	New Lowest
Roots Of Pacha Ps4 Ps5	$25.11	$33.49	25% off	Matches low
Rush Rally Origins	$13.99	$19.99	30% off	New Lowest
Sam Max Beyond Time And Space	$18.08	$26.99	33% off	Matches low
Sam Max Save The World	$18.08	$26.99	33% off	Matches low
Santas Speedy Quest	$0.89	$1.49	40% off	New Lowest
Savage Age	$13.64	$19.49	30% off	New Lowest
Scott Whiskers In The Search For Mr Fumbleclaw	$14.99	$19.99	25% off	New Lowest
Scott Whiskers In The Search For Mr Fumbleclaw	$14.99	$19.99	25% off	New Lowest
Sea Of Stars	$30.54	$46.99	35% off	New Lowest
Serious Sam Collection	$11.99	$39.99	70% off	Matches low
Shadow Warrior 3	$13.37	$66.99	80% off	New Lowest
Shadow Warrior 3 Definitive Edition	$13.37	$53.49	75% off	New Lowest
Shakedown Hawaii	$6.74	$26.99	75% off	Lowest price $5.39 on 2024-2-28
Shakedown Hawaii	$6.74	$26.99	75% off	Lowest price $5.39 on 2024-2-28
Shamans Mask Of The Rune Magic	$1.99	$3.99	50% off	New Lowest
Sharpshoot	$3.19	$3.99	20% off	New Lowest
Sherlock Purr 2	$9.44	$13.49	30% off	New Lowest
Shinorubi	$18.89	$26.99	30% off	New Lowest
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When I pulled out the BattleBorn battery, it felt as if I was yanking the heart out of a dead body.
I finally decided to buy a new (to me) vehicle. I'm going with a 1995 Chevrolet Suburban K1500. Though it got a whole new engine 10 years ago. Oddly, it has almost exactly the same cargo volume (144 cubic feet) as my minivan. But... When I removed the rear seats in my minivan, it gave me extra space UNDER the floor. When I remove the rear seats on this thing, all that extra space will be in the main cargo area. So, in guessing I'll have about 180-200 cubic feet of space in the back of that thing.
But, the main thing is that it is a 4x4. I took that minivan to places where most people could never get a minivan. But, a good 80 to 90% of most BLM land was still inaccessible to me. Now I will be able to go effing anywhere!
I am seriously considering building my own high top on the top of that thing. But, I wouldn't build the high top to give me a full standing height, because that would make the entire vehicle so tall it would just look ridiculous. Instead, what I plan to do is add just enough high top to give me extra headroom so I can sit straight up comfortably in a regular chair. And then, the top of that high top is going to be a pop-up. I'll just make it pop up on the rear end, so I can stand up in one end of the vehicle, to get dressed or maybe even take a little inside shower with a tub on the floor. So it will look like your classic pop-up camper top for a pickup, but I'll have a buttload more space inside there all as one big single volume. Plus, I will have a place to sleep while I am building the high top. I can cut the hole in the roof as almost the last step of the whole process.
PLUS, I could easily tow any size trailer I want as well. But my plan is for it to be as easy to maneuver (almost) as the minivan, but able to go a LOT more places.

When it comes to similar acts to Daft Punk, there's a myriad of artists out there that fits the bill. So I have made a table of artists that I believe every Daft Punk should listen to.
The selected artists are based off my own observation & personal opinions. I know some of them may be a stretch but I'll explain them if needed.
The artists are separated by albums / era (I go more into detail here). I may expand on it and add some more
Edit: I added Teachers and move some artists around
Edit2: Added Essential Record Labels
Is there any artists I should include?

Homework	Alive 1997	Discovery	Interstella 5555
Alan Braxe	Brodinski	Aloud	CFCF
Basement Jaxx	Erol Alkan	Bag Raiders	ev.exi
Benjamin Diamond	Felix da Housecat	Breakbot	FIBRE
Cassius	Gesaffelsiten	Classixx	Haywyre
Demon	Laurent Garnier	Cut Copy	MACROSS 82-99
DJ Falcon	Miss Kittin	Darius	Mere Notilde
Etienne de Crecy	Raito	Hystereo	MONDO GROSSO
Fred Falke	The Chemical Brothers	Les Rythmes Digitales	Porter Robinson
Ian Pooley	The Hacker	Madeon	PROUX
Modjo	Tracques	Miami Horror	Skylar Spence
Motorbass		Mylo	The Phantom's Revenge
Pepe Bradock		Oliver	Unibe@t
Play Paul		Sam Gellaitry	Yung Bae
Raw Man		The Avalanches
Tiger & Woods

​

Human After All	Alive 2007 / Ed Banger	Hypnotize U	TRON: Legacy
Boys Noize	Alex Metric	C2C	Anoraak
Digitalism	Birdy Nam Nam	DJ Mehdi	College
Does It Offend You, Yeah?	Feadz	DSL	Danger
JAHCB	Justice	Hocus Pocus	DatA
Late of the Pier	Lemaitre	Outlines	Grum
LCD Soundsystem	Para One	Teriyaki Boyz	Home
Mr. Oizo	SebastiAn	The Neptunes	Kavinsky
MSTRKRFT	Shinichi Osawa	Turntablerocker	Lifelike
Soulwax	Siriusmo		M83
The Bloody Beetroots	Surkin		Midnight Juggernauts
The Presets	Uppermost		Neon Indian
Vitalic	Yuksek		Starcadian
ZZT	80KIDZ		The Glitch Mob

​

R3C0NF1GUR3D	RAM	Starboy	Overnight / Kitsuné
Carpenter Brut	Aeroplane	Charlotte Gainsbourg	CSS
DEADLIFE	Air	Chateau Marmont	Das Pop
Magic Sword	Chic	Club cheval	Empire of the Sun
NERO	Chilly Gonzales	Depeche Mode	Friendly Fires
Perturbator	Chromeo	GENER8ION	Gemini Club
Prince 85	Dabeull	Juliette Armanet	Hey Champ!
The M Machine	FKJ	KAYTRANADA	Jamaica
The Toxic Avenger	Flight Facilities	Sébastien Tellier	Jupiter
	Giorgio Moroder	The Weeknd	Metronomy
	Holy Ghost!	Woodkid	Parcels
	Jamiroquai		Phoenix
	Jungle		The Shoes
	L'Imperatrice		The Strokes
	Poolside		The Twelves
	Todd Terje		The Whip
	TWRP		Two Door Cinema Club
			Van She

​

Musique	Teachers	Record Labels
A-Trak	Paul Johnson	Roulé
Calvin Harris (2007-09 + Funk wav)	DJ Sneak	Crydamoure
Caravan Palace	Niel Landstrumm	Ed Banger Records
DJ Koze	Jeff Mills	Kitsuné
Fatboy Slim	Green Velvet	Vulture
Gigamesh	Roy Davis Jr.	Smugglers Way
Gorillaz	DJ Tonka	DEEWEE
Mirwais	Todd Edwards	Marble
Röyksopp	Romanthony	Roche Musique
Tame Impala	Dave Clarke	Work It Baby
The Knocks	Armand van Helden

​

PART 4

Max laid out his tools. There were a lot of them. He didn’t know which ones he would need. He also had a pair of rubber gloves, assuming he wasn’t allowed to touch it because of biological reasons. Better to err on the side of caution. Time to begin.
Max felt like a surgeon as he slipped the gloves on and waggled his rubber fingers over the tools. Dum dede dum, which one, which one… He plumped for a pair of pliers and a magnifying glass. Good start.
Tilting his head all the way to the table, he could see a tiny indent at the base of Ruth’s disc. Not sure what it was for. He poked it with the pliers. Nothing. It was as smooth as the rest of the tubing and didn’t seem to have any substance to it other than it somehow appeared to be a dot. Ok, a needle then.
Returning the pliers to the toolbox by his feet, Max searched for his sewing kit. It was pretty basic, a needle and some thread, a threading aid and the smallest pair of folding scissors you could put your fingers through. Stabbing himself with the needle and cussing hard, he took a deep breath to steady his nerves and tried to poke the dot. His fingers twisted uselessly inside his marigolds. Frustrated, Max ripped off the gloves and lobbed them onto the couch. Stupid things were going to mess up his experiment. s
You got this, Max. Take your time, you got this.
He huffed out a breath, twisted the needle against the disc again. Nothing. He dragged the needle across the surface and found no indent at all. The indent was probably inside. Dammit.
Max stooped down and picked up another plant, placing it gently next to Ruth. This seemed to help, in that the dot started wobbling like mercury in a test tube, expanding, growing, clearing and refracting the light until it merged with the edge of the glass disc and started to protrude. Ruth seemed to be putting her all into this corner of tubing, the light concentrated there and the glittering was far more ferocious. Max seized his chance.
Snatching up the tweezers he grabbed at the diamond that was nearly fully-formed and hanging on to the outside of the disc by its tip like some strange magnetic water droplet. But as he touched the diamond, Ruth started to tip backwards.
Over she goes… Max gasped and everything seemed to move slower, to hang in time for a split second. Ruth was hauling backwards and she was either going to shatter right there amongst the remnants of plants and clunky tools and his hopes for the future, or he was going to have to stop her.
He reached out his hands. Instinctively, he hooked one behind Ruth, the other behind the glass disc at the front. The tweezers clanged to the floor. He levered Ruth upright, light as a feather, as gently as he could and released his hands from her as quickly as biology would allow which was, evidently, agonisingly slowly.
Ruth stood upright once more.
Was there damage? Max scoured every millimetre of her, there didn’t seem to be any dents, no chips or fractures or scratches or bits missing.
“Oh, thank god!” Max exhaled loudly, panic pouring out of him and puddling around him and seeping away into the carpet until he was left with plain ol’ relieved anger. “What the hell was that, Ruth? Jeez, I thought you were going to go right over, I nearly crapped myself! I barely touched you! What the bloody hell…”
Ruth dropped all her diamonds at once. It was like a plate had been smashed, shards all over the table top. But these diamonds were cloudy, a dank brown colour and dead-looking and made a horrible dull thud as they hit the table instead of an elegant and enticing plink.
“Oh no.” The panic he had felt earlier seeped back out of the carpet and crept its way up Max’s body as he stood rooted to the spot and unable to comprehend what was happening.
Ruth started to leak.
All the glitter and colour that was inside her tubing and tunnels started to pour out of a single hole. Max darted forward and plugged it with a diamond in roughly the place he thought the leak was. It held, but his relief was short lived. The table started to shake, muddy diamonds bouncing everywhere and intermingling with the beautiful ones, and another leak sprung. Max plugged it with another diamond, muddy or clear seemed not to matter as leak after leak sprung up, pooling and puddling, far more liquid than he thought was ever possible, flooding and gushing all over his feet which started to tingle painfully, causing him to slip, his living room started to fill up, he was knee deep and crying, screaming, flooding, trying to stand, trying to plug the holes and watching the diamonds pop back off the tubes like popcorn in hot oil.
Plants tipped over and succumbed to the liquid. They glowed an effervescent green, squealed and disintegrated into a flamboyant, organic dust that settled around the edges of the ripples, their pots melting into contorted scribbles that floated and then sunk slowly, horrifically, dragging glittery swirling sink-holes in their wake.
As Max watched, his voice deserted him. His thoughts deserted him. He was absolutely alone with this thing he didn’t know how to help, that he destroyed, that he had used, that he didn’t know what it even was…
Max sunk to his knees, splashing in the thick, glowing matter. The light got brighter and brighter until he couldn’t see, his eyes burned as he covered them with his hands. Ruth was putting out a near-inaudible piercing keening and low rumble that demanded that Max listen but, ears ringing, he couldn’t hear his own screams through the noise, his own begging prayers. Flames started to lick at the edges of his body, when he inhaled the air it was ice cold and thin, Ruth was setting the room on glittery fire around him and it was terrifying and magnificent and he was going to drown unless he did something.
Something.
He submitted, dropped his arms, accepted, sobbing, as Ruth and her fiery ocean rose up and burned his chest, his neck, his lips, flowed into his mouth.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to let you bleed out, please stop now or we’re both screwed! Tell me how to fix you! Tell me what to do!
Please stop now.
Please stop
now
pl

PROLOGUE - PART I
Sergei: Phone rings - Takes a bite of his club sandwich and checks the screen, and rolls his eyes.
Andrei: Looks at him with a grin "It's her isn't it?"
Sergei: Finishes chewing and takes a sip of Mountain Dew, then answering the call "I thought you were in Boston today.
Natalia: "What, to get a Samuel Adams and a fucking potato? Get real! This is serious. I'm on a layover in Baltimore until 2, and then it's over to JFK. Did you get those pics I sent you, baby?"
Sergei: Furrows his brows to Andrei who saw the pics
Andrei: Smiles
Sergei: "Yeah, I got them alright. And I've got to say, that was fucking nice. How much were those? That shit was fucking golden!"
Natalia: "Well, you know, baby. It doesn't come cheap but Haji was able to pull some strings with Customs and talked to his uncle at the consulate. One thing led to another, and he got your dad exactly what he wanted for Christmas. Even got you and Dre an extra box for the party.
Sergei: Grinning now "It was fucking perfect. You're a doll for that one, sweetie. Dre loves them to, Right Dre?"
Andrei: "They're God damned tits compared to that cheap Honduran crap." Lighting a Cuban cigar with a wooden match
Natalia: "Well, enjoy. Look, I've got to get moving. I gotta pick up something to eat before I catch my next flight."
Ralphie: Walks into the kitchen with his Xbox headset on "Fuck you! Yeah? So's your mom! What? I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on, you fairy!"
Sergei: "Damn it, Ralphie! Manners." Whispers "Your stepmom is on the phone."
Ralphie: "Shit." Yells "Hi, Nat!"
Natalia: On speakerphone "Hiiiii Ralphie! Did you get the thing I sent you?"
Ralphie: "Yes, Nat. It's fucking rad!"
Sergei: "Ralphie! Language!"
Andrei: Takes a puff and chuckles "He's going to be a rockstar in no time. That's an original Fender Stratocaster!"
Sergei: "Yeah, my Jimi Hendrix over here…." Picks up a magazine and fans the smoke away as he walks into the living room for a more private conversation and tosses the January copy of Fortune 500 onto the couch "Natalia, look. I know we haven't got a chance to see each other, but I miss you, so God-Damned-Much…" slides open the patio door and steps out onto the balcony "It got me to thinking, you know. It's been what two weeks since we," Pauses and smiles, beaming "went to that crab restaurant and you were wearing that dress, and we went back to your place and-"
Natalia: "Yes, Serj, I remember…" She said with a giggle "and that cute waitress with the rack was hitting on you in front of me the whole time. She's lucky she was so hot, or I wouldn't have tipped her so well…"
Sergei: "Well, you know. If you were that into her we could have had her over to your place too, for a little minage et toi"
Natalia: "Slow your roll there, cowboy! I don't like pussy that much. Speaking of which, that bitch Shiniqua at the office did her nails again."
Sergei: *Frowns* "Doesn't she spend like $300 on her God damned nails every fucking week?"
Natalia: "Well she can afford it." Sighs "Bitch is fine as fuck and she knows it too. That's why she's so stuck up."
Sergei: "Doesn't she have that hot sister, what's her name?"
Natalia: "Oh! Right. The one you fucked before we got together. How in the Hell do you not remember her name?"
Sergei: "Oh, come on Nat, it was just a one night stand, and I was drunk, and she was persuasive…"
Natalia: "Serj, and hoe with titties is persuasive enough to get you in the God damned sack. Seriously, stop thinking with your fucking dick for once."
Sergei: "Look, I'm sorry babe. It's about business. Her uncle works the State Department, right?"
Natalia: sighs annoyed "Yeah, he's like a secretary or liason to the adjuctant or something like that. Why?"
Sergei: "I need you to see if her sister, what's her name with the nails?"
Natalia: "Shiniqua…"
Sergei: "See if Shiniqua can get me the goods on his boss. I hear the guy is really connected with mineral extraction firms, and I need to find out about that oil rig off of the coast of Juneau, Alaska."
Natalia: "Seriously, what the Hell is so important about some nosebleed rig off the coast of Juneau for crying out loud?" Loudspeaker blares in the distance "Look honey, I've got to catch my next flight. Can we do this later?"
Sergei: "Okay, but the next trime you speak to her, I need you to ask her if she can schedule a meet and greet with her uncle at the next banquet at the yacht club. I'll buy him and his wife a damned table. Seriously, though. We need to get him on board before the Governor's ball."
Natalia: "OKay, okay. I'll do it. You'll be lucky if that stuck up assed hoe goes for it though. She'll want something in return, and it'll be about more than just her expensive ass nails."
Sergei: "Okay, whatever she needs, we'll pull the strings to get it done. I love you babe. Have fun in New York…"
Natalia: "Yeah. And don't go getting shithoused at the bar with Andrei and end up plowing some floozie while I'm gone either. I'll cut your fuckin' balls off, you know…"
Sergei: Sighs while pinching his nose "I know. Love you."
Natalia: "Love you too sweetie. I'll call you when I get to my hotel room."
Sergei: "Okay baby. I can't wait for you to come home next week…"
Natalia: "More like your dong can't wait for this ass next week!"
Sergei: Laughs
Natalia: "Yeah. That's what I thought. Byeeeee!" Hangs up
Sergei: Leans against the railing on the balcony and takes a deep breath of the cold and crisp night air, before heading back in.
Andrei: "Good talk?" Putting out the cigar by cutting the end off with a cigar cutter and putting the cherry into an ashtray
Sergei: "She said she'll talk to her coworker about getting Brett to sit down for a meet and greet."
Andrei: "It's important, Sergei. His boss works for the Foundation. You won't find a record of his involvement anywhere in State Department files."
Sergei: "Seriously?"
Andrei: Chuckles "They don't friggin exist! Remember?"
Sergei: "Right…"
Andrei: "If we can get a sit down with him, he can get us connected to what's under Juneau. Once we've got access to that, we can step up the next phase of our operations."
Sergei: "And What the Hell is so important about fucking Juneau of all places anyways? I thought it was just a stupid oil rig."
Andrei: "That's not all it is Sergei… It's what's under the sea floor. The "Thingy" they uncovered when they were drilling."
Sergei: knits his brow "What in the Hell is the "Thingy"?"
Andrei: Tucks the stogie into a glass cigar case "That depends." whispers "Do you believe in aliens?"
Sergei: "I think you've had too much to drink, Uncle."
Andrei: "I kid you not."
Sergei: "Get out of here. No way!"
Andrei: "It's just rumor for now, but if it's a match for what the Old Gaurd found in Enurmino back in '25…"
Sergei: "You mean…"
Andrei: "Da."
Sergei: "So the legends are true then?"
Andrei: "No fucking joke."
Sergei: "Like," looks around then lowers his voice to a whisper "like Lizard people?"
Andrei: Looking around, puts his finger to his lips and nods
Sergei: mouths the words "Holy shit!"
Andrei: "Yeah that's what I'm saying. God Damned dinosaurs! Very rare. One of a kind."
_.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-.
Chapter I - Todd is a brave man... Baltimore, Maryland - February, 2nd 2008
Lance Corporal Todd and Professor Chaos milled about in front of the kielbasa stand munching down some dogs with kraut, and washing it back with lemonade.
LCpl Todd: "Maaaan. A Milkor only holds 6 grenades at a time, that's like over 300+ cultists armed with HK MP5s, M4s, AK-47s, .50 Cal damn nests in the lobby, and fucking Scar heavys for the buildings security forces, not counting RPG-7s with thermobaric to take out vehicles and personnel and shit, and God damned stingers on the rooftops to take out fucking choppers in my immediate fucking AO. How in the fuck am I supposed cum dumpster that many shitheads by myself when the shit goes down? This isn't even a standard M32A1 for fucks sake! What South African shithole did they get this piece of junk from? Literally, Bill's Discount Firearms Emporium? Do I clusterfuck their shit into a quadruple cross and let them know they're ripping each other off now? Could cause a Mexican standoff and resultant shootout. That would be convenient, or do they fuck and fill my holes with bukkake and sacrifice me first? This is fucking clown shoes man. Fucking clown shoes... Fucking cults, man."
That plaza was relatively clear of cult operative activity which was focused on the front lobby of the building across the street and a block away.
Lieutentant Dan "Gator" watched the cams feed from the van.
Lt. Gator: "Look shitbreath, you gotta keep your balls on the prize. The SCIP is the prize. Nuts to butt and keep that fucker in front of you and use him like a God damned meat shield. If he gets popped we're fucked, so don't let that shit happen or Skippy Peanut Butter Company hits us with a O5 containment clusterfuck of crunchy dildos, and the last thing we need is Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto's cyborg service from fucking Styx singing "Come Sail Away" and Shanghai our asses on the Highway to the the God Damned Danger Zone. You know what they do to cornholes there for the fuckups? "
LCpl Todd, muttering under his breath, swiveled back toward the dogs cart, as a suspicious group of college aged/military aged males strolled by, being very chalant and looking around. Professor Chaos took point and fiddle fucked his blackberry absentmindedly while looking out of his perhipherals.
Lt. Gator: "Are you listening Top Gun? Fucking Use peanut boy Downtown Charlie Brown as a God damned salami sandwich and keep those fucking cookie monsters the fuck away from the Winnebago. Also, do NOT let anything happen to him and keep him in proximity. Got it? Also, where the fuck is Gunny? He should've been back with the Dominos to throw pepperoni at this motherfucker 5 minutes ago..."
LCpl Todd: "Just gotta ask, Maverick...err. Gator. Why in the living fuck do we keep using Sesame Street lingo?"
Lt. Gator: "Because the sick motherfuckers plow kids and post it to the deep web on a God damned website called motherfucking Sesame Street. Weren't you at the brief?"
LCpl Todd: "I Was, but I had to take a shit for like 5 minutes, so I guess I missed that part..."
Lt. Gator: "God damn it, Lance. Eat some motherfucking peanut butter crackers from the vending machine next time. It'll make you fucking constipated so you don't have to blow ass during God damned brief."
Gunny Wilson: "Boy, the fuck is wrong with yo' ass? Keep that Cookie Monster Lord summoning muthafucka the fuck away from my camper! The last thing I need is for Charlie Brown's cock holster to barf up a God damned queef spell with some Wizard shit on it during my mothafucking engagement, and end up pissing off Skippy and Jif management enough to pop us with God damned orbital bombardment. Ask that piece of cultist pedophile bait if this is where he saw himself being at the age of twenty six."
Professor Chaos: "Just another day, living the fucking dream, Sir. Seriously though, This is fucked up."
Gunny Wilson: "I swear, if Otis Spunkmeyer goes kamikaze with the Sesame Street Brigade, the God Damned Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch murder hobo legion lurking in the shadows of every storefront will start to go apeshit-. Mothafucka, are you listening, Gator? Tell Terminal Lance to get his ass in gear and keep those motherfuckers away from my ride! Put salami sandwich at the front on his exfil and this shit better go fucking swimmingly. If that motherfucker cum guzzles some motherfucking lead monster sperm on my watch, Corpsman will not be able to patch his bitch ass up in time, and it will be Hell on Earth when the shit stain bukkake brigade gets their way. Here's your motherfucking pizza, you fairy asswipe. Don't touch my Dr. Pepper..." He said taking a fat slice and gobbling down most of it in one breath.
Corpsman Bill: "Damn, Gunny. That was sexy! Here's your fucking bones for the pie, that's two Dubs and some coins, aaaand what in the flying fuck is Yui Hirasawa doing crossing my God Damned Street again? That's the third time in the past twenty minutes. Seriously, what the fuck is that shit? That better be a motherfucking Gibson Les Paul Sunburst in that God Damned Guitar case on her back and not a fucking cache of P-90s. Scoping that fucking loli, and she's got Azunyan-Chan with the God damned violin case, wait, correction, that's a fucking cello case, and they're lugging that shit to what I can only assume isn't Mugi's grandma's house. Looks like they've been pulling music and concert cases out of that minivan in front of the plaza, and parked it directly across the street from Shitbag Central. "
Corpsman Bill: "I swear to fucking Jesus, if Mugi shows up next with a motherfucking canvas wrapped tube slung over her shoulder, I'm going to assume it's a stinger launcher and not a fucking digeridoo. They didn't use a digeridoo in motherfucking Fua Fua Time, and if that's not a trio on their way to motherfucking Juliaird, and they're going all renegade Natalie Portman in Leon the Professional, I'm going to have a bad fucking time."
*Pulls the Multispec scope up to 10x*
"Checking that shit out, and it looks like Hokago Tea Time over there is up to no good. What the fuck Gator? Look at the backscatter X-ray on this shit. They're kitted out and ready to do the fucking dirty. What lolicon motherfucker called Pizza Hut to hire the three 20-30 somethings for a Lolita hit squad on our dry run?! This is bullshit. Are those bitches Triple Canopy or what? Hoes better not be motherfucking Speznas either. What in the fuck, Mugi's mean muggin the Bago. She's looking right at me. Did we get made? God Damn it. Who the fuck are they? Are they Langley?
*'Mugi' discretely flips him off where only he can see it*
Corpsman Bill: "Motherfucker... That fucking does it!"
Gunny Wilson: "Oh yeah. They're here to party, Bill."
_.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-._.-=-.
Chapter II - Light Music Club Isn't fucking Around Baltimore, Maryland - February, 2nd 2008
After flipping off Corpsman Bill, Eight flung her hair back, she ties it in a ponytail, and turns to walk back across the street.
Number 8: "Can you hear me fuck boy? That's cute with the K-on bit, you fucking lolicon scumbag motherfucker. Yo Six, you hear this fuckwad?"
Number 6: "Yep, dumb motherfucker forgot about the CrossCom uplink with Cent. You're on a hot mic with local AO dickbreath, the rest of your team is solid."
Corpsman Bill: "Awe fuck me running", Bill muttered.
Number 8: "You ready to do this shit, or are you just going to be oogling us through your pervert scope with your dick in your hand, cough, Fag."
Lt. Gator: "Now, now, ladies. Please contain your orgasms and homicidal ideations. We're all on the same team here."
Number 6: "Eat a dick, Lieutenant"
Number 5: "Six, knock it off. Let's play nice with fuckboy brigade and get this fucking show on the road. Culty asswipes are crawling all over the fucking place here. Read?"
Number 6: "Copy that, 5."
Number 5: "Good. And for the record, Corpsman, your knowledge of K-On is fucking uncanny. Do you wear school girl dresses in your mom's basement?"
Corpsman Bill: "God damn it, I don't have to take this shit…."
Number 5: "Whatever weeb. Anyways, here's a SITREP. Something pissed off that cult leader dickhead Otis Spunkmeyer aka Russel, and all of those Oscar the Grouch motherfuckers are looking out for someone big to show up. Looks like they're expecting VIPs. You know what that means?"
Lt. Gator: "What's that, Five?"
Number 5: "It means, Lieutenant, that the fucking cookie monster fuckwad brigade is going to be distracted for the next 13 minutes, and those child sacrificing cultist dickbreaths will be looking to brown nose to make that fucker Russel happy. Seven, you see anything pretty from your nest?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Negative, Five. Looks like the Sesame Street convention is waiting around with their dicks in their hands for the moment."
Number 5: "Copy that. Look, Gator. You see that corner office on the 17th floor? That's where shit weasel extraordinaire is supposed to have the meet with whoever is showing up. We can't get a good read on audio because the motherfucker has white noise on the windows. Some culty garbage metal band we never fucking heard of. Laser mics aren't going to do shit for now. We need to find a way to get ears inside that room, and three quote unquote 'high school girls' aren't about to get fucking railed by fucking nasty walking into that fucking heathen's nest. Got any bright ideas?"
Lt. Gator: "Can you have someone from cent do a brush pass with a listening device?"
Number 5: "Got motherfuckers from cookie monster brigade already looking out for that shit. We had an informant within their perimeter security already, but he got popped in the fucking tart two hours ago. Apparently he wasn't properly indoctrinated in Serpent protocol, and got interrogated by a proselytizer. That's when he slipped up. Now that fucker Russel is keeping an eye out for interlopers and apostates. This shit is going to get a lot more difficult to get someone on the inside."
Lt. Gator: "Please tell me you've got a solution, Five…"
Number 6: "We could cause a power surge and overload that floors breakers, and kill the noise, but that would just piss that fucker off and they would hold the meet in a different room. We need that fucking window so we can pop a visual from the spider drones we have set up on the surrounding buildings."
Gunny Wilson: "What I wouldn't do for some noise cancel right now."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Yeah, no shit. We didn't deploy until about 45 minutes ago and we're late to the punch bowl. We've got 12 mins until mystery VIPs drop by, so we've got to get this shit figured out fast."
Lt. Gator: "Copy that five, we'll work on a solution, give us a minute"
LCpl Todd: "How about we send Charlie Brown aka Professor Chaos in there, Gator?"
Lt. Gator: "Negative, Lance. If those fuckers ID him it's fucking curtains. Gunny, got any bright ideas?"
Gunny Wilson: "Wait for the VIPs to show and tag one of their entourage with a listening device from across the street."
Number 5: "Can you pull that off, Gunny?"
Gunny Wilson: "No can do, Five. Will have to get danger close, and those Oscars and Cookie monsters will be swarming the VIPs on the lookout the minute they roll up."
LCpl Todd: "Well, why not tag one of the VIPs with a sticky? Overwatch, you got darts or what?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "If I don't get him on something thick, he'll feel it tag him as soon as it hits him. If they become wise, this shit cavity becomes a hornet's nest."
Lt. Gator: "What do you think, Five?"
Number 5: "It's the best option I've heard so far, so fuck it. Yeah."
Lt. Gator: "Okay, so tag one of the VIPs the minute they step out of the motorcade. If we're lucky, the greaseball fuckwad is wearing a fur coat."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Copy that. And speaking of greaseballs, there they come now. ETA 25 seconds. Looks like they're hauling ass."
Number 5: "Yeah, guessing Otis Spunkmeyer's got these motherfuckers on a tight schedule. Time it right, we only got one shot at this..."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Yeah, on it. Looks like it's the towncar... Ready for joy"
*The three vehicle motorcade pulled to a stop in front of the steps to dirtbag haven. Four armed guards hopped out of the lead and rear vehicle each, and the driver hopped out of the VIP middle vehicle and opened the door.*
Number 7/Overwatch: "Aaaaand holy motherfucking shit. Look who the fuck is popping out..."
Lt. Gator: "Oh fuck. That's Senator Calvin McCoulough. Standby..."
Gunny Wilson: "He's the Executive Director of the Weyland-Yutani fuckwad brigade, right?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Take the fucking shot or not?"
Number 5: "Fuck that. Tag his ass!"
*There was a muffled click as the dart tagged the senator on his shoulder pad, just as his driver closed his passenger side door behind him. The dart was no bigger than a tailor's pin*
Number 7/Overwatch: "Bug's on his jacket"
Lt. Gator: "Audio confirmed. Let's see what this fucker does..."
*The senator's cell phone trilled and he pulled it out of his pocket. He stared at the screen momentarily and answered*
Senator McCoulough: "Yeah? No. Not a good time Brett, I'm about to be in a meeting with someone very important. Yes. I know, they usually do. Yeah, I know. I'll have to call you back. Yeah. Bye." He then hung up the phone and slid it back into his pocket.
Number 5: "Overwatch, you get audio too?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Confirmed, Five. Looks like dickbreath was talking to 'Brett' so and so. We'll have Cent dig in and find out who the fuck that is..."
Gunny Wilson: "And there they go."
*Four of the armed guards followed Senator McCoulough from behind, while four led the way.*
Number 6: "You know who his goons might be working for, Lieutenant?"
Lt. Gator: "They don't look like secret service or PMC, let alone your typical Guidos. Look what they're wearing. Those are wool overcoats and tweed jackets. You see that fuckwad in the front, doesn't he look familiar?"
Number 5: "I saw that same motherfucker inside of Royal's Bank in the executive lounge... What the fuck is going on?"
Command: "Five Actual. This is command."
Number 5: "Go ahead command."
Command: "Stand down."
Number 5: "What the fuck do you mean, stand down?"
Command: "Do it. That's a fucking order."
*Five mouthed the words "Fuck" without uttering a sound*
Gunny Wilson: "What the fuck, command?"
Command: "That's above your fucking paygrade, Gunnery Sergeant. Scrub the God damned OP. NOW!"
Gunny Wilson: "What the-"
*Gator held his hand up to Gunny and they exchanged glances*
Command: "What the fuck is the hold up. Scrub the fucking mission and abort, or I'll put all of your asses in Leavenworth."
Lt. Gator: "Copy that, command. Standing down. You all heard him. Party's over."
Gator and gunny exchanged glances, and Lance stared at 5. The fire in her eyes could melt steel. The audio recording was still live from Senator McCoulough's bug as they made their way to the elevators. Shortly after the doors closed, the signal cut off. Using hand signals, 5 threw up two fingers to 7 in her nest. 7 Nodded. Gator and Gunny saw this on cams and said nothing. When the elevator doors to the 17th floor opens, the audio signal from the bug cut back on...
Command: "I don't think I've made myself abundantly clear. Abort the fucking mission. Lieutenant. 5. That means kill the coms too."
Everyone shook their heads and muttered strings of epithets. Lance yanked out his ear bud and 5 crossed her arms, looking across the street at 6. 6 threw her hands up. Gator then threw his headset on the counter in the van. "FUCK!". 7 Spit out the Grizzly wintergreen tucked in her lip, and muttered, "Shit on a fucking biscuit..."
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Now that I’ve secured a new apartment in New York, I feel a duty to warn you about the woman who lives in this apartment. I found it on Spareroom, but I’ve contacted them and she may banned there, so she may pop up on nextdoor, CL, Roomies etc.
The leaseholder, PL, is an elderly woman who has been here for 20 years. She has been causing problems for everyone since day 1, and I know this because everyone in the building has stories about her.
-people literally refer to her as “evil”. When everyone in the building finds out which apartment you’re in, you’ll get sympathy and concern. There’s been a new tenant about once every year because no one can stand it for that long.
-she once falsely accused a neighbor's daughter of assaulting her, which they thankfully had video of to disprove it to the police.
-the super will only come into the apartment with the video on his phone running so she doesn't falsely accuse him of rape.
-she was violent towards her former girlfriend (she was never married to her like she claims), and has slammed her glass-paned window at former housemates, causing the glass to shatter and their arms to be injured.
-she is so angry and volatile, even the *mailman* is aware of past tenants filing harassment charges against her. (How bad does it have to be the mailman knows?) It was also him who gave me an estimate of the number of housemates she's had over the years LOL.
-she has broken into neighbors' apartments and stolen lots of money from them. Even the carer of a very elderly woman knew this story and confirmed it to me.
-She’s paying $2050 for life for this large two bedroom. So she shouldn’t be charging you more than $1025. She’s charged previous tenants almost the entire rent for the apartment, and been taken to court for it.
-she has stolen from housemates. I had a feeling she stole from me on my first day here, especially after she kept trying the keys to the lock on my door and none of them work, with her insisting one of them did. She said she'd get the super to install a new one, and after a couple weeks passed and nothing happened, I insisted on it, which is when the super told me most of the above stories, and how while it's technically not his job to install new locks on bedroom doors, he does it for her housemates because all my predecessors have reported their items being stolen.
-the most insane story of all: she befriended a music heiress living next door after she learned the next door neighbor (one of the ones she stole from lol) was going over there for music lessons. The heiress was distraught over her mother’s death and was having suicidal thoughts. A few months later she succeeded, and the next day PL was calling the family’s lawyer, ordering him to “give me my money!!” because she managed to convince this woman to leave her 60k after knowing her a few months. The super told me he swears on his life that she must have done something to push the heiress to it, like gently persuaded her to kill herself in order to get the money. (He’s been putting up with her a long time and has seen it all, so knows her personality on a very deep level.)
-she will not pay out your security deposit. She will make your life a living hell in hopes you move out so she can keep the deposit and bank on you not taking her to court. The super’s theory is this is why she’s so difficult: it’s a way for her to make money.
-every few years she stops paying rent for several months. She’s doing this right now.
-Needless to say, she's a pathological liar and is one of those people who just shamelessly lies about absolutely everything. She leaves angry notes about everything, from opening the bathroom window to leaving the microwave plugged in. You tell her you're leaving the window open so mildew doesn't form? She'll angrily tell you there's no mildew ever, which is of course not true even as her shower curtains have tons of mildew on them.
-she’s in her 70s so you will like most decent people give her the benefit of the doubt…don’t. She plays on people’s sympathies towards the elderly. She doesn’t have dementia and she isn’t in bad health: she knows exactly what she’s doing. And if you think she has gotten this way because of her age, no this is not that: by the stories I've heard she was way way worse 20 years ago when she was in her 50s, which is scary to think about because she's horrifying now.
-she will make up a random date each month the utilities are due, and email/text/leave notes/bang on your door and yell at you several times a day until she gets it.
-she slams doors, but if she hears you shut your door like any normal person does, she’ll start harassing you about not slamming doors. I only found out by accident when chatting with the carer of the lady next door in her apartment that after you leave the apartment, even in the most quiet way possible, PL waits a while, and then comes to the front door just to open it and slam it REALLY HARD. There is A LOT of door slamming, you just don’t hear it because the walls are thick. You can see years of it from all the cardboard taped onto the panes of her window door.
-she told me on the day I moved in she found the guy on our floor on the FBI’s most wanted page for computer crimes and that he fled overseas. The guy is an elderly musician and the sweetest guy ever…we’ve become good friends. She has literally harassed everyone on the floor and the people above us. The cops had to be called out because she kept harassing the family above us for stepping too loud (they aren’t loud at all).
-she literally walks around the neighborhood with this malicious scowl on her face – she hates everyone and tries to mess with everyone who crosses her path.
-I have maintained my sanity here by getting a security camera, a lock on my door, blocking her number, and ignoring most her emails. I also stand up to her when she becomes hostile about once every few months (it’s almost like clockwork, like she needs an itch to scratch), so she’s mostly leaved me alone before she stopped paying rent. But other than that I avoid her – I literally haven’t seen her face for almost a year. The super says she’s more likely to back down if you’re a woman, while she’s very aggressive towards men. I’ve found this to be true, though I’ve never seen how much worse she is with men. The super says she walks by him and curses at him lol.
-her life that she tells you about isn’t true: she says she works and has a business – if she ever run a business, and not just have a name and website she paid for to make it look like she works, she hasn’t done anything with it in years. Her former partner had a marketing business, and she clung onto that and that’s where her “I’m in marketing” story comes from. She doesn’t know the first thing about social media. Likewise, she’ll post ancient photos on social media about how much she loves her nieces, but no one in the building for the past 20 years has ever seen a family member. It’s very clear her siblings wants anything to do with her.
-and most importantly, you may be thinking you’d be able to sniff her out as a sociopath when you first meet her and see the place, but you won’t. I have a pretty good radar for when something’s off, and she presented herself as a very normal, kind old lady. There seems to be a few older women in the NYC online marketing community she’s fooled, though that appears to be of little consequence. Looking back the only off thing was that a place this affordable was available for rent. Her story for the previous tenant leaving was plausible...but whatever she says to whoever looks at the room now, you know why I left and she's lying :)
It is really too bad because this is a building full of very kind, mostly older folks. I am one of the youngest and am of a different background than most, and I have found them to be so warm and welcoming and helpful. I’ll be sad to leave them and for whoever inevitably takes my place, but at least I’ll soon have a more peaceful existence!

Hi everybody So, I'm totally new to pop ups campers any of it. Yesterday my girlfriend and I purchased a 2022 Rockwood Freedom 1940LTD pop up / tent camper. The people we purchased it from had acquired it on trade. They knew how to set it up, and take it down. That is about it. We know even less lol. I didn't get any user guides or anything either. I was able to download a manual from Rockwoods web site. It's not really much help on things like the furnace, or anything of that nature. So I'm hoping for some answers How would one want to run the furnace, does the pilot light have to be lit manually or is it and auto thing? I've read that 2022 models and up of rockwoods have water heaters? I'm not expecting this thing to have one, but it would be pretty dope, how would I find out? I don't have it currently set up due to rain for the next 4 days, otherwise I'd be snooping around. As time goes I'll likely be full of some dumb questions now and again, please bear with me I just wanna become familiar with all that I can.